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midnightanxietytm · 9 days

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The rites of spring

Summary: Amidst the spring rites, Narinder learns something about his usurper.

"What could that mean? Had the Lamb not taken a consort during the previous fertility rituals? That was very unbecoming, it should be a God’s duty to bestow such blessings upon their followers…"

Author’s Note: So, before starting, a few things just for context: Since i'm not really into anthro, the lamb and their respective followers have human forms and wear animal masks that correspond to their role in the cult; The lamb is the leader obv, cats are “keepers of the house” aka they are organizers/overseers of other tasks, crows are gatherers, moles are miners so on so forth.

Also, I’ve imagined that as The Lamb, after achieving godhood, has a face that’s perfect to an unsettling and undescribable degree and that only the ex-bishops can actually look at them unmasked for more than a few seconds.

Also also, Masks, man! I love the concept of masks that both hide and reveal identity, don’t you?

Contents/warnings: Narilamb being toxic yaoi/yuri. This author is self-indulgently using the sex update for content. Non-explicit sex (aka we fade to black because i got lazy). Some angst. Mention of spouse death. Pinning, banter and all that fun stuff

Dividers by @/cafekitsune

“I wonder if our glorious leader will give anyone the honor of spending the night with them this time…” Muttered one of the Crow-masked followers, and Narinder frowned upon hearing it.

What could that mean? Had the Lamb not taken a consort during the previous fertility rituals? That was very unbecoming, it should be a God’s duty to bestow such blessings upon their followers… Maybe Narinder should take this as an opportunity; point out their flaws, make them uncertain, shake their foundation… Yes, surely that was the intention behind him making his way to the fields, where the Lamb-masked deity stood, casually talking with their followers.

Said followers, upon seeing the former god approach, promptly bowed to their leader and left quickly. Narinder was still proud of that, even decades after losing his godhood, they still avoided him in fear, yes, surely that thug in his heart was pride… This new mortal body of his was confusing sometimes…

The Lamb sighed upon seeing their followers flee, but turned to Narinder with a soft smile; “Yes, Narinder?”

The former deity put on a cheeky grin; “I heard you won’t take a partner for tonight’s ritual…” He said, softly dragging out his words. “Your followers are feeling uneasy…” An exaggeration, but a necessary one, it doesn’t matter if the followers were still as loyal as ever, Narinder would make sure to point each and every flaw until they weren’t.

So the giggle his usurper let out in the face of that treat came as a surprise. “Really, is that your pick for today? Okay then, your complaint is registered, Nari.” They said with a soft laugh. “You are free to go for today, We’ll begin soon.” And they left, just like that…

Usually, Narinder would retire to his tent sooner for the Fertility Ritual, along with his siblings. That year though, he chose a hill a little further away from the main clearing, sat down, and chose to watch from afar.

The dances began right after the sun was down; a large bonfire was lit, drums resonated, and beyond it all, The Lamb was sat on a large, elevated wooden throne, and on the opposite side of the valley, Narinder stared at them.

The hours dragged, the activities and celebrations getting more lewd by the moment, and to Narinder’s surprise, from up the hill, he saw his brother, Leshy, leave his own tent, grab the attention of a follower with a orange cat mask, and disappear with them behind the temple. Ew.

Narinder looked back to the Usurper; now they had one leg thrown over the throne armrest, mask lifted and resting on top of their head, their ethereal features full on display, but none of the followers were paying attention, all either asleep from their exhaustion already, or engaged on lascivious displays with one another.

And they both watched, Lamb’s kaleidoscope eyes hooded, a small, satisfied smile on their face, as if their follower’s pleasure was their own… And maybe it was, Narinder couldn’t know; The Lamb had more domains than he had even at the height of his godhood, he chose not to follow that train of thought.

The night went on, then passed. The sun would be rising in about two or three hours, and by now most followers had either retreated to their shelters—most with a partner, so their fun would continue—, or fell asleep around the dying bonfire. The former god rose from his watching spot, and crossed the large clearing with slow steps. He jumped over sleeping, naked bodies, and climbed over to his new deity’s thone.

“You didn't take a lover tonight after all…” He said, and again, the deity laughed.

“So you were just curious after all?” Narinder chose not to give an answer, but The lamb didn’t desire one anyway. “This existence you doomed me to, Narinder, is a lonely one, you should know.” They mused, though there was no hint of sadness on their face, it was a mere observation.

Narinder growled either way; “I doomed you to it? Need I remind you that it was you who took it by force?!” He grabbed the back of the throne forcefully, leaning over the god laid down on the seat.

“I don’t mean godhood, Nari,” Says the lamb, laughing yet again, their eyes hooded, their soft smile never leaving. Utterly infuriating. “I mean immortality… I’ve taken a few lovers before, but they all left me, they die, whether of age or of their own volition, so why try?” The deity then reached both their arms towards him, hugging him by the shoulders, Narinder had to prop his knee on the throne as the Lamb refused to let him go.

“Mortals die, Lamb, that shouldn’t bring you pain, you are weak if it does.” He whispered tauntingly, but the usurper’s face still did not falter.

“I guess…” Hummed the Lamb; “But we both know that gods die too, even if just by the hands of another, and so what’s left for us?” Their hands slid upwards, from his shoulders, to his neck, then his face, where they took off Narinder’s mask and carefully placed it aside.

“That’s a fool’s conundrum, Lamb.” Narinder snarled. And only then, their smile fell, and they sighed heavily.

“I don’t know why I thought you’d understand,” Their hands left his body, cold, and they grabbed the black cat mask, holding it as if made of gold, staring longly at it. “even imprisoned you had Aym and Baal, before that, for better or for worse, you had your siblings…” They carefully placed the mask back on his face. “Leave, Narinder, The one Who Waits. If you must think me a fool, then so be it.”

And out of all the outlandish things Lamb said to him in those decades since his defeat, this is what took him back the most, this blatant dismissal of his opinion of them was something he wouldn't stand by. He growled again and spoke his mind; “You think you can just dismiss me like that?! Don’t forget I was a god before you, I am your predecessor!”

And his former vessel simply sighed and stood up, forcing Narinder to take a step back. “Narinder, can you honestly say you miss your godhood? Because as far as I’m aware, I’ve taken a huge burden off your shoulders, along with the chains on your wrists…” They then reached again for him, but now to pull him roughly by the back of his neck, until their faces were inches apart. “And you have eternity with me in order to learn to appreciate it.”

Then they let go and promptly turned to leave, and it was the second time in a very short timeframe where Narinder was left stunned by the damned lamb. Utterly infuriating. Narinder turned around quickly and grabbed the darned usurper by the arm. He had to say something, had to give a comeback, something, anything, to shut them up.

Yet nothing came out.

He looked at the crown, resting on the Lamb’s head, and for the first time, the sight didn’t infuriate him. “At least take a partner for the next ritual. When you’re immortal, you have to move with the time.” He said after a moment of silence. “Besides, whoever you choose will surely be grateful…”

The lamb spun on their heels with a smile, all of a sudden. “Whoever I chose would be grateful?” And Narinder knew that cheeky smile better than he’d like to admit. “What if I chose you?” Came the dreadfully anticipated honeyed words.

The former god made sure to keep his expression plain as he slid his hand down their arm and granted their hand, kissing their hand. “I would be honored, my God.” He much preferred this type of teasing, he could deal with this better than the dismissal and nonchalant attitude his little lamb would sometimes display.

The usurper hummed softly, their usual smile back to their face, they pulled their mask back over their face, and Narinder felt as if pulled into a trance, one he had allowed himself to be put under, he regretted nothing. “The night is still young, my darling.” They said, and Narinder allowed himself to be pushed into sitting on the throne himself, and happily allowed the Lamb to straddle them.

Suffice to say the haze from the ritual had not yet passed, and no one would dare prevent a god from enjoying it too. Narinder surely wouldn’t.

And by the time morning came they were already apart, Narinder in his shelter as if he never left in the first place, and Lamb diligently helping their followers through the afterglow of the ritual.

By mid-day, when they gathered for a sermon and a feast in celebration of the successful ritual, Narinder heard a rabbit-masked follower gossip that during the haze of the night, they thought the Lamb had taken a lover, and they might have been delirious, but they still commented that in his mind, their Leader had the most ethereal body, and made the most beautiful sounds in the heights of pleasure.

And Narinder agreed in silence, but that was no one’s business.

Author’s Note²: Yay my first COTL fic! I quite like it, but expect me to play around with their characterization a bit in the next ones. I especially want to give a shot to cannibalism as a metaphor for love, as one does. Hope my interpretation of them in human form with masks wasn’t a dealbreaker for yall, but i can barelly describe normal body language, much less antho body language, I’ll give it a shot too, soon.

Anyways, that’s it for today, thanks for reading and feel free to give me some kind criticism if ya want! Byee!

#midnight writes #taking requests #fanfic writing #cult of the lamb #cotl #cult of the lamb au #cotl au #narilamb #cotl narinder #cotl lamb #narinder x lamb #god of death lamb #these bitches gay #and a little toxic #good for them #toxic yaoi

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markcampbells · 23 days

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"Whatever might be happening, now or in the future, it doesn't change how I see you." "Doesn't it?" Qifrey's hand, before idly tracing patterns on his pants leg, tenses, balls into a fist and tugs at the fabric. "You're here to be a Watchful Eye. Not a nursemaid." "I'm here to be your partner." Apparently that doesn't go quite as without saying as he'd imagined. "You think very little of me if you assume this could break an entire life made together." Olruggio learns of the pain Qifrey has been enduring of late, but Qifrey won't concede to being helped quite so easily. (This fic is set pre-canon but does deal directly with the reveal in Volume 7/Chapter 40. Please be advised of spoilers!) content warnings are in the fic notes

Hello, friends! Woe, my new fandom be upon ye. Thanks to @excavatinglizard asking me how many times I thought Olruggio has realized Qifrey's secret, we now have This Fucking Thing in the world. Hurt/comfort, angst, the toxic yaoi all the kids are talking about. You're welcome.

#olrufrey #qifrey #olruggio #witch hat atelier #tongari boushi no atelier #fanfiction #my writing #my fanfiction #i'm proud of this but also i never want to look at it again and i made myself sad #i keep staring at the olrufrey art on the back of the kitchen volumes like ENJOY YOUR DATE NIGHT I GUESS YOU PRICK #let's just say qifrey is a problematic fave #this is qifrey i don't understand him but i fucking get him #sometimes you just gotta be a toxic self-isolating girly

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tokillamockingbird427 · 2 months

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Thank you for filling the ghost husbands tag 🫡 doing God's work. Endless enjoyment. 10/10

Thank you, it's a hobby I love. Toxic/divorced old man yaoi upon ye.

#call of duty #call of duty ghosts #elias walker #gabriel rorke #ghost husbands #beloved anon

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seth-burroughs · 8 months

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Yomi be upon ye (with some makoyomi sprinkled in because of fucking course) (i used considerable amounts of restraint not to put dad yard in there. in have won the battle against dad yard.) (hellxander toxic yaoi playlist also in the works but i am currently in an ongoing battle with the part of me that wants to put everytime we touch in there so this will take a while) (this was a thing I just made for myself first and foremost so if it isn't catered specifically to your tastes don't get mad at me) (anyway. off to pace now.)

#added both spotify/yt links because i only ever use yt for music but people really like spotify for some reason #so!#mine #rain code #yomi hellsmile #playlist #I will provide no explanations for any of the songs in there. The reason I put them here is a secret. I'm a little secret keeper

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esa-marie · 6 days

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I like making spotify playlists so heres a masterlist.

I'm still updating a ton of these and if you have any suggestions for characters/ prompts i would love to hear it

Fandom:

Shirt music with success of upon people || Flesh Cousin || Regretevator

Mostly compiled of songs that are utter nonsense, or fit the idea of a disconnect between your mind and your body.

Toxic construction Yaoi || Mannequin mark and Wallter || Regretevator

Songs that are pining, but also sad. bc divorce.

I just love to dance || Big Mama || ROTTMNT

Big Mama talks about dancing a lot in rottmnt. I threw in lots of girl disco and some more evil-vibed songs, ofc. (I love her sm im a #1 big mama defender)

FUCK YES! || Karlach || BG3

Karlach's story means so much to me. lots of songs to do with fire/ inevitability/ general badassery.

Fate spins along as it should || Withers || BG3

This one is the most WIP bc im sourcing a lot of the songs from old 13th century manuscripts, which is harder than it sounds.

Various White Knight Chronicles Playlists ( Cisna , Ceasar , Eldore , Yulie , Leonard , Kara , Setti/Grazel ). Since the fandom is actually incredibly small I might make a separate post for their playlists.

OC and others under cut!

'What is it?' 'Home.' || Zael Stormveil || BG3 tav

Zael is my first tav when I started playing BG3. Im developing her more as I play, and started a tag for her on this blog

Was I sweet once? || Anatasios || BG3 Durge

Even though I havent finished my Zael run, I started a Durge run. Still more WIP than other playlists, and is about resist!Durge

Comin' atcha live from Avalonia! :3 || Elliot || LBP OC

Elliot, also known as console kitty, is a tv celebrity in avalonia! Ill spare you the rest of their lore for now, but their playlist is full of silly goofy songs, and songs about not feeling good enough, for whatever reason :)

Spidersona [Spider: Null] || Eve || Project Eden

My spidersona universe (Project:Eden) uses a different titling scheme than my other playlists. Anyway, Eve was a computer program who was ejected into reality. She now has to figure out how to be a human, and what being a human really is.

The Lizard || Lilith || Project Eden

Eve's best friend, who knew her when she was just a program on a laboratory computer. She has a corruption arc :3 (dw she gets better. Kinda.) gentle songs, and some not-so gentle songs

Doc Ock || 'Ock || Project Eden

A scientist who was employed at the same facility Eve was created. calculating, colhearted, cynical. at least for now (enemies to lovers??? P). Science songs and love songs, ofc

The Goblin || Goby || Project Eden

His tagline is "Imitations Limitations"-- a fish man cyborg amalgamation that was trying desperately to mimic the structures of pre-awakened Eve. But, that didn't go well, for him or the scientists. Not nonsense, but definitely songs that teeter on insane.

You said you know a guy? || Vance || Rottmnt OC

Vance is a scavenger, they go above the hidden city and 'scavenge' for things to sell below. Energy is his name, an he lives up to it.

You dont know me. || The Ghosts Official Playlist

I have several WIP projects, and Pastries and a Poltergeist is one of them. The ghost inhabits this old, run down, 70s house and is trying to get Maya to move out. but she wont. Melancholy 70s

I need this. || Maya Dufour's Official Playlist

Recent college graduate, she's about to find out why this house was insanely cheap. Stubborn. WIP.

This is a story about beginnings || The Librarian's Official playlist.

Ill spare the story for The Dead World for now, but The librarians playlist is a lot of epic orchestral and some medival songs sprinkled in.

Squash and Stretch || Cross || AVA/AVM OC

Living in-between a sketched figure and a stick figure, Cross is ever stuck in limbo. lots of video game songs/ songs to pick them up.

GameDev!Donnie || TMNT SONA Official Playlist

Gamedev is stuck in the world of video games for now. He doesnt mind a ton, although he misses his brothers sometimes. Filled with upbeat/happy video game songs

Monsters? That's Outrageous! || Gwen || Doors OC

WIP, but songs relating to the timeloop shes stuck in or the game itself.

Got it!! || Tracey || White Knight Chronicles OC

Songs for when your not the main character but still trying to be useful.

Technically I have more OC playlists but I think that's good for now ahjhkdbSAhkadk

Other

GET SHIT DONE (via killer video game soundtracks)

Over 40 hours of video game music (as soon as i finish a game it gets shoved into this playlist. I might reduce it in the future but I like the absurdity of how big it is)

She blinded me... WITH SCIENCE!!! || Silly songs about science

Specifically songs referring to science. This started as a Donatello playlist but then i fully committed to the bit. This is also technically my most popular playlist for some reason lmao.

A New Ghost Town

WIP playlist for a fanfic I may never make (each song is supposed to be representative of a chapter/ the chapter titles) (if you wanna know its dp and Gravity falls crossover)

Again, you'll see more playlists than this on my account (shared) But heres the tip of the iceberg :)

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stinkytrashman · 8 days

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old man yaoi?

ahh yes, my old men who kiss and are sad gaze upon them

on the right is Dr. Michael Stunt and on the left is Dr. Stephan Hedge

Stephan and Michael are surgeons at the same hospital, Stephan is a neurosurgeon and Michael is a pedeatrition. They’ve been married for 15 years, but kept their own last names because it would be confusing to have 2 surgeons in the hospital with the same name. They’re each others people, and have gone through thick and thin together. One day on a coffee run for the both of them, Stephan gets into a car crash with a semi truck and gets covered head to toe with some sort of toxic sludge. He wakes up in the hospital, confused and disoriented, and the first thing he notices is that for some reason everyone has glowing lights around their heads. Stephan’s hallucinations only get worse; he hears people who don’t exist talk to him, the walls are continually moving, and he sees “demons”. Along with his hallucinations he has constant paranoia, vivid nightmares and extreme emotions. Everything is really hard for Michael, and he tries to be there for his husband, but his method of coping is locking himself in his office and trying to find a cure for Stephan. Him and his friends- also doctors- are trying desperately to find a way to get rid of Stephan’s symptoms so he doesn’t have to quit his job, but Stephan knows he doesn’t have much time left.

That’s my old man yaoi aren’t they so sweet

#oc #original character #oc lore #lore dump #the sillies

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ollyou · 3 months

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It’s kind of funny because I’m always drawing olly either slightly annoyed or even straight up happy, but in actuality, I still think the guy’s a bit crazy!

Referring to my own interpretation of olly, i’ll be calling him colly… but yeah. Sometimes i think to myself about how funny the range of his emotions are because in the events of PMTOK (the “canon” part of the game), I interpret him to be EXTREMELY mentally unstable, only getting worse the further Mario and co. get on their way to him.

(Putting the rest under the cut because I ramble a LOT about colly)

Colly’s typically more reserved, albeit full of himself. He’s still a bit of an asshole and can even be cruel (enough to essentially try killing his own sister), but is more calm about it. It’s when he’s been especially ticked off that he becomes very violent. When he has outbursts, they’re extreme ones— full-on lashing out against whoever has upset him enough to invoke his wrath. He’d love to watch his enemies become torn to shreds, over and over again until they’re specks of dust on the ground.

It’s something I find really interesting. Colly’s VERY cold and lacks sympathy for anyone. All he cares about are his own ambitions. It’s like, imagine dating this guy! You shouldn’t. That would not be very pleasant. He’s sadistic and wishes for nothing but suffering upon his foes. He doesn’t treat people for who they are— he sees most of those he likes as objects, made for him to tinker with and form into his ideal image of them. Not for their benefit, but for himself. He’s analytical of others when not upset, and when he is properly upset, he pretty much blacks out and is consumed by his own rage. He crumples and tears and smothers those in his way until someone is either trapped or dead. It’s almost as if he’s another person, controlled by emotion and nothing more.

But that’s what I love about writing him. He invokes the most passionate and strong feelings when trying to portray him properly, and it’s interesting to try and get into the mind of someone so horribly screwed up. He’s someone you absolutely do not want to be, but someone who may embody the emotions you want to hide away, the emotions that distress and horrify you. A bit sociopathic, in some ways…?

He’s got some mental issues that need to be addressed, HAHA (and yes, ofc it’s okay if I say that— I’ve got mental issues too). My awful screwed up guy I hate but adore and love at the same time.

And I’ve already gone over it before, but… it’s like, “If he’s so awful and feels almost nothing for others, then why is Colly dating Solly?” aside from their relationship starting from a joke.

Well, I’ll answer it again: it’s because in a way, that IS Colly. It IS Olly. It’s someone only who, in the whole wide world, could understand Colly to the absolute maximum. Despite bickering at the beginning, they got close.

It’s a bit messed up too, when you think about it, huh…? Two mentally unstable older teens / young adults getting into a relationship because they feel they’re the only ones who understand each other in the whole universe. Is this what they call “toxic yaoi”…?

Well, they develop their relationship later on and become a lot more healthy. It’s because they’re both narcissists, only being capable of loving themselves, despite all the hatred they harbor towards what was done to their bodies by their creators, too… and when they finally awake from their evil deliriums, they’re able to fully enjoy themselves without any of the strange dependency they developed towards one another while fighting to fold those 1000 cranes.

Basically, I love Colly. I love awful, screwed up, crazy, mentally unstable characters. I love the psychological aspect of it. I love Olly.

#rambling #paper mario the origami king #pmtok #king olly #paper mario #pmtok au #pmtok olly #👑colly #💜OLLY^2!

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venusluvrr · 3 years

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The Psychological Horror Manhwa “Killing Stalking” is not a Romance, but an Emotional Series Depicting the Codependent Relationship Between Two Ill Individuals

Content Warning!!: contains mentions of sexual abuse (rape) and mental illness.

Killing Stalking is an immensely twisted webcomic series, mainly popular within the Yaoi community for its boy on boy focused plotline. The story follows characters Yoon Bum (Bum), a shy, scrawny young man with a haunting past filled with abuse, and Oh Sangwoo (Sangwoo), a younger man who also has a quite damaging upbringing but masks it perfectly with his vibrant, extroverted personality. After being saved from a rape attempt during his time serving in the military, Bum develops a crush on his saviour, Sangwoo, from which an unhealthy obsession starts to arise and he eventually finds himself locating and breaking into the man’s home one day when he’s out. When he does, he discovers a terribly injured woman being held captive in his basement, and with further evidence, soon comes to the realization that his crush is actually a serial killer -- hence the name “Killing Stalking,” as Sangwoo kills and Bum stalks. For a very specific reason though, Sangwoo decides not to kill the man that had been stalking him, and instead holds him hostage in his custody. From here, the story goes into exceeding depth of the abnormal, toxic, and manipulative relationship the two form during their time spent together. By just the mere description of it, it’s a bit concerning to know that a large portion of readers still support Sangwoo and Bum’s relationship. In other words, they believe they truly loved each other and that the story was not only horror fiction but a romance as well. One could easily come to this conclusion by basing their relationship on the few parts within the novel where they showed affection towards each other -- for example when Bum allows Sangwoo to hug him to sleep when he suffered through the night, or my personal favourite, when Sangwoo buys Bum a stuffed frog keychain after finding out that he had an affinity for such creatures. But we cannot simply dismiss the underlying factors of their relationship because of some cute things they did that made our heart melt -- Sangwoo still abused Bum at his leisure which makes those moments quite meaningless in the sense of it all. What Sangwoo and Yoonbum shared can’t be classified as “love,” because even with their peculiar bond and endearing moments, the psychological damage they both endured played a bigger part in the way they perceived each other.

Many toxic relationships start out lovely and glamorous until the couple have become comfortable enough to start revealing some bad habits, but in Sangwoo and Bum’s case, they were already off to a bad start, as the reason they remained with each other was solely for reasons pertaining to their poor mental health.

At the time Sangwoo saved Bum in the military, Bum still suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) -- a disorder he inferrably developed due to the fact that he grew up being constantly physically and sexually abused by the people around him. People with this illness may easily develop an infatuation for a person who shows them even the least bit of care; It can reach the point where they begin to idolize them and see them almost as a perfect human being -- which is exactly how Bum viewed Sangwoo after he helped him to escape a rape attempt. The likely specific term for what Sangwoo was to Bum is a Favourite Person (FP). To an individual suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, their FP is everything -- their self-worth, identity and emotional dependency all rely on this one person, making them the center of their lives. In contrast to this sincere fondness, the only reason Sangwoo kept Bum alive was because of the man’s resemblance to his late mother -- the one person in his life who he truly loved. While his father was abusive and negligent, his mother tried her best to care for her son even while her own mental stability wasn’t so great either. Even though it was implied that he was responsible for the murder of both his mother and father in high school -- getting away with it scotch-free because of how perfectly executed his plan was -- he still shared a special bond with the woman, allowing her existence follow and continue to torutue him mentally as he grew older. When he saw Yoonbum, he felt as if she had been somewhat resurrected, or at least he could pretend so by dressing him up in his mother’s clothes and making him cook and do the chores; He also played the husband role by abusing and assaulting Bum just as his father did to his mother -- mostly just out of his own nature. Sangwoo had his own issues, “mommy issues,” and he initially needed to keep Bum alive so he could fulfill his own longing desires. Knowing the man’s character though, things wouldn’t end there and instead headed down a very gruesome and frightful path.

The very reasons that the two were drawn to each other we’re even more evident the longer they lived under the same roof. While Yoonbum continued to recall the perfect image he had of Sangwoo in his head, Sangwoo continued to manipulate the man in order to satisfy his own needs. A healthy relationship cannot be based on deceit, because one person will end up victimized instead of loved.

Oh Sangwoo is a sadistic sociopath with a history of kidnapping, abusing, raping and torturing innocent people, and because of his illness, he shows feels and shows no remorse for his actions and even proceeds to kill off his victims as they pleaded in objection. What some people don’t understand is that when Sangwoo met Bum, the only reason he treated him differently was not because he thought of him as special, but because he had a personal agenda that included making Bum think that was the truth and that he was indeed the favoured victim among many. It’s no surprise with the man’s manipulative personality that he would enjoy planting a lie in Bum’s head to make him stay and continue to do as he says, and this is confirmed whenever he returned back to his old destructive habits even after showing the man acts of affection. Yes, Sangwoo spared Bum’s life, clothed him and fed him, but as their bond grew, his narcissistic attitude was still more apparent than ever.

Upon meeting Bum for the first time, Sangwoo didn’t hesitate to aggressively break his ankles to prevent his mobility, he left the man within the dark confinement of his basement for a certain period of time before letting him out only after he had gained his trust. He made him sit in a chair to wash dishes and make dinner because he could no longer stand. Sangwoo also constantly dragged Bum down with derogatory words and statements every chance he could get, this included calling him a “retard,” and referring to him as a “disgusting” and “filthy” human being. As confirmed by the author, Sangwoo is also heterosexual, which is further proved by the homophobic remarks he made towards a significantly older man who was sexually attracted to him while murdering him with Bum’s aid. This fact alone is another one that should justify a strong point that demonstrates the true hostility of their relationship -- Yoonbum never gave his consent to have sex with Sangwoo, nor did he allow it to happen because “he wanted it.” He specifically used phrases such as, “No,” “Stop,” and “It hurts,” implying that sometimes there was no mutual agreement when they had sex and Sangwoo had actually raped him several times.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder have been reported to have difficulties seeing the faults in their partner -- this explains why Bum still held on to him. He chose to stay when he had the chance to escape, and with tears rolling down his face from excruciating pain he still told Sangwoo he loved him. In a scene where Bum is left alone with the police as they investigate the suspicions they have surrounding him, he questions them saying, “Could you kiss somebody like me? Could you love somebody like me?” As he believes nobody but Sangwoo could answer yes to those two questions, convinced that Sangwoo really does have feelings for him. It’s saddening to know that the poor man had successfully been lured into a trap, and because of his mental health it would be much harder for him to realize it.

To the readers that think, “Sangwoo and Yoonbum needed each other,” -- You’re not completely wrong. They did need each other in the way that they found somewhat of a saneness from each other’s presence, each using one another to each other’s benefit. But being together at the same time built on their insanity, as the presence of Sangwoo’s mother seemed to grow even more prevalent with Bum, who resembled her, also in the picture, and Yoonbum growing so unhealthily attached to Sangwoo that he constantly feared of abandonment and turned the sociopath into the only source of his happiness. They needed each other, but not for the right reasons. They were attached to each other, but there was no love, otherwise it would reflect throughout the story. One of the most debate-worthy scenes that challenge this fact is when Sangwoo is reported by an old lady in the hospital, the one that had ended his life, that he was calling out Bum’s name throughout the night as he lay in his deathbed. Those were his final words, and Yoonbum’s final word was also Sangwoo’s name before he was very well implied to have been hit by a car while he chased an illusion of the man he “loved.” Even I almost felt that this was solid proof that even through the tough and terrible of their relationship, deep inside, the two really were in love but could not express it in the right way due to their mental health issues -- after all, what someone makes of their final moments before death is much more meaningful than most of what they've done in their life entirely. But I came to realize that the only way I could support this relationship would be if they had met in an alternate universe where they did not suffer from such dreadful childhood trauma that made them into the hurting individual they had become before meeting each other. As difficult as it is for me to picture the two with different partners, it would be best if the two had not met at all as they only fed into the severity of their conditions.

#killing stalking #sangwoo #yoonbum #yaoi #horror #manhwa

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