#totally confusing but also really good

[goldensunset]

amazes me that people can remember information about routes in pokémon games. like ‘i loooove route 217 ❤️’ ‘route 209 has such a banger theme!!!’ ‘have you made it to route 225?’ ‘you can find this rare pokémon on route 210!’ bestie those are numbers. those are just numbers to me how do you remember which area is which. i think i have a general idea of most of them but i still have to look them up every time i need to refer to them in conversation

#of course i know some of them #but a lot of them are like uhhh #they do count up of course but it’s not like the map is a perfectly linear thing #how am i supposed to keep track of all those. please just name placed actual names #another reason i love pla the map locations are names and not numbers!!! goodness. #paldea is like. ok there are a total of four giant provinces simply and aptly named after the four cardinal directions #easy enough #however the sub-areas are once again. numbers. #and because once again a map is not a linear thing those numbers aren’t helpful #also the way they’re spread out makes no sense. the south province is huuuuge with six different areas #yeah uhh area six and area five are on opposite sides of the map!!! why. #i think they’re listed like that based on how early they expect you to get there #like you start in area one of course #you probably won’t get to area five right away even though you theoretically could fairly early. i believe #but you would have no real reason to bc there’s no main story beat over there it’s a very quiet area #area six is mostly alfornada and the cliffs surrounding it which you REALLY can’t get to until later #point being. i know there’s probably some sort of logic to this numbers thing. but it’s still a confusing system #pokémon

[piplupod]

i feel like i am losing my mind a little bit bc i spent over half of my counselling appt talking about my fear of spiders and this lady kept telling me i should just kill them, and that the only way to get over my fear is to kill them, and i shouldnt catch and release them anymore ??

and now i am thinking about it and wondering do they actually remember how to get into the house,,,,,, if i put them way on the other side of the house in the garden under a plant where its safe, will they just... come back inside? because I don't remember ever seeing any duplicates of spiders that I caught and released, it seems to always be a different looking one each time so :|

but she just seemed so confused and kind of amused by me trying to explain how i think that like... every life has value and I don't think I should be killing spiders if I can avoid doing that. and she straight up laughed at me saying that they are fascinating very interesting little critters.

i don't know, i just feel kind of sick i think. that was just really not what i was expecting and I'm confused like... is this ... the only way I can get over my fear of them? to just start killing them whenever i find one in the house?? that doesn't seem right at all to me but maybe I'm being too soft or something

they talk about values in DBT and how you must make sure your actions don't go against your values, and this seems very backwards to that, especially since this woman started the DBT program at the hospital. so i feel like maybe it's wrong of her to be telling me this, but also maybe she's right about this. idk !!!

#im just very confused #i just... should we not extend kindness to insects when we can? #like yes theyre creepy crawlies and they get into things but... they are also living creatures #they have inherent value just on account of being alive #maybe i am too sentimental or soft or smth idk im really upset abt this fdsjkl #i've always felt this way idk dsfjkl it is just a part of me i guess #i dont like how so many humans think they are top of the chain and everything else is lesser and below them #i dont think we should be feeling like we have total dominion over all the other living things on earth #its... a very white christian colonizer way of thinking. in my opinion anyways. maybe im wrong idk #i can't google the thing abt if spiders have a good memory and sense of direction bc i will find Too Much info or photos #and i . would like to sleep tonight. #im already so agitated though so idk but fsdjkl im kind of scared what i might find by lookign things up #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #spider tw

[best-enemies]

I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]

Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)

Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]

(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)

LIKE!!!!!!!

Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.

#csi #gsr #i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything #need to talk more about these two here #because im obsessed about them in a Normal way #sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together #i would not though #i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far #also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what #i could talk about her forever she's everything to me #and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever #i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them #and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line #nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it #but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know #but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life #you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too #he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it #and his smirks #AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA #im losing my mind #i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ #ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic #one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone #or this persons' lifestyle #he's always trying to understand them and not judge them #like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people #and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much #like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara #they're a perfect match for me

[elinorapologist]

Um.. UM. uM um UUUMMMMM...... I JUST GOT A SPOILER FOR OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH. A spoiler. A SPOILER LIKE NO OTHER

#do not tell me that was ed kissing who i think it was ed kissing #i literally caught a glimpse and scrolled so hard i went into YESTERDAY #so i actually dont know #but it was a parallel of him kissing someone and the good omens big damn kiss side by side.. #ive been reading queer vibes asf from every one of these goofballs #but him and stede specifically it was like 'okay are we really getting this or is my gay as reading into things' #ofmd #our flag means death #im so confused #okay dont mind me #just LOSING MY MIND #also #totally unrelated but izzy is fucking sexy #like idk what is about that man that makes me Q U A K E #and tremble like a small dog #everytime he speaks or is on screen #when he got tossed off the boat after his duel with stede and he shows up in jackies tavern #and he pulls his hair back with one hand and i just like. melted out of my chair #im still only on season 1 so if izzy does something like irredeemable i dont know about it yet #so just let me love him

[sysig]

We are both exhausted

#WPVG #WPUT #Skin of the teeth #After losing twice before shhh I totally did it on purpose so I could see his dialogue that's totally why #I am not very good at bullet hells lol #Probably doesn't help that I haven't actually played in a while either lol #Also I hung out with him instead of going on a date! No!! #I mean #I'm fine with it lol I just want there to be more confusion #I did flirt with him tho... I guess only in the first two fights? #It feels really funny for him to clarify that he's giving me his phone number platonically when we haven't even gone on a date lol #Well now I /have/ to replay I must date the skeleton even though I know he'll reject me lol #The only reason to replay Undertale after getting a Pacifist Run #How serious am I? Even I don't know yet lol #I have been considering trying to get a Neutral Run but it feels....weird #Like I'd have to pick someone to kill intentionally :/

[dravidious]

You're more amazing than annoy squidward day

Mutate and backup are awesome mechanics because adding abilities to things is super cool so I made another mechanic to do that

#asks #custom cards #i like this better than mutate because you don't lose card advantage #not totally sure on the balancing of these cards #not even the possession part lol just the regular cards #Infesting Parasite is really good sacrifice fodder #Curse of Rebirth might be too strong at 3 mana #and Relic of Influence getting to scry 1 for free every turn might be a bit too strong #but those just need some tweaking. i think the core mechanic is really solid #made a nice cycle of 5 simple cards #then made a few noncreatures for funsies #and then 3 more ideas for the mechanic #actually Screaming Souls is probably too strong too #and Vessel of the Wilds giving you card advantage and +1/+1 counters #like damn why did i make these so strong lol #my excuse is that it was early in the morning and i wasn't thinking clearly yet #that's also my excuse for why one of the cards is named “Ghost of Christmas Future” #anyway currently writing a new story in which one of breeze's parents tries the bold new strategy of Not Being A Dick To Your Kid #also tell me if the mechanic is confusing because it is kinda weird #also also i used the mutate card frame because it works perfectly for this

[pa-pa-plasma]

I would like to say that. unpopular opinion but I hate the "Danny's obsession is protecting people" thing (more & more every day tbh) because it feels very. Weird to me. Selfish almost?

Like, there's never really an explanation given (in fics) as to why, & it always comes off as. Danny isnt protecting people because he wants to, he's doing it because he's forced to, against his will. If he doesn't, he'll die.

whether your intentions are selfish or not doesn't matter to the person you saved but. it also proves the Fentons right. Phantom isn't helping because he's good. He's not helping because he cares. He's helping because he'll die or go insane if he doesn't. & what if there's no one to save? What if there's peace for a bit too long? Does he cause chaos in order to have something to stop? Or does his ghost half just fade away now that his obsession is fulfilled?

I know where it all comes from & I've seen fics based off this that actually go into detail & all that but lately it seems like a headcanon everyone falls back on for seemingly no reason.

why is his obsession "protection?" like what is the point it just seems so random to be reading a fic & then suddenly BAM it's revealed that Danny will go insane & die if he doesn't run around saving everyone for. some reason? and then they move on like it was never mentioned, & it never becomes plot relevant.

#i really dont see the appeal of randomly dumping this headcanon onto Danny but never taking it anywhere? #i really dont mean to be rude but it's late im tired & genuinely confused #people who make ghost obsessions more like hyperfixations i understand. i go that route #but the full blown Danny losing his mind & all that shit? idk. #i know people have preferences. ppl like shit for no reason sometimes just cuz it's cool #things dont need to have some big explanation #but it's killing me. this is such a huge thing to just casually drop in #it'd be like casually mentioning Danny went through PoT before the events of this fic #but it's just. there's nothing to show it? Danny is just chilling & all That is never brought up again? #like this is a pretty big thing right? Danny will Die For Real if he doesnt protect everyone 24/7 that seems like a big thing to me #Danny being scary & shit i get but like. if you just wanna sprinkle that in to spice things up a bit im sure there's easier explanations #like. Danny is a ghost & has weird vibes. that's a good explanation that doesnt have heavy implications #besides the whole being dead thing but we're already past that #i think i think too much about everything. but it's killing me. it's driving me crazy #why did Phantom's obsession do a total flip in TUE? he killed 90% of the world's population #i guess you can say it was Vlad's influence but also Vlad's obsession is mord ''possession'' than ''murder everything'' #idk i need to lie down & not think about it. enjoy your headcanon by all means im just. overthinking everything

[oscill4te]

i have never cared about spoilers so much in my entire life until watching rgu. usually im okay with spoilers. the temptation to look this show up on tumblr/google/youtube is keeling me tho. i will not even look at the comments on the OST (which... is so good btw... the music)

#normally i dont care. but i just want to experience this show w no prior knowledge... scared to even google it >.< #i know just a little bit.. like the themes that are explored in the show. but nothing plot-wise #hope anthy is able to make her own choices one day :< i wonder if they explore that ever #i heard theres a theme of “obligated love” which... im scared bc that is something i always have thought about #is it really love if its only out of obligation? #anthy gives me “weird traumatized girl” energy and thats why i love her i think i see a bit of past-me in her.. #like that episode where nanami keeps trying to prove that anthy is weird.. yes she is a quite strange!! but we all still love her #i dont know i just rlly love anthy she reminds me of younger-me in a way and i want everyone to stop being horrible to her #txt #she also reminds me of a few other people ive met in the past its really hard to -not- like anthy #utena is a rlly good character too i love how different they both are from each other. Utena = total free will she does her own thing!! #even if people ostracize her or are confused she just wants to be a prince and she follows her heart #anthy was never really allowed to do that it seems like.. to have free will. she goer along w what others want her to do #they are both so different..

[killstreak-kritzkrieg]

really wanting to read some GOOD psychological shit about hansel and gretel right now

#gingerbread houses is SUCH a good fucking comic and it has spoiled me totally rotten lmao #i just wish there was more like it #i want to read ALL the ways they get fucked up #the nevermind tutorial client is also really fucking good and i love his voice so much #i love imagining him talking to the player like he’s actually there #his voice actor is so good getting across his confusion and confliction and reluctance to talk about what he wants to talk about #is just… god. love that shit. #i wish there was more #blood cw

[lady-grace-pens]

I watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s for the first time this morning and I can’t stop thinking about how much I hated it. I can’t figure out why. But I also watched the first part of Barry Lyndon and I’m really into it so there’s that too

Rant in tags because I have thoughts and opinions

#I’m sure it didn’t help how i went into Tiffany’s with a totally different idea of what the story would be #i didn’t see the noncommittal storyline coming. i thought it’d be about a diner or something named Tiffany’s. plus I hate how fast everyone #talks. i mean it makes sense because ‘oh city people talk fast’ but still I can barely understand a thing with or without captions #i also got so damn confused as to of everything before the point where Doc came in. #clearing up her backstory made everything click. but I just feel like a lot of this should’ve been made more clear earlier or something idk #I’m not fond of Holley herself either tbh. Paul is hot tho #then there’s the blatant racism in the movie… yeah #i get it was made in the 60s but oh good god. #i can’t see why this is considered a classic. singing in the rain is MILES BETTER and I only caught half of that one #barry lyndon however. is a charm so far. i really love enjoy and appreciate stories like that. #ones that follow the life of one character. how even before everything goes wrong for him his life still wasn’t an easy road. very lovely #i can’t wait to watch part 2 #but honestly fuck Tiffany’s that movie sucks 😂 #i feel like the story would be better if Holly herself was the main character instead of just the protagonist. because it’s clear how #the camera focuses on Paul like this is his story to tell. it should be hers #better yet #go watch Singing in the Rain instead #such a damn charm. i love Cosmo so much #kaitlyn talks for once

[gentil-minou]

I have a lot of anxiety about going to the movies alone but I also really wanted to see this movie and I'm still so mad I JUST missed Broker by a couple days so I was like okay exposure exercise I'm gonna see Hidden Blade because even if I don't know whether or not ill like it I didn't want to regret missing another limited release and omg I'm so happy I went it was so good and the anxiety was forgotten ahhhhh I'm really proud of myself

#the acting and directing were so good and i am really proud of yibo he did so good and GOD THE TWIST #just so much fun #i wasnt sure at first cause i didnt quite know the history well and the story is told non linearly so i was confused but then everything #connected and it was so great #the scene directly after the truck scene...incredible #tony and yibo were both terrific but i also loved the japanese actor he was a lot of fun too #just such a good movie im glad i left my comfort zone to see it #oh ALSO THE MUSIC god i loved the mudic and sound design #some scenes were total silence and then the music would start and my heart would start ramping up so good so fun #okay i will stop for now i need to kie down and scream maybe #hidden blade #bushy rambles

[aeide-thea]

i love and cherish my armpit hair (which i realize is like. Smacks of Hella Basic White Feminism, except, you know, possibly a little more complicated when it's for very extremely trans reasons), but the fact that it's so blond and wispy as to be almost invisible in photos is a serious disappointment to me every time

#if i could wave a wand and get fuzzier armpits i for sure would #non-vellus thigh/stomach hair ditto #chest hair is scarier but also pretty interesting #lotta uncertain confused feelings abt like. what changes i would and wouldn't want exactly #and of course the reality is that you can't really pick and choose #but like. being a fuzzier creature... wistful face #love my fuzzy calves a LOT. like. visually good‚ tactilely extremely good. comforting and satisfying to run my hands along. #like. idk. there's the piece of Gender that's abt perception and there's also the piece that's like. the body you wanna inhabit #i sort of feel like. i wanna be a boy in a girlbody and i wanna be a girl in a boybody #and like. you can't really do both those things simultaneously #(i mean like. you can if yr defining yr terms differently‚ which wld be valid) #(and i don't really totally endorse the way i'm using language here but like. ykwim) #anyway boy-in-girlbody mode is obvs easier to access given the givens‚ but #that mode has girl-in-boybody-mode body hair envy #anyway all of this is like. such rarefied world-of-pure-imagination stuff and it's like. is anyone even willing to meet me there tbh #maybe. outside chance of it. but am *i* willing to meet *them* there and to *ask* to be met there. ouf idk. scary scary scary vulnerable #and then of course i feel like feeling scared and shy is Intrinsically Feminine of me which is SO extremely bullshit #for so many reasons incl that every man i know and love is scared and shy sometimes if not often #(also incl. that plenty of women are confident and/or outgoing! which i feel like is more self-evident as an assertion but. #never hurts to both-sides yr objections to binarist stereotypes so yr not just centering men) #but it just feels like. do you remember those bodycon dresses years ago that had like. a smaller curvier silhouette on them #so there'd be like. the wearer's actual body & then the smaller curvier imagined body carved out of theirs by the colorblocking of the dress #and i feel like. there's whatever the essential 'me' is or was and then like. the more-feminine shape they got traumatically carved into #and now it's just like. any moves i might wanna make‚ i gotta make with the carved-up psyche that's the only psyche i've got #and it just immediately intrinsically undermines anything i might try #anyway. idk. these tags have gone a LOT of different places lol i just. mrrrh. #maybe the actual thing to do is worry less abt gender possibilities and more abt getting physically stronger. cultivate meatiness #good for all genders #anyway uh. apologies for the 4 AM spiral lol #embodiment (is violence)

[deadlittledogs]

i genuinely don't mean this in a rude way, but i think you'd have an easier time socially if you didn't judge everyone through aesthetics or something. like you could meet a girl who's so lame like huge olivia rodrigo fan favourite show is vampire diaries but she could be great. my bsf walks around in a normal people scare me hoodie and i still love her to death, yk ?

It’s not that I would never hangout with someone who had a ‘trash’ or ‘normal’ aesthetic or something, I just can’t connect well with ANYONE if I’m being honest. I’ve hung out with ‘aesthetic’ people in the past but still found myself feeling….. bored….. disconnected. I’m more drawn to this type of person just because it feels like we might have more in common, like it might increase the odds of relatability and friendship but I just can’t most times-with anyone… Ya know?

I don’t know, I just have trouble relating to people. It seems like we don’t understand each other very well. When I engage with people it feels like they don’t quite see me, like I’m just a faceless blob to them. When I make eye contact with people it feels like I’m talking to someone with the lights on but nobodies home….. it’s strange, I don’t know. I’m assuming one bad experience too many probably fizzled out whatever high I should get in my brain that comes with socializing with new people BUT I JUST FEEL SO BORED ALL THE TIME IDK…… I treat people with respect, I’m very empathetic towards them, polite…. But they don’t see me and I just can’t connect with them.

#to be fair I don’t meet that many people lmao #but also to be fair this has been a growing issue for a while lmao #I just feel kinda numb now I guess #like I finally closed myself off for good #but I hate being alone #I want companionship so bad but I don’t know how to not be so numb inside anymore #I try genuinely to engage with others but again #it feels like most are ‘confused’ by me or something #or that I’m horribly forgettable and plain #nobody really cares about me very much #people don’t want to get to know me often #I don’t know maaaan #I wish I could connect better but my brain is lowkey fried lmao #every relationship I’ve ever had has been total shit #I don’t even know what a healthy relationship is lol

[supergraphicultramoderngirl]

I AM. CONFUSED.

#abt to vent in the tags ignore or message if you want idc #throughout the day i had been debating whether or not i had a crush on these two different people in my life #(that was yesterday) #and then. last night. i had dreamt that i wanted to tell one of them i had the crush and it was like The Plot but i never got to bc it ended #and then immediately after i had another dream where i had a boyfriend (first crush is not a boy but other one is) #except the boyfriend was not the boy i thought i had a crush on it was just some random dude #which NONE OF THIS NARROWS ANYTHING DOWN #and to make things worse. neither of these crushes are the person who i have gone on two dates with #so i feel like i may need to do some light ghosting #i think my main issue between the two crushes is this. #with the first one i have the feelings to a degree but i can’t imagine actually doing any relationship things w them #esp because we’re already best friends so like i’m good with just cuddling as friends that’s chill with me i don’t think i’m a kisser anyway #but with the other one. i have only a small amount of feelings but can picture doing the relationship things with him #but i don’t know him as well so it could be totally way off from what i think it would be like #plus there is also the issue of #even if i do have feelings for the first crush i can’t do anything about it because we’re best friends and she doesn’t see me like that #in addition to the fact that there cannot be two relationships within our five person friend group and she is emotionally unavailable #meanwhile i could fully ask out the other dude no hesitation but i might end up feeling guilty if i realize i don’t actually have feelings #and i cannot have thought i liked a person then asked them out then broke it off a week later bc i lost feelings for the third time in a row #idk i’m just really confused and don’t know what to do and am mad at myself for not being able to recognize my own emotions #this is STUPID. anyways #mari is irrelevant

[astrxealis]

sorry for rambling so much about milgram btw my thoughts are often a mess and i think too much about it but i am good now i think <3

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚ #i finally properly get fuuta's character i think teehee. after a lot of thinking and thinking and thinking #it hurts my head a bit ngl (figuratively) bcs ejghbghjag i try to look at it at all sides and whoops i end up getting confused w #what is the truth and what are my actual beliefs/feelings/thoughts a bit! </3 but my head is clearer now (hooray!) #anyway yeah fuuta innocent. guilty -> innocent -> innocent imo!! can't say totally for sure tho w the 3rd but i think he shld be forgiven #i feel a bit ehgbah for my thoughts being so messy before (also scared someone will misunderstand me) but i think yeah i was looking #at it already in the 2nd trial perspective. how to explain. but yeah blah blah blah yeah! #i think he's a good guy at heart fr but he. yeah. and i think there's smth to do with the 'pressure' and all with that #he needs to hold himself accountable for his actions even if it may be true that yk. he isn't the only one and it's rather sad he's the #only one who got all the blame so i get why he's acting that way even though ofc it isn't okay in the end. dude needs to admit and all #and he's getting uhh better! i want to talk more oops but it's almost 2 pm holy shit. i'll probably put my coherent thoughts in my notes #instead. but yeah. tbh i'm not sure if i can really say he always felt somewhat guilty/regret ever since the start #bcs it's he may just first feared the consequences but then again he never expected it to escalate to death (tho even if the #outcome turned out to not be that bad. cyberbullying is never okay!!! bullying is never okay!!!!!) but he's the character #who puts up a front of sorts and as someone who often likes characters like that. it's possible i'm misinterpretating him but #personally that's how i see it ^___^ but dude yeah guilty first trial fr so he can be more yk to really loosen up and admit it n all #or at least. take a step closer to doing so. yeah!!! okay i think i've properly cleared my head now #i just hope no one like. misunderstands me from my many rambles WABHBJHBG #oh i actually really relate and understand fuuta actually. yeah. NOTHING AS BAD AS HIM i mean that genuinely but yeah #he's starting to accept that his actions bring heavy consequences and he's showing a lot of guilt and regret. still a tough front tho #aghhhh i really hope he gets voted innocent this time around for real. he's a good guy at heart and i do think he always knew #he was guilty. and etc etc etc i stop rambling now zzz love fuuta fr tho his character means a lot to me actually #actually idk there's still a lot to his character i feel. it's either from his perception still or yk. does he actually feel guilt? #but yeah imo he does. and i'd like to believe that too also bcs i get his character but i ofc can't still tell for sure! #blame shifting may still be a problem. he feels regretful for sure i believe but for what reason is a question still #tbh judging fuuta here is (for me) like judging me from a bit into the past so sorry if i'm really fired up about this. #i get he's just a fictional character but i really want to do this 'right' (but what is right tbh?) #in any case even with all the complications i think he's improving. sort of. and guilty is concerning for him if he YEAH. so innocent. #oops too much tags but i get it now <3 !! also btw i've never bullied/cyberbullied anyone just to be clear :] just to be clear

[tearlessrain]

please help me- i used to be pretty smart but i’m having so much trouble grasping the concept of diegetic vs non-diegetic bdsm!

gfkjldghfd okay first of all I'm sorry for the confusion, if you're not finding anything on the phrase it's because I made it up and absolutely nobody but me ever uses it, but I haven't found a better way to express what I'm trying to say so I keep using it. but now you've given me an excuse to ramble on about some shit that is only relevant to me and my deeply inefficient way of talking and by god I'm going to take it.

SO. the way diegetic and non-diegetic are normally used is to talk about music and sound design in movies/tv shows. in case you aren't familiar with that concept, here's a rundown:

diegetic sound is sound that happens within the world of the movie/show and can be acknowledged by the characters, like a song playing on the stereo during a driving scene, or sung on stage in Phantom of the Opera. it's also most other sounds that happen in a movie, like the sounds of traffic in a city scene, or a thunderclap, or a marching band passing by. or one of the three stock horse sounds they use in every movie with a horse in it even though horses don't really vocalize much in real life, but that's beside the point, the horse is supposed to be actually making that noise within the movie's world and the characters can hear it whinnying.

non-diegetic sound is any sound that doesn't exist in the world of the movie/show and can't be perceived by the characters. this includes things like laugh tracks and most soundtrack music. when Duel of Fates plays in Star Wars during the lightsaber fight for dramatic effect, that's non-diegetic. it exists to the audience, but the characters don't know their fight is being backed by sick ass music and, sadly, can't hear it.

the lines can get blurry between the two, you've probably seen the film trope where the clearly non-diegetic music in the title sequence fades out to the same music, now diegetic and playing from the character's car stereo. and then there are things like Phantom of the Opera as mentioned above, where the soundtrack is also part of the plot, but Phantom of the Opera does also have segments of non-diegetic music: the Phantom probably does not have an entire orchestra and some guy with an electric guitar hiding down in his sewer just waiting for someone to break into song, but both of those show up in the songs they sing down there.

now, on to how I apply this to bdsm in fiction.

if I'm referring to diegetic bdsm what I mean is that the bdsm is acknowledged for what it is in-world. the characters themselves are roleplaying whatever scenarios their scenes involve and are operating with knowledge of real life rules/safety practices. if there's cnc depicted, it will be apparent at some point, usually right away, that both characters actually are fully consenting and it's all just a planned scene, and you'll often see on-screen negotiation and aftercare, and elements of the story may involve the kink community wherever the characters are. Love and Leashes is a great example of this, 50 Shades and Bonding are terrible examples of this, but they all feature characters that know they're doing bdsm and are intentional about it.

if I'm talking about non-diegetic bdsm, I'm referring to a story that portrays certain kinks without the direct acknowledgement that the characters are doing bdsm. this would be something like Captive Prince, or Phantom of the Opera again, or the vast majority of bodice ripper type stories where an innocent woman is kidnapped by a pirate king or something and totally doesn't want to be ravished but then it turns out he's so cool and sexy and good at ravishing that she decides she's into it and becomes his pirate consort or whatever it is that happens at the end of those books. the characters don't know they're playing out a cnc or D/s fantasy, and in-universe it's often straight up noncon or dubcon rather than cnc at all. the thing about entirely non-diegetic bdsm is that it's almost always Problematic™ in some way if you're not willing to meet the story where it's at, but as long as you're not judging it by the standards of diegetic bdsm, it's just providing the reader the same thing that a partner in a scene would: the illusion of whatever risk or taboo floats your boat, sometimes to extremes that can't be replicated in real life due to safety, practicality, physics, the law, vampires not being real, etc. it's consensual by default because it's already pretend; the characters are vehicles for the story and not actually people who can be hurt, and the reader chose to pick up the book and is aware that nothing in it is real, so it's all good.

this difference is where people tend to get hung up in the discourse, from what I've observed. which is why I started using this phrasing, because I think it's very crucial to be able to differentiate which one you're talking about if you try to have a conversation with someone about the portrayal of bdsm in media. it would also, frankly, be useful for tagging, because sometimes when you're in the mood for non-diegetic bodice ripper shit you'd call the police over in real life, it can get really annoying to read paragraphs of negotiation and check-ins that break the illusion of the scene and so on, and the opposite can be jarring too.

it's very possible to blur these together the same way Phantom of the Opera blurs its diegetic and non-diegetic music as well. this leaves you even more open to being misunderstood by people reading in bad faith, but it can also be really fun to play with. @not-poignant writes fantastic fanfic, novels, and original serials on ao3 that pull this off really well, if you're okay with some dark shit in your fiction I would highly recommend their work. some of it does get really fucking dark in places though, just like. be advised. read the tags and all that.

but yeah, spontaneous writer plug aside, that's what I mean.

#I found their original stuff while I was researching various waterhorses and their folklore for no reason #because one of the characters in their original work happens to be an each uisge #and then it turned out it ALSO included a lot of figures from welsh folklore in general #so yknow if you happen to have my incredibly specific hyperfixations you'll love it but even if you don't it's great #I didn't mean to bring up phantom of the opera so much it just happens to be very relevant to a lot of my talking points #I haven't actually seen it in years