#tw suisquick thoughts mention

[mellometal]

In Dhar Man's latest video he says you have to go back to your abusive parents even if they abuse you to the point you leave the house. He also exploits the homeless to promote his book - in one scene the homeless girl, who we are clearly meant to sympathize with, is reading his book despite having no money (how did she buy it? Seriously, Dhar Mann? Your Jeff Bezos level's of rich and bought the Kardashians house, but you couldn't say no to a chance to profit off of homeless people's imagery for your own gain?)

The fact Dhar Mann would even HINT at telling people, ESPECIALLY kids, to go back to their abusive families for no other reason except "they're family" is insulting and it spits in the face of abuse victims and survivors like myself.

I have dealt with abusive family members personally (specifically my dad's mother, or paternal grandmother if you want to get technical) when I was growing up and had nobody believe me (except for my mom when she was alive, my grandma, and I believe some of my friends noticed something was wrong too). Even the people who actually witnessed it (my dad, my brother, and my step-grandpa when he was alive) thought I was lying about the abuse and that I deserved it for some reason. It's not something that's easy for me to talk about in great detail. I won't get into it here because I don't want to trigger anyone. I'll just say that it caused me to begin having thoughts about deleting myself at eleven years old in the sixth grade and considering running away.

Here's some resources for anyone who's currently dealing with abuse and/or are runaways:

(This one is very jumbled. Sorry! It's the national site for runaways.)

He always tries to find SOME way to profit off of homelessness and it's gross. He doesn't even put down resources for the homeless either.

#anon #answered #tw dhar mann #dhar mann talk #tw abuse mention #tw suisquick thoughts mention #tw running away mention #there are resources for anyone who needs them #dhar mann will live to regret his decision to make these fucked up cringe videos #dhar mann will live to regret his decision uwu #dhar mann is a piece of human garbage #please stop supporting dhar mann #dhar mann #anti dhar mann #dhar mann is a cringe ass nae nae baby

[mellometal]

I haven't made myself clear, obviously. I don't want fatphobes interacting with me. AT ALL.

You know what? So what if I'm fat? SO THE FUCK WHAT? IT DOESN'T MAKE ME A FUCKING BAD PERSON! I've been trying to love myself and accept myself because I'm not gonna wait for that until I'm considered worthy of other people's approval.

And DON'T fucking call me "sweetie", "sweetheart", "princess", "baby girl", or anything along those lines. It's dehumanizing and infantilizing to me.

You're not being polite by calling me those things. You're doing nothing but dehumanizing me and infantilizing me. I understand that you may be coming from a good place and your intentions are to be polite, but please understand that not everyone will take it that way.

Friends and mutuals are exempt from this.

Mello, Miss, mademoiselle, ma'am, any other kin name I have, home girl, or LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE, are names you can call me.

I don't need "meanspo", whatever the fuck that is. I need to love and accept myself in my own skin, no matter WHAT size I am.

FAT PEOPLE EXIST. FAT BODIES EXIST. GET THE FUCK OVER IT!

I KNOW I'M FAT. SO WHAT? HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT AFFECT YOUR LIFE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM? I'M LITERALLY JUST BREATHING AND EXISTING. Am I hurting you in any way? No. SHOW ME WHERE I ASKED FOR YOUR OPINIONS ON ME BEING FAT.

It costs you NOTHING to stay in your own lane and mind your own business.

(TW: This part will be me talking about my thoughts of s3lf h@rm. This will also be mentioning sharp objects. I'm being open about this because I want anyone here who's dealt with this to know that you're not alone.)

I've fantasized about taking sharp objects, slicing open my body, and RIPPING MYSELF APART because of people like this fucking fatphobic cunt. Despite me trying to lose weight for years.

I thought that if I looked like all the women I look up to as role models, then all my problems would be gone. I genuinely thought that if I was pretty like them, I would be taken seriously. I'm still learning that's not the case whatsoever. I know the women I look up to have their own problems. I know they have days where they don't feel beautiful. I know they're still not taken seriously because people think they're stupid and don't know what they're talking about.

Trust me when I say this, I don't want to have thoughts like this ever again. This shit is detrimental to my mental health and well-being. I'm in a fragile state of mind.

(End TW)

If you're "sO cOnCeRnEd", even though you don't know me, you'd actually be trying to help me lose weight instead of just telling me what I already know about myself! Unless you're going to try helping me lose weight, shut the fuck up.

Besides, the ONLY picture I've posted on here of myself had almost my entire body covered up by my pride flag. I actually was happy there! I was having a good day. It was a special occasion for me! Am I just supposed to hate myself for being plus-size to "motivate" myself, even during happy moments in my life?

You know what? I don't give a fuck about scribbling out the username. Fuck it. I woke up to this. I'm already in a bad mental state. I already want to fucking delete myself. This doesn't help.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, LEAVE ME ALONE!

I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT!

THE LAST THING I NEED RIGHT NOW IS FOR PEOPLE BEING MEAN TO ME FOR NO OTHER REASON BESIDES THE FACT THAT I'M A PLUS-SIZE WOMAN BREATHING, EXISTING, AND TRYING SO HARD TO LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF.

#mello rants #tw fatphobia #tw fat shaming #tw suisquick thoughts mention #fatphobes dni #meanspo dni #tw s3lf harm mention #tw self esteem issues #ed pages dni

[mellometal]

I'm gonna be real with y'all here, I barely want to be alive right now.

What's the point in me living? I don't really have a purpose in life. I'm nothing but a burden on everyone around me, my dad's verbal and emotional punching bag, and the only things I've accomplished in life are graduating from high school, being able to hold down a job, and somehow managing to pay bills on my own.

I'm about to lose everything and it's all thanks to my dad, who's supposed to care about his own daughter....but apparently he doesn't. Why? Because I'm nothing but a burden on him. I'm everything he doesn't want. I'm not the perfect, straight, neurotypical daughter he wanted that's not geeky in the slightest, not socially awkward, and is just like every other woman around my age. I'm far from perfect, lesbian, autistic, mentally ill, socially awkward, super geeky, and is farther behind than everyone else. He's LUCKY that I'm putting up with his bullshit. I know my brother ain't putting up with it.

I didn't ask to be in constant fear for my living situation.

The only good thing I've heard from anyone so far is from someone who's going to help me get my cat registered as an ESA. (That's an emotional support animal, for anyone unfamiliar.)

I'm still looking around for a place. I've done almost nothing but cry. Making edits is the only thing that's keeping me from getting too upset.

My PayPal and CashApp are still up for anyone who wants to or can send anything. Anything helps.

#mello speaks #personal #tw suisquick thoughts mention #tw homelessness #tw toxic relationship

[mellometal]

All the updates I've gotten from my dad is that he's getting a lawyer for this bullshit we're dealing with currently, but he hasn't been able to get a hold of them yet as far as I know. Maybe he has, but he hasn't told me. I'm sure he doesn't want me getting involved in all of this.

I don't know if the eviction moratorium is going to protect my dad and me. (Recently, there was an extension to early October, if I remember correctly.) We've obviously been paying rent and stuff. So I don't know if we're protected or not.

My housing situation is still uncertain to me at the moment. I know nobody has come over to the apartment yet, but I'm scared. I've been scared for MONTHS. I've done almost nothing but stress myself out by calling around everywhere to find a place just to get the same response, and crying because I'm so frustrated. I'm trying to keep my spirits up somehow with very small things, but I barely want to be alive right now. The only reasons I even get up every day is because of my cats, who I love so much, and because I know there are people who care about me and would be devastated if I did anything like that.

I just want everything to be okay. That's all I want. Is that too much to ask?

#mello speaks #tw homelessness #tw suisquick thoughts mention #personal