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#the way they just take in jerry the punk without needing any money or like references or anything. and can make him an archival assistant
fertbutt · 1 year
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playing fallout new vegas and having to listen to caesar complaining about travelling and getting to study the languages of various communities living in the wasteland and calling it a waste of time while irl the humanities are constantly disregarded and getting a higher education and opportunities to study anthropology hands-on costs tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars and requires so many connections and he was just getting that FOR FREE from the followers but that wasnt cool enough for him so he decided to use the education he was given to start his little fascist larper group and enslave people
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I’m thinking of starting a blog soon! So uh- if you can answer, if the axis and allies were to go to a fine arts school, what would they do/major in? Thank you! Keep up the good work!
Hell yeah!!! Welcome to the club, bucko!
China: Yao would be a piano master! He takes multiple classes for piano and flute! And he plays the harp too but his heart will always belong to the piano. He takes public speaking classes cause he isn’t the best at it and he learns Chinese instruments with his mom at home :) the way he performs always leaves people in awe, his expressions and the way he plays makes the whole experience magical!! His teachers adore him!
Russia: Ivan is a dancer, watch out man cause he’ll crush your head with his thighs. He’s super tall and strong so he gets the male lead most of the time for ballet performances put on by the school! Cause he lifts his partner so easily and just...glides around that stage! Ivan looks great in sequins and cakey stage makeup :) and he takes very good care of himself, he’s got a *self care* routine that every other dancer at the school is jealous of. He doesn’t talk much cause he doesn’t see the need when he can just express himself through dance! Ivan can do the splits...He enjoys dropping into the splits at home or in the hall at school to freak out his friends and sisters
America: Alfred wants to be a comedian so he’s taking a bunch of theater, public speaking and improv classes! When he’s on stage, he owns it! And he can do a handful of accents! Al’s great at comedic storytelling and takes a LOT of inspiration from Jerry Seinfeld and John Mulaney. He watches their shows/performances and makes notes on them! He’s done multiple assignments on them too so at this point, Al’s teachers know as much about Jerry and John as Al does...RIP
England: Artie wanted to be a musician and came to this performing arts school to learn different instruments like guitar or drums but when he grew out of his punk phase in 10th grade, he realized he wanted to be a writer! So he’s taking theater classes and advanced English/poetry classes to learn as much as he can before being spat back out into the real world to fend for himself. He writes a lot of love poems and then burns them in his fireplace at home cause he believes they’re not good enough. Alfred did a comedy sketch about him once, mocking his accent, and Art threatened to beat him up behind Denny’s at 2am
Canada: Mattie wants to SCULPT!!! Let’s hear if for art bois!!! People expect him to be funny like Al cause they’re twins but Matt just wants to listen to Tessa Violet and sculpt pretty ladies out of wood...That’s all he wants to do :( he takes painting classes and a lot of business related classes cause if he’s gonna sell his art, he wants to know how money works cause it ain’t like anyone else is gonna teach him! He also enjoys widdling and will widdle things out of soap if you ask nicely and buy him a cookie from the lunchroom! His favorite thing to make outta soap are boots “cause you don’t expect soap to be shapes like shoes!”...Nerd
France: Francis has hopped from thing to thing many times! He came to the school for ballet, and continues to take ballet classes, but he found out how much he loved to paint after messing around during tech week for the school’s Big Spring Production as he helped paint the backdrops. So he’s conflicted. He’s been dancing since he was young but he’s found something else he loves! Oh how sad! Fran’s a big drama queen but he’s got such a diverse circle of friends: the writers, actors, dancers, art kids, he knows tons of people and is always out and about! If he sees you crying in the dressing room he’ll run over and hug you! But if you’re his dancing partner he can be very picky “Ugh, NON, stop sickling your foot it looks atrocious!”
S.Italy: Oooooooh boy, Lovino to be a photographer for big brands like GUCCI or Louis Vuitton! But you gotta start at the bottom and work your way up! Lovi is extremely short tempered when he has to work with people his own age and has made his brother cry many times by yelling and nagging. “NO! Look at the CAMERA not ME! You idiot now look! You moved and now he shot’s blurry, nice job!” But despite that, you’ll still find him crying as he edits photos cause he waited until the last possible movement to turn everything in and now he’s gotta cram! But then his perfectionist side kicks in and then he cries even MORE cause ‘I don’t have enough time to make the picture perfect but it needs to look perfect! But I don’t have enough time-‘
N.Italy: Feli wants to be a PAINTER and not just any painter, a realist painter. He loves taking Lovi’s pictures to paint! He goes around and will take pictures of students, with their permission, and will paint them super realistically! He’s painted Ivan and Yao many times cause they’re his buddies and he appreciates them so much!! He’s been to every show their school has put on and he’s always there to cheer others on at art shows, even if he didn’t submit anything to that show. He and Matt work together in the studio sometimes! Matt will let him paint a sculpture or Feli will paint Matt whike he’s working. Feli talks and talks while Mattie listens without a complaint :)
Prussia: Gil is a band boy, he plays the saxophone, clarinet and flute. He’s got a big ol’ lung capacity! He loves music and uses it as a coping mechanism. When he’s having Albino Aches, he plays music to get through it, when he’s frustrated with his peers he plays the sax dramatically and if he’s feeling like a gremlin, he’ll play All Star on the flute to annoy Francis during practice. “Gil! Get out of here!” *vigorous flute sounds*. Gil plays in the pit for shows so even though you don’t see him much, he’s loud and he’s there! He and Yao DONT get along cause Yao is very very serious about music while Gil is just good at it and enjoys it. He doesn’t plan on making a career out of it but he’s having a great time while he’s playing!
Germany: Lud is in an advanced choir and has such a beautiful singing voice UGH DUDE! He gets super embarassed when you compliment him or when Gilbert’s yelling ‘THATS MY BABY BROTHER!! WOOO!!!!’ From the crowd. He’s a freshman there but he auditioned for a hiiiigh up choir and easily got in! He takes great care of his voice, no unnecessary yelling and definetly no smoking. He chides others in his choir for doing so but hey, at the end of the day, Lud knows he’ll just take their places when they ruin their voices! Lud wants to make a career out of singing cause he just...Loves it so much. He worries so much about being in a real serious choir one day :0 His worst fear is that he’ll fail every auditom he goes to! His dad assures him that that won’t happen...And he trusts his dad...So he’ll power through it and sing his kil’ heart out
Japan: Kiku and a few friends want to make their own manga one day! That’s the goal! But for now, they’re all settling for advanced drawing classes and painting classes. They don’t exactly have manga courses at school so they practice that on their own time. They’ve made a bunch of friends through their art program though! And since Kiku speaks English, Japanese and Chinese, he tutors other students who wish to learn those languages! That way he gets money to buy fancy copics :) he doesn’t work for the big showcases or anything like that, he prefers to keep to himself, but his teachers put his art in school art shows constantly!
Long postttttt thanks for reading :) yeeeehaw!
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beingallelite · 5 years
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Independent wrestling's ultimate bad boy Joey Janela didn't close the show at All Elite Wrestling's inaugural pay-per-view, Double or Nothing, this May. He's hoping that will come in time. But he definitely left a heck of an impression in the new promotion's opening match, the Casino Battle Royale.
Not only did he take the craziest fall of the entire night, a reckless crash through a table courtesy of a Luchasaurus chokeslam, but he also had a lit cigarette stapled to his forehead by the dastardly Jimmy Havoc.
You did not read that wrong.
I'll repeat it for emphasis—he had a lit cigarette stapled to his forehead.
Such hijinks are typical of the world that spawned him, the gritty "garbage" matches that often include much wilder stunts and decisions somehow even more questionable. But it was something new for mainstream wrestling, a level of violence not seen since the last time wrestling had a good old-fashioned war: the famed Attitude Era of the late 1990s.
The 30-year-old Janela, it turns out, isn't looking to usher in a new era of ultra-violence, instead preferring to adjust what he does for a wider audience.
Bleacher Report had a chance to sit down with him last week for a wide-ranging discussion, covering everything from his influences to the fact that he still lives at home with his mom.
Jonathan Snowden: How does it feel to be one of those overnight successes who were 10 years in the making? Did you ever think about just walking away from this life and getting a regular job? At some point, it must have been kind of disheartening.
Joey Janela: It's definitely humbled me a bit. The few times I felt like quitting when I was younger. Wrestling really wasn't going anywhere, and I was taking off work and stuff on the weekend to make $25 and putting it all toward gas. It really isn't ideal, but I stuck with it, and sure enough, I've found myself in a position where I can make a living wrestling and make it to the mainstream.
JS: What are some of the ways you used to pay the bills while trying to get to the position every independent wrestler craves: earning your living from wrestling alone? Someone told me you used to deliver pizzas a couple of years ago?
Janela: I don't know when was the last time [I delivered pizzas]. Maybe three years ago? I tried to get a job at a factory. It was going to be a job making those gold credit cards, like Visas. That didn't work out and that wasn't ideal for me. I tried Uber and delivering pizza. I had pretty much done it all or tried to. Most of the time I found myself getting fired. That was basically my run in real-life work.
JS: This must be a pretty nice change. Has your life changed a lot since signing with AEW?
Janela: For sure. There's a lot less to worry about now. I used to throw all my money to wrestling. Now I'm living comfortably. I'm still living at home, but I'm usually not home at all. Usually I'm here like once a week, so it's not a bad deal.
JS: Home, like with your parents?
Janela: I still live with my mom, but I'm never home, really. When TV starts, I'm gonna get my own place and stuff, but right now my mom, she doesn't mind, and I don't mind, either.
JS: You are so closely identified with the indy scene that I wasn't sure I'd ever see you in a mainstream promotion on a channel like TNT. Did you imagine yourself reigning as the king of the underground shows forever? Or was this always your goal, wrestling on a national stage like this?
Janela: Absolutely. If you're not in the business to make a living and get to that point, I don't know what you're doing it for. Some people say they do it for the love, but there's got to be an endgame when you're killing yourself week in and week out.
My body right now is not as bad as you think it would be, but I've been doing this for half my life now—15 years. I feel it. I have to get adjusted, get massages and all that stuff to make sure I'm good to go every week for TV and for the future.
You need to make money and you need to have an endgame to make it to a mainstream, national wrestling company. It's never been closer for a lot of these new people getting into the business.
I remember when I first started it was almost unattainable to get to that point, to get to WWE. Yeah, TNA was still in town but to get to WWE was so hard. Really just the cream-of-the-crop guys made it in: the CM Punks and Bryan Danielsons. It was almost unattainable back then.
Now there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and if you work hard enough and bust your ass, you can not only get to a national wrestling company, now you have your choice of them.
JS:  I know you're used to having a lot of creative freedom on the independent scene, especially in the shows for Game Changer Wrestling that you helped create and run. How has your experience in AEW been so far?
Janela: So far, they've given me a lot of creative freedom. The agents, like Jerry Lynn, have been great. At All Out, we had Tommy Dreamer. He just wanted to know where we were going with stuff and that was it. It was no different from calling a match at any company. We really haven't crossed the line yet. And we won't, especially with TV coming.
JS: I wonder where that line is? At Double or Nothing, you had the famous spot where a cigarette was stapled to your head. The match with Jon Moxley was brutal. And the three-way match (against Jimmy Havoc and Darby Allin) at All Out was beyond bonkers. Have they given you any idea yet where the left and right limits are?
Janela: The three way, I think it was good, harmless fun with some craziness in there. We were within the boundaries of a PG-14 environment. And, if we had done it without the staple gun, I think the match could work in a PG environment. For the most part, the craziness was contained.
I'm not really big on people taking chairs to the head. I know how bad concussions can be. When I was younger, I did take chair shots to the head. That's a no-no for me now.
JS: It's been funny for me to watch your ongoing feud with former wrestling manager Jim Cornette on social media. While he's been insulting you as a "mud show" wrestler, I actually think you've had one of the best years of anyone in the sport. What do you make of it all?
Janela: With my knee injury, you have to realize, I haven't even had the full year to work. So, I'm really happy with what I've done. I had two good matches at Joey Janela's Spring Break, with Marko Stunt and Jungle Boy, when I wasn't 100 percent ready to be in the ring again. But I had to get in there and do what I had to do.
For a month or so after that, I was hurting. I did a show in Alaska two weeks later and I could barely walk because of the cold and the way my knee was doing.
It lit a fire under me, and now I'm better than ever in the ring. I think I'm having a great year. Guys like Jim Cornette, of course they're not going to watch the matches that people say are great matches. They're going to watch the matches where the craziness happens and try to pull out things to engage his followers. It is what it is.
I think me and Cornette, we rub each other's back when it comes to getting each other publicity. So I have no problem with it.
JS: Every time he posts something about your belly or wrestling skill, a small army of people follow behind in the mentions. It's almost scary.
Janela: I'd rather deal with Jim Cornette than his followers, that's for sure. It's fine. I don't care if people want to s--t on my physique. I've gotten in better shape in the last year and I am looking to get into even better shape for TV. I'm starting to diet now. But, when you talk about my wrestling, that's where I draw the line. Other than that, have fun.
JS: I've been most impressed with you in the kind of old-school match that you'd think most of your critics would love. You and David Starr went an hour at Beyond Wrestling's Americanrana 19 in July, and it was one of the most incredible bouts of the entire year.
You spent almost the entirety of the first 10 minutes doing really old-school Ole Anderson-style armbars and matwork—and it was amazing. Then it became one of the best hardcore matches of the year. That's what I love about you. You never know what to expect. Are you trying hard not to have a template you follow in every match?
Janela: I don't have a set move set or a formula. A lot of these guys, they get lazy. They develop a formula which they use every match. And it makes their matches lack excitement.
I've always been a good technical wrestler. I'm pretty good at adapting to my opponent. I wrestled a match with Zach Sabre Jr. a couple years ago where we went to a 30-minute time limit draw. Thirty minutes of technical wrestling. That's the kind of match my critics are never going to watch, because they don't want to admit I have that aspect.
Starr is one of the best wrestlers in the world and easy to wrestle. And that's what happens. The crowd was very involved from the beginning of that match, because we'd built a storyline over three years. They showed us the proper respect and were into the story we were telling.
The match was organic. We didn't call it in the back. We just went out there and did it. We talked about the high points, what we were going to hit and the rest was done in the ring organically in the ring. It was one of the finest performances of my wrestling career. Fans were telling me the hour flew by, which is something that's hard to do in a one-hour match. I'm happy with it.
JS: October is coming up fast, and that means TNT and television. That's something, a production on this level at least, you've never really done. Is it daunting to try something new like this?
Janela: It's taken me 15 years to get to this point, and I'm ready to learn other phases of the business. I'm not too nervous about it. Every time I've gone out for a pay-per-view for AEW, I've smoked it. I don't think it will be any different on TV. I think I'm going to excel on TV.
A few years ago, people were doubting my ability, saying I was just a stuntman. I proved a lot of those people wrong, and they became huge fans.
Now I'm dealing with that on a larger, mainstream level. A lot of people who watch the TV show are going to be surprised at how much I grasp every element of professional wrestling. It's going to be fun doing a lot of interviews and stuff I haven't done too much of. And it's also going to be great on my body, giving it a rest and not having a crazy schedule like I've had over the last couple of years.
Outside of TV and outside the ring, I may still have a bit to learn. But, you know, these guys knew what they were getting with me. What you see is what you get. I'm not really a character. Joey Janela is Joey Janela, inside the ring and outside.
You can follow the further exploits of Joey Janela on Twitter and, starting October 2, on AEW television. Tickets are on sale for the promotion's next PPV Full Gear and weekly events across the country.
Hard Times Promo of the Week
Cody Rhodes has become one of wrestling's great heroes, not just because of his excellent body of work inside the wrestling ring, but also because of his galvanizing personality outside it. He's taken us into his life and his battle with the wrestling industry, making that fight our own.
Rhodes feels like a real person. We love his television persona, sure. But it's the real Cody, the one we've grown close to on social media, who truly shines—and that's the Cody Rhodes who was present for a sitdown interview on the latest episode of Road to TNT.
I'm admittedly biased because I saw this filmed in person when I was at Cody's beautiful home in the Atlanta suburbs for a feature profile coming soon to Bleacher Report, but it's typical of what is quickly becoming that series' signature style: just two guys having a conversation about life and sports.
It's as good as wrestling programming gets.
The Illegal Double Team Hot Take
I've seen a lot of criticism online about AEW's decision to book Rhodes into a title match against the promotion's inaugural champion, Chris Jericho, at the next pay-per-view Full Gear.
And, of course, I understand where that criticism is coming from.
Rhodes, along with his running buddies from Being the Elite, have been publicly acknowledged as AEW executive vice presidents. And that's not just in name only. I've seen firsthand just how much responsibility Cody is carrying on his shoulders as they attempt to launch a new brand into a space that has been very unwelcoming in the recent past. In a very real sense, he isn't being chosen to represent AEW at the top of the card—he's chosen himself.
But was there really any other decision to make?
I've been to each of the promotion's first four cards live and, while it's technically true that Rhodes has put himself into the main event, it's also pretty clear he and the rest of the AEW team are just listening to the audience.
He's captured their hearts in a way that doesn't happen every day. To AEW's fans, Cody isn't just another wrestler. He's family.
Rhodes, Kenny Omega and The Young Bucks aren't EVPs who happen to wrestle. They've earned those positions by being some of the top acts in the world. Pretending otherwise, and refusing to promote them as AEW's top stars in the name of fairness, would just be a terrible idea—it would be promotional malpractice.
Jonathan and Kristina Snowden host Illegal Double Team, a weekly podcast about wrestling and life. Available wherever podcasts are found.
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seaboundbysunrise · 6 years
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Firstly, let me apologise for not updating this sooner - motivation for pretty much anything during shore leave was minimal. 
Anyway, before we get into the nitty gritty of ship life, let’s take a look at what draws most of us to this career in the first place - the shore leave!
One thing you learn pretty quickly once you start sailing is that the days of a week in port are far behind us. Depending on the cargo and the company you might be in and out in a day - that’s especially common with European runs. Secondly, it’s a lot harder to get shore leave as an officer than it is as a cadet, so take the opportunity to enjoy it whilst you can! I’ll go into detail on what is expected of cadets and officers in another post. 
So, where did we go? Well, we started off with a couple of USA runs before heading down to the Falklands. After that we done a few short European runs, none of which gave any shore leave aside from Norway. And that, right there, is four and a half months of your life.
Wilmington: Now Wilmington is a fun city! Don’t expect to see it from the ship though, you’re looking at a good hour in the cab before getting down town. The first time we visited we went straight to Walmart for supplies and Hooters for... well, I'm sure you know what Hooters is like. We eventually hooked up with around 15 of our shipmates before heading downtown. I'll be honest, the main drag has no charecter. It's just chain stores, which have their uses, but aren't the most exciting places. Downtown though, downtown has character. We finished our night in an irish bar after I got talking to Jerry, this grizzled old guy who was clearly a bit of a local celebrity.
The second time we visited we went straight downtown to make the most of the single evening we were in. Whilst getting some food by the river we saw a familiar face walking by... it was Jerry again. It was quite amusing to call out and be recognised as 'Ahhh, the English!' - we promised to meet up with him and some of the locals at the end of the night, but we had a little exploring to do. It's a lovely city - it's been the filming location for more movies and tv shows than you'd expect and the bars really reflect that. I was a big fan of the one with all the Super Mario props especially! We almost got thrown out of a small music bar as they only admitted signed-up members, but luckily this gent at the bar vouched for us on his ticket. The others took up a booth but I stuck to the bar and chatted with him, which was definitely right the choice as I think he provided floors and worked the doors for most of the touring punk bands of the 80's. It always good to be thousands of miles from home and find that 'the scene' can bring people together.
Ascension: On the way down to the Falklands we stopped off at a small Island 1500 miles off the coast of Africa called Ascension. It's a volcanic Island with some incredible sealife and a population of just over 200, all military and their families. Hardly anyone is allowed to visit so we were incredibly lucky to be sailing with a company who had permission - we spent the first afternoon driving around in a couple of hire cars and climbing Green Mountain, and the second was spent solo climbing some of the drier, more volcanic slopes to explore the World War Two outpost. It was surreal to walk into their single supermarket and see Sainsburys Basics on the shelves, but it made sense - we were delivering their stock after all.
Barbados: Barbados was one of those lucky strikes - it wasn't in the original plan but we no one complained when it got added! We actually had a couple of free days there - the first was spent at The Boat Yard, a pleasant but rather touristy bar on the beach complete with volleyball net and floating rafts complete with diving boards and slides. It was a super relaxed afternoon - swimming, eating, and enjoying everything everything the cruise companies sell Barbados on.
I spent the morning of the second day picking up supplies with Rich, the steward, and just exploring the town. The afternoon was spent relaxing by one of the pleasure boat harbours, sampling the local seafood and just taking it easy. After six to seven weeks with very little contact with everyone outside of the crew, solo downtime is a luxery that shouldn't be passed up.
It's hard not to feel awkward in Barbados though. Yes, it might be a luxery holiday destination for cruise ships but it doesn't take much to see the poverty behind it all. You can't take a step without being offered a cab, and you don't need to go looking for drugs or prostitutes - someoneone will make the offer eventually. I'm not saying that it felt dangerous - it didn't - but you do have to stay on your toes. Being a white man in Barbados means that you probably have money, and those who don't have it, want it.
Norway: Norway was a bit of a disappointment if I'm honest. We had a long pilotage through the fjords but we both arrived and left in darkness. We managed to discharge our cargo within a couple of hours but had to stick around to take on feul. Mark, the third mate, had mentioned that he had been before but never got to explore - well, I'm cheeky, so I decided to ask the chief mate if we could head off for an hour or so, seeing as the cargo was done. Well, if you don't ask you don't get, and we got our hour.
There wasn't much to be seen really - the port was very much in the middle of nightmare, but it was still a joy to walk along the roads, take in the enviroment and enjoy the snow. Norway very quickly rose to the top of my 'places to visit' list.
There were other ports, ofcourse, but like I mentioned earlier, not every stop means shore time. There are plenty of other stories I could tell but they're not all suitable for the blog - buy me a drink and who knows, maybe I'll spill a couple. Until next time, stay lucky.
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mveloc · 7 years
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Days of Why and How
Chapter 2
Author’s Note: Here's the next part! Thank you all so much for reading :) More of Cosima and Delphine's past will slowly be unveiled each chapter (though not necessarily in chronological order). There will be a much more complete picture with time, so be patient. Enjoy!
“Would you just hear me out?”
She rises quickly, scoffing at Sarah’s pathetic attempt to justify herself. As much as she loves the girl, she also knows that her friend is a con artist; Sarah will spin a story any way to get what she wants and while it’s an admirable trait at times, she won’t allow herself to be sucked back into her friend’s destructive orbit.
“There’s nothing to hear,” Cosima spits.
Furious, she tries to place as much distance between them as possible. She storms away from the table, leaving Felix and Sarah to themselves.
“Cos, please! Just hold on!” Sarah cries out.
Cosima shakes her head, continuing on her way to the door.
“It’s for Kira!”
She freezes.
Turning around, she sees that Sarah is on her feet now, too. The punk follows after her, stopping a couple of feet away to give the fuming ex-con a little space to process her words.
“Don’t you dare bring her into this,” Cosima warns with a vicious glare.
Sarah knows she has a weakness for her niece, that she’d never be able to turn her down. Despite being quite gifted in dealing with children, the dreadlocked woman has never wanted any of her own; Kira is the closest thing she’ll ever have to a daughter just as Felix and Sarah are the closest thing she’ll ever have to a brother and sister. They are her family, for better or worse, and she’s never been able to turn her back on family.
“Look, I just need to make enough money so I can get away from Vic and start over, yeah?” Sarah tries to explain, her voice softening.
Cosima is well-acquainted with Vic and his bullshit despite never having actually met the man. Sarah had started dating him a couple of years ago while she was still in prison and she always told herself that had she been out, there’s no way she ever would have let that happen. Not only is Vic abusive, but he’s as bad an addict as he is a dealer and Sarah knows better than to get herself wrapped up with such volatile people; in their line of work, they have to be careful who they do business with and business with Vic is a powder keg just waiting to explode.
“Here’s an idea—dump his loser ass,” Cosima shrugs. “Problem solved.”
Sarah shakes her head, running a hand through her unruly mane.
“You know it’s not that simple with him,” she protests. “He’s not just gonna let me walk away.”
Cosima folds her arms over her chest, expelling an incredulous laugh beneath her breath.
“Gee, you sure know how to pick ’em,” she mutters.
Sarah assumes her own glare.
“Oh, that’s rich coming from you,” she bites.
Cosima frowns.
Ignoring the dig, she tries to approach the situation objectively; Vic is a problem that must be dealt with. It’s only a matter of time before Sarah becomes seriously hurt or wrapped up in her boyfriend’s shit and finds herself occupying the cell that’s probably still warm from her stay. What would happen to Kira then? Yes, Vic must be dealt with, but is this really the best way to go about it?
“Just one job—low risk,” Sarah presses, sensing that her friend is beginning to falter in her stance. “I promise.”
Cosima sighs, nearly throwing her hands up in exasperation.
“Sarah, even if I wanted to help—which I don’t—they’re gonna be watching me like a hawk!” she snaps.
How the hell does Sarah even expect to run a job with her? Surely she’s aware of the scrutiny that would follow. The number one rule to living a life of crime (successfully) is to avoid the spotlight and steer clear of any heat; immediately partnering up with an ex-con you have previous history with is jumping into the fire head-first.
“I’ve got it all sorted out,” Sarah tries to reassure her. “I’ve got someone on the inside.”
“Inside of what?”
“This’ll be the easiest job we’ve ever run,” Sarah deflects her question. “Once it’s done, we’ll be off to South America before anyone can put two and two together.”
Cosima sighs again.
“And what if I don’t wanna dip to South America?”
Sarah pauses, arching a brow.
“Oh, come on. You really wanna stay here? And what—work for Bobby forever?” she challenges.
Cosima takes a step closer, placing a hand on Sarah’s arm.
“I’m not running, Sarah,” she repeats herself. “It’s no way to live.”
Sarah frowns, her expression shifting completely.
“You know, you were so ready to dump all of us and run off with Delphine,” she argues. “You’d do it for that lying bitch but you wouldn’t do it for your own bloody family?”
“That’s not what this is about and you know it,” Cosima warns.
“Then what is it about? Cause honestly, Cos—what’s the plan here? If you’re not gonna go back to school and become some famous scientist, what’s the endgame?”
Sarah’s barrage catches her off guard.
“The way I see it, we’re all you’ve got,” she continues. “Why do you wanna waste any more time in this shite hole? You just spent five years in a fucking cell. Let’s go drink coconuts on a beach somewhere and forget that any of this ever happened.”
Drinking coconuts on a secluded beach sounds good… too good. While a part of her is desperate to shed the last five years like an old layer of skin, she knows better. How the hell could she possibly forget? After everything she’s been through, better or worse, how could she try to deny it now? Part of growing as a human being means facing your problems head-on. If she were to run away with Sarah and Felix and Kira, how would she be fixing any of her problems?
“I can’t forget,” she admits, her voice low.
“Sure you can—”
“No, I can’t!” she snaps. “Last I checked, I was the one doing time—not you. You have no idea what it’s like.”
There’s venom in her voice and perhaps she’s being a bit too harsh with the Brit, but she needs Sarah to understand that this is something she can’t just walk away from; even if the last five years have felt like some awful nightmare, she can’t magically wake up and pretend that they never happened.
This is her life.
This is her reality now.
“I-I’m sorry, Cos,” Sarah apologizes, sensing the turmoil burning within her friend. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Look, can I just enjoy my first twenty-four hours of freedom? I haven’t even had a chance to wash that place off me yet,” Cosima pleads. “I just wanna get drunk with my friends and eat a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s and catch up on the Marvel Universe that I’ve missed out on. Can’t things just be easy for one fucking night?”
“I can do you one better.”
Both women turn to acknowledge Felix who’s finally decided to join the conversation. He twirls a perfectly rolled joint in his fingers, dangling it in front of Cosima to distract her from her worries.
“Felix, you are a God,” she exclaims, grabbing the joint from his hand.
“So I’ve been told.”
She never considered herself a true stoner until she was forced to survive without it for five years. When she was younger, smoking pot had been a means of taking the edge off after a long day or loosening her up if she found herself too tense. She didn’t realize how much she had come to rely on it until she had lost that privilege; every day in prison was long and tense and without her go-to relief, she was forced to confront all the anxieties she held at bay.
Right now, this joint is her entire fucking life.
“That’s what you need!” Sarah proclaims, grabbing her shoulder and giving her a rough shake. “A spliff and a shag!”
“Huh?”
“Ooh, Sarah’s right,” Felix nods. “You’ve been locked up a long time, darling. Let’s find you something tasty to rub up against.”
Cosima laughs.
“This is all I need right now, thanks,” she dismisses them, placing the joint between her lips.
“That’s not true,” Felix argues “God, if I had to spend five years completely celibate, I think I’d explode.”
“Well. There are ways to get by,” she shrugs.
Sarah narrows her eyes, inspecting her friend closely. It only takes a few seconds for the lightbulb in her head to flash on, illuminating her.
“Hold on a second—did you have yourself a prison girlfriend?” she asks.
Cosima freezes, a deer caught in the headlights.
Felix gapes.
“You totally did!” he nearly jumps, overcome with excitement. “What did she look like? Was she, like, your prison mum? Or were you the mum? Honestly, I can’t see you as—”
“Would you two knock it off?” Cosima laughs, giving them both a shove for good measure.
“Oi! Bobby!” Sarah calls out.
The bartender looks up from the bar for a second, her eyes landing on the three.
“Cosima had a prison girlfriend!” Sarah shouts.
The entire bar stops, all of the patrons fixing their gaze on the loud group. Cosima groans as she’s met with a few cheers and hollers from gawking men who now seem more invested in her love life than she’s been in years.
Bobby merely shrugs.
“Girl’s gotta eat,” she remarks.
Sarah and Felix erupt into a fit of laughter and Cosima smiles.
Things are finally starting to feel like they did before and she wonders if maybe it is possible to find her way back—to find a way to accept these last five years without letting them consume and define her.
Maybe Sarah does have a point.
This family that they’ve made for each other is everything; it’s all any of them have now and they have to preserve it, no matter what the cost. If this is how she can start over while still holding onto the people she loves the most, then maybe she’s obligated to do her part.
Maybe.
But she doesn’t want to think about that right now.
“I’m going out for a smoke,” Cosima laughs, leaving the two to their juvenile ways.
Right now, she could use a little bit of privacy and a whole lot of THC in her system to help her process the pile of shit that’s just been dumped into her lap. She pushes through the door and glances around for someone with a lighter, relieved to find a slightly older gentleman smoking a cigarette a few feet from the door. She bums a light, inhaling her first drag as deeply as her lungs will allow and holding it in until she feels that familiar burn.
“Looks like your night’s just getting started.”
She exhales slowly, lashes fluttering before she pries her eyes open again to match a face to the voice. The woman standing before her is a stranger—blue eyes peer back at her, perfectly complimenting the flowing blonde locks that cascade down her head, framing her delicate features.
“Yeah. I guess,” she nods, staring perhaps a bit too intently at the visitor.
She knows she should be past it—that the very sight flowing, golden curls shouldn’t evoke such a visceral response—but she can’t control it.
It’s not her, she tells herself.
Delphine is gone—has been gone for a long time.
It’s not her.
This woman, with her easy smile and warm gaze, is a completely different person. She’s probably kind, probably has a decent job and a loving family and certainly no daddy issues or death drive.
Delphine has better hair.
“Do you… want some?” Cosima offers.
The blonde’s smile grows.
“Sure.”
Cosima returns her smile, passing the joint to her new friend. The woman readily accepts it, bringing the joint to her lips and inhaling.
“I’m Casey,” she introduces herself.
“Cosima.”
The two shake hands and Casey passes the joint back. Cosima takes another hit, trying to find the courage to strike up a more substantial conversation. It shouldn’t be this hard to flirt with a pretty girl; she never really had a problem with it before, but she can’t reign in her thoughts long enough to think of something clever to say.
“I haven’t seen you around here before,” Casey speaks, meeting her half way. “You come here often?”
“Used to,” Cosima shrugs. “I… went away for a while, but now I’m back. I was just having a few drinks with some friends to celebrate my triumphant return.”
Casey chuckles.
She reaches into her bra, retrieving a flask.
“Well, to your return then,” she toasts, raising the flask before taking a swig.
She passes it to Cosima who follows suit.
Maybe when she has a few more drinks in her and finishes this joint, she’ll be a little more at ease. She thinks about Sarah and Felix’s teasing before and wonders if they’re right; does she need to get laid? She doesn’t feel starved for intimacy, but maybe a quick night of passion will help her push the past as far back as she can and forget about Delphine altogether.
“So, where are you coming from?” Casey pries.
Cosima takes another swig from the flask before passing it back to Casey and chasing with another toke.
“Would you believe me if I told you that I just got out of prison?”
Casey freezes, giving her a once over. Cosima merely smiles, wriggling her eyebrows as the blonde assesses her.
“No fucking way,” Casey nearly laughs. “You don’t look like an ex-con. You look too…”
She stops herself, unable to find the right words.
“I get it,” Cosima joins in the laughter. “I’m too big of a dork to be a hardened criminal, right?”
Casey shakes her head.
“I was gonna say “cute,” but dork works just fine.”
The blonde tries to keep the conversation light and playful but her words strike a chord somewhere deep within Cosima. Her body tenses, her thoughts transporting her to place much farther back than she cares to visit.
“You wanna finish our talk inside? I’ll buy you a celebratory drink,” Casey offers.
She opens her mouth to speak.
Yes.
One word.
One stupid, simple word.
All she has to do is utter it—make some sort of noise of confirmation—and she can begin to forget all about Delphine and her stupid hair and her ridiculous accent and the way that the moles speckled all over her back form a multitude of constellations that she’s traced too many times to count.
“Actually… as much as I’d love that, I’ve gotta jet.”
Coward.
Casey deflates, though she masks her disappoint well.
“Oh. Okay. Maybe some other time then,” she nods.
Cosima bows her head, unable to look her in the eyes.
“Yeah. Maybe.”
She lingers by the door as Casey disappears inside, leaving her alone with nothing but a roach, her treacherous thoughts and the rapidly descending night for company.
+ + + + +
She’s helped Sarah run a few jobs before, but nothing of this scale—nothing this dangerous.
Sarah did what she had to do to get by which is why she never really thought twice about helping her. But Delphine? Delphine has money—lots of it. Delphine doesn’t need to resort to such a lifestyle to support herself.
Even still, she thrives on it.
Delphine is a completely different creature. She’s driven and ambitious. The brunette often thinks her lover is far too intelligent to lead a life of crime, that she could just as easily become a doctor or a lawyer and live a comfortable, successful life.
But this isn’t about comfort with Delphine.
There’s a larger force at play—something Cosima can’t quite wrap her head around that seems to dig at the French girl, leaving her raw. Delphine could take the easy way out, could go to school and make all the right moves and end up with a simple, quiet life, but she refuses. It’s almost like she insists on raging through life, living like a supernova before she inevitably explodes.
Or maybe she won’t.
Delphine is smart—the smartest person Cosima’s ever crossed paths with. Maybe she is good enough to elude the law for the rest of her life and dodge any bullets that may come her way. If anyone can defy the odds, she’s certain that it’s the blonde.
Or maybe she’s already fallen.
Her stomach is trapped in a continuous loop of somersaults, her leg bouncing impatiently as her eyes burn a hole through the door, watching the doorknob for any sign of movement. Until she sees the blonde walk across the threshold unscathed, the paranoia will not subside.
She had been reluctant when Delphine had asked for her help, but how could she say no? Perhaps she never should have brought up her prowess in the first place, but as soon as the blonde became aware of her unique skill set, she seemed even more enthralled by the strange little geek.
“Just one job—low risk,” Delphine had nearly begged her one night. “I promise.”
“Look, I just help Sarah here and there when she needs it. I’m not, like, a pro or anything,” Cosima had tried to explain. “Not that I’m judging you, but this kinda thing really isn’t in my wheelhouse and I really don’t want it coming back on me later.”
She somehow found herself holed up in her dorm room, hunched over her laptop at her desk as she typed away furiously, monitoring the situation. All Delphine was asking for was a way in—a way to disable the alarms so she could go about her business. Even though the security system was a fairly simple one, she began to second guess herself and let the paranoia consume her with each minute that passed without a word from Delphine.
What if she had gotten it wrong?
What if she screwed something up and now Delphine was in the back of a squad car on her way to jail?
“Shit,” she mutters beneath her breath. “Shit, shit, shit!”
This was her fault.
She should have tried harder to talk her out of it.
She hadn’t heard any unusual activity on the police scanner she was monitoring that Delphine had leant her and the alarm system was still disabled from what she could see, so what’s taking Delphine so long? She had said she’d check in in a couple of hours but it’s been nearly three and she can only assume the worst at this point.
That is, until the door finally swings open and she’s greeted by a flash of golden curls.
“Holy shit! It actually worked!” she exclaims as she leaps from her seat, completely dumbfounded. “It worked and you’re here and everything’s fine!”
Delphine grins, closing the door behind her and stalking over to Cosima. She grabs Cosima’s face in her hands and fuses their lips together with a force that nearly knocks the dreadlocked girl off her feet.
“Of course it worked,” Delphine whispers, brushing their noses together. “You’re brilliant.”
She’s never really considered herself to be a particularly modest person, but for some reason, whenever Delphine showers her with praise and compliments, she finds herself transforming into a bashful child that’s unable to properly accept them.
“Well, I-I don’t know about that, but—”
Delphine silences her with another kiss.
“You’re a genius, Cosima,” she reassures her.
It’s strange.
She’s never really felt this thrill when she helps Sarah, but her heart is slamming in her chest and she feels a potent mix of adrenaline and infatuation. Maybe this is why Bonnie and Clyde ran wild through a crippled country; she feels young and powerful and completely untouchable in the moment.
She sighs when she feels Delphine’s fingers tease at the hem of her tank top.
“Take this off,” the blonde expels, her command a breathy whisper.
Cosima grins.
“Yes ma’am.”
Without a second to spare, she peels the top over her and tosses it aside, pausing only when she notices the amused expression upon the French girl’s face.
“What?”
Delphine shakes her head, laughing.
“You’re such a dork,” she teases.
“Gee, you really know how to rev a girl’s engine, don’t you?” the student jabs, tongue peeking out from behind a row of white teeth.
Cosima tugs at the belt loops on Delphine’s jeans, pulling her girlfriend in even closer until their foreheads are pressed together. The blonde licks her lips—a gesture which Cosima is acutely aware of.
“Don’t worry. You’re a cute dork,” Delphine clarifies, the corners of her lips twitching into a coy smile.
“That’s why you like me.”
“Among other things.”
They undress each other in a frenzy, desperate for skin. A part of her wishes they were back at Delphine’s condo where they have a much larger bed at their disposal, but Delphine had insisted upon meeting here and so they have to make due with the uncomfortable twin mattress. It takes them a few minutes to adjust to the limited space, but once they do, Delphine presses Cosima beneath her, working her way down the smaller girl’s body until her face is buried in the generous heat she finds between her lover’s legs.
Most of the time, Cosima finds herself wondering just what’s going on inside the young delinquent’s head. While they do share much in common, there is still so much Delphine doesn’t share with her and she finds herself devoting entirely too much time to deciphering the many different faces of Delphine Cormier.
Yes.
Delphine is a total enigma—except when they’re making love.
There is never an illusion shielding the blonde from her gaze, no possible ulterior motives transpiring behind her eyes when she looks down at Cosima, their bodies writhing together in blissful ecstasy. This is the one time Cosima is certain that the two exist on the same plane—that Delphine’s mind is not such a distant and impenetrable thing; they fuck like it’s their last day to live, like nothing else exists for them outside of each other.
When they’re finished, Delphine rests between Cosima’s legs, her head resting upon the fleshy cushion of Cosima’s thigh. Cosima smiles sheepishly, reaching down to run her hand through wild locks, fingers toying with the golden curls.
They stay like that, silent, for many minutes.
“This is so perfect,” Delphine sighs, finally breaking their easy silence as she looks up at Cosima with a smile.
“Yeah,” Cosima agrees, beaming back down at her.
She’s been in relationships before, she’s had random flings before, but nothing that’s ever felt quite like this; she feels electric, like she’s experiencing the world in a whole new way. All of her past partners were companions in the simplest sense of the word—they enjoyed each other, killed time together, but there was never anything deep or substantial about any of them. She’d never really wanted anything deeper and certainly hadn’t been looking for it that night when she’d wandered out with Sarah to grab a few drinks and shoot a few games of pool.
And yet, here she is—entwined in bed with this golden goddess—with this girl who’s challenged everything she thought she knew about herself. She never could have pictured herself in this position but there’s something about all of this that feels strangely… right. She knows Delphine is one giant puzzle she may never be able to piece together fully, but despite the uncertainty of it all, it somehow makes sense.
“You know, I never wanted a partner. I never thought I needed one,” Delphine begins, absently tracing the jut of Cosima’s hipbone. “But the two of us? There’s nothing we can’t do. We could take this city in a heartbeat.”
Cosima tenses.
Partner?
“Hey now,” she chuckles nervously. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself.”
Sensing her lover’s uncertainty, Delphine shifts until she’s sitting up, urging Cosima to do the same. She gives Cosima a very serious look, reaching for her hand and tangling their fingers together.
“I know you feel it, too.”
What is she supposed to say?
Delphine is right—she does feel it—but even still, that doesn’t mean she wants to jump head-first into whatever world Delphine’s been inhabiting for God knows how long. Her mother used to say that being in a successful relationship meant accepting everything about your partner—even the parts you aren’t necessarily thrilled about—and being willing to walk side-by-side through each other’s bullshit; if you could do that, then you could work through anything.
But could she really do that?
“This… this is good, Cosima,” Delphine tells her, bringing Cosima’s open palm to her lips to plant a lingering kiss.
She stares into pools of deep hazel that beg her to trust—to dive in with abandon and commend herself fully to whatever awaits them at the bottom. She chews anxiously on her bottom lip, unsure of what she should make of such a request; she’s always been the kind of girl who’s had her feet fixed firmly to the ground and she wonders if she should stick to what she knows or risk taking the plunge.
“I-I don’t know, Delphine,” she meekly protests. “You said it was just gonna be one job. I don’t think I—”
She’s interrupted by soft, consoling lips that put her mind at ease.
“Okay,” Delphine agrees.
Cosima blinks a few times, confused by how easily her lover has conceded. She learned the very first night they met that Delphine always gets her way and she expected far more resistance than what she’s currently being met with.
No.
Delphine smiles at her, eyes soft and inviting, not a trace of frustration or disappointment anywhere upon her face.
“I promise that I’ll never make you do anything you’re not comfortable doing,” Delphine tells her.
“Seriously?”
Delphine laughs, pressing another kiss to the corner of her mouth.
“What? Did you think I’d force you into something?”
Cosima finds her smile again.
“No, no. Not at all. I just thought—well, you said you always get your way. I figured you wouldn’t budge so easily,” she shrugs.
Delphine surges forward, the suddenness in her movements forcing Cosima back down until she’s flat against the mattress again with the blonde’s arms pressed on either side of her head, boxing her in. Delphine gazes down at her,  face veiled with tousled locks but her smirk still very visible. Cosima’s smile only grows, especially when Delphine leans in, pressing their foreheads together.
“I would love to work with you, Cosima,” she admits. “You’re the only person I’ve ever met who I’d want to share this part of my life with. You’re the only person I trust enough.”
“Really?”
The blonde caresses her face gently, her thumb tracing the ridge of her brow, the bridge of her nose, the fullness of her lips.
“I just want you to be happy. I want to take care of you. That’s all.”
9 notes · View notes
micaramel · 4 years
Link
Artist: Monica Majoli
Venue: Galerie Buchholz, New York
Exhibition Title: blueboys
Date: November 8 – December 21, 2019
Click here to view slideshow
Full gallery of images, press release, and link available after the jump.
Images:
Images courtesy of Galerie Buchholz, Berlin/Cologne/New York
Press Release:
People still die of AIDS—or of AIDS-related complications or illness, as the dispiriting boilerplate has it. Hooray for those who can afford the drugs that make the syndrome manageable, hooray for those who can afford to party without a care in the world, since there should be no worry when one is horny or “in love” or dancing, lustfully unthinking, but close to a million people died of AIDS, just last year.
In an exchange between Dodie Bellamy and Kevin Killian that would have been called Eyewitness, had Kevin’s death from cancer not interrupted it, at one point Dodie writes: “I’m thinking of how Dennis Cooper said AIDS ruined death.” Not immediately (they reconnoiter the fact of Kevin’s diagnosis), but soon enough, Kevin, after taking a few beats, glosses Dennis’ epigrammatic observation. “Dennis’ point is that once we were in love with death in the Punk Era. It seemed like the real thing, the point of living. Then came AIDS,” Kylie Minogue’s most dedicated fan explained, “and death was reduced to nothing. Just the end. It was stripped of meaning.”
Once we were in love with death… Do you hear Keats’ nightingale in Kevin’s explanation? “I have been half in love with easeful death, call’d him soft names…” Who hasn’t called certain darkling attractions by soft names? Sometimes you live to regret it, sometimes you don’t.
*
Monica Majoli took inspiration for her newest body of work from the sexy post-Stonewall, pre-AIDS hiatus still known as the ’70s, particularly centerfolds from Blueboy, which billed itself as “the national magazine about men.” In 1980, when I was 15—hold on. I find myself striking out for memory lane again, and I have to say that for the most part I just couldn’t care less about memory lane. (I guess people now call it autofiction.) Instead I’ll relay this little fact: In an interview for High Times, published in the early summer of 1977, Andy Warhol was asked what his favorite magazines were. He replied: “Blueboy, Pussy, Penthouse. Whatever I’m in.”
Or, whatever I’m into. Andy, like others, would have been into the range of Blueboy’s editorial content: interviews with author James Purdy or Perry King, the hunky lead of Andy Warhol’s Bad, co-written by Pat Hackett and directed by Andy’s longest live-in partner, Jed Johnson; into the first English translation of Verlaine’s erotic poetry; into “what really happened to” Montgomery Clift, a profile of Casablanca records, the “photoerotica” of Baron von Gloeden; into commentary on the political debacle initiated by Anita Bryant, via “Save Our Children,” to pass an ordinance to legalize discrimination based on sexual orientation or on the assassination of Harvey Milk; into keeping up with culture almost as much as they were keeping up with cock.
Blueboy’s founding publisher, Donald N. Embinder, a former ad exec at Benton & Bowles as well as an ad rep for After Dark, told the New York Times, in 1976, that “Playgirl and Viva made male nudity on newsstands viable”; it was the same year he took out a full-page ad in the trade magazine Advertising Age, headlined: “Now you can reach America’s most affluent minority…The Male Homosexual.” TMH was seen to be single and to have money to spare. The ads in Blueboy targeted an audience interested in self-care, bodily upkeep, and places in which clothes could be easily shed. The tagline for a K’WEST skin products ad made it clear: “Fashion Pointers for the Well Undressed Male—Clothes may make the man but only K’WEST makes the man touchable.” Contourex offered “a new exercise system designed to give you tighter, shaplier [sic] buns.” Cabana wear by International Male. Caftans by Ah Men.
Blueboy had a small part in the push to transvalue issues of class specificity into issues of taste—what’s classy, what’s not—rather than only into realpolitik. Some of the magazine’s models were trade, which was the vernacular before gay-for-pay, and before the entire mainstreaming of sexual preference—with its radical potential for undoing rote and rigid forms of relationality—became gay-for-pay or pay-for-gay—PayPal (read GayPal) in a sense, before the fact. In the quest to sell its dream, America has always privileged affluence, a dream of financial security, even clout, wooing a striving majority, whether they were part of a minority population or not, to vote with their wallets.
The fight to end the AIDS pandemic would rally grassroots coalitions and would stymie that push, if only for a moment; putting the action between the sheets into the streets. Fran Lebowitz has provided some of the most searching thinking on how we still live in the wake of that moment, the consequence of kinds of audience, many of whom would have read Blueboy alongside Interview:
When I was young, you know, later ’70s early ’80s, my first real audience was from Interview magazine, and at that time that audience was 99.9% homosexual, male homosexual. And that audience was very important to me. This is part of what formed my voice.
Everyone talks about the effect that AIDS had on the culture—I mean, people don’t talk about it anymore, but when people did talk about it—they talked about what artists were lost, but they never talked about this audience that was lost. When people talk about, like, Why was the New York City Ballet so great? Well, it was because of Balanchine and Jerry Robbins and people like that, but also that audience…was so… I can’t even think of the word. I mean, if Suzanne Farrell went like this [tiny gesture of fingers] instead of this [the reverse of that tiny gesture] that was it: she might as well just kill herself. There would be like a billion people who knew exactly every single thing. There was such a high level of connoisseurship…of everything that people like this were interested in. Of everything. That made the culture better. A very discerning audience, an audience with a high level of connoisseurship, is as important to the culture as artists. It is exactly as important. Now, we don’t have any kind of connoisseur audience. When that audience died, and that audience died in five minutes. Literally, people didn’t die faster in a war. And it allowed, of course, the second, third, fourth tier to rise to the front. Because, of course, the first people who died of AIDS were the people, oh, I don’t know how to put this, got laid a lot. Okay, now imagine who didn’t get AIDS? Okay? That’s who was then lauded as the great artists, okay? If the other people who hadn’t died, if they were alive, if they all came back to life, and I would say to them, Guess who’s a big star? Guess! Guess who has a show on Broadway? Guess who’s like a famous photographer? They would fall on the floor. Are you kidding me? Because everyone else died. Last man standing. […] Things in the culture that had nothing to do with the New York City Ballet, it just got dumbed down, dumbed down, dumbed down—all the way down. What we have had, in, like, the last 30 years, is too much democracy in the culture, not enough democracy in the society.
*
Inspired by mokuhanga, Japanese woodblock printing, Majoli’s large-scale Whiteline woodcut watercolor paintings are based on images from Blueboy, circa 1976-79, a period she considers “the halcyon years of gay liberation, when homosexuality was understood to be politically charged and under threat, presaging the trauma of the AIDS epidemic.” Halcyon provides a way to understand the aesthetic of the soft-core centerfolds of the magazine: the lighting is sun-kissed, the palette warm with rose-golds’ ember glow, the bodies toned and unmanscaped. Mother Nature smiles on these men making themselves available to other men, a possibility she always intended. (Long before homosexuality was legal, porn would show men in showers or out in nature, among flora and fauna, and it would be theoretically stingy not to see such scenarios as emphasizing the cleanliness and naturalness of such pleasures, when they were still seen to be “dirty” and “unnatural.”) The models were known by their first names (“Joe”, “Roger”); some appeared a single time, while others became featured players; they all had histories, lives, and they’re seen in repose that is also work. Their cocks, balls, and buns remain, as they were, magnificent and inviting. The hard-edged, roided body of the 1980s—a “built” body weaponized, Ramboized (apotropaically and/or phantasmatically) against viral invasion and wasting—is nowhere to be seen.
While considering all that is lost when the map of masculinity permits few ways to trace the radical potential of male vulnerability, tenderness, as a source of strength and communing, don’t fail to reckon with what Monica achieves with the gentle but grand shift in scale from the magazine centerfold: these works are history paintings. They chronicle not only soft power rather than toxic masculinity, but also sexual fantasy, intimacy in which the nameable earns no more importance than the nameless or unnameable. The pigments with which the paintings are made, water-soluble, suggest tears and/or sweat (synecdoches for other bodily fluids), no longer mistaken as dangerous, contaminant, but, whether joyfully or sadly, communicating without need of language. These radiant, touching pictures embody a vision of how once we were in love with life.
Bruce Hainley
Link: Monica Majoli at Galerie Buchholz
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fedesalcidopblblog · 6 years
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PBL Trigger 1
How to come up with a profitable business idea?
How to recognize a profitable business idea?
1. Start with family. Tapping family for great business ideas may not seem like an obvious first step. Sure, you'll hit them up for cash once you've developed your idea, but what can your aging father or cousin Margaret contribute this early in the process? Plenty. Donald Trump certainly wasn't bashful about learning the real estate business from his dad, Fred, who ran a thriving real estate development company, says Ries. Trump had the good sense to get some priceless training before going off to become one of the country's foremost builders and real estate developers. "If his father hadn't provided the foundation and training [he needed] to create a profitable business, Trump wouldn't be where he is today," Ries explains. "Unfortunately, many people insist on [creating a business] themselves without any help from their family. That's foolish."
2. Get a little help from your friends. Ries says you are severely limiting yourself if you rely solely on your own ideas--especially when your creative juices run dry. "This is reason enough to listen to ideas others may have," he says. "If you have 15 or 20 friends, chances are a couple of them have some incredible business ideas."
3. Look at all the things that bug you. It may not sound profound, but Ries says this is fertile ground for great business ideas. He cites how upset Kemmons Wilson was in the 1950s when a motel owner wanted to charge him an additional price for each of his five children. He was so ticked off, he launched Memphis, Tennessee-based Holiday Inn, today one of the world's largest hotel chains.
If King C. Gillette hadn't been fed up with the tedious process of sharpening his straight-edge razor, he wouldn't have founded the massive disposable razor industry. When he took his idea for a portable razor with a blade that could be used several times to a research university for assistance, engineers questioned his sanity. Gillette followed his instincts and the rest is history.
4. Tap your interests. Thousands of clever people have taken up hobbies and turned them into a successful business. Tim and Nina Zagat, who launched the Zagat Surveys, a publishing empire that sells restaurant guides for many major U.S. and European cities, are great examples. In the early 1970s, the Zagats were high-priced corporate attorneys whose passion was dining out. For fun, they created a newsletter in which they asked their friends to rank popular restaurants in several categories. Each year, the newsletter encompassed more restaurants. Eventually it became such an expensive and time-consuming undertaking that the couple began charging money for it to allay their expenses. That was the meager beginning of the famed Zagat Survey, which is sold in bookstores worldwide. "When you're doing something you love, it's never considered work," says Ries.
5. Travel. Traveling opens your eyes to a plethora of potential business ideas. Ries cites Leopoldo Fernandez Pujals' discovery of Domino's Pizza on a trip to the United States from his native Spain. Pujals was so impressed with the fast-food operation, he went back to Spain and launched his own version, called TelePizza, in 1986. His company now registers $260 million in sales, and employs 13,000 people in eight countries.
6. Keep your eyes open. "When you see something that piques your interest, ask yourself, What is it about this situation that's special?" says Ries. "Then narrow your focus so you home in on the idea." The process of zeroing in on the idea often spawns important niche markets. "Blockbuster Video's niche is renting videos, and Bulbs Unlimited's niche is selling light bulbs," says Ries. Get it?
7. Examine old mousetraps--then build a better one. "If a product doesn't meet your own high standards, create a better one," advises business trendwatcher Perry Lowe. "That's what put Ben & Jerry's on the map." Ice cream fanatics Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield felt popular ice creams weren't rich and tasty enough for their cultivated palates, so they created their own super-premium line of ice cream, which is a bestseller nationwide. Just think: If these ice cream gurus weren't such picky eaters, there would be no Cherry Garcia, Chubby Hubby or Phish Food to enjoy.
8. Take it to the streets. There's no better place to lock into up-and-coming trends than city streets, Lowe contends. Street culture spawned punk, hip-hop, grunge and a number of other fads that rapidly evolved into multimillion-dollar businesses. "Great ideas can often be found by just browsing happening inner-city neighborhoods in virtually any big city in the United States," says Lowe.
9. Sleep on it. Many people ignore their dreams, and some don't remember them at all. But sometimes it pays to listen to those inner messages, no matter how strange or unintelligible they are. "You never know, you might just find the germ of a great idea," says Lowe. The tough part is crawling out of bed in the dead of night to jot down those great ideas before they're forgotten.
10. Check out the Net. Finally, Lowe endorses Web surfing as a fun way to log on to potential business ideas. "Virtually every search engine has a 'What's New' or 'What's Hot' section, where it lists new trends, news tidbits and hot new Web sites," says Lowe. "Make it a point to check out various sites daily. It may trigger an idea or concept you never thought of."
What types of investments exist?
1. Ownership Investments
Ownership investments are what comes to mind for most people when the word "investment" is batted around. They are the most volatile and profitable class of investment. The following are examples of ownership investments:
Stocks: A stock is literally a certificate that says you own a portion of a company. More broadly speaking, all traded securities, from futures to currency swaps, are ownership investments, even though all you may own is a contract. When you buy one of these investments, you have a right to a portion of a company's value or a right to carry out a certain action (as in a futures contract).
Your expectation of profit is realized (or not) by how the market values the asset you own the rights to. If you own shares in Apple (AAPL
) and the company posts a record profit, other investors are going to want Apple shares too. Their demand for shares drives up the price, increasing your profit if you choose to sell the shares.
Business: The money put into starting and running a business is an investment. Entrepreneurship is one of the hardest investments to make because it requires more than just money. Consequently, it is also an ownership investment with extremely large potential returns. By creating a product or service and selling it to people who want it, entrepreneurs can make huge personal fortunes. Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft and one of the world's richest men, is a prime example.
Real Estate: Houses, apartments or other dwellings that you buy to rent out or repair and resell are investments. However, the house you live in is a different matter because it is filling a basic need. It fills a need for shelter and, although it may appreciate over time, shouldn't be purchased with an expectation of profit. The mortgage meltdown of 2008 and the underwater mortgages it produced are a good illustration of the dangers in considering your primary residence an investment.
Precious objects and collectibles: Gold, Da Vinci paintings and a signed LeBron James jersey can all be considered an ownership investment - provided that these are objects that are bought with the intention of reselling them for a profit. Precious metals and collectibles are not necessarily a good investment for a number of reasons, but they can be classified as an investment nonetheless. Like a house, they have a risk of physical depreciation (damage) and require upkeep and storage costs that cut into eventual profits.
2. Lending Investments
Lending investments allow you to be the bank. They tend to be lower risk than ownership investments and return less as a result. A bond issued by a company will pay a set amount over a certain period, while during the same period the stock of a company can double or triple in value, paying far more than a bond - or it can lose heavily and go bankrupt, in which case bondholders usually still get their money and the stockholder often gets nothing.
Your savings account: Even if you have nothing but a regular savings account, you can call yourself an investor. You are essentially lending money to the bank, which it will dole out in the form of loans. The return is currently quite low, but the risk is also next to nil because of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC).
Bonds: Bond is a catch-all category for a wide variety of investments from Treasuries and international debt issues to corporate junk bonds and credit default swaps (CDS). The risks and returns vary widely between the different types of bonds, but overall, lending investments pose a lower risk and provide a lower return than ownership investments.
3. Cash Equivalents
These are investments that are "as good as cash," which means they're easy to convert back into cash.
Money market funds: With money market funds, the return is very small, 1% to 2%, and the risks are also small. Although money market funds have "broken the buck" in recent memory, it is rare enough to be considered a black swan event. Money market funds are also more liquid than other investments, meaning you can write checks out of money market accounts just as you would with a checking account. (For more on black swan events, see Black Swan Events and Investing.)
What About Investing in Your Education?
Education: Your education is often called an investment and many times, it does help you earn a higher income. A case could be made for you "selling" your education like a small business service in return for income like an ownership investment.
The reason it's not technically an investment is a practical one. For the sake of clarity, we need to avoid the absurdity of having everything be classified as an investment. We'd be "investing" every time we bought an item that could potentially make us more productive, such as investing in a stress ball to squeeze or a cup of coffee to wake you up. It is the attempt to stretch the meaning of investment to purchases, rather than education, which has obscured the meaning.
These Items Are Not Investments
Consumer purchases: Beds, cars, mobile phones, TVs and anything that naturally depreciates with use and time - are not investments. As an example, you don't invest in a good night's sleep by buying a foam pillow. Unless you're very famous, and even then, it's a stretch, since you can't reasonably expect someone to pay more for your pillow than the initial purchase cost. Don't take it personally, but there's very little demand in the second-hand pillow market.
The Bottom Line
There are three types of investments: ownership, lending and cash equivalents.
There is no fourth category of consumer purchases. Admittedly, it's a clever piece of advertising that removes some of the guilt from impulse purchasing; you're not spending money frivolously, you're investing! The decisive test is whether there is a potential to turn a profit. The important word is "potential" because not every legitimate investment makes money.
Making money through investing requires researching and evaluating different investments, not simply knowing what is and is not an investment. That said, being able to see the difference between an investment and a purchase is an essential first step.
What knowledge do you need to make an smart investment?
HOW SECURITIES ARE BOUGHT AND SOLD
The term "securities" encompasses a broad range of investments, including stocks, corporate bonds, government bonds, mutual funds, options, and municipal bonds. Investment contracts, through which investors pool money into a common enterprise managed for profit by a third party, are also securities. Securities may be traded on an organized exchange or traded "over the counter" between investors.
Exchanges
Securities are bought and sold in a number of different markets. The best known are the New York Stock Exchange and the American Stock Exchange, both located in New York City. In addition, six regional exchanges are located in cities throughout the country.
A corporation’s securities may be traded on an exchange only after the issuing company has applied to the exchange and met any listing standards relating, for example, to the company's assets, number of shares publicly held, and number of stockholders. Organized markets for other instruments, including standardized options, impose similar restrictions. The exchanges facilitate a liquid market for securities where buyers and sellers are brought together. Listing on an exchange, however, does not constitute approval of the securities or provide any assurance as to risk and return.
Over-The-Counter
Many securities are not traded on an exchange but are traded over the counter (OTC) through a large network of securities brokers and dealers. In the National Association of Securities Dealers' Automated Quotation System (NASDAQ), which is run by the National Association of Securities Dealers (NASD), trading in OTC stocks is done via on-line computer listings of bid, which asks prices and completes transactions.
Like the exchanges, NASDAQ has listing standards that must be met for securities to be traded in that market. Similar to an exchange it provides a "meeting place" for buyers and sellers. The typical investor generally will not know whether their security is bought or sold through and exchange or over the counter. The investor engages a broker who arranges the transaction in the appropriate market at the desired price.
Brokers
If you buy or sell securities on an exchange or over the counter, you will probably use a broker, and your direct contact will be with a registered representative. The registered representative, often called an account executive or financial consultant, must be registered with the National Association of Security Dealers (NASD), a self-regulatory organization whose operations are overseen by the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), and with the states in which the broker is conducting business. The registered representative is the link between the investor and the traders and dealers who actually buy and sell securities on the floor of the exchange or elsewhere.
HOW PRICES ARE ESTABLISHED
How are the stock prices that appear in the financial section of the newspaper arrived at? Market prices for stocks traded over the counter and for those traded on exchanges are established in somewhat different ways.
Exchange Prices
The exchanges centralize trading in each security at one location—the floor of the exchange. There, auction principles of trading set the market price of a security according to current buying and selling interests. If such interests do not balance, designated floor members known as specialists are expected to step in to buy or sell for their own account, to a reasonable degree, as necessary to maintain an orderly market.
Over the Counter
In the OTC market, brokers acting on behalf of their customers (the investors) contact a brokerage firm which holds itself out as a market-maker in the specific security, and negotiate the most favorable purchase or sale price. Commissions received by brokers are then added to the purchase price or deducted from the sale price to arrive at the net price to the customer.
In some cases, a customer's brokerage firm may itself act as a dealer, either selling a security to a customer from its own inventory or buying it from the customer. In such cases, the broker hopes to make a profit on the purchase and sale of the security, but no commission is charged. Instead, a retail "mark up" is added to the price charged by the firm when a customer buys securities and a "mark down" is deducted from the price paid by the firm when a customer sells securities.
Bid and Ask Prices
In both cases, a stock is quoted in terms of bid and ask. The bid is the price at which the market or market maker is willing to buy the security from you. Similarly the ask is the price at which the market or market maker is willing to sell the security to you. Not surprising, the ask price is higher than the bid price. The difference between the two is called the spread. For example, if a stock is quoted 18-18 ¼ , this means that the investor could sell the stock for $18 a share or purchase the stock for $18.25. The higher the spread the more the market maker profits and the higher the cost to investors. Heavily traded securities typically have narrow spreads while infrequently traded securities can have wide spreads.
HOW YOUR SECURITIES ARE PROTECTED
Investors’ money is protected in three ways: by federal laws and regulations, enforced by the SEC; by self-policing in the industry; and by state law.
Under the federal securities laws, those engaged in the business of buying and selling securities have a great deal of responsibility for regulating their own behavior through SROs (self-regulatory organizations) operating under the oversight of the SEC. These SROs include all of the exchanges; the NASD; the Municipal Securities Rulemaking Board (MSRB), which establishes rules that govern the buying and selling of securities offered by state and local governments; and other organizations concerned with somewhat less visible activities such as the processing of transactions.
The SROs are responsible for establishing rules governing trading and other activities, setting qualifications for securities industry professionals, regulating the conduct of their members, and disciplining those who fail to abide by their rules.
In addition, the federal securities laws provide investors with certain protections, including the ability to sue if they have been harmed as a result of certain violations of those laws.
Many brokerage firms may require that their customers sign an agreement containing an arbitration clause when they open a brokerage account. If you sign an agreement with an arbitration clause, you are agreeing to settle any future disputes with the broker through binding arbitration, instead of through the courts.
Arbitration proceedings are administered by the SROs, and the rules that apply in arbitration proceedings are specified by each SRO. Although the SEC oversees the arbitration process, it cannot intervene on behalf of or directly represent individual investors, nor can the SEC modify or vacate an arbitration decision. The grounds for judicial review are very limited.
Further protection for investors is provided by state laws designed to regulate the sale of securities within state boundaries.
The Function Of The SEC
The SEC, an independent agency of the U.S. Government, was established by Congress in 1934 to administer the federal securities laws. It is headed by five Commissioners, appointed by the President, who direct a staff of lawyers, accountants, financial analysts, and other professionals. The staff operates from its headquarters in Washington, D.C. and from five regional offices and six district offices in major financial centers throughout the country.
The SEC's principal objectives are to ensure that the securities markets operate in a fair and orderly manner, that securities industry professionals deal fairly with their customers, and that corporations make public all material information about themselves so that investors can make informed investment decisions.  The SEC accomplishes these goals by:
Mandating that companies disclose material business and financial information;
Overseeing the operations of the SROs;
Adopting rules with which those involved in the purchase and sale of securities must comply; and
Filing lawsuits or taking other enforcement action in cases where the law has been violated.
Despite the many protections provided by federal and state securities laws and SRO rules, it is important for investors to remember that they have the ultimate responsibility for their own protection. In particular, the SEC cannot guarantee the worth of any security. Investors must make their own judgments about the merits of an investment.
What Companies Must Disclose
Before any company offers its securities for sale to the general public (with certain exceptions), it must file with the SEC a registration statement and provide a "prospectus" to investors. In its registration statement, the company must provide all material information on the nature of its business, the company's management, the type of security being offered and its relation to other securities the company may have on the market, and the company's financial statements as audited by independent public accountants. A copy of a prospectus containing information about the company and the securities offered must be provided to investors upon or before their purchase. In addition, most companies must continue to update, in filings made with the SEC, this disclosure information quarterly and annually to ensure an informed trading market.
The SEC reviews registration statements and periodic reports for completeness, but the SEC does not review every detail and verification of each statement of fact would be impossible. However, the securities laws do authorize the SEC to seek injunctive and other relief for registration statements containing materially false and misleading statements.
Persons who willfully violate the securities laws may also be subject to criminal action brought by the Department of Justice leading to imprisonment or criminal fines. The laws also provide that investors may be able to sue to recover losses in the purchase of a registered security if materially false or misleading statements were made in the prospectus or through oral solicitation. Investors must seek such recovery through the appropriate courts, since the SEC has no power to collect or award damages or to represent individuals.
How the SEC Supervises Industry Professionals
Another important part of the SEC's role is supervision of the securities markets and the conduct of securities professionals. The SEC serves as a watchdog to protect against fraud in the sale of securities, illegal sale practices, market manipulation, and other violations of investors' trust by broker-dealers, investment advisers, and other securities professionals.
In general, individuals who buy and sell securities professionally must register with the appropriate SRO, meet certain qualification requirements, and comply with rules of conduct adopted by that SRO. The broker-dealer firms for which they work must, in turn, register with the SEC and comply with the agency's rules relating to such matters as financial condition and supervision of individual account executives. In addition, broker-dealer firms must also comply with the rules of any exchange of which they are a member and, usually, with the rules of the NASD.
The SEC can deny registration to securities firms and, in some cases, may impose sanctions against a firm and/or individuals in a firm for violation of federal securities laws (such as, manipulation of the market price of a stock, misappropriation of customer funds or securities, or other violations). The SEC polices the securities industry by conducting inspections and working in conjunction with the securities exchanges, the NASD, and state securities commissions.
PROTECTING YOURSELF
You should be as careful about buying securities as you would be about any other costly purchase. The vast majority of securities professionals are honest, but be aware that misrepresentation and fraud do take place. Observe the following basic safeguards when "shopping" for investments:
Never buy securities offered in unsolicited telephone calls or through "cold calls" — ask for information in writing before you decide. Check on the credentials of anyone who tries to sell you securities.
TIP:
Beware of salespeople who try to pressure you into acting immediately.
Don’t buy on tips or rumors. Not only is it safer to get the facts first, but also it is illegal to buy or sell securities based on "inside information" which is not generally available to other investors.
Get advice if you don't understand something in a prospectus or a piece of sales literature.
TIP:
Be sure you understand the risks involved in trading securities, especially options and those purchased on margin. Be skeptical of guarantees or promises of quick profits. There is no such thing--without an accompanying increase in risk.
MORE
: Please refer to
Six Investing Pitfalls To Avoid
.
Remember that prior success is no guarantee of future success in an investment arrangement.
With tax-sheltered investments, partnerships, and other "liquid" investments, be sure to ask about the liquidity and understand that there may not be a ready market when you want to sell.
Don't speculate. Speculation can be a useful investment tool for those who can understand and manage the risks involved and those who can afford to lose money, but it is dangerous for most people.
TIP:
For the average investor, more conservative investment strategies are generally appropriate.
Professional guidance can be very helpful in developing a sound investment program.
TYPES OF INVESTMENTS
There are two broad categories of securities available to investors— equity securities (which represent ownership of a part of a company) and debt securities (which represent a loan from the investor to a company or government entity). Within each of these types, there are a wide variety of specific investments. In addition, different types can be combined (e.g.,  through mutual funds) or even split apart to form derivative securities.
Each type has distinct characteristics plus advantages and disadvantages, depending on an investor's needs and investment objectives. In this section, we provide an overview of the most common classes of investment securities.
Stocks
The type of equity securities with which most people are familiar is stock. When investors buy stock, they become owners of a "share" of a company's assets. If a company is successful, the price that investors are willing to pay for its stock will often go up--shareholders who bought stock at a lower price then stand to make a profit. If a company does not do well, however, its stock may decrease in value and shareholders can lose money. The rise in the price of a stock is termed appreciation or "capital gain." The stockholder is also entitled to dividends, which may be paid out from the company. Investors, therefore, have two sources of profit from stock investments, dividends and appreciation. Some stocks pay out most of their earnings as dividends and may have little appreciation. These stocks are sometimes referred to as income stocks. Other stocks may pay out little or no dividend, preferring to reinvest earnings within the company. Since all of an investors potential earnings comes from appreciation these stocks are sometimes referred to as growth stocks. Stock prices are also subject to both general economic and industry-specific market factors. There is no guarantee of a return from investing in stocks and hence there is risk incurred in investing in this type of security.
As owners, shareholders generally have the right to vote on electing the board of directors and on certain other matters of particular significance to the company. Under the federal securities laws, most companies must send to shareholders a proxy statement providing information on the business experience and compensation of nominees to the board of directors and on any other matter submitted for shareholder vote. This information is required so that stockholders can make an informed decision on whether to elect the nominees or on how to vote on matters submitted for their consideration.
Stock investments are typically common stock, which is the basic ownership share of a company. Some companies also offer preferred stock, which is another class of stock. Preferred stock typically offers some set rate of return (although it is still not guaranteed), and pays dividends before dividends are paid for common stock. Preferred stock may not, however, participate in a much upside as common stock. If a company does really well, preferred stockholders may receive the same dividend as any other year while common stockholders reap the rewards of a great year.
Corporate Bonds
The most common form of corporate debt security is the bond. A bond is a certificate promising to repay, no later than a specified date, a sum of money which the investor or bondholder has loaned to the company. In return for the use of the money, the company also agrees to pay bondholders a certain amount of "interest" each year, which is usually a percentage of the amount loaned.
Since bondholders are not owners of the company, they do not share in dividend payments or vote on company matters. The return on their investment is not usually dependent upon how successful the company is. Bondholders are entitled to receive the amount of interest originally agreed upon, as well as a return of the principal amount of the bond, if they hold the bond for the time period specified.
Companies offering bonds to the public must file with the SEC a registration statement, including a prospectus containing information about the company and the security.
Government Bonds
The U.S. Government also issues a variety of debt securities, including Treasury bills (commonly called T-bills), Treasury notes, and U.S. Government agency bonds. T-bills are sold to selected securities dealers by the Treasury at auctions.
Government securities can also be purchased from banks, government securities dealers, and other broker-dealers.
Similar to corporate bonds, these bonds pay interest and the amount of principal at maturity. Some (viz., Treasury Bills) may not pay cash interest. Instead the bond is purchased at a discount and the interest is built into the amount the investor receives at maturity. Contrary to popular belief investors must pay income tax on U.S. government bond interest.
Municipal Bonds
Bonds issued by states, cities, or certain agencies of local governments (such as school districts) are called municipal bonds. An important feature of these bonds is that the interest a bondholder receives is not subject to federal income tax. In addition. the interest is also exempt from state and local tax if the bondholder lives in the jurisdiction of the issuing authority. Because of the tax advantages, however, the interest rate paid on municipal bonds is generally lower than that paid on corporate bonds.
Municipal bonds are exempt from registration with the SEC; however, the MSRB establishes rules that govern the buying and selling of these securities.
Stock Options
An option is the right to buy or sell something at some point in the future. An option is a type of derivative security. There are a wide variety of these specialized instruments such as futures, options and swaps. Most are not appropriate for the average investors. The type of options with which we are concerned here are standardized, exchange-traded options to buy or sell corporate stock.
These options fall into two categories—
"Calls," which give the investor the right to buy 100 shares of a specified stock at a fixed price within a specified time period, and
"Puts," which give the investor the right to sell 100 shares of a specified stock at a fixed price within a specified time period.
While options are considered by many to be very risky securities, if used properly they can actually reduce the risk of a portfolio. Generally you buy a call option if you are bullish on a stock (i.e. you expect the price to go down). The price you pay is called the premium. You would purchase a put option if you are bearish on a stock (i.e. you expect the price to go down). If the stock moves in the right direction you can profit handsomely. If it doesn’t you lose the premium that you paid. Buying puts and calls is not a risky strategy, but selling puts an calls is.  One exception is selling a call option on a stock you already own. This is known as a "covered call." This actually reduces the overall risk of your portfolio in exchange for you giving up some of your upside.
Mutual Funds
Companies or trusts that principally invest their capital in securities are known as investment companies or mutual funds. Investment companies often diversify their investments in different types of equity and debt securities in hope of obtaining specific investment goals. In a mutual fund you invest in the mutual fund which then invest in individual equity and debt securities. This relieves you of the necessity to make individual purchase and sale decisions. It also provides an easy way to diversify a portfolio. Rather than purchasing 50 stocks yourself, you can purchase one mutual fund.
Related FG: For more detailed information, please see the Financial Guide
INVESTING IN MUTUAL FUNDS: Time-Tested Guidelines.
INVESTMENT CONTRACTS AND LIMITED PARTNERSHIPS
Investors sometimes pool money into a common enterprise managed for profit by a third party. This is called an investment contract. Such enterprises may involve anything from cattle breeding programs to movie productions. This is often done through the establishment of a limited partnership in which investors, as limited partners, own an interest in a venture but do not take an active management role. Some of these securities have been issued in the past primarily for purposes of reducing income tax liability. Such opportunities are limited today. Care should be taken in investing in these securities since they can be illiquid and require a great deal of expertise. You should consult with your financial advisor regarding these types of investments.
REAL ESTATE INVESTMENT TRUST (REIT)
Real estate investment trusts are set up in a fashion similar to mutual funds. Instead of investing in stocks or bonds, however, REIT investors pool their funds to buy and manage real estate or to finance real estate construction or purchases. Real estate limited partnerships are also common. This is a way to get diversification from real estate investment without the headaches of property ownership and management.
ASSET ALLOCATION
Asset allocation is the process of allocating your investments among the broad categories of stocks, corporate bonds, government bonds, etc. It is extremely important in investment success. In fact, portfolio selection should generally be based on asset allocation, whether formal or informal. This process can be complicated, but computer programs are available to assist in performing the allocation.
Related FG: For a discussion of this very important concept, please see the Financial Guide
ASSET ALLOCATION: How To Diversify Your Assets For Maximum Return.
RISK VS. RETURN
One of the more basic relationships in investing is that between risk and reward. Investments that offer potentially high returns are accompanied by higher risk factors. It is up to you to decide how much risk you can assume. Always keep in mind your current and future needs.
Risk
There are many types of risk. The one most people think of is market risk, which is the risk that market prices can fluctuate. If you have a short investment horizon, generally something less than five years, this risk is important since the market could be down at the time you most need the money. On the other hand, if you have a long time horizon, for example when saving for retirement, you may be unconcerned with market risk. The investment has the opportunity to come back prior to the time you need the funds.
Another risk, which many people don’t think about, is purchasing power risk. This is the risk that your investment will not keep up with inflation and you will not be able to maintain your desired standard of living. A bank CD for example might pay interest of 3% and have no market risk. Your principal does not fluctuate in value and you are insured against loss. However, if inflation exceeds 3% you will lose purchasing power.
TIP:
In general, prospective investors should avoid "risky" investments unless they have a steady income, adequate insurance, and an emergency fund of readily accessible cash.
TIP:
U.S. Treasury bills, notes, and bonds are the safest possible investments.
You need to assess how much risk you can tolerate. One easy way to measure this is how well do you sleep at night. If you lie awake worrying about your investments, you risk tolerance is probably too low for your current investment strategy. In general the longer your investment horizon the greater the amount of risk you can afford to take. Your financial advisor can also assist you in measuring your risk tolerance.
Risk can also be reduced through diversification. Rather than buying one stock, buy a basket of 20 to 30 stocks. This reduces your overall risk. You can also reduce risk by combining different investment types such as stocks, corporate bonds and government bonds. These securities are not highly correlated (i.e. they tend not to go up or down at the same time).
Return
Why would one want to take on more risk? Because it generally comes with a higher expected return. While stocks may have the greatest market risk, they have also provide that highest market return over the long haul. Stock returns have averaged between 10 and 11% since the early part of this century. Corporate bonds on the other hand have averaged between 6 and 7% and government bonds closer to 5%. As you can see the lower the risk the lower the expected return. You must balance the amount of risk you are willing to tolerate with the amount of return you expect to achieve. There is no such thing as a high return/low risk investment.
PLANNING TECHNIQUES
You should assess your current resources and future goals. This will assist you and your advisors in determining what rate of return is necessary to achieve your goals and how much risk you can tolerate. Here is a suggested checklist:
Assess your current financial resources. How much do you have to invest?
Assess your future financial resources. Do you have an excess of income over expenses that can be invested?
Determine your financial goals. How much money do you need and when do you need it?
Determine the rate of return you need to achieve your goals.
Determine how much risk you can tolerate based upon your time horizon and personal preferences.
Choose an appropriate asset allocation to achieve the desired risk/return relationship. How should you allocate your investment among the various classes of investments?
Choose the individual securities within each asset class. Which securities should you buy?
SECURITY SELECTION
Once you have decided what percentage of your assets should go in each asset class, you need to select the appropriate individual securities. You should consider the same techniques as in selecting the asset classes to invest in. For each security you must evaluate its unique risk and its expected return. There are a number of sources of information about specific securities that you can explore.. Generally, the most important of these for  mutual funds and new stock issues is the prospectus, which is the security's selling document, containing information about costs, risks, past performance (if any) and the investment goals. Read it and exercise your judgment carefully, before you invest. You can obtain the prospectus from the company or mutual fund or from your financial advisor.
In the case of a mutual fund, there is also a Statement of Additional Information (SAI, also called Part B of the prospectus). It explains a fund's operations in greater detail than the prospectus. You can get a clearer picture of a fund's investment goals and policies by reading its annual and semi-annual reports to shareholders.  If you ask, the fund must send you an SAI and/or its periodic reports. This process is time-consuming and requires a great deal of time and expertise.
Keep in mind that proper security analysis is extremely complex. Computer programs (the good ones are usually quite expensive) are invaluable in helping choose an appropriate portfolio; however, these programs require a familiarity with their use and an understanding of their limitations. Generally, if you do not have the time to perform the necessary analyses or the experience or expertise in security selection, you should consult with your financial advisor.
https://www.investopedia.com/articles/younginvestors/10/what-is-an-investment.asp#ixzz54MkFXaFk
https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/74184
http://fso.cpasitesolutions.com/Premium/IS/fg/fg-Investing.html
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