#this is just me wishing that the adults in my life

[luimagines]

I HAVE AN UNFINISHED STORY THING THAT I WANT TO SHARE!!!!!!!

(I haven’t worked out all the details yet so I’m just gonna give you the gist of it.)

The Chain are settled for the evening and hear screams in the forest and go investigate… there they find a pregnant reader (at least 6 months) about to be attacked by the shadow and its monsters. The Chain defeat the monsters and the shadow retreats. They patch up reader and try to ask questions as to why she was attacked. They don’t get much out of her, all reader can really say is-

“None of the townsfolk like me, but I don’t think anyone would want me dead.”

The Chain is wary of the situation but promise to protect reader for the night and escort her back home in the morning. Eventually during a very tasty dinner, the baby kicks and reader goes-

“You like it too, Link?”

While gazing lovingly at her belly and rubbing the spot where the baby kicked. The entire Chain immediately freeze. Time and Wars eventually snap out of the shock and start to ask questions.

“Your baby’s name is Link?”

“Yes.”

“Is he named after the father?”

Reader scoffs. “No. I don’t wish my child to have anything in common with that bastard.”

“What made you want to name him Link?”

“It came to me in a dream.”

“How do you know it’s a boy?”

Reader gets a bit sheepish. “Well… I don’t. But in my dreams I always see a boy. However, I do have a name in case he turns out to be a she. Lana. Pretty, right?”

(Cue Wars getting PTSD flashbacks. MOVING ON!!!)

Similar questions continue until reader gets fed up and is like-

“Ok, what’s going on? Why are you all so interested in me and my child?”

The Chain just looks among each other as they’re unsure of what to tell reader as they’ve just met and she’s already been attacked tonight so her mental state probably isn’t the best. Legend just goes-

“Are you positive you’ve never seen the shadow or anything like it before?”

Reader hesitates for a moment before answering. The Chain notices and pushes her on it. They eventually convince her to tell them.

“Well… not all the dreams I have about my child are good. Actually, most of them are terrible nightmares.”

“Can you tell us what happens in these nightmares?”

Reader sighs. “Truthfully, it’s just one repeating nightmare. I wake up in what appears to be a castle or something similar and I’m covered in blood. I hear a baby crying and I rush to the sound as fast as I can, I end up in a circular room and on the other side of it… there’s a black figure with red eyes holding my sleeping baby and grinning at me. Before I can get close to my baby, a horrible stabbing pain rips through my chest… and then I wake up.”

So yeah, the Chain realize that reader is carrying this era’s hero of courage. They decide to take reader with them to keep her and the baby safe from the shadow. It’s a big adjustment for everyone involved… The Chain have to learn how to continue their adventure with a pregnant lady they have to care for while reader has to learn how to maneuver life traveling with all these men on a dangerous journey.

Probable questions with answers.

Q. Why don’t the townsfolk like reader?

A. Because she got pregnant with the Mayor’s son’s child… out of wedlock.

Q. Why did they ask if the baby was named after the father?

A. They were hoping that the hero of that era was already an adult and had finished his adventure so the baby was in no danger of carrying the fate attached to their shared name.

Q. Why does reader hate the father?

A. Because they got trapped in a huge snowstorm together and had no choice but to use “survival 101” to survive… He pressured her into doing the dirty. When she told him she was with child, he wanted nothing to do with her or the baby. He told everyone she was a harlot and had practically forced herself on him to save his reputation. Since he was the mayor’s son and well liked while she was just a simple huntress who kept to herself… everyone believed him.

Q. Why does reader have these dreams?

A. They’re warnings. Something or someone is trying to tell her of the dangerous future that lays before her.

Q. Is this a platonic story or a romantic one?

A. Um… I actually don’t know. The story has shifted between the two a few times since its creation. Romance is a bit weird in this context as reader is the mother of this era’s hero but there is absolutely no blood relation to any of the other heroes (bombastic side eye to Time and Twilight.) so it is still possible. However, the romance route the story takes is mostly with Warriors whenever it does shift that way. I’m not sure why, but that’s just how it flows.

That’s it! At least for now. Any thoughts or comments? Anything you’d like to add? Any ideas you’d like to share?I really adore your writing so anything you have to say would be greatly welcomed!!! Any and all feedback is appreciated. 😊

OOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!

CONSIDER ME HYPED!!!

I feel like I should have a lot to say but there's so much potential that I'm sure what's the direction you want to take it.

I know that it's not necessarily said in the Zelda universe, but what if Reader was a descendant of Sky and related to the "royal family". Not the mayor's family. Reader can easily be from a kingdom outside of Hyrule. But like a long lost cousin twice removed or something to the Queen of Hyrule. That way the dreams would be less like warning and more on the prophetic dream thing.

Whether Sky delves into this, of it becomes tied into Reader's relationship with the official royal family of Family can be talked about later.

I also wanted to say that romance isn't inherently a bad thing to add. If it's leaning towards Warrior whenever it comes into the mix, then I say lean into it. Granted, I'm a sucker for romance and I know it's not needed for a good story. But if the dynamic between the character lends itself naturally to it, then let the characters lead. :)

I would give more notes but I would need to know more with where you're going with it. (Thank you for the Q and A at the end. I loved it. It helped a lot. XD)

#pinky replies #anon stories #mom! reader #mama! reader #I've been wanting this to come out on a wednesday for like three weeks #i'm so sorry for taking this long ^.^* #i don't remember the tags i used for a concept like this!!!!

[swagging-back-to]

every single time you stress out about your taxes, or your rent, or your debt, or your mortgage, or your car payment, or your medical bills, or climate change, or your stress over having to work and just do basic things like eating----- remember that if you have children, *you are directly responsible** for them feeling all of that suffering and stress and pain when they grow up.

#anti natalism #anti natalist #antinatalism #antinatalist #i genuine sit down and wish harm upon the woman who birthed me every single day for the fact she chose to keep me just to put me in foster #she did not need to make me or my four siblings. #she chose to. #she lived 3 minutes away BY FOOT to a planned parenthood. #she got rid of all her kids immediately after birthing them #she is nothing more than a factory to pop out suffering. #and i fucking hate her for that. #i would wish harm upon my sperm donor too but he already died #to think all ofthis couldve been avoided if she just did not keep me or god forbid used a goddamn condom #my entire life has been suffering. not even just with adult responsibilities #although those are definitely making everything worse #as in. im about to die on the streets homeless in a month or so. #bc i was born into poverty and abuse #all couldve been avoided if i was just never born

[designernishiki]

it’s so weird to think that ryuji was only a major character in one canon game. like he’s such a strong character with such a strong personality it doesn’t feel like he was only prominent in one canon game at ALL. he feels almost as ever-present and beloved as someone like daigo and yet he’s basically never even mentioned after kiwami 2. that’s so crazy to me.

#am I saying bring ryuji back? yes. end of statement #same goes for mine to a slightly lesser degree. and somehow yokoyama agrees with me on both of these I think #I am biased in a way because I am one of the few who has been lucky enough to play dead souls but. yeah #those two are also just good examples of antagonists that are almost comically malicious but still somehow have depth under the surface #and redeemability. in a way. not saying mine bulldozing an orphanage is Forgivable im saying he Did start to have a change of heart at the #end of y3 so he’s Capable of change and whatnot. and ryuji’s just a bully who takes his feelings out on other people usually physically #like he’s very much a teenage bully in the body of a gigantic adult man. #cause he never had to grow out of that. no one challenged him/his views/etc enough to do so. until the end of yk2 #AND IN DEAD SOULS ITS JUST A FACT THAT HES GROWN AS A PERSON AND MATURED. #it’s somehow a DRASTIC difference in personality from him in yk2 and yet still believable because of how much in his life had to change #and because he is like. the adult version of the previous ryuji. I know ryuji was already 30 in yk2 but you get my point. he wasn’t grown up #not really. (same goes for daigo- they’re such obvious foils for one another it’s so interesting and I wish it was explored more but ANYWAY) #ryuji #yk2 #rambling

[craycraybluejay]

yes i am an adult male who loves high school dramas this is because i literally never experienced normal coming of age drama like ever and am disconnected from the collective experience of having a relatable peer group forever hope that helps

#i JUST want to experience high school #without like. my whole shitty life thing having gone on #i want to go to high school and have stupid drama and sexuality crises and worries about grades #not... That #i never had that im never going to have that #can i get (one) permission to go a little crazy if i survive into a university #fuck everyone befriend and be-enemy everyone get all up in peoples stupid mind numbingly low stakes drama #i want that sweet golden experience where the worst thing ill ever fear is annoying my classmates #or accidentally spilling something on someone at a dance #i deserve it i deserve to have had a childhood and a young adulthood and a life #i deserve to have dealt with unserious issues to prepare me for bigger ones #rather than serious danger that leaves me permanently severed from normal people and life #and makes me incapable of reacting proportionally or finding it in me to care about less serious problems #like yes it sucks your mom is going to miss college graduation #but i thank my lucky stars that you are not dying or being abused or starved or beaten or exploited #i literally dont know how to take things seriously a lot of the time like im not able to even if i try #because to me the mildest real problem is someone purposefully isolating you and ruining your health #the MILDEST #i try to care ab simple stuff i really do i just CANT #and it sucks so much trying to be a good friend and kind feeling like i cant do enough #the loud thought 'i wish that hapoened to me/i wish i worried about that/i wish the people i love only had that as a problem' #i get so envious. like thank fucking god your parents divorced like normal adults when it should be over #thank fucking god that 'friend' cut you off when they were actively insulting you and betraying your trust #thank the fucking universe that shitty partner dumped you before you fkn hurt yourself over them #yk? #and its a 'mean/cold' way to think about it but i just dont have the capacity to think or feel the little picture #i can imagine my friends subjected to such horror even tho i dont want to

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[goldkirk]

My five happy things for the day

• paper that has a good feeling texture

• things not feeling like an emergency EVERY second of the day, only part of the time

• the fact that these cheapo stamp ink pads from Walmart a few years ago somehow still have a bit of functioning ink not dried out?

• I’m able to track and retain conversations for longer periods of time again, I’m finally finally finally feeling some progress

• putting on a warm hoodie or coat when feeling chilled

#fivethingsaday #I still can’t believe people LIKE me!! ?! ?! ?! ?! #I’ve accidentally wound up dumbfounded with a delightful number of friends #like. wait. I thought you guys were playing a very long trap or were only liking me because of obligation or worth vs hassle ratio. #I thought I was just enjoying it before it vanished! but yowza!!! #apparently I DID get the chance for it to be real #and I am in the middle of living an adult life I didn’t think I’d see!!! #so anyway holy shit I apparently am not secretly a poison to people #these cool people I’ve been so admiring of and wished I could really have a life with someone like them as a friend #BITCH I DO IT IS ME #what the FUCK. #anyway I’ve got to go keep trying to wrangle my very uncooperative knee #and marvel at the slowly-dawning reality of being liked actually not just kept around #god grade school age social hierarchy lessons sure get roots down in deep #I’m so pleased as punch and totally in skeptical disbelief. I’m also delighted and horrifically embarrassed and feeling stupid and feeling #unbearably grateful and feeling quite particularly like I’m in the Truman show and also won the lottery #I’m going to do a lot of STICKING WITH IMPORTANT ROUTINES FOR MY WELL-BEING about it #add to journal

[moenmomentsthemoe-en]

#tomorrow..................... #delete later #vent #more vent in tags (it gets heavy sorry) #it is like 4am and ik theres a rule that you should never trust what you feel about your life after 3am but i feel like this 24/7 WAHA #mann i #im so fucking scared that im not a good person or friend or anything im trying so hard #i dont know why i feel hurt by things i shouldnt feel hurt by and i dont know why i keep failing to do the things i want to do or #god it probably isnt right for me to vent. i think? i dont know honestly i dont know anything #i dont know anything #i have such amazing friends and people around me theyre good people #im so tired and am so very tempted to just delete this blog delete my socials and disappear off earth or just live as a husk by ignoring al #my emotions and incapabilities and stop bothering everyone #everything is so so confusing and everything has gone to shit around me but the people around me arent at fault theyre good people #it has to be that im not trying hard enough #god i have no idea if im a good person. i dont know if a good person has this much trouble and dumbassery #i am. an adult. 18. adult. i have to be #god i wish i could have an adult to help me out but its just. its just me. its a problem i made and surely only i can figure it out

[blujayonthewing]

the thing about having a best friend when you're six is that sometimes that person is your soulmate and your lives become inextricably entwined as you grow together like two young trees which merge into one beautiful inseparable shared existence for all their lives

and sometimes that person is just who happened to live closest to you when you were six

#guess which one I had #feeling really good and normal about how my childhood best friend and I have so little in common that even looking back #I can't for the life of me remember what we even did together when we were spending all of our time together #we loved each other. we did everything together. we spent more time at each other's houses than our own. she was my sister #but then you go to a new school and you're not six or seven or eight any more and the differences between you start to matter more #and then she meets her actual best friend in middle school #while the friends YOU'VE found that you actually resonate deeply with don't really hang out with you outside of school #every 'best friend' I've ever had since then already has an ACTUAL best friend who isn't me #and on the one hand when I say justin is my best friend I don't just mean by default; he's sincerely the best friend I've ever had #but on the other hand I wish I had someone I grew up with #and also thinking about some friends I've made as an adult and thinking 'I wish you had moved in two doors down from me when we were six' #about me

[margolovescoffeeandbooks]

i don't want to come back to school. i want to stay in my room with my grandma hobbies, a cup of tea and my mom forever.

#i have a weird gut feeling that this school year will crush me into pieces #i'm so sick of school #i wish it was finally over #but on the other hand i'm still not ready for university and adult life #if i could i'd just sit in my room reading books and crocheting the whole year

[nebucat]

spending a couple weeks away from home and away from my toxic parent in a loving and comfortable environment at my partner's home has been an interesting and eye opening experience.

#vent #just had a conversation over text with my parent and they pretty much guilt tripped me like 5 consecutive times #because i havent been home and have been operating more independently #unfortunately i cried because it sunk in how controlling of my life theyve been #and how much theyve sabatoged it #i hate it so much that ive felt so helpless and stuck in life progression paralysis #because i was never set up to succeed #and i dont want to have to depend entirely on anyone anymore #but there's still so much i dont know how to do when it comes to being an adult #part of me feels guilty for prioritizing comfort and fleeting happiness for so long #that ive neglected to do the hard parts myself like moving and taxes and indepence #things i wish i had figured out by now #regardless #the shock of having true peace when youve gone so long finding comfort in an uncomfortable situation #is astounding

[vse-kar-vem]

weekly breakdown post 😁 none of you hate me right !

#feeling a bit down ☹️ idk i just feel like #am i not social enough am i just annoying ☹️ i dont post a lot so idk what people follow me for but if i post too much am i being annoying ? #oueagh #vee rambles #like i know everyone has their own niches whatever but i don't know how you just establish connections with people so easily 💔💔 #am i brushjng people off without knowing ???? am i just prickly?????? #also as a conversationalist i know i dont have much to offer ☹️☹️ im not very funny or capable of very clever adult insights #so really im just kinda there 😞 and like i HAVE real life friends i HAVE a social circle theres no need to base my fulfilment socially on #online interactions 😭 #idk maybe its because its harder or its something i feel i cant get that makes it such like a thing that bothers me #like 7 times out of 10 if im sadposting because of that #and its really embarrassing to say that the reason all these like moments of insecurity happen is because my mutuals. have friends #NOTHING AGAINST ANYONE OBVS THIS IS 100% A ME PROBLEM AND NOT EVERY INTERACTION SENDS ME INTO A TAILSPIN ITS JUST SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS #i thjnk it says something about me idk i dont like to think of myself as very jealous but i am i just dont like dwelling on it #trying to figure out if what makes me upset is other people not liking me or my own personal inadequacies #anyways if anyones reading this pretend they didnt i will be over this tomorrow i just #ugh 🥹🥹🥹 #i wish i could wake up funnier #or smarter #maybe better at art #🙏 god bless #IVE FIGURED IT OUT #being in such a tight knit fandom reminds me of being in 8th grade again 🥹 not to tragic backstory everyone but like i had no friends #i think it kind of dredges up that kinda loneliness and insecurity in me #wow i should be a psychologist #anyways i still love fandom im not gonna stop it just. sigh. gets to me sometimes

[blessthishouse]

It feels like there’s a lot of heavy energy right now

#everything just feels kind of hopeless and I feel like I’ll like #never be financially stable enough to leave my family #and like I’ll never have a deep and significant romantic relationship #like at this point I am just waiting for my dad to die and hoping for some semblance of peace and normalcy for the rest of my adult life #maryam's posts #like fuck man I just want romantic love #but it seems like everyone is just weird or burnt out or does the bare minimum #and here I am looking and feeling like an idiot #like I’m just tired #I wish my family wasn’t so scarily homophobic I could be comfortable enough being with someone who wasn’t a man #I just feel all alone #And I wish I had someone rn who could see that #and who could give me a hug and say that they loved me

[orcelito]

I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.

The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.

Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.

In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.

And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.

I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.

But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.

His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.

It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.

I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)

It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.

And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".

He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.

So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.

He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.

I love him. I miss him already.

#speculation nation #negative/ #this got really long on accident. but i think typing this out was really helpful for me. #getting the thoughts out. processing. the works. #nearly cried several times just from writing this. #...and honestly i might reference this again when i start seriously writing my eulogy. #things suck a Lot right now. and i really wish they were different. #feels like i picked a bad choice in a video game and am now seeing the Bad Ending or whatever #all i need to do is reload a previous save. it's all still there. perfectly preserved in my memories. #but... that's all gone. as suddenly and unfair as it is ive been thrust into a new chapter of my life so thoroughly. #it's not all bad though. he wasnt prepared for dying so it's been hell to prepare for him #we dont know if we'll even be able to get into his fucking iphone. stupid piece of shit. #but he had life insurance. he had a union job. and That comes with benefits #(something about a year's salary going to the family. aka half a year's salary to Me. and isnt That mind boggling.) #as much as it hurts im going to be realistic about it. im going to do what i need to finish my education. #and im going to use it as a springboard for finally becoming a 'proper adult'. #the kind who could own a nice kitchen fridge. one with an ice machine on the front of the door #and freezers in the drawers. #maybe then i could think about getting motorcyle lessons. not from my dad as i originally wanted #but i wanna keep the family biker spirit alive. i wanted it even before he died. and now i want it even more. #ive had so so many thoughts. it's only been 3 days. ive had to emotionally numb myself several times just to Get Through It. #everything is exacerbated. my mom wants to go to the funeral. we will have to fight her on this. my dad Hated her. #and i certainly dont fucking want her around either. not then. not when im talking about my dad. #(my dad. my Dad. i saw him die. i felt him cold. i do not regret it. it still hurts me.) #it's overwhelming. i loved him so fucking much. even with his flaws he was truly an amazing father. #i'll... shut up now. if you read this far. well. hug your loved ones a little tighter. you never know when youll lose them.

[july-19th-club]

me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

#kjalkjsdalkjasdl mrs button was a nice lady but not one adult in my childhood ever seemed to notice what to me now seems like #a pretty obvious case of the autisms #then again maybe they just didn't look as hard unless it was *really* obvious back then . it was like. what. 2000? a couple years later #everybody was talking about autism but not when i was six or seven then it was usually just when it was Very Visible #a couple years later my cousin who's more visibly on the spectrum than me got her diagnosis so young that she's pretty much always had it #which is...well i think it's just made her life difficult in a different way. people underestimate her or don't treat her like she's her age #but then she's always had the opportunity to get accommodations and people are sometimes more forgiving when she can't do something #whereas i got labeled 'kid that should be ahead of the game' from a pretty young age and then when i struggled adults either ignored it #or it was just a huge hassle to them and even i could see it exasperated them to have to work around me #but because mrs button (nice lady but what were you thinking) hadn't told them to treat me like a kid with a developmental disorder #they didn't do that in good OR bad ways . so i never got any accommodations with school stuff i struggled with which was a fair bit #i wasn't supposed to need extra testing time in a quiet room or tutoring with math or help organizing my abysmally scattered things #the only time i DID get that was in sixth grade when i was sort-of friends with this kid jonathan who was Very On The Spectrum #he wasn't really a talker unless it was about whatever he was reading which suited me fine so we just kind of existed in each other's space #and his TSS was this very smart and nice lady who had clearly clocked that Something Was Going On With Me and even though it wasn't like #her JOB she made a little bit of time for me. mostly with emotional stuff (i think i was under the impression she was a therapist?) #but if i had some problem with being unable to keep friends or being frozen out by the kids i wanted to be liked by (happened often) #she'd be able to just like. be there she'd make the time . wish i could remember her name

[rosicheeks]

.

#gifted kid burnout is so brutal and I don’t think enough people talk about it #knowing if life would have turned out differently I could have been great #I wasn’t a prodigy by any means #and I don’t mean to sound conceited or anything #but I was pretty talented #when I was in high school - think junior year? I was in a college age opera and I was the only one who wasn’t in college in the whole thing #I was so excited to be an adult and for my dreams to become reality #and then life actually happens #and you’re already burnt out #and now I’m looking at all these younger people that are talented and I just feel envy bubbling up inside me #I wish so so so badly that was me #just graduating high school #with so much freedom ahead of me #but then I literally blinked my eyes and now I’m 25 #no clue what the fuck to do with my life #working with a bunch of young girls doesn’t help either tbh #I remember when I was the baby in most situations and now I’m older than most of them #and I’m just :((( #idk idk idk I’m just being dumb right now #wish I could go back in time #redo everything #shut up rosie

[1990danieljohnston]

tired of people thinking i have a “talent” with kids. getting along with children doesn’t require any special ability. it’s as easy as being understanding and patient. if you just stop and open your adult brain you might discover kids have very important and smart things to say

#stop thinking children are below you just bc you're an adult and start considering more the things they tell you! it's actually a lot of fun #i've had kids tell me more interesting and insightful things than many of the adults in my life #i think being a teacher has opened my brain a lot and i wish i could tell others how important it is #to be considerate to kids and listen to them!!!! literally that's the most important part as well as treating them like another person #and not just someone who's dumber just bc they don't know many of the things you do #don't dumb down kids! don't baby talk a 7 year old! talk to them like normal and listen to them god LISTEN TO THE FUCKING CHILDREN PLEASEEEE