#trying to catch fish and constantly failing = my futile attempts to make friends back then

[katyspersonal]

I've had a strange dream tonight..

There was a small round pound and a lot of fish were roaming in it in circles! Fish, and one squid-like creature that also had some eldrich glow emitted from itself. I kept trying to catch a fish all the time, with something like a bug net for some reason and not a fishing road, but they ALWAYS slipped away from me! And at last I've caught one fish but someone near me pointed out that it was dead, in a very grumpy "told you so" manner.. So I looked at that fish, and true, it didn't move. And also strangely had two heads, second head instead of tail, even though in the water it looked normal..

It made me despair and I let it slip back into the pond, and finally decided to abandon the fish and give that eldrich squid a chance. Not only it was way easier to catch than fish, but it even seemed to like me, wrapping tentacles around my arms, then I woke up. Strangely, before alarm clock, too

#dreams #personal #I wonder about the meaning of this but I have a guess...... #it is about my fandom life before summer isn't it. #trying to catch fish and constantly failing = my futile attempts to make friends back then #finally catching a fish but it's dead a literally two faced = making a bond but then- #-finding out people were two-faced (figurally of course) and would not be there for me #especially I think a certain someone that made me feel the safest and warmest Ive felt in a long time #only to block me without a single word and then work against me for not taking it well #and the squid... well... of course it was him #he definitely was an eldrich creature. #the last time I checked he finally became happy and stable (and promptly ditched me as- #-he didn't need me anymore in a happier and fixed life. it happens.) #but yes feels like it. I figured I could not find friends in 'mere ordinary fish'. it was all futile. #because of my negative charisma and apparently social cues I don't get #I also think relevant considering what I posted before going to bed... #damn my brain has interesting ways to illustrate my past or present.

[wlw5eva]

Unfortunate Love

Wanda Maximoff x Reader 

Words: ~ 1,428

Summary: "You are the only being that has given me tears." | requested

Warnings: sad?

A/N: For my uwu anon, might not be as good as u expected but I definitely tried asdjs. Whoops xD also sorry i haven’t posted in a while sksk ❤️ Listen to this song while you read, because it never fails to make me sad. Join our hangout server here!

The sight of you and Wanda together on the couch laughing and smiling was apparently enough to stop Iron Man in his tracks. Spreading his arms out as he entered the compound, Tony stops Natasha, Steve and Vision from walking in any further.

“Okay, am I the only one who finds that weird." He says, motioning for the three to be quiet.

“What’s weird?"

"That." Natasha rolls her eyes as he points to you, smiling wide as Wanda rests her head on your shoulder, kissing her forehead as both watch the screen in front of you, completely oblivious of the four who were also in the room. Tony looks at the three of them expectantly, as if him pointing to your smiling figure was enough to explain why he found it weird. 

"So with us Y/N is this impenetrable wall of no emotions; who never smiles let alone laughs and jokes around but with Wanda they're practically a lovesick puppy who smiles and laughs? Don't forget that Y/N is the same person who managed to intimidate our one and only Nick Fury. I didn't even know that was possible!" He says, raising his eyebrows in defence as he crosses his arms over his chest, refusing to believe that the you smiling in front of their eyes was the same you that never showed any emotions. 

"That's called being in love, Tony." Steve answers simply. "It can change you when you're with the one you love."

"Crazy little thing, isn't it? Being in love" Vision speaks up, his eyes falling to Wanda's smiling face. 

- 

"Why are we fighting about him?" The tone in her voice showed that she was clearly annoyed, but you couldn't stop yourself. You walked out of your room to see Vision putting his arm around Wanda's shoulders, the both of them laughing. Catching your eye from across the room and the android smiled even wider, like he was challenging you to do something. "Because you're constantly around him. Anytime I look for you, you're always there with him. Plus, I don't like how he looks at you, like he's waiting for an opportunity to take you away from me!"

"So what? He's my friend, and he would be too if you actually showed everyone that you have emotions!"

"Why is it so bad that I choose to keep my feelings to myself?"

"Because people are afraid of you, you never let anyone in, Y/N. All you do is frown and be moody whenever they're around. It's so hard sometimes to convince people that you don't hate them." She retorts, crossing her arms over her chest defensively as she meets your glare with one of her own.

"And that suddenly makes him better than me? That just because he talks to the others and cracks jokes with them, it's worth throwing us away?"

She keeps quiet and avoids your gaze, you know that you don't have to ask again to know her answer. Sighing deeply, you nod your head as you head to the door.

"We can't keep this up forever. Everyone always said that we'd never work out, and know you're thinking that too. There's no point in fighting for someone who's heart already belongs to someone else." 

"What are you saying, Y/N?” 

"I'm saying, I'm done. This unfortunate love isn't what you deserve." She watches you replace your emotions with a stoic mask; forcing the pain you were feeling away from your eyes, clenching your jaw ever so slightly as you straightened yourself up. The same expressions on your face as if you were just talking to any of the others. No emotions showing at all, deciding to protect your heart by acting like you didn't have one. You nod your head at her before opening the door and walking away, refusing to look back even once in fear of breaking down in front of everyone.

-

"How're you feeling, Y/N?" You groan as you finally sit down, taking some of the pain away from your aching body. Feeling Wanda's hands pressing against your side to stop the crimson liquid from flowing out of you, you hiss in pain, gritting your teeth as you look at her.

"Honestly? Just a little stabbed." Rolling her eyes at your attempt of a joke, she helps you get as comfortable as possible on the cold floor even though the both of you know it's a futile attempt. The back up team was taking too long to reach you, by the time they got there it would be too late for you. But she knew that she had to try, and as much as she was scared and panicking on the inside, she knew that she had to try and be strong for you.

"Just a little, huh?" You both chuckled quietly as she played along with your joke before silence it's place. Mostly because the simple act of breathing was getting harder for you to do, so all your focus was on that and Wanda was, well, Wanda was trying to keep you alive too.

Even with death knocking on your door, you broke your stoic façade to make Wanda smile. Even though the both of you hadn't spent a single moment alone since your break up, your first instinct was to make her laugh. Like nothing bad had ever come between the two of you.

"Why don't you hate me?" She asks softly, lifting her gaze from your wound to meet your eyes. Like a fish out of water, your mouth opens and closes at her sudden question, eyebrows furrowed as you think of an answer.

Sitting up against the wall of an abandoned building wasn't the place you expected to have this conversation with Wanda. Being completely honest with yourself, with how the two of you ended, you didn't expect to be having this conversation at all. Both of you had been avoiding the other like the plague, unwilling to make even the slightest contact with one another. So when the two of you got assigned a mission together, you didn’t know what to expect.  

"What do you mean?" You breathe out in confusion. 

"Why don't you hate me?" She repeats, looking at you with persistence. "You're here making me laugh like nothing's wrong-"

"Wanda, maybe this isn't the best ti-" You interrupt before being cut off yourself.

"There is no more time left!" The both of you stare at each other with such intensity. Your gaze filled with bewilderment and Wanda's full of tenacity. You were so taken back by her words, you just sat there with your jaw hanging slightly. You thought that was the end of the conversation but clearly Wanda thought otherwise.

"You're sitting here dying because I got distracted and you took the fall for me. We fought because of me. We broke up because of me. This is all happening because of me. So why don't you hate me?"

You sit there in shock, from your wounds or Wanda's words, you don't know (definitely your wounds, but you were too busy focusing on her words that the pain had faded into the background for the moment). She's looking at you with desperation and tears in her eyes, and you find that your own had started filling up too.

Never being one to cry, or show any emotions regularly, the sight of your tears startles Wanda. 

"Because Wanda, you are the only being that has given me tears." You answer simply, looking into her emerald eyes as you wince in pain, taking a moment to attempt to take a deep breath in, the numbness that you initially felt when you were stabbed wearing off. You were running on little time, and you knew it.

"I don't understand-" You interrupt her before she could say anything else.

"And with you, Wanda? I found a life that I thought I'd never have." You tell her.

It takes her a moment to realize that your chest isn't moving, that your breathing had stopped, that the hand you had placed over hers was loose, no longer gripping onto it to keep pressure on the wound on your side. There's no stopping the tears that fall from her eyes then, no reason for her to keep on pretending to be strong when you wouldn't be able to hear her cries anyway.  

How could she realize that you were her everything when there was nothing left of the two of you? The relationship you shared was gone, and now, so were you.

(i know i use this gif too much don’t @ me)

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff x you #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #wlw fic #wlw imagine #marvel #angst #does this count as angst?? #listen to the song fam #it'll make it so much better #ksksk #i'm so sorry if this doesnt make sense #but have fun reading!