#the witcher incorrect quotes

[fanby-fckry]

*Jaskier, getting his information taken after being arrested*

Guard: Name?

Jaskier: Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove.

Guard: Sex?

Jaskier: I wasn’t expecting to… But I won’t lie, this whole guard/prisoner thing is pretty hot.

Guard: No, I meant are you a man or a woman?

Jaskier: I’m a bard.

Guard: But what’s in your pants?

Jaskier: Nothing. You took all of my belongings.

Guard: What’s between your legs?

Jaskier:

Geralt: *under his breath* Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it

Jaskier: Your mother!

Geralt: Fuck.

#source: unknown #the witcher #the witcher incorrect quotes #incorrect witcher quotes #the witcher memes #incorrect quotes #jaskier #Julian Alfred Pankratz #geralt #geralt of rivia #geraskier #if you squint #fanby’s fuckery

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

Ciri: Do dragons fart fire?

Jaskier: I don't know.

Ciri: I thought you went to college

#the witcher incorrect quotes #incorrect witcher quotes #witcher ciri #cirilla fiona elen riannon #cirilla of cintra #jaskier pankratz #the witcher jaskier #jaskier #the witcher

[super-marvel-dc]

Y/N: ARE YOU-

Geralt: Fucking.

Y/N: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Geralt: Fucking.

Y/N: IDIOT!

Jaskier: …What was that?

Geralt: I banned Y/N from swearing, so I’m helping them out.

#geralt x reader #geralt x y/n #geralt x you #geralt of rivera #jaskier x reader #jaskier x y/n #jaskier x you #jaskier #the witcher #incorrect the witcher quotes #the witcher incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes

[shy-urban-hobbit]

Geralt: What are you still doing here?

Jaskier:...Don't know. I woke up in one of the bedrooms with half a tin of beans and a bottle of vermouth.

#the witcher #the witcher incorrect quotes #source: the gentlemen #geraskier #jaskier/geralt #jaskier x geralt #geralt/jaskier #geralt x jaskier #witcher jaskier #Jaskier #witcher geralt #geralt of rivia #geralt

[humblebardd]

Jaskier: I wish flavoured tears existed.

Geralt:

Geralt: what.

Jaskier: yeah, like, if I were to eat or drink a specific thing, my tears would taste like cherry or raspberry. I mean, I cry so much I might as well shake it up a bit y’know?

Geralt: ..who hurt you.

#geraskier #the witcher #incorrect quotes #geralt of rivia #jaskier #the witcher incorrect quotes

[thedragonqueens]

*Geralt saves Jaskier life*

Geralt: Just because I saved you doesn't mean I care about you

Jaskier: but you saved me!!

Geralt: and I'm starting regret this decision

#nothing like s1 vibes #best friends <33 #I promise yenralt is coming #the witcher show #the witcher spoilers #incorret the witcher #the witcher incorrect quotes #the witcher #geralt of rivia #geralt #jaskier #geralt x jaskier #geraskier #daily tv #dailythewitcher #incorrect quotes #henry cavill #julian alfred pankratz #dandelion x geralt #white wolf

[curlygirlybitchachos]

Human Reader

*the witchers sitting around the desk*

Geralt: no you don't understand. Jaskier sometimes can be so reckless I'm wondering how is he still alive?

Eskel: oh god I can feel this.

Geralt: hmm... No offense, but Y/n looks more calm than the bard.

Eskel: once when I was on a hunt, Y/n stayed at the camp. We were traveling together like... A month I guess? They didn't know much about witcher stuff. When I get back from the hunt I found them looking straight at the fire. And when I asked them what's going on, they told me, that they drinked all of my potions because "they were all shiny and pretty". I had never been so worried and nervous in my whole life.

Geralt: you won. *under his breath* thanks god for Jaskier.

#the witcher incorrect quotes #the witcher #geralt of rivia #jaskier #geraskier #eskel #eskel x reader #netflix eskel

[incorrect-quotes-at-random]

Jaskier, texting Geralt: *sends a voice message*

Geralt, texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent?

Jaskier: No, don’t worry, just listen later.

*later*

Geralt: *presses play*

Jaskier's voice message: THERE’S A FIRE-

#source: perchance generator #jaskier #jaskier the bard #witcher jaskier #jaskier the witcher #geralt the witcher #geralt z rivii #geralt of rivia #geralt #witcher geralt #geraskier #jaskier x geralt #geralt x jaskier #netflix the witcher #the witcher #the witcher netflix #twn #the witcher incorrect quotes #incorrect witcher quotes

[randomconfused-person]

*Aretuza on fire*

Tissaia: Quick everyone we have to evacuate, grab everything that is precious to you and small enough to carry.

*Yennefer runs to her, picks her up and runs outside*

Everyone: ...

#tissaia de vries #yennefer of vengerberg #yennaia #yennefer x tissaia #tissaia x yennefer #the witcher incorrect quotes #the witcher tissaia #witcher yennefer #the witcher crack #the witcher

[bambirex]

Jaskier: 🎶 you've got a friend in me 🎶

Geralt: you always have someone in you

Jaskier: oh my god 👀

#geraskier #jaskier #geralt of rivia #the witcher #the witcher incorrect quotes #i've just seen this tiktok yesterday and i was like yep that's them #geraskier incorrect quotes

[the-gentle-art-to-going-insane]

Aiden: And now for a gay update with Jaskier and Geralt. Jaskier: Getting gayer. Aiden: Thank you, Jaskier.

#lgbtq #lol #kaer morons #geraskier #geralt x dandelion #geralt of rivia #jaskier the bard #the witcher incorrect quotes

[fanby-fckry]

Ciri: *sneaks into Kaer Morhen at 2 am*

Geralt: *turns around in swivel chair* Care to tell me where you were?

Ciri: I was... with Yennefer?

Yennefer: *also turns around in a swivel chair* Try again.

Ciri: Jaskier! I meant I was with Jaskier.

Jaskier: *also turns around in a swivel chair* Care to- *keeps spinning*

Jaskier: Geralt, help. I can’t stop the chair.

#source: unknown #the witcher #the witcher incorrect quotes #incorrect witcher quotes #the witcher memes #incorrect quotes #ciri #cirilla of cintra #cirilla fiona elen riannon #geralt of rivia #yennefer #yennefer of vengerberg #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geraskier #geraskefer #yenralt #yenskier #fanby’s fuckery

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

Jaskier, putting his hands over Geralt's eyes: Guess who!

Geralt: It's either Jaskier or the cold, clammy hands of death

Jaskier, pulling his hands away: It's Jaskier!

Geralt: Dammit

#the witcher incorrect quotes #incorrect witcher quotes #witcher incorrect quotes #jaskier x geralt #the witcher jaskier #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geralt z rivii #geralt of rivia #geraskier

[iliveinmyblanket]

Jaskier: any idea how the house got burned down?

Ciri: fireworks

Jaskier: obviously it does

#the witcher #jaskier #incorrect witcher quotes #the witcher incorrect quotes #ciri #cirilla

[shy-urban-hobbit]

Jaskier: I know he's going to want to train again, I just don't know how to get out of it. I mean, I live with him.

Eskel: Why don't you just be straight with him? Tell him the truth.

Lambert: Yeah.

Jaskier: You're right, you're right. I should just tell him the truth.

Geralt: Hey.

Jaskier: Geralt, Lambert tripped me, I don't think I can ever train again, ever!

Getalt: Why? Why would you do that?

Lambert: I don't know...Jaskier I'm-I'm sorry that I hurt your ankles.

Jaskier: Ankle.

Lambert: We'll see.

#the witcher incorrect quotes #source:friends #geralt/jaskier #geralt x jaskier #jaskier/geralt #jaskier x geralt #geraskier #witcher jaskier #jaskier #witcher geralt #witcher eskel #eskel #witcher lambert #lambert #geralt

[humblebardd]

Jaskier, insanely drunk: *licks geralt’s arm*

Geralt, sober: sometimes, I wonder what goes on inside that head of yours.

Jaskier: oh, believe me sweetheart, you do NOT want to know.

#geraskier #the witcher #incorrect quotes #geralt of rivia #jaskier #the witcher incorrect quotes