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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

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WIBTA for telling someone i can't be friends with them and returning a gift?

buckle up gamers, this is gonna be a long one. so i (22nb but i present fem) was out at the bars the other night just kinda hanging out, and a girl (26f) came up and started talking to me. she didnt really seem...super present i guess? and i talked to her to be nice and she had a cool outfit on. well i was a little drunk and ended up giving her my phone number and meeting her husband (39m) and they walked me home. the whole time she was talking about how she doesn't have any friends and her ex friends just wanted to get with her husband. she told me she was bi and i was like hey me too but im not interested in sex so that was cool. she ended up walking me home w her husband bc it was late which was nice, but they seemed really shocked i lived in such a nice apartment(i do, its expensive but my parents pay for it. im really privileged to be able to do that).

i saw her again today because she kept texting me about wanting to hang out, so i went for ice cream with her bc it was in a public place and i wasnt super comfortable going back to her apt with her. i paid for her ice cream bc she said her card wasnt working, nbd bc my parents have money and her and her husband aren't really well off. i said she could pay me back sometime, buy me ice cream or whatever another day, but she really fixated on it. she told me her husband thought i was cute which made me a little uncomfortable but i laughed it of, and then she kept talking about how she was bi and would date a girl and how she approached me not to date but to be a friend and then 'see where it goes.' she also told me she did porn online to make money which is fine w me, that she's on disability but that the money isnt really enough to live on, and that she'd been raped in the past and drugged which yanno a little overshare-y considering ive known her for three days but she really seemed like she needed someone to talk to and im good at listening. well her husband showed up out of nowhere bc he apparently tracks her phone and we all went back to their apartment bc i couldn't say no(im a doormat. i know) and she ended up giving me two pieces of jewelry in return for buying her ice cream which felt a little like overkill. i tried to refuse but she said she wouldn't ever wear them again so it would be fine. it was really kind of her but now i kind of feel i owe her back for them. the whole time i was there they seemed really eager to get me to move in nearby, and while its true that area is definitely cheaper my parents are really fine paying for my expensive apartment bc my tuition is a lot cheaper than my sibling's. she and her husband walked me home again, mentioning they might be going on a cruise in november if they could save up the money and that they could bring a friend. i said id almost definitely have school which they seemed to accept. they kind of seemed to want to see my place, but i told them it was really messy(it is) i have anxiety around having people in my space(i do) and that maybe they could come up another day and i could make dinner, and she told me she didn't like people cooking for her bc she'd been drugged in the past and that i could go over to their apartment again instead.

my parents think theres some really big red flags going on and i should try to break this off sooner rather than later. i pretty much agree. im not gonna ghost her and they dont think i should either, but that i should somehow return the jewelry in a kind way and tell her i cant really be super close friends. my mom had the idea to draw myself wearing the jewelry and then say i still have a memory of it but to return it bc i cant accept such a nice gift which i could try to do.

to be clear i am shit at communication and setting boundaries, im very aware of that, and most of this can be solved by telling her hey i can't accept this gift and im really busy for school a lot and im sorry i cant be as much as a friend as you need. but i still kinda feel like tah for leading her on almost and then breaking it off like everyone else in her life. ive been under a lot of stress bc of school and my stepgrandmother passing and trying to take care of my grandfather so trying to be friends with someone that seems kind of high maintenance is not really tenable for me.

so, wibta if i tried to let her down gently?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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safety-pin-punk · 2 months

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(TW swearing just in case) Hi! I don't know if you care but I'll ask anyway:

I'm just starting to learn about what punk is and it sounds like an awesome community/scene. It's confusing though, as a lot of the things I've seen disagree about what punk is. I know (think?) the whole point of being punk is resisting authority and generally being your own person. I don't know how to do that even though I want to.

That probably makes me automatically not punk. Don't get me wrong, I believe in anti-authority, I just have no clue how to do any of that while still in school. I fucking hate being intimidated by authority constantly but I get panicked when I might get in trouble. My own mind is forcing me to be a fucking doormat. Can I get a bit of advice?

(Also, sorry for oversharing, you don't have to respond if I'm just being annoying)

What punk is can be VERY confusing if you are just starting to venture into the punk scene and youre learning from the internet. So don't worry, you aren't the only one whose ever struggled to figure that out. Honestly, the community as a whole cant agree on one single definition of what makes a punk. In this post, I've outlined the three separate aspects of punk. You might find it helpful :)

Getting into punk can certainly feel intimidating. The image people usually think of are leather clad troublemakers, but not all punks fit that image. Some punks work at the library and fight for community programs. Some punks go to protests all the time. Some punks are just struggling to finish their degree so they can survive in life (me a few years ago). My point is, not all punks look and act the same, there are pleanty of ways to be a punk.

That said, there are also different sub-categories of punks, such as crust punk, and solar punk.

Okay but moving onto the confidence thing, it takes practice. My suggestion to people is to start off with whats called 'little anarchies'. Take a pen that someone left. Give some food to someone who needs it. Research a 'punk' topic that interests you. Show support for a cause, even if its just wearing a pin. Eventually, when you're ready, you can work up to bigger 'anarchies' such as organizing a group of people for a project, volunteering at a soup kitchen, starting a community garden/library, putting up flyers for that cause you care about. And eventually, once you use your 'anarchy' muscles enough, you'll be able to do the BIG 'anarchies' when you need to. Like going to protests or even simply being able to defend yourself and your beliefs.

#side note/tip for life: dont be so self-deprecating on yourself #youll find that after a while you become a LOT more confident in youself. Because people DO care. And also you are NOT annoying #and anyone who says otherwise is probably a dick and can fuck off anyways #why work to please someone else when it just makes you miserable?#mail tag

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deanwinchesterswitch · 1 year

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Livin' a Lie

Summary: Dean thinks he’s doing the right thing, believes it’s for the best. Still, he struggles to let go, even when he overhears that you’ve moved on with someone new.

Pairing: Dean x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ Angst; Some fluff; Dean being Dean; Language; Mentions of smut; Canon divergence.

Betas: @princessmisery666 and @wayward-and-worn

Word Count: 2,318

Pulling out of Jody’s hug, Dean’s eyes scan the room.

“She’s not coming,” Jody says, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“I wasn’t-” The mom look she gives him cuts him off. She knows. “Yeah, okay. Whatever.”

The monthly get-togethers had started a while back at Jody’s insistence. He and Sam hadn’t been able to make it last month, and he was hoping… Well, he doesn’t know what he was hoping for, not sure if the flood of emotion is unmitigated relief or agonizing disappointment.

“How are you?”

“Good. I’m good,” he lies. He’s so far from good he doesn’t even know how to explain it. “You?”

Jody lets the lie slide this time. “The girls haven’t killed each other yet, and no one is pregnant. So, I’m taking the win.” Patting him on the arm, she steps around him to hug Sam.

“Who’s manning the grill?” It’s a safe enough subject. Or so he thought.

“Garth.” Jody chuckles.

“Oh, hell no! I like some pink, but I don’t want my meat still mooing.” He takes off in the direction of the backyard to save their meal.

A couple of hours later, everyone sated with good food and the alcohol of their choice for those old enough; the group lounges around the fire pit, making s'mores, sharing stories, and enjoying each other’s company.

Dean excuses himself to take a leak. Returning from the bathroom, he heads toward the kitchen to sneak another slice of pie but stops short upon hearing Alex.

“Dean looks hap- well… like he’s doing okay. You think it’s just a cover?”

“Hard to tell. He went home with some waitress a couple of weeks back.” Sam overshares, and Dean can visualize the disapproving bitch face and condescending roll of his eyes.

“Really?” Donna tosses out. “He back to his old habits? Or, ah y’ know, just trying to drown his sorrows ‘cause he still loves her?”

Of course, I still love her! Do they honestly think I could ever stop?

“Honestly, I don’t think he ever stopped. He probably loves her more than ever. Even if he refuses to talk about it.”

That’s because it’s none of your goddamn business, little brother. Sharing my feelings like we’re in some chick flick ain’t gonna change anything.

There is no way in hell he will ever tell Sam that all he did was drop the waitress off at her home—walked her to the door, waited until she was safely inside, then left. Instead of going back to the motel to put up with more of Sam’s whiny nagging, he’d parked on an old dirt track and spent the night in Baby, dreaming about her, trying to recapture even the tiniest scrap of happiness.

“Have you talked to her?” Sam asks.

Oh shit, what if it gets back to her about the waitress?

He hadn’t given any thought to it becoming a rumor that might make its way back to her.

Sam and his stupid big mouth.

Flirting with that woman had been a means to an end, an old habit resurfacing to disguise his misery and to stop Sam’s perpetual insistence to call and make things right or let go and move on.

Dean refuses to call. The threat is even bigger than before. There’s no moving on, either. The memories that haunt him are no longer of his time in the pit but of the hell of losing her. Every time he closes his eyes, she’s there—the warmth of her body, her sweet scent, the whisper of her voice, the taste of her lips. All of it was a reminder of what a thickheaded fool he was to push her away... to hurt her the way he did.

“Yeah. She’s moving next week. Cooper asked her to-”

Throat closing around a lump of guilt and pain, he stumbles forward—guilt for treating her the way he did and pain for the finality of knowing that he will never be able to call her ‘mine’ again.

He needs air, the open road.

Striding toward the front door, he hollers over his shoulder to no one in particular that he’ll be back later. Not waiting for a response, he’s outside and backing out of the driveway in a matter of seconds, speeding toward the clearing by the lake a few miles away. The sound of Baby’s engine helps to ease muscles held tight with tension and soothe the anger raging in his soul.

She’d shared what she had dubbed Stargazer’s Loch with him a few years back. He’d shown up at Jody’s after a bad hunt, and she’d been there recovering from a hunting injury of her own. She’d brought him out here, told him it was her sanctuary, a place of peace and inspiration. It was the night he’d admitted to himself that he was falling in love with her.

They’d run into each other several times before, worked a few cases together, and had fun hanging out, playing darts, or hustling drunk locals out of their hard-earned cash at pool, but he’d never ‘gone for it’ with her. Something about her was different. He felt different around her. He had never wanted her to be just another notch on his bedpost. It had taken him a while, but at this lake, is where he first told her he was in love with her.

Not until he’s lying on the hood, back against the windshield and staring at the stars, does he let his mind wander and the tears fall. The months had dragged on, but with years of experience under his belt, he shoved down the regret and loneliness, locking it away with all the other crap. He can put on a good show for others with a smile plastered on his face and a nonchalant attitude. Yet, there are still times, usually when he is relaxed, guard down, like tonight, they rise to the surface like a tidal wave.

He’d heard things about her in passing from other hunters—She looked happy. Saw her in Chicago outside a museum, dressed for some fancy event… Colorado… New York… California—but nothing about another guy. She’s obviously traveling a lot, but no one seems to know what she’s doing. He knows she’s not hunting, though. Anyone who had spoken with her said she wouldn’t assist with anything beyond what she knew of the lore. Said that she’d told them, ‘I’m not a hunter.’ His harsh accusation echoed back to him.

How could he have said that to her? She was a great hunter—an exquisite balance of book and street smarts, keen instinct, skill, and heart. He’s glad she’s not hunting, though. She’s safer and seemingly happier. It’s what he wanted for her. She’s better off without him. He just wishes his heart had gotten the message.

Absentmindedly reaching for a hand that’s no longer there, finding only cold metal, his chest seizes, and he chokes on a sob. Fuck, he misses her. Of all the idiotic things he’s done over the years, forcing her away ranks the highest. He wishes he could tell her that it was all a lie. He figures she knows. He simply had given her no choice.

Folding his hands on his stomach, he does nothing to curb the surge of tears streaming from his eyes. There’s no reason to repair the dam with no one around to suffer the flood. So he lets the groundswell of memories wash over him.

“The porch?” Delicate fingers traced along his temple, curling behind his ear, thumb strumming over his cheekbone.

“Wrap-around,” a quick peck to her palm, “a porch swing facing a lake so we can watch the thunderstorms in the spring and the leaves change in the fall. Rocking chairs for when we get old.”

She laughed. “You? Sitting in a rocking chair? Doing nothing? I don’t care how old you are. I don’t buy it.”

“As long as you’re next to me, I can do anything.”

It had become a post-bad hunt ritual. They would lie in bed, the back of the Impala, or, weather permitting, beneath the stars, usually naked but always wrapped in each other’s arms, and talk about where they would live, the home he would build for her when they got out. A way to escape the current reality of their life. The thin thread of hope they clung to while holding tight to each other.

“In the mountains, away from everyone. In the winter, we’ll hole up and hibernate like bears. In the summer, we’ll go skinny dipping in the lake.”

Soft lips, breath moist and hot against his ear. “With no one else around, we could stay naked all the time.”

“I like how you think.” He’d taken her then, on top of the old fleece in the middle of a field lit only by firefly glow and a sky pin holed by stars. Gentle and slow, teasing out moans and getting drunk on every whimper and sigh she surrendered to him.

He’d had the perfect property in mind, Rufus’ old safe house in Montana. They could fix it-it up exactly how they wanted. He’d never mentioned it, though, before everything fell apart. He’d wanted to surprise her, check into actually purchasing it, and start renovations.

Hell, he’d even fantasized about proposing, down on one knee in front of the refurbished home when he told her to remove the blindfold. But with each new hunt, the threat grew bigger and badder, the burden to save innocent lives grew exponentially, and the struggle to keep those he cared about safe and alive became an almost impossible endeavor. So he pushed—shoved—her out of his life and away from danger.

“I want you to leave.”

“Fine. I’ll sleep in my old room tonight.”

“No. I want you to pack your things and get out of the bunker. I’m tired of having to rescue you. I’ve got enough on my plate without having to try and keep you from getting yourself killed all the time.”

“Rescue me?! You didn’t rescue me. I killed that bitch before you even got to me. You’re being an asshole! How-” She’d cut herself off, tilted her head, and huffed, “huh.” Eyes narrowed, she’d clicked her tongue. “I get it. I know what you’re doing, and I’m not leaving. You’re scared. Afraid that something will happen to me. You can’t make me hate you.”

“Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea what I can make you do. Hate me or not, it doesn’t matter,” he shrugged, “I don’t want you here. You’re not a hunter. You’re a liability.”

The forceful harshness he put behind the words, the way he had sarcastically called her sweetheart, drawing himself up to tower over her, had made her stumble in shock, gripping the desk for support as she bumped into it.

He’ll never be able to dislodge the memory of utter devastation drenched in sorrow—exhale of disbelief, trembling bottom lip, the twitch of her eye as tears gathered on her lashes—right before it was all hidden behind a stoic mask. Once she had steeled herself against his acerbity, she didn’t plead or yell, didn’t try to change his mind with honey-drenched words or soft touches. No harsh discourse left her lips.

The calm acceptance she’d radiated had been unexpected, and a shiver caressed his spine. He’d felt relief and disappointment within the same heartbeat. He’d wanted her to be angry, curse the day she met him and walk out to never look back, but she hadn’t.

After the initial pause, he’d understood what she was doing. She had always tried to ease his burdens whenever possible, and even then, when her heart was most likely as broken and battered as his, she had still wanted to make it less difficult for him. It hadn’t lessened any of the pain.

“I love you.”

That was it. Nothing else. Stared him dead in the eye, standing tall and creating an imposing figure of her own. Three words, filled with so much promise and hope, nearly broke his resolve.

Instead, he spat, “Yeah, well, sucks to be you,” and walked out of the room without a backward glance.

Two steps into the hallway, the sensation of his heart being ripped from his chest made him stumble and press a hand against the cold tile to stay upright. Unlike in hell, there was a finality to it. There would be no rejuvenation. He wouldn’t wake up the following day and be whole again; he’d be left with a void in his chest for the rest of his days.

It nearly had him turning around to fall on his knees in front of her, beg for forgiveness, and plead with her never to leave him.

He reminded himself why he was doing this. He couldn’t keep her safe. The target on her back would only continue to grow the longer she stayed with him. The next step was painful, forced, but with each subsequent footfall, his pace quickened until he sprinted through the garage and spun Baby’s tires as he hauled ass away from the bunker… from her… from the self-inflicted misery.

Even though he’d driven for hours, returning just before sunrise, he’d yearned to find her still there, waiting—her anger, her stubbornness, her love, refusing to let her leave. He’d suffer anything she threw at him, every angry word, every slap, kick, or punch hurled, just to see her.

As soon as the Impala’s front tires had hit the concrete, brutal misery encompassed him. The space where she’d kept her truck was empty, as hollow as his chest.

He’d sat in the car for a long time cycling through the stages of grief, never reaching the final one. He has to accept it now, though, right? She’s moving in with some guy. A guy that’s not him.

He waited too long. Too afraid, too ashamed to contact her.

Part Two

Love Me Some Pie tag list:

@akshi8278 // @asgoodasdancingqueen // @calaofnoldor // @compresshischest09 // @deans-baby-momma // @deaneverafter // @deans-spinster-witch // @deanwanddamons // @flamencodiva // @idreamofplaid // @jerkbitchidjitassbutt // @justagirlinafandomworld // @justrealizedimmascifygurl // @ladysparkles78 // @lyarr24 // @michellethetvaddict // @mrswhozeewhatsis // @mvdeanw // @princessmisery666 // @shawnie74 // @thinkinghardhardlythinking // @thoughts-and-funnies // @waynes-multiverse // @wayward-and-worn // @waywardbaby // @weepingwillowphoenix

#livin' a lie #rumors-part one #dean winchester x fem!reader #dw's witch writes #031023

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thistlecatfics · 3 months

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If you’re still doing therapy asks…Mr. Daddy Issues, Barty Crouch Jr. (Any age!)

When I clicked on the inbox, it only showed me the first part of this ask, and so I misread it as if you were addressing *me* as Mr. Daddy, and I felt such a need to clarify that I am in no way a Mr. Daddy. I am a very subby femme lesbian. Definitely not a daddy. (Open to butch daddies. But not myself a daddy.) That oversharing aside, let’s go to Barty!

From canon we know Barty is super smart, got a crazy amount of NEWTs, had an abusive (or at least very harsh and cruel) dad, and joined the Death Eaters young.

I kind of think this kid would be a nightmare in therapy and would be extremely opposed to participating. I imagine he only ends up in therapy because Dumbledore makes him or something. (And sixteen year old Barty is like “Dumbledore is the one who needs therapy,” and he is not wrong. And maybe the therapist agreeing with him would be the first step to building a rapport.)

If we can manage to get some sort of rapport going, I think the main themes of therapy would be agency and self-determination and power and control. He is raised in a rigidly controlling house, then he uses academic achievements to gain his own sense of control and stability.

I imagine he’s a very rigid and black-and-white thinker. His father is either all good or all bad – and he spends childhood idolizing his father and then rapidly switches up once he gains a bit of distance and is able to individuate or after there is a final straw. He is either all good or all bad. Some of the work would just be about getting a smidge of cognitive flexibility and ability to hold shades of gray.

I also imagine him as a teenager as someone who flips from extremes – either he is studying for a month straight and barely sleeping or he is getting black out drunk and trying whatever illicit potion is available. He does not do moderation. He compartmentalizes intensely.

At first in therapy, he is super defensive about his father and cannot stand any hint that he may be imperfect from the therapist, and he gets angry at the therapist for insulting his father by implying that anything he did might have had a negative impact on Barty. Then, pretty suddenly, he is wildly opposed to his dad and everything he is and everything he stands for. This of course comes with interest in joining the Death Eaters where he starts putting that idolization on Voldemort instead.

He would be a difficult client. I think the main place where therapy could be helpful would be intervening before he makes that switch against his father and towards Voldemort – if he can more gently recognize the negative impacts of his father’s behavior and allow himself to feel that hurt from not having the father he deserves. And maybe even talking to his mother about his feelings, if she is a safe person to do so with. If we could get him to just feel a tiny bit of his own vulnerability - not covered up and soothed by academic achievement - then maybe we could help him.

After he takes steps to join the Death Eaters, I think it would be like trying to get a young person out of a cult, and I'm pretty pessimistic about how therapy would go at that point.

#barty crouch jr #hp characters in therapy

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polishmenace · 3 days

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hi. afterthought - I'm sorry this is so long

that caution on your ed post? Take the same disclaimer here. Please only read this if you are able to handle it safely.

I can't promise I won't overshare, I'm tired as fuck and I have never talked to people about this. Idk if this will help

Obviously I don't know how you got your ed. I doubt we have all the same reasons, but this isn't for that. but as someone living with a mother who's bipolar and schizophrenia from both sides, that isnt easy to live with. Seeing your family purge isn't something to forget easily. Seeing how psychological conditions wear people down isn't easy, so to end up with one too? The feeling is indescribable.

So, from a guy one skipped meal & a fall down his concrete stairs away from his death, I wanted to share your pain. there wasn't a word in your post that I didn't feel without every fiber of my being. And it fucking hurts. I'm so so sorry you feel this too.

Recovery is never going to look a certain way, and relapsing into the mindset does not mean you're not getting better. It isn't so linear, Michaeł, please don't compare your journey to anyone else's. Don't compare it to how you think it should go, because the only wrong answer here is giving up.

You can feel sick of it all, and pissed, and maybe at times like you don't care anymore, and everything that suffering makes you feel - but please don't give up on yourself.

I wish I could give you more. I wish I could tell advise how to convince yourself to eat, but I haven't managed in days. I don't think I know how either. Hell I smoke to get hungry and even that has stopped working.

Please keep reaching out. Talk to people, just anyone, if you haven't yet, you'll find someone who listens. Hell, I'd listen in a heartbeat. You deserve to be heard, Michaeł. You deserve to be seen, your progress and your regress. You are so much more than your pain, even when it gets into that all consuming feeling. I hope you've known that for a long time.

I believe so much in you Michaeł. I love you so incredibly even though you're an odd little polish man in my phone. And you deserve that from what I've seen.

I'm sorry if this is ranty, I wanted to send it when I saw the post yesterday but my phone was dead without charger :( I don't want to fuck up your morning. I truly hope you have a good one, Michaeł, and I believe in you. Not that you'll never relapse, but that you'll keep healing. I believe in your progress Michaeł, no matter how it looks. I hope you can do the same.

You don't need to reply to this ask. It might be a mess so maybe it's better if you don't

You're not alone Michaeł.

Awww I’m cryinggggg (relief tears) You are so sweet. I am so conflicted still but you don’t know how much reassurance helps. Thank you so much <3

and also, I am completely willing co commiserate with you if you’d like to talk

#michał #tw ed implied #tw 3d vent #tw self destruction #tw trauma

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ina-nis · 8 months

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Interesting post on r/AVPD

Signs you grew up chronically lonely -> Chasing and clinging emotionally to others. -> Over-talking/oversharing whenever there is someone to talk to. -> Feeling like you're the "disposable" person in the group. -> Maladaptive day dreaming. -> Become infatuated with people who show interest in you. -> Constantly apologizing and excessive helpfulness. -> Super active imagination (world building or rescuing someone). -> Feeling isolated even if you're around people. -> Becoming obsessive with friendships. -> Constantly talking to yourself. -> Strong connection to animals or plants. -> Make up stories to make yourself seem "tough" for attention or connection.

I wanted to break it down and add my perspective, considering there will be people (as in the comments of the post) who will dismiss these as phenomenons everyone goes through: what separates "typical" and "disordered" is usually intensity and amount. Most of these are not essentially "bad" things, it becomes a problem when it's too much and ongoing.

It will be different for each person and my own perspective is tinged with experiences of complex trauma (probably as the baseline of my mental disorders), so that will probably reflect how I see and experience them:

-> Chasing and clinging emotionally to others

Story of my life, and probably the reason why it took me so damn long to actually build a self-esteem and sense of self. When you spend so many years chasing after others, living in their shadows, people-pleasing and just trying to fit in general, there's high chances you will not be able to get to know yourself.

Of course, this is the kind of thing that backfires because if you have an unstable sense of self, everything else in your life gets unstable too, including relationships. You probably don't have standards or boundaries and every new connection is risky to you (because you might not know better).

-> Over-talking/oversharing whenever there is someone to talk to

To me, I guess a huge part of the issue is my anxiety... I tend to over-talk/overshare out of nervousness, embarrassment, etc. If I find someone I feel safe to talk to, I'll probably say too much too soon.

When I look at that now, I think it's a way to try to get them to stay with me? "Hey, I'm being very vulnerable and confiding in you... I'd love you to do the same, too, because I'd love to talk more." That kind of stuff I guess? When you show your vulnerable sides, or when you're friendly, or both, people tend to soften and try to empathize with you (not always).

-> Feeling like you're the "disposable" person in the group

These got much worse as I got older and learned better, and it was only confirmed over and over, considering none of my connections remain.

Really hard to digest. I don't even think it is possible... I don't really know why this happens but it probably has to do with shallowness in relationships. If you keep things superficial - either by sticking with safe topics, or only talking about shared interests, etc - relationships can't grow and get stagnant. Stagnant relationships can be very burdensome and it is understandable when they're cut off or fade away.

-> Maladaptive day dreaming

That comes with being mentally ill I guess? You build a world of fantasy inside of your head because reality is really painful and you're unable to cope.

It got a lot better for me because I got a lot better at dissociating/numbing myself (so... not much better at all, huh?).

-> Become infatuated with people who show interest in you

I dislike this because it basically describes my current situation: I live for love and I'm always seeking it, even though I don't quite want to. It's very easy for me to develop a crush on people and fall in love because of how much those feelings feel good, fuel my hope and feel like a chance I'll finally be free from loneliness.

How could I not become infatuated?!

-> Constantly apologizing and excessive helpfulness

This got better with my self-esteem too, thankfully. But goes hand-in-hand with people-pleasing and selflessness: you change your life for others, for their sake, because deep inside, you want them to accept and choose you.

Spoiler alert: that only makes you a doormat!

I don't apologize for existing anymore and learned to say "thank you" instead of "sorry." It's not very "attractive" because you're not so easy to manipulate anymore or take on the blame for every little thing.

-> Super active imagination (world building or rescuing someone)

Same answer as maladaptive day dreaming.

World building and fantasy are not bad things by themselves, they can be really powerful tools to recovery, actually! It's just how you use them that matters... also, it's a very fun for artists/writers such as myself.

-> Feeling isolated even if you're around people

Probably the issue I've been talking about, with the different types of loneliness, and that fulfilling the outermost spheres of connection needs with socialization don't really do much to help with the innermost ones, therefore you might remain disconnected or worse: being around people while not having your needs met/issues addressed becomes a trigger that leads you to avoid people even more.

-> Becoming obsessive with friendships

In my case, I become obsessive with connections in general, friendships included. The deeper they get, the worst it feels because of all the paranoia about rejection/abandonment, seeing that actually happen every time, hurting and traumatizing myself over and over again because of the same things, trying different approaches with different kinds of people that end up with similar outcomes anyway, and being unable to find any solution that works long term.

You just watch your friendships "die" one after another.

-> Constantly talking to yourself

See: this whole journal.

Being alone for long enough can drive you mad. I can say for sure I feel very "abnormal" and it has to do with being chronically alone, yes.

-> Strong connection to animals or plants

The places I feel at peace the most are when I'm in nature, around plants, tress and all kinds of creatures. It's a good way to experience solitude (when I'm able to do that), and it's really good for you.

I have always loved animals too, seeing them outside is always a highlight of my day. I notice I'm always looking for them, when people are usually too busy, lost in their thoughts or in their phones. It's a really interesting thing in my eyes. We're all human but the way I experience my life and my day feels so alien compared to other people's.

-> Make up stories to make yourself seem "tough" for attention or connection

I think this comes with trauma, too. You want to be heard, you want people to look at you, you might even want someone to save you. Everyone loves stories of survival, right? Of how you overcame adversity, how you didn't break... you might wear these as badges of honour you can "show off" to others, as long as you remain "healthy," that is.

#avpd #avoidance #avoidant #avoidant personality disorder #inanis post #loneliness

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kathrinesadventures · 8 months

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Alright! An update!

For those who are following my Patreon, I know I said I’d release it on the first of this month but uhhh… Yeah, thing kinda got a bit out of hand. More importantly, the scene where you burn Harag’s “house.” You can fully skip it but it’s 9K (Might go to 12-13K as I said, getting outta hand). You’ll also find a lot of things so I suggest you don’t, but then again, I’m giving you so many options because I want your options to matter. Whether it’s burning down someone’s house, or choosing just how loving you want to be towards your rift walkers.

Now, onto the updates!

First off, I just want to thank all my Patreons and Ko-fi (I know there aren't any yet but thank you all future supporters! <3). They’ve been a massive motivation and I may have had an emotional breakdown this week over “OHMIGOSH PEOPLE ARE STILL SUPPORTING ME ” So haha, yeah. Thanks, everyone. You guys are awesome <3 I might also hold a poll there to choose a short story so yeah!

The game is at 44K (Yep, you heard that right. That’s almost 9K words from last week >:3) I’m gonna try to push myself really hard this week because on the 10th or 11th I’m gonna have to go camp at my professor’s house so he doesn’t send us on an unpaid internship. (A lot of reasons for me doing that, but first and foremost would be that I already left my previous job hence why I’m able to write 9K a week, but also cause It’s unpaid and a 9-10/11 job instead of a 9-5 (cause of me learning and such) along with other subjects in Uni, and then tutoring kids as well, it just leaves me no time to spend on the book, even if I pull all-nighters like I used to.). Dunno how long it’ll take for that but I won’t be alone so yeah, I am going to push really hard to release a Patreon version on the 8th or 9th (Imma try to release it on Friday or Saturday but I want this to be as perfec and enjoyable). (I think I might be oversharing, do tell me if I am;-; )

I’m just gonna leave this here cause I’m having way too much fun with the game.

Three heartfelt moments with Thor and two with Laurel, you can now extort a femboy from Harag (I was thinking of having you send Laurel to extort a femboy from a 12-year-old and also beat him up and take his money cause that’s literally what Pokemon was lmao but then I thought “Hey! This is even better!” As such, you can punch Harag where it hurts the most… well, not between his legs, but you’ll get the time to do that later.

A lot of world-building was done… and by a lot, I mean I referenced to like, 4 or 5 things BUT HEY! PROGRESS IS PROGRESS >:c

Annnddd that’s all folks! Thanks for coming to my TED talk, have an amazing weekday! Remember to sleep well, eat well, and drink well! (Cause I don’t lmao) Love ya’ll

#femboy dating adventure #choice script #choice of games #armored femboy #femboy dating simulator #hosted games #if #interactivefiction #interactive fiction

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edge-oftheworld · 1 month

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“yknow as a fandom I think we could do a better job of appreciating Sierra Deaton”

No just have less appreciating Sierra cause she’s been anti-black, a creep towards fans, invalidated a 5sos fan’s mental health because they’re a fan, trauma dumped on young fans and overshared, slut shamed Ashton, and so on and so forth

hey anon!! Thanks for this concise little list. But seriously, thanks for making me think and pull together a bunch of ideas in my head; I hope in this essay really you can see some of my thought process. I can’t imagine how hard it’d be to be reaching out with something really hard and expect compassion and get a negative interaction instead—if that was you or whoever it is I hope they’re doing better and finding community and people who care. And I don’t want to pretend she’s perfect or has done everything right, we know that’s not how it is, Sierra knows that, Luke knows that, so does, idk, God.

and I’ll admit I’m a bit old fashioned when it comes to cancelling people and I do like to try and see the good in people where possible—sometimes imo it’s the only way to get any positive change. to look beyond the superficial where someone might lash out—is it in malice, or fear, a momentary impulse they might regret later or maybe realise for some reason were pushed to a point where they couldn’t manage anything better. I know I’ve been to that point and I know how I spiral if I don’t know how to forgive myself. I also know this is a fandom where shit gets real and we’re young and hurting and sometimes that just makes us defenceless against our idols and those around them being human, and the shitty side of human we all have potential to become too. And we live in an era of systemic racism and lack of access to mental health services which both causes and exacerbates so many issues that, was the world not so anti-black; had every mentally ill child and youth a support network in real life (instead of the way many of us often spend years only ever feeling seen by the songs we listen to, 5sos songs easily filling in that need)—we might be a little more able to be like ‘wtf that’s not cool but that’s a her problem’ and move on. and can I say we do deserve a world that doesn’t discriminate. And in order to get what we deserve we have to make it. and in order to make it we have to learn how to do better and let people learn to do better—these people aren’t going anywhere. somehow bad people have to turn into good people and yes in order to do that they have to be made accountable. Repentance is truly a beautiful thing; it’s also something that can’t happen when we feel scared and in our survival brain. When we feel like that we tend to easily get into us vs them and dig deeper into our (often wrong) convictions and that’s actually an evolutionary response to when we have to fight against predators; we don’t have time to think ‘but what if they’re actually in the right’ when we’re fighting for our lives.

and this isn’t the place to psychoanalyse Sierra. I don’t know exactly what goes on in her head, I don’t know if she’s sorry or even remembers these things but I do know the rift between her and fans has been quite heated and even scary at some points over the years. And maybe I have the privilege of never being someone who has been hurt by her to have grace for the fact that ‘gotta be nice to this fan they’re having an experience of a lifetime to be interacting with my partner and I’m gonna give the benefit of the doubt that they’re not one of the individuals in a sea of fans who all look identical to me sending me death threats’ is a hell of a lot to put your brain through every single day. If she (and it’s not if, we know she did) make mistakes. If there was too much trauma to hold and she put it out on the internet to cope in a season of her life. If the insecurity became jealousy of one of the most important people in her s/o’s life which became insults that were thrown around back in high school before everyone realised how uncool they were and tried to stop using them but they were still burned in their brains to come out on impulse (I actually have no idea how that specific event went down, or if there were one or multiple). I hope they sorted that out internally; I don’t know what else I can do but trust that it’s something they’re capable of doing and care for each other enough as a group of friends and songwriters to do.

I wanted to save the lateral racism example for last because I feel like everything above is kind of a metaphor for it, if you follow. I’m coming from a place where I’m southeast asian and part white living in a largely western country, so is Sierra, so I’m automatically going to see her as ‘like me’ (and can I say how rarely I get this kind of representation?) whereas if you’re black, or if you find your experience more relatable to blackness, then you’re going to experience this very differently. I can’t know your experience. I also know that asians can be brutal in this area: it’s the reason my childhood best friend hasn’t told her dad she got engaged to her partner nearly a year ago. Lateral racism isn’t okay. But unfortunately what happens is often when you’re discriminated against in some ways we’re conditioned to take the side of the oppressor against someone who’s discriminated against in other ways. It’s all ‘okay maybe I’m x and I should be y but at least I’m not z’ and again it’s that evolutionary survival instinct to not be at the bottom of the pile; channeled in horrible ways into today’s society. It takes a lot of effort and self awareness to be like ‘we’re united in this experience of being oppressed, together we have the power to make a stand that this is Not Cool’ and most of us fail the first few times. but what’s important is we keep trying. we can all heal together when we do.

so anon I have no idea who you are or your background or how much you’ve had to wrestle with this yourself, if you’ve had to stand up against communities who were hostile, if you’ve had to do this while being discriminated against from outside as well, if you know the experience of not fully being one race but not fully being another etc. and also you’ve got no obligation to like Sierra, this is such unsolicited advice but this whole release period for boy ep I’ve really just been thinking ‘it’s healthy to feel our feelings even when it’s not always pleasant isn’t it’ and wherever that hurt is please love it embrace it bring it into the light whatever you do to realise you’re valuable and you don’t have anything to be ashamed of. even your mistakes and where you’ve hurt people and regret that, you’re gonna grow so much from that and have so many chances to do better. maybe you’re young and you haven’t had the chance to hurt anyone yet. I hope you manage to stay that way but if you do, I hope you can forgive yourself too. I hope you dip your toes in activism for Black Lives Matter, for mental health, for sex positivity, I can see you really value these things and that’s really encouraging to see.

and in the end: sometimes I have to be annoyingly human and come down to the fact that I really enjoy the songs that Sierra writes. I’ve fanned enough about gothic summer on this blog already. I enjoy the things she writes and so I listen to them, and I’m not actively boycotting Sierra specifically, I love the creative outcomes when she works with 5sos as a whole, with Luke, with other artists I love as well. As a result I do care about her as a person, I always do, and hey, I respect her funny little routine donations and the undertones of her UNICEF donation back in October and the random animal sanctuary and the occasional nod to some Australian mental health charity.

I’ve inferred a lot about how much more relaxed and at ease and free to feel things and process life at his own pace Luke seems to be with her than beforehand—and the fan in me who’s so protective of these guys just desperately wants someone to be there for them in ways that really matter and I feel like we have seen that, even despite the often rocky nature of the relationship between Sierra and Luke’s fans. Luke is someone I relate to a lot, and there are some experiences that are really hard to come back from, and I’m really proud of him right now and I do get the impression being with Sierra has really helped him get there. I don’t know for sure, I could be wrong, but I’m always going to be grateful when celebrities get to be human and not have their lives and choices dictated by fans either directly or indirectly. I’ll take the allies I can in my activism and even if there are criticisms around sincerity I do generally see Sierra trying and I want to appreciate that. I don’t want to say she hasn’t hurt anyone ever and I pray for resolution and peace for the fans, for Ashton, for her, for the Black community in general, for everyone who’s been hurt in the wake of colonialism and the generational trauma it breeds. And then I’ll go listen to bloodline and think, maybe in some ways we were born inheriting the sins of our parents before we knew better. But every day I discover ways of choosing better and compassion takes us so far and I hope every day I learn a bit more about how to channel that.

thank you for the ask, it really got me thinking and the opportunity to compile some thoughts I’d had that I didn’t realise formed a neat little mindmap around Sierra as a case study!! Much more fun than regular sociology. And I didn’t even get to delve into the political history of Saigon that I’ve been trying to understand more about!!

#decolonisation ariel strikes again #doesn’t capture global racism and the impacts of power structures perfectly I know but it’s my best #and I feel like it needed to be said so. there’s so much art to creating a better world honestly #I hope the activist in you finds this essay satisfying #sierra deaton #luke hemmings #5sos #5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin #calum hood #michael clifford #sorry if the first paragraph comes across a bit bitchy I genuinely had no idea where to start #I think I get nicer as it goes on but hopefully it wasn’t bitchy to begin with but like. if it was that’s on me #should I have an asks tag?? I don’t think I get many on this blog #anyway don’t mind my sorting tags I use for my main idk if it even works to bring them here #silver bridges #decolonise #decolonisation #<-should check which one it is lol; if you saw this from the tag expecting a decolonisation post I hope this wasn’t too weird

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yellowclem · 2 years

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Okey dokes, here we go. I’ve a thought to add that I haven’t seen expressed yet. It’ll be rambley.

Bisexuality can be complex. I was in my early 20s when I came out before which I had identified as straight with no turmoil or hiding anything related to my sexuality. However what I did have is childhood trauma and a not so healthy view of relationships/ attachment style. So after going through a tonne of therapy to help me with that (nothing to do with my sexuality, I never once speculated about it during a session, though I have always been a fierce ally and will always be so) I got to a point where I felt deserving of love. Now, I am sexually attracted to men but suddenly when I was like huh I can let someone truly love me, I realised that I wanted that with a woman. The way I CURRENTLY view this is that I am sexually attracted to all genders, but also romantically attracted to women. I now have the most beautiful wife and am incredibly happy with a healthy and fun relationship. I’m not sure as a teen full of hormones, I’d have been able to think about the difference between who I wanted to love and be loved by and who I just wanted to have sex with. But a bisexual person might have to go through that thought process to understand it enough to come out and feel confident and happy about it.

My thoughts and feelings and how I identify the intricacies of my bisexuality are still changing and I cannot imagine having to dissect that publicly and justify every relationship or move. If I had been really forced and bullied to think about it when I was actively an ally and identifying as straight (because default, ugh), well that would have been incredibly painful and perhaps I’d have never been able to go on that journey that I needed to go on to discover that I can truly love and be loved. And in that situation, if I’d had to ANNOUNCE something, well I definitely wouldn’t have felt like I could develop my own understanding of my sexuality any further and potentially change my label.

Also, if my bisexuality presented in a different way and I was sexually attracted to all genders but romantically attracted to men and all of my relationships were hetero presenting, I would STILL be bisexual. Having a one night stand or short fling with a woman would not be “experimenting” the same as any of my previous relations with men have never been seen as ‘experimenting’ because they were straight presenting.

And even though I’ve dissected this a bit here, no one deserves to know this level of detail about my life. It feels too much, it feels like oversharing. It IS too much. And that is what ‘fans’ were asking of an 18 year old.

And you might be thinking, well we didn’t know Kit was bi and so we didn’t know his journey could potentially be this complicated. EXACTLY, we didn’t know. And rampant biphobia means you either didn’t consider it an option or you didn’t understand how complicated that could be.

TLDR; bisexuality is complex. Anyone who wanted an 18 year old to dig into that and then publicly justify themselves is an absolute ignorant twat.

#bisexuality #bisexuality can be complex #biphobia #just be kind #heartstopper #nick nelson #nick and charlie #charlie spring #kit connor #he didnt deserve that #just a flow of thoughts #I’m very upset and angry #and just really disappointed #the bisexual joy I felt from heartstopper has taken a hit #it is unlikely he will but if kit does decide to change his label in the future then that is fucking valid #and a product of being forced to come out to early

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shinwoo · 1 year

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LOVE IS IN THE AIR~ (and chocolates behind your backs)

if you were debating getting your special someone some special valentine's day chocolates, this is your sign that yes, you ARE going to get your special someone chocolates >:)

— but you still have a week to decide if you're still thinking...

ANYWAYS!

i have decided to be the middle man, the bridge if you will, this valentine's day between you and your 2D lover by delivering your chocolates to them and passing along their return gifts to you this march 14, 2023 (mark your calendars, it's also on a tuesday)

STATUS: CLOSED (as of 2/15/2023)

keep reading for details and logistics :)

but first, the chocolate - will you choose to make:

— milk chocolate? : drabble

what i need from you:

your preferred name/alias + pronouns

your character of choice (fandoms will be listed below)

au (unspecified will be unspecified)

a bit about you! (whatever you're comfortable with sharing)

your preferred dates - just to get some inspo and learn more about you

just anything and everything you think might be helpful for me

— dark chocolate? : dialogue drabble

what i need from you:

same as the stuff for milk (drabble) but with a dialogue that i will use [for redundancy's sake, please nothing like "i love you" or "be my valentine?" or anything like that — come on people, be creative!]

— white chocolate? : chibi self-ship art

what i need from you:

a picrew or picture of you (note, this will NOT be posted and immediately deleted after completion of your request - you can also request a screen recording of me deleting it if that will help you feel better) - please make any pictures/references pictures and not like a link or anything like that (i might delete your request if this isn't followed)

your character of choice (fandoms will be listed below)

max. of 3 (THREE) add-ons:

speech bubble(s) (your choice of dialogue - default is none)

pose (default will be some generic couple's pose)

au (default is "modern" au)

clothes (default is going to be casual/my choice)

background (default will be white - transparent is an option btw!)

other (any other special requests that you have that i didn't think of)

if you give more than 3, i will only do the first 3

what to expect on white day (march 14, 2023):

the drabble/dialogue drabble/chibi art + a little surprise from them!

BY THE WAY: the request itself that you send in my inbox won't be posted (the "return gifts" will be posted in a separate post with a tag to you), so don't worry about oversharing or doing "too much" because you won't be and no one else but me will see :) — with that being said, i will allow anon requests (however, please understand that you will not be able to be tagged... if you're okay with that though then by all means, have at it!)

STILL CONFUSED?: i'm holding a valentine's day event where you'll request the "chocolate" (details above) for your special someone - then on march 14, 2023 (or white day), they will send you a return gift - all requests to be sent to my ask box please! there are no slots but please be sure to send by the due date! and only one per person! the drabbles will be personalized for you (which is why the more information the better - about you, the self-ship, whatever is necessary for the best possible gift!)

WHEN TO SUBMIT BY: february 14, 2023

FANDOMS TO CHOOSE FROM (remember, only one!):

haikyuu

tears of themis

genshin impact

you are welcome to "suggest" a character who is not in one of the listed fandoms (but have a backup from the list in case i don't know them) - please no blue lock or csm, i have not watched any of the blue lock/csm eps yet (and yes still, i'm sorry alsfdkasdfj) :,)))

happy requesting :)

if you have any further questions/concerns, please ask! i'd be happy to help/answer

ps. i'm still deciding on a generic tag for this event so stay tuned if you want to filter it out - i'll post an update!

#koi's valentine's day event 2023

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tomatoluvr69 · 3 months

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Sorry you’re experiencing sad events:(

Ah thank you, it is quite alright…I am good at grief, it’s familiar to me…the rest of this got slightly lengthy so I’m putting it beneath a cut because obviously I have no idea who reading this might not care to be reminded of loss.

I’m not lucky of course to have gone through a significant loss during adolescence…but I am very lucky that I took from that experience the epiphany that to begin to heal, you must feel it fully and let it ravage you as much as physically possible…while maintaining as much of a standard of care for yourself as possible. Maybe not “you” so much as me— that’s what I’ve found helps me. I think a lot about Victorian mourning customs, or the practice of sitting shivah, etc. (I know there are more worldwide, these are just the ones I’m most familiar with due to cultural proximity); and how much a period of battening down the hatches and hunkering down and giving yourself up as a tide of feelings beyond your control comes in to wash over you can/should be engrained within both the structures of society and within the way we think about our own emotional trajectories surrounding loss. I live with someone in death care, at an eco-burial cemetery, and something that has resonated with me from him & from other friends who have worked there is that the difference in closure journeys between people who go through a traditional American funerary process (i.e. taboo, compartmentalized, jarring…I have a lot of thoughts about funerals in this culture and the way they injure the living but that’s a long ol thang and I don’t have it in me right now) versus the families and close ones of the decedents at the green sanctuary who are getting fucking down and dirty with the process— they are digging the grave with him, they are picking out the headstones, they are watching their loved ones lowered manually in nothing but a shroud (and sometimes some garments inside it), they are picking up a shovel and placing the earth back on top, they are creating wreaths out of pine boughs and wildflowers six foot in diameter above the mound…these are the ones who come back to the sanctuary months later and speak about how being involved with their grief allowed…something to occur. All of this is secondhand for me, my friends **** and *** could say this so much better but I’m not going to tell them about tumblr lmfao.

This has gotten away from me. Point is that I have accepted long ago the need for grief, (and the concept of grief as the natural continuation of love) and I can look it square in the eye and face it head on. Does it still fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucking suck?? Yes. Is it easier for me if I transition intentionally into a languid state like a brumating lizard…also yes…which is where I’m at right now.

So I am doing alright (all things considered that is) & just must force myself at gunpoint to give myself extreme grace and allow for levels of rest and behaviors that I would not ordinarily indulge in routinely…I’m coming out of the worst of the shock & able to go about some of my normal activities. And also in this particular case I’d known it was coming for a long time, it just happened months earlier than expected, which is a whole nother feeling as well… Mostly I’m just listening to a lot of familiar and beloved comfort music, meal prepping big batches of things when I’ve got some energy so I can just eat from them when I’m feeling really rough, and pouring myself into garden prep which was the most beautiful and profound balm for me when I experienced the last death of a loved one in spring of 2020. This won’t be as difficult, I won’t get into specifics…but I anticipate a lot of garden time as like…stopgap therapy again. Anyways this sort of turned into a diary entry and I’ve done enough oversharing on my blog for the day…thanks for the kind wishes. I will be okay, but part and parcel with that for me is accepting that I won’t be okay for a while and just changing my expectations and standards for myself and my lifestyle into realistic ones, and also just straight up letting myself lie down feeling bad with generous frequency so it can have time to build and then dissipate naturally like it must if i would like to ever move on. If I feel it, then I can process it. It’s in trying to ignore it and shove it aside without confronting the truth of loss and change that the grief gets stuck and begins to morph and malinger into deep spiraling harm, in my incredibly limited (I’m super young and never lost a parent/sibling/partner/child) experience

#asks

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kotoyin · 1 year

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[ TXT from @mnstcrbnll SIRIO ]

GREETINGS STARDUST, AND WELCOME TO SECRETS FROM THE STARS! I hope you're ready to do your best and find out who your secret belongs to. Remember to follow the rules, and be ready to gain as many points as possible! The rules are well explained on the blog ☆

YOUR SECRET IS:

- I have had done something naughty in the break room or my place of work

GOOD LUCK! SIRIO GALASSIA ☆

Face puckering as she reads the text, she starts to voice her thoughts out loud to nobody in particular. "Wow. Too much information. But also too vague!! But, you gotta admire anyone who has the balls to confess something like that on reality TV!"

Let's think logically. It wouldn't be any of the kids—Ree, Willow & Anzu are off the cards.

She's pretty sure that Riley dude doesn't have a job so that means no place to get naughty in. Strelitzia, Grusha, Volkner and Moylayne all have gyms that could have break rooms in but they all seem too private or reserved to talk about their sex lives so openly.

Same with Rika, her twitter is so dead. Way too corporate. She probably wouldn't want the attention confessing this would bring.

Then Sada… well she is kinda wild, sure, and she's married to another professor. Maybe they'd have done something freaky in the lab but what kinda self respecting pokémon professor announces parts of their sex life to the public like this? Don't they all work with kids?

The last five, she's not so sure about.

The woman called Mable is a scientist, or something? So not as high profile as the league members, so she might feel a little more able to talk about her sexual encounters. But something tells her she's not the type, she can't imagine that secret coming out of Mable's mouth.

A freak like Proton would totally gloat about something like this on TV, would probably be cackling like a frickin' gastly when he heard Sirio give her his secret.

That Francis seems like a real weirdo too, like, yeah, she's pretty high energy herself but that girl is too much. Definitely seems like the type to overshare. Burto too, that's a mans-man if ever she saw one. He's probably bragging about all the sex he's having on a daily basis.

But she doesn't feel certain about any of them. Treating public sex like it's something that makes a scandalous confession…

There's a horrible, queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. There's one player that definitely has a workplace to have been naughty in. Someone who Silver has told her can be a little impulsive. Someone who was scandalized when Sirio and Etna poked fun at his secret.

"Oh my god. This is so—is it Mr. Looker?!"

#❥ EVNT. 《 STARDUST SECRETS 》ready or not‚ i’ll sniff you out!#❥ 《 ANSWERED 》 you have one new message on your pokégear.#plane if it's not john i am so sorry bestie. i hope it's NOT she does not like it #i feel like it might have been burto but. that's not as funny is it #why doesn't she suspect the gym leaders?? hero worship #i hope this doesn't sound sex negative it's her Catholic Guilt speaking

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kdsburneraccount · 10 months

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What's something about your work that you're dying to talk about?

Ooh this is a very good question! Thought a lot abt it, sorry if the response is very delayed.

I think because I haven't posted fic in like... half a year my desire to overshare on my progress has kind of dried up. But I was recently reminded of this one WIP I had about Odell/Jarvis with the added element about the red string of fate so I'll talk about that (the closest I will get to working on it).

Basically it follows their lives from high school when they first met at some interstate tournament. I'm pretty sure it's all from Odell's POV, not sure why I chose to do that but it was probably because his experiences were more interesting to me at the time to narrate through. They meet and exchange phone numbers, thus establishing a friendship, and a kind of rapport over similar experiences.

(The way I set up red strings of fate is that people are able to see their own strings and who they're tied to, which is usually their soulmate. But they're not perfect and sometimes the strings can break because whoever they were linked to ended up forming a stronger emotional connection to someone else.)

So Odell's string breaks at some point and he's not really sure if it's his own fault, despite having never met whoever it was supposed to be. There's also the fact that his parents are separated and he's being aware of the fact that he might also be into guys, which factors into Odell feeling generally very hesitant about love. Especially because he's going to go to a D1 school on a scholarship, and something like that would be pretty heavily frowned upon. Something something the expectation of male athletes to be masculine and not be burdened by feelings. But Jarvis does make him feel better whenever they hang out, even if they live like 50 miles apart.

But anyways they both end up going to LSU and here is where I basically stopped outlining but it's good. It's just easy to hang out with Jarvis, and Odell may or may not develop feelings? But at the same time it seems like Jarvis has already found his soulmate, so yeah. Unrequited feelings. And they're roommates. I feel like I would've just inserted some moment where they're on the verge of acting on those feelings but. I didn't write that far. Also include the part where Odell practices how to one-hand catch bc that's important of course.

I feel like I would've explored a good amount about how the sudden fame in the NFL gets to Odell, and how Jarvis is there to ground him. But long story short is that a lot of things happen and eventually feelings are discovered and they get together but it takes a very long time. (Unfortunately everything besides the relationship is "canon compliant" in the sense that all the timeline events align so yeah) Uhh I think that their strings somehow become linked bc I was one of those people who didn't know how to subvert expectations. But that happens! Yeah. Nice to ramble abt something I haven't looked at in a while.

#i was weirdly interested in soulmate fic in early 2022.#like i have a wip abt old white qbs in the 2000s having soulbonds. distressing.#might get to that in the next five years who knows #sorry if this was not really what you were looking for #i just kinda remembered this was in my google docs #shoutout jardell gotta be one of the pairings of all time #nfl #asks #odell beckham jr #jarvis landry

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tellywoodtrash · 1 year

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// trigger warning for abuse and panic attacks //

hello TT. I'm so sorry for oversharing but i literally don't know what to do right know.

I'm 18 and my parents are abusive in an physical, mental, emotional, and every other sense.

I'm going to college this year and for years i thought that if i could just move away for college, i would be able to heal away from them. i would finally be free.

but they didn't let me apply to any out-of-state colleges. so now I'm stuck with them till idek how long. i wish i could just rent a tiny appartment or something but i don't have the money. and i can't live in any in state hostels either because they don't accept students who live in the same state.

as a result, my depression and anxiety has gotten so much worse. im having multiple panic attacks a day and i don't know what to do.

i don't know how i will survive anymore torture from them. i don't see a way out for myself. what should I do?

Dearest baby friend,

First offf, sending you biggest and tightest hugs. You are being very brave reaching out to me through your pain.

Crappy parents are just a shitty lottery result, and the worst bit is, you cannot change them. What you can change however, is how you react to them. It will take a lot of work, but train yourself to not hear the shitty things they say to you. It's extreeeemely difficult to grow out of wanting your parents' approval (esp. for us desis) but that's what you've got to do. By now you must have realised that no matter what you do, there's no pleasing them. So fuck it. Do what you think is right (PRUDENTLY, within reason; try not to rock the boat too much) and fuck their opinion. It's just white noise. Stop allowing them to affect your mood. Free yourself from them emotionally, and you'll see a lot of their power over you is diminished.

Is there anyone in the extended family you could reach out to? An aunt/uncle/grandparent etc? Maybe just work on forming a bond with someone like that, an adult whom you can trust to have your wellbeing at heart. Worst situation, you can move out to their place. But that's just in case of emergencies.

Now that you're starting college, I assume you'll have a little more freedom than you did in school, time wise. Try and use that to spend as much time away from your parents, whether it be in the college library, or with friends, etc. Come back home at reasonable times, and then just say you're exhausted and go be in your own space. Try and build a life outside of home and treat this just as a place to come rest your head at night.

Most importantly, you need to start creating an action plan to become financially independent as soon as feasibly possible. The sooner you have your own money, the quicker you can break your parents' control over you. You can move out to PGs or working women's hostels, or whatever. There are a buncha places that will pay you for small online tasks, like fiverr and upwork and stuff. All you need is your computer and an internet connection. If you have skills like graphic design and video editing etc, even better. Do some research into those. Depending on your college major, your professors might be able to help you get some small stuff within the college as well, as a research assistant or something of the sort. If/when you find a professor you form a good bond with, tell them you're interested in participating in projects or whatever, and that they should keep you in mind. These professors will also be able to give you good recommendation letters and connections when you graduate and are looking to move into the job market.

Since you don't have much disposable income rn, I realise it might not be feasible to suggest therapy to you; but please know there are online options that take like, a 1000 - 2000 bucks per session (look up The Mind Clan.) If that's not possible, I'd like you to try doing some self therapeutic reading that might be helpful. Research books written by professionals in the field (for eg Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Dr. Susan Forward; and Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, and How You Can Heal by Donna Jackson Nakazawa) and absorb their messages and do the exercises if any, to help yourself understand how this relationship has affected both your mental and physical health, identify patterns that you may have built up as defense mechanisms to cope, and how to move forward with healing.

Please know, that you WILL eventually make it out of this situation. Maybe not now, maybe not in the current foreseeable future; but eventually you WILL become financially and emotionally independent from your parents and will be able to do as you wish. It's just about hanging in there a little longer. Use this time to prepare yourself to be self sufficient in the real world, and freedom shall come sooner than later.

Please take care of yourself in the meantime. I love you lots and am rooting for you.

#big sister tt gives life advice #tt answers

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roleplay-abiogenesis2 · 5 months

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[Sensitive] Let's Talk RP and Mental Illness

//Hello hello, Saru-mun here to post a lil disclaimer that I felt to be due on my blog for quite some time now.

Let me preface all this by saying that yours truly has past and present long-lived experiences with mental illness, as someone affected directly by it and even indirectly when co-existing with others affected by it. Nothing in this post comes from a place of ignorance, intolerance, or even indifference to it.

I've always been a reserved person when it comes to my personal mental health. Oversharing and "trauma-dumping" have put a stigma on being overly open about these things, and I for one loathe the idea of being labeled as the person "playing the victim card". That said, I'm happy to find that this personal choice of mine does not reflect in my writing and roleplay. I like to write on these topics and explore their intricate and deep thematics like most other people here.

With THAT said as well however, I am also someone who puts a priority on realism before all else.

We live in a very lucky time for mental health awareness. Psychology studies have made leaps and bounds and uncovered, identified and explained many aspects of mental illness that I still remember being completely misunderstood and unheard of when I was a child. I think it is great and am thankful for this progress.

This however is due to the world we live in and the many advancements research has made over the years. This is a factor that I am never unaware of and that I am unwilling to cheapen by pretending it's to be given for granted.

What does it mean exactly? It means that when writing in settings that do not match our present-day progress, I will keep that in mind and have my muses match the emotional intelligence and knowledge that I would expect to be average in the world and universe they live in.

You probably should not expect Cyno the desert-dweller with a degree in elemental studies to know much about things like autism, PTSD, identity disorders or depression. The world he belongs to simply does not reflect that degree of awareness towards these conditions and as such, characters that belong in it should not be expected to understand them like we do in real life.

What should you expect? Ignorance and the mistakes born from it. Expect him to think your muse with executive dysfunction is lazy. To point out smell and filth if they are not able to keep up with their hygiene. Expect him to be confused by things like panic attacks, or to not understand one's deep-rooted anxieties.

In fact, Cyno himself has some degree of mental health problems that he is completely unaware of. And I've made him this way on purpose, because I remember the way I behaved about my own mental illness when I lived in a time where it was poorly understood. I downplayed it to personal flaws of mine that I should overcome.

You should expect this from any of my muses who live in a universe that is not as advanced as our real lifetime. My Mystic Messenger characters for example are more likely to be aware of these issues compared to, say, my Japanese feudal era demon lord character.

Why have I decided to go this route? Because I think mental health is important, and so is its history. I do not like the idea of pretending that the problems surrounding it and our understanding of mental illness never existed. These are stories that truly happened, and I want my readers to remember this, because it is by its mistakes that humankind has learned to be better. I want the ignorance of my muses to be a lesson, and a warning.

With that out of the way, I am making this post because the last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable. If you think something like a negative or indifferent reaction to your muse's mental illness might be something too insensitive for you to handle, then please, please please refrain from bringing these topics to the table with my muses.

You can talk to me OOCly if you're unsure how my muses would respond to these topics as well. I don't like breaking character (or what I perceive to be in-character for my muse anyway), but I am open to discussion and compromise on the language used in my responses if it will help you be comfortable with my portrayal more. A solution can almost always be found.

This turned stupid long already, so I'll be back to draft mountain now. You be good and stay off my soda.

Saru-mun\\

#00a || saru-mun is still alive! [ooc]#cw: mental illness mention

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