#this is actually my worst habit

[somegrumpynerd]

Thinking about how Nightmare has 4 mortals and 3 of them are so so bad at taking care of themselves

#UTDR #UTMV #My Art #Truce au #Killer Sans #Dust Sans #Cross Sans #Horror Sans #Nightmare Sans #''I don't feel like drawing a bunch I'll just do a quick silly doodle'' sits up until 1am finishing this #But this is about their bad habits not mine so #Killer and Cross are the worst offenders for sleep but they're pretty managable #Dust is the worst for food but Horror can coax him into enough food to get by #Horror was - for a short time when he first joined - Nightmare's clear favourite #Because he would actually ASK for things when he needed them #(Not that his joining didn't have problems of it's own but y'know #Nightmare was starting to expect it at this point) #I should ramble for 10 pages about the boys joining the gang someday #Not now cause I'm going to bed but y'know #Anyway goodnight gang!

[gxlden-angels]

do you have any thoughts on the story of abraham and isaac? my parents talk about it and praise abraham for being willing to kill his son which..... scares me to say the least, and i'd love to hear your perspective as someone who seems more well-adjusted

Where I am now, it disgusts me more than anything. The interpretation of "I'm willing to sacrifice your life if I was told to" feels like the step before "I put you into this world and I can take you out of it." It's entitlement to a child, who is an independent individual, just because they are dependent on you for survival. I prefer the interpretation of understanding the actions you're taking and the reasons why (like how there's multiple religions that don't eat pork because it was so unsafe to eat at the time), especially if it's at someone else's expense.

Where I was in the thick of it all, it gave me morbid comfort that scares me now. I had fantasies of being a martyr for the church and the idea of being the next Isaac was just so appealing. Being a hand-selected sacrifice chosen by the Good Lord Himself? Sign me the fuck up, babey!

I think if I admitted that to my family, they'd be horrified.

It's another one of those stories or beliefs where I think the majority of christians just regurgitate what they've heard. It's a point of pride and devotion, but there's no personal reflection or cross-cultural awareness of it. Lean not unto your own understanding and whatnot. It's the potential that scares me the most, like the Quiverfull movement with the Duggars or Turpins. I'm sure there's stories now, but I can't remember them off the top of my head

(Also I will be telling my therapist someone on Tumblr called me "more well-adjusted" thank you anon)

#My therapist has called me 'surprisingly well-adjusted' before #He has since retracted that title and given it back multiple times #I don't know if you relate more to the 'Scared of my parents for praising that' or the 'Scared that I was okay with that' part #maybe both #either way the cycle ends here with you #No more bible quips and quotes that harm you and others. You find your own understanding and eventually it feels nice #It doesn't at first I will admit that. At first it feels like you're gonna go to Hell Right Here Right Now #But eventually you learn to trust yourself. It's a slow process. I've been in therapy for a good 6-7 years now #But one day you wake up and notice life feels more authentic. You feel like your values matter (and they actually do!) #And again it's slow. It's in bits and piece and back and forth. My worst habit is switching something from religious to moral #I highly recommend this type of therapy called ACT it's a CBT subtype #I'm usually not a fan of cbt so u know it helps if I recommend a subtype of it #CBT shit is so cheap I got a workbook from the library #this isnt relevant to the post but #my cat is trying to steal my burger king rn #it gets better (I have a cat) but progress isn't linear (eating burger king) #ex christian #religious trauma #anon tag

[introspectivememories]

in my head and in my heart, i know for a fact that all 3 todoroki children have really unfavorable habits that they got from endeavor.

fuyumi is mean. just honest to god mean. she doesn't even mean it most of them time. just being everyone's emotional support all the time causes her to suppress her meaner emotions and when someone pushes, it all comes out. but there is nothing in the world sharper than fuyumi's tongue on a bad day.

natsuo, ever the middle child. always there and always forgotten. natsuo is quick to get physically aggressive. never on people, god no. but he'll punch through walls like it's nothing. he's had his fingers broken and set more times than he can remember. he hates this part of himself. he already looks so much like enji, does he need to have his father's destructive rage too?

shouto... where to even begin with shouto. the child kept under enji's thumb the longest. shouto is more like enji than he would like to admit. he eats his food the way enji eats his food, greens first then everything else. he does his morning routine a near copy of his father's. this is what happens when you spend every waking moment of the first 15 years of your life with your abuser. that being said, shouto, ignoring the ever present constant thrum of anger that hides just below his skin, shouts a lot when he's angry. it comes from the chest, booming and seething. it scares people. he knows this and he hates that he cannot stop himself.

they don't like thinking about but when it happens all of them can't help but think i'm just like dad.

#god if touya lived long enough he probably would've picked up something really shitty #anyway mean!fuyumi is sooo true to me #that woman bottles up soo much in the hopes of being enough for the people around her #i think this is her worst habit? behavior? #physically aggressive!natsu is actually canon i think #the way he hit that doorframe at the family dinner.... yeah i know what you are #and shou. god i had the hardest time deciding what to choose for shou. #but in the end i went with the way he yelled at that cop after the stain incident #that kind of anger looked a little tooo natural on you my son #anyway i think the punching walls/throwing things started cause natsu was always an angry kid #and like there wasn't much he could do for his sister and brother and he was going crazy hearing his father beat the the shit out of shou #and one day he just snapped and punched the wall of the shed out back and god it felt sooo good and he didn't stop until fuyumi was pulling #him away screaming #god i love todofam angst #todoroki fuyumi #todoroki natsuo #todoroki shouto #todofam #bnha

[puppyeared]

man ok so you know the spiciness scale on menus that show you how spicy a dish is so you can order based on your tolerance. can we have that for sauces too please

#im being serious btw. the sauce to rice ratio is very important and sacred to me #whenever i eat at home i get to choose how much sauce i can have with my rice because i dont like absolutely dousing it but i still wanna b #able to taste it yanno. i dont do well with slippery/saucy foods and ive given up trying to understand it. it might be a sensory thing #i am so sorry to admit this on the soup website but i cant handle thick/chunky sauces or curry. forgive me #the worst part is that i actually can handle and even enjoy some like caldereta and congee. but its so hard to tell people ill eat this but #not that.. its embarassing because it feels like im making exceptions. which i am!! because its preference!! but alas #but anyway with the sauce scale. i was thinking it would be nice to include a scale for how much sauce you want with a dish #rather than just skirting away from a food because you feel like you cant handle the texture or feel unsure about it #sauce could be adjustable without completely changing the recipe so it would be more like a matter of quantity or serving size #also i feel like i can make cool names for the scale. like “light drizzle” to “sauceageddon” #im asian so when i eat sauce i pair it with rice and it works because the rice kind of cancels out or makes the sauce more tolerable for me #with caldereta i make it an even 50/50 because i can taste it in the rice without the texture getting in the way #but with pasta and sauce its normally 1/3 sauce because the pasta normally isnt enough to cancel it out #i also grew up with relatives making fun of my eating habits and i really really hate eating at restaurants and gatherings because of it #maybe its because they want to make sure im eating right but!! you dont have to call me out for my 1/3 portion of spaghetti sauce!! damn!!! #anyway im not sure if anyone feels the same abt this and maybe its just me. but it would be really nice to have this a normal thing #without judging ppl for their eating habits and preferences. on god #yapping #food ment #EDIT: ASKING FOR SAUCE ON THE SIDE. MY EYES HAVE BEEN OPENED. I DIDNT KNOW THAT WAS A THING

[azumasoroshi]

the shizu-chan song

just discovered the shizu-chan song by none other than johnny yong bosch. help me

id transcribe if i didnt have a final in 10 hours. maybe when i get back

oh nvm someone already wrote them out

this has similar energy as the bro duet song but like. in reverse bgskjdghjkgsd the no homo is for real

plus an animatic version and amv version because holy hell this is old

#i hear there's another shizuo song by johnny yong bosch according to the comments from 2017 but ill have to wait until yt recommends me it #anyway this makes me want to make a bro duet animatic for shizaya #which would be hilarious because. they're not bros #the ship dynamic of 'two guy best friends who maybe kiss sometimes' is very good but very not shizaya #so the spontaneous love confessions just come out of fucking nowhere during one of their fights #it would be really funny. trust #and probably better than the angst and self-denial festival i would make animating the actual shizu-chan song #i can already see the half-smiling-to-himself half-looks-like-he's-about-to-cry pining semi-regretful izaya face at the last shizu-chan #also. izaya guitar player headcanon hello #if someone can make an artist hobbyist izaya au i can make a guitar hobbyist izaya au #tbh izaya's more spontaneous and i feel like he wouldnt like all the hard work and practice time that goes into learning an instrument #like his main hobbies like parkour and switchblade throwing are stuff he gets to put into practice all the time and are more 'useful' #but instrument practice it's just him and his thoughts and callused hands for hours at a time #feel like he'd get frustrated pretty easily in that way #anyway wouldnt it be hot if izaya played the guitar LMFAOO fuck my characterization and let that man play fingerstyle #izaya playing piano is a somewhat popular headcanon anyway #god i have the worst habit of putting the entirety of my post into the tags. must be the incorrect lov joke bits spilling over #shizaya #shizuo heiwajima #izaya orihara #durarara #Youtube

[alternativeulster]

swiftie mutuals please know that i still love you i just cant help but be a hater

#my opinions on ts are complex #like i think she's an insanely good and hardworking performer #you cant ignore the amount of work it takes to perform something like her eras shows #AND i think that when she puts her mind to it she can really knock it out of the park with a great song #every album has at least one A+ song #like genuinely i think anti-hero was her best ever lyrically #and she's at her best when she leans into the sappy over the top vibe like w love story or ybwm #my main problem with her is ofc her excessive private jet use #i understand that shes too famous to fly commercial bc she'd get mobbed #but when travelling within a single country she could at least be using road travel #anyway #wrt her music my main issue is that a good 80% of it is very... bland #she doesn't really do anything new or push any boundaries artistically #just plays it safe #and her lyrics can be genuinely awful when she takes herself too seriously (1830s but without all the racists) #and that sucks bc when she DOES decide to explore a new concept or play a character #she generally makes something interesting and fun! #blank space was fun bc it was a play into the media's constructed narrative about her #reputation was. a choice. but i'll defend it for being something different and actually taking a risk #this is a long ass tags ramble but i guess my point is #shes a pop singer. shes a pop singer who makes catchy pop music and thats okay #but she has a habit of taking herself too seriously and trying to be a deep meaningful 'poet' type songwriter like phoebe bridgers etc #which is just. not at all what she's good at #her music needs an ounce of self awareness to be good but her new album completely lacks that #sigh #dont ever get a diploma in music theory worst mistake of my life

[bess3714]

I open Google Docs. I see an ocean of untitled docs. I close Google Docs.

#I have a problem and it's not naming my docs #or naming them poorly #one of my worst habits is using a character's name and a random word #that tells me nothing about what's actually in the doc #bess babbles #writer things

[phoenixcatch7]

Having so much fun with sb ruin, we haven't run into ANY major glitches never mind game breaking ones, and we've just done the new daycare section. Spoilers if you haven't got that far and want to play it, but I had some thoughts about Eclipse.

Now eclipse is something that's been in the fandom for a while, I think before even the balloon boy game was found, but it's never really been canon? I don't think the name ever appeared in game, but previously the only depiction of some secret third personality in the daycare attendant was the strange purple glitch in the minigame that revealed a red black glowing sun face with red eyes. It was all very threatening and spooky, and you are in a horror game after all (supposedly), so of course people imagined eclipse to be some ultra terrifying final line of defence for the daycare or the pizzaplex as a whole. Tall. Aggressive. Clever. Comes with a whole colour change to match, the way sun and moon do.

But ruin showed a completely different Eclipse! He (they? It?) was clear of mind (mostly, he was convinced the plex was running as normal), kind, and safe! He even gently dropped cassie off outside the play area! Even sun in sb physically threw us out in fury lmao. His eyes glowed different colours, his ARMS glowed different colours (that would have been so cool in sb), he had the rays and cap at the same time!

But why? What reason was eclipse programmed? In the daycare, there wouldn't have been any reason for him.

Well, there's the theory that sun and moon weren't originally created for the daycare, at least not solely. Instead, it's highly possible that they were made for the theatre next door.

Why? Well, for one, their design. Sun and moon are dressed like jesters, with bright colours and stripes, baggy trousers, curled toe slippers, and bells and ribbons on every limb. They bob and move in a way designed to jingle, with very long and articulate joints, even their head has a huge range of motion compared to the other animatronics. In fact, pretty much everything BUT their face is very expressive. It's as if they were designed to be seen at a distance. Exposed wires on the back of their head too, something none of the other animatronics have (being grabbed and hugged and climbed by kids all day, that's dangerous! To both them and the animatronics!)

The theatre, too, is designed and fitted for live performances. Though it is mostly a movie theatre now with a giant screen, there was still that badly programmed staff bot comedian (both in the game setting and its actual coding lmao) and the entire backstage area with dressing rooms, abandoned set pieces and undressed endos. The sun and moon faces are the theatre masks of joy and sorrow at its entrance. It's very likely sun and moon were originally intended to be the main actors, playing both villain and hero roles and saving the company a LOT of money in the long run, not paying for lead actors every day.

So what does this have to do with eclipse?

In the daycare, his presence makes little sense, but as a theatre performer, it would have been invaluable. Instead of making the character unbalanced in one direction, eclipse could have served as narrator, ringmaster, ambassador, he would have been the one bowing after a show, the one talking to parents, handing out flyers and merch, all the stuff you need to front that kind of show.

For one, it puts sun and moon on equal levels as all their marketing does, rather than sun being pretty much the sole worker. It allows them to act and be seen as two parts of a whole, rather than sun (and his evil counterpart). Eclipse is unbothered by changes in light, moving from the bright spotlights that crippled moon into total darkness that overrode dun in sb. From a production standpoint, eclipse is ideal to work with, the best parts of sun and moon.

But why sell one lot of merch when you could sell two? Make it a set?

And when they were repurposed to the daycare attendant, there wasn't much use for a third personality at all. Maybe behind the curtains, down in parts and services, maybe some niche situations. But without merch, without need, with the animatronic still in use, common knowledge of the eclipse program dissipated like mist.

All except for sun and moon and one broken arcade machine.

#fnaf sb #fnaf security breach #fnaf sb ruin #fnaf eclipse #fnaf sun and moon #fnaf daycare attendant #security breach ruin #security breach daycare attendant #Do I think this is a tragic story for eclipse? No. I (personally) think of the da as one singular person just... Through different filters? #Different personalities? I don't know how to describe it. I think sun and moon miss BEING eclipse not that they miss the person itself #Doesn't stop each aspect having Opinions on the others and preferring to be themselves... If that makes sense?? #Maybe like the same person if they took different paths in life and met. #Thinking about it how do sun and moon even refer to each other?? I don't remember either of them actually talking about the other at all. #We only got eclipses name from the subtitles. Sun never actually says moons name or pronouns or anything afaik...? #It's just 'keep the lights on' and 'why would you do that?!' and 'I'm trapped in a nap!' #And of course freddy only refers to the da as 'it' so... That's kinda it to my knowledge lol #I hc them as 'it' but I use 'he' the same way I use he for loz link it's just more clear who you're referring to and they're fictional #I do think a lot of sun/moons... Worst habits would have improved if they'd still had regular time as eclipse ngl. Sun was very overworked.

[southern--downpour]

never has there been a character thats given me such emotional whiplash as HABIT. i both am delighted every time he shows up and also so enraged that i want to throw him in front of a bus

#i need to see him fucking mauled by the rest of the emh crew. he's probably my favorite character. #he just sucks SO bad and is SO fun to watch i hate him with my entire being #shut up virgil #ok my actual fav is probably just evan. because have you seen evan. #but habits just SUCH a fun character even if he is the goddamn worst and i want to see him dead at all costs #need vinny to run him over w/ a car like they tried to do w/ slendy #also need them to do that w/ slendy again but successfully this time i think itd be really funny to see #thats 100% been my fav moment so far btw #along w/ jeff just full on tackling a security guard #these guys are fucking nuts i love them sm #dreading the moment i have to watch them all die bc ive gotten enough spoilers to know that happens and im not gonna recover #steph........ is going to fuck me up for a couple of days i know that for a fact #even if habit eating a fucking baby is extremely funny in concept to me #cause i really love steph

[twilightarcade]

What is the best/most recent/most interesting (up to you!) Dream youve had that you can somewhat rememeber?

OK SO. my dreams are somewhat all over the board. Either bleeding into reality (this is annoying as hell and really fucks with me sometimes), being mildly off the walls (Things Occurring in rapid succession with no clear reason or logic), or something really silly we're not geting into. Generally this is more of a spectrum however (imagine an xyz plane of borderline reality to clearly never happened, off the walls things happening to basic and understandable narrative, and silly to not silly). Last night's dream for example lands on the slightly silly, would be near reality if not for the batshit plot.

MORE UNDER CUT IDFJFT HOW LOMG IT SHOUDL BE BEFORE I CUT IT BUT I LOOKED AT IT LIKE HM. THATS LONG.

THAT SAID. We aren't talking about lasts night dream sorry babe (BABE REFFERINGTO THE DREAM). I DO however have a few assorted dreams that I've tucked under the "try not to forget because they were of interest" category (they're living in my brain right next to the dreams that I won't forget.) I may or may not have talked about them before, but we have the reoccurring power rangers plot, the dragon under the Italian restaurant dream, THEN THIS ONE DREAM.

power rangers plot. Alright. Basically, I'm generally at my house or my childhood home (feels dramatic to say it like that), and like. Things start occurring. Ranging from me getting evicted to there being fighting outside for no good reason. Regardless of the case, I get contacted by none other than the power rangers. For some reason, I have the morphin crystal whatevers in my possession and I need to go fight whatever evil is occurring directly outside my home (they want to steal the crystals. Obviously.) I, a power ranger, go fight them, nearly die a bunch of times (can't actually die I'm a power ranger. Duh.) And inevitably wake up with no real. Conclusion.

DRAGON DREAM. Had this dream when I was a kid (I forget exact age) and fell absolutely in love like I thought about this dream so much I expanded the world and made more characters and plot lines to fit in and everything. I tried sooo hard to have this dream again just so I could make my dreams (thoughts???) a reality (dream.?) I don't think I ever managed to. Very basic plot summary is: restaurant is advertising dragon slides, huge room with dragon, one real, one clearly fake, dragon advertised as hyper realistic replica, dragon is real and literally eating people. I fell. Absolutely in love with this concept. Thought about it for days on end. There was even this "plot"??? Where people were divided over whether they hated and wanted to kill the dragon or wanted to continue living under the dragon in fear (dragon was orchestrating the whole thing in this plotline and threatened to eat anyone who disagreed) and I don't think that plotline ever actually reached a conclusion.

ANYWAYS DROPPING THAT FOR NOW umm. There's a lot of like. People from my dreams I think about a bit. There was this one particularly fucked up dream I'm not getting into, and there's this one lady I think about a bit. She was a deeply saddened individual to say the least and I wish her the best. There's potato the white lab (maybe?) who I kind of love and would do anything for (he got lost then I found him. Ignoring the rest of the dream. Obama was there.) Who wasn't there for like half the dream and wasn't even my dog. There's the awkward host from dragon dream. Absolute loser. A few days ago we had the lesbians that blocked my way to the drinking fountain because they were making out and i didnt want to bother them (this dream had an absolutely unfollowable plot too.)

ALSO shout out to all those silly dreams that appealed to my fears. Generally those have the most solid plotline which is mildly annoying. Honestly I don't really need their help to be scared thanks I do that to myself enough though. I'm still not sure if the screwdriver thing was from a dream or just a really stupidly active imagination because well! It's certainly active. Just don't know why that in particular really stuck with me.

I think we would be here all day if I ever got to talk about everything I remember in depth </3

#askstag #JUMPING UP AND DOWN HI #I've gotten into the habit of writing down my dreams on rare occasion. Not anything serious just the random stuff #ALSO SPEAKING OF SOMEWHAT REOCCURING DREAMS RECENTLY THERE'S BEEN THIS BEACH. #my cousin is always there. #and im always like. A better version of myself #The me that kept in contact with her and formed a deep connection with her carrying on that “you've known each other since childhood” thing #I'm. Really bad at connecting with people currently #I absolutely despise it and would easily list it as one of the worst traits but I've tried so incredibly hard to be this guy I'm not and it #just. won't work. in theory sure yeah I think it should work but it flies out the window in actual practice because. deep fear. #'uhh yeah btw what if everyone hates you. Wouldn't that be funny. They dont want to talk to you right now and any degree of sincerity will #get you shot. yea lol good luck' like what if you didnt. Go talk to people like a normal person.

[greenerteacups]

do you watch the famous 75 questions youtube segment made popular by Vogue? i want to do that for you but it’s all about lionheart, you, and your writing. that’s how much your beautiful work has taken over my life.

aw, thank you! this is so kind! i love those videos. they're a great little snapshot of a life. i'm here to answer any questions you have, in the meantime!

#greenteacup asks #i actually like kinda wild questions. one of my bad habits is at parties i'll break the ice by just pivoting to the nearest person #and asking them a totally out of pocket question #one of my friends still cracks up because we met at a garden party #where I saw them (a stranger) walking over and I was like: HEY WHAT'S THE WORST NIGHTMARE YOU EVER HAD? #but their answer was great so we've been friends for like two years now

[orcelito]

Can't let anyone forget about my practically obscene love of mushrooms. I will post about it constantly.

#speculation nation #im a little freak actually so i hope my collection of new followers r fine with that #loving mushrooms is not freak material but the level that i love them kind of is #this isnt even getting into my other odd eating habits. of which i have many. #or my habit of sampling anything and everything at work so long as it's Technically edible #up to and including plain matcha concentrate and rose concentrate and vanilla paste #and hazelnut extract and vanilla extract and caramel extract and #ive eaten plain coffee beans before and in fact DELIGHT in taking the lemon ginger shots. just plain lemon juice mixed with ginger juice #ginger juice as in just juice from the ginger. not a ginger beer no just straight ginger concentrate. i love that shit. #let's see what are other things ive sampled at work...? #plain sugar syrups. always awful. hate sweet shit like that. i will still sample them tho if i get some on me #uhm. boba dough. which ive heard unprocessed tapioca is uh. toxic. but i think ours is processed? #i havent gotten poisoned from it yet! and handmade boba dough is actually pretty tasty #raw store bought boba is one of the worst tastes and textures ive ever experienced tho #which yes i have sampled that too. and spat it out bc i couldnt bring myself to swallow. awful awful awful. #it's kinda a running joke at my workplace that i will sample basically Anything #i cant help it 😭 the other day there was a lil bit of vanilla paste left over on the tablespoon #so i just went and dripped it into my mouth w/o thinking on my way to put the tablespoon in the dish area #& the employee just saw me physically cringe. drop the tablespoon at the sinks. then rush to the hand washing sink to rinse my mouth #& he was just like. 'did you just SAMPLE that????' #& i had to be like. '....yeah😭😭😭😭😭' #to b fair some months ago he saw me sample the rose extract. run to the sink to rinse my mouth #then 15 mins later. not learning my lesson. sample the vanilla extract. then run to the sink to rinse my mouth. #the vanilla extract was slightly nicer than the rose extract. bc at least it didnt make my tongue numb (like the rose did) #Flavor Shock. that shit's real man #anyways ramble post is rambles. i just dont want anyone to think im cool or anything lmfao

[aelyosos]

i love talking abt ocean god i jst ! love talking abt him

#sam.txt #oc talk: ocean #oc: ocean #i've finally gotten together a Word doc 4 most of his backstory during his adolescence #there's still all the rest of his backstory to unpack and i've gotta rewrite it all so it's Comprehensible #but even jst to have what i have in the Word doc is so nice ! like it's there #it's finally written somewhere other than on my notes app or on discord or in my head or w/e #neway this is also a thank u to any1 who's ever asked me abt him or shown interest #bc i can't believe i've gotten this far w an oc; i have such a terrible habit of creating & moving on too fast #but ocean is still here after a yr and a half and OUGH 🥺 #also i'm sry any kind of content abt him takes me forever to get to i'm the actual worst #wow look at all these tags someone's chatty today 😳

[wereshrew-admirer]

remembering that the last time chine and duvall see each other in the finale is at the tunnel of love where chine asks duvall to bring them a sign that says 'abandon all (for love) hope ye enter here' and then the last dice roll that determines the end of their epilogue together is 69...

and there are people who don't think it makes sense to pair them up, smh

#don't talk to me about context what is context i only understand surface level images #saturday morning work schedule involves at least an hour of chine/duvall shitposting #(may or may not actually post but i'm chine/duvall shitposting in my head regardless) #(get yourself a weekend job where you're the only person in the building it leads to the worst work habits imaginable) #broken record voice #junk food #in the week between dead in the dust part 2 and part 3 i frantically began writing a fic #wherein duvall knows something is wrong because chine doesn't laugh at his 'get your own dam sign' joke #alright now that's out of my system guess i'll <nausea emoji> go to the lab

[jayteacups]

Don’t you just love it when you have a complete crisis over every tiny aspect of your life???

#because same #i just. I’m having one of those ‘what am i even doing here????’ moments #regarding uni #i just flip flop between feeling completely apathetic about work or straight up hating it. or feeling overwhelmed. #or feeling guilty for having these feelings at all. #because i worked hard to get into uni and it is a PRIVILEGE to be able to access higher education #and now im just tired. #im literallt the worst student i have zero time management zero motivation. zero brain power. #the amount of work i should’ve done akd should’ve handed in vs the amount i actually did is actually shocking. #everyone else can keep up with the workload and have a social life and i just don’t get it. at all. #i have so many unhealthy habits and i need to do something about it #like my unhealthy relationship with social media #addictive scrolling is obviously NOT GOOD and i keep doing it #and on Instagram just seeing other ppl i know live happy and fulfilling lives js just crushing. #everyone just seems so pit together and productive and also experiencing so many great things and im just there like 🥲 #I KNOW the comparison is unhealthy and nobody’s life is THAT perfect #but yet i can’t stop feeling that way. #my sleep schedule is fucked #and my energy levels as of late have been so low. chores have been a challenge #and i have way more of a social life online ljke on this account than I do irl #and i absolutely love u guys and interacting with u guys but I would like some more balance u kno? #am i burnt out? am i depressed? am i emotional bc im running low on sleep and am ill?? #it’s half 3 in the morning I should’ve been asleep ages ago but instead I’m just crying and coughing and overthinking. #i just. i am so fucking disappointed in myself. #this has been going on for quite some time now #and im realising i never really made any active effort to do anything about it. #and i should. #i just need to figure out when and where im gonna start. because im done feeling this way. #sorry im just venting in the tags. feel free to ignore.

[britneyshakespeare]

im just gonna tmi-medication share in the tags real quick

#tales from diana #i want to preface this with i've been prescribed adderall as-needed for adhd for a fullllll decade now #don't come at me with anti-adderall or anti-adhd-medication bullshit im not here for it!! #but my health problems have been so bad and ive been getting the worst sleep of my life lately no matter WHAT i do #i can do everything right #and btw i do not take adderall every day. which is implied by as-needed but i want to stress again I DONT NEED IT EVERY DAY #only when i do like. work. which ive been doing less and less bc of health problems! #but even though i havent been able to physically work so much i still have been taking half-doses a couple times a week just to like. read. #just to have a brain to do ANYTHING when everything is so awful and my brain is so foggy #ive always *sometimes* cut my doses in half if im not doing so much. just to save it y'know. #and ive always also *occasionally* gotten worse or even a really bad night's sleep after taking adderall #most commonly i'll wake up absurdly early the next morning and not be able to fall back asleep #rationing sleep is always something ive been in the habit of doing anyway as a person w adhd. #sleeping 4-6 hours during the week and 10-12 hours on weekends. just to make up for the deprivation y'know. #but even lately cutting my regular dose in half. it's still too much. #my current dose btw is already half of what it was in high school! i decreased my dose already years ago #but yesterday i finally got the nerve to take. a damn quarter of my own pill #and i took the smaller quarter of the half i cut in half. #i was def taking less than 5mg of my damn medication #and i actually didnt sleep like complete shit! and i was also worried #it might not be so effective. #but it actually worked quite well. i had enough focus to read for several hours #i had energy throughout the day too #i sometimes try to do caffeine on days i cant/dont wanna take adderall but caffeine just does not do the addy things so effectively. iykyk. #i cant believe i have to be so skimpy w my own life-sustaining mental health medications just bc my physical health is so bad #but whatever. whatever! #im gonna take another quarter-dose today and finish pericles prince of tyre. have a great day everyone