#tw seuxal abuse

[fairycosmos]

i'm so fucking depressed and suicidal over bill c*sby's release. this is why we never say shit about being sexually abused. there is no justice and after going through the trauma of speaking out and being attacked and called a liar they still defend your abuser and they always win in the end. speaking out it's not worth it. look at this shit. this is so retraumatizing i'm so tired it's especially awful when on top og being a sa victim you're also a csa victima because who's going to believe me at all when it's been so long? i'm just fucking ruined i want to die

so so sorry to hear this - i didn't realize he was getting let out but i just looked it up and i'm in shock, too. can not imagine how this feels as a survivor and honesty i know there's no words for it, no justification. i have no idea why it is so hard to just believe ppl who work up the courage to speak out, especially women. it is so fucking rare for anyone to lie about it especially in a legal court. i don't know why there's even a debate around it, it is so so fucking stupid and often times nothing more than misogyny at its finest. like how many people have to speak up about that man before he's fucking condemned in a way that matters, what are we waiting for? the public is not stupid and we all know at least on some level what he is. let's just skip the bullshit, for fuck sake, we always pretend to be purposefully obtuse for these rich and famous predators, and i can't figure out why. i guess its just money and power. but even just for men in general - the amount of times i was brushed off as a kid is insane, and i know i'm not the only one. anyway, my thoughts are with you and his victims, right now and always. i completely get why seeing this is the most discouraging thing in the world and i don't blame you at all for just wanting to stop trying. it must be so so exhausting, down to the very core. this is your personal journey and everything you are feeling during it is 100% understandable. i know it is really easy for me to say anything even vaguely hopeful or encouraging regarding this, as someone speaking as an outsider looking in. and if you're not in a place to hear it rn i get that. but at the same time i will always believe there is power in speaking out and i will always believe you deserve justice and peace and resolution and healing. you are not ruined, you deserve to be believed. these are undeniable truths no matter how hard they are for your brain to accept in its current state. whether it happened five minutes or fifteen years ago, it doesn't change the fact that it happened and that you deserve to be listened to. obviously it is COMPLETELY up to you how you cope with this and where you go from here, and there's no wrong answer. but i hope you can really internalize the validity of your experiences and your pain some day. sincerely. and please, if you feel like you are at risk of harming yourself right now, please call a loved one or a hotline asap. even if you have to do it on autopilot and disregard what your mind is telling you, just get on the phone. i don't want to undermine what you've been through by acting like it is something that somebody can just simply overcome, but i do genuinely think you are going to have a whole life beyond this hurt and it really isn't impossible to think that eventually you will see that too. esp if you're able to seek therapy or if you're able to do be open with someone, even just yourself in a journal to begin with, some time soon. it's ok if you need to speak about the trauma, and the retraumatization, for the rest of your life to feel like you can cope with it. it's ok if you need time alone to process. whatever you need, it's okay. again, i am so so sorry. people like bill cosby deserve to rot and there are so many people who can relate to where you're at rn, who have survived it too. if you ever need a friend or someone to talk to please let me know. i am sending you so much love, i am so sorry. there are so many of us who do believe you.

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

#tw csa #tw seuxal abuse #tw suicide #anon #talking

[forgetthisforever]

Reminder that rape/sexual assault trauma isn't just not being able to be sexual for a long time

Its crying in a public bathroom if you see anyone who remotely looks like your abuser.

Its waking up at 3am because you had a flashback nightmare.

It's no longer being able to see sex the same way you did before.

It's scrubbing your skin for hours in the steaming hot shower because you can't seem to stop feeling dirty or feeling their handprints on you.

It's masturbating and feeling guilty after.

It's flinching at your significant others touch.

It's shaking from anxiety whenever people ask you why you haven't had sex with your last three partners.

It's typing long paragraphs to no one because you need to get what happened out of your head.

#trigger warning #tw #tw assult #tw abuse #rape trauma #trauma #me too #physical abuse #seuxal abuse