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doctor--faustus · 2 years

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State of My Stories Address

Hello Friends!

I hope the winter has treated you kindly!

First of all, that I even have the motivation to write this is thanks to all the divine comments I’ve gotten recently. I read every single one, and each one makes my heart flutter and my eyes shine with joy! Comments, subscriptions, bookmarks, kudos, they all really do help push me along and I want to thank all of you for liking me enough to follow me on a completely different platform! It means the world to me, and I promise I will set aside some time this weekend to answer your lovely comments.

I’ve gotten some incredible comments lately that have breathed new life into me..I suppose you could say they’ve inSPIREd me.

My lame etymology joke aside, thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

I feel like it’s been absolutely ages since I’ve written fanfiction, and I must admit, it feels good to be back!

I apologize for essentially being on hiatus this winter. I’m not usually of the opinion that fanfiction writers should apologize for taking breaks, but I basically disappeared into the aether without any notice. Those who know me well, know it is something I am very guilty of, not properly communicating when I need a break.

Essentially, what ended up happening over the winter is I threw myself into my professional work and my fashion interests. At some point I found the bottom of the rabbit hole I’d dug myself and decided it’d be best to start climbing out. The truth of the matter is that those seemed like convenient distractions from what I really care about, which is writing. There is always this deep, profound need to write, and while I did write a number of blogs I am unhappy with how little I wrote over the winter. Now I feel as though I am bursting at the seams with untold stories!

Over the past few weeks I’ve been re-evaluating where all my stories stand and what I want to do with them. I normally hoard all of this information, but I realized that when my favorite author posts about her works it’s the highlight of my day. Even if it brings some joy to one person, the effort will have been worth it. (Plus this is a good writing warm up for the day!) Below please find some updates about my current MTNY/TAMB stories as well as an update on some future works. Without further ado, let’s jump into it!

Patient is the Night

I think out of all of my stories, this is the one I’m still most invested in. I just love a good Victorian romance, and I genuinely enjoy working on this one. It’s not without its faults though. Currently, I only really have a general idea of where it needs to go, and I’m missing some key information. I know how I want it to end, it’s just a matter of more clearly defining the steps the characters take to get there. For me it’s the easiest, and generally the most enjoyable to write. I find a lot of joy in writing the prose, and these are my favorite ‘versions’ of Elias and Chise.

Since its inception, ‘Patient’ has always been probably the largest of all of my projects and will only ever be rivaled by two other stories (apart from my professional writing). I’ve always felt as though it addresses the most complex issues, and unlike my other stories, it doesn’t necessarily give any easy answers. The aim of ‘Patient’ has always been to more thoroughly explore the fact that not only is Chise a Sleigh Beggy, but she is a woman. I feel as though ‘Patient’ is the more palpable, optimistic take. What will eventually be called, “Let the Orchestra Play On” will be my actual viewpoint, the more pessimistic one.

‘Patient’ remains my greatest MTNY/TAMB love, it is the project I tend to work on first and get the most involved in. I’m well aware the AO3 is currently set at 40 chapters, but while that was the original plan, I am somewhat flexible of what it actually becomes. Not to be a tease, but there is a small sequel planned that has been partially written called, “The Inpatient Dawn”. What the focus of this 5-10 chaptered story will be I can’t quite reveal yet, but don’t worry it will reveal itself in time to those with a particularly keen eye.

Gas Stations and Liminal Spaces

Ah, this one.

When I first started ‘Gas Stations’ I was thrilled about it and absolutely besotted at the idea. Professionally, I’ve done some work around liminal spaces in literature and I was keen to take a stab at it. Over time I’ve lost some steam, and now it just sits there and I find that I have to do a fair bit of pre-writing before I can work up the rhythm to get going on it.

That’s not to say I’ve abandoned it.

On the contrary, I’m quite motivated to finish it. We’re halfway there and the story is really starting to pick up in terms of pace. There are some moments I’m really excited to write, it’s just a matter of sitting down and writing them. That’s not to say that ‘Gas Stations’ doesn’t suffer from the same problems. The steps are more defined, but need further definition. There’s also the added problem that I feel the most recent chapter needs some serious revision before I can solidly move forward. I just found that I had no motivation to write that last chapter so slogging back through editing it sounds profoundly unfun. Alas, needs must and we can not move forward on such shoddily written ground.

All in all, it’s not a terrible amount of work and it doesn’t make me break out in a cold sweat the same way the thought of outlining ‘Patient’ does. I feel confident there is an end in sight just around the corner.

Now, if only I could round that corner.

The Spirits that Bind Us

This fanfiction makes me break out in a cold sweat just by the mere mention of the title.

It’s not that I’m embarrassed by it per say, but more that I know there is an ungodly amount of work to be done if this one is to ever see a meaningful conclusion. Which, considering how much work ‘Patient’ and ‘Gas’ still need, makes me want to vomit.

This one needs a full rework from what has already been written, to a clearer outline, to the actual writing itself. While I do often view this one as the one with the most ‘potential’, it’s daunting purely in scope.

‘Spirits’ has always been my MTNY/TAMB dissertation, if you will. It’s my answer and explanation to many of the questions Yamazaki poses. From who/what Elias is, to what he and Chise are, to what defines ‘healthy’ human growth, I’ve always intended ‘Spirit’ to be quite a serious piece (compared to ‘Gas Stations’ which is more fun and ‘Patient’ which is more of an exploration). Its intention has been to take the series where I wanted it to go after the anime. (Not the manga, I don’t have the mental bandwidth to write that at the moment) There’s so much I wanted to explore, and so many rich and interesting characters I want the opportunity to flesh out.

Yet with all of that richness, comes a lot of work.

To be fair it is work I need practice doing, and there’s nothing to do but sit down and do it. Yet, at the same point in time there are only so many hours of the day and currently ‘Patient’ takes preference and ‘Gas Station’ is temptingly close to being completed.

Unfortunately, ‘Spirits’ has taken a place on the back burner, and most likely will until I either feel inspired enough to work on it again or I get through the backlog from the other two. Realistically, I imagine once ‘Gas Stations’ and ‘Margins’ are completed I’ll feel competent and inspired enough to seriously take it back on.

Until then, it will sadly gather dust.

Unpublished WIPs

No doubt you noticed I’ve made mention of unpublished works.

There are two major WIPs that I’ve been silently chipping away at when I find myself bored of writing the stories mentioned above. They are a 1920’s!AU called, “Let the Orchestra Play On” which is a dark!fic that explores a world in which Chise’s sex is implicitly tied to her being a Sleigh Beggy and explores what that means for her in a society so deeply rooted in misogyny yet that is actively pushing back against it. Writing this one takes a lot out of me, it is raw, painful, and uncompromising in what it asks and what it answers. It is my honest take of what I imagine Chise’s reality could have been. It will be tagged appropriately, but it will deal with heavy subject matter. I’ll not bend my craft to the whims of others, it will be entirely uncompromising in its approach for it is the story I, myself, want to tell, not necessarily one I’d want to read.

(Even now I’m getting excited just thinking about working on it!)

The other story, “In Between the Margins” couldn’t be more opposite.

A light hearted take on a modern romance, ‘Margins’ is a way for me to revisit the part of this world I love the most, academia. While academia is an incredibly complicated, and many times, difficult world I want to write it as I imagine. This work will certainly ‘soften’ all the edges of the field I’ve cut myself on. (Misogyny, the casual and the deeply rooted, pressure to conform, long hours and little pay…I could really go on and on) Despite my ardent devotion to academia, or perhaps due to it, I can’t seem to write the negative parts of it. Moreover, I find that I don’t want to. I want to live in a world where I’m not spoken over at conferences simply because I’m a woman. I want to live in Chise’s world where she wears cute outfits and has the money to go out with friends and isn’t at the metaphorical end of her rope constantly. I wrote the world I wanted to be in, not the one I was in. I suppose in its own way, it’s my own love letter to the life I left behind. Like after a breakup, I’m looking back fondly at rose tinted memories, not the cold reality.

In terms of timelines I haven’t got a clue and leading you to believe I had one would be an unkind lie. ‘Orchestra’ sits at the grand total of one chapter and ‘Margins’ is at two. If my current, published, fanfics have taught me anything it’s that for the love of all that is holy wait until you’re completely done to publish. I feel like a published WIP is like hanging up a sketch in a gallery and saying, “I’ll come back with an update to the sketch soon. I think I’ll work on the background next.” I ask myself daily why I did this to myself and I’ve vowed to never publish a WIP ever again, no matter how excited I am.

Where am I at now, currently in terms of timelines?

Well, I’m quite pleased to announce I’ve almost completed my rough draft for the next chapter of ‘Patient’! I’m at about 3,000 words and a normal chapter for me is between 4,000-5,000 words so it’s right around the corner. (Presuming I don’t get carried away, of course)

I subscribe to the traditional thought that a chapter should only be about 5,000 words at most. Any more and you’ve lost your reader and belabored your point.

That’s my opinion at least.

I’m actually quite pleased with how the chapter is turning out, so I expect it won’t need significant revision. My plan is to have the next chapter of ‘Patient’ out within the next few weeks!

(I had originally typed out ‘by the end of this month’, but realized that was not quite right as I’ll be attending a cherry blossom festival all of next week. It’s a lifelong dream of mine so I could just cry with excitement!)

What about ‘Gas Stations’ you say?

Well, what can I say beyond that I'm a sinner in the hands of an angry God? I’m nowhere, not even a word on the page. Haven’t even read the chapter that needs to be revised. I tell myself I’ll work on it everyday, and then I don’t because I suck. There are no excuses.

“Didi where are you at outside of writing?”

I don’t imagine many people want to know this, but I’ll include it just...because?

In my personal life things are going quite well, all things considered. I’ve spent a lot of time working on my wardrobe and throwing myself into fashion, both of which I find varying degrees of fulfilling. I’ve been really enjoying upgrading my office equipment, and creating a station I love to work/write at.

To get myself back into writing, I’ve created more of a schedule and have focused on making it an enjoyable, curated experience. I make myself my favorite tea (Green Rose from T2), and put on some ambient music, I warm up, and I write. If I have a bad writing day I shrug it off and tell myself, ‘no excuses, but I will do better tomorrow’. I see as it is, a process not a destination, and it’s been more fulfilling that way.

In addition, I’ve been working on writing exercise and reading books on writing to work on honing my craft. I finally admitted to myself, I aspire to be a professional, not just a hobbyist, so it’s time to bear down and get serious about it. There can be no excuses now, only solutions and results.

Apart from clothes and writing I’ve been back to my daily long runs/walks. I tend to be better creatively the more I move, and it seems about 4-6 miles is my sweet spot. Sometimes I run, sometimes I power walk, but as I move I move through the narratives I’m working on in my head.

I’m also re-watching TAMB, the anime, and I’d also like to re-read the manga and get caught back up. I’m hoping that will help push me along.

In an ideal world, I’ve thought about writing my own thoughts/analyzes on various elements of Yamazaki’s work. I think about it a lot to be honest, so I’ll probably start making those kinds of posts soon. (I’m going to start with Beauty and the Beast because I simply loathe that comparison and it’s time to put it to rest).

I also think once I get through my backlog, I’d like to start writing for my OTP, Snarry. I actually really only read Snarry fanfiction these days, but I find writing Severus to be intimidating. Thus, I see writing him as the logical next step once I feel like I’ve gotten back in the swing of things. I need confidence that I’ll do him justice (he’s my favorite character of all time) and right now, I haven’t got that.

At this point, I’ve spent a large chunk of my evening writing, so I believe it’s time to log off and take a well deserved bubble bath. I will see you all soon!

#didi speaks #tamb fanfiction #robinthorn #idk what else to tag

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malecsecretsanta · 3 years

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Merry Christmas, the-ghost-of-william-herondale!

For @the-ghost-of-william-herondale, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Read On AO3

*****

Taking Charge Of Your Destiny.

The interesting thing about soulmates, Magnus figures out early on, is that even if their name doesn’t show up until your teens you still feel when they are hurt, physically at least. Magnus can remember times throughout his childhood and adolescence where he would feel intense bouts of pain but would not know where from. At 11 years old he felt a shooting pain in his collarbone, but was just sitting at the table reading. His shoulder aches for weeks afterward and he still has times where it is stiff to this day. When he was 14, in the middle of a dance routine his hand felt like the knuckles had cracked, it had felt like he had punched someone but he was just practicing his pirouettes.

As he got older, it happened less and less often. And then one day when he was 16 he woke up to find the name ‘Alexander’ scrawled on his hip. He knew from a young age that he was bisexual, not afraid to let the world know that he would love whom ever he chooses.

Now, more than a decade later, working as one of the youngest charge nurses in one of the busiest emergency departments in New York, Magnus didn’t really have time for soulmates.

___________________________________

It’s a brisk November evening, the temperature hovering around 20 degrees when Magnus walks into the hospital, venti Starbucks coffee in hand. The temperature hovering around freezing put him a little on edge, people always forgot how to drive when the snow started to fall. And it would melt just enough to freeze into a sheet of black ice. He stops just outside the doors to take a breath of fresh air before walking through the doors to the clinical air of the hospital. He makes his way to the change rooms and changes out of the clothes he had worn for just the evening and into his scrubs. His hospital provides all of the charge nurses with the same deep, navy scrubs and he wears them with pride. He beat out a lot of people for this position and he works incredibly hard for his staff and his department. He glances at the clock, 2300, okay 30 minutes until the mayhem starts. There’s a certain aura of the night shift that Magnus loves. While the rest of the world has gone to sleep and shut down, his ER is buzzing with activity.

Magnus sits down with the charge from evenings and gets the rundown of the department, what staffing for nights looks like (he is fully staffed and thankfully no one has to be mandated), and what the patient counts look like for the various parts of the ER. Overall their census is lower than normal for this time of year, but Magnus isn’t holding his breath, nor is he going to say anything out loud. Once he’s finished getting report, he watches his night staff coming through the door, this particular rotation is filled with stellar staff and Magnus finds himself looking forward to the night ahead of him.

The night starts out much like any other, Magnus goes around the various sections of the ER, making sure all of his staff have what they need to do their jobs properly. He is somehow able to make it back to the high acuity section where his desk is without any big problems coming up. He is getting caught up on paperwork, paperwork he has needed to do for days, when one of the spritely new residents comes walking up to the charge desk.

Magnus looks up from the papers he is signing, “Hello Simeon, to what do I owe the honour tonight?”

“Okay, so it’s Simon.. Lewis,” the resident says shows Magnus his badge, Magnus huffs a laugh, of course he knows his name, Magnus just likes to see the new ones flustered. “But honestly I had an energy drink before I started and now I am buzzing. But it’s so quie--” Magnus puts his index finger up to Simon’s lips trying to stop him from continuing. “-t.”

Magnus rolls his eyes before making eye contact with him. “You did not just say that word, there is one rule when working in a hospital that you need to know. You never say the q word, I don’t care if there are no people in ANY of these beds that word does not pass your lips.” Dr. Catarina Loss is walking up as Magnus finishes chewing into the frightened looking resident.

“Good evening Magnus, what did you say to scare my poor resident so badly.”

“Well you see Dr. Loss, your poor resident here decided to tempt fate by saying the q-word. I was just explaining that when, not even if we get a huge rush, he owes my whole group of nurses breakfast.” Catarina looks at Simon and smirks.

“Sorry Simon, but you are on your own here. It is like the unspoken rule that you never say that word. Good luck tonight, I will be in my call room getting a little shut eye while I still can.”

As soon as she finishes talking Magnus has the wind knocked out of him, he feels like something is crushing his chest and he has to grab the desk in front of him to stabilize him. “Magnus!” Catarina comes rushing around the desk so that she is directly in front of him “Magnus, answer me, are you okay?” The crushing pain only lasts for about 30 seconds before it turns to a dull ache. He looks up at Caterina and she has her stethoscope in her ears and diaphragm against his chest.

“Yeah,” He breathes out, “It felt like something was crushing me and then now it just feels like a dull ache.” Catarina is counting his respirations and finishing up his work up before she answers.

“Well, physically you check out. But please take it easy, and if anything I mean anything happens, come and get me.”

“Yes, mom,” he says, rolling his eyes once again, rubbing his chest as he does so. Catarina starts to turn around when his phone rings, he brings it up to his ear and puts his hand up to stop Catarina from leaving.

As soon as he is off the phone he gathers his team around him. “Okay everyone get ready, we have a 4 car MVC coming in, they are transporting the hardest hit vics. Helen,” He looks at the unit clerk, “call a respiratory 25 arriving in 5 minutes, they have one patient in respiratory distress in the ambulance right now. Lydia, Dot you two get the resus room set up, Lydia you will be the primary nurse for that patient, Dot you will assist her. Let me know as soon as they are stable. There are also 6 other vics who are being brought here, they are all stable as of right now and will go through triage. Buckle up everyone we are in for a long night ahead of us.” The ER turns into a flurry of movement around him, his team works seamlessly together, getting ready for an incoming resus, as well as an influx of patients.

Moments later 2 paramedics come rushing through the doors of the ambulance bay, talking a mile a minute to Lydia as brings them toward the resus room. “Alexander Lightwood, 25 year old, Male, MVC, extracted with the jaws, lost consciousness on the way here, we started bagging him,” the paramedic looks at his watch “6 minutes ago.” Lydia signs the papers the paramedics hand her once she is done getting report.

“Lydia, you look like you have it handled here, do you two need anything else?” Magnus asks, Lydia looks up taking the stethoscope off from around her neck and puts it in her ears and presses it to the patient’s chest while Dot is busy hooking him up to their monitors.

“No we’re okay here,” She pauses for a second before adding, “But if you could see where the fuck RT is that would be helpful.” A moment later, Ragnor Fell, the respiratory therapist, runs into the room and gets to work. Magnus knows his staff have this handled so he leaves it to them while he goes to triage and helps where he can.

Patients just do not stop coming in as the night trudges on. Magnus is pulled every which way, still managing to let his nurses go for breaks though, he even manages to sneak off for a 30 minute break himself during a small lull in the action.

When he gets back to his desk Lydia comes up to him with an update on their patient from the ambulance. “Okay so our patient in resus, Alexander is stable, he is currently on 8 litres of O2 but he is stable enough to be transferred to a different bed.” Magnus looks over his bed assignments and thinks of where he should go.

“Bring him to bed 17 in high acuity.” She nods her head and walks back to her patient. Magnus runs his hand over his face, it’s been so crazy that he hasn’t even had a chance to focus on the aching in his chest. It’s still there he notices, but definitely just an ache, and an overall soreness, although that can be contributed to the fact that he has been on his feet for a solid 3 hours, running around his ER.

He falls back into the chair at his desk, cautiously optimistic that he can squeeze a tiny bit more paperwork in, asking Helen if there have been any staffing changes for the morning he should be aware of. Thankfully he is able to squeeze out some preparation for the day shift before a monitor beeps loudly. Magnus looks up at the central monitoring system on the monitor above his desk, and sees that bed 17 has gone into v-tach. He feels the heaviness in his chest again, but pushes through it. He jumps out of his chair and grabs runs toward the bed in question.

“Helen, call a code blue to high acuity, Lyds, get over here,” by this point Magnus is at the bedside. Shouting orders before the doctors get there. They have ripped the blankets off of the patient’s body, and are moving the head of the bed down. “Dot the backboard.” She passes him the board and he goes to put it under him. “Okay, let’s roll him on 3. 1, 2, 3.” As they roll him Magnus sees it, in the brief second his back is on display he sees it clear as day. The name Magnus in a flowing script along the back of his ribs. Magnus shakes his head, clearing his thoughts. Dot starts bagging him, while Lydia starts compressions. Just in time, the code blue team comes and takes over. Magnus takes a step back and moment to think through what just happened. His mind is racing, he thinks to himself Magnus must be a common name, he couldn’t possibly be his soul mate.

He walks back to the desk and runs his hand over the nape of his neck. He turns to the clerk beside him, “Helen, what is the patient’s name in bed 17?” He knows he could just as easily look it up, but his mind is everywhere right now. She gives him a slightly curious look, obviously thinking the same thing, but she turns to her computer and looks it up for him.

“Lightwood,” She says, pausing before saying the first name. “Alexander.” Magnus lets out the breath he was holding.

He takes this information and lets it ruminate in his brain for a little while he tries desperately to regain hold of his ER. He makes a quick round and glances up at the clock on the wall, 0639. He takes a breath, so maybe he didn’t get his second break, but most of his staff did, so that’s a win in and of itself. He has 50 minutes until day shift starts, he needs to figure out what the fuck is going on. He sits back at the desk and Catarina fills him in on bed 17.

“He is once again stable, we think we have figured out the right meds to keep him that way. But Magnus,” She looks him in the eye. Over the last few years he has been working in the ER they have gotten close, close enough apparently to broach topics that aren’t completely professional. “When I was doing his assessment I saw it.” Magnus sucks in a breath, she couldn’t have noticed it too, and put two and two together. “That can’t be a coincidence.” She whispers her next words. “Your name on his back, you pretty much collapsing just minutes before his MVC is called in. And don’t think I haven’t seen your soul mark when you are reaching up, you aren’t trying very hard to hide the name on your hip.”

Magnus looks up at her pleading, “My mind is a mess right now, what do I do? I can’t just walk up to him and be like hey, this is completely unprofessional but I think I may be your soulmate.”

She looks back at him and says, “Look, I can’t tell you what to do, but what I can say is his emergency contact is coming in from another state, he will probably be waking up within the next couple hours and your shift ends in,” she glances up at the clock, “40 minutes.”

__________________________________

Magnus skirts through the rest of the shift, he is extremely glad that his staff is so strong because they hold him up when his focus isn’t 100%. He heads to bed 17 on his way out, he’s not sure if he should, but his legs lead him there before his mind can catch up. He sits in the chair next to the bed, leaning his elbows on his knees and rubbing his face with his hands. What am I doing here? He thinks to himself. Just as he is about to get out, he hears movement in the bed and a groan coming from the man. He immediately jumps back into nurse mode.

“No, don't try and talk. Let me get your doctor for you.” Magnus gets out of the chair and goes up to the desk. “Aline can you please page Dr. Loss back here please.” She gives him a look, as if to ask if he’s sure. “Yes I know she hands over 20 minutes, but please get her.”

Cat gets back to the ER quickly and they are able to extubate him once she and Raphael Santiago, the oncoming respiratory therapist are happy with his O2 levels. Once everyone leaves, Magnus walks back toward him. “Are you my nurse?” Alexander asks, his voice still scruffy from the intubation. Magnus huffs out a laugh.

“No, that would be Clary on days I believe.” He pauses to think of whether or not he should tell him. “Uhhhh, I am the charge nurse from nights actually. You gave us quite the scare last night, Alexander.” He tries to sit up in his bed, gritting through his teeth.

“It’s Alec.” Magnus gets up, and helps adjust the head of the bed. Alec takes a sharp breath in.

“Are you okay, do you need me to get your nurse so she can get you some pain meds?”

“Magnus?” Alec whispers, so softly Magnus almost doesn’t hear. Magnus looks down and notices that his badge is right in his eyesight. “It can’t be.”

Magnus sits back down in the chair beside him, wondering what he should say. He puts his head back in his hands, and says softly back at him, “I think it is.”

“So, you know?”

“I saw my name after you coded last night, we were turning you, and it was there, clear as day. And I felt it, the moment your car crashed. I almost collapsed in the middle of my own ER.” He looked back up at Alec, who’s eyes were glossy.

“I never thought I’d find you.” He chokes out. “And it takes me almost dying for you to come to me, what kind of sick karma is that?” Alec tries to laugh, but groans as soon as he starts.

“Don’t try and laugh. You have multiple broken ribs and you are pretty banged up from the accident.” Magnus takes a chance and reaches for Alec’s hand. “You know I tried finding you many times. But Alexander is such a common name, it was no use, I gave up too. I’m sorry for giving up.” Alec looks back at him like he's hung the sun, squeezing his hand as tight as he can manage. They sit there in silence, just holding each other's hands for a few minutes. Magnus can feel his eyes start to droop, the exhaustion from the night before finally starting to catch up with him.

“Magnus, why don’t you go home. If you know where my phone is you can put your number in it.” Alec says with a smirk. Magnus has to say, he’s impressed, even laid up in a hospital bed this man has game. Magnus grabs a piece of scrap paper from his pocket and a pen and jots his name and number down.

He’s handing it to Alec when Clary walks in. She clears her throat, “What are you doing with my patient Magnus?” Magnus' face immediately turns beet red.

“Uhhhh just catching up with an--- old friend?” Magnus answers, although he can tell she’s not convinced.

“Well your old friend here needs to be assessed, besides you should be going home to sleep!” She tells him.

“Yeah yeah, I was just leaving.” As he walks away he hears Alec ask for his phone, and Magnus smirks, hoping he will put that number to good use.

____________________________________

Magnus wakes up to a text from Alec, it’s nothing much, just telling him that he’s been moved up to the ICU. Magnus furrows his brow, he figured he would have been admitted to the hospital, but was hoping he would be able to avoid the ICU. He goes about his evening routine, working out, prepping his lunch for the upcoming shift. He just cuts out his lounging time so he can head into the hospital early. He walks in and throws all his belongings besides his badge, phone and wallet in his lockers, walking to the elevators still in his civilian clothing, a pair of jeans, deep purple v neck t-shirt and his favourite leather jacket. He walks into the ICU and up to the desk which just so happens to be staffed with one of his favourite float clerks, he says he’s there to see Lightwood in room 4017, he is secretly pleased that he is bed 17 on this unit too. She smirks at him knowingly but sends him to the right room.

He walks into the room to see Alec with a small but beautiful young woman with jet black hair, she is sitting on his bed facing Alec, her head thrown back in laughter. “Iz, please don’t make me laugh, it hurts too much.” Magnus takes a good look at Alec, he still looks super banged up, his left leg is elevated and in a cast and he has a nasal cannula giving him oxygen and a quadrupel baxter pump that makes Magnus wince when he thinks about trying not to tangle the lines. He doesn’t realize he’s just been standing there staring into space until a new voice brings him out of his daze.

“You must be Magnus.” The woman says, “I’m Izzy, Alec’s favourite sibling.” She extends her hand which Magnus takes immediately.

“Uhhh yeah, I’m Magnus. I’m not sure what Alexander’s told you about me.”

“Oh honey, I grew up knowing your name. Alec tried desperately to hide his mark from everyone else, but there was no hiding it from me. Although my dear brother didn’t mention how handsome you were.” Magnus smiles shyly, looking toward the ground avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room.

“Iz, stop please, we just met this morning, let us at least get to know each other a bit before you embarrass us.”

Izzy looks at her phone, “Fine, but only because it’s a quarter to 9 and I have to check into my hotel.” She brushes the hair off of Alec’s forehead and places a kiss. “Bye big brother.” She starts to walk out the door and stops right beside Magnus who is still at the door of the room. “Take care of him please.”

“Always,” he breathes out, his voice betraying him before he can think of what he is saying.

Magnus takes the seat beside Alec and takes his hand in his own. He takes a good look at Alec, his breathing is still laboured and his skin is cold. He knows immediately that the ICU is definitely the right unit for him. It pains him to see Alec like this, he knows they just met, but actually feeling the pain that brought him here adds another layer of hurt. They sit there talking, well mostly Magnus talking, for what feels like hours before his IV pump starts to beep. His nurse is in there moments later with another IV bag of fluids and meds, obviously anticipating the completion of the bag.

“You know Magnus, it’s past visiting hours and I should be kicking you out.” Alec’s nurse, Anna says. He recognizes her as one of the float nurses he occasionally gets on his night shifts.

“You know Anna, you could just look the other way.” He flutters his eyelashes, “And I will make sure you get a good assignment the next time you are in my ER.” He adds a wink for good measure.

“You better,” she smiles at him, “But you should really pay attention to the time, it’s already 2240. You aren’t even changed yet.” Magnus looks back to Alec, he knows he needs to leave soon but can’t bring himself to get up from the chair. Alec’s grip on Magnus’ hand starts to loosen and his eyes start to droop close, the pain medication Anna gave him finally taking effect. When his breathing starts to even out, Magnus gets out of his chair, stopping to place a soft kiss on his forehead before he leaves the unit. His shift goes swimmingly, just steady enough that it goes by fast, but not enough that it is out of control. It’s a good thing because his mind and heart is elsewhere.

__________________________________

On the third day of his stay, Alec continues to desat and the doctors end up doing a pleurocentesis, removing the fluid around the lungs and Alec starts to get better after that, better enough that he is moved to the step down unit on day 4. He starts to improve rapidly after that, blowing the doctors and nurses away. On day 8 he gets discharged, with strict orders to have someone watch over him, that’s how they end up here at the entrance to the hospital, Alec’s bag thrown over his shoulder, Alec on crutches holding gripping his prescription in his left hand.

Alec looks over to Magnus and says, “You didn’t have to take time off just to take care of me.”

Magnus smiles back at him as he pulls up to the car he had parked conveniently by the front door. “Of course I did silly, your sister had to leave yesterday and they wouldn’t let you get discharged without someone. Besides I only technically took 1 week off, you just caught me on my week off.” He helps Alec into the car. “Anyway I have some pretty great eye candy to keep me company.” Magnus winks at him, before kissing him gently. Alec brings his hand up under Magnus’ shirt, grazing his fingers along his hip. Magnus feels a spark when Alec goes over his mark, and then it is like everything falls into place. This part of him that was missing for so long, the hole in his heart that he didn’t even know was there was now filled. Sometimes accidents tear people apart, but sometimes they can pull people who were broken back together.

#the-ghost-of-william-herondale #malecsanta20 #*fic20 #*gifts20

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ofnoras · 4 years

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『 candice patton. twenty-nine. cis woman. she/her. 』 oh heavens, is that NORA BARLOW from FAIR LANE i see roaming around mapleview ? minnie may’s always calling them -CIRCUMSPECT & -OBSTINATE. i happen to think they’re not that bad ! they’re a pretty cool PET STORE OWNER and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +PROTECTIVE & +AMIABLE. i hope i see them around again !

hello friends ! my name is elle and i’m super excited to be here !! i’ve been eyeing this rp for a while with bones of an idea and once i saw thia’s connection after my zoom class today, i began to piece the puzzle together ! there’s still more i wish to explore about nora’s backstory and personality, but for right now, this is what i’ve got !

BASICS.

full name: nora june barlow.

birth date: april 10th.

zodiac: taurus.

age: twenty nine.

gender: cis woman.

pronouns: she/her.

sexual/romantic orientation: heterosexual.

current residence: fair lane, mapleview, north carolina.

living conditions: with boyfriend, adrien ryerson.

occupation: owner of pet store, happy tails.

languages spoken: english.

BACKGROUND.

birth place: york, pennsylvania.

education level: college graduate with a bachelors in business administration.

father: franklin barlow.

mother: marian barlow, deceased.

siblings: older brother and younger sister.

birth order: middle child.

children: one on the way !

relationship status: engaged to adrien ryerson.

pets: three year old tortoiseshell cat named lady.

PHYSICAL.

faceclaim: candice patton.

eye color: brown.

hair color: brunette.

glasses/contacts?: wears reading glasses.

dominant hand: left.

height: 5′6″

build: slim.

tattoos: none.

piercings: both ears pierced ( previous belly button ring that closed up ).

allergies: peanuts.

EXTRA.

+ traits: protective, amiable, optimistic ( tries to be, at least ).

- traits: circumspect, obstinate, impatient.

hobbies: knitting, reading, driving aimlessly around town with the radio blasting.

likes: cold weather, animals, pastel colors, making friends.

dislikes: being alone, talking too much about herself, a messy room.

alignment: neutral good.

BIOGRAPHY.

was born on april 10th, 1991 to franklin and marian barlow, their second child and first daughter. grew up in york, pennsylvania until she was eleven and her parents decided to move to mapleview due to being closer to other relatives. though she now lives on fair lane, she used to live on sycamore way up until she moved out. her father was a dentist and her mother a teacher, two paths she never wanted to follow, despite their encouragement. as a family, they were never incredibly close -- her father had quite the temper and three years after moving to mapleview, her mother had an affair. it was the talk of the town and nora, nor her siblings, could escape the gossip. her parents soon divorced and life was never the same after that.

more than anything, nora and her siblings fought. the divorce split them onto sides and their clashing personalities never had peace between them for too long. her brother was too much like her father and her sister never had a nice thing to say. still, when it came to others, nora protected them fiercely and when push came to shove, she always had their back, even if the feeling wasn’t mutual.

as a child, in an environment that made it seem like there was a side to choose, nora chose her father. it was good that she had, as she and her siblings spent their weekdays with him in his two bedroom apartment. the constant bickering and fighting grew worse as they got older, many arguments turning physical or ending up with something broken. nora always tried to be the mediator, but nothing could ever calm anyone down once they’d been riled up. instead, she filled her high school years with clubs and as many friends as she could, keeping herself out of the apartment, always busy.

nora was sixteen when her mother passed away. tragic car accident. the two hadn’t spoken in nearly a year and at first, nora was numb. she was grateful for it, especially when the guilt came next and it never left. her siblings hated how emotionless she was with their mother’s passing, at the funeral, in the days after. it wasn’t that she hadn’t cared, but that everything hit her a week later, once she was alone in her bedroom. there are many reasons nora hates being alone with her thoughts, but her mother’s death was the start of that. it’s also one of the contributors to why she prefers to keep busy.

she distanced herself from her siblings and her father, never quite being as open with them as she once was. nora took a part time job at her dad’s office, working there for a few years until she graduated. with the inheritance from her mother and scholarships, nora was able to leave mapleview for college. she wanted a fresh start and in her mind, she never planned to return to mapleview. nora went to college out west and majored in business administration with the hopes of starting her own business in... whatever made her happy. meanwhile her father’s business closed and he was forced to retire.

after graduating, she planned to follow where business opportunities would take her. all that crumbled when she got a phone call that her father was in the hospital. he’d had a heart attack and nora was terrified that if she lost her dad, the overwhelming guilt she’d felt with her mother would come back. out of her own selfish reasons, she returned to mapleview. her father recovered with surgery, but was never quite the same. his health was declining and doctors were able to determine he had early onset alzheimer's. nora made it her responsibility to come home and take care of her dad, getting a job at the local pet shop while she did. the money she’d been saving up went to a day nurse for her father. he was family, after all.

years passed. when she was twenty four, she met adrien. his charming personality was evident from their first conversation and while it didn’t take much for nora to be smitten with him, she definitely made him work for it. soon after, they started dating, and they’ve been together ever since. with adrien’s job and the both of them being focused on their careers, a future was something far off in the distance. marriage, kids... they’d briefly spoken about it, but left the conversation for down the road. it was never a question that she wanted to be with adrien, but the idea of a family scared her. she wasn’t sure if she’d be a good mom and the unknown was something she didn’t know she could come to terms with. that was, until she got really sick one morning and decided to take a pregnancy test. the positive terrified her at first, knowing they had wanted to wait and that there was no way they were ready... but seeing adrien’s response and thinking about the future definitely got her excited. now her pinterest is full of “nursery ideas” and “first time mom tips”.

it was a year after she met adrien that she became the owner of her own pet store. the place was local, owned by an elderly woman that treated nora like the loving mother she’d always wanted. they both bonded over the years and when she decided she’d be retiring to florida with her husband, she wanted nora to have the business. even as assistant manager, nora couldn’t possibly accept... but then the deed was being put in her name and she jumped at the opportunity. a local place that sells pet supplies and occasionally takes in surrendered pets to care for/find loving homes for.

and that all brings us up to present time ! nora has been pregnant nearly a month at this point, owns and works in her own pet store ( which will have a name soon enough ), and just really loves being back in mapleview. she missed it, she really did. she’s excited for this new path and what the future will bring her for the first time in... well, for the first time ever, really.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS.

old family friends/neighbors from when she lived on sycamore way.

cousins/relatives that her family originally moved to town for.

perhaps bad tension with the family of the man her mother had an affair with?

exes/childhood friends that drifted apart/competition rivals in school.

someone who has been best friends with nora since she first moved to mapleview.

moms who nora has been bothering about future mom stuff/pregnancy stuff.

frequent customers of her store/people who had adopted animals that keep nora updated ( please, she always Begs for this when people adopt out ).

i’m honestly down for anything !!

if u read all of that ... phew ... idk why u did but THANK U ! i know it’s long ... i’m sorry ... but if you like this, i’ll message you to plot ! i do have discord so if you’d prefer that, let me know, i just don’t have it up right now so i’ll need to know if you wanna switch to that !

#mapleviewintro #abuse tw #death tw #pinned post !

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

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RWBY Recaps: “ACE Operatives”

We’re back, folks! I have to say, I think overall this is one of the strongest episodes we’ve gotten since “The Lost Fable.” Are there still concerns? You know it, but on the whole I’ve got to give credit where credit’s due. So with that unexpectedly optimistic mindset, let’s dive in.

We open right on the group’s first mission and for a moment I was worried that, like with Oscar’s shopping, this time skip would be passed right over. Especially after we hear Pietro apologize for “holding onto your weapons for so long,” telling us that between the Academy tour at the end of last episode and this mission today, at least a few weeks have passed. Long enough for one guy to re-design multiple combat outfits and weaponry, plus an additional boost here and there. Luckily, the first part of the episode cuts among three distinct times: when they got their weapons, when they first heard about the mission, and this present day flight/landing, which as a technique I like quite a bit. It gives us a sense of each time while keeping us moving forward. No one is thinking, “Ugh. Do we really need to hear a mission briefing when most of last episode was learning about this plan in the first place?” because we already know this is taking place in the past. Just sit through the snippet and then the rest of the info will come through voice-overs while the group jumps out of an airship. Good balance of exposition and action.

What we learn in these flashbacks is that Ironwood wants to use an abandoned dust mine for the satellite’s launch. Only problem? It’s inhabited by a very old, extremely dangerous geist. Kudos to the writing team for the Volume Two callback. I’ve always been intrigued by Oobleck’s comment that grimm are capable of learning if they continue to survive and here we finally see an example of that. This geist isn’t just strong, it’s smart enough to hide in the mines themselves.

Shot over all this we see Atlas military personnel taking out the everyday grimm in the surrounding area, proving that their weapons can handle that task in most situations. Why doesn’t Ironwood’s robots have that then? Or as others have pointed out, something even more powerful like Penny’s lasers, or some of the upgrades the team gets? Chock it up to lack of funds... or simple plot setup. If the robots had been able to take out a bunch of grimm easy-peasy then there wouldn’t have been any cool premiere fight for our group. Then again, all of this casts their snarky comments about Ironwood’s defenses in a new light. Clearly they’re a force to be reckoned with when the plot actually allows it.

We likewise see the group receiving their new gear and... okay. Here’s where the griping starts. Though it’s admittedly small compared to most of my criticisms. First off, why is Jaune receiving a random scrap of Pyrrha’s outfit? Logically this makes no sense to me. Pyrrha’s body disintegrated into a bunch of dust. I can buy Jaune incorporating other armor and fabric into his gear because they were living together and Pyrrha must have spares, but where did this come from? Did Pietro go ask a family member for a random memento for the (from his perspective) equally random teen that showed up? It’s entirely possible that I’m missing something---I’m sick as a dog at the moment and am probably one fever degree away from mild hallucinations---but the whole setup seems incredibly weird. We see Jaune open his box. We see his look of shock. He see him fingering a torn piece of Pyrrha’s skirt. But how does all that come together in any logical way?

More importantly... why? Why is this still a thing? I get it, Jaune is grieving, but to be frank this has been his one-note characterization for over three volumes now. More importantly, everyone else is grieving too. This is another case of the writing prioritizing what the audience knows over what characters know. Meaning, we got to see how close Jaune and Pyrrha were. We know they were in love, but outsiders like Ironwood and Pietro see them as a unified team. Why not give a scrap to Jaune, Nora, and Ren? Really, that’s what rankles the most: this continuing focus on Jaune over the rest of his team. Especially when that focus just leads us in circles of the ‘Jaune is sad’ variety. I thought we were supposed to be learning more about Nora this volume, so why not give her something to remember Pyrrha by? I realize we’re only through the third episode, but in a series that averages twelve each volume, that’s a fourth of our material gone. Please. I’m begging you. Enough about Jaune. We’ve watched him cry and rage and lash out for three years now. He’s gotten to move through every type of grief the writing could throw at him. Let someone else take the spotlight for a change.

(It’s also just all around weird because Jaune is smiling sadly, implying he’s moving on, but then we have Clover narrating about how they’re “going to kill this thing...” which reminds us of Pyrrha’s murder in a way not really conducive to the whole ‘moving on’ vibe... it’s just odd.)

Second gripe: why doesn’t Oscar get anything? I’ve written before about how overall the group still treats Oscar as the outsider and boy oh boy, do we see that trend continuing here. I’ll speak about this more in a moment when we get to the Ozpin situation, but for this scene in particular there’s no reason he shouldn’t be included. If Jaune can get a cool addition to his shield after updating his own outfit, Oscar can get a cool addition too. Take five seconds to have Pietro point out that, as a random farm kid buying combat gear for the first time, he didn’t totally hit the mark. Here are a few things to keep you safer. Hell, you could even have Pietro---who we have established goes above and beyond in his inventions---pull Oscar aside with an updated weapon and Oscar could have gotten all quiet, examining his cane, eventually thanking Pietro, but emphasizing that he doesn’t think he should change things just yet. Or without anther’s input. Or, if Atlas doesn’t want to waste funds on the farm boy let him get a haircut like literally everyone else! We could have allotted Oscar a few seconds of screen time instead of getting what we always get: the team banding together and him nowhere to be seen.

He’s a part of this mission. He’s integral to this mission. He is a main character now. It’s about time the writing started acknowledging that.

The final flashback, at least, includes Oscar a little more. I realize my screenshot isn’t the best, but the expressions here really do say it all: Ruby mindlessly geeking out over new tech while Oscar stands sadly in another doorway.

We hear him say, “Hey... Ruby?” before he’s cut off and we return to the present.

We’ll get back to him in just a moment. For now, the airship opens to reveal everyone’s new look, which isn’t actually a reveal because this scene dominated the trailer.

Ah well. I have to say though, from here on out one of the main reasons why this episode feels strong to me is because of the overall dynamic among the characters. First, it was smart to break everyone up into different teams to search for a hidden grimm. If they’d tried to cram twelve characters into the same shot for the rest of the episode it would have been a disaster. Second, these smaller teams allow for the sort of teasing/comfort/playfulness we’ve grown used to among these characters, but have largely lost over the last two volumes. One of my favorite moments is when Yang is caught staring at Blake’s new haircut and we get a look at this massive blush.

Not to ship on main, but please note the parallel between this moment and Nora/Ren, two characters who are more firmly established as a canonical couple. Although... here when Nora compliments Ren’s hair he shuts her down pretty hard. There’s none of the casual indulgence we’re used to from him. Since when does Ren insist that Nora take a mission seriously, outside of making those requests in an equally teasing manner? Nora notices as much too, clearly upset, and Jaune is just... dense. It makes me wonder though if this is the direction they’re heading in for Nora. Give her romance troubles in the form of Ren pulling away now that their relationship has had a chance to sink in.

Not sure I’m a big fan of that. Granted, it depends on how they handle it, but on the whole I’m not really invested in reducing Nora’s rare and much needed development down to a cliche ‘Oh no. A boy doesn’t like me’ plot-line. We’ll have to see though.

I also really liked the moment between Weiss and Blake a little later. This is how you tackle racism in your story. Not by having the group risk their world-saving mission by Weiss impulsively throwing civilians into the trash, but by having an incredibly privileged woman acknowledge her privilege. Weiss mentions how angry this mine’s failure made her father, but she doesn’t use the abuse she suffered as any sort of excuse, like she would have in the earlier volumes. Instead, Weiss acknowledges for herself how hard that time was and then apologizes not only for what he’s done to the faunus, but also for “all my complacency in it.” Weiss was a child. We can’t hold her to the same level of responsibility as Jacques. But as a privileged woman in this world Weiss’ complacency does perpetuate her father’s active sins. So it’s fantastic that she admits as much to Blake. In front of all the others, no less. To me, that’s a far better sign of growth than what we got last week.

It’s also during this time that we see Blake eyeing the SDC boxes with anxiety. It could just be bad memories. It could imply that she had some hand in this particular attack. I hope it implies that she’s thinking about Adam because... is anyone going to bring him up? Seriously? Two teammates killed a guy. The self-defense aspect doesn’t erase the fact that they each rammed a piece of a blade through his stomach and watched him topple over a waterfall. We should be dealing with this! Not reducing it to one hug from Ruby right before a major battle. Hopefully this is setup for some (now long overdue) reflection.

Meanwhile, an interaction that doesn’t work as well is when Ruby comments on how freezing she is and Weiss notes that without proper equipment or aura insulation you can freeze to death in an hour. So... is that what the group is doing then? Wasting precious aura whenever they’re outside because Blake wants her arms unzipped, Weiss wants bare spots around her chest, and Yang needs to artistically keep one leg and one arm totally unclothed? The issue is not, “How does the group stay warm?” because plenty of stories have logistical questions like that and unless you’re a fan overly invested in the minutiae, you shrug it off. When is the group going to the bathroom during these endless missions? Who’s carrying pads for when three of them hit their periods at once? No one cares. Rather, the issue is that the writing draws attention to the question and then fails to answer it. Just like they did when suddenly death via cold was something that had to keep them in the creepy town when death via cold was never a concern up until then. Where was hypothermia when Yang insisted Ozpin hash out all his secrets in the snow? It’s a rather convenient ‘Sometimes it’s an issue, sometimes not,” situation. Obviously aura isn’t doing much to keep them toasty though if Ruby feels the need to comment on how cold she still is. And that attention then invites further questions like, “Why then are they still dressed inappropriately for the weather? Should we expect them to fall more quickly in battle because aura is going towards making sure they don’t freeze to death in under an hour?” Better to just leave it alone.

Talk of the cold leads into Oscar though because Yang comments, “I suddenly don’t feel so bad about leaving Oscar behind.” Which... no. You did leave him behind. Don’t try to make that palatable with stupid upsides like, ‘Well at least he’s warm!’ Worse, the group does nothing to justify that decision. Realistically I can buy why they’d leave Oscar out of this mission. We’ve established that this particular grimm has already taken out a lot of people and, without Ozpin, Oscar is still a newbie fighter. With the exception of the train and one grimm in the premier, I don’t think Oscar has fought many grimm at all. So really, it would take two sentences to establish this. Tell us that this mission is way out of his skill range and throw out that he’s training with Ironwood or something. That’s it. That’s all it takes, but the writing bypasses that and leaves us with, ‘The group left Oscar behind... for reasons?’ Which, in the context of his entire time with them looks really, really bad. Because they left him out of the dinner in Haven. And the hunt for supplies at the farm. And in retrieving the relic. And left him alone at the Argus house. And left him out of the upgrade joy. We’ve now established a trend of the group outright ignoring Oscar, whether it’s during bright celebratory moments or agonizing traumatic ones. Doesn’t matter, he’s left out of the loop, and now we see the same thing happening here. Rather than a simple and logical, ‘Oscar isn’t ready to fight a super old geist,’ what we’re left with paints the situation as, ‘Oscar is left behind because Ruby disagrees with him.’

Because without clarification, that’s the context. We get another (very short) flashback where he (thank you, thank you) points out that what they’re doing to Ironwood is precisely what Ozpin did to them. (Although Oscar tries to soften this by saying it only “feels like” the same thing.) Ruby looks guilty for a second... and then that’s it. We’re back to at least a day later where they’re on this mission, they’ve left Oscar behind, and Ruby is re-explaining why her morals are sound.

I’ll admit I’m pleased that Yang points out that they agreed no more lies and no more half-truths. I honestly didn’t expect her to say even that much against her precious sister. But still, on the whole this dilemma isn’t much of a dilemma at all. It’s reading precisely like the airship debacle: a few characters giving token disagreements but when push comes to shove whatever Ruby wants, Ruby gets. You know how above I pointed out how much I like the split present/past business so that we can have a balance between talking and action? Yeah, that only works if the talking is generic exposition. We don’t need a long-winded discussion about the details of this mission. We do need a substantial discussion about the absolute hypocrisy the group has fallen into. That split between past and present is important. Are you honestly going to tell me that over all these days---if not, arguably, weeks---the group never once had a conversation about this? That we don’t get to see that downtime filled with some actual growth? And we could have easily achieved that with the current setup. Extend Oscar’s flashback into something significant, leaving the geist battle for next week. Let him be angry for once, furious that after all the shit they put Ozpin through, and by extension him, they’re just going to turn around and do the exact same thing without even an apology? An acknowledgment that they were wrong? Or create space to have that discussion now. Harriet comes out of the mine saying a part of it has collapsed and they need time to clear it, giving Team RWBY the chance to really hash some things out and disagree for once. Instead, as expected, secret keeping is framed as the right decision without anyone but Oscar acknowledging the hypocrisy in that. They even go so far as to say, “Why don’t we play along for a while before me make any major decisions.” Newsflash:

Graphic design is my passion, all.

Overall it’s not quite as pro-protagonist as it could have been, but it’s not great either. We’re left with the fact that the group has this time sitting with their own lies and apparently, after all that, what they’ve settled on is denial. Great. Fantastic. I hope Oscar finds new friends at the Academy who encourage him to really call them out on this later.

We also learn that Ruby gave the relic back to Oscar. So the writing is self-aware enough for her to acknowledge that carrying it around on her belt is a horrendously bad idea, but not self-aware enough to keep her getting it back in the first place? Imagine you hired someone to transport a priceless painting to your super safe vault and then when it finally arrives you go, “Actually, you did such a good job getting that here I think it’ll be safer in your hands as you go about your life. Rather than the vault I specifically built for it.” Except the painting is a magic relic, the vault is also nearly impenetrable via magic, and the transporter is now a 14yo who, as established, is the weakest fighter of the group. For the love of Ironwood’s characterization, please let that relic be a fake.

Really, on the whole that moment could have been touching... but again, context. ‘Here’s the relic back that I basically stole and then ripped all Ozpin’s trauma from him by wasting an invaluable question.’ Yeah. All the while everyone is still talking as if Ozpin isn’t even there. Ironwood, in his ignorance, has been the one person to actually address him, despite the fact that the entire group knows he’s listening in. You know that feeling when you’re sitting with a bunch of people you’re not particularly close with and it’s clear they’re deliberately not including you in the conversation? Yeah, it’s like that only a thousand times worse. No wonder Ozpin still hasn’t tried to come out. No one cares about his vessel, they still actively hate him, and they’re all hypocritical to boot. I’d stay hidden too.

Anyway, back to the actual plot. Qrow has been paired off with Clover and at first we get a really excellent conversation about teamwork. We as the audience know precisely why Qrow prefers to work alone, but when he slips and Clover manages to catch him, it functions as a fantastic counter. See? Qrow might have bad luck, but this is precisely why he does need to be around others. They can help him when things get tough.

However, that message is severely undermined when it’s later revealed that Clover’s semblance is good luck.

Not only does that remove the previously stated wonderful message---because now it’s not about Qrow learning to accept help, it’s about how Clover’s semblance just conveniently cancels his out---it’s just an iffy stretch of my suspension of disbelief. Really? Out of all the people they could have met, that Qrow could have been paired with, he happens to find the one guy with the exact opposite semblance to him? Clover is an incredibly handsome and charismatic guy. He’s the leader of the strongest kingdom’s strongest team. He just happens to have the best version of Qrow’s greatest weakness. I know I said I wanted more passive semblances, but I would have preferred something other than this heavy-handed introduction.

Although... are they passive? I had to pause the episode for a moment when Qrow throws out, “sometimes I can’t keep it under control” because excuse me?? There are times you can keep it under control? Since when? How? I know we’re loose on our semblance rules here, but c’mon. Is Qrow’s entire life governed by a trait outside of his control or not?

We see a similar issue cropping up at the end of the episode when Harriet informs Ruby that there’s “something else” going on with her semblance. Look. RWBY isn’t Dragon Ball Z. The characters don’t need to tap into unheard of powers every season to keep things interesting. As Yang herself points out, Ruby already has super special silver eyes.

Her semblance is speed and transformation and transforming other people along with her. Weiss is already a super special Schnee with a super special hereditary semblance that creates glyphs and summoned fighters of whatever she’s killed. Blake is already a super special Belladonna with ties to the world’s biggest resistance group. Yang... okay, Yang is admittedly an ordinary girl with an ordinary background and that’s one of the things I still love about her. She grows stronger through more training, better strategy, and turning any weaknesses into strengths---like her arm. It’s so much more powerful to give characters that kind of arc than to fall back on, “[gasp!] You were secretly special all along.” So who knows what else they’re going to add to Ruby’s semblance. Whatever it is, it’s not needed.

I will say though that semblance issues aside, I’m liking the Ace Ops way more than I thought I would. Given that introducing five more characters was, objectively, a bad move. But they’ve got real personality attached to them. I appreciated that Clover thanked Qrow for the save (they could have made a guy that ‘perfect’ way more arrogant) while the rest spent a good portion of the time teasing RWBYJNR like they’re little siblings. Which I adored. For the first time in volumes we got to see our heroes portrayed exactly as they are: teens in training. Nora says that it “feels like we’re an actual huntsmen team,” acknowledging that they’re not yet. They’re the students following the professionals, helping out without getting in the way. It stood out to me that the geist fight is identical to the one we got in Volume Four, with the exception that it’s way, way better. They come up with Jaune’s strategy to remove the limbs in an instant, rather than taking the entire fight trying and failing to do damage. I don’t think a single member of the Ace Ops took a hit, despite the fact that this geist was a huge threat to the rest of the Atlesian army. Like Team RWBY at times, there was seamless communication, perfect execution, and the one time they made a mistake? Ruby was there to help them out. I really appreciated that the writing had RWBYJNR sit this one out until their particular skills---in this case Ruby’s speed---was actually needed, as opposed to an arrogant, ‘How dare you not let us fight!’ where they endanger themselves and others by insisting that they know best.

This is the RWBYJNR I want to see more of. Ozpin remains a huge, glaring issue, but if the writer’s can keep this sort of attitude in mind we’ll be making good strides away from the horror that was Volume Six. No more, “We don’t need adults,” please. As a bunch of adults just demostrated, they’re way out of your league.

Finally, we end the episode on Tyrian again. Showcasing RWBY’s new love of horror tropes, he appears beneath the flickering lamp light (complimenting the jump scare we got with Blake earlier on). He approaches Forest, the activist from the airship, and we end with Tyrian’s tail coming his way. Did he just poison him? Did he kill him? What’s the end goal here? Just sow chaos by leaving a bunch of bodies lying around? It’s unclear, but whatever is going on, Tyrian sure is busy.

Also, RIP #FRWBY.

Until next week!

Minor Things of Note

I like that Jaune and Blake both looked at their hair before we cut to them with new looks. Still not over Jaune’s style though. He’s french fry head now and no one will convince me otherwise.

It looks like Blake’s blade has been welded back together with a bit of yellow something-or-other...

Bad execution on an otherwise cool introduction to Marrow’s semblance. That was epic how he managed to stop both centipede grimm at once, but then Harriet just... slams them? Awkwardly? They don’t even disintegrate? Idk. Her end of that team attack didn’t live up to Marrow’s.

Team JNR has a very “headfirst approach.” True enough. Although, it’s not like they had an easy way to stop like their Ace Operative teammates. They did the best they could under the circumstances lol.

Jaune also has a landing strategy! I would have rather the writing just acknowledge that than give us that weird moment with Pyrrha’s fabric.

Not sure if I like Qrow’s new outfit or not. To be fair, that man would look stunning in a paper bag, so I’m not sure I’m an objective judge of any change here. Also to be fair, my own fashion ‘skills’ leaves something to be desired. So I think I’ll just bow out of this particular conversation.

#rwby #rwby volume 7 #rwby volume 7 spoilers #mymetas #rwby recaps

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dcublogger · 5 years

Text

Laura | International Business

Semester 2 - 2020

Using your degree in the real world

Often students can struggle to figure out how to use the skills and knowledge they learn at university and adapt it to a real-life situation. It’s a concept I struggled with in the beginning, understanding how subjects like IT Skills and financial accounting would somehow be relevant to my future career. Little did I know, I’d be using those acquired skills and knowledge so soon in my future.

At the beginning of lockdown, I decided to order myself a sewing machine. It was something I had wanted to invest in for a few years, but I just never had the time to spend learning how to use it and re-working clothes like I’d hoped to. So, I bought the sewing machine and got to work on some old clothes that I wanted to fix up and give a new lease of life. I was still quite busy with assignments and college work at the time I purchased it, but on the weekends I’d spend a few hours researching patterns and videos online. I got the hang of it eventually with a lot of practice and set off re-working some of my clothes.

One evening, I came across a youtube video on how to make reusable masks, and I decided to give it a go. I started making masks for my grandparents and family members, learning more about the process the more I made. Then, it was announced on the news a week later that the public was being advised to wear facemasks in shops and in situations where social distancing could not be adhered to. I saw this as a chance to use my skill and knowledge of business from my degree. I made a logo online, set up an Instagram page, and messaged about 20 of my friends on social media about it. I got about 12 orders for the following week, which I was delighted with! I had so much spare time on my hands that given the opportunity to spend it doing something productive was a bonus!

Fast forward two weeks and business was going slow. I was only getting about two orders a day, but I knew I was capable of doing more. I was on a Zoom call with some of my friends from college, and one of them, my friend Róisín, has recently started an INTRA placement with the Irish Sun. She was saying how every day she has to pitch ideas to her editor and she needed some inspiration for the next day. We started listing out some ideas, and one of the boys suggested an article on people making facemasks from home. The next day, she ran with that idea and pitched it to her editor, and he loved it! She messaged me with the news and I was delighted for her! But then, she asked if she could interview me for the article. I was delighted to be helping her out and really didn’t comprehend the things that this publicity could do for my start-up business.

https://www.thesun.ie/news/5459242/coronavirus-in-ireland-where-to-buy-face-masks-coverings/

That evening, the article went live, and I couldn't believe how excellent it had turned out. Róisín did an amazing job! Next thing I knew my phone started pinging and kept going and going. I couldn’t believe it when I checked to see over 10 message requests from complete strangers. I was ecstatic and nervous at the same time. After the initial shock, I calmed down and set about organising my business in order to comply with the high demand for my products. I was able to use skills I had learned in modules like operations management, financial accounting, consumer behavior, marketing - and the list continues. The knowledge I had acquired through my degree carried me through a hectic few weeks.

Thankfully everything is running smoothly now, and customers are sending me messages everyday to say their masks have arrived and how impressed they are with them, which obviously gives me a great feeling. I couldn’t have predicted that in the circumstances I would begin my own small business, but im grateful for the opportunity that has been given to me, and I look forward to what the future holds, but for now, it’s all about making my mark, with “Make your Mask”.

Adapting to change - 9th May 2020

What a crazy second semester we have had! Looking back, my last update was at the end of February - which seems like a lifetime ago! This post is really to fill you all in on what’s been happening in my life since then.

We were still on campus for lectures in week 6 of the second semester - I had a lot of assessments in Spanish that week, as well as a few assignments to hand in. I said goodbye to many of my classmates that Friday afternoon - little did I know that would be the last time I would see them for a long time. Then we had a reading week - which was hectic for me! I have been keeping this blog up to date on everything DCU Glee since September - and during reading week, we rehearsed for our upcoming show every day from 10am until 6 or 7 in the evening. It was so enjoyable and everyone in the cast became a lot closer as we spent so much time getting to know one another. It was such an enjoyable week full of fun and excitement - so as you can imagine, on Thursday the 12th of March when the government announced that all third-level institutions would be closing, we were gutted. The closure of the university ultimately meant that our show which was scheduled to go ahead on March 23rd in the Helix had to be cancelled. We are hopeful that we will have the opportunity to perform in the future when restrictions are eased - but for now, we are still keeping in touch via weekly zoom calls. The photo below was taken during our last rehearsal

That weekend, I sadly had to pack up all of my belongings in my Dublin apartment and journey home to Donegal. On Monday the 16th of March we began online lectures - which was a big difference to the usual classroom setting- but thankfully I was able to adapt to the new way of learning. The help provided by the members of staff and the business faculty at DCU was amazing - the transition of going from being physically present in a lecture hall to online learning was a great success. It was difficult at first, but as soon as I structured my days, everything began to fall into place. Most of my modules changed from end of term assessments to end of term assignments, which we were given lots of time to research and prepare for. At first, the volume of assignments was a little overwhelming, but as I began to submit them, and the to-do list got shorter, it all felt a lot more manageable. All of my lecturers have been so helpful and understanding, given the challenge it has been to alter our way of learning. They have been on hand to answer emails and queries from the beginning, which has definitely benefitted students.

One thing that I was really looking forward to was attending the DCU Clubs and Societies Awards - but thankfully, we still managed to have a great night and celebrate the achievements of many students in their extracurricular activities via a live awards ceremony on youtube. This year was DCU Glee’s first awards as an official society, and we managed to pick up an award for the best promotional video for our show.

I have to say, this time in quarantine has given me the opportunity to sit back and look at all the things I’ve achieved and accomplished in DCU in two short years - from becoming a committee member in a society, to working as a student ambassador - I am so grateful for the opportunities that the university has provided me with. I have made friends for life in DCU and I can’t wait until I can be on campus with them once again.

So far, my Erasmus in Spain is still going ahead, and although I feel optimistic, I have told myself that everything happens for a reason - so if I have to adapt to a new way of doing an Erasmus in case of travel restrictions or other reasons, I will do that, and just take every day as it comes. In the meantime, I hope to complete some Spanish courses online in order to keep up my language skills.

A great website I’ve come across in this time is Google Digital Garage, which allows you to complete courses online and gain certificates. I’m currently doing a certificate in Digital Marketing, which will hopefully be a new addition to my CV. A lot of them are business based, so anyone interested in studying it at university, maybe use this time to up-skill or find out about different subjects that might interest you!

https://learndigital.withgoogle.com/digitalgarage-ie/courses

Thanks for reading..

Week 5 - 24th February 2020

Semester 2 has been nothing short of crazy so far! I haven’t had a chance to log on since week 2, and a lot has happened since then!

So during week three, I received my exam results and I am delighted to say that all of my hard work in semester one paid off 😁With everything going on-track academically, my next hurdle was Erasmus!

Erasmus options opened for the students in my course ( International Business) at the beginning of week 4. Thankfully I have more good news on that front - I will be moving to Valencia on the east coast of Spain at the end of August, where I will study and live for a year. To say I am excited is a complete understatement - I can’t wait to have the beach on my doorstep and to be surrounded by the Spanish culture and language🇪🇸I’ve attached a link below of a video that shows off the beautiful city I’ll be doing my Erasmus in. There are of course lots of other destinations that DCU students travel to for Erasmus, one of my friends who is studying Business Studies International with Japanese will be moving to Japan for a year in September.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fOFm1x8yZI

In terms of modules, I am studying a Finance module for the first time - it’s very interesting but some of the calculations can be quite tricky so I’m making sure to spend some time studying that throughout the semester. My favorite module so far would have to be The Changing Consumer; a module run by our course co-ordinator who is incredibly engaging and encourages in class discussions and questions. The topic itself is a branch of marketing, and we look at how companies have to strategically plan their marketing projects to suit an ever-changing world of technology and consumer habits.

Last week I attended the DCU Style annual fashion show, which took place in the Helix. It was an incredible night, which showcased the many talents that the students of DCU has to offer - from the stylists to the models, every aspect of the event was run in such a professional manner. The fashion on show ranged from high-street stores to vintage shops and original designers. All in all it was an excellent exhibition of creativity. There is such a great variety of Clubs and Societies here at DCU, there is really something for everyone, no matter what you’re interested in. They really are the best way to branch out and meet likewise people and most of the student body would agree, they're the starting point of many friendships that last a lifetime!

Week 2 - 3rd February 2020

Hi everyone, it’s been a while since I’ve updated the blog, so first and foremost I’ll fill you in on what’s been going on!

Before Christmas was hectic at college, with a lot of assignments due, as well as a few tests in subjects like Spanish. But thankfully everything went well!

Then January came, which meant only one thing - exams! I spent a lot of time with my head in the books after Christmas, and await my results which will be released this week!

This time of the year is incredibly busy for me, we have just started semester 2 and I’m studying a few new modules! I’m especially interested in Finance and the Consumer Behaviour module at the moment! Lecturers are beginning to hand out assignments and on top of all that, I will be choosing my Erasmus destination in a couple of weeks!

In international business, we get to do an Erasmus for our third year of university. In September I will begin studying for a year in Spain, an amazing opportunity that will help me to become fluent in the Spanish language! Some of my classmates will be traveling to Germany, France, China, and Japan to complete their year abroad. It’s such an exciting experience and will allow us to immerse ourselves in the culture of the language we study.

March is fast approaching which means only one thing for me - the DCU Glee Showcase! The cast is working very hard to learn songs and choreography at the moment. It’s going to be a hectic few weeks, but it’s good to be busy and it makes it a lot easier when you love what you’re doing!

This week was careers week in DCU. The Careers office organised lots of workshops and talks for students to help them in their career path. I attended a career resilience workshop on Monday which I found very interesting. There was also an event where professionals from LinkedIn talked about how to create a great profile that employers would be drawn towards. There was plenty going on all over campus!

Semester 1 - 2019

Open Days

The DCU Open days are taking place this Friday 15th and Saturday 16th on the Glasnevin Campus and on Saturday 16th of November on the DCU St.Patricks Campus.

Rewind two years and I’ll take you back to my DCU Open Day experience. I travelled up from Donegal early on Saturday morning and attend the open day with my mum and a few of my friends.

I had an open mind that day, I hadn’t yet decided if I wanted to go down the business and a language route, or if I wanted to study primary school teaching.

I was able to attend talks on all the business courses I was interested in and compare them in length, whether or not they had a year abroad option, INTRA placement opportunities and the chance to specialize in the final year. I was able to talk to the head of each of the courses and find out what modules I’d be studying. The lecturers were on hand to talk to prospective students about any queries they had.

After a tour of the Glasnevin campus and the accommodation, I got the bus to the St.Patricks campus. There I attended more talks on primary education and Arts studies with languages. After talking with the lecturers in Pats that day, I decided to focus on getting the points for Business and Spanish in DCU, as they told me I could always come back after my business degree and do a masters in Teaching. I left that day with the decision that I wanted to study in DCU.

Fast-forward two years and I couldn't be in a better place. I love my course, I love living in Dublin and I love being a part of the DCU Community. When everyone tells you what’s for you won’t pass you, they're not far wrong!

So, make sure to visit the DCU Open days this weekend and have a chat with some students and lecturers if you are thinking about your next step in education. And if you see me working on Friday or Saturday, make sure to say hi 😊

Week 6 - 28th October 2019

I can’t believe how quickly the first 6 weeks of the second year of college have been - it seems like only yesterday when I was beginning my job as a student ambassador for orientation week.

I haven’t had the chance to update my blog in the past few weeks as I’ve been crazy busy between the library and lectures and social life! But thankfully I’ve got a few days off now to catch up on readings, but more importantly to relax and see my family and friends at home in Donegal

I know I’ve been talking all about DCU Glee in my last posts, so I better update everyone on that.. we have a new cast for 2019/20 and everyone is not only super-talented but so so friendly! I can’t even begin to tell you how important it is to join clubs and societies in college - I’ve made so many friends through not only Glee but the other societies I’m a member of. So I’m back to rehearsals twice a week - if anyone's looking for me on a Monday or Thursday evening, I can be found singing around DCU!

Reading week always marks a bit of a hectic time in the semester, as there's usually a few deadlines with projects and assignments. The library gets a little busier in weeks 5 and 6 as people put their heads in the books! It’s always worth it in the end.

In other news, I got selected for the Mentorship programme that the DCU Careers office, along with the Alumni office run for second-year undergraduate students. It’s a great achievement to be selected and I’m really looking forward to finding out more about the career that I want to work towards. I have been paired with a technology consultant in Accenture, and I will meet my mentor at least once a month from now until March. When we meet, we will discuss what kind of career I might be suited to, any questions I have about technology consulting or Accenture, and in February I will participate in a work-shadow day. It’[s just one of the amazing opportunities DCU has on offer - I know I’m going to thoroughly enjoy the experience.

Finally, the DCU open days are fast approaching. On November 15th or 16th you will have a chance to come to DCU to see what it is all about. For more information and to register click here: https://www.dcu.ie/studentrecruitment/openday

Week 2 - 30th September 2019

Well, it’s all well and truly kicking off this week! The Clubs and Socs fair began on the Glasnevin campus on Monday, and with DCU Glee being a new society, we had a big push on to recruit new students to join us! The clubs and socs fair is always so exciting, it really is a great example of all the great opportunities available to DCU students - from the Drama Society to Snow-sports, there really is something for everyone!

I had a look around all of the stalls and decided to sign up to the DCU Start-Up society, in the hope that I’ll be able to learn some skills and information that will be transferable to my course.

I made my first few trips back to the library this week, after a long summer free of studying, as I had to catch up on some readings for my lectures. I learnt from last year that it’s best to hit the ground running and keep on top of the workload from the beginning - in college you need to constantly be engaged in what you’re learning.

On Thursday evening I sat in my first committee meeting for DCU Glee, where we met with our clubs officer to discuss our plans for the year. We have a meeting with all of our new members on Monday the 7th of October and auditions for the cast are also coming up next week. It’s going to be crazy!

Week 1 - 23rd September 2019

On Monday I began my second year of college here at DCU - It was a long long Summer and I am so excited for the year ahead! I was actually working during orientation last week (16th of Sept) and I can’t believe that it’s already been a year since I started my DCU journey!

I already know that my second year is going to be jam-packed, and I am really looking forward to the coming months. It’s obviously going to take a while to get used to my new timetable and also the new modules I’ll be studying this year, but I feel well ready for the challenge.

I’m studying international business with Spanish here at DCU, and this year is important for me because I want to improve my Spanish skills in preparation for my Erasmus next year, where I’ll go to Spain to study for the academic year.

It’s only week one, and I’ve already been busy with Clubs and Societies! On Tuesday DCU Drama organised an event called “ Festival of the Arts,” which displayed an array of talents that the students of DCU have to offer! I am a member of the DCU Glee Society, and a few of our cast members from last years show got together to perform in the U, our student centre, at lunchtime on Tuesday.

I also began my job as PRO (Public Relations Officer) for the DCU Glee Society. It’s my job to run the social media accounts for DCU Glee and answer any emails or messages that people have about what we do. It’s a great way to use some of the techniques I learned in some of my business and marketing lectures last year, and I’m really happy to be so involved with clubs and societies. I think it’s the best way to meet like-minded people and make friends outside of your course. It has definitely helped me gain more confidence and taught me excellent life skills.

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sarah-bae-maas · 6 years

Text

A Court of Hearts and Darkness Chapter Thirty Four - the penultimate chapter

It’s been over a century since the epic and bloody war against Hybern, but a new, unprecedented horror lies in wait to threaten everything the Inner Circle holds dear.

At a mere 17, it seems that the only one who can save them is the Heir to the Night Court, Feyre and Rhysand’s daughter Eleana, but as a creature so vile promises to kill everyone she loves, she must combat the urge to succumb to the darkness herself. The key to success lies hidden within her mate, the bastard born Kaden, who is as oblivious to the bond as her Court is oblivious to the war on the horizon.

With the help of her cousin and warrior Felix, the son of the famed Nesta and Cassian, they will try to save everything they hold dear, hopefully before the darkness takes them all.

(This fic was written pre-acowar, so please bear in mind there are some small differences but it can still hopefully be enjoyed!)

Link on Ao3 Masterlist

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 ��31 32 33

***

-Chapter 34-

Sometimes, when he looked at her, he thought that maybe it wasn’t a fae he was mated to. Not a fae, nor an Illyrian, nor the combination of both that was common only in her family.

Sometimes when Kaden looked at Eleana, he thought maybe he was mated to a God.

There was no other explanation for how a fae just shy of eighteen could wield a power that would make High Lords and Ladies cower before her.

At some point, Kaden had passed out after his journey into Eleana’s mind. When he woke, he was lying next to Felix, so close that the two males were touching from shoulder to foot. His heart had started to race with fear, especially at the ghastly sight of Felix’s eyes, but the slow but steady rise and fall of Felix’s chest put him at ease.

Well, it would have, if Eleana hadn’t been missing.

He’d awoken Felix, using whatever meagre healing magic he had to bring him to consciousness. Then, he’d dragged the two of the out of the crumbling pantheon to find Eleana. He didn’t dare ask Felix what the fuck had happened, and his friend was as silent as he. He’d readied his weapons when they’d neared the door, creating a shield of unknown power around him and Felix.

They soon realised there would be no more fighting for them today.

“What’s happening?” Felix had gasped.

Kaden didn’t know how to describe it.

Eleana was flying above them all, her dress billowing around her. Her arms were raised, and all around them every creature was being floated to her eye level by a hard wall of wind while soldiers were being forced to ground by the same force. The creatures flailed, their abnormal limbs contorting in an effort to escape from the inescapable, and all their screams turned silent when Eleana misted them into a bloodrain. For as far as the eye could see, the sky above them turned into a black ocean as she decimated every single creature in that town.

The whispers of the soldiers around them were worrisome – some prayed to the Cauldron, some prayed to Eleana, thinking she was the Mother reborn.

When all the creatures were destroyed, she lifted the ebbing, lapping blood even higher until it was a spinning whirlpool blocking all the stars from sight. And then, with a giant flash of light, it was all gone.

Eleana, a hard yet compassionate look on her face, had landed next to Kaden and Felix when she had finished.

“It’s time to go home,” she’d said solemnly.

A God given flesh. She was a God given flesh.

Kaden thought he might be the only one to have come to that conclusion as he looked around the room.

The House of Wind was full of the Inner Circle and their families. Right now, Kaden was in a room with Eleana, Felix, and the healer that was attending to his friend’s eyes.

Eleana would not let anyone else into the room.

“You must keep these patches on until we meet again. There is only so much I can do, and we must remain hopeful, but you must do exactly as I say if we’re to save them.”

Felix grinned at the healer. “Can do. Personally, I love the rugged, human pirate look.”

The healer laughed lightly and patted his hand as she left, saying she would update the General of the condition of his son but say nothing else.

Kaden looked at Eleana. She had yet to say a word to him beyond demanding that he summon the best healer still alive and telling him to keep her family far away. She hadn’t spoken to Felix at all, but he could tell she was beyond relieved at his presence.

He had already tried to poke at the bond, but it was fried. There was a tiny inkling of its existence, a bridge that one day would rebuild itself, but who knew how long that would take. It’s not like he could ask someone – he doubted anyone else had near severed a mating bond in an effort to separate a demonic soul from their loved one.

Felix sighed dramatically. “So much tension in such a small room. I guess I’ll speak first.” He turned toward the wall. “Eleana, I missed you. What you did was very stupid, and incredibly reckless, but I love you anyway.”

“I’m over here.” Her voice was gruff.

“I know, I’m working on some new joke material. May as well have all the blind jokes banked up if I’m never to see again.”

“Don’t say that, you’ll be fine.”

“Always the optimist.” Felix reached his hand out until he felt her knee. “I don’t blame you for anything that happened. You were taken advantage of, manipulated in the most horrific way until you gave her what she wanted. You’re a victim of her as much as I am, and I’m certain you don’t blame my death on me, so don’t blame yourself for this.”

She stood, her figure towering over him as he sat.

Eleana carried herself differently. Her back was straighter, harder, and her eyes were like ice. It was as if she had the woes of a century weighing on her back. She was colder than the mountains in Illyria, her eyes as hollow as the flames that lit the room.

Goosebumps covered Kaden at the sight of her. This, undeniably, was the women he loved. But she was not the same.

“We can discuss this later, when you’re better.”

“Eleana,” Kaden interjected.

She levelled her gaze to his.

“This was an inevitability. Whether then, now or in a hundred years, that queen would have come for you.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“It’s something I’ve been thinking about. A lot. We found out while you were – gone – that the creatures are incapacitated by opal and other various precious rocks and gems.”

“What has that got to do with anything?” She was exasperated. He could smell her frustration, laced with the ash of the fire in the merchant town. The ash was imbedded into all their clothes, especially Felix, who was also smeared with the black powder.

“I agree, what are you talking about?” Felix questioned.

Kaden took a deep breath. “The lives of the forest have been leaving you gifts of opal since you were a babe. A knife, a sword, a crown. All for you, all intended to help you when the inevitable happened. The forest knew, Eleana. They knew and they loved you and wanted to help you.”

“Shit,” Felix spat. “Can someone please summon my father? I’m about to have an existential crisis and would like his company in doing so.”

“He’s outside the door,” Eleana said bluntly. “They all are. My parents are trying to get through my shield, but they can’t, not until I let them.”

“What are you waiting for?” Felix asked.

She moved over to her cousin, kneeling in front of him and placing her head on his knees. “I need you to tell me all that I’ve missed. What lives our family led in my absence.”

“Why?”

“I want to know how much can change in the better part of a century. Quathryn is grown, Thea definitely no longer a babe. Did my parents have more children? Do I have siblings that only know me through anecdotes and a monster’s mask? How many of our kin did I kill while entrapped by the Queen?”

Felix turned his head toward her voice. He frowned, his hands moving to stroke the tips of her hair.

“Eleana… I’m confused.”

“It is imperative I know the full extent of the damage I caused.”

“But, Eleana, it’s only been a fortnight. You were gone for-” Felix did the math, “-less than two weeks, actually. Your eighteenth birthday has yet to even pass.”

She flinched back, her face scrunching as she shot looks at them both. “I was – no. That can’t be. I felt how long I was gone, and it was at least a hundred years.”

“No, Laya, you weren’t. Do you think I would lose track of time? You can see for yourself, Quathryn is still the tottering toddler, Thea the exact same, maybe a little chubbier. I swear that girl packs it on. Lovely fat baby she is.”

Eleana backed away, her hands trembling. “I don’t understand.”

“My love.” Kaden approached her fleeing figure, stopping a healthy distance from her. He didn’t touch her, he could tell that was the last thing she wanted, so he used his words rather than his hands to soothe her. “When I went in to destroy the Queen, it felt like I had been there far longer. The only reason I didn’t succumb to the loss of time is because I knew that there was no way I could have been with you that long. You didn’t have the same reassurance I did. You did not know that we were here every second of every damn day trying to get you home.”

She sighed unevenly. “I didn’t expect you to come. I was ready to go, after all that time. The things I saw, what she had done… There was so much more than just Prythian.” She looked like she was haunted. The sheer terror in her voice as she recounted nothing but a general statement made Kaden’s chest seize. What had she seen?

Felix stood, and started stripping his leathers. Kaden looked at him aghast. Felix only stopped once his torso was bare.

Felix ran his hands over his chest. It was heavily scarred now, the wounds from his death leaving raised red and purple slashes over his body. “See how new these still are? I feel them pulling when I move. I haven’t shown anyone other than Kaden and Azriel, and now you, I’m worried that it will scare them.”

He reached a hand out. She immediately stepped forward and took it, anchoring herself to him.

“When it all ended, I was petrified about all the things it meant I would miss. I wouldn’t see my sisters grow up, I let myself believe my parents didn’t care for me, I would never experience true love, even if I had been in love. The fear, that I would miss so very much of our families, has yet to go away. There was a large part of me that did not think I would survive this war. But I did. Youdid. We can recover from this.”

She nodded at him, and then cleared her throat and voiced her agreement. Yes, they could do this.

“We have so much to look forward to,” Felix continued. “But we can’t start living our lives again until you take down those wards and let our family in.”

The air in the room was fraught as she took in his words. She bit her lip, a crease appearing between her brows.

“You’re right,” she breathed. She let go of him and walked towards the door, the same gown the Queen had dressed her in flowing behind her.

“Kaden,” Felix hissed. Kaden’s gaze had been following his mate, but at Felix’s summon he went over to him. Felix was scrounging around for his shirt and shucked it over his head when he found it.

“What?” Kaden whispered.

“I have something to tell you.”

“Is right now the best time?”

“No, but there probably won’t be a good time.”

Before Felix could elaborate, Eleana was opening the door and her family poured in. They were all loud and shouting over one another. Notably was Cassian’s “Felix what have you done?!” as he looked at the condition of his son.

Kaden was watching them when Morrigan came to his side and hugged him. Azriel joined them, putting his arms around both of them. Azriel murmured that he was glad Kaden was safe.

Kaden watched as Lady Nesta coddled Felix, kissing his head over and over again. Quathryn was pulling at her brother’s pants, demanding he pick her up. Thea was in Cassian’s arms, peering curiously at the hubbub around her.

Amren came in and perched herself on the arm of a chair in the corner, a lioness’ scowl on her face.

Then, surprisingly, High Lord Lucien and Lady Elain walked in, joining Nesta and Cassian. Lucien took Thea, and Elain pulled her sister in for a hug. Lucien was bruised, his lips bloody and one eye swollen. He grinned at Felix. “Nice look you’ve got going.”

“I pull it off better than you ever could,” Felix snickered.

The interaction brought a smile to Kaden’s face, and then High Lord Rhysand and High Lady Feyre entered.

Those before them had parted around Eleana as if she were poison Ivy. She bowed her head, and crossed her hands in front of her body, shame radiating from her like light from the flickering candles above them.

The High Lord of the Night Court looked sick. His face was pale, and a line of sweat soaked his forehead. High Lady Feyre was still in her fighting gear, her clothes torn and soaked in blood that thankfully didn’t seem to be her own. Her skin was washed out with worry, making her freckles stand out starkly. The freckles that matched those of her daughter, who met her gaze but didn’t move.

“Butterfly,” Rhysand croaked.

He ran to her. She was only a few feet away away, but he got to her as quickly as he could. He threw his arms around her, tucking her into him. The High Lord’s sobs were broken – matched by the High Lady’s as she came up behind them and wrapped her arms around Eleana’s back. She rested her cheek on the back of her neck, clasping both her husband and her daughter.

Eleana relaxed into them. Her stiff back slumped, and the gruff frown on her face smoothed. She closed her eyes and leant into her father.

Kaden sighed in relief. He pulled himself from Morrigan and Azriel, kissing the former on the cheek before moving to Felix. Quathryn was crawling all over him, and he had to playfully swat away her hands as she tried to see what was under his eye patches. Kaden put his hands under her arms and lifted her up, smiling grimly when he heard her little giggles.

“You shouldn’t do that Lady Quathryn. Felix is healing.”

Her response was to start poking at his face while giggling madly.

“You’ll be a fearsome warrior one day with hands like that,” Kaden told her.

“She’ll be able to kick your ass soon enough you bastard.” Felix rose and stepped forward. Cassian braced his hands on Felix’s shoulders, guiding his son.

“Home for all three of you. It’s far past everyone’s bed time,” Cassian said, nodding at Nesta.

“Yes, let’s all return to the house.”

Felix swallowed hard. “No thank you, I’ll meet you there in the morning.”

The dark. Felix was still afraid of the night. Kaden’s brows furrowed at the conundrum. His friend was dead on his feet from exhaustion, you could tell from the way he was swaying on his feet, but he wouldn’t sleep if he thought it was night – even if he couldn’t see the day.

The General must have been thinking the same thing, as he said, “I was thinking tonight we could set our mattresses in the lounge room. It can be Thea’s first sleepover.”

“She’s had plenty of sleepovers, that makes zero sense.”

Cassian and Felix bickered over the issue as Cassian led him away, but Kaden could see exactly what Cassian was doing. He was surrounding Felix with distraction, with those he loved, in a place he felt safe. And that was exactly what he needed.

Next, Morrigan linked her fingers with Azriel. They left quickly. Morrigan whispering that she wanted to give Rhys and Feyre time alone with Eleana. They would speak to her in the morning. Kaden agreed. He just wanted to say goodbye first. He told them he’d meet them at the house, and they left. Azriel looked like he might approach Eleana after all; the two had yet to reconcile about the stupid fight they’d had over him months ago, and Azriel looked as though he was ready to beg on his knees for forgiveness if that’s what it took. Elain and Lucien followed them promptly, Kaden hearing something about Elain wanting to use their guest room.

He stood back from the rulers of the Night Court. The High Lady and Lord were murmuring to Eleana, and if he listened intently enough he could’ve heard them, but he had no intention of breaching their privacy like that.

Eventually, they pulled apart. Rhysand kept a hand on her the whole time, and Kaden could feel his and Feyre’s fear.

It was the same fear Kaden felt. The fear that this wasn’t real, and that any moment her eyes would turn gold and that the creatures that plagued them would swarm.

Rhysand had a hand on her elbow as they walked. Feyre was close behind them, monitoring every one of her daughter’s movements.

“Wait,” Eleana pulled back.

They stopped, and she turned to Kaden.

“Are you coming?” she asked him.

He swallowed. “If you want me to.”

She paused for a moment.

Two.

“Bring an extra set of nightclothes,” she answered.

She let herself be taken from the House of Wind. Feyre subtly nodded at him – yes, he was welcome in their home tonight.

He went to follow them but was stopped by Amren slinking her way in front of him.

He had expected a confrontation between them at some point, he knew she had a distaste for him, but now? He was not in the mood. Since Eleana’s possession, she had made her feelings on him very clear. She did not like him. She thought he’d played a part in Felix’s death and Eleana’s breakdown. There were no words he could say that would convince her otherwise, so he hadn’t tried.

“You did it,” she said.

“Indeed.”

“She’s broken.”

“She won’t be forever.”

“You could have caused irreversible damage in her, doing what you did, Veilsinger.”

“Anything is better than her death. Do you have something other than the obvious to say?” He was tired – of the night, of worrying, of false accusations. He just wanted to go to bed, and he wanted his mate at his side when he did.

“I’m still watching you. We both know this isn’t over. Those creatures have scattered across the earth without a leader. More death is to come.”

He walked around her like she was nothing but an ornamental statue. “I’ll deal with it when the time comes. But right now, I have more important things to do.”

____

The extra pyjamas were for her to wear, not him. Before, she had loved stealing his clothes to sleep in. She’d always said she liked the smell, and she’d wear them even if he wasn’t there. Especiallyif he wasn’t there.

Kaden didn’t know why he was surprised that hadn’t changed.

It was High Lady Feyre who opened the door when he’d knocked. Rhysand was in the lounge, face grave, and barely managed to wave at him as he passed. Feyre walked him to the steps, warning him that Eleana was exhausted and not herself tonight before he could continue to her room.

When he entered, she was facing her window, resting her forehead on the cool glass as she watched the city.

She murmured something quietly, and he asked her to repeat herself while he closed the doors behind himself.

“I can’t get this damn dress off,” she said again. She turned to him, her face covered in red streaks from her tears. “I can’t get this damndress off.” She reached behind her and started yanking but to no avail. She started hyperventilating, her teeth exposed in a snarl as she continued viciously pulling at the material.

“It’s okay, I’ll help you.” He waited until she said yes before he approached her. He had no idea what kind of gown this was, but not even he could undo the ties. He went to her ensuite, digging around in her drawers until he found scissors. He returned to her, hacking off the dress until it was in taters on the ground.

She stood bare before him, like she had in her mind, but she was not scarless here. Every mark on her body was clear. The scars left from the Colloden – thin lines across her stomach that were a shade lighter than her natural skin. Knicks along her curtesy of her training.

She was quivering, so he led her into the bathroom and ran the bath as hot as he could without burning her. Without a word between either of them, he helped her in. She was completely still. Not moving. Not talking. Just silently weeping.

Kaden took off his shoes and leathers, leaving the rest of his clothes on as he climbed in behind her. With her back to his chest, he helped her wash her body, and massaged her scalp as he cleaned and conditioned her hair.

They soaked for at least an hour before she talked.

“My body feels foreign to me. Like it’s not actually mine.” She was on her side, his arms keeping her from sliding under the cooling water. “The Queen had done things that I never could have imagined. I think, at some point, I started living them again as if I washer. There’s more of her type. Some lands eradicated by her species and the demons they bred, but not all. Whole lands conquered and ravished. In all the worlds I saw, there was only one that survived. One. There’s so much I want to tell you, but I don’t know where to start.”

It was the first time she had really spoken to him since her return.

He tightened his grip on her. “Perhaps a good first step is to get out of this water and into bed.”

She stilled at that, upturning her face. “That’s another thing,” she said quietly, slowly, shamefully. “I don’t – I can’t…” She took a deep breath. “The thought of having sex right now…” She scrunched her face and shook her head. “I need to learn who I am, and what my body is in relation to me before I feel – I’m just not comfortable right now.” Her next words were jumbled, barely intelligible, but Kaden understood her perfectly.

“Eleana, my dark rose, I have no intention of bedding you tonight. Or ever, until you are ready and wanting.”

She shuddered in relief, turning to fully face him, her body curving down his. “It’s not that I don’t want you, just right now-”

“You don’t have to justify it to me.” He smoothed the wet hair from her face, then stroking her jaw with his thumb as he looked deeply into her violet eyes. “I understand. I’m here for whatever you need. For as long as you need. You are my mate after all.”

The word mate made her chew her lip nervously. “Just because you’re my mate doesn’t mean you can’t leave at any time. You are under no obligation to me Kaden, I never wanted you to feel like you were.”

He pushed her off him gently, standing from the tub and pulling off his soaked clothes. He wrapped a towel around himself before leaving the room and coming back with their night clothes. She was up and drying herself and welcomed his shirt as he lifted it over her head. In a matching set, he led her to her bed, letting her get in before he sat next to her atop the covers.

“You being my mate,” he said into the darkness, looking out her windows at the city near decimated, “is a gift beyond comprehension. But, in saying that, if you had told me that first day, I would have been with you for obligation. Even if I loved you, there would have always been a set of shackles that bound us. I needed to learn to care for myself before I could properly care for you. I likely would have harboured resentment for my life here, and you for making the choice for me. But now – now I love you without restraint. I choose Velaris because this is the city of my family and where I will be accepted as more than a Lord’s bastard. I am here because I love you, and I want to be with you, mate bond or not. Eleana, you could drag me across continents, sail me over vast oceans, fly me to the deepest corners of the sky, and I would be grateful for every moment.”

She scooted up the bed and sat up, resting her head on his shoulder.

“That is my truth – my promise to you.”

She pressed her lips to his cheek. “I have loved you for one hundred years, and I will love you for uncountable centuries more.” She cupped his jaw with her hands. “The Suriel warned me once of what was to come. I was too preoccupied with my own drama that I didn’t properly heed his warning. But he did tell me one thing I abided by.”

“What is that?”

“He said that if I stayed with my mate, then I, everyone, would fare fine.”

They stayed in silence for a while. Gazing at the night, gazing at each other, wondering if this could possibly be their life.

Together. Somehow, they had come through this together.

And as Eleana finally spoke of the horrors she had witnessed, her words a lilt, the first snow of winter fell.

#acohad #a court of hearts and darkness #feysand #nessian #moriel #elucien #fanfic #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas

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hotelsweet · 6 years

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you might kill me with desire - chapter 5

yeah that’s right I’m updating this less than a month since I last updated it!!!! maybe I’m actually capable of regularly writing,,, who’s to say

ao3 link

***

For the first time in a long time, Jake’s woken up by the feeling of sunlight on his face.

Just for a second, he panics- there’s no way he should be awake late enough that the sun is coming through the windows. He jolts awake, forcing his eyes open, already fearing the lecture he’ll receive from Amy when he arrives at the office. Instead, he finds himself on her couch.

Last night comes back all at once- bringing her home from the office, spending the very last of his cash on that cab, hearing her tell him she loves him.

Hearing her tell him she loves him.

As if by magic, the sunlight warming his skin feels like nothing in comparison to the feeling rushing under his skin. She said it back. Amy said it back. He’s wanted to hear those words for so long.

For the first time since this case started, their relationship feels somewhat… peaceful. He savours it- if the last eight weeks are anything to go by, they’ll have either had sex or broken into another argument by the early afternoon, so it’s probably worth enjoying the calm while it lasts.

The pale orange light filling the apartment is the first departure from winter Jake’s known in months. The harshness of darkness and cold only ever become obvious once things lighten up, though, he thinks. There’s something indescribably comforting about waking up in Amy’s apartment with the sun.

Down the hall he hears her footsteps. Sitting up, he realises she hasn’t turned on the coffee machine yet- otherwise it’d be whirring in that odd way he doesn’t like- and decides to make some for the both of them. As he ambles into her kitchenette he wonders if there’s anything he could cook, or even if she’s got some bread to toast. Better yet- a pop-tart to toast.

The cupboards are agonizingly empty, and her fridge is a disaster, save for a couple of takeout boxes stacked together on the middle shelf. With her level of organisation, the state of her kitchen seems practically impossible. But things haven’t been normal lately.

When the first cup of coffee is finished he replaces the cup on the stand and takes the first. He can’t find food, but he can bring Amy her coffee. It’s the minimum he should be offering her for letting him stay the night, and there’s no way in hell the bodega across the street is open yet, so there’s little to no chance of making her a decent meal.

The world seems slow, not quite awake, Jake thinks- exactly like him. His eyes are still a little heavy and he’s pretty sure his hair is sticking up in ten wrong directions, but he’s already thinking about saying good morning to her, asking whether she slept well and if she still feels the same as she did last night and if she, too, has woken up to find the world in technicolour.

He knocks on her door, but she’s already opening it, resulting in a mutual look of surprise.

Amy looks incredible. For a moment, Jake’s breath hitches in his throat, a surge of longing for her sinking and settling deep within him. She’s wearing her robe, a soft thing hanging over her body in a navy satin which perfectly complements the skin it leaves exposed. He’s not sure he’s ever seen it before; it feels intimate, a detail he’s been allowed in on by being here at this hour in the morning, by knowing she’s comfortable enough to wear anything around him. It’s when he catches himself focusing on the tendrils of hair escaping the low bun she’s scraped her hair into that he realises he’s staring.

“Oh- hey,” he stammers. “Morning. I got you a coffee.”

“Oh my god,” she groans, gratitude falling over her face. “You’re amazing.”

Her voice is a little hoarse, just a bit lower than usual- regularly Jake would take this voice as indication of a bad night’s sleep, but right now he’s only half-ashamed to admit to himself that it’s kind of turning him on.

“I’m honestly just proud I knew how to use the machine.”

Amy tilts her head, looking at him oddly. For a moment he thinks he sees a small smile flash over her face.

“You use it every time you’re here.”

She’s right, obviously, but quite frankly Jake’s struggling to speak, let alone make any sense. He was proud of that line about operating the coffee machine. Mildly self-deprecating humour, early morning humour- as far as he’s concerned he nailed it.

“Thank you,” she adds, smiling warmly. He wonders if the knowing look in her eyes is because she can tell he’s nervous as fuck or if it’s because she’s genuinely just pleased about the coffee. Quite honestly, he doesn’t care.

In the kitchen, the coffee machine pings happily. Jake’s espresso is finished.

“C’mon,” Amy says, still smiling, pushing past him into the hall. “We have a full forty-five minutes before we need to leave.”

“We’re living a life of luxury here,” Jake manages, not turning around for fear of how he’ll feel when he sees what she looks like from behind in that robe. He waits for five paces, then follows her.

Amy slides into a seat at her table, making the kind of noises while she sips at her coffee that’d make anyone think she’s been handed the nectar of the gods. For the sake of his own confidence, Jake tries not to let himself compare the faces she’s making as she drinks it with the faces she made the last time they slept together. This could be the first time in his life he’s been jealous of a cup of coffee.

“So.”

“So,” Jake replies, leaning against the counter nearest to her.

“Last night,” she says, pausing for another sip, “I think I may have found something.”

“Really?!”

“Don’t get excited,” she holds up her hand. “It could be nothing.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s not something. What is it?”

“Okay,” she starts, seriousness falling over her face. “Kristoff was married twice, right? Emilia was his second wife.”

Jake nods, aware that she’s got more to say and not wanting to interrupt.

“We know nothing about this first wife. Because nobody in the family has even mentioned her.”

“We’ve never even looked,” Jake affirms, which is when he starts to see the same gap Amy’s seeing.

“So… there’s potential. Nobody ever talks about her. What if she was still linked to Kristoff somehow?”

“Oh, I love that.”

“I know, right?” She grins.

“Kristoff’s family life was a nightmare. If he was a dick to his first wife, too-”

“- She might want revenge. Exactly what I was thinking,” she explains.

“I kind of feel guilty for going to the bar with Charles while you were basically solving this case on your own,” Jake says apologetically. To his delight, this only resurrects the huge smile which was on Amy’s face a few minutes ago.

“Sometimes it’s best to leave the professionals to do their jobs,” she smiles tartly. He raises his eyebrows, which only makes her chuckle. “Kidding. Like I said, it might be nothing.”

“I bet it’s not.”

Amy smiles into her coffee.

***

“Emilia Clare is in your office waiting for you.”

After a relatively breezy, optimistic morning, Jake can say with some certainty that this is not what either of them were expecting to walk into when they arrived at the office this morning. They both look at each other, exchanging a strange look, before they’re hurrying down the hall towards Pembroke’s office, without a word in reply to the young administrator who broke the news.

Sure enough, Emilia’s stood in the main portion of the office, directly in front of Pembroke’s desk. The first thing Jake notices is the stiffness of her posture, the way she’s holding herself as if she’s having to hold back from starting a fight. Conveniently, Pembroke is nowhere to be seen. Makes sense- it’s a Friday morning, which means he’s likely attempting to pick up women at the gym. Correction: harassing women at the gym.

“Emilia, hi-”

Amy’s greeting is abruptly cut short the second Emilia sees the two of them, fire catching in her eyes.

“Don’t hi me. You know I’m furious. Where’s Pembroke?”

“He’s…” Jake looks at Amy exasperatedly, as he tries to find a suitable excuse. “He’s out of the office this morning. How can we help?”

Emilia just stares at him, speechless, as if he’s just suggested jumping from the top of the building for fun.

“Are you seriously going to play dumb?” She asks after a moment.

“I’m sorry, Mrs Clare,” Amy offers, “but we don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Have either of you even opened your phones this morning? Twitter? Instagram?”

“We don’t… really…” Amy falters apologetically.

“Angelica’s in hospital.” Emilia finally gives in with a sigh, clearly at a loss. Her index finger and thumb go to the bridge of her nose in perhaps the only overt display of distress Jake’s ever seen from her. “It’s everywhere, obviously, and it’s because of information you made public. For no good reason.”

“I don’t understand…” Jake finds himself thinking out loud. Obviously, Daniel had told him about Angelica being in therapy, but as far as Jake knows that information hasn’t been passed onto anyone not involved in the investigation. He, Pembroke, and Amy are essentially the only ones who should know.

He glances over at Amy, whose face has completely dropped- despite this, he can see she’s trying to hold herself back, remain professional. If he knows her at all then she’s having just as hard a time as him.

“Is she okay?” She asks quietly.

“She will be.” Emilia says simply.

“Who leaked it?” Jake interjects, sensing the flash of anger in Emilia’s voice.

“It was on Twitter, last night.” Emilia rolls her eyes as she opens her phone, “Some empty account- you know, an egg- put up a picture of one of Angie’s therapy records.”

She holds up her phone, and, sure enough, there’s a scan of one of Angelica’s medical records. Jake can’t help but notice that whoever’s put it up has taken the time to blur most of the sensitive information, leaving behind only the important stuff- feelings of hopelessness, difficulties with substance abuse, et cetera. Whoever did this didn’t want to get in serious trouble.

“Wait,” Amy interjects after a moment, concern in her voice. “So why’s Angelica in hospital?”

“She went on a total bender last night,” Emilia admits sadly, her voice lower now. “Had her stomach pumped. Alcohol poisoning. There are pictures all over the internet. She’s devastated.”

Jake’s heart sinks at the thought of it. It’s their responsibility to keep this information under wraps and now they’ve put somebody in danger by letting it slip through their fingers.

“Emilia, we will do everything we can to figure out who did this,” he tries to reassure her, unsure if it’s of any use at this stage.

“And have them fired immediately,” Amy adds. A tad overkill, Jake thinks, seeing as neither of them have anything even close to that kind of power, but the sentiment is sincere.

It takes a little while before Emilia has calmed down and left- by the time she’s gone, Jake and Amy have been in the office for over an hour, and made far too many promises they can’t necessarily keep.

“I just don’t get how this happened,” Amy laments for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. “I don’t get it.”

“I’m running the IP on the account that tweeted the document,” Jake says, indirectly attempting to make her feel better. “Should give us an idea.”

“It could be anyone, once the information’s out,” Amy replies dismissively. “God, y’know what would be really useful? If our boss was here.”

“I miss Holt too.”

She pauses.

“I meant Pembroke.”

“Oh, right,” Jake realises. Obviously. “Wait.” He sits up.

“What?”

“The IP address.”

“What about it?”

Jake looks into Pembroke’s portion of the office. Still empty.

“It’s ours.”

Amy sighs.

“It was Pembroke.” Her voice is quiet, but sure.

“Why would he-”

“We both know,” Amy cuts in. “We’re losing momentum and if information like this gets leaked it makes it seem like the family’s hiding things from us, not that we’re crappy detectives.”

Jake nods solemnly.

“He doesn’t want the FBI taking our case.”

They both pause for a second, the realisation of what’s been done, the position Angelica’s been put in, sinking in.

“We have until the end of the weekend, right?” Amy asks after a minute or so.

“Right.” Jake watches her, curious as to where she’s taking this.

“I think we have to do this alone.”

***

“You do realise you’re sharing confidential information with two detectives not assigned to your case, right?”

Rosa, ever monotonous, just raises her eyebrows at Amy.

“I know that,” Amy replies nervously. “Obviously.”

“Just wanted to make sure you weren’t freaking out too bad about breaking the rules,” Rosa shrugs, leaning back in her seat.

Jake takes a second to look at Amy. Rosa’s right, obviously- there’s panic rooted deep in Amy’s wide eyes, but she’s holding herself together remarkably well.

“We can’t do this under Pembroke’s surveillance anymore,” Jake affirms. Amy looks at him gratefully. “He’s making everything worse.”

“Tell us what you need us to do. We’ll help in any way we can, Jakey,” Charles adds, pity in his voice.

Charles and Rosa were quick to agree to meet the two of them for lunch. Jake’s hardly surprised- they’ve had no real regular contact for a couple of months now, so an urgent call to meet them during their lunch break must have seemed pretty strange. After Amy had suggested progressing with the case under Major Crimes’ nose, they’d both agreed they’d need backup- investigating a high-stakes case alone is reckless. Doing it without any support is plain stupid.

“We think we may have a lead. But we need to follow it without anyone knowing,” Amy explains simply. Jake knows this stage of stress well- she’s forcing an air of practicality now, pushing her way through it. He’s nervous too, but he knows he cares ten times less about going behind Pembroke’s back. He resists the urge to reach under the table and hold her hand.

“We’re heading to the estate this afternoon to go through Kristoff’s office again. We’re looking for information about his first wife. She’s pretty much hidden herself away,” he explains, largely so Amy doesn’t have to.

“Don’t blame her,” Rosa mumbles.

“Yeah.” Amy says meekly, the realities of this family’s life hanging thick in the air. “Anyway. As long as you guys know where we are and what we’re doing, then we’re safe, right?”

“Guaranteed.” Rosa nods once, looking sincerely over at Amy. Charles nods too. Jake’s centre warms at their loyalty.

“Thank you, guys. And remember- you can’t tell Terry or Holt unless things go south,” Jake adds. “Neither of them would approve of us messing with protocol.”

“Oh god,” Amy groans at the mention of her superiors.

“Isn’t Gina gonna be pretty pissed she’s not involved?” Rosa asks casually.

“Actually, I kind of told her,” Jake confesses.

“You did what?” Amy’s voice raises slightly. She glares into him.

“Not details,” he backpedals, “just that we’re going incognito. She loves it.”

Amy rolls her eyes.

“Hey! Rosa said it herself, she’d be mad if I didn’t tell her!”

“She’s your friend, I get it. I just don’t want her to tell Holt.” Amy sighs, bringing her fourth coffee of the day to her lips.

A moment of quiet rests amongst them. Normally, Jake thinks, conversation would resume naturally, but they’ve had the natural catching up that comes with colleagues you see on a daily basis. Internally he tries to think of something to say. How’re Charles and Genevieve? Rosa and Marcus? At this stage, even a disgusting story about Scully and Hitchcock would feel homely.

Luckily, Rosa fills the silence.

“So,” she starts. She looks up, between Amy and Jake, and rare smile pulls at her lips. “Heard you two finally banged it out.”

Amy’s eyes widen in a look of sheepish confusion Jake might find amusing were it not for the disappointed look he’s throwing Charles, who shrugs apologetically.

“Sorry, guys. I got too excited!”

“First time in an elevator? Congratulations, you two.” Rosa grins. Jake’s heart drops. To his side he hears a small gasp leave Amy’s lips. “Scandalous.”

“Jake!”

“He’s my best friend!”

***

“Ida Cohen… Ida Cohen.”

Amy glances up from the box she’s sorting through and looks over at Daniel, who’s repeating the name of Kristoff’s first wife like he’s trying to memorise it.

Between his fingers he holds the only picture they’ve found of this woman: a polaroid taken over thirty years ago.

While her and Jake dig through Kristoff’s office, looking for every and any piece of evidence that might tie him to his first wife, Daniel- acting quite contrarily to his former position as Kristoff’s assistant- is being absolutely no help.

She wonders if he’s ever had to be part of something this serious- she hopes not, for Kristoff’s sake. It’s hard not to think this kid is all bark and no bite- he can’t be older than late twenties, he’s good-looking, has been making ridiculous money for years under one of the most sought-after employers in the working world, and yet he can’t hold up under pressure for more than about ten seconds.

They’ve been here for almost an hour now, two if you include the drive- and to absolutely no avail. Unsurprisingly, there’s no evidence whatsoever of Kristoff’s first wife in the huge house

“I know it, I swear. I feel like I’ve seen it somewhere.” He looks around the room in hard concentration. “Did you try looking at his accounts?”

Amy sighs, perhaps a little too audibly to remain polite. Daniel shrugs, blushing a little, and guilt immediately seeps into her chest.

“Sorry. Kristoff’s bank records were the first thing we looked at,” she explains calmly.

“What did the rest of the family say?” Daniel keeps going, his voice a little nervous now, for the first time since Amy met him. “Wait, can I ask that?”

“Not really,” she says, “but it doesn’t matter anyway. We’ve got nothing.”

“Nobody wants anything to do with Ida,” Jake cuts in, almost under his breath- “Which only makes us want to see if she has any information even more.”

“Kristoff and Ida got married then divorced almost exactly three years later. Simple as that,” Amy groans. She puts the lid back on the box she’s been looking through. “This is useless.”

“Did they live here? In New York, I mean.” Daniel asks with an air of innocence.

“New Hampshire. We’re pretty sure she’s still there now.”

“Oh.” Daniel’s face changes into something Amy can’t quite pinpoint. She watches him for a moment.

“Why?”

“Nothing. It’s just that I noticed Angelica had a kind of fixation with this charity here. I feel like the owner’s name was Ida. Maybe Irene.”

Jake looks over at Amy, eyes narrowed.

“Why would Angelica want to reach out to her father’s ex-wife?” He asks simply.

Daniel shrugs, looking between the two detectives blankly.

“That’s for you to answer, right?” When a silence falls in the room he shifts a little awkwardly. “I’m gonna go grab a drink from outside. Can I get you guys a coffee?”

Amy nods politely.

“Thanks,” she says quietly, and like that he’s left the room.

“How’s he been so useful until now?” Jake says, a little too soon for Amy’s liking. She brings her gloved finger to her lips, silently shushing him.

“Maybe he’s just overwhelmed. We’ve kind of bombarded him,” she says quietly, opening another box.

There’s a short pause. Out of the corner of her eye Amy sees Jake’s brows knotted together in thought.

“I have this weird feeling about New Hampshire. Did we see something to do with New Hampshire?”

She thinks about it for a second, hard, but nothing comes to mind. Perhaps she’s just tired.

“Was it the accounts?”

“Maybe. It’s probably nothing,” he brushes it off, shaking his head. She watches him, concerned. Jake never throws off a hunch. “Kind of weird how much this dude stashed in here.”

He’s holding a box of what appears to be old memorabilia- from the other side of the office Amy can see a couple of loose photos, an old leaflet, and what may even be a receipt. It’s a strange sight- even now it’s difficult to picture Kristoff as a sentimental man. After all, all she’s experienced of him is his business persona, accounts of a mildly abusive relationship with his son, and his dead body. She’s not to blame if she finds it a little tough to picture him stashing away keepsakes in his office.

“Do you think he was in here often?” Amy wonders out loud.

For a second they both take in the real magnitude of the office. The only word that comes to mind, Amy thinks, is presidential; just sitting on other sides of the room, she and Jake almost need to raise their voices to hear each other. A thick, ornate carpet fills almost the entire floor. It’s probably worth a year of her rent. The desk sits in front of the floor-to-wall window overlooking the estate. There’s something eerie about the night sky and the pitch black of the gardens beneath the window being exposed to the room like that- for a second Amy has a strong urge to close the curtains.

“Who knows,” Jake says softly. “Don’t super rich people mostly have rooms like this so they can show it off?”

“That’s what I thought, until we found all this.”

Jake hums in agreement, then goes back to his box.

“Hey, check out Emilia’s old haircut. It’s so 2004 you’re going to lose your mind,” he grins, tossing a photo across the room.

Amy picks it up with a small smile and for the first time in a few days allows herself a moment of genuine amusement. Jake’s right- the pixie cut, low-rise jeans, and thin scarf Emilia’s sporting in this city candid is painfully reminiscent of the 2000s, and almost impossible to match with the elegant, appropriately-dressed woman who came to see them in the office this morning.

As if by magic, the small moment of relief disappears- picturing Emilia only reminds her of why they’re even here in the first place, and all she can picture is Angelica in hospital.

“Is it just me, or is Daniel taking extra-long with those coffees?” She breaks the silence, laughing awkwardly. Jake smiles knowingly, a sad look in his eyes, and for a moment she feels a little self-conscious, knowing he’s read exactly what she’s thinking just by looking at her. No words required.

“To be fair, he has to walk three miles to get back to the office from the coffee machine.” Jake mutters.

A giggle finds its way out of Amy’s chest.

Eventually Daniel’s footsteps are audible from the hallway.

“I forgot how you take it, so they’re both black. Is that okay?” He smiles apologetically.

“Perfect,” Amy smiles. “Thank you for your help this evening, Daniel. You didn’t have to come out all the way with us.”

No, really, she thinks- you didn’t. She watches him smile appreciatively and feels a little bad. He’s been almost entirely useless all night. They’d only even asked him to be here in case he knew where anything especially secret would be in the office, or the combination for any safes they might come across. That, and the fact that they’re currently sneaking around without telling their boss, so time has been of the essence. The fact of it all is that, until tonight, Daniel has known it all.

“How long are you guys going to keep trying in here?” Daniel asks. If it were anyone else Amy might find it a little condescending, but he sounds genuinely intrigued.

Amy shrugs, unable to provide an answer. They’ve ransacked every single box in this room.

“Oh!”

Jake’s sudden outburst makes her jump.

“What is it?!”

“New Hampshire Institute of Art!” Jake shouts. “Remember?”

She shakes her head. For a moment she even looks at Daniel, but his expression is equally absent.

“The accounts. Every year Kristoff made a pretty sizeable ‘donation’ to the New Hampshire Institute of art,” Jake explains energetically, waving his hands around in air quotes, “but what if it wasn’t a donation?”

“Go on…”

“The polaroid-” He continues urgently, gesturing towards Daniel, who pulls it out of his pocket and hands it to him immediately. “Look at Ida’s dungarees.”

He holds the picture directly in front of Amy’s face.

“God, so 80s,” she mutters.

“Anything special about them?” Jake asks, eyes wide, his mouth already splaying into a grin.

“Wait, is that paint-”

“PAINT! She’s covered in paint!” Jake beams.

Amy grabs her phone from her pocket and immediately looks up the website for the New Hampshire Institute of Art, navigating the pages as quickly as possible in an attempt to find somebody in charge, a list of staff, until, sure enough-

“Ida Cohen! Exhibitions Director and Art Handler!” Amy jumps up, showing Jake her phone screen.

For a second they both stare at each other, and then at the phone, and then at each other again, in total disbelief. Jake beams, almost laughing. For a moment she forgets they’re not the only people in the room.

“What now?” Jake asks, as if snapping out of a trance.

Amy looks down at her phone. The website’s rolling slideshow flicks onto a new picture.

“Road trip.” Amy smiles.

“Right now?”

She checks the time. 7pm.

“If go now we can find her tomorrow morning.”

“We have no change of clothes,” he says, almost laughing.

“We’ll find some!”

She beams. Normally she’d never make a plan this last-minute, and he knows that, but this is a lead, and they’ve only got two days to follow it through before the case is taken away from them, and even if it takes them nowhere it’s still something- and each of these thoughts must be showing on her face right now, because Jake seems like he wants in.

“Okay,” he smiles. “Okay! Let’s go!”

“Okay!” She cringes at how childlike her voice sounds, but the feeling’s gone in under a second- for some reason, this feels like a spontaneous adventure, and not an integral part of her literal adult job.

Daniel clears his throat awkwardly in the corner of the room, before finally piping up.

“So… I guess I’ll just get an uber.”

***

It’s been years since Amy’s driven on near-empty roads. Maybe she should be enjoying it, but all she can think about is how everything looks completely the same, it’s way too dark, and her grip on the steering wheel hasn’t shifted for enough time that one of her arms is starting to cramp up.

“Jake? How long left?”

Her voice is quieter, hoarser than she’d expected, which is when she realises she’s not spoken for a good hour. Maybe more.

“Jake,” she says, a little louder- but, glancing over at him, she realises that he’s fallen asleep.

His arms are folded over his chest, the sleeves of his button-down somewhat crinkled after a day’s wear. He’s leaning into the space between the top of his seat and the window, his head falling back into a position Amy only worries will hurt his neck. In the dark of the car her stomach flutters at the fleeting sight of his dark eyelashes and exposed neckline.

Eyes back on the road, she resolves not to disturb him.

All at once, seemingly out of nowhere, it sinks in. How much everything’s changed. How she can look over at him in the middle of the night and know exactly what the bare skin of his neck tastes like, and how his breathing will change once he really falls asleep, and how he’ll sound first thing in the morning when it’s just him and her. Him, and her, and this interminable case.

Only the other night she told him she loved him. Her insides fizz nervously at the memory of it. Yesterday, Amy. It was yesterday. But it feels like last week. Things have been so intense that the days have melted into months; day-to-day life seems distant, unattainable. An ache rises in her chest at the thought of the precinct. She misses it more than anything.

On top of that, though, is that ugly guilt that’s sat within her this entire time. The feeling that she’s not done enough for Emilia or Angelica. For anyone, really. The aching in her chest blazes at the thought of Angelica in hospital. They’ve progressed, but not nearly enough, and for Angelica and Emilia it must feel like purgatory. Constantly waiting to find out what happened to half of their family.

Jake hums softly.

“I’m awake,” he almost whispers.

Amy glances over. His eyes are still closed, so she decides not to reply. If he wants to sleep, he should- god knows the two of them need it.

“Did you ask something? Before?” He asks sleepily.

“Don’t worry,” she smiles over. He’s still got his eyes shut.

“No, go on.”

She smiles to herself.

“I was just wondering how far we are.”

“Oh man,” he stirs, sitting up next to her. “I’ve failed in my role as designated Google Maps navigator.”

Out of the corner of her eye she sees his phone light up.

“You were given the option to leave your unlocked phone on the dashboard, so I could see it.”

“And give you full access to my phone? Nice try.”

“Fair,” she laughs, envisaging the messages she could have sent to the group text-chain.

“We’re not far,” he reassures her. “Like, twenty minutes.”

“Twenty minutes? Shouldn’t I be coming off the freeway soon?” Amy feels herself begin to panic. “Did I miss the exit? Where’s the motel?”

“I didn’t search for a specific motel, I just had it taking us to the city centre,” he admits. “I’ll find one now.”

After he’s found a motel about five minutes back from their current location, and she’s given a minute-long, exhaustion-fuelled lecture on why they should have known exactly where they are going in the first place, they’re on their way. Luckily, Jake’s time estimate was near-perfect, and it takes exactly- he times it- five minutes to get there.

The place is eerily quiet. Miserably quiet, Amy thinks, like something’s not right. But it’s nearing midnight, so for tonight, it’s home.

Despite the feeling of the entrance, the motel is surprisingly… decent. Their room’s small, and the sheets look cheap, and there’s not much in the name of hospitality (see: the one towel, and single complimentary sachet of shampoo) but everything’s new- judging by the smell of paint, she’d guess it’s been newly renovated.

“I think I’ll shower,” she says quietly once they’re inside, dropping her bag on the bed. “Oh, want me to steam any of your clothes?”

“Steam?”

Jake, who’s already flopped face-first onto the bed, turns over and gives her an odd look.

“You don’t have a change of clothes,” she explains, thinking gratefully of the spare pantsuit she’s brought in from her car. “If I hang them in the bathroom while I shower, they’ll at least smell nice tomorrow. And they’ll be crinkle-free,” she adds, arguably with a tad too much excitement in her voice.

“Crinkle-free?!” Jake teases. “I’m sold.”

“Shut up.”

He stands up and starts unbuttoning his shirt, facing away from her as he pulls it off his shoulders. After a moment Amy realises she’s watching him. In silence.

“I’ll be in the bathroom,” she says quietly, smiling politely even though he’s not looking at her. “Just knock when you’re done.”

With the bathroom door closed behind her, Amy realises she’s been holding her breath.

There’s something about being around him, even in boring, little moments like this, that sets her alight. Sure, the constant-tiredness-plus-emotionally-intense-case thing isn’t doing her any favours, but the truth of it is evident whenever she’s alone and vulnerable with him.

With just enough room to move around, she begins to undress. It’s an odd layout for a bathroom- the toilet is wedged in next to the sink, which might not seem so cramped were it not for the massive counter in which the sink is set. On the other side of the room is the shower, and a tall towel rack, perfect for Amy’s steaming plan. She slings her blouse over the already-warm metal with satisfaction.

Slipping out of her clothes is sweet relief- she’s been wearing them for almost 18 hours now, and the air against her skin feels practically blissful. It’s the little things, she thinks, wondering how, as a woman in her thirties, her daily dose of happiness comes from standing half-naked in a motel bathroom.

Jake’s knock at the door jolts her out of her tired haze.

“Hi!”

Perhaps a tad too enthusiastic, Ames, she thinks, her internal monologue somehow rolling its eyes at her.

He smirks amusedly at the greeting.

“Hi.”

For some reason, despite the fact he’s stood in front of her in his boxers, Amy feels incredibly bare. Oddly, it’s not often that they’re stood chatting in motel rooms in their underwear. Jake offers her a small pile of clothes.

“I tried to fold them.” He winces, looking at the oddly-folded stack of clothes in his hands.

“You didn’t need to do that, I’m just gonna hang them up.” Amy smiles, taking them from him.

She slings his clothes over the towel rack as slowly as she can, just to see if he’ll leave the doorway. He doesn’t. Her heart is pounding now, hard enough that she can feel it in her chest.

“Maybe I just wanted to show off my folding skills,” Jake offers, but he seems miles away from what he’s saying. He’s distracted, and, for the first time in her life, Amy’s sure that she’s the reason why.

She stands in front of him in the doorway.

It can’t be more than a few seconds that they stand there, motionless, staring into each other’s eyes, but it feels like a year. Every part of her is awake, and every part of her wants him. She loves him- that’s it, she thinks, she can say that now- and it’s the most perfect feeling in the whole world.

“Anyway,” Amy breaks the silence, smiling tartly. “I need to shower.”

“Oh, right-” Jake agrees, raising his eyebrows as he snaps out of it, blushing slightly.

Amy laughs, cutting him off.

“I’m kidding,” she giggles, lifting herself up onto her toes and pulling him into a kiss. He responds immediately, his hands slipping round her waist and pulling her into him.

“Tease.” He laughs against her lips.

Instantly, she’s back in paradise: hearing his voice this close to her again, hearing the want in his voice from just one word uttered into her ear. He’s all hers.

Jake’s grip firms around her, and as quickly as this all started she feels him guiding her to the sink, walking her backwards towards the counter. She follows his lead, lifting herself onto the counter with her hands so she’s sat in front of him.

“You’re so beautiful.”

He takes the moment just to look at her, and Amy’s never felt more exposed in her entire life. His eyes are dark, sincere, and she’s not sure she’s ever felt more wanted in her life. She has to stop herself from letting all the words in her head overflow at once; I want you, I love you, you’re beautiful- she doesn’t know where to start.

So instead, she kisses him softly, sweetly, wrapping her arms around his neck and hoping he knows somehow what it means to her. What he means to her.

Time disappears while they’re here together; the outside world has vanished. There’s no case, there’s no Vulture, there’s nothing corrupt or stressful or pressured. There’s only him, and his tongue in her mouth, and his fingers on her skin, pinching at the clasp of her bra until it comes free.

He starts his way down her neck, trailing hot kisses along her jawline. His grip tightens around her waist while he sucks at a sweet spot over her chest- he’s learning, she realises, remembering the last time they were together and the reaction she’d let slip when he’d come across it. It seems impossible that someone so disorganised could be this good at multitasking, she thinks, sighing at the gentle stroking of her back and the hotness of his mouth on her neck.

“Jake-”

His name escapes her when his hand circles round to her front and dips under the hem of her underwear- just enough for the sensation to surprise her, have her melt just that little bit more.

It occurs to her in this moment that he’s pampering her, that she’s getting all the attention- and it’s perfect, but the urge to give back washes over her without thinking. Before she knows it she’s wrapping her legs around his hips and pulling him in closer, letting her hands run over his bare chest and up into his hair, pulling softly at the curls resting on the nape of his neck as he kisses her.

Languidly she allows her free hand to travel downwards, wasting no time with the teasing he’d demonstrated only a minute ago. Jake gasps into her mouth, a soft groan coming from the back of his throat that Amy tries painfully hard to savour. Having her fingers wrapped around him only makes her feel more powerful- he’s hot under her fingertips, and the more she moves the more he groans into her skin.

It’s your turn, she thinks, feeling him relax into her. She mimics the movements he was using, kissing her way from his neck to his chest, sucking hard over his collarbone. He groans, muttering her name under his breath, which only encourages her more- she lets herself bite softly at his skin. He gasps, his breath sinking into his chest. Internally, she wonders if she’s left a mark.

She tries to slip off the counter and back onto her feet so she can get down in front of him, but Jake seems to figure out what she’s trying to do before she manages it and keeps her upright, securing his hands around her waist again.

“No, you.” His hands go to her hips, thumbs slipping back under the hem of her underwear.

Truthfully, her mind is past the point of foreplay- she stops his hands with her own and pushes the last of her clothing off and around her knees. She looks at him, eyes flickering downwards and then back- his expression changes, as if surprised at how quickly she’s moving.

“You sure?”

“Mm,” she nods, kissing him softly. “You?”

“Yeah- yes,” he stammers, smiling bashfully.

“Good,” she hums, shifting herself forward and pulling him towards her.

Amy’s not tired anymore. She’s electrified, every millimetre of her on fire, and she’s entirely lost sight of everything and anything that isn’t Jake; her brain has been wiped clean, the only prevailing thought or action being the man in front of her. Nothing exists except the two of them.

She never wants to fall asleep and wake up to Ida and Kristoff and Emilia and Angelica and a city of eyes on her and Jake and their case. Every move she makes is in a bid to come closer to him, until it’s not physically possible anymore, pressed up against him so hard that even half an inch closer might cause his bones to snap under the pressure of her grip.

She never wants to know anything except the feeling of him moving in and around her. The scent of his skin. The taste of his lips. She’d rather live on the floor of this bathroom with only him, for the rest of her life, than have to go home.

Eventually all her thoughts switch off, until the only three words able to appear in her brain become stuck on repeat for the rest of the night.

Don’t let go.

***

The first thing Jake notices when he wakes up is not the intimacy of the beautiful woman resting on his chest. Nor is it the warmth of the sun sifting into the room through the blinds. Even the blissful rested feeling he hasn’t felt in a good couple of weeks goes amiss.

Why?

His muscles hurt like hell.

In fact, the first noise he makes as he wakes up is a small, pained groan- Amy stirs on top of him, which pulls out of his sleep and into full consciousness again.

“Y’okay?”

She sounds so blissfully sleepy, asking him with the unenergetic concern of someone barely awake.

“Mm,” he offers. He doesn’t want to disturb her.

His body hasn’t hurt this much since one of his first, particularly awful workouts when he was at the Academy- not long after he met Rosa. It’s a sweet ache- all, presumably, from last night- but it’s unfamiliar. He’s not been physically worn out like this in a long time.

And yet, he thinks, slowly rubbing his hand over the plane of Amy’s shoulder, he’d do absolutely anything to repeat last night. Simply put, he’s never had sex that good in his entire life. A soft ache in his leg reminds him that he’s paying for it, but it’s the last thing on his mind. All he can do is wonder what he did to be rewarded with a night like that. And with someone like her, nonetheless.

“What time is it?” Her voice hums against his ribs.

“Uh,” he reaches over for his phone, “just gone nine.”

“Ugh,” Amy groans, shifting slightly beneath him. “We should get going.”

“Five minutes,” he resists. “We can have five minutes.”

Amy pushes herself up so she’s closer to him. Her legs tickle his as they move closer. She smiles up at him, her dark hair sifting over her shoulders now she’s turned over, and Jake thinks for a second that he might have just died and gone to heaven. Her smile is infectious, and it’s not long before he mirrors her.

“You’re so cute when you’ve just woken up,” she says quietly, reaching up and running her fingers through his hair. A shiver runs down his spine. “Even your hair looks adorable. Not fair.”

He has no words. He knows his bed hair, and, thanks to this, he knows she looks at least fifty times better than him.

She kisses his chest and pushes herself up and out of bed, wandering lazily towards the bathroom. Jake can’t take his eyes off her. She dresses herself slowly, only stepping out once to ask if he saw any toothpaste when they arrived. Somehow, he manages to respond, despite being utterly transfixed.

When Amy emerges again she’s fully dressed, and in the process of tying up her hair. She stands at the foot of the bed and pulls the duvet off him, hard.

“Get out of bed.” She’s being firm, in that authoritative way that only she can pull off, but there’s warmth in her eyes, and a small smile on her lips, and so he decides to take a chance.

He sits up and offers his hand.

The second her hand has slipped around his he pulls her towards him. Not hard, but not too gently that she can yank him away.

“Jake,” she laughs, but she’s already on the end of the bed, and then she’s in his arms again, and his pulse is quickening but the entire world is slowing down for her. As if by magic.

He’s intoxicated, and he has no idea how to come back down to the real world. She’s so soft under his lips, and the scent of perfume fresh on her neck turns whatever functioning brain cells he’s got left into mist.

“Mm,” she pulls back, resting her forehead against his. “Nope. We need to go. Get dressed, and I’ll google the nearest Starbucks.”

“Starbucks?! That’s your good-mood coffee.”

She grins, smoothing down her shirt.

“I have a good feeling about today,” she says sincerely. “Maybe it’s just the endorphins.” Shaking her head, she snaps out of it, and her dark eyes land on him blankly. “Jake! Go!”

Jake grins, finally pushing himself out of bed and heading for the bathroom, where his clothes sit in the exact same position Amy had left them in last night. He dresses as quickly as humanly possible, and like that, their day has begun. Amy's talking tactics, questions, explaining the speed dial numbers for Charles and Rosa on her phone, and the wooziness of last night is, for now, quite decidedly over.

“Do you think she’ll be at the gallery or at home? It’s a Saturday,” Amy asks nervously once they’re back on the road.

Jake looks over from the driver’s seat to see her grimacing slightly at her phone.

“We can try her address first. Then if it’s a bust we get to reward ourselves with the art, right? You’re a nerd, you know what I mean.”

For a second he wonders if he should be teasing her right now- but to his relief, when he glances over again she’s smiling to herself.

The drive isn’t too long- before he knows it he’s driving slowly through a sweet little suburban area, with Amy concentrating on directing him using her phone, staring hard at house numbers and street names. The houses somehow all look the same, as though everyone here is doing their very best to look as normal as possible. It's a little false, he thinks, trying not to wonder what bad things the people around here might have done.

Trees line the street so densely that the only light comes through the leaves sheltering the road. Jake finds it a little disconcerting; it could be 10am, but it could just as easily be 5pm.

“There,” Amy says eventually. “Around that corner.”

Jake pulls the car around slowly, finally bringing it to a stop in front of a large, southern-style home. It’s just as typically sleepy and hidden away as he imagined; there’s even a swinging chair on the porch, rocking back and forth in the early spring breeze.

“Okay. Ready?”

#I'm fairly certain when I post this it's the same fifteen people reading it over and over #and I am very grateful to all of you hehe #just trying to keep myself writing u kno #and I've actually ended up... enjoying this one #like more than I thought I would #so yeah thank u !!!#and enjoy #my writing #ymkm

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the-everlasting-dream · 6 years

Text

The Revelation - Drake x MC, Part 6A

Summary: Drake struggles with the jarring reality that the woman he loves holds no feelings for him now.

A/N: Oh god I really am the worst at updating, I’m so sorry for making you guys wait over a month for updates with this hiatus. Y’all are the real MVPs for sticking with my inconsistent ass so heres another instalment! This chapter got so long I had to split it in half.

Once again thank you to @chantelle-x0x for making the wonderful aesthetic for this part! Don’t forget to check out the masterlist for the musical accompaniment for each chapter!

Word count: 4000+

CATCH UP HERE

‘How is she today Doc?’ Drake asked tentatively. He was standing beside one of the doctors in charge at the foot Elizabeth’s bed, watching as she lay there, almost motionless except for the gentle rise and fall of her chest.

Four weeks had passed since he’d watched the balcony of the Vancoeur mansion give way, plunging his fiancé down to the rocks below. For a terrible moment, Drake had believed that this was it, this was the end. And he would have been right if not for a small outcrop along the cliff face a few feet below the balcony that had interrupted her descent towards the jagged shoreline.

Dr. Jillian Thomas glanced at her notes for a long moment.

‘She’s getting there alright. The broken ribs and shoulder are healing well, they’ll still hurt when she wakes up so she’ll need pain meds for another two or three weeks and physical therapy after that. Same with the pelvis. She’s lucky it was only a fracture or we would have a bigger problem on our hands. In a way its good that she’s been unconscious all this time. Gives her body time to heal.’

Drake nodded seriously as he considered the doctor’s words. ‘What about the brain injury? You guys were pretty worried about that one at first.’

‘The skull fracture was our biggest concern because it caused an minor intracranial haemorrhage - bleeding within skull outside the brain,’ she clarified, seeing that he was confused.

’Due to the way the brain tissue presses against the skull it can cause some impairment but we can’t tell for sure. But they got her to the hospital pretty quickly and she pulled through quicker than normal so I am very optimistic that she will recover well. She’s a tough one.’ The doctor finished nodding at her still figure.

‘Thats my girl.’ Drake couldn’t help but break into a huge smile of relief. If the experts said Elizabeth was going to be fine he trusted them.

Dr Thomas smiled genially. ‘One of our nurses observed that she was conscious for a few seconds yesterday so she should be waking up soon. You were listed as her first point of contact and I thought you should be here so she’d have someone familiar to wake up to.’

The possibility of her waking up soon thrilled him beyond description. In the weeks past, Drake had spent as much time as he could at her bedside, hoping, wishing, praying to every god in the universe that she’d come back to him. He thought back to their last encounter, hating the way he’d raised her voice at her on that balcony. He knew he would have never forgiven himself if those had been the last words they’d ever get to exchange. Now that he was he was willing to put all of it past him if she just gave him the chance.

He’d made countless silent promises to her as he watched her sleep, pledging that he would be a better man, that he would be the best fiancé that ever lived, he’d take care of her and never, ever hurt her like he had. And when Elizabeth woke up, he’d be there. He would fulfil all the things he’d promised, giving her everything he had if she would only let him.

Before Elizabeth, he’d been nothing but a cynic towards love, like he’d been towards most other things in life. Growing up the way he did, in Liam’s shadow, Drake had seen his fair share of women only taking an interest in him to get closer to his best friend. After countless romantic prospects that only ended in failure, he could hardly blame himself when Elizabeth walked into his life, intelligent, engaging and incredibly beautiful, she seemed too good to be true. When he had inevitably found himself attracted to her, that was when the walls came up again, more out of habit than anything else.

He’d almost driven her away too if not for Elizabeth’s stubbornness and sheer strength of will. Drake had thanked his lucky stars every day that she had not given up on him

She had shown him what love really was, what it was like to be wanted, to be needed by another person in a way that he could not possibly have fathomed before. Each touch, each kiss they had shared brought new meaning to the the very gestures themselves. Every whisper of I love you, every act of love had seemed so right as if being with her was the only thing that would ever make sense. After the accident he’d seen a glimpse of what life could have been without her and he never wanted to be without her again.

Eventually Elizabeth began to stir, pulling him out of his thoughts as she lifted her eyelids, blinking a few times to get used to the lights of the hospital room. He watched on with anxious eyes as she glanced around the room, dazed and bewildered. Her confusion only grew as she tried to lift her arms only to be hindered by the sling on one shoulder.

‘Hey,’ Drake began awkwardly as he watched her take in her surroundings. ‘It's so good to see you.’

‘H-head hurts.’ Elizabeth's voice was thick and garbled from disuse as she blinked a few more times, still adjusting to the light.

‘The doctor said you’re going to be a bit groggy,’ he told her, fashioning his voice into a gentle tone not wanting to panic her. He had so much to say to her but he pushed it all down for the moment, not wanting to overwhelm her all at once. ‘Can I get you anything?’

She cleared her throat roughly. ‘Water... please.’

Drake readily complied, filling a paper cup from the jug in the room and handing it to her. 'Do you know your name?’ He ventured hesitantly.

‘Elizabeth Richmond.’ She nodded once after taking a deep draught and immediately winced, the action obviously causing her pain. 'What happened? Where am I?’

‘You’re in a hospital in Cordonia,’ Dr Jillian chimed in, entering the room. ‘You were in an accident, you fell and hurt your head but you’re okay now.’ Elizabeth’s confused gaze flitted around the room. Drake watched her brow furrow, processing the information, her throat bobbing as she swallowed hard.

‘I’m so glad you’re okay,’ Drake burst out, unable to take the suspense as relief formed thickly in his voice.

Her dark eyes continued to move around the room, taking in her surroundings and when her vague stare rested on him, Drake felt the sudden need to touch her. Moving to sit in the chair beside her, he reached for her hand, craving her warmth but before his fingers could close on hers, Elizabeth jerked her arm away.

'What are you doing?’ she accused, staring at him in alarm. 'Please don’t touch me.’

A a pang of pain flitted through his chest. She must remember our last encounter. He dropped his hand to his lap awkwardly. He didn’t blame her though, he shouldn’t have expected her to take him back so easily.

‘That’s right. I’m sorry. You must still be mad at me..’

Elizabeth shook her head once more, confusion written all over her face. She stared at him for a moment with her brow creased. ‘Mad? Why would I be mad at you? I barely know you.’

Drake’s stomach lurched at her words. She didn't know him? He might have anticipated some resistance on her part to forgive him but this was almost too cruel.

‘Good one Elizabeth. You gotta know who I am right?’ He told her, allowing some humour to enter his voice because she was just playing a joke on him. Right?

'I-I think so? You’re Drake right? Liam’s best friend.’ A dim light of recognition glowed in her eyes as she said his name, but there was something in her tone that was just… wrong. He couldn’t put his finger on it but he could tell there was something off about the way it came from her lips.

‘Yes. Yes I am,’ Drake confirmed, mind still grappling with the previous thought. She was not wrong though, he rationalised to himself… The doctors said she’d had a major head injury, they wouldn’t know the full effect until she woke up but surely this wasn’t… This couldn’t be happening. Did she really not remember him? His brain raced ahead working out all the possibilities, considering all the options but the more he dwelled on it the more possible it seemed.

Elizabeth had been watching him carefully all this time, as the storm of emotions played out on his face.

‘You don’t look satisfied with that,’ she began, shaking her head as if to clear it before continuing almost hesitantly. 'A-am I missing something here? Are you not...'

‘No I am,’ he interrupted, wishing to stop her train of thought before it went any further. ‘It’s me... Drake but do you really not know who I am?

Her eyes filled with confusion as she glanced around frantically. ‘Know what? I-Is there more to know?’

The crux of her statement pressed on his chest like a boulder. He drew a shaky breath before trying to find the words but how could he?

‘Elizabeth… I-I don’t know how to tell you this,’ he eventually croaked, unable to dislodge the words from where they clung to his throat. ‘Elizabeth I-I’m your fiancé. We’re supposed to be getting married soon.'

Elizabeth’s eyes widened in alarm as she shifted in bed, legs scrabbling at the mattress as she tried to push herself away from him. Her breathing now came in uneven gasps and in the dimness of his peripheral senses, Drake heard the pace of the heart monitor speed up.

‘Thats-thats not possible. You can’t be my fiancé. I barely know you,’ she burst out, raising one hand to her head, her fingers brushing the bandage wrapped around it. 'What about the prince? The social season? I was supposed to be competing to marry him n-not you. What about-’

Before she could continue Drake cut her off, almost stupefied at what she was saying. ‘The pr- Elizabeth, Liam is the king now. The social season was months ago. Are you -'

Dr Jillian, who had been listening to the entire exchange, now interrupted both of them, stepping forward with a pointed look. ‘Mr Walker may I speak to you outside?'

Visibly rattled, Drake complied with her instruction and as soon as they were out of earshot he turned on the shorter woman.

‘You said things were good. You said she was recovering fine. You said she was going to be o-‘

‘Mr Walker,’ she cut him off, her voice taking on a slightly authoritative tone now. ‘I said I was optimistic that she would recover well but brains are not like broken bones. They have a degree of plasticity to them that makes it hard to predict what the outcome will be. We do attempt to gather some idea of how the patient will turn out from the rate of recovery but the best we can give is still only an estimate. It all depends on the way the tissue presses against the skull as this can cause some impairments-‘

Drake had been running his hand through his hair but when she said this he dropped them to his side, almost reflexively balling them into fists. ‘Some impairments?! You mean to tell me that my fiancé not remembering who I am is ‘some impairment?’

The doctor took a cautious step back. ‘I did not mean that at all. What I mean was her brain is still recovering from the trauma. This process takes a while so it is possible that she might be experiencing retrograde amnesia.’

His mind struggled to grasp what she was saying. ‘Amnesia? Retrograde? Lady you better start making some sense real quick. What the hell are you talking about?’

Drake ignored the stares he was getting from other hospital patients, glancing back towards Elizabeth’s room where she watched in terror through the glass window pane. ‘You’re saying she’s permanently forgotten me?'

‘I can’t say for sure but usually our amnesia patients do seem to recover most of their memories but this takes time. We can’t say for certain how much she does remember or how much she will gain back. She might remember everything or she might remember nothing-‘

Drake immediately felt sick to his stomach and, unable to keep listening to the doctor, he stalked off blindly as his feet carried him to the nearest bathroom. Once inside he hunched over the sink, almost hyperventilating as the urge to hurl only grew stronger.

After his breathing had evened out a little, he splashed his face once, twice before exiting the bathroom, reaching into his pocket. His fingers trembled as he shot a quick text off to Liam before dropping onto a nearby seat in the waiting room outside Elizabeth’s ward, fingers carding roughly through his hair.

Had it all really been so easy to forget? The closeness they’d shared, the smiles, the pure and simple unbridled joy that they’d felt when they were together? Their entire relationship, the happiness, the struggles the future they could have had now seemed so far off…

Or perhaps, Drake's mind suggested, feeling the worm of doubt come burrowing back into his soul, it hadn’t been the same for her, maybe she had not felt as strongly about him as he felt about her… she had been and still was everything to him but was it the same for her?

The thought jarred him to the very core and he gripped the armrest of the chair, knuckles blanching at the pressure. He didn’t even want to entertain the very possibility of it being true. She couldn’t, she just couldn’t…. His brain scrabbled at the threads of hope that perhaps this was all a bad dream, that he’d wake up with Elizabeth in his arms, smiling at him with her memory intact. While it was all to easy to lose himself in the fantasy deep in his heart he knew it wasn’t true. Around and around Drake went in mental circles, picturing the blank look in Elizabeth’s eyes when she said she didn’t know him, trying desperately to figure out what he could do, what he could have done to make things better, to change the past because there was nothing he wouldn’t do, nothing, to have her look at him the way she used to.

But this provides fruitless, only driving him madder as he fought to find a solution by the time he saw Liam’s dark blonde hair headed toward the waiting room, Drake was barely able to string a sentence together. His best friend’s blue eyes were clouded with confusion as he choked out a disjointed explanation of what had happened as they walked back to Elizabeth’s room.

‘Liam,’ she exclaimed softly, immediately recognising him as he stepped across the threshold. As Drake followed behind, he couldn’t help the rush of jealousy that arrived when her face lit up at his best friend’s entrance. Why did she remember Liam and not him? In the interest of finding out how much she did remember, he hung back in the doorway, watching the interaction take place.

‘Elizabeth,’ Liam was saying, having taken a seat in the chair at her bedside. ‘How are you feeling?’

'Um.. okay I guess…’ She began, shifting a little as tugged her fingers through her dark locks. 'My head definitely hurts a little... but the doctor said it was normal. I’ve got some pain killers if they get worse...'

Drake couldn’t see it but he could tell that Liam was smiling as he replied, ‘Let me know if there is anything I can do to make you more comfortable.'

‘I... uh thanks…' The corners of her mouth picked up a little before she cleared her throat again. 'So they tell me you’re king now?

’Thats right,’ Liam confirmed with a nod of his head. 'I have been for a few months now...'

Her features fell at his response and her voice was quiet when she spoke.. 'I guess a lot has happened in that time huh?

Liam nodded again, the pleasant smile turning apologetic. 'I suppose it has.'

Elizabeth nodded as she digested the information, picking at the threads of the blanket on her lap and when she looked up again, her brown eyes were filling with tears.

'I’m so scared Liam. I-I don’t know… so much, so much I don’t remember….’ Her shoulders shuddered as she drew in a shaky breath, her tears glistening under the fluorescent lights as they slid down her cheeks. Drake felt his heart break even more when she said this. It pained him almost physically to see the woman he loved like this. He wanted so badly to wrap her up in his arms and protect her. But how was he to protect her from the things inside her head? Her next words, however hit him like an eighteen-wheeler.

'I just… I don’t even know who I am anymore…’ She whispered, barely audible to him but still visceral nonetheless. Half way through a step towards her, Drake's progress was halted when he saw Liam reaching for Elizabeth's hand, wrapping her small one in his, squeezing it lightly while Drake wince inwardly as their hands made contact. The tiny gesture stirred up a tornado of feelings for him. How far back did her memory loss go? How much did she remember? Why did she seem to remember Liam and not him? Why him? What about Hana and Maxwell and everyone else? Had she forgotten them too? And more importantly, he realised with a jarring force, what were they going to do now?

These questions swirled around in his head blocking out all everything else until he heard Liam’s voice cut through.

‘Drake…. Drake? Are you okay?’

Only then did Drake realise that he has been gripping the doorframe so hard the metal had left an imprint in his hands. His racing heart only sped up when he realised that both of them were staring at him, Liam in concern and Elizabeth in fear. The expression on her face seemed to open new wounds in his heart, he couldn’t stand to have her look at him like this.

‘I.. uh… I’ll be outside,’ he answered lamely. ‘You two… you….’

Unable to bring himself to finish the sentence, he exited the room flopping down limply into a nearby chair, head in his hands. It was only then that the tears began to flow, fat hot tears that dripped off the end of his nose to pool in a puddle on the floor. Fierce deep pain gripped his soul and he could think of nothing else until a soft hand was laid on his shoulder, making him look up.

‘Hey, we came as quickly as we could,’ Hana told him gently with Maxwell in tow. She wrapped him in a brief hug. ‘How is she?’

‘She’s… she’s inside. With him,’ Drake croaked, motioning passively in the direction of Elizabeth’s room. He gave them a brief run down of what had happened watched as their jaws fell in shock before rushing to the room. His limbs screamed in refusal to move but in the interest of seeing how Elizabeth would react to their friends, he trailed behind them, keeping a safe distance.

‘Elizabeth, hi.’ Hana began softly, with a gentle smile on her face.

'You remember us right?’ Maxwell put in anxiously.

The light of recognition in Elizabeth eyes as they settled on the pair. ‘Hana, Maxwell?’

‘Yep that’s us,’ Maxwell chimed in cheerfully. ‘You remember!’

‘I-I do. At least I think I do,’ Elizabeth tried for a smile. ‘You called me little blossom? Or am I just imagining that?’

‘No no, you’re right!’ he reassured her enthusiastically, coming to sit on the edge of the bed.

‘Maxwell,’ Liam began in a cautionary tone.

‘Its alright,’ Elizabeth told him. ‘It’s nice to see a familiar face.’

‘We were so worried about you,’ Hana told her, coming to stand at her side. ‘We’re just so happy you’re okay.’

Elizabeth’s features creased into a slight frown. ‘I don’t know about that…'

‘We’ll help you get better. Anything you need, we’ll get it for you,’ Maxwell exclaimed perhaps a bit too loudly before leaning in conspiratorially. 'Between you and me, I tried to sneak Cooper in here but Bastien caught me before I could get him to the limo. He misses you so much.’

‘Cooper?’ Her tone was slightly puzzled.

Maxwell slapped a hand to his forehead. ‘Oh you must have forgotten. You Elizabeth are the owner of the cutest, wiggliest, most adorable corgi in the world Sir Cooper the Valiant of Houses Beaumont and Richmond.’

Elizabeth’s eyes grew round. ‘I have a corgi? They’re adorable!'

‘Thats what I said!’

‘Maxwell’s been taking good care of him while you were under. We’ll find a way to sneak him in here soon,’ Hana promised with a slight wink.

‘I’d like that.’ Elizabeth smiled, a real smile now, the first one Drake has seen on her face in a long time.

As she continued chatting amicably with Maxwell and Hana, he suddenly felt extremely out of place, almost as if he was a stranger interrupting a private family gathering. It seemed like she really did remember everyone except him and that only deepened the hurt in his chest. Unable to take this anymore, he exited the room but was followed by his best friend.

‘Drake?’

‘Liam I can’t. I just can’t be in there…’ He told him, his voice cracking with emotion. 'It seems like she remembers everyone except me… I can’t tell you how much that hurts. In her mind she’s still pursuing you and I can’t tell you how much it hurts, how much it fucking hurts… Its like everything we ever went through, all the things we said and did, they mean nothing now…'

‘I know what you mean.’

For a moment Drake thought he heard a hint of bitterness in Liam's words but this evaporated when the king laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. ‘But you should get some rest, you look exhausted. You’ve been here almost every day.'

Drake lifted his head to look at the other man. 'How can I, Liam? Do you really just expect me to walk out of here and pretend like nothing happened?'

'Listen man,’ Liam’s blue eyes bored into his. 'I know you’re upset but is staying here really gonna do anything to help her? Go home, get some sleep and we’ll work on fixing this problem tomorrow.'

Begrudging his friend’s annoying ability to be right, Drake heeded his advice, heading back to his family home. The place always brought back a wave of nostalgia and a yearning for better, simpler times with his family. He hadn’t been back in months, since the start of Engagement Tour and there was tons of repairs to do. Right now he didn’t care. Those could wait. For now, he just wanted to block out the last few hours, hoping that sleep would be able to provide some relief to the agony in his soul.

A/N: Currently writing the next chapter but as my exams start this friday, 6B might only be out after the 30th sorry. Hang in there because I will definitely make it worth the wait!

Tags: @chantelle-x0x @choicessa @pbchoicesobsessed @mariamatsuo @lizeboredom @xxrainbowprincessxx @tmarie82 @mfackenthal @topsyturvy-dream @drakewalkerwhipped @laniquelove @theroyalweisme @diamond-dreamland @missswalker @lovemyrestingplacethings @american-duchess @withice @ayo-minty-jess @sirwigglesworthiii @ninamckenzie22 @drakewanker @drakelover78 @h3llostrang3r @cocomaxley @zarina-x-zig @nicestrokepam @bizzyschoices @kellyale1804 @mrswalkerreynolds @kamybelen-blog @hhiggs @boneandfur @jenjosh5 @natalievgoodehenry @bruhvs @choiceswreckedme @jamielea81 @penguininapinktuxedo @crookedslimecreatorpasta @asprankle @client327 @graceisgone56 @josieschoices @drakewalkfantasy @bobasheebaby @ineedpeetalikehekneedsbread @diamond-dreamland @srawesleyghuewrites @ekhw1989 @mymandrake @writtenbycandy @andy-loves-corgis @alwaysthebestchoice @snyggflicka @mrsdrakewalkerblog @jessieray98

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channiespeach · 6 years

Text

Volume 3: Jisung

genre: STRAY KIDS HOW TO TRANSITION A FUCKBOI SERIES (college! fuckboy! stray kids au) ~gif: @sstraykids

word count: 1.8k

prompt: You’ve been assigned a partner project, which is the biggest grade of the year, that’ll either benefit you or destroy you. To your dismay, you’ve been assigned with no other than the biggest fuckboy on campus, himself, who’ll contribute in absolutely nothing. You have one of two options; throw your life down the drain and fail, or have the project become more bearable by making him fall in love with you, somehow. Follow these steps and you’ll be guaranteed in having the fuckboy swooning over you.

Step three: Make them apologize

In attempt to relieve some stress, my roommate suggested to hop some on-campus parties. I just about took her up on her offer, because maybe I’ll loosen up a bit by getting a few cute university boys’ numbers and the alcohol taking off some of the edge, will prevent me from being so pissed off all the time. I was pretty optimistic, up until I spotted a wild, Jisung across the room from me. Of course, only the biggest fuckboy on campus would be found in his natural bound habitat.

“I think it’s time to find another party” I nudged Eri, motioning her towards Jisung’s direction. I felt the mixture of components in my cup leaving a flavor distaste in my throat, when I’d caught the sight of Jisung making out with a random girl beside him.

“Oh, lighten the fuck up! You need something stronger in your cup” Eri rolled her eyes at me, snatching away my cup and handing it over to Chanyeol, for fixating. I nodded in agreement, sipping the cup’s stronger elements eagerly, when it had returned. I winced, reeling back from my cup and truly began feeling it’s sinful effects, taking over me. Sobriety disappearing itself from my body, I re-observed my surroundings. My glossed-over eyes sparkled, landing on a handsome stranger, appearing to be one of Jisung’s friends. The silver-haired cutie didn’t appear to be having a good time, swishing around the liquor in his red cup, blandly. He was disengaged from his active friends, standing several feet away from them and shooing away a few intoxicated, overly- stimulated females, nearing his direction.

“You’ve been staring over my direction for an awfully long time, love. Need something?” Jisung purred in my ear. I must’ve been in a daze for quite awhile, for him to dismiss the girl from earlier, in order to approach me.

“Just two things” I’d caught the lonesome boy’s attention from across the room, but reverted my roaming eyes over to Jisung, irritably.

“Which are?” A smirk played across Jisung’s pink lips. He rested his weight on the wall behind me, arms on either side of my head, as he lent over my drunken form, at an uncomfortably close distance.

“First off, did you end up finishing your part of the entries?” I pushed away his arrogant form, almost spilling my drink.

“Unfortunately, yes. I hope you do know that you got in the way of my time with Jihyo” Jisung’s tone was laced with amusement at my actions, as he raised his eyebrows at me with his given statement.

“God forbid, coming in the way of Jisung’s meaningless little hook-ups! Even though, there’s responsibilities that need to be taken care of outside of that” I retaliated. “Anyways, what I’m mainly concerned about is your lonely friend over there. Is he single?” I turned Jisung’s body over towards his solo friend.

“Who, Chan? Yeah, he’s got nothing going on” Jisung flatly stated, taking a swig from his drink.

“Sweet!” I fist bumped the air, in an overly joyful manner, getting ready to near Chan’s direction.

“I wouldn’t go for him, if I were you. He has a lot of girls on his tail” Jisung stepped in front of me, halting my movements.

“As if you’re any better! I just saw him dismiss over five girls within the hour” I spat at him, shooing him to move aside.

“Believe me, he’s just like me. I just happen to be more discreet with my intentions. Either way, he’ll just chew you up and spit you out” Jisung shook his head at me, continuing to defend his argument.

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take. Since when does a fuck boy like you, take women’s feelings into consideration, especially mine of all people?” I crossed my arms, inquisitively.

“Everything has a warning label” He threw his arms up defensively, stepping off to the side and allowing me to continue my administrations. I happily strode past him and asked the unaccompanied boy, by the name of Chan to dance.

Long story short, the rest was all a blur, but I succeeded in getting his number.

sexy mf from the party: Had a great time with you last night! Thanks for accompanying me, btw. I thought I was just about to go crazy, until you came! Hope to get to know you more in a quieter and sober situation, sometime soon? :)

A loud ding sounding from my phone, had awoke me. Prying open my eyes, I groaned from the faint sunlight seeping through my curtains, attacking at my irises and adding more tension to my headache. I reached for my phone, checking what the commotion’s all about, seeing a text from the cute boy last night and a few irrelevant messages from Jisung, about meeting this evening. Yikes, I needed to update his name. I sent Chan a quick text in agreement and to let me know a day he’s free. Feeling satisfied with my previous response, I read over Jisung’s messages, that had a mandatory ring to them for us to meet this evening. Choosing not to respond to him, since he was pretty dead- set on meeting at a specific time and place, I began getting ready for the day.

Jisung planned for us to continue our revisions at a nearby cafe, down the street from our university. Coffee sounded idealistic for my hungover state, so I was more than content with Jisung’s proposition.

“What do you want?” Jisung greeted me, when I’d entered the cafe and gotten in line, shifting his body towards the menu.

“I’m a strong and independent woman, that needs no man to pay for me!” l disregarded his offer, shuffling through my things, in a hunt for my wallet.

“Ladies first, then” Jisung chuckled, stepping back and swaying out his hand, in courtesy.

“Hm, I’ll have to take you up on that offer” I trudged past him and placed my order.

chan: Will do, love :) Can’t wait!

“Y/N!” The barista called out, indicating my drink’s ready. I left behind my things at the table with Jisung, and scampered to get my coffee. I came back, nearly being gone for a split second, seeing Jisung hunched over the table while glancing at my phone.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I stopped in my tracks, standing in front of the counter-top and catching him off guard.

“I’m telling you, don’t fuck with him. He’s saying the same things to several other females” Jisung warned me, continuing with his crazy assumptions about Chan.

“My personal affairs don’t concern you!” I snapped at him, my grip tightening on my cup.

“Delete his number!” Jisung commanded.

“Or what?” I scoffed, my tone coming across bitterly. I was quick to snatch my phone off the table and stuff it in my jacket pocket, before he could think twice.

“Jesus Christ, why do you have so many pins?” Jisung exclaimed, referring to my bag filled with numerous overly-priced feminist pins. I studied his movements wearily, preparing for an impulse of his actions to occur. Before I could stop him, he reached for one of the pins, in attempt to remove one swiftly. Instead, he ended up breaking it, snapping the metal hook in half. Knowing my luck, of course it had to be my favorite one.

“You idiot!” I threw my drink down, taking the tiny pin out of his grasp to examine the damage. “Say you’re fucking sorry!” I demanded. As dramatic as it sounds, when I heard the metal clip snap, I felt my heart shatter with it. So when I say that I’m devastated about my favorite pin being broken, it’s an understatement, because my little sister gave it to me and it was the first gift she’s ever given me, so that tiny pin had lots of value to me.

“Calm down, it’s just a pin! It’s not that big of a deal!” Jisung defended himself. “I mean you can always buy a new one, just like it” He continued, shrugging off towards the fact that he’d been destructive towards another’s things.

“You know, the things that people have to say about you are more than accurate. You’re incredibly self-absorbed and the little care you do have for the world is only towards yourself, it’s honestly nauseating. You need to grow the fuck up and get over yourself!” I threw the fragmented pin at him, reverting attention from the other customers in the coffee shop. “And don’t worry about the entries. I’ll take care of them, since you did all the work last time” I concluded, while gathering the rest of my things and storming out.

me: hopefully, you won’t be too busy for me this upcoming week :)

I’d successfully avoided Jisung’s presence for the past few days, by leaving class early and not initiating into his eye contact. I wasn’t going to brush him off for forever of course, but I intended to only associate with him, unless absolutely necessary. Today, being no different, I packed my things ahead of time and stumbled out of the classroom frantically, when dismissed.

“Y/N! Wait up!” Jisung called for me, grabbing a hold of my wrist, seconds later. He must’ve caught onto my game.

“What do you want from me?” I yanked my arm from him, blowing my hair away from my features in a desperate manner. I piped myself in again, before he could remark, “–Just save it! I think it’s best we just associate with one another, only when necessary, until we’re finished with this goddamn thing. So here’s the journal, it’s–”

“Won’t you listen for just this once in your life?” Jisung shut me up. “Look, I owe you an apology. I had some time to think and I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for being so careless and destructive with your things, it was wrong of me. I’m also sorry for upsetting you, so much. I know it’s not quite exact, but I looked in every urban outfitters around, including online. I even resulted to searching on craigslist. But, this was the best I could find” Jisung dug deep into his jean pockets, pulling out a pin similar to the one he’d broken. He reached for my hand, placing it in my palm, while enclosing my grip around the small gadget. He bowed and gave me a heartbreaking smile, before disappearing.

Now, it was my turn to be the one left stumbled in their own path.

masterlist 🍒

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theartofbeinganerd · 6 years

Photo

Hi, yes, I know I said that it might be awhile before I updated this, but...I was inspired, I guess?? I do promise though that I will go back to prompts as of tomorrow or the day after!! I did just need to take a little break from writing canon fics and focus on AU for a bit, but the break is over and I’ll be back to canon stuff soon!

So, anyway, here’s Chapter Two of These Stars Will Guide Us Home, or, more accurately, Jemma’s emotional roller coaster of possible pregnancy. Seriously, that’s just the entire chapter.

(Ao3)

“Oh no. No. No, I…” Muttering to herself, Jemma hastily counted back in her head, coming rather quickly to the conclusion that her concern was likely very necessary. “Oh no.”

“Jemma! Jemma Simmons! You’re really starting to freak me out! What the hell is going on?” Daisy demanded, finally breaking through the sudden fog of shock that had filled Jemma’s thoughts and causing her to glance up at her friend sharply. “Are you okay?”

“I…” Jemma shook her head, unable to believe the truth herself, let alone speak the words aloud. But, then she let out a shaking breath, and forced out the words that didn’t seem to want to pass her lips, “Daisy, I…I think that I…may be pregnant.”

For a moment, Daisy stared down at her blankly. Then, her eyes grew wide and she sputtered out, “What? Are you – Jem, what the… This is crazy. You know that, right?”

“Well, it’s not like I planned on this! In fact, I didn’t plan on any of this,” Jemma reminded her defensively. “And, I only said that I may be pregnant; I…haven’t missed my period yet, I’m due to get it any day now, but…”

Daisy breathed a clear sigh of relief at that, giving her shoulder a supportive squeeze. “Well alright, that’s good! Let’s hold off on the freaking out until you know for sure that you’re late; one little lost lunch doesn’t really mean anything.” Holding out her hand to help Jemma up from the bathroom floor, she added optimistically, “Besides, you said that you guys only got down and dirty once – and I mean literally dirty.”

Rolling her eyes at Daisy, Jemma grasped her offered hand, allowing her to help her back up to her feet. “Yes, well, you know what they say: ‘it only takes one time’.”

Daisy had already been on her way back out of the bathroom, carton of chow mein back in hand, but she paused, glancing back over her shoulder at Jemma and insisting firmly, “Don’t worry too much yet, okay? Just give it a bit of time; you may be worrying about nothing.”

Jemma wasn’t so sure about that, but she nodded regardless, hoping that Daisy was right. “Yes, I know,” she agreed, offering her a small, grateful smile.

But, despite that, it was all that she could seem to think about from that moment on, and later that night, it even made it difficult for her to try and find sleep. After a handful of hours spent tossing and turning without a wink of sleep, Jemma finally gave up around one am, climbing out of bed and flicking on the light. Crossing her room to open her closet doors, she then kneeled in front of her closet and began to rifle through the handful of boxes sitting on the floor that she’d yet to unpack.

After a bit of searching, she found what she was looking for and took it out, blowing some dust off of the cover before laying it on her lap. Carefully opening it, Jemma was immediately met with a picture of her and Fitz on their first day of second grade, their arms around each other’s shoulders and both wearing matching grins. It had a smile curving her lips, and she brushed her fingertips reverently over the picture, unable to believe that they were ever so young and naïve, that they could’ve gone from there, to where they were now.

She flipped through the thick pages of the photo album, watching as they grew up before her eyes, until they were sixteen and attending their junior prom. They’d always planned on attending it together, so even though several boys had asked her, Jemma had turned each of them down in favor of going with her friend instead, thinking that it would no doubt be more fun with Fitz.

In the picture, they were standing close together at the bottom of the staircase in her parents’ old house, and she was grinning, hair styled in loose curls and makeup applied perfectly, and she could still remember how beautiful she’d felt the entire night in her flowing dark blue prom dress.

But, for the first time, Jemma noticed the nervousness hanging in Fitz’s expression, the way that his smile seemed just a little forced, not quite reaching his eyes. He was fiddling with his matching dark blue tie, and appeared to even be leaning away from her slightly.

Jemma wondered, abruptly, what it must’ve been like for him, all those years, knowing that he felt more for her than just friendship while she went along blissfully unaware of what they truly meant to each other. Then, of course, she couldn’t help but wonder it would’ve been like if she hadn’t been blissfully unaware, if Fitz had told her back then, or if she’d somehow realized it herself.

What would have been different, if they’d gotten together as teenagers? Would they still have been together now? Would they be married, with a couple of kids and a house with a white picket fence? Would they be happy?

Not that they weren’t happy now, of course! The phrase ‘better late than never’ had never fit anything quite as well as it fit their relationship, as far as Jemma was concerned. But still, she couldn’t help but wonder…

However, she then quickly shook the thoughts away, figuring that it did her no favors to dwell on the past – not when she should be thinking about the future. Instead, she flipped back to the beginning of the album once more, spending another few minutes gazing at their young, smiling faces.

Then, she blinked, and in that second, she found herself instead picturing their children standing side-by-side for a picture on their first day of a new school year, too-large backpacks hanging off of their backs and wide smiles displaying missing teeth here and there, all curly hair and bright blue eyes. But, then she blinked again, and the image disappeared, leaving Jemma breathless and more confused about all of this than she had been before.

She’d never really given much thought to the future, to kids and whether or not she wanted them, wanted to be a mother. She’d always figured that that would come later, once she’d settled into a long-term, committed relationship, possibly after getting married, if that was what felt right. After getting everything else in their lives settled, then she and her partner would talk about kids, and if they both agreed that it was something that they wanted, if it was something that they were ready for, they would start trying to have them.

It had always been planned in her vague thoughts of the future, and subsequently, Jemma had no idea what to do about this possible pregnancy that she’d never planned for. Hell, three weeks ago, she’d been a single woman living in a flat with her friend, with no definite plans for the future – other than potential projects for the lab, that was.

Everything was changing so quickly, and even though loving Fitz, marrying Fitz, felt so right, Jemma’s head felt like it was spinning with all of this rapid change. She knew that she shouldn’t worry about possibly being pregnant until she’d missed her period, like Daisy had told her, but she couldn’t help it; she had to try and come up with plans for every possible direction that this might go, she had to be prepared.

She had to try and take back some control over her life, or she might just go insane.

It was then that Jemma wished fervently that she could talk to Fitz, could call him or even text him, so that he could soothe her and remind her to slow down and take a deep breath before trying to puzzle this out. He’d always been so good at it when they were kids (just as she was incredibly good at calming him down), and she could certainly use some of that just then.

Though, Jemma thought with a wry smile, maybe he wouldn’t be so good at calming her down about this, not when he’d probably be freaking out just as much, if not more than her at the moment.

Getting up off the floor with a sigh, she shut the closet doors and took the photo album back to her bed with her, placing it on her nightstand before climbing back under the covers. Closing her eyes, she tried to imagine that Fitz was there with her, imagined the solid heat of his body against her back, the soft brush of his breath against the back of her neck and her shoulder, the way that his arm would wrap comfortingly around her, keeping her close and safe, the way that his palm would press protectively against her stomach…

Jemma awoke with a start what felt like seconds later, automatically fumbling through the blankets for Fitz. Her brow furrowed when she found only cold, empty sheets, and she mumbled sleepily, “Fitz?” rolling over to find weak sunlight filtering in through the blinds.

As she blinked a couple of times to try and clear the sleepy haze hanging around her brain, she remembered abruptly that Fitz wasn’t there – he never had been. He was thousands of miles away, in a space station orbiting the planet, and it’d be months before they were together again.

And, as that reminder was sinking in, she also remembered the events of the previous night and her possible condition.

Letting out a soft, pathetic groan, Jemma threw her arm over her eyes, wishing that she could just go back to sleep and only wake up once Fitz was back and things were settled into some sort of normality. But, then a sudden knock on her door sounded through the room, followed by it opening and Daisy clearly poking her head in.

“Wakey wakey, Jemma! How’s the flow watch?” she greeted, followed almost immediately by the sound of her muffling a yawn with her hand.

With a tired sigh, Jemma pushed herself up into a sitting position, then turned to climb out of bed, replying, “I’ll let you know in about five minutes.”

Daisy stepped back to allow her to brush past her on her way to their bathroom down the hall, holding up her hand to show her crossed fingers as she offered a supportive smile, calling, “Good luck!” However, when Jemma came back out a handful of minutes later, she took one look at her expression and the smile slipped off of her face. “Nothing?” she asked, arching her brows worriedly.

“Just a tiny bit of spotting,” Jemma replied with a sigh, shaking her head when Daisy looked hopeful, “which can be from either a menstrual period or from implantation of a fertilized egg in the uterus.”

“Oh.” Daisy frowned, but then she reminded Jemma lightly, “There’s always tomorrow.”

“Yes, tomorrow,” Jemma agreed absently, giving Daisy a tiny smile as she slipped by her once more to return to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She had to get ready to head to work soon, but she wanted to leave a bit earlier than she usually did, so that she could make a quick stop at the pharmacy on her way. Even if it was a little preemptive, and she could be proven wrong tomorrow morning, she wanted to make that she was prepared, just in case.

After all, if there was one thing that she excelled at, it was preparation.

And, that was how Jemma found herself standing in the family planning section of the local pharmacy a short time later, gaze flicking back and forth to take in all of the differing brands of pregnancy tests. There were ones that boasted the quickest results, the most accurate results, the soonest results… It was all startling overwhelming.

Resolving to just dive in, though, Jemma grabbed one of the boxes, flipping it over to read the information on the back of it.

“I’ve always had the best experience with First Response.”

At first, Jemma tuned the voice out, not even registering that whoever had spoken was talking to her. But, when she went to put the test back, she noticed a woman with a kind smile just to her right that was very obviously waiting for a response.

Flushing slightly, Jemma offered her a weak smile in return and murmured, “Oh, thank you.” Taking one of the First Response tests off of the shelf, she gave it a cursory onceover.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the woman grabbing one as well, placing it in the shopping basket hooked on her forearm. “Is this your first?”

Blinking in surprise, Jemma glanced up from the test to meet the other woman’s curious gaze. “Um…yes, it is.” She wasn’t sure whether the woman meant her first child, or her first pregnancy test, but either way, the answer was the same.

She nodded, as though it was the answer that she’d suspected. “You did have that look about you. No offense, of course, we’re all nervous the first time. My husband and I already have two kids in school; our youngest, Penny, just started preschool last fall.”

“Ah.” Jemma wasn’t really sure what else to say, far from in the mood to be conversing with a stranger while sandwiched between shelves of pregnancy tests and condoms. “Well…good luck, then.” She gave the woman another little smile before turning back to the tests, giving the one in her hand another onceover. Figuring that it was good enough, she reached out to take another couple boxes off of the shelf, knowing well enough to take more than one, in case of a false positive or negative.

“Good luck to you as well,” the woman replied brightly, giving Jemma a little wave and a grin, then leaving the aisle, and leaving Jemma with a handful of pregnancy tests and suddenly introspective.

She was quite sure that the woman had meant ‘good luck’ as in she was hoping on Jemma’s behalf that she was pregnant, and she didn’t know how to feel about that, truthfully. In fact, she wasn’t even sure what she was hoping the result would be.

There was good reason to believe that she was pregnant, that she was carrying the baby of her childhood best friend, no matter how much Daisy tried to insist that she was getting ahead of herself. Very likely, she was pregnant, and the thought was enough to have her breath catching in her throat, her chest tightening and her hands shaking.

Could she picture herself being like the woman she’d just spoken to, happily raising a handful of kids with her husband? Could she picture herself as a successful mother when she only had nine months to prepare for it?

Of course, Fitz would be an amazing father; she had no doubts about that. He was loving and understanding, forgiving and funny, and she’d always insisted that he gave the absolute best hugs. And, suddenly, the thought of giving him that, of bringing their child into the world and seeing Fitz rocking them to sleep and playing with them in the backyard and helping them with their homework…it had her heart expanding in her chest, until she felt tears stinging at the backs of her eyes.

Blinking rapidly and dropping her gaze once more to the tests in her hands, Jemma felt just a bit better about the possible pregnancy, felt more prepared for the eventuality that she was pregnant. Sure, it wouldn’t be perfect, nothing in life was, but it’d be with Fitz – if she’d learned anything from their friendship, it was that they could do just about anything when they worked together, when they were a team.

Either way, though, she’d know by tomorrow morning, and finally, she was ready for it.

The next afternoon, Jemma was once more sitting on her bed with her laptop resting on her thighs, though she was nervous about speaking with Fitz for a whole new reason than she had been two days prior. As the call connected on the screen in front of her, she took a handful of deep breaths, resolving to be as calm and rational about all of this as she possibly could be.

Finally, Fitz’s face appeared on the screen, and almost instantly, Jemma felt a brief wash of tranquility, simply at the sight of him. “Jemma,” he breathed, smiling widely. “I’m so sorry that I couldn’t call yesterday. I thought that I might have the time, but then things picked up quickly and by the time that I could stop to take a breath, it was too late to call you.”

“That’s alright, Fitz,” Jemma assured him, trying to keep her voice even, but despite that, her tone was notably subdued.

From his frown, she could tell that he’d picked up on it instantly. “What’s wrong, Jem?”

She didn’t answer right away, instead dropping her gaze to her lap, where she was flipping a little stick of plastic over and over in her hands. But, then she sighed and lifted it up wordlessly so that the little window of the pregnancy test that she’d taken that morning was visible to the camera.

Fitz squinted at it, looking incredibly confused as he leaned in closer to the screen, but she knew the exact second that he understood; his eyes grew wide and he started choking (on air and his own shock, no doubt). “Are you – are you – you –”

Rolling her eyes slightly, Jemma finished for him, “Pregnant? Yes, apparently.”

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, looking absurdly like a fish, then he blinked and asked in a voice barely above a whisper, “Is it…?”

“Fitz!” Jemma snapped in disbelief, narrowing her eyes and folding her arms angrily over her chest, positive pregnancy test still in hand.

He shrugged widely, reminding her, “We just got together two weeks ago, Jemma! I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be…a jerk or something, but –”

“It’s yours,” she interrupted his attempt to dig himself out the hole he’d dug to answer his initial question. “Not that it’s at the top of my list for conversation topics, but…the time between you and…well, it doesn’t overlap by any means.”

Fitz blew out a breath, seeming both relieved and still terribly shocked as he dropped back in his chair, shaking his head absently. “We only slept together once…” he mumbled to himself.

“Well, we didn’t exactly use protection,” Jemma was quick to point out, “and the pull-out method is far from effective in preventing pregnancy. It’s like I told Daisy; it does only take one time.”

A bit defensively, he reminded her, “I wasn’t carrying condoms on me because I wasn’t exactly planning on having sex with the girl that I’ve been in love with for most of my life, thank you very much – I was planning on going to space, where I was very sure that I wouldn’t need them.” Letting out a heavy breath, Fitz reached up to drag a hand through his hair, admitting hoarsely, “I just can’t believe…are you sure?”

“This isn’t the only test that I took,” she informed him, absently waving the plastic test in her hand.

He nodded, absorbing that information for a moment. “Jemma…I…”

“Do…you not want children?” Jemma asked, chewing on her bottom lip anxiously as the thought occurred to her. She certainly wouldn’t blame Fitz for it; she knew that the childhood trauma that stemmed from his relationship with his father would be enough to give anyone reason to second guess it.

“No! No, that’s not – god, of course I wanna have kids with you,” Fitz hastily assured her, and the words had her stomach twisting pleasantly, a little smile playing on her lips. “It’s just…I wasn’t expecting it this soon, y’know? But, that doesn’t mean I’m not okay with it! I just need some time to…to adjust. Everything’s just happening so fast.”

“I know what you mean,” Jemma told him wryly – she wasn’t even used to the idea yet, and she was the pregnant one.

“And…and I’m not even gonna be there for most of it,” Fitz said slowly, his expression collapsing as it occurred to him. “I’m gonna miss everything.” Groaning lowly, he dragged a hand over his face, his words muffled slightly as he muttered, “We really do have the worst timing, don’t we?”

“Well, this wouldn’t have happened if you’d just told me ten years ago that you were in love with me,” she pointed out a bit teasingly, her heart going out to him. She, of course, wished more than anything that he was there with her and would be there by her side throughout it all, but the last thing that she wanted was to say as much and make things worse for him.

Fitz snorted in disbelief, arching an eyebrow at her. “Yeah, if I’d told you ten years ago, none of this would’ve happened – I wouldn’t have even had the chance to accidentally get you pregnant.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jemma asked, once more folding her arms over her chest.

“Um, that you wouldn’t have wanted to be with me back then?” He likely meant for it to be a statement, but it came out more like a question, no doubt in response to her scowl.

“And what makes you think that I didn’t feel this way then?” She couldn’t help but feel a bit offended; it wasn’t as though they’d changed that much over the years, and Fitz was selling himself awfully short. “I may not have been conscious of it, but I loved you just as much when we were kids as I do now, Fitz, I just couldn’t see it for what it was.”

Fitz still looked unsure, asking hesitantly, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she replied firmly, finally setting down the pregnancy test in order to reach over to her nightstand, picking up the photo album that she’d placed there the other night. Flipping to one of the last pages, which featured a picture of them on the day of their high school graduation, wearing their caps and gowns and sharing an elated hug, beaming at each other with their eyes shining with joy, Jemma then turned the album around to display the picture for the camera. Tapping her own face in the photo, she asked pointedly, “Do you see that smile? God, Fitz, I was so in love with you; I just had no idea.”

He was quiet for a lengthy moment, then he released a long breath. “You’re distracting me, aren’t you?”

Startled, Jemma glanced up from the photo album in her lap and met Fitz’s knowing gaze. “What?”

A little smile quirked up one corner of his mouth as he insisted, “You’re trying to distract me from being upset that I can’t be there for you and the baby…” He trailed off then, sitting up straight as his eyes grew wide and filled with something like…reverence. Under his breath, he repeated in awe, “Baby. A baby. We’re gonna have a baby.”

A breathless smile curved Jemma’s lips, and she set the album aside so that she could press her palm against her stomach, murmuring in reply, “Yes, we are. And…and no matter if you’re here for every ultrasound or the first kick or any of that, you’ll still be an amazing father to our child, Fitz. And just think; now, they get to say that their daddy is an astronaut, and will be just as proud of you as I am.”

Fitz simply gazed at her for a moment, the awe still clear in his eyes, so strong that it had her heart skipping a beat in her chest. Then, a little smile ticked the corners of his lips up, and he whispered, “I love you, Jemma.”

And, never having been more sure of anything in her life, and now firm in the belief that they could get through this, Jemma replied gently, tenderly, “I love you too, Fitz.”

#shayna writes #fsfic #fitzsimmons #these stars will guide us home #astronaut au #chapter two #pregnancy #baby fic #i also promise that not every chapter will be so long??#i actually added one of the scenes in last minute #which made it even longer #yikes #but i do have an idea for the next ch #so that may be coming out soon too idk??#BUT PROMPTS FIRST I PROMISE

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bubblegumxveil · 6 years

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Alright, so. I didn’t necessarily partake in the RPC Positivity Week, but it was so incredible and inspiring to see so many others building each other up and spreading love instead of hate which I feel like is so needed in this community in particular but in this crazy world right now in general. I’ve been feeling the need to write out a bit of gratitude, because I really feel like I’m not always as vocal as I should be in how much I appreciate the love and support of everyone I’ve come to know here but here goes nothing. @kalxidoscopc: Della is literally always one of the most enthusiastic and optimistic people. You literally light up my day with your endless well of exuberance even after you’ve had a ridiculously long and terrible work day you have this incredible ability of reaching others and making everything a little bit better with just your passion in all things. You’re a serious trooper my fellow service industry friend, but your love of your characters show through with all of your dedication to each and every one of them and all of your tailored verses. I’m forever impressed with you and yes, you’re still forever my squishy. @joneshead: I will try and temper what I say here because I’m not trying to fill my Betty Cooper-size notebook with how amazing I think you are as a writer, person and especially my best friend. You have become my lifemate and even begrudgingly, I’m grateful when you pester me about drinking water and eating foods that won’t kill me in ten years or less. In the overall community, I’ve always felt you’re an incredible inspiration. You’re one of the first blogs I came to idolize (re: intimidated by) way back when in the beginning because you care so much about Jughead and your dedication to head-canon and all the intricacies of your portrayal are truly the stuff of legend. I’m so lucky to have gotten to know you and you are ALWAYS the most open-minded and welcoming presences around this place. Thank you for always remaining so uniquely you, I hope you really understand how special and important that is and when you forget I’ll write you a novel to remind you. @fifityshadesofplaid: Rachellllll. I’ve really only come to know you a bit in a short time, but I love your honesty in all things and you’re just so incredibly supportive. You have such a good soul and reach out to others and have this wonderful ability to make everyone feel included. I love your portrayal of Stiles and never want anyone to let you second guess or undermine that in any way shape or form. I love when our shy awkward dorks get jealous and fawn over each other and I simply can’t wait to keep writing with you and get to know you better! @quaintquandary: Cassie, my twin, my bae. You always know how to make me smile, by sending me the infamous meat boy song to fabulous Snaps and filters all day erryday. You get me sometimes in feelings and ways even I may not be understanding at the time and our lives have been lived in a lot of parallels and I’m really grateful to have someone in my corner who kind of knows how much life can suck sometimes but we can still help each other see the light at the end of the tunnel. You’re the best cheerleader and I feel like I never get to tell you thank you enough for all the life advice and listening you offer me. Thanks Billy <3 @brassloyalty: No one knows how to make my crappy work day better than Ems sending me Jordan Connor pictures, IG stories and general info updates. This person right here, is someone who has the patience to forever try and explain time zones and daylight savings to me and yet they never seem to tire of my stupidity. We keep the same hours and I can’t even count the number of times I forgo sleep because I’m just so excited talking and plotting with you because we’re always having so much fun and just enjoying one another’s company. We get so excited about plotting SP & Betty and I’m pretty sure that’s never getting old because these two are just far too obsessed and possessive of one another, we’re pretty much done for. @steeledwill: Dulcie. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’ve ever met such a caring and genuine human being before. I feel like though life may pull us apart sometimes, it never really matters how much time passes because we can always pick up right where we left off. I love that no one loves Barchie more than you and it’s such a comfort always to know someone cares so deeply about characters I too really cherish while also always making yourself available as a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen even in weird dead hours of the night? Thank you for captaining this Barchie ship always, you deserve an actual sailor hat! ;) @southsidelover: I try to make a habit of telling Z how much I love and admire her approximately every several weeks, just in case she forgot how amazing she is. I’ve always really looked up to you, both for your writing and personally outside of RP life. You’re such a strong person and I really appreciate how much you make yourself available to not only me, but really anyone down or in need when you already balance and manage so much. I’m pretty sure you’re secretly a superhero but your secret will always be safe with me. Forever in awe of you and live for any and all things we get to write together, even though I know we’re both so unnecessarily intimidated by writing for each other but I think it just forces us more out of our comfort zones and allows us to truly create something out of this world wonderful. You’re the best. @yourpaljughead: V is my OG. My forever casserole buddy and probably long before I even knew most of you to even know what that means. You were one of the first Jughead’s I wrote and plotted with, and subsequently one of my first tumblr rp friends from here and even though life’s been crazy and drawn us apart, I’m super proud of you for your PhD and know you’re capable of such great and amazing things. We’ve always kind of bonded and I’m forever grateful that we can just hang out and really honestly talk about anything and you’ve always put up with my random silliness as well as be such an inspiration to write alongside. Your love of Jug makes me appreciate my own connection to my Betty that much more and know that I miss sending you pictures of my terrible carb-heavy comfort foods. Miss you! <3 @rxvenhairedprincess: In the nostalgia category, nothing gets me more sappy than how LA was one of the first friends I ever made after creating this blog. You’ve always been so supportive of me, both in my writing and in pretty much every aspect of life and I’m just so blessed and grateful to call you my friend. You always check in on me even when life has us living crazy different schedules and trust me when I say I do always miss you as much as you miss me! I don’t think anyone loves and cherishes Veronica as much as I do Betty as you and I think that’s what made us click so well and so easily from the very beginning. You’re wonderful and beautiful and I just never feel like I get to tell you how much I really appreciate you being a part of my life. @vanityriot: Rita I’ve always admired from afar. I know we’ve never really interacted much, but I wanted to include you in this little shout out post because I think you’ve been a powerful force in this rp community in the best sense of the word. I’ve always watched you craft Reggie with such commitment, protectiveness and dedication that the character deserves and it’s always truly been an inspiration. Your strong will is admirable and I’ve never seen you be anything but welcoming to other characters and players who are new to the community so just know, even if we don’t know each other well your reach is far and admired! Honestly, this is hardly enough to say to each and every one of you and it’s hardly encompassing even a fraction of all the wonderful people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing in my time here on this blog. Some have come and gone and they are missed and I can only wish them great things & happiness from beyond but truly, I just admire everyone and please never feel like this post isn’t about you because I can guarantee if we’ve interacted at all I feel just as strongly. Everyone is wonderful and in case anyone needed a gentle reminder that you are great, worthy and appreciated for being you & your personal portrayals of any and all characters. Here you go. J <3

#kalxidoscopc #joneshead #fifityshadesofplaid #quaintquandary #brassloyalty #steeledwill #southsidelover #yourpaljughead #rxvenhairedprincess #vanityriot #spread love not hate #shout it from the rooftops | promo #laughing uncontrollably #or else I'll cry #sap alert #beneath the veil | mun post #off the record | ooc #now I'm just a pile of sappy mush

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eyestellxlies-blog · 6 years

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|| wow I hardcore need to update this blog

But i can't get to a computer right now

But this character has undergone a LOT of changes via facebook, so i suppose i should share the new bio? Eventually Ill get to a computer. Promise.

First Name: Robin

Middle Name: Reinhardt

Last Name: Wilde

Nickname: Rob, Robby

Age: 24

Gender: Male

Birth date: February 28

Birth place: Highland, Utah

Physical Characteristics:

Height: 5’4 (165cm)

Weight: 123lbs (56kg)

Build: Short and Slim, slight pudge on his belly. Has a poor diet, but is very active.

Hair: Long, messy, and dyed black. Usually with red roots or colored streaks. (Verse Dependent)

Widow’s peak?: No

Eyes: Expressive, often described as childlike. Due to his vision problems, they are a pale blue color.

Expressions: He’s usually pretty animated and excited about things when he speaks, he’s expressive and his emotions come across fairly easily, especially in his eyes.

Freckles?: Yes. Across his nose and cheeks and over his shoulders.

Tattoos/Scars?: Many of both. He has tattoos scattered over his arms and hands, referencing music, books, and important relationships in his life.

Piercings?: Nose, earlobes + cartilage, and tongue.

Glasses/Contacts?: Yes, but he always forgets them, or removes them while complaining of a headache. On days where he's out of the house for a while, he'll usually be wearing sunglasses.

Left/Right handed?: Right handed

Rob is small in height and stature. He is 5 feet, 4 inches, and thin. He may have a little bit of fat on his belly, but he is quite strong and very active. His hands and feet are a little small, his fingers thin, and his skin soft. He has blue eyes, and naturally dark blond hair that he dyes, black, and reaches a few inches past his shoulders. His eyebrows are dark brown and thick. He has feminine lips. strong jawline, and very often has stubble. He can often be found wearing makeup, as simple as eyeliner, to colored eye shadow, body paint, or lipstick. He has several tattoos on both arms, one on his right leg, and more over the tops of his hands. He dresses very casually, and prefers shorts and sweatpants to jeans or proper pants.

Intelligence Level:

Known Languages: English, Spanish, beginner’s grasp of German

How self-confident is the character?: He puts on an air of confidence, but this can be easily wounded by the smallest insult.

Patience level: Low

Biggest Vulnerability (non physical): When negative things are said to / about him, especially in regards to his skills / size. He takes everything very personally. He's very unapologetic about being unable to see that well.

Optimist or Pessimist: Pessimist

Introvert or extrovert: Extrovert

Greatest Fear: Being alone.

Other Fears/Insecurities/Phobias: Spiders, Bugs, Ghosts, Disappearing.

How does this character deal with or react to…

-Anger: Lashes out physically and emotionally.

-Sadness: Isolates himself, cries easily, generally tries to numb self with substances or hurt himself.

-Conflict/Danger: Runs away, tries to find an easy way out.

-Rejection: Will take it personally and blame himself. Tells self that he deserved it and dwell on the experience.

-Change: Depending on what it is, he usually handles this pretty well. Will generally 'go with the flow.'

-Loss: Isolation, chain smoking, will try to preserve what was lost through writing.

-Sex/Flirting: He will be very shy at first, not knowing how to approach the situation. But once opened up, will be very happy, excited, and confident if they’re interested. He’s a very touchy feely guy, so he will maintain a lot of physical contact once his confidence has been built up.

-Stress: Will manifest itself physically in him. Will not sleep, will chain smoke, and drink more than usual. He will become prone to illness.

-Guilt: Will appear as such, and depending on what it is, he will either confess what he did, or try to avoid it.

-Being criticized: Will over think everything he hears and will internalize it. He generally steeps on this information for weeks at a time and will be harsh towards himself because of it.

-Praise: Becomes very happy and proud of himself. Will be physically bashful, but incredibly thankful, and boastful when relaying what was said to him.

-Love: He throws himself into it, he will commit himself fully to that person, and nothing else but them will matter to him. Rob's heart is full of love for those around him, and it shows very easily through his actions.

-Being hated: Becomes defensive, reasons with self as to why.

-Humiliation: Denial, isolates self, becomes very self deprecating.

What does this character think/feel about…

-Marriage: Would be nice someday, but definitely not any time soon. (Is a slight commitaphobe.)

-Children: He loves kids!

-Sex: Sex is very important to him in and out of relationships, for different reasons. When committed to somebody, he believes it's an aid in joining souls with the other person and strengthens their bond.

-Love: He could talk for ages about love and the different forms of it. He has a lot of it to give, and is easily hurt in his search to have it returned.

-Homosexuality: He believes that everybody should be free to love who they love.

-The opposite sex: Girls are so soft and sweet and pretty and it scares him sometimes.

-Drugs and alcohol: Yes

-Killing/Murder: Verse dependent

Sexual Orientation:

What do they consider to be a romantic setting/activity/date?: Generally anything is fine with him as long as they’re spending time together. (Though, the beach, aquarium or a movie night are his dream dates)

Virgin?: Nope

How often does this character have sex?: At least once every week-two weeks. (Could be more or less depending on verse)

How long can he/she go without sex?: Several months. But he’ll get really antsy about it after a few weeks - a couple months.

How does this character feel emotionally, after sex?: He feels incredibly happy, elated, euphoric, confident, and very connected to his partner. He’s the 'share a cigarette, cuddle, and take a nap' type of guy.

Is this character generally submissive or dominant?: Submissive

Does this character have self control around the opposite sex?: Yes!

Does sex play an important role in their relationships?: Definitely. It’s a big deal and helps him connect with the other person.

Describe their first sexual experience: He was 14. It was incredibly awkward and rushed, and turned him off from the idea of getting close like that again for a while.

Have they ever had intercourse with the same sex? Yes!

Personality - BIO

Rob is a fun loving, affectionate, sometimes crude, friendly guy, who just wants a hug. He's known to joke around and pester his friends, and sometimes say very outlandish things that get him into trouble. However, when it gets down to it, he has a very large heart, and just wants to give the world a big hug and a big, wet, slobbery kiss on the cheek. He has an innate ability to read people and understand and empathize with their actions and feelings. When he decides that he wants to do something, he is unstoppable, and can be incredibly self destructive when things don't go right, or something negative is said about him. He relies a lot on his friends to keep him up on his feet emotionally, and is an incredibly social person.

Despite being very social, Robin doesn't venture far from his apartment all that often. Due to an illness as a child, his eyes no longer function properly. He is very near sighted, often having trouble distinguishing faces and signs without being inches away. His eyes also have trouble processing light, leading to him suffering from frequent migraines, generally wearing sunglasses indoors, and adjusting his schedule so that he spends more time awake at night then during the day.

Robin works part-time, shelving books at his local library, and also works from home, writing for magazines, graphic novels, websites, and pretty much anybody who will publish his work. He's very prone to drinking excessively and losing track of time while he gets lost in a book or a clickhole on the internet.

#ooc #update

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lets-move-mountains · 3 years

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(**I will not be sharing names to protect privacy, instead I have listed our babies by placement number. Each of our children do have a name and a face and they are real humans with real lives and deserve for their privacy to be protected.)

13.....

My husband and I have had 13 children live with us over the course of the last 6 years.

Our first 3 were here for a year, we loved them as if they were our own, they broke the seal not only to what it was like for us to be parents, but what it felt like to love deeply and have to give them back to their amazing mother. That goodbye was our first of many. But thankfully it was not goodbye forever! We still get updates and can visit them when possible!

Our 4th was 11 days old when we picked him up from the hospital, he taught us how to care for a fragile child, but his incredibly strong mother overcame all odds, as well as her past mistakes, and he was reunited with her when he was 10 months old.

Our 5th was only with us for 3 days. We got a call from our agency that this 6 month old little man was taken from his home in Michigan and was found in Illinois. He was in desperate need of a bath and change of clothes. He had the most beautiful big brown eyes and curly hair and was just the happiest little chunk despite what he had endured. As quick as he came, he left, but he will never be forgotten.

Our 6th was our deepest love and hardest goodbye. Newborn baby Turtle came to us at 5 days old. He taught us complete selflessness. His mother succumbed to her addictions when he was only 5 months old, but his father refused to give up. At 2 and a half years old he was reunited with his father and is now a happy, healthy, and thriving 5 year old.

Our 7th was just 2 years old when we welcomed him into our home. Not only was he abused and neglected at birth, but he was not being properly cared for by his foster family, so he came to us completely non-verbal, still drinking baby formula, and in desperate need of OT and Speech. By the time he and his baby brother (number 9) went to their adoptive home, he was singing his ABC's, counting to 20, carrying on conversations with full sentences, and even speaking in Spanish!

Number 8 was out of our comfort zone, but she ended up being an amazing reward. Our first teenager! She was only supposed to be respite for a weekend, but ended up spending a year with us! Her fight was strong and her willpower to push us away was even stronger. We argued and bickered, but at the end of the day she wanted me to braid her hair, do her nails, and crawl into my lap for a snuggle. Now that she's 18, I cherish the fact that she still calls me Momma Hopkins and still tells me she loves me.

Number 9 was only 3 days old when we got the call to come pick him up from the hospital, number 7 was his big brother so we had the opportunity to have him placed with us! 17 weeks, Ryan and I loved on this little bundle until he and his brother were ultimately moved to their forever home.

Number 10 was the 17 year old big brother to number 8. He was only with us for a few months before we decided to take a break from doing foster care. He is now a thriving adult well on his way in life!

Ryan and I loved deeply and selflessly for those 4 years. We sacrificed our comfort, our home, many friendships, our time, energy, finances...and at times our own happiness to make sure that each child was provided what they needed. We had to make hard choices that may not have been ideal in other's eyes, but they were best for the child. We had our hearts ripped out everytime we had to say goodbye. Those 4 years nearly destroyed our marriage and weighed heavy on my mental health. But 10 children were positively impacted. 10 children felt love and security. 3 families were successfully pieced back together through hardwork and dedication while we supported them and cheered them on in the process. To me, those benefits outweighed all risks.

We took a couple of years off to recover, to rebuilt the foundation of our marriage, plant roots here in Michigan, and then decided to get back onto this rollercoaster one more time.

Number 11 came to us 5 days after his birth and will have been with us for 1 year on the 12th of this month! Every day we get to watch this little one hit milestones and grow like crazy. His smile brings us so much joy, and the love in our home is heavy. True love is universal, regardless of race. It's as if he grew in my own womb, and I desperately don't ever want to let him go, but I have no rights to him and every week I'm reminded that his birth mother loves him as well. In the end, all he will ever know is that he is loved by so many!

Numbers 12 and 13, sweet sisters, were here and gone so fast. We were optimistic about being their forever home, but we learned through them that not all children are right for all families. Not because they did anything wrong, but because each of us have our own challenges, and if we are smart, we will recognize our weaknesses. This was the case for Ryan and I, that we knew the needs of these two surpassed our abilities as parents and keeping them here would not have been what was best for them. After all, foster care is solely about what is best for the children, despite what we think or feel. It's a hard pill to swallow and a slap to the ego when you come to the realization that no matter how amazing you are as a mother and father, that you aren't capable of providing what is best for a little one. Setting ego aside, we released control and began praying that God bring forth their forever family so that they have the best opportunity to thrive and succeed in life! And 2 weeks ago, God said yes. The girls were placed into their forever home and are doing so well!

Right now our home feels incredibly peaceful. I believe God has us in a resting season. He's asking us to recenter ourselves, practice self care, refocus on our marriage again, repair our foundation in him again, and wait on his timing for what's to come.

Despite the common misconception that foster homes use kids as paychecks while they neglect the children...I guess i can only speak for my home and my childhood home growing up.....that is surely not the case here. We benefit nothing but love and the reward of watching these kids on their healing journeys. The amount of money given to us pays for their basic needs, no one will ever get rich off of foster kids. That narrative is maddening! I've met DOZENS of incredible foster families over these last 6 years and first hand, they are ultimately the most selfless people. They give even when they are absolutely empty. They pour from empty cups and expect nothing in return. They walk around with shattered hearts but still manage to love so deeply. Their tears go unnoticed, their cries go unheard, and they put themselves last as they fight against every demon that attempts to steal away these children. They cover their homes in love and grace and forgiveness, and rarely do they ever give up the fight.

Foster care can be lonely, ugly, and incredibly unfair. The biological children are sometimes the most greatly effected. They are sometimes pushed aside because the needs of the foster child(ren) are so great. The appointments, the meetings, the home visits, the court hearings....it's neverending and taxing on families. But I want you to know that we are not the enemy. We are fighting for the same thing, the best interest of the children. I'll never apologize for being a foster parent. And I'll never let anyone tell me that we aren't damn good at what we do.

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jfkjrtribute · 3 years

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July 17, 1999

LARRY KING, HOST: Tonight, the search continues for the missing plane piloted by John F. Kennedy Jr. and carrying his wife and her sister. We'll get an update on the search. We'll speak with friends and associates of John Kennedy Jr., next on LARRY KING LIVE. We open with, in Boston, Rear Admiral Richard Larrabee, first Coast Guard district commander; in Virginia Beach, Virginia, Lieutenant Colonel Steve Roark of the United States Air force; and at Hyannisport, Massachusetts, Mike Barnicle of the "New York Daily News," formerly of the "Boston Globe," a close friend of the Kennedy's. We will start with Admiral Larrabee. Admiral, what specifically, at this point, are you looking for? REAR ADM. RICHARD LARRABEE, U.S COAST GUARD: Larry, this evening we have Coast Guard vessels, aircraft, and additionally an Air Force C-130, along with an H-60, and they are searching about a 550-square- mile area, an area that we have narrowed down since this morning. And they are primarily looking for debris and continue to look for any signs of survivors. KING: As time goes on, does it get futile from a Coast Guard standpoint? You have dealt with many things like this. Does that start to take over? LARRABEE: Not at this point, Larry. KING: When it gets dark, what do you do? LARRABEE: The Air Force H-60 is equipped with night-vision capability, and the Air Force C-130 is going to fly cover for them. They'll continue to fly tonight. In addition to that, our Coast Guard surface assets will continue to use illumination to do their search. We have also got the NOAA vessel, Rudy (ph), which is now on scene )with a site-scan sonar, and they have begun an extensive search of the debris field and the area that we think most likely would give us the best hope of finding something tonight. KING: Colonel Roark, in the past, has this type of equipment -- and you're with the Air Force rescue -- led to successful fruition in other instances? LT. COL. STEVE ROARK, U.S. AIR FORCE: It has from time to time, Larry. It all depends on the circumstances. We have been very fortunate in this case, in that we have been able to pinpoint a place to search, which is quite frequently the difficulty -- finding the starting point. KING: If you find things, like they found luggage or something else from the plane, does that automatically make you pessimistic? ROARK: Well, it certainly makes us realize what we're dealing with, and it's not a missing aircraft anymore. I think we found the aircraft, or the location of it, so that certainly helps us. KING: So, in other words, we know, Admiral Larrabee, that that plane crashed. Is that correct? LARRABEE: Larry, I think, from what we've seen with debris and what we know so far, I'd say yes. KING: And what else do we know, Colonel Roark? What do we know- know? ROARK: We don't know anything other than that, Larry. We're continuing every effort that we can, expending all resources available to us that will help us bring this to fruition. We can't do anything more than that. KING: Mike Barnicle, the famed writer -- Mike Barnicle, now with the New York Daily News," were you at the compound as a friend or journalist? MIKE BARNICLE, COLUMNIST, Kennedy FAMILY ASSOCIATE: I was there as a friend, Larry. I dropped by earlier today to express my condolences. And Mrs. Kennedy -- we have a home a couple of blocks up here. Several members of the family were there earlier in the afternoon. At that point, I think they were hopeful that something optimistic might occur with regard to their cousin and their nephew, John F. Kennedy Jr. They had a mass earlier today, celebrated by Father Jerry Creedon (ph) of Northern Virginia and Reverend Michael Kennedy, who was here from Ireland. The two of them concelebrated Michael Kennedy's funeral mass here 17 months ago. And the mass originally was intended to be a mass of -- a congratulatory celebration for Rory Kennedy, who was scheduled to be married this very evening. It became a mass of hope -- hope that something good might occur out in Nantucket Sound, which is off to my life left. But so far, no luck. KING: Mike, did the family know that you would come out and talk to us? BARNICLE: Yes, I think Joe did, yes. KING: And did he ask you specifically to say anything? BARNICLE: No, no, no. This is the weight of history in this very small village, Larry. Hyannisport is indeed a very small village. It's almost oppressive this evening. What most people refer to as the Kennedy compound -- if are out in Los Angeles or in Las Vegas, you might think it's some sprawling, 6,000-acre estate. It's two homes on a very little narrow lane that leads down to Nantucket Sound. And -- if I'm still on, I'll continue to tell you that… KING: You're on. BARNICLE: … John F. Kennedy used to come here and the little children. much younger children than John Jr. -- Robert Kennedy Jr., Bobby Kennedy, Joe Kennedy. They would have contests here in the summer to see which child was best behaved during the week, and the president's helicopter would land on the sloping lawn, about a hundred yards behind me. And whichever child was best behaved during the week would get to fly in the helicopter, Marine One, from here, Hyannisport, back Otis Air Force Base, about 20 miles west of here, where Air Force One awaited to take the president back to Washington. Robert Kennedy, his family retreated here in June of 1968, after Ethel's husband and Joe's father was killed. KING: Mike, with time limitations, how are they holding up? BARNICLE: They're holding up very well. Their faith in God holds them up through these incredible -- incredibly emotionally draining ordeals, when ordinary mortals, as you and I, would be crushed by the weight of this sadness. But they endure. KING: Thanks, Mike. Colonel Roark, what will happen the rest of the night? ROARK: Tonight, as the admiral said, we do have aircraft searching, some Air Force aircraft with night vision equipment that will continue to search and will continue probably through the night and certainly into the next day. KING: Admiral Larrabee, has the Coast Guard now gone back with it being night? LARRABEE: Larry, I'm sorry, I didn't hear your question. KING: Now that it's nightfall, has the Coast Guard stopped doing anything? LARRABEE: No, as I explained before, I have got two of my cutters still underway tonight, and we are coordinating the search with the Air Force assets there working for us. And I mentioned this vessel, the Rudy. has an extensive capability to do searching and, of course, underwater, and that's not bothered by tonight's conditions. KING: Thank you so much, all of you, Colonel Steve Roark, Admiral Richard Larrabee, and on the scene, Mike Barnicle. I met John F. Kennedy some years back. He kept calling me Mr. King, and it bothered me a lot. He was on our show in 1995, right after the start of his magazine, "George." He was with his then-girlfriend, later to be his wife. I remember that after the program, they took the 10:30 train back to New York. That took about four hours. It wasn't a metro line; didn't get in until about 2:30 in the morning. Here is a small portion before we talk to Christiane Amanpour, a lifelong friend of the Kennedys. Before we talk to Christiane, here is a portion of that interview. (BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, SEPTEMBER 28, 1995) KING: There are so many people with so much interest in you. I don't want to delve into the macabre interest, but the serious interest. Is it -- is it tough being a junior? JOHN F. KENNEDY JR.: I mean, sure. I mean, I wouldn't know -- I don't have the basis of comparison. KING: I mean, are there ever days you say, I wish my name were David? KENNEDY: No, I mean, I'd be happy with what it is. I mean, if you are asking of it's hard being me… KING: Well, it's brought you a unique life. KENNEDY: Absolutely, and great opportunities and some challenges. But all in all, I feel very fortunate. So it's not so bad. KING: Do you think… KENNEDY: I recommend it. KING: You do? It's very good to be the son of a legend. KENNEDY: I mean, it's complicated, and it makes for a rich and complicated life, so -- but that's, I think, part of the puzzle to figure out in my life. (END VIDEO CLIP) (COMMERCIAL BREAK) KING: Up until today, this Kennedy family has had 11 major tragedies, three major incidents or setbacks. We'll review some of them later. I said Christiane Amanpour, our CNN -- CNN's chief international correspondent, was a close of the Kennedy's. I, in fact, meant she's a close friend of John F. Kennedy. Where did that friendship begin, Christiane? CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR, CNN CHIEF INTERNATIONAL CORRESPONDENT: It began nearly 20 years ago in college. We were collegemates. I didn't go to the same university as he did, but we shared a house off-campus, along with others of his friends who remain friends today, for a couple of years. And we have kept up our friendship all these last 20 years. I never have spoken or felt it appropriate to speak about John in public before, and I'm doing so tonight because sometimes, and today is one of those cases, a friend needs a little bit of help. And so on behalf of his friends, I would like to say a few words and repay his loyalty and generosity on a day when we are all still praying for him to return safely. Last weekend, my husband and I spent the weekend with John and Carolyn and John's beloved cousin Anthony and his wife, Carol, up in Martha's Vineyard. It was a very happy, lovely, normal, friendly couples weekend. And I says this because that is the lesson that John has embodied to all of us and teaches us all the time. All of those who know him have been constantly impressed by the way he manages to keep his normalcy, to keep his sense of self, to be a man who is a happy man, a fulfilled man, a man who lives life to the full, despite the fish bowl that he has lived in all his life. And that really has been one of the things that we have all taken from John, and we continue to do so, particularly in this world where there is so much pressure and so much spotlight on him. KING: Back a little. What college did you go to, and where did he go? He went to… AMANPOUR: He was at Brown, and I was at the University of Rhode Island. KING: And they are right near each other? AMANPOUR: Yes, yes. KING: And you struck up a friendship through… AMANPOUR: Well, through college friends. You know, we met at parties; we met on campus. I had a lot of friends at Brown, and… KING: Did you like each other right away? AMANPOUR: Absolutely. Yes, we were friends almost from the beginning. But the thing about John is that his friendships speak to the man himself. He is a man who has kept the friends that he has made throughout his life. He is a loyal and generous and faithful guy, and if you look at his friends, they are all the people who have been with him for the last nearly 40 years of his life. And I think that is very, very, very important to realize that about this man. He wasn't swept away by the life he led, by the riches he had, by the fame. Instead, he wanted -- and does want -- to use that, and is a sort of man who believes that from whom -- to whom much is given, much is also asked. KING: He, of course -- and he still is officially alive, by the way. If you are just joining us, there has been no declaration of any. He has impressed, at least us at CNN when with us, well within himself. Is that correct? He was comfortable in himself. AMANPOUR: Absolutely, and all of us are still praying for him to come home safely, and, as you can imagine, his family as well. And let's not forget also that Carolyn's family, parents, are waiting for two daughters to come home. Her eldest sister is waiting for two sisters to come home. So, on behalf of those friends, we want to send that message out. But I think, you know, let's see what's important about his life. And I think that he lived so much of it in the public domain that many of you know much about him. The last time my husband and I saw him, we were come back to New York, and he was getting on his plane, his wife was saying goodbye to him, and he was going to fly to Toronto on a mission for "George." He was going to… KING: This same plane? AMANPOUR: The same plane. He was going to do a mission for "George," his magazine. And his magazine is an embodiment of him. If you look at the magazine, it's a witty magazine; it talks about serious issues, but in an accessible way. It is not self important; it is not pompous; it is not partisan. He has always tried and always wants to make politics accessible. He has been always the kind of man who is amused by life, serious about life, but has never been and is not cynical. And I think that comes across so often. KING: The magazine doesn't take itself all that seriously. Yet it is -- can be -- very serious. AMANPOUR: Well, exactly. I mean, it is a very serious topic that he chose to write about. And, you know, he took a big risks when he launched it. You know how difficult it is, in this day and age, to launch a magazine. He took a big risk. You know, there are many people who are just delighted to see somebody like John fail. He didn't fail. He succeeded. It's challenging, it's difficult, and he continues to push and work for that magazine. KING: Christiane, what prompted his interest in flying? AMANPOUR: It has been a passion for as long as I have known him. He started taking flying lessons in college. He dropped them for a while went on to do other things, and then when he had time, he finished up and got his license. It's a passion; it's not a frivolity. It's not something that he thought, well, you know, I can do it, why not? No, he used it for almost -- not just as a hobby, but also to facilitate his job. And, you know, went off on "George" missions, and he comes to Martha's Vineyard, and that's what he does with his plane. KING: Because many of the reports today were making it like not. So he has flown that a lot. AMANPOUR: Oh, absolutely. Yes, I mean, I think he bought the plane only several months ago, but he has flown a lot, yes. KING: We'll be right back with more of Christiane Amanpour. We certainly thank her for coming on with us tonight, the CNN chief international correspondent, a longtime friend of John F. Kennedy Jr. Still to come later, Senator Orrin Hatch, a very close -- best man at Ted Kennedy's wedding. We'll also hear from Hugh Sidey, Jack Valenti, and Steven Brill. Back with Christiane after this. (BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, SEPTEMBER 28, 1995) KING: Has privacy been the toughest thing? KENNEDY: For me? KING: Yes. I mean, you go out, people follow you, right? I mean, you don't have a normal life. KENNEDY: I have a pretty normal life, surprisingly. I mean, you know, every now and then, sort of strange things happen. But, I mean, up until the cavalcade of publicity for "George," I was -- you know, I was a private citizen. KING: You weren't easily recognized on street? KENNEDY: No, but people, I think -- you are not in business of really selling your personality, so I think people kind of understood that. And, you know, sure, people would ask stuff. People are generally nice, and it's not a crazy situation. (END VIDEO CLIP) (COMMERCIAL BREAK) KING: We're back with Christiane Amanpour. He just said to us, in that 1995 interview, that he wasn't that all bothered with -- he handled himself pretty well with fame. As you viewed it as a friend. how did he deal with that? AMANPOUR: Well, he was -- he is incredible about it, you know. I mean, for a boy who grew up from the first moment until now in the public spotlight -- I mean, imagine what it must be like, Larry, to simply know that every waking moment, everything you do is fodder for the public arena. And if you look at the pictures of John, you will always see him being trailed by cameras… you will always see him being trailed by cameras, being -- being, you know, followed all the time, and yet does he look like he's basking in it or glorying in it? No. Does he look like he's being rude and pushing people aside? No. He very graciously takes it as part of what has been hoisted upon him and lives his life with that in mind, and lives his life trying to just deal with that the best and most gracious and dignified way that he can. But of course it's been extremely difficult for his wife, who is a private person. He married a beautiful girl-next-door, not a starlet, not a celebrity. And she has had a terribly difficult time and is only just coming to terms with what it means to live in that spotlight. Imagine what it must be like for somebody to have had hoards of people camped outside, photographing her every mood -- move, you know, making up lies, writing things in the press, and yet they love each other, they live together, they have a lovely relationship, a lovely marriage, and they get through it. And this is an incredible tribute, and it's terribly, terribly difficult. And they have chosen not to be on the celebrity circuit, not to be on the benefit circuit. They do serious things and things that please them as individuals and with their friends and other members of their family. KING: A couple of other things. In all these years you have never discussed being a friend of his -- we didn't know you were a friend of his -- never written about him, never thought of that, never asked? I mean, you know, you've been a great friend to a very famous person. AMANPOUR: Well, a very famous person has been a great friend and is a great friend to all the people who know him. And again, that is a tribute to the person he is. And it is incredible. You know, in this society that we live in, you know, dime-a-dozen celebrities, cardboard-cutout imitations, he is the real thing. He is a big man with a big heart, a big mind. He's traveled a lot, he has many, many interests. Many people want to put their own projection and characterization on to him and make him fit into some kind of mold that they would like to create for him, but he has lived his own life. Look at his professional life, for instance. He has done public service, public service, public service. He was an assistant D.A. He could have been a high-priced attorney, but, no, he did the assistant D.A. He struggled through his bar exams, and when everybody ridiculed him he kept going and he did it. He chose when he left the assistant D.A. to do a magazine, to start a magazine. Yes, his name helped launched it but it doesn't necessarily help carry it. And he's fighting every day to make sure it's a good magazine, something that's relevant, something that's useful, something that is serious in a way that's not pompous. And I think, you know, that's the kind of man he is, and I think that's what his friends would like people to know about him. KING: And one other thing, Christiane, did you ever discuss or have you, yourself, thought about this curse that seems to harbor over this family? AMANPOUR: You know, his friends just always talk about the present and we don't look at the past and we don't project into the future. Everybody wants to say are you going to be president? Are you going to be a senator? We knew where to draw the lines and we simply watched the way he lived his life, in increments as it builds. KING: But how do you personally feel about what this family and this country? AMANPOUR: You know, the Kennedy family is an incredible, important family for this country and for the world, and I think many members have acquitted themselves with dignity and with stoicism and have been examples, really, for everybody who has been able to look at this family, and certainly I believe John is an example and somebody, as I say, where people are always trying to, you know, say something negative. And he was always above it, above that kind of trivial, petty, daily stuff. I'm not trying to sanctify him, I'm just trying to give you perhaps a different view. KING: You've done very well. Thank you so much, Christiane. We really appreciate it. Christiane Amanpour in Washington, CNN chief international correspondent, a longtime friend of John F. Kennedy Jr. A longtime friend of the family, Senator Orrin Hatch, they disagreed politically, but he's a great friend of Ted Kennedy's and of Ethel's. He'll give us his thoughts right after this.

#1999

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