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inkskinned · 7 months

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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

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carrotkicks · 8 months

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gotham sirens doodle

#art #dc comics #batman #harley quinn #poison ivy #selena kyle #the gotham city sirens #trying my hand at dc designs again #i dont see enough art of ivy being this super tall willowy woman with a hippie vibe so. i did that #very tall very thin. long long hair. paler sickly green. + tiny tiny outfit. an uncomfortable looking lady #and one thing that continuously bothers me about harley designs is how... punk/streetwear oriented they are?#it portrays she's a wild and uncontrollable character but it sorta flattens her to that imo?#harley has always been used for sex appeal after her first couple of designs in btas.#tried to make this one look more... classy? she's got some of her old clown elements in the gloves and collar. + tinted glasses

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slavonicrhapsody · 3 months

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ok I’ve always thought it was weird that the Great Serpent was just a normal sized snake in Rykard’s opening art like imagine an ancient cult of volcano dwellers worshiping and sacrificing people to a serpent god thats just. a normal ass looking snake. nothing like the behemoth that is our God-Devouring Serpent. how lame would that be. but then I thought of an idea while I was trying to sleep and now I’m writing this

anyway we know that the serpent cult used to provide blood sacrifices to the serpent god:

“Curved sword fashioned in the image of an ancient serpent deity and tool of a forgotten religion practiced on Mt. Gelmir. Formerly used to offer up sacrifices, this sword restores HP upon slaying an enemy.” (Serpent God’s Curved Sword)

the religion of the Gelmir serpent cult is long forgotten, all that remains of them are their artifacts… the Great Serpent has likely not been venerated since the demise of the cult.

we also know that Rykard, as the serpent of blasphemy, is able to grow continuously because of his devouring of sacrifices:

“Rykard took the form of a giant serpent that he might devour, grow, and live eternally.” (Remembrance of the Blasphemous)

his hands also seem to be outgrowing his rings, the flesh bulging around the metal bands:

WHAT IF. the Great Serpent used to be a serpent of enormous size, like the size of the snake shed in the temple of Eiglay:

but since the demise of Mt. Gelmir’s serpent cult, and the subsequent demonization of serpents as “traitors to the Erdtree,” there was no one left to offer up sacrifices to the Serpent… so there was nothing to sustain its infinite growth, and it was greatly diminished in size and power. BUT now that Rykard has been devoured and merged with the Serpent’s being, he is provided plenty of sacrifices by Tanith to be able to grow eternally. This also gives the Serpent a reason to make a pact with Rykard, to attempt to regain its former power and finally fulfill its prophecy of devouring the world…

#elden ring #rykard #rykard lord of blasphemy #this has been bothering me for so long and its finally clicking in my brain im obsessed with this idea #i need to draw rykard first encountering the serpent as a comic or something godddd

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unexpectedbrickattack · 11 months

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get normaled, idiot

#pizza tower #peppino #arts #mine #anyway....#i cannot for the life of me get it right #i need a ref or something #i have like SUCH a clear image of what i want him to look like and trying to imitate it just makes him look uncanny #like he needs droopier eyes and bigger eyes #and ive seen people who look EXACTLY like the ref i would love to have #ah well #i did get his mouth pretty close to what i wanted :)#other things; he has like a SMALL amount of accessories like necklaces n stuff. i think he is very Particular about his appearance #the balding doesnt bother him AT ALL so its not messed w in anyway #the most hell do is brush it down so its not in the way #and hes got hats for if he simply does not want it to get unruly in the wind #i was stuck deciding between a Normal earring and a stud but i think stud looks a bit better heehee hes got quite a bit of piercings #but hes stopped using them YEARS ago. they havent closed up so like. theoretically he Could use them again. but hes fine w leaving them be #also he is like obv a mess when hes in the back working the oven n stoves so hes sweaty and kinda gross if hes been in there TOO LONG #(and he is SO conscious about this; he gets a better ac unit postgame when he gets more funds)#but otherwise if hes going out somewhere he has like spicy smellin colognes. like the shit that makes ur head hurt when u smell it sdfkjdfj #meanwhile gus does not give a flying fuck #hes got 14-in-1 body wash and a prayer #you get what u get #which is admirable tbh #i just think it is funny for him to be particular about this. gus we are best buds but you are not coming out w me looking like this.#or the noise smells AWFUL bc he is covered in grease and sweat from tinkerin in his room all day #and peppino looks SO upset hes like get AWAY from me u smell like ACTUAL garbage !!!!!!!!!!!!! go get CLEAN you fucking BEAST

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eggy-the-boy · 1 year

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due to my inability to fully articulate my love for this show it seems these are my main contribution to the fandom at this point.

#this has been sitting in my drafts for so long!!!!!!!!#I wanted to add more but I can't bothered go out into the world my creation #also I love the bottom image of Lucy and Lockwood it gives me so much serotonin #anyway I love this show it has taken over my brain completely and is the only thing I think about so thats fun #lockwood and co #lockwood & co #netflix #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #george karim

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hyakunana · 16 days

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I was yesterday years old when I realized I've been coloring my Exo wrong all this time — but instead of updating in game, I'm retconning my art

#destiny 2 #destiny the game #destiny art #bungie #exo guardian #the young wolf #oc guardian #fanart #in which alfa the hunter was legit born with wormhusk palette in her head before it ever existed #ngl i was bothered a long while with the white head for many reasons #1. too bright 2. elsie's head is also white 3. didn't fit her color scheme #so prb if she had white head i would change to a golden tint bUT THEN REALITY SLAPS ME #PAST ME HAS BEEN RIGHTER THAN PRESENT ME WTF #fun fact tmblr ppl i got my own apartment 8D not living there yet tho #gotta buy literally everything else but AY biggest part is done

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gotchibam · 1 year

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Dragonite ko-fi doodle for RayStarKitty!

#artists on tumblr #pokemon #dragonite #gotchibam arts #tysm for the tip & being patient w/ me!! 🙏🙏🙏#btw ko-fi reqs are still closed since I still have a lot in my queue #tbh I feel so bad for taking so long w/ the doodles ;_;#I know I keep calling them doodles but some of them actually take some effort to finish #esp. since I tend to be a perfectionist so like.... if a detail bothers me i'll keep trying to fix it #even if it looks good enough wkjsdhfjhsdf #also I feel like my executive dysfunction has been getting worse so i'm having trouble finishing stuff ;_;#but ppl have been very understanding so far so I really appreciate that ;w;

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swordsoffour · 2 months

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I hate seeing posts where all the poster talks about is how there are too many Wild centric fics and that the others have plenty of angst and stuff that we can write about. You are getting those fics and that art for not a copper penny, people are creating what they want to create, and for free! All for you to read and because that’s what they find joy in. People happen to like Wild and think it’s fun to write him in the worst situations they can imagine? Let them! If you don’t want to read Wild stuff, then don’t! You can block the tag! And if you want to read something different and you want more of it? Make it!

Change starts with you, you can’t just force others to make it.

#sorry but this has been bothering me for a long time and I saw a post speaking out about it so I had to put my own two cents in on it

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all-thestories-aretrue · 1 year

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There are many jokes floating around the shadowgast nation about the nature of Caleb and Essek's relationship (eggplants and winky faces abound), and most of them are good natured and perhaps true (eventually or at some point). I find most of them entertaining and sweet, but some of what I have stumbled across post-reunion have highlighted that it's only a joke up to a certain point to me.

Please keep in mind that everything in this post is my opinion and my opinion only. I'm not asking that anyone agree with me. This post is mainly for me because I felt like I needed to make it.

I have seen several comments/posts/tags in many different places talking about Essek and Caleb and that scene in the reunion, and describing it as horny or saying they can't keep their hands off each other or following up that conversation with sexual intimacy. I know a lot of these comments or conversations are not malicious or ill-intentioned, and I understand that people are excited for the first new content in nearly 2 years.

But, one thing I have appreciated about Critical Role is the variety of sexuality and genders represented, including various asexual and aromantic identities. Essek is confirmed by Matt on Twitter to be demi (romantic or sexual is unclear to me so it could be taken as either. If anyone has any other sources I would greatly appreciate them). As someone who identifies as aspec, I deeply appreciate the representation that Critical Role has given me.

The shadowgast scene in the reunion was not sexual to me. It's only been six months since the end of c2, which granted, I have not completed yet. As of this writing, I am in the middle of episode 133. Whatever is going on between Caleb and Essek is still very new, especially for two people who thought they would never have love. An aspect of being demi is that it takes time and closenes and a strong emotional bond for romantic and/or sexual feelings to develop. Six months, to me, feels like an incredibly short time for those feelings to take root for Essek even if he is on the path of developing them.

Seeing people make light of Essek's sexual attraction or feelings for Caleb or treat them as common place or casual, even innocuously, has made me feel as though this aspect of Essek really is ignored or forgotten about sometimes. Not by everyone nor, I would even doubt, the majority. Maybe not intentionally or maliciously or maybe it's a lack of understanding about demisexuality or aspec identities.

This is a feeling I have had for a while, and I mean this about nothing in particular but rather a sum of the parts I have encountered over the months.

In addition, I think Essek's sexuality can be overshadowed by how sexual Caleb can be/is. He makes comments throughout the entirety of the campaign that directly or indirectly reveal his sexuality, and that part is clearly important to him, even if he has not acted on it in a very long time.

I am not saying that Essek is NOT sexually attracted to Caleb or that their relationship does not involve sex at some point or at the time of that scene. I do think, at the very least, that Caleb and Essek would have a conversation about it as some point, and I find it likely it would turn sexual. At the very least, Caleb is attracted to Essek. Liam has confirmed that. I would guess those feelings are a combination of romantic, sexual, platonic, etc.

But I cannot imagine, and again this is my opinion, that feeling sexual attraction or acting on it for the perhaps first or second, maybe third time, is not a life-altering moment for him, let alone acting on it. From what see of his character, he's extrmely gaurded, extremely lonely, extremely shameful. Showing his emotions and attraction to Caleb, or to anyone really, is an extreme show of trust and vulnerability, and I don't think it should be taken lightly.

Treating it, at least in those early months, as though it is common or casual, something taken for granted, feels, to me, as though it undermines the importance and gravity of Essek's feelings, whatever they may be. Further, it undermines aspec identities, relegating them to sidelines if it is even acknowledged at all. I feel as though a lot of the jokes ignore Essek's demisexuality and how integral it is to how he builds relationships and interacts with people.

As someone who is aspec, I find it disheartening to see these sort of jokes and offhand comments being circulated about a character who is confirmed, canon aspec whose identity centers on deep bonds that take time to develop. Applying sexual under/overtones to scene where a small chaste kiss and an innocent pet name are shared feels like, in a way, a forced sexualization of a new, developing relationship that may never turn sexual.

There is such little aspec representation in media, and Critical Role does a fantastic job of showcasing a variety of aspec identities which is so, so rare. To turn around and have the fandom ignore or disregard these identities (intentional or not) that the cast and crew work hard to incorporate feels bad. It makes me feel as though I still have to fight for my identity to be seen and understood by people who, theoretically, support and want to understand and respect various identities, who claim to love Essek and Caleb and their relationship. It hurts.

I have spent a lot of time convincing myself that I and my sexuality belong in the queer community, that I deserve to have a voice, that I deserve to be respected and heard. With my feelings about Essek and his demisexuality, I didn't feel right standing by any longer and remaining silent when these portrayals were bothering me.

I am not asking anyone to change their opinions, to agree with me, to change the fic they write, the art they draw. The Critical Role fandom is beautiful and amazing and absolutely incredible. I have met so many kind, caring, wonderful people since joining. It's an experience unlike any other. But, I needed to make this post for me and anyone else who was feeling like me.

#critical role #shadowgast #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #mighty nein reunited #mighty nein #cr2 #oh boy am i inviting the disk horse by posting this???#probably 😬😬😬#but this is something that has been bothering me for a few months and the reunion just confirmed it #please be kind if you choose to interact #this is not meant to be mean or ill intentioned toward anyone #i just needed to get it off my chest #if one other person who feels similar sees this posting it will be worth it #i understand my own experiences heavily influence my opinions here #but really the cr fandom overall has been so welcome and wonderful and kind #its been amazing!#thank u for reading this long ass post if you make it to the end #oh boy i am nervous about posting this #which is exactly why i feel like i should post it

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insomniac-101 · 1 year

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Metacrisis Doctor Character Analysis

Sooooo… I heard some of you are still on the fence about Tentoo.

Now, why you would be is completely understandable. I mean, it took me rewatching the show as an adult to really understand the nuance behind his ending but it’s been years, and it truly saddens me to see that there is still so much confusion surrounding his existence. Especially since he essentially reaffirms the overarching message of the show, and without him, it would not be as impactful.

But no fear! I love analyzing this era in particular and so, it would be an honor to share with all of you my interpretation of how he fits in Ten’s overall development as well as the potential questions raised by his existence.

After all, he is such a great addition to canon and so I wish to spread my excitement now that there is a chance we might see more of him!

(P.s I swear I will get to Ten eventually lol but his character in particular tends to mesh into other character arcs so much, that it is easier to address them in parts rather than all together.)

Now then, let’s set something straight from the get-go.

Tentoo’s existence does not get in the way of the Doctor and Rose’s romance. It is actually quite the opposite, it only goes to reaffirm how much they love one another.

How they were essentially made for one another (Literally and figuratively lmao).

So much so, that Ten was essentially split into two as a means of holding onto the hope of keeping her in his life.

To reduce his existence as a mere love rival, in my opinion, is such a disservice to the narrative because not only does it imply that Rose’s ultimate choice to be with Tentoo is shallow but it also does not take into account crucial aspects of the Doctor’s character arc overall. Who by extension, also applies to Tentoo.

During his tenure as the Doctor, we observe Ten's strong inclination to merge with humanity, as he fervently yearns for it. That increasing temptation is what often puts him at odds with his role in the universe, and in turn, compels him to uphold strict barriers between himself and other humans. Even if it means causing harm to himself and the people he holds dear

As the only time lord in the universe, he cannot afford the luxury of possessing a human life, so he attempts to convince himself that his fascination with our way of life is merely admiration, rather than a genuine desire to experience it firsthand. Thus, he considers himself an outsider because he realizes that if he were to succumb to his desire, his happiness in experiencing it would be fleeting.

Despite his longing to experience a different way of life, he cannot bring himself to give up his identity as the last living time lord, as that would mean forfeiting an essential aspect of himself and the final vestiges of his people. Thus, although he may yearn to live a more leisurely existence, he would never do so, as it would entail sacrificing too much.

Not to mention, it would mean pitting his own needs against those of the world, and his selflessness would never allow that to happen.

At least, not yet anyways.

In spite of his upbringing, his rebellious attitude that made him stand out amongst other time lords made him curious and flighty. Often roaming the universe in an attempt to find strange occurrences that counter his understanding of how it works. He finds joy in living a life on the run, and for a while that is all he really wanted.

However, with constantly moving, there comes a point where one realizes that there is no one to return to. That the thrills only serve as a distraction of what is actually compelling him not to remain stationary, and by not stopping to consider what he is leaving behind, he is not being conscious of the consequences.

The Doctor's decision to become a wanderer stands in stark contrast to the nature of his people.

A problem that only worsens once the time war effectively orphans him.

Traveling and saving others allows him to put aside all his self-loathing and forget what it feels like to be utterly alone, but it is not enough to fill the void of loss. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying this is a solely negative thing by any means, but the manner in which he utilizes it is harmful because it comes at the cost of never changing his tendencies to self-sabotage. Given that he doesn't stick around long enough to have it catch up to him.

Frankly, it enables his assertion that he doesn’t deserve happiness and so he never seeks it out, in spite of knowing what it is he wants.

In his eyes, it is easier to let go than to let in.

To fall deeper to cynicism and negativity because it protects him from further pain

And boy does the narrative pull the ultimate uno card on him, flipping his whole perception on his manner of living by introducing one major character.

The individual, who practically embodies this very temptation is none other than Rose Tyler.

It is her introduction into his life that almost seems to further prod at this desire of his. Before,it appeared that he watched human life from a distance simply because it was less painful than being alone and grieving the loss of his own people. But with her, he is left to consider whether he could actually experience something as deeply fulfilling as love. Whether a man drenched in the blood of his kind is worthy of change and forgiveness. It is because of this that his final act as Nine is one of self-sacrifice, as he dies hoping that this new form will embrace the humanity and kindness that she utilized to save him in his darkest moments

But between him and humanity will always be a barrier, which is all the more tragic once one considers how Ten was born out of Nine’s pursuit of it. It makes the unattainable nature of it, all the more hurtful.

Now I can name multiple examples of this longing being implied all throughout the RTD era but I assume most people know what they are. I mean they’re not exactly subtle lol but I urge you to keep those in mind as I continue.

With that in mind, however, I can now address the most overt display of this desire of his and that is none other than in the episode “Human Nature.”

Within this story, we are introduced to John Smith. A persona, that was curated by the Tardis as a means of saving him from falling victim to a gang of evil shapeshifting aliens. Here, we are shown a version of the Doctor that is weirdly familiar but at the same time, completely different.

However what I make of these differences is not really to prove that they’re so different that they're incomparable, but rather that they share way more than one would think at first glance.

John Smith is unremarkable. He is kind, intelligent, witty, and imaginative in the ways the doctor is but his demeanor is drastically different. More often than not, being seen as quiet and shy, and more of a follower than a leader.

I don’t think him taking on the role of a soldier in his final moments is a coincidence. Rather it is a testament to who the time lord is: a traumatized man who has a knack for finding himself in the same position over and over again because he has a tendency of repeating mistakes.

Think about it, in the war, the Doctor was not one who stood to the side and never took part in the violence. He admits that he took an active part in the fight, with him being the one who ultimately stopped it against his better judgment. This is to say that this more obedient version of himself (that seemingly seems fine with physical punishment and sacrificing the life of his students, if it is not under his call) isn’t really all that foreign to us given that at one point, he assumed a similar role in the time war. His ability to resort to violence, even when human, is a testament to this. That he is bound to his past deeds and that a human life will not change that he is deeply changed by this event in time lord history.

He is more prone to violence when prompted and he is not one to disregard an order that is given to him. He even seems to be more classist by nature of living in the current time period. So much so that he doesn’t seem to form much of a bond with Martha in spite of them spending so much time together under her employment.

Although he is brave when it matters, there are moments when Ten can be rather cowardly. And that holds true to both John and the Doctor, with both seemingly running the moment they are confronted with the consequences that come as a result of their impulsive decisions. This knack for running from their problems never impedes their awareness that what they are doing is incorrect but nonetheless, it's that temptation to defy the unavoidable that makes them avoid confrontation. Resorting to denial as a scapegoat, before ultimately returning to do what is right.

While the Doctor's innate selflessness sets him apart from others of his kind, he is still susceptible to making similar mistakes.

That haughty, and arrogant nature of his people are the very same qualities that can be found in him. This is especially shown through the manner in which John interacts with people he perceives as below him.

The culture of time lords is quite classist by nature. They assumed themselves to be the rulers of the universe and claimed superiority over other races because of their advancements. It is because of this complete disregard for others that aren’t themselves that they suffer greatly in the war.

With that said, it is because of this that I think he is able to assume a more indifferent demeanor towards the servants in his household. Mainly because a huge part of who the Doctor became was a direct result of the opposition he held toward the beliefs of his own people. He found their rules arbitrary and outdated, but just because he knew better does not mean he is exempt from repeating their mistakes even when he is conscious of who he is.

No this manner of assuming self importance takes on a different form, when he is aware of it.

He often assumes himself untouchable and the wisest in the room, and wields his status as a time lord as a means of making sly comments toward humankind. Of course, one could argue it is harmless as it does not come from a place of malicious intent. However his assumed superiority can make him incapable of recognising his own faults as a person, which can lead to disastrous results. Especially when he seemingly doesn’t consider the consequences of his involvement in other people’s lives.

Something that Joan points out.

“Answer me this, just one question, that’s all. If the Doctor never had visited us…never chosen this place on a whim, would anyone here have died?”

To completely deprive him of his timelord nature, would mean to leave him vulnerable to adopting the very same attitudes he resented in his own culture. This is why John Smith does not respect the opinions of his employees, in spite of knowing better than to underestimate the importance of the people around him. It would make him unable to recognize the patterns of discrimination elsewhere as he is no longer privy to the wisdom he gathered from his years of living.

By completely adopting humanity, he is none the wiser to fall into their faults as individuals.

That being said, this quiet side of him is really not that strange either once one considers that we have seen that Ten in particular has a knack for hiding his feelings behind a mask of cheerfulness. This version of himself may not be boisterous and loud, but that does not make him any less thoughtful. Shown to have strong stances on certain matters even if he doesn't share them with others. He is more honest with his feelings, and with this comes perhaps the biggest indicator that John Smith shares a lot more with the Doctor than we initially thought.

John Smith falls in love.

It is no coincidence that in this very episode, he develops romantic feelings for the school nurse and he has a dream about Rose Tyler. One where she keeps walking away but all the more, he is motivated to follow. All for the sake of recovering a “perfect Rose.”

Even when he is fully human and not aware of who she is, there is a part of the Doctor that fiercely hangs onto her, manifesting in his dreams. The thought of being with her and finding her, is of the utmost importance even when he cannot seemingly remember why. Which goes to show you just how much the Doctor treasures the love he has for her. It is she, that is able to tempt these feelings even in her absence because she is the reason they exist to begin with.

This inclusion of her in the story ties his pursuit of humanity into a pursuit for her. Making both the main motivation behind his need to experience it, even if he is not fully aware of why.

��You knew this all along and yet you watched while Miss Redfern and I …”

“I didn’t know how to stop you. He gave me a list of things to watch out for, but that wasn’t included.”

“What falling in love? That didn’t even occur to him?

“No”

“Then what sort of man is that?”

This is why John Smith expressing horror at the thought of there being a version of himself that cannot love someone is so heartbreaking. Because through him we know more than ever that that is not true, that he is more than capable of loving others as the Doctor but the problem is that he never would allow himself to do so. It is not a matter of whether or not he can, but rather why he can't.

When John chooses to sacrifice himself, it mirrors the same actions the Doctor takes in his present life. Choosing to leave behind what he wants for the sake of what the universe requires him to do.

So when he reasons with Joan that John Smith is still a part of him, he means it. For it is an expression of the Doctor at his most vulnerable and honest, that allows for the existence of someone like John Smith. But alas, his life is not a life he can assume given his alien nature.

But with this choice to live on, as is, we are only left to come up with a single conclusion.

In order to live a life that is both fulfilling and meaningful, the Doctor can neither be fully human nor a timelord.

Although he is a timelord, the overwhelming sense of loneliness that he experiences is debilitating. He can try to reason his way around needing companionship and love, but no amount of thinking will deny that it is something he desperately craves.

Humanity provides him with all the necessary attributes he lacks, but in exchange, it demands that he sets aside his principles as a protector of time. To put aside his own fears of seeing those he loves wither away if it means he'll get to know them for the entirety of their short lives.

Individually, achieving either one is impossible since pursuing a single path would leave the other side of himself unfulfilled. He is at war with himself, essentially.

Therefore, he must endeavor to discover a balance between the two divergent viewpoints, instead of attempting to abandon one in favor of the other.

….Guess who embodies middle ground is?

Tentoo represents that balance, down to the biological level.

In order to understand why though you have to understand one crucial detail: Ten and Tentoo are the same person.

What Tentoo is, in relation to Ten, is himself lol

A regeneration that went wrong because the regeneration energy that was meant to heal the time lord body, was siphoned into his once freshly regenerated hand. In other words, instead of remaining within one body like the usual regenerative process, it was put into a separate vessel that came from the original body. Which allowed it to regenerate the body it was missing, and essentially created what would be a second Doctor.

The reason why this process differed from previous regenerations is due to the fact that the transferred regeneration energy was already partially depleted, resulting in a reduced dosage that could facilitate partial healing but not a complete regeneration.

(It was established prior to the Christmas invasion that there are limitations to the cellular energy that a time lord uses to regenerate, mainly in the sense that it can run out. When in small quantities, however, it can be used to heal smaller injuries if it is used within the first 15 hours of a regeneration cycle. It's this small amount he has left that allows him to regenerate the hand he lost to begin with.)

We are aware of this fact because the time lord Doctor utilized a portion of the energy to recover from the Dalek's attack, but not a sufficient amount to trigger a full regeneration. This is why he sends the rest into his severed hand, because if not, the cycle would have proceeded.

Due to this, however, the energy seems to not be able to proceed with anything it was planned for. So it sits on standby, not by choice, but because the hand itself is technically a regenerated hand. It can't do much other than wait until it receives more energy from the original time lord body or find another source of energy that is compatible to recover the body of the disembodied hand in its entirety.

So what ends up happening?

It's Donna.

Donna is what ends up happening.

Upon touching it out of curiosity, Donna appears to experience no immediate negative effects.. This serves as another indication that the remaining regenerative energy was minimal, as we, the viewers, are well aware that the standard dosage would be detrimental to humans.

However, this is where it gets interesting because seemingly the energy is utilized in a manner that is unlike any prior regeneration process.

As previously mentioned, it can be deduced that the reason why other time lords never considered becoming human as a way to avoid regeneration was due to their sense of superiority. They did not view humans as equals, therefore, a human existence would not be regarded as advantageous.

Furthermore, their society places little importance on outward appearance due to the frequency with which time lords undergo transformations. Thus, this occurrence is primarily a result of Ten's deviation from their viewpoint on regeneration. He perceives it as a form of dying, akin to the experience of a human, even though this does not apply to him.

It is worth considering the anatomy of a time lord when attempting to comprehend how he appeared to transform into a hybrid. According to our understanding, although they appear human on the outside, a time lord's body contains numerous organs that are absent in a human body. As a result, it is theoretically more intricate than that of a human, but at the same time, similar enough to be somewhat compatible as a point of comparison.

Given the limited amount of energy remaining, it would be logical for the energy to use a human body as a template when attempting to essentially create a new body out of nothing.Not only because Donna was the only one available to touch it, but because the anatomical similarities as well as the less complex nature of a human body would prove to be easier to make than a fully timelord one.

In other words, the regenerative process was utilized as a means of healing both bodies without resulting in a complete regeneration, which is what makes this instance unique.

(that we know from prior scenes, at times, requires so much energy to heal that that it is capable of damaging the Tardis)

This is why he says that he essentially came out of Donna. Because in a way, he did. His body was fashioned off of her biological makeup as a means of compensating for the lack of cellular energy used to heal his body normally.

This is why it in turn makes her half time lord, because the energy changed her according to the metacrisis. Transferring Time lord DNA into her, as a means of making up for the loss of DNA she experienced in the process.

But where the two differ is in creation. Donna was already human. Herbody is that of a full human, not of a hybrid. Her brain in particular is not capable of handling the centuries of knowledge/memory of a timelord and so that is why her body eventually gives out. That is why, the Doctor has to lock her memories away.

Because theoretically, it is easier to make an immortal body mortal. Given that their body is meant to be extremely resistant to factors that would usually decimate a mortal one, but the same cannot be said about the opposite as we are far more delicate.

Tentoo though, he's chillin.

Not only because his body is able to effectively restore itself with that leftover energy and the human boost, but also because his entire body is made to handle both timelord and human aspects. He will not suffer the same fate as Donna because he is born as both.

They're in perfect harmony within his body, unlike Donna whose human aspect was being taken over by the superior time lord genes.

This is why they are fundamentally the same person: Ten and Tentoo.

Because not only do they come from the same body, but the same regenerative energy as well. This is also why they share the same memories. The regeneration energy appeared after he was shot by the dalek ray, and so, that moment was effectively the point by which their shared consciousness stopped. No longer existing in a sole body, but two.

It is because of this same shared energy that the appearance of neither changes: because it was utilized to heal both vessels and abort the regenerative process.

(Also it technically did take up a regeneration canonically hence why I called it a sort of botched regeneration. Which would make sense, given the amount of energy that was used to carry out the healing of two bodies.)

In summary, everything that makes the Doctor, the Doctor, is still in both bodies.

They're not twins, they're the same man through and through. Down to the manner in which they're born, with both effectively existing out of their love for Rose and humanity.

In the same way that the doctor claims that Tentoo was born out of hatred and war, it is his love and wishes to appease her that spawned his existence. So really the differences between the two are almost non-existent if not for one crucial detail: unlike the time lord, Tentoo is not bound by the obligation to serve the universe.

This is where things get fascinating.

Now that there are two bodies, they essentially function as parallel versions of the same man.

They are different, not because they're not both the Doctor, but because their circumstances allow them to make different choices. From there on out, both will inevitably grow to be different people. As Tentoo essentially embodies the most authentic representation of a human Doctor, having had the option to abandon his responsibility as the guardian of the universe, he provides us with an insight into what the Doctor would be like at his most honest.

That is why Tentoo acts on impulse and commits genocide. Not because Ten wouldn't have done the same given the chance to give into the temptation, but because the fact that he is not fully time lord affords him the privilege to do whatever the hell he wants. He is not bound to the obligation to put the wellbeing of the universe above his own personal interest, so he erredicates them as a means of protecting the people he loves. Choosing to prioritize the people he cares for even if it comes at the expense of the dalek race

He is, effectively, free.

This is why him choosing to spend his life with Rose is such a major decision. Why when prompted by Donna, he chooses to confess his love for Rose in her ear. Despite having the freedom to choose anything, what he desires most is her.

This revelation solidifies that this Doctor also has deep love for her, and it also implies that this is likely what the Doctor would have chosen as well, had he been given the option to leave his responsibilities behind.

Through Tentoo, we get insight into who the Doctor would be if not for his duty. A person who has the means to express themselves without any apprehension of potentially outliving their loved ones. In simpler terms, someone who can evolve and grow without the burden of guilt for being the only survivor of their kind constantly plaguing their mind. At present, this version of himself will never be alone again and can fully immerse himself in a dimension of existence that was previously only possible through John Smith.

This is why the Doctor seemingly resents him because he wishes he had the freedom to choose this life.

It’s due to this that the notion of them being romantic rivals is also ludicrous because they are the same man.

Had it been under different circumstances, the one who would have confessed his feelings and given Rose the chance to choose would have been the timelord. But because he is not afforded the liberty to not consider his alien nature and by extension his obligations, he cannot bring himself to initiate it.

This is why Rose choosing to kiss Tentoo in front of the time lord doctor is crucial because it is her way of expressing that the love she extends to Tentoo is also his. That she understands that they're the same man but that ultimately, she understands that his duty is what needs to be prioritized. It is a goodbye, but also an act of gratitude for baring the extent of his feelings to her through Tentoo.

Their happy ending is not coming at the cost of Ten’s, no, rather it is what ensures that he will have one at all.

But consider this, does this not raise some major questions about who the meta crisis doctor can become?

Think about it.

Since he is no longer bound to the role of the universe's protector, there is no longer a necessity for him to act in accordance with his previous principles or obligations to do what is right.

Although Ten usually aimed to make selfless choices, he must now prioritize his own life. The stakes have shifted, and he can no longer place others' needs above his own, especially since his newfound life with his loved ones can be taken away at any moment.

As a human, he would come to understand that he cannot simply leave behind the problems he creates for others to handle. He must face the consequences of his actions and learn to maintain good relationships with those around him. With staying in one place, he bears the responsibility of building trust with others and can no longer solely rely on his reputation to get by.

Remember, he is effectively starting from scratch in Pete’s universe. He has no background on their history nor the tools he wielded when they first landed there. While waiting for the tardis to grow, he would have to effectively assume a human life until it reaches maturity.

With that in mind, he also no longer has any semblance of power over anyone. He is practically on the same level of awareness as anyone else albeit with more wisdom. Meaning he cannot hold what he knows about the future over others, and will have to adjust on collaborating with others to get things done even if it comes at the expense of his own ego lmao.

Most importantly, he can no longer stew in that self-hatred he is so privy to, and with time he will have to relearn what it means to forgive not only others but himself. To put aside that hatred and embrace the time he has with the woman he loves, even if it means confronting parts of himself he is not fond of. This will involve intimately acquainting himself with the perspective of humans to a degree that was impossible before.

Such as in the way we humans seemingly uphold survival above all else.

Or how our morality can be very fluid in certain situations, as we are not afforded the guarantee of another life.

He will have to learn to cope with the helplessness all mortals feel when confronted by death and that in turn, could either harden him further or make him more aware of his own faults as an outsider. To understand where he went wrong in assuming that his human companions would sacrifice their perspective as a means of adapting his own.

That isn't to say that it is all bad though.

Just different.

Because this change in circumstance can either prove to be very detrimental to Ten or beneficial, and it all depends on how he manages to cope with it.

It makes him unpredictable, in a way that Ten was never afforded the privilege to be.

This could potentially demonstrate how a harmonious balance between Ten's human and Time Lord aspects would manifest in reality. To see what it would actually mean to have a time lord assume a life as a mortal. Reason being, that up until then, he only really saw humanity from a distance. This experience can aid him in developing a deeper understanding of humanity and its shortcomings as well as those of his own people.

Admittedly, John Smith served as a reference point for us. However, that modified version of the Doctor was oblivious to the gravity of his own existence. He possessed his own unique identity, with his Time Lord essence locked away. This highlights why adopting a purely human existence would never be suitable for him, as it would entail relinquishing his Time Lord perspective.

The sorrow of Ten's story lies in the fact that he could never truly embody both aspects of himself simultaneously. He was always bound by his alien nature and unable to fully embrace his human longings. This is why his story appears to have two different outcomes - with his human persona living a joyous existence, while his Time Lord form regenerates in isolation.

In his final moments, he chooses to reject this fate and resist the need for balance, instead becoming increasingly desperate to avoid regeneration. Consequently, he succumbs to the same power-hungry inclinations as his predecessors, as he tries to exert control over his fate without addressing the underlying problem.

“Well exactly look at you! Not remotely important! But me? I can do so much more! So much more! but this is what I get. My reward, well it’s not fair!....I’ve lived too long”

He could have done so much more, done so much differently if only he would have not put himself in a box. He did what was right, what was proper, yet the sacrifices done at his expense led to the same outcome.

The issue lies in his unwillingness to make compromises and achieve a state of equilibrium between his two perspectives. Instead of seeking balance, he retreats to his alien and disconnected nature, which creates a barrier between him and those around him. His decision to not confront his fate as a solitary wanderer earlier, prevented him from expressing gratitude to those who loved him when they needed it most. His need for distance denied them the chance to truly comprehend his appreciation.

He is solitary because he never allowed himself to consider an alternative, and this realization dawns on him too late. Now that everyone has departed to follow their own paths, he finds himself back where he began.

His failure to take personal risks and develop attachments has fulfilled the very curse he sought to break.

Ultimately, what frightened him the most was not the idea of losing the people he grew to love, but the prospect of being alone while they continued to live on without him.

“Yeah what about you? Who have you got now?”

“No one, i’m traveling alone. I thought it was better alone..but I did some things that went wrong. I need..”

The central message of the RTD era is that happiness often comes at a cost and not every enjoyable experience will lead to a happy ending. However, the theme is not that an unhappy ending diminishes the value or significance of the moment, but quite the opposite - that the joy and meaning of the experience make it worth the cost, regardless of the outcome.

The RTD era's narrative encourages embracing the uncertainty of life and finding joy in the present moment, even if the outcome is uncertain or potentially disappointing. These moments can help alleviate the pain of difficult times, inspire risk-taking, and lead to unexpected achievements, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life rather than a long one.

Create a life that is customized to your individuality and maturity gained through experiences, rather than one that fixates on regret and what-ifs.

The Doctor finds it difficult to fully embrace the present moment due to the constant reminder that everything is fleeting and temporary, causing him to always be looking towards the future.

Tentoo, on the other hand, is anchored in the present because his perspective will evolve through his exposure to humanity. He will learn to fully embrace the joy and sorrow of living life to the fullest, cherishing every moment, even the mundane ones. He knows that life is temporary and that every day is a precious gift, which is why he will live each moment to its fullest. Despite the inevitable challenges that will come his way, he will remain optimistic, confident that his joy will only grow as he continues to live.

His ability to balance both his human and Time Lord nature allows him to fully embrace all aspects of his life, without giving preference to one over the other. Which in turn, further establishes his unique identity and reinforces the qualities that made him a beloved incarnation of the Doctor.

Tentoo is able to love without hesitation, expressing his affection to those he cares for and acknowledging the importance of emotions that were once discouraged amongst his own kind.

In other words, be Tentoo.

(not the mass murder part though lol)

Be the version of yourself that doesn't hold back and don't commit the same mistakes that the Doctor did out of fear.

So yall be more kind to my boy!

#tentoo x rose #tentoo #tentoorose #doctor x rose #rose tyler #timepetals #ten #ten x rose #10th doctor #metacrisis doctor #character analysis #rambles #long reads #doctor who #rtd era #Just wanted to share my perspective #This has been bothering me for a few days and so #human nature

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