#this definitely spiraled but i think it would've been cool

[foxcort]

sometimes i think about how the acotar books could've been a great way to show that "love doesn't heal trauma" rather than whatever points sjm was trying to make about abusive relationships and sa. instead of tamlin being abusive, she could've written that feylin's individual traumas kept them from reaching out to each other. or that feyre felt suffocated by the perfect, idyllic and alive spring court when she felt the opposite on the inside. or that tamlin felt overwhelmed by the sudden influx of responsibilities as he's trying to rid himself of the nightmares from utm. they try to make it work. they try to replicate some of the dates and dances from book #1 but there's an almost tangible shadow over their relationship now. and maybe one day feyre sees a memorial for andras or a likeness to one of the high fae living in the spring court to one of the high fae she killed utm, and has a panic attack. and this serves as the catalyst that severs feylin's relationship and reveals that yes, their love broke a curse, their love saved prythian but it couldn't (and shouldn't) heal them.

#im not an analysis girlie i'd much rather rb the smart people in this fandom #but i couldn't stop thinking of this despite sarah's tendency to resolve all of her characters' traumas with dick #no need to retcon or character assassinate my bbgs #feyre could've had a whole plot to herself where she lived outside the bounds of a romantic relationship and discovered her abilities #there could've been reconciliation between her and her sisters (perhaps something that could start her healing) #hell you could even put the feysand mating bond in there and show once again that a magical love bond does not heal trauma #give them a fling that rhysand stops because he knows she's trying to force it so she can feel healed #and its bare minimum but rhys actually sacrificing his desires on page and putting feyre's mental health above them gives him likable #qualities and shows that he truly cares about feyre and this could maybe start his redemption arc #this definitely spiraled but i think it would've been cool #anti sjm #anti acomaf

[jangofettjamz]

The Birthday Boy

Jenna Ortega x Autistic!Male!Reader

Summary: You finally get to celebrate your birthday for the first time, and with the one you love.

Words: 1552

Y/N POV

Today is my birthday. I've never really celebrated it; family never really bothered. Now that I'm older it just seemed more insignificant. No one to celebrate it with, and let's be honest and no one wants to celebrate it on their own.

Jenna was out working, I never told her when my birthday was because I didn't want to interrupt her filming schedule, she's already got enough on her plate she doesn't need to worry about getting me gifts for my birthday she has a career to grow.

I've turned 20 today; Jenna turning 21soon. 20 years feel a bit surreal not gonna lie, crazy to think it's been that long since I was born. I try not dwell on that to much, it'll just send me spiralling.

I do wish I had a good birthday though, the feeling of being celebrating. I know this may sound narcissistic, but I always wanted to be celebrated, have a day just about me. I wanted to feel like everyone could come together and show support for me even if it was just for one day, I never had that kind of love growing up so I'd like to know what that's like, though I doubt it'll happen.

My father never paid any attention to me growing up, saying I was too much of a hassle to put up with. You know you have a bad parent when they have to "put up" with you  instead of loving you unconditionally, but hey beggars can't be choosers, right?

Me thinking about how life could've been was making me depressed so I decided to go out for breakfast, I got dressed and got the keys to my car and went out get food.

On the way there I get an incoming call from Jenna, thought she would've been busy this morning so this was a pleasant surprise. I answered but kept my eyes on the road.

"Hello darling, how'd you sleep" she asked, she knows I don't sleep well when she's gone.

"Um... I slept okay, probably could've got more sleep though. I'm just going to that Italian place we went to a month ago for some breakfast. How's shooting going" I asked, she's currently filming for her new movie 'death of a unincorn' with Paul Rudd.

"Filming's going great, Paul's really cool and I can't wait for you to meet him, he's knows you're a marvel fan too." She giggles mischievously, that little minx.

"Jenna why'd you say that." I whine feeling embarrassed.

"Aw babe, don't be shy he thinks you're really cool." She says reassuringly.

"Yeah sure he does" I say sarcastically, making her laugh. "Do you know when you'll be home?" I miss her dearly, I need to see her soon.

She let's out a sigh, I brace myself for bad news. "Sorry, sweet boy. I won't be back for another week." I let out sad sigh and a whine, I missed her alot.

"Hey, hey, don't be upset baby boy, I'll be home before you know it and we'll have so much fun together. The week will go by quick I promise." She cooed, she always knew what to say to put me at ease.

"Alright sweetie I have to go, drive safe for me and I'll see you very soon." She blew a kiss through the phone "I love you, sweetheart"

"I love you too, Jenna." We end the call and I continue my journey.

I arrive at the restaurant, this is gonna drain my social battery for today so I hope I don't have to to anyone that much, I just wanna get my food, eat then leave.

I ate my food peacefully, the staff were wonderful, definitely going there again for breakfast. I leave the restaurant and do some birthday shopping for myself, figured I may aswell treat myself to something nice for my "big day"; I sound miserable.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I feel my phone vibrate, a few text messages from some of my friends and cast mates from scream 5 and 6. I read them and I was shocked, how did they know...

Jasmin

Hey Y/N/N, hope you're having a lovely birthday. Can't wait you see you soon.

Devyn

Howdy stranger, happy birthday my love, you're 20! Hope you're doing well and I'll see you soon... very soon. 😈

Mikey

Looks like someone has a birthday today... AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME! HOW DARE YOU! Besides that betrayal I miss you so much Y/N, happy birthday my sweet.

Mason

Hey man, looks who's 20 years old! Happy birthday bud, hope you have a good one.👍

Melissa

Hey hey, it's the birthday boy! Happy birthday honey, you deserve the best birthday in the world. All the best from me and my husband.

Jack Quaid

Hey buddy, happy 20th birthday! I miss you alot pal, Karl and Antony send their birthday wishes too. Hope to see you soon, buddy.

I was shocked; flabbergasted even. How did they know, they couldn't have possibly...unless. I looked the last message, it was from Jenna, the mastermind behind this.

❤️Jenna❤

Hi baby boy, guess who found out when your birthday is! You never told me when it was but I asked around and viola! Happy birthday sweet boy, I promise we'll see each other very very soon. I love you so much, sweetheart.❤

That little minx... this is why I love her so much, I can't begin to express how much I love her and this just solidifies that. I sent her a message back saying I love her and continue to the mall.

But as I walk to the shopping mall I see three woman who look very familiar, they're wearing party hats too. No... no way... it can't be...

Jenna POV

The look on Y/N's face is priceless, he looked shocked, excited, and emotional at the same time. I think me, Jasmin and Devyn did good on surprising him.

"JENNA?!" He says with glassy eyes.

"C'mere sweetheart" I say and open my arms, he runs towards me and I wrap him in a tight hug.

"I missed you so much" he said while crying, he's such a cutie oh my god.

"Aww sweetie, I missed you too, so much honey. I've been tracking you on Life360 and we intercepted you here. Happy birthday my love, I know you don't like big crowds so I brought Devyn and Jasmin with me" they spoke up.

"Happy birthday, Y/N/N. It's so good to see you, I've missed you alot." Devyn says making him smile widely.

"It's been too long since we've seen you Y/N, how have you been?" Jasmin asks. He lifts his head from my neck and speaks.

"Better now that you guys are here, I haven't really been feeling the best since I've been on my own, I'm so glad you're here Jenna." I hold him and rub his back in comfort.

I want him to really enjoy his birthday today, I already have stuff waiting for him at home. I think he's gonna love it. "Let's go do some shopping and then we'll go home, I have a surprise for you." His eyes lit up and I kiss his cheeks.

- 2 hours later

Y/N drove behind me as we made our way back home. Jasmin and Devyn went home soon after we shopping. We park up to the driveway and he joins me at the front door.

"Close your eyes, birthday boy" I ask and he looks at me with caution.

"What are you planning now, Ortega?" He asks me; suspicion in his voice.

"Just close them silly" he obliged and I take his hand to guide him to his surprise. We reach the living room. "Okay, open your eyes sweetheart."

He opened them and is met with countless presents ranging from: action figures and Lego sets from their favourite franchise, new clothes, PC parts and much much more. I wanted to spoil him and make up for the 20 years of birthdays he missed out on. He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"Jenna... is this all mine?" He asked, still not believing that he finally had a proper birthday.

"All yours, sweetness" I hug him as tight as I can, he cries into my shoulder out of, what I can only assume, happiness. "Don't cry honey, it's okay. That's all for you because I love you so so much, you deserve this my love, you deserve the world." I cooed softly.

"Thank you so much" he said through his cries.

"You're so welcome, my beautiful birthday boy." I say then kiss his forehead, cheeks and lips.

"Wait here, baby boy" I head into the kitchen and grab his cake. I light the candles and head back into the living room.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Y/N, happy birthday to you." I sing and he blows out his candles.

I cheer and set the cake on the table. He smiled so brightly, he finally got to have a real birthday to celebrate.

Happy birthday Y/N.

A/N

Not my birthday, but I thought it'd make a good story. I hope you enjoyed.

#jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega #male reader #jenna ortega x you #jenna marie ortega #wednesday x you #wednesday #wednesday x reader

[oncemorewithqueering-tv]

lyrical breakdown of The Prophecy by Taylor Swift and why it’s basically buffy

the prophecy by Taylor Swift is so Buffy summers coded and here’s why:

Hand on the throttle Thought I caught lightning in a bottle Oh, but it's gone again

So, lightning in a bottle is like a metaphor for achieving something great, right? And here it’s “gone again,” like Buffy’s success. Because every time she accomplishes something, it’s on to the next tough thing. You killed the Master? Ok, your boyfriend goes evil and you have to kill him. She never gets a break.

And it was written I got cursed like Eve got bitten Oh, was it punishment?

I feel like this is about Angel, about how she was tempted by him, “got bitten” (had sex) and it’s punishment, because she blames herself for not being more careful.

Pad around when I get home

When I heard “pad around” I thought of tiptoeing, and how she keeps her Slaying a secret from Joyce, her own mother. This feels very early season Buffy to me.

I guess a lesser woman would've lost hope A greater woman wouldn't beg

Buffy is constantly in this limbo of being not quite human, or “lesser”, but feeling inadequate as a slayer because she doesn’t want it, she doesn’t fully own it. And she does beg during Prophecy Girl, for the prophecy to be changed.

But I looked to the sky and said

Please I've been on my knees Change the prophecy

I think this is fairly self explanatory. She’s sixteen years old and she doesn’t want to die, right?

Don't want money Just someone who wants my company Let it once be me Who do I have to speak to About if they can redo The prophecy?

Cards on the table Mine play out like fools in a fable, oh It was sinking in

I read this as being about the Gift, when Buffy realises that her fate, or her “fable” is to die for the sake of the world. Slow is the quicksand Poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand Oh, still I dream of him

I think this relates to Angel, and how she’s pining after that kind of romance that she doesn’t have with anyone, and why she turns to Spike. And her spiral into depression.

And I sound like an infant

Sixteen and doesn’t want to die, anyone?

Feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen A greater woman stays cool But I howl like a wolf at the moon And I look unstable

This is definitely season 6 buffy, who is holding on by a thread. She is unstable, she’s empty, she’s no longer able to be that greater woman. Gathered with a coven round a sorceress' table

I think this could be a nod to the Scoobies, with the “sorceress’ table” being the table in the library and then the Magic Box. That’s usually where she finds out about a life changing prophecy. A greater woman has faith But even statues crumble if they're made to wait I'm so afraid I sealed my fate No sign of soulmates

Definitely depressed Buffy, when she feels like nothing, being “made to wait” to be “normal” again, and afraid that she’ll never be as happy as she was with Angel.

I'm just a paperweight In shades of greige

Again, depression metaphor, being weighed down and being buried alive.

Spending my last coin so someone will tell me It'll be ok

Buffy constantly looks for reassurance from Giles and people around her who she trusts, so she needs someone to tell her it’ll be okay. Desperately.

anyway, this was long! And unhinged! I’m tired now, so I’ll go sleep.

#btvs #buffy #buffy the vampire slayer #angel #bangel #buffyverse #scooby #scooby gang #tay #taylor swift #taylornation #tor #the tortured poets department #ttp #ttpd #the prop

[ell-arts]

Oh that last question actually got me thinking! It's oddly suspicious that Spheria never appeared in that episode.. (then again, i guess the writers didn't want her involved as they don't know how to write her who knows lol.)

What would be your interpretation of her if she ever appeared in that episode and saw her fake sister? How would she react to the harsh reality of two clone that were designed to trick her nephew? Ever herself included?

I feel like the writers for some reason exclude her a lot where i feel like she had potential to show other characteristics besides her strong muscles and a warrior and all..

The best guess I can give is that the creators probably didn't want to use as many characters in that episode because there were already so many characters to keep track of (Pac, Cyli, Spiral, Clone Zac, Clone Sunny, Dr B, Betrayus, Blinky, Inky, Pinky, Clyde, Sir C, etc), even though it definitely would've made more sense for Spheria to be there.

However, it's been hinted that Spheria does not live in Pacapolis, as Maze High is a boarding school (with Pac living in the dormitories) and there have been a few times when Pac alluded to Spheria needing to travel a distance in order to be in the city. ("Aunt Apheria! You made it!" -Pac, in "Pac to the Future")

So going off of that, I think Spheria could've just been out of town at the time of the Berry Day episode, and since Pac was asked to keep his 'parents' return a secret, I highly doubt Spheria caught wind of the events before the clones' true intentions were revealed.

Anyway, speculation aside, I'm sure that IF Spheria had appeared, then you can only imagine that she would've been just as conflicted and angry as Pac was, except that she would've been furious. It may take her a few days to cool off, afterwards, she'd check on Pac and comfort him in the aftermath of the incident.

#ask #pmatga #pacman and the ghostly adventures #pacster #Spheria suprema

[orbdotexe]

I am late to asking you exile questions. How dare I.

But I was thinking if the guardian ever kept like, a diary or something of a similar vain that others only found after their death. (A lore book if you will)

Do they get to see Wolf’s mental state spiraling once again, only in their own words and writing?

Or do they see Wolf doing their best to ignore it, and making the best out of the situation?

(Which hurts them more.)

Also gladiator by Jenn is such a Wolf song. Go listen. Please I beg.

and I am late to answering it!

I think I've/we've (not sure) messed with the idea before, but didn't land on anything concrete?

I think, at least pre-unexile (sometime after Lightfall, not sure exactly when yet), Wolf wouldn't bother with speaking to do an audio diary/journal. One thing I'm very fond of doing to the Young Wolf is fucking up their voice in some way so yk gotta have the rasp from poor use! For the most part, I don't think they'd be very committed to a journal to begin with - but Ghost might try to get them to at least write down their thoughts, if they can't get it out to him.

I don't think they'd keep track of the entries, though. Write it down, put it out there, leave it to rot like everything else. Maybe it makes them feel better, maybe it leaves them feeling worse, but there is some clarity with clear words.

So, I figure they either leave files unnamed and completely unedited or grammar checked, or just leave mostly incoherent pages in random hideouts. Some might be torn out, or torn up into shreds, pencil marks varying between trying to make sense and then just writing the first half-thought that comes to their mind while trying to put words to how it feels.

Though, any sign of their state is probably found more from how messy they are, rather than what the pages actually say. So, a lorebook would probably be pieced together from incomplete pages and dated by the closest events they could relate to any one "entry" (easier said than done, as 90% of them are about... nonsense, or things that happened awhile ago that they're just catching up on because they take forever to acknowledge anything's wrong)

There'd definitely be pages/entries where Wolf writes about some cool landscape, or something stupid that happened. Maybe they saw a Newlight drive their sparrow dead into a wall while trying to chase a pike, or how they scared the shit out of some fireteam that day. Though, those entries are likely written with a shaky hand.

Any start of a spiral, likely would've been found in half-hearted, very downtrodden or demotivated points. So, while coherent, mostly melancholic or nostalgic. The few completely clear and "determined" ones, are... likely about consequences, either their own or our dearest motivation: The many should not suffer the mistakes of a few.

Which, I think, would be the ones that would make it into a lorebook (also completely overlooking just how ill and betrayed Wolf really was, in favor of showing their "good-hearted-ness and determination to protect the City").

also, that is 100% a Wolf song. Took me a minute to get it, but woh. And not even just Wolf, either - I mean. "I know its kinda funny that everyone is acting like they know you personally" for Crow maybe, or 'They've all been dying for a little drama, their favorite stars getting out of coma" you already know--

#did NOT mean to wax poetic again but i cant help it. im rewatching jacob geller videos again :( #also did not mean to write an essay on you again but yknow what. you sent the ask you know how these things go-- #The Forsaken Exile #orb rambles

[rh3maji]

Anime Dubs My Beloved

Dubs are at the intersection of both technical and artistic skill and that's left me in awe for the past year and a half sooo lemme just kinda gush about this medium[?], for a sec I grew up watching anime [sub & dub] and for the longest time I didn't have a clue about how dubs got made beyond "words must fit lip movements" and "actors record separately", never in a million years would've thought sight-reading was a part of it! So imagine being in a booth ye? You got your script monitor and another monitor displaying the animated stuffs you'll be dubbing over. You've never seen the script until this moment and you've likely never even seen the footage before either. The director sets the scene for you so you have the needed context and of course a script writer writes with the flaps in mind, but at the end of the day it's on you to get the timing right, the performance right, the believability right [with or without other ppl's dialogue recorded depending on when your session was relative to your fellow castmates], and you're juggling all of this all while not getting to rehearse the scene beforehand. Maybe I'm just nerding out here, but to me being able to do that's really heckin cool! Finding out that most of the directors and script adapters are also VAs themselves has also been fun. I'd just be sitting there watchin' AoT, absolutely demolishing some hot wings, glance at the credits ,and go : "Script Writer Aaron Dismuke? ...wait he wha" [This discovery would singlehandedly send me spiraling down a dub-shaped rabbit hole I have yet to crawl my way out of] But while I think I know a lot more than I did as a kid, there's still so much about the process that I definitely don't know about yet. That ignorance is a lil frustrating tbh because i'd love to know more about the translation, audio engineering, directorial, and audio mixing parts of the operation ~FOR SCIENCE!~ And by "FOR SCIENCE!" I mean for my own peace of mind, and by "for my own peace of mind" I mean so that I could write about the process more confidently and accurately. This interest in the whole shebang is also why you might see me geek out abt or draw ppl who've adapted/voiced in my favorite shows at some point, the art stuff's sort of a side-effect of when I get way too invested in a subject~ Even in dubs where the script is kinda meh or I dislike a character's voice or a VA's delivery, I can still enjoy most of them on a technical level. Thankfully, dubs these days are pretty good on both fronts so I've been eatin' good ^^ Also PS; I am begging on my hands and knees to get a good look at an anime dub script, not even one for an actual existing property, I legit just wanna know the formatting of one. PS PS; I can tell from blurry snippets of Funimation/Crunchyroll bts stuffs that it looks like a spreadsheet with timecodes and a few different colored cells but no clue of what the values are. PS PS PS; I eventually found one well after writing this draft [courtesy of @thereubeh on twitter]

https://x.com/thereubeh/status/1667561334010179584?s=20

Brilliant.

#i'm just here for the free food. #english dubs #anime dubs #i am cringe but i am free

[glitterslag]

I really need something about jealous Eddie and better if the one flirting with our sweet little angel Chrissy is Billy

Hello gorgeous anon, tysm for your message!! 🥰

So, I actually already have a jealous eddie ficlet planned for my eddissy series! It takes place much later in the timeline, when Chrissy's away at college, and eddie gets a lil jealous over chrissy's new dealer 😈😈

And then the blurb I've got coming out in the next couple of days is actually gonna explore jealous Chrissy a lil bit!

However I do think this is an absolute banger of a concept!!! I think Billy definitely would've flirted with Chrissy in school, and eddie, who's crushing on chrissy from afar at this point, would've been asbolutely losing his MIND over it.

Like, eddie can handle it when the jasons of the world are falling at chrissy's feet because in his opinion, they're boring vanilla jocks and eddie feels superior to them in his little eddie way (i.e. despite being desperately insecure about himself he also has an absolute god complex at the same time, thinks his music taste and his clothes and his hobbies are the undisputed best and they're just so much better than anything a lame jock could like).

But when it's BILLY lining up to date chrissy, it irritates eddie beyond belief because this guy actually has good taste in music. And he's edgy and cool and he smokes and even King Steve is intimidated by him. Only he's popular AND athletic as well. He's got the best of both. So I feel like it would definitely send eddie spiralling.

Tbh I don't think chrissy would like billy in any way, cause she would sense he was unsafe and she'd be a bit scared of him. I also think that once eddie found out how Billy treated lucas he'd hate Billy too. But it wouldn't stop him being massively jealous of his magnetism and his whole tough guy persona.

I also think at this point eddie maybe hasn't quite admitted to himself that he likes chrissy quite yet. It would be funny if the whole time while he's having these insanely jealous thoughts he's just like. What do you mean it's cause I have a crush. That's crazy. I am simply making an observation. Chrissy Cunningham deserves far better than those neanderthals Billy and Jason and I, eddie, can see that because I am smart. I am astute. I observe things. 🧐🧐🧐Definitely no other ulterior motive there...........

#ask #eddie munson #billy hargrove #chrissy cunningham #eddissy #hellcheer #eddie munson x chrissy cunningham

[mctives]

some general thoughts on stu

(note: i know people are obsessed with this franchise, but i'm only starting to develop my thoughts on it, so please be patient with me)

. i feel that his and his family's privilege is such a huge reason that he ended up the way he did. like... he's not unintelligent, but he doesn't seem in touch with reality and consequences (or at least not the consequences there should be for the DEGREE of his actions), and someone as manipulative as billy is able to convince him to both harm himself and others. i feel that he's definitely been in trouble before and his parents got him out of it. i also feel that he had some signs of mental illness waaaay prior to the murders which were ignored because they would look bad.

. it wasn't a matter of billy telling him to do things and he did them. he would do things because he'd think billy would think more of him for it, and he'd feed off of billy's reactions, which would drive him to do more and more. to him, billy is cool and smart and all the things stu is not, but wishes he was (and of course, there are other feelings going on, but he doesn't try to think about that too much--see the next point), so keeping his attention is a huge fixation for him.

. he is one of those people who's thoughts will really spiral out of control if he thinks too much. like, you know when you think about how big space is and then you're panicking because jesus CHRIST space is big; that's stu about pretty much everything. he is not the guy who thinks very far ahead (billy handled that) and he also isn't the guy who thinks very far behind either. if he thought too much about things that had happened or things he was going to do he'd definitely freak out the way he started freaking out toward the end of the movie. (and even then, he wasn't to the point of really understanding consequences, since he was mostly concerned about his parents being angry with him.)

. while i think stu mostly had girlfriends because it seemed to be something that billy wanted, i also think he really liked tatum even though he knew that she would be one of their victims. it's one of those things that if you sat him down and tried to get him to explain it to you, he'd have a lot of trouble trying to make any sense. there is this huge border between the him who likes tatum and the him who needs to participate in all these things that will lead to tatum being killed. (note: i think stu helped make sure tatum was stuck in the garage, but i think billy is the one who actually killed her; does not make stu any less guilty though.)

. the situation with casey is definitely a situation where he felt she and steve made him look bad to billy, and i think that billy used that situation to draw stu further in (since their first kill was for billy--even though stu didn't really know that at the time). Once they killed casey and steve, they really shared something that kept them intrinsically bound, so stu couldn't betray him--although i believe billy always intended to betray stu by killing him.

. however, stu felt most betrayed by billy not telling him his motive for killing maureen. like, billy DEFINITELY has given stu his line about how it's scarier if there's no motive, and i'm sure stu bought into it because it's very convenient for his tendency not to want to think about things too closely. i think that was the moment that stu was beginning to realize that billy didn't really see him as an equal, and never would.

. if stu had never met billy, i don't think he would've become a killer, but i don't think he ever would've been a good person without a ton of effort and therapy. the chaotic way he feeds off of energy, and does not see reality/consequences clearly, and is able to dehumanize others makes him extremely unreliable and impulsive and dangerous.

#// headcanon #am open to feedback #i'm still developing my thoughts #i just cannot stop thinking about this jerkass #(jerkass is really too nice a word) #long post cw

[belethlegwen]

The Faerie Spell - Chp 9

Chapter One: Click Here Previous Chapter: Click Here Story Directory: Click Here Words: 9317 Summary: Daphne continues to navigate her situation at Nakahara's Cellar where she's been trying to recover in the hour or so since she's been rescued. Trying to avoid entering multiple panic spirals, she has to consider how she'll get home and what's going to be awaiting her when she gets there.

[Major appreciations again to @adjacentperception for the wonderful opportunity to RP with their characters and play in their setting with this story. I love The Cellar and all of the beautiful folks that hang out there <3]

How can you feel like you’re boiling hot and chilled to the bone at the same time? Apparently, one way is to just be incredibly stupid and have to face up to a billion consequences you maybe should’ve thought of before taking a step out the door.

I was mad. I was mad at myself, I was mad at that stupid Faerie, I was mad at how my friends were almost definitely going to react when they finally found out what happened; But I was also terrified of all of those things as well. What if it had happened while I was driving? My dumb ass would be baked in a hot car like a purse-dog that someone forgot about, abandoned and locked-in on the side of the road. What if it had happened where I wasn’t able to pull over? Just… suddenly raptured out of the driver’s seat?

All of the things The Gang were about to yell at me for… yeah. Yeah they’d have a fucking point. Could’ve died in a billion different ways, and all because my dumb ass wanted to go for a walk without Gem. It felt like there was ice creeping up the back of my neck as everything started to really pile in, and—

"Hey,” Zora’s voice pulled me back to a reality that should’ve still been terrible, but was so much… nicer, than where ever my head was about to flush itself to. “You're not a criminal for wanting to have a haircut."

I turned away from the phone to look up at her, my chest too tight initially to respond. She seemed to lower herself just a little more to get closer to my level, and that was just… so appreciated, right now, compared to how I usually felt about that.

"You're allowed to have your freedom, and it sounds like you at least made the effort to be careful about it like… they can't exactly be mad at you for this."

I laughed bitterly at Zora's comment. I didn't mean to-- she was being so nice and I'm sure if I had made the same laugh at my regular size, somebody would've hit me in the mouth. I didn't want to argue with her, but I mean… my stupid ass got me into this mess and my friends had probably been panicking for at least an hour by this point, looking for me. They could exactly be mad at me for this.

God, mad would be the nice option out of what they could be at me, right now.

My mouth was opening to reply-- to argue, honestly-- practically involuntarily, everything just wanting to rush out of my body and ramble again like it had been, when Arthur's voice made me turn so fast I think I pulled something that was already sore.

"Your friends sound like shit."

I wasn’t really in the headspace, in that moment, to think of how funny that blunt, flat-toned line probably was.

"Arthur."

Zora didn’t seem amused either.

"If they've made her feel like being cursed is her fault and a giant inconvenience for themselves, then they’re shit friends. Get better ones whose texts wont make you breathe like that."

It rumbled around my head a few times. No-- no. They're not. They care about me and they want me to be safe, and then I go and pull stupid shit like this. My arms squeezed tightly around myself after I finished rubbing at my magically-cooled neck, too lost in the rollercoaster of thoughts to really appreciate magic goo all over my body doing it's thing. Was he right? Like… did I feel like they blamed me for my curse and stuff?

Stupid question. Yeah, they did.

"It's not intentional," I had blurted out defensively before really taking the 2 seconds it would've needed to realize that that still sounded uh… bad. I was also caught up on how bad my breathing was that Arthur could hear it. Blind-people powers, something something, he could probably hear it better than most people, but I really hadn't noticed how whack my cardio was being until he mentioned it. "They just want to keep me safe…"

I don't know if I believed it. They wanted me safe, mostly because it kept me out of trouble. They wanted me home so if this happened, it only bothered one of them, maybe two.

I felt like I wanted to sink straight through the bar into the ground. Then, Zora’s voice was back.

"How long do these spells of yours typically last?" She was really good at this, despite her insistence she didn’t know what she was doing. Girl was able to pull me back from a spiral like I was her yo-yo.

"Days," I said, turning to look up at Zora again. "It's… more complicated than that. They started short, and I had a couple of short ones in the middle… one of the last ones was really short? Two of them, maybe?" My headache was coming back full force as I tried to make sure the phone was as completely out of my view as something bigger than me could ever really be. "The latest one that ended this morning was almost two full days. The record for it is a little over four, I think? And I mean… I never-- it's never happened this fast after a zonk, shift, whatever, before. I don't-- this is new."

"Could we help you lay low here and make sure your friends don't get the password until the whole thing has blown over? I'm sure we could offer you a decent alibi if you give us a few minutes to think of one."

Her question made my eyes drop back down to the sweater I was on, and the bar top, glad that Zora's arms were still resting on it. It made me feel less exposed, less… vulnerable, I guess, though that seemed stupid to say. I was obviously vulnerable. I flinched as I tried to hug myself tighter and just pinched one of my bruised ribs. My mind was racing, trying to consider the options and the offer. "I… I don't want to keep you out for maybe days of this bullshit until the fucker gets his shit together and puts me back to normal, but like… yeah, I don't really… I don't wanna see them… just yet."

My eyes gazed down at my hands and arms, my coat still somewhere beside me. I was battered to shit, even if I could lie low and this was short, it's not like my took-on-Mike-Tyson-ass was going to look or feel any better in IMAX compared to the mobile version of me.

"…I think I just need a bit of time to think about it, if you'll let me stay at least that long. Sorry for making it such a problem."

Listen. I’m no stranger to looks of concern or worry or pity or… we won’t talk about some of the others right now, everything else is still too much. Especially since this all went down, I’m used to getting looks. The looks I’ve gotten and still get from my friends when this happens, the looks I’ve gotten when I had to mention that I was cursed. They’ve run the gamut. But the look of genuine, just… human concern that Zora gave me was something I had seen so rarely that it shocked me when I looked back up to listen to her.

“Please don't,” her voice was so, so quiet. God, I don’t get this, ever, when I’m down here. Even at the start, nobody cared to just be soft. “You wouldn't be putting me out. I'm happy to be of help as long as you need me to be. Few hours, few days, whatever. If you need somewhere to be I can help.”

My rat-brain was churning out vague attempts to try and convince me that that was how I get murdered or something, but it was impossible to believe that even for a second when even in this situation, I just felt… so much more at ease with that idea. Like, how did that feel so much better than Gem’s place? Or even my own? I obviously had been staring too long without a response, because she cut back in pretty fast.

“I understand that we barely know each other, so maybe that doesn't sound as welcoming or earnest as I would like, but the offer still stands,” she offered quickly, Arthur moving up alongside her and resting himself on his elbows on the bartop. I assumed, honestly, that he was going to ‘subtly’ stop her. It’d be weird to have a complete stranger— even a tiny one— just… around like that. Wouldn’t it?

“We could set you up with some space in the back if you really needed to hide out.” Kinda glad he’s blind, I’m sure the stupid face I made would’ve made him laugh otherwise. Me and Zora both kinda looked at him, though she was much less surprised than I was about his interjection, as he spoke more. “Public space might feel safer, but you'd have to be chill with like… muffled bar sounds.”

While I tried to think of a way to respond, Zora perked up enough to ask what time the bar opened tonight, an anxiety I hadn’t even worried about until she mentioned it. “We open whenever we feel like opening. It'll be a minute before anyone comes knocking,” Arthur’s flat voice retorted at her as I finally got my tongue in working order again. Not that it would matter, much. Arthur spoke again.

“You're not a problem. Don't think having a curse makes you a problem.”

It was like he could read my thoughts. Arthur had turned his head vaguely in my direction as he said it like he knew I was about to… I guess not necessarily argue, but close enough.

“Zora has a curse, a chunk of our patrons are cursed; Lots of people have curses,” the giant man continued as I just stood there, blinking, Zora casually glancing between the two of us. “The guy we're getting medicine from has like… seven or something ridiculous.”

“Not a bad guy, but…” Zora drawled. “He deserves his.”

Arthur cut back, a very faint hint of defensiveness though I’ll admit that the guy was nearly impossible to get any kind of read on most of the time. “Most of his. I'll argue a few in his favor. He's got garbage luck.”

Zora was just as quick. “That might be one of them.”

“Shit,” I uttered, getting both of their attentions off their banter for a moment. “I really didn’t know curses just… got around like that.” They were speaking so casually about it. Zora didn’t even look cursed, but Arthur knew and they were open enough about it to just tell a stranger? Well— ok, fair enough to point out that I was obviously cursed so like, yeah, probably a safe bet I’d be less likely to judge. The guy with a fucking collection of them sounded a bit much, but I guess if it’s helpful in giving him experience for the medicine stuff, maybe it’s a good thing?

I was about to rush headlong into a pile of questions that were probably… way too personal, when Arthur pulled me back with that deep, flat tone again. “Anyways, the point stands: No one should be making you feel like shit for that.”

This man had a frown that— I’m sure that even if I was at regular size— looked like it could turn someone to stone. It wasn’t directed at me, but god… he meant it.

He meant it, and that felt… that felt too good really to put into any words. At least at the time.

I had wanted to ask almost immediately what Zora’s curse was, but it just felt too personal. She was lucky; hers wasn’t as obvious as a doll-sized person crying on a bar-top in the middle of the day. I felt bad about making her open up about something she was easily able to hide like that. I focused instead on asking about curses in general, musing about how it seemed too taboo to talk about and that’s probably why I was so ignorant about how common it was. “Probably didn’t help that I was basically thrown out of a place for mine, so like—“

Arthur’s face scrunched up so fast and so dramatically I practically felt it. “Who kicked you out for being small?” He blurted, his sunglasses coming so close to looking directly at me that for a moment I was sure he could actually see. “That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.”

“Give us a name and we'd be happy to spread the word around our people,” Zora added firmly, nodding at me as her hands and arms moved in closer. I don’t know if she meant to, but it made me feel good instead of like I was about to get trapped or something. “We’ll make sure they don't get any business out of us.”

They were so fucking protective. Of me. Already.

I’d be lying if I said that didn’t make me feel guilty.

“I… uh… I don’t remember her name,” I lied, scratching at the back of my neck. I didn’t want to start a fight; if curses were that easy to get, I’m sure the witch would easily saddle me a few more if she found out I was smack-talking her business. She’d probably assume Cal’s eggs were thrown by me, too. Definitely not what I needed right now. “I wasn’t small when I saw her. She just wasn’t able to help with my curse. Was pretty nasty about it, but— it’s like— mine is probably different and that might’ve just been like… maybe she didn’t like…”

The last thing I wanted to do was make these people suddenly regret scraping me off of the concrete by telling them about my Faerie Bullshit(tm). But… I don’t know. Maybe they were cool about it? Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to prod a little?

“Is it… are there like, bad ways to get a curse?” I asked, immediately throwing my hands up in front of me defensively. “I only ask because that seemed to be, uh… her issue.”

The two giant people in front of me got to stewing over my question in a way that made me want to just go hide in the walls or something instead, in case they pieced together what had happened to me. What was actively still happening to me. “I mean… maybe? Probably… humans find a way to hate anything but… hm…” Zora mumbled.

“I guess if they thought you might bring more bad juju with you or something but… that's still pretty stupid…” Arthur droned. “Like… as long as you didn't get it for being a prick about something I don't know what the problem could be…”

Zora tilted her head at me and those giant eyes glanced me over. “I feel like people are more judgey about particular curses than like… origins.”

Arthur’s shrug and a gruff huffing noise didn’t even make me turn my head away from Zora as she watched me. “The vampires who took it willingly and trot around like they're hot shit are pretty fucking annoying but… I don't feel like that's an answer,” he said.

I was feeling more and more awkward as the conversation continued, and my body was really starting to ache as I just stood there. I kind of wanted to sit down again, but putting myself back on the sweater under my feet seemed pretty daunting given how messed up I was.

“None of it is any more taboo than you make it out to be. For some people it depends on the curse or the circumstance.” I really wanted to tell her again that she was good at this. She was making me feel better, no matter how my face probably looked at the time. “Werewolves still get a lot of undue shit in some places, but y'know, people are hard to convince when they’re scared. A lot of it is dying out as we modernize.”

I had never heard Vampires and Werewolves talked about like they were people. I didn’t want to say anything; again— came from a shit community with shit people around me who thought drug addicts deserved to suffer because they had sinned and shit and left it at that. If you were good and just and made the Right Decisions, nothing bad would ever happen to you.

“Basically,” Arthur cut in as his arms slid out on the bar, very careful to not come near to where I was, “it's no more taboo than talking about any sort of disability, and that has variances. To combat this, we don't let assholes in. That works pretty well.”

“I appreciate you not letting assholes in.” It was all I could really think to say; if I had woken up to being poked at by a bar full of people who were going to be judgey at me for what happened— I mean, it was bad enough trying to find the courage to talk to these people who had already been so incredibly nice about it. Zora’s arms seemed to shift just a little closer around me as she leaned down more to my level, her voice getting softer.

“You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Like, I get that you might want information but.. you don't have to give out what you don't want to.”

It took me a second for the words to really hit, but when they did I think I may have actually deflated. “Thanks…” I managed, taking a deep breath and smiling up at her. “Honestly. That… that means a lot, to hear. I definitely want to get answers, but… now’s probably not the best time.”

Pretty sure there was someone at that exact moment wondering where that stain on their shoe came from so… yeah. Probably an indicator that I could wait on any intense information digging. Speaking of digging, though…

“Would…” I started quietly, after turning to stare at the phone again, the icons having shifted place as most messages had rolled in in the peace of silent-mode. “Would it be ok to add you as friends or anything?” God, I sounded like I was 14 again. “It’s cool if not. I just… if I can talk to you guys and stuff, I’d love to come back here when things aren’t as… zonked, I guess. For me, I mean.”

I hadn’t even finished asking when Zora swung a massive arm up the bar to get a napkin and slide it down, Arthur groping around under the bar to get a pen. Before long, I was punching in their info to my account on her giant phone to add them both. It gave me a reason to get off of my inbox for a bit, at the very least, and that did wonders for how I was feeling. Well, that, and Zora offering again that I could lay low here or with her, and that the offer was always open.

I straight-up told her that that would be nice, even if just to get me out of the house sometime with someone who knows, who isn’t as likely to like… explode about it. Fuck, who knows how long it would be before I’d be allowed out again though. I was part way through suggesting that if she liked coffee I had very recently discovered a nice spot we could try, when Madge burst back in in a flurry and nearly scared the daylights out of me.

“Good god, Jasper is a chattering fool,” she was grumbling as she swept back toward the rest of us with vials in her hand.

“See, it’s not all my fault,” Arthur’s flat voice had managed to become comforting to me that quickly.

“You do not help,” Madge shot at him as she plopped a vial with a thick, pale-yellow goo in it on the bartop near us. “This is the one we were missing,” she said, her voice less loud now that she was close to me. It was appreciated. She seemed like the kind of woman who could knock a wall down with a few words if she really needed to. “Jasper recommends getting a bit on the end of a toothpick and stirring it into something for this sort of scene.”

“What does this one do?” Zora raced me to the question.

“Mends light fractures faster,” Madge said, sending my eyebrows straight up. “He’s not a miracle worker, but it’s a godsend if you can get it in ya early.” She turned to me, that quick flick of her eyes scanning me up and down though it was less aggressive-staring like I was kind of used to and more of that same concern that Zora was giving me. “Is the cold stuff helping at all?”

I stammered like an idiot. “Oh—uh— yes. Yeah, like… loads. My body doesn’t feel like it’d rather jettison my limbs than move them, which is nice.” To be fair to myself, I was way more focused on the magic potion vial. “Damn,” I breathed, staring at it. “I should’ve been checking out magic shops way before this.”

Madge was happy to hear the blue-goo was working, and she quickly set out another vial with a clearer liquid that was kind of… maroon? Just a pain-killer type of deal, apparently, which I was pretty excited for until…

“The nature of these,” she explained as she picked up my tiny cup from nearby, “is that they’re gonna taste real funky, just less-so when you mix them up.”

Arthur shrugged as he stopped leaning on the bartop. “I always feel like rum covers it best, but we’ve got other options.”

“I mean, carbonation does a decent job also,” Zora said with her own shrug.

“Either way, what drink would you like to taste like a foot so we can do this?” Madge asked so swiftly and so bluntly I blurted into a laugh instantly. That seemed to brighten the mood a little.

“I mean… a little bit of rum and coke won’t make this any worse, I think,” I said, still chuckling with a shrug. Arthur was already on the move to the back wall to start running his hands across the bottles before I even mentioned what I was looking for. It wasn’t like I was going to be driving BillTron home tonight; I’d need Cal to come with me or get one of the others to take my keys once they were back to a usable size again, and—

Cal.

“Um, Madge?” I asked, turning back to Zora’s phone and flicking it back to the inbox and the message previews again. “Did you… see anybody outside? Maybe acting weird? Dirty blonde hair, usually wears a beanie. They might’ve biked…”

Madge cut me off before I could spiral into worry about Cal. “The one walking in circles and not watching where he’s going? We may have met. Friend of yours?”

Why did that make my blood go cold? I nodded, and jumped a little as one of Zora’s hands slid closer to me again. She was looking at me with a worried stare. “Do you need more time?” She asked. “Do you need us to cover for you?”

I’m sure I made some kind of concerning noise as my brain ground to a halt, my heart going through the worst kind of cardio exercises yet again. “Uh… yes. Wait— no. Cal is… Cal is good.” Zora bit her lip at me as she listened, and her expression kind of said it all; I was as confident as a cat on a sinking boat and it was obvious. “They’ll be… fine! They definitely need to know where I am at some point, just…”

Now I absolutely knew I was making a noise as some kind of pathetic whining escaped me. Zora’s hand crept a little closer and I reached out to touch it if only for something to help ground myself. She rubbed her thumb against my back, and it was actually… reassuring, like someone patting my back. I didn’t know if she meant to do it intentionally, but I appreciated it all the same. I looked up at her again. “Just… follow my lead if I feel like I need to invent some kind of relation to keep them chill? I’m sorry— I promise they’re the better one out of everyone but just… I’m so sorry.”

“Please don’t apologize,” Zora replied as Madge looked on with noted confusion. I had forgotten she wasn’t here for the other two telling me they thought my friends were trash. “It’s going to be fine. We’ll help however we can.”

“So… should I go get him?” Madge asked.

Zora nodded with me. “Her friends should probably know she’s not dead.”

“Don’t tell him the password,” Arthur said over his shoulder. I was on the verge of asking if they actually had a password when Madge snorted out a laugh and headed towards the exit.

“Fine, I’ll leave it open,” she said, Arthur nodding vaguely in response as Madge disappeared out the door and back up the stairs. He placed a tumbler I could’ve soaked myself in near me and Zora with a container of toothpicks.

“Can you finish this?” He asked Zora, who had already picked up my tiny glass and a straw and was filling it for me. She seemed like she had done this dozens of times before as she used the toothpicks to swirl the medicine carefully into the glass and handed it back to me.

She had warned me not to think too much about the taste, and I had said I’d manage to get it down with way more confidence than was accurate. On the first big gulp I took the smell and awful… pre-after-taste? Hit me like an overflowing garbage truck. Zora pressed against me as I leaned back into her hand and plugged my nose to get through the rest of it. The painkiller part kicked in practically instantly, I just wished it did it’s thing on tastebuds too. Something something, beggars and choosers, something. I handed back the glass as me and Zora chuckled at how awful the stuff was, Arthur putting everything back in it’s place on the back wall when Madge re-entered with Cal.

“This one belong to you?” She asked from across the room, looking at me. Cal’s eyes were dodging to every dark corner of the bar, hunched and tense. I’d seen the look before; they absolutely thought they were being led into a murder basement.

It took me a second of staring to clock the weird feeling of massive relief at seeing one of my best friends and the chilling feeling of knowing how they were probably about to react to seeing me. When their eyes finally landed on me I kind of snapped back out of it and reached into my pocket for the amplifying stone and activated it, waving at them awkwardly from the bartop. “Hey, Cal…”

Zora jumped slightly, which caused me to jump only because I had still been leaning on her hand when it happened. She recovered pretty fast from the volume change though, moving her hand away as Cal immediately turned into the limp-spaghetti person I’ve always known. “Oh thank fucking God,” they blurted. “You’re actually here.”

They squared back up almost instantly, the relief short-lived as Cal glanced between Zora and Arthur with a concerned stare. I couldn’t blame them, Arthur had spun around on hearing Madge enter again and was leaning against the back bar with his arms folded, head toward the doorway. “…You good, or—“ Cal started to ask.

“I’m good, I’m good!” I called in a vague panic as Madge left Cal by the door and headed to stand next to Arthur. “They’re fine, it’s good!”

They didn’t relax much, but they felt at least ok enough to start approaching the bar.

“Hey there,” Zora said in a friendly greeting that was notably on the tense side, at least compared to how she had been before Cal walked in. “Nice to meet you, I’m Zora.”

“Hey, I’m Cal.”

I looked up at Zora to try and soothe her a little. “Me and Cal have been close friends for a long while. We come from the same neck of the woods.”

Cal’s awkward reply uh… undid any of the progress I had made in that regard as they said: “She uhhh… wasn’t always like this, heh.”

So if there’s one thing I always kind of hated with being small, it was being the topic of conversation for two people who were literally towering over you, who were talking like you weren’t even there. Like they had forgotten about you. The way Zora’s eyes kind of narrowed at Cal, I felt like I was maybe about to experience that again.

“Yeah,” Zora drawled awkwardly before brightening back up almost suspiciously fast. “she’s told us herself. But it’s not as if that would’ve prevented you from being friends, yeah?”

“I mean,” Cal replied with their crooked grin, “it’d have been hard to see her, mostly.”

I let out a reactive, polite laugh as Cal laughed at their own joke at a volume that I hadn’t had to worry much about for the last… well, however long I had been on a bar. The joke… didn’t go over well with everyone else. Zora’s face barely twitched, but Arthur was in the back trying to put both corners of his mouth through the floorboards, Madge also making an uncomfortable and displeased face as she put herself a bit more in front of Arthur. Like… it was awkward. I get it. This was just Cal though, it was fine.

…Wasn’t it?

“This is Arthur and Madge,” Zora said with a quick motion toward them, as if trying to get Cal to look at the two in case they might clue in. “They own the place, I just work here sometimes.” The three gave awkward waves, Cal as oblivious as ever still. My stomach was fixing to jump right out onto the sweater I was still standing on if this continued to get any more tense. Being an unseen spec on the bar top wasn’t helping my mood either. That was, until Zora spoke again, nodding down at me. “We met Daphne outside and offered some assistance.”

Zora’s description of what went down relaxed me so much, I found myself letting out a breath I had no idea I was holding. “Yeah, Zora’s been an incredible help, she got me inside after the zonk,” I said, turning to try and get Cal’s attention again. “Thanks for coming, my phone died and—“

“Wait,” Cal blurted, loudly, turning and blinking at me as if they suddenly remembered that I was here; that I was the reason they even came here. “How did you zonk?” I don’t even know if I had time to stammer something out before they talked over me again. “I thought you said it ended this morning?”

“No—no! It did end!” I said, trying to explain. “It happened again while I was out!”

Cal gestured in confusion toward me, their arms entering my airspace in big sweeps. “Why did you leave? Without telling anyone?”

Panic. It was mild, but it was just the start. I knew this was going to happen, I knew this was going to go to shit. God. What made me feel worse about it was knowing that this was how Zora was going to have to learn that I’m an idiot; by watching me get chewed out for every stupid decision I made. “I thought I had a few days, I usually have a few days… I just wanted to go get a haircut and a coffee an—“

Cal leaned down so fast to look at me I almost jumped backwards, worried I was going to choke on my own words. “Holy shit,” they muttered, their brow furrowed and looking extremely concerned as their massive eyeballs bounced up and down to look at me. “What happened to you?”

Their fingers and thumb gripped me as their hand swept across the bar, and the panic set in completely. “Cal—“ I grunted out through some kind of barrage of pained noises, but it didn’t matter.

“Relax,” they said, moving to lift me while I flailed, “I just need to look—“

I must’ve blinked, because suddenly Zora’s arm was across almost the entirety of my view and Cal’s hand was springing open to drop me back onto the sweater. I staggered back as a massive wave of noise crashed over me from all sides, my chest heaving and sore as the painkiller potion tried to kick back in.

“Bro you’re hurting her,” Zora snapped like thunder overhead, leaning across as she held Cal’s arm with one hand, the other one sliding up behind me as I staggered straight back into it.

“Shit—“ Cal hissed in surprise.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Madge was calling from the back of the bar where she was holding Arthur back with a fully extended arm against him.

“You can’t just grab someone who’s hurt like that!” Zora continued sharply. Her eyes were like they were on fire as she leaned even more over the bar to get right in Cal’s face. “Do you not hear her?”

“You shouldn’t just grab anyone, period,” Arthur was muttering from the back of the bar as Zora finally let go of Cal’s wrist and just barely backed off from them.

Cal was stammering, pale as a ghost and holding their arm in front of them like Zora had burned it. “Shit, shit— I didn’t know it was that bad— shit.”

My hands were cradling my sides where I had been pinched, rubbing them to help the numbing feeling of the potions come back faster as Zora looked down at me.

“You good?”

I nodded up at Zora, coughing faintly as I tried to speak again. “It’s ok,” I said, just repeating to try and stop whatever had just happened from happening again. “It’s ok, it’s ok—“

“Shit, I am so sorry, fuck— I—“ Cal was still panicking, looking between me and Zora with a massive face of regret and concern.

“I’m good, it just— it wasn’t bad bad it just… everything’s hurt already so—“ I said, glancing between all four of the gargantuan people in the bar.

“Are you sure?” Zora asked, her hand pressing against me a little as she looked me over again. “Do you need more water? Did we just negate the painkiller?”

I shook my head. “No, no, painkiller is still working. Water maybe would be good but it’s ok, it can wait a second.” I said, as Zora’s concerned face continued to check on me. “Cal didn’t know, it’s ok, they do that all the time,” I tried to explain.

They nodded rapidly in agreement with me, hopefully cluing in that I was trying to save their ass. “Yeah,” they said, quickly. “That’s normal, I just didn’t know she was hurt— shit, what happened though?”

“You are aware,” Arthur’s blunt voice from the back got mine and Cal’s attentions quickly, “that saying this is normal makes it so much worse, right?”

“It shouldn’t matter that she’s hurt,” Zora added. “You don’t just do that to someone.”

My mouth opened to try and defend Cal. That was the original intent, I know it was. Cal’s my friend, I don’t know the rest of these people from a hole in the ground. But as my mouth opened while I was still staring at the intense frown on Arthur’s face, my brain just said one thing: Arthur was right. They were all right. I had hated getting picked up without being asked, I had hated getting grabbed. I had hated being pulled and carried around without anyone listening if I did bother to say anything, and literally no one had ever seemed to… care how I felt about it.

As I watched Cal jerk back a little with every single thing Zora said to them, my instinct was to try and defend them. But as Zora’s hand curled around me a little more, and gave me a safe place to just… breathe, that instinct went away.

“How on earth would you like that?” Zora snapped again, her voice sharp but still so much quieter than Cal’s had been. “Someone just squeezing your whole body with no thoughts at all?”

“I— it—“ Cal stammered, flinching as the barrage kept coming. “I didn’t think—“

“If she’s your friend you should at least treat her like a human fucking being.”

“It’s just what I’ve always done so I—?” Cal stuttered out.

“Saying that isn’t the cover you think it is,” Arthur said flatly, but I could see the veins on the side of the man’s head twitching as he leaned out over Madge’s arm. “You are admitting to garbage behavior, and I need you to understand how fucked up that is.”

Zora looked about ready to jump the bar after Cal as well.

“Zora, darling,” Madge’s voice came calmly from the back bar and cut them off as I moved a hand back behind me to rest on Zora’s palm, just to try and steady myself a little more. “He’s clearly an idiot, don’t get too angry. It’s to be expected.”

Cal shrank back at the comment, and then further as Zora muttered to Madge: “Well for fuck’s sake, it doesn’t take half a braincell to be decent.”

“You’ll have to forgive us,” Madge said sweetly, addressing Cal with a smile that looked from where I was standing like it could be hiding a series of knives behind it. “We have a deep respect for autonomy down here.”

I locked eyes with Madge briefly, mouthing a silent ‘thank you’ to her as Cal was finally calming down, now practically half way back to the exit after all of the shots they had just taken. “I uh… I get it, I think, I just—“ they started before turning to look at them all. “Fuck, I’m uh… I’m really sorry?”

“Well done on figuring it out at the dumbest possible time,” Madge said with that calm, sweet smile again. “It shouldn’t have taken this, but we’re glad you got there.”

Zora’s hand cupped around me a little more. I don’t know if during any of my bullshit episodes like this if I had ever been just… ‘held’ doesn’t even seem like the right word. Protected? This was new. It was new and it was nice and I liked it, especially right now as Zora’s voice sounded almost like a growl while she spoke to Cal again.

“Do not apologize to any of us. Don’t apologize because you feel like you’re in trouble. Apologize to her,” she nodded down at me and I pressed my hand further into her palm, “for not taking her humanity into consideration for two fucking seconds. You should feel terrible about that.”

Cal had practically withered away, and was somehow still managing to wither more. “I… fuck…” Their swearing was actually kind of soothing to me, only in that I only ever heard it happen like this before they had a pretty big attitude shift. For once, it seemed like that attitude shift would benefit me. “Garbage seems like a bit much but—“

I think they finally noticed Madge literally holding Arthur back and decided to abruptly shut up and change topic. They looked down at me finally. “Fuck, Daph… I didn’t realize. I’m sorry.” I smiled, feeling so much better about all of this with just those words. Then Cal kept talking. “You should’ve said something.”

I wondered, for a brief moment, if Cal would actually get murdered in front of me if I mentioned that I have absolutely said something, and been saying somethings this whole time. I leaned more into Zora’s hand only to keep it off of Cal’s throat. “Hey… it’s… this has been weird, and like—“ Y’know what? I’d like at least some praise for the fact that I could’ve been way more awkward about all of this and we only had to deal with this amount of awkward from me. “We’ll work on it,” I offered them. “I mean, you were getting better.”

“Oh,” Cal’s eyes glazed over and they muttered dumbly to themself. “That’s why you kept mentioning the whole-hand thing…”

I was desperate to change the topic before they got iced in front of me. “I got zonked in the middle of the sidewalk. That’s what happened to me, kinda.” That got their attention back pretty quickly. “I uh… wound up in the stairwell. Fell. It was rough but Zora got me inside. They’ve been treating me with some potions and things and I’ll be ok, I’m just… real rough right now.”

Cal’s brow furrowed and for a second I thought they’d been able to tell I wasn’t being totally honest. “Potions?” They asked bluntly, shaking their head before I could really take any relief from that change of topic. “Doesn’t matter. How long ago did this all happen?”

“Uhhhm…” I had no idea what time it still was. “Sometime before noon?”

“Where’s your car?”

“In the work garage…”

Cal let out an explosive breath that startled the shit out of me before I realized they were relieved. “Oh thank god, I don’t gotta feed a meter.” They whipped out their phone and started to type rapidly, my arm reaching out quickly like I was somehow gonna be able to do something— anything— to stop it. “We gotta get you home, the gang’s been losin’ it.”

“Don’t—!” Cal’s thumbs came to a halt so fast I thought I heard the sounds of tires screeching as they blinked at me. “Don’t tell them where I am, or anything. Just tell them you found me with friends.”

It was the best I could think of to try and stave off a massive party of screaming people storming into this bar and causing even more issue with these folks who had been kind enough to peel my corpse off the ground and bring me back to life. People who could actually help me and not just say they would. Cal stared at me and took a slow look around between everyone awkwardly. “Yeah, I mean… yeah, ok.”

Their eyes dropped back down to me, but moved to give Zora’s hand a long look before they went back to typing. I could tell Zora was still upset, her fingers were pretty tense and her breathing was like listening to an animal from here. “Offer’s still on the table,” she said to me, her voice a lot quieter. I appreciated that, even though I still wasn’t sure if I could take her up on it.

She still didn’t relax when suddenly Madge was approaching us with another glass of water for me in her fingers, still the calmest one here but the one I had a feeling I should be the most worried about.

“Would you like any of that medicine to take along with you? Just in case,” she asked as I took the water from her and started to guzzle it down. “You shouldn’t need more of the yellow stuff, but if you want a bit of the others for the pain, I can hook you up.”

“The blue stuff,” I managed, coming up for air and ignoring the concerned stares of Cal over their typing. “That’s wonderful, I’d love more of that if that would be ok. Especially because I don’t have to taste it.”

Madge smirked with a nod as she turned to get me the vial and another, smaller container to try and pour it into for me. “The red stuff… honestly I’ll take Tylenol or something when I’m home. It’s not the same but… it’s what we’ve got.”

“Crew’s, uh—“ Cal’s voice came quietly and I turned to see them glancing up at everyone in the room before they flashed me an uncomfortable grimace. “…glad you’re alive.”

I made the same face back. “Great,” I said as convincingly as I could manage, which I’ll admit wasn’t spectacular. Cal was trying to dodge getting more yelled-at by not telling me they were pissed, is my guess. “What uh… what did you tell them?”

“You’re with some friends. That you’re hurt.”

I stared and waited for more, which Cal seemed unwilling to give me until I gestured vaguely at the entirety of me. I needed to know if they had told the gang I was zonked or not. Cal groaned uncomfortably.

“Gem asked but I haven’t responded.”

I squirmed at the idea that I might leave here and wind up in a hand so much unlike Zora’s. I honestly tried not to think about it— how this hand could be just as bad as Gem’s with so little effort— and my stomach was starting to churn again. “Yeah, please just… hold off on that… at least for now.”

“She’s worried…” Cal drawled, whining.

“Please.” I said it more firmly this time, staring at them. “Don’t.”

With Gem fresh on my mind, I latched onto the only thing I could think of that might save me if I really started to panic. My head tipped back and bumped into Zora’s hand, getting her attention on me. “I uh…” I started awkwardly, really hoping she was going to follow along. “I know we had plans for today but uh… give me a minute to make sure I’m still good for them?”

It was instant. This girl was on the ball, and I couldn’t be more appreciative for it. “There’s no pressure in the slightest,” she said gently, “but know you have somewhere.” She smiled at me and I honestly believed for a second that this cool woman actually had plans with me. That she had actually wanted to make plans with me. I put my hand on the tip of one of her fingers, it just felt like the right thing to do.

“Thanks. I mean…” I figured I’d try to set up as much as I possibly could before leaving here, so I could at least look forward to getting more information that I needed. “We can always raincheck it. Loads of time to uh— go for coffee and food and stuff some other day.”

“Anytime, really,” she said back, her hand relaxing a little more around me. “I make my own schedule, so just shoot me a text and we’ll make it happen.”

When I looked back at Cal I saw them glancing between me and Zora with a weird face, but if there was anything worth talking about they seemed willing to wait. “Is it uh…” they drawled, looking around the room. “Is it cool if I pull up a stool, or something?”

Madge turned to look Cal over up and down a few times with a hard stare, pausing in her search for something to put blue goo in for me.

“We’re not open,” she said simply.

Cal jammed their hands in their pockets, something they always did to try and make them look less nervous, but they always just wound up looking more awkward. I felt a little bad for them. They went back to looking at their phone as I found new appreciation for how warm Zora’s hand was.

“Gem’s uh…” they started awkwardly after a second. “She’s pretty insistent that I answer her…”

“She can wait,” Arthur’s voice cut bluntly from the back.

I shivered a little as I shook my head. “Keep her on read for a—“

Wait. I knew that shiver.

“Oh, shit— sorry, sorry—“ I stammered out as I pushed out of Zora’s hand stiffly, swooping down with some pained grunts while grabbing my coat and putting the empty water glass down on the sweater. “I’m gonna bamf, hang on—“ I tried to explain as the air started to fill with concerned noises and Zora’s hand seemed to freeze in mid-air in concern.

I basically had to fall into a sitting position, and it was just barely on time as my legs suddenly shout out straight over the edge of the bar and I had the momentary dizziness I always do. My eyes closed tight while I waited for the ringing to leave my ears, reaching in to deactivate the amplifying spell before muttering probably a thousand quick sorries and sliding off the bar.

I would’ve probably expected and not felt so bad about Madge and Zora staring at me and assuming it was just because they hadn’t seen Full-Sized Me before, if it weren’t for Cal also staring at me, all three of them with wildly different expressions. My eyes dropped to my shoes as I hugged my jacket to me. Pretty sure I looked like I lost a cage-match against Ronda Rousey.

“…….Oh.” Zora’s voice came eventually and I looked back up at her awkwardly. Her eyes were wide. The first thing that struck me was just how god damn cool and pretty she was at normal size. It had been obvious from zonk-land, but it’s just… different when you’re all the same size again. We stared at each other a second before she spoke again. “…Hello.”

I shifted my weight awkwardly on my legs. I was about to say hello back when her hands landed on me, having jumped up from her stool. “Oh, geez,” she muttered, suddenly focused on me and trying to help me stand properly. “Are you alright? You got this?”

“I’m good, yeah… just… y’know,” I muttered with a chuckle as I let her help me for a second, even if it was kind of embarrassing, “a little bit damaged.”

Zora seemed to find it awkward and embarrassing too, taking her hands away as soon as I was on my feet kind of properly again and looking away quickly. She smiled, though, and that made me feel less bad. “Heh… just a little bit damaged. It looked dramatic already but… woof.” She winced as she looked me over again. “You’ll feel better after a bath, I’ll bet.”

I muttered awkwardly, leaning a bit closer to her to make sure she could hear. “Uhhh… baths are dangerous, for me. More dangerous than I thought, apparently. At least before today.” She flinched a little and gave me a small nod and smile of understanding.

Cal was next to us suddenly, rushing over after they had stopped staring. “Jesus Daph,” they breathed. “Are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital?”

My heart entered my throat so fast I couldn’t get out any words about how terrifying I found the idea that I might go to a hospital and then suddenly zonk. “No, no—“ I stammered, shaking my head. “It’s just bruising and stuff. If it’s bad or anything tomorrow, or I notice anything worse… I’ll call my doctor or something.”

Cal stared at me, their mouth opening to argue.

“I promise, Cal,” I said, staring right back at them. “I will.”

They backed down a bit. “Alright, but…” their eyes swept with a whole head movement this time as they looked me over again. “Shit. Looks like you got shook up for a round of yahtzee.”

My stomach flipped at the size-joke, even though Cal obviously hadn’t meant it for a laugh. Honestly, that just made me a bit more uncomfortable— they just thought of that size as normal enough to talk about like that. Ugh. I looked myself over again, wondering if anything would’ve changed between being small and being tall. “It… it really does seem like it’s just bruising but…”

My eyes moved back to Zora with a sad smile. “I… I should probably head home to rest. I’ll, uh… I’ll hit you up as soon as I’m on my computer again and we can rebook? For coffee and lunch or something?”

She flashed a sad smile back at me, her eyes shining. God, she was gorgeous. I can’t believe I bothered her so much today with my dumb mistakes. “Please do,” she said. “No rush, no pressure, but I’ll definitely keep an eye out for it.” I grinned, she was really, really good at this. “I’d… I would definitely love to chat more.” She honestly made me believe it. This woman really wanted to help me out, for real. This was enough to make my heart pound against my chest— finally, answers.

Before I could launch into solidifying plans here and now for a coffee date, just to make sure this opportunity at curse-breaking didn’t slip through my fingers, Madge was next to me carefully putting the whole blue-goo vial in my hand. It had a beautiful, chilly feeling to it. “Take the whole thing,” she said warmly. I really liked Madge. “It’s just a hop and a skip for us to get more.”

“Thanks so much, Madge,” I said, literally feeling like things might be about to get better— really get better— in my life. “I’ll pay it off with a drink tab and some point, I hope.”

Madge took my hand in hers and patted it gently, like my Great Aunt used to. “You are absolutely invited to do just that. Pleasure to meet you today, even under rough circumstances.”

The idea of being able to come to a place outside of my house… outside Gem’s house… where I could be normal, even just a little bit, and even if I was zonked was… god I don’t know if they made words strong enough for it. Liberating seemed too shallow.

Then, slowly, Cal’s arm slid around my shoulder. Very slowly, and carefully. I don’t know if that was because I was hurt, or because they didn’t want to get torn apart by Zora and Arthur and probably Madge. “C’mon,” they said quickly. “Think you’re good to drive or should I get Mak to pick us up?”

My heart sank immediately. I didn’t want to see any of them. God, it was going to be an actual disaster. But I also, honestly, couldn’t trust myself to drive. “Uhhh… yeah. Pick-up is the smart idea.” I turned to Cal with the sharpest look I could manage. “Tell Gem I’m regular sized, by the way. Just… just that.”

Cal gave me a hesitant nod. “Ok. I will. If you’re sure.”

“Very sure.”

Cal started to lead me out of the bar, and I smiled and waved as cheerfully as I could manage to fake it to the three of them as we headed for the exit. My eyes landed on Arthur and I almost jerked to a halt to talk to him. “Arthur!”

He perked up and turned in our direction. I didn’t quite know how to read him, still, even at regular-size. I didn’t know the best way to say thanks.

“…Keep set 3 clean for me.” Seemed good enough. “You make good potion-cover.”

A tiny smile crossed his features with a quick nod. “Of course. Zora will give you the password.”

“I will,” Zora added with enthusiastic nodding. “Don’t worry.” She gave me a little wave goodbye. “Let me know you’re alright. Talk to you soon.”

I felt myself blush a little. I get to learn a secret password to a magic bar, and Zora actually wanted to talk to me more. “Talk to you soon,” I said back, waving as Cal helped me through the door and toward the stairs.

Now it was just a matter of getting home.

------

#The Faerie Spell #Faerie Spell #Daphne's Curse #The girl is gonna be alright #Well #She's gonna be better than she was #She still has to go through a bit more hell first though #g/t #giant/tiny #giant tiny #g/t author #g/t writing #gentle giantess #gt #gtauthor #These last two chapters may be wildly different in style compared to the previous and the next BUT #I learned a lot by doing this #major thanks again to Zip for RPing this out with me with their wonderful characters #Zora Madge and Arthur are wonderful #God I just #I adore the Cellar so much #What a cool place #Thank you for letting me play there #For real

[hyperfixationhopper]

Dissonant - II (Revenant x Male Reader)

CHAPTER NAV - First Chapter - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

Synopsis: Reader is severely hungover, downside to being a lightweight. Revenant helps him out, in his own weird ways. Reader has lots of self deprecating thoughts, and Revenant is oddly nice again, also in his own weird ways.

big tw for the whole series, LOTS of potentially triggering content. honestly, rev is the trigger warning LMAO

thinking about putting this (and some other stuff) up on AO3 too, since tumblr isnt really built for books like this. just would be easier to navigate through and find everything. also im just more familiar with ao3 lol

also sorry for being so absent lol, im still working on requests, i just havent been feeling so hot recently lol

II

"..."

"Fuck.." You could barely even breathe the words out due to what feels like jackhammers pounding into your skull. What happened last night? Something to do with alcohol, clearly. A hot shower might remedy the slight amnesia, and if you're lucky, it'll ease the hangover too. Your stomach rumbled suddenly. 'Nope. Not happening.' Was the first thought in response to your stomach's demands. Not worth the effort.

Great thing about alcohol? Great at distracting you and masking manic episodes. Bad thing? Even better at sending you into a depressive spiral the morning after.

You'll just have to settle for distractions, letting yourself fall down that spiral is a dangerous road, even if you weren't all too opposed to the most probable outcome of it. You gotta get this shit properly diagnosed, diagnosis' supposedly help you feel better, as you've been told. Though you know damn well about your bipolarity, how much could it really help? Though medication might be nice. Hard to get a proper diagnosis these days anyways, always shady people looking for your cash. Not worth the effort. Not that you didn't have the street smarts for it, of course, living poor taught you many things, you just weren't worth the time-

"Fuck..." You need to stop letting your thoughts run rampant, easy way to fall down the spiral.

Fuck was clearly the word of the day.

At least you got out of bed, up and moving. You made your way to the small kitchen in the small apartment you occupied. The Apex Games facility was pretty generous with the provided housing, they wanted all the legends in one place, and safe during a season. In the downtime between seasons they're free to live wherever, or stay, which was exactly what you did every time. You grab a glass and fill it with cold water. No decent family to go back to, so what was the point in leaving? You lifted the glass to your lips. Even friends were few and far between. The only people even a little close to you were Renee and Bloodhound, and Wattson was something of an acquaintance, you were both always nice to each other when you interacted, though there was nothing outside of that. Mirage... he's too friendly, too loud, too social, almost narcissistic. Pathfinder, well, he loves everyone, even Caustic is awesome to him. You've talked to Kairi a few times, and though you being on team Revenant and her being on team Loba kinda fucks things up, you still get along great, and if the given circumstances weren't present, you two would've been great friends. You took a sip, the cool liquid making it's way down your throat, eesing the ache. And.. Then there's Revenant. You had always been fond of him, despite his.. standoffish behavior and homicidal tendencies, he was pretty cool. He was.. kind to you. And by kind you mean he wasn't threatening you at all, and even saved you when you were paired together in the games. Though you'd never interacted much outside of that prior to last night- oh right! That happened, didn't it? He was.. oddly nice? In his own way, and if you recall right, quite flirty. He was probably just drunk as fuck, yeah, definitely. You couldn't possibly mean much to anyone, right?

The loud knock at your door violently dragged you out of your thoughts, so much so that the glass you were holding fell from your hand, shattering immediately on contact with the tile flooring.

"Shit, uh.. one second!" You scrambled to the floor, attempting to pick up the glass as fast as possible, cutting yourself in the process, your hands becoming bloody. This was not going to look good for whoever was there. Hopefully it wasn't Bloodhound, they'd panic so much seeing you like this. Now you were really anxious, and your head was beginning to pound harder.

Your question would soon be answered as the front door swung open violently. The kitchen was right next to the front door, whoever it was would only have to look a little to their right and you'd be right there, and that they did. Also, what the fuck?

"I uh- Revenant?" You were surprised, to say the least. What was he doing here? "Oh fuck," He looked... Worried? He rushed over to you and knelt down, gripping your wrists and analyzed your hands. "What did you do, skinsuit!?" He sounded angry, his voice almost booming. You flinched a bit as his eyes burned holes into yours. "I'm sorry- I uh, I dropped my glass cup when you knocked." He sighed, was somewhat relieved, but still concerned. "Ugh, you're too jumpy, where's the bathroom." It sounded more like a demand than a question. You pointed to it, it wasn't far. "I... Sorry-" He cut you off, "Don't waste your breath, skinbag." The sternness from the previous night returned. He took a moment, dodging your stare. "Just.. come on." He said the last part quiet and almost soft. If you weren't so close to him, you wouldn't have heard him. He stood up, gripping your wrist tight as he dragged you to your bathroom with haste. "You uh.. aren't as nice as you were last night," You tried to joke, and even completed it with a fake laugh to lighten the mood. He only huffed, almost embarrassed? "Shut it. I was drunk, skinbag. And now I'm hungover, so, I'd prefer you keep quiet, unless you want me to gut you." He laughed, though it didn't really sound like a joke. He must enjoy scaring people, of course it didn't really phase you. You chuckled, genuinely this time. "Go ahead, dude, I don't care." He was quiet after that, and your head hurts too much to even think of trying to figure out what he's thinking.

Revenant opened the door to your bathroom, wasting no time rushing inside. "Sit." He commanded, pointing to the toilet. You shut the lid, and did what you were told, suddenly very aware of what you were wearing, very short shorts and a long sleeved shirt, the feeling of cold ceramic on your thighs was uncomfortable, but the feeling faded as quick as it came. He violently searched the cabinets, presumably looking for medical supplies, grumbling about something. He clearly was not pleased. Not really what you were concerned about at the moment, though. Why was he doing this... this "nice" thing? Very out of character for a guy like him, considering the name he's made for himself and the ego he's got. Does he?- No. Not possible, he's a murderous simulacrum, he couldn't possibly feel something even akin to that, and even if he was capable of it, he'd have to drop the ego and embrace it, which is another improbable feat in itself. And even then, it's you. You weren't able to be loved, you knew that already. Hopefully he's just... toying with you before he kills you? Yeah, definitely.

You took the small amount of time he gave you by searching to evaluate your wounds, and upon closer inspection, they genuinely weren't much, and only needed maybe a few bandages to prevent them from bleeding more. There were a handful of cuts on the palms of both hands, the right being a bit more mangled than the left, but that was about it, the amount of blood felt like an exaggeration, almost. Like those bad movies with absurd amounts of fake blood.

"Y'know, it really isn't that bad-" "Quiet, I know what I'm doing." Okay so he was definitely not going to be coerced out of this. Shame.

God this was embarrassing, being taken care of, letting your walls down (albeit forcefully). At least he made quick work of disinfecting and bandaging your injuries, for a guy who specializes in inflicting pain, he was damn good at relieving it. Ugh, this is so weird. He avoided any and all eye contact, not wishing to meet your inquiring gaze.

"So, uh.. You come here often??" You cringe immediately at the sorry excuse for a joke. Revenant grumbles, eyeing you. "Excuse me?" He crossed his arms, more confused than anything. "I... I have no fucking clue." He rolled his eyes, like he was saying "Of course you don't, idiot.". He was probably thinking that, too. Shockingly enough, he seemed amused, and chuckled.

"I'm just gonna.." You squeeze past him, through the cramped space and exit the bathroom. Do you have a broom? Hopefully. Probably in the closet by the kitchen with cleaning supplies. Admittedly, you don't clean much, there isn't really anything to clean, you mostly stay in bed all day, draw on your PC with the graphics tablet Hound got you a while back, or "train", which mostly consists of you shooting some dummies for 20 minutes with strangely pinpoint accuracy even you couldn't describe, then getting your ass kicked by Hound, or whoever may have decided to humor you and spar in hand-to-hand, which you for some goddamn reason couldn't get the hang of.

You beeline for for the closet, low and behold, the tried and true cleaning tool stood before you, cobwebs, dust and all. You grab it and shake it a bit, relieving it of its dust issue. You turn back to see Revenant just standing outside of your bathroom, leaning against the wall, looking around, examining your sad little living space. What exactly does he want from you? His eyes finally land on you, and the broom. "Oh, put that back. I'll call someone in to clean the mess, no questions asked." Oh. He can do that? It feels weird to have someone clean up after you, almost rude. You'd deny, but it's Revenant, he would shut you down before you even say anything. "Alright, uh, thanks..?" You do as he said, and put the holy broom back in it's place, probably to never see the light of day for a long time.

"So, uh. Did you need something?" Finally, the question burning in your mind came to be. Why was he here? He seemed to put back on a cocky attitude. "Figured you'd want to see me after last night." It seemed to fail almost immediately. "Also you're uh.. not terrible company." He looked away grumbling about something.. was he embarrassed? Seems like it. Were you really about to do this? Absolutely.

"Oh, so the all-powerful Revenant is lonely, is that it?" Your sudden confidence boost surprised you. He was clearly taken aback, he made a very disgruntled sound. "I- fuck you! Do you even know who you're speaking to!?" He walked up to you, clearly angry. You couldn't help but chuckle. Was this granting you a death sentence? Probably, but you couldn't care less, this was fucking amazing. "Ugh! You are insufferable." He groaned, turning away and crossing his arms. "Weren't you just saying I was good company?" God you are playing this situation so risky.

Revenant grumbled, frustrated. You could hear the mechanisms in his body going off. At this rate, you might make him explode. "So. Anything in particular you'd like to do?" You'll spare him of your teasing for now, lest he massacres you in your own home. "Well I'd like to get this hangover gone. But otherwise I.. didn't come with a plan." Ah, this was your cue to be like the one character in those movies with the perfect hangover cure you obtained from your father. Unfortunately, you basically have neither of those things. "I'm sorry. I don't think I can fix the hangover, but if it's any consolation, mine's raging pretty bad too." Now that you thought of it, ow, yeah it does hurt like a bitch. You look around you, both of you standing in the kitchen now, a little ways away from the glass, an idea struck you. "As for activities, we could go eat..?" You trailed off, a bit embarrassed. "Uh, if you can eat, that is." Great save. I mean, he can drink right? What's stopping him from getting a burger or something?

He chuckled. God his voice was deep, and a bit attractive, now that you think about it- what the fuck?? Whatever, you'll deal with that later. "I can, but I don't need to and food doesn't do much for me, the flavor isn't nearly as strong as, say alcohol, for me to actually taste it." He paused. "But, if you're hungry, I'll put up with you for s bit. Only because I need a distraction from this damn headache." He regained his confident and fierce attitude once more. He crossed his arms and stared at you again. "So?" He seemed to be getting impatient. Suddenly you feel less confident. Are you bothering him? Well, probably. Why would he want to be around you? You aren't worth the time. Oh well. "I, uh, sure? Anywhere you want to go?" He scoffed. "This is about you, not me, idiot. You get to pick."

"Alright, then." Now, where to eat?

#I'm thinking the broom may live to become a returning character #revenant x male reader #revenant x reader #apex legends

[inkofamethyst]

November 2, 2023

Mmmm in the mood for some of those shortbread cookies I used to bake all the time in college. Maybe with some strawberry or blackcurrant jam. More economical (and probably healthier) than buying lofthouse cookies or oreos biweekly lol.

Bernadette Banner released another sewing video and the cape is so lovely, as is the little bag collab she has. I'm slowly getting into purses and the price is definitely steep, but I could totally save for it over time (this strategy also ensures I'm actually interested in the item rather than reacting to an influencer (even though I probably could just buy it outright, the waiting period serves an important purpose)). The other purses at that shop are just darling too. Anyway she released the video and the bag was out of stock in less than a day lol.

The dynamic contrast of Kronos Revealed (M Giacchino) brings me to tears sometimes. And I know part of it has to do with instrumentation and maybe even mixing but it's just so masterful. The Incredibles soundtrack really is something beyond. The BTAS orchestration is so amazing and has a similar nostalgic quality to it that modern superhero movies just aren't hitting (not that they need to, as style trends change across all industries, plus the settings are quite different). Music can give content so much more than an emotional route for the viewer to follow. For me, music plays such a huge role in giving a movie/show/game/video a sense of setting. When created with intention and care, it can help turn the setting into a character beyond a sandbox for the actors, I think, for me.

Today I'm thankful that we're over halfway through the semester. And, in the effort to celebrate little wins, I'm also thankful that I'm slowly but surely learning this semester, specifically from regen. While I may not be as quick with my thoughts/critiques/questions as the undergrads in that class (and I've kind of just settled into that discomfort, though I probably should put in extra effort to reach their level, I'm just putting my energy elsewhere (I wonder how long I can keep saying that "I'm adjusting")), I am taking in the information about experimental techniques! One of the postdocs in the lab gave a presentation this week, and I was able to understand a lot more about the methodology than I would have at the beginning of the semester!!! Maybe I didn't get everything, but this is progress.

Also, some rapid-fire's: Thankful that my evodevo prof extended the take home exam time via email sent exactly a minute after I woke up this morning to write three essays (that I'd previously outlined) in four hours (and while it probably would've worked [edit: lol] (I timed my sleep so well) I'm glad I didn't have to put it to the test) because I most certainly had overbooked myself this week (okay maybe these aren't going to be as rapid fire as I'd thought). Thankful for free hot apple cider and an apple donut this morning at some random event in front of my department's building on the coldest morning of the semester so far (first time having an apple donut and it was so good those people may have a repeat customer)!!!! Thankful that I don't have to care about my grades as much these days because otherwise I'd probably be spiraling after today's regen exam/quiz thing haha. ha. [edit 2, the following tuesday: I did better than I did the first exam...? feeling like this class is kinda graded on "did you try?" vibes and I don't hate it but it is certainly odd (maybe I just can't accept that I understand more than I think I do and it's just a lot of imposter syndroming)] Thankful that the postdoc I've been working with/learning from this week is a lot more chill as a person than her demeanor when evaluating other people's work initially led me to believe. Thankful that the undergrads in the lab are really cool (they know so much more than me lol)!!! And lastly, thankful that I actually got a 95, not an 89, on my anatomy midterm (even though, of course, I don't care :P) [edit: must clarify that I did not submit for a regrade bc I actually don't care enough to make the effort for that, they just did a whole-class one].

[distantdreamboy]

Getting this off my mind so I can continue with my beautiful happiness.

I gotta be honest and say I don't think I Iike this person. "At all" would be stretch but it wouldn't be awfully far. They cosplay as someone about fairness and justice but actually only want leverage. That's been the case for a while--and yet they're painfully unaware as to why people don't address them when they have an issue. They somehow can't understand why, when any attempt to disagree with them descends into a back-and-forth.

While I'm out of town they drank my juice and ate my ice cream. I came back a day early and caught them, but the fact that they did it and tried to be sneaky was whack. Yeah they were going to replace it and I was cool about it but that was whack. What's even weirder is that they replaced my juice...and took a bit out of it because it "wasn't full". Me personally, I would've just replaced the entire juice off principle of me drinking it. I can understand it but I don't respect it. Then they just continued to try and gain leverage in some way. I have no resentment or energy for them though--so they'll be forced to spiral in place. Wild that they might be shocked when they do not hear from me. Like come on--I stopped taking it personal because its definitely something they deal with that extends outward. I just don't respect stuff like that. But other than that I have no energy or anger to give them. Anything that comes out is me just purging.

#quick thoughts

[ultimatelyunassuming]

hi i just read your disco homestuck fic! i just wanted to say i thought your classpect for harry was very interesting, i've been thinking of him as more of a mind player (maybe light? but i'm biased.), but mage definitely works so well as a class for him. that or prince/bard (he's very active class coded i think, but bard. well. the comedy.). in general the concept of the skills physically manifesting as a mage of heart moment. really cool honestly!

Hey! Thanks for reading it, it warms my heart to see that you liked it! I see where you're coming from with the destructive classes, I would've slotted him into one of them if mages whole deal wasn't about how your aspect hates you (thats hyperbole). The reason why I chose mage of heart is partially because of how harry is as a person and partially how harry is as a video game protag. As I outlined in the fic, mages are largely defined by their unhealthy relationship to their aspect. And with heart, I think both aspects of "love" and "identity" really fit for Harry.

Firstly, the entire story is about harry getting over his ex, which haunted him for the past 6 years and caused him to spiral into the man that we see in the game. He deifies his ex, slotting both dolores dei and dora in the same part of his brain causing him to see dora as this glorified, unattachable figure, and uh. Thats definitely not healthy behavior. He's very much defined by this relationship within the game, with swaths of the game being dedicated to harry trying to overcome, and failing to overcome his heartbreak.

Secondly, the mechanical aspects of disco really lend itself to heartifying Harry. Although I normally wouldn't factor in preexisting "powers" into classpecting (mostly bc i see classpecting as a fun way to analyze characters), but it's clear that the furies are just aspects of Harry personified into specific attributes (with a little bit of magic thrown into the mix). That was what really sold me on heart as an aspect, since an aspect of heart is selfhood and having 24 versions of yourself constantly chattering with you harkens back to dirk and his splinters constantly rubbing shoulders with one another. Another aspect is how you actually play harry, with the point system and such. Harrys whole deal as a protagonist (besides the aforementioned furies) is that he's very tailor made to the kind of player you are. You can be a superstar commie with high int and low psy, or a apocalyptic facist with low motorics and middling stats everywhere else. Although again, I try not to factor in preexisting abilities into classpecting, I do think this is emblematic of harrys journey of rediscovering himself after his bender. Trying to refind yourself, rebuild the person that you were before you drank yourself into oblivion, very heart player coded.

So yeah! Those are my reasonings behind my choice of harry's classpect! And I just realized I gave him the same classpect as meulin. Oops! It is what it is.

#[uu] is online #ask #classpect #i must stop myself here before i lose the plot and start analyzing disco elysium proper and its relationship to harry #this is a homestuck blog! not a disco blog!

[llitchilitchi]

yeah, i think a big problem about ks is like. it is genuinely interesting horror writing, and some of it is just genuinely good, it just attracted some of the worst kind of audience possible - i agree with the prev anon, like sexual horror is pretty common, and it probably wasnt the writers direct intention for the audience started romanticising it and hoping the characters would actually get together (but then the writer began pandering in the form of like christmas specials so idrk how to feel about that) i feel like it had a lot of potential, but then being labelled as "dark romance" and "lgbt/mlm" instead of. psychological horror just caused a spiral attracting the wrong kind of audience who kept pushing it to be some kind of romance, and were inevitably dissapointed when it didnt end up like that

this has been super interesting though, i need so badly like a full literary analysis of this psksjs

it's definitely cool that we got sexual horror centered around a queer couple and the exploitation of love that wasn't another female victim/male aggressor story. we might look upon it fondly one day as a story that set up this genre for future writers, as much as its legacy might be spoiled. we'll see. it could have definitely been bad marketing that the author didn't even really want but the publishers/whoever insisted on, especially if there was pressure from fans as it was still ongoing. I dunno if the christmas special and the other lovey-dovey stories were published after the story ended or throughout its runtime, which would've fueled the flames further. I can't even be mad about that part, either, since I have a couple OCs that have a really unhealthy relationship in canon but I've written/considered aus where they get to have a healthy relationship that could possibly even develop into romance.

at the end of the day no one wins with this story and it leaves some bitter disappointment behind for everyone, which is the saddest part.

if you (or anyone reading this) happens to come across a good literary analysis of Killing Stalking (that isn't by james somerton) please feel free to share! especially if it covers the fandom/reception/development along with the main story and shines some light on things that people who weren't there in the moment can only guess on

#asks #this is making me want to read it but gosh I know I couldnt stomach the full thing

[carlos-in-glasses]

same anon from this post, thank u for giving us the room for this discussion!! <3

you and i are the same in that i really hate it when things are left up to our interpretation, in my mind i'd just automatically assumed the worst just so i can avoid being disappointed again. i'd also talked myself into accepting that it could be in reference to carlos and iris rather than the other way around, but the lack of closure/clarity is genuine killing me and i hate that it very well could be left unaddressed in future eps, which is why i'm trying to bury it now and just pretend it hadn't happened

i didn't particularly get any...closure, per say on tk's end so far, and i would've been okay with the angst if carlos wasn't such a jerk to tk the whole time. i guess it's why i've struggled so much getting through the first 3 eps, and rn i'm dreading 404 even though i've seen so many ppl getting excited over it. i really do hope this was set up in a way that 404 would be cathartic and also a great time for them to address the amount of shit tk was put through in the past eps, but i'm also trying to manage my expectations here

i do also think this is why ppl are struggling in this ep - we've never seen them so un-synced (for lack of a better word) with each other before, what with carlos being so focused on his mission and tk buried in his own guilt spiral and also his worry for carlos. and i really wished they'd talked to each other rather than letting this play out for angst purposes, if the payoff wasn't worth it in the end. bc angst is only done well if it's cathartic imo.

also, i hope this is a journey of carlos acknowledging his faults (e.g. lying, avoiding, repressing, pretending) and working towards them (like tk's arc), bc its honestly getting really exhausting time and time again seeing tk being shut out without any closure. it's going to be painful, and ugly, and confronting buried feelings that he didn't know was possible to feel, but i do hope he's going to get to a place where he stops running from his past in order to move forward into his future with the help of tk, and them working towards this as a team 🥹🥹 i love him and i'm exhausted and he needs to get his shit together (and i meant this in the nicest way possible).

I’m glad I’m not the only one! I’m just not wired to be cool with things that leave me with lots of questions. I don’t necessarily need shows to be super on-the-nose with things, but I can struggle with ambiguity when it comes to something like this. I definitely stand by something I said in a previous answer, which is I wish the ‘I love you’ moment could have had a little more too it. It wouldn’t have to be anything major, just a stronger ‘I love you too’ would do, or something dramatic like, ‘I want you know I don’t blame you, TK…I only blame…myself!’ and then he hangs up. Soapy as hell, but then we’d know! For me, having TK go feral while looking for Carlos who has been kidnapped by a serial killer would be plenty of angst on its own, without the additional angst of a rift between them. But this is the hand we have been dealt.

I’m sorry you’re dreading 4x04 though. I’m excited for it because I’m trusting Ronen. I hope it far exceeds your expectations and you love it – you deserve to love it! Even if it leaves some things lacking, it really should still be cathartic after what’s happened so far, because we know they’ll be reunited and the wedding planning will properly commence. We know they will be back in sync – maybe more so than ever. Maybe the show will play that up. We know it can do Tarlos extremely well, hence we love Tarlos so much, and they do usually feel like a team.

And your last para – yes, I agree. It’s exhausting when a character doesn’t grow and it’s invigorating when they do, and it does seem to me like the set up is for growth to happen. It doesn’t seem possible for Carlos to go through what he’s going through now, as a direct result of his past, and come out of it pretending nothing ever happened. Again, we know growth is something the show can do well, for instance contrasting season 1 TK against season 3 TK.

I think with Tim at the helm, the show has taken a risk this season and (at the time of writing this response anyway) it isn’t paying off the way they’d hoped and some damage control and reactiveness seems to be happening. My takeaway wish from all this is: the creators and writers also grow from the backlash and bring a season 5 that still has plenty of drama but handled in a different way, ie. a disaster that TK and Carlos truly do face as a team. Or something that is less reliant on angst between them. (I want to emphasise this is my wish, which may well not align with anyone else’s). This can all be absolutely fixed – either in the next episode or beyond.

#Ask

[adobe-outdesign]

What are your thoughts on Spiritomb? (btw thanks for making these Pokemon reviews, they're super interesting to read through!)

Spiritomb is interesting, because it’s a rare case of the concept and design being on point but the actual art itself falling short.

Basically, the concept behind Spiritomb is great--108 spirits that have been sealed away in a stone?? Hell yeah, that's awesome, and has roots in Buddhism and Chinese literature. They really went the extra mile on the 108 thing too. To quote Bulbapedia:

Spiritomb's number in the Sinnoh Pokédex is 108, its Defense and Special Defense base values are 108, and it weighs exactly 108.0 kg. In Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire it can be found at Sea Mauville, which lies on Route 108.

Someone saw an opportunity and took it.

Design-wise, it's also one of the most interesting looking Pokemon out there; just a giant swirling mass of spirits coming out of a keystone. It's very striking and instantly memorable, and just plain looks cool.

So what's wrong with it? Well, like I said earlier, it's less the design and more the art. The colors, for example, are super washed out in the official art and sprites--it almost looks like a Gen 1 Pokemon with how pale the colors are. If there was ever a Pokemon I wanted to have bright popping colors, it's this one. I also feel like the keystone looks a bit bland; I would've almost liked to see a black there or something, to compliment the one eye.

Secondly, the posing in the official art is pretty poor, as you can't even make out the keystone from that angle. The game sprites do a slightly better job at this part at least, showing off both the depth (or lack there of) of the spirits and the keystone base clearly:

And thirdly, the spirit part is flat and has a very rigid looking mouth and eyes. Even the general shape is rigid (all the edges are the same) and the colors are completely flat.

If you don’t get what I mean, check out some of the TCG art:

Now that’s more like it! Nothing about the design itself has changed, but in these examples the artwork uses some beautiful bold, bright colors, and the body is given a much more fluid look to it with more swirled effects, making it much more dynamic and giving some extra personality to the spirit part. All of these also show the keystone, which is covered up in the official art.

I do think one design tweak that might’ve helped with this is if the spirit part of it was more vortex-shaped, with a spiraled center. Then you’d be able to show more dimension to the body and you’d be able to get a more organic swirling effect going, instead of the static pinwheel we get in the actual models.

So the point is that there’s nothing wrong with Spiritomb’s design other than the colors being washed out. The big problem is that it needed more dynamic looking art and models that actually show off the fluidity of the spirit part of it better. The design and concept are all great though, and at the end of the day this definitely isn’t a Pokemon you’ll forget anytime soon.

As a side note, it feels like there was a missed opportunity to give this Pokemon a g-max form that only has the keystone a bit larger, but makes the spirits a MASSIVE spiraling tornado. Seriously, how cool would that have been? You could even double the number of spirits composing it for good measure.

#spiritomb #pokemon #pokemon reviews