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mostlysignssomeportents · 6 months

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The conservative movement is cracking up

I'll be in Stratford, Ontario, appearing onstage with Vass Bednar as part of the CBC IDEAS Festival. I'm also doing an afternoon session for middle-schoolers at the Stratford Public Library.

Politics always requires coalitions. In parliamentary democracies, the coalitions are visible, when they come together to form the government. In a dictatorship, the coalitions are hidden to everyone except infighting princelings and courtiers (until a general or minister is executed, exiled or thrown in prison.)

In a two-party system, the coalitions are inside the parties – not quite as explicit as the coalition governments in a multiparty parliament, but not so opaque as the factions in a dictatorship. Sometimes, there are even explicit structures to formalize the coalition, like the Biden Administration's Unity Task Force, which parceled out key appointments among two important blocs within the party (the finance wing and the Sanders/Warren wing).

Conservative politics are also a coalition, of course. As an outsider, I confess that I am much less conversant with the internal power-struggles in the GOP and the conservative movement, though I'm trying to remedy that. Books like Nathan J Robinson's Responding to the Right present a great overview of various conservative belief-systems:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/14/nathan-robinson/#arguendo

And the Know Your Enemy podcast does an amazing job of diving deep into right-wing beliefs, especially when it comes to identifying fracture lines in the conservative establishment. A recent episode on the roots of contemporary right-wing antisemitism in the paleocon/neocon split was hugely informative and fascinating:

https://www.dissentmagazine.org/blog/know-your-enemy-in-search-of-anti-semitism-with-john-ganz/

Political parties are weak institutions, liable to capture and hospitable to corruption. General elections aren't foolproof or impervious to fraud, but they're miles more robust than parties, whose own leadership selection processes and other key decisions can be made in the shadows, according to rules that can be changed on a whim:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/30/weak-institutions/

Which means that parties are brittle, weak vessels that we rely on to contain the volatile mixture of factions who might actually hate each other, sometimes even more than they hate the other party. Remember the defenestration of GOP House Speaker Kevin McCarthy? That:

https://apnews.com/article/mccarthy-gaetz-speaker-motion-to-vacate-congress-327e294a39f8de079ef5e4abfb1fa555

Even outsiders like me know that there's a deep fracture in the Republican Party, with Trumpists on one side and the "establishment" on the other side. Reading accounts of the 2016 GOP leadership race, I get the distinct impression that Trump's win was even more shocking to party insiders than it was to the rest of us.

Which makes sense. They thought they had the party under control, knew where its levers were and how to pull them. For us, Trump's win was a terrible mystery. For GOP power-brokers, it was a different kind of a nightmare, the kind where you discover that controls to the the car you're driving in high-speed traffic aren't connected to anything and you're not really the driver.

But as Trump's backers – another coalition – fall out among each other, it's becoming easier for the rest of us to understand what happened. Take FBI informant Peter Thiel's defection from the Trump camp:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/11/12/silicon-valley-billionaire-donors-presidential-candidates/

Thiel was the judas goat who led tech's reactionary billionaires into Trump's tent, blazing a trail and raising a fortune on the way. Thiel's support for Trump was superficially surprising. After all, Thiel is gay, and Trump's running mate, Mike Pence, openly swore war on queers of all kinds. Today, Thiel has rebuffed Trump's fundraising efforts and is reportedly on Trump's shit-list.

But as a Washington Post report – drawing heavily on gossiping anonymous insiders – explains. Thiel has never let homophobia blind him to the money and power he stands to gain by backing bigots:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/11/12/silicon-valley-billionaire-donors-presidential-candidates/

Thiel bankrolled Blake Masterson's Senate race, despite Masterson's promise to roll back marriage equality – and despite the fact that Masterton attended Thiel's wedding to another man.

According to the post, the Thiel faction's abandonment of Trump wasn't driven by culture war issues. Rather, they were fed up with Trump's chaotic, undisciplined governance strategy, which scuttled many opportunities to increase the wealth and power of America's oligarchs. Thiel insiders complained that Trump's "character traits sabotaged the policy changes" and decried Trump's habit of causing "turmoil and chaos…that would interfere with his agenda" rather than "executing relentlessly."

For Trump's base, the cruelty might be the point. But for his backers, the cruelty was the tactic, and the point was money, and the power it brings. When Trump seemed like he might use cruel tactics to achieve power, his backers went along for the ride. But when Trump made it clear that he would trade opportunities for power solely to indulge his cruelty, they bailed.

That's an important fracture line in the modern American conservative coalition, but it's not the only one.

Writing in the BIG newsletter, Matt Stoller and Lee Hepner describes the emerging conservative split over antitrust and monopoly:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/is-there-an-establishment-plan-to

Antitrust has been the centerpiece of the Biden Administration's most progressive political project. For the left wing of the Dems, blunting corporate power is seen as the necessary condition for rolling back the entire conservative program, which depends on oligarch-provided cash infusions, media campaigns, and thinktank respectability.

But elements of the right have also latched onto antitrust, for reasons of their own. Take the Catholic traditionalists who see weakening corporate power as a path to restoring a "traditional" household where a single breadwinner can support a family:

https://www.capitalisnt.com/episodes/when-capitalism-becomes-tyranny-with-sohrab-ahmari

There's another reason to support antitrust, of course – it's popular. There are large, bipartisan majorities opposed to monopoly and in favor of antitrust action:

https://d3nkl3psvxxpe9.cloudfront.net/documents/Antitrust_Policy_poll_results.pdf

Two-thirds of Americans support anti-monopoly laws. 70% of Americans say monopolies are bad for the economy. The Biden administration is doing more on antitrust than any presidency since the Carter years, but 52% of Americans haven't heard about it:

https://www.ft.com/content/c17c35a3-e030-4e3b-9f49-c6bdf7d3da7f

There's a big opportunity latent in the facts of antitrust's popularity, and the Biden antitrust agenda's obscurity. So far, the Biden administration hasn't figured out how to seize that opportunity, but some Dems are trying to grab it. Take Montana Senator John Tester, a Democrat in a Trump-voting state, whose campaign has taken aim at the meat-packing monopolies that are screwing the state's ranchers.

The right wants in on this. At a Federalist Society black-tie event last week during the National Lawyer's Convention, Biden's top antitrust enforcers got a warm welcome. Jonathan Kanter, the DOJ's top antitrust cop, was praised onstage by Todd Zywicki, whom Stoller and Hepner call "a highly influential law professors," from George Mason Univeristy, a fortress of pro-corporate law and economics. Zywicki praised the DoJ and FTC's new antitrust guidelines – which have been endlessly damned in the WSJ and other conservative outlets – as a reasonable and necessary compromise:

https://fedsoc.org/events/national-press-club-event

Even Lina Khan – the bogeywoman of the WSJ editorial page – got a warm reception at her fireside chat:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FwdAxOSznE

And the convention's hot Saturday ticket was "a debate between two conservatives over whether social media platforms had sufficient monopoly power that the state could regulate them as common carriers":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwoO7bZajXk

This is pretty amazing. And yet…lawmakers haven't gotten the memo. During markup for last week's appropriations bill, lawmakers inserted a flurry of anti-antitrust amendments into the must-pass legislation:

https://www.economicliberties.us/press-release/fsgg-approps-bill-must-support-enforcers-not-kneecap-them/#

These amendments were just wild. Rep Scott Fitzgerald (R-WI) introduced an amendment that would give companies carte blanche to stick you with unlimited junk fees, and allow corporations to take away their workers' rights to change jobs through noncompetes:

https://www.congress.gov/congressional-report/118th-congress/house-report/269

Another amendment would block the FTC from enforcing against "unfair methods of competition." Translation: the FTC couldn't punish companies like Amazon for using algorithms to hike prices, or for conspiring to raise insulin prices, or its predatory pricing aimed at killing small- and medium-sized grocers.

An amendment from Rep Kat Cammack (R-FL) would kill the FTC's "click to cancel" rule, which will force companies to let you cancel your subscriptions the same way you sign up for them – instead of making you wait on hold to beg a customer service rep to let you cancel.

Another one: "a provision to let auto dealers cheat customers with undisclosed added fees":

https://www.govinfo.gov/content/pkg/BILLS-118hr4664rh/pdf/BILLS-118hr4664rh.pdf

Dems got in on the action, too. A bipartisan pair, Rep Thomas Massie (R-KY) and Rep Lou Correa (D-FL), unsuccessfully attempted to strip the Department of Transport of its powers to block mergers, which were most recently used to block the merger of Jetblue and Spirit:

https://www.congress.gov/amendment/118th-congress/house-amendment/640

And 206 Republicans voted to block the DoT from investigating airline price-gouging. As Stoller and Hepner point out, these reps serve constituents from low-population states that are especially vulnerable to this kind of extraction.

This morning, Jim Jordan hosted a Judiciary Committee meeting where he raked DOJ antitrust boss Jonathan Kanter over the coals, condemning the same merger guidelines that Zywicki praised to the Federalist Society:

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/7jxc8dp8erhe1q3wpndre/GOP-oversight-hearing-memo-11.13.23.pdf?rlkey=d54ur91ry3mc69bta5vhgg13z&dl=0

Jordan's prep memo reveals his plan to accuse Kanter of being an incompetent who keeps failing in his expensive bids to hold corporate power to account, and being an all-powerful government goon who's got a boot on the chest of American industry. Stoller and Hepner invoke the old Yiddish joke: "The food at this restaurant is terrible, and the portions are too small!"

Stoller and Hepner close by wondering what to make of this factional split in the American right. Is it that these members of the GOP Congressional caucus just haven't gotten the memo? Or is this a peek at what corporate lobbyists home to accomplish after the 2024 elections?

They suggest that both Democrats and Republican primary contesters in that race could do well by embracing antitrust, "Establishment Republicans want you to pay more for groceries, healthcare, and travel, and are perfectly fine letting monopoly corporations make decisions about your daily life."

I don't know if Republicans will take them up on it. The party's most important donors are pathologically loss-averse and unwilling to budge on even the smallest compromise. Even a faint whiff of state action against unlimited corporate power can provoke a blitz of frenzied scare-ads. In New York state, a proposal to ban noncompetes has triggered a seven-figure ad-buy from the state's Business Council:

https://www.timesunion.com/state/article/noncompete-campaign-raises-state-lobbying-18442769.php

It's hard to overstate how unhinged these ads are. Writing for The American Prospect, Terri Gerstein describes one: "a hammer smashes first an alarm clock, then a light bulb, with shards of glass flying everywhere. An ominous voice predicts imminent doom. Then, for good measure, a second alarm clock is shattered":

https://prospect.org/labor/2023-11-10-business-groups-reflexive-anti-worker-demagogy/

Banning noncompetes is good for workers, but it's also unambiguously good for business and the economy. They "reduce new firm entry, innovation by startups, and the ability of new firms to grow." 44% of small business owners report having been blocked from starting a new company because of a noncompete; 35% have been blocked from hiring the right person for a vacancy due to a noncompete. :

https://eig.org/noncompetes-research-brief/

As Gerstein writes, it's not unusual for the business lobby to lobby against things that are good for business – and lobby hard. The Chamber of Commerce has gone Hulk-mode on simple proposals to adapt workplaces for rising temperatures, acting as though permitting "rest, shade, water, and gradual acclimatization" on the jobsite will bring business to a halt. But actual businesses who've implemented these measures describe them as an easy lift that increases productivity.

The Chamber lobbies against things its members support – like paid sick days. The Chamber complains endlessly about the "patchwork" of state sick leave rules – but scuttles any attempt to harmonize these rules nationally, even though members who've implemented them call them "no big deal":

https://cepr.net/report/no-big-deal-the-impact-of-new-york-city-s-paid-sick-days-law-on-employers/

The Chamber's fight against American businesses is another one of those fracture lines in the conservative coalition. Working with far right dark money groups, they've worked in statehouses nationwide to roll back child labor laws:

https://www.epi.org/blog/florida-legislature-proposes-dangerous-roll-back-of-child-labor-protections-at-least-16-states-have-introduced-bills-putting-children-at-risk/

They also fight tooth-and-nail against minimum wage rises, despite 80% of their members supporting them:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/04/04/leaked-documents-show-strong-business-support-for-raising-the-minimum-wage/

The spectacle of Republicans in disarray is fascinating to watch and even a little exciting, giving me hope for real progressive gains. Of course, it would help if the Democratic coalition wasn't such a mess.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/14/when-youve-lost-the-fedsoc/#anti-buster-buster

Image: Jason Auch, modified https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Antarctic_mountains,_pack_ice_and_ice_floes.jpg

CC BY 2.0

#pluralistic #trustbusting #antitrust #schisms #infighting #conservativism #millionaire on billionaire violence #jim jordan #lina khan #jonathan kanter #federalist society #trumpism #class struggle #labor

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allthecanadianpolitics · 3 months

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CALGARY, Alberta — A year ago, Tucker Carlson was calling on Americans to invade and “liberate” Canada from Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Now, he’s getting the red carpet treatment in Alberta.

Carlson’s two-stop tour of Canada brings MAGA to its heartland just as Trudeau’s government is suddenly consumed by how it would respond to a second Donald Trump presidency.

Trump has floated Carlson as a potential running mate, never mind their hot-and-cold relationship, but the former Fox News host says he doesn’t want to talk about it. [...]

Tagging @politicsofcanada, @vague-humanoid, @abpoli

#cdnpoli #Alberta #Tucker Carlson #fascism

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brenbofen · 10 months

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Getting Hot ♥︎

IL Dan Heng x Male Vidyadhara Reader

Broadcaster Message - I know it’s canon that Vidyadharas can’t reproduce and therefore wouldn’t have mating seasons but hush, let me indulge in my brain rot. Put me in a room with him and he will come out PREGNANT ‼️‼️

Notes 🗒️ - ‼️ Honkai Leaks ‼️, Dom AMAB Reader, Sub Imbibitor Lunae Dan Heng, MASSIVE Breeding Kink, Anal, Marking/Biting, Implied Dan Heng is shorter than you (This man cannot be over 5’7”, I will die on this hill.), Scent Kink, Belly Bulge, Pet Names (Baby), Written before 1.2, Severely not Lore Accurate. !! NOT PROOF READ !!

You were a new member of the Astral Express, joining them sometime after the events in the Xianzhou. Everyone had warmed up to you quickly, well, everyone but Dan Heng. You didn’t understand why he was so cold to you. He spoke harshly to you and hardly ever gave you the time of day, you had to figure out the archives on your own because of this. The others caught on to this but didn’t do anything, saying that’s just how Dan Heng was and that he’d warm up eventually.

He sure did.

You were currently sitting in the parlor of the express, trying to figure out a way to excuse yourself to your room. Your tail curled around your leg tightly as you clenched your jaw. Your heat was starting and you could feel it, how your cheeks were warm and flushed, the tightness in your pants, sudden awareness of everything. You hated it. March was rambling on about something, completely oblivious to your discomfort. Shockingly, your savior was Dan Heng.

He walked into the parlor and immediately his eyes locked onto you. He jogged over and grabbed your arm, pulling you from the chair you were sitting in. “I need to speak with [Name].” That was all he said to the confused March before dragging you off to your room. You didn’t know what was happening but Dan Heng’s grip on your arm only made your condition worse, the contact making your already horny brain go feral. He told you to lock your door and watched you intently, removing his jacket.

“What’re you doing?” You asked, crossing your arms and digging your nails into them. The sight of his exposed arms made your mind feel fuzzy, it took everything in you to not pounce on him. “Helping you.” Was all he said, he was so matter of fact, you hated it. Dan Heng guided you to your bed, tossing his jacket off to the side. Your tail thumped against the bed impatiently as you watched Dan Heng run a hand through his hair, suddenly you became keenly aware of what was happening. His hair grew long, reaching his lower back, the underside a beautiful green. Bright teal horns and tail formed, ears elongating to an elf-like shape. He was a Vidyadhara, just like you. He turned to you, bright green eyes staring straight through you.

You knew him. You had remembered seeing images of him on the news and plastered in newspapers. He was Imbibitor Lunae, a Vidyadhara that had rebelled against the Xianzhou. You didn’t care at the moment, all you cared about was how fucking hot he looked at the moment.

You practically lunged at him, pulling at the collar of Dan Heng’s shirt and sinking your teeth into his neck. He winced at the sudden feeling, stumbling back from your added weight. You weren’t thinking, all you knew was you had to mark him, make sure everyone knew he was yours. Dan Heng knew this and he didn’t mind, this was basically his goal. Letting you get all your tension out on someone who understood what was happening. He groaned as you bit down harder, large hands grabbing at his sides, pulling up his shirt. You pulled away from his neck, removing Dan Heng’s shirt. You admired your mark on him for a moment, running your tongue along it, licking any blood that might’ve formed from the wound.

Dan Heng whined, your actions and scent kickstarting his own heat. He hated how long he had kept himself from you, scared how you would react if you found out he was also a Vidyadhara, but this trumped all his fears. He gripped your forearms, bucking his hips, he wanted you in him so badly, feel you fill him up. He buried his face into your neck, taking a deep breath. You smelled so good, he so badly wanted to be wrapped in your arms, be yours. You grinned against his sensitive skin, nipping at the flesh as you dug your nails into his sides. Dan Heng whimpered, feeling you trail your hands up his sids and resting on his stomach.

You bit his ear, hot breath hitting against it. “Imagine how good you’d look carrying my children.” Dan Heng whined when you pinched the skin of his stomach, “You’d like that wouldn’t you, baby? Want me to stuff you full of my cum?” Dan Heng nodded frantically, tail wrapping around your calf. “Please- Please fuck me alreadyy—“ Dan Heng cried out, taking in more of your scent. You of course obliged, you could barely tolerate the feeling of your aching cock in your pants any longer.

You picked Dan Heng up and brought him to your bed, both of you stripping quickly. You pushed Dan Heng beneath you, rubbing your hands over his stomach, watching as his chest rose and fell. He looked so pretty, eyes glossy and mouth hung open, bright red bite mark showing he was yours. You spread his legs apart, rubbing your thumb over his entrance. He whined, raising his hips for better access. “Look at you. Just the other day you were giving me the cold shoulder and now your a whining mess for me.” You cooed, pushing your thumb into his hole. Dan Heng practically screamed, he was so sensitive. “Please—! Pelaseee just fuck me already!!” He cried out, clawing at your bed sheets. You pressed your finger into his hole, moving your other hand to grip his thighs.

His tail circled around your arm, whining as your pressed a second finger into him, making a scissoring motion. You pulled your fingers away and hovered over Dan Heng, pulling his legs further apart. He watched intently as you lined your dick up with his hole, tail tightening around you arm as you pressed your tip in. With your free hand you leaned forward, pressing your dick deeper into Dan Heng. “Fuuck— Holy shit, you’re soo tight…” You hissed as you pressed into Dan Heng, feeling him tighten around you.

Dan Hang let out a gasp, arching his back in an attempt to feel more of you. You filled him up so perfectly, hitting all the right spots, he just couldn’t get enough of you. You ran a hand over his stomach with your free hand, glancing up at him. “Okay if I start moving, baby?” Dan Heng nodded frantically, looking at you with desperation in his eyes. You laughed, leaning forward and kissing Dan Heng as you harshly thrust into him. He let out a breathy moan, hands flying to your horns for some kind of support. His tail moved from your arm on his thigh to your waist, grip so tight it was like he wanted to hold you inside of him.

You pulled away, watching Dan Heng as you thrust into him at a steady pace. He watched as the lump in his stomach appeared and disappeared as you moved, feeling your dick ramming into his prostate. He still had a tight grip on your horns, keeping you hovering above him. You loved the sight, Dan Heng’s mouth hung open, glazed over eyes as he watched you pound into him.

He was so pretty like this. You couldn’t help speeding up your thrusts, Dan Heng practically screaming as his tail tightened further around you. “Pleas— Ahh—! Fuck, don’t-don’t stop!” Dan Heng cried out as you continued to pound into him ruthlessly. Dan Heng began mindlessly babbling about how amazing you felt in him, how badly he wanted to carry your children, be so stuffed full of your cum. These words just pushed you further and further off the edge, nails digging into Dan Heng’s skin as you fucked him.

Dan Heng whined, tugging on your horns. “[N-Name]—! I’m close— Hahh—“ Dan Heng practically screamed as he came, his cum splattering across his chest. You came shortly after, his hole squeezing around you making your mind go fuzzy and blank. You gasped for air, feeling Dan Heng’s tail finally loosen around you waist. Dan Heng admired his bloated stomach, seeing how you filled him up with your cum.

He pulled you down to his level, kissing you softly. When you pulled away he stared at you so lovingly, eyes half-lidded. You rubbed his sides, knowing he probably wouldn’t be able to walk for the next week. Dan Heng let go of your horns, resting his hands on your shoulders. You mumbled a soft “Thank you.” To Dan Heng, pressing your face into the crook of his neck.

#📺 brenbofen’s stories #honkai star rail leaks #hsr leaks #honkai leaks #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #writing #hsr x reader #dom reader #dan heng #dan heng smut #dan heng x male reader #dan heng x reader #imbibitor lunae #imbibitor lunae x reader #dom male reader

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antidrumpfs · 1 month

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Mike Pence says he won’t endorse Trump for President in the 2024 election

Mike Pence sorta did the right thing … again. What has got into Mike Pence? That's twice now … WTF. He still supports every horrible Trump anti American policy, but I guess his former running mate trying to have him killed on Jan 6 made him a tiny bit woke.

#recall every republican #vote blue #vote democrat #votebluetosaveamerica

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acourtofquietdreamers · 15 days

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“Elain shouldn’t have to convince anyone that she belongs in the Night Court.” “Elain needs to leave the people that coddle her.” “Elain just needs to give Lucien a chance and she’ll realize he’s perfect for her.”

Elain is often criticized for being passive and not standing up for herself yet some people believe she shouldn’t fight for what she wants and what she believes in. She should just run away. She should just give in to the mating bond and give Lucien a chance. She should continue being passive.

I believe Elain’s growth would be more impactful if she continues down the path we’ve begun to see her go down where she passionately fights for what she wants and doesn’t back down. We may not have Elain’s POV yet, but Elain has made her feelings known on a couple subjects. I’m focusing on Elain’s words only because I do not believe others know what’s best for her.

Elain very confidently declared herself as a member of the Night Court.

When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court—and would do whatever was needed.

Should Elain abandon her declaration and leave the place she’s begun to build a life in because she looks plain in black? Or because Nesta thinks Spring is made for “someone like her”?

Or should she prove them wrong by earning her place within the court (cue Elain using her powers) and show the claws she’s been hinted to have?

Elain no longer wants to be coddled by her sisters and we see her stand up to them for the first time in ACOSF.

Elain remained in the doorway, her face pale but her expression harder than Nesta had ever seen it. “You do not decide what I can and cannot do, Nesta.”

“Shall I tend to my little garden forever?” When Nesta flinched, Elain said, “You can’t have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to let me do anything greater.”

Elain cut in sharply, “I am not a child to be fought over.”

But Elain said, “I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow all you think of is what my trauma did to you.”

Should Elain run away from this battle and leave her imperfect relationship with her sisters behind?

Or should she continue to address the issues in their relationship so they can come out stronger?

Elain has made it clear that the mating bond means nothing to her, regardless of others trying to convince her to give the “nice guy” a chance.

“You are his mate. Do you even know what that means?” “It means nothing,” Elain said, her voice breaking. “It means nothing. I don’t care who decided it or why they did—”

“You belong to him.” “I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you.”

“He brought you a present.” Those doe-brown eyes turned toward me. Sharper than I’d ever seen them. “And that entitles him to my time, my affections?”

“No.” I blinked. “But he is a good male.” Despite our harsh words. Despite this Band of Exiles bullshit. “He cares for you.” “He doesn’t know me.”

Should Elain give in to the pressures of giving her mate a chance? Forget about her dream of a love that would trump even a mating bond?

Or should she fight for a love of her own choosing?

I don’t want Elain to give in. I don’t want her to be passive and let others make decisions for her. I want to see Elain surprise everyone and continue to fight.

#pro elriel #elriel #pro elain #Elain rambles

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sanjisboyfie · 6 months

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๑ keep safe : zoro being annoyed at his captain and [name] (16)

one piece x male reader

maybe you're the same as me

we see things they'll never see

you and i,

we're gonna live forever

『 prev 』

that night, no one really pressed [name] for answers of what ace and him talked about. they left him alone, except for luffy who had zero social cues. but it seemed like [name] didn’t mind his company.

he was grinning ear to ear as he talked with luffy about whatever luffy wanted to talk about. the crew was worried for [name] to an extent, but it was good to see their captain take some of that stress off of his shoulders. and just by being himself. luffy was attentive to [name], clinging onto him and pouting for attention every now and then. and since [name] was feeling rather sentimental, he gave every ounce of attention he could to luffy.

[name] and luffy talked the whole rest of the night, falling asleep in each others’ arms. a whispered i love you was barely heard as it was carried away by the wind, but the tightening of luffy's arms around [name] let the man know he did hear it. to some extent, the setting reminded him of their treehouse. just using each other for body heat when the nights were cold. it made [name] only more grateful that he did end up finding luffy when he did.

but, despite how peaceful their night together was, the next day, [name] was filled with nothing but unbridled rage towards his captain. once more.

“you’re fucking with me,” [name] rasped, looking at their surroundings.

a couple hours prior — “alright, zoro, [name], it’s up to you then,” nami called out to the duo, making them immediately refuse the idea. seeing their reluctance, nami pulled her trump card, “do you want me to talk about your debt?”

luffy had gone and drank water from a suspicious cactus. it caused him to start hallucinating and essentially going feral. and no one else wanted to deal with him, zoro and [name] included. but when nami commanded them to, using their debt as a means of pushing them to act, they cursed under their breath.

unfortunately, it worked and it got them stepping to work immediately.

“if you don’t end up in hell, i’ll kick you down there myself!”

“cursed navigator.”

“don’t talk so badly about me!” nami said in a sing song voice, “and zoro — i look forward to it!” she continued in the same tone, making zoro and [name] even more annoyed.

“b-but, nami, what if something bad happens?! we need [name] here to fight them!!”

“i’m stronger than both of those idiots combined, don’t panic, usopp,” sanji said in a relaxed tone, stuffing his hands into his robes pockets, “let’s just go on ahead, though, they’ll follow after us.

now, chopper was their only hope in getting luffy back to normal. but, of course, out of nowhere luffy began attacking zoro. [name] cursed in annoyance, allowing the first-mate to take care of this business. in the meantime, [name] was going to unbury chopper’s small body from the sand.

the two got right into throwing punches at each other and after a couple minutes in, chopper woke up.

“ah, thanks [name] for getting me out of the hot sand,”

“no problem, just do the same for me if i ever run into that problem,” [name] grinned, making chopper nod in compliance.

“oh, what are they doing though?”

“fighting it out, i think it’s the only way to get luffy out of that stupid state,” [name] sighed, leaning into the sand and watching the fight with not a single emotion on his face, “how stupid is luffy and why does he have to be the captain,” he rasped out.

chopper took his seat, waiting for something pivotal to happen so he could intervene. and when the two fighting finally struck each other in the face - properly - he ran down with his medicine bag to help.

he put some potion underneath zoro’s nose to wake him up and then soon, luffy followed after.

“where are the others?” zoro coughed.

“don’t know, was busy making sure you two didn’t actually kill each other,” [name] said with a shrug, “doesn’t matter, let’s just follow the footprints, can’t be too hard,”

“right, right,” zoro agreed, getting up from the sand and looking around.

at the same time chopper came to the same conclusion.

“right…the footprints,”

another breeze blew past them, sending their own previous footprints to be erased completely.

now — “don’t leave me behind!!” luffy shouted and [name] sighed, crouching down and offering his back.

“get on, before i change my mind,” [name] said. luffy took the chance with no hesitation, sighing in content at no longer walking in the hot sand.

“say, is it always like this?” chopper asked zoro and [name], seeing as luffy was quickly in a sleepy state the moment [name] started carrying him. “always climbing snowy mountains, crossing deserts…”

“ain’t that the truth? but, no, we’re a little out of the ordinary right now, then there’s our captain,” zoro sighed.

“i think i’ve gotten on board a not-so good pirate ship,” chopper groaned, feeling the heat attacking him once more.

“what a coincidence, i was just thinking the same thing to myself,” [name] grunted, adjusting the grip on luffy so that he wasn’t slipping off of his back, “why am i playing babysitter for this grown man?”

“ah, did you often have to watch out for luffy when you were younger, [name]?”

“yeah, plus the fact he’s younger than me too, doesn’t make the situation much better when he starts abusing his privilege,” [name] sighed, “he always knew i’d go in and save him, but i really hoped he’d grow out of that habit. especially now that he’s a real pirate!”

“so, it’s kind of like, you two are the most veteran people that have known luffy, right?” chopper asked, making zoro and [name] share a look with one another. “since zoro you’re the first mate and [name] you’ve known luffy since he was a kid…”

“no, you’re right,” [name] confirmed, nodding his head.

“but there’s not that much of a difference between us - all of us," zoro added.

“why did you join, zoro?”

“why do you ask?” zoro immediately countered, feeling an ulterior motive to the question.

“to me, since i just joined, it seems like everyone’s a maverick. especially you, zoro.”

“that’s true,” zoro said, a hint of a smile on his face, “in my case, things pretty much just turned out this way. i told [name] this story already, but me and luffy meeting just happened…not really something i sought after.

“but for everyone on board the ship, we’re just trying to get by. we differ in our goals with luffy, we’re trying to do what we want to do. on the outside, we have no teamwork at all. especially given our captain!”

“but…in the end, teamwork doesn’t matter at all,” [name] proudly grinned, “it’s just a mutual understanding and respect of each other,”

zoro glanced at [name] from his side view and subtly nodded his head, “it’s more so, giving something your all and turning to your crewmates and saying, “i did it! you’re up next! if you can’t do it, i’ll kill you!””

chopper and [name] sweat dropped at the explanation, but it seemed to make sense…at least a little bit, for both of them.

“but being by luffy’s side, it’s exhilirating, isn’t it?” [name] said, smiling so wide that his eyes were crinkling at the end, “for as troublesome, stupid, and reckless as he is, he makes things more interesting. and i’d rather live a stressful, adventure filled life than a boring, stale one!”

the reindeer blinked at [name]’s words, as did zoro, as the only word to describe what [name] said being: genuine. you could see it in the way he regarded luffy, the way he smiled whenever the captain was brought up, and just the way his demeanor turned generally more relaxed.

zoro grinned, familiar with that feeling and nodding in agreement.

“being by his side all the time’s given me another goal to strive for,” zoro said lightly.

“another goal?”

“sorry, dunno how to explain it,”

“and [name]? what’s your goal in being in luffy’s crew?”

[name] perked up at the question, opening his mouth to answer, if it weren’t for luffy’s head knocking into his own.

out of nowhere, luffy had woken up from his sleep and squinted off into the distance, “i see shade!!!”

he stayed attached to [name]’s back, thanks to his legs hugging [name]’s hips, and shot his arms forward. zoro and chopper paled, realizing what was about to happen.

“gum-gum…rocket!!!”

the four of them crashed into the cave — well, technically three since chopper landed more on the outskirts of the cave and face down in the sand.

[name] groaned, rubbing his head and standing upright. unfortunately, the moment he stood up, he began to fall through the sand below his feet.

“you’re fucking with me, right?” he rasped out, feeling the ground beneath him beginning to disappear. “luffy, i’ll kill you!!”

he fell through and was met with stone cold ground beneath him after his fall. he landed on his ass, cursing at the pain, before standing up.

“luffy! zoro! chopper!!” he shouted out, listening to the way his voice echoed off of the walls, “bastards!!”

and just like that, someone else came crashing down into the ruins.

“oh, i really did summon them,” [name] said in glee, running over and kicking the fallen figure, “zoro, get off your ass, come on!”

“don’t kick me!!” zoro said, swinging his sword every which way to try and cut up [name]. “of course your dumbass would be down here,”

“yeah and your idiotic self followed after me,” [name] exaggeratedly batted his eyelashes at zoro, making the swordsman move away, “say, are you that interested in me like that you’d really follow me to the ends of the earth, zoro?”

“shut the fuck up! what the fuck conclusion was that?!”

“wah, it’s so cold down here,” came luffy’s childish voice and it was only a second before they realized that he had followed them down into the hidden room.

“idiot! what are you doing here?! if you’re down here, then there’s a good chance we might lose chopper!” zoro shouted in frustration, his face glowing red from anger at his captain.

“well, we’re alright though because i saw him falling down here as well,” luffy easily explained, pointing at the direction of sand now falling into the space from a different entrance point, “see, he’s right there!��

“that’s a relief he’s fine,” [name] said, walking over and helping the reindeer up. with a quick tug, [name] got him standing on his two feet.

“now, where exactly are we?” zoro said, scratching his eyes to get them to adjust to the darkness faster, “is it a dome?”

“seems like it,” [name] said, walking around and grunting when he stubbed his toe against some rock, “cunt!!” he shouted in pain, holding onto his foot.

he looked up and immediately punched the first thing he saw to let off some of the steam. his fist was stopped immediately by the rock, zero cracking forming on the surface.

and now he was just hopping around on one foot while his hand was caressing his knuckles.

“fucker!!” he said, helplessly hopping around in pain.

“idiot,” chopper and zoro said in a monotone voice.

“well, whatever, doesn’t matter where we are, let’s just stay here for a little longer,” luffy said, taking in the cold atmosphere with open arms.

“hold on, i recognize these picture letters,” chopper said, walking over to the stone that [name] had just stubbed his toe on and punched, “this is an ancient language,”

“i fucking hate history then,” [name] said, still blowing onto his knuckles to ease the pain.

“you can’t seriously be in that much pain from one punch!” zoro accused in a shout.

“no, zoro, you don’t understand, i’m nothing but a sensitive man,” [name] said in an exaggerated innocent tone, holding on his hand as he willed fake tears to spring to his eyes, “a man like me shouldn’t be so roughly handled!”

“wow, he’s a good actor,” chopper said, impressed with the show [name] was putting on.

“cheesy motherfucker,” zoro groaned, looking at [name] pathetically weep about his “injured” hand. “weren’t you the one to do that to yourself anyway?”

“details, details, details,” [name] said, shrugging, “won’t you kiss my pain away, zoro?”

“fuck off, for fucks’ sake!! get serious!!” zoro said, punching [name] down on the head, and then internally wondering what was he did in the past life to deserve a punishment as terrible as this.

“luffy, come on, get us out of here, the others are waiting for us, probably,” chopper said, deciding to be the one to collect their captain.

“what?! no, i don’t wanna leave, we just got here, i don’t wanna leave!” luffy whined, rolling back and forth on the ground like a child throwing a tantrum.

after zoro and [name] physically knocked some sense into luffy, he was then determined to get them out of the weird dome. he missed the opening of the hole zoro had fallen from, though, and instead sent a portion of the ceiling crashing down on himself.

“what the hell was that…” [name] said as he gazed at his hopeless captain.

“i missed because it was too small, it’s alright, this time i’ll get it,” luffy said in determination. and he did seem to get it for a second, but then the ceiling came crashing down once more and burying him in rubble.

“what [name] said - what the hell was that?!” zoro shouted in annoyance, “just grab onto the boulder above the cave and shoot us up from there!!”

it seemed luffy refused to listen to reason, though, instead destroying the hole even larger. the ceiling came crashing down tenfold and [name] shielded his head in preparation for something to crush them all to their deaths.

surprisingly, nothing had immediately injured them. and luffy was left walking over to some pillar and wrapping his stretchy arm around it, at least two dozen times.

“chopper turn little,” luffy commanded, “and everyone grab on!!”

[name] sighed, walking over and taking his place as luffy’s backpack. zoro’s arm came around his back, to support him and made sure he wouldn’t fall, whilst also grabbing onto luffy’s robe. [name] had a tight grip around luffy’s neck and on chopper’s clothes too.

and then they were spinning around the pillar, over and over and over again until they were shot up into the air. it felt as if they were flying. with how fast they were soaring through the sky and the wind beating against their faces, it definitely felt like they were flying.

but unlike most things that could fly, they had no way of landing. chopper cried out for what they were going to do, but luffy just shouted how he had no idea either.

[name] winced, holding onto luffy and chopper tight as they braced for impact. he felt zoro’s arm flex behind him to make sure he was really secure. and then they all bounced against the sandy ground a couple of times.

[name] spat out sand from his mouth, kicking himself up out of the sand and tried very hard to not murder luffy in cold blood. he walked over to chopper, easily pulling his smaller form out from the sand with one hand and placing him on his head.

then he made his way over to zoro and tugged him onto his feet, earning a grunt of thanks from the swordsman. chopper still seemed out of it so he made sure to keep him steady on his head to make sure he wouldn’t fall.

“i think i really did get on the wrong ship,” chopper rasped, still catching his breath.

“we’re on the same wavelength today because i was thinking the exact same thing,” zoro echoed, breathing heavily as he shook sand out from his hair.

“i think i might really kill him this time around,” [name] said under his breath, trying to quell his anger and not let it get the best of him.

“hey!!! guys, what are you doing all the way back there!!! we need to catch up with vivi,” luffy shouted, jumping up and down and waving his arms for them to hurry up.

“idiot,” [name] murmured softly, taking ahold of zoro’s wrist and leading them to luffy. “let’s just go, so he can shut up,”

the four walked together for a long time before chopper finally caught a whiff of nami’s perfume.

“it’s the way of the sunset, come on, luffy!” [name] said, unknowingly sending his captain into an excited running frenzy.

“hey!! guys, we’re coming!!” luffy cheered as if the rest of the crew could hear him.

they came up over a tall sand hill and on the other side of it, nami, sanji, usopp, and vivi were walking in a straight line. luffy was jumping up and down in excitement of finding the rest of the crew while chopper, zoro, and [name] were breathing heavily in exhaustion.

now that the crew was all back together, they were able to continue on their trek to yuba without worries. [name] adjusted the headpiece around him to cover his mouth and nose seeing as the wind was starting to pick the sand up even more.

on his back, usopp was resting and sleep talking about defeating crocodile. [name] smiled at the murmurs and kept his head up to see ahead.

“did we make it to yuba? i can’t really see with all this sand,” luffy said, making everyone squint at the small glimmer of light that in front of them.

“the city doesn’t look right…” vivi said, blinking a couple of times before stiffening and jumping off of lashes the camel. “it’s a sandstorm!! yuba is being hit by a sandstorm!”

just as they were about to arrive, a terrible sandstorm had to hit their destination. with a new urgency, the crew began rushing forward to see the affects of the sandstorm.

[name] cursed under his breath, adjusting his hold on usopp when he was finished running, and looked at the city. it was almost completely buried in sand, it looked just like the city they had come across at first.

“wasn’t this supposed to be an oasis city, vivi-chan?” sanji asked, making [name] step forward and look at the terrain.

he squinted very hard, focussing in on any sign of an oasis being present. vivi spoke with a strained voice. “the sand has raised the ground, meaning the oasis has been swallowed up,”

“there’s…very little of it left,” [name] said under his breath. “it could be saved…but it’d be hard,”

just as he said that, there was a sound of someone digging with a metal shovel. the crew looked over a couple of feet and saw an old man, trying his best too dig a trench, it looked like.

“you travelers must have had a hard journey in the desert. although our oasis has completely dried out, we still have some of the best inns ever! they’re the pride of our town, you see,” he croaked, looking completely exhausted in digging as he spoke. [name] furrowed his eyebrows in concern for the old man.

“we’re here to see the rebel army, are they not located in this town?” [name] asked, although seeing from how desolate the town was, the answer was a given.

what they didn’t expect was for the old man to go on a miniature rampage on them. he began throwing things at him, which [name] slapped away if they got too close to him or vivi.

“those rebel scum!! they abandoned this town long ago,” he informed them after his throwing was finished. vivi looked shocked at the news and a sense of dread was filling the crew’s minds, “they relocated to katorea,”

“huh? katorea? vivi, is that close by?” luffy asked innocently, making [name] smack him on the head. when his captain turned to him in annoyance, [name] only put his finger to his lips and pointed at vivi, his eyes screaming, “you just exposed the princess, dumbass!”

but vivi didn’t even seem to notice the slip up, only answering, “katorea, is a town that was near nanohana…”

“you’re fucking with me, right?” [name] asked, blinking as he processed the information. if they were in nanohana when they first set anchor down in alabsta, that means the rebel army was only a town away from the beginning.

“nanohana? then we wasted our time coming all the way out here,” zoro said gruffly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“oh! i met lashes in katorea,” chopper said in surprise. lashes began to “speak” and chopper translated it. the camel offhandedly said, “i was transporting goods for the rebel army and they were stationed in katorea,”

[name] threateningly began to unsheathe his sword, “you asshole, you didn’t say anything and we were wasting time this entire journey?! i’ll cut you up!! sanji, are you ready to cook camel meat?!”

“more than ready! i’m itching to kill this bastard too!!” sanji shouted, kicking into the camel’s side.

“why didn’t you say anything earlier!?” luffy screamed in frustration.

“whatever,” chopper said, translating for the rest of the crew what exactly the camel said, which only sent them into a bigger fury.

“wait, did you say, vivi? are you princess vivi?” the old man spoke up, walking up the sand trench he was building and reaching for the princess. [name] stepped forward, in between the old man and vivi, not about to take chances with the guy’s intentions.

“slow down there, gramps,” he sad in a warning tone, “so what if she is?”

the sword that was resting on [name]’s hips was very slightly shining in the moonlight, making the old man gulp to ease his nerves.

”vivi-sama, do you remember me?” he asked quickly, seeing how eager [name] was to spill some blood, “i don’t blame you if you don’t, after all, i lost a lot of weight,”

[name] looked at the man, not taking his eyes off of him. suddenly, from behind his protective position, vivi shot out and brought the old man into her arms, “toto-ojisan?!”

“you do remember!”

“huh? who’s that?” luffy and [name] asked in unison.

“long story,” nami said simply, a haze in her eyes as she realized who the man was. her and vivi were exchanging stories while they were riding on the back of lashes and the man in front of them was a pretty pivotal person in vivi's stories.

“vivi-sama, please stop those fools!!” the old man screamed, tears rushing out of his eyes. [name] averted his eyes, feeling ever so slightly bad for intimidating him earlier.

“toto-ojisan, don’t worry. we will stop the rebellion,” vivi assured him, handing him her handkerchief to dry his tears.

the crew decided to take shelter at yuba for the rest of the night. [name] was thankful because it meant they could be shielded from the cold air outside. and just as he was about to get comfortable, he noticed that their captain was missing again.

“huh? [name]? you’re not going to bed?” vivi asked, already comfortable under her blankets near nami.

”i will, i’m just gonna check in with luffy,” [name] said, waving his hand, “he might be caused the old man out there some unneccesary trouble,”

“beat him up if he is,” nami called out over her shoulder casually.

“yes, yes,” [name] said softly, waving his hand. when he made it to the outside trench, he saw the old man throwing sand over his shoulder and working tireslessly.

“aren’t your bones aching, gramps?” [name] asked, announcing his presence to the man.

“not at all, this is normal work for me!” toto said stubbornly.

“where’d the idiot go?”

“oh…he was digging right behind me…”

[name] jumped down into the sand pit and hummed in thought when he saw luffy was sleeping in the hole he had dug. he murmured the word “idiot” under his breath before wordlessly lifting him up out of the hole.

toto watched in confusion as a simple wave of [name]’s hand had the boy’s body lifting off of the ground. in a couple of seconds, luffy was then resting on the sand next to [name]’s feet.

“how did you do that?” toto asked cautiously, looking at the stoic look on [name]’s face.

“i have magical powers,” [name] said childishly, wiggling his fingers around as if he were to cast a spell.

“not funny, young man,” toto said, unimpressed with the behavior coming from [name].

“hm, i’ll get him inside and then i’ll come out and help you look for water,” [name] said, picking luffy up with ease and holding him bridal style, “i think if you moved a little bit more to the left, though, you’ll be able to hit water sooner than you think,”

and with that being his last bit of advice to the old man, he walked back into the inn where everyone else was sleeping. dropping luffy onto a straw bed and covering him with a blanket was easy. he gently took of luffy’s hat, to not ruin it, and placed it close by for him to find in the morning.

when he came back out of the inn, he saw the old man did take his advice and was digging from the surface again.

“you don’t have to help me,” toto said, about to refuse the help, but [name] shook his head. the pirate held his hand out to the old man, urging toto to hand him the shovel.

“let me dig, i can do it better than you anyway,” he joked, enjoying the pissed off look on toto’s face. wordlessly, the old man handed him the shovel and took a seat on the side.

quickly, [name] got to work in finding water. it was deep, very, very, deep, but it was there. and he would hit it before the sun came up if he worked hard and with no breaks.

"has vivi always been so reckless?" [name] curiously asked, looking over his shoulder for a moment.

his company grinned at the question, "yes! she never cared about her status as princess as child and insisted to be friends with even the common folk. she would always get herself into trouble," there was a pause and then the man spoke again in a shaky tone, "but now that she's grown into a young woman - i can't help but worry for her and her safety!"

"well, there's no need to worry anymore ojisan!" [name] grinned, wiping away his sweat, "with the strawhats here vivi won't ever get hurt again. we're gonna help her save this country!"

the man looked at him with furrowed brows, "what makes you so confident? you travellers have just arrived in this country - we have been struggling for years."

"it's cause you guys didn't have us," [name] easily and cockily replied. this made the old man laugh to his heart's content - whether it be from amusement at his confidence or in mockery, [name] didn't know. nor did he need to. he'd keep his end of his promise and protect vivi as she saved this desert country.

toto wanted to stay up and keep [name] some sort of company, but eventually his eyes were beginning to droop in exhaustion. [name] laughed at the sleepy look on toto’s face.

with the motivation of making the man’s day when he woke up, [name] began working even harder.

sweat was dripping from every crevice of his body, his muscles were begging him to stop from how they ached, but he kept his main goal in mind. and when he finally hit some sort of watery sand, he felt himself almost begin to laugh.

he wiped his face, grimacing at the gritty feel of sand on his skin, and pushed his hair aside. his hair, which was usually tied in a neat, small ponytail, was completely unfurled and shadowing his face.

he sighed, continuing to dig to get deeper into the water supply. he pulled out a small cannister that was resting on his hip, collecting water for himself first, and then deciding to go back up for more cannisters to hold the water.

when he finally drained as much water as possible, he left the cannisters to rest near toto. he smiled as the man’s expressions were moving in time with whatever dreams he was having. [name] carried him inside the inn with ease before collapsing onto his own bed, which was near chopper.

he grabbed ahold of the reindeer and kept him close, holding him tight for some sense of warmth. chopper didn’t seem to mind, cuddling closer into [name]’s skin in his sleep.

and despite [name] only catching less than a handful hours of sleep, it was still pleasant.

[ .ᐟ ] DID U GUYS SEE THAT ZORO AND [name] MOMENT??? (zoro flexing his arm around [name] to make sure he was secure, so romantic right guys?!) WOOWWW I THINK THEYRE SO IN LOVE RIGHT NOW WOOWWWWW EVERYONE CHEER (its going to take so long for these two to even remotely progress im fucking DEAD)

『 prev 』 ˗ˏˋ꒰ 🌊 ꒱ 『 next 』

taglist (lmk if u want to be tagged ! <3 :

@skullr0se , @strawberrii-tea, @triangulartriangles, @anotherlovefool, @haratatsu, @sinmp, @3v37773, @taru-nami, @disc0dild0s

#≡;- ꒰ ° keep safe series ꒱#ks #one piece x male reader #one piece x reader #x male reader #x reader #male reader #one piece male reader #one piece imagines #male reader imagines #anime male reader #one piece fanfiction #one piece fanfic #male reader fanfic #male reader fanfiction

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sourcreammachine · 5 months

Text

✨My Favourite Moments of 2024!✨

uk prime minister keir starmer resigns in disgrace after accidentally referring to a trans woman by her correct pronouns

elon musk attempts to prove the safety of the tesla truck by letting mitch mcconnell drive. both men die within seconds of entering the vehicle

in response to worldwide famine, the World Food Programme appoints taylor swift as its director-for-life

the IDF continues carpetbombing occupied gaza after the ghosts of hamas are spotted. all gazans are required to evacuate into a shallow grave

the conclave repeatedly fails to elect a new pope, causing a schism. one conclave elects some italian bishop you’ve never heard of while the other conclave elects agent Q

the IMF buys pakistan

donald trump wins the republican primary carrying 60 states, 14 countries, and 8 circles of hell. during his victory broadcast from prison he suffers what it clinically described as a MegaStroke, removing his ability to move and speak. he declares one of his busty nurses to be his running mate and leads biden by 30 points

following the death of musk twitter is divided by gavelkind amongst multiple rival warlords

joe biden finally finishes his 13th genocide, winning a bet he made with obama

after it retreats from ukraine and georgia, putin personally murders every single member of the russian army. he is reelected in a landslide

his holiness the ayatollah ali khamenei dies peacefully of old age surrounded by his loving family and a grieving nation. days later he is found in a disused oil pipeline hiding from protesters while off his tits on heroin, and is dragged through the streets and beaten to death

the largest war in human history erupts in africa, costing dozens of millions of lives. it is a slow news day at the UN

president millei attaches argentina to the dollar. the us economy immediately crashes and undergoes apocalyptic hyperinflation, the dollar becoming the first currency to have a negative value. the only surviving american industry is joe biden ‘i did that’ stickers

the PLA begins its amphibious invasion of taiwan. the war claims the lives of one million PLA soldiers, ending within 20 minutes when the generals learn that tanks can’t swim

donald trump wins the us presidential election carrying all 100 states. during his victory broadcast from the intensive care unit, he suffers what is clinically described as a Heart Apocalypse, rupturing every single artery in his body and leaving him as pile of blood and gore. the supreme court rules that despite being, quote, “the most dead person ever recorded”, he is still eligible to be president. he and vp-elect Busty Nurse will be inaugurated on 20 january

due to a weird loophole, elon musk’s trans daughter inherits his entire estate. she immediately uses all her wealth to found a mutually-owned food distribution network, ending world hunger

the switch 2 still doesn’t have fucking analogue triggers

#196

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odinsblog · 4 days

Text

Reaching for an example of her unflinching preparedness to do anything “difficult, messy and ugly” if it needs to be done, Kristi Noem landed on a chilling example: the time she killed her pet dog, Cricket, in an execution-style gravel pit slaying.

The South Dakota governor, whose unbreakable devotion to Donald Trump has propelled her to somewhere near the top of his list of his potential 2024 running mates, reportedly included her disturbing tale of canicide in a book set to be published next month. “I guess if I were a better politician I wouldn’t tell the story here,” Noem writes, according to The Guardian, which obtained a copy.

According to the newspaper, Noem recounts the story of how she not only killed Cricket—a female “wirehair pointer, about 14 months old”—but then also proceeded to botch the killing of an unnamed goat that she owned to which she had taken a disliking.

(source)

“I hated that dog,” Noem reportedly writes, adding that Cricket was simply “untrainable” and “dangerous to anyone she came in contact with.” It was then that she realized “I had to put her down,” she adds.

Noem explains that she grabbed her gun and took Cricket to a gravel pit. “It was not a pleasant job,” she writes, “But it had to be done.” Afterward, she writes, she decided she also needed to kill a male goat she owned that was “nasty and mean” because it was uncastrated, complaining that the buck “loved to chase” Noem’s children around and would wreck their clothes by knocking them down.

She reportedly writes of the goat that she “dragged him to a gravel pit” like Cricket, but the killing did not go as smoothly. The goat jumped when she pulled the trigger, Noem says, meaning the goat survived the shot. She adds that she went to her truck to get another shell and then “hurried back to the gravel pit and put him down.”

Noem says that a construction crew had seen her killing both the dog and the goat. She also writes that when her daughter, Kennedy, came home from school, she “looked around confused” and asked: “Hey, where’s Cricket?”

(continue reading)

#kristi noem #politics #republicans #animal cruelty #dogs #cricket the dog #the cruelty is the point #republicans are evil #gun nuts #dog killer #puppy killer #cricket

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bright-side20 · 5 months

Text

Elain Archeron 🌸

“No one ever does. No one ever looked—not really.” A bramble of words. Her voice strained to a whisper. “He did. He saw me. He will not now.” Her thumb brushed the iron ring on her finger.

I always come back to when Elain said this. I really think it reveals a lot about her character and how she suffered growing up as a people pleaser and a marriage project for her family. Mama Archeron completely shut down her personality, molding her into someone pleasant to look at and making her behave as society would expect a noble's daughter to be. And, for once, when she thought someone saw her for who she truly is and loved her for it, he turned out to be just like the others...

That's why her story is not about running from her family. It's about choice, and she has already made it clear. She expressed her desire to do something great with the power the cauldron gifted her, stating that she sees herself as a part of the Night Court. This was an important character development, showing that she will no longer act based on others' expectations; she will be true to herself.

" I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she'd disappoint you all"... "With time and safety, perhaps we'll see a different side of her emerge"

I believe it also explains her love interest situation. She fell for Az because he truly saw her; he was the one who spent time with her in the garden, listened to her, and figured out she was a seer. He helped her through her trauma when everyone assumed she was going mad, and something was wrong with her. He risked his life to save her and even placed his most precious dagger in her hand. As for him, he fell for her because she saw him for who he is. She saw one of his biggest insecurities and called it beautiful.With her, he could remove his spymaster mask,with her he can be just Azriel, the gentle, caring male. Their relationship goes beyond mere lust, as antis like to label it. The sexual tension between them was a confirmation of them being end game , and Az, the 500 years old fae, questioning the CAULDRON speaks volumes. He certainly won't give up on her just because Rhys told him to do so.

I also believe it explains the foreshadowing of the bond rejection. The girl who grew up under social pressure to be a valuable asset in the marriage market will stand against a highly valued and sacred bond in fae society. She will choose Azriel, the one she fell for, because love would trump even a mating bond.

#pro elain #elriel #pro elriel #elain archeron #azriel acotar #sarahjmaas #acotar thoughts #elriel supremacy #sjm #elainarcheron #elain x azriel #elain acotar #acowar #acomaf

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feelbokkie · 7 months

Text

One Last Dance | Chapter 5

pairing: Minho x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, major character death (I am apologizing now), friends to lovers, soul mates, first love, roommates

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, slightly suggestive

summary: Childhood best friends Lee Minho and L/n Y/n are in their final year of university. While both of them are in love with each other, the only thing keeping them apart is Minho’s fear of change. As both dancers prepare for their lives after college, will Minho finally let fear rule him and his emotions or will he finally gain courage before he loses Y/n forever?

word count: 2,920

screenshot count: 6

taglist: closed!

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"Okay, off you go. Play nice with your brothers while I get your sister cleaned up and you wait for dad to come home." You say softly as you put Soonie in Minho's room.

You stand up straight and take a long stretch as you scan the main room of the apartment. You know Moonshine is hiding somewhere, you're just not sure where. You heard her screaming to get out the entire time you were cleaning the other cats.

"Momo, come on out! I'm not going to hurt you. You just can’t live with flour on your fur forever." You walk around quietly looking for her, checking her usual hiding spots only to find them all empty.

You stand in the middle of the living room, hands on your hips trying to figure out what to do. You could just grab one of the cat snacks and just shake the bag to lure her out. Her love of food might trump her fear of baths. Just as you're about to walk over to the kitchen, you hear the front door opening. Your blood runs cold, realizing that Moonshine might be lying in wait for her chance to escape.

"Wait, don't open the door!" You shout as you rush to the door to act as interference in case Moonshine makes a run for it.

But it's too late, you're too far and Minho didn't hear you. He opens the door wide enough for a while fluff ball to whiz past him, jumping over the foot he purposely placed to prevent any escapes.

"Shit," You mutter as you run past him to go after Moonshine.

"Which way did she go?" Minho asks coming up next to you.

"I don't know dipshit, you tell me. You were outside." You groan.

"Hey, don't get snippy with me. I tried to stop her. It's not fault that fat bastard is fast and agile as shit."

"Sorry," You rub your temple and take a deep breath, "How about you go that way and I go this way? We text if one of us finds her."

"On it," He says quickly before darting off to his designated section of the apartment complex. You feel bad for having Minho help you look for Moonshine knowing he just pulled a double shift at the restaurant. You'll make it up to him by cooking dinner.

You quickly make your way out of the apartment complex to look for Moonshine. If she was still inside, you would see her white fur standing out against the grey walls. The stairs lead directly outside with no door in the way.

"Mo-Mo! Come on, it's big and scary here. I can't protect you from the outdoor cats. They're much meaner than Soonie, Doongie, and Dori. They will not hold back!" You call out.

It's not like Moonshine has never been outside. She's just never been outside by herself. You and Minho take the cats outside sometimes to get fresh air and properly sunbathe. You're not entirely sure where she would go.

"Mo-Mo!" You call out again.

Meow

You freeze dead in your tracks trying to figure out where the noise came from.

"Mo-Mo?" You call again, hoping she'll respond again.

Meow! Meow! Meow!

You quickly turn in the direction of the bushes near the car. You see one bush rustling specifically. You quickly walk to it and start moving leaves. You breathe a sigh of relief when you find Moonshine in the middle, tangled in the branches. You send a quick text to Minho letting him know you found her so he can go back to the apartment and rest.

"You dumb baby," You laugh as you walk further into the bush, twigs grazing your legs, "See, your actions have consequences."

You spend 5 minutes poking your fingers and hands as you try to free Moonshine from her leafy prison. Eventually, you free her and hold her close to your chest to prevent her from running again. Her white and grey fur is now also covered in dirt on top of the flour. You know it's going to be a fight when you get home to get her clean.

Walking back to your apartment, you hear music blasting. You roll your eyes knowing that your neighbors are back on their bullshit with their music once again. You're going to have to tell them to knock it off so Minho can get some sleep in peace. As you get closer to their door, you pause. The beat of the music quickly grabs your attention. It's like a mixture of jazz and hip-hop. It sounds fresh and new. Something you would dance to. Something you need to dance to. The perfect song that would stand out for your company auditions and on your YouTube channel. You quickly walk up to the apartment and start banging your hand on the door, although you're not sure how they'd hear you over the music.

A little bit later, the music stops and you hear rustling on the other side of the door before someone opens the door. His soft and dough-like face twists into a smirk when he sees you. The dimple on his face showing.

"Back for round 2?" He says confidently.

"In your dreams, Chan." You roll your eyes.

"I better get to sleep then. Anyway, I know you're here about the music, I'll turn it down."

"Wait, wait don't! I mean, yes turn it down. It's way too loud. But I--That song, where is it from?"

"We made it. Just finished producing it. Just going over the sound."

"You guys did?"

"Did you forget that I graduated from JYPUA with a degree in music production last year?"

"I don't know you enough to just know that about you."

"We can change that." He grabs the top of the doorframe and leans in towards you.

"I have a black belts in taekwondo, hapkido, and martial arts, I will hurt you."

"Is that a promise?" He gives you a toothy grin, a twinkle in his eyes.

"Goddamnit, never mind, fuck," You breathe as you turn to walk to your apartment.

"Wait, wait, I'm joking. Come back," You feel Chan's hand on your shoulder to stop you from leaving.

"I just wanted to know about the song. I wanted to know who made it so I could listen to it and maybe use it for auditions." You sigh.

"Do you want to listen to it? Like, the full song?" He asks quickly.

"Right now?"

"Well, not right now,"

You're suddenly aware of the state of yourself. You ran out so quickly, that you didn't even put shoes on when you went to get Moonshine. Both of you are covered in flour and dirt and a little bit of blood. There might be twigs in your hair too for all you know.

"Right," You shake your head, "Let me take care of Moonshine and get cleaned up first. I'll swing by in an hour?"

"Yeah, that works. See you in an hour. Bye, Moonshine." He coos at Moonshine who mewls back at him.

***

After setting Moonshine and bathing her, you gave her Soonie, Doongie, and Dori a snack as a reward for enduring what they probably considered torture. You changed into a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt after Minho helped you put ointment on all of your battle scars from today's great feat.

Walking into Chan's apartment, you had a vague sense of déjà vu. You know you've been in the apartment before but both times you navigated through it you were 1. drunk and otherwise preoccupied and 2. hungover as shit. You definitely had blinders on when you came in. You don't exactly remember everything in the apartment, but it feels familiar enough.

In the dining room, Chan's roommate sits at the table with his back facing you. Although, you've met Changbin before and this man is definitely not him. His hair is brown and straight and his overall frame is small. Changbin is jacked, you've had the pleasure of witnessing him wearing tank tops a few times and the biceps on that man are very noticeable. Did he move out?

"Oh, I don't think you've met our other roommate. He keeps to himself a lot. Y/n, this is Ha--"

"Jisungie? You live here?" You asked shocked as you're face to face with the former fourth member of Hyunjin, Felix, and Seungmin's freshmen year dorm room.

"Noona? What are you doing here?" He asks just as shocked, freezing in his spot.

"I live next door,"

"Really?"

"You two know each other?" Chan asks confused.

"Yeah! I'm good friends with his roommates from last year. He was too pouty and moody to play nice with the others though. He did write a song about me."

"I-I did not write a song about you!" He stutters, his face turning red. You can't help but smirk.

"Excuse me, noona, but do you have a boyfriend? A-ah, sorry, that must have been too direct. He always seemed to be working on that song when I came to grab Hyunjin, Felix, and Seungmin." You giggle, laughing at the memory.

"I'm just going to find the tallest building in the city and jump," Han says suddenly, getting up from his spot at the table as his face becomes extremely red. Chan, laughing, puts a hand on his youngest roommate's shoulder to stop him from leaving the room.

"H-Han you said that you didn't write that about anyone."

"Clearly, I lied. I'm a liar, hyung. Plus, I never thought she'd be out next door neighbor. Man, I have the worst luck." He drops his head in his hands.

"If you're this disappointed that I'm your next-door neighbor, then you're going to be devastated when you find out who lives across the hall." You laugh again.

"Who lives across the hall?" You can't help but enjoy Jisung's flustered state, "Noona, who lives across the hall?"

"Leave the apartment every once and a while and you'll find out." You tease.

You know you should probably tell him, but you also don't want to be around for the hissyfit that is sure to ensue when he finds out the Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Felix, his roommates last year, live across the hall. Jisung was always relaxed and polite anytime you went over to get Hyunjin or the trio. But you've also heard horror stories from the boys, no doubt Hyunjin exaggerated them, about how bad of a roommate he was. You're not entirely sure what happened, but you know that Seungmin isn't particularly fond of Jisung after an incident involving a wallet and that Hyunjin and Jisung were constantly at each other's throats. Felix felt mostly indifferent, most of his arguments with Jisung were misunderstandings and miscommunications because of Felix's limited Korean. Luckily for him, he's picked up the language relatively quickly.

"I didn't take you for a groupie, noona," Jisung says suddenly. Or maybe he and Chan were talking and you weren't paying attention.

"Why would I be a groupie?" You raise one of your eyebrows looking at the younger boy.

"Han--"

"Because of Chan hyung. He was a legend on campus-- still is. All three of us are actually, 3racha."

"Sriracha?" You ask confused.

"No...I mean technically yes, but no. You really don't know?"

"Han mayb--"

"I pretty much stick to the dance department's bubble."

"Pretty sure Chan hyung slept with some groupies from the dance depart--"

"Okay, Jisung, think that's enough of that!" Chan nervously laughs, ears turning red as he slaps his hand over Jisung's mouth. You can't help but smirk at his sudden flustered state. He quickly pulls his hand away from Jisung's mouth and gives him a look of disgust as he wipes his hand on his pant leg.

"What are you trying to hide? You and I already slept together so you don't have to put on an act." You tease.

“You two did what? When?”

“Y/n, let’s go, yeah.” It comes off more as a command than a question as Chan leads you towards his room.

The two of you leave a confused Jisung standing in the middle of the apartment trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

Walking into Chan's room, it's noticeably cleaner and neater than the rest of the apartment. His bed is made, shoes in a rack in the corner, and the closet door shut. In the corner of his room near his desk, there's a piano, a guitar, and one of those electric drum kits. His desk is the only thing that's out of place. It's what you'd classify as an organized mess. Empty and have drunk water bottles line the back of the desk. The trash can filled to the brim with balled-up pieces of paper. Various pens, pencils, and guitar picks litter the desk. There are three stacks of paper but they seem to be organized. All of them are written in black ink and have notes in pink, blue, and purple. One stack has red notes on it and the other has green notes. You watch as Chan goes to his desk and cleans up the stacks.

"Make yourself at home." He says quickly as he makes a bit of space and turns on his laptop. You look around the room and settle for sitting on the bed. Chan can't help but smirk when he sees you.

"Don't say a thing," You sigh. You already know he has some joke about how you feel at home on his bed ready to go. In reality, there's no other place to sit other than his desk.

"I wasn't going to, I'm a gentleman." He says turning around and placing his hand over his heart.

"If you're such a gentleman then how do you know why I told you not to say anything?" You smirk this time, his ears going back to red. Or maybe they're just always like that.

"No comment. Just sit over here." He slightly grumbles out as he pats the back of his desk chair. You think about it for a minute before getting up and taking the seat at the desk.

As you pull the chair closer to the desk, Chan leans over you. Both of his arms cage you in some sort of hug from behind as he types on his laptop. He's so close you you that you can feel the heat radiating off his body. His face is so close you yours that one quick turn and you'll accidently kiss him. Maybe that's what he wants. His scent is intoxicating, making your head swirl. For all you know, you probably weren't even that drunk when you ran into him at the bar. You probably got too close to him and the woodsy, yet faintly flowery aroma that seems to follow him. It's a contrast from Minho who, no matter what he does, always has some faint smell of vanilla and caramel mixed with coffee and the end of Summer. Chan smells warm and comforting but not as much as Minho.

"Okay," You slightly jump at the sudden reminder that Chan is also in the room. "here's the song. It's called, Scene Stealer."

The two of you sit in silence as the song plays. Chan released you from your caged-in position and took your spot on his bed. He watches you nervously as you listen with your eyes closed listening to the beat. Your body moving automatically already brainstorming choreography for the song. You can feel the jazzy, hip-hop beats in your soul. It really is the perfect song for you to use on your channel and your dance company auditions.

"So," Chan gets up and quickly cages you in again as he stops the next from playing, "what do you think?"

"it's perfect! It has both hip-hop and jazz elements. Those are two of my specialties. I already have so many ideas."

"Don't get too excited," Chan smirks while he towering over you.

“What? Why?” Your face scrunching up in confusion.

“I’m not going to just give you the song.”

“I’m a university senior living off campus and 4 cats. I’m flat broke.” You slightly pout.

“I don’t want money.”

You sit in silence for a moment, thinking and blinking, trying to figure out what to do. You need the song.

“I’m not sleeping with you for music.” You say firmly when your brain settles on what he must be hinting at.

"What? No! That's not what--" He lets out a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You said you need this song to help further your career as a dancer right? And that it would benefit me and 3racha, right?"

"Right,"

"So, wine and dine me."

"Excuse me?" You're taken aback by the sudden change of subject.

"Let's treat this like a business transaction. You wine and dine me and prove to me that it'll work out in my favor."

"By wine-ing and dining you?"

"See, we're on the same page!" Chan shouts excitedly.

“Sounds like you’re trying to take me on a date.” You say cautiously.

“If you give off date vibes then that’s on you. But I’m serious. Really think about why you want our song and try to convince me. You're going to have to do things like this once you officially join the industry anyway. So practice.” He has a good point.

“Fine,” You stick out your hand towards him. “We have a deal.”

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Taglist

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

@amyyscorner @aaasia111 @weird-bookworm @allaboutyej8 @kangaracharacha @lilcutieana @jungkookies1002 @lanatheawesome @hanniemylovelyquokka @jiisungllvr @marked-unknown @kitheat @spearb-99 @chlodavids @veedoesntknaur @yongbbokkie @warlockwithoutcharisma @fennecnco @aslou @babygirlsuna @jihanlovic @kalopsian-thoughts @reianagarcia @sunshinessky @brain-empty-only-draken @f9clementine @jaydebow @phtogravi @mal-lunar-28 @jhstayy

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