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#this is such a new emotion for me and I dont know if i like it
drdemonprince · 4 hours
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Re: autistic advice; i keep seeing people making fun of stuff like "are you in a place to hear bad news" or scripts like that. I grew up in an environment where it was common practice to just drop heavy subjects on people out of the blue, & I still find that intensely uncomfortable. But I've now had multiple people tell me that it makes them feel shitty when I ask, for example, "are you up for a dark subject?" & I don't really know how to square it away. I want to make sure that I'm not stepping on anyone's toes or making them feel ambushed or trapped, but apparently it makes some people feel like they're not allowed to have their feelings. I end up feeling pretty shitty about it, because like... it feels like either I have to be Rude (because it DOES feel rude to just drop a dark topic on someone) &/or risk having something shitty I can't deal with dropped in my lap, or else really upset people. I guess... is there a way to navigate this?
I would recommend being more specific.
People find phrases like "Are you in a place to hear something that might hurt you?" and "Are you up for a dark subject?" to be a bit presumptuous about what their emotional reactions will be or what they are capable of handling. It also can make what would have otherwise been a very unremarkable exchange become tinged with anticipatory anxiety.
When someone asks me a question like "are you up to hear something dark?" I might feel coddled and condescended to, rather than emotionally respected. Or if they ask me "are you prepared to hear something that might hurt you?" / "are you up for a serious conversation?" I think they're about to drop some serious emotional bomb on me, like that they're friend-dumping me for something horrible that I didn't realize I did. Then when it ends up being a meme they want to share or a question about a celebrity lawsuit or something i'm kind of pissed at the false alarm and the coddling that, rather than protecting me, made me feel worse.
In either case, rather than giving me time to emotionally prepare or interact when I am ready, these vague questions have introduced some kind signal of social or emotional threat. If anything, it increases the felt urgency to just have the damn conversation already and see what kind of monster is lurking behind the person's words. It makes me *less* likely to exercise control over when the conversation happens or when I see the upsetting thing.
So be specific. "Do you wanna see a disgusting meme?" "I want your opinion on something, but the question touches on sexual assault. Is that okay to talk about?" "I want to talk to you about a conflict I'm having with my other partner." "Can I ask you your opinion on this transphobia discourse?" Etc.
The more specific you can be about the subject and why you are asking about it, the more power you are giving the other person to actually decide what they want to engage with. When someone asks me if I am willing to discuss something dark, I really have no idea what to say. They're imposing their judgement of what is a dark or upsetting topic onto me, when really they have no idea what I might find triggering and what I might really enjoy getting to talk about.
Rather than trying to protect me from something I haven't even encountered yet, you gotta let me encounter it, and actually trust that I will take care of myself. If I don't want to talk about sexual assault I won't, if I don't want to look at gross imagery I'll say no, if hearing one more bad thing about your other partner is going to make my jealousy fume, I am responsible for handling that. You're not responsible for my emotions.
It's good to notice which subjects your friends are especially sensitive to and what big triggers they have so that you can be considerate. My friends know I cant look at lots of blood flowing out of someone for instance and dont send me visuals/fics that feature, say, wrists being slit or blood being drawn. But if they forgot, I'd understand and just look away and squeal oh no i cant look at that get it away. And that would be fine. They are not responsible for my reactions to things.
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AITA for initiating pvp in my d&d game?
[tw: fictional cannibalism]
so, this is kind of about something that i ALMOST did but backed out of, but i regret not doing it because i think it couldve been good both strategically and for roleplay fodder, but the reason i backed out was because i was worried it would be an asshole move. there's been other similar stuff that i did actually commit to, so i'll talk about that too.
for context, I'm playing Curse of Strahd with an internet group who i dont really know very well outside of dnd. ive played with all the people in the group before, but just in oneshots. we dont really chat much outside the game.
my character is a dhampir barabarian who is chaotic evil because she. uh. well she eats people. she's the only evil PC in the party, and i've been very conscious of that fact because i dont want to be That Player that completely ruins everyone else's fun by being a rampaging murderhobo. (for those who dont know CoS is a horror campaign that has a lot of fucked up violent stuff in it, so this is not extremely out of place for the setting. one of the other party members is also undead, but hes good-aligned.)
some of the stuff that has actually happened has included my character sneaking away from the party to feed on a random villager (she was followed by another party member) and also trying to eat the corpse of a guy we let die in order to save ourselves. i dont think this was assholey of me because the "pvp" in those situations amounted to slapfights and ic arguing, which i think was good roleplay. i also recently attacked a party member during combat, because my character was raging (heightened emotional state) and he basically triggered her while they were fighting side by side so she lashed out at him. the attack was a bite (potential max damage of like 6) rather than with her weapon (potential max damage of 14) but it missed anyway.
which brings me to the thing i didnt do, but wish i did.
basically, we were fighting some vampire spawn and it wasnt looking good for us. our frontline fighters (myself included) were low on hp, our cleric was being menaced by Strahd himself, and our warlock was unconscious. iirc there were two spawn left to kill when i realized i could do something beneficial to myself with no MECHANICAL cost to the party, but i was worried (ooc) that doing this would have unexpected consequences or make the other players not want to play with me anymore.
our unconscious warlock had been stabilized with Spare the Dying, so he was unconscious but not making death saving throws. being a dhampir, my character has the ability to bite a humanoid and regain hp equal to the damage caused. i hadnt been able to use this ability on these enemies, because it doesnt work on undead. but our warlock is laid out all unconscious and looking like a snack... if i had bitten him, it would have automatically been a critical hit and done double damage, therefore also healing me more, and although it would have caused him to lose two death saving throws, he was technically stable at that point. idk. the dm might have ruled that taking new damage would have restarted death saving throws, but i dont know that for sure. it seemed like a very slim chance that doing this would have resulted in the character's death, but i didnt want to take the chance because i KNOW that would have for sure made me the asshole.
tell me, tumblr. did i do the right thing by choosing not to attack my fallen camrade even though it would have healed my character? would i have been the asshole for initiating that kind of pvp without asking the other player first?
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swifty-fox · 2 days
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oh my goshhh i love this new list
could i request ❛ let’s do something about that mouth of yours. ❜ with buck and bucky (little beasts!!) orrrrr ur hockey au if ur down
❛ let’s do something about that mouth of yours. ❜
HOCKEY AU
"Fucking cock-sucking, dick-riding absolute joke piece of shit garbage fuckin-"
"Woah there sailor." John drawls, swinging out of the bathroom. Steam billows out after him, haloing his athletes body like the angel he most certainly was not.
Mikeeysmind's 'VVV' trails out after him, a particular assault on Gale's ears that has him pressing his fingers to his temples
"Sorry, did I interrupt your preening?" Gale bites and then groans at himself, falling back onto the cushioned hotel bed.
He was trying this new thing where he didn't pick a fight with John at every turn. Results were so-so because Bucky Egan was infuriating even when not in the crease.
"Hadn't even started yet, actually."
Hooligang bursts into its opening chords before John makes his way over to his phone and taps pause, other hand fisted to keep his towel secured across his muscled waist.
"What's up Buck"
Gale knows John's amused by the rhyme. Knows it's a Looney Tunes thing, knows John was childish as they come despite his man's body
"My stream isn't working." Gale says miserably.
John stares at him for several long moments, face going through an array of emotions before settling on incredulity.
"Ice cold bitch Gale Cleven, who would instate a swear jar if he could get away with it, who helps old ladies across the street. Who goes faint at the mention of the word anal-"
"Okay-" Gale says, his cheeks coloring.
"Who can make a short-handed goal on one skate with no help and walk it off like it's nothing, is getting mad because he can't watch the Habs game."
"They fuckin' runsed us last time. Skated fucking circles around me John."
"Imagine, King Cleven not dominating the ice for one game." John drawls, coming around to the side of the bed Gale was draped over.
Gale looks up at him, water dripping of John's curls and splattering on Gale's forehead. The angle makes him blush, his heartrate kick up and his body stirs interest.
"We're playing them tomorrow."
"We're playing the Ducks tonight."
"Oh the Ducks," Gale snorts.
John grins down at him. There's a bulge in the front of his towel, clearly also having taken notice of the angle.
'Why dont you," John murmurs, reaching down to tangle in the long waves of Gale's hair, "Learn how to relax a bit."
"Fuck off." Gale snaps, but his fingers reach to untuck the end of John's towel, letting it fall to the floor.
John grips himself, pressing against the curve of Gale's cheek. He drags his head across the wet seam of Gale's lips letting the salty taste of his pre trickle down to Gale's tongue.
"yeah," John sighs, head falling back. A Grecian god in the afternoon light, "lets do something about that mouth of yours saint Cleven."
Gale lifts his head and swallows John down
thank you @1343-40 for the linguistics help LOL
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Hem! Sorry to send this message to someone from Paldea, but I got the idea considering the close relationship between your region and Blueberry Academy, where I teach history -
Slim Pickens (Snorlax, late adult, male, cowboy hat) and the Little Professor (Gengar, unclear, female, mortarboard cap with bright purple tassel) are two Pokemon I've had since my former career as a Gym Leader, and I like to flatter myself by thinking that I'm in tune with their needs and emotions. (Believe me, when Slim Pickens doesn't like something, he doesn't hesitate to let me know it. His son, Shady, is the same way.) The Little Professor has been moving around and getting excited less and less as of late. While a few years ago I could find her using Pickens' stomach as a trampoline while he uneasily slept and interrupting my lessons at random with demands for attention, she's been doing that less and less lately, sleeping nearly as much as both Slims. At first I thought she was just getting older - we all are, nothing to be ashamed about - and while I admit that I missed the Little Professor's disruptive presence in my life, I assumed everything was part of the natural process of aging - or as close to the 'natural process' as a Ghost-type can manage.
Unfortunately, we've got a new Ghost-type expert teaching at Blueberry Academy, and she says that I'm 'starving' my Gengar. I was shocked since there wasn't any changes in their diet from what I'd been giving them for years - and she says that the Little Professor needs a steady supply of new 'pranks' to pull on people in order to be fulfilled, happy, and healthy, and that my insistence that the Little Professor limit their mischief to me and not permit them to bother my students is resulting in some sort of Ghost-type malnutrition.
I'm not sure I trust her - she's a bit of a mystic and given to anthropomorphization. So I thought I would ask for a second opinion, since Pokemon Centers in Unova tend to focus more on the brute survival and nutrition of the Pokemon they treat rather than 'enrichment' and environment - is my insistence that the Little Professor *not* yank chairs out from underneath my students and then levitate them around the center of the room, spinning them around near the ceiling lights, a physical or mental health issue for her? Am I really being too hard-headed and rules-oriented with my Pokemon, have I let my old Gym Leader instincts make me be too harsh and demanding? And if you aren't sure, what do you think the best way to tell or research more would be?
(NB: If this is serious enough to refer this to your local Ghost-type Gym Leader, please do not mention my identity. It's embarrassing, but I fumbled the ball *badly* when asking her sister if she was married when she visited from the Academy.)
you work at one of the most well-funded and well-regarded schools in the world and you haven't consulted their library for pokemon care information? i'd highly recommend looking there.
as for your gengar, she's just slowing down as you age, because- as i would hope a ghost-type expert knows- they're life force feeders. i'm not sure where this expert has gotten her information, but the gengar line are not like misdreavus or shuppet. they prey upon people's life force by hiding themselves in shadows. it would in fact be unusual for them to draw so much attention by playing pranks. she's less active because she's basically "aging" with you.
now, while i don't mind to reassure you on your care, i do take issue with you saying pokemon center nurses in unova dont worry about enrichment. theyre as hardworking and well trained as any other nurses i've met. if you haven't heard about care outside of battle from them, it's because you haven't asked. and as for ryme, don't assume she's not professional enough to put aside whatever faux pas you committed for the sake of a pokemon. these are professionals, and it's unkind and unfair to act like they won't do their jobs properly.
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Stolas & Loona should have friends
(something I feel would work well for their characters)
I feel like Loona's and Stolas' character would really benefit from giving them friendships. Relationships that could help to humanize them, make them more sympathetic or help to develop/change them as people.
For Loona it makes sense to go into that direction because this huge part of her character is dealing with the fact that she grew up sheltered and never had someone who really cared for her. Blitzø is the first real parental figure she has in her life and she is often pretty cruel to him because she never learned to interact with others who genuinely wanted to be kind to her.
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I think giving her more of a social life and potential friendships like we kinda got to see in the Beelzebub episode is something they are working up to with her character, though I find it weird that we didn't really get to see her in the new s2 trailer (or in any of the last 5 episodes for that matter). It seems like Loona wont have any focus on her which is dissapointing because right now her character is in a state where she is still pretty unlikable and comes off as just rude more often.
The show had three good opportunities to give Loona someone to be friends with. First one was Tex which didn't work out because she had a crush on him and even after meeting his girlfriend being defensive and jealous rather than realizing that maybe they'd be better as just friends. Second one could've been Beelzebub (if you ignore the fact that she's the one organizing the pounds for hellhounds) but she is Tex's girlfriend so Loona immediately doesn't like her. And lastly Loona and Octavia, who they were kinda setting up as having a sister-like bond in "Seeing Stars".
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But Loona and Octavia have never interacted after that as far as we know. Like I said, Loona basically hasn't shown up in a relevant way for 5 episodes now. It could've been small stuff even. Like maybe in "Western energy" instead of having the stupid nursery subplot it could've just been mentioned that Loona and Octavia are hanging out while Stolas is on his meeting with Stella and Andrealphus. Or just see them chilling together in the background of some episodes.
Giving Loona friends would give her someone she could share her feelings with and that could make her less toxic because she can get her emotions out in a non destructive way. She needs someone who isn't Blitzø, someone who is closer to her in age and someone who will understand her and help her with socializing. And in my opinion that someone shouldn't necessarily be a love interest either. We already have so many romantic/sexual relationships in HB and rarely see relevant friendships which I think is a huge missed opportunity, especially in Loonas case.
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And for Stolas, giving him a friend would maybe show more of the sympathetic aspects of his character. Right now I don't like Stolas at all and I don't see a reason to either. He forced Blitzø into a sexual relationship so he can do his job and then starts to whine about Blitzø not loving him back. Knowingly or not, he made great use of hells classist system and basically neglects his daughter as well in the process (though the show will tell you that he actually cares a lot despite us not really seeing that on screen).
What pisses me off most about his character is that they don't acknowledge him being a terrible person. I don't care if he's bad as long as the show doesn't try to woobify him out of nowhere. If they pointed out what he does and he would recieve consequences that aren't treated as unfair or mean i'd like him a lot more because then they could also genuinely show him becoming a better person. A characterization similar to Rex Splode from Invincible would really do wonders for him (I've only watched the show for Invincible so I dont know if/how they move his character forward, but so far I really like it).
Anyways, giving him a friend or something could also help. HB tries to make a big point about people having layers and showing that someone who does harmful stuff can still have sympathetic sides to them. Stolas' problem is, that the only focus he ever gets is in relationships where he is acting bad. I already mentioned how he treats Blitzø and with how hard they're pushing them as a couple they're showing Stolas to be pretty terrible in retrospective. We also don't really get to see how hard he apparently cares for Octavia. Giving him a relationship that shows the sympathetic sides to his character could be done by making his relationship with Octavia be actually good. Like showing them hanging out, actively interacting in positive ways and basically making him a great dad but bad partner sort of guy. Giving him a friend would also work as I said. Maybe Asmodeus could've been that or just a new character. Something that makes him more sympathetic because we get to see a positive side to him with how he cares for this other person.
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I really hope they put some focus on Loona again because I kinda care for her and I think dealing with what she has going on could be nice and cute. And for Stolas idk. It might already be too late to make me not dislike him. He is just way too far into being victimized already for me to assume that i will sympathize with him anytime soon.
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tubbytarchia · 3 months
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I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional
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hivemindscape · 1 year
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saw that super wholesome video of a girl reuniting with her brothers and thought   ✨✨  Hug Refs  ✨✨  leaving the context of this up to you, i wonder what you cook up :'D
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birdkittenn · 7 months
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so. oracion
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guideaus · 4 months
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i was looking for 'hikaru's 'idk :(' moments in hgsn and i realized its rarely there besides kinda the above pages until vol 4. i really think yoshiki ended this arc in vol 2 with "i'll have to teach him." and then proceeded to not really teach him anything or even question hikaru again, lol
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by volume 3, yoshiki's stabbing hikaru bc he's given up after hikaru fucking up again😭 the events between "i'll have to teach him" and "let's look into it", yoshiki really just hangs out with hikaru (but now knowing he isnt the original hikaru) and assumes accepting him as a friend and letting him take out a hostile ghost or two solves the initial problem of hikaru not entirely having the same perspective of humans.
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only hikaru putting an effort in to stabilize yoshiki's mental state in return for earlier gets yoshiki back to actually trying to think about the problem with hikaru's support
i know people are joking he's also currently avoiding thinking abt other events going on (dead guy on news, the fate of the old guy) and i think thats similar, lol. yoshiki's not fully able to handle it all with just him and hikaru. he goes from "i'll have to teach him" after laughing off smth hikaru did that he didnt like to "lets look into it" after establishing boundaries. i think he's definitely developing in that regard, and maybe more if other characters aid them..?
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i only just found your au and i need everyone to have a happy ending so badly im gonna cry ;-; sally is gonna be so freakin upset when she wakes up for real and sees she decimated barnaby.
oh, Barnaby already has his arm stitched back on when she wakes up! and really, even if he didn't, that'd be the Least of her worries. she wakes up into a Real nightmare - partially of her (unintentional) making
#happy endings... well... yes and no. depends on what act you look at#act one? no! actually things get So Much Worse in an entirely festive new way!#act two? eh! sorta! its more bittersweet than anything#act three and four blend into each other so much that three doesn't have an 'ending'#but the final act - act four... well. who's to say! im still workshopping what i want to happen#but i do know it's still gonna have at Least a bittersweet tinge to it#wh lights out au#rambles from the bog#there are consequences and not everyone Makes It. i dont like stories where everything wraps up perfectly fine#even if it hurts! i like it when things hurt in a good way. those stories where the ending is overall positive#but Enough Happened that its just... its an ache. looking at where someone used to be. you know?#my favorite shows and books and fics have ended with me smiling while sobbing bc it yes it Hurts but it was So Fucking Good#and while i wouldnt be able to handle rewatching/rereading due to Emotional Damage...#i think of them fondly and often and theyre Important to me#perfectly happy endings just rub me wrong. it always feels like there's something Missing despite it all being idyllic#i cant let my own stories - original or aus or whatever - have that kind of end#so if thats what people are hoping for! you've come to the wrong person and the wrong au!#i like to be kind but that rarely extends to my creative works!#i like it messy and painful and bittersweet and i like to be Ruthless with my creations with no compromise#sometimes characters need to fight. or leave. or die. or make serious mistakes. etc.#but anyway! anyway....#i will say that there isn't a happy ending for Everyone. and for others it's... complicated. again - bittersweet
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galaxygermdraws · 5 months
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I don't usually post sona related art, but I just beat the SMRPG remake and it made me just. start crying. Like i was just sobbing my way through the end of the game, and my hope for the future of Mario RPGs has never been brighter. So it made me just. Feel a lot of emotions and I didn't really know how else to capture them.
I'm very happy I got to live during a time when this wonderful game got a remake that will be more readily available for people to play. And I am so happy this game was just as good as I have been told it was. Definitely looking forward to replaying it again.
Uh. Yea. Jus kind of a personal piece I 'spose. Bonus little doodle I drew the day before the remake dropped under the cut
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welcometoteyvat · 1 year
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jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latter’s canon relationship was Actually fanon’s made up father figure/adopted child dynamic
#idkkkkkkkkkkkkk who looks at zx and is like 'you know what. this is a healthy parent child relationship'#like girl by fitting them into father son boxes you are actively making their relationship imbalance Worse#if you do that and dont shy away from it i respect that but if you say dad/son makes their relationship more wholesome or whatever like WHY#now i wont deny shippers might do that too but i see the dad son version so much i think im just averse to it by default#also because i think father son makes people actively Try to make their relationship something that its not and it erases a bunch of subtlet#subtleties in it. it's the nuanced r/ship -> entirely unproblematic and flavorless r/ship that i hate#also the number of people who'll block if you ship zx. like damn thats crazy you guys really think theyre father son (fake)???#at their peak they're like. 4000 year old guys who have too much history and repression and some weird entanglement of 'nah im bothering him#too much' and 'gotta protect him w my life' complexes. and then this devolves into theyre never gonna kiss until 3000 more years have passed#listen they just Contain Multitudes idc if you dont ship it just dont make it into dad and son and we will be so gucci#jing.yuan and yanqing are like different i think mostly bc yanqing is actually like a minor and jing yuan is also a normal ish person#plus the light cone and the abouts?? yeah this is an actual like adopted parent/child thing#also good or bad news i caved and am now playing hsr. the plan is to pull yanqing and then go on infinite hiatus in the game 👍#JWKFLJWEK i dont think theres really any draws for me besides him. personally neutral on turn based combat and the open world isn't giving#the only saving grace i have rn is 1) ive gotten to the part where bron.seele is real and man theyre gay 2) trailblazer trio 3) tall female#mc 4) everyone has way better emoting abilities than genshin 5) su.shang's really cute <3#the story doesnt really interest me though its like cool but not mindgrippingly interesting#tbf i think genshin is the same way storyline wise (at the beginning) but the difference is that turn based combat isnt really my thing LMAO#ramblings!#zhongxiao#if you want to filter it out ??
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I love Ceren Nightchant but the thing that confuses me about him is that whenever I say "Ceren Nightchant" I don't know WHICH one I'm talking about. Like of course there is no other Ceren, but after the tutorial update he was the only character that got a personality upgrade so major it's as if Ceren WAS two completely different people. Like if someone came up to me and said "Actually his name is Schmeren and he's Ceren's younger brother they just typed in his name wrong during the update" that would actually be believable because of how DIFFERENT the personality shift was
AND THIS ISN'T A BAD THING in fact I think I actually like New "Anti Skeleton Pirate" Ceren Nightchant better than the old one IN REGARDS TO HIS NEW PERSONALITY!!! Like I will always have a special love for Old "Greetings :)" Ceren Nightchant but that's only because of Nostalgia and completely untrue facts about him I made up in my head. Unfortunately pre-update Ceren Nightchant doesn't have that much going for him in terms of how interesting he is in comparison to the new one where they gave us like a whole heaping plate of characterization and nuance to his character
With Malorn it's different because he actually has a backstory. Like he's Important to the lore. He doesn't have like any screentime but just his story ALONE is enough to spin off completely into new exciting territory; we don't NEED anything else to hook us in because Malorn already has a hook, his relationships with his fellow teachers and students + his status as a powerful Necromancer + Malistaire's legacy affecting him.
Meanwhile Ceren Nightchant was a blank slate. We know he was in Unicorn Way for some reason despite not living there, not being a trained guard in handling the Twilight Zone situation, he was Just There and I think that's the only One Single Thing that was interesting about him.
And even though that still technically is the case with the new Ceren, LOOK AT HOW HE IS NOW. He's a CLOWN, a kind, happy, ridiculously powerful and intelligent clown who has a weird intolerance for undead pillagers and seems to get along great with our character!!! That's not like, groundbreaking lore like with Malorn or even Duncan, but idk there's just something so fresh and funny and exciting about this new bouncy iteration of a character we've known nothing about for like the past 20 years
So like in terms of nostalgia and personal headcanons, Greetings Nightchant will always be special to me but in terms of like being an actual character with more of a role in the story and a fresher dynamic with the characters around him, SkeLeTaL pIrAtEs Nightchant will be no. 1 for me
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unfunnyaceartist · 1 month
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Vent post ahead that may change your view on me and that may sound dramatic (NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, THIS IS JUST IN GENERAL) Mostly just to get out my feelings. I only ask that if you look, to be kind and understanding and patient. Also the tags are silly and id appreciate if you read em. id appreciate if you didnt ask me anything on it
I feel toxic sometimes because i can get so jealous i borderline gatekeep things and I always feel so bad because its never intentional but then I end up hating myself because I know its unhealthy and irrational but I cant help it, and I know im so lucky and have a lot in many senses of the word, but at times it feels like they can be taking everything, because when I like someone or something, they tend to matter a fuck-ton to me. Im sorry to anyone ive lashed out at a bit for them wanting what I have, I really am. Its not coming from a place of hostility, rather a place of trauma responses and hyperfixation that stem from my adhd and autism but like when I try something and it goes great, and then someone else is like "OOH thats awesome I wanna do that too" It feels almost like when Im finally happy or excited or proud to have something, someone comes and takes it. Usually Ill play it off as a joke, but in reality, its complete honesty that im trying to soften so I dont upset anyone, especially when its over fiction or a person, because I do NOT own them and I know that, but it bothers me when someone swoops in to do the exact same things or even one-up especially when its really soon after me, and since my self worth is already abysmal, it just makes me feel worse, like I should be lucky to have what I do to begin with, but I feel the need to hold it close to me and protect it so I dont lose things that make me really happy.
Recently Ive even started reverse gatekeeping in response to others, where ill just tell myself I cant or dont deserve to have anything special because I'm not, and only others can enjoy this. But thats why people making me ship content makes me so happy. Its dumb to get jealous over others selfshipping with a character I like. Its dumb to get upset over someone I know copying or taking heavy inspiration from one of my ideas. Its dumb to get possessive over someone else trying to befriend my new awesome friends or wife/wives. I rarely selfship anymore due to my reverse gatekeeping and instead serve the others who simp or enjoy content. I provide since I feel I cant take. It makes me happy and distracts me. But the moment someone else does something similar to what is my toxic coping mechanism for my toxic coping mechanism, it only hurts worse. Thats why sometimes, for example, I get a bit snappy when someone else provides gummybunny (that and also shipping jealousy sometimes). Thats why I get snappy when I make a friend someone else super cool and then another person comes in and wants to befriend them (No darken, this wasnt directed at you, its happened more than once with more than one person but I know how you tend to assume). I LOVE giving but I hate sharing, because all my life whenever I shared, I lost something.
Introduce a friend to a friend? They leave me behind for eachother. Let someone wear my fitbit because they wanted to feel "rich"? It got stolen. Give money to someone in a "rough spot" who promised to repay me somehow? Never saw them again. I was always so trusting and understanding, and I always made excuses for others. Always so naive and gullible. So much so, in fact, that in elementary I kept letting my bullies pretend to be my friends when they claimed they changed, and let them destroy any ounce of worth I had whatsoever. Things that make me happy I CHERISH because of all the things ive lost and all my experiences. Ive never been hit, not once, but the abuse all my life came emotionally and mentally, and I only recently realized through therapy. Now its hard to trust people in certain situations. Sorry for my probably hard to follow and melodramatic rant.
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sorry im dumb haha
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stinkrascal · 2 months
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hi jaiden. i read your ask and im very sorry about your loss, i've decided to spread some positivity. you are an incredible writer and as much as you cringe at your older posts i find myself rereading it every now and then. its kind of crazy how i'm quite young, and i've been growing up with reading breanna's story - yet i haven't lost interest. there is something so aesthetic about your standstill posts, i dont know if its the colors or the dust, but its so pleasing to the eye. literally everyday after my work i go and i check if standstill has gotten an update. the way your dialogue is written is so natural. like it doesn't feel like this fake poetic or overly descriptive, it sounds like natural realistic dialogue. and ive also been reading your character bios and in my language there's a word called härlig, thats the only way i can describe the little bios. for it being a sim story, its so incredibly clever and i can tell you put effort into it. the poses are always fitting. and your game doesnt even look like sims. i hope you realize that we will always enjoy your story even if it would be with low graphics or vlad would be a 8x8 pixel. so dont ever shy away from taking a break, because u really deserve to take a break. there is so much i could say about standstill,, but i wont for the sake of it already being quite lengthy! i hope your healing, and i hope that you can accept some positivity into your life. <3
wow okay hello anon... i won't lie, this made me cry a lot ;-;. i've been really struggling lately with intense anxiety and honestly just feeling really shitty ha. reading this means so much to me, more than you will ever know. it's silly ik but i put my heart and my soul into my sims, it can be a little embarrassing bc they're literally just sims and here i am pouring every piece of me into them like they're my diary, taking it so seriously. but like........ i do take it seriously.......embarrassed as i am to admit it..... i love them so much. so reading something as kind and reassuring as this makes me feel really appreciated. thank you for your kindness, it's more appreciated than you will ever realize
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antisocialgaycat · 2 months
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Someday tumblr is going to be gone, or I will, and that's ok. It's sad, yes, but at least I will have known you. At least I'll still be able to quote terrible posts with my friends, at least I'll be able to look back and remember all these people who are closer to me than anyone I knew before. This site has gotten shit, but at least we've been here together. At least I met you.
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