#theatre of coolty

[lifeaspect]

theatre of coolty renaissance

#dirk strider #homestuck #ken barbie #ken #barbie the movie #barbie 2023 #the barbie movie #theatre of coolty #my post

[haveyoureadthisfanfic]

Summary: FOUR DIRKS stand in an ANTECHAMBER.

Author: Duckface

Note from submitter: More fanfic should be written as surrealist theatre imo 

#official fic poll #haveyoureadthisfic #pollblr #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom culture #internet culture #tumblr polls #fandom poll #THEATRE OF COOLTY #homestuck #Dirk Strider/Dirk Strider/Dirk Strider/Dirk Strider #authorless

[you-idiots]

FOUR DIRKS stand in an ANTECHAMBER.

#dirk strider #theatre of coolty #homestuck #fanart #i suppose i'll post my inane fanart here as well #i initially wanted to draw things as i reread but things just happen y'know. it keeps hapening #anyway. i finally watched all of nakedbee's adaptations so expect some detective pony nonsense too at some point #acorn nickered as if to say [VILE SLURS OMITTED] etc etc

[tangentgrammar]

There are as many chairs as there are stairs, which is to say, a lot.

#dirk homestuck #dirk strider #theatre of Coolty #homestuck #duckface

[skaiansatellites]

happy 413 the title of this collection of plays my sister is reading for college just about gave me whiplash

#I’m sorry. #the rhinoceros the chairs the lesson #fucking theatre of coolty #homestuck #413 #4/13 #theatre of coolty #dirk strider #j.txt

[alexanderpearce]

theatre of coolty should fucking be on letterboxd

#shut up ulrike #homestuck #theatre of coolty

[cottoncandy-system]

we have enough gerards in the system for a full theatre of coolty performance where everyone is ACTUALLY the same person

#poison can be hussie #posts in which salem spouts absolute bullshit #osdd #theatre of coolty

[inescapableaspect]

Theatre of Coolty really had me thinking that Hirst sculpture was actually a horse, something reminded me of it to look it up and I had completely forgotten the original was a shark

#dialoguelog #theatre of coolty

[davekat-sucks]

More people should read theatre of coolity tbh.

They should, yeah. It's another fan work masterpiece from the Homestuck fandom.

#Theatre of Coolty #Homestuck #Dirk Strider

[mickskicks-art]

THEATRE OF THE HEART

in which we learn there is an apt difference between me and you

By:

(Inspired by “Theatre of Coolty” by Duckface)

THREE FIGURES argue in a transitionary HOTEL. Above FIGURE ONE, the words “GOD IS DEAD” appear in sparkly Comic Sans. Above FIGURE TWO, the words “ONE MUST IMAGINE SISPHYUS HAPPY” appear in Arial. Above FIGURE THREE, the words “THERE IS BUT ONE TRULY SERIOUS PHILOSOPHICAL PROBLEM AND THAT IS SUICIDE,” appear in Times New Roman.

The HOTEL is in disarray with WATER flooding the area, spilling out to splash the AUDIENCE who are all on their PHONES.

DIRK 1 and DIRK 2 take their places by the invisible FOURTH WALL.

Screams can be heard over the loud beating of their hearts.

CHARACTERS…?

DIRK 1 is an ideological forgotten mascot for someone better. He has triangular shades.

DIRK 2 is a fading memory that’s strengthened by imagination. He has triangular shades.

[According to the cartographic supplement on page 42 section 4.13 by Franz Kafka titled “The Stranger” with scribbles in the margins by someone with no mouth (they must scream), it is shown that…]

…

DIRK 1: Fuckass.

DIRK 2: …What?

DIRK 1: You never know what The Powers that Be will allow in these circumstances.

DIRK 2: It’s not like you’ll get [CENSORED].

DIRK 2: …. Now, why would they censor a word with the same word?

DIRK 1: Again, it’s all about allowance.

The three figures in the background still argue, but nobody can hear their slapstick comedy act.

(However, the water level still rises, soaking the oblivious characters.)

DIRK 1: I’ve been avoiding the subject like a bathroom mirror but… who are you?

DIRK 2: I’m you. Again.

DIRK 1: No.

DIRK 2: What, you can’t just–

DIRK 1: You’re not me.

(DIRK 2 pauses, saying lolwhatthefuckareyouimplying in his head.)

DIRK 1: Sure, you can be a subset of me. But if we are just the concept of awareness trapped in a vessel with automatic likes, fears, and needs, then you are not me. I am not aware of nor in your body.

(DIRK 2 heaves a sigh of relief. He can make the other Dirk suspend his disbelief for a little longer.)

DIRK 2: Yeah, it’s mad crazy, yo. I’m ‘bout to wax poetic misery to your sorry ass.

DIRK 1 (nodding): Please do, but let me plagiarize later as you are insignificant and unimportant.

DIRK 2: I couldn’t have said it any better.

DIRK 1 and 2: After all, who would care?

DIRK 1: So, what’s your grand revelation? Lay it on me.

DIRK 2: Oh, you're just going to love this. None of this is real. It's all just a figment of someone's imagination turned into something shareable.

DIRK 1: … How original.

DIRK 1: That’s the best you could come up with?

DIRK 2: Hey, it's a classic for a reason. Besides, it's not about the concept, it's about the delivery.

(The words “META IS DEAD” flash above them, accompanied by a dramatic drumroll and cheer sound effect.)

DIRK 1: How enlightening… I feel so liberated now… ugh.

DIRK 2: But I do have to admit something.

(A computer cursor hovers over DIRK 2 and slides him over to DIRK 1 with no applied physics.)

DIRK 2: I’m a real person. I made this. My concept of self is nonexistent at this point, so I became bonded to you. I want to be you because that means that I’m someone.

(The water rises.)

DIRK 2: I would kill my old self to look, act, and be you. I need to be someone who’s loved and survived the narrative thrown at them.

(The water rises.)

DIRK 1: What the fuck?

(The water rises.)

DIRK 2: I need… I need to like myself, so let me be my favorite character. I need to be Dirk. I need to be someone I love so I can love myself.

(DIRK 2 is drowning.)

(DIRK 1 is standing on water and wants to walk away with complete apathy.)

DIRK 1: Well, that’s dramatic.

(DIRK 2 struggles in the water, desperately reaching out for something to hold on to.)

DIRK 1: You’re floundering in an ocean of delusion.

DIRK 1: What’s your endgame here? To matter? To exist?

(DIRK 2 is sinking below the waves)

DIRK 1: Because who do you matter to? Who’s your audience?

(The words “AUDIENCE: 0” flash over the chairs left behind in the auditorium.)

DIRK 1: You realize that even if you manage to be me, or at least a version of me, it won't change anything, right? It won't fill the void you're desperately trying to patch.

(DIRK 2 disappears underneath the water. For a moment, there’s silence. There’s mourning.)

DIRK 1: Don’t pretend to be me. Or do, I don’t care. But don’t do it for such pointless reasons.

(The words REVELATION and OBLIVION flash in the glare of DIRK 1’s triangular sunglasses.)

DIRK 1: Dirk 2 is dead, yet one must imagine Dirk 2 happy. But the most important problem is–

(Cut to black.)

(There are screams.)

#dirk strider #Dirk #Homestuck #theatre of coolty #existentialism #absurdism #existential crisis #stage play

[ao3forme]

Have you guys heard the good news of THEATRE OF COOLTY

or even better yet the youtube adaption?

Absolutely marvelous

#recommendation #todo #fix up post #THEATRE OF COOLTY #Fandom: Homestuck #this blog is mostly for saving tags and quotes that make me laugh #but this is a legit masterwork #go read it if you haven't

[blond-jerk-tourney]

Honey Bracket: Round 1, Poll 15

Propaganda from submitters Under Cut

Brittnay Matthews

Jesus Christ, where to BEGIN Here's a compilation of some of her scenes from season 4. In every scene she's in, she's being a bitch towards someone. Uh, warning for explicit language and violence. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D7CDpxOchY

Dirk Strider

Homestuck is drawn with all character features in black and white, but he's commonly depicted as blonde by the fandom. Jerk-wise? He's Dirk fucking Strider.

#you have no idea how tempted i was to use the dirk ken doll from theatre of coolty for this #honey bracket #honey bracket round 1 #tournament polls #polls #brittnay matthews #most popular girls in school #mpgis #dirk strider #homestuck

[jojotier]

OH MY GOD??????

#homestuck #naked bee #dirk strider #jake english #the guy who's doing this did my favorite adaption of theatre of coolty on the PLANET HELLO #IM SO HYPED #WHYYYY DO I GOTTA GO TO WORK TOMORROW

[0ystercatcher]

i feel like barbie is going to be abt barbie and ken escaping into the real world and ken will find out about the patriarchy and become an mra about it and spread the cancer to other kens (and the other guy) and then the barbies will have to put all the kens (and the other guy) down for this

#m #that or its going to be some theatre of coolty kinda deal but its barbie instead #four barbies stand in an antechamber. #do not pay attention to my post. a woman can dream abt bad movies

[gooboogy]

I think it's so silly when I'm reading a Homestuck analysis post and I'm nodding along like yes yes, okay, sure, that makes sense. And then the evidence is just a screenshot from the epilogues or hs2. It's like its own punchline. This suddenly means nothing to me, this is a nothingburger post. You could have left that out and I would have believed what you were saying

#i laugh every time cause its just so funny #you may as well be using fanfic for evidence #goobabble #i would sooner take theatre of coolty for your citations

[cuatrotrece]

hace mucho q no tengo un video de 19-25 minutos con el cual obsesionarme y rever hasta saberlo recitar de memoria

#creo q me olvide gran parte de history of the entire world i guess a esta altura #Theatre of coolty es PARA SIEMPRE ese me lo se en un 90% #Despues hay como series o pelis onda Goodbye forever party y Virtual Systems Analysis q los puedo Ver En Mi Cabeza #pero despues nada nuevo