with me
On Ao3.
Summary: A soft afternoon and some identity crisis.
A small breeze blew across the curtain. It only had enough strength to shake the bottom of the peach-coloured material, but you could still feel the air freshen up a bit, and the smell of lilac from outside was slowly filled the room.
You shook the sleep out of your eyes with a few slow blinks. Your thoughts faded little by little and you could have surrendered to the soft dullness that always took over you before falling asleep. Both of you've needed this quiet afternoon for a long time. An afternoon when there was nothing to worry about.
You allowed yourself an honest and deep yawn and then looked down in front of you.
The wide 'L' shaped piece of furniture was comfortable for at least two people, in this case for a human and a monster. You two were resting on the sofa in the living room of your apartment. Sans was sitting right in front of you, half lying down as he leaned his back against your chest. His skull leaning on your shoulder. The TV played quietly in front of you, but none of you paid serious attention to the program.
He hadn't said a word for the past half an hour. He was already quiet on the way home, but you didn't want to push him about it. Over the last few months, you've learned how to pinpoint out when he became uncomfortable, but he still would try to hide it with jokes, and shook off questions. You could only guess what exactly was going through his mind.
The sounds of the city faded to nothing. Everything felt still, and yet filled with tension.
You slowly raised your hand and finding his, stroked his bony fingers. He flinched for a moment, but immediately afterwards you felt him lower his shoulders again, snuggling closer to you. Your fingers lingered on each digit as you circled them. His palm wasn't much smaller than yours, but you still loved being able to hold his. After the finger bones slowly followed his palm and then his wrist, you drew small circles with the tips of yours.
When you heard him gasp, you stopped and brushed your fingers with his. It was as if he was trying to relax, but something, always at the last moment, scared him away from it.
You also took a slow and deep breath and then kissed his shoulder through his hoodie.
*why are you with me?
You needed a few moments to fully understand the question, it got you completely off guard. "Because-, because, I like to be with you. Sans, what's wrong?"
*but why?
Sans pulled his hand away from yours, crossing his arms in front of him as he sat up.
*i'm a monster, and you're a human. you should be together someone like you...like a human...
The warmth of spring was washed away by a cold breeze that ran over your body.
* it's...it's not going to work...we are not going to work.
Hundreds of tangled thoughts tried to come to terms with each other, they all appeared at the same time and caused complete chaos in your soul. You blinked blankly at the skeleton and even though you opened your mouth to speak, you didn't know what to say. There was complete silence in your mind when Sans pulled away from you and sat on the edge of the couch.
*i should go...it would be the best, for the both of us…
He stood up not looking at you.
As soon as he was about to step away, your body finally reacted. You reached out and grabbed his hoody and pulled him back onto the couch, turning him to face you.
You couldn't read anything from his eyes.
*(y/n)?
"Wait a minute, please." You took a deep breath and shook your head. "Just-, just let me think. The first thing you ask is why I'm with you, and you'd leave without an answer. Sans, what's wrong?" You swallowed as you ran your hand over his cheek. He tried to look away again, exhaustion in his eyes, but his gaze quickly locked with yours again. "Did I do or say something wrong?"
*no, that's not what it's about.
"Soo what’s is this about?" The coldness felt suffocating, spreading to your arms and stung more and more in your chest. "I don't understand, everything was fine until now. Did I say something?"
*...no. you didn't say anything wrong.
"Then did I just do something wrong? Are we going too fast? Or maybe you don't like being touched?"
The skeleton slowly shook its head, looking away, trying to hide himself from you.
"But then why? Don't you want to be with me anymore? I'm trying to understand what...what's happening all of a sudden." You had to clear your throat so that the invisible hand would ease the pressure on your back. But there was no answer to your questions again.
"I mean, it seemed like you were happy up until now, I was trying to make sure you didn't feel that this was wrong between us...so that the pace was comfortable for both of us." You ran your fingers through your hair. You looked at him to see if you could say something, or if you could just read something from his face or his heart.
The silence was unbearable.
"Then you don't want to be with me, do you?"
The skeleton monster's hands were shaking, you could almost see him struggling with his thoughts.
"Sans?"
*no...that's not what it's about...I-...
"Then what is this about? Please, let's talk."
You carefully moved closer to him.
"I understand if-, I mean if you've realized you don't want this between us after all," you had to stop steadying your voice again so it wouldn't shake. "But-, but I want to know at least the reason, why? What did I do? Or I just-, if I wasn't enough." You rubbed your eyes, to get rid of the swelling tears but, no matter how hard you wiped, new ones always appeared. And yet no answer was forthcoming.
You didn't understand what was going on. The whole thing didn't make sense to you. Or you tried to look for a reason, but you couldn't find it. Then as you moved you felt a dull pain in your shoulder. You reached over and touched your injured shoulder, it wasn't that serious, the binding was not even visible if you were wearing a sweater. But still, when you got home, you could clearly make out the red stain in the bathroom mirror. It was caused by the beer bottle thrown at you.
Two drunks. Two stupid people. Two nobody. It happened two days agon, but apparently Sans was still shaken up by it.
"Listen, if it's because of the incident in the parking lot, I don't care. The police have already started the investigation and they will arrest those two idiots soon."
He winced at the memory, but didn't answer. The light seemed to disappeared from his eyes.
That dark alley, you two walked by that afternoon, and the memories became stronger again.
*not a small incident.
"Sans?"
*that was no small incident.
For the first time, he turned towards you with real anger in his voice.
*what would have happened if...if was in the middle of the night and those two figures attacked you? or somebody else did, sober and not just with bottles as weapons... I know some people don't take kindly to us being back and Frisk wanting to help...especially with our species...mixing.
His last words were filled with fury and a certain venom, not towards you but towards the world.
*what if I get attacked and I can't protect you? I can't hurt people, but they can hurt you and they already did...I can't let that happen again...not as long as I live...I don't want...I don't want you to get in trouble because of me...I'm not worth it.. .
He buried his face in his hands, and by the end his whole body was shaking.
*gods, I won't let you get in trouble...I can't let you, especially not because of me, who would put you in danger.
"Sans..."
*sorry...I better go.
He moved, but you were faster. You reached out to lock your arm around his body and pulled him as close to yourself as possible.
*(y/n)...let me go, please.
His voice didn’t sound convincing, not even for himself.
"No way, you bonehead."
*but-
"You asked why I'm with you, didn't you?" Pulling him even closer, you gently placed your chin on his shoulder. "Then I'll tell you now. It's because you're important to me, nearly more than everything else combined. I like your exhausting humour and the fact that you listen, even if you can't help directly, you're still there and quietly listening. I know you don't like to talk about feelings, but somehow, that's what usually helps me the most, to understand that it's enough if you're there, by my side."
As you spoke Sans turned towards you uncertainly. You glanced at him, caressing his chin with your fingers. His eyes were fixed on you and he didn't even notice the blue blush spreading under his eyes. Slowly, he gripped your clothes with his hands.
"I'm with you. because I like being lazy with you, or just read and watch TV together. Maybe just have tea and a bottle of ketchup." You rubbed your face in your arm with a small smile. "People might make faces and even look away when we're around. They might have their opinions about us, but I still want to be with you, Sans."
*but what if they attack you?...if you're in trouble because of me...
“Hey,” you gently placed a tiny kiss on his cheek. He slowly relaxed in your arms and snuggled closer to you again. "If something like that would ever happen, it still wouldn't be your fault, you wouldn’t be the cause. I decided that I want to be with you whatever happens," a yellowish light flashed in your eyes for a moment. You didn't even notice that the icy feeling had almost completely disappeared from your body. "People…unfortunately, they're like that, but not all of them. And really, I've never cared about other people's opinion. I just want to be with you."
You looked down into his blue eyes, which now glowed faintly. He just looked at you for long moments, fingers gripping your top.
*I...
"Your eyes are really beautiful." You left another kiss on his cheek.
*...I...hey...it's not fair...so it's not easy to think that you say such things…
He buried his face in your shoulder and let out an honest sigh.
"Really? You're telling me? My skeleton boyfriend just told me one quiet afternoon that it would be better if we weren't together." You stroked his back with the tips of your fingers and little by little your body let go of the tension in your body.
*...i'm sorry...i just...
You rested your head against his skull, hugging his body with your arms.
"Y'know those two assholes did scare me, not going to lie, and I've actually thought about what happened for quite some time. But, I'd much rather be with you than let a couple of lonely, burnt-out assholes tell me who I should be happy with,” you glanced down at the skeleton monster. "Are you a little better? Or would you like me to let you go?"
The answer to your last question was a resounding no after Sans just wrapped his arms around you even tighter.
*it's just, I'm tired...I'm sorry that...I'm like this...
"Thank goodness you're the way you are, because otherwise I wouldn't love you this much."
The room became a sort of surprised amazement. It settled so thickly that despite the gentle wind playing with the curtains, no air movements would be able to mix it up.
*...yes?
One of his eyes were faintly glowing, his bluish blush spreading even wider.
"Easy, you skeleton-boy. Don't overthink it," you smiled as you felt the blush spreading on your face. "I told you that you are important to me, didn't I? It means that I love you."
*I mean-, I'm a bonehead after all
You kissed the top of his head.
"You are really important to me and I never want to lose you Sans."
His fingers tightened again clutching your clothes, and there was a blue light coming from under his hoodie.
*are you sure you want this? I'm not good at fighting, I mostly avoid it as much as possible.
"Yes, I'm sure." Touching his chin, you turned his face towards you. "We'll stay together as long as we both want, okay?" You drew a small circle on his face with your thumb. "And we will solve the problems that arise together."
The confused blue blush still remained on his face. He looked into your eyes for a few long and calm moments and if you had the chance, you would have let him look into your soul as well.
*okay…
With a huge sigh, he buried his face into your clothes next to your heart and stretched out on top of you.
"Then let's have some rest like this" you closed your eyes and put your hand on his back. "Then we can get some food."
He squirmed a little in your lap.
"And we can have some extra ketchup."
*...maybe we really match to the bones.
You embraced him completely with a warm smile and a small scoff.
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Showcase for One
This silly idea hit me while I was driving. I wanted to explore male presenting Sanses wearing skirts. I think we should normalize UT characters wearing gender nonconforming clothes.
“Boss, c’mere!” called Killer.
Nightmare sighed, pinching the space between his nasal bridge. “Are you three done with the fashion show? We got our supplies from this AU. I’m not dealing with my brother and his posse because you choose to stay in this store.”
“We won’t… be much… longer,” replied Axe.
Nightmare rolled his eyelight. He turned the corner away from the window. He was met with his boys standing outside the dressing rooms. He wasn’t surprised to find Killer holding an outfit.
“Can you try this on?” asked the eyeless skeleton.
The guardian sent him a dark glower. One of his tentacles twitched with annoyance. “Why would I do that?” he countered.
“Killer said he’d clean the kitchen and the living room for a week if ya do this,” said Dust nonchalantly.
Said monster whipped his skull towards the hooded skeleton. “The fuck? I never said—”
Axe elbowed the side of Killer’s ribcage. He murmured something to him that Nightmare couldn’t make out.
The boss felt his eye socket twitch. “We’re leaving now. Enough with your childish nonsense,” demanded Nightmare.
Like clockwork, his boys deflated like a balloon. Killer lowered the clothes from his hand. His three members were the equivalent of kicked puppies.
“I will only humor this request if you all clean the castle from top to bottom next week. The dungeon is in dire need of fixing.”
The guardian was smug from seeing the boys’ sour reaction. Killer sighed loudly, offering the outfit to him. He took it with an appendage, closing the fitting room behind him.
Nightmare viewed the clothes with a quirked browbone. He reluctantly dressed himself in the new outfit. After the guardian finished changing, he fiddled with the collar of his purple sweater. He smoothed the cream white pleated shirt, checking his outfit in the mirror.
He… didn’t hate the attire, but it wasn’t his first pick.
Nightmare wondered if he had worn a skirt ever. He could vaguely recall the villagers giving Dream clothes which no longer fit their children. Of course, his brother would rope him along for an outfit change. Thinking about it, Nightmare didn't mind what Dream encouraged him to wear.
At least… if he remembered correctly.
The guardian shook his head and quickly removed the outfit. He switched into his previous clothes, sighing with relief. He stepped out of the dressing room, tossing the clothes to Killer.
“Return it. We’re leaving now.”
Killed blinked dumbly at the clothes, then at Nightmare. “Why aren’t you wearing it?” he sputtered.
The goopy skeleton grinned wickedly. “I did wear it. You didn’t specify I was supposed to showcase it.”
The eyeless skeleton cursed before he stomped away to return the clothes. Nightmare opened a portal as Dust and Axe trotted toward him.
Dust cracked a small smile. “Astute as always, boss.”
Nightmare hummed. “You’re not getting out of this, Dust. I thought you wouldn’t stoop so low to one of Killer’s stunts,” he commented.
Dust paused before he hopped into the portal. “Eh, I thought it was worth a shot. ‘Sides, you need more variety with your clothes. You need to give me some credit, this was mostly Killer’s idea.”
Nightmare sighed again. He waited for Killer to enter the portal as well. He watched as his team member sadly jumped into it. The guardian curled his appendage on his shoulder almost comfortingly as he followed suit.
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