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enderspawn · 3 years

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It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it

#dream smp #mcyt #techno #syndicate analysis #YEAH IM MAINTAGGING WHAT OF IT #also i-- idk if it should be crit tagged? i tried to be as fair and open as possible #lemme know what yall think #ANYWAY ANON IM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS THING ENDED UP 2.3K WORDS LONG #I JUST RLLY WNATED TO BE THOUROUGH AND AS FUCKING CENTRIST /HJ AS POSSIBLE FJDKSLFJ #its very nuanced and theres no right answer but you sure as hell know mine now #answered #anon #im at work rn im gonna get fucking fired for this FJDKSFJKL #/HJ HOPEFULLY IN THAT I AM AT WORK BUT I WONT GET FIRED #og post #(jeb bush voice) please clap

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until-another-one-comes · 2 years

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(Spoilers for the BN show below)

Okay damn I wanted to put this in my second part of my BN show review but since I've been stalling that for forever I'm just gonna say it in this post:

I really dislike how the show portrays Nate, Francis and Dee Dee.

Anyone who watches the show can agree its not a good adaptation of the comic/novel series. The tone of the show is different and almost everyone was changed from their original source, but these three are the ones that bugged me the most.

With Nate, I feel like they completely watered down his personality from the source material. Show!Nate feels more child-like and incompetent, and he feels very much like a generic MC who's actions depend on what the episode wants him to do, and not the other way around. They got rid of his street smarts, him being active in a lot of things (sports, scouting, various clubs in the school, etc.). Of course, since we only got 8 episodes so far, it is likely we might see some of this later on, but unfortunately I feel like they really did get rid of these aspects of his personality. Like in the wilderness episode, we see Nate not being able to build a tent, even though his comic and novel self is a scout and would know the basics of camping. The show focuses way too much on him being a 'prankster' when he's so much more than that. And he cares more about cartooning than causing troubles anyway. I'm crossing my fingers that we would AT LEAST see him being good at chess. Show Nate is written in a way that makes me feel the writers WANT him to be watered down so theres more room for 'shenanigans'.

Next is Francis. Francis, in the books and comics, is an interesting subversion of the 'nerd' stereotype. Yes, he's a geek who loves facts and reading and straight As in everything, but he's also active in sports, is not physically weak and despite being more of an introvert and mature compared to Nate and Teddy, is not some meek, shy nerd that we usually see in these types of characters.

The show took one look at him and go: Ah yes, nerd and nothing else. Adding in more stuff to really ramp up the 'weak nerd' stereotype and just,, getting rid of everything that makes him interesting. Another thing that bugs me is that Francis is Nate's best friend, and is one of the first few characters we see in the comics. But the show never really specified that or gave him much spotlight at all. Hell, despite hammering down that he's a nerd we don't even see Francis using his knowledge or book smart to get the gang out of trouble. And other than the way he's written, it's mainly because the show depends on another character to be the problem solver. Which leads us to my next biggest complaint...

Show Dee Dee. Hoo boy where do I begin. Listen, I don't like using this word much because its meaning has been carelessly tossed around in the wrong context, but Show Dee Dee is a complete Mary Sue.

Right away, you can tell that the show is very biased when it comes to her, giving her way more spotlight compared to Francis and Teddy (Nate's best friends, and the OG trio in which the series is SUPPOSED to focus on). So far in these 8 episodes we got TWO episodes with her having her own B-plot, while Francis only got one (and that episode focused on Nate anyway) and Teddy none at all. And even when the episodes don't focus on her, she STILL gets more screentime than Francis and Teddy.

The main reason is this- the show, for whatever reason, makes her competent in almost everything. In almost every episode we see her pull out a handy dandy skill that can help the gang in whatever trouble they're in because she played a role before this, and 'done her research' so now she's an expert on spying, rigging traps, and dismantling alarm systems. Because that's totally how acting works. You play as a spy and immediately know everything about spying.

So yeah, they changed Dee Dee from a drama loving girl who's good at discussing emotions and helping her friends, to a hyper-competent girl who can do almost anything and is always the one to fix the trouble they're in, rendering Francis and Teddy pretty much useless. Honestly, this shouldn't be a surprise since they literally wrote her as someone who can do what the trio can't do in her character description before the show aired, but I hoped they won't go down this route. No such luck.

And when they DO try to write her with a bit more depth, it still falls flat. Again, I'm gonna talk about the wilderness episode. In this one, we see Dee Dee struggling with anxiety of having to go camping, so she copes with it by acting and playing different personas all throughout the trip. Doesn't sound so bad, but holy shit, did they drop the ball hard. Right at the climax of the episode, Nate got cornered by a bear and is hiding in a hole (after a series of incompetent shenanigans because he's just that stupid and has no common sense IG). And guess who stepped in to help? Dee Dee of course (Francis and Teddy who?). And she did it in the most eye-rolling way that gave me second-hand embarassment. She scared the bear away by... unleashing a super-sonic scream so loud it caused birds to explode. That's it. That's the conclusion. We see Dee Dee struggling with anxiety all throughout the episode (and none of the girls bothered to help, which is smth I'm gonna rant about in another time) and it gets solved because... she literally has superpowers and doesn't need to be anyone else because she's just that awesome. Go Dee Dee.

And the supersonic scream is the second time this has happened. Seriously. She did it for the first time in the pimple episode, and her screaming so loud that every students around her fell down somehow impressed the substitute drama teacher, instead of just relying on her acting skills. Okay. It's not enough that the show had to make her Artur 2.0 they had to give her superpowers because she's just that special. I'm going to scream louder than she can if they bring up this BS AGAIN.

*deep breath* So. Yes. These three are the biggest glaring spots for me when it comes to the show. Ofc, other characters have their own issues as well (which I'm gonna make a proper review of one day I swear) but yeah, I'm really bugged by how the show changed Nate, Francis and Dee Dee. Here's to hoping that they will be written better and that Francis and Teddy will get more spotlight.

#big nate #big nate show #review

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mistymark · 5 years

Text

the one with the annotations.

dong sicheng x reader // 3.7k words // masterlist // send requests here

summary; in which sicheng keeps writing in the books at the library and it should be obvious but that’s,,, not,,, allowed???

warnings: none its just fluff, theres some humour if u like,, squint

requested; yes :D - “Enemies to lovers 👀 with sicheng? Love your writing btw 💕” from anon

notes; based on this prompt: ”You’ve got to stop returning books full of corrections and spiteful comments in red pen bc I can’t stop reading them and my boss gives me disapproving glares when I laugh at the funny ones

ohhhhh boi

so while you were at uni you had a part time job at the library

because surprise surprise as a lit major you like books

shocker there

you always tried to work the late shifts, closing up and doing the returns

just because it was easy and relaxing organising and restacking the books

but soon you wished you took the earlier shifts

because of dong sicheng

not to be dramatic but

your long rival

he started coming to the library to borrow books

because that’s kind of the point of a library

but he ended up liking the environment for studying

and would stay there for hours just to study

and you’d admire his hardworking nature

if he left on time, that is

you would do the rounds ten minutes before closing

just to tell everyone like

‘hey, we’ll be closing in around ten minutes if you want to begin packing up’

but this bitch

would nEVER PACK UP ON TIME

you’d end up standing at his table with your bag and the keys in your hand

tapping on the wood to try and get his attention

and him slowly packing up afterwards

even tho he kNOWS you want to go home

‘you’re just as slow as you were in kindergarten hey?’

and he’d be so furious

‘you know you cheated’

‘I don’t remember any such thing’

and maybe you did maybe you didn’t

you were like four years old

as if you’d remember a race you won when you were that age

he just rolls his eyes and leaves as you lock the doors

you leave in the other direction

happily leaving him behind

but he stops by every Monday Tuesday and Thursday night to study

which are the days you work as well

he acts like it’s just part of his schedule

but he worked out if he came in on Wednesday’s he didn’t have the opportunity to annoy you

and honestly?

annoying you at the end of your shift and after a long session of studying was the highlight of his night

but he keeps borrowing books

and you’re like

whatever

until he borrows this new book you’ve been wanting to read for ages

and you were low-key so bitter

this lil bitch has no way of knowing you wanted that book but somehow he does and that’s the only reason he’s borrowed it

even though,, he literally had no idea lmao

tbh u probably would have wanted to talk to him about the books he reads bc u have very similar taste

okay the same taste

but he’s such an asshole ur like nah fam

anyways he returns it after a week

boy reads fast ok

and when he goes to drop it in the returns box

you just take it from his hand and scan it under your name straight away

and put it under the desk so no one else can borrow it

and when there’s a lull in the work at the library

you reach under the table for the book and rifle through it

and you notice a few pencil marks

and upon further inspection you realise they’re comments referencing certain parts of the book

and you do nOT stand for vandalism

but some of them are fuckin hilarious not gonna lie

on the page you just happened to open

you can see there’s a comment beside a passage of text depicting a fight scene

‘this would kill someone wtf’

and u laugh and wonder who had done this

like the book had only been out for a little while

and u finish it in just less than a week

bc u read a lot during your shifts

probably a lot more than you should tbh

and seriously the comments made the book better

you hadn’t laughed so hard at random commentary so much

like the words were exactly what you were thinking

you couldnt help it

while ur putting some of the books back in the middle of your shift

!!!! you see another book that u might like !!!

not to judge a book by its cover butttttttt

it looks like ur type oop-

and after flipping through it

to get an idea of font size and chapter length cause ur a whole nerd like that

u see it ALSO has pencil markings

in the borders and underlining sentences

and without even thinking u borrow it

just to read the funny comments again

and ur boss comes up to you during your shift and is like

‘have you seen someone’s been writing in the books? look at this’

and thrusts a book in ur face

and ur like ??????? okay chill I’ll look

and u read the writing she’s pointing at

the familiar loopy handwriting adorning the page

and it says ‘I hope she throws her drink in his face’

when u read the paragraph for context

u realise it’s a confession scene

a few lines down the mystery person has written ‘called it.’

and u can’t help but laugh

like come on that was funny

but ur boss doesn’t agree

she just asks you to find out who’s doing it so they can be suspended from the library

or charged with vandalism

or something

she wants vengeance

u roll ur eyes and go to one of the staff computers

scrolling through the lists of borrowers for that specific book

and it’s a fuckin library that book has been borrowed a loT

2031 times ???????????????

you almost fall of your chair tbh

then someone clears their throat in front of u

and u immediately apologise as u try and get the right tab up to process the borrower’s book

but once u look at the person in front of u

you wish you hadn’t been so nice

sicheng stands in front of you

a grin on his face as he hands you another book

smug bitch is so happy he startled u

‘looking at porn on the library computer, yn?’

u laugh

‘I’m not u in 8th grade’

he glares at you as he takes his book and goes back to his desk to continue studying

u were soooo hoping he’d leave

even tho u kinda enjoyed looking at him

like dude was hot okay

what were u supposed to do????

ur actual job????

please.

so he stays

and when it’s ten minutes til closing

u go and let everyone know

and u stop at sichengs table

and he’s writing out notes or something

idk it’s not like u care anyway lol

but he’s lowkey frustrated bc he keeps messing up this one goddamn formula

so he erases it

and that’s when u catch a glimpse of his handwriting

and bruh am I high or is that the exact same handwriting as in the books

I mean he has borrowed a few of the books

and he’s into that genre

not that you've checked out his borrowed list or anything

basically ur having this whole conversation with yourself in your head

bc ur cool like that

and he’s like ????? why this bitch standing over my shoulder and watching me write out this equation

until he’s like ‘what are u doing’

and ur like !!!!! oh hi !!! sorry I was busy listening to the voices in my head lmao xD

jk jk

‘have u been writing in the books’

and suddenly he’s super shy

and he has this massive grin

and he’s like ‘no’

bitch we know it was u stfu

u roll ur eyes and ur like ‘its not funny my boss wants you to be suspended’

he squints at you

‘how do you even know it was me’

and then:

‘DO YOU HAVE E V I D E N C E’

and u cross your arms

like a badass bitch

and ur like ‘I have plenty of evidence actually’

‘for one, youve borrowed all the books that have been found with writing’

‘and your handwriting matches’

subconsciously he covers his notebook with his arm to hide his handwriting

and he's like ‘why are u telling me this’

you're taken aback by the question tbh

like ?????? to be a good person ??????

idk u fuckwit just wanted to warn you

‘thought you'd want to know’

and he just turns back to his book

and you shrug and walk away like ok get suspended then see if I care

but u do :((

but as you walk away hes like

‘wait’

‘Im gonna be suspended??’

and u nod like ye that's what I just said but ok

‘like I cant borrow or I cant come in at all?’

u don't know tbh

‘both I think?’

and suddenly there's panic in his eyes

another person walks past u and thanks u

and u mindlessly tell them to have a good night as they leave

everyone has left

except sicheng of course

that beautiful son of a-

wait why did u say beautiful

‘what can I do to nOT get suspended??’

and u shrug bc idk dude not my problem

but then u think about it

‘I mean if u get rid of the evidence theres no way u can be suspended, right?’

and he seems so happy at the thought

‘would you help me? please?’

and ur sooooooo skeptical

‘depends. what do u want to me to do?’

‘I mean I need access to the books so’

‘yeah ill let u in and out’

‘I can't exactly just erase the markings when people could be watching’

and that's exactly how you end up sitting in the library with dong sicheng at 11pm at night rifling through books to find odd pencil markings to erase

it wasnt that hard

u just got his record up

*snorts* ‘you borrowed ‘how to talk to girls’ when we were thirteen’

and he just rolled his eyes and marched to the computer like ‘you can see my record I deserve to see yours’

and ur like NOOOOOO nononononono

but later

‘you've read all the light-fighter novels??’

he looks at you from where hes searching for one of the books on the list, an eyebrow raised

‘yeah why’

‘dude,, I loved those books’

and he smiles a little

‘thats where I started marking the books tbh, every time I read it id add a little cross in the corner of the cover bc I read it so often’

part of u is a little impressed

the other is annoyed at how similar your taste in books is

but the first part keeps asking why u hate him so much

other than the staying late and the snarky comments

which you actually find kinda funny-

anyways

once you've gathered up a few of the books

like at least ten each

you sit on the floor of the childrens section

beanbags sprawled out beneath you as u read through some of the books

most of them you've read before

and every time you giggle at something hes written his smile gets a little bigger

but of course youre looking at the book so you dont notice

and he keeps his head down

‘is it bad that im hungry’

you lift your head from the book to look at sicheng

hes not even reading anymore hes just lounging back on the beanbags

and maybe he'd been watching u read

watching as the smile on your face grew wider at his commentary

‘I didnt see you leave tonight. have u eaten?’

you furrow your brows in thought, trying to recall having seen him leave

‘you been watching me, y/n?’

‘have you been eating, sicheng?’

and there's something about the way you say his name that makes his heart jump

his voice is soft as he looks at you in the dark

‘no’

you focus back on the book in front of you

‘finish whatever book youre on and we’ll call it a night’

‘what, you wanna go eat?’

you cant tell if hes just surprised or if hes hopeful

or something else

‘no but I do want to sleep’

you laugh and he forces a laugh too

you dont notice the difference

when you've returned all the books

he meets you at the front door as you grab the book you'd been reading that shift

hes just standing by the door on his phone

and maybe its bc ur tired or maybe its just him

but u cant help thinking

Jesus Christ this boy is attractive

and okay maybe u had a crush on him a few years ago

but hey! you were eleven what could u do

the crush still lasted like two years tho lmao

but u shoulder your bag and open the door for him

making sure to lock it carefully

and he walks with you in the direction of your apartment

and ur like oh u live this way too?

and hes like nah

but what kind of boy would he be if he didnt accompany home

like christ y/n u could be h u r t out here at this time of night

but you just smile at him bc wow thats ??? actually ??? kinda sweet

‘who are u and what have u done with dong sicheng’

and there goes his heart again

he just nudges u with his elbow

and u laugh at him and continue on ur way

when u get to ur building he thanks u for ur help in the most polite way possible

and u can kind of see that hes actually rlly nice ??? how ???

but hes back at the library the next day

and of course he comes up to the counter as soon as he spots you

sneaking around a few desks so u dont hear him come up behind you to whisper ‘BOO!’ in your ear

you jump like three feet in the air and spin around to tell him to get out from behind the desk

‘I dont see a nametag on u that means u have to be on THAT side of the desk thank u very much’

‘didnt realise your name tag said bitch on it geeeez y/n ://’

and u just fix him with a glare once hes finally on the right side

‘are u borrowing a book or not’

‘nuP’

he leans on the desk

his eyes staring straight into yours

‘just wanted to ask if u were able to stay back tonight’

you roll ur eyes

you'd barely gotten any sleep last night

but the look of concern on his face when he realises youre hesitating makes you nod

‘of course,, wouldnt want my least favourite person to get kicked out’

‘I always knew you had a soft spot for me’

you roll ur eyes aGAiN

‘go bother someone else’

‘oh is the hot librarian in?’

you push him away from the desk

but he doesnt miss the faint smile on ur lips

‘sicheng dont make me give you $100 in overdue book fees’

he sticks his hands up at the threat, his eyes wide

‘no. please. ill do anything’

when u raise an eyebrow at him, he just grabs the book you'd been reading (and not yet borrowed) and walks away

and he winks too

u have to stop your heart from beating out of its chest

and later

its 8pm and the library is officially closing

and for the past three hours you'd been walking to sicheng’s desk and subtly been trying to steal your book back

but every single time hes seen you coming

and pulled the book under the desk or into his lap

away from your grabbing hands

every. single. time.

you tap your foot impatiently at him when its time to continue ur undercover project

and he smiles down at his notebook when he hears u huff in annoyance at him

he dramatically looks up at you

‘do you need something?!’

‘do you want to get suspended?!’

he narrows his eyes at you but stands up anyway

he carefully puts his things in his bag and takes the list of books from your hands

a few of them are already crossed out as having been checked and erased

but theres still a lot to go

it takes you almost three weeks to finally get to the last day

and it had been the same thing every time;

sicheng took forever to pack up

you'd eventually find about ten books each

sit in the children’s section

laugh and chat about your lives while you went through the books

tease each other

and when you'd finished,

he'd walk you home

every single time

without fail

it became a habit that on the Tuesdays he'd stop by on his way to his morning class to drop coffee off for you

because he'd kept you up the night before

and it became easy to lose track of time with sicheng

he was just so engaging

there was no part of you that felt bored or uncomfortable with him

yeah he was annoying and infuriating

but his good book taste made up for it

and his annotations in the margins of the books too

‘is this the last of them?’

he squints down at the page again, counting the books on the table again

its the third time hes counted

‘surely ive read more than this’

‘not from this library ://’

you blow your hair out from your face and look down at the pile

‘you know, I think my manager is starting to get really suspicious of me’

‘why’ he looks up briefly from his book to read your face

but you try and remain calm

‘well she only told me about the markings right. and now theyre disappearing’

he looks at you like ?????

‘well she knows ive been closing up late... I think she thinks I did it’

he laughs ‘you? has she met you?’

you pout and throw a pillow at him

‘HEY! what's that supposed to mean :((’

‘it means ive never met someone who's so protective over books as you’

you think about it, chewing ur bottom lip

‘lets just finish this’

‘do u want to get food after’

he surprises you with the sudden question

and the slight nervousness thats evident on his face really makes you want to say yes

but you have a class tomorrow

and you always try and finish up here earlier on a Thursday night

‘cant :((’

he nods and goes back to readng

theres silence for a while

but you find it comfortable

sicheng on the other hand, feels as though hes just been shot down

you just turned down his date

you've kinda noticed hes more reserved now

quiet

but rlly hes just kind of embarrassed

until u say something that gives him hope

‘I,, uh, I dont have plans tomorrow night’

and ngl boy is stunned

‘just if u wanted to go see a movie or something idk’

now its ur turn to be embarrassed

u hope ur hair is hiding ur face as u look back down at the book in ur lap bc no doubt ur blushing

but sicheng is just staring at you

and

before even saying anything

he leans over the gap between you

with all the books

and hovers in front of your face

ur so shocked and ur heart is beating way too hard and fast and ur breathing is too quick to be normal are you having an attack I dont know-

and then he leans forward a little bit more

and his lips meet yours

and suddenly its like a fireworks display went off inside you

and then its almost midnight on a Thursday night and ur sitting in the children's section of your workplace in the beanbags with sicheng cupping ur face and kissing you

he just really needed to kiss you

like more than he needed air

and when u finally pull back

he loves how breathless you are

how you have to fight to keep the smile off your face

how you stare at him with wide eyes

‘so its a date then?’

you blush even redder

and nod

‘ye its a date :))’

but for the next fifteen minutes you sit in stunned silence together

small smiles playing on your faces

until u look at your watch and ur like

‘shit sicheng I have to go’

and his eyes widen bc holy crap u were supposed to leave like half an hour ago

so u both sprint around the library trying to put all the books back

and he meets you at the door again after you've grabbed the keys and made sure everything that needed to be locked was,,, u know,, locked

and when ur walkign to the door again

hes on his phone

u cant see but hes texting his friends about what happened lmao what a softie

and when u walk out together

without thinking he grabs your hand

and u walk home

hand in hand

after midnight

he clears his throat

‘so uh,, when actually is our date’

‘my last class ends at 5-’

‘so 5 it is’

‘are u sure??’

he nods happily

and he presses a gentle kiss to ur forehead when u get to ur doorstep

‘ill see u tomorrow’

but the next day

when u come out of your last class

a little giddy

a little too excited

and see him leaning against one of the stone pillars

effortlessly handsome

you feel your heart flip

and maybe ur just tired or maybe its him

but hes really attractive

like really really attractive

its actually just that youre in love with him

he doesnt see you coming

too focused on something on his phone

but he definitely sees you when you push his hand out to the side and step onto ur toes to kiss him

and u can feel him smile a little as he kisses you back

‘ready for that date?’

‘yeah, where are we going’

‘so I was thinking we could go to the libra- HEY! dont hit me I was j o k i n g y/n jesus christ’

213 notes · View notes

getallemeralds · 5 years

Note

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

#leo chirps #leos reply #system shit #i dont think i covered EVERYTHING #and im not sure how coherent this is #but i tried! :D #Anonymous #ask #pat.txt

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mairzymarzipan · 5 years

Text

Night of the Full Moon Character Reviews: The Big Bosses(Minus Werewolf)

Hello again

I know I said I’d be talking about the Hunter, Old Mage, Fallen Priest and so on today, but I realized that those characters were actually more interesting in the context of other characters, so I put them off for later. I decided instead to talk about the main bosses of the game, as it so happens, are the closest people to Red Riding Hood. Because this game wants to be an ironicy soap opera/anime that way.

When I say Big Bosses, I mean that you always fight one of these characters at the end of the game. Unless you’re like me and you start all over at the end because you’re bored and tired of all four of them playwise.

Werewolf

Wait, no, never mind. This is another one of those characters who’s more interesting in the context of different, non-Red Riding Hood Characters. We’re saving this boi for later. But, you shouldn’t too surprised, if you read the title. Instead, I’ll just use this space to talk about a mechanic.

Throughout the game, you can get ‘courage’ and ‘reputation’ points by talking to characters. Very very generally speaking, you get courage points by doing brave things, and you get reputation points for doing nice things. You also can get courage points when a character talks shit about the werewolf, and reputation points when a character talks shit about the witch. So naturally, if you have more courage in the end, you get to fight the wolf, and if you have more reputation, you get to fight the witch. I guess what they’re going for is only a meanie would fight this doggo? And the witch is who any empathetic person would hate???

I feel like the latter is not the case, but more on that later.

Witch

“Only your Hope family can lift the dark magic curse. This is what the priest is most afraid of. That’s why monsters run wild on full moon nights. First they made your grandmother disappear and then they drew you into the forest...but they never anticipated that you would make it this far.”

By the way, you’re part of a prophecy. Only someone in your family can lift the curse on the forest. jsyk

Yeah so, as you see, the Witch’s description does not really tell us much about the witch herself. This description also pretty unique in that none of the other character descriptions go into the second person like this. The description also kind of hints that Red dies in the timeline where she fights the witch, so that’s depressing.

Nah, to figure out what the witch is about, you have to delve into the fragments around her.

So, you actually do encounter the witch earlier in the game. In the third or sometimes second chapter, she will recruit to find some magic apples she lost. She makes a mention about suspecting a queen of stealing them. The apples, I guess, are just lying around on the forest floor, and you bite into each of them bc you’re a dumb lkid. Each apple changes your stats by a few points and the witch does not at all seem upset that you hand her a bunch of bitten fruit at the end. In fact, she offers you the choice of two random buffs, so that’s fun.

You’re likely to hear about her way before that, though, depending on who you talk to. Generally anyone who’s been cursed feels like it’s the witch’s fault.

But if you choose to fight her(or you might not get a choice in the matter) she accuses you of stealing said apples. She’ll also talk to you throughout the battle until you defeat her- a trait that only the big bosses and a few of the newer ones have. Her lines...make her sound pretty unhinged. She’s speaks of disbelief that you would do such a horrible thing, and threatens you with with her magic, and talks about how misunderstood she is.

When you defeat her, she’s got a really interesting line, tho.

“No! I don’t want to fight you! I can’t!”

Huh.

Before I move on, let me talk about this other witch character.

Yep. That sure is the art style this game is going with.

So this is one of the shopkeepers. There are four different shops you can find along the way, only two of which have characters you can see in them. This character is known as the Witch Apothecary...but you can only see that on the outside of her store. Otherwise she’s just called “Witch”.

The thing is, along the way, characters will talk about the Witch and, they don’t specify that it’s not the one with the white hair. They just talk about The Witch like she’s the only witch that matters. So is this woman not really a witch? A witch wannabe? Nah, we already have one of those characters. Could it me that the shopkeepers don’t actually exist in the story of the game? That would bum me out, bc there’s this lesbian owl I want to be real.

But...I think they’re the same person using shapeshifting. Or if you want a really wild theory, maybe there are time travel hijinks and she’s the Magic Apprentice grown up. But I’m going to go ahead with the former.

Anyhoo. I like the witch. I’m gonna give her 🍎🍎🍎🍎 four apples

Priest

“They mistakenly thought that on the full moon night they could help the monsters quietly eliminate Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother. Once the Hope family was wiped out, the legend of lifting the curse on the Dark Forest would disappear completely. However, they didn’t expect they would have to go personally and pay such a high price to fight their enemy. When the priest fell, the cursed monsters reverted to their human forms and the Dark Forest was no longer covered by snow all year round, but the church’s blind greed still remains.”

Again, not much is said about the priest himself. The most interesting thing here is that he apparently is the keystone holding the curse together. Interesting, because he seems to be letting the witch do all the work for him. Usually in these stories, you have to kill the person who casts the spell to break the spell, not just their friend. Is it because he, himself, is a stone? That is to say, he turns into a statue sometimes.

Why the heck is he having her turn all his enemies into cartoon monsters instead of killing them, anyway? Don’t tell it’s to make the game family friendly, bc in one of these timelines a child kills another child.

Honestly, the priest/church just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. His big plan is selling everybody from his town as slaves. Gross. And the way he accomplishes this is by...making it snow all the time, and turning people into vampires and fire bears? What?

He is. A delight to fight. I’m being sarcastic. He’s a religious edgelord who likes to go on about how humans are sinners and everyone deserves to be punished. Also she cheats by turning into stone. Eh.

It feels like someone just spun a wheel for of evil traits and just stuck them together haphazardly. His evil plan is...human trafficking! His personality is...self righteous! His means is...tf! His super power is...turning into a statue!

He’s the biggest of bads but also not that thought out. He’s super important to the over-arching plot and yet I have no idea why this guy does what he does. I’m gonna give him 🗽🗽 two statues.

Mystery Men

idek why this person is called “Mystery Men”. I’m guessing it’s supposed to be mystery man? Or mysterious person or something? I know I haven’t talked about the art much but, I do appreciate how much their face looks like a dog snout and her hood looks like dog ears. It’s a neat touch.

This description was actually changed. The new text is longer and more awkwardly worded. I don’t like it! And I don’t get why it happened.

But, yeah. The very last enemy of the game- who you can only reach by playing through at least four times and defeating all three others- is your Grandmother! Le gasp!

So what exactly went wrong with her? Oh, nothing, she just has a big wolf growing out of her back(told you the concept was backed up by canon)

Is this her daemon or patronus or something? I have no idea. I’ve been calling her a werewolf sometimes, tho, bc she’s better at being a werewolf than the titular werewolf. Which is to say she can revive instead of just healing. Her buffs and deck change throughout the fight. She’s a long battle, fun, except for her ear piercing voice. She sounds a bit possessed.

I’ll give her 👁️👁️👁️ three big eyes. She’s a fun battle, but I always mute it. Also not real big on how the text got changed for the worse. But she does add some good details to the story.

In Conclusion...

Grandma’s text tells us a few things.

1. Not only is the Hope family connected to this prophecy, but family members actually have the power to control the curse. That leads me to believe that the person who got the curse started was a Hope themself.

2. The church came along long after the curse was in full swing. So the priest is not responsible for it. Whether he’s a Hope himself is not relevant.

We also know these things:

1. The witch is still the one casting all the tf spells, which is part of the curse.

2. There are two timelines were Red has a natural gift for magic

3. In the Little Witch timeline, the Witch is teaching Red magic. On top of that she’s v patient, which is surprising, for some reason.

4. The Witch seems a little out of touch with reality. She sends you to find apples, and then yells at you for stealing them. Almost like she thinks you’re another person.

5. The witch verbally expresses her desire not to fight you when she realizes who you are.

I have to conclude that the Witch is a Hope. A Hope who’s close enough to have a fondness for Little Red Riding Hood, and is invested in her well being/education. And yanno, is turns her enemies into pig people because she can.

She helps you on your quest by giving you one of her own. But earlier on, she takes on the form of the other witch offer you potions and the like. She even gives you the first one in each chapter for free.

“My potions can change your appearance!”

Of course she can’t get too close to you. She can’t reveal that she’s helping you. Hence putting on a new face when she’s a ‘good’ witch. One wonders if she’s trying to hide her identity from you, or the people she’s allied with.

Hey can we look at her description again?

Red doesn’t get addressed in the second person in any of the other descriptions. There is a character who talks about his life in the first person, and we’ll get to him. But this is odd to me.

What if Red isn’t being addressed here? What if it’s someone else? What if it’s the Witch?

What if the Witch was captured and ensnared in the priest’s plot? What if he messed with her memory? So then who is she? Red’s sister? It seems like she’s been working with the church a lot longer than Grandma’s been missing. Also Grandma went into the woods on her own accord. You could say that the grief the church caused her *made* her go out, but it seems weak.

So maybe a Hope in another generation, who lost her grandmother to- either the church or monsters? Was it this other Grandmother who *started* the curse?

Dude, what if she’s your Mom?

What if instead of killing her the priest did...something...scared her enough to get her to work for him. And messed with her memory so she couldn’t conceive a way out? And sort of had her transfer the power of the curse to him so that people had to kill him to break it?

What if he had the Church Doctor scoop her brain out and put it in another lady’s head? Who knows.

I’m not certain about the witch being your mom. I think I would like that to be the case because it’s fun, but I’m not quite convinced yet. I AM certain, tho, that the Witch is a Hope, and she cares about you. She’s not just this cackling meanie turning people into flowers. She’s...complicated. And she needs help just as much as all the trapped monsters.

#mairzy posts #night of the full moon #notfm #the werewolf #the witch #the priest #the mystery men #headcanons #character reviews

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maternalcube · 5 years

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i did an art summary so now im doing a fic summary. i was tagged by @jamthedingus also!! ive never done one of these before!! lets go!!!

Rest (13106)

Keith & Lance's Island Adventure (20631)

Atlantis (10014 words)

The Way to a Man’s Heart (6858 words)

nobody's business (2096 words)

leave, and take (557 words)

dead girl walking (1661 words)

the course of fate (1039 words)

who ya gonna call (465 words)

come here often? (806 words)

til kingdom come (1950 words)

stars in the sky (pt 2) (5404 words)

a song of falling (630 words)

Eyes to the Sky (3683 words)

Feet on the Ground (4050 words)

Divergence (6669 words)

homecoming (1426 words)

Window of Opportunity (11144 words)

along that wilderness of glass (3801 words)

string theory (2327 words)

Katt Week (1062 words)

The Pining-Plant (3860 words)

at the end of many worlds (21684 words)

you're my home (19646 words)

Believe Me (3177 words)

Starchild (3568 words)

Summer Heat (2285 words)

third time's the charm (5349 words)

Blackbird (59546 words)

The Sixth Planet (9444 words)

all the infinite realities (1197 words)

Total Fics: 31! (plus one i posted anonymously lmao) Total Words: 229999! (except parts of string theory and the sixth planet were actually posted last year... but still, what a number)

more under the cut!

Ship/character breakdown: i didnt filter out my prompt collection or abandoned wips here so /shrug Ship breakdown:

klance - 6 sheith - 5 shance - 5 katt - 4 heith - 3 pallura - 2 and one each of plance, kallura, allurance, shatt, shkatt, kidge, kidgance, and shunk. and keiths parents lol. let it never be said i am not a multishipper.

and i know gen isnt a ship but it tied with klance at 6 (plus whatevers in the prompt collection) which was a surprise

Character breakdown: man if theres a way to get ao3 to show me ALL the stats, i dont know it. but.

keith - 25 (shocker) shiro - 23 lance - 21 pidge - 17 hunk - 16 allura - 12 matt - 12 and then coran and sam are at 4, and zarkon ats 3 and presumably many others are at 3 or less

Characters that had the main focus: well ~9 were from keiths pov, and ~5 each from shiro and lances povs. i think i also had ~5 from multiple points of view. its safe to say that keith has my heart tho lol

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title: i still like “at the end of many worlds.” i weirdly still like “Blackbird” too even if it has nothing to do with anything... Worst title: “Rest.” :/ also like all of the abandoned wips bc i didnt care. and “Keith & Lance's Island Adventure.″ some of my zine fic titles were also... bad. im bad at titles.

Best/worst first line?

Best: Keith & Lance's Island Adventure. ok the title is bad but this line? this really sets the tone for whole fic. you know what youre getting yourself into here.

When Pidge invited Keith to a fully-funded graduation party aboard the Holt family boat (“the smaller one, anyway,” she’d said), this is not exactly what he'd pictured: three of them standing on a wobbly dock, packed bags at their feet, sky cloudy and gray, while the Holt siblings stand on a little ledge off the back of the boat and deny entry.

Worst: ive got two for this lol

at the end of many worlds: even i have to read this a couple times to figure out what i was trying to say. at least you know youre in for pain...

Keith’s mother shows up to interrupt movie night often enough that, this time, Keith almost doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Almost, because she’s silhouetted by the movie, but she’s clutching her arm and panting for breath, and in the thin edge of light around her he sees a wet and vibrant red.

Divergence: because all your friends being dead is EXACTLY like losing at dodgeball. yeah, theres a reason i abandoned this one.

Hunk always hated playing dodgeball. Not because he was bad at it--though he was--but because he always ended up the last one standing, and therefore the only target for the entire other team. It was due to a tendency to hang unnoticed in the back, he knew, but that didn't change the sickening, empty feeling of looking around and realizing there's no one left but him, and there's no way he can win. Only wait for the inevitable.

This, Hunk decides, is a lot like that, only, like, a billion times worse.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The Pining-Plant. there are a few others that were cute too but this one is also good out of context so

And then the pod swishes open and he's scrambling to catch Pidge as she stumbles out. She clings to his arms to steady herself and his heart swells.

"Falling for me again, huh?" he asks, and she groans loudly.

"Let me go, I'm getting back in the pod," she says, and he laughs. He doesn't let go, and neither does she.

Worst: if im bad at titles, im worse at endings. most are bad. i suspect the ending to “Rest” is terrible but i cant bring myself to even open that shit again so: Believe Me. if weather were a recurring theme in this fic, itd be fine, but as is its just... a weird note to end the fic on lmao

Hunk rocks back on his heels. "We aren't counting this as our official first date, right?"

"I dunno," Keith says, and now he smiles at the rain instead of frowning. It shows no sign of easing up, but whatever—they're soaked anyway. "This seems pretty good to me."

“...All right.” If nothing else, it’ll make a good story. And, Hunk had to admit—he’s pretty happy with how it’s turned out, rain and all.

But next time, he's double-checking the forecast, just in case.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

more than i expected! considering ive been in grad school all year!! i wrote about the same amount wordcount-wise in 2017 which i spent only half in school so. idk how i managed it.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

the anonymous fic was a surprise but im not gonna talk about that lol. otherwise... nah, its all been my usual stuff.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

blackbird, probably. i like working on that one. summer heat was also fun, id sort of forgotten about it bc it was a zine fic but coming back to it, i really liked it. likewise with third time’s the charm. and i like t6p a lot even if i kinda hate drawing for it :’)

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

depends on your metric. window of opportunity has the most kudos, keith and lance’s island adventure has the most hits, and t6p has the most comments and subscriptions.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

AT THE END OF MANY WORLDS. oh man i killed myself over that fic. it was important to me. but i think the mcd scared everyone off :’)

Story that could have been better?

i realize “all of them” is kind of a cop out answer but like

Sexiest story?

i have written nothing sexy, ever, in my whole life

Saddest story?

i mean, ateomw. considering all the death. blackbird def has its moments too.

Most fun?

i feel like i answered this in the favorite story q lmao. you’re my home also gets a shoutout, that thing was,, super self-indulgent lmao. and id be lying if i said i didnt have fun with parts of ateomw, even if its mostly sad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

man i write a lot of fluff but so much of you’re my home is just tooth-rotting. heres part of the proposal scene lmao

"Lance!" Keith yelps, barely rescuing the ring from falling into the sand with them. Lance pushes himself up on his arms, silhouetted by the sun and glowing with it.

"Really?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Keith says, and maybe he should've prepared something to say, that's a thing people do, right? Hell, he's winging it. "I know we can't stay here on Earth forever, 'cause we're paladins, and there's still stuff out there we gotta do. And I know you probably want to stay because this is your home—but you're my home, and if we gotta go, at least you'll have me, good or bad." He grins crookedly. "Or rocket science. Whatever happens, I'll be there."

Hardest story to write?

well t6p gets a shoutout, but its not the writing thats the hard part for that. uhhh ive struggled with parts of blackbird. i remember k&l’s island adventure giving me a LOT of trouble, i think i posted late lol

Easiest/most fun story to write?

anything short uhhh for all the infinite realities, i kind of just sat down the other day (actually i was in bed but) and was like “im gonna write this” and then in the morning i just sat down and wrote it in one go. i dunno if id call it fun, but it was easy. t6p is super fun to write but, as mentioned, drawing it sucks.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

no... my perceptions probably have shifted but not due to anything i wrote in particular. i did talk myself into liking allurance with a prompt fill, though, but im not sure that was 2018...

Most overdue story?

all the infinite realities lmao. at the end of many worlds needed that happy ending. and another shoutout to t6p, because thats been going on over a year and im still nowhere.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

does posting my abandoned wips count? ive still got some of those hanging around... blackbird was a bit of a risk bc my last longfic was written while i was unemployed and out of school, so like i had the time for it, and now i kinda dont. still chugging tho. ateomw b/c of all the death but it turns out i really like writing whump woops. and writing any sort of kissing always feels like a risk bc i suck at it but im getting better lol... i hope...

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

write more! finish things! do more sheith! i really want to work on this sheith longfic i came up with the other day... but i want to get blackbird over with first.

Tagging: eh! do it if you want to!

#i need a fic tag #HOO BOY

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nayeon-sadly-owns-me · 7 years

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Welcome back to part 2 for Fool's Gold if you haven’t read that or part one then I suggest you do so or else you’ll be lost. This is my own interpretations so if you disagree please feel free to tell me your thoughts!! I would love to hear them : )

Arguably the longest breakdown I’ve ever written so if you need to stop and go get a drink or a snack then go for it.

Spoilers beyond here

We come back to a love stricken Jeongyeon, a distressed Sana, and an utterly distracted Momo. This is the part where we have gradually gone from the past to the present, where innocent kisses and hugs are no longer very innocent.

If you are not very familiar with Ultraviolet, Jeongyeon and Nayeon are mortal enemies. That makes Momo’s crush on Nayeon a very big issue for Jeongyeon and an even bigger deal for Sana. Another dynamic I wish I got to see more of was Jeongyeon and Nayeon.

Jeongyeon succeeded in showing us what an angry Momo looks like, something we have seen very little of. She is valuing her own emotions instead of bottling them up, something she doesn’t do with Sana. It both shows how important Nayeon has already become considering she is willing to walk away to cool off when Jeongyeon says something bad about her. It also shows how much she puts Sana in front of herself when she never does that to her.

Of course, Sana has to keep up the charade that she only sees Momo as a friend, even in the presence of Jeongyeon. She tries to blow it of as a harmless crush because she can’t see Nayeon actually pay Momo attention. It’s a subtle jab towards Momo, a way of rationalizing her jealousy over Momo liking Nayeon in order to make herself feel better. Sana would never tell that to her face though.

We get our first interaction between Sana and Nayeon. It includes a bathroom stall and an outing message about SaMo. My guess was that Eunha and her gang had everything to do with it. It’s extremely childish and very much a high school thing to do. It doesn’t make the pain of this scene decrease any less though.

Nayeon is the one to take care of the mess although up until now we have no idea why (unless you read ultraviolet of course). Nayeon clearly didn’t greet Sana with hospitality though. She was gonna say something snarky before she notices the writing. If I had to guess, I would say that Nayeon was utterly jealous of Sana. She was the one who got to know the ins and outs of the girl she had been secretly pinning after. The girl who was currently the subject of the gossip on the wall. It’s a sign that she cares about no one finding out about this as much as Sana does.

“I’m not doing it for you.” Is the piece of evidence needed that maybe she holds that grudge against her.

Because the feeling that her crush on Momo is unattainable mirrors what Momo is feeling.

The next scene proves that Eunha did have something to do with the harassment. As someone who has watched someone be outed, it’s a personal relief to watch it end with no consequences. Even if Sana is clearly a walking rainbow with heart eyes for Momo.

It’s also the first time we see the little crush that Dahyun has on Sana. It’s a harmless little crush that probably would have died early on if the person it was on wasn’t Sana.

There is something about the mental image of Momo grinning and waving to Nayeon that makes me feel very guilt about being giddy about it. Although my primary ship is Namo, I am very attached to Samo too.

It makes the scene about Momo talking about her unrequited love for Nayeon just as painful as you know Sana feels that way about Momo. I remember reading it and feeling a crushing feeling, I wanted Sana to get her happy ending so badly because I know how this feels.

If the kisses and sex mean anything to Momo, by now anybody might come to the conclusion that Momo might be doing this because she wants to feel wanted. Being with Sana makes her feel wanted even if it’s not the kind that she wants. In a way, it might not be as innocent as it was originally intended to be.

Instead of talking, Sana proposes a party instead. This is high school after all.

Sana harmlessly flirts with Dahyun, Jeongyeon harmlessly talks about her girlfriends new friendship, and everyone else just tries to keep Jihyo from being a mess. It makes me wonder if they got caught with the alcohol when the teacher caught them.

It also makes me remember that Sana must think about Momo’s crush on Nayeon a lot considering how threatened she feels by it. Again, it feels like a subtle jab to talk about how Momo is out of her league. Not in a good way. She has twisted her thoughts into believing that Nayeon could never notice Momo, because she is Im Nayeon. It’s an unhealthy way of thinking that has grown from Sana believing she is the only one who is a match for Momo.

It doesn’t help when they spend all class turning each other on and try to have a quickie in the bathroom 5 minutes before class. Hormonal teenagers who want to show each other just how much they mean to them even if they’re just “friends”. When they’re having such an intimate and loving moment just laughing and kissing, it’s another moment that makes you really really REALLY want them to end up together. Tbh it’s tearing me apart to not root for them. You win this round Stormy.

The moment is broken up by a revelation that Bona is now solely in love with Xuan Yi, a girl who isn’t Jeongyeon. It’s awkward but it makes you realize that Bona legitimately didn’t mean to hurt her. That is until she takes the flight option and you remember just how cruel teenagers can be. Why stay when you can leave, it’s so easy right?

We get a pleasant reminder just how much of a bitch Nayeon can be, especially when it concerns Jeongyeon. They were made to piss each other off, no boundaries included. It makes sense that Jeongyeon takes her anger out on her, and it makes even more sense for Nayeon to be completely ready to fight back. It’s so mind-numbingly apparent just how different Nayeon is compared to Momo. The crush she has on her as never felt more bizarre than it did when Nayeon throws cocky words back into Jeongyeons face.

If Momo had been there, I wonder how differently it would have played out. Would Nayeon still cave because she lives for the drama, or would she have taken the high road?

We get context that Momo has been crushing on her for almost a year, it isn’t just a simple crush anymore. Sana recognizes it and so she tries to come to terms with it by telling Jeongyeon to behave. It is almost like she is saying that more to herself though. She almost gets there, but goes back on her previous words by reminding both her and Jeongyeon that Momo will move on soon.

It’s a total Sana move to cope with her feelings by seeking out the attention of others. Sana is a person who craves attention and applause because it makes her feel validated in a way that Momo doesn’t make her feel. It’s a selfish mindset as only just a few scenes ago Momo was ready to eat her out after trying to fuck her in class.

Maybe Momo has put Sana on a golden pedistal, maybe she feels guilty about kissing and touching Sana? Theres something about Momo saying she doesn’t deserve Sana that makes you feel like there is more to it. Whether it’s me over thinking it (probably) or Momo really does just love Sana that much.

I just want to say that Jeongyeon calling Mina, Mona, is still one of the funniest things to come out of Stomry’s work. It’s even better when Tzuyu gives everyone the idea that they should let Jeongyeon figure it out on her own. (Of course Mina + Bona = Mona and that sours the mood)

If I ever write about Ultraviolet, I’ll talk about the scene where Mina meets them the gang for the first time and all that goes with it.

What I WILL talk about is that Mina is the only one not caught up in her own emotions enough to notice that Nayeon looks at Momo too. Mina becomes a new outlet to Momo, one that I appreciate as a reader because it gives it new perspective. We get to see the depth of her affection when a simple shared look caused her soul to leave her body. It’s different from how she is with Sana where she is composed and in charge of her emotion.

It’s an obvious contrast to Momo’s shaken behavior where she is downright nervous at the idea of Nayeon walking towards her. She forgets how to talk in Korean and man what a cutie. I thoroughly believe that nobody can write Momo better than Stormy can. Nayeon would be a close second.

Spoiler alert: Nayeon knows Momo exists and suddenly Jeongyeon and Sana’s words lose the power it once had.

Momo is so beyond smitten with Nayeon, she praises the girl in ways she never did with Sana. With Sana it was always gentle words, but with Nayeon it’s large metaphors and hyperboles. She considers Nayeon’s presence to be in comparison to watching the universe expand because this marks the day that Momo has been changed by just such a small encounter.

Im a firm believer in the concept that even the smallest encounters can change a person’s life. Sana had hers with Momo, and Momo had hers with Nayeon.

It’s disheartening to see her two best friends naturally not share her enthusiasm because of their own reasons. This makes an impact on Momo because of how much she depends on their support. Wanting them to pretend like they’re happy is not them though, so you have to settle for what their reality is. It’s a reality where her best friends really don’t want her falling for Nayeon and it kinda hurts to see. I can’t argue with them though because they both have very sound reasons.

That impact doesn’t stay tangible for long when she has a literal run in with Nayeon. Full introduction and all. We get to see the different side of Nayeon, the kind and compassionate side. The encounter is so sweetly awkward that if you ship Namo you can’t help but grin. Momo had spent the better part of the second part being told she isn’t on Nayeon’s radar when she absolutely is. If you main Samo, this is the part that probably made the pain 10x worse, for that- here is a tissue.

It’s so naturally awkward that it really does feel realistic when Momo doesn’t talk to Nayeon while helping her with the books. When you spend so much time daydreaming scenarios and then actually have one happen, it’s a bit overwhelming. Momo does say she’s her dream girl and she means it. If she isn’t thinking about Sana, then she is probably thinking about Nayeon. Maybe those two should be switched now?

Nayeon makes her intentions known as to why she wanted Momo’s help, she wanted to get to know her. When Momo didn’t indulged her, it’s no wonder that maybe she was deflating because of false hopes. If you know anything about Fool’s Gold Momo, it’s that she’s a people pleaser.

Even if it means stuttering that Nayeon being pretty is the reason.

Nayeon has to test the waters to make sure that Momo doesn’t hate her like Jeongyeon does (and Sana although that’s a blurred line). Insight that this is why she hasn’t approached her before. Nayeon has a jealous streak, hating Momo’s friends for being able to make Momo happy is probably a plausible reason to her.

Sana telling herself not to worry about Momo being in detention screams foreshadowing.

We get more HBIC Nayeon to Softy Nayeon when it comes to realizing Momo is in the room. Going from ‘Do I really have to?’ to ‘If you don’t want to come back I can totally understand’. She is much better at being subtle than Sana even by just an inch.

They’re finally talking and it’s a positive step in the right direction for Momo. This is a girl that generally cares about what Momo has to say regardless of her cold attitude to everyone else. They say that when you’re smitten with someone, their hobbies become your favorite thing. When Nayeon shares her love for doodling with Momo, it’s like she shared a secret with her.

Momo tells her that she likes Spongebob, for anyone who has somehow forgotten, she shared her first kiss with Sana while watching an episode of Spongebob. That is why it holds fond memories despite being forgotten about.

We don’t know what Nayeon was going to say to Momo, maybe it was an invitation to see her again, maybe it was a confession? We don’t have to ponder about it for long because Momo is the one to initiate that they should see each other again. She wants Nayeon to become a constant thing in her life, much like how Sana is.

Clearly the encounter had made Nayeon feel something too the way she withdraws in order to not make anything look suspicious when the teacher returns. Nayeon makes it clear that Momo can come see her whenever she wants, it’s a heartwarming moment that confirms that Momo’s unattainable crush is actually just around the corner within reach at any moment. If only it wasn’t also the way Sana see’s Momo.

Up until now, Sana and Momo have been attached to the hip, but now Momo is starting to move away. It’s unintentional, but it doesn’t make it less relevant because it leaves Sana wondering where she’s been. They haven’t been talking and that is new for them. What else is new is that Momo doesn’t kiss Sana back.

Because of her growing feelings for Nayeon, it makes sense that she doesn’t want to engage in intimate activities with a girl that isn’t her. Except this creates a problem because Sana and Momo have always had intimacy involved in their relationship. It is what keeps Sana grounded and without that, it leaves Sana confused and doubtful. We start to see Sana’s downfall, it feels almost uncomfortable to read because we watched their relationship grow into what it is present time.

It’s very rare that a relationship forms between someone and their dream girl because we can make them out to be much more than what they really are. However, Momo has dealt with it well. She has seen her good side and has kept her expectations low so that she can see Nayeon for who she truly is. The idea of heartbreak does not faze her because she really does like Nayeon and not in a superficial kind of way.

You might not like Nayeon because she ‘ruined’ Samo, but you can’t say that she didn’t treat Momo like she deserved. Something that Sana can’t truly claim unfortunately.

Their music preference shows just how different Nayeon and Momo are. Nayeon’s taste is more soft and aesthetically pleasing while Momo likes up beat music that gets her out of her own head. The best part is that, they embrace the difference in music style and found a way to appreciate both. Nayeon creates a playlist so that she can never forget what song Momo has requested. It’s possible that she made it so that she can think about any hidden meanings that Momo might have implied when recommending them.

Nayeon drawing a heart while giving a speech about Bona telling her that she was following her heart. She is a smooth mother fucker and if Momo didn’t want to marry her then I would openly be volunteering. Momo is innocent though, especially after spending months thinking that theres no way Nayeon could ever see her like that, if at all. Nayeon spells it out and seals it with a kiss to her cheek. We don’t know Momo’s reaction, but we can guess that she probably combusted into hearts.

Another sign of trouble between Momo and Sana is that Momo didn’t even want to explain about the heart on her arm. She didn’t want to talk about how Nayeon basically confessed her feelings or how Momo must be feeling like she’s flying. It all goes back to the withdrawn emotions that Sana showed Momo when Nayeon started to become a bigger deal. When you are falling for someone, you want to be able to openly gush about it without being told that you’re stupid for it. We’re now starting to see the effect of Sana’s lack of enthusiasm. We, as the reader, know why but Momo does not.

Momo draws to distract herself, when Nayeon enters the room, she no longer needs a distraction. Nayeon has gradually become something that keeps her awake and happy, something that Sana use to claim. Momo isn’t moving on to spite Sana, but to pursue her own happiness. She doesn’t even know that her subtle actions are turning Sana’s world upside down.

Nayeon is willing to break rules if it means getting to have nice moments with Momo. She puts her title as Head Master on the line just to see her smile. Nayeon leads her to the gardens, a place where Sana and Momo once got kicked out of for picking a flower. We learn that Nayeon has a huge thing for flowers and an even bigger thing for Momo. She wants to make memories before she can’t, it’s a good phrase to use especially concerning that their time in high school will be over before they know it.

Although the flowers might die, she will still have Momo.

Back to Samo’s time in the botany club, they planted roses. It’s the same path that Nayeon took her down to. Momo now shares a memory of this place with both Sana and Nayeon. Nether memory better than the other, because at the end of the day they are both her favorite people. It’s just, even Sana’s rose doesn’t match up to Momo’s feelings for Nayeon.

Nayeon has liked her for two years, since Freshmen year if my time line is correct (maybe sophomore year, kinda hard to keep track of when the trio entered the school). It’s roughly around the same time that Momo has started crushing on her two. Momo leaves Nayeon feeling nervous and flustered, the feelings are mutual. It’s a healthy balance of equal feelings that leave them happier with each minute passing.

We get our first proper piece of evidence that Momo doesn’t see Sana as a romantic partner. “This is how it’s supposed to feel” meaning that she had never felt ‘sparks’ or whatever you want to refer the anxious butterfly feeling you get when you finally get to kiss the girl. It’s up to you to figure your own reasoning behind why Momo kept it going, I’ve already given mine.

We get our precious nervous Momo who forgets to breathe and I just love how this scene brings everything together.

What brings us back to earth is that Momo didn’t even explain to Sana that it was a trick and she had spent time with Nayeon instead. It was the start of Momo putting her own happiness in front of Sana’s happiness, if only it didn’t disturb the balance of their friendship. Sana waits for Momo in a situation where Momo would not be coming this time. It reflects this thing that they had. Sana waits for Momo to get over Nayeon and come back to her despite the fact that Momo is now happy with Nayeon and not coming back in that sense.

I want to point out that Momo had never once cared about who saw her kiss Sana- meanwhile, she has created a secret routine with Nayeon that involves kissing in secret. Secret being that her best friends hate Nayeon minus Mina. Kissing Nayeon weighs more than her previous kisses with Sana.

Momo ditches Sana and Jeongyeon’s movie night to go to Nayeon’s room- something she could have done any other night. It’s an act that goes without notice to anyone that this is now a serious affair. Besides the weeks of spending free time with her, or ditching class with her, this is the first time we see Momo blow Sana off. She does it without any hesitation because they’re her friends and they should understand that this thing with Nayeon is serious business. She doesn’t think about Sana’s feelings, because she still only sees her as a friend and nothing more.

“Sex is different with Nayeon. It’s better with feelings” (This phrase speaks for itself)

We’ve now entered the breaking point where Sana realizes just how fucked she is. She has to pretend like she totally isn’t in love with Momo because that would ruin the friendship (as this often goes, telling the truth might have actually saved the heartache that Sana experienced. No one ever likes to talk about their feelings out of fear though.

The downfall of indulging yourself in intimacy always comes when the other person meets someone else who isn’t you. Sana’s harsh reality is that Momo isn’t hers. She never properly was despite years and years of telling herself that she was. All those months of convincing herself and everyone else that the Momo’s crush was harmless is now coming to destroy every aspect of her spirit. Meanwhile, Momo has no idea.

No matter how close Nayeon and her get, it doesn’t lessen the fact that Momo really does love and care for Sana. When she shows concern for Sana’s well-being, we know it’s real. What we get in return though, is Sana finally bringing of Momo relationship with Nayeon.

If their friendship didn’t appear on thin ice before, it does now. We see Momo as a stuttering mess while trying to explain that she was going to tell her. Something kept her from telling her. Maybe it was the idea that with Momo dating someone she really likes then itll mean change. Nobody likes change.

Sana goes along with Momo’s happiness because that’s what best friends do.

The nail polish dilemma is a nice touch on Stormy’s part to show that despite the fact that Sana is trying to choose the right thing (getting over Momo) she still ends up picking the option that will lead her to Momo.

She gets a slap to the face when Momo comes stumbling in with Nayeon, obviously about to have sex. It’s a reminder that she isn’t Momo’s.

Party’s in the past have been used to provide a nice distraction, in this case it is a distraction made for Sana to forget about Nayeon. Momo knows her well though, knows that this party is a really bad idea. Nobody should drink when they’re dealing with a shit load of emotions after all.

Im “Head Girl” Nayeon giving Momo a hickey because she wants to make sure the student body knows that Momo is taken is a nice image. Having Sana be the one to cover it up (symbolism for the fact that she’s trying to prevent that) is kinda cruel.

What’s crueler is that Momo kissed Sana as a consequence for being picked. It’s an unintentional stab in the heart that Momo doesn’t even know she’s doing. The kiss was intended to be playful, but Sana will never be able to see it as playful. Not when Momo says she has had better kisses while looking at Nayeon. Her grasp on Momo is rapidly depleting and Sana doesn’t know how to cope because she has always had an excellent grasp on her.

They had spent years growing up together, just the two of them. Sana doesn’t know how to live without Momo being hers because she never has had to before. It’s an unhealthy attachment that is no longer innocent and is threatening to tear Sana apart at any moment.

Now Sana has to deal with being alone for the first time since she was a child crying alone in the sandbox. Lessons that she should have learned (like learning how to share and adapt) were not taught. Dahyun is there though to be the shoulder for her to cry on though. Dahyun always ends up being there for Sana when everyone else is busy in their own little world. Too bad Sana doesn’t notice this.

We get another friendly reminder that Momo did want to go make sure Sana was okay, but when the girl you love is with you- it’s hard to keep track of other things. We get a nice little moment where Nayeon admits to warming up to Momo’s friends and even Jeongyeon. Momo really does bring out the best in her.

Momo asking Nayeon if she cared that she kissed Sana shows a significant level of impact her response would have. To Momo it was just another thing to do with Sana, she probably didn’t think about the consequences until she was reminded that Nayeon was next to her and that they were kinda sorta dating. She’s worried that she screwed up with Nayeon. She didn’t even take into account that maybe she screwed up with Sana too.

We talk a lot about Sana so much that we forget that Momo is at fault too.

Nayeon hits the message home in a way that Sana had not- She wanted to be the only one to kiss Momo. If Sana had realized her feelings sooner, there is that ‘if’ possibility that things might have ended differently.

It’s easy to understand why Momo doesn’t talk about her feelings for Nayeon with her friends especially when one of them wants to have an intervention and the other is hopelessly waiting for it to fail (although she would deny it). Jeongyeon is the voice of the reader, exclaiming that Momo’s happiness cannot be real because she isn’t with Sana. Sana isn’t happy so that means Momo should break things off to make her happy- doesn’t sound right but it’s what people want.

Another thing on my list of things I want to know more about is Chaeyoung and Tzuyu and their cute dating life. Stormy im waiting.

Going back to Namo’s previous scene, Momo wants Nayeon to be her only person too. It means putting Nayeon in front of Sana. Them getting together is the step of Momo gaining independence and learning how to be someone who isn’t always tagged up with Sana. It’s endearing to know how smitten they both are over each other.

It’s also important that Momo finally talks about Nayeon to Sana and telling her that she’s taken now. If it had been years in the past, maybe Momo would have caught onto the fact that Sana really wasn’t happy for her. She wanted the conversation to end, not even wanting to hear what her best friend had to say. Even if her best friend is pouring her heart out.

Going back to Sana feeling insignificant if she is not the center of attention to Momo, having to deal with the two dating brings back the relevant feeling. I can’t say that Samo would have ended up together if Nayeon wasn’t written in- there’s too many gray areas. We just know that Sana doesn’t know how to cope with what she’s feeling because she really did build her life up around Momo. However, Momo didn’t do the same.

It’s that feeling of pain that makes her feel like pushing Momo away is the easiest thing to do.

Sana has to watch Momo hurt because of it.

It becomes a center for her self-hatred- one that she uses against Dahyun for having the nerve to bring up her feelings about Momo. The nerve of reminding her when she had just spent a night crying over her. Dahyun didn’t deserve this, she had been so good to Sana. Sana is too caught up with Momo though to see the world around her. It went from being innocent to not so innocent after 14 years of thinking about Momo and only Momo.

Momo does what she knows, that’s accept Sana for who she is and love her unconditionally. Momo is convinced that it’s all her fault for becoming so wrapped up in Nayeon that she neglected her. It’s not the reason, Sana already feels abandoned and hopelessly in love. Momo does what she can though, despite the fact that it’s not enough anymore.

We get insight on how much Nayeon liked Momo through the usage of Dahyun. Nayeon is serious about Momo, just as we watched her be.

Dahyun is able take the weight off of Momo’s shoulders in making Sana feel better. It’s another fact just how unselfish she can be.

Sana continues to spiral downwards despite everyones best interest. It includes subtly pushing everyone away when shes low because she feels like this is her problem to deal with. She neglects the fact that you can’t control how you feel nor the strength of said feelings. She blames herself is pretty much in full punishment mode now.

But she is a person that feeds off of affection and people doing things for her. It’s a characteristic that can be a vice or virtue depending on how you look at it. So she keeps Dahyun company because she goes to a lot of effort for her the way Momo use to. I’m not saying she is trying to replace Momo, but she’s trying to find a substitute regardless.

It’s alright until it isn’t.

Because she’s using Dahyun’s kindness. She tries to display affection towards Dahyun to see if Momo will look at her and realizing that she is jealous over Sana being with someone else. Momo is too busy asleep in the arms of Nayeon, but Jeongyeon is there. She knows what Sana is doing. Sana is aware herself that she is using Dahyun but she is too far gone to care. She is slowly becoming a toxic person, but not the extent that the reader would hate her, quite opposite. We still relate to her. We still want her to come out victorious. I’ve seen enough readers defend Sana’s actions and believe that Momo MUST feel the same.

In a way, we ignore the message that Stormy is trying to send by believing in our own belief that things must end in a happy ending for all characters. That’s not what this story is about though.

Another party, another opportunity for Sana to get shit face and try to avoid her issues by creating new ones. She hides that mindset with a false positive idea that she is starting to become okay again. It goes well until drunk Sana and drunk Momo are talking and Momo is being the absolute Best person by thanking her for the years of friendship.

She’s holds such a pure and powerful love for Sana and she does try her best to make sure that Sana knows it.

Sana thinks her last kiss is the peck that Momo didn’t return and it makes me wonder if she remembers the make out session at the last party. The “I’ve had better” line that broke her. It was their last actual kiss, even if it was a dare.

Drunk Sana has proven to be dumb and impulsive. She takes her pain and tries to make Momo see what she’s missing out on. It’s gut-wrenching to see that she has to use Dahyun in order to attempt this. It’s no secret that Dahyun cares about her a lot. Maybe her blushing frequently means she might be crushing on Sana on the low key. She’s nervous about the kiss, maybe she has thought about accepting Sana’s offer for kissing her before?

Sana kisses her to make Momo jealous- except Momo doesn’t even look. She’s too busy being with Nayeon, the girl who unconditionally makes her happy and has done so since they met. There is no need for either to put the others feelings before their own because there is a mutual understanding that they both need their own happiness.

Sana takes Dahyun’s caring nature and throws it back into her face. Sana disregarded her emotions and chose to act selfishly on a whim.

Sana doesn’t even contemplate the idea that Dahyun might have had feelings- didn’t even stop to think what kissing her would do. Dahyun sets her straight though in a way that nobody has gotten the courage to do yet. She hurt Dahyun- a girl who has spent her entire time in this fic explaining that she is straight and that she knows Sana wants Momo. So it’s no wonder that Dahyun responds by saying the only thing that she knows will hurt Sana. A girl who made her realize a scary truth and get heartbroken in the process.

That it’s not her fault Momo doesn’t love her back.

Too bad Nayeon heard this.

It’s something that she can’t process enough to mention it to Momo. Let alone it’s something that she shouldn’t have heard to begin with. I agree that it wasn’t Nayeon’s right to out Sana’s feelings- it’s different when Samo found out Jeongyeon’s girlfriend was cheating on her. Sana wasn’t in a relationship with Momo, as far as Nayeon knows, they had always been just friends.

You can’t tell your girlfriend that her best friend likes her too (at least not before she does it). It’s just not right, I don’t think Nayeon would know how to begin with that conversation.

Instead she chooses to keep Momo close so that she can be the one to make Momo’s heart flutter. I don’t think it’s out of a selfish need to keep Momo away from Sana. I think it’s just her way of making sure Momo knows that she cares and will be there for her when the time comes that she does find out.

We get to the end of the chapter with arguably the most cliff hanger ending to a one-shot. My own interpretation is that Momo is forgetting how important Sana is to her. I don’t think she is forgetting that she loves her romantically or that she has feelings for her- but that she has lost touch with what made her attached to Sana in the first place.

There are aspects of this fic that do not feel like it wrapped up- it’s what Stormy intended based on her tweets. We keep talking about it because we don’t have the answers (she does of course). As someone who likes proper endings, I do hope we get closure for this. I just wouldn’t hold my breath. Sometimes you just gotta let things go.

What I won’t let go is that we didn’t get closure for Sana or Dahyun. BUT. To each it’s own : )

Tl;dr Sana and Momo aren’t going to and never should end up together because it’s for the best for both of them.

#namo #Fool's Gold

23 notes · View notes

ebenpink · 5 years

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“Help! My client is in love with me!” How to establish boundaries in your coaching practice—and avoid all kinds of nasty situations. https://ift.tt/2ImLxO9

What do you do when your fitness client asks you out for a drink? Or texts you at 2am? Or slightly recoils from your touch during an assessment? When you’re a health professional working closely with people who need your help, things can occasionally get awkward. Use this guide to set professional boundaries, while still creating a trusting coach-client relationship.

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The details: A Precision Nutrition Certified coach—we’ll call her Sue—reached out to our private Facebook group for advice on a serious problem. Her client, also a coworker, had developed feelings for her.

Sue didn’t feel the same way.

She cared about this client and his goals. He’d already lost 50 pounds with her help.

But she didn’t want to be a caregiver or caretaker. His behavior had become an emotional drain.

When Sue tried to distance herself from the client, he lashed out and became self-destructive. His health habits regressed, and he went back to emotional eating.

As a coaching professional, Sue understood the dynamics. She knew the client’s reliance on her had become unhealthy. And she recognized that she herself was becoming more and more distressed.

Understandably, she felt stuck.

She’d have to confront difficult feelings: The client would be upset.

He’d regress: Asking him to change his behavior would cause a health-damaging backslide.

She was also caught in conflicting close relationships: They work together every day.

Tricky situations like Sue’s are very common in health and fitness coaching.

Yet while therapists, psychologists, and doctors are formally trained to navigate the boundary issues that arise in client-practitioner relationships, fitness professionals often aren’t.

So consider this your crash course for conduct, complete with practical tools you can use now, no matter how where you are in your career.

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The relationship between a client and a health practitioner is inherently intimate.

This is true whether you’re a strength coach, a group fitness trainer, a psychologist, a massage therapist, or a yoga instructor.

Deep feelings are discussed. Bodies are touched.

It’s “closeness,” even if it’s not romantic closeness.

As a result of this intimacy, it’s quite common (and natural) for coaches or clients to develop feelings (negative or positive) for each other. Feelings of friendship, tenderness, protectiveness, jealousy, anger, and/or frustration spill into the professional arrangement.

Without honesty, clear expectations, and mature, open communication, stuff gets messy.

Defining and upholding proper boundaries ensures that feelings don’t confuse the ultimate goal: to help the client achieve his or her health goals through self-empowered action.

When we don’t have well-defined and well-communicated roles, everyone is kinda standing around wondering, “What am I allowed to do here? And how are we supposed to interact?”

Anxieties, frustrations, and old hurts emerge, often vaguely and vexingly, and we feel pushed and pulled in many directions.

That’s why we need boundaries.

Boundaries are the invisible lines of division between the service provider and the client or patient, the social (and sometimes physical) norms and practices that define:

who is playing what role (e.g. who is coach and who is client);

what those roles involve (e.g. who provides direction and how); and

what the limits of that professional relationship are (e.g. how available the coach is for the client, or what’s discussed in sessions).

Good boundaries mean that clients:

feel safe and secure with their coaches, trusting they’ll act in their best interests.

understand the care a coach shows is the universal care of an invested, compassionate professional, and not a sign of romantic interest (or some other attachment).

are obligated to show up maturely and responsibly; to regulate their emotions, own their behaviors, and be consistent.

Good boundaries mean that coaches:

avoid ethical breaches or working outside of our scope of practice.

don’t take on more than our share of responsibility for client progress and change.

show our clients clearly who is doing what, when, and how.

recognize the potential power imbalance that is part of coaching, and respect our clients as autonomous individuals.

With clear boundaries, we have fewer misunderstandings and awkward situations.

Which is always good.

With well-defined, strong, healthy boundaries, our “emotional bank account” is freed up to invest in a robust coaching relationship that keeps us as coaches safe and sane, while helping clients reach their goals.

Appropriate behavior is context-dependent.

There’s a green zone: Totally cool almost all of the time. Like smiling and making eye contact as you greet a client.

There are “gray zones”: A little more blurry, and depends on the context and nature of the relationship. Like hugging a client after they just did their first pullup.

And there’s a red zone: Definitely—and always—a hard “no.” Like, “Don’t steal from clients” seems pretty intuitive.

But in real life, boundaries aren’t one-size-fits-all.

Therefore (and to make things more complex), the same action can be “green” with one client and “red” with another.

With a client you have a secure, trusting relationship with, it might be totally cool to exchange the odd gift.

But that newer client you suspect might be crushing on you? Exchanging gifts may send the wrong message and confuse the purpose of the relationship.

Context is everything.

With more experience, trust, and maturity you have more freedom—to get close, to joke, potentially to do or say “inappropriate” things.

With relationships that are newer, more fraught or confused, play by stricter rules.

In terms of ethical codes, health and fitness coaching is a little late to the party.

Other fields of service provision, such as psychology or social work, have clear codes of ethics they abide by.

Many mental and physical health care service providers receive ethics training as part of their certification, but coaches often don’t.

Yet part of your job as a coach is to behave ethically, which includes defining and maintaining clear boundaries.

So Precision Nutrition wrote its own Code of Ethics for the coaches we certify.

You can start with our Code of Ethics as a template, and add to it as you wish, according to your own value system, and the nuances of your practice.

PN Coaching Certification Code of Ethics

In your professional role as a coach:

Act in the client’s best interest. Prioritize their wellbeing, safety, values, goals, and comfort where possible.

Respect the worth and dignity of the clients you serve. Treat all clients with professional courtesy, compassion, and care.

Protect your clients’ privacy and confidentiality. This includes that you:

Follow standard data security protocols, such as protecting your personal logins and storing client data securely.

Be careful what you discuss about clients, and with whom.

Do not disclose personal or identifying details of clients.

Ask permission before sharing anything on social media.

Act with integrity. Make yourself worthy of your clients’ respect and trust. Don’t exploit your clients, financially or otherwise. Don’t seek personal gain from your client relationship (beyond your coaching fees, obviously).

Act with objectivity. Know the rules, regulations, and procedures expected of you, and follow them equitably and appropriately for each client.

Set clear, accurate, and reasonable expectations. Define the terms of the coaching arrangement (e.g. payment, frequency of meeting, how coaching works, etc.) immediately and reinforce them often. Be upfront about what results the client can realistically expect to see.

Have clear professional boundaries. Avoid multiple relationships (e.g. coaching friends or family members; becoming friends with clients) where possible. If you must have multiple relationships, recognize the inherent power imbalance in coaching, and be very clear what hat you’re wearing in a given situation.

Know the limits of your skills and scope of practice. If you can’t serve a client for reasons of ethics or expertise, refer them to another coach and/or care provider if possible.

Keep your skills current. Pursue professional competence, excellence, and mastery. Seek to be a credit to your profession.

8 tools to define boundaries in your coaching practice.

For coaches, there are lots of ways identify, establish, and maintain boundaries in your professional practice. We’ve got 8 to get you started.

The more tools you use, the more clear, comfortable, and secure your relationships will be.

Plus, less awkward situations.

1. Pay attention to your “emotional radar.”

Often, when boundaries get pushed (or trampled on), your body will tell you.

For example, you might notice that around a certain client, you feel tense, “icky,” or even repelled.

If you observe those sensations, check in with yourself.

Are roles defined and contracts clear?

Are you being asked to do things (either implicitly or explicitly) that make you feel uncomfortable?

Are you being exposed to some “TMI” material, either through the content of your client’s words, or images they sent to you?

If you can identify what’s bothering you, work to fix the situation:

Model appropriate behavior.

Communicate clearly, assertively, and maturely. (Keep reading for ideas on how to do this.)

Inform others about your boundaries and expectations for the working relationship. Don’t assume people “should just know” what appropriate behavior is. They might not.

2. Use body language to manage the space between you and your clients.

We “say” a lot without actually saying it.

Humans have a sort of sixth sense when it comes to expressing and reading body language. What we do with our bodies, and what others do, is worth a thousand words.

That means you can actually use your body as a tool to shape the coach-client relationship.

You can use your nonverbal cues to steer or “lead” clients.

For example, if a client is getting a little too close, you can lean or step back a little to increase the distance between you, or put an object between you (such as a desk or bench).

Without using words, this suggests, “This is a better amount of space between us.”

Other times, you may want to encourage closeness.

One simple way to do this is by “mirroring” your clients’ movements (subtly), and making eye contact. This demonstrates your attention and presence, and can foster a feeling of connection.

To convey confidence and authority, stand or sit tall, with good, but relatively relaxed posture. You’ll look like someone worth respecting and listening to.

3. Use your voice to show the right balance of care and authority.

Voices are powerful.

Your voice can command, cajole, calm, or control—and it can help you set and maintain boundaries too.

Generally, a warm, yet professional tone will signify interest and authority.

Speak clearly at a moderate pace, and unless you’re actually asking a question, be careful of a tendency to use a rising tone at the end of a sentence. (Which will make everything sound like a question? And it’ll imply that you don’t need to be taken seriously?)

Match your voice volume and cadence to your client’s to show attunement.

You can also use your voice to steer someone gently if you feel things should be going in a different direction: talking slower and lower to a client who’s gotten worked up and is talking fast and loud; speaking gently to a client who’s intimidated, scared, or defensive; or speaking firmly and clearly to a client who’s gotten a little too… friendly.

4. Write like a pro.

Even if your main jam is one-on-one sessions with clients, talking in an office or on a gym floor, you’ll probably do a fair bit of writing too: in emails or texts, handouts, contracts, and signs on the wall.

Your professional image is reflected in your writing, so cover the basics: Use proper punctuation, check your spelling, and get your message across clearly and concisely.

Make sure signs are clearly displayed and contracts are reviewed and understood, ideally before you begin your coaching relationship.

Signs and contracts tell clients what to expect, what their responsibilities are, and what you’re here for (and not here for). Articulate this up front, and you’ll have fewer problems later.

5. Make informed consent an ongoing conversation.

If you’ve ever joined a gym, had a massage, received psychotherapy, or joined a sports team, you might have had to go through some kind of informed consent and waiver-signing process.

An informed consent form usually covers things like scope of services and liability, and the potential risks to clients. It’s a good idea for every coaching practice to have one.

But it doesn’t have to stop there.

If made an ongoing conversation, the informed consent process can be an awesome, useful tool that helps define boundaries and helps clients feel heard, respected, and comforted.

Check in with your client on consent topics every few weeks. You can organize the conversation around themes like:

What’s happening for you as a client right now? Can you give me a “status update” about how you feel / think about our process, or your current situation?

Are you OK with what’s happening now? Does this match what you expected or wanted? Would you feel more comfortable doing something differently?

Do you understand what’s happening now? Do you as a client, comprehend why we’re doing something, and/or what the risks and benefits are? Do you understand how this activity connects to your goals?

Do you want to continue in this direction? Or do you need a break? Informed consent includes the client knowing that they have the right to say no to anything the coach proposes.

6. Protect your time.

Pop quiz: If a client texts you at 2am, do you respond?

Clients may email, text, or even call at all hours of the day or night. While you can have your business hours clearly displayed on your website, contracts, or signs around your office, clients may still pop in when it’s convenient for them.

That’s OK. (So long as they’re not banging on the door of your personal home at midnight. That’s “red zone” material.)

When and how quickly you respond to clients signals to them what you will accept, and what they should expect.

For example, if you start answering emails at 10:30 at night, a client may expect you to be available during those hours. If you always respond to texts within three minutes, a client may expect nearly immediate answers from you.

You get to decide what your boundaries are here, and what you’re comfortable with. If you don’t want your evenings to be crowded out by client emails, then turn the computer off before dinner, and respond to them in the morning.

Similarly, you get to set the tone for how time is spent during your in-person time with clients.

If a client is consistently late or missing appointments, or if they keep directing the conversation to who they went out with on the weekend instead of how their food journaling went, then it’s your job to gently but firmly call them out.

Sometimes an adult conversation needs to happen.

Like:

“Hey, I’ve noticed that you’ve been 20 minutes late for the last three appointments. Is this still a good time for you? If it is, let’s agree to start our session on time so we don’t have to cut into your appointment time.”

Or:

“It sounds like you had a fun weekend! But hey, I’d love to talk about your nutrition. I know one of your goals is to eat better, and I’m curious to know about how you’ve been doing. The more we focus our conversation, the better we can get both of our needs met.”

Approach these conversations as if you and your client are on the same team, rather than adversaries. Be friendly, and focus on the win you both want!

7. Dress sharp.

One perk of being a coach: You get to dress comfy!

One downside of being a coach: You get to dress comfy! Which means that sometimes, it’s hard to know what looks appropriate and also helps you demonstrate a squat or run a few agility ladders.

However, if you choose carefully, you can convey professionalism in athletic gear.

If you look professional, your clients will be less likely to treat you as a buddy or a potential hookup, and more likely to treat you as, well, a professional.

Make sure your clothes are clean and well-maintained, and that all your, um, parts are contained.

Your dress should also be appropriate to your environment. If you work at a gym, gym clothes are good. If you work in an office, “business casual” is likely the better dress code.

8. If physical contact is necessary, check in with your client’s experience of it often.

If you’re a personal trainer, massage therapist, yoga teacher, chiropractor, etc., body work is part of your job.

Make sure to have clients sign a form that provides consent to touch.

Even with contracts signed and squared off, always ask your clients for permission before you touch them, especially in potentially awkward or vulnerable areas. (This is especially important in situations where touch could be misinterpreted—for instance, a male personal trainer touching a female client’s glutes.)

If you’re a coach, here’s a handy checklist for considering boundaries when touching your client.

Does touching my client make sense in the context of our professional relationship? Am I, for example, a massage therapist or personal trainer legitimately touching my client in particular ways?

Does touching my client raise any issues given our social identities? That’s a fancy way of saying who are you, and who are they? Are you male, female, older, younger, the coach, the client (and so on)?

Does touching my client make sense in a cultural or social context? Different cultures have different norms on touch. And “culture” can be anything. For instance, your local MMA gym may consider it perfectly normal to choke someone with your thighs… but that’s not a good look at your average gym.

What are the benefits to touching my client? Am I helping teach them an exercise, giving them useful feedback, creating a genuine personal connection, and/or calming them?

What are the potential risks to touching my client? Might I be invading their boundaries, making them feel less comfortable, or sending signals that could be misinterpreted?

What are my motivations for touching my client? Is this to benefit them, or me?

Do I know my client’s personal history or level of comfort with touch? Some people have a history of physical or sexual abuse, or simply aren’t that comfortable being touched. Since you likely don’t know all clients’ personal details, start by assuming your client may have some kind of discomfort with touching. Proceed slowly with caution and assess their comfort as you go.

How am I letting my client know what to expect? A simple way to judge comfort is just to announce, then ask. For example, “I’m going to put my hand just underneath your left armpit to feel if your lat muscles are engaged. Is that OK?”

What feedback am I getting? Read body language, and ask. If your client gives you a hearty handshake with a bro-back-slap while making eye contact and smiling, you’re probably good to do the same. If you hug them and they shrink back or go rigid, quit hugging them.

Have alternatives handy. If you’re trying to give a client proprioceptive feedback, you can often use some neutral object (like having their butt hit a wall when you’re teaching a hip hinge). If hugging is a no, you may be able to do a less-threatening touch of the upper arm, or just work your smile and wave game.

And this should go without saying, but we’re gonna say it anyway:

For heaven’s sake, don’t touch your clients inappropriately. If you don’t know what constitutes consent or assault, educate yourself.

What to do next

When your “boundary radar” goes off, pay attention.

Don’t wait or avoid a situation that’s bothering you.

If you do, it’ll often get worse.

Prevention is the best option here, but if that hasn’t worked, then sometimes you’ll need to deal directly with an uncomfortable situation.

If possible, prepare documentation—such as emails, text messages, or a written summary of what happened from your perspective—or discussion topics in advance, and consider your overall strategy before having a difficult conversation.

Remember: You never have to work with someone who’s abusive, aggressive, or otherwise violates your boundaries.

Whether it’s a persistent series of misunderstandings and misalignments; someone who constantly gives you the “ugh” or “uh-oh” feeling; or outright harassment, you never have to tolerate a physically or psychologically harmful situation.

Get out or refer out.

Want strategies to level up your coaching?

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It’s designed specifically for Level 1 students and grads who realize that knowing about the science of nutrition isn’t enough.

Part master class, part grad program, part mentorship, it’s the only course in the world designed to help you master the art of coaching, meaning better results for your clients and a better practice for you.

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We’ll be opening up spots in our next Precision Nutrition Level 2 Certification Master Class on Wednesday, April 3rd.

If you want to find out more, we’ve set up the following VIP list which gives you two advantages.

Pay less than everyone else. We like to reward people who are eager to get started and ready to gain mastery in their coaching practice. So we’re offering a discount of up to 37% off the general price when you sign up for the Master Class VIP list.

Sign up 24 hours before the general public and increase your chances of getting a spot. We only open the PN Master Class twice per year. Due to high demand and a very limited number of spots, we expect it to sell out fast. But when you sign up for the Master Class VIP list, we’ll give you the opportunity to register a full 24 hours before anyone else.

If you’re ready to take the next step in becoming a world-class coach, we’re ready to share our knowledge and help you master the art of coaching.

References

Click here to view the information sources referenced in this article.

Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association. (2015). Standards of Practice (5th ed.) [PDF file]. Ottawa, ON. Retrieved from https://www.ccpa-accp.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/StandardsOfPractice_en_June2015.pdf

Canadian Association of Social Workers. (2005). Code of Ethics [PDF file]. Retrieved from https://www.casw-acts.ca/sites/default/files/documents/casw_code_of_ethics.pdf

Bryson, Sandy. Understanding Professional Boundaries [PDF file]. Retrieved from https://www.dsc.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Understanding-Professional-Boundaries.pdf

The post “Help! My client is in love with me!” How to establish boundaries in your coaching practice—and avoid all kinds of nasty situations. appeared first on Precision Nutrition.

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How to make the perfect lemon curd

Bring a golden glow to January with a Victorian classic, and, no matter if youre looking to be eased into the day or hit with a full-on acid trip, theres a variation for you

A ray of sunshine in one of the darkest months of the year, lighter and zingier than marmalade (and considerably quicker to make), lemon curd is guaranteed to brighten up any breakfast or tea, as well as making a great filling for cakes. (Youre back on the cakes, right?) Formerly often known as fruit cheese (curiously, this name survives only in the sugary, dairy-free damson and quince varieties served with actual cheese), according to Laura Mason and Catherine Browns meticulous work The Taste of Britain, it probably started life as what the 18th-century cookbook writer Elizabeth Raffald refers to as a transparent pudding. The thought that this mixture might be bottled and stored for later use, or even for sale, was of a piece with the industrialisation of food production in the late Victorian period. What did the Victorians ever do for us, eh?

Thomas Kellers lemon curd. Photograph: Felicity Cloake for the Guardian

Eggs

One thing all fruit curds have in common, apart from fruit, is eggs. What form those eggs take, however, is a matter of contention. One recipe I see recommended again and again online is from Americas Fine Cooking magazine. The author, Elinor Klivans, writes that she prefers the lighter, almost custardy results I get from using whole eggs but, because the eggs whites cook at a lower temperature, theyre more prone to coagulation. These cooked bits dont ruin the flavor of the curd, but a smooth texture will require careful straining, and quite a bit of the mixture can get lost in the process. Mary Berry and Stella Parks of the Brave Tart blog both use only egg yolks, which makes for a very rich, slightly gelatinous consistency, whereas Thomas Kellers Bouchon Bakery Book and Thane Princes Ham Pickles & Jam both stick the whole lot in, which does indeed produce a lighter, creamier result. Testers, however, express a preference for recipes like the one in Catherine Phipps new book, Citrus, and Kylee Newtons The Modern Preserver that employ a mixture of whole eggs and yolks, offering the ideal combination of lightness and richness.

Sugar

Sadly, for those of us trying to cut down our sugar consumption, there is no curd without sugar, though it does contain far less of the stuff than most sweet preserves. Keller calls for granulated, and this works fine, though caster dissolves more quickly. But, if youre after that sunshine-yellow colour, avoid the mistake I made golden caster sugar will give you a murky-golden result, so white is preferable here.

Stella Parks lemon curd. Photograph: Felicity Cloake for the Guardian

The lemon

During testing, the overwhelming preference is for the sharper curds of Newton and Parks: lemon curd, one guinea pig tells me, should wake you up in the morning. If you prefer to be eased more gently into the day, however, then feel free to reduce the amount in my recipe.

Not all the recipes I try include the zest, and some recipes recommend sieving it out before bottling the curd (a tedious process given how thick the curd is at that point I only bother if I think some of the egg may have cooked). We think the odd fleck of zest adds textural interest, however, and miss its bitter perfume in the recipes which leave it out altogether to make the most of this, copy Dorie Greenspan and rub the zest into the sugar until it releases its aromatic oils.

The dairy

Most curd recipes depend on butter for their characteristic richness of flavour. Parks, however, prefers doing it the 19th-century way, using nothing but lemon juice, egg yolks and sugar (though this must be the 19th-century American way, because most Victorian recipes I find are pretty heavy on the butter). It certainly gives her curd an almost shockingly keen acidity and a slightly jellied, rather than creamy, texture that divides testers; I love the flavour, but its not a classic curd as we know it. Worth a try, however, particularly if you prefer to avoid dairy.

Prince, interestingly, swaps the butter for double cream, which she says makes the result a little lighter. It is indeed very light, though, as cream is sweeter than butter, it blunts the sharpness of the lemon; perfect for sandwiching cakes together with but a bit mild for those chasing an acid trip.

Butter, we conclude, is an essential element of the flavour and texture of the more traditional lemon curd, yet recipes differ on the best time to add it. Newton starts with melted butter, Klivans beats it together with the sugar then adds the eggs, almost as if shes making a cake, and both Keller and Greenspan beat it in at the end, once the mixture has slightly cooled. Greenspan (who credits the great patissier Pierre Herme for her recipe) writes that, by adding the butter to the mixture at a lower temperature, instead of melting as it does in curd, the butter emulsifies (just as oil does in mayonnaise), so that the resulting texture is velvety and deceptively light. It is a stroke of culinary magic.

Its true that it is hard to avoid a certain subtle graininess in the simpler curd recipes which heat all the ingredients together possibly because of the fact that, according to a poster on the food site egullet, the lactose matrix is broken when heated too high (any thoughts of this from more scientifically minded readers very welcome). Certainly, Greenspans lemon cream is the smoothest of all, which is more than enough evidence for me.

LM Ansteys lemon curd. Photograph: Felicity Cloake for the Guardian

The details

I try a very old recipe from one Miss LM Anstey, included in Florence Whites 1932 collection Good Things in England. She writes that, though it was passed down to her by her mother, who was born in 1819, it is possibly much older than my mothers dates and may have come from my grandmother. Quite different from modern versions, it beats sugar, ground rice, grated zest and lemon juice and eggs into creamed butter, and then pots it, no cooking required, though I wish Id used my common sense and added the eggs more gradually, as this may have stopped it curdling. Anstey recommends it as a filling for a lemon cheesecake (traditionally British cheesecakes contained no actual cheese), and perhaps it would be better for this than as a spread, because it reminds us of a slightly powdery brandy butter, but without the booze.

Prince makes her curd in a shallow frying pan, which I find rather nerve-wracking (overheat the mixture and youll end up with scrambled eggs), though I dont think its necessary to mollycoddle it with a bain marie as Greenspan suggests a medium heavy-based saucepan and a low heat does the trick. Nigel Slater sensible advises that, while most lemon curd recipes instruct you to stir the mixture with a wooden spoon I find that stirring lightly with a whisk introduces just a little more lightness into the curd, making it slightly less solid and more wobbly. Its also easier to get into the edge of the pan.

Keller adds gelatine to his mixture, which may well be helpful in a patisserie context (he uses it to fill macarons, amongst other things) but serves no purpose if youre using it to spread on toast. It also, of course, means that the curd isnt vegetarian and this is something everyone deserves to enjoy (on which note, has anyone come up with a vegan version?)

Perfect lemon curd

(Makes 400ml) 5 unwaxed lemons 225g white sugar 6 eggs (3 whole eggs and 3 yolks) Pinch of salt 100g butter, cubed

Zest three of the lemons into a bowl with the sugar and rub together with your fingertips to release the oils, then squeeze enough of them to give 225ml juice.

Whisk the eggs into the sugar followed by the lemon juice, a little at a time, until fully incorporated.

Put in a heavy-based pan over a low heat and stir continuously with a rubber whisk or wooden spoon until as thick as Birds custard which should take about 7-8 minutes. Whisk in the salt and pour into a food processor or blender if you have one. Cool for five minutes.

Start the motor and blend on a low speed for 30 seconds (alternatively, beat with a wooden spoon), then start dropping in the butter, a little at a time, still with the motor on, until smooth. Transfer to sterilised jars.

Are you a lemon curd fan, and, if so, what do you like to do with it apart from slathering it on toast? (Or eating it straight from the jar?) Which other fruit curds would you recommend and does anyone have a vegan version?