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thedegenerateasexual · 3 years

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horrible stories i have about supernatural porn

this isn’t a blog that i usually post spn content on but my main blog is sfw because i have some minors following it so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ anyway these are stories about porn, not porn stories themselves (i do have a link for the last one, but i don’t want to post it in public, because i’m a firm believer of not making fun of fanfic in public). im putting it behind a cut because it’s absolutely gonna ruin your day. if you’re in the polycule you can reblog this bc not everyone has my sideblog but if you’re sitting there going “what’s the polycule” then you can’t

for context, i was on the kmeme for spn in early 2009 before it became nothing but extreme underage and dog porn. i watched it transform into the uh place it is now and eventually bailed. two of the worst spn porn stories i can think of are as follows:

story the first: the spn kmeme had a very strict policy of no kinkshaming. everything is allowed, even underage, bestiality, etc. there was some discourse on the kmeme once about HOW young is too young, exactly? because someone posted a request for filling involving john/sam but sam was, yes, AN INFANT. there was a lot of back and forth about whether or not the person requesting was being a troll and whether or not the people on the request thread were kinkshaming. eventually they ruled in favor of this prompt. it was filled twice.

story the second: i was long gone by the time this posted but it still made waves over to where i was and it’s like, a classic leopards ate my face moment but also it makes me want to die. the kink meme both 1. allows bestiality and 2. has a section for rpf. so obviously the kmeme being what it is there was quite a bit of j*red p*dalecki fucking his dog. i don’t know why. it’s UTTERLY cursed. anyway, the dog died (very sad) and so someone posted a combination prompt of.........rpf/bestiality/NECROPHILIA. they wanted to see the dog being given a, how can we put this, final goodbye. cue more discourse similar to the above. THIS prompt was eventually ruled as a troll prompt and was taken down (but the other one was fine?!?!?!)

stories i have that don’t involve the kink meme: the artist mythagowood. DO NOT GOOGLE “mythagowood supernatural” unless you are prepared to see truly unsettling things. this person photoshops images of the cast engaging in tentacle porn, mpreg, prolapse porn, etc etc. the most famous of all of these is “ass bees” which involves j*red p*dalecki spreading them to his prolapsed asshole covered in, well, yeah, you get the idea. there was a rumor going around that this infamously horrible art is what inspired the “bees?” card in CAH, but no one has ever been able to prove it one way or another

other things: for a christmas event i was participating in, everyone was supposed to prompt 5 things they wanted and then fill at least one prompt someone else left. i thought of four prompts, but blanked on a fifth, and then as a joke i added “draw dean like one of your french girls - wearing this one only this” and posted a picture of the samulet. lo: one of the most famous artists in the fandom actually took me up on it. full frontal. hyperrealistic. it was...incredible. i’ll always be grateful for the hard work she must have put in.

and finally, for a tamer and less cursed example: my favorite dean castiel fic is the one where cas can’t nut until dean says his full name (castiel winchester, obviously). the first time i read this and liveblogged it at @maulthots i laughed so hard i cried. we have spent an inordinate amount of time since committed to the bit:

Sam at the worst possible time: Castiel Winchester Cas: UNNGGHHH

someone: hey whats your full legal name castiel: already crossing his legs

Cas applies for a driver's license and then gets arrested for public indecency

cas goes in to sign the adoption papers for jack and the pen starts shaking in his hand social worker: and the last name? cas: HNNNNNNHGGGH

dean loses cas in a walmart and gets them to make an announcement over the pa and knows which direction to go by following the sound of the nut

cas gets pulled over for speeding and they ask for his license and he has to carefully keep his eyes off of the place where he signed his name cop: castiel winchester huh cas: HHHHHHHRRRG

dean and cas get into a pizza earing contest and cas successfully finishes the last slice. sam stands up and proclaims, "castiel wins--" "HUUOOOGGGGGH"

cas turns on the television ready to enjoy a nice relaxing evening of genre tv oh no. its the vampire diaries OH NO...HIS EYES DRIFT TO THE CORNER C W “HRRRRRRRKKK”

anyway. it’s a really good fic. i won’t name it in public because it’s rude to make fun of fics in public but absolutely DM me if you want the link. it’ll make you cry i swear

#personal #liz watches spn #i don't know if i have that tag on this blog but in case i wanna be able to find it again later. yk.

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equiuszahhak · 4 years

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I dunno troll dude. Like you’re from troll Boston or somethin. Gotta pahk ya cah in havahd yahd

D --> Okay now you're just being rude

#but its true #ask

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monstruomuses · 4 years

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Omg, if you are ever inclined to type it out, I would love to read the story about Chuck Austen on the forum!

Of course… Under the cut cause this will be long *cracks knuckles*

Before telling the whole story, I must say I have nothing against the guy. He is actually a cool guy, I didn´t have the chance to meet him in person but some of my friends from the forum did and they had a great impression of him however I chatted with him often ( most of us did ) in the chat room we had for the message board and he was always positive and friendly.

However, most of my reasons of being canon divergent is because of the damage control his run did but hey, he wasn´t alone doing what he did, Marvel and a whole team of people allowed that to happen.

And I´m not blaming it to everyone, it was a corporate decision in the end and being a business man I can tell you, sometimes we take wrong decisions and odd turns to keep a business fresh and alive and in the late 90´s and early 2000´s a lot of things were going on and comics sales were dropping, more indie labels like Top Cow and Image were getting more readers, Dark Horse became bigger etc, so, hey.. It´s entertainment for us the readers but for them it´s business and everything translates into money. In the end, it´s like that.

Anyway.. Now that I made my ´little disclaimer´ ( lol ), here is the story:

Years ago ( more than one decade to be more precise) I used to be part of this message board that was relatively large and Nightcrawler-centered ( I won´t give names, only creator names ). Oh and I also must mention I mostly witnessed things and I made very good friends that are still important to me now a days, I also helped to kick out trolls as part of the staff. I did nothing but memorizing it lol cause it was good gossip in the end.

The maintainers invited several creators to join, some of them did: Chris Yost, Chuck Austen, Grant Morrison -but he was never there- and Dave Cockrum was the star of the forum, he even had his whole room, his wife Paty was also there. We used to chat with them often and they were so nice, I remember that whenever one of them logged in we were all giddy and eager to chat with them.

This was before the boom of the social media, in fact this was even before my space so we didn´t have any other ways to get spoilers and tid bits and such.

And when Chuck told us about the Draco cause it was a Nightcrawler-centric arc and it would explain a lot of his origins we were of course the most excited, he teased us often with art concepts and bits of things he had proposed, he told us about Azazel and his army…

Theeeen…

Eeeh..

When the first issue came out, we had divided opinions. I was on the fence of everything and trying to give the whole run a chance but a small group of people was tired that many of the message board users kept praising Chuck cause he was there but because the story wasn´t great, neither the art and it was somehow offensive and biased, they were scared we would start drama and run Chuck away. The maintainers had personal reasons to do so, very selfish personal reasons I won´t mention in public but they were getting in the way of people to have a neutral discourse cause they started to protect Chuck.

I mean Chuck even named a minor supportive character as one of the maintainers because of idk *shrug* that was awkward and I have nothing to say about that but many were rolling their eyes at that.

Then the whole thing with the CAH and the Priesthood run came and things blew up, in fact many of us ended leaving -me included, I left a couple of years later- because of the obvious glorification they had for Chuck. It didn´t work for them in the end, I mean, Chuck is only a creator, he has no power or decisions of what to do in the comics world. Maybe connections but, hey that´s it.

And many of us didn´t like Azazel anyway, didn´t like what it did to Kurt´s character and I have friends that haven´t read X-Men comics again because of that. Azazel has potential, A LOT. He is the most powerful teleporter that has ever existed but the way he was developed made no sense and he sounded better than the way he was written anyway.

We also got Stacy-X and eh, whoever knows about her can tell you how bad her development was, her whole purpose was offensive. Obviously, MANY of us didn´t like that.

That´s basically it, or well.. What I can remember, I have a great memory but my Fibro plays tricks on me often, if I get to remember something else, I´ll edit and tag you :)

#mypralaya #ooc asks #about the mun

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h2oblooky · 5 years

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Dem Salty Bois

Okay, this group is one of my all-time favorite gaming group on youtube.

Lordminion777: Wade started off playing with Markiplier. Now, he has his own group he plays frequently with. Wade was the original pun maker and (i believe) oldest of the group. Most of the time makes little progress over messing and goofing off with Jp.

PatrckStatic: Patrck is an adorable bean with the cutest laugh. Patrck rather plays games for fun rather than to win. So most of the time, he is either trolling the others or raging over the game.

Garuku Bluemoon: Gar is the best at games to the point he got the title of ‘Hacker’ in their group. There is even a saying ‘Gar Hax!’ the group shouts if Gar is doing a little too good at a game. Gar is slightly more serious according to games but is quick to goof around.

Now...

Jpw03: Jp is the youngest of the group. He started playing with Wade when he was around 14. Jp took after most of the group. He tells puns, is goofy, LOVES trolling Wade, and a down to earth guy. Being known as ‘the innocent one” he always surprised the others with CAH and his random moments.

These four had always made me laugh. All four are men with pure hearts and amazing personalities that clash perfectly.

#Jpw03 #patrckstatic #Garuku Bluemoon #lordminion777 #aka #best youtubers

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misscinnamonroll16 · 2 months

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More brozone cah

JD, already not liking where this is going: how did I lose my virginity?

Branch: establishing dominance.

Bruce: home video of Oprah sobbing into a lean cuisine.

Clay: SKELETOR!

Floyd, just wanna play this card: a micropig wearing a tiny raincoat and booties

Branch: what gets better with age?

Bruce: queefing

Clay: take-backsies

JD, trying not to laugh: whipping it out

Floyd, cockily: heteronormativity

Branch, Bruce, Clay and JD: ....

JD: I'm pretty sure that gets worse with age

Floyd, in a deadpanned voice: what are my parents hiding from me?

Bruce: third base

Branch, smiling a little: my sex life

Clay, disgusted: a super soaker full of cat pee

JD: anal beads

Floyd, mumbling under his breath: pretty sure it's the other way around for that one

#trolls #brozone #trolls john dory #trolls floyd #trolls clay #trolls bruce #branch trolls #funny #cards against humanity #trolls cah

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iapislazuli · 5 years

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i call this one “friendsim trolls as responses from a CAH deck that me and my friends have been adding onto since 2015″

#hiveswap #troll call #lanque #dia noises #i posted it last night then deleted it cus the quality was atrocious #HOPEfully these are easier to read

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fadetality · 7 years

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i have the inspiration of a walnut so im gonna drink an entire bottle of red wine and troll youtube

#troll as in dragnet and not troll as in leave rude and inflammatory comments #ill post the cah link ................... in a bit #hunter // ooc

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whyequalsemexplusbee · 6 years

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Okay so @spectralaceofspace‘s post got me thinking, so here’s how I personally pronounce all the new trolls names Charun Krojib: Char-une Kro-geeb Tagora Gorjek: Tah-gore-uh Gore-jek Tirona Kasund: Tie-roan-uh Ka-sund Skylla Koriga: Sky-lah Kor-ee-ga Konyyl Okimaw: Cone-eel Oh-key-mahw Fozzer Velyes: Foes-zer Vel-ise (like Denise) Bronya Ursama: Brone-yuh Ur-sah-mah Diemen Xicali: De-mehn (Like Demon) Zee-cal-ee Cirava Hermod: Sir-ah-vah Heir-mod Tyzias Entykk: Teh-zee-ahs En-tick Lynera Skalbi: Luh-near-uh Skall-bee Vikare Ratite: Vee-car Rah-tight Azdaja Knelax: Ahz-dah-ja Nee-lax Remele Namaaq: Ree-mel-ay Nah-mahque (Like Mac but with a low “a”) Folykl Darane: Foal-eek-ul Duh-rain Kuprum Maxlol: Cup-ruhm Max-lawl Zebede Tongva: Zee-buh-dee Tawng-vah Amisia Erdehn: Amy-see-uh Err-den Daraya Jonjet: Da-rye-uh Jaun-jhet (My French is showing) Barzum & Baizli Soleil: Bahr-zum & Bay-zlee Sol-aile Marsti Houtek: Mar-stee How-tech Nihkee Moolah: Nye-key (Like Nike) Moo-lah (Like money) Boldir Lamati: Bold-ear Lah-mah-tee Chixie Roixmr: Chix-ee Royx-mur Mallek Adalov: Mal-lick Ah-dah-love Tegiri Kalbur: Teh-gear-ee Cal-buhr ?????? Elwurd: ?????? Ell-word (I mean, what’d you expect?) Marvus Xoloto: Mar-vus Zo-low-toe Chahut Maenad: Cah-hoot May-nad (Cahoooooooots) Polypa Goezee: Paul-ee-pah Go-ee-zee (”Go easy” geddit?) Lanque Bombyx: Lahun-Kay Bom-bix Wanshi Adyata: Wan-she Add-yah-tah Zebruh Codakk: Zee-bruh Co-dak (Like Kodak Cameras) Galekh Xigisi: Gay-lick (like Gaelic) Zig-eye-sigh Ardata Carmia: Are-day-tah Car-me-uh Who is this?: Hoo Iz This (I’m funny, please laugh at my jokes) Stelsa Sezyat: Stel-sah Says-yacht Once again these are just how I personally pronounce them. How do ya’ll pronounce them? I’d love to hear other ways!

#homestuck #hiveswap #troll call

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6of575-oldblog · 6 years

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happy end - excerpt

This elf, sin’dorei by the look of ruddy skin and forest green eyes, is an older elf. Like him. There’s a weariness here. It’s in the flat stare that sizes him up, and the introductions that come without a customary bow. Niceties get waved aside with a rusty voice and a gleaming metal hand.

“I’m Ven’ari Daybreak,” this elf states in cultured Common that’s at odds with the informal treatment. “You’re Senumeros Quicksand. I already know, so let’s move on. Oh, and--do me a favour? Skip the teacher-student claptrap. The day I let someone call me “honoured master” to my face is the day I die. ”

Meros clicks his teeth, points clattering together to bite off scripts he’s learned in meeting others. He’s grateful for less to talk aloud with, but at a loss for its lack.

Ears held loose and low with uncertainty, Meros trails behind at Daybreak’s back. Night elves are usually taller than their exiled “cousins.” Daybreak is no exception: Meros might be a little short for the standard male night elf, but he still has several inches of leg on this blood elf. He has to mind his pace or trod on unfortunate heels.

Besides, what Daybreak loses in height is gained in bulk. The bare, broad back and squared shoulders Meros stares down at are just further reminders of old inadequacies he still sees with his own lanky body.

One of his other adopted brothers joked with him once that at least his heathen god Elune saw fit to edge him in hard lines and gave him an ugly face to match his uglier voice. They’d had a good laugh about it, a troll and an elf, both making light of raw truths.

And it is true:

His lost years took their toll. Ate him away. Gentler curves that She graced him with were the first to go and sure he counts his blessings--but still. Still. He’s put on a lot of muscle he’s proud of in the long years since the eldest of three trolls found him amid desolate ruins but it’s none of it the blocky hips or the wide back of the elf he walks with.

Meros is always going to be too narrow-shouldered and long-limbed. Too small in body. Too... Meros.

Daybreak leads them to a rope-and-plank bridge. It spans a vast ravine and a part of the temple Meros has yet to visit. He’s a bit charmed that Daybreak pointedly marches across the swaying walkway with chin lifted and eyes pointed straight forward.

More so when he hears, “I’ve mastered many things--but fear of heights is still a daily walk.”

He grins his laughter at Daybreak instead of give it out: a close-mouthed grimace of all his teeth and his eyes squinted almost shut.

Daybreak looks at him from the side for it. Says nothing at first.

Meros isn’t so good anymore at knowing the correct expressions from others. He can’t name whether he’s offended his substitute teacher or not, but the weathered face that he carefully watches for clues of doesn’t smile back at him, and those pink ears, reddened even more for the brisk chill, are set forward and held stiffly high.

When they reach the security of the other side and Daybreak has feet planted to firm stone again, Meros shyly offers a mangled apology in quiet Thalassian. He means it--even if he can’t say his rhotics right ever again.

The new look this earns from Daybreak is a lingering one, though the distant expression and neutral cant of ears remains. Meros thinks maybe it’s sort of searching. Or confused. He wouldn’t blame Daybreak for confusion. He knows exactly how he sounds, and it’s not just his accent in Thalassian that’s atrocious.

“Lianji mentioned this,” is said to him at length, and not unkindly.

His heart stutters in his chest, torn between anxious shame--and shameless gratitude.

“I’m not going to ask.”

Meros blinks slowly, his head canting sideways enough to be noticeable. It dredges out a laugh from Daybreak at last. Rusty as the blood elf’s voice. Twice as soft.

“I don’t care about what happened, here--” Daybreak reaches up and taps Meros on dull grey lips with metal fingers made too cold to be pleasant. Then promptly pantomimes throwing something aside. “--Or there, yesterday. I’m sure that’s rude of me, and I’m sure both things came from justly, tragic places.”

Daybreak stares off briefly into middle space. Starts to massage fingers into where grafted metal joins flesh. Finally says, more lowly, “We elves are good at that, aren’t we?”

Meros thinks of another elf with a false limb like this. Skin so deep red it makes Daybreak’s look white. An elf so small and so young and so full of spite, as much as with hope.

Meros airs out his grimace some more, masquerades it as another smile so it strains his hawkish face with his efforts.

“Yeah,” Daybreak agrees with a squint upward. “Sure as the sun, we are.”

Then with a roll of his strong shoulders in a careless shrug, Daybreak adds:

“Elves endure. We keep going. Like you and I should be. This way.”

Falling back into step slightly behind and to the side, Meros mulls over Daybreak’s comments while they take winding stairs down and down and down further. These fan out and circle at their end into a modest courtyard, penned in by a trickling moat and graced with a well-tended shrine.

He doesn’t really quite know what to think or feel about Daybreak’s easy dismissal or the deliberate omission. Others have been eager to draw out all the details; their appropriate noises of sympathy are always paid like some kind of ticket bought to a goblin’s sideshow. A part of it, Meros is sure, is morbid fascination. The need to share an othered experience for a few moments without the horror of actually living it all the time.

He decides it’s a relief: to not have to struggle through vocal explanations for once. For his handicap to simply be expected, adapted around, and moved on from to other things more pertinent and pressing.

It’s a little like being home with his partner. Abruptly, Meros has got another kind of smile slipping onto his face. It must be a particularly stupid and mooning one for how Daybreak eyes him even longer after they both stop at the centre of the stone shrine.

Feigning study of elegant coils chiseled out in the Jade Serpent’s image, Meros tries to school his face into something at least marginally less lovesick.

“That’s the closest thing to serenity,” Daybreak says next to him, “I’ve seen on you since you came here.”

It’s Meros’ turn now to look aside. He raises both bushy brows until the feathery tips quiver at bowed ends with their weight. He tries hard to make his unspoken question plain enough. He also tries just as hard not to give into the full-body blush threatening to heat him up from inside out at the thought of being observed so closely enough or for long enough that such words apply.

His effort works. He thinks. He isn’t laughed at and Daybreak takes half a step into Meros’ space. Close enough to jab a finger at him, just under his hooked nose.

“Whatever’s got you making that ridiculous dopey face--you should use it.”

He considers this even while reflexively leaning his head away for breathing room where Daybreak isn’t yielding it.

In faint puzzlement, Meros says, “My... fah-moh-ee?” like it’s half an answer, half a question. He watches the moment of struggle as Daybreak’s mouth moves to repeat what’s been awkwardly given. Meros is painfully familiar with this soundless shaping of the limited syllables he can actually voice and the old, disgusted shame threatens to creep back in.

Finally: “If that’s it.”

Which is vague enough it doesn’t tell Meros if Daybreak knows what was said or if pride just won’t allow admission.

Either way, the point’s been made. Daybreak withdraws, that finger kept levied in his direction with an unerring aim.

“Focus on what helps. The pandaren’ll all tell you meditation’s about clearing your thoughts. It is, and--it isn’t. They like to use breathing as their focus--didn’t work too well for you, did it?”

Ah. There it is. He can’t hold back the body blush or the shame now. Face burning in spite of the cold, Meros tucks his ears and tips his chin down until the puffy green bangs curling thickly at his forehead slide low to hide his eyes from view. The bound tails at either side of high cheekbones slip across his collarbone and dangle weighted before his chest.

“You’re not alone.”

He peeks through his hair at Daybreak. The blush gets worse just like he feared. It’s a dry awful heat spreading down his tattooed neck and up along his long, heavy ears.

Rather than clarify, Daybreak’s index finger slides to one side of Meros and draws his gaze with it. Ears rising some to swivel that way, Meros stares back up the winding steps and thinks of the ease in walking the path down to here.

“There’s a multitude of methods, Quicksand. You just have to find yours.”

Teeth clicking and lips thinning out, Meros counters dubiously with, “Whah if I cah-ah eveh fie ih?”

“If you can’t--? Oh. Tch.”

Silver-coin eyes tilt around to Daybreak, though Meros keeps his face angled to the steps.

“With that attitude, sure. Be hard to find, then.”

Reflexively, Meros shows his teeth again, and this time--Daybreak smiles, too. It’s reserved and small and done mostly with the eyes. Daybreak’s closed smile is comforting to Meros because it’s familiar. He almost asks:

Were you a soldier, once? Because it reminds him strongly of another just as reserved who smiled only with their eyes. Who always spoke kindly and encouraged him, too.

He doesn’t ask. He’s aware he’s desperate to chase away his loneliness in this remote peak surrounded by strangers.

But still.

He flicks the lighter greyed tips of his fingers from in front of his mouth on outward. As he tilts his left hand so that it fluidly presents from sign to outstretched palm held out and waiting, he forces out:

“Fhake Ou.”

“Sure,” Daybreak takes his hand and clasps Meros by his forearm with the other. “Let’s begin, yeah?”

The moment that he’s let go Meros bobs his chin--and his fist. He’s eager agreement in a wider flash of all his filed teeth with ears forward and quivering in anticipation.

“Yes.”

The smile Daybreak shares is kind and the blood elf’s not so terrible company either.

So maybe this teacher will like him.

#world of warcraft #blood elf #sin'dorei #night elf #kaldorei #quel'dorei #monk #hexfold glories: rawboned by 10k lies #yellow tomorrows #transparent stories #6oftext

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hornyfishprince · 6 years

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Tell me some of your favorite stories with your friends. I need good vibes my way!

Hey! Sorry this took a couple days to get to, but let’s see here… This is a very long story, and I apologize in advance.

A couple years ago, I went to my first anime convention with CactusoftheNight and yurukiturah (Cas and Cat respectively; try not get them mixed up). The three of us often refer to that event as “The No Chill Weekend” because shit just… kept happening.

Now, before this, I had never met either of them in real life, but Cas and I had met online a few years prior, and he’s known Cat since gradeschool. Cas and I were (and still are) way too into homestuck for our own good at the time, and while he’d been to this particular convention in Dallas, Texas numerous times neither of us had ever cosplayed. As you can imagine, our stars were aligned. Months of planning and prep, measuring, cutting, sewing, fabric paint, body paint, makeup, arm socks, paper clay, broken horns, a broken wand, experimenting with everything! Mistakes were made. Money was wasted. This is all before the actual convention weekend. We had no idea what we were in for.

Summer arrived, and it was finally time. I took a bus 800 miles from my sleepy little hometown in Illinois all the way to Dallas. It was my first time taking a bus, and my first time traveling alone. My bags had been packed meticulously carefully with all of my cosplay supplies, and I was a paranoid wreck whenever my luggage wasn’t gripped in my hands. Luckily the trip down was relatively uneventful. I rode overnight and arrived early in the morning, dazed from lack of sleep, but excited beyond belief.

Cas and his mom picked me up from the bus station and treated me to a nice breakfast at IHOP. I stayed at Cas’s place for the next two days while we did our final prep work for the con. We should’ve known then that it was going to be an interesting weekend. Neither of us had finished our armsocks (a crucial piece of costuming for any looking to transform into one of those candycorn motherfuckers), so it was now a race to get them done. We listened to Nightvale while we sewed, and that was about all we did for those days. It was hard work, but we didn’t care. We were going to be stepping into the skins of our favorite homestuck trolls (I was going as Eridan, and Cas was going as Gamzee), and we were high on the excitement of it all.

Then it was time to meet up with Cat. For the rest of the con weekend, we were staying in her dad’s condo, because it was the closest place we could stay to the convention without renting a hotel room (which we had no money for). The day before the con officially started people could come in and do their registration and then stay for a masquerade ball, which is exactly what we did. Cas and I had originally planned on cosplaying that night as well, just fancied up, but we didn’t have enough time to fuck around with all that facepaint. Also we still hadn’t finished the armsocks. I still wore my cape.

The cape was a mistake.

The chain holding it closed about my neck was flimsier than I had realized, and it snapped while we were trying to dance (badly, I might add, because we missed the dancing lessons they were supposed to hold earlier that day). The combination of a broken costume piece, a crowded ballroom, nothing to do, and my crippling anxiety issues led to us leaving early. We managed to fix my cape well enough that it would mostly hold together, but it still gave me grief for the rest of the weekend. We spent the rest of the night relaxing and playing CAH, and we still didn’t get our armsocks finished.

The next morning, we started the rush to get in costume. It took hours and a metric fuckton of baby powder, but our paint looked perfect and was sealed. Cas and I had only half of our armsocks done and since his arms were going to be more uncovered, we had to cut each of the finished arms into long gloves for him to wear, and then I got to paint my hands.

We had to take a few buses and then a train down to the hotel where the convention was being held, and then there was still a bit of walking to do on the way. I should mention at this point that Cat was in a long, black, leather trench coat - the garb of Org XIII from the Kingdom Hearts series. Cat is also very tall. Like a foot taller than Cas and I. We were a sight to behold. And behold us they did. You’d honestly be surprised how many people who don’t live immediately next to the hotel don’t know about the convention. Incredulous looks and questions abound.

On our way between the bus and the train, we stopped for a snowcone. An older gentleman questioned all three of us about our costumes, but he seemed the most enamored by mine, kept asking what I was supposed to be.

“A fish,” I replied simply, not knowing how else to explain (homestuck cannot be explained).

“Oh!” he responded, excitedly. “Well, swim all over me!”

The three of us laughed awkwardly and then our next bus arrived. I don’t think we’ll ever forget the “swim all over me” guy.

That first day was amazing. A-kon is the oldest anime convention in the united states, and it shows. Until recently, it was held at the Hilton-Anatole in Dallas, which is where we were that weekend, and it is a beautiful event. So many people in so many fandoms coming together in one spot. The dealer’s room and artist alley had so much to display you could hardly get through it all. We didn’t go to any panels, but everything we did do was worth the time we spent.

The first two days were busy and tiring, but fun, and not a disaster. But on the night of the second day, things took a turn. It started when Cas and I decided to stay for a panel that was being held a bit late. Unfortunately this meant we missed the Rocky Horror showing, but they do that every year and we planned on being back, so we figured we weren’t missing too much. In the interest of not dragging out this story anymore than it already is, I’ll spare the details on the panel we went to, but know that Cat couldn’t go with us because she wasn’t old enough at the time. This left her alone, and it was getting late before the panel ended, so eventually Cas and I had to rejoin her so we could head home before the trains stopped running.

Nerves were already a bit frayed at this point, as we were all sore and tired, and the walk to the train station was not a short one. When we made it to the ticket kiosk, the train was already pulling in and stopping. In our rush to get our tickets and get on the train, Cas’s backpack was left open and several things fell out. We realized this after another passenger handed him his phone charger. I had Cas check for my wallet (I had no pockets that could hold it) and sure enough it was gone.

Panic set in.

At the train’s next stop, a few blocks down the road, we got off and before we could so much as think, Cas was handing me his backpack and sprinting off back to the other station. I was still freaking out, and took off after him without thinking. Poor Cat stayed behind, alone again (I am still so sorry about that, oh my god). I wasn’t fast enough to keep up and soon lost sight of him, but continued on at a walking pace, knowing I would catch up eventually.

Meanwhile, Cas was running on. If you’ve never seen a chubby alien juggalo running straight at you with a look of sheer determination on their face, you can’t really know exactly how the people downtown felt when they saw Cas approaching that night. He searched all over the platform. He asked everyone who happened to be there waiting for the train if they had seen my wallet. They all stammered and shook their heads, perplexed by the urgent request from the strange grey man. “Was that Satan?!” Cas heard one of them exclaim as he was leaving them to ask the next bystander.

I was still on my way, alone, in a city I’d never known. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, but too scared to turn back at this point. A stranger spoke up from the darkness behind me, and I nearly jumped out of my shitty painted shoes. Luckily he was nice, and apologized for scaring me. He walked with me to the train stop, asking me about my costume and why I was out dressed like that so late. I gave him a brief rundown.

Just before making it to the train station, Cas crossed the street and met up with us, defeat and physical exertion coloring his face. We both had tears in our eyes at this point, and now we had to get back to Cat and figure out what to do. The stranger walked with us for a bit longer to make sure we would be okay before parting ways.

We eventually made it back. Cas called my dad for me and I explained through shaking sobs what had happened. My driver’s license, my debit card, and about $60 cash were now gone, and I was a 19-year-old in a city far from home. Anything worse that had ever happened to me before had involved physical injury. My dad agreed to call the bank asap and cancel my debit, and then we’d have to figure out my driver’s license when I got back. Cat called her parents, and they reimbursed me for the lost cash.

The three of us stood and waited for the next train. Some rando with a skateboard walked by and shouted at us something along the lines of “You guys wanna fuck me? I’d fuck me!” Still not sure if he was high as shit or just weird, but you gotta be pretty brave to solicit what appear to be a dark sorceress and the demons she summoned. At the time, we were too stressed to be amused by this, and if he hadn’t shut up and gone away, I honestly think we would’ve thrown down.

So the train arrives and we board. I’m still drying my eyes, and my two friends are doing a good job trying to calm me down. Eventually the train picks up some more passengers and we’re treated to a lovely conversation with some very drunk girls (and one guy, who happened to look like Matt Smith) who had just gotten back from a country music concert. They told us all how nice our costumes were, and we explained about the convention and how I’d lost my wallet. We showed them some cool stuff we’d bought at the con, including an Ouran Highschool Host Club poster I got, which, after seeing, they proceeded to tell Cat she looked like Honey. Drunk girls who go out of their way to be friendly and cheer you up give me life, tbh.

But eventually we get to our stop. And by now the buses have stopped running, as we knew they would, so now we have to walk. Unfortunately, Cat underestimated the distance from the train station to her dad’s condo. It was about 4 miles. I once walked about 3 miles for a school event once, and, as someone who doesn’t walk regularly, it was rough. There was nothing for it, though; we had to walk.

My heels were already starting to blister just from all the walking we’d done at the con. Cas was in mostly the same boat. Our shoes were not good for this at all. On top of it all, we were hungry, thirsty, and our bladders were full. There were no sidewalks for most of the trip, so we had to keep to the side and stay vigilant for cars. And even with light pollution and nearby buildings, I realized that night just how unnervingly dark a street with no street lights can get. People talk about liminal spaces on this site a lot, and I can tell you that entire night felt liminal.

Eventually we decided we needed to stop the first chance we got, and that came in the form of a gas station. Let me set the scene. It was on a corner, as gas stations tend to be. By this time we had made it to a small business district. There were definitely other buildings around, I think we even passed a Jack In The Box or similar establishment shortly before, but as I recall this, the gas station, the lot it was on, the road, and the cemetery (I’m not making this up) on the side of the road we were on all felt alone in an abyss of night.

I feel I should reiterate at this point exactly what we all looked like to set up this next part. Cat is 6 feet tall and mostly just looks like herself, but she is wearing a long, black leather trenchcoat. Cas and I are both roughly one foot shorter. We’re both painted grey and have yellow-orange horns on our heads. And Cas has his face painted white over the grey in a clown-makeup patter. Oh, and he has deep purple claw marks painted on over that. We’ve been walking for a while and we’ve been through some shit tonight, so we look a little disheveled. Did I mention we’re approaching out of the dark from the direction of a cemetery?

We cross the road, relieved that all the lights are on and it looks like we’re going to get to use the bathroom and have a little snack to keep us going for the last leg of the journey. We cross the lot and go and into the store, only to find… No one is there.

“Hello?” We call out. “Is anyone here? Are you open?”

From the back hallway we hear some movement, and out come two young adults, a man and a woman, probably only a year or two older than us. If I remember right, one of them was holding a broom. Fear was plain on their faces.

“Y’all scared us!” They said.

Oh my god… they thought we were demons.

We quickly apologized and asked if they had a bathroom. They were too stunned at first to really register what we were asking for, and just kept prodding us with questions. “What’re y’all doin out here?” “Is your skin really grey????” “Why are you dressed like that?”

We did our best to answer quickly and politely, but Cas and I were nearly bursting at this point, so we reiterated that a bathroom was urgently needed. They showed us the one bathroom in the place. It was small, and cramped, and the “door” was basically a piece of plywood you had to pick up and slide out of the way, which technically had a functioning lock… in theory at least. We did our business quickly, me first and then Cas, and while one relieved themselves, the other two stayed out and talked to the workers, trying our best to calm them down and assure them that no, we aren’t actually demons, they’re just costumes, there’s a convention in town.

We finished up, got our snacks (I think I got a snickers bar and a cherry pepsi), and then went on our way. We got back to Cat’s place without much more fuss and promptly passed out. The next morning we still got up and cosplayed for the last day of the convention. Cas’s horns broke, and we spent the last of our time at the con hanging out with some other homestucks who tried (to no avail) to help us fix them.

Then Cas and I went back to his place, we packed our stuff, and then he went back up to Illinois with me for a little less than a week. We started dating that summer. It’s been almost two and a half years since that weekend and we just got married at the end of October.

And that’s one of the best stories of my friends that I have.

I am so sorry this couldn’t have been shorter. Thank you for the ask!

#long post #cactusofthenight #yurukiturah #friend story #this took like three hours to type I don't even care

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