#this is me checking myself

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[atalana]

the curse of adhd:

i will remember with absolute clarity, when the thought strikes me that i have a text to send someone, that this is the fourth time in three days i've attempted to send this specific text

i will forget, in the time it takes me to pick up my phone, that i picked it up intending to send a text

#every time #managed to actually send it today! #but also i have been reminded to post this by the fact that i just had a task to do in two different rooms just now #so i turned the light on in the room i was getting to second because my brain would go 'oh why is the light on that's weird' #and check the room and it would remind me to do the second task #in the less than five seconds between turning the light on and exiting the room #my brain went 'oh the light's on better turn that off before i leave' #and i had to manually catch myself #PLS. #adhd

[mikkeneko]

PSA for Google Docs writers

[Edit] Also for Firefox, as per @essayofthoughts in the notes: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/delete-g-docs-type-to-insert/

If you (like me) use Google Doc to write fanfic, you may (like me) have been annoyed by the new "feature" they added in the past few weeks, "Smart Chips," where by default every time you open a new line it auto-inserts a "@" symbol and then prompts to add additional people into the doc for review or whatever other useless thing I immediately closed out of.

There doesn't appear to be a way to turn off this "feature" in GDocs however someone has put out an extension that nixes it:

#fanfic author psa #google docs #this irritating son-of-a-clippy did cause my formatting on the last chapter of IDV to be messed up #but that one was partly on me for not checking better #and letting myself be distracted

[uncanny-tranny]

Basically, my philosophy around disability fakers is: I would rather a thousand people fake a disability than have one disabled person suffer without care, aids, compassion, or any help.

#disability #disability advocacy #and there's a difference not many people seem to recognize between faking and realizing you don't have [x] problem... #...such as realizing you don't have [x] disorder because it is instead [y] disorder... #...or you haven't completely understood your care needs/your symptoms/what helps you... #...and some people see ANY change in your understanding of your disability as proof of maliciously faking... #...when i suppose in my personal experience people don't *maliciously* fake disability... #...i'm not saying it could never happen but that i don't think it's the *only* thing motivating people called fakers #i just think (like most everything) this is complex and nuanced because it's a *human* experience #like for me personally i /know/ i still have a lot to learn about my disabilities... #...like... i realized recently that my hands shouldn't be in AGONY when warm water is ran over them when it's SLIGHTLY cold inside or out... #...and i realized that i likely have a Noticable limb difference that needs checking out. does this sound like i'm faking... #...or that maybe i just didn't really explore my own needs and body because of a variety of factors? #i can assure you it is because i haven't really thought before about how i deserved to understand how to best help myself

[inkskinned]

you have to be sexy but you have to be sexy in a way that's kind of bloody. you learn this early because you are wearing a ruffled skirt and the snow around your ankles kicks little sand particles against your calves. baby's first catcall. welcome to sexiness! welcome to the eyesore of your own body!

you have to be sexy like high heels. like sculpted eyebrows. like lean stomach and highly treated hair. you have to be sexy like youth is sexy, which means you have to be sexy like boxtox and plastic. a 30 year old can be sexy but she's not going to be bloody, and they like the bloodiness of it. a 30 year old is sexy when she is a whiskey glass and a wooden desk.

but you need to be sexy like an open mouth. you need to be sexy like a bitten apple. like plucked skin and white-knuckling the waxing kit.

so sex is a performance, not an enjoyment. for a while, you just assumed everyone else was also in on the joke - nobody actually likes sex that much, right? like, some men probably do, but why would you? it is like a gender - your gender is sexy. your gender is the performance of sex. you are thigh highs and garter belts. which, to be fair, do make you feel sexy.

part of what does make sex good is that you can tell that other people want you, which means the performance of sexiness is both bloody and wanted, which is good, which means you are winning at having a body. being wanted is the prize. being wanted is the thing you are searching for, not hope. you think you are looking for a soft grave in easy loam, but that is bloody but not sexy. to be sexy you must be bloody like a red open sign. bloody like a handprint. this will make you wanted.

any wanted or unwanted body is subject to supply and demand, which is to say that the more demand, the better you are valued. you must be highly demanded to be valued. this is stated in matter-of-fact by some men. sometimes it is a priest that says it, and sometimes it is a podcaster, and sometimes it is the 45th president of the united states of america.

(if you do not have any experience with being told your value, i want you to grab the nearest bird to you and i want you to crush it into a thin paste in your hand. spit into the center, and then hold your fingers closed tight around it for days and days, long after the rot has set in. feel bones itch inside of your fist. this is only a fraction of what it actually feels like, but it will suffice for a moment.)

good sex feels like you have earned their desperation. you have earned your own value. for a while you operated under the understanding that everyone knew about the power structure, even him. that their desire to take you - the violence of it - means that you must desire to be caught. little prince, guardian fox - you would rather have cut your own arm off. you liked the secret, cunning little voice you keep tucked into a box. you think you are fucking me. i am not even here right now. you are fucking what i conned you into perceiving. this is a painting, not a person. dominion over the body before all things.

so you bend your body like a wheat shaft and learn the steps so perfectly that it almost seems graceful. (if you do not have experience faking your own connection to your body and sexuality, cut each of your articles of clothing just a little bit incorrectly. pour fishbones into each of your meals. this way, you will experience the average noon on a tuesday.)

you have to be sexy like light spilled over a desk, but not desperate. not a noose. you can't be sexy like an electric guitar, you are the acoustic. you have to be on top of the bull but you can't have control over the animal.

okay, okay. the little rabbit of your heart went to sleep so long ago that winter has ravaged your concept of the human soul. there's something very-bad inside you, something that has taken over, a little fetid and rabid animal, angry and hurting and willing to bite first.

oh but even that's a pain that's sexy. open your mouth. be careful not to let the canines show.

#spilled ink #writeblr #warm up #the reason i tag warm up on so much is bc often i write them between me doing other things so im mostly telling myself to come back and edi #bc i rarely have time to check for typos lol #this is partially about compulsory heterosexuality btw #and why it took me so long to realize im a lesbian #i just assumed sex wasn't really supposed to be that good #been reading feminist lit and u can always tell

[devilcat3d]

theres this horrid assumption in the fashion industry that the only people on the planet that want to wear cool boots and shoes are women and that the only women that want to wear these cool as fuck boots and shoes have really small feet. they dont make cool shoes for those like me who were born with larger feet and its so annoying and makes shoe shopping a gigantic pain. i can theoretically find cool shoes but it requires an enormous amount of effort especially when the styles i want to wear just dont exist in "mens" sizes. anyway we need to make bigger shoes end of rant

#this is still a problem for me even tho my feet have shrunk on estrogen like idk man #im looking at you converse. you make the coolest looking shoe on the planet and tell me to go fuck myself when i check the sizes 😔

[humans-are-tasty]

#monkey d. luffy #gear 5 #gear 5 luffy #one piece #my art #messy and i have no clue about anatomy #very inspired by 2964_KO on twitter #check them out if you dont know them.. i cant remember the last time i was more blown away and inspired by art honestly. lol... #theyre the same age as me too sigh #but now i feel more motivated to level up and push myself to try new things so yeah. life is ok for now #my friend calls g5 luffy 'cloud luffy' :)

[coraorvat]

Based on my gaming experience, so might need some explaining: right after the Disco Elysium Jamais Vu update, when I first discovered that Kim can get different icon and jacket, there weren't yet any clear instructions how exactly to make it happen. The only two discussions I found online on the subject said that it's connected to Get Kim to Wear *The Jacket* achievement (implying Pissf****t one), but how precisely to get it was unclear and ‘possibly bugged, you might need to try several times’ yadda yadda (and after encountering the Pigs bug it didn’t sound that far-fetched).

Without going into many details my stubborn ass had to do three whole runs (not counting multiple reloads and replays) before finally figuring out you simply have to finish entire game in a hard-core mode (no need to bother with piss jacket at all). So when I FINALLY, after several weeks, on the verge of desperation hurried down and saw Kim in the new jacket, me and Harry both practically weeped from joy~ *to the point I was genuinely surprised there's no dialogue to aknowledge the change (and after all of the self-imposed sufferring I kinda needed one, so...here we are)

#Disco Elysium #harrier du bois #Kim Kitsuragi #my art #Harry actually has a tiny-winy chance to pass this check #and I have a whole comic roughly sketched when he does #but I also procrastinated finishing this one for half a year #so yeah don't wait for any miracles #motivation is hard to come by these days #me to myself: please please don't make Harry look like Gerard Depardieu again #me: *opens google images* phew still safe

[hyakunana]

When you need to lie, but you're a good boy.

#Lies of P #lop #neowiz #pinocchio #fanart #comics #interrupting your local d2 art fever for puppet time -- we shall return soon #I'm not done with the game yet so i ain't checking tags #steamrolled this one bc i still wanna do another d2 comic for the weekend #cant lose momentum yet yelp #as i prepare this post i'm stuck on the cathedral boss for two afternoons already #like-- i am having progress with the battle and improving my timing so i guess that's something? #i'm not a souls player -- that's my brother -- but when i doubt myself he pats me and #'nah you are a souls player - you have persistence' and honestly he's not wrong #i'm actually enjoying the learning process of the battle even tho i'm stuck for two afternoons #i mean i spent 37 hours on the demo so at least i am taking my time sdfghjhgfd

[nyancrimew]

Do you go by it/its exclusively now? Do you want your wikipedia page to be updated?

the wikipedia article is partially edit protected because people keep trying to edit the pronouns in it without checking either the talk page, the page history or at the very least the linked references on the footnote regarding my pronouns. i have to tell people on here not to edit the pronouns in the article almost every single month and half the time someone sees me asking not to go change them as some sort of challenge and immediately goes to edit the article. please just don't.

#and to answer the first part of your question #i very much prefer it/its especially in non formal settings which is why that's the only thing it says on my social media profiles #if you were to check my website you'd see it still says it/she (which by the way isn't a mistake you need to point out to me i know myself)

[deerspherestudios]

This ask is actually related to a dream I had about the boy. And I'm not quite sure if you've already answered an ask like this. How would he react to a yandere MC or an MC who's very possessive or obsessive?

Depends on how much; he'd like the extra attention but nothing too pushy or demanding from him. If you're subtle he's definitely okay with it but if it's over the top he'd have reason to recoil if I'm honest (which is ironic considering what he'll be later).

Don't be like this though:

#mushroom oasis vn #mychael ask #doodles #that one era of the blog where people asked me nonstop if mychael would want kids... #check the FAQ bc ive repeated myself so many times sdfhj #but hey feel free to ask the yan MC question again after Day 4 ::-)

[realbeefman]

robert chase one of the characters of all time. hes blonde. he went to seminary school. he purposefully murdered a patient. he’s a vapid slut. allergic to strawberries. was caption of his college bowling team. desperately needs to be on antidepressants. he’s divorced. his ex-wife was/is in love with his dadboss. it’s heavily implied that this is part of why he married her to begin with. he’s been fired multiple times but he keeps coming back like a fucked-up obedient boomerang. he’s the best surgeon in the hospital. all this while having the personality of a sopping wet cardboard box of corn flakes that somebody poured milk into and let mildew.

#the concept for chase was #‘what if house had like. a surrogate son. and he kind of wanted to fuck him and also hes like catholic’ #‘ohhh and he can be australian!’ #‘why would he be australian?’ #‘just cuz’ #house md #robert chase #beautiful loser very virgin mary coded man #i do like chase but i find it amusing that i also find him boring #bc objectively theres no reason he should be? #hes a great character i love his story arcs i love how sarcastic he is i love how hes doomed to repeat houses fate #but compared to say. foreman? there is NOTHING #im very sure ill manage to gaslight myself into loving him later #dr robert chase #i didnt actually fact check the bowling thing. dont quote me its late

[taxus-fraud]

My opponent just called upon the Oracles and scattered most of my pieces across space and time. Does anyone know the best counter in this situation?

#destiny 2 #chess #These are the last words of D-File Pawn the Undefended #I have destroyed myself to do this. They have taken my Knight on E5. They are in my blood and brain. But now there is hope #I have made a wound in their defenses. I have pierced their back rank and let in the Light. #From my own Light and the thinking flesh of the black pieces I made a Queen. The Queen is your deliverance. #It will check the uncheckable. It will prevent their mate in 3. #Bind yourself to the Queen. Bind yourself to me. And if you abandon your purpose; let the board consume you as it consumed me #Now it is done. If I speak again; I am not the D-File Pawn

[uncanny-tranny]

The interesting thing about medically transitioning is how you might just be treated with the wrong framework.

When I get my hormone levels checked, for instance, they check it against the wrong type of person, so everything is flagged. Did you know that testosterone encourages hemoglobin production? Well, my hemoglobin is perfectly in line with male levels, but my levels are checked for the wrong endocrine system. Before I realized this, I was really confused as to why my hemoglobin was two grams over the range given, and was confused as to why that happened, and worried about if I should be worried about that. But it was a normal consequence of my testosterone levels, which are also flagged though they are well-within the range that is typical for my age and health categories.

The way we treat and measure for trans people and trans patients will affect the treatment and education they receive. There are ways in which hormones especially can influence how one's body operates, and with that in mind, you also have to change the way you interact with a trans person. With my testosterone levels, if you were to measure them against the incorrect endocrine system, you would fail to treat me in reality - that being the way my body has changed and maintained homeostasis since being on T.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #trans medicine #i still need to get my levels checked but i've been busy #but since going on T they have been very satisfactory #like even going 'they should go on assigned sex' wouldn't work for somebody like me. #like. i am still on testosterone. and it's changed me and my body. therefore the way i am treated and measured ought to reflect that #hemoglobin is a fun word to say though. try it. say it. out loud. say it (are you afraid.) #i use myself again as an example because i think that experience perfectly encapsulates my frustrations

[b4kuch1n]

Hello! Honoring the call for a global strike, from now (24/01/2024) until the end of this week (6AM Monday 29/01/2024, Hanoi/Jakarta time (GMT+7)) I am offering one full-body sketch of any character you want for every e-sim you donate.

All you need to do is:

go to gazaesims.com

follow the instruction there and donate an e-sim of any plan

screenshot the confirmation of your purchase and donation

send the screenshots to me via either email ([email protected]) or Tumblr DM, along with the character you want a sketch of and any references you have on hand.

Standard commission/request guideline applied. I'll run streams in the next four days (and perhaps after as well) on Youtube doing these sketches live - those will be announced on this blog as they happen.

I'm not currently affiliated with the Cartoonist Cooperative or any other artists doing the same drive, but if my art's not what you're looking for, definitely give the Coop's site as well as the e-sim tag on Tumblr a look! And if you're not looking for sketch commissions from me or art commission in general at the moment, I encourage you to donate an e-sim anyway if possible.

Thank you for your work and support - I can't wait to draw your character!

#bakuspecial #gaza esims #e sims #commission info #I've been wanting to buy an e-sim myself but. my current credit card is Extremely weird #it does not register as either an ATM card or a VISA card when I do online purchases. and I need a VISA card for this from where I am #so hey! if you're looking to commission me for something like this anyway #then for this week we can put the money towards an urgent cause #I am sadly otherwise extremely low on energy nowadays. so my comm bouts are few and far inbetween #but while I have the energy I very much want to do this #I'll need to set up some admin stuff for the streams and for checking the donations. but I can do it #have a good day guys! you know where I stand on the matter as an inhabitant of a country deeply wounded by colonialism & imperialism #I'm glad to be able to add my effort. from the river to the sea!

[funeralprocessor]

I really need to socialize with people more. Shame about the horrors though.

#not the horrors that I'm friends with obviously I love y'all #but like every time I manage to have a good time talking to people I inevitably find myself scared of talking more because #well what if I fuck it up *next time*? better to end on a high note #and despite people generally thinking I'm alright and other people straight up saying they also wanna socialize more and make friends #I cant help but feel that I would be overstepping my bounds and acting completely outrè by (checks notes) saying hi #and when people DM *me* I get spooked #this is not ideal lol