#this is costing everyone money

[softquietsteadylove]

Hello! Can you continue the Thenamesh Actors AU where they are trying to do a kiss scene, but they mess it up every time and end up laughing, but then off set, they manage to do it?

Thena leaned in, her eyes fluttering closed, her heart picking up. She could smell his cologne and some coffee on his breath. But he had also chewed some gum. She had seen him doing it, too; it was sweet he was nervous about it.

Gil felt Thena's breath hit his lips and gulped.

Thena and Gil both pulled away, giggling like kids in a play.

"Cut!"

"Sorry, I'm sorry," Thena apologised immediately for her lack of professionalism. She ran a hand through her mussed hair; she had never had trouble with a kiss scene like this before.

"N-No, it's my fault," Gilgamesh volunteered (chivalrous as always).

"Do you two need an intimacy coordinator for this or-"

"Just," Thena cleared her throat, trying not to play with her hair as her nerves built up, "just give us a few minutes?"

"That's a take 5!"

The crew started shutting down and moving equipment as needed. The director was already turning attention to other things that needed to get done that day.

Thena sighed as she and Gil both made their way off the soundstage. "Sorry, I don't know why I can't seem to focus."

"Well, I'm not being much help," Gil offered in apology with a smile. "I think--I don't know, I guess I haven't gone over it as much as I wanted to."

"Y-Yes, that's it!" Thena eagerly jumped onto the reason - excuse - Gil provided. "I have a few notes on it, but we didn't get these sides that long ago."

"Exactly," Gil laughed along, "the re-writes aren't helping either."

"Come and look at them with me?" Thena asked with a small smile. "I wouldn't hate having your opinion on what they're thinking in this scene."

"Yeah, yeah--same," Gil rushed, trotting beside her away from the commotion of the set. He pulled his script out of his back pocket (folded and rumpled). "I was thinking about, uh, I guess what he might be thinking in terms of...this is the woman he loves, right?"

"Right," Thena nodded, opening up her own sides as well.

"Not that he's necessarily been open to it before," Gil shrugged, leaning against the wall as he went through his process. "I kind of think maybe they've always been a little flirty. But I don't know, what do you think?"

"No, I agree," she mused as she flipped to the appropriate page. "They've worked kind of around each other for so long, and I imagine there's always been a kind of tension surrounding them. The film is just when we see it really coming to a head."

"Exactly," Gil nodded eagerly. "They're mob bosses, for fuck's sake. There's no way they haven't thought of, well..."

Thena smiled at how sheepish he became about it, when she had written on her own pages 'dying to fuck each other' in the margins. Not that it was for anyone else to see. "I think...they just need the right push."

"Right," Gil said more seriously, reading over their scene again. It was rather dramatic seeming on the page, but that just meant that their performance would be what grounded it in reality. "Their enemies are starting to catch onto their weaknesses."

"It's important that she be the one who has to bargain for him," Thena pointed out, tapping the page, "not just from a woman's perspective, but also because it illustrates that she's willing to make sacrifices for him."

"As opposed to him being the only one wanting her," Gil concurred. He flipped the page, leading to the big kiss. "The confession is a bit..."

"I thought so too," Thena murmured, looking at where she had noted and scribbled and crossed out liberally. "I don't know if it's really...letting them speak."

Gil just nodded. "I don't think they'd need this long-ass paragraph speech."

"No."

"They've known each other for so long, now," he narrated, even tucking his pages away as he crossed his arms in thought. "And they've been loving each other quietly."

"There's this understanding between them that's," Thena also tucked her pages away, pushing her hair out of her face, "obvious."

"Love doesn't always need these big speeches," Gil shook his head, leaning off the wall and closer. "He knows she knows...even if she won't admit it."

"That unwillingness to admit it is fundamental to her," Thena agreed, chewing her lip as she thought. "She's so uptight, so controlling-"

"That's why she has him," Gil suggested a little more lightly. "I think that's what this kiss is saying."

"Saying?" Thena peeked up at him, realising he was a lot closer than before.

"It's a way for him to say that he loves her, and that he's there to be everything she needs, as well as everything she isn't."

"So she can say," Thena's eyes drifted down to his lips for just a split second, "that she knows he's there, and that she knows that she wants him there in spite of herself. Despite all her efforts, he's already in her heart."

"Is it worth the risk?"

"Yes."

Thena's eyes fluttered closed as Gil tipped her head up to him, hands on her cheeks, fingers dipped into her hair. She leaned into the kiss, pressing her lips to his the way a hand might cling to another in the dark. Her hand came up to his wrist just to rest on it, to cling to his sleeve as if to ask him to stay there a little longer.

Gil kept his head close, moving a stray wisp of blonde out of his way so he could look at her unobstructed.

Thena licked her lips - completely subconsciously - as they pulled away. That was it--that was exactly what they needed to happen when they were rolling! It was...it was... "good."

Gil blinked as her voice kind of squeaked out. His heart, if it was already beating faster than normal, flipped around inside his chest and started beating tenfold. "Y-Yeah, that was--was it-"

"Yes, it was-"

They both broke into laughter, soft and gentle in the little corner of the studio they had found. Thena twisted some of her hair over her shoulder, smiling up at him in their little bubble of solace. "Thanks for working on the scene with me."

Gil looked surprised, but he had on a smile that she recognised as the smile he wore specifically in character. It was a little cocky looking, a little sexy, but still undeniably Gilgamesh. "Like it's a chore to kiss the most beautiful woman on the planet?"

Thena rolled her eyes at him, also slipping back into her character in favour of ducking her head down in a blush. "Thinks he's so charming."

"Ready?" he asked, tipping his head in the direction of the set moving back to one.

Thena flipped her hair over her shoulder, taking the lead on the way back, "just try to keep up."

#Thenamesh Actors AU #Thenamesh inception #because I couldn't resist #someone did once say that they could be their own movie #so why not? #they go out there #and they nail the kiss #like it's hot #and they're like uh can we just take that again #until eventually they have to be like #guys we got it #this is costing everyone money #you wanna make out do it on your own time #and then they're out of character #just Gil and Thena again #and they're mortified #Thena goes home like I can't believe I did that #and Sprite is like #I can #I can believe it a lot #Gil is lying face down on his floor

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

#spilled ink #warm up #“why did u tag it warm up” bc i wrote it off the cuff while drinkin coffee lol #btw the 30 dollar buy in for the dog walking is bc they pay the organizer a small pittance so she can #run fb ads and stuff and like she does put in a lot of work i don't mind paying her #but that's exactly what im fucking talking about like. #ppl can't afford to volunteer their time anymore and we all understand it!!! everything costs money for everyone! #like we didn't have to use to say ''do you mind paying me back for the stuff we ate'' #we used to be able to afford to feed our friends once in a while!!!

[secretlythatsme]

i've seen a lot of dp fans in the dpxdc fandom talk about not having access to comics so here. it's completely free, good quality scans (for most things), basically any dc comic you could want is there. you should have an adblocker but the ads aren't the worst if you don't, just noticeable and annoying. you're not gonna get a virus, i've been using the site for years, as have many other fans.

if you genuinely want to read the comics, take advantage of the sites comic fans have been using. there's new and old stuff and everything in between. crossovers too. whatever you want to read, you'll find there.

#it was genuinely surprising to see people talk about inaccessibility and cost of comics here #like ik most of you arent dc fans but i was still surprised #literally everyone in the dc fandom knows about this and uses it regularly #i just forgot that people who arent comics fan wouldnt know about the free comic sites lol #new runs are updated too! its not just the old stuff! #so no you dont need a comic store or a shit ton of money to read the comics #dpxdc #if we're talking movies and shows then use fmovies #DEF use an adblocker (and vpn if you have one) for that though #and since this is directed at dp fans id highly suggest watching the bat.man scooby doo crossover! #its amazing and imo is a great example of mixing bat.man with a more comedic child friendly vibe #bat.man is so goofy in that movie i love it aldhg #oh man... thats making me think of dpxdcxsd crossover now... #is the acronym for scooby doo sd? that feels wrong #well anyway if you want to read the comics for free you can lol #remember! the dc fandom has been here for decades! we have all the resources you need!! dont be afraid to look or ask! #and if you dont know where to start reading - just pick your favorite character and find a masterlist made by an obsessed fan #and start there lol #but if anyone wants recs let me know and ill be happy to help :)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I feel like Howdy would be the type to go to the dollar store to save money then complain when something is like $1.99

i second this....

#he also seems like the type to have the funds to shop regularly at like. idk whole foods and H&M #but he exclusively thrifts and goes to dollar tree & the 99 cent store and shit #i know this man's coupon game is Insane #probably has a whole extra wallet purely for coupons and gift cards.... #in the checkout line the store winds up owing Him money #rambles from the bog #further solidifying that if howdy pillar was a real person id fuckin hate him lmao #itd be On Sight! #wait lmao #howdy would get seriously injured #and while everyone is freaking out / calling 911 #howdy has a calculator out typing up the cost of an ambulance ride / hospital bills / insurance #he pauses looking at the total. #then starts calculating funerary costs #they get sick of waiting for an ambulance and just shove him in the car #sally leans over to see that howdy is googling cremation urns based on price #IM SORRY THIS IS INSANELY FUNNY TO ME #im sitting here at my laptop snickering like an idiot #sally just smacks the phone out of his hands....

[twilight-deviant]

Telling content creators it's wrong to explore artistic freedom and be independently funded by fans, and they should instead continue taking advertisement revenue from google* is

NOT

the anti-capitalism stance actually.

*(Yes, google owns youtube.)

#Watcher #This post is specifically and exclusively about the people who seem to have the capitalism bit wrong #It's almost fascinating how no one is hearing themselves speak #I feel like some of you don't understand WHY we support small businesses and are anti-monopoly #I've seen multiple posts saying “Shane is so anti-capitalism there's no way this was his idea.” #So... you think it's pro-capitalism to start your own business instead of relying on pennies from the exploitative mega-corporation? #Guys... we support small businesses KNOWING it will cost the consumer more #Stop thinking you're entitled to someone's product #That's what got us in this mess #I understand $6 is a lot for many many people but that is what makes certain things a luxury #Nothing used to be this way #Nothing used to be “free” so you can be monitored for your viewing habits and sold to advertisers #If you see a little guy trying to leave youtube/google and you paint them as the capitalist??? You. have. taken. a. wrong. turn. #I don't know how many more ways I can say it #It is better to support someone (if you can) than to pressure them into taking money from the trillion-dollar corporation #so that you can have what they put all their blood/sweat/tears into for free #If you want something badly enough you're going to have to pay for it #Them's the breaks #If you don't want it that badly then maybe it didn't mean enough to you personally #Thinking otherwise is how corporations like youtube take over and squeeze out small competitors #btw on monopolies: having almost every single video content creator (outside of tiktoks and video game streams) on youtube is BAD #You understand that's bad yes? #How tf are we going to diversify unless SOME CREATORS leave youtube??? #It's almost the responsibility of larger creators to do so #Ironically what I said is backwards #In its ideal state‚ capitalism is supposed to inspire innovation and new business‚ giving every person a chance to succeed #But I think we all know that's not the reality we're experiencing #I just went with what everyone means when they say it

[egberts]

the pile of roots cut out so far 👍

#the insurance guy said try to make a claim for water backing up because roots arent covered #even if we dont get insurance money ppl here on tumblr helped us raise enough to cover the down payment for work to start so like #thank you everyone who helped #the plumber said that anything the city has to replace wont cost us anything extra so that’s good #plumbing problems

[mourningcttlfsh]

this is dj spookyswag she was born two seconds ago in a dark alleyway i found her drinking sewage and i hope she explodes

#animal jam play wild #ajpw #animal jam #aj phantoms #jamblr #beloved creature... #so so happy about the phantoms costing sapphires and not irl money #180 sapphires but still. at least its not real money #the second i realized the update was out i got on the touch pool grind on an alt acc #love this dumbass creature thing #funny how the second phantoms came out everyone and their mom immediately bought them #i know some people dont like that theres good phantoms but i do!! i think its nice #i always find it kinda weird when kids games (or any game really) is like 'hi theres two types of creature. normal one and EVILL ONEE....' #'this species is 100% evil no matter what!!!' something ab that rubs me the wrong way #i cant put a word to it though idk why #dj spookyswag

[caimitos]

saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad

#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries #it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc #ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop #like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions #cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt #you know how it goes #vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own #students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country #until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem #this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL #our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries! #but the mental image is a bit funny #vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa #i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med #expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc #anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history #i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3) #as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me) #lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc #theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly #being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her #lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao #years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth #cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination.... #I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess #but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh. #skl.txt

[mangoamango]

so about 2 weeks ago I helped rescue this teeny little cat (5lbs!!!!), and wouldn't you know it--she has a goddamn hole in the roof of her mouth. Thankfully there is a surgical procedure to fix this (which she had on Monday) but unfortunately: it was $680 dollars.

If you would like to kick a few dollars Ms Petra's way, I would be deeply, deeply grateful. I know I had a post earlier this year asking for cat money, and many of you were so kind and generous. It's okay if you don't have anything to give. Reblogs are great too!

Like on my other post, I'm more than happy to offer my silly little computer skills in exchange for donations, just dm me with a screenshot and we can work it out.

thanks for reading. i love u all my hand computer friends

#cat gfm #sorry. i am....uncomfortable asking everyone for money! again! #with all of you know. the (gestures) everything that is happening in the world #so i've been procrastinating on publishing this post #and also just this time of year. is usually not great! for people to have extra cash on hand! #hopefully this is the last time i will ever have to do this. jfc #i usually cover these costs by taking on freelance clients on top of my 9-5 job but that hasn't been feasible for the last couple of months #but the plan is to start that back up in feb! so!!!!

[jackstheprinceofhearts]

how am i supposed to pay for all of these editions of acftl bro..

#like idk where everyone is gonna get this money from #like let's admit we're all broke #i think my book collection currently costs like over 500 dollars because of how much i have... #time to build my book empire ig 😨 #me when no money 😨😨😨😨😨 #ouabh #caraval #jacks prince of hearts #tbona #evajacks #evangeline fox #jacks x evangeline #the ballad of never after #books #acftl #a curse for true love

[fruitybashir]

please people don't give me ideas, the bookbinding tutorial on youtube is open please I can't get more hobbies please don't lure me in with the premise of getting the Holidate as a book please no please

you guys need to stop giving ME ideas fr im currently trying to figure out how much printing w a proper cover etc would be bc ....... wouldnt it be nice ... if i could add handwritten notes and dedications ..... to give people personalised copies .........

#like full disclosure i dont have too much money available right now but i will during summer with all the extra cash im raking in as #a tour guide lmao #but i could add personalised notes and signature and a bracelet or smthn like i cant draw so i cant make you guys stickers or anything #but ya know 😗 #IF an interest is there and IF i can figure out how much money it would actually cost and then id maybe just request that everyone who wants #a copy maybe chip in with the shipping a little bit #but uhmmmmm #inbox #apfel07 #is this stupid?? am i being stupid?? like first of all who would want this actually djckks

[bunnihearted]

umm

#i havent had this bad anxiety in like 10 years wth #i have a dentist appt. and it's only a checkup thingy there will be no treatment done #it should be short and quick but im so anxious #im also anxious bc there's almost aways issues w financial aid and stuff 🙃 #and a checkup is almost $100 which is 1/3 of my monthly budget 💀 #so that's the main part that worries me. plus everyone in a dentist's office are so rude </3 #i've tried asking her several times but she is so unclear... i hope i can get like an invoice/bill thing #but yeah everyone are so rude about it and it's just a whole ordeal #so im so anxious for this appt omg #im like shaking a little and my breath feels caught in my chest lol #i dont wanna go but if i dont go now i'll have to pay a fee which is also expensive so like #i have to go but i dont wanna i just wanna cryyyyyy #update: no i did not get an invoice #she was really rude too T-T acting like i was gonna run away and not pay #so yehh... $140 gone from my accountttt i did not think it would cost that much #so .. ummmm #i hope my financial aid worker will reply soon #and i mean omg i hope they will grant me financial aid #otherwise.... i wish i had neven gone wtffff #everyone told me it'd work and this was ok but like ??? #i just hope she replies today or tmrw so i can know #if i have to have given up that mych money then #i wont be able to buy buss tickets to the animal park i wanna go to #or buy those clothes i was gnna buy #or have food the entire month lmao #but i just wanna know what im dealing w i hate not knowing

[ujuro]

Of all of the kpop mysteries to be explained in 2024 gfriends disbandment wasn’t one of them

#at least it takes the heat off of the le sserafim girls for a while… #but also you can’t put all of the blame on it for mhj cause hybe didn’t have to give in to her every whim and give her own subsidiary #and take on all of her costs like they clearly trusted her enough to bank on her gg getting money #which it did but like…now that things have gone to shut everyone looks like a moron 😭 #like hybe execs were probably ambivalent to gfriend and deemed taking on the struggles of placating mhj worth it #but look where we are now 💀 #words of mine #ties up a lot of loose ends in then hybe business timeline too like they were marketing that mhj x source gg for a while at least to people #in the industry and then all of a sudden there were two ggs lmao

[oveliagirlhaditright]

It's so sad how fast things can change in some cases...

Because, before we knew how many millions of dollars Square Enix had recently lost, I kept wanting to make a post about why I thought that a Final Fantasy VIII Remake was a really good/fun idea, even though Square Enix themselves and some fans might be hesitant about one in some regards.

And IDK... I still might end up making that post. But do I honestly think we'll ever see one now? No.

Chances were slim before... But if Final Fantasy VII Remakes can't really sell well (at least this most recent one -sobs-), we can honestly kiss our chances at most other ones goodbye:( Especially ones that would be even harder and more time consuming to make (and more costly).

Though I do think FFIX Remake is still happening. And maybe that rumor about an FFX Remake could be true.

#like. even though se was hesitant to want to remake ffvi before for obvious reasons (even though a number of creatives within them also #wanted to) i could have seen them eventually giving it a go since ffvi is the most beloved game in the franchise aside from ffvii #but now that ffviir isn't selling THAT well there's no way we're getting ffvi remade. that would cost even MORE to make and let's be honest #probably not make enough back for it to be worth it #which is sad because i want an ffvi remake but this is just the world we live in #but this is so crazy because i remember back in the day when everyone was BEGGING se for ffvii to be remade and couldn't understand why the #weren't doing it. including me. and i was like 'it would make them so much money. they must not want money to not be doing it' and here we #are #and. i mean. there's a lot that goes into why we're in this situation now. but still

[flowercrowngods]

tried to get nice things for myself. 1 dead 3 injured

#that voice inside my head saying: you’re not worthy of nice things!!! #that other box is inside my head saying: you’re incapable of feeling joy so getting nice things will only be a reminder of that and how the #illusion of nice things is better than the reality of them due to your absolute emotional numbness so don’t even try #and another voice tiny tiny voice saying: things cost money #it’s the same thing always always always i hate it #everyone showing me their little trinkets and their funky little internet ordered things and comfort items and i’m there like #wow i’d sure like to experience that kinda joy one day #but alas the depression and absolute apathy has infested every last cell of this being and the only outcome is repression #blah

[rapidhighway]

I didn’t go to sculpture again……

#please please please I have anxiety I have a mental illness #I can’t make myself go there it’s hell idk why I’m just so nervous every time I make myself feel sick #and then I get another excuse not to go becuase I literally feel like I’m gonna throw up #I’m not going to pass if I don’t start going there……. #and I cannot handle repeating a semester #I live in fear #and it doesn’t help that I have intermedia class later today which is my second greatest enemy and just as dreadful #banging head on the table #I need to be wrapped in a blanket and go to sleep forever #god even if I go there I’m never going to be able to come up to my prof and talk to him about my project I get physically I’ll at the #slightest suggestion from my friends that I should finally do it #everyone’s done it already #I will literally cry if anyone talks to me #the profs just intimidate me so badly I feel like they hate me #and everyone says they’re super nice but I can’t make myself believe ittttt they will eat me alive #but if I never go I won’t pass the class and repeating the semester will cost money #pleas I have the stupid project idea ready but I just can’t do it I’ve thought about just emailing them and doing it all through email but #I couldn’t do that either I’m just in panic mode instantly #so yeah I’m just venting not asking ppl for solutions 😶✌️ I just don’t want to text my friend again bc I’ve been putting way too much on #them #they do practically everything for me anyway bc I can’t do shit by myself #uh ok I just need to put this SOMEWHERE #I’m gonna curl up and draw metal or whatever #ugh I know I’m making things worse by not coming #but I can’t make myself I just cant I’m gonna have an anxiety attack ✌️ #no one look at me #I being sensitive and vulnerable here