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roughlybarnes · 6 years

Text

Blur - Avengers pt.1

Pairing: Platonic! Avengers x Reader

Warnings: ANGST! Alcohol, weed, self destructive behavior!! Depression (?)

Request: none

a/n: I WANTED TO TRY ANGst AND NO ONE IS REQUESTING IT SO (ALSO THIS IS LIKE WRITTEN FROM EXPERIENCE DONT COME FOR MY ASS PLS)

This is part 1!! Because I hit the text blocks limit grrrr.

It had been days you locked yourself in your room. You occasionally left to search the liquor cabinet or use the bathroom but that was it.

You had decided to stop taking your antidepressants, you didnt consult anyone, you knew what they'd say, it was a bad idea, you weren't ready.

Once the last of them left your system you felt absolutely worthless and hopeless. You hadn't felt really anything in the longest time, and it hit you like a ton of bricks.

You knew the right thing to do was to start taking them again. But you felt more alive, you weren't numb.

You picked up your old habits immediately. Smoking had always calmed you down, and the drinking just was a distraction.

Tonight you were going out. One of your old friends was visiting and you had no choice. You smoked before leaving.

On your way out, you attempted to avoid everyone. But unfortunately, you bumped into Tony and Peter.

"Y/n? Are you feeling okay?" Peter asked, clearly not realizing what you had done, he was innocent, naive. You wished you were the same.

"Im fine." You mumbled, going to walk past to the elevator.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Tony said in a frustrated tone.

"Some club." You shrugged, and with that, you left.

You walked into the crisp chilly autumn air, spotting your cab across the street.

Once you got to the club and saw your friend, you quickly made your way to her.

"Hey mama! Havent seen you in a while!" She greeted.

"It has been a long time hasnt it." You grimaced.

The two of you did shots and shots together, your mind getting foggy and you couldnt see straight.

A guy approached you, your friend had disappeared and as usual you just wanted to go home.

He was touchy and just too much. He kept asking for your number and flirting. He tried to dance with you but you made it clear to him you weren't up for it.

He was persistent, he dragged you to the dance floor and grabbed you and you felt vulnerable and scared. You tried to make it to the bathroom and with luck you got out of his grip and did it.

You grabbed your phone, who could you text? You thought of the avengers as family, they would be so disappointed. But you had no one else.

Which one of the group would be least likely to lecture you? You could already picture a lecture from Tony and Steve.

You decided to text Bucky. He might lecture you but he's also willing to help first.

'borky'

'Y/n'

'can youu cime pick me up, om in a situastion, im scsred'

'send address.'

You did as he told you.

'Outside. Do you need me to come in.'

You responded a simple no and gathered yourself, stumbling your way out of the club. You didnt see the guy thankfully.

Missing the door handle completely, you fell into the side of the car.

Bucky quickly got out and picked you up, opening the door and putting you inside and buckling you.

"I couldve done that." You slurred.

"Sure you couldve." He smiled and it fell the second he looked at you, he silently closed the door and walked back to his side.

After a 10 minute silent ride, you spoke up.

"I'm sorry Bucky." You whimpered.

"Its okay."

"Its not okay, I fucked up, you cant even look at me right now." Your eyes filled with tears.

"We can talk about it when youre sober, okay?"

"I dont want to."

"Talk about it?"

"Be sober."

You heard him sigh.

He didnt speak again until you got home.

"We're here."

You got yourself out of the car and practically ran inside to lock yourself in your room.

After an hour or two of not sleeping, you decided to just go smoke. It was five in the morning.

Assuming no one was awake, you grabbed a blunt from your room and went to the balcony.

You lit the blunt, taking hits until someone walked out.

Since it was your luck, it was Steve. You put it out in the ash tray.

"What are you doing awake?" You turned to him.

"I always train early in the morning."

"What about you?"

"Cant sleep." You mumbled. You knew what you looked like. You were wearing almost nothing, you hair was a mess and your makeup was still on. You hadnt eaten in days and hadnt slept in even more time.

"Are you okay y/n?"

You contemplated telling him. You stopped taking your medicine, the pills that made you want to live. What made life seem worth it to you. You knew you couldn't though. Telling someone was a bad move.

"I'm doing fine." You shrugged, turning to go back to your room, but he grabbed your shoulders.

He looked at your face, staring you in the eyes for a few seconds.

"Y/n..."

"All good." You struggled to smile but did it anyway.

He let go of you and you quickly raced to your room.

The next two days you successfully avoided everyone.

Your phone had several missed calls and texts from Wanda and Peter. Since you were one of the younger avengers, they were your closest friends.

All of the avengers knew you and your problems but you felt more comfortable around the two of them.

You decided to block out everyone, you felt like everyone would be better off without you anyway.

There was a knock at your door and you thought about opening it. You were high, as usual.

Another knock.

And another.

The door opened, even though you thought you locked it.

"Go away." You whined, and pulled your blanket over your head.

"Y/n!" Peters small little voice yelped.

Your room was quite frightening. Bottles of vodka and rum littered everywhere, clothes thrown in every spot, and weed on ever counter place.

"Mhm."

He walked over to your bed, ripping your blanket off you to realize you weren't wearing really anything besides underwear and socks.

"Have you been eating?"

"Nope." You popped the p.

Your head was more cloudy than ever. Your eyes were almost shut.

Peter quickly grabbed clothes to put on you and dressed you himself. He sat down on the bed next to you and tried to sit you up.

"Why not." He huffed.

"Because have you seen me. I dont deserve anything." You angrily said.

"Y/n. You need to eat."

"I dont need to do anything."

"Dont you need to eat with your pills?"

"If I was taking them, yeah."

"You went off them?"

"Duh."

He looked at you with sad eyes.

"Please eat, I'll go whever in the city to get whatever you want." He begged.

"No, Peter."

"Yes, y/n."

"I'll just go to the kitchen." You groaned, shifting and standing up.

Your knees gave out after your first step. You bit your lip and tried to stop the tears in your eyes, had you really let it get this far?

#avengers x reader #avengers imagine #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #tony stark imagine #tony stark x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #steve rodgers x y/n #steve rodgers x reader #steve rodgers imagine

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