#the trials and tribulations of fucking adhd

[murderandcoffee]

me: *minding my own business, trying to get my writing done for the day*

my brain: ᵍᵃˢˢᵉᵈ ˡᵃˢᵗ ⁿᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵍᵃˢˢᵉᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ⁿᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵇᵉᶠᵒʳᵉᵎ ᵍᵒⁿⁿᵃ ᵇᵉ ᵍᵃˢˢᵉᵈ ᵗᵒⁿᶦᵍʰᵗ ᶦᶠ ʷᵉ'ʳᵉ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵍᵃˢˢᵉᵈ ⁿᵒ ᵐᵒʳᵉᵎ

#the trials and tribulations of fucking adhd #the mechs #the mechanisms #gunpowder tim vs the moon kaiser #bs.txt

[southern-belle-outcasts]

Okay I tried to do a quick scroll before I went back to work, I already walked 8mi today and it took a lot out of me but I need to do flats so it was literally just a uber fast ‘what might be important’.

I see a lot of y’all getting sick and I’ma put on my big sib hat for a moment (I’m the oldest of 9 okay I did earn that title), and also these are just good reminders in general (read: Tagg fucking take your own advice ffs). It might get a smidge lengthy so under read more.

Getting sick isn’t a moral failing, it’s literally bugs’ job to fuck with us but to help you dodge this shit since I myself have a crappy immune system and cannot fucking afford being sick (and apart from that fucky business a few months ago have mostly dodged contagious stuff in the last few years)….continue reading.

Stay hydrated. I’m fucking terrible at this with plain water in the winter because who the fuck wants to drink water that MUST be cold when you’re already struggling to stay warm right now? Not me. So add some lemon (yay vitamin C). I can’t buy fresh lemons. I forget them and they go bad. BUT the bottled stuff while it does not taste as good imo, still has the good shit. So flavor and vit c. Or add it to herbal tea! Something that isn’t monster or dark soda or coffee (yes I’m aware those are part of the major food groups I don’t care you dehydrated walking plant). Broth soups also count- chicken soup is the cure all for a reason- veggies and hydration in one!!!

Eat. Something. You can’t run on nothing. Fed is better than not, period. Eating what you can afford is doing yourself better than going hungry for the sake of those two nights of ‘healthy food’.

If you stopped masking, go back to it. No seriously don’t stop. Buy one with a print you like with the slot for a filter and wear that shit. I’m sure most of my dodging illness during the height of lockdown while being not able to isolate in high trafficked places was the masking. That and the hand washing and hand sanitizers.

Speaking of- the one brand I used to buy is a boycott but there are lotion hand sanitizers out there if you’re like me, and you can just look at hand sanitizer and your hands crack. Highly recommend. 13/10. Not going back.

Indoor clothes/outside clothes- keep your ‘been everywhere all day’ cooties off the bed and your furniture. Will also reduce allergens embedding in the places where you’re laying down. Even if you didn’t shower, you’re doing yourself a favor changing the clothes. Yes I know this is more laundry, so there’s also clothing/fabric sanitizer. It’s like 8$ for a can but that’s an option if extra laundry is a Herculean task of which I understand the trials and tribulations.

If you can afford it- get some elderberry supplement. It’s not as difficult to find as it was in 2020. Ideally you take it just regularly, in a pinch, start taking it as soon as you feel ick to lessen it.

Lots of garlic, pepper, and ginger in your food. That is all. Season your food. Good food, better immune system, no notes needed.

Here is where you’re going to laugh at me and tell me to fuck off- SLEEP. Look, I am well aware okay, I know. But even if you have insomnia like me, your body will get more rest just by laying down and closing your eyes than it will by not doing so even if you didn’t even hit light sleep let alone REM.

Okay that’s it. That’s the post. I am not going to call it no brainer stuff because all of these things I had to learn and some were definitely as an adult, so just in case nobody told you, it’s for you. If you’re adhd and forgot, this one’s also for you. I’m not claiming to be a health expert, I ain’t a doc, just an expert at trying to dodge urgent care while living in a dystopia with no health insurance and I don’t like seeing people down and feeling crappy. :D

#;out of the south

[alchemyofmaya]

Minority mental health will be the biggest thing for me. It’s the reason why I got into psychology, pursued my degree in counselling — because I was looking for the answers to my own healing.

It’s important because I had parents who didn’t understand that I was neurodivergent. Growing up in a household where talking back was seen as disrespect, my outbursts and overwhelming emotions were always regarded as acting out. Instead of having parents who could regulate their own emotions, I had a father yelling in a 7 year olds face, like she was the same age as him.

When there was yelling in the house, or whenever I was being ‘disciplined’ I would get so overwhelmed, that I would bash my head against the wall, begging for the yelling and noise to stop. But it never did, instead of seeing their child as someone needing support and help, care and nurturing.. they believed the child needed more discipline.

Bashing my head into walls became my defence mechanism whenever I got too overstimulated and needed the arguing to stop. I thought it was a normal response for a very long time, until I repeated that pattern in a relationship with a boy, who lacked patience and compassion just like my father.

I spent 6 years begging and fighting for love, for peace, for respect. When we broke up and I was finally alone with myself after over 12 years of trials and tribulations. I realized I had no coping mechanisms, my nervous system was fried, and my executive function was nonexistent.

That’s when I realized as a mental health practitioner, I can’t avoid my own. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2020 at 29 years old. My meds changed my life (somewhat), at least I knew there was a reason.. that I wasn’t inherently flawed.

These past 2 years have felt like I’ve done nothing but lay in bed. And I’m still learning how to get up and show up for myself. Realizing I went through so much. Holy fuck. I need to show myself some love.

It breaks me that there were so many huge dreams that I know I was meant to create, but the lack of stable environment and supportive people in my life, left me feeling so depleted and drained.

I’ve been trying to do it all alone forever now, and I know so many others are in the same place. I am your people, this is a safe space. We will accomplish what our hearts desire. I promise you. We are healing, and even if it doesn’t matter at this moment.. you will remember that there was a purpose for all of this suffering too.

Fuck being resilient.. I’m here for the people that are still facing the shame of letting life ruin them.

#I don’t know what’s happening #but I cant keep shit inside me anymore #mental health #heal heal heal so you can be free to live

[sofiaispunk]

So my adhd brain cannot focus on only one (or 3) fic at once so I was thinking about writing this new fic next. Would you be interested? It's a forbidden love story between Joel Miller x Maria's sister reader. Let me know what you think!

The entire town had gathered, their collective gaze fixed on the arrival of two strangers who rode in on a majestic horse. You stood in the heart of Jackson, your nephew nestled comfortably on your hip, and beheld a captivating spectacle before you. The man, a towering figure, exuded an aura of strength and resilience. Clad in a weathered brown jacket, his tousled hair added a rugged charm to his appearance. His features were defined and sharp, characterized by an angled nose and a chin that could only be described as exquisite. Yet, it was his brown, apprehensive eyes that caught your attention—the windows to a soul burdened with worry.

Beside the man stood a teenage girl, her demeanor cautious and wariness evident in her eyes. She seemed skeptical of the people around her, an understandable stance given the circumstances. It was clear that she had endured her fair share of trials and tribulations, prompting her to be on guard. You immediately empathized with her skepticism, recognizing the scars that this life could leave behind. 

As the stranger approached Tommy, a radiant smile graced his face, accompanied by a tight embrace that conveyed years of separation and emotional turbulence. Their eyes welled with tears, an overflow of sentiments that words could not encapsulate. Witnessing this heartfelt reunion moved you deeply, tugging at the strings of your own heart. 

As you attempted to calm your fussy nephew, your eyes inadvertently were glued on the handsome stranger who had just arrived in town. There was something about him that instantly captured your attention, stirring a cocktail of desire and curiosity within you. It was a new sensation, unfamiliar and exhilarating. You couldn't deny the surge of emotions that surged through you, as if a dormant fire had been ignited. It was a strange and thrilling feeling, one that you hadn't experienced before.

Lost in the captivating presence of the stranger, you remained oblivious to your sister Maria's arrival beside you. It was only when she gently took her son from your arms that you snapped back to reality, a flicker of surprise crossing your face. Her voice cut through your thoughts, her words carrying a tone of concern and caution.

"Go home," she said firmly, her gaze fixed on the man who had enthralled you. "That is Tommy's brother, Joel. He's a bad man, I don’t want him near you.”

-

Beads of sweat trickled down your body, creating a glistening sheen that he eagerly licked away with his tongue. Your tight grip at the kitchen counter turned your fingers white, as he pounded relentlessly into you with a force you never experienced before. All you could do was bow to the pleasure he gave you, not being able to form a single thought nor a sentence. You were at his mercy and the only thing you knew was to say his name over and over again like a prayer. It was all too much, the pleasure, him licking and nibbling at your jaw, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. His hot body mixed with the summer heat turned the room into a sweltering oven, leaving you gasping for air. “Joel, I- I am close -fuck. We shouldn’t d-do it in her kitchen.” You were just a blabbering mess. You knew it was wrong letting Joel, your brother-in-law, fuck you in your sister’s kitchen. Hell, it was wrong to even talk to Joel, since you promised Maria to keep your distance to him. But at this point, you couldn’t seem to care. All you cared about was Joel, his dick filling you up splitting you open, his one hand grabbing your ass holding you in place, his lips trailing up and down your throat while his thump flicked at your clit, pushing you effortlessly over the edge.

#joel miller fic #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #joel miller #fanfiction #fanfic #joel x reader #tommy miller #the last of us hbo #tlou hbo #hbo the last of us #ellie williams #maria miller #hbo tlou #ellie x y/n

[mosstreemosstreebird]

MmmmMMMMMM ADHD~✨

I tried to go to sleep at 10pm but I went to sleep at THREEEEEE AM~!✨

I tried to get up at 7am and I got up at NINE THIRTY IN THE MORNING~~✨

I wanted to start work at ✨~9 AM~✨ but it is currently ELEVEN THIRTY SIXXX AND I AM BACK IN MY BED LIKE A HEINOUS LITTLE WORMMMMMMMMM~~~~~~✨✨✨✨

#adhd #actuallyadhd #the trials and tribulations of being fucking WACK

[orgasmonparalysis-blog]

March 18th, 2017.

This morning at around 10:00AM, I found myself caught in between reality and a nightmare. Sleep paralysis again. It’s been awhile but I’ve been not myself lately. A lot of thoughts combined. Feelings of pure guilt and going back to the unwanted thoughts that circled in my head too many times before. Maybe the lightning in my eyes from the constant starring into my devices. My brain needs a break most likely. It could be a place of hell. But I won’t allow it. I am strong you see. Depression, it flew in me that one time. But back to this reality that I thought that it truly was. I had been thinking of Rakim before that. How we would meet someday and how we would share this touch that could be combined into one. I felt his need yesterday and we talked pretty much all day through twitter. He goes away from time to time and we just started talking a few days ago. But not like we did yesterday. I like him. But I like the version I am presented with. That’s always how it begins right? You don’t get to see them, but you feel them in every way you don’t want to. Especially after having multiple encounters with people who sort of wronged you. I smiled last night. All while recording a fresh breath of air. Something called ‘’sorda’’ which is my slang for ‘’sorta’’. I was talking about how I sort of liked him. I want to love someone a bit. But I wanted to share the passion more without feeling unfulfilled after. Not that I want to be fulfilled by it but I feel this blockage inside. Like I can’t be happy after someone passes me by. In the moment is in the moment for me but after that, it’s back to reality. That reality is mostly my problem. The paranoia. The stains. The OCD. What is OCD? The ADHD. Who is that kid in me?

But going back to the reality I had this morning,

Once I had realized that I was in this condition of paralysis, I rested like I would normally do in this state to see if I could try to wake up properly again. But hald of my body would not allow me to. I think I tried about 4 times before laying here. Eventually my ghost decided to stretch a little more and I was able to reach for the phone that was near me and I tried calling my sister but she couldn’t understand a word coming from my mouth. I ended up calling my cousin Ann-Mary whom I don’t even talk to anymore. She couldn’t understand because it sounded like I was mumbling. I was basically mumbling actually. But it all felt so real. I guess I must have given up or something but this little feeling just started escalating like a cute little whisper inside of my hole. I’ve felt this little flute before. I like this flute alot. She corrects me down there. She treats me. Pending for days. But she returns so suddenly.

An orgasm saved me from my paralysis. An orgasm.

I woke up, curved my back a little feeling uncomfortable because the window stores were open and then a speck of white gel was apparent.

I must have really came after that.

Today, I plan on moving my butt. Getting out there and focusing on by body. She is so out of shape. It feels weird saying ‘’she’’. Everything is like paranoia to me and I hate that. I want to be able to step on anything that makes me feel scared. All the little things. this OCD. I will crash you.

I’m going to get hemp hearts and spirulina.I’m on this journey to somewhere between veganism and vegetarianism without dying. Then I’m hoping to grow some female pussy lips and go to Tai Chi even though my instructor makes me feel a little hot and bothered? He’s this Korean Goddess. Maybe in his mid 40′s? But I am sure he is way older than that but looks amazing because he can stretch like better than a monkey probably can. it has been a year now and my body…it cannot stretch. I’m dead inside and out.

I want to change that today.

***

12:26 AM. I ended up getting my Valerian tincture and the rest of the things I needed. The thing about not knowing how to feel is a result of my misunderstandings if that makes any sense. the unknown in its own form. I’m here eating left-over pizza with vegan cheese from Pizza Pizza. I must say, this fucking cheese sucks. I checked the stove a few times even when I knew it was turned off. I guess I should be sleeping but my plans took an unexpected turn today. I broke a lot of promises today, but that’s okay, there’s always tomorrow. I guess I’m semi-permanently sort of high right now too. We were there tonight in another artists’ globe. Think if the Christmas ones you shake just to see the snow fall around. My friend and her friend came to bring me some tofu soup. No one ever comes over. It wasn’t planned but they had came a few days before that and so I thought it was the good thing to do. To invite them into my home even though deep down I fucking hate this place so much. There’s just way too many bad memories involved in all of her walls. As the chatting began, I realized I wasn’t alone in the intrusive world and I felt compassionate towards those who have sleeked their own deaths. How sad. It truly is. Around Christmas. A few days before it I found out that an old childhood mate had taken his own life which made me question myself at that time and my own anxiety. I had messaged his sister in complete shock but there are no words to tell you how and what I felt about this. He committed suicide back in 2010. It took me all these years to find out. But you want to know something really fucked up? It’s as though I had gotten a premonition. It felt like a deja vue and if you ask me how, I wouldn’t be able to tell you why. It’s like I had already known and that my friend, is really fucked up. I cried so much that one night. I think more than once so maybe twice. I wept. I just wish I could have kissed him softly. But back then, we were kids in elementary school. He was bullied a lot. I bullied him a bit at some point but not as much as the other kids did. I felt like I let him down. But I was a kid and there’s many things I would have changed had I known the shit I know now. I miss you along with the other people I have lost along the way. And the funny thing about it is that the people I have a hard time letting go are the people I wasn’t keeping in touch with.

My photographer friend captured some real art today. Jazzy little pink drums with a speck of rose scented hues like the red light district. I was there too. Sort of in this dream you could say. New acquaintances helping to bring to life the things for her that still and will always hold much meaning. Her other friend was super high during her shoot so I’m not even sure how the fuck that’s even going to turn the fuck out. lol. I’m not sure why or how God put me there. But I was there and in the back of my mind, I know and feel most things and maybe all things have their purposes. But what was mine? As always, I feel a bit blank this morning (because it is 12:AM and up technically). Maybe because I’m partially high. I even told myself I wouldn’t smoke again but that shit doesn’t come to find me so it’s actually that time to put throw the blame on myself. Like I don’t do that enough already. I also told myself I wouldn’t let myself be in the car with someone under the influence again but there I was, sitting in between the passenger belt with the panic attacks still lurking in my guilt from freedom.  I really don’t plan on taking this chance every again.

It’s often more personal than we know when we are just two high people in each others company. It’s really easy to misinterpret another’s intentions in this mind-state. I know you will be well and we all will. My hope. But for now, we are faced with many trials and tribulations. I get frustrated not knowing what and how to say things. On the trip back home, the radio station was playing this song that went ‘’Maria Maria, girl, I know you so much…She turn around and tell me…its not easy to spend plenty money.’’

Tomorrow I must go and take the first photo for my book. The first picture of many pictures to come. I didn’t hear from my potential new love today but I which I could play with this mystery. You know I feel so alone in myself sometimes. I wish something could help and I want temporary love. Something that will last long enough to make me whole at last. Long enough that I won’t sigh if the feeling of a lost soul come back. That’s me. I need to call the Counselling office and find out when appointment is because the date she had me write down doesn’t mark on the Wednesday.

My mother needed passion fruit for eyes.

She’s cold at first but then she is nice. Natalie called and brought me to church.