#they make me ummmm. normal? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr’s reach among the 26-to-35-year-olds in the US is 11%.

#they make me ummmm. normal?

royalarms · 2 months

Text

she'd had to keep her gift of homemade chocolates in a valentine's themed tin in the fridge set aside for the crownsguard during her shift. luckily, no one had taken it ( though someone had exclaimed a loud "who's guppy?" in the breakroom after seeing the name she'd written on the tag, no one had seemed to notice her sudden blush --- she couldn't exactly just write noctis on there, now could she? ), & she was free to find noctis, present in hand. ❛ hey, i have something for you. ❜ came her gentle greeting as she passed the tin from her hands to his. ❛ they're nothing fancy, but i hope you like them anyways. ❜ boldness didn't often come easily to tifa, especially within the citadel, where anyone could turn the corner & bear witness & get the wrong idea ( though tifa herself had reconciled with the realization that she didn't want it to be the wrong idea ). but, today was special. a day where she felt as though she could proudly wear her heart on her sleeve. & so, with little hesitation, she rose up to her toes to press a kiss to noctis' cheek. ❛ happy valentine's day. ❜

⸻ @starshcwer .

a long day spent training and studying foreign affairs has worn him tired of existence . he wanders the citadel that looms over him with its expectation of him , and the cold discomfort of the air brings goosebumps to his arms . should've brought a jacket , he thinks to himself , but it's too late now . he should know by now the temperatures of this place , but he'd almost overslept in the morning , so time was of the essence . couldn't go back and grab one . all things considered , it is the end of the day , so he prepares himself to leave , searching a bit aimlessly for the door . he finds little comfort in the daunting walls and pillars that watch him , but the place is still as nostalgic as ever . holds a lot of memories . some he'd keep . some he'd rather not remember .

he's lost in his thoughts as he silently traipses toward the gates that help guard this place when his quiet is interrupted a familiar 'hey' . he'd know that voice anywhere . tifa . she seems to move with nervous haste , and noctis , albeit confused , is accepting of whatever is going on here . it doesn't take long for his questions to go answered , however , as she presses the warm tin to his palm , and it's a stark contrast to the cold that captured him .

his mouth opens slightly as if to respond , but his words elude him . instead , he stands there for a moment , averting his eyes from tifa's and pretending to observe the casing of chocolates more closely ; it seemed better than locking gazes . his cheeks darken to a shade of pink , and it crawls its way to his ears ; he feels them burning . thank the gods his hair covers enough of it . he hopes she doesn't notice .

then he swallows . audibly . ❛ no way , they're - ❜ and her lips press against his cheek , and suddenly the cold escapes him completely . ❛ nice . . . ❜ he attempts to finish his sentence , but it almost sounds as though he's created an entirely new thought with the word .

awkward . he closes his eyes for a second and tries to recollect himself ; everyone probably just saw that , and it's not so much about the whole view of the public eye thing , but more about his shyness when it came to public displays of affection . he crosses his arms and shifts his lean to his better leg , composing himself into something more confident . ❛ uh . swing by later ? got somethin' i wanna show you . ❜

he doesn't realize he didn't say thank you . he'll make it up to her soon .

#starshcwer #valentine's day mention #♚ * ic ; 'til the daylight dies .#♚ * v ; main i .#they make me ummmm. normal?

2 notes · View notes

brbabcs · 8 months

Text

the compliments are all his: a gus/max dynamic analysis, based on canon and what we can deduce from it. (please take this with a grain of salt, these are just my personal viewpoints and what i see as far as canon goes, as well as what i've been able to knit together into what i believe to be reasonable assumptions.)

"what are we now, but voices who promise each other a life neither one can deliver? not for a lack of wanting, but wanting won't make it so. we cling to a vine at the cliff's edge. there are tigers above and below. let us love one another and let go." ─── eliza griswold, tigers.

as far as canon goes (and setting personal headcanons aside) we know from what little we learn about max, that he was raised in a survival based environment. he very clearly states that gus rescued him from the santiago slums. in the time period they'd be set in, the slums had almost no resources, and it's pretty easily deduced that max, at the very least, had an unstable living situation. we never clearly get a confirmation nor denial that gus was the one to propose the business model of los pollos hermanos/the fring empire, but i think it's not a reach to assume that he was, based on the behaviors we witness in gus climbing the ladder in canon, as well as the lack of resources and circumstances max was factually in to begin with. this, coupled with what we witness from max in hermanos, doesn't necessarily lead me to believe that max was the catalyst nor the mastermind behind the initial idea (although i don't believe that he was absent in the formative process of it all by far).

we also witness an extraordinary amount of composure (and also, in contrast, a lack thereof towards the end) and displays of vulnerability within his conversation with eladio. he is clearly distressed decently early on in the interaction, yet carries himself quite well: and i think it's not too far off to assume that, considering the way he grew up, this is not a foreign power dynamic to him, although it may be something he hasn't experienced in quite some time when we account for the amount of time that gus and max have spent together. he communicates in an openly passionate regard when he discusses chemistry, he isn't very concealed about his emotions (despite not letting them hinder him in the conversation until things begin to escalate), and even when we witness him begin to devolve, he vouches for gustavo fring as a human being, before a business asset: regardless of how we can deduce out that he understands the motive and power dynamics in this organized crime setting.

i think it isn't too much of a reach to think that gus and max contrast each other on surface level/first glance. gus is reserved, and much more meticulous in any displays of emotion (although we do see how this falters more in the hermanos flashback and how it escalates and increases the farther down the timeline we get). in comparison, max is not like this even from the very beginning. and in this high emotion, tense moment, he acts instinctively and (subconsciously or otherwise) reveals his internal list of priorities. we see this raw, intense, not fully thought out panic, and to put it simply: when you start to strip all the composure away, people reveal themselves. intentionally or otherwise. gus loses his composure after max dies, and we witness the instinctive, raw, emotional and devastating understanding of loss. we both see them down to their bare bones of priorities and mentalities in this moment, and it could be argued that it is potentially the most clear moment displayed from gus in general.

from what we know, max was a young, driven, yet wildly intelligent individual who was just as equally trapped by his circumstances to not do much with any of it. yet, throughout these unstable and most likely unsafe upbringings and settings, that brilliance or humanity doesn’t falter or fail in any way. with gus paying for max's education, and their business model in mind, gus aligns similarly here as he does in any other dynamic: with a business focused mindset and an end goal in mind. more than anything, gustavo fring has, and always will (though perhaps not to this degree) encourage excellence. we canonically see as he invests — long term — into individuals who are strikingly capable in whatever manner we see it in. we witness gale boetticher, who has been given this scholarship and even a lab to practice that capability of his. we witness mike ehrmantraut, who, despite the “bad-choice-road” that he takes, is given finances to the fullest degree for the job he provides, without any threat of it being taken away from his family. we even witness the beginnings of something similar with jesse pinkman, and regardless of whether or not those actions/behaviors in their dynamic were a manipulative move or otherwise, gus very openly says he “likes to think that he sees things in people”.

when we have this young, brilliant, and entirely doomed to circumstances that he was born into person such as max arciniega, it becomes impossible to believe that gus, in any degree, could simply walk away from that. max exists in a realm of life that attempts to hinder and dissipate the extremely human pieces of him, yet he doesn’t allow it to. his resilience is vivid, and clear, and we witness this in hermanos itself. most in max's position would have macheted away their humanity. but here, we see something of an opposite: where he clings onto it so tightly in a refusal, and rebellion, to succumb in any way to his circumstances. the weight of what this means and how in these early years, it’s (most likely) only being nurtured by max, himself, gives it a depth almost immediately as it’s perceived. gus is an insightful man, who is very emotionally intelligent, and the understanding of the world not handling any of these traits with care would be only encouragement and, in some way, a challenge, to open gus’ eyes to the value and beauty of what being a person can mean in even the worst moments; as well as understanding (in a “chess-master” mindset of playing the long game) what it would mean to nurture it further.

regardless of that prevailing humanity, max clearly doesn’t hold guilt or shame towards the crime he enacts or participates in. he seems incredibly proud of the meth he's cooked, and the processes within it. he doesn't shy away from the spotlight at all, and speaks very eagerly (as well as passionately) about it. whenever gus’ business proposal was set out onto the table, it is impossible for someone like max to not consider it in a very real and serious way from the get-go. it’s a secure way out: there is a tangible light at the end of the tunnel being presented to him, and not in a way that he views as a part of the cycle he has either been in previous (if we are to assume their relationship came first) or was currently in (if we are to assume their relationship came second, which is what i'm inclined to lean towards when we consider the timeline and who they both are as individuals background wise) — despite it still being so, regardless. in a similar light, gus, presumably, is looking to climb the latter. he is reaching for larger heights, and he is looking very clearly for a way up. considering the amount of survival tactics that exist within the realm of being in the santiago slums, we can assume that there is a survival mode max has set into. this, coupled with his lack of guilt that we see canonically, intentionally or otherwise, is what i believe drives him forward in this dynamic and allows an acceptance to things that a great majority would not be alright with.

gus presents a way up, and max leans into it, because he is perceiving this as a way out (or a measure of security in a dog-eat-dog world sort of mentality that very easily spawns from being raised in the circumstances he was in, if we are to think about this in a light of their relationship coming secondary). in truth, despite the two being different to one another, and even seeing the initial business proposal differently, it does boil down to becoming the same thing. the complexities and nuance of max’s history and upbringing skews the reliability of the perspectives here, and their goals align. this is a clearly life-changing connection for both of them. from what we see, they have differences in their mentalities, and also who they are as people, but are deeply aligned enough in their goals and morals (or, rather, lack thereof) that it's easy to assume that their dynamic is fluid. most commonly in relationships, we see stumbles and fumbles through it in the differences of end goals, but here, that doesn't seem to have been an issue from what we can deduce out. it’s a natural push and pull, with an understanding for each other that would only deepen with time. despite their differences, their “light at the end of the tunnel” is the same, in some way.

this isn’t to say i believe they didn't disagree, or didn't have moments of tension or upset with each other, but more to say that both were moving in tandem with one another. they seem to have strived for the same result. this kind of fluidity would only naturally bridge them together to have an “unbreakable” bond. outside of their relationship, they are both extremely willing to go the extra mile to achieve what they want to. canonically speaking, gus climbs the latter by any means possible, max drives himself forward through a degree to achieve this business model. it’s only natural that inside of their relationship, they would do the very same. gus witnesses this potential and is naturally inclined to provide for max, and as max begins to flourish and grow within these given circumstances, whilst challenging gus (both in his perspective on humanity and in allowing himself to be a person), there'd naturally be a very steady incline to them working in tandem with each other, and eventually allowing their end goals to center around a life with one another in these ideal, and heightened, circumstances.

gus gives so much from so early on, with max having received so little previous to him, and it begins to compile and stack onto each other into these layers that would only build their relationship up and up and up — without any real shatter to bring it back down to a more grounded place. there would be no true break in the illusion of the heights they place each other at, and even more than that, would enable them to increasingly raise each other up to grandiose heights. this fluid, easy, perceived-healthiness component to their relationship through their alignment in goals and morals (or, rather, lack thereof) places the perspective into a honeymoon-phase adjacent viewpoint as far as what i would assume, and can see canonically.

considering the degree of aftermath in what we see both in breaking bad and better call saul, max and gus had to have been, in some degree, codependent. we witness, even in hermanos, how max transforms and corrects himself in the statement of "he... that is to say, we, could think of no other way to get your attention", and stands hand in hand (metaphorically speaking) in this stumble of the conversation: fluidly aligning himself with gus instinctively. however, most commonly, we see that codependency or romanticization as a way to cope with the unhealthy or toxic pieces of the dynamic; or even more than that, a way to cope with themselves. in contrast, within the context of what we know and can deduce out from gus and max’s relationship, both are given every reason to see each other in this very heightened way.

max provides in one way, gus provides in another, and with a lack of guilt involved, any uglier pieces of their life become factors in the equation that, while not denied, would not really be truly important to either of them in the way they perceive each other. they clearly center each other in their lives to some degree, and while their world most likely would have been relatively small in terms of personal connections (social circumstances, friend groups, etc) due to the line of work and realm of life they are in, it would also feel vastly infinite. that kind of love would work as this vivid outpour of pure sunlight and warmth, and while it is incredibly beautiful, it is also blinding. they'd naturally saturate their lives with this untouchable feeling in their dynamic to such a degree that it would hinder their ability to see that while they are infallible and infinite in their relationship, they are not to the rest of the world.

with all of that said, hermanos shows us the moment in which the untouchable bond belief begins to dissolve away, and the trust becomes unsteady, as well as their lack of alignments in certain areas and differences in how they navigate the world become incredibly present. we witness max walk into this scenario, with an amount of preparation and presumably insight to what it means to be in this environment. he (presumably) has an amount of personal experience that allows an insight that gus seems to not hold. we see max tune hector out, and speak carefully. he doesn’t argue, push back, or even devolve outrightly until the panic is so unbearable that it bleeds outward with little to no restraint — yet still, remaining careful in his approach because of what i'd assume to be the understanding he holds. max bargains through submission, despite him not succumbing to anything in his upbringing. he understands just how fragile the both of them are in that moment, and we witness the panicked (and pressured) attempt to not allow a full shatter to occur.

still, the trust in this dynamic prevails. max shares the space to allow gus to explain, and be the businessman that max endlessly and very openly vouches for him to be. regardless, we also see an internal battle. we see the love, trust, and devotion, battling against the survival mentality and understanding of a dog-eat-dog world. the push and pull presents itself differently, with gus saying “with all due respect,” and then giving a non-apology of “i apologize if you are offended by my method of obtaining this meeting”, and excusing himself away, and max being incapable of concealing the dread that follows. gus pushes with those statements, and max pulls back with saying that they "meant no disrespect”. he testifies to the cartel’s importance and ego, and attempts to create value. their differences, from what i believe and can see, have been what previously surged them forward. here, it becomes what hinders them. gus is almost confused, but relatively calm, as max spirals into a very open display of panic. the shatter is unavoidable. the misalignments cannot be morphed into a strength.

above all, what i believe appealed to gus and what i believe carried their dynamic forward to begin with, is also what i believe we see from max in the very end. he speaks to gus’ character, devotion, and loyalty, before ever uttering a word about anything business related. max’s viewpoint on the world, and his resilient humanity is actively clear and displayed. he is in the midst of an extremely tense, dangerous circumstance, and we witness the instinct of his equally gorgeous, and equally painful, humanity surge forward in a testament not even for himself, but to gus and their trust (and by extension, their love). that is what is most important to max. it speaks on not only how max viewed the world, but how max viewed gus, as well. they become two halves of a whole, in these heightened and nearly religious perspectives (especially when we consider the narrative of a "righteous vengeance" quest we witness later on), and it is incredibly visible to the degree that he speaks on him in. max could very well plea for his life, or throw gus under the bus. in a survival mindset, that’s what i believe most would do, otherwise. but there is too much love, trust, care, and devotion. he places gus on a pedestal, and it speaks volumes to what their dynamic not only is in that moment, but also every other one as well. the composure strips away, the illusion shatters, but the bond they hold is what stays standing: even after max is long gone.

max’s last moments are with these future-dead-men, who navigate their lives in a way that he does not seem to embody by far, and even more than that, surged forward against. but regardless of him dying so young, and irrefutably tragically, he still obtains a relief (however temporary) that no one else in this story was truly allowed. nacho varga and jesse pinkman are thrown to the wolves continually, and ruthlessly. they do not have a chance to breathe, or recoup. their choices are hardly even choices, in the end. but maximino arciniega made the decision to walk into this era of his life and live to the fullest degree, in whatever wrong or right manner that may be. he attended and graduated university, he went on vacations, he spent years of his life in presumably a domestic bliss (however skewed or heightened of a perspective it may have been). he was loved: deeply and endlessly by gus, and he loved him just as much right back. his last moments are an incredible show, in such a short amount of time, of exactly why gus was drawn to him to begin with, and a refusal to allow any of the present (or past) threats to take his heart and mangle it into anything other than what it is. he refuses to reduce gus’ life as a offer of business first and foremost. he speaks of loyalty, and the mention of making millions is almost an afterthought. he makes his choices, the same way as he’s been doing his entire life, and does not allow the world, nor these future-dead-men, to hinder or shrink the love that he holds within him.

max may die in the end, and gus may be the only man to carry on that love on in the pursuit of revenge we witness, but every choice max made, echoes right back into every one that gus does. he is both long gone, and infinitely present. he is both a ghost, and yet always alive: living in every space that gustavo fring inhabits. the biggest tragedy within gus and max’s story (to me) is not just the rare love that they hold for each other, but the fact that gus was able to have this wholly human, wonderfully natural dynamic with a man who loved gus infinitely, and in a strikingly vulnerable and beautiful way to the very end. it is not the fact that gus loved someone that is the most devastating piece of the story. it is that max loved him, (for and regardless of whatever crimes or atrocities that occurred) that is. gus believed that what he held with max was irreplaceable, and infinitely special; he heightened it considerably and in immense heights. but with all of this considered, for someone like him, and someone like max, can we truly blame him for doing so?

#gusmax #max arciniega #mine #anyway haha yeah i'm normal #3142 words 5 pages in google docs haha i'm normal about them and also this show!#me making my first personal blog in years just to post this is actually fucking nuts of me #max arciniega i love you max arciniega i see you max arciniega i write you on the daily #babygirl. kingpin. meth cook and chemistry extraordinaire #and also gus fring's one and only god bless #ummmm please be nice to me? idk i havent been in a fandom in a long time and im scarrrredddd #analysis

18 notes · View notes

germanboyyippee · 4 months

Text

thinking about the damsel actually she really is one of the most fucked up princesses to me. you literally strip her of her autonomy in ways you don't realize. the other princesses free themselves or let you cut them out, but you watch ch1 damsel put herself through the pain of chewing through half her arm and only then do you decide "no, i'll handle this, i'll free you and show you that i could've all along". not that the princess feels pain but when you're operating under the assumption that she's a "normal princess" you let her try to gain her own freedom before going "i'll be the one to free you after you've suffered, actually, even though you were doing it fine on your own". hell, you could've given her the knife. you could've let her keep chewing her arm off; she would've been able to sever it just fine.

...but you didn't. you made her entirely reliant on you from your first conversation because you, subconsciously or not, viewed her as less than "just a princess", she struggled to kill you because you viewed her as something harmless, incapable of even knowing how to use a knife correctly. she bends to your whims in ch2 in every way (even beyond her personality- she's able to slip her chains because you want her to and you said she could, you can leave with her because you want to. i know "thinking is believing" is something present in every route of the game but it's especially prevalent and cruel in Damsel specifically imo)

#most normal game will have you writing about a character chewing her own arm off as if it's the most normal thing in the world #ummmm....?#gore tw #i don't even know. if anyone wants me to tw this tell me what and what tag #anyway can you all tell one of my favorte themes in writing. what makes you a human wrt your identity and where the line is drawn #and how to tiptoe it #“human” is a little much considering. haha. yeah. but you get it #stp

5 notes · View notes

braskide · 3 months

Text

i have a lot of sparse headcanons but i think one i cling to a lot is that yuna was taught how to play the piano as a child when she lived in bevelle with her father, and they had a piano in his mansion and her father & her would have these moments after he'd come back home of like. just sitting at the piano and playing together, even though perhaps braska was a bit more rusty because he'd not play as efficiently as her, but they'd just like. do it for the joy of it. of composing together. and then when she lived in besaid it kinda would become something she fondly remembered / a skill she left in the back of her head to dedicate herself to the temple and whatnot.

it is not until later in life, when she crosses paths with lenne's memories that she remembers what it was like and what it felt like. when she decides to live in bevelle again, the piano is still there and at first she avoids it intentionally. it's like — what is the point of touching it if her father is not accompanying her? she must have forgotten how to play, anyway, she thinks. and then when grief strikes harder and harder and she passes by it once or twice, she presses a few keys, and she's rusty and it's all off tune and she barely remembers what it was like anymore.

she decides to hire a teacher again ( wondering if the same teacher is still around, perhaps? but it has been so many years now.. ) and it becomes something so melancholic and nostalgic that at times she has to excuse herself from the teaching, she convinces herself she cannot do it. but it comes back, eventually. all the lullabies they played together, even the ones he had played while fondly talking about her mother — they're hazy memories, but they're there and it almost breaks her into a million pieces over the unhealed grief, but she must insist on that and she lets herself be vulnerable. and some time passes by, and that skill is back again, but she realizes how perfect it is now, how every note is played in the right way, nothing like the way she used to do when she was a child. it was messy and raw and real and honest and now she's missing being home.

#hc tbt.#ummmm it was supposed to be only 2 lines but it made me feral for some reason ?#it's all because i rewatched lalal/and and it made me feel sooooooo normal about the seb and mia's theme and it's like oh wow !#there's so much one can express through music !!!!#at first i was like . does this make sense even or am i indulging.....#but then i remember canonically instruments like this exist in spira djsk;dja fsk —#x-2 opening scene you will always be famous !

4 notes · View notes

bumblingbabooshka · 2 years

Text

Picture This: Tuvok gets asked out on a date exactly one(1) times in his academy years and it’s by a girl he hasn’t really spent too much time with interpersonally.

They work the same shifts and have one class together (I’m imagining the academy has a sort of work-study thing or an internship so you have hands-on experience by the time you graduate on to Starfleet proper) where they work side by side, mostly in silence.

And Tuvok’s surprised that she asks him out. He didn’t realize that people could see him in that way, especially non-vulcans who mostly just seem to view him as a bore or a spoilsport. Everytime they say something along those lines he feels a little proud. (He tells himself he feels nothing besides that, an appropriately dull pride). He thinks of his father and the cave.

Tuvok is also, at this point, very much crushing on some guy he sometimes works closely with because they both don’t like to talk too much. Tuvok once saw him half-reading a little book of poetry and reciting it monotonously to himself as if memorizing it. This struck him. And that frightened him to some degree, because of past experiences. (He thinks of his father and the cave and the fervid half-love before it)

[Un]fortunately this guy just got a girlfriend and Tuvok, even though he knows it was never going to work (hence his not making any sort of move but contrary to him learning makeup because this guy said once that he liked people with ‘bold looks.’) it’s still quietly devastated him. His devastation shames him and grows by the day, unattended to.

And because Tuvok is young and lonely and devastated and that guy has a girlfriend and this girl in front of him asking him out is perfectly pleasant and he’s still got a little bit of teenaged rebellion left in him - he says yes.

They arrange to meet at a cafe on the promenade or wherever and Tuvok prepares for the date extensively. He does, like, date research in order to be prepared for what happens on a date (he’s never been on one and doesn’t know what’s expected and he’s been told he’s not a good conversationalist in general, let alone by human standards).

The day of the date he’s heading there when a fellow ensign calls out to him like “Tuvok! You look fancy!” and he says yes. “Going somewhere?” Yes. “....Care to share?” -sigh- a date. “With Rhoda?” Tuvok realizes he doesn’t know the first name of the girl he’s supposed to be going on a date with - he only knows her as Teral, her last name. He says he’d rather not talk about it then leaves.

He goes to the place of their date and waits. and waits. and waits. Until eventually the woman behind the counter sympathetically says she doesn’t think anyone’s coming.

“That would seem to be the case, yes.”

“I’m sorry, hon.”

“Why?”

“I feel bad. Do you want a piece of pie?”

Tuvok leaves the cafe feeling lonelier than ever. He wonders why the ensign from before spoke to him - was there some hidden meaning to their conversation? He wishes he understood human mannerisms more so he’d know. He wishes he knew Teral’s first name. He stops himself from wishing more.

The girl doesn’t come to class the next day but he sees her as he’s heading up to his dorm. She’s sitting on the stairs with a friend and she looks stricken when she sees him. “Tuvok!” Hello. There’s a silence which Tuvok cannot decipher. He begins to move again.

The girl stops him, she says sorry about not showing up. She had something she forgot she had to do and she couldn’t contact him. Her friend is leaning on her leg and looking up at him with an expression that is again, to Tuvok, unreadable.

He tells Teral not to let it worry her and her friend sighs. “See? I told you he wouldn’t mind.” Teral shushes him but Tuvok is already walking past them. He ignores Teral’s attempts to speak further and shuts himself in his dorm.

The other bed in his room is thankfully empty. His roommate is polite enough but sometimes when Tuvok speaks he repeats whatever he said back to him, mimicking his inflection with a smile before continuing on. Tuvok doesn’t know if this is friendly or not. He tells himself he doesn’t ask about it because it doesn’t matter but he worries that’s a lie. He worries, late at night, that he actually just doesn’t want confirmation that it isn’t.

On his desk Tuvok has a barely begun letter that only contains the words ‘Earth is lonely.’ The word ‘lonely’ is made especially dark to cover up the fact that he had written ‘frightening’ earlier before remembering himself. Both are unacceptable.

He misses Vulcan. At least he understood when people disliked him. He knew what the rules were and when he broke them.

He wonders, as he pulls a thermos of replicated plomeek soup (or what passes as that here) from his bag, why he’s so incredibly disappointed. He didn’t even know her first name.

In his bag is also a small box, inside of which is a pressed flower. He ignores it. He will later place it in one of the many common rooms and it will be gone to whomever wants it.

He wants desperately to quit, to return home a failure once again. Surely it would be better than this, being an alien amongst aliens.

He quiets himself. He sips the soup. He pulls out a PADD and begins a letter in earnest.

Mother,

All is well…