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mermaidsirennikita · 4 months

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ARC Review: Most Ardently: A Pride & Prejudice Remix by Gabe Cole Novoa

4.25/5. Releases 1/16/2024.

Vibes: Pride and Prejudice but make it queer (obviously), light humor around big issues, family warmth, that ol' Darcy Darcy-ness in a younger package

Oliver Bennet has a problem: aside from his sister Jane, his family doesn't know that he's not a girl. Trapped by societal norms and the persona he's forced to wear, he sneaks out as his true self and runs into the stiff, cool Darcy (who was actually a major dick to Oliver when he was dressed as a girl). The thing is--when Darcy is actually able to be himself, he's actually quite kind. Also? Very appealing. But no matter how much they connect, a future for Darcy and Oliver, as their true selves, seems impossible. Unless....

I don't usually read YA, but I was kind of fascinated by the concept of this series of remixed, diverse takes on old classics. And a retelling of P&P starring a trans boy was too good to resist. Also, this is my favorite cover I've seen in a LONG while.

Luckily, it lived up to my expectations beyond the cover. It's sweet and unique, while honoring the original story. And right now, I think that seeing a trans kid living out the happily ever after of one of the most enduring love stories of all time is something we need to see.

Quick Takes:

--To be clear, this is a true YA romance. The characters that need to be aged down are. I think it was totally necessary to appeal to the target audience, and it works. I mean, being a youth~ in 1812 isn't exactly like being a youth~ in today's world anyway. It's just like P&P in that it's chaste, but unlike P&P in that there is kissing. (Yay!)

--Like I said, the book stays true to the original story, but obviously it's not married to it. Oliver has a lot in common with Elizabeth, but he's not Elizabeth, and his relationship with Darcy is not Elizabeth's relationship with Darcy. It's more based on friendship and understanding--in a lot of ways, it's a friends to lovers story. Which I think adds a sense of queer found family to the romance, and I think that's necessary here.

--It would be very easy for Oliver's mindset to be quite dark. Understandably so, as most of his family is ignorantly (and it's true ignorance, they don't know) deadnaming him on the regular. He's forced to wear dysphoria-inducing clothing, to act as a girl. But I think Novoa understood that there did need to be a somewhat lighter touch here. The point is not to paint a tale of like... a historically accurate trans experience. It's to tell a love story.

And in that sense, I found that the way Novoa approached the Bennets reacting to Oliver's transness really refreshing and lovely. Like, the point here is not to make you feel down about Oliver's future, but to celebrate who he is (and maybe feel seen--as a cis woman, I can't speak to how effective that is).

I suspect that this lighter touch won't work for everyone; and that's valid. If I'm being honest, I don't super care about whether or not it works for cis people.

--There's a molly house scene! Darcy is in a molly house! I loved this. I found something about placing a romantic hero we often so associate with heterosexuality and the ideal for women in a super queer space... And making it this place where he feels comfortable and true... Really compelling. It was one of my favorite scenes in the book.

Also, it allowed for some real romantic connection between Oliver and Darcy. Their relationship is super sweet, and I found the twist on how that relationship would have developed if we did have an Oliver and a Darcy rather than an Elizabeth and a Darcy super smart. It would've been super easy for Novoa to just duplicate the original dynamic and go "but here's a boy". That would've done a disservice to both this work and the original, in my opinion. I appreciate him doing the work to make something super distinct that is AWARE of the differences here, as I do think some queer retellings of het stories occasionally do just execute a quick genderflip and call it a day.

And I get why they do. But at the end of the day, it does remind me of the sensibility that queer love stories need to be palatable and safe for straight audiences, to appeal them and to make them seem "just like them". However, a queer romance isn't 1 to 1 with a straight romance. There often are different dynamics at play. I so liked that we got that here.

TW: transphobia (from characters, not the narrative), general queerphobia, deadnaming, dysphoria

I was super happy with this book, and I think it will definitely appeal to a ton of teens out there. Definitely going to recommend this to my teen sibling. However, it's well-written and mature enough to hold a crossover appeal towards adults. A smart and sweet take on a classic book.

Thanks to Netgalley and Feiwel & Friends for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

#romance novel blogging #arc reviews #netgalley #book reviews #romance novels #books #book recs

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demonicintegrity · 4 months

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Y'know i've stayed out of the whole "teens getting hormones and bottom surgery" discourse apart of trans rights because every other trans person I knew as a teen was entirely unable to do so. Either because of expenses and/or parents. The plans they did have were reasonable and expected to have to wait several years into adulthood in order to earn the money to do so. So they figured out other ways to be happy with their appearance until then. And every trans person I talk to has a different plan for when/if they incorporate medically transitions into themselves. Not everyone wants to medically transition.

But reading the phrase "Teens cannot consent to taking hormones" in regards to trans kids got a chuckle out of me. Because teens can. For a lot of other issues actually. Antidepressants are a hormone based medication. And I was on them as a teen. I consented and fought for them because I knew it was what I needed.

And it's not like taking medications for any reason has ever been treated lightly. I was working with a therapist for a good while until she said "we're really going anywhere because you're too tired to pull yourself out of this and work on these skills. You might really need antidepressants. I'll help you explain this to your mom so you can go to the doctor."

And then me and my mom went to the doctor with these concerns and my desire to go on antidepressants. And she was a good doctor. Checked my thyroid first in case it was that. Consulted with Adolescence because I was a teen and she was a pediatrician technically. Answered any questions and concerns my mom had. And then wrote the prescription. And stressed to me that hormonal medicine isn't like the normal medicine you're used to taking. I had to work up to my full dose (and it was still the lowest) and for that first week I had to be mindful and have a good support system in place as my body adjusts. I understood that. And then I really understood that as I went through my first week of medication. And then I continued to reasonable and mindful of myself as I stayed on it.

And that was that. I eventually didn't need them anymore. But my time on hormones didn't damage or kill me or anything like that. And its not like testosterone or estrogen are the only hormonal medications teens can take. Many are on hormonal birth control for a couple of reasons and those have a lot more damaging side effects.

I think if you're going to have discourse about trans teens, you need to give both teens and their doctors a bit more credit. Most people are reasonable and sensible. Most people have genuinely good intentions. With any medical process ever, you have to work with a doctor. Choices aren't being made blind and uninformed.

You're also going to have to figure out the double standards. Two girls want a boob job at some point, either to go up (or down) in size for whatever reason, and one happens to be trans. How is the trans girl meaningfully different from the cis one?

A lot of teens, for better or for worse and for whatever reason, want cosmetic surgery. And a lot of them do get that parental consent to do so. Both cis and trans.

And if you're going to say "oh it's all poor body image from the internet and bullying, teens to work on confidence instead of mutilating their bodies!" You gotta accept that bullying people for being obviously trans or otherwise gender nonconforming is apart of that. Telling trans kids they'll never be a real boy/girl because of their chest/other body parts is apart of that. You gotta create an environment where any and all gender nonconformity and experiment is safe to do. Otherwise you're creating more incentive for people to medically transition so they can be safe by passing.

#b-b-but permanent changes to the body!! oh you mean like a lot of sports???#Where gymnastics' bones are identifiable if they started young enough? and the brain damage of knocking against each other in football?#Listen. buddy. I wish teens would also be happy in their own bodies but thats not how reality works sometimes.#they still deserve to make plans with their doctors/parents to see what works best for them. They have bodily autonomy #discourse #trans stuff #transgender

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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There are plenty of us that are childfree but also not by choice. We live the lifestyle. They have our mental gymnastics to make it less of a constant pain. We have the things we use to cope and take comfort... but for a lot of us, it wasn't by choice.

Obviously, medical infertility is what everyone is familiar with. But there is another form of infertility: social infertility.

How many of us heard over and over again, "If you can't afford to have children, then don't have them"? Well, we can't have them.

So many, but not all, of us have convinced ourselves to hate children. We made ourselves repulsed by children, by pregnancy, but all of that... because it somehow makes the pain less sharp. A lot of us aren't that great in handling children because so few of our peers can have them. We didn't get the practice.

I was once telling a story for a fanfic scene idea of a young little child being handed a very previous personal object of his father to signal the father has died and won't be returning.

Someone in the echo chamber said, "Yeah, I don't care. I hate kids."

Then, when I said, "Hi. I am that child. I was that child. My father didn't come back," then they were fucking silent. It hurt so much, and I haven't entirely forgiven them for it.

It has become so permissive to hate children, to hate the choices others make with their bodies, that you are either so pro-child you are covered in them or you are a cruel caricature of a spinster.

The right to reproductive autonomy is supposed to be an inalienable one. The desire to reproduce is built into us in one form or another, though it is also understandable why some people don't want anything to do with that.

That inalienable right to reproductive autonomy is also supposed to go both ways. But in so many ways, our society lays traps. They are on the right, they are on the left, and the rest is... wilderness.

Although I was already a little familiar with some of the surface-level issues, a large writing project I am working that features a man becoming pregnant has given me good reason to really dive into the subject of transmaternity. It has become a passion of mine.

Transmasc individuals who become pregnant are boxed out on either side. They are consistently isolated by other transmasc for not being masc enough. They are men, thus, they don't belong in social or medical spaces. Many have lost partners and friends who were a part of the LGBTQ+ community, often trans because what they went through with their body made other people dysphoric... even though it isn't their body.

I read too many accounts of their own life-partners telling them maybe they aren't so trans after all. Maybe they are 'just NB.'

Once again, someone is making what he does with his body after themselves.

Some of these men went to great lengths to advocate for C-sections and were denied. Some had to trick the system into alloying it. Others searched high and low for doctors who understood that a channel birth could be dysphoric for them and allowed them to schedule them preemptively. Some of these went on to have a channel birth and found that it was affirming to them because the experience clarified it for them that they were still men. Some required incredible support from the people in their lives to recover from the resulting dysphoria, only to be told "I told you so" by cis and trans alike.

Finding affirming and supportive medical care is a challenge, often with obstacles, and sometimes they have to make do with a hostile OBGYN/Neo-Natal medical care complex because no matter what, they want to do this.

Transmaternity is complicated and personal because ultimately, it is about a person's body...

It makes me furious with grief every time someone makes the idea of a transman being pregnant about themselves.

"It makes me dysphoric." Great, it isn't about anyone's body, but the owner of said body. It is about no one else.

"It makes me uncomfortable to see them pregnant." Since it is their body, and only they are in it, the only person who comforted or discomforted by it is... that person.

In the same way that no trans parson's existence could cater to whether a cis person feels comfortable when they look at them, are around them, it needs to exist within that community, too.

Some of these men to be called Mom. Some choose to be called Dad.

Some have had top surgery, others delay until after the entrance of their child. Some never feel a need to it and get a measure of joy from not having to face one more obstacle.

Maternity is incredibly gendered, and members of the trans community that go through it are still feeling their way around.

But so many members of the trans community show their internalized transphobia just as loudly as the cis community the moment pregnancy comes to it.

While Roe vs Wade has frighteningly complicated matters... it is these experienced transmen who know a bit more about these medical systems that are trying to help their others. They know how to find OGBYN's who are supportive of transmasc reproductive health issues. They are often the elders. Sadly, too many of them feel driven out of the community because other people make what he does with his body about how it makes others feel.

But it hurts so much... it hurts SO much... to have wanted to be a parent since I was a kid, and there is no way I can be. To have gone through my own painful childhood, and people feel free to show a complete lack of empathy to children because they don't like children.

Man... they are little people. They are just little people. They need their own spaces. They should be cared for by people who want them. Those who don't want them shouldn't be forced or guilted into having them. But they are JUST LITTLE PEOPLE.

Sorry for going off. There's a lot of pain.

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mceajc · 2 months

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I watched a TERF interview

I didn't want to, but I felt I had to. The video is

youtube

I left a comment on the video. It turned out about 3k words. Here it is

I'm going to write comments as I listen, so apologies in advance for poor formatting or any other issues.

@2:35 Helen Joyce - whose background is in mathematics, and not the study of gender expression - went to speak to an expert on queer and trans experience, and threw away what was written and wrote it herself because she disagreed with it. How interesting that she imposed her own viewpoint on her readers bereft of expert opinion. Gender presentation doesn't have anything to do with sex and reproduction. That's the whole point about having a different word to describe it. @3:00 "I see continua everywhere I look ... all these things is a smooth continuum - the one thing that isn't is sex". I find it very strange for a scientist - a biologist no less - to say that sex is binary given the vast number of ways that biological organisms reproduce. Perhaps this exception only exists in your mind, and not reality, perhaps?

This statement is also provably false, because of the existence of intersex people - never mind the other organisms who have stranger lifecycles.

@3:35 "Language is used as something to express your thoughts clearly" Language is malleable and ever changing - and words for people who refuse to conform to this invisible binary have existed for centuries in cultures all across the world. If you want to be clearly understood, be careful how terms are used. So far, the terms "male", "man", "woman" and "female" have yet to be defined clearly. I hope they are, because I fail to see the rationality of the statements made so far with the definitons as I understand them.

@6:00 "My hands are female" What an odd turn of phrase. I would have used the word "feminine". Anyway, this sort of phraseology is a bit disingenuous. It makes it sound like there is no overlap whatsoever between the bodies of a male and female. If I said "anyone under 1.6 metres tall is female, because the average height of a male is 1.7 metres", people would - quite rightly - look at me like a complete imbecile. Helen gets to say essentially the same thing in a slightly oblique way and ... gets away with it?

@7:00 I would agree that some people do take things to the extreme and say things like "heteronormative is a bad thing". This does not make it less bad to have heteronormativity the assumed default, or to view "nontraditional" family units as inherently less valuable - or in some cases as actively bad. Assuming things like that does make someone a prejudiced bigot, whose views are unsupported by evidence.

@9:00 I see a strange dissonance between complaining about sex and gender stereotypes while also mocking the queer groups who go against these stereotypes. To then immediately follow this with the incoherent sentence "it's worse than ... if he doesn't like rugby he's a poofter and let's bully him, it's now saying he's actually a girl." I don't think anyone is saying you should treat a child who doesn't like rugby as a girl. This is a very strange assertion to make. Are there any examples of a child being treated as a girl because they didn't like rugby? What on earth is the point being made here? You seem to be the ones trying to enforce the "pink box blue box" binary, and I am glad you see the harm in this - hardly an argument against allowing a wider variety of gender expression.

@9:44 If people learn gender identity/expression from the stereotypes, then what is your explanation for the existence of gender nonconforming (nonbinary) folk - both trans and cis? Helen then goes on to assert that sissy boys are being encouraged to identify as girls? Where is the evidence for this?

@10:15 I do wonder whether people might be even happier if they got to explore different gender expressions and roles. It would likely affirm a great many peoples' feelings that they are secure in their own gender, as well as experience what life is like for others.

@11:00 I absolutely agree that there should not be pressure to be one thing or another.

@12:19 "your sex is the best guess that a doctor had when you were born" This is factually accurate, and mistakes are made. There are many documented cases where intersex people were operated upon as a baby when a determination fell between the "accepted range" for some physical characteristic. It's not as though doctors do genetic, endocrine and hormone testing on every baby and put that into a spreadsheet which then spits out "male" or "female" - mainly because even that would be unreliable.

@12:37 "a tiny number of people". I suppose if you think a "tiny number of people" is bigger than 160 million, and that's using the very lower end of the prevalence of intersex characteristics of 0.02% of 8 billion people. There could be many hundreds of thousands in the UK alone, and we will never know unless we perform invasive genome, hormone and other tests in order to find out.

@13:00 Echo chambers are not good, on that we agree. I would urge anyone to actually speak to trans folk and get to know them, rather than dismiss their lived experience out of hand.

@15:36 From a 2021 published study across some 30 OECD countries that legalised gam marriage, the suicide rate dropped between 10 and 20%. Other studies indicate that the rate of suicide for LGBT kids can be as high as eight times higher if the child is someone "who experience high levels of rejection from their families during adolescence".

@16:05 This is disingenuous - in all likelihood a lie. Yes, being on cross-sex hormones can produce sterility. No responsible doctor has ever given cross-sex hormones to a child. Puberty blockers, on the other hand, do exactly what they say and delay the onset of puberty. This allows time for everyone involved in the process to come to a decision. Often, the option is there to have sperm or eggs stored before any potentially irreversible effects happen. NOBODY is sterilising children. If anyone has evidence of this, absolutely those doctors should be reported. I have seen no evidence of this.

I'm a little surprised that so many people are shocked and appalled by the idea of sterility. Infertility affects up to 7% of men, and many millions of women. Many men and women choose sterility. Fertility is hardly a good measure of whether someone's life is worthwhile or not.

@16:35 I am very glad that there has not been an increase in children committing suicide. People commit suicide when they are out of options and that's the last positive action they can take to end suffering. People commit suicide because they don't get the support they desperately need. So perhaps you are right, and it is a "playground fad" to act trans, or pretend to be trans, or explore different gender roles - who eventually grow up to be either secure in their assigned gender, or who transition in a loving, supporting home. I rather suspect that this will be the case when the scientific studies come in.

@17:06 "I think much more probable" - well, at least you are honest that there is no evidence supporting your assertions either.

@17:39 "no evidence that not transitioning the child would decrease that risk". Well good luck getting ethical approval for denying treatment for gender dysphoria for a control group for that scientific study! What an asinine statement being played up as a reasonable argument.

@17:54 Indeed, it is very brave to hold these viewpoints. I am reminded of Posie Parker going to New Zealand to hold an anti-trans rally, and actual Nazi's showed up to support the rally - fascist salutes and everything!

@18:44 "I was so far in I couldn't get back". Disturbing echoes of - an echo chamber? It's almost as though surrounding yourself with people who agree with you only alienates yourself from the general public further.

@2104 Again, I am baffled by arguments set forth here. All homosexual couples are infertile, but somehow this does not cause any difficulty for Helen. I also don't see the relevance of who someone is attracted to being relevant to anything, but in this I admit I probably just don't understand what's trying to be said.

@22:36 I would love to see links to these studies and any critiques. I could not find them when I went looking.

@23:32 I think many trans folk, especially in the UK, will not recognise the process from this description. There are people who wait years just for a first appointment. The waiting list. As of 2023-12-01 there is a 60 MONTH waiting list for a first appointment at the London Gender Identity Clinic. https://www.genderkit.org.uk/resources/wait-times/

@24:25 I thank Dr. Dawkins for his common decency. I have a couple of questions. 1) Could you please define what you mean by "woman", and 2) in what way would you not accept someone saying "I am a woman"? Are you so very confident that every cis woman you meet will meet the standards of your definition of "woman", and would you ask them to prove their sex to you? I am minded of a US government official having a cis girl tormented because they thought "she looked trans".

@26:22 I would also like to thank Dr. Dawkins for highlighting a very important point that often gets lost in these discussions is the sincerity. Too many gender-critical groups will make the same, tired, nonsensical posit of "what if I identify as an attack helicopter". These people are being insincere, and if not, are obviously mentally disturbed because attack helicopters are made of metal and not flesh. Sincerity matters very much, and it gets ignored by a lot of the "what if" arguments.

@26:38 "I don't think that being a woman or a man is the sort of thing you pay a price to be". Well, hooray for free healthcare! I would like to point out that to many gender critical people, being able to have children is one of the defining traits of the sexes - does Helen feel that women who pay for fertility treatments to be "not real women or mothers"? Are a couple who pay to adopt a child "not real parents"? I find this argument offensive. As a logical parallel, perhaps I could say that people who have to pay to see don't deserve the same treatment as those who were born with perfect eyesight. But that would be a crass, cruel stance to take - wouldn't it, Helen?

@27:46 What goes on in "women only spaces" that a person's genitals become relevant? I've had GPs and doctors of both sexes, and I've never seen their genitals. It's not relevant to the care they have given me. I do of course have sympathy for people who have been raped and do not want to be in the presence of someone who reminds them of the terrible actions of the past, in the same way that I don't expect someone who was mauled by a dog to put up with an over-friendly dog when they visit a friends' house - if they make the request, obviously it is common decency to make accommodations - but that is hardly the default.

@28:00 I have mentioned sincerity before, and it is relevant here too, but it doesn't need repeating. Sport. Ah, yes, where everyone should be exactly the same in order to compete. I do not know the best way to divide sport up, but we never divide things into just male and female. There are age groups, weight classes, divisions, handicaps - a thousand different ways that allow people to compete with others of a similar level. Biological sex, to me, is one of the dumbest ways to split groups up by ability and I'm sure the feminists would agree.

@29:31 This is an interesting point, but not in the way I think Helen meant it.

@30:30 I feel unutterably sad when a woman says that women wouldn't win anything in an open event. Jasmine Paris won (at least one) in elite open competition. A friend I worked with won outright a long distance running event. I am certain Simone Biles would have wiped the floor against any man. I am certain that women, given the same desire, advantages and encouragement as men, would close the gap with men significantly. I would be horrified if someone suggested that Kenyan men should be excluded from the marathon because "otherwise, non-Kenyan's would never win any marathons."

@30:50 I see Helen addresses the gymnastics issue - to an extent.

@32:28 Here is where we see ample evidence against the prohibitions Helen seems to be seeking from America.

I would ask all the parents out there: would you feel safe sending your child - who is of a sex different to yours - alone into a public toilet? Which would you rather do instead: take the child into the other toilet, or go themselves into the other toilet? The answer is easy at the moment if you are a father with a baby, since the women's toilet is more likely to have a baby changing station - but for older children? What would you do?

I am reminded of James O'Brien's point of "who checks"? If you elimiate someone from a space becasue of what their genitals are - who checks? Or will you legally require all trans folk to wear a pink triangle? Will you require people to out themselves as trans whenever they use a toilet away from home? Would you subject a whole group of people to the same "urinary leash" that women suffered under in the past? Will you make it an offence to be in certain public areas simply because of who they are, and not becaseu of what they do? These are dystopian questions to be asked. I know they are not the same, but there are echoes of apartheid, segregation - things that I would like to think are in the past and should stay there.

Many of the points made for women having separate facilities that Helen raised are applicable to all women.

Further, there are women who have been assaulted by women. Do we make separate accommodations for them? Or would you recommend they use the men's facilities?

I have all the sympathy in the world for rape victims who have traumatic flashbacks, and who feel unsafe. I wonder if Helen is aware of the number of trans people who don't go swimming because of fear? Fear of ridicule, fear of assault? Trans folk who have been assaulted? All assaults are terrible things, and we should do what we can to prevent them - but removing personal liberties from an entire group, the vast, vast majority of whom are blameless? This does not sit well with me, though how to go about dealing with the problem in a better way is a tricky question I do not have the answer to.

I've made all the points I want to about sport, but with Lia Thomas - what exactly is the argument here? Did the other swimmers feel unsafe?

@37:55 I suspect there are many trans folk - and all the other queer folk - out there who would object to the statement that the bullying all goes one way. It very much does not all go one way, and it is the focussing on trans people by mostly right wing reactionaries and media which has caused a great proportion of the ruckus. People who live and work with trans folk have a generally normal reaction to the fact they are trans - it's the people to whom a trans person is an abstract that manage to "other" them so much as to make them figures of fear and disgust. That's my view of the situation, in any case.

Trans people have existed for a long time. There are newpaper articles over a hundred years old about trans folk - and are written in a much more sympathetic way than would be the case now. Even sex-change surgery is older than knee transplants. Something has indeed changed, but I doubt it is the human beings themselves - it is some manufactured reaction that has gained traction. At least partly. There are actual issues and problems to solve, and I fully believe that solving them in a sensible way will be helpful to men, women and everyone in between.

@40:16 No argument here about the IOC being corrupt. Not a great reason to demonise sincere trans folk.

@41:55 Funny in a not funny way how Helen points out the oppressive behaviours of society toward people with non-conforming sexual attraction, and these are the same behaviours many people are displaying towards trans folk. It's LGBTQIAAP+ because it is groups of people who have been judged by society at large to be in some way "less" and so have been treated badly - thrown out the military, disowned by parents, fired from jobs, subjected to conversion practices - or otherwise fallen foul of falling outside of what is seen as "acceptable". I don't think a human being's worth should be down to what society deems "acceptable". Everyone who falls outside of "acceptable" felt the need to band together. Being gender critical feels like groups trying to pull the ladder up after themselves - it feels like we are going backwards, socially, towards some puritan thinking.

@42:54 Do tell, Helen, how gay culture works. I am all ears.

Oh, I see you leave it to the listeners imagination. I'd love to hear a survey to see what the reality is.

@43:05 I am, and always will be, a staunch supporter of "The L comes first". They are the ones who stepped up in teh AIDS crisis and donated the blood that was so desperately needed to help keep those suffering alive.

@45:30 (paraphrasing) "The people in this movement [what Helen calls the "Sex Realists"] have been through some sort fo crucible - and these can be good bad or indifferent". Helen then goes on to list some of the least reality-based groups I could think of. The only one she missed out is "Flat Earthers".

I do find it interesting that Helen and - Maya, is it? - are both economists. I wonder how many sex and reproductive biologists are in this group? Curious to see a break-down.

I am a fan of the acronym FART - Feminism Appropriating Radical Transphobe.

The dichotomy of "Intersex and trans people are a tiny minority, we shouldn't pander to their needs" and "trans and intersex folk are too numerous - they will destroy the data we use!"

It is saddening that some people see this as a battle, while trans folk just want to live their lives without fear or discrimination. If sex and gender were such natural things, we wouldn't need people like Helen to police it.

#richard dawkins #helen joyce #terf island #commentary #tw: misgendering #tw: suicide #Youtube

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runthepockets · 7 months

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I kinda hate people framing transmasculinity as....idk. Those virgin vs chad memes where the cis dude is the skinny little guy who's got reserves about listening to girly pop music, while the trans guy is the big buff dude going "I have Brittney Spear's name tattooed across my chest AND I'm wearing women's panties cus I'm just SO NATURALLY confident in my HARD EARNED MASCULINITY" like I'm sorry but the fact that I had to jump through so many hoops to be who I am has left me with a lot of scarring. I'm not going to lie to you. Being trans is hard fucking work. I know nobody wants to hear it cus men are supposed to be the "easier" gender and being queer is supposed to be the "fun" and superior alternative to tradition, but I do have a lot of hangups. I'm sensitive to certain words and phrases. Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is widely recognized as a classic, one that I've talked to numerous black men about both irl and online, and I still have reserves about owning it because it's so "girly". I'm more likely to burn a dress than wear it. I have a lot more sympathy for men of all backgrounds now that I pass as one pretty regularly, and feel myself relating less and less to people that don't. I regularly wish my dick was bigger. I still find myself wishing I was more handsome, that I had bigger muscles, that my voice was deeper, that I was a couple inches taller. I have a head like a goddamn disco ball and sometimes get too bent out of shape over things that seem really small to most. Sometimes I have to get really drunk or high before I really let myself feel my feelings rather than compulsively intellectualize them. And even though I would never hold another man to the same standards I hold myself to, I still find myself incapable of crossing certain lines. I wish I could live in that perfect world where all my problems got solved just cus I changed my pronouns and started hormones, but I don't.

That said: I don't think I'd trade it for the world. I love being a man. I love that my anxieties and hangups are more congruent to that of the average joe than anyone else. I love when other men trust me enough to ask me for help. I love that women feel anxious about my silence during our shared time together, and when they finally get me to open up I admit "I was just thinking about whether or not a chimpanzee with a broadsword would win or lose against a snowmonkey with a katana" and feeling the tensity in the air fade and feeling her posture relax when she realizes I'm just another well meaning doofus. I love that my working class masculinity lends to me being more bold and ambitious and outspoken and innovative than that of your typical Wall Street dirtbag or even your average 9-5 middle class faux-intellectual. I love the way little black boys wave at me in public, just instinctively knowing I'm no different than their brothers and fathers. I love that an episode of a prime time family sitcom had an older black woman sitting down with a younger black man and telling him "Working here at Abbott as a young Black man, you are in a unique position. You are also at a crossroads; your students can either fear you or they can respect you. Can’t have both." and I immediately understood and adapted the mindset into my daily life.

Being trans to me isn't so much about having it easier, it's about still having issues-- sometimes even more than before-- but having the energy, courage, foresight, and resources to be able to deal with them this time around. Life is all ups and downs, never all of one or the other, and how committed you are personally to the entire ordeal is entirely up to you.

#gender diaries

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cosmindart · 10 months

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Lazarus info dump! (long post)

ABOUT

Lazarus Buddy Anderson

ETHNICITY: Afro American (Cabo-Verde)

GENDER: Male (trans)

RACE: Originaly Human

AGE: 34ish (Interdimentional distorsion)

ORIENTATION: Unclear, like men most

ORIGIN: Modern Earth America

STATUS: Interdimensional Vagabond

BLOOD TYPE: O (?)

OCCUPATION: Depends/Usually nonen

Full Name: On paper he's Buddy Lazarus Anderson but he currently goes by Lazarus Buddy Anderson instead.

Reason/Origin for his name: Buddy was a placeholder name that stuck through-out his transition, Lazarus was added as a middle name by his mother (Proserpine Hectate Anderson) as it’s what she would have named him if he had been born a cis-man.

Nicknames (with reasons):

B, Bee, Bud > Shortened versions of Buddy

Laz, Lazzy > Shortened versions of Lazarus

Manbeast > Based on his claw-like hands, feral demeanor and overall beast-like behavior.

Short stories featuring him

Dear Otto

My one and only Buddy

PERSONALITY

Qualities: Confident, Charismatic,Courageous

Flaws: Short tempred/anger issues, Selfish, Impatient

He once was soft and sweet but the constant changes to his body, feeling forever out of place and the harsh world he landed in many times forced him to develop a tougher persona. Lazarus is very cold, distrustful and outright aggressive toward people even if they try to help. Nowadays he’s a more Cunning, confident and selfish man but deep down he’s still capable of being kind and helpful to people, just in a more “tsundere way” (he would hate being called that tho!)

LIKES

Peace and quiet (relaxing

Having a Bipedal bodies

Meat (raw or cooked)

Forest environments

Pomegranates

DISLIKES

Complete silence (stressful)

Having an Avian bodies

Nuts

Snowy Mountains

His Hands

Strengths: Agile, Flexible, Fast, Knows how to put up a fight.

Weakness: Tires easily, rather fragile, easy to anger/emotionally destabilize.

Skills: While his body is relatively fragile he has learned to better tolerate pain. He also like to say that between getting hurt so often and the inter-dimensional travel, his body trained itself to heal faster

Hobbies: Woodcarving

Habits: Purrs in his sleep (especially after stressful days). Fidget with Knives a lot. Used to pluck his eyelashes a lot.

Fears: Getting stuck in a world he doesn’t like or getting stuck in a void between worlds.

Goal: Finding his home-world and/or his mother.

STORY & ABILITY

Childhood Discovery

At age 8 Lazarus discovered that he could create small portals he could put his hand in to reach out and steal things from other worlds.

One day after a bad argument with his mom he created a bigger portal and jumped in. As any kid would he was mesmerized by the world he was suddenly in. He spent all day exploring and playing, completely forgetting about the argument until he got hungry.

When he opened a portal to get back home he got trusted in yet another foreign world. After doing it a couple more times he realized he had no control over what dimension he ended up in and had no way of getting back home besides world-hopping at random.

Lost and Found

After a few weeks (?) of hopping, feeding on random things that look familiar enough to be edible he finally ended up in a dimension that looked like home.

He even stumbled upon a woman that looked exactly like his mother. However it's soon understood that this wasn't his home, that woman had her own version of Lazarus but he had passed away as a newborn.

His "second mother" ended up raising him as her own, still very much aware and encouraging of Lazarus wanting to eventually find his dimension. She convinced him to stay with her safely until he could either precisely control where his portals led to or once he reached adulthood.

Second Departure

At age 20 he finally decided to resume his world-hopping in order to find home. His still travels to this day many decades later. He deeply regret leaving both his initial world and his second mother.

He never stays long anywhere he knows isn't his home and hardly makes friends. He wants to get close to people and make connections but he know it's pointless or even damaging to build relationships he know wouldn't last with his going to a different dimension and never coming back sooner or later.

While his name is or was Buddy Lazarus Anderson he currently he prefers to go by Lazarus rather than Buddy. He'll call himself Buddy again once he gets 'back home'... or perhaps not.

Portal Mechanics

He can open 1 mini portals (one you can fit your hand or face in) per hour, big ones his whole body could fit through can only be created once every 24 hours (he can mix & match).

He usually stay less than a day in dimension when he isn't human/know it cant be home (he sometimes doesn't even go through those dimension when only initially peaking with a small portal). Exit portals will only (or at least usually) generate in safe places, a portal would never spawn high up in the air where Lazarus would fall to his death when exiting it unless he can fly or float in that dimension.

If Lazarus go through a portal it almost immediately closes behind him, in rare case where it doesn't going back through it would NOT lead him back the previous world he was in but yet another one.

APPEARENCE

Default Appearance

Lazarus's body changes to fit the world he lands in, usually to fit the "sapient majority". He has a "default" appearance that serves as a base for his shifting.

Body Build: Slightly thinner than average Height: 1,65m/5’3 Weight: 55kg/121lbs Skin color: Brown with a slight greyish purple tone Hair style: Messy curls Hair color: Black with some white on the front (brushed back over the top) .

Eye color: Very dark brown/black (sometimes pink) Distinguishing Features: His left pec is discolored. Preferred Clothing: Anything black or dark. Accessories: He always has a green ribbon tied in his hair gifted from his mother. He used to also have round pink sunglasses but they don’t show up as much anymore)

Appearance Fluctuations

When traveling through dimensions, Lazarus's appearance changes in accordance to the universe he lands in. Most key features remain the same such as he lack of pigmentation on his head and chest or his racial traits (even in a world where black people don't exist he might still display African genetic traits like his coily hair.

His clothes only stays if he lands in a world where it would chronologically make sense for him to wear them, otherwise they either disappear or change to match the setting and anatomy required. However it's interesting to note that regardless of the setting, time period, or species he’s in, his green hair bow will stay on. His pink glasses used often make it through too but nowadays they are absent more often than not. Sometimes instead of getting his pink shade his sclera turn pink instead the usual yellowish white.

What is important to note is that his body isn’t just turned into what the sapient majority is, his body is remodelled to what he would have looked like if he was born in that realm. What this mean is his surgery scars will not appear in a world where he didn’t have breast to begin with or the shape of them could be different depending on the world's medical advancement. Additionally Buddy might find himself with extra scars or healed wounds in some rare cases.

HEALTH AND TRIVIA

Health

General health: Seems usually healthy but often sports random scars all over his body. These wildly vary in terms of shapes and size. Posture: Used to slouch a lot, he still does so now but not as much as he’s actively trying to fix it. Physical illnesses: Sometimes can be seen having a spiral scar on his stomach showing visible sign of his body being corrupted by inter-dimensional travel. His recent travels has had it gone for now making him think he’s actively fighting said corruption and taking better control of his shapeshifting powers. Other than that he is usually fine. It's not impossible for him to sometimes ending up missing a limb in some of his travels. Mental illnesses: Probably has a lot going on but wont consider talking about any of it beside the occasional “mommy issues” joke.

Conversation

Way of speaking: Very informal and rude. Common conversation starter: Insults and roast-like jokes. Swears: A fuck ton. It's rare for him to have a conversation without at least 3 "fuck" thrown in there. Made-up words: He rarely add his own made-up terms in his vocabulary but can be perceived as such, influenced by slangs from other dimensions he occasionally slips-up and add those other-worldly words into his speech. More often than not these get replaced by a close in-world equivalent from the listener's perspective. Languages: Can “speak” many real and fictional "sapient" languages thanks to his inter-dimensional travel, tho from his perspective he hear himself and people speak in english almost all the time. This is a huge advantage as it makes him 'omnilingual'. This 'onmilinguality' only work at his level of sapiency: in worlds where he's human i he speak/understand any humanoid languages but not animal ones and vice-versa.

Has a know mother called Proserpine Hectate Anderson nicknamed Lotus who he’s looking for. There are many Lotuses across all dimensions

Has an unknown-to-him father he never saw called Atticus. There's only one of him across the universe and he is the father of every single Buddys.

There are other versions of him in many of the world, almost every single one of them goes by Buddy Lazarus Anderson as opposed to this Lazarus.

An old man Called Otto tagged along with him in his travel for a short period of time. As much as he hates to admit it, Lazarus misses him.

Never smoke or tried any drugs. He very rarely drinks.

#Lazarus B Anderson #Worldhopper Lazarus #OC #my OC

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strangestcase · 2 years

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hot take: transphobes r literally scared.

they are people who have based their identity around their ASSIGNED gender identity.

when you tell them gender can change, they get scared because all their lives they've thought shit like "im a woman because I have xx chromosomes and a vagina, and it's very cool to be a woman! im happy to be one!" and suddenly they see people who have those traits but arent women, and women who lack those traits. they're scared 1) something unique is being stolen from them (it is not) 2) some sort of sacred rule is being broken. why? because without that rule, that "something", what's left?

when you take out the sex part, they're nothing. they have no gender. that's why they think "gender" is something only trans people have. they go. I was wrapped in blue blankets and have a penis therefore I am a man! they never go. regardless of the blankets and genitals I like being a man therefore I am a man! they dont want the sex = gender spiel to leave because then their gender is fickle. (this is not to say all transphobes are secretly trans, I just mean that they can't picture their gender being separated from their sex when those match)

cis people at large would GREATLY benefit from learning more about gender in an abstract way. saying "im a woman because I'm happy and comfortable being one and I choose to actively be one, and not because something I have no control over, such as my sex, has made me one" is liberating to both trans and cis women. and there are a lot of ways of being a woman because gender is unique to every person!

genuinely the body-mind separation thingy will fix your identity issues I promise. you're not just a body and you're not defined by your body. cis people would be 10000% less weird about sex shit if they understood that they too can be their gender on purpose.

#doc talks

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rjalker · 2 years

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actually yeah I am just gonna copy and paste the whole thing since it's only on the web archive now.

Understanding Binary Privilege: An Oft-Overlooked Axis of Gendered Privilege.

Published June 24, 2020

Disclaimer: I, a white woman, originally wrote this article before the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor at the hands of the police. As I say in the piece, I drew a lot of inspiration for this article from Peggy McIntosh’s 1988 essay on White Privilege, which she in turn wrote with input from the Black women she worked closely with.

Civil rights activism doesn’t exist in a vacuum. The LGBTQ+ community has derived many of our civil rights advocacy practices from the powerful Black leaders of the Civil Rights Movement. Though it’s Pride month, it’s extremely important that we do not lose sight of the very real and important struggle for justice, dignity, and respect for Black Americans. Black Lives Matter.

For a long time, as a binary trans woman, I thought that I had a nuanced understanding of all things gender. I was under the impression that, because I had examined my own gender identity, I understood how that worked for everyone. However as I spoke more and more with genderqueer and nonbinary folx, I began to realize just how little I understood about the privilege my identity carries.

The unearned advantages many of us enjoy in life, known as privileges, have an undeniable and often insidious effect on our lives, as well as on the lives of people who do not enjoy these advantages. Though many people are familiar with concepts such as white privilege, male privilege, and straight privilege, there are other avenues of privilege which are less well-known. These include things such as able-bodied privilege, cis privilege, and one which is rarely talked about but extremely important in our current society: binary privilege.

The term privilege, specifically social privilege, refers to the advantages that certain groups in a society have over other groups. For those who enjoy these benefits, they are largely invisible, and seen as “normal” or “standard”, even though others in the same society may not have regular (or any) access to these things. In her 1988 essay on White Privilege, Peggy McIntosh described privilege as “an invisible package of unearned assets” which she had access to, but her black contemporaries did not. McIntosh was a white woman who realized, while trying to educate men about the advantages they had over her due to their gender, that she herself had advantages over the women of color that she worked alongside. This prompted her to examine and codify her white privilege with a list of 46 advantages that she had over non-white American women.

To understand what I mean by “binary privilege”, it can be helpful to think of privileges in terms of the axes upon which they sit. For example, women are largely disadvantaged in relation to men; this is the axis upon which male privilege sits. Similarly, transgender people are largely disadvantaged in relation to their cis counterparts; this is the axis on which cis privilege sits. Nonbinary folx are largely disadvantaged in relation to people who identify as one of the binary genders; this is the axis upon which binary privilege exists. Therefore, binary privilege refers to the unearned advantages that people with a binary gender identity enjoy which nonbinary folx do not.

For the sake of clarity, it is important to note that “nonbinary” is both an umbrella term and a specific identity. Nonbinary as an umbrella term covers such identities as genderqueer, agender, third-gender, genderfluid, and bigender, among many others. This is the way that I am using “nonbinary” in this article — not just to reference people with a static nonbinary gender, but also to reference people with fluid, multiple, absent, or otherwise gender-expansive identities.

Many people — including, for a long time, myself — are under the impression that the issues specific to nonbinary gender identities are covered under the broader transgender activism network. This is not always the case. Many binary trans people do not realize the inherent privilege in their gender identity. This is likely because, as we do not benefit from cis privilege, we assume that we do not enjoy any advantages on the basis of gender. This misconception makes us blind to the comparative disadvantages faced by nonbinary folx.

I once considered myself to be in the same boat as nonbinary people, because I assumed that in general they, too, identified as trans. We both had genders assigned to us at birth that we did not identify with. We both felt distress with the expected roles and appearances of the gender we had been assigned to. We even both often went through the arduous process of changing our names and pronouns.

It took some time to realize that not all nonbinary people experience these things. Even compared to those who do, as a binary trans woman I have certain unearned advantages that my nonbinary contemporaries do not. These advantages include, but are not limited to, the following:

I never have to explain my gender — everyone knows, broadly, what a woman is.

Though it can be difficult, I can get my gender markers changed to one that matches my actual gender. Only 15 states (and D.C.) currently have an “X” gender marker as an option on their official identification documents, and the U.S. Federal government doesn’t recognize them at all.

I have the ability to signal my gender identity through the use of standard “feminine” modes of presentation. It is much more difficult to signal nonbinary presentation, especially for people who do not physically present as androgynous.

I never have to explain the proper use of my pronouns. Though they/them may have gained the widest recognition, there isn’t a true consensus in the nonbinary community as to what the nonbinary pronoun is, forcing nonbinary folx to explain their pronouns to those around them.

My pronouns are a traditional part of the English language and have never had their validity argued. Nonbinary folx often have to deal with confusion, ignorance, and even hostility regarding their pronouns. Though it is currently the most widely accepted, singular they/them has faced grammatical criticism for years, and pronouns such as ze/zim and ae/aer are often dismissed as “made up.”

I was able to change my name to a feminine name to denote my gender — though some names are unisex, there are no names which are inherently perceived as nonbinary the same way names can be perceived as inherently male or female.

My appearance is such that people will most often gender me correctly and use the proper pronouns for me, whereas many people do not use they/them as a default pronoun. (This advantage also stems from my white and thin privilege, both of which help me to “pass” in day-to-day life.)

People tend to at least understand what being transgender is, even if they have issues with trans folx. Many don’t even consider the idea of being nonbinary.

There are no widely accepted gender-neutral honorifics — I am comfortable being called “Ma’am” or “Ms.”, but there is no gender-neutral equivalents. Though such honorifics as “Mx.” or “M.” technically exist, they are not widely used or recognized — and even in spaces where they might be recognized, they aren’t pronounceable, making their everyday use nearly impossible. Furthermore, there simply isn’t a gender-neutral “sir/ma’am.”

When I have a child, I will have no qualms calling myself a “mother”, but there is no equivalent gender-neutral parental word — except, perhaps, “guardian”, though that often refers to a child’s caretaker rather than their biological/adoptive parents.

I can, generally speaking, see people that I connect with in media. Though trans women are rare, binary women are extremely common, whereas nonbinary and genderqueer characters are rare, and nonbinary genders are often used to denote a “lack of humanity” in an other-worldy being — because what could be more incomprehensible than someone that doesn’t fit into the gender binary?

I never have my gender identity equated with any sort of apathy or emotionlessness — many binary people seem only able to conceptualize gender-neutral folx as robotic or alien.

I am not often lumped into LGBTQIA+ categories that I do not identify with on the sole basis of my gender identity — many people assume that a genderqueer or nonbinary individual is also trans, but this isn’t always the case.

I have never seen my gender equated with asexuality — some binary people are only able to conceptualize attraction inside the binary, and so assume that a nonbinary person cannot experience sexual attraction at all. Though some nonbinary people are ace, not all are.

I am not often made uncomfortable by the rhetoric of trans-friendly activism, except in relation to how they speak about the binary nature of genders. Many LGBTQIA+ and other activism networks persist in using binary, gendered language, especially in relation to gay/lesbian rights or the politics around transition.

I mostly fit into what people “expect” of a trans person, in that I chose to medically transition. Many nonbinary people are not trans or otherwise do not have a desire to medically transition, but they are often still expected to do so by their contemporaries.

I’ve never had to endure someone making a joke of my pronouns — whereas nonbinary folx are often mocked for the “nonexistence” of neopronouns, the supposed plurality of they/them, and even sometimes dehumanized by being told that if they don’t have a gender they should just go by “it”.

Because my pronouns are inherently singular, there is never any confusion as to whether “she” refers to an individual or a group in written scenes. Because they/them is the most widely accepted gender-neutral pronoun but can also be used as a plural pronoun, the antecedent of the pronoun can be difficult to parse in prose writing.

I can find spaces where I can be surrounded by other binary women, both cis and trans. Spaces where nonbinary folx might be able to congregate are exceedingly rare, and are often also occupied by binary trans folx.

I could choose to not pay attention to the activism for and developments of the rights of folx who identify outside of the gender binary, and that is unlikely to negatively affect me.

I can be relatively certain that, when attending events in trangender-friendly spaces, the validity of my experience of my gender will not be questioned. Many nonbinary folx in these spaces will be faced with questions about when they will “figure out” that they’re trans, or will be derogatorily referred to as a “transtrender” or similar because of their identities.

I can be confident that people in LGBT+ spaces will be understanding toward my gender identity and my process for discovering it — even among other queer folx, nonbinary people often have to justify their own existence or fight for validation.

If I am not out to people, they generally assume the correct gender for me. As nonbinary genders do not occur to most people, there is less of a chance that a person will assume that somebody identifies with a nonbinary gender.

I do not have to come out to people for them to gender me correctly (I can be “stealth”), whereas a nonbinary person must come out for someone to even consider gendering them correctly.

Though it comes in many different forms, the takeaway is this: binary privilege is having your gender understood. In our binary society, it is broadly assumed that everyone experiences their gender the same way — which is why it is somewhat easier for many people to accept at least the concept of a binary trans person. They can feel confident, looking at me, that I experience my gender in approximately the same way that they do — that it is innate, static, and easy to comprehend.

For many nonbinary folx, however, this isn’t the case. Though some experience a static feeling of a “third gender,” many do not. Some do not feel an innate sense of gender at all; others do not feel a static sense of gender. When confronted with the binary, gender-essentialist nature of our society, these folx tend to be misunderstood simply because no one asks them how they experience their gender. It is assumed that they experience gender in the same way a binary person might, and therefore anything they try to express outside of that feeling is them wanting to be special or somehow being confused. Binary privilege is an innate cultural understanding of your gender identity — the parallel disadvantage of nonbinary people is that others presume to understand their gender, and so never actually ask them about it.

The thing about privilege, as McIntosh says in her essay, is that it’s insidious. It can be difficult to dissect and identify the different sorts of privileges you might hold over another person — in fact, we are often taught to be unaware of these advantages. The idea of binary privilege never occurred to me until I realized that I’d never considered the world from the perspective of a nonbinary person. For a long time, I thought that simply knowing about and respecting them was enough.

Though that is certainly the minimum that can be expected of me, it is far from “enough.” The culture that we have grown up in is reliant on the idea of male and female, and it is so ingrained that it is seen as an inevitability, a resting state. To identify as nonbinary is seen as breaking that mold, to be pulling against what is culturally acceptable.

As a binary trans woman I enjoy the comfort, safety, and relative acceptance of fitting into one of the two prescribed boxes that make up the gender binary in our current society. Some people may dislike that I felt the need to change boxes, but I still get to be in one of them. Nonbinary folx, though, have to endure the issue of being completely outside of these boxes, of attempting to move between them with ease and comfort, or of trying to erect their own boxes despite the ire of those who think they should be content with the perfectly fine boxes we’ve got right over here. And, no matter how they present themselves or how they explain their identities, nonbinary folx will often find themselves boxed in with one of the binary genders.

Considering these realities helped me to realize that, even as a transgender woman, I enjoy gendered privileges that others do not. Even if I have to endure debate as to whether or not I’m allowed to be the gender that I am, there is no argument that my gender isn’t real. Just as Peggy McIntosh realized once she became aware of her white privilege, it’s become clear to me that it’s time to start deconstructing the systems that granted me these unearned advantages in the first place.

We cannot deconstruct these systems if we are unaware of them, which is why it is important to consider as many different types of advantages as possible. The gender binary is comfortable for those of us who get to enjoy its benefits — it was helpful to me when I started my transition, because people simply had to switch which box they saw me in. I could signal my box with name, pronoun, and style of dress. In all these ways, I benefited from the binary gender system — just as many other binary trans people have benefited from it, and just as binary cis people enjoy the benefits of a gendered system which they created.

This benefit, however, comes at the cost of disadvantaging nonbinary people. The only reason that the gender binary remains such a comfortable place for people like me is because it excludes people unlike me by insisting that they simply cannot exist. There just isn’t a box for them. The system as it is now must be changed, but these changes cannot be wrought by those who are negatively impacted by the system alone. Rather, as binary people, we should use our inherent privilege and power to try and bring about change that will benefit our nonbinary and genderqueer friends.

There need to be more boxes, and those boxes need to be far more malleable and porous than they are now. We need to build a system which advocates and validates people who build new boxes, who frequently move between boxes, who occupy more than one box, or who don’t really like the idea of boxes in the first place. These people deserve an equal footing in our society, and it is our responsibility as the privileged party to listen to them and use our unearned advantages however we can to support them.

A great place to learn how to do this is The Gender Spectrum (be warned the link includes an autoplay video), an organization dedicated to helping create a gender-inclusive world for all children and youth.

#long post #binary privilege #discussion of exorsexism #exorsexism #trans #transgender #nonbinary #queer #pride #MOGAI #solidarity or drown #LGBT

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purpleoctopusman · 2 years

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But isn’t being trans the complete opposite of being gay? Being gay is about accepting yourself, being trans is about fundamentally changing who you are. We should tell gender non conforming, gay children that they are beautiful as they are, not that they should transition to the other sex.

No that's not true. Being Trans is about being your true self. Gender is a construct, this can be seen in how multiple cultures have different interpretations of gender. Not every trans person has gender reassignment surgery also there are gay, bi, ace and straight trans people. They being trans is their authentic self you just do not understand that because you identify with the gender you were assigned to (cisgender).

Consider a heterosexual person saying you weren't being your authentic self because "you are choosing to be gay". You and I both know we don't choose your sexuality and it is the same for trans people.

I'm not trans and do not feel comfortable speaking on behalf on them. So please if you are genuinely interested in learning about trans people, please speak to actual trans people with a variety of viewpoints and experiences.

A lot of propaganda seeks to misrepresent trans people as mentally ill, rapists, child molesters and misogynists. But trans people are never given a platform to talk about their experiences or issues. For example the BBC refuses to platform any trans people as to not allow people to hear their voices.

The tactics for trans oppression are the same used against gay people as recent as the last decade. Trans people have existed for as long as humanity has existed but much like gay people, information has been suppressed in order to maintain the patriarchal, cis, hetrosexual norm.

Trans people have always fought alongside and for gay people in the pursuit of equality and gay liberation but have sadly been thrown under the bus by other gay people as to better assimulate into heterosexual society. It is a long complicated history that can not be summed up in this message.

The same way the history of race and sex can not be summarised, a lot of the hard work is down to you educating yourself.

I myself have had to reflect on my feelings on trans people but the more I learn the more I realise how cis, straight, patriarchal society has warped my worldview. Through speaking to trans people and more importantly listening to them, I see they are like me, struggling to be seen, to be listened too, to be understood and allowed to live in peace as their authentic self.

Trans people have become my siblings in the struggle for equality and I am proud to stand with them.

I agree with you that we should be telling queer youths they should love themselves but you can not dictate what that self-love is. To warp them into something you want instead of what they want.

I hope this helps

#trans rights

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cyrsed · 2 years

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i think about how much i love this definition of transmasculine like all the time lol TTwTT

Any person who was assigned female at birth but feels that is an incomplete or incorrect description of their gender.

- What’s in a Word?: Crafting Transmasculine (2006)

i wish it were a more widely understood definition bc as far as i’ve ever heard, there’s no other word that describes both binary and nonbinary afab people (and vice versa for transfem obvs) without referencing their agab. that’s something i think we sorely need! and while i def think “transmasculine” as a term has issues: bc it has “masculine” in it, it’s often used to actually refer to how masc someone is, which is alright on a personal level ofc, but becomes problematic if you’re trying to describe an entire group of people with it.

like, i identify as transmasc, but i don’t identify with any definition of it that is something like “ transgender person [...] whose gender is masculine and/or who express themselves in a masculine way.” (from the nonbinary wiki) bc for me personally that feels reductive and limiting; i don’t like to define my gender by how masc or fem i am.

without a word like transmasc to mean “anyone afab who feels that is an incomplete/incorrect description of their gender”, we can’t talk about our collective experiences as afab trans/nonbinary people without prefacing it with what our assigned sex is, and that feels like a cis-centric (in the sense that people often frame transness around that “female-to-male”/”male-to-female”, genitalia-centric view of our identity), outdated framing that defines us by our agab rather than our actual identity.

i don’t feel that my transness is defined by my agab, & i personally think it’s really important to trans liberation to reject any framing that chains us to the birth assignment framework. being trans can be so much more than that! community, shared history, self-creation, liberation, love, solidarity, self-expression, etc., all of which are more important to me than what sex i was assigned.

(besides that, there are also trans people who feel dysphoria being reminded of their agab, and i’d rather not unnecessarily bring it up if i can help it)

it’s probably cheesy to say but i’m fine with being an embarrassing millennial on social media, so i’ll say that transmasc is genuinely such a powerful word when used this way! it could represent solidarity and agency where we’re so often denied it! i mean we gay/trans/neurodivergent/disabled/etc people know how powerful it is to find the language/tools to describe our positions and experiences. realizing i was autistic was literally so life changing, and then before that, realizing i was trans completely changed my life from feeling like i must be a terrible person, being an isolated kid who was sure i must be the only person on earth who felt like this because i’d never heard anyone talk about these experiences before, to realizing that there’s language to describe how i feel, and there’s a community of people who share those experiences!

that’s why i feel so strongly about this definition of transmasculine, bc right now i don’t think there’s any other word that describes the particular group of people with the experience of being an afab trans/nb person (and vice versa for amab trans/nb people!). i would love if there were another one, esp if it didn’t include the “masculine” part just bc i think it gives the wrong impression that it’s something to do with gender presentation or manhood,, but until there is i’ll keep using transmasc.

it’s so important to have the language to describe our experiences, and name the people affected by certain experiences rather than keeping them separate and isolated and less capable of bridging that gap to form solidarity with others, eg. on twitter i see a lot of references to how g*nder cr*tical people and other right wingers target trans men specifically, but they leave out nb afab people from that description even tho we share those experiences. instead of changing it to “trans men and afab nb people” or “afab trans and nb people” i personally think that saying “transmasculine people” gets the job done better and faster and is more inclusive when we’re using the above definition!

#i've written this post before and i always end up not posting it bc it's always so freaking long #but i was just overwhelmed by love for my fellow trans people TTuTT #this is as short as i can get it lol #this is a positivity post btw :) this is NOT any kind of attack on anyone who uses this term differently #it's just advocating for the advantages of defining it via the crafting transmasculine definition #it's not trying to start ~discourse~ or drama or whatever #legit just extolling the virtues of a word i like :B #i am simply passionate and autistic #(long winded)#transmasc

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pagan-corruption · 9 months

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I think we are using different definitions. The issue is that the sex in sexuality refers to biological sex. There’s much more to biological sex and attraction than secondary sex characteristics that can be emulated via surgery. If we go with the idea that sex and gender are different (meaning one refers to the physical body of someone, their anatomy, and the other refers to a feminine or masculine gender presentation), what you are saying is that lesbians can be attracted to any gender presentation, masculine or feminine. This I agree with. However, you’re also saying lesbians can be attracted to both male and female people, and this I disagree with because that would be bisexual, not lesbian. I respect trans women’s identity as trans women and they should get to live their lives however is dignified for them, but the reason they are trans to begin with is because they were born male, and lesbians are not attracted to male people regardless of cosmetic surgeries or degree of femininity, and lesbians can be attracted to masculine cis women because those are female, hence calling them cis which I believe is supposed to be the opposite of trans. There’s a differences in perceiving someone or something as being attractive (for example an attractive painting) and being attracted to them. Before you said that since you were stone you were down for anyone who identifies as a woman regardless of biological sex, I thought maybe I’m misunderstanding you when you say attractive and you mean simply in the sense of perceiving someone as good looking for example through a feminine gender presentation, but it seems like you’re saying lesbians, at least in your definition, can be attracted to male people so long as these male people identify as women and attempt to emulate a feminine gender performance. I would not consider attraction to just femininity to fall under the definition of lesbians. Lesbians are also attracted exclusively to the same sex, meaning the female sex, at least in the common definition. If you would have sex with a trans woman with a strap because you’re attracted to that trans woman in such a way that you desire to act on it regardless of if you do and in what way, then we are not using the same definition, because then your definition is that lesbians can be attracted to both male and female people as long as those male people have a feminine gender presentation and/or had cosmetic procedures to look more female. Still, they don’t literally become female, and as a result I would say your definition falls under a bisexual with a preference for males that have very feminine presentation and cosmetic surgeries and that’s fine. I am not trying to provoke you or anything. I am just genuinely explaining my perspective and I believe the perspective of some of those who messaged you without any hostility so you can see where we come from, and if you answer back without hostility as you did, then I can see where you come from as well, and this is why I think it is a matter of different definitions, which I believe erodes the meaning of what a lesbian is and makes it more fluid so as to include both sexes because both sexes can identify as having a woman gender identity, whereas lesbian is commonly understood as being exclusive attraction to the female sex

"HAVE YOU CONSIDERED YOU PEGGING TRANNIES HURT MY FEELINGS?"

#even garden variety transphobes understand that trans people can be attractive to cis monosexuals that's what trans panic is #they are terrified of bringing a trans woman home because they know they could and would #steve crowder is the most famous transphobe next to jkr and is a famous chaser #being transphobic is one thing but the weird insistence that hrt does nothing but weaken your bones is just weird to me #because almost no one else thinks like this #and the ones who do are either extremely bad faith or has never interacted with the trans community or even cis gnc people #like their understanding of gender starts and ends with silence of the lambs #it bears repeating: these people are upset that I make them think about trans people naked

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duckprintspress · 3 years

Text

Advice for Writing Trans Male Characters

Hi everyone, and welcome to our second guest post! We approached a trans man, and fellow writer, to put together a list of suggestions for cis people who want to write trans male characters! He has chosen to remain anonymous. Always remember, there is no one trans experience, and no one trans person’s knowledge will reflect the range of ways that trans people live. Our post author writes from his perspective, based on his knowledge and research, and much of this is relatively specific to the modern United States. Always use multiple sources when writing a character with an identity or identities that you don’t share!

So, you want to write a trans male character but you're not a trans man yourself. Good! We need more trans male characters out there in the world. There are a few things to consider, however. This is not a perfect list (I would never claim to be perfect), but here are some thoughts from a trans man about writing people like me.

Trans men are men. They talk like men, think like men, and walk like men, except where socialization as women has forced otherwise. By this I mean that descriptions should not include things like “he walked delicately, like a woman”. However he walks, it's like a man, because he’s a man. Other characters should not note that he “thinks like a woman” or that he “acts like a woman.” If you talk about a trans man transitioning and you mention that he is working on ways to masculinize his speech patterns or walking, that's fine, but make sure it's done from his perspective, e.g. “Michael tried to lower his voice, attempting to sound more like his father.” Do not use “Michael tried to lower his voice, not wanting to sound like a woman.” It's his voice and he sounds like a man. Also, many woman have deeper registers and many men have higher registers, and there's honestly not that much difference between a woman who speaks in a low alto and a man who speaks in a high tenor. Avoid gendering voices, mannerisms, and other things. A good rule of thumb is that if it's a concept, idea, or an inanimate or non-sentient thing, it is physically and/or emotionally incapable of having a gender and you should not assign one to it.

1. A trans man who has decided that all he needs to do is come out to be a man is still a man, with a man's body and male genitals, because he says he's a man. Even if he is not out, he is a man. He can be uncomfortable with his body, or with how others perceive his body, but it should not be described in terms of “womanly” aspects.

EX: David's breasts made him uncomfortable, reminding him that others looked at him differently than how he would have liked.

2. 72% of trans men do not ever want full gender reassignment surgery, and this doesn’t make them “less of a man.” The surgeries are expensive, invasive, and don’t always result in a fully functional genital apparatus. Also, there are a lot of them. A trans man, to have a full semi-working penis (one that will not be useful for sex but will at least be useful for urination), is looking at at least three surgeries: to remove the labia, to 'bulk up' the clitoris, and to move the urethra. There are also surgeries to remove the cervix and/or the uterus, to create a scrotum, and to add a pump inside the scrotum attached to a surgical implant in the penis to assist with arousal. Even if a man has all these surgeries, the penis he gets loses most of its sensitivity and won’t become physically aroused (as in, achieve erection) without medical intervention. He may also need electrolysis to remove pubic hair. Ultimately, many trans men opt not to deal with it. Many still want top surgery, or a hysterectomy, or both, and often testosterone is used to help deepen their voice and change their body shape (but, again, gendering a trans man's voice by suggesting it's “feminine” because he's not on testosterone or because his voice hasn't dropped yet is not a great idea). It depends on the type and amount of dysphoria a person experiences, versus their financial and mental ability to deal with the different choices. Some trans men are happy with no hormones and only top surgery. Others want or need everything. There is no “correct” way to be trans.

3. Unless your story revolves around their transition (which, as a cis person, maybe it's best you don't do, honestly), there’s no reason to go into detail about your trans male character's surgeries. If it’s not plot relevant, it's probably not necessary.

4. If you’re writing porn, make sure to always use male pronouns for him, even if he has chosen not to go through surgery. If he has gone through surgery, what he has will be indistinguishable from a cis male penis except that he may need viagra or a surgical pump.

5. Reactions to testosterone are different for every trans man. Some men never have their voices drop, never grow a beard, and/or never bulk up and get all muscle-y. Some men are on testosterone for two weeks and have a Gandalf beard with a voice low enough to sing bass. It just depends, mostly on genetics. If your character's father is a super hairy mountain man who sings bass in his lumberjack quartet, then your character is more likely to end up similar. If your character's father is basically an elf, then he's likely to be similar to that. Also, for a number of reasons, a trans man may choose not to or may be incapable of taking testosterone. Most doctors won’t prescribe it if the man wants to carry his own children in the future, for example.

6. Keep in mind that the order in which testosterone produces effects on a man’s body isn’t predictable, so don't worry too hard about 'getting it right.' Even trans men can't predict what they'll look like after being on testosterone for a while.

7. Also, a note: If your character is transmasculine and nonbinary, and taking testosterone, it's likely they will be on a lower dose than a trans man. That's not always true, but testosterone can be given at a few different doses, depending on how drastic a change a person wants and how quickly they want that change to occur. There’s still no guarantee: a trans man may never be able to grow a beard on a full dose, while a transmasculine nonbinary person might be on a very low dose and have a beard within the first month. But, generally, lower doses are meant to bring out smaller changes over a longer period of time, while higher doses are meant to bring out larger changes over a shorter period of time.

8. A non-fluid trans man is going to consider himself a man at all times, and always use he/him pronouns for himself, whether or not everyone else does. If you're writing a trans man point-of-view piece where he's not out or where he's not fully accepted, make sure he or the narrator always uses the right pronouns when others don't. That helps remind your audience that he's not the person other people think he is.

EX: Daniel was frustrated. His grandmother insisted on calling him “Sarah” no matter how many times he corrected her.

9. Menstruation is a difficult topic for a lot of trans men. Some men lose their ability to menstruate when they take testosterone, while others continue to menstruate. If they retain their uterus, however, the possibility of a menstrual cycle is always there. If/when menstruation happens for a trans man, it's often a time of major dysphoria. A trans man may have a lot of issues surrounding menstruation. Having a cervix also means yearly Pap smears, which can also be uncomfortable or dysphoria-inducing. Dysphoria can also happen during ovulation, when a person is most fertile. The body during this time is “getting ready for a baby” and the changes can be very triggering.

10. Testosterone may stop menstruation, but it doesn't necessarily stop pregnancy. Also, some trans men will go off their testosterone in order to carry their own child. During their pregnancy, it is important that they are still referred to as men. A trans man will generally prefer to be called “father” even if he carried the child, but some may prefer the term “mother.” If a cis person wishes to write a pregnant trans character, it would be better to err on the side of caution and use “father.” A trans man who has gone through top surgery will not likely be able to nurse his own children, but a man who has chosen to use a binder instead will be able to (probably - some people don’t/can’t lactate for other reasons). Whether or not he chooses to will be up to him.

11. Gender Dysphoria is the medical diagnosis given to trans people who want to do any form of medical transitioning. Being transgender is not in and of itself a diagnosis. A person can be transgender and choose never to transition medically. Dysphoria is generally most clearly understood as a form of discomfort in the body you possess. Sometimes a person experiencing dysphoria is uncomfortable with their body no matter what. He doesn't like his breasts, for example, unless they are bound, no matter what his setting is, who is looking at him, etc. His dysphoria takes the form of nausea at the mere sight of them. Alternatively, some people only experience dysphoria relating to how others see them. For example, a man may not mind his breasts when he's alone, and he doesn't usually bind, but on a specific day while he wasn't binding someone glance at his breasts before calling him 'ma'am' and now he can't uncross his arms in case someone else looks his way. For some people dysphoria comes and goes, and they have good days and bad days. Also, images can be dysphoria-inducing. For example, seeing a pregnant person might remind a man that he has a uterus, and make him extremely uncomfortable all day. Other people may go several days, or weeks or months, without experiencing dysphoria, but when it hits it affects them for a long time or very severely. Or a person might experience dysphoria every day, as kind of a low-level mental fog they can't shake.

12. Gender Euphoria is as valid as Gender Dysphoria. Gender Euphoria is the idea that a person might be content in the body given to them, but will never be truly happy unless they make a change. These people can live their whole lives as the gender assigned to them at birth without severe mental issues or physical problems, but it's like living a life without color. They can do it, but if there's a way to get color back, why wouldn't they?

13. Changing names is complicated and takes time. It also differs in every state/country, and may need to be re-done when a trans man moves. In some states, all they need to change their name legally is a court order. In other areas, a trans man needs to have lived using their new name for a period of time, or have doctor’s notes and authorizations. Once the character has changed their name legally through the courts, they need to change their driver's license, banking information, insurance, work papers, social security information, passport, birth certificate, and any other documentation bearing their name. It can take anywhere from a month to a year or more, and is expensive, sometimes prohibitively so. It's okay to have a trans male character who goes by “Mark” but whose parents or grandparents refer to as “Melissa.” The important thing is to make sure narratively you are confirming that those people are wrong.

EX: “Melissa! It's nice to see you come to visit!” Mark's mom said. Mark cringed, hating the sound of his deadname, but he hadn't yet been able to convince his mother to use the right one.

14. Do not portray a character binding for more than eight hours or with unsafe binders in a positive light. Just don’t. Binding, even with professional/high-end binders, is not safe. It's a stopgap - safer than not binding at all for some people whose dysphoria is really bad. It constricts the lungs and can break ribs if not done properly. It can permanently alter a person's chest cage if done for an extensive period of time. It's a necessary evil for people who are waiting to get their surgery done, in order to keep them alive to have that surgery. It's not a permanent cure-all. Binding also can cause dysphoria. A person who doesn't have dysphoria surrounding his chest can develop it after wearing a binder. So, have your character bind safely, or discuss the issues surrounding unsafe binding. (And yes, this applies even in a fantasy setting or world where the technology may be different. A story is a story, but the impact it could have on a real trans man is potentially dangerous, so write with consideration, and if you do introduce a magical or technological solution to this, maintain awareness of the reality.)

15. Transitioning without an in-person support group is one of the most common factors in transitioning regret. Give your character someone to go to the doctor with them, someone to hold their hand when they get scared, someone to talk them through moments when they're unsure. No one who goes under the knife is always completely 100% sure all the time. They need a community. Surgery and hormones are scary, even if a trans man knows he wants them, and trying to go it alone can spell disaster.

16. Given that a trans man will consider himself a man, it can be challenging to make it clear to a reader that he’s trans. If he's the main/POV character, you can write him dealing with some dysphoria. For example, if you decide your character binds, mention that his breasts are bothering him particularly badly one day. Have him adjust his binder. Describe putting a binder on. That kind of thing. If he's a minor character, it can be more challenging, but you can still have him do things like adjust a binder. You could also mention surgical scars, if a character takes off their shirt. Another thing you can do is just have the main character remember a time “before Mark went by Mark” (for example). Another way is to have the character mention some way in which they are fighting for trans rights, and acknowledge that the issue is personal to them. Try not to use the deadname unless he’s facing an actual microaggression by another character. The narrative or narrator character should never deadname the character.

17. FTM is not an accepted term anymore, as it implies that a person was one thing and changed. Generally speaking, if a trans man is not genderfluid, then he was never female or a woman. Likewise, the phrase “born in the wrong body” is not acceptable for use by cis people. The only real use it has is to explain dysphoria by transgender characters to cisgender characters who aren't inclined to listen or try to understand. The accepted term is AFAB, or Assigned Female At Birth. Keep in mind that terms and labels change with time, so do your research. For example, if you’re writing a historical piece, different terms may be more appropriate, and if you’re writing a modern current-day piece, understand that in ten or twenty years the terminology you use will likely have grown outdated.

18. The proper way to write the term is always “trans man” and never “transman”. Trans is an adjective describing a type of man, just like you might say an Asian man or a muscled man or a gay man. This comes back to the idea that a trans man is always a man, first and foremost.

19. An easy pitfall to avoid if your trans male character's setting is modern or modernesque is: Don't make the story all about their oppression. We are aware of the many ways in which the modern world is trying to oppress and harm the trans community, but trans men can still be happy and interesting people. They can have dysphoria without being depressed. They aren’t necessarily the “down in the dumps” character. Also, trans men have a long history of being activists, and are often erased in history, so don't be afraid to make your trans men an out-and-loud activist. Yes, terrible things have happened and continue to happen to trans men, and any trans man who has done any research into trans history will know about individuals like Brandon Teena. Trans men know the dangers they face. Knowing that bad things can and are happening doesn't mean a trans man can't find his own joy in life, despite things not being perfect.

20. Keep in mind when writing in historical settings that trans men have existed for as long as people have existed. Many trans men were able to go through life completely “undetected” until they died and those around them conducted culturally-common burial practices. It’s not unreasonable to have a trans man in Regency England, Yuan China, or Roman times. If you're writing about non-European-centric history, many cultures acknowledged those who didn’t present the way their AGAB (assigned gender at birth) would suggest, and do your research. Also, keep intersectionality in mind, and tread especially carefully when writing a trans man from a culture and period other than your own. This post is mostly applicable to trans men in the modern era, and especially in the United States. The trans male experience will be different in other places in the world, for people of different ages and of different religions and ethnicities and races, so the more traits your trans man has that are outside your own experience as a cis writer, the more you should consider if it’s wise for you write the story you have in mind, or if it might not be better to allow in-group members to tell those stories. And never forget - trans men can and are all things - all races, all religions, abled and disabled, etc. People have nuanced identities and multiple identifiers and trans is always only one of many.

21. In fantastical or science fiction settings, please always ask yourself if oppression of trans people or bigotry against them is even needed. Maybe a society doesn't assign gender at birth, but waits until a child is old enough to tell the society where they belong. Maybe a society reveres those who are under the transgender umbrella. Maybe children are considered genderless until they reach puberty. You have a million and one options; why limit yourself to what modern predominantly Western white Christian society says? If you do make a society that doesn't look anything like the modern world, for example they assign gender at age five, think about how that would affect society as a whole. What kind of pronouns would be used for children under five? Are young children genderless, or are they seen as genderfluid? What about people who age past five and are still genderless or genderfluid? What are the naming conventions for children?

22. There are mixed feelings regarding how a science fiction or fantasy setting should treat transitioning. Should it be an easy fix, with magic or advance science doing it instantly or nearly so? Or should it be difficult, reflecting the modern situation where the process often years before a person can feel “finished?” That's up to you. Trans people themselves are split on this, so there’s no pleasing everyone. Do your best, and whichever way you choose, make sure to tag it accurately or, for original fiction, be clear up front what approaches you’ve chosen, so people can choose not to read something that may make them uncomfortable at best or trigger them and profoundly harm them at worst.

Ultimately, your trans man is your character and you can do with him as you wish. Write responsibly, and do your research, and if you can, get a sensitivity reader or a beta who is a trans man.

So, go, diversify those stories, write the things, and present good representation! Happy writing!

#duck prints press #original content #writing advice #guest blogger #trans characters #trans men

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