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mendrax · 3 years

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My first review of Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time

Here’s my first impression under the cut...

The franchise as art.

Not just the Eva franchise but the concept of a franchise itself. Because franchises, as they exist in the world of filmmaking, are inherently a capitalist product designed for escapism. Let’s go to the movies for a brand new chapter in the ever-sprawling saga of commoditized characters conquering a new mile in the millennially trotted hero journey, yay! Isn’t that how you can describe the act of purchasing a ticket to the latest entry in your favorite franchise? And what’s so wrong with that, anyway? After all, we need our escapism when life becomes unbearable. It’s just a public service really!

And is Eva really that different? At the end of the day, no matter how avant-garde it can be, it’s still a product that we’ve come to consume, quite literally, again and again. Not only that, but it’s also a damn good profitable IP with millions of merchandise goods, box-office record numbers and, now, a distribution deal with one of the gods of capitalism: Amazon. Long gone are the days of non-profit experiencing of it. You can now legally pay to watch its whole audiovisual canon in Netflix and Prime.

Still, even after its paradoxical commodification, the text of Eva itself remains as a message of anti-escapism. No matter how many figures, blu-rays and streaming services you pay for, the message of Eva remains the same. A message that quite starkly opposes itself to this escapist consumerism. Even if, ironically, is this very message that, due to its humanity, has touched the hearts of millions who have then turned it into another comfort food. This is so sad, alexa play komm, susser tod…

Now, cynicism aside, the reason 3.0+1.0 elevates the concept of a franchise to an art form is, quite simply, because, at its best, art is a method of communication delivering a message that could only be delivered through its chosen medium. I could very easily tell you to go outside and touch some grass, talk to your parents and hug your dearest, but that’d never have the same impact as experiencing the Eva franchise from start to finish.

3.0+1.0 is a film that can’t work without experiencing all the films and TV episodes before it. I mean, it has its own beginning, middle and end but, really, its message can’t be as impactful without the other entries in its franchise. The film itself rehashes images and situations we’ve come to intimately know from its predecessors. Not only that but it converses with them, presenting nuanced and overt contrasts of key moments. Particularly in its final act, we see the reversal and echoes of a lot of moments from End of Evangelion. Asuka gets mangled, not by outside forces, but by her own doing. Misato gets shot but she survives this. Ritsuko shots Gendo, but doesn’t kill him. Shinji doesn’t punish Gendo by devouring him through Unit-01, but instead saves him by getting close to him. This last one might be one of the most heart-wrenching moments in the whole movie, which, it’s worth noting, serves as the wholesome counterpart to EoE’s bitter ending. To say nothing of the contrast 3.0+1.0 presents to EoE’s beach scene…

But these are all narrative points that, with some serious talent, could even be conveyed through literary form and film, as we know, its powerful because its an audiovisual medium. And here’s where Eva, time and again, separates itself from most, if not all, franchises in recent memory. Its images are not only narrative but discursive. I’d even argue that, come its ending, Eva uses images that don’t really advance its plot, but rather help to cement its discourse, its message. And its been doing that since eps 25-26… The last minutes of Eva will always be a Brechtian assault on the senses with images that demand to be studied and interpreted. They’re not there to finish the bedtime story with a kiss on the forehead of your overworked soul, but to shake it out of its zombie state and fill you with emotions you can’t even describe through words until much later, if at all… I believe that’s why a lot of us have come back to Eva again and again. Not necessarily for its plot, but for the rise of emotions and thoughts that bolt through your core as you experience its final moments and how they re-paint the whole journey you’ve just travelled to get there.

3.0+1.0 is filled with such images that, one day, I’d love to analyze. I’m still too shocked from having watched it almost 20 hrs ago and this is already too long, so I’ll leave this task for subsequent viewings… still my mind can’t help but replay certain images over and over, even as I write this… from Misato looking at the photo of her son and Shinji… Kaworu crying as Shinji extends his hand to him… the juxtaposition of Unit-01 lying on its side, staring at the phallic ruins of Nerv HQ, and Shinji, on the same position and equally sized, staring at the piano he played with Kaworu… baby Shinji blatantly rejecting Gendo, only to find comfort with his mom, and baby Asuka painfully looking at this from afar… to the shot of Shinji and Rei, discussing the neon genesis, on an dismantled theater, as frames from the TV anime are projected onto them and the brick wall behind them… I can’t word what these images mean yet, but I’m looking forward to doing it one day…

I suppose this has turned into a long ramble, but I’m still sure of my opening thought. 3.0+1.0 takes elements of every entry on the Evangelion franchise to express a message that could only be conveyed with such impact by having consumed the entire franchise beforehand, and it does so in a way that doesn’t perpetuate the comfortable escapism of other franchises. Its very message of anti-escapism and use of images that converse emotionally, aesthetically, and intellectually with the viewer prevent it from being purely a capitalist product designed for escapism. It’s a piece of art, worth of being discussed at the same level of any work from a grand master of any other type of art. But it’s also a franchise… hopefully this will inspire more franchises as art forms.

And now, as a post-scriptum, because no review of Eva is worth anything without some shameless personal history, I must say that my journey with Eva has been like none other piece of media… I was introduced by it at 18 years old, fresh out of high school, by the person who would become my best friend, and I remember, back then, finding it incredibly comforting and enigmatic. It helped me through a period of drastic change in my life, from changing majors halfway from English to Film, to becoming an older brother at 19 (after a life of being an only child). I was incredibly depressed and struggled with addiction for years after that. I related to Shinji and his perpetual running away from life but, now, seven years later I got to see the conclusion to that journey my best friend invited me to… I also earned my bachelor’s degree in film, have a comfortable job and have been sober for 10 months. I don’t run away as much but I’d be lying if I wasn’t still, somewhat, disconnected from most people in my life. To be honest, I related so much to Gendo’s story on this film and that scared me. It’s still hard to let people in but, still, there’s been some growth. Small victories that allowed me to accept this final film’s message as completely valid. It’s just so wholesome, isn’t it? And yet, there’s a bittersweetness to it… like in every ending, you’re glad it happened but it’s painful coming to terms that it’s over. I cried for a good thirty minutes after it was over, washing the tears away, only to stare at my reflection and turn into a sobbing mess… I’ll never get to experience anything like this for the first time and that’s just incredibly sad… still, I’m so fucking glad for it all, even the wait (as shorter as it was for me) and I do believe I’ll be able to say bye-bye, all of Evangelion… one day.

#evangelion 3.0+1.0 #neon genesis evangelion #Shinji Ikari #Kaworu Nagisa #rei ayanami #gendo ikari #Misato Katsuragi

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joshslater · 5 years

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The Cupbearer

This is a relay, doing a continuation of tamed-jock’s continuation of jd07201990′s story. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

Infection+2:25

Let's write a captains log, like Tyler and I used to do, only this time I have actual observations and events to record. It is now approximately 2 hours and 25 minutes since he placed the cup on me. I immediately went home, and have done some preliminary studies of the object.

My most immediate concern is the attachment mechanism. I can really only think of three, suction, adhesion or some sort of mechanical attachment to my... thing. Observations are a bit limited as the object responds to stimulii. In the first instance when I grabbed it in the rest room there wasn't much of a response. The feeling was similar to that of a vacuum pull in the whole area, but I'm not feeling a constant force as I would expect from vacuum. Also, when the cup was applied it felt like it was filled with, or quickly filled up with a gel of some sort.

Wanting to rule out vacuum, or in best case break the vacuum and remove the object, I attempted to insert a narrow tube from my model steam engine in between the skin and the object. That did provoke a response. It felt like the contents of the cup was rapidly replaced or infused with icy-hot gel. This entry has been delayed by approximately 40 minutes, as I have been lying on my bed and desperately trying to avoid touching it. Every time I fail I get like a pulse of renewed icy-hot in the cup.

Infection+2:50

I've decided to avoid further experiments and focus on observation and external research. The cup itself appears to be mix of carbon fiber, titanium and some other fairly high tech materials. This points to high tech origin, but beside the logotype I find no other markings like brand, manufacturer, patents, serial number etc. My first attempts to Google this kind of product or stories from someone with similar experience come up short. I took a picture of the logo, cleaned it up and sent it through USPTO image search to see if anyone has a trademark on it, but came up empty as well.

It sure smells bad. I need to come up with an excuse for mum.

Infection+6:00

I told mum that I'm having my scent-month, as if every teenage boy has one. I said Tyler just had his, so if she checks with his parents they will confirm it. Why does it smell so bad though? It is clearly the cup that emits it, since the smell came on pretty strong only seconds after Tyler attached it. Is it distraction? Is it to mask something else? Is it to make the wearer body conscious or odor conscious and avoid contact with other people? Is it to acclimate the wearer to the smell? I don't see how I can answer any of these questions purely from observation though. Something to sleep on perhaps. How do you pee with this thing?

Infection+6:15

So the pee just kind of filters out in the lower part of the cup. If you want to use a toilet you have to basically sit on it reverse, do you thing, and then wait a few minutes for it all to drain out. A big drawback is that you have to step out of pants and boxers to even sit reverse on a toilet.

Infection+10:20

I think the damn thing just woke me up. Or I'm just have a restless night because of all that is happening, and more importantly what will happen. Fuck you Tyler!

Infection+12:05

It's definitely the cup that woke me. Just as I was waking up I could feel some sort of vibration down there. What other crazy shit have they packed into the device. My bedroom smells like a locker room. Thanks Tyler!

Infection+13:55

Fuck it, I'm getting up. I'll pee in the shower.

Infection+14:20

So that didn't work as well as I hoped. I could pee fine, but when I turned on the shower it was like pouring water in a gym shoe. If it smelled bad before, it absolutely reeks now. I think I'm gonna steal one of mum’s pads and tape it to the front, since it is still leaking God knows what and then wrap it in plastic and hope that contains the worst of it.

Infection+17:30

I didn't think of mobility enough. Jeans are clearly out of the question, so I went to school in chinos. It's bad enough that the cup is rigid, over sized and fully attached. Add to that some extra padding and cram it in chinos that aren't exactly lose to begin with, and you have something that looks funny stationary and awkward/hilarious when moving.

If I walk slowly I think I might come up with a gait that might be described as exaggerated jock sway, which would be step up from whatever ludicrous I'm doing now. Damn, I should have practiced yesterday.

I need to find some better pants, because these are too tight and restrictive.

Infection+21:30

My efforts to contain the smell isn’t fooling anyone, but I hope it just smells like I have a bad hygiene day. My crotch is a sauna though. The plastic wrap needs to go. Tyler kept his distance. I wonder if he is ashamed, or if he doesn't give a shit. Perhaps they have some sort of protocol he adheres to.

Day 2, 4:40 pm

Let's stop fucking around with the childish infection timer. This is serious. I found something sobering when doing some online patent search.

I was just blindly trying to find patents for any of the different things this cup does, and managed to find a description on "bio-polymer adhesion complex and application for individualized restriction control". I don't understand more than a fraction of what is written, but in the schematics there is a drawing of EXACTLY the cup I'm wearing. The list of example uses in the description includes prison inmates and persons under house arrest. This is a retrofitted fucking ankle bracelet.

It's originally designed to never come the fuck off through tampering. Fuck.

Day 2, 6:30 pm

Mum gave me some Vichy Laboratories excessive odor control deo roll on she bought at the pharmacy. Roll on to what, exactly? Well, she can only solve problems she knows about I guess. Should I tell her? Would she mind having a sports jock son? She would probably tell me to do whatever makes me happy. Would I be happy? Tyler certainly looks pretty fucking pleased.

Day 2, 8:20 pm

I've not spent that much time on wanking before. Like once or twice a month. But now that I can't my mind kind of wanders to it all the time. I've done some, let's call it research, that you can orgasm pretty well by putting something in your ass. Not doing that.

Day 2, 9:46 pm

Got some weird hot flashes in the cup while taking a shower. Smells as bad post shower as the last time. I don't know if it is the smell or I'm tired, but I went to bed early. I'm too hot and sweaty to fall asleep though.

Day 3, 2:12 am

Can I go to the police? This is clearly some sort of assault. Tyler would be the first one under the bus. Perhaps the coach. Probably not further than that. This is backed by serious money after all, so they will just protect themselves and their IP. Does it really matter though? By the time they've forced any action I've had this thing on me for a month, I've grown a donkey dick and gone completely mad. Much good some cash compensation will do then. And do I want to punish Tyler? Fuck yeah I want, but not like that. He's a victim too.

Go directly to a hospital then? If I can't figure out what this thing is or does, how would hospital staff be any better. They'll probably start cutting around it, and there is no telling how it will respond. It was designed to never come off, at least not without a fight. Probably horribly so, to set an example.

Day 3, 2:28 am

I'll try to sleep in the garden. It's cooler outside and doesn't stink.

Day 3, 4:51 am

Dozed off a bit I think.

I've been thinking about the construction of the cup. There are a some design details that has been nagging me. For something that small it appears to be almost magical in abilities and power storage. But then it hit me, it's not crammed packed with batteries, electronics, vials of chemicals and all other stuff you might need to build something like this.

It's biological. Perhaps not in the "alive" sense of an organism, but "alive" in the sense a virus is alive. It's a biochemical robot following instructions encoded in DNA, or something like it. If you consider it a manufactured parasite it all makes sense. It has access to the resources of a full human body and can leech heat energy and pee chemicals off the body indefinitely. The "bio-polymer" attach to the skin, and perhaps even have direct access to nerve impulses. There is really thin membranes in the dick, so it can probably send stuff directly into the blood stream as well.

Fuck.

Day 3, 9:36 am

I just realized I can't remember a thing that has been said so far in school today. I need to cum!

Day 3, 11:23 am

Becky spent her presentation on "Manspreading". She probably started working on the talk already last week, knowing her, but she clearly directed a lot of the points directly at me. Looked directly my way for most of the talk. No, Becky, I'm not subconsciously asserting dominance.

I CAN'T PHYSICALLY CLOSE MY LEGS, BECKY!

I found a different pair of chinos that works better, Becky. No matter what I do, there will be a pretty sizable bulge down there though, Becky.

Day 3, 14:02

God Dammit! The inside of the cup just went super cold 10 minutes into math class. I couldn't finish a single thing. Just not jumping and screaming was hard enough. It's mostly back to normal now, I think.

Day 3, 15:14

This is what I think happened. They started to test the cups on inmates. By mistake it started to leak chemicals or active DNA from the device into the inmates. They had tested the cup technology artificially before, on pigs perhaps, and hadn't seen these effects. But they didn't put it on the pig’s dick, did they.

So suddenly their inmate control device has turned into the worlds best slow release injector for men. Perhaps even the original formula made dicks grow. They just made the minimal needed changes and paid coach to start human trials on teenagers.

Then why the fuck do I need to keep this log? They must have so much more data on what is done to us to have a useful trial. I guess this might come in handy in the inevitable court case.

Day 3, 16:40

I'M SO HORNY ALL DAY.

I went to have a cold shower. If anything things just went even worse. How is this happening! FUCKING FUCK TYLER FUCK

Day 3, 20:18

Why do I have to do this? I know what the end point is going to be. A fucking dumb, arrogant jock dick. Assuming it is inevitable, and I don't see any way out, why not have it over and done with tomorrow. Just walk to the gallows and submit. Whatever that thing is doing, physically and mentally, is minimized the sooner it's off me. Back when Becky would speak with me she told me a rumor that the nerds gone jocks all had monster cocks. She didn't say anything about the regular jocks, so it probably is specific to this procedure.

And if they, the old jocks, are not joining up hand over fist to get such dicks, the procedure itself, or the side effects, must be pretty discouraging. Otherwise they would just cram the cup down their own pants.

Let's get rid of this thing first thing in the morning.

Day 3, 11:49 pm

Fuck, it vibrates.

I've been sweating balls, trying to sleep naked without any sheets. I was just sort of tugging at it, to see if I could feel anything in the dick, when it started to vibrate. It's been going for like 15 minutes now.

Day 4, 2:11 am

I smell.

The cup stinks, but I smell. While trying to ignore the humming dick I noticed that my armpits smell like moist gym bag.

I showered like 10 hours ago. That's never been a problem before, so it's definitively changing me somehow.

I fucking need this thing off me ASAP!

Day 4, 2:20 am

fucking god dammit it went ice cold again

Day 4, 7:38 am

So I went to the locker room. Once inside I realized I didn't really have a plan. What if they were not all in on it? I would appear like a lunatic, ranting about sci-fi balls cups. Turns out I didn't need to worry. First guy who saw me, Derek or Devin or something. Big guy, short buzz, looks intimidating. Anyway, he saw me and started shouting "You are not supposed to be here." I was like "I need to get something removed".

He walked up right into my face. "You are not on the list. Tyler fucked up so someone has to be punished. Fuck off!"

I hesitated to leave. He took one step forward, physically pushing me backwards and almost had me trip over. "GET OUT!" he shouted right in my face.

Day 4, 9:16

I've been locked inside the disabled toilet and crying since leaving the locker room. How long can I go with this thing on? You physically die after about a week without sleep, but it is letting me sleep in short bursts, so perhaps it could keep up indefinitely. I can't. I won't. Why shouldn't I just tell everything to mum, have her call the school, the coach, the press. Whatever is needed for someone to get this thing off me.

I should think this over carefully. But how is that possible if you are sleep deprived, horny AF and your dick is on vibrate mode? I can't stay here though. I'll walk home and tell mum first thing she gets home.

When I open the door, the first thing I see is Tyler, leaning against the opposite wall and smiling a smirk.

- Sup bro? - FUCK YOU! You ruined my life! - It was a shit one anyway. You should get another one. - That's not happening either, is it?

Suddenly I was bawling my eyes out. Exhaustion, sleep deprivation, rejection, horniness, anger. It was all coming together.

- Heyyy bro, come here.

I fucking hated him, but somehow I didn’t just bolt. I walked right into his arms and let him hug me. I realized that his change in appearance and personality had obscured his bodily changes. Just feeling his arms around me, I could tell he had gotten a lot stronger.

- You know Steve O'Conner in the chess club, right?

It was such an odd non-sequitur. I had to struggle a bit, but yeah, I'd helped him with a science project last year.

- A little bit, why? - I talked things over. Give him this and you are back on the list, second place.

He handed me another cup, packaged in a sealed, tearable plastic bag. I know I should feel sorry for Steve, but the only thing I could think of was my vibrating dick.

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ladyhistorypod · 4 years

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Episode 3: Legendary Ladies

Sources:

Agnodice/Agnodike

Oxford Classical Dictionary

Brooklyn Museum

Classical Wisdom

Mistaking Histories

Artemisia

Ancient History Encyclopedia

PBS

The British Museum

Heroditus

Hua Mulan

Southeastern Louisiana University

Further Reading: Transformations of The Woman Warrior Hua Mulan: From Defender of The Family To Servant of The State & Hua Mulan: the Evolution and Dissemination of a Chinese Cultural Sign—From the Mulan Drama to the Mulan Film

Ambient flute sound

Click below for the transcript!

Lexi: This week on Lady History: is she real, or is she fantasy?

Alana: When we were planning this podcast and Lexi and I were like “what should we do for our podcast” I asked my family group chat hashtag Stoli Squad and my sister was like “you could do my idea for my old roommate we were gonna start a podcast where we got drunk and talked about world issues” so now I'm like… should we be drunk right now?

Lexi: No.

Alana: No. I– Right?

Lexi: We definitely shouldn't be drunk right now.

Alana: This isn't Drunk History, which broke my heart, that Drunk History’s canceled.

Haley: Alana, you can’t hold your liquor.

Alana: I think it's what I've been drinking, because I've been drinking those hard seltzers from Supreme Core– shout out Supreme Core, they're not sponsoring us but I don't need them to.

Lexi: No, that's just a pure recommendation. If you live–

Alana: That’s just a pure recommendation. If you live in the DC metro area…

Lexi: Yeah.

Alana: Supreme Core.

Lexi: Supreme Core is great.

Alana: I would like to pour one out for our fallen comrade, Drunk History.

(sound of liquid pouring)

Alana: I know, Haley, you don’t really like Drunk History, but…

Lexi: You know what? We will continue on their legacy by soberl-ly telling– sober-soberly (laughing).

(Alana laughing)

Haley: She’s sober

Lexi: We will continue on their legacy.

Alana: Patreon episodes where we’re drunk.

Lexi: We could do that, you know… Listen, like this episode, give us a good review. Once we have some good reviews, then we can start charging you money for bonus content, and then we can be drunk and continue on the legacy of Drunk History.

Alana: We are all 21 by the way.

Lexi: Oh, just to preface.

Alana: Like, I’m the youngest and I’m 22.

Lex: Just in case you thought this was a questionable thing (Haley laughing) we’re adults.

Haley: We may not act like it, but legally… for legal purposes.

Lexi: Also if you have ideas for funny Zoom background please DM them to (Alana laughing) at LadyHistoryPod on Instagram. So…

Alana: Don't DM LadyHistoryPod on Twitter because that one’s me.

Lexi: Yeah. The Instagram is me, the Twitter is Alana, just so you know who you're contacting in the DMs.

(Alana laughing)

Haley: If you want me, go to…

Lexi: You can go to any of them. Do whatever you want.

Alana: You can do whatever you want. But if you want–

Lexi: Alana is a Twitter being.

Alana: I am a Twitter being.

Lexi: I am an Instagram being, so that’s why.

Haley: And I’m none of the above. I really–

Alana: Don’t follow me on Twitter though. If you see me on Twitter, no you don’t.

Lexi: You don’t exist on Twitter.

Alana: I don’t exist on Twitter.

Lexi: Your “at” is at LadyHistoryPod

Alana: My “at” is at LadyHistoryPod, that’s true.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History: the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. I am virtually here with Lexi. Lexi, are you hydrated?

Lexi: No. I don't think I've been hydrated in maybe eighteen years.

Alana (laughing): Oh my god. Hydrate or die-drate.

Lexi: That's true. That’s what VSCO girls would say.

Alana: Yeah it's a basic, kind of– it's a basic bitch thing to say but it's true. Hydration is important.

Lexi: It's good for your mental health.

Alana: It is. Also, of course, I am here with Haley. Haley, do you have any allergies to medications?

Haley: Yeah I do, actually.

Alana: That's not funny but the way you said it was funny. And I'm Alana and I'm actively trying to remove the word guys from my lexicon.

Lexi: Interesting.

Alana: It's not working.

Lexi: Yeah.

Alana: I'm trying and I'm real bad at it. I slip up constantly.

Lexi: It's very, like, ingrained in the vernacular.

Alana: I am also trying to get ladies to catch on as a gender neutral term. Like, the way guys is, kind of, so I want it to be ladies.

Lexi: See, my gender neutral is bois with an i.

Alana: Of course.

Haley: Okay, see, I’ve… I switched to y'all because, that's, I just lived with two roommates from Texas and that's what it was, but growing up in New York it's you guys. So I'm stuck in this like parallel universe where I get hated on for saying you guys and I'm like this is twenty plus years in the making.

Lexi: We should embrace y'all. I feel like–

Alana: We should.

Lexi: Everyone should be able to say–

Haley: Yeah. I like y’all. That one’s tough for me, for some reason. Because I always called– like even my girl friends– being like you guys.

Alana: I call you you guys all the time.

Lexi: Yeah. I speak to large groups of people who use she/her pronouns and I say yous guys. Alana: Yous guys!

Haley: Yous guys…

Lexi: Alright, we rocking and rolling?

Alana: We’re rocking and rolling. I'm going first because I want to dedicate this episode to my group of internet friends who– to my sunshines, especially Em who showed me a Tumblr post describing this woman. And I think as mentioned in the last episode we take Tumblr history lessons with more salt than the Dead Sea. That's our first t-shirt. That’s our first t-shirt! I think we said that in the last one too. But that's our first t-shirt. Take Tumblr history lessons–

Lexi: Although– wait, is that IP?

Alana: Is Tumblr IP? We could change it to like internet history lessons. Take internet history lessons–

Lexi: Yeah. That's good, that's good.

Alana: So Em sent me this Tumblr post, thinking look how cool is this and I was like I don't really believe that so let's look it up. So we're talking about Agnodice or in Greek it would be Agnodike because that's how Greek is. So the story is set in the fourth century BCE ish. Women were not allowed to become doctors or gynecologists or midwives according to the story, but young Agnodike– which is, I'm going to call her Agnodike because that is the Greek name and she was Greek. She was born in Athens and she went to Alexandria for med school and then she returned to– or, for like ancient Greek med school– and then she returned to Athens. But she saw these women dying in childbirth and she wanted to help so she dressed up like a man to go to med school and practice. When she got back after med school, supposedly she heard a woman crying out in pain of labor. And this woman was initially distrustful of a male doctor, so she flashed this woman to show that she was also a woman. This is a recurring theme. And she ended up being so good, and like the best doctor around, that the male doctors were losing patients and losing clients because it was about money. And so they accused Agnodike of sleeping with her patients, and then the women would be just like pretending to be sick so that they could see this young hot doctor. These men take her to trial essentially and she disrobes for them as well to be like actually no or like probably not. Maybe, who knows. And then they're like that's actually even worse because now we're going to sentence you to death for practicing medicine as a woman. And the women stand up for her– these women that she saved their lives– they stand up for her and they say… supposedly, a rough translation of the Latin: quote “You are not husbands but enemies, for you are condemning the woman who brought us health.” And this moves these men of Athens, and they pass a new law that women can practice medicine. The person on Tumblr passed this off as real. It is probably a legend because the best source is literally called the ‘fabulae’. I am in a Zoom meeting with a bunch of classicists– not classists! Classicists. Who knows Latin?! Haley, I know you know Latin. What is ‘fabulae’ mean?

Haley: (laughing) I haven’t taken Latin in forever. Uhhhh…

(keyboard sounds)

Alana: I hear you typing. It means fables; it literally means fables.

Haley: I– my gut instinct is I like, listen to you and I tr– like zone out for a second, then you called on me and you're like ‘what is fabulae’ and I was going to be like ‘fabuloso’ (Alana laughing). I want to do a quick Google and get that out of my head. But I did know that was fables because that came up in like my beginner Latin textbook.

Alana: So it literally means fables. Also, cross dressing and then disrobing to reveal your true identity at the climax of a story is real common in Classical legends. Like this is a running theme through a bunch of other stories.

Haley: Yes ma’am. Yes it is.

Alana: Also, there were definitely female midwives in the Classical world, so there were no laws against it. But here is why or how it might be read as history. Men were distrustful of mid– like– midwifery, midwifery. I actually wrote a paper about ancient birth control and gynecology like two years ago for a class. So the men are distrustful of female midwives because they don't understand what they're doing they're like what what are these women doing with other women that we don't really understand… Are they doing birth control?? Are they doing abortions??? But also women are distrustful of men because like they don't get it either. So everyone's like being like I don't trust you… I don't trust you… skepticism. But there were female midwives so there's no– there's no evidence for a law that says women can't be midwives. There is a– a modern interpretation. By modern I do mean 17th century to 19th century which, relatively, like relative to the time period of this woman, is modern. We’re also archaeologists, so I will say that modern is as early as when common era years have four digits. Like that's modern to me.

Haley: Yeah I took like a medieval history class and we got into like the plague was just like the 1300s and I was like ah, modern medicine. And every– it was like an undergrad class, and like you could see like some of the students were like what? (Alana laughing) The professor was like she has a degree in archaeology. She's gonna say stuff like that.

Alana: It’s modern! Four digits common era years, that's modern.

Haley: I agree.

Alana: That's how I feel. So early advocates for women in medicine during a time when women like for reals, for realsies, weren't allowed to practice medicine, advocates for women being able to practice medicine and repealing that kind of ban used her as an example. But they can't use a legend as an example. Like, she has to be real to be legit. All of the real scholars, the classicists, say this is a legend. The people on Tumblr say this is real. You decide who is right, except it's definitely the scholars and experts. And that's the story of Agnodike. Or Agnodice, depending.

Haley: So I’m gonna hop on that like, Greek train of yours and choo choo on the way to Persia. And we're gonna travel back in time, so like this is a time traveling train, just to let you know, to go back to the fourteen hu– not the 1400s the 400s BC. I'm still thinking about the plague.

Lexi: The plaque is always relevant.

Haley: Yeah.

Alana: Especially right now! The plague!

Haley: Anyhoo. Okay, I'm gonna hop on that Greek time traveling train and go back to the 1400s– oh my fuck god damn it. I’m still thinking about the plague. Alright. (Alana laughing) We're gonna be in Greek– ancient Greek history but for Persia instead. There's like a little… little tangle of where we are and how I'm gonna define that she's in Persian mythology rather than Greek mythology and who am I talking about? I'm talking about Artemisia of Caria, and yes, I'm using my Spanish accent because I can't do anything else about it. Or Artemisia the First. I'm gonna call her Artie because that's just how… in my notes she’s Artie.

Alana: We are on first name basis with all of these women.

Haley: Yes. Absolutely.

Alana: So we will be calling them by their first names and nicknames that we have given them. We have that privilege as history podcasters.

Haley: Yes. I was going to use her for a different one, but I really Persian mythology from being half Persian and I want to sprinkle some spice in here. And this one was tricky for me because I knew about her already from like all the history classes we had to take an undergrad, my general love for Persian mythology and history, and then also I had to like crack out my Herodotus, like the histories and like all the other ancient writers because she's not talked about that much, but the men and the battles back– like around what she's engulfed in are. Like the Battle of Salamis we're talking– we're going to talk about so much stuff about that battle, and just like Greco-Persian Wars, even as trickle down to our history classes in high school. But this gal Artie nothing. Or very little that I am– this is a good source to work off. Anyhoo I got really excited at first because I thought you're like a Google Arts and Culture like nice little museum page or just like a profile and I could go on and on about how arts and cul– Google Arts and Culture is like making a come back for like being decent because now a lot of their pages are run by the museums, or like exhibits straight from museums. But I digress. It really wasn't a cool thing that I could use, it was just a link or like a small pinch from her Wikipedia page who could have been written by anyone. So most of my sources are coming from primary accounts like Herodotus, who is an ancient Greek historian but was born and lived in the Persian Empire. And yes, I’m gonna get it out there; for those who've seen 300: Rise of an Empire, that like that movie, out in 2014, yes she was in here. I want to say that she looks like like me as like a cousin. I’m gonna describe her: she's like smaller, petite woman with olive skin, long dark black hair. And I was just like huh that's cool. And I actually remember watching this in like 2014 just being like yeah I see myself. I could be her. That was my rep– like female representation in movies was looking at ancient Persian characters, so that's just a glimpse into my life. But YouTube didn't even have like documentaries or anything so I'm sad. Okay so her name is Greek, it is coming from Artemis, but she is with the Persian Empire under Xerxes the first– at least I believe it was Xerxes the first, one thing said Xerxes the second, and I was like no this is not with the timeline. And she is most noted as not necessarily a warrior or like a fighter in any of the Greco-Persian Wars or any wars on the Persian side, but as a council member to Xerxes, which you can debate is a higher honor or not. Regardless, she was a badass. She was the daughter of King Lygdamis of Herculaneum and then a Cretan mother whose name is unknown. We just know that she was from Crete. So it's also like in the Greek area but Herculaneum… Herculania… Herculaneum… forgetting that word now is Persian territory at this point. She assumed the throne with– when her husband, who has no name, died. But it wasn't that she assumed the throne, as like sole queen of everything. She was acting regent for her younger son, and there's really no record of him ruling but the record of her ruling with him, in a sense. Overall the primary source for all her achievements and like the Greco-Persian Wars, which is what I'm gonna be focusing on, is from Herodotus. And Herodotus wrote his account of the Battle of Salamis in his book or like his works of the histories. She's mentioned by like a bunch of other guys. Guys as actual guys they were the writers and this history goes like a thousand years in the future so that's why a lot of her stuff can be legend because it’s people writing about this history, but like writing it so far apart that it's more like they're writing down their oral tradition. That's a huge thing when it comes to like, the Bible, and other ancient history sources. Whipped out Herodotus and Plutarch for this, and the Battle of Salamis. In like 480 BC she fought for the Persians and distinguished herself not only again like in battle, but also the fight she gave. And that's really like where she's talked about, not her battle strategy. And there's also a note where we do get into the battle strategy where she saved Xerxes kids from getting like harmed and such. We’re at the point where the Greek mainland was taken. Athens is burned, like, hell’s breaking loose. Persians are basically taking over, Xerxes is trying to figure out what his next move is. Like he– he understands that he has the upper hand, but now needs to figure out how to keep the upper hand. Herodotus gave like a whole account, there are a lot of quotes where he's just talking about army stuff and basically saying that she was particularly remarkable; that really if he only needs to mention one warrior, she's the only one that like he believed did the best work. And it was not only her attitude and behavior that like made her such a great warrior, but made her kind of move up and up up the ranks of roles and like nobility power and such. So yes this praise was mostly about her being a woman and I got like from reading it like the sense that it's more about ‘wow women can do this? Women can fight in battle?” But nonetheless she got some good pats on the back for being a badass. And again, like my other two stories, the legend comes with their death. We have no idea where her body was when she died, what condition, anything like it's really– this is where we get to writers a thousand years in the future, so like going into like 800s CE or AD, whichever one you would like to use, describing what happened to her. And honestly this is the juicy toocy part. So she– she's recorded that after she brought Xerxes’ sons to like a safe area, brought them back, she fell in love with a prince, Dardanus, I kept reading as Darius but it's not Darius. And for some reason, who knows, Dardanus rejected her, and was like ‘nope I don't love you’ or ‘nope I don't I don't want to be with you, cool thanks bye.’ And in her despair she threw herself into the sea. I don't know what sea that is, it just said ‘sea’. That's a lot of bodies of water in the like Persian-scope empire. And she drowned. There aren't other ancient records that's say like ‘yep this happened’ it's like one guy's account of like writing the history. There's like some statues that happened to be found, or like excavated in Sparta that were like ‘oh this is Artemisia’ but there's no record like no engraving in the marble statue that like this is her. People are just saying ‘oh it's in the Persian hall, it's in honor of her’ that's all we have. Like the British Museum had some like images of the statue saying this could be her but if you scroll all the way to the bottom it says like we don't know for sure. So like part of me is like ‘what really did she do’ but other parts are like ‘yeah this could have happened’. Honestly, read Herodotus. He’s a fun time, a good time.

Alana: Lexi’s turn?

Lexi: Me? (singing) Me me me me. Okay so you guys… are you Disney fans? I feel like you are. You like Disney.

Haley: I love Disney. I would die for all the Disney characters collectively in a bunch.

Lexi: So you're probably gonna recognize this quote: “the flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of them all.”

Haley: Absolutely.

Alana: Of course.

Lexi: And that quote is where any reference to Disney, the Disney franchises, Disney studios, Disney parks, and Disney in general shall end. And any relationship to Disney at all will now stop.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Now let's talk about the real, not real, maybe real story of Hua Mulan. So again, preface, I don't speak Chinese. I speak Korean which is not Chinese and is not related enough that I understand Chinese. For people who don't understand how Asian languages work they're not very closely related. There are loan words, there are borrowed words, but I do not speak Chinese. So please give me some leeway with these pronunciations of certain things. So the original poem-song, it's a poem that is sung, you know this is really common in ancient times to have a poem that can be set to music. So the original poem-song which described Hua Mulan was written by Tzu-Yeh, a woman who wrote Yueh-Fe style poetry which is a really common style poetry that was a form of oral tradition sharing and folklore sharing. And it was a rhythmic style of poetry set to music. Basically people would travel from town to town performing these songs to tell traditions and folklore and stories. So the translations that we have don't really follow the meter or rhythm, so when they are set to music they don't really sound correct. So the only true way to experience Yueh-Fe is in its native form. So if you don't speak Chinese and there are different versions of Chinese so if you don't speak the specific versions of Chinese that Yueh-Fe is written in you won't fully understand the poetic nature of the story. But we do have translations of the story that help us understand who Hua Mulan was. So I'm gonna tell you based on translations the true story or maybe not so true story of Mulan. The poem opens with Mulan, a young girl, showing disinterest in womanly activities– womanly in quotes– so she doesn't like doing things like household chores or marriage. She's disinterested in you know finding someone to marry, she's disinterested in her parents arranging her marriage, she's just interested in cooking, cleaning, dressing like a woman. She just doesn’t like any of it. And a request from the government comes around to each family–

Alana: I am also disinterested in cleaning.

Lexi: Yes.

Alana: For the record.

Lexi: I think every human is, so I– well maybe my mother loves cleaning. I don't know. She does it a lot, and she really does it with a… Yeah she does it with such a feverish passion I don't know– maybe she doesn’t like it. But yeah. There’s a request from the government, comes around to each family. I assume it is some sort of scroll that is delivered to families that are noble and have people who can read, but it might also come from a person who tells it. I am unsure based on the translations of the poetry. So the request comes from the government to have each family send a son or brother, so like a young unmarried uncle, brother, man, or a son of the family who can serve in the army. But Mulan's family is very small. She's an only child so she doesn't have an older brother for them to send. And Mulan sees this is an opportunity. So she buys the equipment required to enlist in the military, which is a horse, a whip, a saddle, and a bridle. And she shows up at the military encampment dressed as a man. And the poem continues with Mulan journeying far from her home on a trip that takes ten years and covers ten thousand miles. And at the end of her military service, her only request is to return home. She's offered the option to take money or land, but all she wants to do is return her family. So she returns to her family, and when she arrives home, her parents have had another child, a little brother, so Mulan has a little brother. And Mulan returns to her quarters, and she assumes a feminine identity. She puts it back on. She brushes her now white from years of hard work hair, she puts on makeup, she gets into feminine clothes, and then she goes out just to meet up with her buddies from the military, to see them search to rekindle, you know, the military friendship, bros being bros. And they are shocked to see her dressed in feminine attire because they've known her for a decade and the whole decade they assumed that she was a man. And so the poem closes with a simple phrase and it basically translates to two rabbits run side by side but when they run side by side you cannot tell which is a male and which is a female. So this is folklore, tradition, you know… it might be true, it might not be true. So, some other details: Hua Mulan means flower; so Hua flower, Mu wood, lan orchid. And Hua is the surname and Mulan is the given name. So Mulan is her first name, so that's why in some depictions you will just see Mulan, that is her first name. But some sources, the surname Fa is used so sometimes she is Fa Mulan. The most common tradition and most common translation is Hua Mulan.

Haley: That was gonna be like my immediate question was I thought it was Fa Mulan this whole time.

Lexi: That's because Disney used that version.

Haley: Not even from Disney– from just like knowing because I– When I got back on like the Disney Plus kick train, I wanted to like watch all the Disney princess movies but just compare them to like their actual stories and sometimes I saw the Fa Mulan so it’s like oh did Disney do this correct…?.

Lexi: Yeah. It's it's because it's it's not really a person– well it might be– but it's not really a person, so when this story goes from place to place, versions of it change, so evidence as to whether or not Mulan actually existed is basically nonexistent. We don't have any sort of physical archaeological evidence. Like, while folk songs and oral tradition hold her as a symbol of bravery and resilience, no physical evidence exists at all. There are no royal history books or official records that mention her, even though there are military records from that time. Now some people, who are Mulan truthers, may think ‘oh well she probably used a masculine name’ but again it's totally up in the air we're not sure. So, you know, even in the era and area in which she existed and like where she was from… it's completely up for debate whether she was from South China, from the Chinese plains, like no one's really sure. And some people say she's from one time period, and some people say from another time period. You know, is she lost to history? Is it possible there really was this heroic warrior in disguise who fought for her people and her family? and maybe her name and origin and era are just lost to history. So different versions of the story attribute different names, like her surname changing. Different eras, different places of origin because they don't know the truth of the original story. or is it more likely that there were several women who fought in disguise throughout Chinese history as they've done in many societies, in many aspects of history, but that their stories have been molded into a single poem through the passage of time.

Haley: I love that. That was a great closing.

Alana: That’s so cool. I love that.

[Ancient flute noise]

Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistorPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on lady history pod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review or tell your friends about us, and if you don't like the show keep it to yourself.

Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, next time, on Lady History.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

Haley: Next week on Lady History: we're going to dive straight in, misbehave a little bit and talk about the ladies who committed some crimes.

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finding-the-daylight · 4 years

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Today has been a very stressful day, so guess wtf time it is? Drunk Breaking Dawn Pt. 1. Here is what I soberly remember of the movie (I have not watched it since BD2 came out):

1. There’s a wedding.

2. There’s a honeymoon.

3. There’s swimming in the ocean.

4. There’s an accidental pregnancy.

5. The baby almost kills Bella.

6. The canon incident that we all hate happens.

7. The Volturi evilly laugh.

Same as Eclipse, my drunken narration of the movie will be below the break.

A brief intro statement, I was 100% sober and just beginning to drink at the beginning of the Eclipse post and progressively got more drunk. For BD1, I’m throwing back before I even start watching this shit show.

- I love the effects of the intro. it’s very calming. THe putting away childish things quote is literally a Bible verse. I hate that Stpehen appropriated Quileute culture, Christian culture, and every culture. I know she’s mormon but sitll. THis shit feels real appropriated.

- Idk why rennee is all happy. she never gave a shit before.

- OMG ALICE TEHCING BELLA TO WALK IN HEELS IS THE CUTEST ICRY.

- carlisle carryign the bench is literally the hottest hting i’ve ever seen fck

- lowkey kinda creeprd out because she’s literally sacrificing her humanity to marry this deud she’s known for like a year but everyone other than jacob is super supportive

- damn she’s looking @ this dreamcatcher and it’s making me sad but tbh that shit probably caused half her nightmares because she’s not native so sleep paralysis (if you know you know).

- DAMN EDWAD RELALY JUST ADMITTED HE’S BEEN A VIRGING FOR OVER 100 YEARS WHAT AB RAVE MAN WE STAN

- BUT FOR REAL WHY IS NO ONE FREAKING TF OUT THAT SHE’S LITERALLY BEGGING TO DIE FOR THIUS DUE?

- he just todl her hes killed people and explained it and it didn’t work she’s still down to clown with this vapire emo boi

- HOW HE’S SMILTING @ HR WTF I AM SO ALONEEEE

- i just wama ne im loved amd ne loved in retun plz

- this dream sequence is awful also fck the volturi is til hate that they never overthrew that crabbyass monarchy bullshit they were powerful enough

- i just wanna be like rosalie when i greow up

- charlie knew shit was off when he saw those crapsk

- why the HELL is renen actin liks she cares? bitch go the fuck back home

- jessica is the only one with any damn common sense in this whole series talking about they’re too fucking young for this shitt bitch true and itm akes sene now why she was the valedictioajrn

- SLEEPING AT LAST IS THT GROUP IDK IF YALL HAVE HEARD ANY OF HTEIR OTHER STUFF BUT THEY’RE AMAIZNG AND I USED TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP # THAT SHIT

- damn id’ be fuckign panicking too your lfie is over hoe

- stpeheen sto pwiht your racist ass smiling its offensive

- CHARLIE FUCKING DEWEVRE BETTER SOMEONE LOVE HIM PLEASR

- this wedding is gorgoeus though i live for hte fuckj g aestiec

- OH MY GORD THE PROM SONGGGGGGGG FCK ME RIGHT IN THE EMO

- IT JUST HIT ME WHN THEY WRE LOOKI @ EACH OTHERS EYES THIS BTCH REALLY MARYING AN UNDRSF VAMPIRE HOE this shit is horryighn why was i not scare?

- carlisle is the love of y life

- sth is a lil ray of sunishen

- i just reaized howd fucked it is that sue and chalrie are starng to catch feelz ut sue knows his daughter is funckugn off with a unded vamp emo iboi

- OMG I FCUKING HATE STEPHENE RACIST ASS I LEGIT MADE AP OST EARLIER SYAING LAURENT WANTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING ANDWOUVLEBE BEND A VEGETATIAN BITCH AND IRENEA CONFIRMED FCK THIS SHIT IM OUT ANG ANGRY

- charlie is gget ing drunk as hell my spiritn animel

- jesica is smart and beautiful she needs t os stop being jealous and petty know ya wotht girlie you got itl

- I SWEAR WHEN IGET MARRIED OSMEDAY IF ANYONE GIVES A SPEECH LIKE THIS I WILL PERSONALLY DRAGT HER ASS OUT.

- edwar lves her so much fck im all alone\

- how haoph hacob is when they hig i hate canonn they were best friends fc,

- jacob stay the fck outta her sex life she;s been wanting this for ad dman year fkc steohe let them jsut befriend

- steh is so swert but e is a chidl fck the is reacist plot bulshit

- CHARLIE DESEVRD BETTR FCK THIS PLOT FOR REAL I HAE CANON

- bela looks os ad she knows it’s goodbye but edward’s family is all smiling because they have her now hwat fthe ckc

- jac0bs cryng my heart brke

- i love bineg dunk

- the scene isn rio is my faorite isn any of the movies eveyrhting looks warm and happy

- this bich can drive ab oat too damn he can just fod evryhin cant he

- CARLISLE BOUGHT A WHOEL DAMN ISALND FOR HIS WIFE AND I CANT ECVE GET A TEXT BACK?

- deis this honeymon scene make anuone else unconmfy becuae same

- marying a vampire would be horrying af but also hot af and good af becuase htye oculd love so much and protect you from everythign fck 1-/10 woukd efeel safe

- bwll gaving a panic attakc ism e anyt tinme i try talking to an attractive man

- slepeign at last fckign ti up agin bit ch theis m yshit

- when he said it was the best night i cred

- tstoehe added the chess game like this shit is a hoje but i would love to play chess on my honemodn idk how uut i want a man to each me but not mansplin

- WHY THE FUCJ AR THEY SO CTE ON THIS AMN HONEYMOON?

- i know i sadn it was horryig but i want a hotass vamp emo boi husband plas

- damn jacob is being too emo she aint really gonan be ded for ever youll see her agianb itch

- ‘CULLENS ARE NOT A DNAGER TO THE TOWN OR TRUBE” BITCH IB EG TO FUCKIN DIFFER THIS SHIT BIOLOGICAL WARDARE RACIST ASS STPEHEN WRITING THIS FUCKING BULLTSIT

- ‘NONE OF THEM BELONG TO THEMSEVLES ANYGMROE” - SOMEONE SAID IT BITCH THSI SHIT IS FUCKRE IP

- i fucking hates these vamp racist bitches but i want a nonracist va,p husband bitch thus hot afck

- how tf does she not know shes rpegr yet eatin this weid ass shit?

- THESE FKERS BEEN AROUND FOR CENTURIES TLAKING BOU IDK IF ITS VEEN POSSIBEL BTICH YU SHOULD FUCKUGN KNO BY NOW

- ROVERT SPOEAKIN G PORTGUEVE IS SO KING ATRACTIV

- poor bella her life chaned so uqick and she[s soc scared fck dcnaon

- POOR CHARLIE I HATE THIS HE DESERVES TO BE LOVED AND TURTH TOLD

- ROSALEI IS THE EST

- “YOU LOOK TERRBLE’ THIS IS THE FRIENDHSOP WE WANT WHYT THE FCK DOES FOPSTHE RUIN EALL THIS SHIT

- CARLISE IS FUNCIGJ HOT

- LIRALY BITCH I JUST WNAT A PURE FIRENDHSIP WUTH JACOB AND BELLA ITS WHAT THEY DESERVE FJC CAON

- this montage is turopy a f when youre drunk waht the helc por jake thugh

- im sorry but i;n laughign my ass off at these fuckugn wolf vocie overs lmaoooo this shit hilarious

- SETH HAS SUCH A PURE HEART WHTY TF DID SPTEHEH RUIB HUS FUCJING CHILDHOOD BULTHIST

- WHY IS EVEYRIJE BSUCG AFUCKUGN BUTCG TO LEAH???? SHE DESEVRED THE FUCKING WORLD STPEHEN IS A RACISHT BITCHHHHHH

- calisbe is fos unicngn hot

- i just reaized robert is like the best fuckugn actor like this diolaguge is wha k as fuck btu he’s acitng all emo boi oscar worhty shti

- they realy had her fuckin drink blodo i hate cannjnonnn

- ifelel the same as kaje watchign this

- but carlisle’s prety face made it all fuckig hetter

- FUCKRT HIS SHTI CHARLIE DESERVED BETTER HE’S THE BEST DAD FCK CANO NFUCK STEPRHNE

- okay ut id is cute as fkc whe nedward hears the baby

- esme and calrisle wilougn to risk their lives for bella i cryi

- fkc i really do hate cnaon because jake is acting liek an adult now and trying to do the honrble thig bue he should be a hpaoy chidl

- resnemsien is a ficking ridjcils name and we all fuckj nnew

- i ahte this part i’n bot even wathcing this shit rgros me rout

- WHY THDID FUCK DID THIS BITCH HAVE A FUKCUNG SYRINGE OG VENOM LAYING AORUND? HOE!?!?!

- literlaiy fuick the dynamics of this whole moty hfknfucjg storyline plot bitch

- LEAH AND STHE DESERVERD BETTER

- SO DID JACOB

- SO DID ALL THE WOLFPAKC STPEHEN IS A RACIST AS SHOE

- aw hell here the fucks we hgo with theu ickgn im************** bulshit i ghate cnaojn canon can suck ad ick

- YES BILLY DEFEND YOUR CHIDL

- rosalie is literally perfect when cnai b ehr

- im real glad im drunk rin now because ioculd nto sit throguh this shit sober

- imp&******* is the worst plotline fkc]

- bit iamgiben falling alseo lookin gsick and waking up fhot as uck goals

- this sogn making me cry literlalu imcruing ims o alone lmao

- rheye really ended htoe move wirh red eyws lmaoooo

- hodl the fick up a damn minute stpeehebn producre htis cufkcng shit?

- now heres the hoes iv’ve been waiting on burnt the monarch fuckwits i hate thes epompis fuckers

- OVERTURBR THESE FUCKSERS THEY HAVE TIOO MUCH POWR

CARLISR COULD FUCKING D OI T I HATE CNAON BRING THE VAMPIRE DECONOARCY

- OOHG BRUNNO MARS BRINGNG THE FUCKING SIMPSSHOES ANTHM I NEEDLOVE IT

#Twilight #Twilight renaissance #Breaking Dawn #Breaking Dawn Part One #Breaking Dawn review #simp ass hoes #simp ass hoes fandom #we hate canon #WE HATE CANON HERE

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aliceslantern · 4 years

Text

Beyond this Existence: Atonement, chapter 18

Ansem always had a penchant for strays, so it's not at all surprising when he takes in the orphaned child Ienzo. The boy's presence changes everything, far more than Even is willing to admit. Ienzo's brilliance seems promising, but the arrival of a young Xehanort pushes the apprentices onto a dark, cruel, inhumane path which will affect the future of the World. And even once it's all over with--once Xehanort is dead--they still must pick up the pieces, forgive one another, find a way to atone for their atrocities, and struggle to accept the humanity which has been thrust upon them.

Or: Even's journey from BBS through post-KH3

Chapter summary: Time passes. Bonds mend; love grows. Even completes his study, and finds a new, unexpected way to continue atoning.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

Even’s never been to a wedding other than his own. Fascinating, the customs people will develop as a way to declare love--or occasionally, to secure power. More rarely, both. Not to mention the way it’s all affected by gender, sexuality, power.

All this faffing about to say that Ienzo, in a way his son, has just gotten married.

It was a short, simple ceremony, oddly devoid of a personal touch, in a bright alcove of a library. No decorations, no vows other than the ones determined by the (old? Hard to tell with Radiant Garden in flux) law. He’s not surprised that Ienzo is so private about this; he’s surprised that Demyx is . Then again, it is never easy to bear one’s heart. With a kiss, it’s over. They both truly seem so happy, like they’re glowing. He hopes for their sake that it works out.

“How did it feel to marry your son?” Even asks.

Ansem rolls his eyes at the lame, and somewhat inappropriate, joke. He merely officiated--who else had the authority here? “I feel in my heart of hearts it’s the right thing. I won’t soon forget the look on his face. I’ve never seen him so happy.” It’s a rainy day, cold and raw. Even glances out the hallway window. “How did it feel, when it happened to you?”

“Well, you know it was a shotgun affair.”

“...Quite. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get some pleasure from the fact that the first legal marriage since the Fall is a gay one. Things have changed. There’s still so much potential for this city--despite the fact that it’s in shambles. Potential for us as well.”

Even feels the blood rush to his face. “We’re in shambles too,” he says softly.

“But we can rebuild,” he adds. “Let’s join the others. Aeleus made lunch.”

They keep their relationship under wraps, as much as they can, anyway. Dilan is less interested in gossip over Even than he was the boys. Thinking of its eventual revelation gives him intense anxiety; it gives him insight into his own outing of Ienzo, which makes him feel guilty, though he had good intentions at the time.

“It’s rather incestuous when you think about it,” Even mutters. “Demyx and Ienzo, you and I. Next thing we’ll hear about is Aeleus and Dilan.”

“I highly doubt that.” He leans back against the couch, resting an arm around Even’s waist. Touch is still overwhelming, but becoming more comfortable. “Nothing incestuous about it--we essentially raised the boy.”

“And now here we are,” he mutters. Ansem’s made them both hot toddies, and he fears he’s rather less sober than he would like to be. Letting the world soften a little bit is quite a challenge.

Even isn’t sure if it’s love. It’s something, something he carries with him daily. Not quite lust, either, even when they kiss; they haven’t moved very far on that front, either. He’s fairly sure the physical side of it would take work to find, and he’s not even sure if he needs that. If simple romantic touch unravels him, more… active touch would be completely destructive.

“...Not much progress?” Ansem asks. “With your work?”

“Well, it’s a lot of busywork at the moment, getting all this sequencing done. I could so use an assistant. Aeleus steps in now and again, but he also has much to do. Not to mention, both of the individuals who could also be of use are on their honeymoon. Best let them enjoy things while they can.” He shakes his head.

“I’m afraid when it comes to genetics I’m rather hopeless,” Ansem admits. “I always was.”

“It certainly isn’t easy for a layman.”

“...You’re funny.”

Even smirks.

“How about I give you some of my work to figure out?” He shakes his head. “I got a draft of a bill on a napkin the other day. I understand there’s a reason these people were elected, and they are competent, but… the decorum. I shouldn’t have to manually draft things for them.”

“You’re a civil servant--emphasis on the latter word.”

Ansem laughs. “Quite. I have literally asked for this. Fate could have set me up much worse. Heaven knows I deserve it.”

A pause. The fire, in the hearth, pops, making Even’s heart stutter, not helped by the alcohol. The only reason he’s able to be in the same room as one is the warmth; it’s necessary here. This still isn’t easy. Ansem notices this and gives his hand a squeeze. “I’m alright.”

“...Is he still trying to get in touch with you?”

Even bites his lip. “Every week or so he tries to talk to me. I ignore it. I suppose I could simply… block the IP address, and… I just don’t. I’m equally sure I can’t forgive him. But at the same time…” He swallows, tasting earl grey and rum. “I’ve been forgiven much, and changed much, who am I to say he hasn’t also? Especially under Isa’s watchful eye.”

“You needn’t rush. Confront him when you’re ready.”

“...Quite. I fear in this life I might never be ready for some things. I haven’t… much time.”

“Thirty or so years isn’t enough time?”

He shrugs. “I’m not so sure. I want to see Ienzo grow up--well, grow older. I need to do good work. I still have so much to do, and I’ve already wasted so much time faffing about.”

“You were psychologically shattered. ...We both were. You had to heal.”

“Is this healing?” he asks, more to himself.

“It certainly isn’t stagnation. Not anymore.”

Even realizes he’s leaning against him. It’s a warm sort of touch, a comfortable one. While his heart is still beating harder than it should be, he thinks it’s no longer from the fire.

Ansem brushes his fingers against Even’s cheek. There’s a sweet tension in the air, tension he hasn’t felt in a long time. And maybe it is the alcohol, but he swears he can feel a sort of desire. It’s very nearly alien. He kisses Ansem first this time and feels himself being drawn close. This is such a young sensation, jarring and bizarre. A hand tangles in his hair. They continue like this for an unknowable amount of time, exploring one another. Despite the touch being muffled by clothing, it’s still all so much, and this is only intensified when Ansem slides a hand under his shirt. A sudden fear breaks what little pleasure he’s found.

“...Even?”

He pulls away and hugs himself tightly. His hands are trembling. Ansem rests a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t,” Even says hoarsely. Ansem listens, giving him some space.

What a fool. What a naive, stupid-- Even pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to get himself back under control. “What is it that upset you?” Ansem asks gently.

How to verbalize something like this? He’s gotten used to dealing with these scars. Only now is he fully processing that, should he pursue this relationship, likely with time Ansem would end up seeing them at some point or another. This is all dredging up something sickly and awful.

But he’s a smart man. “Is it the scarring?” he suggests.

“It will repulse you,” he says, barely aware of the thought before it’s being spoken. “You needn’t deal with something like that.”

“They’re a part of your history. A part of you. I highly doubt that would repulse me--not with all we’ve worked through.”

Even keeps his eyes stubbornly on the floor, glad for the curtain of his hair (which, he realizes, is mussed).

“Of course we needn’t get into anything which may make you uncomfortable.”

He smooths at his hair. A thick anxiety catches in his throat. He isn’t used to being embodied, not particularly. There’s entirely too much going on at once; the panic, the overstimulation, and yes, arousal. It fills him with a sort of shame. He reaches for the buttons at his throat, his hands shaking so hard he can barely undo them.

“What are you doing?”

“Proving you wrong,” he says in a stranger’s voice.

“Even--”

“Please.”

“You’re worrying me.”

He’s finally able to free the last button. He sheds the garment quickly, like ripping off an adhesive.

For a moment there’s just silence. His throat is tight. “I told you,” he says, not looking at Ansem. “I’m afraid I--”

He’s pulled into a gentle embrace. The tremulous tears in his eyes run over. It’s so… odd to have hands on his bare skin, and he’s no clue if it’s pleasant or not. So instead he just cries. “I could care less what shape your body is in,” Ansem says. “This was never about that. But… this shows what you’ve survived, how you’ve changed and overcome. Don’t be ashamed.” He kisses Even’s shoulder once, sending a shudder through him that has nothing to do with pain.

After much too long he pulls it together, tugging his shirt back on. This isn’t helped at all by the occasional crack and pop of the fire. He’s exhausted, anxious.

“...As I said, you needn’t push your boundaries,” Ansem says softly. “It’s taken so long to find one another--what’s a little more waiting?”

“It’s not for lack of--”

“I know.”

“It’s just been so--”

“It’s alright.”

He exhales heavily, tasting the inside of his lungs. “I should… try to…”

When he doesn’t finish the sentence, Ansem says, “Stay.”

---

The first time they attempt to go to bed together, it's something of a failure. Then again, "failure" is a bit harsh--in the literal sense it was successful, just extremely brief. Embarrassingly so. Not just for Even, which he finds a surprise; but neither of them have ever prioritized physical intimacy.

For a long while he lays in Ansem's bed after, coming to a cold realization that it's his first orgasm in at least ten years. His body seems unsure of what to do afterwards; his skin is quite raw. He takes a deep breath, watching the ceiling. They don't touch; they both know it would be too much.

"...Are you alright?" Ansem asks.

Finally, he looks over. "I… believe so." He sits up, noticing first how Ansem's eyes roll over the scars on his back, then how he tries not to look. "Yourself?"

"I am no longer… accustomed to such things." He begins redressing. "Would you like some tea?"

"Yes." He takes the offered cup when it comes, glad for the warmth. "I… feel so young… yet in a breath so old."

"Me as well. Things no longer… run so hot, as it were."

"Not quite what I was referring to."

"Then what were you?"

"This cursed… tenderheartedness. Makes me feel like a schoolboy. And yet… the years weigh heavily."

"But we're here." He doesn't quite face Even. "How long exactly have we known another, Even?"

"Thirty-some years. Much too long."

He chuckles. "And yet you're willing to stick with me."

"Frankly, no one else could put up with me." He sets the cup down onto its saucer. "So that's that."

"Seems to be, yes."

He settles back against the pillows. "I...am sorry things were so uneventful."

He smiles wryly. "As if anything is uneventful with you."

"...I'll ignore your tone."

He leans over and kisses him once. "Somehow this feels familiar."

"I… agree."

---

It takes a few tries for them to be comfortable with it, with each other. For it to last longer than a few mere moments. But it gets easier, their bodies becoming accustomed to touch again. It's not the same as when they were younger. These things almost take a certain premeditation. It must be wanted.

And it is.

He's been so passive, in the past; what better way to show love than through an act? It takes yet more time, to graduate from simple touch to something more. Time, patience. Passion is only a quiet passenger at the moment.

But when it does happen, Even notes with a thrill, it's he taking his old master.

And it does feel so familiar, to touch him, to make love to him. So familiar and so right .

"Truthfully," Ansem admits after one of these nights, both of them beyond exhausted, "I believe I may have harbored such feelings for longer than I originally thought."

"Oh?"

"Even, you have such a unique mind, a unique way of seeing things. I've been drawn to it for years--but so like a fool, it took me years to figure out why." He brushes Even's hair behind his ear. "By then… you had already fallen into your whirlwind marriage."

"I do not regret it."

"Nor should you. I suppose… it was simply not our time. We've had to grow, to allow the love into our hearts." He kisses him on the forehead.

"I think you are the only one who I allow to see me," Even admits. "I struggle with vulnerability."

"I know you do. I… do as well." He rests a hand on the small of Even's back. 'We can be so much stronger together."

"I… want nothing more."

---

Atonement comes in pieces, in waves. Mostly they assist the boys, the committee, when they are not pulled apart by their own projects; providing research and tertiary support. It's humble work, work Even tries to do to the best of his own abilities. This town has a use for the educated, but he no longer seeks credit.

Not long after he and Demyx marry, Ienzo comes to Even. They get coffee. They are very nearly normal.

Happiness suits Ienzo, eases the sharpness in his eyes. Demyx seems to stabilize him, allowing him to feel young. He smiles easily, chats. There's a warmth there wasn't before. Wholeness. Even realizes he’s never quite seen it in the boy, and has to swallow the sadness.

It's odd to find himself on the other side. After a considerable pause that Ienzo asks, "Even, are… never mind."

"Boy, what's on your mind?"

"...I'm nearly twenty-two, will you ever stop calling me that?"

He rolls his eyes.

"Forgive me if this is… overstepping." He bites his lip. "Have you and Ansem…"

He feels his heart catch, a bizarrely young feeling. "What?"

"Do you have feelings for one another?" He raises an eyebrow.

"...Like?"

"Even, I know you know what I mean." His expression is so droll, funnily serious. "It's… okay if you do."

Even sighs. "We've been… grappling," he admits. "Though you must tell no one--especially that husband of yours."

"Who do you think gave me the idea?"

Even feels his face warming. "Does everyone know?"

Ienzo smiles wryly. "Why do you feel the need to keep it a secret?"

"Because it's a personal matter, not a public one."

Ienzo rolls his eyes, perhaps at the hypocrisy. "Are you scared of what they might think?"

"What, Aeleus, Dilan? Unless all your gossiping already got to them?" He shakes his head. "I'm… unsure. I feel as though--"

"You don't deserve to be happy?" He clucks his tongue. "To be colloquial--been there, done that." He looks down into his coffee cup. "It takes… work, to be vulnerable. But it's necessary work. If you have someone , regardless of romance, then all the better." He chuckles a little. "Though I'd be lying if I said it doesn't amuse me."

"Boy--"

"You both raised me. Willingly or not. Now you're together?" He points at Even. "You gave me hell for getting with Demyx. Now--"

"I know, I know, I'm a hypocrite. What else is new?"

Another laugh. "I do believe this is the first time I've seen you so embarrassed." Then, "I hope you can find peace, Even. I really do. It took you so long to recover… and then Ansem… I worried--"

"You may be orphaned again?" he asks dryly. "I'm afraid you must deal with our neuroses for some years yet." He squeezes the boy's hand, feeling the wedding band against his palm. "Have things changed?"

"Yes and no," Ienzo admits. "He introduces me to as many people as he can… just to say the word. It's made him so happy. Why wait on such happiness? I do not think my feelings will change. They've only… gotten stronger."

This is a feeling Even can relate to. He came across these emotions slowly… and now he seems tangled in them. “...Quite.” There’s nothing left of the espresso he’s ordered; he looks down into the smear of brown as though he might divine something. “Ienzo, are you fulfilled?”

He considers this, canting his head slightly. “I like to believe so,” he admits. “I have my husband, my family, satisfying work. True, life is much… smaller than it used to be, but is that a bad thing?” He drums his fingers on the table. “The council has reached out to me after reading my manuscript. They’ve… offered me something of a job.”

Even feels his eyebrows shoot up. “Ienzo, that’s--”

“I’d be helping them create a mental health program. From scratch. I feel… honored to be chosen.” His face is pink. “Worried that I’m not qualified--after all this time, technically I have no degree.”

“What, that piece of paper?” The boy’s studied for years. Doubtless he has the equivalent of several degrees of reading.

He makes a face. “You continually dangle yours over Demyx.”

“...Because his reactions are rather amusing.” He chuckles a little. “Boy, if they chose you, they feel you’re capable. And you are. All these years I wanted nothing more than for you to get help--if you can give others that, all the better. But it shan’t be easy.”

“It’s a… challenge.” He smiles a little. “You know I love puzzles.”

---

The study continues. It changes, grows. He finds himself working closely with almost all of them in some capacity, but it’s Dilan who does most of the admin work, with everyone else pulled elsewhere. While at first their talk is all scientific, something like a friendship redevelops.

“More information from the rumor mill,” Dilan says, folding up the accordion of his own epigenome.

Even feels something of a punch; caught. “You and your gossip. The lot of you.”

“Not so much a rumor as something told to me. And the informant was very adamant you know it’s he.”

“...You never did speak concisely.”

“I do believe Ienzo is seeking something like revenge for when you outed him.”

“As if the boy would ever be straight?”

Dilan smirks. “I admit I’m not surprised. Not at all.”

He almost drops the tablet he’s holding. “No?”

“Ansem’s loved you for years. It’s about time you came around.” A laugh. “It’s true. Why do you think he was so angry, so hurt at you ? In his eyes you could do no wrong--until you did.” He shrugs. “Neither of you are very good at feelings.”

“Don’t I know it.” Still, he’s rather shaken. “Bastard could’ve said something sooner. Would’ve saved me a lot of trouble.”

Dilan chuckles. “We all could’ve saved ourselves a lot of trouble. Yet here we are. I could never have guessed the path we’d end up on, not if my life depended on it.”

“...Are you satisfied with the way things are?”

He touches his breastbone. “There will always be--pain. Yet, I feel now more than ever that we can be... On the other side of history. Hence why this work is so important.”

There’s a knock at the door. Aeleus comes in, his overalls spattered with paint. “How goes it?”

“We certainly are making a lot of paper,” Dilan says. “One can’t rush perfection.”

He rolls his eyes. “It’s a lovely day outside. I was hoping you two would get some lunch with me.”

“But we’re in the middle of--” He sees the look in Aeleus’s eye. “Sure. Why not.”

It’s spring now, the flowers in bloom again. They’re wilder than they used to be, not as tended to, but still beautiful. They end up in a courtyard, where they see Demyx and Ienzo seated on a blanket, a picnic basket between them. “Hey, you made it!” Demyx says.

“I had my doubts,” Ienzo admits.

“...Rather juvenile, isn’t it?” Dilan says.

“Oh, hush. I made ceviche. Come sit and eat it.”

Dilan takes the proffered container with a scowl.

“...A gathering?” Even hears. He turns and sees Ansem. “Not exactly the emergency I was told it is.”

“You wouldn’t have left otherwise,” Ienzo points out.

“We wanted to hang out. Sue us.”

They settle on the blanket. The sunlight feels good on his skin, which is still tender from all his time indoors. It’s odd, to be gathered here so; but yet this is perhaps one of the most normal things they’ve all done. When was the last time anyone spent time enjoying anything?

“Oh, one more thing,” Ienzo says. “We are absolutely not allowed to talk about work for the next half hour.”

“I’m keeping a timer,” Demyx adds, holding up his phone.

“Since when are you allowed to make rules?” Dilan asks.

“Since I apparently became the expert on mental health.” He rolls his eyes. “Besides. We’re all… much too burned out. If we’re to live as long as possible… we must let down our hair now and again. So to speak.”

“This is your doing, I’m sure,” Even says to Demyx. “I’ll not have you chipping at his work ethic.”

Demyx sticks out his tongue. “Hey. I also pull like fifty hour weeks, so I’m not the lazy asshat I used to be. Pass me the pasta salad.”

They all eat in silence for a few minutes. Then, Dilan asks Demyx, “Do you ever miss home?”

His chopsticks slip in his hand. “Hate to break it to you, but that place was never home.”

“Home is here?” Ienzo asks dryly.

“Well, isn’t it?” He wraps an arm around Ienzo’s waist. A comfortable, familiar gesture. “Where the heart is, and all that crap?”

“It was always about the bonds,” Ansem adds gently. “It took much too long to realize.”

“Besides. I figures there are much worse places--and much worse people--to end up with.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Dilan says.

Ienzo digs in the picnic basket. “I’m afraid the strongest thing I have is iced tea.”

“You shouldn’t be drinking anyway,” Aeleus pointed out.

He blushes. “I’m twenty-two. Might I remind you that the legal age is eighteen--”

“So defensive, so fast, Ienzo,” Dilan says.

“Well when I’m getting it from four sides, I must be.” He pauses, blinks, then laughs a little.

“What’s so amusing?” Even asks.

“I’m afraid it’s nothing of momentous insight,” he says, shaking his head. “This ragged parenting… is so like the old days.”

“You’re right,” Aeleus says.

His expression darkens a little. Demyx squeezes his hand. “Not quite.”

“It can be better,” Even says gently.

He nods once. “It already is.”

---

“...Blast.” His fingers tangle in the fabric at his throat.

Ansem barely looks up from the book he’s reading. “What ails you now?” he asks.

“Two PhDs and a medical degree, and I can’t remember how to tie a stupid Windsor knot.”

Ansem approaches him and takes the knotted fabric. Quite quickly, he fixes it. “Years and years of silly galas and dinners. I can--and have--done this in my sleep. There.” He tightens the knot at Even’s throat. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

“Something like this must be done on one’s own, I think.” He turns back to the mirror. The suit is simple, and not quite tailored, but he still feels overdressed. “Besides, I don’t want them to think it’s some quid pro quo arrangement.”

Ansem rolls his eyes. Then, a bit more slyly, “You do look quite nice.”

He blushes. He so despises that Ansem can get this sort of reaction out of him. “I’m only feral most of the time, not all of it.” He picks up the portfolio of papers. “Feels I’m defending my theses all over again.”

“Luckily you needn’t be quite so formal. Not like the old days. I’m betting at least one of them will be wearing sneakers.” He brushes microscopic dust off of Even’s shoulder. “A good first impression doesn’t hurt.” Ansem chucks him lightly under the chin. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Don’t you start--”

“Truly.” He squeezes Even’s free hand. “You’ve worked so hard to get to this moment. This work will help them shape the town’s future. A hope, a catharsis, a proper way to treat the afflicted.” He kisses him once. “Now go, so you can come celebrate. I fear I may have made you late--not that their timekeeping is pristine.”

“I’ll not have you spoil me--”

“Go.”

“Yes… well…” He bobs his head once. He can feel the anxiety fluttering within. While these papers are only a concise summary of the project, it still feels so heavy. He hopes it will be good enough, sound enough. It’s been years. Now to let it go--what will become of him?

“...There you are.” Ienzo’s waiting by the stairs. “Even--we simply must work on your punctuality.”

“Blame your father wittering over me.” He looks him over, sees his white coat, unbuttoned, the black turtleneck beneath it. “You’re going like that?”

He shrugs. “This is my professional uniform. This is a professional appointment.”

“At least pull back your hair--”

“I absolutely will not.” He smiles. “Even. Relax. It’s going to be fine.”

They set off towards the new city hall. It could’ve easily been established in the castle, but Even can’t blame the decision--it’s a good one, in his opinion. Helps make the townspeople trust the fledgling government. “Your husband couldn’t come?”

“He was quite literally getting ready when he was called away. Another birth.”

“That’s too bad. It’s because of him this is done.” He watches Ienzo’s expression closely and then adds, “An awful lot of them these days, no?”

“People are becoming comfortable starting families.”

It’s a perfect sunny day. Even wonders. “...I don’t suppose--”

Ienzo picks up on the subtext straightaway. “It’s in the cards for me?” he asks. “Feeling rather tender in your old age? Craving grandchildren?”

“Boy, there’s no need to be nasty.”

Ienzo laughs. “You’re too funny.” Then, after long enough that Even already decided to drop the subject, “We haven’t revisited the matter in a while. I’m not sure the time is right. What happened to me being much too young?”

“I don’t care either way--so long as you are happy.”

He nods once. “It is… strange. I thought this peace I felt internally would be… temporary.”

“It means you’re on the right path.”

“I surely hope so.”

“You’re doing great things. Saving lives.”

He shrugs. “It’s the least I can do.”

The receptionist in the city hall waves them in boredly. The council chamber is still haphazard--two folding tables and a bunch of folding chairs. “There you are,” one of them says. Even looks down, and sure enough--sneakers. “Great. Let’s get started.”

He’s practiced this speech many times, the way he must simplify the hard science of it (Demyx was a good test for this), the display of the hard data. Ienzo chimes in occasionally with the more psychological aspects, the way it affects emotions, hearts.

The impossible cause and effect of darkness.

Despite these years of research, he still feels like he only has a beginner’s grasp, even as he proposes treatment options. He hands out copies of the journal--a scant forty pages spanning more or less his entire career.

“Thank you for this insight,” another one says. “We want to help people however we can… but most of us are tradespeople. We can’t study it the same way. This will be taken into account when it comes to the creation of new services.”

“It is my duty,” Even says.

“We need educated people again,” a third adds. “Everyone… is going to need a hell of a lot more help.”

“Perhaps I can be of use.” He’s barely conscious of the words. “I taught in my day--I’d be more than willing to assist in the drafting of a curriculum.”

The council member smiles. “Oh, but it goes deeper than that.”

---

“...And you musn’t say anything.”

Ienzo is practically vibrating with excitement. “Even, this is a big deal.”

“No use counting our chickens.”

“A university ?”

“No funding. Limited resources. Likely five or six pupils and one or two courses. More like a one-room schoolhouse.”

“But it could be--”

“Boy, I’m old. Likely I’ll be long gone before any of this truly is established.”

This sobers him, as Even hoped it would. “You’re only nearing sixty.”

“And considering all I’ve gone through, it’s lucky I’ve lived this long.” He offers a smile. “Now how I imagined the day would go, but very well. Work to be done. This is no reward; if anything, this is a punishment.”

“But how do you feel?”

He considers it. “...Overwhelmed,” he admits. “But this is a way I can help. I just hope I’ve developed some patience over the years. Goodness knows I’ll need it.”

Ienzo takes both his hands and squeezes them. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Yes, yes, all this patting of my ego.”

“Truly.” His gaze becomes sharper, more earnest. “Once upon a time you were… locking everyone and everything away, and suffering. A selfish, devious researcher. Now here you are… so kind. Careful.”

“Atonement requires humility,” he says gently. “Otherwise, what is meaningful change?”

Ienzo nods once. “I look forward to pursuing this with you,” he says. "I do hope you'll let me be a part of this."

Even squeezes his shoulder. “I’m afraid we’ve just begun, little one.”

---

Beginnings.

Things are not quite so easy now. He can feel he’s getting older, from the gray streaked in his hair to the arthritis slowly taking his joints. How strange, to begin again at this age. He finds a sort of pleasure in his work, in the too-young inquisitiveness of his students. He gives them what tools he can and hopes they can do better. He knows that eventually they’ll find out about his past and have questions. He knows, and is prepared.

There are so many other beginnings.

After years of consideration, he agrees to marry Ansem. They do so quietly, without fuss, only to be faced with an enraged Ienzo and Demyx, who apparently wanted nothing more than to be there. Even doesn’t know why; it’s merely a formality at this point. Yet to go through with it is something of a relief.

When he can, he still visits his first spouse and son, where they rest, quietly. There will always be an ache, he thinks, but Even’s life is full again.

He helps Ienzo, his very much living son (it was always so, but the marriage simply made it official), and his husband conceive a child, with the young woman who is their surrogate. It’s odd to revisit such work related to the replicas, after all this time. Odd and slightly uncomfortable. But their happiness makes it worth it, and it does brighten his days when he can care for the child.

Xion, Roxas, and Naminé live full lives, ordinary lives. He hears of their careers, their marriages, when they visit. They age. They’ve gotten to grow.

He sets aside his research of that time. He’s left instructions for its decryption in the event of his death, but otherwise, he has no desire to share it. There’s no real need; no life needs to be created.

“A sensible choice,” Ansem says. It's a lovely summer night; they stand on the balcony of their bedroom, just breathing the clean air.

“I would hope I’ve gained a whit of it.”

“A whit, and more.”

He chuckles a little. “Here’s a funny thought.”

“...What?”

“The boys--hardly boys anymore--are the same age I was when I came back; their daughter, Ienzo’s.”

He blinks. “I suppose that’s right.”

“If you could change things, would you?”

“...An unnecessary thought experiment.”

Even rests his arm around him more comfortably. “Humor me, then.”

Ansem sighs. “If you look at it from a purely moral standpoint--I would,” he admits. “If I could stop the suffering, the loss of life that has been incurred. Absolutely. But personally… that would mean I’d likely have never found you, would never have gotten to know Ienzo, or his wayward husband. And the loss of that… is painful.”

“I suppose that is well reasoned. And I myself don’t have an answer to that question.”

Ansem kisses him once. “There’s no point dwelling on what could have been. Aren’t you satisfied with what you have now?”

“Perhaps it is silly--but yes, absolutely I am.”

“I think we’ve earned a bit of peace.” He embraces him, resting his head on Even’s shoulder. “Now it’s your turn to humor an old man.”

“Right. Very well.”

He takes his hand and leads him inside, to the rest of their lives.

#beyond this existence: atonement #even (kingdom hearts)#ansem the wise #ienzo #demyx #aeleus #dilan (kingdom hearts)#beyond this existence

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romaniassexdungeon · 5 years

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Shattered Romanticism of a God - Chapter 12

Pairing: NedDen, SuFin main

Warnings: Drugs, alcohol

Notes: A NedDen chapter, for a change. It'll get back to the SuFin next time, whenever I get round to writing that. This chapter is a little shorter than I'm happy with, though.

Gunner - Denmark // Adriaan - Netherlands

Read the full fic on AO3

...

“So, you’re just gonna stand over me while I get ready? Like a creep? Like a creepy watching creep?” Gunner elbowed his cousin away from the mirror, then went back to straightening his hair, trying to get the angle it stuck up at just right, like it would remain that way for long. Berwald just nodded. Then he stood right back behind him and messed his hair up.

“Cunt! Cause I did it to you?”

Another nod. Gunner smoothed out his stupid Hawaiian shirt and went back to fixing his hair, chucking his gel on his bed. Berwald untucked his shirt.

“Will you leave me alone! I’m not even going on a date,” he said, sticking out his tongue. He paraded about the main room, checking how his ass looked in his jeans. Perfect, as always. "Just going for a drink. No need to try and ruin everything, you sad, pathetic man."

“L’ser.”

“I only hang out with you cause you can sing.”

“And y’love me.”

“Shut up,” he flicked him, “maybe if you could act like a person, your boyfriend would’ve known you were dating.”

“Adriaan kn’w you’re dating?”

“We’re not! Sex isn’t dating; if it was, I’d be dating your mum.”

“Which ‘ne?”

“The hot one. Whichever one you’re thinking of, you just called hot. You called your mum hot. That’s weird.”

Berwald blinked at him, debating on whether or not he should even respond to Gunner's middle school-level attempts at trolling. “We’re cousins. Yer weird.”

“Not interested in some sweet home Valhallabama?”

“My mums aren’t interested in men. ‘Specially their nephew.”

Gunner shrugged. “I know. But that pun.”

Berwald gave him a very concerned look.

“Please don’t tell them,” Gunner whined, “I want to be invited round for Christmas.”

“Gonna text ‘em now.”

Gunner gave a whine, trying to swat his phone away.

“Text ‘em.”

“You’re a prick!”

“Joking,” Berwald gave a rare smile, “tol’ Tino I hoped he w’s having a good night.”

“I hate you.”

He grunted in response. Gunner looked at him.

“By the way, have you told Tino about all your… stuff?”

"M'huge dick?"

"Yeah, right. You know what I'm talking about."

Berwald shook his head, squirming. “Third date st’ff.”

“No, that’s fingering,” said Gunner. “Look, he’s not gonna judge you, and if he does, I’ll get the band to beat him up.”

“Dun do that,” he played with his jumper, kneading the fabric.

“Hey, any guy would be lucky to have you.” Gunner lightly nudged his shoulder. “And Tino seems to like you. He’s not gonna be a dick.”

Berwald didn’t look convinced. “Y’told Adriaan y’have feelings fer him?”

“Don't try and change the subject when I'm trying to have a moment with you. And I don’t! No stoner with a jumbo guitar’s gonna tie me down.”

Berwald looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

Gunner shook his head. “Whatever. I’m going out!”

“Not picking y’up.”

“Won’t need it,” he put on his coat and straightened his tie, “just going for a few drinks, then home.”

...

It was never a few drinks with Gunner, and, at 2am, he found himself in the snow outside the bar. He’d just been dumped there after throwing up on the pool table, and got to work making snow angels, giggling the whole time.

He probably needed an angel of his own to get him home.

When it was starting to get less comfortable to be lying in the street, he scrambled for his phone, distracted by the stars. Or the street lamps. One of them, but they were shining prettily above his head like spaceships. Maybe it was all of them. Was he about to be abducted?

He finally found his phone, hiding at the bottom of his jeans pocket. Who could he call to come get him this time? Not Berwald, he’d just be mean, and was probably already in bed. He tried to get to sleep by 8 like a granddad. Tolli was probably asleep too, or jacking off to Sportarobbie fanfiction, Vidar would watch the phone ringing and not bother picking up and Gilbert was probably also in bed, ready for church the next day. Luca had blocked his number after Gunner had accidentally sent him a dick pic meant for his brother. And Gunner would take his chances in a Saw movie before getting into a car with Tino.

Adriaan it was.

He sent him a text that he hoped was legible, then hauled himself up to wait. He leaned against the pub wall, not liking how the snow was now soaked into his jeans, but not having the presence of mind to do anything about it.

After five seconds of nothing, he typed out a poorly-worded plea, then settled down to wait.

...

Adriaan took his sweet, sweet time.

He eventually rolled into view, on his bike. Not even a tandem for them both, but a regular bike Gunner had to somehow get on. He got up from his snow-chair, giving a whine.

“Why did you bring your bike?” Gunner leaned against a lamppost. Adriaan stared at him. “Dude.”

“Huh?”

“The bike?”

“Don’t wanna IDC.”

“What?”

“DUI. I said… DUI.”

“Oh you’re stoned.”

“Are you surprised?” Adriaan broke into a grin. His high grins were always unnerving, not like his genuine ones.

“Guess not. Do I- do I get on front?” He staggered over to the bike and climbed onto the handlebars.

Adriaan shrugged. “Do what you want. I'm just here to "pock you ip, okease?".”

"Shut up!" He turned around and kissed him. “Onwards, Bike-man!”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Bike-chan?”

“Weed.”

“You mean weeb?”

Adriaan paused. “Yeah.” He got cycling, through the tourist-filled streets, ignored by everyone else, also staggering home. Gunner gave a whoop as they turned a corner. Lights blurred past him, expanding and criss-crossing in front of his eyes. He leaned against Adriaan’s chest, and Adriaan pushed him forward.

“I’m trying to drive,” he grumbled.

"Drive me to Germany! I don't wanna pay Swedish prices anymore!"

Adriaan looked at him. "You just did. All night."

“Boo! Wanna go to the park?” asked Gunner, ignoring him, “come on there it is!”

Adriaan brought the bike to a halt. “It’s a roundabout.”

“I wanna stargaze!” Gunner rolled off the handlebars and kissed Adriaan’s cheek. “Let’s lay on the grass and look at the stars!”

Luckily, there weren’t any cars on the roundabout, as Gunner didn’t even bother to check before stumbling out onto the road. Adriaan followed him on bike, more aware of his surroundings, but only barely.

Gunner watched Adriaan park his bike, then lie down in the snow next to him. There was no one about, just them and the stars that battled their way through the glow of the street lamp a few metres away.

"I think I can see All-Iron!" He pointed up at the blurred trio of stars. "Or is that the Plough? I wanna plow you later."

“Be free, grasses.”

Gunner sat up to find Adriaan wiping at the snow next to him. The frozen grass below didn’t look too free, but Adriaan seemed happy with himself nonetheless.

"Good idea, babe." Gunner grinned and began making snow angels. They were a little lopsided, and he ended up kicking Adriaan in the ankle. Adriaan grunted, but didn’t react otherwise.

"Sorry Adi. Ryan. Addi Reean."

"Gun man."

Gunner smiled. It was perfect. Everything was perfect with Adriaan, it always was. He was a dick, but there was a gem inside. A dick gem. A dickjazzle. He was always there for Gunner, maybe a little reluctantly, but he'd bring his bike and a few beers and a joke for him. Berwald's words were squirming around in the back of his head.

"Hey, Weed Man?" He turned to him. Adriaan glanced back.

After a pause, he remembered to reply. "Yeah?"

"Are we dating?"

After an excruciating moment of silence, as Adriaan tried his best to think, he shrugged. “Dunno. Are we?”

“You tell me.”

“Do you… wanna?”

“Date? Maybe. Might be fun.” Maybe Gunner really, really wanted to. But Adriaan was hard to read, even after all these years. Friends with benefits seemed like the best it was gonna get, the closest he could get to Adriaan. Could they actually become a couple? Would that ruin everything? Would it make everything way, way better?

“I’m gonna kiss you now, if that’s okay.”

Adriaan nodded. Gunner, grinning, leaned over and gave him an awkward peck on the lips, Adriaan’s nose poking his cheek. He looked down to find Adriaan smiling back. They kissed again, just a second longer, but just as magical.

“I like kissing you,” Gunner said, feeling like an idiot. “You’re cute. You’re a bastard, but you’re cute.”

“You after a few, then?”

“I’m fucking cunted, mate.” He rested his head on his chest. “And you… you came to my rescue. I fucking love you, man.”

Adriaan looked at him for a long moment. Had Gunner gone too far? He wasn’t sober enough to care past a niggling concern, but Adriaan wasn’t replying. Eventually, he gave a cough.

“Thanks.”

#nedden #aph denmark #aph netherlands #sufin #APH Sweden #hetalia #shattered romanticism of a god #Hetalia fic #Hetalia Fanfiction

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megamanxfanfics · 5 years

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Thank Goodness for Deviant Art

It’s come to my attention that people might not be able to read my chapters after the [Read More] button any more. (At least not on mobile phones, I dunno). I don’t know why this is the case. It works fine for me, even when using Tumblr as a guest, but that might be an IP Address thing. I don’t really know how it works. Either way, from now on, I’m gonna put a link to my chapters on DA, just in case this is a problem you’re experiencing.

But either way, that’s not what I came here to talk about. Instead, I’d like to tell you about the unusually long process it took to write 9 & 10 and where I’m currently at with 11 right now!

(If you can’t read below, a link to this journal is available on DA!)

There’s not too much to say here. Work got the better of me for sure during these sessions for 9 & 10... Since the Fall of 2018, I fell into a routine pattern where my only window for writing became sometimes on Saturdays and Sundays. And if I wasn’t beaten down enough from the work week, I’d probably be working on music instead of this. It took extra ounces of inspiration to get X & Zero through their next steps. I definitely went through the motions, this go around, admittedly, but it all came together by the end. And I do like what became of it.

--------------------------------Ep. 9-------------------------------------------------

This one starts with a much anticipated Dynamo fight, against X this time. I was glad to have Zero stuck in England trying to get home. It allowed breathing room for X to take however long he wanted, without any interference from Zero, who would’ve absolutely wanted a rematch.

At first, I was very stoked about this chapter, and couldn’t wait to write the next sequence in X’s fight against Dynamo. There were a few play-through sessions, where I figured out, how X would attack him. Continuity wise, it was ballsy to have him start this fight with Standard Armor. I liked making the Falcon Armor more of a reflex maneuver than anything else. I was also a fan of the Giga Attack being the equalizer here that gets Dynamo to stop. Showing him sober up from his sociopathic ways, was interesting too. X can’t help but feel bad for him once that battle is over.

And then I was done, lol. The rest of this chapter is unfortunately a long transition to get to the next place, which was X’s stage in the jungle and Zero’s stage with Burn Dino-Rex.

This is what took forever... Going through the World Building and further Seed Planting from there, as we followed up on Gate & Isoc. I wanted to do this earlier, but it didn’t fit. I wanted to do it during the news broadcast of the Enigma firing, but that scene was better suited for Dynamo, who was recovering from his wounds at the time. [It’s fun to put that in perspective. It feels like that was months ago!!]

The Gate & Isoc scene was fun to write. I liked showing that Gate’s been busy trying to rebuild his old reploids. It was more fun to have a follow-up on our villains with a secretive phone call. But then I needed to focus on what was next, and I fell into sort of a trap. Getting Zero home...

I can honestly say it took about 3 weeks to come up with/write out the hacking trick to get Zero home quicker. And even that, I used a writing technique to fast forward that whole process from X’s perspective. This was a risk. It would’ve been neat to see Zero go in hyper warp speed, and add some hilarity to the middle of the chapter, before getting home, but it would’ve taken away from the drama of Lifesaver forcing X to go to sleep. That's where the risk lied in. What was Lifesaver’s motive? This got dark, for a minute. Lifesaver stuck a sedative needle into X’s neck to ensure he’d rest for at least an hour so that he’d be ready for his next mission. Kind of unethical, but it worked. So I explored that, with Zero questioning, while X wakes up in a confused state.

I didn’t want to get lost in this, so I had them leave right away. Then I took a 2nd risk. X was kind of an asshole to Zero as he was waking up, since he never believed in The Repliforce War to begin with. I liked this though. We built up and added towards the already existing animosity between them. They had unresolved business regarding their past actions, that were most likely buried in the past 3 years.

I did my very best to get X & Zero to their designated missions ASAP, but in the end, I think I had like 7 pages to explore their stages before hitting my usual cut-off point.

So I decided, the best road to take was to go down memory lane, on Zero’s part. Maybe we could explain some of his motives and see where he’s coming from. And I’m glad I got to do that. We got to review what Zero remembers of The Repliforce War, and how everything got off track once Dragoon originally investigated Dino-Rex. As far as Zero’s concerned, he’s just tying up the last loose end, here. Finishing what Dragoon failed to do in the first place. But also, he needed that Booster Engine, and one way or another, he was gonna get it.

----------------------------------Ep. 10----------------------------------------------

This takes me back to what I said before. The writing process of this isn’t worth talking about. For a good month, I honestly went through the motions every Saturday. Here and there. Bit by bit, just getting X through the next bit of the stage. Or Zero. Then X. Then Zero.

This got way boring. [This happened during Xtreme 2, too.]

But then I finally caught up to the bosses and it got super exciting again!! I suppose I could say that Zero’s sequences were way better than X’s due to the nature of the stage and what he’s going through. I liked showing Zero experience fear and vulnerability a little bit, while Alia proved her worth with her genius tactics. [Hiding in the shadows of the rocks, through the lava waves]

But then, the fights were interesting. I didn’t wait for Saturdays any more, and definitely finished out Axle the Red’s fight on a weeknight. Sacrificing sleep or together time if need be. One thing I will say about that fight, I really didn’t expect to name Axle’s twin Spike - the appropriate name for the character. That was a neat compromise of an Easter egg that I threw in there at the last minute during the fight, but I really enjoyed that.

Zero didn’t exaaaaactly need an assist from X, but he was very worn out from their battle. And nothing like a good juxtaposition to really show growth, right? I felt like X swooping in and saving the day really solidified their bond and brought their friendship back right where it needs to be, before the next climactic thing.

And that would be where I am right now. Episode 11!! I can’t believe it, but the catch up point to the Battle of Two Fates is finally here. And it was years in the making. I got my blessing from the lady this past Thursday to work on it while her new shows were on, and my Goodness! One thing lead to another, and I started to cook something up pretty sweet out of all the canon dialogue.

Now keep in mind, it is technically in game dialogue, but there's still so much unexplained, like what the characters are actually doing while they’re saying this stuff. Or what they’re exactly feeling. Re-envisioning this makes me see it in a whole new light. But it’s far from done. Just.. in a good spot, right now. That’s all I’ll say.

I can’t wait to work on it more, but this is what I chose to do this Saturday. So maybe I’ll get some time on it tomorrow or during the week. I don't know.

Season V has been a balancing act of making new interesting things out of a game I can’t stand. So inevitably there will be some awesome within the mundane. This happened with Season II as well, but that one was surprisingly solid throughout.

If I can make one prediction, it is that Episode 11 will be Ultra Hyped, and then I’ll probably go through the motions during the Eurasia stages once again. I’m figuring it out though. We’ll see. Until then, folks. I can’t wait to see how Ep. 11 turns out.

#Season V Diaries #Thank Goodness for Deviant Art #Writing Process #Ep. 9 #Ep. 10 #Ep. 11 #new update

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lavendermenaceart · 6 years

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Broken Pieces||Chapter 10||

Warnings: General trigger warning, vomit, blood, etc.

Tag list!: @stilinskis-banshee , @captainreid , @ultrarebelheart , @cynbx, @rawritsmolly

Chapter 1||Chapter 2||Chapter 3||Chapter 4||Chapter 5|| Chapter 6||Chapter 7||Chapter 8||Chapter 9||

Your eyes fluttered open, easing you into your familiar world of pain slowly before you heard a voice.

“Hun, get me some more water, please.” She wasn't speaking to you, but you were never aware of another person in the room.

“O-okay.” A male voice barely managed to get the sentence out before you heard scuffling which was most likely him hurrying to go get your water. You had a feeling he was the weaker of the two, and she was the leader. You really didn't know too much about profiling, and you were too tired and sick to think past that.

You felt your stomach churning the water until you couldn't hold it down anymore. You couldn't bring yourself to curl over the edge of the bed in fear of the pain, so the clear acidic mix slid from your lips and down your chin, falling onto your chest since you were propped up slightly. You sputtered and coughed before more bile rose, your world spinning.

“Jesus, you're a mess. Hold on, sweets.” The woman spoke gently. “Forget the water, she can't hold it down. Get some rags.” Her voice became solid and stern as soon as she started talking to the man.

“O-okay.” The sound of a glass clinking as it was set down and then feet stomping up stairs.

Your throat burned and the pain was becoming so unbearable throughout your leg you couldn't help but sob.

“Oh, sh, sh, sh. Don't worry. It's gonna be okay.” Her voice was gentle and kind as she pet your hair, reaching behind her to grab the rag from her accomplice. She softly wiped the bile and saliva from your mouth and chest. Her touch made you shiver in disgust.

You couldn't stop sobbing, practically paralyzed both in fear and pain. You couldn't stop thinking of Spencer and how cruel life was sometimes. You were going to die, you were going to fucking die because someone decided it was their duty to save you form a situation they had no idea about. You wanted to be angry, but you were just terrified and depressed. You wanted Spencer there and holding you, whispering your favorite poems in your ear while you both waited for an ambulance.

“Alright. So, this unsub obviously knows about you. This isn't random. Had Y/N alerted you to any alarming emails or letters?” Emily came up beside you, her voice a strange mixture between gentle and business-like.

“No, not at all.” Spencer felt his face contorting in thought before his mouth opened and he snapped his eyes to Emily's. “Y/N had been acting oddly after reading a letter. She said it was just someone wanting a commission, but after I left she didn't respond to her phone when I got home.”

Before anyone could respond he rushed to her room. She had a specific drawer that she kept letters from fans and commissioners. He grabbed a handful of the letters closest to the top, tearing them open and skimming over the words. The team followed after him, peering over his shoulder and helping him through the letters until Derek spoke up.

“Here. Uh, I wont read it out loud but I can tell you its a classic obsessive stalker. All kinds of stuff in here relating to being upset about not getting the recognition they thought they deserved, comparing themselves to Spencer, on and on.” Derek slipped the letter into a evidence baggy before setting it down and placing his hands on Spencer's shoulders. “We're gonna find her, okay? It's gonna be alright.”

Spencer nodded, staring at the ground. He could barely think, everything was clouded by Y/N's face and all the things that could be happening to her right now. He needed his team's help.

“Alright. This isn't an official case so we are going to have to work on this on our own time. If anyone has any objections or wishes not to partake, say the word. There will be no judgment.” Hotch spoke over the nerves in the room, and Spencer's heart jumped into his throat.

No judgment my ass, he commented to himself while the room stayed silent. He wasn't sure he could forgive someone who didn't help him right now. It was one thing that no one was there during the deepest throws of his drug addiction, but this was an innocent person's life on the line at the same time as his sanity. He felt his heart calm as the room stayed silent and Hotch finally nodded.

“Alright, Let's get to the Bureau and work.”

You groaned softly, waking up after a good two hours of vomiting a frothy mixture of bile and blood. You didn't know what time it was or how long you had been asleep for, and as soon as you were awake enough to feel you wished you were back asleep. You felt so cold, your body shivering in annoying and painful spasms. You had all but forgot you were most likely slowly bleeding out while your broken bones were sure to cause infection.

“Oh, Hi.” The man was sitting next to, his shoulders hunched uncomfortably as he watched you struggle awake.

“Nngh.” Was all you could manage before the shaking and shivering jolted your leg and made you cry out. You bit down on your wrist, trying to keep from sobbing while the pain jerked tears from your eyes.

“I'm so sorry. That looks...really bad.” You could tell he was trying to avoid looking at your injury, and hell so would you in this situation.

“I need...to go to the hospital. Oh my god.” You dropped your wrist from your mouth, sobs falling from your lips as the pain took away any emotional control you had. “I'm going to die.”

“You can't die. She'll be really mad. You have to stay alive.” His voice rose with his panic.

“Then get a fucking phone and dial 9-1-1.”

“We're falling short. The letter has no traceable DNA on it and all the emails are form different IP's and different emails with no discernible coding or relations.” Garcia approached the team, clutching a stuffed bunny in her arms that crossed over her chest. It had been a full 37 hours since Y/N's kidnapping and they had come up empty handed. There had been no fishy comments on social media, no DNA left at the scene, spoofed IPs and emails.

Spencer's head fell in his hands at his desk. He wanted to sob, break his desk, do something. Y/N was the best human he had ever met and he had squandered so much time and hurt you so much just because he couldn't let go of his addiction. He was ashamed to say he was itching for it now. If he didn't have you, why should he stay sober?

“We need to interview her parents and see if it could be anyone close to her that we don't know of. Interview neighbors and store owners to see if anyone saw anything at all.” Hotch tuned to Reid before adding softly, “Giving up now means you could be letting her die.”

Hotch was right. He couldn't give up now. You needed him just as much as he needed you and you could still be alive. That was all that he needed.

“Alright, Derek and Spencer go to her apartment and start knocking on doors. Emily and Alex, speak to shop keeps. I'll stay back here with Garcia to watch over phone calls and in case anyone higher up needs and excuse.”

“T-the cops? But isn't...wouldn't I get in trouble?” He stuttered and it dawned on you, this man was not a man. He was a kid. Most likely no older than 13 or 14. He was tall for his age, though.

“NO, no. I-I won't say anything about you. Please, just call the police. I need help or I'm going to die.” You sputtered, grasping at straws and hope. You needed out. He was young enough to manipulate and he most likely wouldn't get in any trouble since he was manipulated into helping his mother, you guessed.

For just a moment, you felt your heart break for the kid. The moment was lost when you felt your entire body spasm before more frothy bile erupted from your mouth. You gagged, coughed, and vomited until the yellowish liquid tinged orange with blood. The boy rushed up the stairs from the room you were confined to, stuttering something you couldn’t hear over your gagging.

The sweat stuck like grease to your skin as chills ran through your body. You cried out in pain with each spasm until the stress and pain became too much for your broken body to handle and your eyes rolled back in your head.

#my fanfiction #reider #my reider #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #fanfiction #reader insert #reader #broken pieces #kidnapping #criminal minds #cm #criminal minds fanfic #cm fanfic #cm fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reidxreader #spencer reid x reader

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forlornmelody · 6 years

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Spare Parts Chapter 19 -- Armor

Rating: M/E (See below for notes)

Ship: FemShep Clone/Maya Brooks, FemShep Clone/Asari OC

AO3 Links: First Chapter. Previous Chapter. This Chapter.

FF.net Links: First Chapter. Previous Chapter. This Chapter.

Summary: Cerberus wants Shepard’s clone dead. Hope Lillium wants the clone to replace Shepard. The reapers want to exterminate her along with the rest of the galaxy. No one asks what the clone wants–and even she isn’t sure if she has the right to ask. But she asks that question every day.

Notes: This chapter has two different versions.(The extended, explicit cut is hosted on AO3.)

Bet you she hasn’t even told you her real name.

The message arrived in her omni tool late the night before, and the Clone tossed and turned for hours over it. For someone so high on the Cerberus food chain, Kai Leng sure can’t keep top-secret information to himself. Maybe the Illusive Man is losing his touch, if he can’t keep his personal lap-dog in line. No wonder Maya left.

But Maya isn’t her real name, is it? The Clone knew that already, knew ‘Maya Brooks’ is just another identity her partner forged to protect herself, protect both of them, really. For an arrogant idiot, Leng sure knows how to push her buttons.

I sent those mercs after her. Planned to have her sliced and diced in front of you, see what sort of reaction they’d get. Maybe you are more than spare parts.

The Clone is tired. Not just exhausted, weary, of being pulled in every direction. But she can’t help but entertain Leng’s offer.

Call me and I’ll tell you the truth. Won’t matter in the long run, anyway. Once Cerberus gets what it wants you’ll all be thrown in the vats.

He left an IP address. The Clone deleted the message, but it’s already imprinted on her brain, along with the numbers. She waits until Maya leaves her alone to put on her armor, and then she makes the call, using a scrambler to mask her camera like a one-way mirror.

At least partially Asian features sneer back at her, though his eyes are concealed by a mask. Cerberus tech, probably, though the Clone isn’t sure of the purpose beyond making him look like some comic book super villian. “Bout time you called me.”

“You have 60 seconds.” Maybe longer, if she can back trace the call.

“What is the name she’s using now? Brooks?” How would he know? Fear seizes her veins, and then the Clone remembers that the mercs would have likely passed on that information when they intercepted Maya. The Clone does her best to keep her face level.

“Brooks was an old friend of hers. One she shot to death before taking her ship. Bet she didn’t tell you that.” Leng is trying to get a rise out of her, and the Clone deliberately takes slow breaths to not shout.

“Rasa is the earliest name we have on record. Best we can tell that was the name she had at birth.”

“What’s your point?”

“You do realize she’s using you? That she’ll dispose of you like the rest when she’s done with you? You know it. She knows it. That’s why she won’t leave you alone.”

Leng smirks. “Bet you had to steal a moment by yourself to make this call, didn’t you? Nice armor, by the way.”

The Clone’s eyes widen before she can stop herself.

“Yeah. Don’t worry. We already have people on the inside. We already know your plan--and that you’ll fail.”

The Clone manages to snort. “You’re not even worth my time.” She disconnects the call. Asshole.

“Who were you talking to?” Maya steps up behind the Clone, eyeing them both in the reflection, as she wraps her arms around her.

“No one.” The Clone lays her hands on top of Maya’s...Rasa’s….She’s starting to get a headache. “I was...rehearsing. For when we take down Shepard.”

Maya leans her head against hers. “For when you take down the Cult of Shepard.” Her fingers fiddle with the ends of the Clone’s hair, brushing the baby smooth skin of the Clone’s jaw with her knuckles. “But that will come later.” She smirks into the mirror. “Right now, I need to peel this armor off of you piece by piece.”

Maya slides to the floor, breathing heavily. “Where’d you learn that?”

The Clone digs around for a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses. She ignores the question, popping the cork and plopping down next to Maya instead. Pouring them both a glass, she hands one to her partner. “How are we playing this?”

“Mm?”

“With Shepard.”

Maya leans her head against the Clone’s shoulder. It’s as sexy as the time they just spent together. “Mm...I was thinking of presenting myself as some sort of Alliance operative--trying to save her from the mercs wanting to kill her.”

“This’ll be good. Do I get to watch?”

Sipping her wine, Maya replies. “Only from the security cam.”

“I get access to the com channel.”

“Only if you keep quiet.”

“Fine.” The Clone also takes a sip. Maybe more than a sip. Who’s going to stop her?

They sit in silence, polishing off their glasses and filling them again, until the bottle’s empty. “Mm. I need a background.” Maya eyes the bed thoughtfully. “What’s my role in the Alliance?”

The Clone snorts. “Probably a desk-minder.”

“Oo. yeah.” Maya licks her lips, giggling. “Staff analyst or some bullshit like that.”

“Names her hacking program after her cat.”

Maya snorts. “Something ridiculous.”

The Clone intends to point to well, emphasize her point, but falls into Maya’s lap instead. “Mr. Biscuits!” The s’s comes out slowly like a long, sluggish hiss.

“Oh god.” They both dissolve.

Much later in the night, after she’s passed in and out of slumber, the Clone finds a question lingering at the edges of her mind. “Maya?” She’s sobering now, enough for the question to bother her, but she’s still tipsy enough to find the courage to ask it. “Where will we be after this is all over?”

Maya stirs, not bothering to open her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“After we take out Shepard, and the Reapers, then what?”

Maya, Rasa, whoever she is, looks at the Clone finally, sitting up against the pillows, the sheet falling down to her stomach. “I’m sure the galaxy will still have plenty of wrongs to right.”

The Clone nods, but she isn’t reassured. “I know that. I mean...us. Are we still...going to be together?”

Rasa reaches over, pushing the Clone’s copper locks out of her face. “Of course.”

#mass effect #maya brooks x shepard clone #I am so tired right now #I have no idea if this post makes sense #maya brooks #femshep clone #melody writes

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joshuajacksonlyblog · 6 years

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Can Blockchain Save Movies from Online Piracy?

A new startup claims that blockchain technology and cryptocurrency can save movies from online piracy, but is this realistic?

There are a lot of banes that the film industry has to contend with, such as negative reviews, diva actors, and spoilers. However, one of the largest thorns is the huge amount of online piracy of movies that are currently playing in the theater or just recently left.

TaTaTu, a new blockchain-based platform co-founded by Hollywood producer Andrea Lervolino, aims to help movies fight against online piracy, but can the blockchain and cryptocurrency succeed in such an endeavor?

Costs of Online Piracy

A study done by Digital TV Research states that the film and TV industry lost $6.7 billion USD to online piracy in 2010 and that this number will balloon up to $52 billion in 2022.

Some additional data is pretty sobering. According to Statista, 24% of consumers in the US have pirated a movie that was still being shown in theaters. This percentage climbs up to 48% after a movie has left the box office. The most pirated flick of 2016 was Deadpool, the smash hit starring the merc-with-a-mouth.

Lervolino says that the current mode of forcing end consumers to pay for content is helping create the market for illegal streaming and downloading. The result is less revenue for the content creator. Her solution, via TaTaTu, is to provide free content while monetizing the entire content of the platform. She states:

TaTaTu is listening to the marketplace and adapting – giving free access to content and going a step further to reward users with an automatic monetization system. And, rights holders can finally stop being concerned about piracy. They will monetize every piece of content based on the effective consumption and real views, with transparent and real-time financial reporting with their IP recorded on the Blockchain.

Will This Help Movies?

The TaTaTu platform will use ERC-20 tokens to reward users for viewing and sharing content. Advertisers will have to buy said tokens to push their wares on the platform, and Lervolino touts the transparency of the blockchain in regards to the consumption of the content.

While very interesting in theory, will such a platform help movies solve the problem of online piracy in practice? To be honest, there are several strikes against such a solution.

First, the platform only has 250 hours of content currently available. That’s not much when compared to other platforms, such as Netflix, Hulu, or even YouTube. People will go to where content and quality can be found.

A second issue is how movies are currently distributed. Movie theaters are already howling mad over the short time difference from when a movie leaves the theaters to when it comes out on DVD. Theater owners believe that the longer the public has to wait to watch a movie in their own home, the greater the likelihood that they’ll opt to pay for watching it in the theater.

As such, movies will be kept in theaters before being released for DVD and streaming. As was shown in the data above, a significant number of people are willing to pirate movies during their initial release, so I don’t see how a blockchain-based platform will combat his major problem.

One last problem with this fix is that people are not likely to change their habits. Even if something is free on a blockchain-based platform, people can still easily download movies and TV shows from various pirate sites.

Plus, platforms like TaTaTu seem to involve some form of advertising to create revenue, which is something that many individuals cite as to why they pirate movies and TV shows. Plus, let’s be honest – many people are cheap and are quite happy to download content without paying for it, especially as the rules for online piracy are extremely lenient in quite a few countries.

In the end, it may be possible for platforms to successfully monetize content for movies and other entertainment, but there are some significant hurdles to overcome.

Do you think movies can be saved from online piracy through blockchain-based distribution platforms? Let us know in the comments below.

Images courtesy of Pixabay and iStock

The post Can Blockchain Save Movies from Online Piracy? appeared first on Bitcoinist.com.

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blaineandsamevanderson · 7 years

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Title: Once in A Lifetime Chapter 23

By: @blaineandsamevanderson (SageK on ff.net, kaitlia777 on LJ and AO3)

Graphics and Assistant Brain Stormer: @lauraperfectinsanity

Pairing: Blaine/Sam

Rating: R

Summary: Late Spring, 2014 Sam auditions for a role in a TV show and Blaine comes along for moral support…and that’s just the beginning of their adventure!

Authors Note: I don’t know anything about the casting process for a TV show or what the process might be before filming. This is all fiction. I also don’t have any affiliation with Glee, Agents of Shield or any of the men and women who are involved with making the show. Again, this is a work of fiction!

Authors Note #2: This is AU for Glee Season 5, pretty Episode 100 and anything after isn’t applicable to this. Also, the plot for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. was thought of before I saw CA:TWS, but was easily adapted…but let’s just say AOS is AU as of Turn, Turn, Turn.

Authors Note #3: We named Blaine’s Mom Anna before we knew Glee had named her Pam and hired and actress to play her…so we’re gonna stick with our name and FC!

Authors Note #4: This isn’t really a fic for fans of Kurt and Rachel. They’re the antagonists in this fic and are way over the top (in keeping with Glee’s tradition of being OTT).

Authors Note #4: Sorry for the crappy Google translate Spanish!

An annoying pounding on the door woke Kurt, who groaned and rolled over, his pillow pulled over his head. Whoever it was could just wait! He wasn’t crushing his hair with satin encased memory foam for nothing. Rachel could get the door.

When the banging continued, he remembered that Rachel had gone out on a date with a producer the previous night and had not come home, so she wasn’t around to deal with this pest. Who knocked at…9:13 am, anyhow? It was barbaric!

“Open this damn door right now, or I will make a scene right here in this hallway, TURK!” a feminine voice yowled shrilly through the door, carrying easily into Kurt’s open floor plan sleeping space. It was so nice having the loft to himself for a night, not that he didn’t like rooming with Rachel….

Wait.

Oh no….

One of those delusional, deranged fans of Blaine and Sam must have tracked him down and somehow knew!

Throwing off his blankets, Kurt swung his legs out of bed, feet sliding into his leather slippers before he rushed to the door. He quickly unlatched the locks and tugged the door aside, calling, “Hold on, hold on!”

“You!”

As soon as the door was open, Kitty’s small finger (tipped with pale pink shimmery polish, how predictable) stabbed at him, eyes narrowed. She wasn’t in uniform for once, he noted in surprise. Behind her, Unique was standing with her arms crossed, a similar look on her face.

“What on Earth are you blathering about?” he demanded, trying to keep up the pretense that he had no idea why she would be accosting him.

“Oh no,” Unique chided, shaking her head. “Do not even. Unique tracked your cyber trail, Turk! How could you do that to people you call your friends?”

To make matters worse, the door across the hall was wrenched open, revealing Santana, clad in red pajamas, Brittany, in a rainbow striped robe, and Dani, in flannel.

“Did I just hear that right?” Santana hissed in a slow, dangerous tone, the look on her face boding nothing positive.

“You did,” Kitty confirmed in a growl. “This two faced, jealous sack of shit has been trolling Blaine and Sam for months!”

Kurt crossed his arms. “Trolling is such a nasty term…Not that I’m….”

“Unique got your IP address, fool,” Unique snapped. “You left more digital crumbs than a cyber Cookie Monster.”

Well, that wasn’t good.

“Now we just have to decide how we’re gonna handle this,” Kitty snarled, planting a hand on Kurt’s chest and backing him into the loft (what was it with tiny girls having freakish, amazon strength?), followed by the rest of the group.

“Oh please!” Kurt said, licking his lips nervously. “Like it wasn’t fabulous publicity! I did them a favor and upped their notoriety!”

“Don’t even try to justify what you’ve done!” Dani said, wagging a finger at him.

Brittany stared around the room, wide eyed and confused until Unique pulled her aside and murmured an explanation. “No,” she said, shaking her head and turning her gaze to Kurt. “Kurt wouldn’t do that! Only an awful person would be that mean and try to hurt Blam!”

He winced at her words, and immediately realized that his reaction confirmed things for her. “Brittany, you don’t understand. I had to do….”

She shook her head and Dani put an arm around her shoulders. Lovely, now that Brittany was upset, Santana had gone from thunderous to murderous.

This was not at all how he’d pictured his peaceful morning alone in the loft going…..

Though they weren’t nominated, Blaine and Sam got to attend the Golden Globes and the SAG Awards, presenting at the latter. As those shows were a bit more formal, they allowed Sugar to style them. To be honest, Sam didn’t know how she wrangled these fancy suits out of designers, but damn!

He’d never worn a custom tailored suit before and, according to Blaine, he looked pretty darn dapper…and he’d certainly enjoyed peeling Blaine out of his matching tux after the shows.

March was a bit chaotic. In addition to filming a few episodes of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., both Blaine and Sam got a chance to guest star on a few shows.

First Sam was cast as a US Marshall in one of the final episodes of Justified. Then Blaine almost lost his mind over getting a small part on Game of Thrones, followed shortly by a brief stint as a doomed hotel guest on American Horror Story: Hotel. Sam’s reaction to being offered a bit part on the Walking Dead as an Alexandrian taking part in trying to herd a swarm of walkers rivaled Blaine’s GoT meltdown.

All in all, it was a very good month!

“That was awesome!” Sebastian laughed as Kitty smoothly dismounted from the handstand she had held atop the coffee table.

Grinning, she brushed her hands off and declared, “That’s how Cheerios do it!”

A cheer rand out and turned into a chant of “Drink, drink, drink!”…and who was he to argue with that. Sebastian downed a shot of tequila, provided by Santana in celebration of his birthday. She, Brittany, Dani and Kitty had all flown out to LA to party with him, which was how they found themselves drinking at Blaine and Sam’s.

The previous night, they’d all gone out to a club and danced till closing (aka, when they had to haul Sugar off of the bar top), but tonight was a more private affair, as the majority of them were in fact, underage.

“All right, Blaine! Truth or Dare!” Sugar exclaimed, tipping slightly to the side and bumping into Dani.

Cheeks flushed from alcohol (Blaine was a lightweight, how cute was that?), Blaine hummed, “Truth!”

Honestly, Sebastian thought Dare was probably a safer bet given this crowd. Sure, the Dares would probably get more embarrassing as the night wore on, but the girls probably wouldn’t make them do anything dangerous.

“Oooh, I know!” Brittany crowed, pointing to Blaine, finger wiggling to indicate Sam as well. “If you could choose someone to have a threesome with, who would it be?”

A buzzed cheer rang out and Sam burst into giggles, burying his face in Blaine’s curls. “We need to confer!” Blaine said seriously and pulled his boyfriend into a brief, whisper discussion. In the end, they both nodded and said, “Sebastian.”

“Well, extra happy birthday to me!” Sebastian chuckled happily. “Seriously though, more than willing to make that happen.”

Everyone was used to his flirting and Sam even gave him a playful wink as Blaine asked Brittany to describe her oddest dream.

Even if he had been 100% sober, Sebastian didn’t think he would have been able to follow the Blonde’s rambling tale. All he could be sure of was that it involved a cat, a rainbow powered rocket launcher and fuzzy handcuffs.

Her story derailed their drunken brains and Kitty, the only sober one in the bunch, had to herd them bock onto track by hiding the booze…at least until after cake and presents were done.

Birthday priorities FTW!

TBC….. (Next chapter can be read as a part of the OIAL world or taken as a little diversion, cuz oh, the smut that will be had. If you don’t want to read it, it won’t effect the plot in further chapters!)

#Blam #Blamily #Fic: OIAL #lauraperfectinsanity

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sailorrrvenus · 5 years

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Why the Film Lab of the Future is Open Source

We are approaching the peak capacity for film photography labs. The machines are old, the parts are scarce, the demand is high. The measly Kodak Pakon Scanner, terrible it may be, fetches absurdly high prices.

The two brands and workflows that need to be replicated are Fujifilm and Noritsu. A theoretical duopoly, but here lies the problem: Fuji is dead. When will Noritsu follow suit? All the remaining hardware is on life support, waiting to die. The state of the film lab is much the same as the state of premium compacts of the 90s.

We need to think long term, and the sooner the better, how will film processing work in 20 years? What about 50 years? The solution is inevitably open source, some sort consortium between photo labs and other interested parties on a commitment for free and libre IP on parts and technology for scanners/processors. “Free as in speech, not beer.” Because we know that the proprietary model will not work in this going forward as indicated in the death of Fuji machinery, tooling, and support.

The Open Source Seed Iniative has emerged in the agricultural sector

Scanners

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“DSLR scanning” is undoubtedly the answer. The problem is achieving scans at scale and in a short time frame. I’m sorry darkroom people, but the market wants high-quality scans because we live in a world where social media dictates the trends of photography. In the decade since the last Frontier scanner was made, sensor and optics technology has improved so much — imagine the capacity of using the 50MP Canon 5DSR sensor along with Sigma Art macro lenses.

We need to work towards a future where the limiting factor of film scans is solely the available mainstream photographic technology.

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DSLR scanning as it currently stands is an arduous process. The workflow needs to be simplified, achieving high-quality scans in minutes with minimal post processing effort instead of hours via clunky Lightroom/Photoshop plugins. This involves creating an interface that has a live preview and enabling easy density and color balance adjustments. Along with this is a standardization of some form of an automatic carrier for this process (particularly for 35mm).

Software also becomes a crucial component of this problem. If you’ve seen an SP3000 in person, you know they run on Windows 2000 for the most part. This is due to the proprietary nature of how that software was written and the end of life for the development of that software. The only way of achieving the long term support we need is a commitment towards Linux as the primary platform, though if source code were available, it could easily be platform agnostic. Ideally, though, it should be developed for Debian/Ubuntu first and foremost as it the most ubiquitous Linux distribution.

Debian 9 Stretch

We cannot risk the future of film photography on the whims of a sole corporate entity. Whether it be Fuji, Adobe, Noritsu, or Microsoft. Another reason to run Linux is the ease of deployment and distribution, enabling the possibility of preinstalled .iso images.

Processors

A minilab film processor, as I like to put it, is a bicycle and an aquarium mashed together. In the age of Arduino’s and Raspberry Pi, a film processor built from scratch is 100% achievable.

Several projects replicating a Jobo or autolab exist but what needs to be replicated are the leader card systems. They are so much more efficient and I’d argue should be the first pursuit of a supposed Open Film Lab project. We have the technology available to us to build these already. The possibilities are endless, we could bring back E6 processing at scale perhaps even Kodachrome processing (though this involves the release of the chemistry patents from Kodak).

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The Business Opportunities

Working towards a modular and open platform will provide secondary revenue opportunities for film labs in building small systems and/parts providing the opportunity to compete in manufacturing the best parts based on their own specializations and capacity to innovate. The capacity for a professional market in services and support will also open up, along with training and other possibilities.

FreeNAS whilst distribute an OpenSource Network Attached Storage solution primarily gain revenue via selling custom hardware solution along with the support it entails.

Sobering Factors

We need to realize that Kickstarter campaigns for individual projects will not save film photography. We cannot replicate the business practices of the industry before the end of the film era. Single projects will not solve anything — the collective output of the industry will become key.

Enforcement and licensing issues; the inevitable myriad of choices in how to license the software and other intellectual property. Obviously, the contribution to upstream solutions seems important and commercial use should be guaranteed. Should projects use BSD license? MIT? GPL? The Creative Commons?

Patents. Patents. Patents. This applies to the emulsions but also to chemistry. Currently, film photography is reliant on CPAC and Fuji C41/CN16 chemistry. Granted this should the platform we focus on but the death of Tetenal Europe proves a hard blow to this pursuit.

Having open standards for emulsions and chemistry might be a project worthwhile taking, though I’d argue the market is sensitive and displacing CPAC in the market in its current state is a terrible idea.

Film photography is a pastime enjoyed in excess of an economy. In the case of a global financial crisis, we are vulnerable to losing all innovations and potentially key suppliers could easily be wiped out across the board in this industry. Going the open source route, I’d argue, is key to the survival of this industry on one hand but essential for the preservation of the medium more generally.

Relevant Projects

Debian/Ubuntu, the mainstream Linux operating system with largest hardware compatibilty.

Imagemagick, open source command line based image manipulation program and library.

Raspberry Pi, ARM based microcomputer.

Arduino, open prototyping platform.

Darktable, open source lightroom I guess.

GIMP, the image manipulation program with the unfortunate name

KINOGRAPH, open source moving image film scanning solution

GNU General Public License GPL v2

The Linux Foundation, the organisation responsible for linux kernel.

The Creative Commons, open publishing licensing solution.

About the author: Emil Prakertia Raji is a photographer and musician based in Melbourne, Australia. You can find more of his work on his website and Instagram. This article was also published here.

source https://petapixel.com/2019/01/09/why-the-film-lab-of-the-future-is-open-source/

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