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#this was a lot of stuff ive kinda really WANTED to say outloud so thanks for giving me an opportunity to ramble about how proud i am
dekarios · 2 months
Note
That sounds more positive than what I read before about Toos. Hope the little thing is feeling better and has a better appetite. :)
i cannot begin to describe how insane the change in her has been. ok i'm gonna get emotional with you anon, lets bond.
on the last vet visit she had, last friday, so a week ago now, the vet was convinced the pills weren't working because her kidneys went from stage 3 to stage 4 within a half a week or so, and that there was a good chance she's suffering and that we should say enough. the vet then essentially told my dad to book the appointment to have her put to sleep, without consulting my mother or me, because she was that bad. as it was a weekend, he could only book it for monday morning, very early. and so he did. we believed the weekend was the last days we'd have with her.
but over the weekend.. she changed. she went from being unable to stand, walk, eat, do anything, to having.. life and energy again. to eating whole chicken breasts and taking her pills beautifully, she drinks lots, to being able to walk around our large garden and do laps, her toilet is regular and looks healthy. it was like actively watching her fight to get better despite everything. so we cancelled the appointment, and bought more pills, since she didn't have more than the weekends worth.
we've been making sure she eats daily, switching up her meals if she refuses, she's been eating chicken, rice, egg, salmon, mackerel, ham, various other things and dog treats, she's been taking her pills too. sometimes she struggles, and it takes awhile for her to eat or take her pills, but she always does every day without fail. she's started to bark again, to wag again, her head is held high, her ears are perky, she runs! she was running! and she's kissed me!!! it's almost been confusing for my brain like, she's just like toos again, but i know she isn't, and i need to be mindful, but oh my god? she's just a normal dog again.
of course she has moments, especially after waking, where she is very wobbly and weak and it takes her awhile to wake up proper and get strong again. and she also sleeps all the time. but man, she's really doing okay. i mean - today has been not great, this is the worse she's been this week, but man.. considering we thought we had a weekend.. i can't begin to tell you how happy i am having a week with her where she's been herself. i'm still hopeful, maybe today was an off day, but if it isn't.. i can't be disappointed. she's fought so hard, yknow? she's such a brave lil baby. i love her so much
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warmau · 6 years
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Ooh can you do an au base of nct dreams' go mv?? Like them as rebellious teens or something like that?? It's fine if you're not comfortable with it, Still Thank You tho!!!
futuristic rebellious teens is something i can do!! (also all the people asking for bad boy!dreamies,,,,this is the closest i can give you LOL)
Mark 
leader of the “lost boys”, which is what the group of teenagers call themselves 
basically, they’re runaways that are anti-government and since they dont have anyone like parents or authorities to answer to - the job of protecting everyone fell onto the oldest
and,,,,as much as mark doesnt look the toughest or the scariest out of all of them in a long run - he is the most stable
with a natural knack for getting everyone out of sticky situations
and he’s no hacker like jaemin or salesman like haechan - he is the person everyone turns to for big decisions
like when they almost lost renjun in a street fight with some other teens,,,or when he was alerted that jisung was caught stealing and needed to somehow get bailed out 
mark, unlike any of the other members of lost boys, started off with a pretty normal teenhood 
but after the world started focusing less on humans and more on tech and money
he couldnt take it and promised he’d do something to help the world realize that being plugged in all the time was no way to live
he’s got “lost boys” tattooed on the inside of his wrist and even if he doesnt say it outloud - he’d gladly give himself up to save any of his other members
you’re kind of a rouge runaway - you don’t belong to a street group or anything like the “lost boys”
but you too aren’t exactly fond of authority - made obvious by the way you stand out
in a flood of other teens all dressed in their prim school uniforms or boring, copy and paste outfits for going out
you’ve got rips on your worn out jacket and your nose is stuck in a book rather than your phone
mark notices you right away - there’s empty seats on either side of you on the train
and everyone else keeps glancing suspicious looks your way that you don’t even bat an eyelash too
 “what a delinquent” “probably dropped out of school” “id never want to end up like that!”
are comments being thrown around - but you dont flinch
mark, on the otherhand, cant stand to hear it anymore
he makes his way through the crowded train and sits down beside you
without even looking up you mumble “don’t pity me. i know what they’re saying.”
mark is shocked at how easily you’ve seen right through his intentions,,,,but he doesnt get up
instead he tilts his head down to read the title of the book in your hand and smiles
“i remember that book when i was back in canada”
this sparks your interest, you move your gaze toward his and mark notices the pretty color of your eyes
“canada? how is it there?”
mark shrugs “i havent been back in a while.”
you shut your book, resting it on your lap
mark wonders if the bag with you is full of more books - you look like the type to carry pen and paper in a world where everything is digitalized
but that’s not bad,,,,mark likes that
“do you like reading? and not on your phone, i mean books.”
mark flushes a little in response, “i do but - ever since all the bookstores closed i havent really, you know,,,,been able to find any”
as he guessed, you fish another book out of the bag with you and plop it in his hands
somewhere in the train people have started whispering “oh now there’s two of them? two troublemakers up to no good!”
but you and mark both ignore them
“i dont know if you like historical fiction, but its all i have to give you now.”
mark touches the book, it’s been a long time since he’s held one. the last time he was in school, the textbooks had been chucked out for ipads
“ill be sure to return it to you.” 
you see the tattoo on mark’s hand and think ‘lost boys? ive seen that name around before’
the next stop is mark’s,,,,,but when he asks you where you’re going
you shrug and motion vaguely “i dont really go anywhere. i just,,,,,,,float around kinda,,,,,,”
the train begins to slow as it pulls into the station and just as the doors open, mark takes a hold of your wrist
he tugs you up and you stumble as he pulls you out of the train
“well then, why don’t you come with me.”
you stand and the wind from the train leaving blows you and marks hair everywhere
you both laugh 
the only two people in the whole station that are looking at one and other and not at their phones
and you nod
“ok, ill follow you for now.”
you say and mark lets his hand shyly slip from your wrist and into your palm, squeezing as he holds it warmly
Haechan
he’s nicknamed “the salesman” by the rest of the lost boys 
due to his ability to appeal to anyone and everything
in a world where everyone has access to the highest forms of technology 
to flying cars, personal androids, hologram phones
haechans charm is a skill both forgotten by most, but also when he turns it on he could sell someone a flip phone from the 00′s and make it look like its better than the current iphone52
for their group, haechan uses his skills mostly to buy from the black market 
the group doesnt have a real means of making money - but jaemin’s hacking ability, renjun’s capability with his hands, and chenle’s agility and fighting skills - can be sold for the right jobs 
and in many situations haechan has to figure out how to trade those talents for daily necceassities
although there are a couple of cafes with workers who are just,,,,,quite smitten with haechan’s adorable face,,,,that every now and then he can score some free good on the sides
but what really matters is when the group needs something like medicine 
or tech that has otherwise been banned by the government
haechan is the one to get it 
your father was an avid collector of old gaming systems, and after he went missing you inherited the boxes and boxes of all this old wiring and consoloes
and that’s how you got into selling it on the black market - after learning that a lot of it had been banned
so ,,, as a seller ,, you knew haechan
he didn’t have a bad reputation or anything - but he was different
for one thing, he had the words ‘lost boy’ tattooed below his ear and out of the usual customers on this market
he was pretty young,,,,,,,,and pretty different
you’d heard he was even friends with a renowned hacker and a teenager who was skilled in martial arts
both things that you just,,,,didn’t expect from the normal person
and although you’d never done business with him - you were surprised one afternoon to see him show up at your front door
your apartment,,,,,was covered in boxes from your fathers storage
haechan looked around, picking up this and that till he finally stumbled across some part of a system and went 
“this is what jaemin wants, are you selling it?”
you nod, “everything has a price.”
haechan grins, “i like the way you talk. so - how much?”
you name the amount and haechan’s grin falters
“and you’re not interested in,,,,,,anything but money? i know a guy who could hack into just about anything?”
you shake your head, “i dont need a hacker, i need to feed myself.”
haechan shrugs, “fair enough.”
he takes out a holographic card, the blue flashing screen lights up and the currency transfers from his name to yours
you thank him and haechan looks around a little more till he heads for the door
“by the way, do you live by yourself?”
you look down, your fathers disappearance has left you abandoned but you don’t really like to talk about it
the look on your face gives haechan enough of an answer
“you should come work with me, you have so much material and im assuming you’re good with tech too?”
you fidget, you’ve never really been one to be social
so being invited to ,,,, work with someone,,,,,especially haechan - you don’t know what to say
but suddenly you feel a warm hand on your shoulder and you look up to see haechan smiling
“c’mon, im not trying to bribe you or anything - but i think you’d be better off with us then all alone!”
you freeze a little,,,,,but haechan’s touch is warm
and his eyes are pouring into yours in a way that,,,you’ve never experienced before
“a,,are you only asking me to join because you want all of my dads stuff?”
haechan sighs, “you know - if it was anyone else in the world, id probably say yes. but it’s you and,,,,,,,,i like you,,,,,so no. im asking you to joing because you’re you.”
“yo-you like me?!?”
haechan grins, “i do, and as much as i like to think my charm works on people - you’ve successfully ignored me for a while until now.”
you furrow your eyebrows
“ignored?”
haechan starts counting on his fingers “there was that time i saw you with that other tech seller and i said hi and you just looked past me, ive also complimented your skills in tech before but you didn’t even look up at me and then-”
you put your hand over haechans to make him stop and to your surprise he interlocks your fingers
“so, will you join?”
you look around,,,,your home is nothing but a storage unit full of wires and memories of a painful past
and haechan is standing in the middle of it all like a beckon of light
so instead of pulling your hand away you nod, and let haechan pull you out into the bright world 
Jeno
the tagger of the group 
has always had an affinity for art, he’s actually the one who designed the lost boy tattooes
his is in a loop around his ankle bone
and even though the future has shifted its focus from man-made art to digitally created sculptre’s and paintings 
jeno enjoys working with his hands
and some of his work is graffiti 
mostly because the lost boys are rebels - and they cant just always be silently lurking in the shadows
so every now and then jeno has a “tagging project” 
where he makes the lost boys known through graffiti and sometimes it’s more than just the name of the group
it’s art,,,,,,it’s whatever jeno believes encompasses the values of the ‘lost boys’
you’ve always admired taggers,,,,,
you come from the upperclass - the people who embraced technological advancement and threw away all the hand painted, man made art that was passed down through generations
as a kid you remembered hearing the names of famous artists,,,,but as you got older
all you saw was digital art
no one talked about the movements, about modernism - impresionists
no one wanted to study the old art of egypt, of greece, of china
when one of your parents found you sketching to yourself on the terrace, they’d ripped the paper violently out of your hands
and replaced it with a tablet
“just tell it what you want to draw and it’ll do it for you”
you hated it, and whenever you saw tagged art out on the street - knowing it was drawn by someone 
by someone real, not some system built into a computer - it made you so happy
so to your amazement, you couldnt believe that you were seeing a tagger
when you stumbled upon jeno, hunched near a back alley wall - finishing up his new art for the lost boys
“i know you!” 
you couldnt help to blurt out, jeno turning to you - ready to dash for it 
but instead of the police he saw you, wide eyed and staring right at his art 
with a look that jeno,,,,had never really seen before 
is that,,,,admiration? 
you broke his thought as you stepped closer, touching the wall and jumping a bit
the paint was still wet and the tips of your fingers had turned red where you’d touched it
“im so sorry, i didn’t me-”
jeno smiles - he’s probably the least intimidating of the lost boys and he’s been told that his smile has some kind of power over people
instantly your nervousness calms and jeno hands you his brush
“you can just paint it over for me”
he suggests and when you touch the brush, a rush of electricity runs up your hand
it’s been so long since you’ve held a brush - let alone painted something by yourself
and jeno is watching you, careful and steady and realizes that like him
you’re a born artist
he lets you stay around to help him finish, even when the dark of night starts breaking into the morning
jeno steps back to admire your work and you notice that he isn’t wearing the usual clothes that you see around
from his ears dangle pretty jewelry that look as if they’re made from metal lying and simple things like paperclips or nails
he’s grinning and you see the way his jacket falls off his shoulders 
for a moment you think isn’t it possible that people can be art too?
when jeno turns to you he goes “you can’t tell anyone about this though, tagging is supposed to be anonymous,,,,”
jeno explains and you nod, slowly but then point out “but i always know your art from everyone elses. it’s distinct and unique,,,”
the flattery makes jeno’s heart skip
but before he can say much the familiar sound of sirens pull up down the street and jeno has to grab you and run so you two can get away without being seen
and when you both stop- pressed up together in another tight little alley you feel jeno’s heartbeat against your arm
it’s fast - probably from the running - but also probably from how close you two are ,,,,,,,,
“hey, if you want to do more art with my sometime,,,,ill be around. they’ll probably erase our tag by tomorrow so -”
you pull away from him when the coast is clear, but nod excitedly 
you pull out your holographic card, a small hologram that looks like you pops up and you tell it to transfer your data to jeno’s
he shyly waves you off and when you’re gone he pulls out his own holographic card
your hologram pops up again and jeno thinks the same thing you were a while ago
people,,,really can be art too,,,, 
Jaemin
a hacker
was supposed to actually work for the government as an intern engineer but ,,,, he decided to drop out of his prestigious high school and start well
hacking the government instead of protecting it 
he got into the lost boys when he met mark at a cafe - he thought mark was interesting
so naturally, he hacked into his holographic card only to understand that mark,,,,
really was hiding everything about himself quite well
so - after meeting with him (and apologizing for hacking him) jaemin joined
got his lost boy tattoo on the side of his finger 
he mainly hacks into large scale programs of the government that deal with citizen information
basically the government monitors people through the holograph card everyone carries around - and through their smartphones if they still have one
the lost boys believe that the government shouldnt have access to private info of people - because they exploit it
so jaemin’s whole task is to figure out how to shut down the whole system
of course,,,,that’s not going to happen in one sitting - he has to hack thousands of smaller networks
and gain information on governmental workers
and all without being traced so,,,,as usual he’s inside most of the time on the computer
he gets parts that haechan “buys” from people or that mark somehow manages to come by or that renjun builds
when the group needs extra funds he also sells his hacking ability under an alias on the black market
you are a well known hacker in the market as well - you and jaemi are probably the most sought out in the field
the only problem is ,,, you’ll do ANY job - even if it means working undercover for the government 
and jaemin disproves of that - so whenever you guys have contact he’s always like “you could do much better with your talents” and you’re like “im trying to put food on the table i dont care what my talents are used for”
and jaemin just,,,,cant get over your whole ‘i survive only for myself’ mentality 
it bothers him - he feels like there’s more to you,,,,that he just doesnt know
so one day - he decides he’s going to hack you 
and he knows he should feel guilty because hacking you is,,,,basically just doing what the government is already doing to others
but he’s just scared - what if something,,,,something bad is happening to you to make you this way
but of course - as soon as he attempts it
a billion firewalls pop up and his holographic card suddenly starts malfunctioning 
and suddenly there’s a message on his screen
and he doesnt even have to open it to know that your hologram is going to pop up and be like “jaemin. why are you hacking me?”
he freezes, “how do you know my name?”
you huff, “it wasn’t easy to guess. plus haechan has a big mouth. so,,,,why the sudden interest in my life?”
jaemin looks down, his dark eyes hovering over his keyboard until your hologram eggs him on to speak
“i just,,,i just wanted to know if everything is ok- recently ive heard you’ve been working with officials and i,,,,are you really ok with it for the money??”
it’s quiet on your end and jaemin waits until your hologram goes fuzzy - and then offline
and jaemin grabs at his holographic card, shaking it to see whats going on when another message appears
it’s an address
when jaemin arrives, you’re already there with a backpack over your shoulder
jaemin stares at it and then at you 
“what’s in there?”
“information.”
jaemin stares at it - then back at you
your face is half hidden by a facemask, you don’t make direct eye contact but jaemin can see
that you’ve got pretty features - that for some reason you’re trying to hide from him
he touches his own face, completely exposed to you and takes the backpack when you extend it
“don’t tell me you’re giving me the files the officials sent over to you-”
you shrug and jaemin can tell you’re smiling under the mask
“so you are a good person afterall,,,” he starts
and you look away,,,,suddenly your face is hot under the damn mask
when you and jaemin part ways 
jaemin is sure of whats in the bag - and when he gets back home all the lost boys crowd around him
and walla - all the files from the officials are in there
before he sits down to get to reading through some, jaemin finds a note stuck to one of the files
‘don’t try to hack me again. next time, just ask me out like a normal person’
jaemin blushes,,,,but picks up his holograph card - maybe you’ll be free on a weekend or something 
Renjun
his nicknames the “builder” 
he just,,,,really likes making things - and he can fix things as well
built a bike for haechan out of scrap garbage
fixes jaemin’s motherboards on the daily
chenle had asked for a staff to practice some martial arts with and it took renjun like two hours only to make it perfectly
he seems to just have the ability to touch something and understand how it works
but,,,like any lost boy,,, he doesnt exactly want to be building things and selling them for profit just to be used to hurt others
his lost boy tattoo is on the back of his neck
he really only talks to the lost boys - he doesnt really like making conversation with others
because he has a fear of,,,saying something and getting everyone else in trouble
but with his group he can definitely be a little ,,, sassy
“stop breaking things and making me fix them, and if you dont - learn to fix them yourself.”
“but renjun i cant fix-”
“but renjun is now gonna take a nap, goodnight!”
haechan is known for being the sociable one,,,,so he’s always the one going out getting everyone odd jobs or food
but one afternoon he asks renjun to go pick up some food from this cafe where one of the workers knows haechan
at first renjun refuses, he wants to stay home and tinker with these new electronics mark just brought to him
but it’s haechan - and even renjun cant lose an argument with him
so renjun ends up outside of this cafe after closing
where he meets you - he comes out of the back carrying a couple of brown bags full of extra food
and when renjun sees you - it’s like time stops
it’s been a while since renjun has looked at anyone and you - you look like,,,,,,,,,an angel
you bring the bags out and sigh sadly, “not a lot this time,,,,the owner is sort of one to me”
you say and hand them to renjun who almost drops them out of pure shock
“are you ok?”
you ask, helping him steady himself as you tuck your hair back and stare
renjun nods slowly
“by the way - who are you, haechan said that ‘the builder’ was going to come. is that you?”
again, all renjun can do is nod
you nod too “what do you build?”
“a-anything.”
your eyes go wide and renjun is taken by the color of them
“anything?! woah - that’s amazing!”
renjun can feel the weight of the bags - but once you say that it’s like they disappear and all he can feel and hear is your voice
“id love to see your creations sometime -”
you start, but a voice from inside calls you back in
you wave and renjun doesnt even have the strength to say anything back as he watch - like slow motion - you disappear inside
a couple of days pass and renjun feels like he cant build ANYTHING 
until,,,finally he starts a little something
and finds himself waiting outside the cafe one night as you come out with your bag over your shoulder
your holographic card in your hand, showing you the weather and what not
till you look up and rush over to renjun 
“oh - the builder! what’s up?”
renjun pulls something out of his pocket and sets it in your hand
you open it and ,,, out of metal wiring and whatnot is a butterfly
whose wings buzz slightly when you touch it and you look back up at renjun
“did you make this?”
“for you.”
renjun finally speaks and you flush, looking at it and grinning
“you really can build anything, this is so cute!”
renjun blinks and doesnt really know what to say until natrually he just goes
“you’re cuter”
you both get slightly embarrassed, but you tuck the butterfly safely into your bag and reach out for renjun’s hand
he lets you take it and doesnt even question where you’re going to take him
even this silhouette our back is beautiful 
he could look at it forever 
Chenle
he doesn’t have a real nickname,,,,but he’s kind of the brawn of the group
and believe me,,,,everyone looked at him on his first day and was like “you can fight? but you,,,,,you’re so skinny”
and chenle was like, try to land a punch on me then
no one could
and rather then strength, chenle has honed the ability of agility and stealth
and when needed - he’s a great person to be a bodyguard or protector 
because no one suspects him coming
other than his fighting ability though,,,,he can be scatter headed and has numerous times found himself lost in the city
having to call haechan or mark to get him
he has also done dumb things like tripped over alley cats or gotten himself accidentally bruised when he walked into a pole because he was too focused on this good looking cake in a store window
but that aside - chenle really is capable of some amazing things
his lost boy tattoo is on the part right below his ribcage
chenle also sometimes has a habit of sticking his nose into unsolicited business
so when you find yourself cornered - a group of other street teens are trying to get you to give over your holographic card so they can sell it 
well
chenle can’t just walk by
and ,,, although he does have the element of surprise there’s like five of these teens
and you know chenle is in trouble when he’s on the ground with a little bit of blood coming out of his nose
so you just toss your holographic card toward one of them and tell them to back off of him
happy with getting what they want, they leave you and chenle alone
you scramble over, checking his face here and there and panicking because
you cant take him to a hospital - you’re both street teens
and you dont have anything on you to stop the bleeding 
so all you can do is kind of hold your hand over chenle’s nose and tell him to tilt his head so it stops
and when he’s all good - just bruising and not bleeding
he looks at you and sheepishly goes
“,,,,,sorry you had to give up your holograph card”
you shrug “nothing important on it anyway.”
chenle looks at you, his clear skin riddled in red bruises and tiny cuts
and he feels bad just,,,,leaving you
after he tried to help but just ended up making things worse
so he invites you to come with him
you, of course, say no. you’re not going to join some stranger
even if this stranger is cute
and did try to help you
but chenle just rolls up his shirt (much to your shock - your hands go right up to your face to hide your eyes)
to show off the lost boys tattoo
and you’re like wait,,,i know that tattoo - you guys are that group against the government
and chenle is like yep! if you want, you can join us - i mean anyone who throws their holograph card away like that must not really like what the government is doing huh
and you shrug, you don’t care either way but ,,,the idea of belonging to a group instead of being all alone
is kind of nice
plus chenle ,,,, doesnt seem all that bad 
and when you guys show up together jaemin is like whose this and haechan is quick to question you
but chenle explains what happens and mark, ever the nice boy, lets you stay
out of curiosity, jisung comes over to talk to you and chenle shoos him away
“they’re with me”
jisung raises an eyebrow “aren’t they part of our group - so they’re with everyone?”
you blink confused, missing the spark in chenle’s eyes and the whisepred
“that’s not how i meant it jisung, now go away!”
jisung gets the message and scurries off, but you’re still ? until chenle is like OW geez this bloody nose hurts if only i could lay my head on someones lap,,,
you: you can lay your head on m-
chenle: thank you. 
the camera zooming in on haechan: corny
Jisung
the youngest and the ‘wild card’ of the group 
mark had forbid him from getting the lost boys tattoo because he’s a kid but jisung still managed to get it 
mark was mad but jeno pointed out that hey, unless it didn’t get infected or anything like that
his tattoo is right above his elbow
he’s a wild card because no one in the group really knows if jisung understands what the lost boy cause is
or if he just likes getting into it with other street groups and causing a ruckus 
out of everyone he likes piercings the best - knows a guy named ten in town who does them on the low
since society has kind of forbid people from having anything but their ears pierced
jisung looks wild with his hair a mess and his nose pierced
(again - the piercing did almost give mark a heartattack but jeno was again like at least it’s not his tongue right?)
(jisung definitely plans to get his tongue pierced though)
you’ve seen jisung around - he likes to cause trouble
alone or with his group
you see him a lot when you’re on your way to class, he likes to hang out with the tagger jeno
or sometimes you just see him trying to badmouth off to adults who tell him he looks ‘scary’
you try to ignore it - you don’t want to meddle with anything or anyone that could get you in trouble
but,,,,,jisung thinks you’re interesting
sometimes he’ll just end up walking beside you, leaning over to play with a strand of your hair
offers to carry your books which you just snatch away
he once asked you if you’d ever want to go see him get another piercing and you made a face
that you thought meant disgust - but which jisung called “just adorable”
and no matter how much you say he’s not your type
he’s the opposite of it
there is something magnetic about him
he’s nothing like other boys around 
and the one time some other dude had tried to come onto you in the street - jisung had showed up and made no big deal out of getting into the dudes face and telling him to
“get his dirty hands right off them”
you tried to act unimpressed,,,,but you were thankful and even let jisung keep his arm around you
the problem was,,,,you think after that,,,,you’ve actually fallen for jisung
so when he doesnt show up on your walk to class one day you start panicking 
and you go around - asking if anyone’s seen him
everyone asks why in the world you’re worried about a kid like him and you try to make excuses
until you leave a shop and bump right into jisung
who gives you a smile and flicks your forehead lightly and goes
“heard you were all worried about me, does that mean someone is in love?”
you huff and brush past him
“i just wanted to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed -”
jisung pulls you around a corner and you look around with paranoia that someone might see 
but jisung just makes you look back at him and before you know it he’s kissing you
and you squirm and he pulls back and goes “don’t like it?”
and you just cant hide the look on your face so you go
“it’s fine - but do it somewhere private i dont want the whole world to see!”
“what, that you’re kissing a lost boy? a dirty street kid?”
you push at him gently, but jisung abides by your wish and pulls you somewhere quieter where he kisses you again - softly
and you think fine whatever so you do like him and he is a good kisser
and as long as no one finds out,,,it should be alright,,,,,,maybe?!?
jisung that day coming back home with a big goofy smile on his face, jaemin just turns around and is like
“i hacked your holograph - says you kissed your crush today.”
jisung: “sTOP haCKING MY LIFE,,,,but yeah i kissed them and jaemin. i think im in love”
haechan: oh no an idiot in love the world better watch out jkjk 
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megriot · 5 years
Text
I talked about you yesterday. Out loud to other people. Kinda stranger to hear your name outloud. But i had a 17 year old girl come into the office yesterday. Last year she got busted at school for eatting bars and having them on her. She told me about how she was on 6 of them a day, if not more depending on what was going on.
Well long story short she got kicked out of school and is now doing the YCP thing and trying to stay put of trouble and clean. Shes 3 months, going on 4. " i know it doesnt seem like a big deal to a lot of people, but i think im doing better." And it broke my heart. Cause the same look she had, that look of still wanting to hold on but still struggling to let go of ger demons, ive seen it before. In both you and in myself. So i told her, "hey, being sober for 3 days, 3 months, 3 years, whatever it is, as long as youre clean, its something to be proud of. Cause this shit isnt easy." Thats when we started talk further into it, and i told her how i knew. I gave her the short pg13 version (haha) of me and you. And told her how far we had both come in the last 5 years. Saying your name for the first time made me wanna puke, no offense, but as we kept talking it didnt feel as much like nails in my chest thinking about the past. and ultimately, at the end of the conversation, it made me see how proud i am and how much more proud of you i am continuing to be even from a far,far,far distance.
So she asked me. "Do you think its worth it to stay clean? Does it get any easier?"
"I can sit here and tell you all day how much i think getting clean is worth it. But if you dont believe it, then its a waste of time. Not all of these stories have happy endings, so i cant say it always get easier. But, if you can look at yourself and tell yourself that you have a reason to keep pushing forward, and you dont want to go back, then i think youve found the worth in staying clean. You just gotta hold on to it."
She hugged me when she left, and i told her i was proud of her. And when i got to my car all i could do is cry. I remember all those feelings of insecurity when trying to get clean. And honestly, if it wasn't for you and Donnie, i probably wouldnt be. I just pray she finds something to hold on to to keep going. I hope she knows shes not the only one dealing with it, and even though you cant save everyone, i hope hearing how someone like you struggled and still made it to a happy ending is some type of motivation.
Baby stuff; ill officially be out of my first trimester sunday. The baby is strong and hanging in there. Me? I feel guilty for feeling like complete dog shit all the time. Im stretching and pulling, sick as fuck, and a hormonal wreck lol. But im thankful for it all. Im somewhat over the fear of loosing her. But i dont think that fear is gunna go away till im holding her in my arms. Its all still really, really scary.
But all signs point to having a girl. Im waiting till april/may to find out for sure. But if it is a girl; she'll be Alice Lizabeth. And when shes old enough, ill be able to explain how much she means to me and how hearing her name alone gives me peace.
I miss you. And im so happy to see you continue to glow and grow as much as i can. I hope youre doing okay. 8 more days till your birthday. 27 is here Booger.. old fart lol
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