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millenialfanfictionaddiction · 1 year

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Akaashi, Bokuto and Kuroo

Reacting to their SO having a Mental Breakdown

Kenji Akaashi x GN! Reader; Kotaro Bokuto X GN! Reader; Tetsuro Kuroo x GN! Reader

Warnings: talks of mental illness, comfort

A/N: This is a request from @alreadyinsane!

Akaashi

Arguably the most supportive of the group

Not arguably actually, it’s facts

First off, Akaashi is the kind of guy who is going to have a tool belt of useful information and techniques at the ready

Let’s just say, this isn’t his first rodeo ok?

He knows you struggle with mental health because he he asks you about it!

Like Suga says, it’s a setters job to ask how their teammates are doing!

Akaashi just carries that outside of the game

So when you start having a mental breakdown, the first thing Akaashi is going to do is ask you what you need from him

Whether it be a hug, space, help with breathing techniques, this man has got you 👏🏻

He’s going to do whatever he can to help you through it

After things have calmed down, he is definitely going to continue to monitor your situation

He’s going to take time to make sure you are ok and he won’t leave you alone!

Even if he can’t be there, he will make sure your friends or parents are available for you

11/10 support system

Kuroo

He’s a literal dad

This man handles things with dad like behavior

He’s always watching out for you and making sure that you are mentally, emotionally and physically healthy

He monitors your water intake, food intake and your mental status multiple times a day

Please he had a system in place!

He will text you to make sure you’ve drank all your water and make sure you aren’t working to hard

But even thought he’s diligent, sometimes things happen

And mental health isn’t cut and dry

So if you do have a panic attack or just a mental break, he’s there for you

He’s not as efficient as Akaashi but he still asks you what you need

His first instinct is to be near you

But if you ask him for space, he will gladly give it to you but will still stay in the same vicinity

He always has food and water by him if you need it

If you need to talk, he will listen and give great advice

If you need a hug, man is a giant and will give you one in .02 seconds!

Solid 10/10!

Bokuto

✋🏻alright let’s be honest here-

I love this man with all my heart and as much as I’d love to say he would be amazing 😅

Ok let me give him this, he is very aware of your needs

He’s attentive to you but not always emotionally

He is very affectionate and will always comfort you

But man’s struggles with his own emotions so it’s kind of hard for him to help regulate

If you do have a mental breakdown in front of him, he is immediately going to be right there

And he is going to hug you

I do feel like he would respect you if you didn’t want to be touched but would it hurt his feelings? Yes, yes it would

If you have an emotional or mental breakdown, Bokuto is going to have one

You are this man’s pride and joy and he will immediately feel what you feel

He is weirdly good at reassuring you that everything will be ok tho

Like you know he will be there to help you if you need him!

He’s 100% that “it’s you and me against the world” partner

7/10 help during a mental breakdown but 100/10 gives the best hugs

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fuckyeahjcchasez · 11 months

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Hey, I found my lolcats/rage comic memes from 2012ish…

I was here. Y’all just couldn’t see me.

#nostalgia #lol memes #tw: mental instability

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digital-corruption · 2 years

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⚠ Trigger warning: Trauma recollection, violence leading to death, and discussion of mental instability.

Unrecognisable Part 34

Writing a plea to a psychologist to see your on-the-run boyfriend was no easy task. I tried my hardest to explain that his fear of being chased and persecuted were unfortunately very real and not a delusion, but he was buckling under the stress of it and the near-death experiences he faced as a result. He kept acting self-destructively and the risk of becoming suicidal again was unfortunately very real. I added that he exhibited very violent outbursts without going into detail. If I had added detail, the doctor would definitely have tried to commit him to an institution, and that would be disastrous. The more I reread what I wrote then more I realised how bad it looked and scaled it back. I removed detail, keeping it vague.

I glanced up from Jake’s laptop. Jake was working on the other side of the desk on the owner’s computer. He had broken into the computer with such ease that it unnerved me. He looked so at home and relaxed at a computer like it was where he belonged. There was even an innocent, childlike quality to his expression as he worked. He was busy building a fake online history for my new pseudonym, Melanie Chase, along with a plausible relationship track record with his pseudonym, Karl Vogel. He was even able to digitally modify photos he found online to look like us to sell the story that we’ve been together for the good part of a year. The speed at which he was able to generate it all made it clear it was the same method scammers used to create fake social media accounts for bots. I had to wonder how often he did this since he knew exactly what to do. After a few minutes of me staring at him, he looked up and smiled at me so innocently. In that moment I couldn’t understand how he was the same man that bashed another man’s head in retaliation for threatening us.

Maybe I shouldn’t mention his violent outbursts. I wanted the doctor to feel comfortable meeting with Jake. I wanted him to bring stability back to his mind. There was a monster lurking in his head that kept toying with his sanity. If we couldn’t get rid of it, we had to help Jake tame it so he could go back to the man I knew. That ended up being my final plea in the email. I signed it as Melanie, then took one last look at the email before hitting send and immediately closing the laptop.

“It’s done,” I sighed while rubbing my face. “I need a drink. A strong one.”

“We only have wine right now,” Jake shrugged.

“That’ll do!” I jumped up and practically skipped over to the wine fridge.

As I entered the kitchen, I saw the clock and noticed it was already after 5 PM. It occurred to me that I still hadn’t heard from Lilly about the parole decision. I pulled out my phone and checked again, but there were still no messages from her. So, I sent her a quick message asking if there had been any updates. Then putting my phone down on the kitchen counter, I went into the wine fridge and browsed through the selection of reds. Given they were all names I had never heard of and probably way outside my usual wine budget of $20, I decided it was best to just to choose the one with the most interesting name. As I popped open the bottle and poured myself the first glass, I heard my phone beep to notify me of an incoming private message. As soon as I finished pouring myself a rather generous glass, I picked up my phone again and checked it, but there was no message. I opened the app just to be sure and even though I could see Lilly was online, there was no response from her. Baffled, I took my phone and my glass back to the home office.

“Jake? I think there’s something wrong with this phone,” I frowned.

“Why? What’s happening?” he asked.

“I sent Lilly a message and I heard it beep, but there’s nothing there,” I explained.

“Strange. It could be a bug with the app,” he suggested. “Like a delayed notification or something.”

“Could you look at it?” I questioned.

“What do you expect me to do with it?” he raised his eyebrow in confusion.

“I don’t know, something techy?” I shrugged.

He pinched the bridge of his nose like I had asked him to turn water into wine, “How about we test to see if you can receive incoming messages?”

“Sure, ok,” I nodded.

Jake picked up his phone and quickly typed a message. My phone beeped in my hand a couple of seconds later.

???: Hi :)

I smiled as soon as I saw the message. It had been so long since I last saw one of his emoticons that it brought back such warm memories.

“So, I take it you can receive messages?” he teased.

I bit my lip and sent a response to him.

MC: Hi! Care to join me? 😉🍷

Jake checked his phone and laughed, “I am in the middle of something right now, but give me a few minutes, ok?”

“Ok,” I tried my hardest to hold back my cheeky smile but failed miserably.

I sauntered out of the room and took my glass of wine out to the penthouse balcony. It was just warm enough to be in just my t-shirt and panties thanks to a day of summer sun. Sitting down at the outdoor table, I sipped my drink while taking in the setting sun over the city. My phone beeped again and I checked it immediately as if I had to catch the message before it disappeared on me.

Lilly: They denied Richy his parole.

MC: What? Really!?

Lilly: Yes, we did it.

MC: That’s great!

Lilly: I have to go. Work calls.

MC: Yeah, no problem. Talk to you later.

Lilly: Yes, I would like that.

Lilly is now offline.

I leant back in the chair and let out a sigh of relief. Somehow it didn’t feel real. After everything I thought for sure we had lost. Well, a victory was still a victory and this one I would definitely take. While thinking back on the events that unfolded at the hearing, I finished my glass of wine. I was about to get up to refill it when Jake suddenly appeared from behind with the bottle and poured me a new glass.

“Guess what!” I beamed.

“What?” Jake asked as he finished topping up my glass.

“Richy was denied parole!” I grinned.

“Really?” he walked around to the other side of the table and sat down. He took a swig straight from the bottle.

“I know, it’s such a surprise after everything that happened. Maybe they actually took your story into consideration,” I shrugged between sips.

“That would be a first,” he scoffed. “Then I suppose a celebration is in order.”

“Yes, although it feels weird to be celebrating keeping a man imprisoned,” I commented before finishing my glass again.

“A guilty man. Keeping a guilty man imprisoned,” he clarified then topped up my glass again.

“You didn’t drug this wine, did you?” I questioned as I picked up the glass.

Jake took another swig from the bottle. “Seeing how I’m drinking the same wine as you, you tell me. Did I drug it?”

“That would be silly, to drink the drugged wine as well,” I reasoned.

“Unless I laced it with a hallucinogen,” he snickered.

“That would certainly make the night more interesting,” I joked uncomfortably. “You didn’t though, right?”

He sighed, “No, I did not. It will take me time to regain your trust, won’t it?”

“Yes, it will,” I answered matter-of-a-factly.

Jake winced, “MC, I know I’m not always… in control. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear when you’ve literally put your life in my hands.”

“That’s why I want you to see Dr. Cumming, you understand that right?” I questioned.

“Can I be honest with you though? I’m not the same person and I may never be. I don’t want you to get your hopes up in thinking I can be fixed,” he sighed.

“We’re not fixing you, Jake. We’re helping you regain control of your life,” I clarified.

“You don’t know what happened that day. I do,” he glanced up at me to see if I would react. “You already know that I remember?”

“Yes, I do. Trix told me you tried to drown the memories with alcohol,” I admitted.

He nodded while looking down at his hands. “I did things I’m not proud of. Things I can never forget.”

“You don’t need to tell me,” I put my hands on top of his to assure him.

“No, I should tell you before I tell some doctor I never met before,” he scratched his head uncomfortably.

“About the two agents you killed?” I asked.

He looked at me confused. "I didn't tell Trix that."

“Their deaths were mentioned during the parole hearing,” I pointed out.

“Oh,” he averted his eyes away from me. “It’s probably easier if I start from the beginning, from when I saw the wave of fire headed towards me. It was like a wall of flames. I saw the puddle beside me and I dived into it. It was pretty big. A few inches deep, enough to cover half of me. It wasn’t clean, but I didn’t have a chance to even consider that. I took a deep breath and immersed my head in that water for as long as I could. I didn’t even know how long I needed to stay down, I just knew I needed to stay under for as long as possible. At some point the burning scaffolding fell on top of me, simultaneously weighing me down and burning my back. By then, I was running out of oxygen. I struggled to push it off of me and when I did, I collapsed face up into the contaminated water,” he paused.

“And that’s how your burns got infected,” I nodded.

“I tried to catch my breath, but the air… the air was shit. My lungs burned from the lack of oxygen then burned from the hot air. I could hardly breathe. I thought I was going to die, but then I remembered this photo of you I saw online. You were so bright and so happy. I remembered thinking how much I wanted to see that smile in person. We were supposed to meet, remember? I was supposed to experience that smile. I couldn’t let myself die until I did.

"So, I struggled to get myself back up onto my feet and find my way out, but an agent found me first. He ordered me to my knees and when I didn’t immediately comply, he hit his rifle into my back, into my burns. I fell to my hands and knees, and he kicked me in the ribs. It hurt so much, MC. I saw his combat knife strapped to his leg and I just acted without thinking. Before I know it, I am stabbing his thigh, on the inside, hitting the major artery there,” his hands trembled. “He fell onto his back. I got on top of him. I put my hands on his throat and squeezed, and I kept squeezing until life vanished from his eyes,” he raised his hands up so I could see they were shaking. “That's a sight I’ll never forget.”

Jake shifted uncomfortably in his chair, “I heard another agent approaching so I ducked behind a boulder with the dead man’s rifle. The agent slowly walked over to check on his fallen comrade. I went up behind him and hit him in the back of the neck with the stock of the rifle. He fell over and I knocked his helmet away before he could react. Then I kept hitting him in the head until he was a bloody pulp. I didn’t have you there to stop me then, not like the other day. There was a lot of blood, MC. A lot of blood.”

He paused before continuing, “I realised I had to be smarter. I got lucky with those two, but there was no way I could take on the entire squad by myself. I climbed into the rafters and found a quiet space to wait them out. Of course, I was in so much pain, and with the infection starting to take hold, I spent a lot of the time up there unconscious.”

“Your voice woke me from the feverish dream I was in, but I meant it when I said I couldn’t act. I could barely open my eyes. I blinked and you were gone again. I dug my nails into my wounds to keep me from falling unconscious again, and I dropped down from the rafters. Well, fell down is more accurate. It was dark by then, the fires had been extinguished, but I used the light on the rifle to find my way to an exit. Honestly, I don’t know how I found the strength to walk, everything hurt worse than hell itself. And then, as you know, I collapsed on the side of the road while trying to get the attention of passing cars,” his shoulders dropped. “So now you know… everything. Everything I did."

“Jake…” I struggled to find the right words.

"It was like my body moved on its own. I was there witnessing everything unfold. I could feel it all happen, but I couldn’t- I couldn't stop. Part of me enjoyed it, you know, enjoyed the killing. If I hadn't stopped myself when I did, I probably would’ve just kept going through them all. Happily killing them until either I ran out of bodies, or they killed me. It wasn’t self-defence, I'm not even going to pretend it was," he added.

"No, Jake, it was. You were scared, badly injured and cornered with gun-toting agents after you. For all you knew, they were there to kill you," I argued. "You were frightened for your life, and you acted accordingly. It’s easy to look back and judge in hindsight. To say that you could’ve done something differently is not fair. You didn’t know all the variables like you do now.”

"They didn’t used to shoot first back then," he clarified. "Now they do. Now because I am seen as a violent and deadly threat. Because I am a violent and deadly individual with no regard for life. I can’t even blame them for that reputation. That was my own doing.”

I sighed and put my hands over his, "Let's go inside."

"You want to sleep with a psychopath?" He questioned. "That's what I am, MC. A fucking psychopath. One that looks at you and sees all the ways I could hurt you.”

“Is that what you want?” I asked.

“No! Of course not!” he exclaimed. “But right now, I could grab your head and bash it into the table.”

“But you won’t,” I pointed out. “Knowing you are capable of violence and you actually doing it are two very different things, Jake. You're stronger than this, whether you believe it or not."

"Your pain yesterday…," he trembled. "I drugged you partly because you were in pain, but also because your pain was arousing me. You need to leave, MC. It is a mistake to let you stay."

"I'm not leaving, Jake. I won't let you be alone ever again," I assured Jake. "You can overcome this. Together we will overcome this."

"I will hurt you," Jake looked up at me with pleading eyes. "Next time I may not have enough self-restraint to stop me from…," he trailed off as he couldn’t even speak the words, but I knew what he meant.

“Jake, even if you don’t believe in yourself, I believe you will never cross that line,” I squeezed his hands. "This why we're getting you help, ok? I won’t leave you. C’mon, let's go inside.”

Jake nodded and we both got up. I took his hand and led him back inside to the master bedroom. As soon as we got through the door, he tugged my hand. I turned around just as he grabbed me by the back of my neck to pull me into a deep, heated kiss. He broke away and lightly urged me to sit down. I obliged and sat on the edge of the bed. When I saw him grab his black leather belt, I put my wrists together and held them out for him. To my surprise though, he wrapped it around his own neck and fastened it. Then he knelt on the floor submissively and held up the end of the belt for me to take. I leant over and stroked his cheek while looking deeply into his eyes. His will was unfaltering. There wasn't a single glimmer of defiance. He wanted me to take control of him, to make sure he stayed in line. Slipping my fingers around the belt slowly, I held it firmly, giving it a soft pull to bring his lips up to mine. I kissed him intensely and he reciprocated willingly.

Shifting my grip to the end of the belt, I scooted back on the bed. As I raised my foot to bring it up onto the bed, Jake grabbed my ankle and brought my foot to his lips instead. While keeping his eyes locked on mine, he slowly kissed up the inside of my foot, up my ankle and my calf. Falling back onto the bed, I involuntarily moaned. He took it as a sign to keep going up my leg, climbing onto the bed as he went. As he went up my inner thigh, he groaned with lust and bit my thigh out of passion. When he realised what he did, he kissed it and looked up at me apologetically.

"You need to stop me, or I will devour you," he warned.

I tugged on the belt, forcing his head down, closer to between my legs, “I’ll decide when to stop you.”

Jake grinned devilishly, happy to obey his new master.

#duskwood #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood jake #unrecognisable fanfic #tw: violence #tw: violent death #tw: mental instability

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yr-obedt-cicero · 1 year

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Hello! I was just curious since you seem like an expert on the hamkids, what was your opinion in regards to the Schuyler mansion on Twitter stating that Angelica Hamilton "In 1801, Angelica suffered the losses of her aunt Peggy (below) and her older brother, Philip. Contrary to popular belief, Angelica did not have an irreversible breakdown. Instead, her reaction to her brother's death may have indicated the beginning of a mental illness."? Is it true that she never had a mental breakdown, and it wasn't even directly related to Philip's death? They don't seem to have any sources in regards to this part, so I was curious about your take

I've seen that before and it actually irks me a lot because I have no idea how they came to that conclusion, and they use zero sources for that statement. While there isn't much known about Angelica, and especially in regards to her mental health — there have been two confirmations by family members that she suffered from severe shock due to Philip's death.

The first being the youngest of the Hamilton daughters, Eliza Hamilton Holly, where she even clarified that Angelica became mentally impaired after severe shock from Philip's death;

“Mrs. Holly was a woman of strong intellect, and a friendship which I formed with her is one of the most cherished memories of my life. She devoted her widowhood to the care of her aged mother. We often engaged in confidential conversations, when she would discuss the tragedies which so clouded her life. I especially remember her dwelling upon the sad history of her sister, Angelica Hamilton, who, she told me, was in the bloom of health and surrounded by everything that goes towards making life happy when her eldest brother, Philip Hamilton, was killed in a duel. He had but recently been graduated from Columbia College and lost his life in 1801 on the same spot where, about three years later, his father was killed by Aaron Burr. This dreadful event affected her so deeply that her mind became unbalanced, and she was finally placed in an asylum, where she died at a very advanced age. Mrs. Hamilton lived in Washington, D. C., in one of the De Menou buildings on H Street, between Thirteenth and Fourteenth Streets, and Mrs. Holly resided in the same city until her death.”

(source — As I Remember: Recollections of American Society during the Nineteenth Century, by Marian Gouverneur)

And again, by Angelica's nephew and the son of Phil II, Allan McLane. Who wrote about it in his biography about his grandfather;

“Upon receipt of the news of her brother's death in the Eacker duel, she suffered so great a shock that her mind became permanently impaired, and although taken care of by her devoted mother for a long time there was no amelioration in her condition, and she was finally placed under the care of Dr. MacDonald of Flushing, and remained in his charge until her death at the age of seventy-three. During her latter life she constantly referred to the dear brother so nearly her own age as if alive. Her music, that her father used to oversee and encourage, stayed by her all these years. To the end she played the same old-fashioned songs and minu- ets upon the venerable piano that had been bought for her, many years before, in London, by Angelica Church, during her girlhood, and was sent to New York through a friend of her father.”

(source — The Intimate Life of Alexander Hamilton, by Allan McLane)

While, yes, all of these are coming from the moreso younger side of the family - as Holly was only about two, and Allan didn't even exist when Philip died - they still likely heard the tale from the older Hamilton kids, or Elizabeth. Notably, Phil II was seemingly close with Angelica and likely was looking after her when his sister and mother couldn't, as Elizabeth was usually writing to him and asking how she was instead of the others. So, if Allan was getting his feedback from his relatives, and most likely had spent some time around Angelica since she was sometimes in the care of his father — I think he is reliable source material.

#tw: mental instability #amrev #american history #angelica hamilton #eliza hamilton #eliza hamilton holly #allan mclane hamilton #philip hamilton ii #hamilchildren #history #hamilton family #hamilton kids #hamilton children #hamilkids #queries #sincerely anonymous #Cicero's history lessons

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kn96artworks · 2 years

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full: https://privatter.net/i/6927068

mini lore under cut (warning: don’t click any of these if you’re in a bad mental state or just feeling sh*tty or under the weather in general)

ex? surgeon mikage / nurse ryuga, r18g?

basically mikage suffers from severe MDD with psychosis (+/- schizophrenia? maybe) and suicidal tendencies following the tragic death of his parents (more or less the same as canon, but here mizuto was suspected to be secretly taking drugs and gradually became more and more unstable. mizuto was a surgeon too i guess). after the tragedy he was admitted to the psychiatric ward for close observation and recovery.

so ryuga took care of him throughout his admission, and he inevitably formed an attachment to the guy. yeah.

then after rounds of intense treatment and ECTs he’s good again. all’s well. until it’s not.

they ended up dating after mikage got discharged because the attachment was mutual i suppose. they maintains a good fluffy relationship in between works (which is decidedly difficult since they work in different departments)

mikage is fine and stable since quite some times and he got back to work as always. everyone’s happy (because he’s a d*mn good surgeon even though he has like massive impostor syndrome and near nonexistant self esteem)

then he starts to act strange. his mood became noticeably more labile with worsening mood swings and prone to violence. they suspected that he’s relapsing due to stress/exhaustion so they put him on medical leave. subsequently his condition deteriorates.

(turns out he’s been skipping his meds) (he insists that he’s fine) (random side note, doctors make the worst patients)

ryuga has been keeping tabs on him all the time and urged him for a psychiatric visit. unfortunately it didn’t happen. ryuga being ryuga, also took a leave from work to keep an eye on him.

but why ryuga tho?

because fusa and toma were separated from him for their safety (or rather fusa saw him getting worse and she called ryuga about it. she went away and took touma with her. toma was initially reluctant but she reasoned that it’s for their own good.) mikage, currently very unstable, interpretted it as fusa abandoning him and forcefully taking toma away from him.

so mikage, in a fit of emotion, drugged ryuga and locked him in his house.

and he later mutilates(basically paralysed and blinded) ryuga so he can’t escape. he did it out of fear that ryuga would either leave him or be taken away too. the story ends with him mercy killing ryuga and commiting suicide afterwards.

this is very fked up. i have no idea from which corner of my brain did this came from.

btw there’s an even MORE fked up version of the story/pic whereby mikage straight up amputates ryuga’s arms and legs. this will forever haunt me ⊙﹏⊙∥

i am sorry for making ya’ll read/see this

#random #jin/ryu #tw: depression #tw: blood #tw: injury #tw: self harm #tw: sui mention #tw: medical #tw: mental instability #tw: medication #tw: mentions of death #tw: horror #my brain and me

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dcndrohime · 1 year

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Sentence Starters. // Accepting.

@erabundus - ‘ stupid people are dangerous. ’

There is a pause when she heard that, no sooner straightening up and no longer reaching for the intended plant.

‘‘Um’‘, it takes some time for her to think this throught.

Wheter it is a stupid person or that of the cunning type, something in common ties in with both; unpredictability. But by an extension, encountering a stupid entity, might be more unpredictable when it comes to speech and one’s actions that isn’t easier to get a read on than someone who knows what they are doing, intend on doing.

Still, what truly did it mean to be a stupid one than just standing on the edge of insanity or mental disability.

Additionally, its a little of a depressing topic and she didn’t particularly believe anyone categorized as stupid.

‘‘Alright then....’‘, what was she to say to that.

#erabundus #ic #tw: mental illness #tw: mental instability #tw: mentions of mental illness #closed rp

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wild-pineapple-butt · 2 years

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[ REGRET ] for your muse to immediately regret hurting my muse (because during of his psychotic crises it might happen XS he'd not be aware it's Renji as he'd be seriously hallucinating) @nnoitra-jiruga

RP memes for the mood ||| accepting!

[ REGRET ] for your muse to immediately regret hurting my muse

@nnoitra-jiruga

It hurt. It was dark. The silence was deafening. Everything had happened much too quickly for him to process. One moment, everything was fine, then in the next, fists had come flying at him. Anger evident on his lover's face. A face that he'd gotten used to seeing so loveable and warm, contorted into a twisted sick fury, aimed at him. The sight of blood - his or Nnoitra’s, he wasn’t sure. But it was there - warm and red and metallic in odor.

His arms, flying up in self defense did nothing to soften the blows that came at him. They hurt. Nnoitra was strong, despite his lithe form, his tall stature easily towering over Renji, giving the espada the advantage to pin the shinigami down.

His eyes, raged, focusing on nothing. Staring into the empty abyss that his mind was forming for him - an imaginary situation that he was trapped in. His smile, usually so soft and gentle twisted into one of pure ecstasy as he continued to pummel at Renji.

It hurt. His heart, that is. Seeing a situation that they'd both feared, come to life, right in this moment was breaking his heart and soul. For he knew, that Nnoitra didn't want this. He knew. There was a sickness inside of the espada that plagued him, destroying him from the inside out. And Renji could do nothing but lay there, defenseless and helpless, receiving the other's blows to him.

Did he want to use his weapon? Strike at the other in an attempt to wake him up? Renji had contemplated it. But he figured that it might only serve to anger Nnoitra even more - he didn't want to risk it. But the blows were starting to get unbearable, his body aching, his muscles bruised and sore, and perhaps even some bones fractured. It hurt.

Tears slid down his face unconsciously, him crying silently as he watched this man turn into someone unrecognizable. A man who he could only identify from the outside, but the inside? Wasn't the man who he knew and trusted and loved. Almost, he wanted to put his arms down in defeat, but that surely meant that he'd die, wouldn't he? An especially strong blow to his head and bam just like that... he'd be down for the count, and it would hurt.

Renij doesn’t know how long he lay there, enduring the hits to his body. He must have passed out, for he could see nothing but darkness. His body felt like lead, but.. the blows seemed to have stopped. Good. That meant Nnoitra had returned to normal, woken up out of that fog that plagued his mind. His brows furrow... as he hears something echoing.. his name? Was his name being called?

The sound got louder and more clear as his mind starts to wake up, his eyes slowly peeling open as he hisses in pain - even his eyelids hurt. Vision blurry, he can somewhat make out the shape of Nnoitra, looking down at him. Calling out his name in desperation, calling him his favorite nickname... mi amor.

Ah... it was good to hear that. Slowly, his vision clears and he can see better now - Nnoitra’s brows furrowing, his usual smile downturned into a frown, muscles quivering and tears threatening to spill. Stupid. Why was he crying? There was no need to cry. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t want it to happen. And even if it had already been done... Renji had accepted the fact that this day would eventually come.

Slowly, he reaches up, cupping Nnoitra’s face, using his thumb to wipe away a shed tear. Softly caressing the other’s cheeks, in an attempt to calm him down. Man... it hurt. Both his body, but seeing the other so sad, so sorrowful, for what he’d done. He had such a silly lover, didn’t he? Maybe he too, was fucked in the head, for loving someone so volatile as this. So unpredictable, so on edge. But he wouldn’t have it any other way; he’d promised and sworn in the very beginning and he wasn’t one to go back on his words.

“It’s okay, stupid,” he croaks out, surprised to hear his voice so hoarse. Had he been screaming this entire time? His throat is sore, like he had just done two hours of karaoke... he must have been screaming and he hadn’t even known it.

“I’m okay. I’ll be fine. Ya should see yerself, Nnoitra,” he manages to chuckle. “Don’t be like that now. Come, smile fer me. I’ll be just okay.”

#nnoitra-jiruga #pineappleanswers #main verse: bleach #crimson dyed warrior #NnoiRen: The Despairing Pineapple #tw: violence #tw: abuse #tw: long post #tw: mental instability #tw: blood #tw: abusive relationship #(this made me so sad to write)#(hopefully it comes off as poetic as I intended it to be ; - ; )

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cuckoo-among-beasts-a · 7 months

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Open - V: Demonic Cultivation || Helping

Nie Huaisang had left. Left Cloud Recesses where his dage had placed him to heal. The day Mingjue left him there was one of those moments where he had been lucid enough to remember. Remember Mingjue's sad expression, clearly not wanting to leave him there, but he was needed on the front and Huaisang needed to rest and heal.

He had rested and healed now. Or at least as much as he wanted to. He didn't want them to remove all the resentful energy. He wasn't useless anymore, he had power, he could fight. It was odd how he had never wanted that before, but now he did.

Huaisang was aware that cultivating resentful energy would kill him in the end, but that was okay. This power, he could help. He could get revenge for what the Wens had done to him and others. So what if others might disagree with his methods? Did it really matter that much what kind of energy took down the Wen Sect? Huaisang didn't think so and that was why he needed to be in Qishan, not Gusu.

Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by someone calling his name. Who could that be? Frowning, he turned towards where the voice had come from, searching for a face he recognised.

[verse info]

#open #v: demonic cultivation #tw: mental instability

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ashitomarisu · 1 year

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I’m actually this close to quitting my job over the incompetence of other coworkers who won’t stop moaning and bitching about being under pressure. This is the most pathetic the owner has ever been when all he cares about is money.

It’s even more pathetic when you have two proficient technicians and a pharmacist who doesn’t give a shit about doing anything but checking scripts. This makes the techs overwhelmed and one ended up leaving early because she couldn’t handle pressure.

After being asked to come in on my off day, I said “Fine, but if I come in, someone has to cover tomorrow”. No one wanted to do it because it was the SAME DAMN SHITTY PHARMACIST. No other tech is at my level, which pisses me off.

At this point, I’m done. I’m going to start finding another employer. That text thread was the last straw. I might as well take the offer my brother told me about recently. Fuck labor abuse, fuck this modern capitalistic structure, and to hell with the archaic labor system that has thrown people into literal depression and suicide.

#personal #tw: mental instability #for once I’m actually not in the mood to care anymore and just want our

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iantha · 1 year

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tfw ur insane mom kicks u out twice (after u come back after running away bc she’s actually criminally insane) and then tells u to come back for your stuff and she’s ✨ gone✨

#she said she was going to bin it all #and im here just… waiting #maybe she’ll show up who knows #not me that’s for sure #personal #tw: mental instability #that’s her

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lovearne · 1 year

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I am having spicy thoughts, I'm sorry if you tagged me or sent me an ask for anything, I won't be replying tonight

#arne speaks #tw: sui thoughts #tw: mental instability

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whatsabriard · 1 year

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Not to be too personal on here but like…6 years ago my dad has some difficulties with his mental health that lead to him losing his job as an executive. Whether it was the depression that caused the job loss or the job loss that deepened the depression really doesn’t matter. (Also he was termed while on FMLA which is super illegal and resulted in legal shit did NOT HELP) But he was put on really strong drugs because he was having some crazy suicidal tendencies that he me terrified of what I would find every time I came home. Prior to this, my dad was in a 20 year manic phase - hyper-productivity, life of the party kind of stuff.

Between the depression and the drugs, he became Teflon. Nothing stuck to him. Not emotions, not memories, not thoughts. It was a tough time. Now he’s coming out of it. He’s off the crazy strong shit and he’s singing again and being a bit social. But his memory took quite a hit and he still struggles with motivation.

So for thanksgiving his brother and sister are visiting and his older brother has also struggled with severe mental health issues over the years and as such struggles similar to dad except he’s hyper productive in an OCD kind of way as opposed to being a lump in a chair. All week long they’ve been watching tv together. Hallmark movies, mostly, and Yellowstone (because in this house we like extremes). And whenever dad is with his brothers, it’s like there is one brain cell between them. A trio of clueless old men, scrambling in the dark together and having conversations which are circular in nature and incomprehensible to outsiders. So there has been a lot of discourse about the television - absurdly deep conversations on the merits of hallmark Christmas movies being the most fun.

But as for Yellowstone, my dad has seen it MANY times and his brother has seen it never. And his brother, who’s brain cycles like an overactive hamster on a wheel, often misses details because of his spinning thoughts. So it has been very good enrichment for my dad to sit there and watch, process and have to explain this tv series.

I joke about it - that having my uncle around is bringing some enrichment to dad’s enclosure - but also it’s sort of a relief to know my dad DOES still have the cognitive function for some of this stuff, as long as he is properly motivated to give a shit.

Anyway, back to my Hart to Hart ask. I’m being E X T R A about it.

#personal #tw: sucidal ideation #tw: mental instability

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digital-corruption · 2 years

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This one was a hard one to write... I just hope I did it justice. 😅 It is also long because there's no way to split this one in two parts. Without further ado, the warnings...

⚠️ This chapter contains major spoilers for episode 10!

‼️ This chapter contains the following triggers: PTSD, trauma, strangulation, burn injuries, depression, talk about killing, and things I may have forgotten to mention.

Unrecognisable Part 10

Sex with Jake was intense and heated It was clear that we both had a lot of steam to blow off. I completely lost myself in him, which stopped me from getting caught up in my emotions. However, it seemed I wasn’t the only one who lost themselves.

In the heat of the moment, Jake’s hand grabbed my throat, which in the heat of the moment I didn’t think much of, but when he brought his other hand up, he suddenly started squeezing without warning. Panicking, my hands slapped his arm to get him to stop, but when that didn’t work, I started scratching. Jake was looking at me, but at the same time he wasn't. No, he was looking past me! I recognised that look. Shit, he was having an episode! I reached out and slapped his face. He barely flinched.

“Jake!” I managed to squeeze out. Wake up, you asshole!

Engaging all of my limbs, I kicked and punched him until he finally snapped out of it. His eyes widened and he withdrew from me immediately. Coughing and sputtering, I rolled to my side to recover as I heard Jake screaming mournfully. As soon as the coughing settled, I glanced over my shoulder and saw him with his back to me on the floor. He was holding his head, rocking back and forth.

“Jake,” my voice strained. “What the hell was that?”

I didn’t know if he was ignoring me or if he was simply blocking me out. I got up shakily and went down beside him on the floor. I could hear him muttering to himself over and over again, but I couldn’t make it out. I sighed and put my hand on his shoulder, but as soon as I touched the dragon tattoo Jake jumped and I pulled back with surprise. He glanced over his shoulder and saw me, then turned away again. Nervously I ran my fingers along his tattoo and felt that the contours of the tattoo matched perfectly with scars hidden underneath. Not just any scars though. Burn scars.

“Jake...” my voice shook.

“Spare me your sympathies,” he mumbled. “I don’t deserve them.”

The dragon tattoo was extensive. It started with breathing fire over his left shoulder and coiled across the majority of his upper back, ending at his right shoulder. My fingers ran the entire length of it, feeling every dip and crevice of his flesh. I had to give them credit; the artist did an amazing job disguising the scar tissue. If I hadn’t touched it directly, I didn’t know when I would have noticed.

Suddenly it clicked. The long, fire- breathing dragon, twisting and turning, almost like a maze. Almost like the Ironsplitter mines.

“We searched for you!” As soon as the words left my mouth I started crying uncontrollably.

Jake didn’t respond. He just buried his face in his knees. I rested my head against his back and sobbed. My throat hurt like hell, but my heart hurt so much worse.

We sat for hours on the ground, both emotionally devastated. Jake never came out of the shell he buried himself into. Resting my head against my back, I just kept hugging him from behind. I cried so much in those hours, that I had run dry. Even though my throat had recovered, I still couldn’t form any words. I went over and over again those days following the explosion. The FBI had managed to get to Richy quickly enough that his injuries were manageable, but the fire raged on. In many ways it must’ve saved Jake, but it was also clear that it ruined him.

Still, the FBI weren’t without their tricks. They subdued the fire in hours and as soon as it was clear, they went in. I had only arrived to Duskwood then. Cleo took me around to one of the side entrances, but damn it, Alan was onto us. He restrained me while the FBI searched every nook and cranny. He said it was for my own good, but believe me, as soon as I was released, I went back into those mines. That time I had Lilly, Jessy, Thomas and even Dan with me as well. Yes, even in his stupid wheelchair, Dan proved to be of assistance. He sacrificed his freedom to Alan on more than one occasion as a distraction. We all chipped in to pay for his bail.

Day after day we searched up and down those mines. Multiple cave-ins though made it impossible to reach everywhere. When I started to dig through the piles of fallen rocks with my bare hands, my friends stopped me. ‘You do that and it all may come down on us.’

You can imagine then my anger when I stepped back out, after hours of inhaling that awful stench, covered in dust head to toe, cuts and bruises from tripping in the dark that I had ignored - after all of that I opened my phone and I found all of our conversations were gone. That was it. No proof of life. No ‘I'm ok.’ And judging by the constant FBI surveillance, no arrest either.

Yet sitting there, hugging him, I still felt like I failed him.

“Why?” I barely managed to squeak out. Why didn’t you contact me? Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you keep yourself hidden all these years from me? Why did you have to suffer alone? I didn’t even know which why to start with.

“You would've blamed yourself,” he mumbled.

I hit my fist into his back, “That’s not good enough!” More dry sobs ripped through my throat. “We searched!”

“I know,” he muttered.

“You knew?” I questioned.

“I saw you,” he clarified.

“Then you get my attention!” I shrieked.

He buried his head further, “You were there and I blinked and you were gone. It was one of the few things I remember.”

“And after that?” I squeezed him.

“I don’t know,” he lifted his head. “Everything is hazy. I know I was found unconscious just off the highway near Terrendale. When I woke up, I was in the hospital, hooked up to heavy sedatives. They told me I had been in an induced coma for weeks. My phone was gone and I had no way of securely contacting you.”

“I called the hospitals!” I exclaimed. “Every hospital around the mines!”

Jake let out a small laugh, “Some idiot messed up my admission records. You weren’t the only one looking.”

“Why didn’t you come find me when you got out?” I hit him again.

“All that time I was trapped in that hospital bed with just me and my thoughts, I kept thinking ‘Why does shit like this keep happening to me?’ Soon it became, ‘What if she had been there with me?’ and then, ‘Would I even have been able to protect her?’,” he explained. “I hardly got myself out of there. If you were with me, you would have suffered the same or worse. The truth is, MC, I can't protect you from the danger that comes my way.”

I hit his back even harder, “You’re an idiot.”

“How exactly do you think my story ends? There is no happy ending. You stay and you will be killed,” he turned his head to look at me over his shoulder.

“Well tough! I’m going to fucking stick to you like glue now!” I hissed.

He snapped around, pushing me off of him. His mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. His eyes drifted down to my throat instead and his brow twitched, “As much as it kills me to see how badly I hurt you, part of me is satisfied. Now you will be forced to think of me every time you look in the mirror, just as I am forced to think of you.”

Raising my hand to my neck, I hesitated for a moment. I hadn’t even checked the state of my bruises.

“Jake, you need help,” I trembled.

“Sure, let me just go visit my psychologist. Oh wait, I can’t,” he mocked.

“Well, I'm not leaving you,” I insisted.

“Yesterday I wanted to shoot you. Today I nearly strangled you. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. How do you feel about drowning?” he laughed to himself.

“Is that what you want? To kill me?” I questioned apprehensively.

“What? No, of course not!” he shook his head. “I just- I don’t know what I am capable of.”

“Well, I still love you,” I gently placed my hand over his. “I will not let you go through this alone anymore.”

Jake looked down at my hand for a moment, then pulled his hand away, “No, we're getting you a new ID and getting you across the border!”

“With you with me,” I added, raising my eyebrow.

“No, you're going away, far away from me,” he pushed.

“Like hell I am!” I frowned.

“Either they’ll kill you or I will!” he yelled. “For five years, five fucking years I put aside my feelings for you so you could live safe! You think I didn’t want to be with you? I didn’t give you up just so you can walk into my life like it didn’t fucking matter!” He paused for a moment. “So many years of you haunting my dreams,” his eyes went dark. “You never let me rest. You occupied my mind day and night. Did you even think of me once?”

“How dare you suggest that I didn’t!” I said offended.

“You seemed so preoccupied with others,” he commented.

“You might be a hacker, but you’re no mind reader,” I pointed out. “I don’t know what you were looking at, but it definitely didn’t tell the whole story.”

“Photos. So many photos of you smiling and many times not alone,” he sighed.

I shook my head, “You just saw snapshots of my life. You never saw the big picture.”

“You asked me if I sabotaged your relationships. I probably did,” he admitted. “I didn’t like them. Any of them.”

I laughed a little, “Admitting you were jealous?”

“I wanted you to be happy without me. I told myself that once that right person showed up and was able to make you happy, I'd finally be able to let you go,” he explained. “Maybe then you wouldn’t haunt my dreams anymore.”

“Hey, I want to test something,” I smiled.

“What?” he looked at me confused.

“Come join me in the bed. We're going to do something called sleep,” I teased.

“I've heard of that,” he smirked. “I don’t get it though.”

“I want to test whether you are still being haunted in your dreams or not,” I tilted my head.

“MC, I don’t think I should be that close to you, especially not after before,” he lowered his gaze.

I stood up and held my hand out to him. He took it reluctantly and stood up in facing me. Throwing my arms around him, I hugged him tight. After a moment, Jake gave in and hugged me back, burying his face into my neck.

“Even now, part of me wants to rip into your skin,” he whispered.

“Jake, breathe, ok? Deep breaths. Match my pace,” I instructed.

I took slow, deep breaths for a while so Jake could breathe in time with me. After a couple of minutes, he started to relax again. I ran my fingers through his hair as he settled.

“These last five years have really messed you up,” I sighed.

“I should’ve killed you yesterday,” he mumbled into my neck.

“Stop,” I rolled my eyes. “I know you don't mean that.”

“You’re sticking to me like glue now? I’m going to get you killed either way. At least it would’ve been a mercy killing,” he continued.

I pulled away and looked at him in the eye, “Maybe you have already killed me and I’m just a figment of your imagination to haunt you.”

“Is that meant to be a joke?” he frowned.

“Oooooo!” I wiggled my fingers at him.

He tried to keep a straight face, but we both burst out laughing. It was so good to just have a moment of silliness with him again. I missed those moments the most. As our laughter calmed, we stared into each's eyes for a minute, then I tilted my head up and kissed him. He was resistant at first, but I persisted until he started kissing me back.

I smiled as I pulled away, “We'll see through this together, ok?”

Jake nodded slowly and mumbled, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I rubbed his cheek gently. “Now, come on, lie down with me.”

I climbed into the bed behind me and gestured for Jake to join me. He sighed and eventually laid down next to me. Pulling him close, I rested his head against my chest and gently rubbed his head. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he held onto me for comfort. Listening close to his breathing, I stayed awake until I knew he was fast asleep.

#duskwood #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake #duskwood jake x mc #unrecognisable fanfic #tw: ptsd #tw: mental instability #tw: strangulation #tw: burns #tw: depression #tw: trauma

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