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ryanguzmansource · 2 days

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Full Audio Transcript (5.21.24)

Hey guys, welcome to I've Never Said This Before with me, Tommy Didario.

If you are not watching 9-1-1 on ABC, you are seriously missing out. The show is so phenomenal that it has been renewed for an eighth season and, my guest today—well, he is phenomenal as well. In fact, he is on my show because of you. I saw all of the tweets, the DMs, the emails—all of it so, like a genie in a bottle, your wish has been granted.

The talented actor Ryan Guzman stars in the smash hit firefighter drama series 9-1-1 and audiences fell in love with his character, Eddie, the moment he debuted in Episode 1 of Season 2. Man, he has become a staple on the show and fans have been rooting for Eddie throughout the years, and Ryan plays each moment of Eddie's journey with such care and vulnerability and truth.

We have a lot to cover today and I have a feeling you're going to really enjoy this fun but also personal and deep conversation. We do dive into some very serious mental health conversations, so after the interview, I will be providing resources for anyone struggling with their own mental health. This is one of the most powerful interviews I have ever done, and I really thank Ryan for opening up in the ways that he did today because I know that he is going to help so many people out there feel less alone.

So, let's see if we can get Ryan to say something he has never said before.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Ryan, my friend, how are you doing today?

I'm good, brother. How are you?

I'm good. I know you have been working your butt off. You were just saying you were filming all night. Are you exhausted or are you on adrenaline right now?

A little mixture of both. I got a little coffee pumped through my system. But yeah, I think I worked six out of seven days this last week. We've been doing around 14, 15 hour days. And I just got off last night around 1.30 in the morning. So got home around 2.30. But we're here. We're here.

Well, you were putting in the work. Congratulations to you on all of the success with this show. It's of course now on ABC. People are loving it. The numbers are going insane. And you've always been a fan favorite from day one. When you had that first scene of you putting that shirt on in slow motion and your body was glistening and Whatta Man was playing, people just fell in love with your character. But that's not just why they love your character. I mean, over the seasons, people have found you so relatable and and really, really are truly invested in the role that you play. Why do you think that is?

I like to say that, I mean, I try to play as grounded as I can, but I think the story itself is just the way Tim Minear writes the character. And I think he's always had a special connection with this kind of character. So, just indebted to how he writes and the connectivity between Eddie and his son. I mean, it's just like it pulls at the heartstrings, you know, and that's always been a fan favorite as well. So, you know, I'm living in gratitude for everything that's been written for that character and I try to do as much justice as I can.

Well, you're nearing the end of Season 7 and past seasons for you have been a bit heavier, a bit more intense. You've really gone through quite a lot of things that we'll touch on a bit later, which I know is also part of the reason why so many people relate to you. Are you enjoying this journey this season?

Yeah, you know what? I haven't really been able to kind of flex my humorous side and just kind of lightheartedness, kind of a vibe about Eddie, and I love that aspect of him. So while everybody else is kind of going through chaos, while Cap is going through chaos, Eddie is kind of, you know, trying to keep everybody together while, you know, Chimney and Hen be going at it during the tsunami and The Poseidon Adventure, Eddie is just, you know, being there for everybody as much as he can. So not to say that he's always going to be happy because Tim always has this thing about saying, you know, if I just let you guys be happy, then there'd be no story. You got to have some kind of drama. Nobody wants to show up just for people smiling all the time. But yeah, we've got some things in store for the rest of the season. And from what we've already shot, I've been super pleased about, you know, this new way of life for Eddie.

Like I said, the things you've gone through are intense throughout the years. Do you have any fear stepping into this role or any anxiety before you had to film some of those more intense scenes? Because it's a lot.

Yeah, you know what? Prior to 9-1-1, I might have had some fears about the depth of a lot of the things that we shot. I honestly didn't really call myself an actor until like maybe three and a half years ago.

No.

Yeah. I thought I was just fooling everybody, trying to get jobs and land the movies that I was getting. And then I think somewhere around the third season, a co-star of mine kind of, like, metaphorically slapped me in the face and said, you know, let's really get into this, man. You got some really good opportunity here. So that's when I started calling myself an actor. But to be honest, the depth of Eddie in the past three, four seasons has been amazing as just a class. It's been class for me. It's been an opportunity to flex these emotions that I don't get to flex in my day-to-day life and to access certain things and see how far can I push Eddie, how, you know, in the scene where Eddie is just losing his stuff and he's breaking everything in his house. Obviously, I've never done it in my house, but how do I get there? How can I allow the audience to feel what I'm feeling? And that task itself becomes a challenge. And I really [like] that type of challenge. So again, living in gratitude for all the little things that Eddie presents that, you know, I haven't really been presenting my own life.

So with that being said, is there a storyline that's particularly special to you for any given reason?

I kind of lean automatically towards the military/PTSD just because I have a cousin who served six tours and, you know, he shared with me—and I actually, oddly enough, during the episode of Eddie Begins, I brought him on as a military tech and he helped out everybody in the production. His name is Randy Hudson. I, you know, I love that guy to death—but, yeah, he's shared with me a lot of his issues that he's gone through and a lot of the obstacles he's gone through in his day to day life and what it's like to be a military vet coming back and kind of assimilating back into civilian lifestyle. So that storyline always kind of held a special place in my heart just because it was very close connected with me and my own family. And I always hope that, you know, I did it justice enough for everybody that has that story ingrained in them.

I think you definitely did. I saw a lot of comments when I announced you as my guest saying that that was a very meaningful part of your journey on this show. I'm so curious, you know, quite often in television it moves so fast, there's always rewrites or so much going on. Was there ever a story that you wanted to come to fruition that never did?

I hated the fact that we killed off Shannon so quick. I know she wasn't a very likable character for so many different reasons, but I always loved working with Devin. So I would love to explore a little bit more with that. But yeah, there's always beauty and chaos a little bit. So I would have loved the relationship, mother, father, parenting style aspect of Eddie's life to be a more explored, but unfortunately that can't happen anymore.

There's always so many things going on. I'm sure it's hard to fit them into each episode, and I'm sure things do have to get cut because major things keep happening episode after episode, one of them being recently, of course, Buck realized he's Bi and that's a storyline everyone's going crazy over. Did you see that coming? Were you like, I think one day this is going to happen for him?

Well, I mean, it's always kind of been in the ether. Everybody, you know, all the fans, you know, have their speculations about Eddie and Buck and, you know, for the longest time, I think Oliver and I again had lightheartedness to it. We always kind of like saw it as like, oh, at least they're so interested in our characters. Thank God they're interested in our characters. They're not ignoring us, and I don't know if either of us had a pinpoint, you know, idea on which character or if any character would actually lead in that way.

But again, all credit to Tim Minear. He's the one that knows the way. So he chose Buck's character to explore that route. And now seeing it happen in front of our eyes, it makes so much sense. And it just the way him, Buck and Tommy are getting together and the way they're exploring their own individuality and personality. It's beautiful to watch. I was very excited to see, you know, that episode specifically, just for the fact that it was such a moment between, you know, a friend and another friend who had held this huge secret. And how do you come out to your friend?

I had a friend, you know—because I know I've had this actually in my own personal life. I've said this in prior interviews—I had a friend who was deadly scared of coming out to me. And I realized that that moment itself wasn't so much the journey for me, you know, it was this hard journey for himself. And all I had to do was catch. I just had to be there for him, and I was like, that moment itself is so beautiful. I can't wait to do that scene. I can't wait to, you know, show the world like this is how you be there for your brother.

Wow, how cool that you could pull from your real life experience and make that scene even more special, which is why I think it came off so incredibly powerful. It really was so cool to see. And the reception has been absolutely incredible in terms of people feeling like, you know, they're seen through that character and it's on prime-time TV. And you don't see a ton of that, which is still kind of crazy. But, you know, and of course, there were some negative comments, which blows my mind. I mean, I'm sure that blew your mind, too, to see that because who cares, right?

Honestly, I've got this now filter for negative comments. They just kind of seep right through and I don't even hold on to anything. So all I've seen is really, really good comments.

And one of the best parts is actually I've gone to work and Oliver himself has been like telling me these stories of people saying, man, I did not have the strength to come out until way later on in my life. So I'm like, oh man, could you imagine 20, 30 years of holding on to this repressed thing and then it just eating away at you and not being able to say anything, even to the closest people and then seeing something on television to inspire you. That kind of thing is just like, whoa, okay, we're doing something much greater, much bigger than us.

He's not the only one inspiring its characters like you because you're showing, you know, what an ally means, and I think that's really cool to see this like macho, cool guy that's just like, cool, like who cares? And that's also equally as powerful and as important. Before we put a pin on this, you know, part of the conversation, you mentioned you never know what the writers are going to do, and I think there were talks at one point of possibly Eddie being the one to come out in some sort of way. Do you laugh and have fun with all of the fandom's obsession with you as Eddie and Buck getting together? Like, is that something you guys always are seeing and hearing? And I know everyone brings it up to you and it's something that's always looming. Like, how do you react to that? Does it ever get tiring for you?

Again, if the fans are interested, we're doing our job. So I love the love. And I mean, unfortunately, I'm not the one that writes it. So it's all up to Tim. But me and Oliver have a really good time with the fact that, you know, people are so invested into these storylines. And in fact, they're so invested, they're creating their own storylines. They're sending us clips and edits and videos. And, you know, every now and then, Oliver will show me something, I'll show Oliver something. Like, did we actually do this in a scene? Because they cut it so well together.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I think at the end of the day, you know, we just love the love. We're here to entertain and tell the truth. If it's true to the character, then yeah.”

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

You can't predict the future. Nobody can on this show. But if the opportunity one day happened to come your way where they were like, this storyline might be explored between Buck and Eddie, would you be open to that storyline in the future? I see you smiling. I see Oliver had the same reaction, a big ass grin on his face when I asked this.

Yeah, you know, like I said, it's got to live in the truth and I think right now we live in a moment—or me, I live moment to moment—so I love the fact that the biggest plot point between these two characters is one happens to be Bi, one happens to be Hetero, and they have this vulnerability towards each other. And that is the truth to me is it's the fact that you have such a safe space and it doesn't matter your sexuality, that you have a safe space to talk to this individual and he can fully accept you. If we can stay with that, then whatever happens, happens.

But I don't necessarily want to push the fact that because you're vulnerable, you have to be one way or the other in your sexuality. Then I would hate to have a lot of other men who are struggling mentally and not sure about, oh, do I even open up? Because will that make me something that I'm not? I would hate to push that narrative. So if we live in the truth, whatever happens, happens. And again, I'm here for it all.

Whatever happens, happens. That's a nice way to put it. And I agree with you. I think there's power in both. I think there's power in showing a strong friendship that you don't always get to see. And then there's power if something eventually does happen. So whatever happens, happens. I like that, man. What can we expect for the rest of the season with your characters? Anything you can tease? The finale is coming up. We have a couple more weeks. What can we expect?

What can we expect? Well, we can expect that Eddie's smiles might turn to frowns.

Oh no.

Or at least confusion, maybe. We'll start to see, you know, has he gotten past certain traumas? Or is he just kind of pushed them to the side and acting like they're not there?

You know, I have to say a lot of people are still holding on to hope that we're going to get that karaoke scene.

I mean, yeah, we had such a good time playing that karaoke scene, and it was kind of a let down a little bit to know that it wasn't going to be in there. But now, again, looking at the episode itself, as fun as it would be, the main story was Chimney. And the way Kenneth Choi played Chimney, and that episode specifically—I mean, I think he got, you know, performance of the week for that—it would have been a disservice to add, you know, a three-minute scene of us laughing and having a great time and being drunks and karaoke and take away from that performance. So I'm glad that Tim made that decision, and I don't know if he has any plans on showing that later on or whatnot or having some extended clip version, but I can tell you this much, everybody from the cast to the crew to the background had a wild and crazy time doing that scene.

And I think what I just heard you say is you might accidentally drop it on your Instagram very soon.

I might get fired if I do that.

All right. Well, we'll see. I'll talk to ABC PR. No problem. What do you want to see for season eight? Like, are you thinking about the future? Is there like, OK, if I can have my way, I absolutely want to explore blank.

To be honest, there's so much going at us so rapid, so fast paced at this moment. The scripts are getting handed in like quick as can be. So we have a moment's notice to kind of know what we're doing and where we're going with our character. From what I know, from what I've shot thus far, I think next season will literally be a refresh button to Eddie. And starting over in so many different ways, so many new ways in which Eddie has never explored and we've never seen Eddie explore. He'll be on his own in a lot of areas.

Speaking of that, I have to bring up season five, the mental health breakdown, man. That was intense. And a lot of people felt very connected to that. How was it stepping into that scene for you and that storyline? Because it's pretty powerful.

Thank you. Man, that was cathartic, to be honest. It was I've gone through my own mental health issues as far as like, you know, my own depression and anxiety, and, you know, I was raised in an age where men aren't vulnerable and aren't allowed to show feelings. So that kind of repression is like a ticking time bomb, you know, especially for a person in Eddie's life, or his lifestyle. So to kind of relinquish this boundary of who Ryan is and step into Eddie and just kind of just full-on dive deep into these this well of emotion, it was, it was almost like therapy. It was crazy because, you know, from the second they started to say rolling, it's like my—I started to, you know, start bawling and crying, and when Buck comes in and, you know, he's trying to check in on me and the whole room is just all scattered around and I'm losing it—it's just like there was no semblance of Ryan anymore. It was just all Eddie and he was just lost, and that's what it is.

It's like if I were to look at my son, you know, five year old son, that's kind of what we revert back to is just this child that is just so scared and not having any sense of direction and—or hope that anybody will ever love him or ever see him. And it's just these like, you know, existential fears that come out within those tears, and that was my goal to portray that whole scene and then the scene following it. So to get there was just let go, just let go.

Well, the work you did was clearly honest and raw and vulnerable. You can't fake the work that you did in that. And it was really a powerful man for many people to kind of go through that with you and for people who have had their own experiences. And you're right, like, I'm from an old school Italian family. And, you know, you grow up thinking men don't go through that and men don't show those emotions. So to have that on prime-time TV is huge.

Yeah, I hope that helped out a lot of people. I hope that people were actually able to see that and at least, you know, go to their best guy friend, and, you know, I think that's what really needs to happen. As far as men, we need to lean on each other. You know, women have their own issues and they have their certain way of connecting with each other, but there's a special connection that you can have with your brother. And I give so much credit to quite a few of my personal brothers—including my actual brother—for allowing me to run to them in my moments of need, in my moments of feeling lost. And them, you know, being men themselves, not having to say one thing to me.

Or they can just, you know, if they see me in a moment of, you know, deep into a problem, they have the ability to say, well, here's a solution. And since I'm, you know, of like mind, I can be like, okay, you know what? Thank you for giving me some kind of direction. So yeah, I implore all men out there to kind of at least have one or two in your corner, you know, because we can't get anywhere without community.

Absolutely. What have you most learned about yourself through playing this character for so many years? You know, you joined in season two. It's been a lot of years now under your belt. Have you thought about that? Have you learned anything through playing, Eddie?

I've learned a lot through Eddie. I've learned patience. He's a—you know, he has a sense of patience that I didn't have in the beginning even prior to being a father, you know, and then kids itself, they teach you how to be patient. So, yeah, I've learned how to be there as a father. Kind of oddly enough, it was just living as one onscreen prior to actually being one in real life, it gave me, say, practice. I get to practice on television what I get to implore with my own children. And, you know, even if it's the worst thing for Eddie, you know, and I see him doing something horrible, at least I come back home, like, well, that can't happen. I can't do that with my kids. So, yeah, and in so many ways, it's helped me grow as a man, let alone a father.

That's pretty awesome when you can take things away from your job like that and become a better person. I love that so much. Can you believe you've been on the show for so long now? Do you ever think like, damn, that's not normal. That's the rarity in the business. So is that a cool feeling for you?

Yeah, I literally just had that moment yesterday. We were filming a scene, all of us, the whole cast, and I'm sitting outside—I can't tell you the location, that's going to blow something—I'm sitting outside one of the sets and I just had that moment to myself. I'm like, oh my God, I'm actually here. How did I get so lucky to be on not only just a television show, the number one television show out there, where we're in our seventh season and we're creating numbers that people don't even get in their first season? So again, if there's a moment to tap into, let's get into that gratitude again and just be super thankful that I was lucky enough to land this.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

That is so cool, and that's why I have no doubt you'll continue having so much success in your career and in your personal life because you keep bringing up gratitude, and it's very evident that's something you lead your life with. And in fact, I saw a recent Instagram post where you give a beautiful tribute to Twitch, and you credit him with being able to form connection with people in your life now and to different things and places, and I thought that was such a beautiful way to show people that you're working on yourself and you're a work in progress and that he helps you kind of open your eyes. So that was a really cool moment for you to also reveal.

Thank you, yeah. Yeah, I believe so much of the world right now is showcasing a polished version of themselves. And to be honest, I did it myself for so long that I've become tired of it, and I would much rather get to the raw—the raw, the unfiltered, the, you know, the mess ups, the, you know—I've stuck my foot in my mouth too many times. I've done, you know, stupid things in my life, and I never want to present myself as a person that does everything great because there's so many things I suck at.

So I think there's an opportunity within that rawness to invite others to become raw themselves, and for us to see that, you know, we're not competing with each other, we're competing with ourself and our own image of ourself and friends like, you know, a brother like, like Twitch, you know, and—not understanding what he was going through and that lack of connectivity that I always, you know, felt but never acted on, which again, I felt imposter syndrome for so long of calling him my brother. It really struck a chord in me and now I can't go backwards. Now I'm propelled forward to be like, is this conversation authentic between us or are we just kind of saying what we have to say just so we can pass on to the next person and create whatever that is? And I'm not here for that. I would much rather have that depth and I'd much rather have that rawness.

Beautifully said and a perfect segue into what I want to finish this conversation with, which is based off the title of the show: I've Never Said This Before. So I'm wondering, is there anything that comes to mind that you want to share today that you've never shared before?

Uh. Huh. Yeah, you know what? I've been thinking about this for so long and there's so many things, you know, that come to mind. One specifically, and I've been hesitant to actually say any of this for so long because, you know, it's been years upon years.

About six and a half, seven years ago—and I've really never said this out loud, especially onto a public platform—I had my own mental health crisis and I tried at one point in time to take my own life. And luckily, it didn't work. Luckily, I got a second chance by the grace of God. And from that moment forward, I've taken each step as an opportunity to erase what got me there and build on what allowed me to live forward. So I would say that that moment itself, in addition to what happened to my brother Twitch, are probably the two biggest fundamental moments of my entire life and have allowed me to have a deeper sense of mercy and empathy towards every individual.

So I would implore that all men renounce this fact of, you know, you're a tough man, you have to hold all this in, but lean on your brother, really lean on your brother. And if your brothers aren't being there in the way they need to be, find some new ones. Because that's another thing, if you don't have the people that are conducive to a healthy lifestyle and you're keeping on to them because of loyalty, let them go. There's plenty of other people. There's people that have been through your situation before that are willing and more than willing, you know, to help. So yeah, that was a big one.

Man, first of all, thank you for sharing something so personal and close to your heart with me today. I feel honored that you did open up and share that. And I'm truly—God, this could be another half hour conversation, so I'll keep it short—but I'm truly grateful that you are spreading that message today for anybody listening because, you know, mental health is a crisis and I think people sometimes look at you, they look at me, they think everything's perfect. We are, you know, in this public space and what can be wrong?

And when you humanize real shit like that, it makes people feel less alone. And you got through it, you realize that wasn't the right way to go about it and your life forever changed for the better, and I'm truly grateful that you put that message out today because you have no idea how many people you're going to be helping with that. And I truly know that that's something that's not easy to get off your chest. And for that, I thank you and I know so many people will be thanking you, and I hope you feel kind of like a little bit of a weight lifted that you share that hopefully.

Yeah, it's kind of hard to understand what I'm feeling at the moment. But I hope in what you said is true. And I hope that, again, I would love to do more for mental health, especially for men, I mean, just in general, to be honest. But yes, I hope that there is a new wave out there that's kind of taking over that we can actually have some cohesiveness and connection, a true understanding of what connection is. Let's revisit that. So this issue isn't a common issue anymore. If we can take that down, then let's do it. I'm here for it.

Beautifully said, and thank you again for sharing that. I could talk to you for hours, especially leaving with that. I think you're such a cool person. And you watch people, I get to talk to people all the time. But this to me was a real conversation, and that's what I value. That's why I have a show called I've Never Said This Before, and I want to talk about the projects that the fans love, but also leave room to talk about things that matter. I don't think there's enough of that. So I truly thank you for hanging out, for coming on, for talking about the fun of 911, which we all love, and it's killing it in every way, but also sharing a little piece of you. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I have.

Thanks for having me, my man. Yeah, I had a great time.

Thank you, and remind everyone where, how, when, all the things about your show.

Yes, please watch Thursdays at 8 on ABC.

All right, and stay tuned for the karaoke scene that you just promised you will be dropping.

Yeah, maybe when I'm fired again.

All right, man, until we meet again, take care.

All right, brother.

#ryan guzman #may 2024 #i've never said this before #transcribed #5.21.24

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wolfholz · 3 days

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wip for a scene from trigun 98, this is one of my favorite moments in the show

#trigun #my trigun art #trigun 98 #vash #vash the stampede

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bitethedevil · 2 days

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How do you think Raphael would react to the player? 👁️👁️

Like, you or I just randomly get “isekai'd” into the house of hope?? Bonus points if said player is a raphael simp & 100% had the "such a tease" mod by Nikjima

(AN: I did a little short writing exercise for this one. I haven't really done reader fics before so bear with me. I can also warmly recommend @tellmeallaboutit's fic "knock knock" if you haven't read it already. It’s the same vibe as what you are requesting and it's really great. Also, links to all the mods I mention in this fic: "Such a Tease - A Raphael Redressing Mod", The Devil Wears Nada (Raphael Undressing Mod), and Better Raphael Outfits. And finally: Thank you for the ask <3)

Visiting the Devil's Den (Raphael x Reader)

You were replaying that scene in The Devil’s Den for perhaps the sixth time. You were taking screenshots of your favorite devil and there was this specific moment where the lighting hit his cheek in a really pretty way. You had missed it each time because your eyes kept drifting down to Raphael’s chest after you had downloaded the “Such a Tease” mod.

Didn’t matter. You would just reload the save and try again. It’s not like you would ever get tired of looking at that beautiful smug face of his anyway. You tried actually focusing on his face this time. You were barely listening to what he was saying at this point. You almost knew the whole damn interaction word for word anyway.

Your eyes drifted to his chest again. You had never quite understood some men’s inability to keep eye-contact when a woman wore a shirt with a revealing neckline, but you were starting to get it. You’d sell your right arm to run your hand over that chest…or bury your face in it.

Your train of thought was interrupted when you noticed that he had stopped mid-dialogue and was now…quiet?

Your eyes flicked back up to his face and you jumped a bit. He was looking straight at you.

What a weird glitch. That had never happened before, and it was honestly a bit unnerving with the way that his eyes looked straight into yours through the screen. Your brow furrowed and you tried to move your cursor. It didn’t seem like the screen was frozen or anything.

That is when he tilted his head slightly and smiled at you. You felt the blood drain from your face before your brain started thinking rationally again. It was a glitch. An odd glitch, but nothing reloading the save couldn’t fix.

You pressed on the Escape-key like you had done so many times before, but before you could click on the save file you heard a sound.

*Snap*

You blinked and you were somewhere else.

There you suddenly were, in your unflattering home-clothes, looking like someone who had just been dropped on the moon, right in front of the Devil You Know. The Devil You Knew So Well that he had been your unhealthy obsession for months. The man you had read, and written, so much depraved fanfiction about.

He was right in front of you, looking at you. Saying that you looked like a deer in headlights would almost have been an understatement of the level of shock your face showed.

“A pleasure to finally meet you,” he said with a smile and a bow, before looking you up and down. “This is getting rather tiresome, my dear…”

You were still frozen. You looked around the room. Your Tav and her companions weren’t there. The Devil’s Den looked like it had always done, and you knew because you had searched through every corner of it to learn more about Raphael, as you had also done with the House of Hope.

Your eyes returned to him. It all seemed real, but it couldn’t be. You were going insane…or someone had sneaked into your house and spiked your evening tea with psychedelics or something…Yes that’s it, you must be hallucinating. This could not be real.

You looked him up and down. He looked so damn real. Not like a character from a game, but a real-life person. Though he couldn’t be…Your eyes stupidly drifted to his chest for a moment. There were those dark hairs that you had been staring at for way too long, but they looked real. As if you could reach out and actually feel them.

Raphael cleared his throat to pull your attention back to his face. He snapped his fingers, and he was back in his usual clothes. His doublet was now closed again.

“This latest one was certainly an improvement from when you made me naked, but I do personally prefer a modicum of modesty when dealing with clients. Makes it easier for them to listen, instead of letting their thoughts…wander elsewhere,” Raphael said with a smile, clearly enjoying the blush that was spreading across your face. “Although…I must admit that the black suit with the red sash was starting to grow on me.”

You were now fully blushing, unable to even look at him. This might be a figment of your sick imagination, or a really fucked up fever-dream, but it was excruciatingly embarrassing.

“So quiet,” Raphael purred and looked you up and down again. “Or perhaps, you have simply grown too accustomed to only be listening to me speak…again and again and again…Not that I so much mind repeating myself, but when it is for the hundredth time and you have yet to make your little minions hand me the crown, it does get rather old.”

Something snapped in your brain, and you started quietly giggling.

“This isn’t real,” you mumbled to yourself with an almost maniacal grin. “I’m going insane…”

“While that thought did strife me as the explanation for this strange compulsive behavior of yours, I can very much assure you that this is real,” Raphael said with a hint of impatience in his voice while he watched you pace around the room.

“No, it’s not,” you said with a laugh and pointed at him. “You are a character in a game, and I am a real-life person who has lost her marbles. I am hallucinating!”

You paced around the room for a couple more rounds with Raphael looking at you with a slightly tired expression. Then a thought hit you.

“I can prove it,” you suddenly said and stopped your pacing. “I can prove that this isn’t real.”

“Oh?” Raphael said with a raised brow, looking unimpressed. “Do enlighten me, dear.”

“You can’t touch hallucinations,” you said as if you had just made a scientific breakthrough.

You walked up to him and raised your hand to poke his shoulder, expecting your hand to go straight through him. When you did poke him, your finger was stopped by his shoulder. Your face fell. Raphael looked from where you poked him to your face with an amused smile.

The frown on your face deepened as you poked him again with the same result. You whined in despair at the thought that this might be real, and here you were in front of Raphael himself, who seemed to know a bit too much about your obsession with him, acting like a complete lunatic.

“But…” you whined and almost poked him again in disbelief before he caught your hand with his. He held it and gave it a small pat as he looked at you.

“Are we all caught up now?” he asked still holding your hand.

“But…but this is so embarrassing,” You whispered, mostly to yourself, almost on the verge of tears. “It can’t be real…you even know about the mods…how would you even know about the mods?”

“I’m afraid that I am not quite sure what that word means,” Raphael said. “But yes, this situation does indeed seem quite embarrassing for you.”

You were trying your hardest not to break down. You wanted to bury yourself in a deep, deep hole and never show your face again. You were staring at his hand holding yours, trying to take it all in. You felt the heat of his skin against yours. He had remarkably soft hands.

“The good thing is though, that no one has to know,” he said squeezing your hand gently. His tone was much softer now. “It can be our little secret. I must admit that I find your little infatuation quite flattering.”

You looked up at his face, but the intensity of his smoldering eyes was just too much. You knew enough about this man to know that he was absolutely manipulating the fuck out of you, and by the gods, was it working.

“I might even be inclined to let you further explore that cute little fascination of yours behind closed doors,” he said in a low voice and raised his hand to stroke your cheek gently, making you completely red in the face from blushing. “If, of course, you do something for me in return, my dear…”

“The Crown…” you mumbled.

“Clever, aren’t you?” he purred. “You get those adventurers to sign my contract and hand me the Crown of Karsus and I will indulge you in whatever your sinful little heart desires...”

He lifted your hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on it. You felt as if you might spontaneously combust on the spot at the gesture.

“Do we have a deal?” he asked with a smile on his face that was turning your brain into mush.

This was such a bad idea. You had seen clips from the ending where Raphael gets the Crown of Karsus. He literally threatens to conquer other realms, including your own. Now knowing that Raphael was real, then this could be a really, really, really terrible idea with enormous consequences. So, naturally, you looked up into those beautiful brown eyes of his and answered:

“Yes.”

His smile widened.

“Wonderful. I will look forward to our next meeting,” he said with look that was downright sinful. He brushed a stray lock of hair behind your ear which made your legs wobble under you. “Ta-ta, for now.”

*Snap*

#raphael bg3 #raphael the cambion #bg3 raphael #raphael x reader

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thinkingaboutjaedyn · 1 day

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locked in an open room, stuck with a closed conversation | j.fleming x reader

prompt: you and jessie are lost in the woods on a school trip. stressed and under pressure, feelings come out.

author notes: this is inspired from a scene in one of my favorite shows, big girls don't cry. it's a great show go watch it if you want. anyways, this is an experimental writing for me. just trying things out. hopefully y'all like it!

contains: teenage!jessie x reader, angst until the last minute, they're dating or not? we'll see, homoerotic typical teenage girls situationship, "i wish you were a boy"

playing normal girl by sza 🎵

stay in pairs, they said. then you won't get lost, they said. which that was actual bullshit because jessie and you are lost in the woods right now. with no sense of direction at all. why would you tag along with the girl who probably couldn't tell her left from her right? oh yeah, you remember why.

because this girl with no sense of direction has been avoiding you for the last two months of highschool and you are tired of that. thinking that if you two have to be together for a few hours while on this week long end of the year trip that she would finally talk to you. not even having to be a conversation, but more then a few words in class about work.

"i think maybe we should stop walking for now," jessie says softly. she's a few steps ahead of you. her back is facing you, but you can tell she has a frustrated expression on that freckled face of hers. jessie didn't like lacking control in pretty much any situation. everybody thinks she's laidback, but you knew different. you know how angry she gets when soccer games don't go her way. how she cries after seeing a bad grade. the way she makes sure that everyone thinks of the word chill when it comes to her reputation.

that sense of needing control is really the basis for why you two are in this predicament right now but jessie would never admit it.

"nah. i think we should keep going or even try to turn back like i said earlier," you stare at her back. still she isn't facing you. your words come out sharper then they should, but can you really care right now when the sun is about to set and you have been walking for nearly two hours at this point and everything looks the same in every direction.

no, you don't have it in you to care.

jessie turns to face her finally but keeps her distance. like she's been doing for the past two months; always two steps ahead of you, too far away to reach because she would pull back if you tried.

"why do you think that? we are already lost. moving would just make it worse," she reasons with her usual logic that you would agree with it if it came from anyone else right now but your eyes are focused on the sun that is nearly set in the sky behind jessie and how her voice is way too nonchalant for the situation right now that you let your emotions control all your actions.

you shake your head in disagreement. jessie frowns at that. did you not take her words seriously?

"i told you that we should turn back nearly a whole hour ago and you thought you knew better," you let your frustration funnel into your words. jessie scoffs, ready to defend herself. when she scoffs you feel the strong urge to scoff as well because what rights does she have to be as frustrated as you?

ration and logic are not working in your mind right now.

"because we were walking around in a fucking circle, so i was trying to find i don't know like a river or something to follow. instead of going the back into that circle," she snaps back. the stress of the situation is starting to get to her. why would she agree to partner with you? was she out of her mind? were you of yours?

you snap back just as quick, "yeah because you aren't able to tell directions apart if your life depended on it. which it actually does right now and i wish you would stuff your pride up your ass so we can get somewhere."

"to get where? no, go ahead, tell me! we're stuck in the woods and everything looks the same and you think that you can just figure it out? you aren't a genius, y/n!" jessie shouts. not caring for her volume because who would even hear?

you let out a loud laugh at her words. oh, so the only conversation she can have with you is an argument. okay, that's fine. you'll give her that.

"i never said i was a genius. what do you expect me to do? maybe if you knew how to communicate, we wouldn't be here," you say to her, "you knew we were lost a while ago and didn't say a thing! then when i realized it, you got all pissy at me!"

"oh whatever. you can never pick up on what's happening unless it's fed to you?" she argues back.

"ever think maybe i followed you blindly into these woods because i trusted you?"

was the argument even about being lost anymore? was it ever about that?

"well, maybe you should learn to trust yourself more and listen to your intuition instead of relying on me," jessie says, not shouts. still the tension is laying there in between you two. she's still so far away from you, a few steps ahead. almost leaning against a tree but she's just stubbornly holding herself at that one spot really.

you nod your head. she wants you to trust yourself? you don't know why you didn't realize you guys were lost earlier, but you know why you partner up with her; you need answers. she wants you to listen to your intuition? okay.

"hm, okay. thanks for the advice. i have some of my own. how about not ignoring your girlfriend for two months straight," you say. a flash of surprise shows itself on jessie's face. she wasn't expecting that but she should have known you would bring that up eventually.

"my girlfriend? who said we were girlfriends?" the words don't even sound right coming out of jessie's mouth. she knows they're a lie. you're girlfriends but that doesn't mean she has to confirm it right now. out in the open where anyone could hear. even though nobody is around.

you want to laugh at her denial. who was she fooling? because there wasn't any audience there. just you and her. she couldn't lie to you so she was definitely lying to herself.

"that kiss we shared after practice underneath the bleachers or maybe the kiss we had on your birthday or the fact we spend, no use to spend, all our time together for nearly two years. your mom suspected something one time and now we aren't girlfriends anymore?" you say. jessie knows you have a point but she can't help to feel angry. you just don't get it.

"what did you expect? i couldn't let my mom figure anything out. i can't be seen like that with you!"

"and why is that?" you already knew the answer, but you want to hear it from jessie. even though it will hurt.

"because you aren't a boy!" she shouts but her voice drops into a lower volume when she speaks next, "and you knew that when you started to date me that nobody could know.. because you aren't a boy. sometimes i wish you were one."

okay. that really fucking hurts.

author notes: this is so messy and quick paced but i sorta like it. that's the literal ending, nothing else. i tried to use a few double meanings but idk if they landed. hopefully you guys liked my experiment.

#jessie fleming x reader #jessie fleming #woso x reader #woso angst #woso fanfics

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bitchcakegreen · 2 days

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I finally watched all four episodes of season 3 part 1 and I have thoughts, as a fan and as a screenwriter/former romance novelist, and professional director. I didn’t have netflix but I got it for this season. I did this kinds of analyzations and such during Game of Thrones. Hopefully people enjoy reading. Full disclosure, I have not read any of the Bridgerton books. (I’m about three chapters into Romancing Mr. Bridgerton)

First off, give me all the Pen and Colin all the time. I’ve been hoping they get together from season 1 and I’m so happy Shondaland didn’t make us wait another season, as the books go in a different order. There’s a lot of subtle nuance to Pen and Colin’s scenes, Colin always seeking out Pen wherever they are, the tent pastry scene followed by Colin clearly eating the same pastry as Pen did. The tent scene was freaking hot. I said what I said. Things of this nature make their love affair so lush. It’s that journey to getting to the carriage scene that’s so thrilling.

I didn’t mind Francesca’s subplot or the Mondrich one but I do agree with many I’ve seen here that the subplots almost took over. There was a lot of emphasis placed on things other than Pen and Colin which annoyed me somewhat. Hopefully when we get to part 2 there will be more intense focus on Polin and the subplots are just rotating around them because right now, with the pacing of these first four episodes, it’s the opposite. Polin feel as if they are somewhat an afterthought.

The Cressida redemption movement I don’t think will last into part 2. I think all this work is to try and make the audience sympathize with her and then when she goes after Pen, Pen as Lady D, and so forth we are supposed to think “OH! But she was being so nice.” Hopefully I’m wrong and they follow through on her storyline because if they don’t…they wasted a lot of time and storyline on her instead of focusing on Polin.

I’m ambivalent about Lord Debling, so meh. Sorry about it.

Anthony and Kate - absolutely unnecessary but I know why they brought them in. One, he is the Viscount so he would be around. Two, they are fan favorite. I get it. I accept it. It was just wasted real estate for me. But to each their own.

I love Mr. Finch and I LOVED he got to be such a beaming brother-in-law for Pen in the green dress. I do wish they hadn’t shown us the dress reveal in the trailer. It would have been such an awestruck moment for us to see it first in the show. Sweeping cape removal and glittering loveliness.

Pen’s sisters and their race to get pregnant. It’s all a setup for Pen to be pregnant first or with the male heir by the end of the season. Cute but really long winded in getting there. There is a now since deleted promo clip of Pen, with Colin standing behind her, where she takes his hand and places it on her stomach. So we’re getting a pregnancy nod somewhere next part. May even be why she faints in whatever scene they show in the trailer for part 2.

Eloise needs to get her head out of her butt. I don’t think she’s angry Pen is LW but more angry that she didn’t figure out Pen was Whistledown sooner. She’s mad that Pen didn’t try to see her during the offseason, yet she tells her at the end of season 2 to get the fuck out of her life. Get it together Eloise. I love Eloise, don’t get me wrong, I adore her. I just want her to stop acting like an ass and TALK to Pen.

There is discourse about the second Colin threesome scene, but there really shouldn’t be. There’s a reason for it. It showcases that Colin is done with the charade he’s been playing all season. He isn’t the bon vivant, dashing rake he’s supposed to be. It’s jarring but it’s a scene with a purpose.

All the Polin scenes are delightful. The balloon scene might be my favorite - the pastry scene I include in this. And of course the first kiss and the carriage scene (which lives in my head on repeat) but I have to say, I wanted more Polin screen time. I think if we spliced all the Polin scenes together we see that out of four hours of film, they have maybe a cumulative 1 hour of screen time. Which isn’t much for a couple that is the lead of the season. Hopefully the ratio will be better in part two.

Merit badges and raises to the Featherington coachmen and to Pen’s maid Rae. They are MVPs and are totally gossiping about Polin. You know that tea was flowing in the servant’s quarters about the carriage ride…

Scenes I hope we get in part 2.

1. Full on sexfest with Pen and Colin, the likes to rival Daphne and Simon.

2. Whistledown reveal to Colin. First I want him angry - that passionate angry we use in romance novels. The kind where the hero is always “I’m so mad at you right now I can’t see straight but I need you writhing with passion underneath me screaming my name RIGHT NOW!” kind of angry. I want ripped corsets and torn skirts. If you know you know.

3. Pen and Eloise make up.

4. Big stupid lavish wedding.

5. More unhinged Queen Charlotte wigs. Because reasons.

Sorry this was such a long post, but I needed to get my thoughts out. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Now excuse me while I go watch part 1 elevenity million more times.

#romance novels #romance writers #polin #bridgerton #writing #bridgerton thoughts #colin bridgerton #colin x penelope #polin bridgerton #writer thoughts #late night writing #bridgerton season 3 #penelope featherington #shondaland #netlfix #bridgerton netflix

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thatoneidiotyoulovesomuch · 2 days

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I think one of Ever After High's biggest problems is the lack of characters and/or the lack of commitment to the rebel and royals tension. (Also this is coming from someone who has only really watched what's on Netflix. I have seen everything but I have just watched the Netflix specials wayyyyy more)

But what I mean by that is there will be moments when our main characters will be really hostile towards each other. Like during Legacy Day when all the royals were booing at Raven for not signing the book. Or the cafeteria fight after Legacy Day. Which makes a ton of sense for the plot of EAH. However, there are also a lot of moments when the rebels and royals are friendly with each other. That doesn't make a ton of sense when compared with the two instances I mentioned earlier. An example of this would be in Briar's Study Party, where they are all studying and dancing together. I just think it's strange. Also I'm not really thinking about Apple in all of this. She feels like a special case. I'm more so thinking about Briar, Ashlynn, Dexter, Blondie, Daring.

So I think in order to remedy this there are two options. Maybe even three. I'm also going to be focus on the royals more in this because I think my problems really lie with them.

Option 1: add more side characters that are the hostile ones during scenes like Legacy Day and the cafeteria fight. (Specifically royals) That way, our main characters like Brair and Ashlynn don't seem fake when interacting with characters like Raven, Maddie or Cedar outside of the scenes.

Option 2: make the royal characters specifically be mean/rude/hostile whatever to the rebels all the time. Some ways I would incorporate it into scenes already present in the show would be: when Apple and Raven are going to find a new mirror (which they go to all royals) have the royals they go to be curt with Raven. Or the look on their faces turns into a frown whenever they see her. So we can keep up the rebel vs royal and make it seem more believable.

Option 3: make the royal vs rebel tension a complete facade. A facade they only keep up around teachers or their parents. I guess one could potentially make an argument that this is kinda what the show is doing already, but not really. Because you have characters like Blondie who does everything to be consider a royal or Apple's whole thing she's got going on. It's obvious that the tension is truly there, especially with scenes like the cafeteria fight who would they have been pretending for? There were no teachers or parents there. They genuinely were fighting. So in order to make if feel like a facade I would have a scene where characters admit that they don't feel any hostility towards the other side but feel as though they need to act like they do. That would explain scenes like the booing at Legacy Day. And if you put some teachers in the cafeteria when the fight happened, it would also make more sense. But just to make it a little more interesting I would have scenes with the rebels feelings being hurt. Like Raven feeling absolutely awful after Legacy Day and refusing to talk to Dexter afterward because he was booing too. Also this pretending would primarily fall with the royals because I feel like it benefits them the most but we can have some scenes were the rebels do it too.

But those are my thoughts on that. I've always thought the characters' relationship was weird. Ever since I was a little kid. Also this is not a complaint about the show. I love this show so so so so much. It's one of my favorites ever.

#ever after high #eah royal #eah rebel #eah #raven queen #ashlynn ella #briar beauty #dexter charming #daring charming #apple white #blondie lockes #this is kinda a rant #but kinda an genuine criticism of the show

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strandnreyes · 3 days

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9-1-1: Lone Star Ask Game

I’ve noticed that a lot of ask games are about personal things or content creation, but one of my favorite things about being on here is talking about the show!! so I’ve created a list of questions that anyone can participate in by reblogging and having people send asks, or just answering directly if you’d like! feel free to also reblog and add more questions!! or make a separate post and I can link them all to a master post! 🤍

🗓️ When did you start watching the show?

👀 What made you keep watching the show?

❤️ Favorite part of your favorite ship?

🫂 Favorite platonic pairing and why?

🚨Emergency most likely to make you sob

😶 Unpopular opinion, respectfully

🔀 If you could transfer one storyline to someone else’s character, who and what would it be?

🦋Give us a headcanon about (insert character)!

🐠Give us a headcanon about (insert ship)!

💓 Here’s yours chance! Pour your heart about that one storyline/scene you passionately love

🧥Whose fashion do you like the best?

✨If you could change any detail of any storyline, what would it be?

🤹‍♀️ Give a hidden talent to all the main characters (or those of your choosing)!

🍪 What if Nancy had to quit after the DNR storyline? What does she do instead of being a paramedic?

💍Describe what you think Grace and Judd’s wedding was like

🙄Pettiest thing tarlos has ever gotten into an old married couple fight about?

🚒 Quick! You’re suddenly a part of the universe! What do you do?

🤡 What’s your biggest clown moment in the fandom? Or what are you clowning over that you know will never happen?

🦎 Real talk, do Carlos and Lou ever become friends?

💭Dream season 5 storyline?

📦Character most likely to move away from Austin

👨🏻‍🚒Favorite out of Owen’s (many) love interests?

👩‍💻Time to get meta. Which character secretly has a tumblr blog and writes the best fanfiction you’ve ever read?

📺 Duo most likely to dominate on a tv game show?

🔪 What character are you defending with your life?

⛰️What’s one hill you’ll die on regarding this show? (the more trivial, the better)

#911 lone star #fandom asks #911 lone star fandom asks

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 3 days

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tuesday again 5/21/2024

get a load of this cat

listening

one of my favorite bands, Joywave, dropped a new album last week! it is not my favorite album of theirs but so it goes. perhaps it needs more time to grow on me. Sleepytime Fantasy kicks off my favorite section of the album. video game enchanted ice cave dream sequence music.

youtube

i must stay true to my own rules for this series (not a rec series, genuinely what i've been into the most this week) and the song that's been on loop all week is a genshin impact character's theme music (punchy wolf-coded ice cop who is the duke of the prison he. runs? administers? don't worry about it). unfortunately a bop. the character music lately has been a lot more modern and experimental than i expected? this one has a police siren drop

youtube

reading

thank you mackintosh.

i really, really enjoyed Trouble And Her Friends by Melissa Scott (LAMBDA award winner 1995)! @delta-orionis and i frequently ask ourselves "what if neuromancer was good?" and this scratches that itch for me. it is often difficult for me to take neuromancer's protagonist henry seriously, but this book features a pair of extremely practical dykes. it opens on the passing of a new american law criminalizing big swathes of online activity, passed despite a presidential veto. description from amazon

Less than a hundred years from now, the forces of law and order crack down on the world of the computer nets. The hip, noir adventurers who get by on wit, bravado, and drugs, and haunt the virtual worlds of the Shadows of cyberspace, are up against the encroachments of civilization. It's time to adapt or die. India Carless, alias Trouble, got out ahead of the feds and settled down to run a small network for an artist's co-op. Now someone has taken her name and begun to use it for criminal hacking. So Trouble returns. Once the fastest gun on the electronic frontier, she had tried to retire-but has been called out for one last fight. And it's a killer.

this startled me by how fun and competent it is! i tried reading one of the author's books last year (Dreamships) and had a miserable time with the pacing and flow of information. there are echoes of the pacing issues i had with the last book-- this is a nearly four hundred page hardcover, we have a lot of Next Locations to go to, and we are going to take our fucking time getting there. a road trip book, rather than a destination book. Scott has gotten way way better at fleshing out those locations— an artists' co-op has their skylights set to amber to hide the wear and tear on everything in their central hangout space when the feds show up. i also connected with the inciting incident way more-- someone stealing a female hacker’s name and style is instantly relatable. i am riding shotgun with Trouble. i am ready to throw down with her.

it's a very physical book in many ways, bc it has three brief sex scenes, is very concerned with sensuality in both senses of the word, and overall it's like the background in an anime that’s full of dials and buttons and little blinky lights. written in 1994, fascjnating how much concepts of VR and sensory inputs have not changed, but everyone still has the equivalent of an enormous old school desktop and giant CRT monitors set up. everyone is constantly lugging around so much physical tech. the stuff that makes you better at hacking in the net is quick reactions to VR sensations, the only way to get that cutting edge sensation is to get a physical chip or “worm” in your head, and the only people who do that are the core outcasts and freaks of the internet (the gays, the women, the people of color, the all three, presumably the furries as well). from that day to this…

there's an interesting contrast between Trouble and her old partner Cerise stalking the virtual reality bazaars/being queens of the BBS undergrounds, and the danger they feel and face when moving about in the real world. some reviewers are very cranky about how negotiations on and offline feel the same but i did not feel this particular quibble. communication is communication. it is known both on and offline that they're 1) women and 2) lesbians. they're in less physical danger online but slurs can still happen no matter where they are. also, i am well used to the necessity of having to posture and peacock and be kind of a bitch to establish myself in order to get anything done in coding/hardware scenes, which is something i don't think any of the male reviewers of the day ever had to think about.

some cowboy shit goes down at the end that had me hooting and hollering, and Scott handled the hacking scenes in an interesting way-- a sort of abstracted duel? terrific "fight" scenes. very interesting at how she will move things around in order to treat scenes in ways she's good at-- like establishing very grounded locations that feel real, physical sensations, and fight scenes-- instead of just kind of slogging through a very surface level high-overview travelogue like in her last book. ive been stuck on a fic chapter for like four years and this is making me think about doing it the fun way instead of the way i thought it should be done. this may be obvious but i am an amateur and more importantly an idiot.

this was a $6/1 book special last year at one of my favorite thrift stores, a religious shop with the absolute worst vibes in the greater houston area but some of the best stuff

watching

Five Dolls For An August Moon (1970, dir. Brava). sometimes you see a cool title on kanopy and you don't have a better way to kill an hour and a half. plus it had some guys i know from cowboys. tw for a suicide's body in the first fucking ten seconds of the trailer, which is a weird trailer choice bc u don't actually see most of the murders in the movie.

ive watched a fuck of a lot of spaghetti westerns so i feel i am somewhat qualified to tell you this is one of the worst dubs ive ever seen. the lines actors are quarter-heartedly delivering do not always make a lot of sense and only occasionally match the subtitles. i am assuming this is the original dub, bc kino lorber generally does a pretty okay job restoring things?

youtube

this is not a good movie (extremely troubled production, director swap three days before filming, made on a shoestring budget, the actors mostly wore their own clothes, etc). it is not very good at maintaining tension, because it is a film that first and foremost Looks. beautiful fucking sets, beautifully decorated. the exterior is a matte painting, a sort of frothy dream-bubble of sixties architecture. most of the interiors are apparently a real house. incredible experimental burbling soundtrack full of Weird Sounds.

sorry about the tubi interface and our old friend the activate windows logo.

there are so many fun directorial flourishes and staging, but it does get a little wrapped up in itself. this made me think of The Secret of NIMH, a beautifully animated talking-animal film that gave me nightmares as a child, where the animation tricks and sparkles and moving parts sort of all get in each other's way to produce something less than the sum of its parts. this sort of happens here. i'm going to yoink this from a review:

Bava’s eye for exquisite compositions is equally evident. One scene in particular stands out in this regard: The filmmaker shoots an otherwise humdrum fistfight through wooden latticework that breaks the action up into an abstracted mosaic effect. The fight culminates with a table being upended, which in turn unleashes a myriad crystal spheres. The camera follows along as the spheres tumble and cascade down a spiral staircase and roll across a tiled floor before plopping like so many bath bubbles into a tub. The scene concludes with the revelation of a recently deceased character caught in what you’d have to call a tableau morte. It’s a dazzlingly orchestrated sequence, easily on par with more famous Bava set pieces.

it's gorgeous! there's also So Much going on. another lovely bit of business: as each person dies they get wrapped in plastic sheeting and put in the walkin freezer. next to slabs of beef. not a subtle film, and i don't mean it as a diss, bc where's the fuckin fun in that?

playing

i have not been doing much of anything here except listen to podcasts and work toward the two-thousand-fish-caught achievement in genshin. impatiently waiting for Clorinde to be released in several weeks. that one button needs a raise. it is So funny to see genshin characters with fucking guns. very sword and pike based societies so far

making

every time i have tried to make one of these samplers for Me it's gone horribly wrong or been somehow destroyed so i'm making this one for my brother's upcoming birthday, bc he will have off-campus housing next academic year, in an attempt to peacefully do some fucking cross stitch and get something out at the end of it. pattern here on etsy

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem #Youtube

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thephantomcasebook · 13 hours

Note

Do you think HOTD could be canceled with Season 3? I mean, today was quite a day with these leaks and not so pleasant statements haha

Eh ...

Probably not.

"House of the Dragon" is one of MAX's flagship shows for their streaming service. They've put a lot of money into it both in budget and marketing.

I do think that this season will be the start of diminishing returns and that a lot of people won't be thrilled with it, but I think the majority of the audience will give Season 3 a chance.

There seems to be a rather pervasive sense of arrogance by writers and creators that adapt ASoIaF projects that they eventually get really get up their own asses. And I feel that Season 1 being as big of a hit as it was, was probably a really bad thing for the creative team here. Just from interviews and the things people have said, Condal is already getting a big head and acting as if he's bullet proof. Basically, he thinks that he and Hess can put anything up they want on screen and people will watch it and eat it up.

But my point is that there is huge structural flaw in HOTD that is about to come crashing down. And that's there is no story symmetry to the plot. They've basically wasted a bunch of time and are about to waste more of it. Writing wise, there is absolutely no reason to spend as much time as we are about to on Daemon at Harrenhal nor Rhaena claiming a dragon. They've wasted so much time in fact that they've had to leave out key characters till Season 3 - Daeron being the biggest.

Condal came out recently and said that Daeron is a major and important character in the future. But the problem is that when they introduce him in Season 3 - if the rumors are wrong that he's going to be introduced stealthily in Season 2 as major player in the Harrenhal Plot - we've gotten no time with Daeron and his siblings, or most importantly Alicent.

Daeron's relationship with Alicent and Criston is important, very important. Because not only are they his parents, the people who raised him, but he is Alicent's favorite child - favorite person in the world - and the massacre at Tumblestone was partially carried out because the Starks put Criston's head on the main Royal Standard at the Battle which pissed off Daeron to a murderous rage.

Daeron's entire character motivation is Alicent, loving her, wanting to rescue her no matter the cost - physically or morally, and they've never shared a scene together.

How are you going to convey all of the weight of Daeron wanting his mommy back, avenging the only father he's ever known, and being loyal to Aegon to a fault - rejecting the crown when basically all Westeros wants him to be King - when you're introducing him without him ever sharing a scene with Alicent and Criston, nor any of his siblings.

You've wasted so much time fucking around that the story symmetry is fucked.

So, no, I don't think they'll cancel HOTD before Season 3, but I predict that a lot of people are going to start seeing the cracks in the foundation by the end of it. And I predict that rather than pivot, Condal and Hess will attack the fans.

I think Season 2 will leave a bad taste in a lot of people's mouths, judging by the leaks and some of the inside stuff people have told me.

#House of the Dragon #Daeron Targaryen #Daeron the Daring #Ryan Condal #Sara Hess #Alicent Hightower #Criston Cole #Alicole

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myfairkatiecat · 2 days

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hey hi hello I would like to ask: what's going on with the tam cam thing?????????? it's been all over my dash for like a week and I think it's unfathomably funny so I'd like to get a bit of context if possible?

-chess (from a-chess-lesson lmao; Tumblr won't let me send asks from a side blog so I'm using my main lol)

SO LIKE

It’s this meme

We were like wouldnt it be funny if I’m the kotlc movie? tam song looked into the camera like on the office?

It was born from me, @permanently-stressed (isa) and @sasharcyreal (maddie)’s shenanigans

Then maddie drew the meme, called the “tam cam”—tam breaking the fourth wall and looking into the camera, even when he’s not supposed to be in the scene

It became a silly response Sokeefe fans did where they found their favorite Sokeefe scenes and put the tam cam meme on it to symbolize that tam can sense the Sokeefe ship happening. @figure-skating-avocado even prince them out and started putting them in her books

And then out of nowhere two kotlc meme blogs showed up: @official-tam-cam and @wiityispb-official, both run by the same mysterious person—one based around the tam cam meme, and one around the “what if I told you I stopped pressing buttons” meme. For convenience we refer to them as the tam cam blog

And ppl have been going CRAZY trying to figure out who it is. I successfully got it and ended up cutting a deal so now I have the forbidden information and it’s hysterical watching everyone scramble.

Then another mysterious person made the @tam-cam-drama blog to keep track of all the drama, and their identity is ALSO not revealed

It’s all very fun

You should join our speculation

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faysgeekystuff · 2 days

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Francesca Bridgerton has SAD

This new season of Bridgerton has been absolutely amazing with Polin, Eloise scenes, Violet being Violet, and, of course, Francesca Bridgerton. She is such an interesting character to me, and extremely relatable to many people. She has become my favorite character in the franchise due to how much I relate.

I think everyone agrees that she is an introvert, it's been confirmed by Julia Quinn and everything. Having her social battery run out, enjoying solitary activities such as piano forte, being overstimulated by crowds, needed time to herself, preferring to be a wallflower, sitting in companionable silence ect. She is very different from her sibling, and it's refreshing to see an introvert in the Bridgerton family.

One thing I couldn't help but notice is the anxiety she has when she's social. Now someone isn't necessarily neurodivergent or has a mental health issue if they're an introvert but there is a higher likelihood because of how many signs overlap. Francesca is a character that I've noticed many people, introverts or nuerodivergent people especially, relate to. I honestly think it's amazing! But I haven't seen many people talk about the clear signs of anxiety she has.

She fidgets a lot in social situations, avoids eye contact, anxiously follows social situations until she's told by someone it's okay to take a break or to go play piano. Avoids being social but will mentally prepare herself if she has to go to events. She wants to be done with these situations as quickly as socially possible, which we see when she leaves multiple balls early. There are so many signs but the biggest one for me is the faces she makes.

Hannah Dodds has done an amazing job showing the rich internal life of Francesca. The faces she makes show clear thought and internal dialogue without any of it having to leave her mouth. The anxiety she has before meeting the queen and having everyone look at her, the panic when she is surrounded by multiple suitors who don't follow her practiced dialogue (they went off script!), the relief when she finally has time for herself and can get away, the nervousness when she's dancing with a suitor because if she messes up everyone will see and judge her. All of it leads me to believe that she is a very socially anxious person.

All in all, I see her as an introverted person with Social Anxiety Disorder and relate to her so much because of it. It's something more people should talk about. When we see Social Anxiety on screen or in TV it's almost always someone who never leaves the house or has a panic attack when people start talking to them. It's almost always portrayed as debilitating and generally becomes the personality or quirk of the character. There definitely are some people like that but SAD is often fairly functional. We can go to social events, talk to people, be in a crowd, ect.

A lot of the time an underlaying anxiety throughout the interaction and you have an internal monologue telling you to not to mess up. To avoid judgement. Asking if this is okay to do? Do i look weird doing this? Are they laughing at me? When is it okay to leave? Can I go to the bathroom now or is the timing weird? Am I making eye contact too long or too little? Can i find somewhere away from people? Most of that stays internal but it can have few outwards signs. Things like avoiding eye contact, or figeting, making a face, trying to find a way to escape a conversation. All things we see Francesca do. It's so nice to see a mild form of social anxiety on screen for a change. Someone who can live their life despite the anxiety and is so much more than just their disorder.

Even if you don't agree with me and you think she's just an introvert, or she's shy, or she's on the spectrum, or anything else. I find it amazing how many people see themselves in her. That she can be seen in so many different ways, and have so many people love her without being a loud or gregarious person. She's quiet and has a rich internal life, and so many of us love her for it.

#bridgerton #francesca bridgerton #social anxiety disorder #introvert #bridgerton season 3 #people can see her however they want to #and i think that's neat #i have another character that i can project my problems on #to me she is an inteovert and has SAD #social anxiety #it absolutely sucks #especially if youre surrounded by extroverted cinfidant people who are never anxious #aka my family #aka the bridgerton family

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perfecteggpartyland · 22 hours

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sorry i just wanna add to this discussion i think kevin’s cowardice (in the beginning of the books) is a very important part to both his and neil’s character. Kevin’s growth is very important to the story bc it is neil’s bravery that helped him change and grow to be brave as well. One of my favorite scenes in the entire series is the argument kevin and neil have in french after neil’s does his first interview coming back from evermore. it shows what i see as the turning point in kevin’s perspective and his determination to overcome his fear of riko. kevin takes a lot from neil’s bravery bc he’s so amazed by it. this fucking 5’3 maniac going toe to toe with kevin’s abuser while also hiding from the literal mafia and still isn’t crippled by debilitating fear like kevin is. i also think a lot of people minimize kevin’s abuse bc it wasn’t as physical as neil and jean’s which is so wrong. mental abuse is very damaging especially because it’s not always recognized as abuse so u essentially gaslight yourself into believing you’re not be abused. sorry it’s long as hell i just really like kevin and neil’s dynamic.

Seriously Agreed on minimizing Kevin's abuse too and his growth ; and Neil/Kevin dynamic😭 they're amazing 🙌 like personally for me tho he'll never be a coward for being abused and scared of the mafia/cult that raised him but I don't get why DESPITE his growth in the end it's still such a huge part of his description and characterization?? Like why is his growth ignored? People ignore that trauma response can be fight/flight/freeze /fawn; Also while I love Neil to death I think sometimes because of Neil's narration some of his actions are considered brave instead of reckless/impulsive; like after seeing consequences of Kathy's interview he followed with his iconic roasts in post game interview and entire property gets vandalized by ravens fans 😭 but after Kevins growth in the end of the series why still hes described as a coward?? I'm asking the same people who tell me that without explanation if they think jean is too? Have no answer but I'm really curious about jean vs Kevin ; like what makes Kevin or jean a coward? But literally thank u for adding up to this discussion,🙏

#aftg #all for the game #neil josten #the foxhole court #psu foxes #palmetto state foxes #nora sakavic #kevin day #the ravens #jean moreau #edgar allan ravens

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brother-emperors · 3 days

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do you have anything on where to start with.... the whole borgia stuff? either that or ascansio, who I am very very curious about. I don't mind reading, especially when I can take notes, but shows/movies work too! if you get to this, thank you sir!

probably Johann Burchard's diary! in particular, I'd start off with this one, which isn't the full text of Burchard's entries, but it's a pretty good introduction to the scene imo (you can decide for yourself after if you want to read the entirety of his entries)

I'd also recommend watching Showtime's Borgias because it's one of my favorite shows and was partially responsible for what eventually spiraled out into an obsession with Ascanio and the Sforza family

if someone has recommendations for the Borgia family, feel free to chime in! I don't tend to venture very far away from the Vatican or Machiavelli when it comes to the Borgia family.

speaking of Ascanio: he's tricky because that guy was everywhere. you'll find him in Machiavelli's writing, you'll find him in music history texts, a lot of work on Josquin des Prez uses Ascanio as an anchor point. there's one biography on him (in italian) and it has a specific focus because if it tried covering everything, it probably would've gone well over a thousand pages. he has his own tag here, you can skip the art and jump to the citations and browse through them to see what looks interesting!

#im much more casual about the borgias which is kind of a tragedy bc there's a LOT going on in that family #however the sforzas of milan have claimed me and my attention #ask tag

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ladyylavenderrr · 19 hours

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Incoming rant nobody but me cares about. Spain’s dub of the scene where we find out Tain is Garak’s dad enrages me so much.

So, I just love watching this scene in any language that has this formal and informal pronoun distinction unlike English. Almost all of them have Garak, Tain and/or both go from using formal pronouns to informal pronouns in this scene and it hits so hard. I obviously don’t know enough of each language this show was dubbed in to know how all of them do this, but the german dub (I’m biased I know) does it like this. Tain and Garak use formal pronouns for each other and the moment Garak directly calls Tain “father”, they switch to informal. Some dubs have only Garak use informal pronouns while Tain uses formal ones and vice versa, but having them both switch pronouns is my favorite way of doing this. Do you know what my least favorite way of doing it is? Having them both continue to use formal pronouns with each other like Spain’s dub had them do.

I definitely understand why you might choose to make this translation decision. Tain and Garak aren’t close at all. In fact, in another universe where the two openly acknowledged each other as father and son, I can definitely see them still using formal pronouns with each other despite that or at least Garak might use them for Tain. Tain is 100% the type of ridiculously old fashioned and authoritative father that would have his son use formal pronouns for him. The closest thing to that in English would be a father who makes his kid call him sir, I guess. So I can definitely see why, if one doesn’t analyze this scene’s meaning at all, they might choose to have the two continue the formal pronoun shtick.

Here’s the issue tho. Beyond this scene serving as a way to reveal this big plot twist to the audience, the main point of it is to have Garak and Tain, for the first time in their entire lives, be open and vulnerable with each other. It’s very difficult to imagine the two have even spoken the truth about their relationship out loud before, based on how Tain instinctively panics at Garak calling him his father despite thinking they’re alone. This is the first time we see Tain be something even resembling loving and paternal and it’s the first time Garak lets himself so explicitly state his desire to be loved. Of course, he can’t ask for it very explicitly, but saying “let me be your son” is as close to it as he can get. And Tain can’t be so explicit in admitting he does care for Garak, but saying “you’ve always been a weakness I can’t afford” and telling him he was proud of him on this one specific day years ago is as close to it as he can get.

My point is, this is supposed to be Tain and Garak being as vulnerable as they can possibly be with each other. Formal pronouns just don’t mesh with that in my opinion. Going from formal to informal pronouns is a great choice though.

Long rant. Sorry. I’m so insane about translating media

#star trek #ds9 #deep space nine #elim garak #deep space 9 #enabran tain #this might be because Spain’s dub is just lazy #I mean this is the same dub that at least once accidentally called the gamma quadrant the shrimp quadrant #media analysis #translation

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anastacialy · 21 hours

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actually, fuck it, i AM writing the essay, even if no one will read it.

my thoughts on penelope, how she sees herself, and why the carriage scene's ending is the most important thing in the whole wide world under the cut. and bridgerton season three part one spoilers, obviously.

penelope featherington hates herself. bit of a strong start here but, there we go. that's what you get when i'm going feral about her again at three in the morning. (it was eleven a.m. when i finished writing this post. i rewatched all four episodes of season three...)

i'll start from the beginning — she isn't a confident person. i think that's what a lot of penelope hate really comes down to, not relating to her in that way at all. not understanding what being treated the way she has can do to you. so let's start here:

imagine for a moment, no one fucking listens to you.

this includes her favorite people in the world. her family, for one thing, that's obvious, but her best friend, too. many times we hear eloise discover and re-discover what penelope's interests are in the series because, as she says, "i didn't really hear it." she was so frequently not really listening to her. they've been friends for years, but huge aspects of her friend's personality were completely unknown to her. this isn't anti-eloise by the way, i love her too, but we're adults who can admit our favs are all flawed people. the show wouldn't be nearly as fun if they weren't. eloise continues to belittle others for their interests when they don't match up to hers (like that poor girl who was just really passionate about embroidery) and she's done so to pen, however unknowingly, for ages.

penelope tried to beg marina to not fool colin into marriage. she had so, so many other suitors, so many other choices she could have made. all pen wanted was to not have her other best friend slash crush make that life altering of a mistake. but for this, she was called a child. immature. talked down to as if she knows nothing about the world. (she had been mostly right, by the way, in her insisting that george must still love marina, would still want to marry her, discovering that the letter had been forged. if he'd not died on the battlefield, penelope would have been the one to secure a happy ending for marina.) when she wasn't listened to then, she got more desperate, telling colin that marina was in love with someone else to deter him from the marriage while still careful to not ruin marina's reputation and expose her pregnancy in the process. she tried. but no one would listen.

so only when the situation became dire, she did the only thing that she could, and took matters into her own hands.

which brings us to lady whistledown.

it's interesting, really, that she chose that name. to specify lady so she might be taken seriously, yet not hide under a pseudonym completely removed from herself (i.e. using a masculine pen name or implying she's not a part of the ton at all) it's clear that lady whistledown is, for the most part, what penelope wants to and yet fails to be: someone who commands attention, who people admire and trust for an opinion, someone who gets listened to.

by the time we find her in season three, she's fresh off hearing her crush saying he'd never, ever court her, and her best friend finding out that she was lady whistledown all along and had exposed a secret of hers — only after penelope had, of course, also begged eloise to stop seeing theo, to stop raising the queen's suspicions, and was once again ignored. her only friendships have been destroyed, and she has resigned herself to a loveless marriage of convenience because she can't stand to be ignored, controlled, and belittled by her family any longer. she's ready to take the devil she doesn't know over the devil she does.

so, when i say her self confidence is on the floor, i mean it.

yes, a sliver of hope remains in her, and we can see that in her decisions (wearing parisian fashions, for instance) but her plan remains, she is simply going to marry someone, anyone, because she has to.

but even still, her confidence has not taken it's last hit.

let's imagine some more: no matter what you do, people are going to laugh at you.

penelope finally, finally gets her big moment. people stare at her as she enters the room. she still immediately hides herself in a corner because that's who she's always been, but still. she has a moment. not quite what she'd imagined, i'm sure, as she bought all new gowns, but attention and awe nonetheless. but it cracks almost instantly when her social awkwardness comes out, failing to get anyone to ask her to dance, and shatters completely when cressida destroys her dress before she can ever take to the floor.

colin tells her she looks nice, and her immediate reaction is "do not mock me, please."

it's only after this that she confronts colin about what he said, only after this that she speaks ill of him as lady whisteldown — not saying any more than what his sister had already pointed out earlier in the episode, mind you, that his change in personality seemed disingenuous — only after she has been publicly humiliated that she lashes out in her anger.

and, this anger, she also immediately regrets after colin has proven himself to be kind. it's a bit like making a snide comment online without the ability to delete it after.

but when penelope has hope, she is kind. she writes of the promising ladies of the ton and wishes them well with their matches, when she has hope she speaks positively of would-be spinsters and their successful marriages. many of her earlier musings in previous seasons were to call the women of the ton beautiful, to speak to their skills.

but hope for penelope does not last long. she manages to successfully speak to one suitor at the next ball (which, though this is another argument entirely, is backed by a string quartet version of "jealous" as colin re-approaches her at the drinks table — any arguments that his feelings start at their kiss isn't paying near enough attention) but the entirely true rumor about her having help from him spreads through the vine and penelope is hopeless once more.

and a hopeless penelope is a cruel penelope, as we've seen, and this time, she turns that cruelty inward, publicly. while she later says it would have been suspicious if lady whistledown hadn't commented, in truth, she has proven time and time again that her emotions rule lady whistledown's writings. in that moment, eyes tearful, she was embarrassed and ashamed of herself, she decided to say so. she repeats the same sentiment to colin when he comes to visit her:

"in truth i brought this on myself. a sad, stupid girl who believed she might actually have a chance at love."

and here is where lady whistledown continues to be someone penelope sees as different to herself, because penelope doesn't see herself as a lady. not just for lack of title — she does not see herself as worthy of or requiring protection. to call back to antony's season one romance: "every woman is not afforded such gallant protection." "every woman is not a lady."

she says nothing of him bribing her maid to give them time alone. like most of the ton she doesn't think the time they spend alone together could be anything other than platonic, at least on his end. they spent extended time unchaperoned at the bridgerton house and not once did she speak on impropriety. he'd been alone with her in the previous season and even when they were caught no one had a thing to say about it. no one questions it because penelope is not recognized as desirable, not seen as needing this protection, not seen as a lady. she is seen, even by herself, as a spinster already.

when she asks colin for a kiss, she reassures him that she would ask nothing of him for it, she would not entrap him in a marriage citing impropriety, she doesn't even think about whether someone might see. she does not care in this moment if she is to be "ruined," she only wants to feel some illusion of intimacy, some imitation of being wanted. even her running back inside immediately after, and the subsequent conversation under the willow tree, are further proof that she doesn't believe he could have kissed her for any reason other than pity.

and, even after all she goes through with lord debling, she is still not the only object of his affections. the entire time she pursues him, cressida is there, hot on the trail, ready to sweep him away on a moment's notice. penelope writes of their dance that his choice of her is surprising. though her feelings for colin have not simply fluttered away once debling's shown interest, her possible engagement to debling is on a wavering tightrope. not once in this can she feel wholly at ease with lord debling, only afforded a bit of security once he asks her mother for her blessing. and amongst this, her mother still belittles her, saying she should not become greedy for wanting to marry someone who actually cares for her.

she asks lord debling if he might ever love her, in all the years of marriage they may have ahead, and he says probably not.

and when colin breaks up her proposal, insisting debling isn't right for her, still penelope does not even consider, can not even conceptualize that it might be done out of jealousy. colin having feelings for her is laughable, she says as much, and it is the same thing she has been told over and over since the start. he chases after her carriage out of breath asks to be let in, gets on his knees and tells her he can't stop dreaming of her and she tells him "please. do not say things you do not mean." she cannot imagine that any of this is real. it is confusion that prompts her to repeat the agreement they had in episode one, "but, colin, we are friends."

and while an entirely separate essay could be written about the rest of the carriage scene, it is what happens the moment the carriage arrives at bridgerton house that stands out to me. they have this moment, colin asks "could the carriage driver not keep on driving?" and they both laugh, the way they always do with one another, and he fixes her dress (carefully, avoiding using a select few fingers as he does so) and they kiss again, and he gets out of the carriage.

and for a single, heartbreaking second, penelope's face falls, and she calls after him: "colin?"

it is so clear in her demeanor that she thought that was it; that's all she gets. the fantasy is over and it is back to reality. for a split second, she believes he is no longer hers.

for a single second, it's as though she thinks he is going to shut the carriage door on her, and walk away.

but he turns around, hand outstretched, asking if she'd like to come in. and she's once again confused, "what?"

do not say things you do not mean. do not mock me please.

and when he says: "for god's sake, penelope featherington, are you going to marry me or not?"

she looks so relived she could cry.

#bridgerton #bridgerton spoilers #i wanna add in here but id already gone on too long that her saying ''your family will see me'' also sort of implies that she assumed #they might sneak around and he'd keep her hidden because he's ashamed of her even if he did want to sleep with her #and he went no i want to show you off right now immediately and let's get married

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