#this is the only way to promote myself

[worldsworstfemale]

u know what i will not let the depression consume me again

#i was on the verge of a promotion and a scholarship and i was doing sooo well #i need to force myself to be okay it’s only way

[kyouka-supremacy]

---

#Woha... Alright read the chapter 🫡 #It's just. I get where Fukuchi is coming from and I feel like after rereading it the whole thing was a little more clear but... #Did it *really* have to be so complicated. Like dude did it **really** have to be so complicated. #Maybe it had to idk. After all I'm always the first to say that a complex reality can't be reduced to simple axioms– #and that semplifications never bring anything good. #But at the same time was there REALLY no other way #Couldn't you promote your ideas diplomatically instead. Couldn't you become a democratic activist or politician. #Couldn't you write a book‚ person named OUCHI FUKUCHI #Also couldn't you? Talk about it with someone before executing your crazy plan so that anyone else might have pointed to you how crazy it i #But I suppose the whole central theme of this arc ultimately was “people who try to do everything by their own are destined to fall” #And to an extent it does still feel kinda self-contradictory of a plan. Like ahah my plan included not to make anyone suffer!!! #[turns half world population into a vampire] #Like c'mon? Violations of human rights can happen even without killing people dude #(Also Akutagawa) #(Like I get it he's only one (1) person. But he's also the only (only) person for me so I can't bring myself to ignore him y'know) #Mmmmmhhhhhh that's of the main things ig. I YELLED when they brought up Max Weber and the what-is-a-state question #That's like. One of the main questions my whole life studies centers on. #The adrenaline that gave me to see it mentioned in my current hyperfixation ahfjvafjhcvlawsvfblwhkv #This chapter was just so so political theories packed I felt like I was just still studying lol. #I feel like this was a true “get why bsd is labelled as seinen”. #You just can't do this kind of in-depth political theory discussion in shonen manga ig #What else. Still patiently waiting for ss/kk 😔 #random rambles

[22degreehalo]

I'll say it as many times as it needs to be said. There is absolutely miniscule actual harm that comes from engaging with Harry Potter in 2024. JK Rowling does not need money. Anything sent her way is less than a rounding error. And the book series was literally EVERYWHERE in the 90s and 2000s. Like it or not, it DID impact a whole generation of people - pretending that never happened is completely absurd, if not outright irresponsible. It happened. It's just a fact. Harry Potter is mainstream. There is nothing that can be done to 'promote' it. It's already there.

What all this obsession with HP on tumblr is about? An easy way to smugly define Good People from Bad People. Because if you *really* cared about trans people enough, you'd hate everything associated with Harry Potter. Regardless of how much you adored it when you were 8 and went to Harry Potter parties with your family all dressed up quoting book lines at one another in your most precious childhood memories because for once your special interest actually aligned with the people closest to you. No, all those positive associations should have been deleted instantly. If you *cared enough*, it would just *happen*.

Which is why a whole slew of people who previously had earnestly reblogged posts about Moral OCD and how bad tumblr can be about it were suddenly cackling about how buying Hogwarts Legacy was comparable to *refusing to throw The One Ring into Mordor, starting a war that would kill millions.* And how donating to a pro-trans charity (an act that would have VASTLY more impact than aforementioned rounding error) is comparable to 'donating to a pro-elf charity' in the wake of that.

Because tumblr doesn't actually give a shit about autistics or OCD sufferers. When we complain about stuff that they also dislike, they proudly reblog that and rage in the notes about how selfish and cruel and Individualist those other people on tumblr are!!! But the *second* they get to paint themselves as the ones with '''''good thoughts and feelings'''''' they take it, and make up posts about how HP likers 'believe they're the main character and everything should revolve around them.'

Is it actually about whether something causes harm? Or is it about dividing the world into Inherently Good People and Inherently Bad People? Is it actually about doing real good for the community and making the world a better place? Or is it about shaming people with the Wrong Emotions until they fucking hate themselves and spend hours upon hours ruminating on end trying to change themselves because their inability to let go of positive Harry Potter feelings is OBVIOUSLY evidence of a truly inescapably evil and cruel and wretched identity that the world would be better off without?

Which is it, actually? When it actually feels a little bit good to feel like you're on the Right Side of all of this, for once?

#cant fucking believe im doing this to myself on the day before his birthday #im gonna have to stay up til 12:30 tonight #if im STILL obsessing over this shit then Im gonna start demanding recompense #dont donate to ocd charities (do they even exist lmfao) just give $20 to someone w ocd every time you make a Stern Post abt hp '''promoters #.. #hp for ts #god no fucking offence but this all is the ACTUALLY terminally online bullshit #do you know the library I work at has Harry Potter posters/displays etc. up??? #stocks plenty of 'wizarding world crochet' books and the like??? #99.999% of the world barely knows what jkr is doing #and the rest just think 'wow she's awful' (or whatever else) and dont connect that to hp at all #its only on certain internet spaces that this 'engage with HP = immediate and inescapable corruption by the devil' mentality exists #hell even the idea that anyone with something HP related is trying to signal terfism or whatever #i dont doubt that some ppl TRY that but. it doesnt work lmfao. #not once has my aunt thought 'oh I better remove my Hermione keychain or someone will think I hate trans people' #that is literally terminally online brainrot!!! real people do not think that way!!!!!!!!!!!!

[britneyshakespeare]

You know what's a realization I've made just now at this moment. I've been thinking for the last couple of days about how lately my poetry feels like it has no significance to me anymore, and I don't know why or how. It certainly felt more significant to me when I was youngest, when my poetic offerings were least often worthy of much praise, when I was excited and felt catharsis. Before I was even twenty, poetry became more of a craft/hobby than a diary (to give myself credit, it was a craft/hobby when I was fourteen/fifteen too, but I built that craft/hobby out of my teenage sentiments and obsessions rather than a more concerted effort of skill or construction). And it's been many years since I wrote poetry that was about people; I can't tell you the last time I wrote a poem that was purely about my feelings for another person. More often I write poems about conflicts or problems or things I'm figuring out. Very often my poetry is just inspired by whatever book I'm reading. But I'm not interested in my poetry lately whatsoever; I write it coincidentally. I have no interest in elaborating through that medium anymore at this point in my life. I'm not sure why I continue. And my realization is that I actually have felt this before. My poetry feels like a dormant interest because very few things inspire or excite me right now. My poetry feels insignificant when I'm in a phase where my life feels insignificant.

#this past year of not taking classes and being ill and lonely has had some effect on me hasn't it!! #tales from diana #in some sense the fact that i still run my poetry blog (im writing this as im updating it now) is like #i dont know. it's some sort of hidden blessing for myself and myself only #it's something i consistently update despite all lack of interest and that gives me the motivation to write #is the motivation to post. on my silly little blog that frankly i dont even care about! let alone do i expect others to #no i do care about it. just not care like i get impassioned about it #it's of little import in my life but it's a consistent thing in the background and i'm thankful for it #i am not at the point in my life where i care so much about sharing my poetry #not so much in a self-promoting way but it hasn't been like that for a long time #i've never cared much if my writing got much attention. in fact i've often felt worried when it does #i'm comfortable just showing my mutuals and forgetting about it and moving onto the next thing #it is what it is. i'm sure the next big change that comes into my life will inspire some more interesting poems #but right now it's just going through the motions. and that's ok i've been there before

[mainfaggot]

tw eating disorder talk, pt.2 to the last post in the tags (once again, no mention of numbers that could be triggering, just a heartfelt rant bc I've been so afraid of talking about these things on here, but i really just need to get everything out bc . I feel crazy)

#so basically it was bad. this past summer the relapse was so sugarcoated in the sense that #i was telling myself it was fine. it didn't look the same as it did at my very worst #it didn't even feel the same #but it wasn't fulfilling either. it was stressful. it was exhausting. i was using my anorexia as a way to distract from having depression #i needed to feel a sense of achievement and i got it! but at the cost of my physical health #and my mental health was all over the place like less depressed sure. but way more anxious #it was weird. because even now i have to tell myself it wasn't okay. it wasn't fine. it's not worth it it's not WORTH IT #part of me keeps romanticizing it bc i was so in control and i was still working a little and still functioning in a socially acceptable way #but i know how much anxiety it gave me on a daily basis. only i know how my body ached and how low i felt from my immunity going to shit #only I know what it's like to have horrible circulation and constant weakness #no one else will live my life for me #I'm sure there are people who can live the way i was. im sure there are people who thrive like that #but they only thrive for a short time before it all comes crashing fown #and it's not worth the comparison bc when im suffering theyre not going to help me out!!!!! #when im struggling with the weight of it all. the people that promote tiny little portions and academic excellence with no room for #self compassion #they're not going to nurse me back to health #i won't feel a sustained sense of satisfaction from restricting and studying until i pass out from exhaustion. I've done that before #perfectionism is a parasite and this is a disease. it's a fucking mental illness and it's not even about vanity for me like thats just a #fraction of it #anyway #z.post

[pepprs]

ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.

#purrs #delete later #idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every #single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional #needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t #those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t #this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone #but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o #course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and #i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved #mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or #whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a #week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be #writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all #the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality #is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents. #and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments #where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them #comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so #painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i #haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that #kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im #crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i #missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever. #and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read #the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are #closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom #to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess. #also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and #that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk

[sodalitefully]

slash wrote in his book he had a “jailbait junkie” girlfriend in the 80s that he hooked up with 😭 isn’t that illegal?? I’m just asking for someone else’s opinion cause I’m really disappointed about that since I love him

sex w minors and drug use, both definitely illegal.

when it comes to liking rock stars, or celebrities in general, it's really up to you to set your own boundaries. can you be a fan of someone who's past includes things that you condemn? what does it look like to be a fan without condoning someone's actions? answers vary person to person, all i can say is that critical thinking skills are essential, prioritize your comfort, and never actively support someone who is actively engaging in harmful behavior.

#don't give money or promotion to artists who unapologetically continue to hurt people! #for me the reason i feel comfortable calling myself a slash fan is mostly based on the way i perceive him now #as in in 2022 #all the stuff in the 80s etc? fascinating to read about imo & resulted in cool music – #– but there's only so much that i can condone #and 'jailbait' girlfriends are definitely not it! #reply

[windowsandfeelings]

My annual self-review is due today and literally the only thing worse than writing a self-review is writing a cover letter.

#I had a really good year! #I got a huge promotion and proved myself in many many ways #but as soon as you ask me to write about the goals I achieved I’m like 😶🫠🙃 #or how I exhibit the company values??? #(especially because we got acquired recently so the values are new) #(and it’s not that I don’t exhibit them but COME ON) #and they always say ‘this should be easy’ #and ‘it should only take 30 minutes’ #I have been staring at it off and on for days!!

[featureenvyproductions]

but you know what IS COMING?

The next couple chapters of Eyan Eternal!

why spend your holiday (if you live in the US) wallowing in depression with your homophobic family when you could wallow in depression with gay characters weathering a dying future??

come read more of my latest self indulgent nightmare comic tOMORROW (oh wait I guess technically it's today bc I mean Wednesday but it's like dark outside and I just woke up from an accidental 6 hour nap induced by volunteer work where I ran around cleaning up messes for like the entire time and time now has 0 meaning for me)

or possibly another day but like still this weekend but AIMING FOR TOMORROW

stay tuned pals I will be posting links and images sooooon

#Eyan eternal #Science fiction #Gay comic #queer artist #Vampire #Robot #Ch 3 and 4 announcement #Uh there's some technobabble in ch 4 I don't know how to justify #Which is part of why I'm delaying this #I never like ironed out the details of how this one computer actually works when it maps people's brains to a network of particles #Yes this is me not being prepared #I kinda just left the door open for holograms and went 'that's a problem for future ej' #And now I'm future ej and it's my problem #Does anyone care though is anyone gonna read the technobabble #I generally put thought into it just fyi #Like it's not usually reverse the polarity filler nonsense #Anyway I'm begging you to read every comic announcement I make in an old timey salesman voice #bc it's the only way I can power through self promotion without cringing myself into destruction

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have a tiny side bit of money leftover from a sculpture commission just sitting on my paypal (I would never input my real info directly into tumblr/pay directly with a debit card or something lol)... very much adore the concept of having the potential power to spend $10 and tumblr blaze promote a silly picture of my cat 

#i dont even know if they let you pay through paypal but... lol #OR I could use it legtimtalry to promot like.. worlbuilding or my sculptures or a costume but.. hmm #no... would rather do cat in silly hat #HJBHb there's like a $125 option to have a post be seen by 50.000 people #if I was rich.. you know what... maybe... maybe I would directly send 50.000 people an image of my cat #Which I know people have already done this. I've seen posts of people promoting their cats #not saying it's a unique or interesting funny idea #it just makes it more interesting that it would be MY specific boy #not just any boy but MY special boy in his special hat #Or I could do like.. $30 .. promote one cat post. one art post. one post maybe for when my game comes out #It's just hard for me to ever be leigitimate about anything like that though i HATE self promotion SOO much #not in a 'omg sellout cringe' way or like a 'im insecure in myself' way but just .. LITERaALLY the only issue I have with it is #how much of a weird hermit I am and I hate drawing attention to myself and being percieved #NOT because I think I'm bad - I actually am more confident than most people I know/have a fairly stable self concept and am not #like constantly filled with doubt and fear and self loathing and like drinking to escape myself or whatever a lot of people do #literally the issue is just... my brain conceptualizing the idea of interacting with the outside world.... I do not like the idea #of anyone knowing who I am or knowing I exist.... YET to succeed in a creative field uh.... people indeed must know who you are and know you #exist gjhhjbjbj.. YOU KNOW WHAT iinstead I'll tumblr blaze a post promoting a Support Group for people #with schizoid personality disorder who are ALSO have creative hobbies. Me and 4 other people in a group chat can have a single conversation #about how annoying it is to have to participate in society and form connections and Be Percieved and then we all leave the group chat #and none of us ever talk to each other again because we forget and have 0 social drive ghghj... I think any Cluster A group chats or support #groups that function successfully HAVE to have people that are comorbid with other conditions that make them more open to the idea of #conversation because every straight up super hermit schizoid or schizotypal friend I've met we NEVER stay in touch because both of us #are SOOO far on the end of the spectrum of having literally no drive to talk to other human beings whatseoever that it's like... impossible #to keep a conversation going ghhjbj. I can't get along with HIGHLY social people but I tink it's inherent that all of my friends need #to be at least SLIGHTLY more social than me or we will simply never talk. ANYWAY OFF TOPIC ghbhjbj #main points: love the idea of promoting an image of my cat. I am also intrigued by the option to promote something else like my art #but I severely struggle with things like that due to my own Hermit Problems and not even anything serious like 'self doubt' or something #Deep And Meaningful it's literally jsut 'eughh... but then.. People(tm) would See Me' hbjhbhj #YES that is the point dumbass. you are never going to have a career. ghgh... Cat photo is most important though.. Plotting

[criscura]

.

#ii....... #i think I'm at rock bottom #I'm at the point where I'm having trouble verbalizing or communicating in any way because i feel like it's so pointless #i feel so enormously fucking guilty for feeling so bad #and because i can't talk i can't put myself out there to build a network to give me the support i need #or the feedback #to keep on creating because that's legitimately the only thing i think I'm really good at #and what's the fucking point #what good can i do if i can't reach anyone to make change #my family won't listen to me #my best friend thinks i overthink shit #and i genuinely feel like I'm not radical enough for my friends #i feel so alone all the time #everything is shit IRL #there's bad family shit on both sides #we can't afford a house after being in an apartment for almost eight years #i can't promote myself anywhere without risking losing what minute platforms i have and i..... if i lose them #I think I'm going to give up #i can't talk freely *********anywhere******** #and when i mention it i feel like all I'm going to get back is a 'welcome to the club toughen up' #I'd rather just not talk at all #that feels like that's the message behind those kinds of answers anyway #and i get why people say it #but I've been trying to get better for years and i just.......... #all i have to offer people is hope and i feel so fucking hopeless so what's the point

[katierosefun]

i love how i told myself that i could be normal about having a crush on a fictional character and then i look at a few interviews of the actor and then i watch a cute variety show with the actor cooking food for his friends and i like how i told myself i could be totally normal and unaffected because i don’t exactly trust people as soon as a camera’s turned on them because for all i know these people could totally be jerks in real life but oh huh yeo jin goo seems genuinely so sweet oh wait oh no oh NOOOO

#caroline talks #me sternly at myself: don't put people on pedestals they'll let you down #me watching yeo jin goo split an apple with his bare hands because ji eun asked him to: but . . . but . . .. but-- #me watching jin goo giggle around ha kyun and perk up whenever ha kyun looks his way: bUT--BUT--BUT ! ! ! #like oh NO oh NO O OO o oo o NO no o nO O #see i feel less odd about having a crush on shin ha kyun #because like. he doesn't have any social media and doesn't seem interested in having it #he just like. disappears off the face of the earth and returns when he's filming/promoting stuff #and for some reason that's safer #but yeo jin goo is much more social media fluent and i get nervous whenever that happens #not that korean actors really post anything outside of promoting their works and maybe one or two snippets of their personal lives #(it's p obvious most korean actors' instagrams are pushed by their agencies) #lmao there was that one time lee jong suk went on instagram live being like 'i #am lost in the airport lmao' #which was genuinely so funny to me #but like ! ! ! ! #YEO JIN GOO ! ! ! ! THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE ! ! ! ! #also i think he's the only actor i've ever had a crush on who's like . . . NOT over ten years older than me #which is what makes this even MORE insufferable #me watching house on wheels: aww my mom would probably love him #me: OH NO

[celestialmancer]

I might need to set up some donation post thing or. Something, I think.

#being backed into a corner w debts & its! not! a good feeling! #its all medical debt bullshit & i h a t e #the only downside is idk how effective it’d be. i mean id promote it on my art blog but as it stands i barely get any notice there & here #so it feels. pointless? that & i feel like i’m fucking debasing myself asking for help. #it feels literally humiliating to me when i need to reach out to anyone for anything & esp w financial matters but i. dont have much choice #idk. i could try to open comms but im also mentally not in a position for that… #i’ll think things over but i just. have to do something. #it sucks bc i used to have twitter for this. & used to actually get help there in the days before e|0.n. but w the way the site is now… #rrrr this aint fun lmao #ishtar rambles ; #hate the US medical system & how its basically pay to live

[vaniliens]

I cannot let miscom win but it is so hard trying to come up with ways to communicate something with someone when that someone was supposed to be the one in charge of communicating it to you despite not saying Jack shit without trying to look like an asshole because youre kind of disappointed and you kind of come off as a know it all. Because. We. Didnt communicate. About it at all but somehow I know something she hasn't told me . which. Is what im mad about.

#DAYS without being disappointed in the way ive been treated: 0!!!!!! #nillas #vanili powder #Lets see how this goes #will i A.) Actually Leave this organization because this is my last straw (Again.) #or B.) Just forget about it #or c.)!!! Attempt to Forget about it only to have it resurface Later on!!! (AGAIN!!!) #Look im sorry but how was I not part of the planning process. youre telling me you set up what the competitions about all the sponsors and #THE GOD DAMN PROPOSAL without asking ME???? about ANYTHING???? After telling me and my one guy in my team that we dont have any meetings #about it to attend or Listen in to or anything for months????? #Who do you think made that idea??? you???? Did you make it and thought you shouldn't consult me? You knew about my skills and chose not to #Ask me about things you knew I wouldve been able to help with??? Do you remember what the purpose of this event is? Are you fucking serious? #Did you seriously just sideline US because of THEM are you fucking kidding me #all of this and she has never once told me a single thing about what was inside the proposal or the details of the event #Not even when i needed it for like a mock up trial we had to do to get this approved AND I WAS THE ONE BEING QUESTIONED #I ASKED HER FOR IT BECAUSE OF COURSE I DID AND SHE WAS ALL ''I'll Send you some questions and answers that you'll memorize for the trial'' #ARE YOU KIDDING ME. #MEMORIZE? #I CANT JUST READ THE WHOLE THING MYSELF? SEE WHAT YOU DID WITH MY IDEA ALONG WITH WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DID TO IT? #I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE NAME WAS AND HOW TO PRONOUNCE IT UNTIL THE MOCK UP AND IT WAS IN ENGLISH #its just so weird and irritating how shes literally side lined us despite how [ORIGINALLY] it was supposed to promote our club #What the fuck do you mean im not even one of the main players on it. Im literally the head of the division thats hosting the event. #What the hell do you mean by making me (and everyone else) just. #ughhwhhahhahahh #will i use this as more fuel to quit another organization or will i just give up because this is the last one #& ik if i quit ill probably lose my few acquaintances in it

[llovender]

i didn’t believe that if i left the church i would lose my salvation or go to hell, but i did believe that i would be in an accident and horribly mutilated, or that my loved ones would be killed, or that i would spend the rest of my life in misery and emotional anguish, haunted every second by the agony of being out of god’s will

#🪷 #just ex cult things 🤍 #i think a lot of cults focus on eternal damnation for ppl who leave #but mine liked promoting a hell on earth for ex members (bc you could never actually leave; you just weren’t right with god) #doctrine of eternal security came in clutch for the afterlife #but offered absolutely no protection from god ordained accidents #in total transparency a huge motivation for me was my steadfast belief that if i left #god would kill my cat and it would be entirely my fault that she suffered #i spent like a year crying over that after i finally left bc i was so scared for her it was miserable #the only reason i was able to walk away and overcome these fears of a miserable hopeless life #was the realization that i was absolutely going to kill myself within the year if i stayed #if ​i was losing either way i may as well try something different

[doctorloverboy]

got called irresponsible, neglectful, and lazy by my boss today because i didn’t know ants eat clothes and i got a surprise infestation and asked for one (1) shift off to deal with the problem. having never asked for surprise time off or called out in the past.

#well you should have dealt with it using the other 16 hours of the day instead of asking for time off #i only approved it because you caught me off guard #that’s just not how a responsible adult lives their life #if you can’t take care of yourself how could you possibly deserve a promotion #of course i appreciate your work ethic but someone who exceeds expectations should NOT be asked for time off to deal with a personal problem #<< fucking insane way to talk to someone #neurodivergent golden child to burnout pipeline is real #personal #vent #i want to quit my job so bad #i told her that my other option was to call out and she said that would have been equally unprofessional #BITCH I’VE NEVER CALLED OUT #literally aghast #and she KNOWS i’m mentally ill #i even planned to deal with it outside of work #and only asked for the time off after working myself up into an anxiety attack #and even said that if she said no i would understand and just power through #what a fool i am for thinking my manager cares about me