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mischief-lies-and-stories · 9 months

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Loki Ships

All right, I think it’s time to jump into the inevitable, since ships can make or break whether or not some people care what I have to say, and I get it. I considered including them in my pinned post, but that was already way too long.

I ship Loki with a lot of people. The first time I heard the term fandom bicycle, a friend was using it to refer to Loki, and I took it to heart (and probably also a challenge). As I said in my pinned post, though, I mostly ship Loki with guys, since his canon women love interests are often kind of shitty to him. This doesn’t deter me from the potential of shipping him with women (I acknowledge and celebrate that he’s bi/pan, after all) but the women that he’s around tend to be assholes to him, so the men kind of have to pick up the slack. (Is the assholery deserved? Yeah, sometimes. But I also like the idea of people being soft with him. And I think he deserves that sometimes, too.)

So I’m going to explain a little bit about the ship in general, why I ship it personally, and the canon likelihood of it, whether or not it’s likely to become canon in comics or the MCU or both or neither. Also spoilers for Where Mischief Lies, The Defenders (1983), The Defenders (2021), and Defenders: Beyond.

Thorki: Might as well start with my most divisive ship, though if you read my Loki playlist post, you’ll already know I ship this. I believe this is the first person I came to ship with Loki. This is obviously Thor and Loki, and I get it. I do. I am not here to defend my questionable taste at all. I am not here to make the flimsy arguments people sometimes make for this ship, like that he’s adopted so “they aren’t really siblings, so it’s not really incest.” I think that’s damn rude to people who are adopted and have adoptive siblings. Frankly, these are fictional characters who are fictionally siblings and I know the difference between fiction and reality. Am I supportive of IRL incest? Not particularly, no. But Loki and Thor are not real (and thank God for that; Loki would annoy the hell out of me). So I’m not here to defend it. I just think that they have a lot of chemistry, and a lot of romantic and sexual tension. Especially in Thor: Ragnarok. Like towards the end, they have this whole conversation about how Loki belongs on Sakaar, how he can flourish there and rule over Sakaar and it would be the ideal place for him. And both of them (at least verbally) agree that this is the case. And then Thor leaves him basically seizing from electric shock on the floor of a hangar. And then the next time we see Loki, he has come back to Asgard anyway, to help Thor save the people. And if that’s not love (familial, romantic, whatever), I don’t know what is.

Canon Likelihood…….Unlikely.

Not even possible, it’s never going to happen. In the comics, not a chance. In the MCU, not a chance. Marvel’s never going to make incest happen, especially not with Disney as their parent company. And frankly, I don’t want them to. I don’t trust them to do this right or be sensitive about it. They will never not be able to spin it as some shocking joke no matter how serious they pretend to be about it, if they ever were to do it. And with the level of backlash that would happen because of it, it wouldn’t be worth it. So I’m just content to read and write fanfic and look at fanart. I don’t need it to be canon and it’s never going to be canon and that’s okay. Sometimes that’s okay.

Theoki: Theo Bell (from Loki: Where Mischief Lies) and Loki. Theo Bell (as I’ve said previously) is gay, very snarky and is a good match personality-wise for Loki in the novel, he walks with a cane as a result of becoming disabled due to a homophobic attack, and he works essentially for Odin on Midgard (but Odin really only calls on him and his coworkers when he really needs something, like when he needs something for his younger son to do when he exiles him to Earth). This is speed-run Enemies-to-Lovers. They don’t like each other at first, mostly because Loki does not want to be there. And Theo’s basically like ‘You don’t want to be here, got it. You’re here, though, so let’s deal with this.’ And then pretty quickly Loki’s like, ‘Oh shit. He’s hot…Oh shit. He’s smart… Oh shit. Do I like him?….Oh shit. His freckles are like stars.’ (He thinks the last sentence almost exactly, it’s wild.) So I think it’s very cute and I don’t think they got enough time together.

Canon likelihood…….Depends on your definition of canon.

Did they kiss? Spoiler alert: Yes. Are they together? Well, uh, about that… So this book is supposed to serve as a prequel to the events in the MCU. Do you see Theo anywhere in the MCU? There’s your answer. (Which sounds like I’m implying something different, so you should still read this book, because you don’t know what’s going to happen.) So at this point, at this time, is it likely that this relationship is going to come back and be 100% canon? No. Not likely. But in my opinion, how I define canon, has this ship been canonized? I generally define canon as requited affection that’s acted upon, so Yes, this was a canon ship to me. (Still hoping my unlikely Loki theories are true, though, so this ship can come back and be present tense canon.) I wish this could be an established relationship right now, but given the circumstances of the events of the story and the purpose the story is supposed to serve in the MCU, it’s not possible.

Lokius: Loki and Mobius, from the tv series. I was resistant to this for a little while. Mostly I was finding Owen Wilson in the MCU in general and interacting with Loki hard to believe. It was weird to me and I could not unsee Owen Wilson for a chunk of the show, and that’s partially what was preventing me from shipping it. But the tie fixing scene, while it wasn’t what got me to ship it, it did make me go Oh, fuck. This is going to end with me shipping this. And then I continued to resist it for a few episodes, and then it hit me, and now I’ve been bitten by the Lokius bug. I don’t remember precisely what was the turning point for me, but it was late. I think it was probably “You could be whoever, whatever you want to be. Even someone good.” I think they’re perfect together. I think it’s an interesting dynamic, because Mobius knows him so well. But at the beginning, he knows Loki from this clinical standpoint. He knows how Loki’s story is supposed to go and his personality, from studying versions of him, but he doesn’t know him. And then spending the show getting to know Loki himself. I think they neglected somewhat to show this on a nuanced level in the show itself, but the working relationship and budding friendship between Loki and Mobius is what ultimately gets Mobius to realize that the TVA is kind of crap and needs to be shut down because the TVA doesn’t know everything. Because he gets to know Loki as a person, that he’s not just a story or the predetermined events that have been laid out in the timeline by some higher power, just because that’s how Kang has decided that’s how he wants Loki’s life to go (or something to that effect). I think there’s something inherently interesting about taking how you understand someone from a general, macro level and thinking you know everything about that person, and then getting to know someone on a more personal and intimate basis. At the risk of perpetuating a sort of racist rewrite of historical events, it’s kind of reminiscent of Disney’s Pocahontas in a way. Where you have these assumptions about a person or group of people based on what you’ve been told by your superiors, but by getting to know a particular individual in that group, you change your preconceived notions about that person. And then taking it a step further into a romantic level.

Canon likelihood…….Likely

I think they fucked up in season one. And I think they know they fucked up. I’m sorry if people ship the other thing (I’m trying not to type the ship name so it doesn’t come up in searches and people think I tagged my hate.), this is not the place for you. I think they fucked up where they were like “Look, we’re so progressive! Here’s two bisexual characters.” And then they were like “No homo. Here’s some selfcest instead.” And obviously Loki can have a girlfriend and I’d be fine with that, but making that woman love interest a variant, essentially just an alternate version of him? That feels like they only let Loki say “A bit of both,” so they could pat themselves on the back. They didn’t want to act on that. But the only woman who makes any sense to pair him with, with whom he has the most interaction with in the series…is himself. But they went with that anyway.

So the level of likelihood is either one, they realized they fucked up and now they’re going to fix it. Or two, (and I don’t think they have enough foresight for this) they knew they fucked up before they even aired it, and are like “This is the journey that Loki is on. He will eventually break away from himself, and fall in love with somebody who is not himself.” Or three, not understand what bisexuality is and be like “We need equal! He kissed a girl and now he’s gotta kiss a guy!” [Which implies there are only two genders, but they don’t even know what genderfluidity is, so I’m not confident they have any understanding of the diversity of gender identity either.] So I think it’s likely (especially the last option, unfortunately, given their track record with representation). I’m not sure they’re going to do it well, but I think it’s possible. I think they’ve set it up well for this to be canon. I think there’s some romcom story beats that are already present in season one, despite their decision to go with a different ship. It’s just a matter of how much they’re willing to break out of this mold of heteronormativity.

Frostiron: Tony Stark and Loki. I like this because I am partial to Enemies to Lovers tropes. I think the fandom has done a really good job of taking like two minutes of onscreen interaction and making an entire ship out of it. I think they have a lot of things in common, which can help them bond. They both have daddy issues, they’re both kind of spoiled, and a little self-centered, which can cause some conflict that will eventually be resolved. And they both have quite a bit of trauma that’s ultimately caused by the same big purple asshole, so that can also bring them closer together. I have a lot of feelings about them, which has caused me to write a six-part series about them and their relationship and how they can relate to each other. (I’ve attempted a few times to write a seventh part, so we’ll see if that ever sees the light of day, but they have certainly not relinquished their hold on me.)

Canon Likelihood…….Not likely.

Absolutely not likely, not a chance. Comics, no. MCU, no. In the MCU they had like a two-minute interaction and that was it. It was cute, they were snarking at each other, Tony offered him a drink, but that was about it. In the comics, they have a little bit more interactions but it’s still very limited. The most I know about their interactions in the comics that are not antagonistic comes from (I believe) The God Who Fell to Earth, and there’s still not a whole lot. There is some explicit dialogue of Tony respecting Loki’s pronouns, so that’s chill. Tony knows that Loki’s genderfluid, so I like that. But again, that’s about it. Ultimately, the places were Tony and Loki have the most interaction are in Avengers Academy, the mobile game, and I don’t believe there are romance options for anybody in that game (I didn’t play that game for very long, so I don’t remember much; there was too much multitasking and it was stressing me out). And in the animated tv show Avengers Assemble, and even there it was only like an episode or two. (And in later seasons, Tony isn’t even in much of the show, let alone Loki.) So I don’t think it’s likely we’ll ever see a canon frostiron, unless we get like an episode (or issue) of What If that’s like, “What If…Tony Stark was gay” or something, but that’s both unlikely and I can think of several characters more likely to be Tony’s What If boyfriend before Loki.

Cloudki: This is a ship name I made up on the spot, because no one else knows who this character is. (And that hurts me, deeply.) Cloud has a fraught history in the comics, and ultimately, it’s not much of a history at all, they’re in maybe three stories since their debut in 1983. Cloud is basically the personification of a cloud nebula (hence why they’re called Cloud), and they’re genderfluid! Primarily because, when they made their debut in the eighties, they crash landed to earth and then their essence combined with the dying souls of this straight couple whose car they crashed into. And the essence of the star lost their memory and decided to take on the couple’s likeness and sort of absorb their souls so they could survive on earth. And the comic, while weirdly progressive for the time, was still published in the eighties. So you have to get past the Comics Code Authority or whatever it’s called (which is basically censoring anything it considers remotely queer), and also it’s the eighties and the author was cis and (I’m pretty sure) straight. And I’ve read articles that said he had a friend who was a transwoman, so he was able to get some help maybe (if he asked her). But at the same time, if she’s a transwoman she’s not genderfluid, so it’s not exactly the same thing. So while it’s done surprisingly more sensitively than expected, there is still a lot of transphobia directed at this sweet summer child. And they don’t know any better so they kind of adjust to this shit, so it’s rough.

So that’s Cloud’s debut. It sucks, and we don’t talk about it. But Cloud comes back a few decades later in The Defenders (this is a new run; they also debuted in The Defenders). When last we left them, Cloud had figured out they were a nebula, and people were being kinda shitty to them on earth, so they were like Fuck this, I’m supposed to be a star, good-bye. And so for the last few decades they’ve been in space as their true self. So they get summoned by Dr. Strange to help the Defenders solve a mystery through the cosmos. (Cosmos as in I don’t get this part. So in the comics, the cosmos are like eras of existence in the universe. I think most events take place in like the twelfth or thirteenth cosmos. The Defenders travel backwards through the cosmos through this story.) In the middle of one of the battles, they’re like “Hey, by the way, I would like to go by they/them pronouns.” (Because up until this point they’ve been going by she/her pronouns.) And everyone else is like “Yeah, sure.” And then no one messes up for the rest of the book. Because Al Ewing is the best. And then like halfway through the book, they get to one of the cosmos where the emphasis is like beauty and imagination and color or something. And Cloud is like “I’m going to stay here. This is a good place for me.” And they transform their body into one that they choose, one that is no longer resembling the guy or the girl whose souls they absorbed. And Cloud’s living their best life in this cosmos. And that’s the last we see of Cloud in this book. (And I almost stopped reading the book at this point, because I read Defenders: Beyond first because Loki’s in it, met Cloud, and then read The Defenders, which comes first, just for Cloud because Loki isn’t in this one.)

Then in Defenders: Beyond, Dr. Strange has to call the Defenders together again. But he only calls a few of the original Defenders and the rest are new people. And one of the people he calls is Loki. And this is right where Loki: Agent of Asgard ended. (And thank God for that, because whoever took over for Loki between AoA and DB fucked him up. I don’t know who that was or what that run was or if it was just Thor, because I never read it, but I’m upset by that author and the new Loki that trashed all of his character development. Because Al Ewing did some great things. Okay moving on.) Frankly, I don’t know what the fuck is going on in this book. We’re still traveling through the cosmos, but I’m very confused. I only read this for Loki and then I met Cloud and read Defenders. So they’re going through the cosmos and they get rescued (Loki especially) by the members of the imagination cosmos, and one of the members of the imagination cosmos is still Cloud. This is similar to MCU Frostiron, because Cloud and Loki have a very important conversation towards the end, but that’s about the extent of their interaction.

My reason for shipping these two (since this post is long as fuck, as usual), because I know nothing about Cloud and Cloud is known by nobody but I would die for Cloud I love them so much, is that they’re both genderfluid. And I think gf4gf is a great pairing honestly (I’m not super interested in a relationship myself anymore, but I think the only partner I’d want at this point would also be genderfluid, so I’m projecting a tad). And I think they would be great for each other and I love it. I think Cloud could really help the present Loki come back to himself and deal with these memories that AoA Loki wiped from him so that he could be this stupid Loki that doesn’t have any of the character development, that at the eleventh hour of this book (I think) regained all his memories and now has to deal with it all and defend the cosmos. And also, where the hell is Verity? Ya know? Like, does he remember Verity? How much did he forget? So I think Cloud would be a good help to rehabilitate him and then they fall in love.

Canon likelihood…….Not completely unlikely, things have to happen.

I’m not gonna straight up say unlikely, because things happen in comics all the time. And comics go back and fold in on themselves and change things all the time. So I’m gonna say probably not likely, but maybe. Here are the things that are gonna have to happen in order for this to take place: One, Cloud needs to come back. I think the last time they showed up was in Defenders: Beyond, and that came out last year. Preferably, Al Ewing needs to write Cloud, because Al Ewing is the best and I love him. Two, Loki from Agent of Asgard needs to come back. Loki as it is needs to regain his memories and become the perfect version of himself again. Preferably written by Al Ewing, because Al Ewing is the best and I love him. Three, Cloud and Loki need to be in the same comic at some point. They’re two completely different characters, drawn together by the ties of fate and tarot cards that, for some reason, Dr. Strange has. And also the cosmos (because he didn’t draw Cloud’s tarot in Defenders: Beyond). Therefore, it’s difficult to get them back together, because Cloud isn’t even in this cosmos right now, let alone on the planet, and Loki doesn’t even remember meeting them. Four, Cloud has to have some romantic capabilities. I don’t know what their romantic capabilities are. In their original run, they tried to fall in love with Moondragon, and then also with some other guy (I don’t remember his name). That dude was transphobic as fuck. Moondragon, the second she found out Cloud was genderfluid, became transphobic as fuck, because it was the eighties, and neither of these characters were gay yet. So did that turn Cloud off to romance forever? That was also before Cloud realized they were a cloud nebula; did Cloud realizing that they are technically supposed to be an insentient celestial being turn Cloud off to romance forever? I don’t know. Five, even if Cloud has some capacity of romantic inclination, Cloud and Loki have to be attracted to each other. They have the tiniest of interactions ever, so who’s to say? Certainly not me, except in my fanfictions, which I haven’t written yet, because I don’t know enough about Cloud. So possibly, but unlikely. And that makes me sad.

This is the only ship, besides Lokius, where if it doesn’t become canon, I’m going to be a Victorian heroine wasting away on my fainting couch, because I’m very disappointed.

#loki #loki where mischief lies spoilers #the defenders spoilers #defenders: beyond spoilers #al ewing #thorki #lokius #theoki #theo/loki #thor/loki #cloud/loki #mobius/loki #frostiron #tony/loki

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torterrachampion · 9 months

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Top 5 or 10 characters? 👀

We'll do 10 I think because that seems fun to me. Man, I didn't think I'd find these questions so hard when I reblogged that post lmao. But I'll do my best!

I'm going with my "favourite" characters rather than most well-written/best characters because honestly that would be a different list. So here are my current blorbos. Characters that just seeing them makes me happy.

Chloé d'Apchier. Surprise, surprise woman with "Chloé d'Apchier enthusiast" in her bio really likes Chloé. I probably spend more time thinking about her than any other character at the moment and it's been like that for... at least a couple years now. So due to terminal brainrot she's ranked number 1 at this current point in time. Perhaps not the most mind blowing character in general or even the most influential to me personally but I connected to her hard and I think she's generally a lot of fun. Her position within the Gévaudan arc was a really interesting one and that arc is my favourite in vnc so far.

The 11th Doctor. Doctor Who is a weird show for me since in a way I've been a fan before I even watched it. My Dad has been into it since he was a kid and I'd been exposed to it at least mildly through my entire childhood. But my first Doctor was Matt Smith and I couldn't have asked for better. His take on the Doctor was joyful and funny and dark and he really brought his all to the character. 11's got some of my favourite episodes and there's really nothing quite like watching him bounce around time and space with Amy and Rory.

Grovyle. Man... Grovyle pmd is an insane character. I was not prepared for his storyline at the ripe age of 7 years old. Everything about him is so cool in concept and even cooler in execution. His connection with you, the player, really makes the game and along with your partner he's really the heart of pmd2.

Elliot Nightray. I adore Elliot so much. Even if a lot of the best parts of ph come after his death I can't help loving him the most. He has my favourite death scene in anything ever, I think he's incredible. His nobility contrasted with his teenage boy brashness is just very endearing. And his words to Oz about self-sacrifice have always stuck with me. Learnt a lot about myself through Elliot as a teenager and he's a lot of fun besides.

Gilbert Nightray. Two Nightrays in a row! Ah, Gil, truly a guy of all time. He greatly influenced my taste in fictional men (pathetic) and I don't think I've ever recovered. Gil has the edgelord aesthetic that I was drawn to at the time while also being the most pitiable man I've ever seen. Truly rewrote my brain. He grows a lot throughout ph and regularly gets some of the coolest moments.

The 12th Doctor. Same character as earlier just portrayed by a different actor and god, Peter Capaldi understands the Doctor. His storyline is pretty consistent throughout his seasons and his character arc is super rewarding even in episodes that leave something to be desired elsewhere. He also boasts the single best episode in all of Doctor Who, Heaven Sent.

Yuu Koito. I have never in my life related to a romance protagonist the way I related to Yuu. Bloom into You as a series made me feel very seen with her character and even ignoring that she's incredibly funny and one of if not the most enjoyable character in the manga/show.

Alice Baskerville. One of my main gripes with ph is just that I wish there was more Alice! I love Alice, she's always a delight. Her relationship to Oz is one of my favourites in all of ph and her strength of character is really nice. I also like to see a girl get to be a dumb shounen protag sometimes. I need more female characters who are idiots (affectionate).

Portia. The spider from Children of Time. Really there are a number of Portias that are followed throughout the book but I love all of them. I don't know how to convey what's great about her but trust me when I say I've never cared so much about a spider.

Thomas Senlin/Tom Mudd. The Books of Babel series is so fun and Senlin really makes it. He's cowardly and naive at the beginning but he grows a lot while still remaining bookish and weak. He meets all the challenges of the Tower admirably and manages to hang on to his humanity even when it would be easier to discard it like many of the other Tower inhabitants. A recent addition to my blorbo collection and I'm not all caught up on his books but nonetheless he has been rotating in my brain.

#this list could have been entirely mochijun characters but I restrained myself #not having echo or reim here is a little sad though #not to mention the vnc characters #asks #dapperrokyuu

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maglors-anion-gap · 1 year

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61 and 73 for the writers asks?

[from this ask game]

^ I am still taking asks because the paperwork continues (day two crunch time) and I am trying to reward myself in increments

61. Why do you continue writing fics?

hmmm so tolkien has been my longest fandom, and probably the only one I won't leave. There's something so uniquely appealing about it. In general, I would say that I continue writing because I still have things to say. I have lots of things to say about tolkien in particular, and his world is so expansive that I find new paths to wander down just as soon as I think I've explored all I can explore.

With tolkien in particular, I think I am engaging in a process of self-discovery. I think a lot about why I spend so much time writing about awful, sad, defeated, brave men. Or men at all, really. It was a source of a lot of strife within myself because it's really hard to not compare yourself to what you're writing about as a trans person. I feel like there's a lot of scrutiny over what people choose to write about, and whether or not individual people are writing too much of something. Sometimes I feel like there's a quota for other material I need to reach before I can write more of my bread and butter, and some of that is baseless paranoia and some of that is the very real hall-monitor behavior that people engage in (either because they think the best way to get more of the content they like is to guilt people into it, or because they're the self-appointed defenders of XYZ True Community Members). There's basically no way to do anything as a trans person that will satisfy everything so I finally said "fuck it I'm going to write what I want and I'm going to stop being polite to people who act like that's a problem."

That was a bit of a tangent, but I think I can circle it back around again to say that I'm not done writing about things that interest me. I'm writing about men because I'm a man, and because I love men, and because I can think about being a man or about how life kind of sucks, or about how being a man sometimes sucks. I'm never going to be done being a man, or loving men, or thinking about life and manhood and pain. I think I scratch that itch so easily with tolkien because every character is so much larger than life. It's a myth text within a (fictional) myth text. Someone posted a while ago about people misunderstanding the purpose of Orpheus - that he's not a man but an archetype, the personification of grief. In general, I think fictional characters, especially myth text characters, function in this way - as archetypes for people to relate to and explore without having to directly confront or explore themselves.

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Oh god that is literally such a hard question? How am I supposed to answer that without being self-effacing - or conversely, weirdly grandiose? God let me think about it.

Hmmm Okay mouthfeel. This sounds like small-beastie-posting, toddler-posting if we are being generous, but bear with me. I am constantly thinking about putting things in my mouth. I describe ideas that I like as being "tasty." What would it be like to taste the sunlight? Or the wind? Or the moist dirt under a rock? Now describe them in metaphorical terms. I pick weird, easy-to-ignore objects in the environment and give them a little flesh. I think it does a lot to make the setting seem real - people are always noticing small strange things, taking in odd sensory tidbits, even in the most stressful or ludicrous moments. Multiple people have described my work as very sensory. So there's my answer for that.

Funny answers: 1) allergic to writing works over 15k, 2) never produces anything set post-second-age, 3) abnormally high incidence rate of boypussy (boypussy georg, if you will)

#ask games #.... do i need to tag for boypussy mention? ....

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feyre-hel-dresden · 1 year

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Gore questions 1 thru 20 hehe ;)

1. Have you ever considered killing someone?

I've had fantasies about it, and of course sometimes people annoy me to a level that I debate it, due to a history of bullying and trauma. But other than that... Well, that would be telling wouldn't it

2. Would you touch a corpse?

Yes, my friend from childhood, sister, and my ex girlfriend, not die to me killing her before you ask, but I kissed her forehead at her funeral

3. Have you ever had a sexual attraction to a corpse?

I've had an attraction to pictures of them, but the last times I had seen a corpse, sexual attraction wasn't something I was great at honestly

4. Ever tasted someone elses blood?

Yes, many times actually

5. Honest thoughts about cannibalism?

Can definitely see why it would be hot, and occasionally I write about it, but I'm not massively into it

6. Favorite killer and why?

Are we talking rl or fiction? I'll answer both either way. Rl, first thing that comes to mind is Stephen marshall, he basically became a vigilante and killed sex offenders

Fiction, gotta be ghostface, because I'd get freaky with that

7. Do you collect dead things?

I used to, but lost a large portion of my collection when I moved, however I still have a dog rib, and a broken part of a fox skull

8. Would your victims be women or men, does it matter?

Doesn't matter to me

9. Strangulation or blunt force?

Hmmm, it depends on my feelings for you. If I love you? Strangle, if I hate you I'll beat your head I'm with a brick

10. Shooting or stabbing?

Stabbing

11. What would cause you to snap?

Hmm, idk actually, it's been 5 years if me having this kink, and I never actually killed so who knows

12. Which is more your style: school shooting or serial murder?

Serial, I may like killers but I find school shooters awful people, there is no reason for that behavior, and if someone on my life says they wanna be a school shooter I will stop talking to them

13. If you could have sex with any serial killer, alive or dead, who would you choose?

Never actually thought about it, might have to make a follow up post for that

14. How would you leave the body?

Leave it? No no you take it with you, you keep it

15. Would you keep trophies, if so, what?

Well, see above

But if it has to be just one, the heart

16. Do you believe in the death penalty for murder? No

17. What fascinates you about death?

The calmness of a corpse, the cold touch, the feeling of peace

Also trauma fucked me up sooo

18. Are you based more in fantasy or reality?

Fantasy I suppose, but I wish I could move more to reality, it's hard currently as I live in a household full of people, one of whom is somewhat abusive, but soon

19. If the opportunity ever arose, would you consume human flesh?

Absolutely, just to see what it's like

20. The song you would play during a violent act?

I have a whole playlist, so I'll make a follow up about this later on too

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monstermaster13 · 1 year

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TftW: Don’t Call Me Freak

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to bully those who are weird or are different from you, and today’s villainous protagonist certainly will learn that lesson. Stephanie Hadingham was a former school rival of Nathan’s, she was a manipulative and controlling diva who wanted things her way and when she didn’t get that, she berated and berated until she did.

She never believed anything Nathan said and viewed him as a freak just because he wrote transformation fiction about Dan Aykroyd or rather about being him, of course she didn’t know that it was a bad idea to do that. ‘Nathan is targeting me on my account just because I liked one post that says that people that believe in the supernatural are freaks. It staggers me that this person is a huge part of the Aykroyd fandom and he ruins it with his

“Nate are you going to stand for this?”

“Of course not, time to take out this trash.”

Nathan rolled his eyes…’I’m not even the main part of the fandom, dummy.’ ‘But you are ignoring the part about attacking me based on a post I liked.’ ‘Does that even matter? Why do you even hate me anyway? It seems all you ever do is whine about how i’m fetishizing John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd by wanting to be them.’

“Which you do, you do that…’

‘Oh…I suppose you think that your trashy taste in men justifies your reason for attacking me, then?’ ‘But you seriously do some not normal insane things, you fetishize poor Dan and John by fetishizing them and writing about them in a way that sounds like porn.’

“Really? I should be so lucky if I get that good.”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“No, I figured that if you are going to keep on like this..”

‘You what? Are you going to fetishize me like you did to two very real people? Because don’t act like you don’t that, I have been raised on Deviantart and all the weird fandoms, you so want to be them and it is totally gross and shit. Do you think Dan would like this if you met him IRL? Uh no, he’d think you’re a creepy and not normal, fans don’t do what you do, not normal, freako, freako, eeew!’ ‘Really? What? Haven’t you ever seen the Changed, FNF, Madness Combat, or Guilty Gear fanbase? Those guys are pretty fucked up, even worse than I ever could be.’

“So…that doesn’t matter, what you do isn’t right.”

‘You think you can speak for what Dan likes and doesn’t like? That’s cute, he’s not yours, you cannot make him do whatever you want, that’s something I establish in my work, I don’t claim I am him, or that I can control him. Also…the man is a weirdness magnet, he slept with a ghost once, he had dreams about mutant babies, he has seen actual aliens and ghosts, i’m sure one little story wouldn’t be enough to weird him out.’

“What? How dare you…”

‘How dare I..what, question you, yeah i’m questioning you. Trust me, you need help more than I do.’ ‘But you don’t belong in the Aykroyd fandom. You’re not normal.’ ‘Well you’re a freak yourself, nobody is normal, nobody knows what normal is. In this world if you cannot put up with the strange and unusual, you’ll just have to change to fit it.’

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

Nathan’s eyes gave off an ominous glow as he chanted, his chants began to echo in Stephanie’s ears, which made her squirm a little. ‘How are you doing that?’ ‘I have actual supernatural powers, don’t you remember?’ ‘Uhhhh…’ ‘Of course you do. But be glad that i’m not as horrifying as what is about to happen to you.’

Stephanie attempted to get answers out of him but he disappeared before she could, only to run into a rather nasty surprise an hour later. An hour later while waiting for her boyfriend to call her, she found herself entering what appeared to be some kind of combined asylum and therapy building.

Looking around she could see a koala-girl doctor with green hair…’Hello, Stephanie. You must be my next patient, I am Doctor Eucalyptus. Now my friend tells me there is something wrong with you.’ ‘There’s nothing wrong with me, i’m a normal person.’ ‘Not from what Nathan has told me, Nathan says you were bigoted to him for being an Aykroyd fan that is different than normal fans. He also told me you think that supernatural beings are freaks.’ ‘Well they are.’

Eucalyptus hit Stephanie with her notepad…’What was that for?’ ‘Trust me, just be glad I don’t have any weapons with me. Now there is a term for what you have, what you have is Extreme Hypocrite Disorder.’ ‘I don’t have any disorders.’ ‘Oh yes you do and you are in denial of it.’ ‘Stop this..’ ‘I won’t stop this just because you told me to, I am the doctor here and unless you want me to use your internal organs to make lunch meat for the asylum’s cafeteria, you better listen to me.’

“I must be dreaming.”

‘You are not dreaming…you’re delusional. Here, let me show some of the other patients.’ The koala-girl showed Stephanie down a hall-way of patients she had encountered before. One patient was a male who thought they were Martin Short despite not being them, and one thought that they were a reincarnated god.

“I’m not like these people.”

“Oh yes, you are.”

‘I don’t belong here…’ ‘Oh but you do, let me help you, help you to get rid of that disorder you have.’ ‘This is going to get horrifying isn’t it?’ ‘It doesn’t have to.’

She attempted to try and make a run for it only to run into a couple of members of the hospital staff, the staff in this case all being Dan Aykroyd characters. ‘Aykroyds? So many Aykroyds.’ ‘Oh yes, they’re all ours..and I treat them better than you treated Dan to be honest.’

The Aykroyd characters saw Stephanie and began to chase her around the hospital, Dr Eucalyptus smirked as she saw what was happening. ‘Now now, don’t run away from these guys, they only want to help you, and so do I. You act like you don’t want this but yet you do, sounds like you’re jealous.’ ‘Jealous of what? You? You’re a freak, just like all of these people.’

“I may be a freak but I am trying to help you.”

“I don’t want your help, I want out of here!”

She screamed and then tried to pull out her phone, as she pulled out her phone she made a call to her boyfriend. ‘Thomas, baby doll..could you come here and get me out of this hell hole please? I am begging you, please come and save me.’ Unfortunately for her the message she got was…’Thomas cannot reply to your message because he is currently unavailable.’

Stephanie screamed when she saw Thomas with a nasty looking gash on his neck, looking like someone had just slit his neck as he collapsed on the floor and blood dripped down from it. ‘My boyfriend!’ ‘He is doing just fine.’ ‘No he’s not, someone must have killed him.;’

Dr Eucalyptus chuckled, watching as she attempted to get away. ‘I need to find a way out of here.’ She tried to pull the fire alarm level only to get covered in blood, and it was real blood, not special effects.

A couple of patients popped up from behind her and she attempted to convince them to follow her. ‘Come on, let’s get out of here.’ ‘Why? We belong here and so do you. We work here too.’ ‘What? But you’re supposed to be like my mutuals.’ ‘Join us, it’s not so bad.’

She screamed several times as the patients swarmed around her, she attempted to hit one of them with a chair only for Eucalyptus to intervene, she chuckled and smirked. ‘I didn’t think it had to come to this but it’s for your own good, since you won’t let me help you, i’m going to have to fix you myself.’ ‘Fix me?’

“Oh yes, you are very broken, and you need to be fixed.”

“No I don’t.”

Eucalyptus chuckled as she floated over to Stephanie….’Now now, it won’t hurt, at least not in the way that it will mentally scar you or anything, don’t be afraid.’ ‘Why shouldn’t I be?’ Her eyes gave off a supernatural glow as she turned into a tall demonic version of herself with a tail like the one scorpions have complete with a stinger.

She hit Stefanie with her scorpion-like tail, knocking her out before dragging her down-stairs into the lab, with the Aykroyd characters following her. Tom Everett, Austin Milbarge ,Elwood, and Grocer were helping her. ‘You’ve brought us another subject for the experimentation process.’ ‘Indeed I have, boys. Boys, meet Stephanie. She has Extreme Hypocrite Disorder and needs to be fixed.’

“We can do that.”

“As can I…I figured since this one loves Dan so much, how about she becomes him?”

“Oooh, that is such a clever idea.”

The koala-girl placed Stephanie on a table and turned on a machine of sorts which binded her in place, she chanted as dark supernatural energy entered her body, Stephanie squirmed and tried to break free but before she could, invisible needles were jammed into her arm, which caused her to yelp in pain.

She then saw what appeared to be brown hairs growing on her arms, as her arms broadened, the hairs were on her hands too as her hands enlarged and her skin matured, a ring popped off one of her fingers and shattered on the floor as she screamed. ‘What’s going on? My ring…my boyfriend got me that one as a gift.’ ‘Oh you won’t be needing that at all.’

“What?”

The changes spread through her body as a couple buttons on her top popped off while her chest and torso broadened, her breasts retracted into the former as hair grew on her chest and stomach. ‘Aaaw no, not my figure, how am I going to be attractive to my mutuals, if I don’t have my figure?’ She groaned as her stomach broadened and her hips retracted in size, as her privates altered into the more masculine variant.

There were a couple of crunching sounds as her back and shoulders broadened and she slowly grew in height to 6’1, her neckline altered while her hair darkened a little in color and shortened, as her shoes burst open while her feet enlarged, two of the toes sticking together and giving her the appearance of having webbed toes. She felt her face as it altered, her forehead growing a bit as her brow altered and her eyebrows thickened, her left eye turning from blue-ish to greenish while the other turned brown, giving her heterochromia. ‘I’m a monster…’ ‘Why yes, you are. You are indeed a monster but you’re getting better.’

She groaned as her nose broadened and developed a cleft in the middle of it, she felt her rear plumping up a little…’Oh yes, the sexiest part of turning, Eukie definitely thinks so too.’ Of course she didn’t need a mirror to see that she was turning into Dan as her features morphed into an identical copy of his and her voice altered, deepening and contorting, developing Dan’s signature voice and tone.

“There we go, it’s a success.”

“What have you done to me?”

“Well since you love Dan Aykroyd so much, we’ve turned you into him.”

‘You monster, this isn’t fair, turn me back or else.’ ‘Or else what? You’re going to talk about it to your friends, calling me insane?’ Eucalyptus sneered. ‘I am seriously going to do that.’ ‘Nobody is going to believe you, not your friends, not your family, no one.’

“But…”

“Why would they believe someone who they don’t even know?”

Stephanie attempted to berate Eucalyptus for what she had done only for Eucalyptus to chuckle. ‘Aaaaw i’m sorry, but I cannot take your empty threats seriously when you look and sound like Dan. You just sound so cute when you try to be tough.’ ‘What?’ ‘Oh yes, come here you, Dr Eucalyptus has special huggle treatments just for you.’

A sinister smile crept across Eucalyptus’s face as she got closer and closer to Stephanie before stretching her arms to inhumanly long lengths and pulling her or ‘him’ in this case in for a hug. ‘There there, it’s okay, I know this sounds like i’m torturing you but I am doing this to help you, and clearly that old persona of yours was way too annoying and stubborn. So I fixed that a little too.’

“What do you mean by that?”

Stephanie pondered what the koala-girl meant by that but as she or ‘he’ did, she realized that she partially had been given half of Dan Aykroyd’s personality and mannerisms. ‘That’s what I meant by fixing you, you are much nicer like this.’ She was still herself but now she was a lot nicer and she realized what she had done was a mistake. ‘I am sorry I acted the way I did.’ ‘There there, you’re all better now. But there’s two more people you have to apologize to.’

Just then Nathan appeared next to someone who appeared to be another doctor, but the doctor pulled at his face like it were a mask and revealed himself to be the actual Dan Aykroyd underneath. ‘Danny?’ ‘Yes, Stephanie..I heard about what you said. I appreciate that you were thinking of me and all but you were very selfish with me,I am not yours to be controlled, nothing and no one can control me, physical, spectral or otherwise.’ ‘I realize that I have been selfish. Sorry Dan, I should have let others have you too because sharing is caring.’ ‘And what about me?’ ‘Oh alright Nate, I am sorry for insulting your tastes and your stories, I realize now that some people actually do enjoy these sort of stories and that is perfectly fine.’

“There you go, all is better now.”

“Thanks.”

Stephanie/Dan left the hospital and she/he left a much better person as Doctor Eucalyptus smiled. ‘Ah, another happy patient. I love my job.’ She hummed to herself as she went to go and check on another patient. ‘You did a good job Dr Eukie.’ ‘Thanks.’

After she went back to check on another patient, the scene cut to a Tales From The Crypt style bookend of Dan Aykroyd as a horror host. ‘Well then, did you all enjoy this story? I did. Nathan certainly got what he wanted in the end, poor Thomas finally got to know how it felt to be a real pain in the neck but at least he got to appear in the final CUT.’

Dan laughed at his own horror related pun as he held up Thomas’s head…’And also I really got to HAND it to Doctor Eucalyptus for her absolutely top tier treatment of her patients.’ He picked up a severed hand and waved it around for a little bit. ‘You will be happy to know that I have picked Stephanie to be my substitute whenever i’m unavailable, and she does a bang up job, nobody even knows she used to be female. That’s Dr Eucalyptus for you, a true miracle worker. She no longer has anything wrong with her attitude or her head…I think you’ll find she prefers this as opposed to how she used to be, and she learned her lesson. Remember, be careful how you simp. Because some of your mutuals may not agree with you, in fact that you’ll find that the only thing they mutually agree on is that they want you dead, or just to have your head on a plate in general. But don’t worry, she gets to keep hers. Oh don’t you just love it when someone gives you head and lets you keep it?’

He did a Cryptkeeper-esque laugh as he looked over at his table of heads in jars including the dad from The Suicide Shop, the Rankin Bass version of Dracula, the Child Catcher, and Ed Grimley and even one of Martin Short in general. ‘For now we can relax, but there are more stories to come, and of course with more stories come more ways to bring the scares and to teach a lesson they won’t so forget. So I hope you’ll come visit again next time for another special bedtime scarytale, of corpse I will always be here to tell them.’

Doctor Eucalyptus laughed…’I love your horror related puns, Dan.’ ‘Thanks Eukie, and thanks for letting me be the host for this end segment, you really do an amazing job.’ ‘Coming from you Dan, it means a lot.’

Dan turned to give one more speech…’Remember, simping over a famous person or character is alright, just don’t be too rabid about it because there can be dire consequences to your actions, and also remember it never pays to be a hypocrite, if you attack others, expect them to do the same to you…and leave you in…pieces. And look, here are some pieces of someone now. Any parting words? I didn’t think so. Then again, kind of hard to keep your head straight when you’re all in pieces anyway. But nevermind, hope tonight’s story provided you with some real top tier screams. Good night, and don’t let the monsters bite, or rather do…because they might find that you taste good!’

“Oh absolutely.”

‘And one more thing, be careful about who you call a freak in middle ghoul, for they might turn out to be the one that leads you to your undoing and of course, you probably won’t even have a leg to stand on, at least not anymore you won’t.’ He gave one more Cryptkeeper-esque laugh as his bit ended and thus so does our story in general. Remember, simping over a famous person or character is alright, just don’t be too rabid about it because there can be dire consequences to your actions, and also remember it never pays to be a hypocrite, if you attack others, expect them to do the same to you…and leave you in…pieces.

Not everyone has to conform to what is normal, fandoms in general tend to always have a crazy one in the bunch, and if there isn’t one, chances are, you are that one, but don’t worry I am sure Eucalyptus and Dan both know where you can get a head check. You’ll come in as you were, but will come out a totally reformed person. If not, you’ll be a total different person in general when you come out.

Kinkshaming others for their specific quirks can definitely lead to dire and horrifying consequences, so be careful what you say, or you might yourself in your very own scarytale with an ending that is definitely twisted in so many ways.

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gatheringbones · 3 years

Text

["At the end of August in 1981, I found myself in a small town in Arkansas, where I knew no Lesbians other than my new lover, Lynn. I wanted it that way. We were living in hiding from my armed and vengeful ex-lover who had abused me for four years and had threatened both of us with deadly harm. This was five years before the publication of Kerry Lobel's ground-breaking book, Naming the Violence: Speaking Out About Lesbian Battering. I knew I had been battered, but I did not understand how deeply I had been injured.

I only knew that I seemed to have saved my life at the cost of my sanity. I jumped at loud and not-so-loud noises. A frown from a stranger could reduce me to tears. I was afraid to bathe if I was alone in the apartment. I relived every word of every fight in relentless flashbacks. I had blocked much of the unbearable pain of the previous four years out of my consciousness at the time, in order to cope with immediate danger. Now that I was "safe" it all came flooding back. To escape, I watched TV compulsively, avoiding anything violent—nature shows were my favorites—and I read science fiction. Having lost faith in women as well as men, I was a serious candidate for a species-change operation.

Luckily, at some point in that bleak winter, I read a magazine article on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in Vietnam Vets, and I recognized all my symptoms. I had a name for my suffering, and 1 knew I was not "crazy." I'd felt so much guilt and anger towards myself for not being okay, that is, my old self, since I was "free." Now I knew healing would take time and effort, and I gave myself permission to not be normal right away. Also, seeing how much my condition resembled that of war survivors helped break down some of my denial about the hell I'd been through.

Still, I had no guidance on how to recover from PTSD. I followed only the dimmest instincts. First, I began to read accounts by survivors of any serious trauma. These people became my invisible support group. I found myself drawn especially to stories of political prisoners and concentration camp survivors. Although my experience was not like theirs, these were the people I felt would understand how my will had been sapped and my strengths twisted, how the smallest acts of resistance and mere endurance had needed all my wits and courage. Bruno Bettleheim in his chapters called "Behavior in Extreme Situations" (The Informed Heart) finally answered the question I'd put to myself every 44 hour since my escape: "How could I have been so stupid?" He made me realize that under abuse, especially the combination of intermittent threats, unpredictable violence and constant psychological torture, everyone responds differently, but everyone changes fundamentally, and everyone has their breaking point.

One day as I sat reading at the kitchen table, I looked out the window at the small yard beside our duplex apartment, and I began to imagine growing a garden there in the spring. It seemed like a highly improbable idea: the area was very small, steep, bare of everything but gray shale and orange clay, and the house shaded it part of the day. But the notion of a garden took root strongly. For the first time in several years I had something pleasant to anticipate.

I wrangled my landlady's permission to put in a garden. Then I mailed off postcards for seed catalogs. I persuaded an acquaintance who owned a truck to bring me a load of cedar slabs discarded by a local sawmill, and I used these to construct two frames, about four feet by six feet, and two even smaller ones, just three feet by four feet. By this time Lynn and I had saved enough money to buy a very old VW bug, so we drove to a nearby creekbank and filled bushel baskets with rich bottom dirt, which we dumped into the frames to make raised beds about four inches deep.

To supplement the tiny growing space, Lynn scavenged large cans from the cafeteria of the hospital where she worked. I painted them a hopeful green, filled them with soil and placed them along the sidewalk below our porch. Old-timey "Corn-row Beans," originally bred to tolerate the shade of cornfields, grew up strings tied to the roof and bore prolifically.

I didn't have much money from my SSI income to spend on garden gadgets, so I made do. I wove a trellis for my peas from six-pack rings liberated from a liquor store trash bin. (I can testify that this plastic never biodegrades—the pea fence survives to this day.) I got some more bushel baskets from the local grocery, painted them with non-toxic preservative and lined them with garbage bags after snipping a few drainage holes in the bottom. Placed around a small stone patio above the garden, these became containers for large plants.

The garden rewarded me before the first mouthful of early spinach was harvested. It moved me out of the gloomy apartment and into the sunshine, watering can in hand. It motivated me to interact with people and to occasionally risk asking for help. I found out they would usually say yes. My attention was now focused on the future, not the bitter, unchangeable past. At night when the flashbacks threatened to roll, when I dreaded the dreams I might have, I put myself to sleep with 45 detailed plans of my next crop rotation. I found out I could learn a major new skill, a little at a time. I could do things right, even come up with ingenious solutions to seemingly impossible difficulties. And when I did things wrong, plants were most often forgiving. The plants themselves were a tremendous source of inspiration. Talk about survivors! They defied every book written about their needs, often thriving with too little sun, too little water, and too little soil. At the end of a year, I could easily stick my shovel in the dirt up to the hilt, where only four inches of top soil had previously existed; compost and the action of the roots had created friable loam out of shale and clay.

When I experienced failure with gardening, it was never the kind of disaster I'd grown to associate with mistakes. We didn't go hungry, because other crops outstripped our expectations. My lover didn't beat or berate me, but sympathized and helped. The garden was important to us economically, because we'd both lost almost everything we owned in our escape. Luckily, in southern Arkansas, it's possible to garden yearround. The garden gave me precious, desperately needed tastes of success. Disabled, unemployed, I still felt like an important contributor to the household. I even had food to give away sometimes, and that was a delicious feeling.

Gardening was not the only factor in my recovery, but it was an important one. I didn't grow up with abuse, but battering and similar traumas can expand minutes into hours, years into decades, until four years feel like most of a lifetime. At the end of a year and a half of gardening, I no longer felt as if I'd spent the majority of my life in a battering situation. Healing had acquired a new definition for me: I didn't insist on having the old me back; I'd mourned her long and well. I accepted the fact that some injuries are too severe to be made whole, that I might never be the same again. But I began to actually like and trust the me I am now, scars and all. As my garden taught me, I must make do with what I am. I have discovered that my flaws are not fatal and my successes are greater than I'd hoped for. So far I have not gone hungry, and I even have something to offer."]

Amy Edgington, Gaining Ground, from Garden Variety Dykes: Lesbian Traditions In Gardening, Herbooks, 1994

#amy edgington #lesbian literature #terra preta #cw abuse #you are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out

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luminous-shifting-vibes · 3 years

Text

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

#tw drugs #tw swearing #tw cannibalism #tw crime #tw food #tw homophobia #shitpost #out of context #out of context quotes #lumi's quotes

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babbushka · 3 years

Note

Hey just had to vent people are reblogging to release the sex scenes from the last duel it’s frustrating because these are supposed to be from what I gather from interviews I’ve seen from cast graphic and violent rape scenes and I just want people to be aware of this and not try to romanticize these scenes just cuz Adam is in them. I also just want people to be aware of others who may become triggered. Idk just bothers me how it’s a serious subject and yet he is again being sexualized😤.

Hello my dear anon, yes I am aware of the happenings going on round the dash. In my honest opinion, people are going to like whatever they like. Do I personally have a huge problem with the content of the movie? Yeah, big time. Do I personally think it's really poor taste that in 2021, after the MeToo movement and the exposing of big time hollywood players as sexual predators (including the two men writing the fucking film!!!!!), we have a movie all about men accusing a woman of lying about being raped? Yes, I do. Do I think that there's something deeply concerning with people romanticizing rape plots and rapists? Yeah.

But, much like people are free to disagree with me and my opinions on things, I am free to disagree with others. It doesn't make them bad people, it doesn't mean I'm going to go into their inbox and shame them on their blog or their posts. I just stay in my lane, because the only person you can control is yourself.

That being said, we are all responsible for taking the necessary steps to keeping ourselves safe and sane. Filtering out words and blacklisting tags and hell, sometimes even blocking posts/accounts is necessary. We are responsible for curating the dash that we see, and if people are posting things that are causing upset or offense, it's our job to remove ourselves from the situation.

I am right there with you my dear, on all your points. I believe that at this point, everyone knows where I stand with TLD. And just as badly as I wish to preach to the choir about the real consequences of movies on society (because as much as everyone likes to think otherwise, movies do impact the way we move through life) -- in that same breath, the argument that this is a movie with actors playing characters for entertainment and though is inspired by history is ultimately a fictional representation, is also valid.

I do think it's important to be vocal that there are significant problems with rape-plots in film. I do think it's important to express support for people who have been victims, and to question why these movies are being made now -- moreover, who are the people in charge of making these movies. People on the internet like fucked up stuff. That's their own prerogative as long as it's not actively purposefully hurting someone else. All we can really do is express our own opinions and move on.

Sending you lots and lots of love.

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mediaevalmusereads · 3 years

Text

When A Scot Ties the Knot. By Tessa Dare. New York: Avon Books, 2015.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Castles Ever After #3

Summary: On the cusp of her first London season, Miss Madeline Gracechurch was shyly pretty and talented with a drawing pencil, but hopelessly awkward with gentlemen. She was certain to be a dismal failure on the London marriage mart. So Maddie did what generations of shy, awkward young ladies have done: she invented a sweetheart. A Scottish sweetheart. One who was handsome and honorable and devoted to her, but conveniently never around. Maddie poured her heart into writing the imaginary Captain MacKenzie letter after letter … and by pretending to be devastated when he was (not really) killed in battle, she managed to avoid the pressures of London society entirely. Until years later, when this kilted Highland lover of her imaginings shows up in the flesh. The real Captain Logan MacKenzie arrives on her doorstep—handsome as anything, but not entirely honorable. He’s wounded, jaded, in possession of her letters… and ready to make good on every promise Maddie never expected to keep.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: graphic sexual content, blood, violence

Overview: I came across this book while doing research for a blog post on Scottish fetishization in romance. While writing the post, I encountered YouTuber Jean Bookishthoughts’s video “ An Actual Scot Reads Highlander Romances,” and she gave this novel a fairly positive review. So I decided “why not? I’ve got nothing better to do.” Overall, the premise of this book was really enticing - the idea of a woman writing letters to a fictional sweetheart only to have a flesh-and-blood man show up at her door is quite the setup. I also think Dare does a good job of writing humor and moving the narrative along. But I ultimately couldn’t give this book more than 3 stars for a number of reasons: for one, the main crux of the plot felt like it could have been a bit more robust. Two, I didn’t find Logan to be a very interesting character. And three, some of the random “Highlander” references felt cheesy.

Writing: Dare writes prose that is quick, witty, and humorous. I very much enjoyed the jokes and the banter between our protagonists, and I appreciated that Dare didn’t get bogged down in some of the details of day-to-day life. If I had any criticisms, it would be that I think Dare moves almost too quickly at times. Some of the more emotional moments could have used some room to breathe or some more description of how the characters’ emotions are faring. But it wasn’t so bad that I felt like I was being rushed through the novel. Another way of putting is may be that sometimes Dare told where she could have shown, but the balance of telling vs showing didn’t feel egregiously off.

Plot: This plot mainly follows our heroine, Maddie, and our hero, Logan, as they try to work out an agreement. Maddie, in the attempt to avoid going on the marriage mart, invented a sweetheart at age 16 and wrote letters to a “fictional” Scottish captain in the army for years. Unbeknownst to her, the letters were actually being received by Logan, and when he and his men come home from the war, Logan is determined to marry Maddie in order to get her land in Invernesshire.

Personally, I found this setup to be quite intriguing and whimsical. I liked the embarrassment that arose from Maddie’s letters actually being received and read. I liked that Logan secretly looked forward to the letters from a stranger. I even liked the dilemma of negotiating a marriage of convenience. But I think where this plot fell apart for me was the whole challenge of consummating the marriage. Logan and Maddie agree to marry and live separate lives (it’s early on, so this isn’t really a spoiler), but Logan is adamant about consummating the marriage so that there’s no possibility of an annulment. Maddie, for her part, wants to avoid consummating the marriage because she finds that marriage will threaten her career prospects; as an illustrator, she finds that men will not hire her for work if they think household or parenting duties will interrupt her work schedule. To be completely honest, this challenge was quite good; I thought there was a real opportunity here for Dare to explore the sexist challenges women face in the workplace. Where I thought the challenge was weak was in the whole obsession with consummation. Unless there was such hostility between the Scottish and the English that an Englishwoman’s word would always be taken over a Scotsman’s, I found the question of “did they actually have sex or not” to be quite trivial. From what I know, annulments were notoriously difficult to obtain, so it wouldn’t matter much if Maddie and Logan had consummated the marriage. It seems like Logan could just say they did and an annulment would be near impossible. Nor do I think the law would care much if they only had non-penetrative sex. It seems like the whole plot hinging on whether or not they had “real sex” was a non-issue for me.

Instead, I would have liked to see more conflict in Maddie between balancing her desires for romance and a family with her career aspirations. Once Logan enters the picture, it seems like her career takes a backseat (except for a couple of scenes), and I would have rather seen it be more front and center. Either that or I think Maddie’s story could have mirrored her aunt’s more closely. Maddie’s Aunt Thea was long ago caught up in a scandal that ruined her, but later, Thea reveals that she had enjoyed the freedom. I think having Maddie be independent and struggle with the idea of being “tied down” by marriage could have also been good, and while there’s a little of that, I think it could have been more apparent to the reader.

In terms of small-scale narrative points, I think a lot of the scenes Dare writes are very funny and entertaining. I liked, for instance, the scene where Maddie falls into a bog, or when Maddie shows kindness to Logan’s friend, Grant. The scenes that truly did bother me, however, were some of the more “fluffy” ones that were a bit too cheesy for my tastes. For example, there’s a scene in which Maddie finds Logan reading Pride and Prejudice and he’s wearing spectacles. She makes a big deal about him being a reader and I had to roll my eyes. There’s also a scene towards the end in which Maddie attempts to make haggis, and I hated it because it felt like it was inserted so Dare could check off a “Scottishism” in a list. Tartan? Check. Brogue? Check. Haggis? Check. The scene also erupted in random violence, too, which felt out-of-place and inserted for pointless drama towards the end of the novel.

But I will admit, I did like the scenes that were very self-aware about what Dare was doing. For example, there’s a scene in which Logan is debating about what to do to get Maddie into bed. His friends give him suggestions like “offer your heart to her on a platter” or “throw in a lot of oochs and bonny lasses when you speak” or “dive into the loch and have her go looking for you. Then, when she’s found you, pretend you don’t notice her and have her watch you bathe for a while. Then emerge from the lock all dripping wet.” This self-awareness was a nice stab at romance cliches, though I wish Dare had done a better job herself at avoiding them.

Characters: Maddie, our heroine, is fairly likeable in that she’s bookish, generous, and a bit clumsy at times. I liked that there was a juxtaposition between her confidence and her social anxiety: while she wasn’t afraid to assert herself in some situations, big crowds made her nervous, and I think navigating those two scenarios made for some interesting characterization. The main thing I didn’t like about Maddie was how quickly she seemed to give up her career ambitions for Logan. There’s a point where she has to make a choice between letting Logan go and following her dreams, and she claims that she’s choosing Logan even though the choice is really made for her based on sexist norms of the day. I would have liked to see her wrestle with her ambitions a little more.

Logan, our hero, has some admirable qualities, but in the end, I found him rather uninteresting. He’s your basic roguish Scotsman with a tragic past, and though I liked the loyalty he showed to his men, I ultimately though he was a little too jealous and a little too used to his orders being obeyed. I would have liked to see him be a little less dictatorial so that his romantic appeal would shine through a bit more brightly.

Side characters are charming but, in my opinion, underutilized. I liked all of Logan’s army buddies and appreciated that all of them had disabilities in some way (and those disabilities were important but didn’t define them). I really appreciated Maddie’s relationship with Grant, the soldier whose memory resets every hour or so. She was kind to him and he was sweet to her; I just didn’t think his random violent outburst towards the end was necessary or in-character. Maddie’s Aunt Thea could have also been used more effectively, but I did like that Thea had this quirk of making a lot of cosmetics and remedies that were, ultimately, rubbish. It was charming.

Romance: Logan and Maddie’s romance was... ok. The premise started out really interesting, but over time, I lost some enthusiasm because I felt like I was being told that they had feelings for each other (rather than being shown). Sure, Logan does some things that challenge Maddie’s assumptions and vice versa, but I wanted them to have a stronger basis for a romance than just “they’re hot and I’m horny oh wait they were nice to me and aren’t exactly what I expected.” Part of the reason I wasn’t super enthused might also be the focus on sex and sexual attraction as well as Maddie feeling pity for Logan on account of his past. I prefer romances where the focus is on each person lifting the other up emotionally, and while there was a little of that, I think I would have liked to see it be more of a centerpiece within the plot.

TL;DR: When a Scot Ties the Knot is a funny, light, historical romance, but ultimately doesn’t have a “meaty” enough plot for my personal tastes. Some readers might enjoy the banter and the heroine’s determination, while others might be turned off by the cheesiness and lack of a complex hero.

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stressed-crow · 3 years

Text

i didnt exactly get tagged, but @lieberts said the “whoever wants to do it” thing (like 4 moths ago but i just found it in my likes) so here i goooo

also i tag @krchov @cowardlylearningtobebrave @feathereddamsel @gruntie and @luwucifer-s but like, only very vaguely. feel free not to~

1. MUSIC TAG MEME

Rules: Post your first twenty songs in a playlist on shuffle

Mama (My Chemical Romance)

Stigma (BTS)

Man Who Sold The World (Nirvana)

End of Spring (ONEWE)

Love Maze (BTS)

I’m so afraid (Holland)

Dear my friend (agustd)

O-O-H Child (The Five Stairsteps)

Go Go (BTS)

Time is Running out (The Muse)

Movement (Hozier)

Les Passants (Zaz)

The Witching Hour (ODJBOX)

Feelings (Hayley Kiyoko)

0X1=LOVESONG (txt)

YAYAYA (Stray Kids)

Empire (Of Mice and Men)

Problems (Mother Mother)

Question (Stray Kids)

Kill Your Heroes (AWOLNATION)

(i do not take any criticism on my music taste, least of all a costructive one)

2. Rules: MAKE A NEW POST, bold what applies to you and tag whoever you want to get to know better.

APPEARANCE

I’m an I-need-to-pull-the-driver-seat-all-the-way-in kind of a person // i wear glasses or contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i wear makeup // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how I look // I prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backward

HOBBIES & TALENTS

i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own (if it was like... chill wildreness. i mean i can get a fire going and shit like that i cant fistfight a bear or whatever) // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand

RELATIONSHIPS

i am in a relationship // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long-distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

AESTHETIC

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sunrise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colors // i find mystery in the ocean (i dont like it tho the sea scares me) // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season

MISC

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least one dog // i have a cat ---------

3. THIS OR THAT TAG GAME (1)

4. THIS OR THAT TAG GAME (2)

indoor plants or gardens // cloud-watching or star-gazing // water or fire // paperback or hardcover // running or hiking // sleeping with socks or without socks // fruit or vegetables // hanging plants or succulents // dark wood or light wood // handwritten or typed // instagram or pinterest (i dont do either) // braids or pigtails // books or movies // oceans or meadows // forests or fields // sweet or salty // ice cream or chocolate // hoodies or sweaters // long hair or short hair // piercings or tattoos (new!! both!!) // summer or winter (both suck) // boots or sneakers // cars or motorcycles // curls or straight hair // castles or cottages // sunny days or storms // reptiles or birds // disney or nickelodeon (am european) // strawberries or watermelon (im using this opportunity to pick the other one yes) // essays or posters // phones or laptops // glass or stone // dark or light // photos or paintings // circuses or theaters // reading or writing // dogs or cats // poetry or novels // monsters or ghosts // thrift shops or libraries // fiction or non-fiction

5. Post one picture from my camera roll (no new downloads) to sum up my personality! u get two bcs they are v good

6. 30 QUESTIONS TAG GAME

RULES: Answer 30 questions and tag others

Name/Nickname: lucy

Gender: female

Star Sign: leo

Height: 170 cm

Time: 22:04

Birthday: july 1 IS WHAT I WROTE INITIALLY bcs i cant fucking read and thought it just said “date” lol anyway its 11th of August

Favorite Bands: bts, stray kids :)

Favorite Solo Artists: sunmi, taemin :) and hozier i cant betray him

Song stuck in my head: la la la la vie en rose

Last Movie: def some horror movie but i forget which lol

Last Show: probably the untamed lmaooo did not even finnish it

When did I create this blog: december 2013 apparently

What do I post: kpop babey

Last thing googled: i gotta fact check lots of shit for work so probs smting sports related (but make no mistake i dont know a single thing abt sports)

Other blogs: what for i dump everything here

Do I get asks: no

Why I chose my url: self-explanatory

Following: 100

Followers: ???

Average hours of sleep: about 8 hours

Instruments: none

What am I wearing: pink pajama shorts with kitties, black shirt torn beyond decent wearability and this dark green... jacket,,, hoodie...thing.

Dream job: village witch

Dream trip: me @ japan:

(i was supposed to go study there starting winter 2020 :) im abt to lose my fucking mind :) so yeah you get a dead meme for this) also new zealand, iceland, and going back to sweden sometime

Favorite food: pizza bithc its versatile, also cereal coz im a child

Nationality: czech (rip)

Favorite song: black swan (bts), levanter (skz), take me to church (hozier), noir (sunmi) (those are from the top of my head current favs theres way more but here u go)

Last book read: MIMOZEMŠŤANÉ V ČECHÁCH (= aliens in czechia) by idk, some married couple thats probs wanted whatever xfiles had but low budget, its pure nonsense, best read of this year, dont regret a single second

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: magnus archives bich i dont give a fuck; middle earth to blaze it with hobbits; i wanna be one of those lil shaky-head-tree-things in mononokehime

#personal #yeet yoot #tag game

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wherevermyway · 4 years

Text

step out! do what you want (chapter eleven|finale)

pairing: reader/bang chan/han jisung rating: explicit | 18+ warnings: BIG FUCKING TW for implied death by suicide clearly designated at the end of the chapter, major character death, mental instability, post-traumatic stress, postpartum depression, profanity, smoking, discussion of pregnancy/childbirth, drug dealer/organized crime!au word count: about 5,400 also on my ao3 here. chapter/series navigation

chapter eleven: now it’s over, we’re sober.

important beginning note: I have labelled where the possibly triggering content is (it’s at the very end) so that you can just stop reading from there if you’d prefer.

note: this is it. this is the final chapter for step out! do what you want, and I am devastated. this series took so much out of me, but I loved and hated every moment of it. if you’ve stuck around, even after all this stuff with feelings and plot when you probably just wanted smut, I am really grateful. without further ado, let’s begin the end.

recommended tracks: nightlight by illenium, smile like you mean it by the killers, modus by joji, forever rain by RM, like you do by joji | playlist can be found here

disclaimer: any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable, please stop reading now.

if you have thoughts of suicide or struggle with mental wellness, please reach out to your local hotline or emergency services. life is worth it, I promise. to any fellow authors, please take this article (and its sources) into consideration if writing about suicide.

Sunshine bores through your shared bedroom window, songbirds chirping loudly outside. The smell of pancakes fills the room as you slowly wake up. It almost sounds like Christopher is singing in a hushed voice from the kitchen, occasionally talking in a cutesy, baby-talk voice, likely to Jiyoon. She’s usually awake by the time the sun comes up, but since it seems like it’s at least a couple hours past daybreak, you assume Christopher woke up and decided to take care of her.

You move to get out of bed, the smell of pancakes tempting you to practically float into the kitchen, but Jisung pulls you into his chest as he sleeps. He grumbles something in his sleep, and you’re unable to make out exactly what he says. He clearly seems comfortable, so you gently turn to your side and kiss him on the forehead before you slip your way out from under his arm and on to the floor.

As you stand up, you accidentally knee the nightstand next to the bed, jostling the charging cable in your phone - you really needed to stop leaving it plugged in overnight - causing the cord to dislodge itself and your phone to wake up.

10:18. No new messages or notifications, just like normal and the way you liked it. Talking to most people was absolutely draining. You had a hard enough time handling Christopher, Jisung, and now Jiyoon. Hell, it was hard enough to handle your own thoughts sometimes, you were just glad that Jiyoon had three parents so that she could get attention from at least two of them whenever she wanted it.

Whatever, you think to yourself, ignoring the lack of notifications on your phone, as the smell of bananas and pancakes distracts you too much to really allow yourself to get too depressed over it.

Why did this all feel so familiar?

There’s a bit of a headache in the front of your head from the bright lights, but it starts to dissipate as you make your way towards the kitchen, Christopher’s singing voice getting louder and louder the closer you approached. You were able to peek over the doorframe without either Christopher or Jiyoon spotting you, so you watched them for a few moments.

Christopher was made for this. He did a great job of keeping Jiyoon entertained in the harness strapped to his chest, holding her in place as he prepared breakfast. You took in the view of the two of them, warmth enveloping you from head to toe. It was endearing to see how much both Christopher and Jisung cared for both you and Jiyoon, but there was still an uneasy feeling in the back of your mind.

It had been maybe four months since Jiyoon was born. It was likely due to all of the psychological stress you had been going through the past year, but when the doctor told you that you were experiencing postpartum depression, it didn’t surprise you. They prescribed you yet another antidepressant and pushed you out the door when you had physically recovered.

You spent a lot of time aimlessly staring out the window. Jiyoon kept the men off of you, keeping them from barraging you with check-in questions, since taking care of a newborn was so hectic. Of course, you did help, but there was this sense of detachment you had from everyone, like you were behind glass and just watching a movie play out in front of you. There wasn’t much of an attachment you had to anything anymore.

Why were you even here?

“Oh,” Christopher softly gasps, “hey, baby, you’re awake.” He smiles and grabs Jiyoon’s arm, making her wave at you. “Good morning,” he sets down the spatula in his other hand and walks up to you, planting a soft kiss on your cheek. “How did you sleep?”

You give a timid smile and nod your head. “I slept alright, although I could use a little more.”

Liar.

You hadn’t slept well in over a year. A year and a half, at this point, maybe even two years. Time didn’t make sense anymore, like it was a foreign concept someone tried to explain to you in a language you didn’t comprehend. Memories of Changbin jumping in front of you, dying in front of you, Christopher getting shot in front of you, Minho punching Christopher in front of you, Minho coughing up blood as he died in front of you, all of these memories would rudely interrupt your dreams nearly every night, causing you to wake up in a panic, cold sweat dripping down your body. The medication you had made it a bit more bearable, but it still felt like someone was building The Great Wall of Despair in your chest, brick by brick. It was starting to smother you, consuming you from the inside out.

“That’s good,” Christopher leans in and kisses your forehead before returning to the pan, flipping the pancake inside of it. “Have you taken your meds yet this morning?”

You shake your head, knowing that he wasn’t actually asking, this was his way of reminding you to take them. He specifically kept them in a kitchen drawer so he knew you took them. The second week you were home after Jiyoon was born, you kept “accidentally” forgetting to take them, so after you had a complete meltdown over being incapable to fold a pair of socks, Christopher and Jisung would alternate bringing your pills to you in the morning, until you finally started getting up and taking care of yourself, then they moved them from your bedside table to the kitchen drawer, making sure they observed you as you took them.

“I’ll take them, just give me a second. “ You reach down to the island’s drawers, flipping open Tuesday’s reservoir, shaking the pills into your hand.

“What the fuck did you put in these?” You swear you hear a voice come from the opposite of the counter. A gasp escapes your lips as your eyes slowly tilt up and you freeze in place. There’s no one in the seat across from you, but you swear you could have heard Changbin’s voice.

“That reminds me,” Christopher says, his eyes still on the stovetop, “I was scrolling through recipes the other day and I saw that, if you add a bit of maple syrup to pancake batter, it makes them taste nice and lightly sweet. So,” he smiles, turning his head over his shoulder to look at you, “I added some to the batter and wanted to try it out. Figured it would go well with the bananas in there and change it up a bit.”

This felt so oddly familiar, but you couldn’t figure out why.

You shake your head, trying to clear the strange feeling from you, as if it would just fly out of your ears. The pills in your hand suddenly feel weighted down and heavy as you go to grab a glass from the cupboard, then fill it with maybe a hundred millilitres of water. With a bit of a shake, you spill the pills into your mouth and suck down the water, feeling the gelatine coating stick to the back of your throat for just a second as the pills travel down your esophagus.

“There we go,” Christopher says with a laugh. “Everything’s ready. You should go wake up Jisung so that he can -“

“I’m already awake,” Jisung groggily complains, shuffling his feet on his way up to you. He gives you a kiss on the cheek, then steals the glass from your hand, filling it with water and taking a drink from it. “You guys are loud, and you,” he playfully pokes you in the shoulder, “you left me in there all by myself. I just wanted more cuddles and to be lazy, but no.” He continues to whine before setting the glass down and taking a couple steps to Christopher and Jiyoon.

“Morning,” Christopher says, turning to softly kiss Jisung’s forehead, and Jiyoon makes a soft coo when she sees Jisung, reaching her tiny hands up to his face.

“Well, good morning to you, too,” the younger man’s face brightens up with a smile. “Mind if I take her off your hands, baby?”

Christopher nods, removing Jiyoon from the harness and passing her off to Jisung, giving the top of her head a quick peck. “Please do. She’s getting bigger and it’s killing my back.”

You smile as you watch the two of them interact with your daughter. They were so good to her and she deserved the best parents she could ever have.

The day that Minho and Hyunjin died, Christopher dropped Seungmin and Jeongin off at their apartment, then made the way back to Cheongdam-dong. As he parks the car in the apartment building’s garage, he turns the car off and reaches his hand down from the steering wheel to pull another cigarette out from the pack, but you snap your hand over his wrist.

“You need to quit,” you tell him without thinking and without looking at him.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see that he scrunches his nose up at you in confusion. “I know?” He wiggles his fingers, trying to pluck one from the packet, but you tighten your grip on his wrist and pull the plastic test out of your pocket with your other hand, tossing it into his lap. You let go of his wrist and stare out the window, too afraid to see his reaction.

“You need to quit,” you say again, quieter this time. “I’m not asking.”

Jisung grabs the back of your seat, pulling himself between the two of you. “Hold up,” he says with an alarmed voice. “Is that what I think that is? Is this why you were acting weird at CU when you darted off to the washroom?”

“Holy shit,” Christopher gasps, then tugs you by your arm into his chest. “Oh my god, oh my god!” He excitedly kisses the top of your head, running his hand through your hair.

“Wait, seriously?” Jisung gasps as he reaches into Christopher’s lap, grabbing the plastic test. It takes a minute for it to register, but he eventually lets out a squeal, throwing the test into the air as he wraps his arms around both of you. “We’re seriously going to be parents,” he happily sighs, nudging his face up against yours, giving your cheek small, frequent kisses.

You should be excited, but you can’t bring yourself to be as excited as them. There’s an overwhelming feeling of dread enveloping your chest with a vice grip.

The doctor tells you that you’re being taken off of a couple of medications, replacing them with ones that were safer for pregnancy. You just kind of sit there, letting her words go in one ear and out the other. Christopher demanded that either he or Jisung went with you to your appointments, since he knew how flighty and unstable you were. He sat next to you, squeezing your hand as you drifted off, staring at the name plate on the desk.

Park Hyunmi. Your doctor had a pretty name. Would you name your child something Korean, like Jisung? Japanese, like yours? English, like Christopher’s? When should you tell your parents? Should you even tell your parents? You hadn’t talked to them since all of this started. You wondered if they knew if you were alive or not. Did they even care?

“Did you hear that?” Christopher shakes your hand, pulling you out of your dissociative trance.

“Mhmm,” you lie, nodding your head. You know he doesn’t believe you, but he won’t make a scene until you get to the car.

You mentally drift away, the walk from the office to the passenger seat of Christopher’s car blurring together. After he closes your door, he walks around the car, stopping in front of his door. He presses his hands against the roof of the car and takes a step back, letting himself unravel into an emotional wreck.

This happens every time he comes with you to your appointments. Jisung would keep it together until he got home, then he’d lock himself in the studio or the washroom for a half-hour and come undone.

The nightmares never seem to stop chasing you, haunting you every night, scaring you to the point where you can’t sleep until your body literally shuts down. It's almost as if every time you close your eyes, someone gets shot in front of you. Every time you close your eyes, your brain pulls you back right into those moments.

Tonight’s nightmare starts with Hyunjin, staring at you with empty eyes and a bloodied face. “No one makes it out of here sane or alive.” A wide grin slowly spreads on his face as he moulds his hand into the shape of a pistol, aiming it at you. He snaps his thumb down and quietly whispers, “bang” as you fall through the floor.

Time slips through your fingers, like grains of sand; it’s impossible to grasp or keep a hold of for more than mere seconds. You continue sinking in the deep darkness until you land on the couch in the studio. If this was reality, your back would be aching. You would be crying. But nothing was real here, no matter how real it had emotionally affected you when you woke up.

“Christopher,” you hear Jisung whine from the kitchen, repeatedly saying his name over and over calmly, as if it were a mantra. It never made sense why Jisung called him Christopher in your nightmares. You make your way up to your feet, staring what appeared to be blood spattered on the floor, trailing itself through the door. There’s nothing more that you want other than for this nightmare to be over, but you know it won’t come that easily.

There was no choice but to see it through.

You follow the blood spatter out of the studio and into the living room. The image that greets you causes your entire body to run cold and your heart to stop. In the empty floorspace between the living room and the kitchen, there are four lifeless bodies placed next to each other in an intricate manner.

“It’s just us,” Jisung speaks up, and you don’t bother looking. You can’t take your eyes off of the bodies, the pool of crimson surrounding them. The four of you look so cold, so lifeless, so blue. Hyunjin is behind you, his head right behind yours, mirroring your body but with his arms open wide. Changbin’s body is closest to you on your left, his hand outstretched behind you to Minho’s hand, who is mirroring Changbin’s positioning. Your body is right in between them, laid flat on your back, as if you were in a coffin and the three men were presenting you as some sort of macabre art piece. If you were awake, you would be sick to your stomach.

“It’s all her fault.” Jisung whispers, his voice echoing in your head. “Nobody would have died if she never got involved.” As harsh as it was, he was correct. If you had never met Christopher that night several months ago, they would all be alive.

Changbin would be alive. He would have never taken that bullet for you.

Minho would be alive. He and Changbin could have left the family, got out of South Korea, gotten married, started the family they wanted.

Hyunjin would be alive. They would have never gotten in that fight.

Hell, even Minji would be alive too, probably, but she didn’t matter much to you anymore.

“I loved her,” Jisung croons, “but I wanted you, Christopher. Everyone wants you. Not everyone can have you, though, only me.” You’re finally able to turn your head, staring into the kitchen. Jisung looks through you with an empty stare, covered in blood, as Christopher leans up against Jisung’s chest, his eyes gazing vacantly off into the distance. He looked lifeless, but you were able to see that he was still breathing and blinking.

“She never deserved you,” Jisung says as he stares at you with wide eyes. “She deserved nothing. She was never good enough for us.”

Your therapist sits back in her chair, taking a deep breath as she processes your nightmare. “It sounds like you’re afraid that he’s is going to become too possessive, or already is possessive.” She exhales slowly as she writes some sort of note down on her pad. “And you’ve had this nightmare how many times?”

“Four times, I think,” you say, turning your head to stare out the window. A few birds fly past the window, aimlessly scurrying off into the distance in a uniform pattern. “It’s the same every time. Every night.”

“You need to talk to them, you know,” she says, taking her pen in between her teeth. “Until you talk to them, you’re -“

“Going to keep having the nightmare,” you cut her off, not meaning to seem so rude. “Sorry, but I know. This happens every time. It’s predictable at this point.”

The rest of your appointment is the same generic therapist shit she always gives you. Write out your dreams, talk about your feelings, work through your personal life, stop being such a fucking train wreck. That last tip may not have been verbatim, but that was what it felt like she was actually saying as she stared at you with terrified eyes at the end of every appointment.

“No one makes it out of here sane or alive,” Hyunjin’s words echo in your head again, very real and very crisp, yet so far away from you. You give your head a quick shake and subconsciously rub your stomach as you walk out into the lobby, not bothering to look at Jisung as he greets you.

“That’s terrifying,” Jisung whispers, trembling as he loosens his grip on the steering wheel. Tears start rolling down his face, and he turns away from you. “I would never… Why would you think that I…?”

You shouldn’t have told him, you knew that in the back of your head, but it just slipped out as soon as you were idle in the parking garage. “Jisung,” you whisper, reaching out a hand to his shoulder, but he shifts away from you, putting a hand up between the two of you.

“Sorry,” his voice shakes as he says it, wiping his face off with the sleeve of his sweater. “This is just so much to process. I’m not going to do something like,” he pauses, swallowing hard, “I’d never do anything like that.” He slowly turns to look at you with bloodshot doe eyes, tears falling from them in a continuous stream. “I love you, bunny. Yeah, I love Chan, too, but you were the first person I fell for. Ever. Sure, there have been other people in my life, but you were the one.”

He sniffles, rubbing his face with his hands. “If I never joined up with the family, I wanted to marry you. I was gonna ask you not long before we broke up, but we stopped seeing each other so I figured, what’s the point if I’m just gonna leave?”

His confession makes you rapidly blink your eyes several times in succession before you can clearly focus on him. “What?”

“Yeah,” he scoffs, nodding his head in disbelief. “But I was stupid and younger and I thought I could really go somewhere with my music career. I don’t do anything with music anymore, at least not like I want to. I’m too busy with this kkangpae shit I never wanted to be a part of. Fuck’s sake, if I never left you, we would never be in this situation.”

“No,” you reach down to his thigh and grip it firmly with your fingers. “Don’t go down the ‘what if’ rabbit hole, Sungie. Just don’t do it.” Ironic that you were giving him advice on staying sane when you had lost the plot a long time ago. “Trust me, once you start with the ‘what ifs’, they don’t stop.”

Jisung blinks away a couple of tears, wiping his face with the sleeve of his sweater again. He looks up at you and pulls you into a hug. “I’m so sorry for all of this, bunny. I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” you whisper to him and close your eyes.

“So,” the nurse stares at the three of you in disbelief as you groan in the wheelchair, a contraction ripping through your body, “exactly which one of you is the father?” Christopher and Jisung were probably exchanging an uncomfortable glance with each other, as an awkward silence fills the empty waiting room.

“It doesn’t matter,” you whine as sweat drips from your brow. “I don’t know, I don’t care, I want this child out of me and I want her out of me now.”

“Ma’am,” the nurse speaks up, looking down at you with soft eyes, “I just need to know who to let into the delivery room with you.”

“Both of them,” you grumble, tilting your head back as you ride out the contraction. The nurse furrows her brows and her face contorts in confusion. However, she doesn’t protest as she walks behind the wheelchair and starts pushing you forward.

“Mother knows best,” she whispers under her breath, probably hoping that nobody heard it. “Alright, let’s get going.”

On the third day you were in the hospital post-delivery, you shifted for the first time in hours, looking at the doctor as he told you that Jiyoon was biologically Jisung’s child, that he would be listed as the father on the birth certificate. All legal responsibility was on the two of you; Christopher would have no legal rights over Jiyoon, and that probably felt like a knife in his side.

“Oh,” was all you could manage to say. It didn’t matter to you. Sure, you had spent eight and a half months growing another human being inside of you, but she felt like she was just this tiny, babbling human that didn’t belong to you. You never wanted to be a parent, so this entire situation was just foreign, strange, and unwelcome. It was another thick layer to add to The Great Wall of Despair.

Your eyes roll over to Jisung and Christopher, and it’s painfully obvious that Christopher is trying to not be offended or uncomfortable. Jisung blinks rapidly a few times, biting back a smile. He flits his eyes down to you and lets a small glimpse of his smile creep up.

“I’m happy for you, Jisung,” Christopher says, pulling Jisung into an awkward man hug. The two of them would hide any romantic affection towards each other if there was a stranger around that they had to interact with. They would force themselves to be as heteronormative as possible and it was uncomfortable for you to watch because you knew they were agonizing over it.

“Doesn’t change anything,” you softly say, then roll over to look out the window some more. Today was window-washing day, so you would eventually see someone scale down the window and wipe off residual dirt and grime that had built up over the past two days. It was probably the most interesting thing to watch nowadays.

The doctor exhales sharply through his nose. “We’re going to increase the dosage of a couple of your medications and add on another mood stabilizer.”

“Great,” you say nonchalantly, throwing your arm in the air and dismissively waving it. “I don’t give a shit. Dope me up, doc.”

“Maybe you should consider signing away parental rights to -“ the doctor starts quietly making a snide comment before Christopher interrupts.

“We’ll handle it,” he curtly cuts him off, stepping forward to likely usher the doctor out of the room. “Thank you.”

Jisung walks up to you, bending down in front of you to be at your eye level. “That was a bit harsh, don’t you think?”

Your face remains devoid of emotion as you stare past Jisung. “Probably. Don’t care, though.”

The younger man frowns at you, scooting a bit to the side and closer to you to basically force you to look at him. He puffs his cheeks out and makes a silly face, which does get a bit of a smile out of you.

“I can’t promise you’re going to feel better any time soon, but I can promise we’ll be here with you, every step of the way.” Jisung brings his forehead to yours and rubs the back of your head. “We both care about you so much and just want the best for you.”

You try your best to offer a genuine smile, but it just feels awkward on your face. “Thanks, Sungie.” His honesty was appreciated, but you knew in the pit of your stomach that none of this was going to get better any time soon.

Christopher had talked up how great the pancakes were, but to your tastebuds, it was like you were eating syrupy cardboard. This was no fault of his, but you just couldn’t taste things anymore. A few months ago, things still had some semblance of flavour. You had no idea when things stopped being flavourful, when everything became desaturated and bland, but this was life now. It felt like you were stuck in this fog of misery and there was no way out of it.

“Bunny,” Jisung waves his hand in front of your face, “you’re staring off again. What are you thinking about?”

“My life flashing before my eyes,” rolls off of your tongue before you really process what you actually say. You quickly correct yourself to sound a bit less depressed and insane. “How excited you and Christopher were when you found out I was pregnant. Jiyoon’s birth. You know,” you stab at the pancake on the plate and begrudgingly shove a forkful of it into your mouth, “normal sappy shit.”

“They taste really sugary.” Changbin’s voice echos in your head again and you drop your fork, turning your head to where you thought he was. “That’s sugar on top of sugar, dude.”

You blink a couple of times, staring at the empty spot at the island counter. Why the fuck were you hearing his voice so much today?

“Are you alright?” Christopher asks with a layer of concern in his voice.

There was no way you could tell them that you were hallucinating, especially not that you were hallucinating Changbin’s voice over and over again. No, not today. You had plans tonight and you didn’t want to risk it.

“Yeah,” you lie, reaching back down to your plate to grab your fork. “Just thought I saw a spider or a bug or something, no big deal.”

Christopher and Jisung exchange a confused glance and shrug it off. Jiyoon starts to whine from the bedroom, and Christopher gets up. “I’ve got her, don’t worry. Finish your breakfast, both of you.” He smiles as he walks towards the bedroom.

Jisung puts his fork down and looks at you with a frown. “Are you sure you’re alright, bunny? You’ve been really out of it lately.”

“Haven’t I been out of it a lot for the past few months?” You retort, taking another bite of the syrupy, bland cardboard to your lips.

Jisung purses his lips and bobs his head. “Yeah,” he draws out, “but you’ve been a little extra spacey lately. Is it the meds?”

“Probably,” you say, looking up to him and offer him a fake smile. “I’ll be fine soon, though, I just have a hunch.”

[tw from here on out]

It was about three in the morning when you make your way out of bed. You hear the soft pattering of rain hitting the windowsill as you look down to the bed. Jisung shifts in his sleep, rolling over to Christopher. He rubs his head up against his chest, and Christopher rolls into him, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. You bend down and kiss them both on the forehead. “I’m sorry,” you whisper, nearly silently.

You quietly shuffle over to Jiyoon’s bassinet, looking down at her as she sleeps. A tear makes its way down your face as you bend down to kiss her forehead and gently stroke her hair. “I love you so much, all of you, but I’m so sorry.”

You don’t bother changing out of your pyjamas, making your way to the entrance of Christopher’s apartment. Quietly, you take your slippers off, then grab a random pair of trainers off of the shoe rack, slipping your into them and not bothering to re-tie them. You turn to the door, your hand trembling as you reach out to the door handle.

Another tear falls down your face as you take in a deep breath, quickly looking over your shoulder to make sure that nobody has awoken. As soon as you confirm that you’re the only one awake, you quietly open the door and step out into the hallway, quietly making your way through the building, then out towards the Seongsu bridge.

No one makes it out of here sane or alive, do they?

[ to be continued in step out! you’re the sanctuary ]

final notes:

thank YOU so much for reading this insane story.

massive thanks to my best friend/wifi T for panicking with me from beginning to end, for reading this when you barely knew anything about stray kids and you barely knew me. you are a genius, and I couldn't have done this without you.

also, thanks to my spouse for reading this even though this wasn’t something you were interested in. you really helped me out a lot and I am thankful for ya for believing in me.

to my friend D: I still don’t think I’ll ever turn this into a novel or anything remotely similar, but thank you for always supporting me and keeping me going. your kind words really meant a lot to me when I was having a rough go from chapter eight on.

the words from all three of you AND all of the people that left me comments on AO3 and tumblr meant so much and I couldn’t have written this dumpster fire without you.

I know this wasn’t a happy ending or a happy fic at all (the epilogue, see you in the next life, ends on a happy note, at least) but I personally struggle with mental wellness (always have) and so writing this was kind of a trip. it was almost oddly therapeutic in a way because I’ve been there more times than I’d like to admit, but I’ve come back from the brink. reach out for help if you need it. it’s worth it, I promise.

I still can’t believe I wrote this. what the fuck.

until we meet again, yuki. ♥

#tw: suicide #tw: death #tw: pregnancy #tw: depression #tw: mental instability #tw: ptsd #step out do what you want

23 notes · View notes

redrobinhoood · 4 years

Text

Index | Whumptober2020

Whumptober is now over! Thank you everyone for the love that’s been shown to my fics on here. This has been a very good writing challenge for me. I feel like I’ve learned a lot about my writing style over the course of this past month and what types of stories are the most compelling from your comments and reactions, so thank you for hopefully making me a better writer!

So as to provide the best reading experience, the index is a summary of every work I did for Whumptober and lists out the all characters, pairings, additional tags, triggers, and level of whump so that you may make an informed decision about what you would like to read. Feel free to ask questions, or for more summary/description if you are unsure if you would like to approach something, in the comments of this post or through DM or ask.

AO3 Index Link

* Lighter whump

** Eek but they at least kinda get their shit together

*** I kill or graphically traumatize someone here

Full index under the break

Single-character focus

No 31. TODAY’S SPECIAL: TORTURE ** | Tumblr | AO3

Left for Dead

TW: None

Boba Fett

Description: Left to die, Boba Fett refuses to do so.

No 19. BROKEN HEARTS *** | Tumblr | AO3

Grief | Mourning Loved One | Survivor’s Guilt

TW: Character Death, Depression

CC-5052 | Bly / Aayla Secura

CC-5052 | Bly. CT-6734 | Galle, CC-3636 | Wolffe, Aayla Secura

Description: Bly finds himself in the same situation that he once put Aayla in when he returns to Felucia.

No 1. LET’S HANG OUT SOMETIME * | Tumblr | AO3

Waking Up Restrained | Shackled | Hanging

TW: Psychological Trauma

CC-2224 | Cody. CT-7567 | Rex, Alexsandr Kallus, Sabine Wren

Additional tags: Retrospective

Description: Captured by the Rebel Alliance, Cody thinks back on the events that led to this moment.

No 25. I THINK I’LL JUST COLLAPSE RIGHT HERE, THANKS ** | Tumblr | AO3

Disorientation | Blurred Vision

TW: Graphic Descriptions

CT-5555 | Fives & CT-0408 | Echo

CT-0408 | Echo

Additional tags: Canon compliant

Description: Echo makes a mistake at the Citadel and waits for Fives to save him from it.

No 26. IF YOU THOUGHT THE HEAD TRAUMA WAS BAD… ** | Tumblr | AO3

Migraine

TW: None

CT-0408 | Echo & CT-5555 | Fives, & CT-7567 | Rex

CT-0408 | Echo, CT-7567 | Rex

Additional tags: Canon compliant

Description: Trapped inside his own mind, Echo relives his final moments of freedom.

No 28. SUCH WOW. MANY NORMAL. VERY OOPS. *** | Tumblr | AO3

Accidents

TW: Character Death, Graphic Descriptions

CT-5597 | Jesse & CT-6116 Kix

CT-5597 | Jesse

Additional tags: Canon compliant

Description: Pinned down, Jesse thinks back on the events leading up to Order 66.

No 20. TOTO, I HAVE A FEELING WE’RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE *** | Tumblr | AO3

Field Medicine

TW: Needles, Drug Use

CT-6116 | Kix. CT-5597 | Jesse

Description: Kix fights to keep his brothers alive on Umbara, but gives them peace when he cannot do so.

No 14. IS SOMETHING BURNING? ** | Tumblr | AO3

Branding

TW: None

CC-4477 | Thire. Jek

Description: Thire finds that the Emperor has found a solution for telling the identical clones apart.

No 8. WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO? *** | Tumblr | AO3

Abandoned | Isolation

TW: Death, Depression, Graphic Descriptions of Violence

CT-7567 | Rex. Ahsoka Tano

Additional Tags: Post Victory and Death

Description: Rex returns to the wreckage of the Venator once Ahsoka falls asleep to mourn his brothers.

No 29. I THINK I NEED A DOCTOR * | Tumblr | AO3

Intubation | Reluctant Bedrest

TW: Mentions of Death

CC-3636 | Wolffe. Boost

Description: After suffering serious injuries at the hands of the droid army, Wolffe finds himself on the road to recovery.

Friendship focus/pairings

No 15. INTO THE UNKNOWN ** | Tumblr | AO3

Possession | Alt 10. Nightmares

TW: Violence, Implied Character Death

Barriss Offee & Ahsoka Tano

Barriss Offee, Ahsoka Tano

Description: Ahsoka dreams about Barriss Offee and the tipping points in their friendship.

No 24. YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE * | Tumblr | AO3

Sensory Deprivation

TW: None

Barriss Offee & Ahsoka Tano

Barriss Offee, Ahsoka Tano

Description: Imprisoned for her crimes, Barriss tries to sort fact from fiction as she finds herself deprived of her senses.

No 7. I’VE GOT YOU * | Tumblr | AO3

Support | Enemy to Caretaker

TW: Wounds

Cal Kestis & Merrin

Cal Kestis, Merrin

Additional notes: Fallen Order Spoilers

Description: Merrin goes to see Cal with thoughts of Dathomir on her mind.

No 18. PANIC! AT THE DISCO ** | Tumblr | AO3

Panic Attacks

TW: Panic Attacks

Cal Kestis & BD-1, & Merrin

Cal Kestis, BD-1, Merrin

Description: With all distractors gone, Cal’s thoughts wander to old trauma and old wounds.

No 12. I THINK I’VE BROKEN SOMETHING * | Tumblr | AO3

Broken Down | Broken Trust

TW: None

CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi

CC-2224 | Cody, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ghost Crew (all), Millennium Falcon crew (almost all)

Additional tags:

Description: The Ghost receives a transmission concerning a former Jedi, a farm boy, and the Death Star.

No 30. NOW WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? *** | Tumblr | AO3

Internal Organ Injury

TW: Character Death, Graphic Descriptions, Blood

CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex

CC-2224 | Cody, CT-7567 | Rex

Description: Cody tells Rex of a new Separatist weapon. Later, Rex comes face to face with it.

No 4. RUNNING OUT OF TIME** | Tumblr | AO3

Collapsed Building

TW: Blood, Mentions of Death

Description: Rex sends some of his best men to steal data from a recently abandoned Separatist base.

No 13. BREATHE IN BREATHE OUT * | Tumblr | AO3

Oxygen Mask

TW: None

Plo Koon & CC-3636 | Wolffe

Plo Koon, CC-3636 | Wolffe

Description: Captured during the infiltration of a Separatist base, Plo Koon chooses to save the lives of his men over his own.

No 23. WHAT’S A WHUMPEE GOTTA DO TO GET SOME SLEEP AROUND HERE? * | Tumblr | AO3

Exhaustion | Sleep Deprivation

TW: Depression

CT-5555 | Fives & CT-0408 | Echo, & CT-5385 | Tup

CT-5555 | Fives, CT-5385 | Tup

Description: Following Umbara, old nightmares come back to haunt Fives.

No 2. IN THE HANDS OF THE ENEMY ** | Tumblr | AO3

“Pick Who Dies” | Collars

TW: None

CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker

Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex, Obi-Wan Kenobi

Description: Anakin is forced to choose between three of the beings he loves.

No 16. A TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY * | Tumblr | AO3

Hallucinations

TW: None

CT-7567 | Rex & Anakin Skywalker

CT-7567 | Rex, Anakin Skywalker

Description: Rex and Anakin find themselves doused with hallucinogenic powder while pursuing Asajj Ventress.

No 9. FOR THE GREATER GOOD *** | Tumblr | AO3

“Take Me Instead” | “Run!”

TW: Character Death

CT 7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano

CT 7567 | Rex, Ahsoka Tano. CT-6116 | Kix, Anakin Skywalker

Description: When their ship comes under attack, Rex and Ahsoka desperately try to hold off the droids from the control room.

No 21. I DON’T FEEL SO WELL * | Tumblr | AO3

Hypothermia

TW: None

CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano

CT-7567 | Rex, Ahsoka Tano. Anakin Skywalker, CC-2224 | Cody, Obi-Wan Kenobi

Description: Rex and Ahsoka find themselves stranded on an ice moon after escaping from Separatist forces.

Romance pairings

No 5. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING? *** | Tumblr | AO3

On the Run | Failed Escape

TW: Character Death

CC-5052 | Bly / Aayla Secura

CC-5052 | Bly, Aayla Secura, CT-6734 | Galle

Additional tags: Worse Than Canon

Description: Bly decides to take the execution of Order 66 into his own hands

No 27. OK, WHO HAD NATURAL DISASTERS ON THEIR 2020 BINGO CARD? ** | Tumblr | AO3

Earthquake

TW: Suicide

CC-5052 | Bly / Aayla Secura

CC-5052 | Bly, Aayla Secura

Description: Trapped by a collapsed building during an earthquake, Bly and Aayla take different approaches to their survival.

No 6. PLEASE…. ** | Tumblr | AO3

“Get it Out” | “Stop, please”

TW: Blood, Mentions of Death

CC-2224 | Cody / Obi-Wan Kenobi

CC-2224 | Cody, Obi-Wan Kenobi

Description: Obi-Wan and Cody lead a mission to scout out what appears to be an abandoned Separatist base.

No 17. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING * | Tumblr | AO3

Blackmail | Dirty Secret

TW: None

Rey / Ben Solo | Kylo Ren

Rey, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren

Description: A reminiscing Kylo Ren is interrupted by a call for a momentary truce following the near extermination of the Resistance.

No 3. MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY* | Tumblr | AO3

Manhandled | Held at Gunpoint

TW: None

Riyo Chuchi / CC-1010 | Fox

Riyo Chuchi, CC-1010 | Fox. CC-5869 | Stone

Description: It’s the weekly bounty hunter break in in the Senate. But this week, Commander Fox finds Senator Chuchi to be one of their demands.

No 10. THEY LOOK SO PRETTY WHEN THEY BLEED ** | Tumblr | AO3

Blood Loss | Trail of Blood

TW: Blood, Graphic Descriptions, Character Death

Riyo Chuchi / CC-1010 | Fox

Riyo Chuchi, CC-1010 | Fox.

Description: Commander Fox leads an assault on a team of bounty hunters who have infiltrated the Senate.

No 11. PSYCH 101 *** | Tumblr | AO3

Defiance | Struggling | Crying

TW: Character Death

Riyo Chuchi / CC-1010 | Fox

Riyo Chuchi, CC-1010 | Fox

Description: The Chancellor learns of Commander Fox and Riyo’s relationship and orders his property to be destroyed.

No 22. DO THESE TACOS TASTE FUNNY TO YOU? * | Tumblr | AO3

Poisoned

TW: None

Riyo Chuchi / CC-1010 | Fox

Riyo Chuchi, CC-4477 | Thire

Description: Thire watches over Riyo at a senatorial gathering after she receives another threat on her life.

#whumptober2020 #index #masterpost #death tw #graphic depictions of violence tw #depression tw

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lesbiradshaw · 4 years

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can i ask you one question? i alredy did one, sorry, but, do you have any problem who likes bottom bucky or... both of them? cause, i read one of your posts in the other tumblr days ago and it's not a problem if you don't like! course it not! i like both and i agree that there must be more bottom steve au, or fanart, or fic, i just don't understand how can someone argue/fight about this thing with other stevebuckies because its all about preference? i came from a fandom that became so toxic about all that bottom/tops thing that i literally dropped myself from that, it's always nice to have stevebuckies who like them both, or just your personal preference because in the end... they are not real and fics/au are not made to hurt or offend anyone, it's just a preferencial taste :) sorry about the big text :/

no, i don’t think i’ve ever said i did, i’ve just made it clear sub bucky is not my preference (for a multitude of reasons- the content of a lot lf bottom/sub bucky fics is age gap and stuff i don’t like + a lot of bottom bucky fans weird me out w how much they want him to be a wonan and while yes these men are fictional the motive and fetishization/sometimes transphobia and homophobia doesn’t sit right. even when something isn’t made to hurt someone it still can) and i have feelings of frustration with how some bottom bucky stans can’t leave posts or jokes about bottom/sub steve alone without having to ruin it and make it about themselves when a majority of fan content is already made for them. i’ve never once in my life fought w anyone about it tho ? like i’ve said: it’s my page, so i express my preferences but don’t tend to say “obviously people are allowed their own opinion” because that’s a given to me. i like vers stevebucky (top and bottom wise) even while i don’t read sub bucky. i just think bottom steve/sub steve deserves more attention so i talk about him because i like him.

like you said: people get toxic about top and bottom stuff and i think that’s dumb but i don’t condider rambling about my preference and why i don’t see things a certain way trying to argue, it’s just me talking about what i see in the characters and sometimes what i see as genuinely wrong (ie: the weird gender roles/heteronormativity pushed into a lot of stevebucky fics but esp bottom bucky).

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monstermaster13 · 1 year

Text

TftW: Don’t Call Me Freak

“Nate are you going to stand for this?”

“Of course not, time to take out this trash.”

“Which you do, you do that…’

“Really? I should be so lucky if I get that good.”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“No, I figured that if you are going to keep on like this..”

“So…that doesn’t matter, what you do isn’t right.”

“What? How dare you…”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

“I must be dreaming.”

“I’m not like these people.”

“Oh yes, you are.”

‘I don’t belong here…’ ‘Oh but you do, let me help you, help you to get rid of that disorder you have.’ ‘This is going to get horrifying isn’t it?’ ‘It doesn’t have to.’

“I may be a freak but I am trying to help you.”

“I don’t want your help, I want out of here!”

“Oh yes, you are very broken, and you need to be fixed.”

“No I don’t.”

“We can do that.”

“As can I…I figured since this one loves Dan so much, how about she becomes him?”

“Oooh, that is such a clever idea.”

“What?”

“There we go, it’s a success.”

“What have you done to me?”

“Well since you love Dan Aykroyd so much, we’ve turned you into him.”

“But…”

“Why would they believe someone who they don’t even know?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“There you go, all is better now.”

“Thanks.”

“Oh absolutely.”

#Monstermaster13 #Dan Aykroyd #tftw

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