#the shit ashton says makes me want to tear out my hair and i could write analysis on why but they’re still one of my favourite characters | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkmonster21 · 2 years

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Showtime

Kensy Bixby, popular, attractive, talented. The youngest child of two Broadway stars, she could have it all. She could have anyone she wanted. What on earth is she doing with a guy like Judd Birch?

Judd Birch x OC

1. 2. 3. 4.

Kensy POV:

I gasp awake, sitting up in a flash. Ice cold water drenched me. I wipe my eyes seeing my mother holding the now empty glass. “You’re late!” I look at the clock in agony. 4:48 AM. She storms out in a fit. I’m surprised she doesn’t have a wine glass in her hand yet.

Just three weeks until the musical and then maybe I can get some rest. Connie groans as I flip the fluffy duvet off, “didn’t we just fall asleep 20 minutes ago?” I tug on my running shoes without blinking, “3 hours ago actually.” I step onto the machine and get going. I was so tired last night I didn’t even bother changing out of my rehearsal clothes.

Beads of sweat drop onto the treadmill as it comes to a stop. I fall to my knees, my chest feeling like it’s collapsing. Connie puts a cold towel over my shoulders, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” I shake my head, “Josh didn’t have it nearly as hard.” I stomp into my bathroom turning on the shower.

“Ya know what always makes you feel good?” Connie rolls up a blunt passing it to me. “Leave 30 minutes early and drive around. You deserve it.” I hug her letting a tear flow, “I love you!”

I roll down the windows letting the smoke flow out. Iron Maiden blaring from my speakers, the wind whipping in my hair, my red eyes squinting as my lips curve into a small smile.

I pull into Leah’s and knock on the front door. The door swings open to reveal Leah. “I like this surprise!” She hugs me and tugs me inside. “Kensy’s here!” The Birch family cheers in glee as I enter the room.

“I’ll make you a plate, sweetie.” Diane smiles grabbing a placemat and setting it beside Judd. As I pass behind his chair I slide my fingers across the back of his neck. He watches as I sit down, I nod in his direction, “Good morning!”

Mr. Birch claps his hands, “I just love how positive you are!” I smile waving my hand, “you’re so kind.” I grab my fork digging into my breakfast.

“You two want a ride?” I ask directing it towards Leah and Nick. Nick’s eyes light up as he sprints from his chair to retrieve his bag. “Let me use the restroom and we can go.” I rise from my seat and walk through the living room to the downstairs bathroom. Connie giggles as I pee. “Girl, you have that boy so damn confused on what to do! It’s hilarious!”

I stand, proceeding to wash my hands. I look at myself in the mirror, admiring my butt in my workout shorts, white T-shirt, and a jean jacket. I wanted to pair it with my white scrunchie but I couldn’t find it anywhere!

Tap… tap… tap…

I dart my attention to the wall behind me, where three singular taps sound from. I place my ear up against the wall, “Boo.” A deep voice sounds from deep within. I jerk back hitting the skink. I grip the edge of it for dear life. “What the fuck was that?” I whisper in fear. Connie rushes to the door, “who cares! Let’s get the fuck out of here! Go, go, go!” She pushes me out of the bathroom.

The three of us gather into my car. Nick scrunched up his nose as he buckles in. “It smells funky in here.”

Shit.

Leah looks to me with a smirk, “I didn’t know you smoke.” I shrug, “here and there.” “Wouldn’t your mom kill you?” I toss my head back laughing, “for sure, but she’s an alcoholic. She can’t say much.”

Nick sits up with a smile, “I want to come with you, Kensy!” “NO!” Leah and I shout together.

Nick shoves his head out the window as we pass by a group of kids, two behind Jay and Andrew, his friends.

Nick throws up his hands as he shouts, “look at me! BIG DICK BOY! Riding in the Mercedes Benz, bitches!”

I wipe my forehead as I finish the number, Lay all your love on me. The director claps loudly, “perfection! You delivered on your promise, Kensy! I feel the chemistry.” Ashton holds his chin high, he places his hand on my hip. I move away from his grasp.

Connie lays on the ground stretching in her dancewear. “It’s because we ain’t thinking about Ashton! Plus being a great actress helps.” It’s true. The entire rehearsal I imagined Ashton was Judd. It’s the only reason the director even noticed the change!

“Remember! Only three more weeks until opening night! You’re dismissed!”

I gather my things waiting for most of the crew to file out before I leave. I open the doors leading to the parking lot. “That musical is gay.” I jerk my head around to see none other than Judd Birch shaking a can of spray paint, finishing his mark on the side of the school. I cross my arms, “stalking is illegal, ya know.” Judd stands, putting his can in his backpack. He walks closer to me with a blank face, “yeah.” He grabs my chin lightly, tilting my head up, he smirks before pecking my lips one singular time. Then, he turns around leaving me once again, star-struck, confused, and horny. Connie shivers, “damn, this guy is good.”

My mother claps with a smile. A smile fueled by red wine. “Beautiful! Ah, I can’t wait to see you on the stage, baby girl!” She pulls my head into her chest. “Run it 7 more times then come inside.” She leaves me in the studio.

I rewind the track starting from the top. I finished letting my hands fall to my knees catching my breath.

The door opens, a figure emerging from the dark. I wipe my eyes, making sure they’re not playing tricks on me. “Judd?”

He strolls in casually nodding his head in my direction. “I knew you were rich but damn.” “What are you doing here?” Judd smirks at me, walking closer. He takes out a lighter and a can of hairspray, “you wanna burn some of your neighbor's bushes?”

Connie shakes my shoulders screaming, “oh my god! This is a date! I’m a weird emo way!”

I let my mouth fall gape, “I don’t know. Won’t we get caught?” Judd shrugs, “Maybe. You wanna go or not, pussy?” I cross my arms, “I’m not a pussy!” Judd chuckles holding the lighter out, “prove it, pussy.”

Oh my god. What am I doing? What is happening?

I snatch the lighter out of his hand, “the Phoenix’s across the street are dicks.” Judd nods, a small smile on his lips.

We stand on the sidewalk in front of my house. Judd starts walking across the road, I follow his lead. The line of crimson fire plated perfectly in their yard shines in the dim light. He tosses me the can and I fumble to catch it. I look at it confused, “what am I supposed to do?” “Hair spray is flammable, pussy.”

Connie holds her own can of hairspray and lighter burning their mailbox to a crisp, she screams with joy as it falls.

I ease the can to the bushes, flick the lighter, and spray the chemicals through the lighter creating a makeshift flamethrower. The leaves of the bushes burn, one bush spreading to the next. Judd laughs watching them burn.

“Hey! You fuckers!” Donny Phonix rushes down his front steps sprinting towards us. “Oh shit.”

Judd drags me away, our fingers locked tightly as we run away. He runs to a van jumping in the driver's seat, I get into the passenger side.

Judd speeds off as a cop car races past us on its way to the Phoenix residence. I laugh loudly, unable to contain the feeling. “Oh, wow!” I rest my head back on the seat.

“You like it?” Judd smiles driving at high speeds. I laugh again, the adrenaline running through my veins. “That was awesome!”

Judd pulls behind a row of buildings in town quickly. He reaches over pulling the collar of my shirt. He sets me in his lap, attacking my mouth with his. He runs his hands over my bare legs, my shorts clinging to my waist. He bites my bottom lip, pulling it out. He holds my waist with one hand, the other against the nape of my neck, keeping me close. I lean down again attempting to get another kiss, but he holds me back. His deep green eyes stare into mine. He strokes his thumb across my cheek. “I’ll take you home.” What? Did I do something wrong? Does my breath stink?

Judd pulls up to my house two blocks away. The cops are gone and the Phoenix family is left grieving over their crisp bushes on the sidewalk.

Judd reaches across my body, opening my door. He smirks, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I narrow my eyes confused, “you will?” He nods, “yeah. I’m always watching.”

I step out taking a last glance at him, “Bye, Judd.” He smirks widely, “Bye, Kensy.” He stops the gas pedal, burning his tires on the road, and leaving me in the dust.

“He said my name.” Connie bumps shoulders with me, “he also knows where you live. Maybe he’ll climb in the window and have a midnight snack!”

I walk up the sidewalk, opening the gate to my house. I walk in the front, all the lights off, Marvin sat by the door. “I’m sorry I took so long, Marvin.” He shakes his head, “no apologies needed, Ms. Bixby. I’m glad you got to see your friend.”

I glance up at him confused, “my friend?” “Yes. That boy. I caught him walking in the grass. He said he was picking you up to hang out.” I blush and bite my lip. I nod with a smile, “yes, my friend. His name is Judd.”

Tagged: @grim-adventures58 @calumspupils @medeaa5

#judd birch x reader #big mouth #judd birch x oc #judd birch #big mouth fandom #big mouth fanfic

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wastelandcth · 3 years

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Love Again - cth

sad disco - part one

summary: used to be afraid of love and what it might do but goddamn, you got me in love again.

author’s notes: thanks again for your patience on this one! based on love again - dua lipa!

warnings: mentions of sexual themes, mentions of food, angst.

masterlist || request || join my taglist!

Sometimes, Calum's heart beat so loud that he was sure the entire world could hear it. He felt the pounding in his chest, left breathless by the sheer power of the muscle that kept his blood pumping. Sometimes, Calum thought that his heart had simply forced itself into hiding, protecting Calum from any more hurt and heartbreak. Those were the times where the pounding was dull and ached, almost as if the one thing keeping him alive was the reason for him shutting down. He liked to think that's who he could blame now, his heart for wanting to protect him from another heartbreak.

But no, Calum had done that on his own.

Calum had barely left his house. Ever since that night when he'd been a fool and let you go, he had decided that hiding away in his house was his best course of action. He had hated the way the tears in your eyes fell down onto Ashton's shoulder. More so, he hated the fact that he was the reason for those tears. He hadn't known the true reason until early the next morning when his pounding headache and the blaring phone had woken him up. He'd winced through Ashton's explanation of the night's events after Calum had been left alone in a club, wishing that he could just erase the night and never had it have happened.

"She's....she's really hurt man, you should really talk to her," Ashton sighed, the man sounding way too awake and not hungover like Calum was, "You both need to tell each other the truth."

"I doubt she wants to talk to me," Calum sighed, "I'm going to give her some space."

"Cal-" Ashton started, a sigh evident in his voice as Calum interrupted him.

"Thanks for taking care of her, Ash."

You weren't sure where things had gone wrong. You'd never been one to cry over useless drama or men, especially not when those men were nothing but a friend to you. But life had a funny way of throwing curveballs at you and you'd found yourself stuck on your living room couch most days, staring up at the ceiling to try and stop the tears. Those pesky tears that fell no matter how many times you tried to convince yourself that you were stronger than this and that a man was not worth your tears, especially one who had technically done nothing wrong. Sure, Calum had been single, he'd been allowed to dance with whoever he wanted to because he was an adult and that was his business. But Calum had never wanted to dance with you.

It had been two weeks since that night, where you shamelessly cried to Ashton as the city lights passed by the two of you, two weeks since Calum and you hadn't spoken. Before, when things were nice and friendly, you two couldn't go a day without talking. Text messages, phone calls, and airdrops were common occurrences between the two of you so the radio silence was killing you. The number of times a funny picture or tiktok reminded you of him, the urge to send it to Calum forcing you to push more tears down, had been too many in the past couple of days. You'd even cut off nights out with your friends, fearing that Calum would be there and you'd be forced to talk about that night. It hurt, even more, knowing that the thought of going out again to that club wouldn't be the same, that dancing would never feel the same. All because of a stupid man with an addicting smile and humor to match your own.

Calum had been hesitant about Ashton's proposal. He was used to having nights out together, getting dinner, and then going back to his place to watch a movie or play video games until the mind-numbing hours in the morning. But Calum hadn't left his house in weeks and he knew this was Ashton's way to tell him to get his shit together and get over himself. He knew that this game night was just another way for Ashton to knock some sense into him, a way for Calum to maybe score some free food and booze and pretend to listen to his friend tell him to get his head out of his ass. So without another thought, Calum grabbed his jacket and made his way to Ashton’s house.

Ashton had promised you that the movie night would consist of watching shitty romcoms, eating ice cream, and having way too many fries from McDonald’s. You’d been wary about the night out, knowing that Ashton had been trying to get you out of your living room for days on end, but you knew that he had been trying his best to make you feel better. A night out was what you needed, the lack of socialization and the promise of ice cream the pushing force to get you into your car and driving towards Ashton’s house. As you pulled into the driveway, you saw Ashton standing outside, waving over at you and grinning.

“You made it! Come inside,” Ashton cheered as you got out of the car, leading you into the comfort of his home, “The pizza should be here soon.”

Walking into the living room, you froze as you saw a familiar head of curly hair sitting on Ashton's couch. Calum, who was way too focused on the video game in front of him, looked just as breathtaking as he always looked. His messy curls were splayed across his forehead, his shoulders tense as he took a sharp turn on the race he was in. He looked so beautiful and all the sadness from the past weeks disappeared the second you heard him laugh. But the familiar sound of a car leaving a driveway made your shoulders and your breath hitch when Calum's head turn and his eyes met yours.

"Oh..." Calum breathed out, his eyes widening as he set the controller down, the screen behind him coming to a still, much like the air between you both.

"Hey you two, it's Ashton," Ashton's voice rang out from a speaker, "Please don't hate me but we all know this was meant to happen and it's been weeks so...." he chuckled nervously, "You both have feelings for one another and I'm not going to let you through that away. So, I'm leaving you two alone and I just hope you guys don't fuck on my bed."

You both stood in silence, listening to Ashton's words echoed in your heads as you both stared at one another. Calum's eyes watched as you slowly walked towards the couch, watched as your hands cupped the side of his face, and pulled him into a kiss. The kiss made you both gasp into each other's mouth, made you both finally jump across that thin line you both had danced around for countless nights and countless days. It was the scissors that finally snipped the string that had strung between them. The kiss was all the words that neither of them could say.

The door to Ashton's guest room was pushed open, the darkness of the room hiding both of you. The bed was creaking, every thrust and every rock of hips met with the sound of skin meeting. Calum's silver chain was hanging above you, brushing against your chest with every thrust of his hips, the cold metal a relief from the heat that spurred between you both. Your hand found Calum's arm in the dark, trailing down his forearm until your fingers wrapped around his wrist and brought it up to your neck.

"Fuck, baby," Calum breathed out, his ring-clad fingers wrapping around the base of your throat.

As the mattress underneath you both rocked and the headboard bumped into the wall behind you, you felt closer and closer to Calum. You felt the passion through every rock of his hips, through every grunt and breathy sigh that left him. It was all the passion and unsaid words that had gone unspoken between the two of you for months. And when the high came crashing down upon you both, when the moans echoed through the room and hips stilled, you knew that you'd found the one who made your heart race again.

"I'm sorry," Calum mumbled and sighed quietly, "I...I should've called earlier and tried to fix this, I just...I don't even know," he sighed and shook his head as his fingers traced soft circles onto your hip.

"No, I was just, I never even thought you could ever have feelings for me and I hurt my own feelings," you mumbled and frowned, "I pushed you away and I can't even begin to apologize."

"I think we were both just...scared?" he sighed and shrugged, "Afraid of whatever we were headed towards."

"I was afraid to lose you," you whispered, "Afraid that I had lost you that night when I saw you dancing with her."

"I wanted to show you I could dance," he chuckled quietly and bit his lip, "I saw you dancing with that guy and I...I don't know I thought I could make you jealous enough to have you dance with me."

"You could've just asked," you whispered and shook your head, "I'd always dance with you."

And in a way, Calum knew that meant that you loved him too.

Your soft breaths hit Calum's neck, the soft puffs of air leaving him in disbelief that you were actually laying next to him. The past few weeks had left him wondering if he'd ever get to see you again, to be next to you. But the night had changed in such a quick instant that Calum had forgotten he was in Ashton's house for a second. He'd gone from playing video games on his best friend's couch to sleeping with the love of his life, finally telling you the truth about how he felt. He'd gone from being someone who tried to run away from love, run away from being open, to let himself be vulnerable in front of someone who he'd hurt. He wasn't afraid of letting his feelings be known any more and even if it felt surreal in that bed where you slept next to him, he could believe that he was in love with you.

All he had to do now was take you out dancing

taglist: @hoodhoran @finelliine @moonlightcriess @mxgyver @calpops @karajaynetoday @notlukehemmo @calumrose @devilatmydoor @lowkeyflop @matchacal @hemmo1996-5sosvevo @myloverboyash @2fangirl4u @multistann @wiiildflowerrr

#calum hood x you #calum hood x reader #calum hood blurbs #calum hood imagines #calum hood fics #5sos x reader #5sos x you #5sos blurbs #5sos imagines #5sos fics #calum hood smut #5sos smut #calum hood #5sos #5 seconds of summer #gemma writes #song requests

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heartcal · 3 years

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“who do you believe?”; l.h.

Disclaimer: i didn’t want to write sierra as a bad person because i personally cannot see that, and i know there’s some discourse about her within in the fandom but i don’t want any of that here! so i named the girlfriend after a girl who bullied me in elementary school lol (but another disclaimer: i do not want to see any hate towards the boys’ s/o! pls don’t send any asks that talks bad about them, i will not answer them!)

thank you for requesting! :^)

a/n: while transfering this from microsoft word, the formatting kept screwing up for some reason so if there are some janky paragraphs, i apologize! not too comfortable with this one compared to my previous fic (this feels rushed) but it is long and i did not mean for that to happen lol. enjoy!

if there are any mistakes, please tell me!

pairing(s): not really a mention of luke hemmings x reader but it’s mostly luke hemmings x named gf (rachel/oc) (gender neutral but if i slipped up, please let me know!)

summary: having known luke for years, it was bound to happen eventually. the crush you developed happened before you could stop it, and you did your best to keep it a secret. you told no one, did your best not to show it, so what do you do when his girlfriend finds out?

genre: angst, and mostly angst >:^)

warnings: swearing, luke’s gf being mean, bullying?

wc: 4,057 (she’s a long one)

my masterlist!

You don��t know when it happened, or frankly how it happened, but one thing is for sure: you don’t want to feel this way.

Was it when he bought you a stuffed animal version of a pet you had as a kid, one that you remember so fondly and still tear up about it to this day? Or was it when he would always bring back a certain candy you can only find in its country of origin, and bring as much as customs would allow? Maybe it was when he printed out every photo he could find from the beginning of your friendship to the present day (at that time) and made a scrapbook for your birthday since you cherish memories?

Whatever memory it was, you want to track it down and destroy it. It wasn’t fair that you developed such strong feelings for your best friend, knowing he doesn’t feel the same since he’s taken.

It’s not that he isn’t attractive – far from that because if anything, you wish you could draw just so you can draw him because there’s no way someone can look that good – but it’s more of the fact that he’s your best friend, someone you hold dear to you.

You two grew up together; saw each other’s worst phases, styles, and embarrassing moments (it was well documented towards the middle of the scrapbook). He was with you when you went through bad break-ups, and you with him. Throughout school, you two were inseparable, and when the band got big he made sure to keep you close and to never lose contact. It was hard in the beginning but you two managed.

Now finished with college, you’ve taken on the role of working with the team when they’re on tour and helping plan aesthetics for the next album. He offered the jobs after you struggled to find a job after graduation, and in the end, you enjoyed being with the guys and doing the tasks needed.

Tonight, the band was set to play their new album to an intimate crowd. It was to welcome back old fans and welcome new fans, introducing both sides to a new sound they worked hard on. You couldn’t be any more proud.

You sat on the couch as the guys walked around the room, pepping themselves up and hyping each other. You had finished doing your tasks with the crew and spent your free time watching the band prepare as the audience began to fill in the theater seats.

A nudge on your arm makes you direct your eyes from Michael styling his hair with a nervous expression to the person on your left.

“What’s up?” you asked, smiling at the curly-haired individual.

Luke shrugs, glancing around the room before his eyes land back on you. He has a small smile on his face as he leans back onto the couch, “Nothing.”

You scoff, shaking your head with a smile, “Yeah, sure, ‘nothing,’” you mimic, tilting your head to the side, “I doubt that.”

“What do you want me to say?”

You give him an incredulous look, crossing your arms as you turn to face him. You can tell he’s nervous, like the rest of the team and the band, but he won’t admit it. He’s always wanted others to view him as strong and unbothered, especially when those around him feel off.

He mirrors your position, a smirk on his lips because he knows you’re about to lecture him.

And he’s right.

“Your band has a new album out in a couple of days—an album you guys have worked hard on even when your management gave you shit, mind you—and you’re about to perform a majority of the songs in front of 500. Are you not nervous?”

He shakes his head, smugly smiling as he returns to his position leaning against the couch, watching Ashton dry the wet ends of his hair.

“Liar,” you mumble, uncrossing your arms and taking your phone out to check the time.

“Alright,” Luke sighs, giving in, “maybe I’m a little nervous, but I’m not a wreck.”

He’s still a liar. The success of their last album was astounding, so creating an album to reach that level and hopefully top it was hard enough. Playing it in front of an intimate crowd who may or may not like it was tough.

Luke isn’t cocky. He’s a humble man, but he likes to joke around in stressful situations. He’s used to concerts, so he doesn’t have any anxiety when it comes to performing. But when he is nervous for any reason, he won’t show it. He’ll act cool, completely collected with his head held high in confidence. If he needs to relieve the stress, he’ll either do it himself with a strong pep talk, or he’ll go to you.

“What are you nervous about?” You ask, wanting to make him feel better.

“Will they like it? Will it even chart? Is it too bold?” he continues listing out his insecurities about the album and the performance, finally lifting everything off his chest.

And you listen. The way his eyes stare into yours with slight confidence, covered by worry makes your heart sore. Luke’s kept everything inside and now that he’s listing his grievances, it makes you wonder just what else you can get out of him that he’s kept buried inside.

However, before you can give him your insight on this particular problem, “Luke!”

His head immediately turns to the door, the worry in his eyes fading out into sheer happiness and adoration. Something you’ve always wanted to see directed towards you.

Luke stands arms wide as he captures his girlfriend in his arms for a hug. Her arms wrap around his waist as his arms go around her shoulders, dipping his head down to kiss her on the head.

“I can’t believe you made it!” you hear him speak with excitement, expressing more words of happiness as he guides her to another part of the room.

You don’t miss the way her eyes glare in your direction, and you’re not afraid to give her a look back.

Rachel was nice when you met her. You actually liked her, despite your crush on Luke, and you were rooting for the two. But, a couple months ago during a stressful week, she turned on you. Her attitude towards you shifted, almost as if you had disrespected her and her bloodline. She would always act as if you weren’t in the room, and when plans were made with the boys, she would “accidentally” leave you out. It was embarrassing for you when you’d find out your friends went out, calling you to find out why you didn’t come. Due to the embarrassment, you would go along with it, making up some excuse as to why you were absent.

None of the boys, to your knowledge at least, have caught on to her antics, and you honestly hope they don’t. Whatever it is you did to her, you want to find out for yourself so you can fix it.

With a sigh, you stand from the couch, stretching your arms briefly before wandering to Calum, who stood in the shower room connected to the dressing room.

“Hey,” you greeted him with a warm smile.

He smiles back, finishing his drink before tossing the plastic cup in the trash. He grabs his bass, which was placed on the counter, and holds it out to you.

“You want me to see if it sounds out of tune?” you jokingly ask.

He nods, “Yeah, I feel like one of the chords might be flat.”

You chuckle as you pluck a random chord. His instruments are always tuned before it’s time to play. One of his pre-show nervous ticks was the constant doubt of his instruments being playable.

“It’s fine, Calum.”

The doubt shows on his face as he brings his guitar back to himself, putting it on and checking the chords himself, but it doesn’t last long as Ashton’s voice calls everyone to the center of the room.

Walking with Calum to where the rest of the crew was, you notice how attached Luke was to Rachel. Joint at the hip, arms wrapped around each other; it was annoying.

“Show starts in ten,” Ashton gains your attention, holding up a cup as Michael hands Calum a similar cup before doing the same to Luke. The three follow the drummer’s action as he continues, “let’s make this show fuckin’ awesome.”

The crew cheers, dying down quickly as Michael gives his thoughts, “We worked our asses off for this album, I don’t have any doubts about it. We got this, guys!”

The cheers resume as those with a drink take a celebratory sip before placing their empty cup on a surface near them.

Calum leaves your side to join Michael while Ashton heads to you.

“You excited?” he asks, putting his right arm around your shoulders with a large smile.

“Yeah!” you return the smile, “What about you? Nervous like the others?”

He shakes his head, crinkling his nose, “I’m not too nervous. I’m just happy to play again.”

You’re about to ask him what song he was the most excited to play, starting to get into the conversation but yet again you are interrupted by Rachel.

“Hey, Ash,” she greets him, Luke following close behind her as his arms make their way back around her shoulders again.

“Hi, Rachel,” Ashton nods his head at her – his eyes dance to Luke briefly before returning to Rachel’s, “didn’t think you’d make it.”

“Couldn’t miss your big show,” she smiles, looking up at her boyfriend as she pats his stomach.

Luke laughs, gently pushing her hand away from him, “I’m surprised, too—“ he grabs the guitar a crew member hands him, left arm lifting itself from Rachel’s shoulder as he slips the strap over his head, “—because her schedule did not look clear enough, but here she is.”

“Three minutes,” a different crew member rushes out, patting Luke and Ashton’s shoulders before rushing to tell the others.

“See you after,” Luke shifts his guitar away from Rachel before leaning down to kiss her on the lips – something you wish you didn’t see – and turning around to head out of the dressing room.

Ashton gives you a quick hug, “Excited for the lights,” he mumbles in your ear before turning to Rachel to give her a side hug.

It doesn’t go unnoticed how Rachel’s eyes glared at you by Ashton, but he doesn’t mention it as he heads out with the other guys towards the stage.

As a majority of the crew follow them out, you stay behind to clean up the empty cups and other trash, trying to occupy yourself as Rachel too stayed behind.

Her eyes followed you as you moved about the room, carrying the small plastic bag with you as it fills up with cups and wrappers. You could feel the glare burning into your side and back as you paid her no mind.

When it was just you two left, the bass from their opening song was heard and felt as you finished picking up the garbage.

“For how long have you liked Luke?”

You froze. Your head whipped towards Rachel, wide-eyed as you glanced around the room to make sure it was just the two of you.

“What…what are you talking about?” You can feel an extreme warmth rising up from the bottom of your back, all the way to your face, nervousness clouding your brain as she stares you down.

“Luke—,” she crosses her arms and moves to the couch, “how long have you liked Luke?”

“I don’t—I,” you stutter, your stomach dropping as you realize you’ve been caught.

His girlfriend knows you like him.

“Cut the bullshit,” she spits, “I can see it. You’ve been friends with him for years, you obviously caught feelings for him.”

You shake your head, standing up straight to give off the illusion of confidence. Turning your back to her and towards the door, “I don’t have to talk to you.”

You opted for walking out of the dressing room and go watch the band from the side of the stage, but you made a quick stop in the bathroom to splash cold water on your face.

You did what you could to avoid her during their performance. You knew she was watching you, seething at how you ended the conversation so fast.

Rachel wanted to break you down, find the reason why you like him and separate you two for as long as it takes to make him fall in love with her. She finds you a problem in their relationship because of how close you and Luke are, because of how long you’ve known each other. A threat to her and her relationship.

An hour and a half later, the show is finished and the whoops and cheers from the crowd indicate the album was very well received. That thought swept the interaction with Rachel from earlier under the rug as the boys’ adrenaline spread throughout the crew.

Ashton was first to greet you, sweaty and ready to envelop you in a hug but you’re quick to avoid it, ducking down just as his arms closed around the space where your head was. He laughs it off, heading for his next victim.

Next was Calum, who grabbed a drink from Andy and gulped it down. He had a smile on his face after, only growing wider when he saw you. “I think they liked it!”

“Bass in tune, huh?” you return, patting his back as he passes you to go to the next person.

Michael is the third, taking off his hat (which made you question why he was so worried about his hairstyle that he spent at least fifteen minutes playing with before the show). He stops in front of you, phone in hand as he takes a picture of the two of you: a tradition he started a few tours ago as a joke.

Finally, Luke makes his way towards you, ready to ramble about the show but is brisked away by Rachel. He doesn’t even glance over at you after he’s taken away towards the hall.

Entering the dressing room where the rest of the boys sat, you saw Michael talking animatedly on the phone, Calum laying across the couch with an arm over his eyes, and Ashton wiping off excess sweat with a towel. He was the first one to notice you.

“Ready for that hug?” he asks as you approach him.

“Why not.”

You hug each other, smiling as you pulled away. In the distance, over the cool-down music, you hear Luke’s laughter in the hall. Knowing he’s with Rachel makes you wonder if she’s told him about her suspicions, and that thought alone makes you clam up all over again.

Ashton immediately notices, tilting his head as he asks you what’s wrong.

“Nothing,” you quickly reply, eyes focusing on him.

He notices how jittery you seem, but he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable so he says nothing.

“Guys,” Andy comes in with his camera in hand, “we need to take a few photos.”

The three agree and follow the photographer out. You move to the snack table for a bottle of water, but before you can take a sip, someone clears their throat in the doorway.

You roll your eyes immediately because you know who it is. You don’t pay her any attention and instead take the sip of water you need.

“We need to finish that conversation you oh-so rudely ended,” Rachel moves into the room, keeping her voice down as she crosses her arms.

“We don’t need to finish anything.”

She scoffs, “I asked you a question, and you were so quick to avoid it. I think you’re proving a point.”

“What point?” you turn to look at her, “I know you don’t like me but I don’t know why, can we start with that?”

“Like I said before, I know you like Luke. He’s my boyfriend, and I don’t like how he’s close to you.”

“We grew up together,” you state, standing tall as you glare at her, “of course we’re going to be close.”

“Well I don’t like it,” she huffs.

You shake your head with a sigh, closing the lid to the bottle as you turn your back to her. You were getting angry at the fact that someone who didn’t know Luke as long as you did was hinting that you should stay away from him.

“Stop hanging out with him.”

A curt laugh escapes you before you can stop it, “Are you jealous of our friendship?”

“No,” she smirks, “but I know you’re jealous of our relationship.”

She’s right; you’re only a little jealous of their relationship, but it’s not something you want to risk your friendship with.

You open your mouth to defend yourself, but you’re caught off-guard when nothing comes out. The one opportunity to make her believe you don’t like her boyfriend and you can’t say anything.

Giving up with sinking shoulders, you glance at the door before looking back at her. Grimacing at her knowing smile, “How did you find out?”

She hums, “It was easy. I love him, so I know what it looks like to look at someone you love. You made it so obvious, I’m surprised no one else found out!”

You grit your teeth. You did your damn best to make sure no one, especially Luke or Rachel, know how you feel about him.

“I’m not intimidated by you,” she walks closer to you, arms uncrossing as her hands move to her hips, “but I won’t deny the fact that you and Luke have chemistry.”

“What will it take—” you place the bottle back on the table, “—for you to leave me alone?”

“Do the same to him.”

“What?”

“Leave him alone, unfriend him,” she shrugs, “simple as that.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you walk around her to the door, ready to end the conversation.

“Do that or I’ll tell him,” with a harsh tone she walks towards you, grabbing your arm to stop you from walking.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Okay,” another voice from the doorway makes the two of you jump, “that’s enough.”

Ashton walks into the room, grabbing Rachel’s hand and removing it from your arm.

“W—” she stutters out as she watches the tall man move to stand in front of you.

“I came back for my drumsticks—” his eyes shift to the object sticking out of his bag before dropping down to Rachel, “—but instead I find you, what, threatening a good friend of ours?”

Rachel is speechless while you’re frozen. It was embarrassing enough for one person to find out about your crush on Luke, but now Ashton might know and you want to go into hiding.

“Let it go,” you tug on Ashton’s shirt to get his attention but he doesn’t move.

“Telling someone who’s known your boyfriend longer than your relationship to just abandon him is low, Rachel. Don’t think the way you’ve been treating our friends has gone unnoticed.”

You hear more footsteps approaching the room, and now you wish the ground can swallow you up. You don’t want all this attention on you.

“What’s happening here?” Michael says as he peeks into the room, Luke behind him as Calum leans against the other side of the doorway.

“Nothing—,” Rachel tries to deflect but with four pairs of eyes on her, it becomes too much. Tears start pouring out, and you’re in disbelief.

How can she be the one crying after she was the one who was rude to you?

Luke immediately rushes in, creating a beeline right to her side to wrap her in his arms.

His eyes dart to yours, an emotion on his face of something you’ve never seen, but you know it’s not good.

“What did you do?”

You’re taken back by his tone and the way his angry eyes stare you down. It hurts because instead of staying neutral and finding out what exactly happened, he immediately chose a side: a side of someone he’s known for only for a short amount of time.

“Mate,” Ashton speaks up for you, “I think you’re asking the wrong person that.”

“No,” Luke’s voice raises, eyes moving from yours to stare into his band mate’s, “I’m asking the right person.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, your eyes welling with tears as the weight of everything happening within the last ten minutes starts to bring you down. Your eyes move away from the ones boring into yours, and with a tremble in your voice, “I didn’t do anything. She’s the one who started—.”

“Bullshit!” Luke’s roar cuts you off, “Absolute bullshit, because if she started it, then why is she the only one crying?!”

The two other guys move in to the room to mediate the situation.

“Luke, calm down,” Michael’s hands raise to the motion of ‘calm down’ as he tries to get Luke’s attention.

“There’s gotta be more to the story,” Calum moves to your side, checking on you briefly.

“Don’t,” Luke states as he watches Calum grab your shoulders to move you out of the room.

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” Ashton questions. He watches Luke soothingly rub Rachel’s back, wiping her tears with his free hand.

“My girlfriend is crying and you two were the only ones in here,” Luke replies, gently grabbing Rachel’s arms so he can look directly into her eyes, “what happened, babe?”

“I asked them—,” Rachel sniffles, continuing her façade, “—if they needed any help cleaning the room earlier and they yelled at—at me and told me to go away. Then after the show when you guys went for your photos, I came here to apologize to her, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.”

She was selling it; the tears, the sniffling, the stutters, and hiccups. A great actress who knows what she wants.

“That’s not true,” you inhale, your ears feeling warm and ringing, “she has had a problem with me lately and I don’t know why!”

Luke scoffs, shaking his head, wrapping Rachel in his arms again.

“C’mon,” Michael mumbles, wanting to leave the room.

Ashton turns around, watching your face go from pleading to blank as the tears fall from your eyes. He turns his head to face Luke, “You’re unbelievable,” he grabs your shoulders and starts to move you out of the room, “let’s go.”

Michael is already out of the room, the tension too much for him and ruining the after-show vibe. Calum is waiting by the door ready to help lead you out. Ashton has you turned around, pushing you towards the door.

“Wait, Luke,” you mumble, getting out of Ashton’s hold and turning back to face Luke.

He doesn’t look at you, sighing as he rubs Rachel’s head as it’s against his chest.

“Please,” you plead, begging him to look at you and when he does, you ask, “who do you believe?”

“What?”

“Who do you believe, Luke,” you gulp with a sniffle, “me or her?”

For a moment, you think you see hesitation. His jaw tenses as he stares you down, his best friend for years and someone he turned to when times got tough. He then looks down at the girl in his arms, someone he loves crying into his chest.

He sighs again, this time soft, before looking up to meet your eyes. He does notice the tears, the pain etched on your face as his other best friends watch them. “I believe Rachel.”

“This is fucking stupid,” Ashton mutters as he gently grabs your shoulders again to lead you out of the room.

You let the tears fall freely, not meeting any of the boys’ eyes as you kept your head face down.

You’ve lost your best friend. He chose someone else over you, a lie he chose to believe.

Whatever it was that made you catch feelings for your best friend, you wish you can find it and destroy it, along with any other memory you’ve made with him. After tonight, you want him erased from your cherished memories.

---

part two!

#5sos imagines #5sos blurbs #5sos drabbles #5sos one shots #5 seconds of summer imagines #5 seconds of summer blurbs #5 seconds of summer one shots #5 seconds of summer drabbles #luke hemmings imagines #luke hemmings blurbs #luke hemmings drabbles #req #5sos preferences #5 seconds of summer preferences #5sos imagine #5sos preference #5 seconds of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer preference

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calsplaidpants · 3 years

Text

teenage dream (luke hemmings)

summary: i wanna consider this more of a blurb of random memories dating luke that go with the song "teenage dream"

pairing: luke hemmings x reader

warnings: none

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you think i'm pretty without any makeup on

i woke up to soft kisses trailing up from my shoulder to my neck.

"babe" lukes soft voice rung through my ears. i smiled as i buried my face deeper into my pillow trying to go back to sleep.

"baby" luke whined pulling me closer to him

i smiled to myself and finally turned to face him. His face lit up and he jumped and started planting soft little kisses all over my face, causing me to giggle.

"i love you so much" he mumbled as he kissed me softly.

"ew ew stop lu i havent brushed my teeth" i laughed and pushed him away gently. he buried his face into the crook of my neck.

"______ you know i love everything about you. i dont care if you have stinky breath, this is my favorite version of you. you're so pretty without all the make up to" he whispered into my neck

"now stop being mean and kiss me please" he whined as he sat up.

i smiled and pulled him back down into a kiss.

you think i'm funny when i tell the punch line wrong

"fuck you ashton i cant fucking finish it" cal slurred slamming the half empty vodka bottle onto the table.

"pay up cal" ashton chuckled as he finished off his drink.

michael, calum, ashton, luke and i were currently hanging in our living room just drinking and chatting. calum and ashton were on the floor next to our coffee table. mikey was laying on the couch. while luke and i were cuddled up on the other couch.

"nooo you have to start what you finished cal" i blurted causing luke to giggle and the rest of the boys to look at me in confusion.

"girl i think you said it wrong" michael laughed

"nope nope i said it right he has to start what he finished" i slurred and luke laughed once again

"no love, its you have to finish what you started" luke giggled as he ran his hand through my hair

"shhhh same thing" i giggled putting one finger up to his lips and he laughed.

"CALUM GIVE ME MY MONEY" Ashton yelled.

i know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down

with work, hate from fans and family issues, everything was becoming too much for me. i've been bottling everything up for too long. so i finally let it all out.

the minute i got home from work, i jumped into bed and cried.

"________" lukes voice echoed from outside the door

shit he was home. i wiped my tears and mascara the best i could.

i watched as the door knob turned. once the door opened luke's tall figure was revealed. his face dropped when he saw me. he immediately ran over to sit with me and pull me into his embrace

he stayed quiet for a while, as he just held me and rubbed my back. the tears kept running down as much as i tried to hold it all in.

"what's wrong love?" he asked as he placed a hand on my cheek.

"nothing lu, its fine" i mumbled

"___________, no i dont want to hear the its fine or im fine. you're obviously not. i'm your boyfriend we live together. please trust me to be here for you. " he pleaded.

"lu, i dont want to burden yo-" i started before he cut me off

"no don't say that. you will never ever be a burden to me. i want to be here for you i want you to need and trust me. because i love you" he smiled.

that was the first time he said 'i love you'

"you love me?" i whispered looking up to him

"yes i do i have for a while, i just thought it was the perfect time to say it its okay if you dont feel ready to say it but i" he rambled as i cut him off

"no luke i love you too"i smiled and hugged him

"does this mean you're gonna finally let me in" he asked

"i think so" i whispered

before you met me I was alright, but things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life

"i'll have one of whatever she's having" a voice said

i looked up and a tall blonde was now sitting next to me, i smiled at him and looked back down to my drink to continue fiddling with the straw.

"i'm luke" he smiled

"_________, nice to meet you luke" i replied

"here's your long island iced" the bartender announced as he slid luke the drink

"good choice, my friend cant get enough of these" he laughed

"yeah they've been my favorite for so long" i smiled

"anyways what's got a pretty girl drinking alone on a tuesday night" he asked

"just stress from work and a crazy ex boyfriend i can't seem to get rid of. speaking of the devil here he comes" i sighed as dylan, a tall brunette covered in tattoos walked in.

"________ what the fuck are you doing here?" he yelled as he approached luke and i

"dylan we're not together. we just live together" i groaned

"as long as you live in my house we're together" he continued

"i told you i'd be out in a couple weeks" i mumbled

"i dont care. lets go" he screamed and grabbed me by my arm and pulling me off the chair

"woah buddy let her go" luke said standing up.

"who the fuck are you and why do you care"dylan yelled as he pushed me to the side

"i'm her new roommate asshat, now let her go we'll get her stuff out this week" he said

"good" dylan said and walked away

"crap, i don't have to place to go within a week"i muttered to luke

"my friend was looking for a roommate since i moved out. i can talk to him" luke offered

"you're a stranger but please can you help. i hate living with him i hated being with him he was so controlling since i always had to be at work he thought i was cheating" i rambled

"its okay. you can stay the night at my place tonight if you'd like to avoid him tonight" luke rambeled awkwardly

"thanks ill take you up on that" i smiled

"great lets go" he smiled.

now every february you'll be my valentine, valentine

i woke up to the door bell ringing. i immediately got up and went to the door. once i opened it there was a man holding a huge beautiful bouquet of flowers

"are you ______ _______?" he asked and i nodded

"here these are for you from mr. hemmings" he said as he handed me the flowers

"thank you have a nice day" i smiled

"happy valentines day ms" he said as he walked away

i smiled to myself, despite luke being on the other side of the world he never forgot to send flowers for whatever the occasion was.

once i was ready i texted luke

thanks for the flowers lu<3

happy valentines day, wish you were here!

lmk if you can ft later today

i also sent him a picture of me and petunia with the flowers.

about 30 minutes later luke finally replied

happy valentines day my love <3

hope you liked the flowers

yeah i'll call you in an hour so

that has to be my new favorite picture of my girls <3

it was finally an hour but no call from luke. i didnt want to bother him because he probably got busy

about 2 hours later i got a ft call from him i immediately answered

"hi lu" i smiled

"hi baby" he smiled

"so where are you today?" i asked

"i dont know, why don't you come open the door" he giggled

i dropped my phone and sprinted to the door. once i opened it luke was right there. i immediately jumped into his arms

"what the fuck are you doing here?' i asked as he walked into our shared home still holding me up in his arms

"my best girl was not going to be celebrating valentines day alone. so i obviously had to convince management i needed to come and they let me" he smiled

"lu you didnt need to do that" i smiled

"but i wanted to. now go get ready we have dinner plans" he said kissing my forehead and putting me down. i nodded and ran back up to get ready

#boyfriend!luke #luke hemmings #luke hemmings x reader #luke hemmings imagine #luke hemmings blurb #luke hemmings fluff #5sos x reader #5sos

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suchalonelysunflower · 3 years

Text

The Siren’s Song (c.h)

Where The Storm Gathers - Chapter 3

Pairing: Stable Lad! Calum Hood x Princess! Reader

Summary: A glance of hope stands in the distance as Y/N and Calum set sails to see some old friends, but the waters are not as calm as they seem.

Warnings: Mentions of murder; Torture; Violence; Blood; Abuse; Sickness; Manipulation; Language; Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 7.5 K

Author’s Note: Had to divide the chapter into two, you’ll understand why next week ;) This is the last boring chapter, I promise. Remember that Reblogs, Feedback, Comments and Likes help a lot (please help out of this ban!) 💕 Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My Materialist // tag list on bio!

Book 2 Materialist || Prologue || Chapter one || Chapter two

Ashton could hear the distant sound of thunder rumbling all over the kingdom. He thought that if he could hear that, then maybe the storm was closer than anyone could anticipate. He hasn’t seen the rain in months, let alone the sun.

He got himself into this mess, he thought. He should’ve fought harder and stopped being so naive in regards to his father.

Ever since Y/N left, he made sure to let everyone know exactly the type of person the King of RoseWood was. Letters were sent and crows were removed from their positions in different courts. Ashton would look for allies to his cause; allies that could potentially help him to take the power from his father once and for all.

It was not Ashton’s plan to take the crown at such a young age, he never asked for this even though it was bestowed upon him since birth. But he would do whatever it takes to keep his family, loved ones, and people safe; and it was more than clear that his father could not provide that same kind of security and comfort.

After the failed attempt to get his daughter married to the King of the Vail and take control of their army, King Richard went into what villagers called “a madman serenade” If the rumors said that he had lost his mind and his thirst for blood was as strong as ever, he would make sure to comply.

Richard brought the kingdom ruin, taking men out of their homes and putting them into training fields. He recruited the most fearless, sadistic men of the crow’s army and put them in charge of his new order. He lost his mind to the delusion that he will run all the kingdoms and turn them into an empire. And Ashton was almost about to uncover his plan when he was suddenly taken in the middle of the night and thrown in the dungeons like a dog.

Accused of treason and deprived of any contact with the outside and its people, Ashton swore he would not let his father win. He endured the tortures with a straight face, not saying a word to anyone that tried to pull something out of him. He spent countless nights without sleep, weeks without food, and days without water, all so that the cause and his sister could be safe.

He knew they would come for her eventually, he just hoped they had more time. Maybe he could’ve escaped by now and warned her, to make sure she and Calum are safe from the deathly grip of their father...

But instead, he was sitting in his cell once again, eyes fixed on the same spot on the wall as his lips were dry and sealed, even when the pain of the iron chains that rounded his ankles made him want to chop his limbs off. Feeling like a failure as he awaited his death. He has failed as a brother and as future King, and right now there was nothing he could do about it except listening to the thunder and the moaning of the other prisoners.

It was the dangling of the keys that caught his attention as it mixed with the sound of the heavy rain. He wondered if he was dreaming every time someone would come into the cell, hoping to wake up from the nightmare he was in, but they all made sure he lived through it. Never too much to kill him, but cruel enough to make him endure it.

“Diner,” The guard said in a monotonous tone and Ashton thought it was weird.

This guard never talked to him in a tone that held anything but pity and desperation, trying hard to win at least some kind of good reactions out of him even when the young Prince would lash out at him. Did he give up too?

Rian Dawson put the tray of food on the floor in front of the Prince. He was fidgeting with his hands, looking nervously at the door, almost as if he was afraid someone might come in at any minute, and Ashton noticed it but didn’t say a word.

“Eat!” Dawson demanded a bit too loud, but he wasn’t looking at Ashton, instead, his gaze moved nervously through the door and the tray.

Still, firm and stubborn as always, Ashton did not move or say anything, not wanting to give the guards the satisfaction of seeing him weak. But at the same time, he knew that the moment he put that piece of bread in his mouth, he might not be able to hold it after so many days without eating properly.

“Your Grace…” The guard then whispered, looking at Ash with a pleading gaze “Please…”

Ashton furrowed his brows. It was not normal for a guard or a crow to be this nervous around him anymore, and he did not trust it. After all, this was the same guard that would come every now and then to change his chains; heal the wounds just enough so that they don’t get an infection; and take him to his next torture. Why did he seem so desperate now?

“Please, I beg of you, Your Highness. Just-” He continued to whisper, but got cut short when a new set of dangling keys could be heard along the hallway “Shit”

“Dawson! What the hell are you doing?!” The Commander asked, standing right outside the Prince’s cell, and, once again, Ashton did not move a muscle to acknowledge him.

“They ordered me to get the traitor dinner, My Lord!” Rian said loudly, standing tall and ignoring Ashton altogether “But it seems like he would rather starve than be useful for once!”

His tone did not convince Ashton in the slightest since he could see through the lie. But it must’ve not been the same for the Commander who started to laugh.

“Let him starve, then!” He said “Before he dies we would have to feed him forcefully until the King says enough. Then he could rot all he wants. Come, Dawson! You are needed on the training field”

And with that, the Commander walked away, but Rian only allowed himself to breathe once the sound of the keys could not be heard over the thunder.

“Your Highness,” He said calmly as before, still keeping his eyes on the door as he started to walk out “Please, please eat. For RoseWood”

Ashton heard the cell door close again and the heavy footsteps disappear in the hallway. Then, his hazel eyes shifted to the tray that contained a piece of old bread and a cup of water. His narrowing gaze suddenly became wide open as his head snapped towards the direction of the door, waiting for any sounds besides the thunder that could indicate someone’s coming.

His heart was beating loudly inside his chest as he leaned forward, placing one hand on the dusty, musky floor, trying to see if he could support himself with his arms without making too much noise with the shackles that imprisoned him.

Slowly, Ashton started to crawl, biting on his tongue to not let out any noise as the pain of his wounded wrist shook through his whole body with every little step he made with his hands until finally, he reached the tray.

With shaky hands, the Prince of Roses opened the bread in half; eyes immediately watering as he had to prevent himself from letting out a cheerful and hopeful sob when he saw the piece of parchment hidden in the crumbs.

“Help is on the way. Let the true ruler of RoseWood be seen again - The Knights of Roses”

Y/N fell to her knees, hiding her face on a bucket as Calum held her hair place soothing movements onto her back with the palm of his hand. It was the third time today, the movement of the waves and the worry set on the pit of her stomach made everything fuzzy and revolving, making her throw up on an empty stomach.

“Love?” Calum asked, wincing as she started to cough through the tears “Y/N, it’s okay”

“It’s not okay, it’s disgusting” She cried, wiping her face with a cloth.

They were kneeling on the floor of their cabin on the Kaleidoscope, the same one they got when they were just arriving at the Crimson Islands. But what once was an exciting, frightening, and adventurous trip, has now turned mournful and dreadful as they made their way to The Vail’s coast.

Two days ago King Alex received a letter addressed to the Princess of Roses, sent by none other than King Luke Hemmings from The Vail, claiming that her brother had been captured and imprisoned by their father, who was now starting to prepare for a war to reclaim all Kingdoms to himself.

Y/N and Calum stood there in shock and tears as they read the letter over and over again, desperately wanting to make all of this just another bad dream. But the nightmare was not over, in fact, it seemed like it was just barely getting started.

King Alex gathered a small crew and together with the couple from RoseWood, wasted no time in preparing a trip to meet with the King of the Vail and his advisor, Sir Michael.

“We cannot let that madman win,” The King said “Say the word, Princess Y/N, and we’ll fight by your side. Anything you two may need, I will gladly provide. I am at your service, Your Highness”

And with that, the Princess and the Stable Lad ended up on the Kaleidoscope again with Captain Merrick; his crew; a few other soldiers; and a few volunteers. Ready to sail and get to The Vail where other rulers are gathering to decipher a plan of attack if Richard won’t back down.

But all this stress; worry; fear and sorrow was too much of a shock for Y/N and Calum even though they tried to hide it from each other. This was not a simple game of sneaking around in the woods, this was a life or death situation with Ashton’s life hanging on a thread if they don’t hurry, that is, if he’s still alive.

“Do you want me to get you anything?” Calum asked once her breathing had calmed down, softly rubbing her back.

“A glass of scotch could be nice” She grumbled, getting up with Calum’s help as she sat back on the bed.

“Are you sure you’re allowed to drink?” Her husband asked carefully, sitting beside her as he held her hand.

Y/N furrowed her brows at him, trying to decipher the meaning behind the gleam in his eyes until it finally hit her.

“I’m not with child, Calum”

“How do you know?” He shrugged, placing a hand on Y/N’s stomach “You were not sick on our first trip to the Isles. And the Maester said-”

“The Maester doesn’t have a uterus,” She shook her head with a glimpse of a smile drawing in her lips “And even so, I know my body. It is not time yet, love. And, dare I say, if my father manages to win… it might never be”

Calum pressed his lips in a thin line, nodding at her words as he moved his hand from her stomach to cradle her hand once more.

“The time will come,” He smiled softly at her “Whenever you’re ready, and probably in years to come, it will be perfect. But, as of right now, my rose, I don’t think a glass of scotch is going to do you any favors”

She rolled her eyes lovingly at him, smiling as she said “How do you know? You’re not a healer”

“Nope, but I’m a guy whose friends would drink themselves to death and ended up exactly where you are right now” He chuckled, getting up from the bed and placing a soft kiss on her forehead “And I’m a husband who wants to take care of his wife, not make her sicker”

“Sometimes I hate that you’re a good husband” She pouted

“I can live with that,” He smiled, caressing her face with the back of his hand. “I’ll get you a beverage, though. I know Zach keeps some for the crew that get seasick”

“I love you,” She said through a sigh “Wish I could kiss you”

“Well…”

“Don’t even think about it, Hood. Get me the beverage and some mint leaves with lemon first”

Calum chuckled, “As you wish”

The stable lad exited the room with a faint smile that quickly disappeared when he closed the door. He hated seeing Y/N sick and he knew that the waves were just an added factor to all the turmoil she must be going through. He knows his wife; he knows she’s hiding all the pain she’s not allowing herself to feel. And he also knows that the stubbornness of his princess is strong and she would never admit it.

It’s all his fault, he thought as he walked towards the main cabin. He couldn't help but feel that he took part in sealing Ashton’s fate even though there was nothing they could’ve done at the moment. They needed to keep Y/N safe, no matter the cost. But why should Ashton pay for the crimes Calum committed by loving her? It should’ve been him the one sitting in the cell, not the only family Y/N has left; not the only family that loved her.

She’s already lost so much; her homeland, her mother, and now Ashton… She didn’t deserve any of it and Calum was more than determined to help her bring him back, no matter what it takes. They will not let Richard win.

He walked up to the deck, already making plans inside his head to let the guilt die down for a second as he concentrated on getting Y/N’s health back to normal when his pace was cut short by someone who purposely stood in front of him.

“Good morning, my Lord. Won’t you say we’re having such a splendid morning, today?”

There was something on Jack’s smile that made Calum want to punch it, something mocking yet sinister that hid something that he just couldn’t figure out.

At first, they couldn’t believe he volunteered for the trip, having just got to the Isles and finding a role in the court. He seemed too eager to go back to the Vail and help them defeat the King of RoseWood, saying it would be an honor to serve the Princess on whatever she would need. And even Y/N had to admit that was a bit off, but they needed all the help they could get.

Still, Calum did not trust him. And after he told Y/N about what happened back on the training grounds of the palace, she also started to distrust the man going by Jefferson. So his presence here brought more questions than reassurances.

“How’s the Princess doing?” Jack, also known as Sir Jefferson, asked; leaning over one of the masts with a glint in his eyes as he looked up and down Calum’s body.

Calum didn’t even try to hide his feelings towards him anymore as his hard, brown eyes stared at him with annoyance.

“My wife’s health is none of your business, Sir. Now, if you’ll excuse me”

But at the same time he took a step forward, so did Jack.

“Ouch,” He said ironically, “Thought you would be more thankful, my Lord. After all, isn’t your brother-in-law we are talking about here?”

Calum bluntly ignored him as he walked past the crow, bumping his shoulders as he did. Jack smirk, for his plan of railing up the stable lad, was working and he was also having fun with it, making it a personal challenge so for when the time comes to let all the truth come to shove, at least the fighting will be interesting. So he followed him.

“Who would’ve thought it would come to this?” He said, walking alongside Calum “A mad King, a Prince held hostage… Only, that’s all we know. Maybe things at RoseWood are more interesting”

Calum ignored him, pushing through the crowded deck to get to the Captain’s cabin. Jack’s voice became white noise as he tried to get the medicine he needed and then go back to his wife waiting for him at the other side of the ship. But then…

“Think of how this would’ve never happened if you never left. Or maybe things are finally working out for you”

Jack smirked at the way the stable lad stopped in the middle of his tracks, but quickly hid it the moment he turned around as the crow greeted him with a faux-innocent look of concern.

“Is everything alri-”

“What did you just say?”

Calum was fuming. The hair on the back of his neck rose in anger as a chill ran down his back when he heard those words. His fists were clenched to the sides, knuckles turning white from the grip as he dug his nails into his palms, reminding him to not lose his temper as they stood right at the entrance of the cabin’s hallway.

A shadow hid most of Jack’s face and Calum could swear he saw him smile for even just a second before his voice became soft as he said:

“I’m just saying that if you had stayed in RoseWood then maybe the Prince would not be in the dungeons, am I wrong for assuming that?” He said, furrowing his brows almost as if he didn’t understand why Calum could be mad about it “Royals can be tough, but you knew that before getting involved with the Princess, I assume. And then running away with her… Seemed like a poorly executed plan that started in chaos and, like most things, would probably end in chaos. Unless that’s the plan all along”

“What the fuck do you mean by that?”

Jack gasped, placing a hand over his heart as he blinked at Calum “That language, my Lord, very aggressive”

Calum grabbed the crow by the lapels of his clothing, pushing him against the wall.

“Cmon,” Calum said with his face only inches away from Jack’s “Say what you must, if you dare”

The crow let out a small, sarcastic laugh “Oh, my lord. Was I wrong to assume how this could benefit you? Don’t you think is a little suspicious? Father gets mad, you marry the daughter and then suddenly the prince disappears… Who gets the throne once it’s all said and done? Now that’s a story worth telling, don’t you think?”

Calum’s eyes filled with rage as he banged Jack’s head against the wooden walls, knowing that people might be watching. But he could not let go of that offense as if it was nothing. How could he think that he could do that to Ash? To Y/N?!

“You don’t know shit of what happened,” He said through gritted teeth “You don’t know what we went through, what she went through. You don’t know our story so don’t pretend like you do and start assuming on other people’s lives”

“Calm down, my friend,” Jack said, trying to defuse the tension. “Maybe I’m mistaken but I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking already”

“What?”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it, too? What does Y/N say about it?”

“What are you talking about?!” Calum demanded in hushed tones, gripping tightly onto Jack’s lapels and making him hit his head on the wooden wall behind him again, but the crow didn’t even flinch as a glimmer set in his eyes, sending chills down Calum’s spine.

“Oh, may the gods bless your foolish heart, Calum” The crow sympathized. “I knew Y/N would be too kind to let you borrow some of her burdens, but for you to be so clueless… Must be a blessing to walk around like that”

“Like what?” Calum was getting impatient.

“Like you didn’t cause all of this”

“My Lords? Is everything alright?” Captain Merrick’s voice came from the end of the hallway as he walked up to them.

Calum let go of Jack in an instant, too shocked by his words to say anything else as he looked at him with wide eyes and an expression that hid too many fears inside of it.

Jack, on the other hand, just smiled at the Captain “Everything’s fine, Captain. We were just having a friendly conversation, isn’t that right, Cal?” He patted Calum on the shoulder and walked away without saying anything else.

“My Lord?”

“I-I’m fine, Captain,” Calum said, blinking a couple of times to clear his thoughts “My- uh, My wife is feeling a little bit seasick, I was wondering if you could help me get her something to ease her stomach”

Zach smiled “Of course, my Lord! Come, I have exactly what she needs in my cabin”

Calum nodded, “Oh, and Zach?”

“Yes?”

“If you can,” He said, looking toward where the crow just disappeared “Don’t let that man go near our cabin nor near Y/N if I’m not there to stop him”

An echo passed through her ears as she stood in the empty hallway. How she got there, she didn’t know; but it all seemed so familiar, almost like a dream. Only she didn’t know if it was a nightmare.

The clanking of the chains could be faintly heard from miles away as the hallway seemed to have no end, blending into the darkness.

Y/N took in her surroundings, looking from left to right and finding not a soul that could tell her what was going on. The humidity of the walls started to cling to her skin, making it seem like her gown was becoming heavier and heavier the more time she spent standing on the cobblestoned floor.

Then, a small, faint light came from one of the rooms hidden in the hallway. A candlelight gleam illuminated her path of darkness as she felt compelled to it, feeling the need to follow it. So she did.

The closer she got to the light the more real things started to become. Y/N was starting to feel as if this was not a dream anymore, a memory perhaps? She could feel the warmth of the light gracing her cheeks with every step she could, and, if she paid enough attention, even the sound of laughter would brush her ears.

The laughs were heavy, grave and she guessed it must come from a group of men. They were laughing at something, yet she couldn’t see what just yet nor she could hear anything besides the laugh and a faint sound of a whip, thinking that maybe they were just messing with the horse’s equipment as the drunk guards used to do back at RoseWood; Calum always hated that but they were always nice enough to pay back whatever they might’ve broken.

Could she be back at the stables? Was her mind playing with a forgotten memory?

Still, the crackling of the whip grew louder and louder as well as the laughs that couldn’t hide it anymore. But that's all it was. A whip and laughter, nothing else. So why did her heart beat faster as she approached the slightly ajar door?

From the small crack, she witnessed a group of men dressed in black, a red rose embroidered in their chests as they carried the RoseWood symbol with pride. They were drunkenly laughing at something -or rather someone - that Y/N couldn’t see just yet. She examined the men’s faces and couldn’t recognize them as his father’s guards, they weren’t the guards from the woods nor any that you’ve met before.

Yet, they seemed to be having the time of their lives as one of them grabbed the leathered whip from the other’s hand, laughing as he swung it over his head until it crashed with a surface while the others started to count.

Trying to get a better view - or at least an idea of what was happening - Y/N pushed the door open just a crack, hoping none of the men realized as the wooden door squeaked against the cobblestone, luckily they were still entertained with what was happening at the other corner.

The first thing the Princess noticed once she got a clearer view was the blood. So much blood scattered around the room in little splashes, pooling down in the middle. She felt her whole body tremble, feeling sick just looking at it, remembering the last time she saw so much red when Calum was captured.

Still, she couldn’t look away. It was almost as if her eyes were glued to the gruesome scene, following a trail until it landed on a target.

Her eyes widened and filled with tears; a scream threatened to escape her throat as she covered her mouth with both her hands to silence it. Her knees started to buckle and she felt as if she could throw up all over again, completely horrified at what was in front of her.

With a manacle on each wrist, each hanging from opposite wooden pillars and keeping his arms open wide, unable to sit or to let his body fall from the physical trauma, stood Ashton with his back completely open and bloody.

In front of him stood a small, dirty mirror where Y/N could see how he could barely keep his eyes open anymore; biting on his lip with each crack of the whip, making him lean forward and letting the manacles cut his wrist when he did so. Still, he didn’t say a word as the guards kept counting and Y/N didn’t want to know how many rounds they got before she got there.

Ashton’s hair fell in front of his face, stuck in sweat and blood to his forehead as his face changed with every hit of pain, only adding to his anger.

“C’mon, lads!” One of the guards laughed “Gotta be a lot proper with the royals now, don’t we? Start the count again, and this time do it more… gently”

The guard stood up and handed his friend another leathered whip, the only difference was that this one held spikes at the end, making sure to cut through the skin at just a simple touch.

Y/N watched in horror at how her brother’s back arched as he bit down his tongue, barely even opening his eyes to glance at the small mirror hanging in front of him, and she could swear that just for a moment, his eyes met hers before receiving another blow.

Unable to stand it any longer, Y/N barged into the room, making all of the men stop what they were doing as they stared down at her with eyes filled with fear as the man threw the whip on the floor.

Without wasting a breath, she ran to Ashton’s side and stood in front of him, trying to wipe some of the blood out of his face. But before she could say anything, she noticed how her brother’s eyes changed and were now filled with rage directed at her.

“You did this,” He said through gritted teeth, spitting blood at Y/N’s cheek.

Shocked and scared, Y/N looked around the room and found it empty.

“What?” She asked out loud, looking over at Ashton who also disappeared in thin air.

Her breathing became elaborated as she searched the room, trying to find any evidence that someone was there. Yet, when she turned around all she could find was the mirror and a different set of eyes looking straight at her.

For in that moment, her reflection wasn’t hers; it was her father, looking back with a proud smirk at the monster she thought she was.

The sudden shake of the ship made her jolt awake, taking in her surroundings with wide-open eyes as she tried to remember the dream she just had.

Her mother used to say that dreams are made of people’s greatest desires and fears; they could come from a memory or a premonition of the future and should never be taken lightly, for a dream was just as important as a thought. Dreams are the thoughts we don’t dare to say out loud.

A chill ran down her spine as her father‘s eyes were engraved in her memory; so cruel, so proud… Was she like him in a way when she ran away, leaving the ones she loved behind? Taking the easy way out, would he have done the same?

The simple thought of that made her blood run cold. She was not cruel; she was not a monster. She did what she needed to do to survive and make sure that Calum was safe. She made the only choice she could make but, would everyone understand that? Or would they just see her as her father’s daughter?

The sheets shifted slightly as Y/N’s eyes finally landed on Calum, the only comfort she had. She ran a hand delicately through his shaved curls, thanking the gods that they allowed him to sleep peacefully at least for one night and that she didn’t wake him up with her nightmare. He’s been so restless lately, she just wished to share some of his grief with him. She already put him through a lot, he deserved some peace of mind and she wants nothing more than to be able to provide that for him; let them be just themselves like they were in the woods, away from all fears and terrors and villains… just two kids playing around with fairytales and horse rides, so in love and with nothing to fear.

After a while, it became obvious that Y/N couldn’t go back to sleep so easily. With a sigh, she got off the bed, kissed Calum’s temple as he started to lightly snore, and wrapped herself with her robe as she exited the cabin; looking for a distraction in the middle of the star-filled sea.

Y/N closed her eyes when the cold night breeze graced her face, making her hair fly as she walked barefoot through the deck. All members of the crew and the volunteers were sound asleep.

She got closer to the board, looking straight ahead at the vast sea as her fingers grip the wood of the rails. They were still a few days away from getting to The Vail and once they get there, they have to start their strategies, plan the trips, know how many people to take, embark on the journey… who know how long it’ll be till they reach RoseWood again, but they were determined to do so. She knows Luke and Michael won’t let her down and they’ll do everything they can to get Ashton back and her father out of the throne; she knows she could trust them.

“Can’t sleep, Your Highness?”

Y/N jumped at the sound of a voice coming from the shadows of the quarterdeck, placing a hand over her heart as she watched Sir Jefferson emerge from the dark corner, smiling kindly at her.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, Princess” He apologized, raising his hands in defense.

“Maybe you should’ve thought about it before talking from the shadows” Y/N sighed, looking back at the sea “We never know if the person hiding there is a friend or a foe, Sir Jefferson”

“And where would you place me, Your Highness?” He asked, taking a step closer to her “Friend or foe?”

“Am I talking to the same man that hurt my husband in training? Then, I’m not sure”

“It was a friendly match,” Jack said, leaning over the board and placing his elbows on the wooden planks as he looked at the sea as well.

“A match is still a match. You were lucky it wasn’t a duel” Y/N rolled her eyes “Either way, I don’t particularly understand the need men have for violence. For practice and self-defense, I get it. But to draw blood from innocent people… Seems barbaric”

“It’s in our system,” He shrugged. “Men search for violence even when they claim peace. We all know our nature and how far we can go, trying to push it beyond those limits until we reach the glory at the end. Even the most compassionate of men could tell you about the temptations of power and blood, maybe by doing things they know it’s wrong just to have a little taste of what it feels like”

Y/N’s mind couldn’t help to wander over to Ashton again, on how he played a part in scattering crows around the kingdoms in order to favor their father. He said he didn’t know why, but he still went ahead and did it; and even though she believed him, she also wonders if he ever at least had a slight idea of what he was doing.

“And once a man gets a taste….” Jack continued, biting the inside of his cheek as he watched Y/N’s clouded eyes “It becomes part of him”

“That’s awful”

“But it’s true. We cannot escape who we are, no matter how much we try to run away from it. If it’s in our blood, then it’s fate’s design to follow it”

The crow noticed how, suddenly, Y/N’s eyes started to water as she hugged herself even tighter. And for a moment, just a slight moment as the moonlight graced her face, he felt pity for her.

“The sea is quiet tonight,” He said, changing the topic to spare the little Princess, at least for tonight.

“I don’t suppose it makes much noise anyway” She answered, quickly brushing away a stray tear that escaped her eye “It’s just water”

“Careful with your words, Princess” Jack smirked “Or they might hear”

“Who?”

“The mermaids”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows “That’s a fairytale, Sir Jefferson”

“Only to those who refused to believe in them,” He said “My mother used to tell me these stories, about pirates and adventures, but her favorites were always about the women who hide in the deep ends of the ocean. The mermaids are the protectors of the seas. Some legends say that mermaids are women who’ve been thrown out of their ships as a sacrifice to the gods; others, that the creatures were created by the gods themselves as a punishment for those who wander without the purest of hearts. They seek vengeance and justice, luring people of all around the world with their voices and deceiving them as they make them fall in love with fake promises and lust, sinking them into the sea with them. And, once they’ve realized they can’t breathe anymore, that’s when they show their true form. It’s a lesson, I suppose”

“Of what?”

“Never trust the beauty unless you can see the soul behind the eyes,” Jack said seriously, looking at Y/N “There are horrible people out there, Princess, hiding in their pretty clothes and all their riches, thinking they know it all just because they have it all. But no one is sinless, they know what they did”

The wind blew strangely, whistling through the sails as Y/N took in his words. No one is pure of sins, but could they ever repent them? She wrapped herself tighter in her robe, watching the crow’s back attentively as his eyes wandered over to the water, humming to himself an old siren’s song.

“My heart is pierced by Cupid

I disdain all glittering gold

There is nothing can console me

But my jolly sailor bold”

His voice was deep and rough as he sunk into a memory, thinking about his mother and all that was taken from him for people like the King; they always have it all yet they don’t care about their people, going on about their lives celebrating meaningless accomplishments as their people die on the streets. If he could get some of that power; if he could make them pay… And he will, by the gods he will.

Jack became no one of many names throughout his life, fighting to be the best in everything he does so when the moment comes, everyone will scream out his name in glory and gore.

“It’s getting late, Princess,” He said after a while, turning his head toward her “You should go back to bed”

Y/N’s lips parted as she stared at him; his eyes held something deeper than just a memory, they were cold and somewhat cruel as he looked at her, but only for a second as his signature smile was back on his face in the blink of an eye, making her wonder if she’d just imagined the familiarity of that glare.

“We still have a long way to The Vail, and around this time of year their days tend to be longer, so there won’t be much resting once we get there” He smiled.

Y/N nodded “You seem to know a lot about The Vail, Sir Jefferson. Have you ever been there before?”

Jack nodded with a sigh as he pointed to the scar on his left eye “Fearless warriors, they say. I have to admit they were right”

“They are a peaceful Kingdom and have been for decades” The Princess questioned him “Their King is one of the kindest souls I know, and to my knowledge, they only use violence for training and nothing more since the wars are over. I still don’t understand how you managed to get that scar on a Kingdom with people like that”

“Well, appearances can be deceiving, Your Highness. You just never know who to trust” Jack said gravely, gracing his eyes to the floor before looking up at her again “But that might be a story for another day, you should get some sleep”

“I don’t think I can, really,” Said the Princess “But that shouldn’t keep you up, my Lord. I’ll be fine”

Truth was, Y/N was still pretty shaken from her nightmare and the words from Sir Jefferson, feeling a sense of warning running through her mind. For some reason, she didn’t feel safe and was relieved when Jack seemed to understand and nod.

“Perhaps I have something that could help you, Princess,” He said, reaching into one of the pockets of his jacket and pulling out a folded handkerchief “I always carry some with me, just in case”

Jack opened the small piece of fabric revealing a couple of dry leaves on it.

“It helps you sleep,” He said with a smile “You just have to put them in water, cold or hot, and drink it after ten minutes. Works like a charm, or at least that’s what my mother used to say and I never found any fails to that logic”

Y/N smiled kindly, taking a couple of leaves in her hands as she looked at them, furrowing her brows just slightly.

“Are you certain this would help?”

“Extremely”

She nodded, “Thank you, Bernard”

He smiled at her one last time before she turned around and hurried to her cabin once again, speeding up the pace once she was out of sight from the decks, opening up the heavy wooden door and locking it instantly as her breathing became heavy and beams of sweat started to cover her face.

With heavy hands, she went to the small desk in the room, sitting in the chair and lighting up the candle; wasting no time in grabbing a leaf and burning it.

From the moment she saw them she knew what they were, she remembers seeing them in one of the Maester’s lessons.

“This is called La Torture De Méduse, an ancient poisonous leaf that causes a complete body paralysis, starting from the legs, then the torso and the arms, and lastly, the brain and the rest of the organs. All without the victim knowing since it makes the poor soul who ingested it fall into a deep slumber as their bodies die slowly. One can literally become stone, hence the name of this vile creation of the gods. Luckily, it is easy to identify if you notice the little green dots on the petiole and midrib. Do not ever go near them and if you do…”

Destroy them.

And that’s exactly what Y/N was doing as she watched the second leaf burn into ashes. Her mind was running a thousand kilometers per hour, trying to find an excuse for Sir Jefferson who so kindly and so naively, gave the leaves to her. He said that it helped him sleep, but these could not be the same leaves he talked about. If he ever drank the beverage created with them, then he should be dead already.

Unless he knew exactly what he did by giving her the leaves, expecting to receive the news of her untimely death the next morning when Calum finds her cold next to him. But why would he do that to her? They barely know one another and she has done nothing to wrong him. Nothing made any sense...

“Rose?” Calum’s voice alerted Y/N as she pulled the leaf away from the fire, letting it fall with the remaining others onto the desk “What are you doing, my love?”

She hesitated to answer. She couldn’t lie to him, but at the same time, she didn’t want to accuse an innocent until she got further proof of his wrongdoings, afraid she’ll become like her father.

If she tells Calum about the leaves and what they do, he will kill Jack with no hesitation and he’ll be sent to trial again, only this time he might serve time for real or worse: he’d be sentenced for murder. The law does not care if it was in self-defense, as far as the court will know, Jack never intended to hurt the Princess and it might’ve been just an honest mistake. And Y/N was not ready to lose Calum again.

“I couldn’t sleep,” She tells him a half-truth, leaving what happened with Jack aside “Thought I could use some air and then I came back here”

Calum rolled to his side, watching her with sad, understanding eyes “I know how difficult this must be for you, my rose. And I wish I could take some of that pain away from your eyes and hide it somewhere where you’ll never see or feel it again in your life. But all I can offer you is the promise that I’ll be here through it all with you, my love, we’ll be home soon”

“You’re my home, Cal,” She said “You’ve always been my home”

“Then come back to bed and let me hold you,” He said softly “Let us fight these nights together and share our mornings hand in hand. You’re not alone in this, my rose”

“And neither are you”

He beckoned her with his head and she smiled softly at him, turning around to blow out the candle and hide the remaining leaves on the pocket of her stash without him noticing it, promising herself to get to the bottom of it soon.

Calum wrapped his arms around her waist as he pulled her close, kissing her forehead as she laid on his chest with her head tucked under his chin.

“You’re the strongest person I know, Y/N” He whispered against her hair as his fingers drew figures on her back.

“Only because I have you with me,” She answered, kissing the side of his neck “I love you, Cal. Please, never leave me”

“Not in this life or the next, my love” He replied, drifting to sleep again with her chest pressed against his “Not in this life or the next”

Still, with Calum fast asleep next to her, Y/N could not phantom getting back to her dreams as she watched the moon disappear into the sea through their small porthole, hoping that the sirens would hear her pray and lure her to sleep in the midst of a dreamless sea.

tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @conversecake @bubblegum18 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @wiiildflowerrr @hoplessromantic727 @fivesecondsofonedirection @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @dudethisiswhyyoudonthavefriends @fakebetch9694 @5sos-imagine @SunflowerAngel2123 @perfectnouis @in-superbloom @lukeisstillapenguin @sadcupofcoffee @superstarmarvel @personalmuyverypersonal @cnco.angels @vtte @as-hs-blog @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @lolzkye @weasleytwinscumslut @ashtonsunflower @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @the-ghost-of-ash @alltimepogue @wontlastimokwiththat t @ttinahood @lukespitinmymouth @perfectnouis @cncoangelss @darrensos @whywontyoulovemecami @itwouldburnupintheatmosphere @yeah-and69 @fckingpernico @multistann @averageantichrist @a-darneddarling @tpwkcth @f-mu @kindahumanbutalsoinsane @floweronyourskin @ihavenoideawhattodowithyou @bittersweetb4by @aria-grace-scott @thestarsandtheircoffee @bvbygxrl @luisa180206 @xxxlaura @iamdayanaz

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littledrummeraussie · 3 years

Note

Omg you’re doing requests with the prompts 🥺 if so, could it be Angst 24 & 36. Fluff 50 & 40 . If not feel free to ignore this! I’m just curious to see what you’ll do with them! ❤️

Thank you sweetie for the prompts! I hope you don’t mind me making this into a part of my on-going mini series! And since many of you wanted to see what is the relationship between these two - well, here’s a little taste. ❤️

Warnings: mentions of abuse in a past relationship. angst.

Also, you can still drop me prompts if you feel like it.

- - - - -

glitter & crimson masterlist | story tag | part 1 | part 2

- - - - -

ANGST – 24. “Let me go.”

ANGST – 36. “They warned me about this.” “About what?” “You.”

FLUFF – 40. “Why are you scared of loving?”

FLUFF – 50. “Stay.”

- - - - -

“Stay.”

Ashton’s eyes were still closed as he mumbled against the pillow, but his arm around you tightened just a little, letting you know that he did wake when you wanted to get out of his embrace. He fell asleep once the painkillers kicked in, but not before he curled a tattooed arm around your waist, pulling you close to his body while keeping some space between the two of you. Your sleep was fitful, dreams and memories keeping you awake while he slumbered next to you, and after a few hours you couldn’t stay in bed, wanting to find something else to focus on until you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore.

“Didn’t want to wake you,” you sighed, settling back against your pillow and lightly brushing a stray curl away from his forehead.

“You’re a terrible sleeper,” Ashton finally opened his eyes, sleepy gaze finding yours in the grey of the room.

“It’s just… my head is full. Can’t switch it off.”

“What’s keeping you awake?” he mirrored your movements, slowly stroking the hair behind your ear, fingers cupping your cheek.

“They warned me about this,” you whispered, hand covering his bruised one on your face.

“About what?” Ashton furrowed his eyebrows and you let out another quiet sigh.

“You.”

The last hour had been a blur as you pulled clothes out of drawers and closets, throwing everything you could fit into the bags on the bed. You didn’t dare look into the mirror, not after what happened in the kitchen with your boyfriend. The loud banging of the closing door let you know that he left the house and that’s when you found yourself in your shared bedroom, packing everything that belonged to you. Tonight was the last straw and you couldn’t stay for another minute if you didn’t have to.

You let your eyes wander over the place one last time as you shut the front door, throwing the key into the mailbox – you knew you’re never coming back again. You hauled up your bags and started to walk down the street, the tears freely running down your cheeks as you left everything behind. You had nowhere to go; all your friends lived on the other side of the country, and you kicked the curb as you scolded yourself – your own foolish choices made you end up in this situation, and now you had nothing.

“Hey, you’re okay there?”

The guy you just passed stopped in his track and turned after you, his voice soft but questioning as you picked up the pace. You didn’t want to talk to anyone. You didn’t want anyone to see the mess you were now. A mumbled ‘I’m fine’ left your lips, pulling your jacket tighter, hoping he will get your message loud and clear.

A moment passed then you heard footstep coming after you, the heavy boots thumping on the pavement as he quickly caught up with you, fingers curling around your arm and pulling you back to him.

“Let me go,” your voice sounded more panicked than protesting, and at that he finally pulled away.

“I’m sorry, I just– what happened to your face?”

You felt fresh tears streaming down your face as he tilted your chin up towards him, examining you in the light of the streetlamp. He looked handsome and dangerous but soft around the edges as he took in the purpling bruise on your cheek and the split on your bottom lip, gaze turning concerned as his eyes finally found yours.

“Who did this to you?” he let go of you when he saw how disturbed you are and you wrapped your arms around your chest, hiccupping and brushing away your tears.

“Boyfriend… I mean, ex boyfr– I don’t know who he is, not anymore.”

“Do you have anywhere to stay? I could drop you off, I see you packed everything,” he nodded towards your bags, but you quickly shook your head.

“Thanks, but… I’m sure you have better things to do. And I don’t want to be rude, but you’re a stranger – who knows what you’re capable of…” you took a step back and he let out a small chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Good point. But you look like someone who needs a bit of a company and a place to stay, away from that asshole. I have a friend who could take you in for a little time, even though you are just as much a stranger as I am.”

“And why would you do that? There’s no way you don’t want something in return,” you winced as you bit into your bottom lip.

“I don’t know, I just can’t let you stay out like this in this state,” he groaned, running his fingers through his hair. “It’s my conscious or something. Like if I go away now and you spend the night on the streets and something happens…”

“God, you’re so weird,” you sighed, hauling up your bag on your shoulder. “I’m gonna regret saying yes to you.”

“You won’t, I promise,” he reached for your other bag to sling it over his back, holding his hand out for you. “By the way, I’m Ashton.”

“Y/N,” you let him shake your hand before he nodded down the road.

“Nice to meet you. My car is parked just there, if you would be so kind and follow me.”

“And where are you taking me?” you trailed after him, still not sure if you were doing the right thing.

“Somewhere safe,” Ashton gave you an encouraging smile, and you felt your lips pull at the corners when he threw you a wink.

“What stray did you bring here again?” the girl was gorgeous and definitely pissed as Ashton ushered you into the apartment.

“Come on Mali, be nice,” he scoffed, putting your bag down in the hallway. “She needs a place to stay, just for a little while.”

“What about your place?” she quirked an eyebrow at Ashton, hands on her hips. “Or did you forget your latest one there and you don’t want them to meet each other?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just… gonna take a minute,” he gave you an apologetic look before he pulled Mali into another room and started to ramble in a hushed voice.

You could barely make out his words, but you caught a few of them anyway – ex-boyfriend, bruises, abuse. Mali kept mostly quiet, hissing whenever Ashton’s voice got louder. They were going back and forth for a few minutes before finally they came back, and he curled an arm around your shoulder.

“You can stay with Mali as long as you need it,” he lightly squeezed your arm, giving a pointed look to the blonde who just rolled her eyes. “And I will stop by tomorrow to check on you. How does that sound?”

“Like something she’s not excited about,” you nodded towards the girl who at that started laughing.

“Get out of here, Irwin,” he shooed Ashton away from you and out of the door. “I’ll take care of her. You go and fuck up someone else’s life now, okay?”

“Love you Mali, you’re the best!” he threw her a kiss and Mali pointed a finger gun at him, shooting him and closing the door, but not before he could wave at you one last time. “Bye, Y/N! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Let’s get you settled, shall we?”

Mali turned out to be an angel. She made up the guestroom for you and sent you away to take a shower, during which she made you some dinner. Before you could turn in for the night, tired from all the things that happened in the last few hours, she came in to tend to the bruises on your face, checking them before applying some antiseptics on your lips and the small cuts you didn’t see before.

“So… how do you know Ashton?” you finally asked, and she chuckled, shaking her head.

“He’s my brother’s best friend. Annoying little shit, but he grows on you. Can’t say no to a pretty girl in distress. Or well, girls in general.”

“I really didn’t want to disturb you, I’m sorry,” you mumbled but she just shook her head again.

“We’ve all been there,” she squeezed your hand, giving you a smile. “And none of us deserved it. If you needed do get out of there, well… then you’re welcome to stay here as long as you need to. And just so you know, Ashton is very protective of his own. You’ll probably become one of them if you stick around long enough. Just– don’t fall for him.”

“I don’t think that’s on the plate,” you pointed at your own cheek. “Kinda not in the mood for guys now.”

“It’s just a friendly warning,” Mali patted you knee before standing up. “He’s a nice guy. But it’s better to be his friend than anything else. You’ll never see him with the same girl twice. That’s his style: charming, but dangerous.”

Ashton sighed but didn’t pull back, hand still cupping your cheek as he lay beside you. A year has passed since the night he found you on the street, broken and bruised after the way your ex-boyfriend treated you. And while the two of you became close friends, you always made sure not to catch feelings for the guy who was only referred to as a womanizer around the neighbourhood. Or so you’ve told yourself.

“That’s typical Mali,” he scoffed lightly, running his fingers through his hair.

“It doesn’t really matter,” you shrugged, sitting up on the bed and pulling your knees to your chest.

“It does to me,” he pushed himself up and sat cross-legged in front of you. “Y/N… hey, look at me.”

“Don’t tell me again, please,” you whispered, trying to be as small as possible. “Please just… don’t.”

“Tell you what? That I love you?” he squeezed your knee, a slight hurt in his voice. “I’m not gonna take it back – I love you. I just don’t know why are you scared of loving me?”

“You know, Ashton. You know why I can’t.”

- - - - -

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talkfastromance4 · 3 years

Text

something part 3--calum hood

A/N: This is it! The final piece! Thank you for bearing with me while I took you on this rollercoaster of emotions and for being so kind while I took my break. Much love💕

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: drinking, mentions of smoking weed, dealing with heartbreak, sexual situations

Part one || Part two

***

Five months have gone by and Calum tried to push the idea to publicly date Missy away as best he could. The guys even tried to help, but inevitably he was forced to say yes. Calum’s reading over the itinerary he and Missy have to follow over his morning coffee. He takes a sip remembering when she was brought in to discuss the arrangements. It was the Monday following the best and worst weekend of his life with Y/N.

Calum’s body language is screaming ‘leave me the fuck alone I’m pissed’ as he sits slouched in the chair, arms folded against his chest and his hands in fists. His facial expression mirrors a rock, hard and unforgiving as Missy walks in with her manager and the band’s PR liaison. He watches her with hard eyes take a seat next to him, Calum purposely shifts his chair far away from her. She frowns slightly then smiles politely to the rest.

Calum listens as the team discusses the arrangement. How it will benefit both the band and up the ante on her modeling career.

“To be tied with one of the most desirable bachelors will increase magazines wanting to feature you,” Christina the liaison explains excitedly. Calum can’t help but snort.

“Pair her with Styles’ then, he’s more notorious than I am,” Calum grumbles.

“We couldn’t get in contact,” Missy’s manager says, her voice clipped as she narrows her eyes at Calum. “It will boost record sales for your music—”

“And we want the first single to be the love song, ‘Through the Dark.’”

Ashton, Michael, and Luke’s heads whip to Calum who has become even more outraged. It can’t be that song; he wrote that about Y/N.

“With the new romance rumors and the song, it will be a hit in no time, probably surpassing the charts of Ariana Grande and Styles combined.”

“No, we’re not having that be the single,” Ashton tries to dissuade the agreement that neither member of the band was a part of.

“Why not?”

“Because it wasn’t written about Missy,” Calum says. His voice is as monotonous as his face. From the corner of his eye, he sees Missy look at him with a quizzical look.

“So what? No one will know except the people in this room. The relationship will last about eight months, until the album is officially released, and touring starts. You’ll inevitably break up because Missy will be too busy modeling around the world and you gentleman will also be touring. Everybody wins.”

There’s grumbles amongst the band, Calum’s jaw clicks in anger. He turns his gaze to the window, sees the clouds rolling in as his private life is being scheduled like he’s some sort of robot. He closes his eyes thinking of Y/N, and how she looked in that flower crown and then how she looked with the petals scattered in her hair like she was some type of goddess. Then he sees her with tears in her eyes.

“Calum?”

He opens his eyes and turns at the sound of his name. It’s just him and Missy in the conference room. He’s getting really tired of hearing his name if it’s not from Y/N’s lips. She moves a little closer to him in her chair, an apologetic look on her face.

“Kind of surprised ‘fake dating’ actually happens. I’ve heard rumors and look, they’re true.”

“Imagine that.” He rolls his eyes.

Missy feels the iciness in his tone, and she tries again.

“Look, this is weird for me, too. It was all my manager’s idea which is insulting because if I need a fake boyfriend to get more modeling gigs then her faith in me isn’t all that great. I don’t think of you that way—”

“Your kiss at my party said otherwise.”

“I was drunk, I’ll kiss anyone. And…all right, maybe I did have a crush on but when that girl—”

“Y/N?”

“Right, her. When Y/N showed up and I saw the way you looked at her…I couldn’t compete with that. I don’t want to come between you two.”

“Too late.”

“What happened? Maybe I could talk to her—”

“I don’t really feel like talking about it, Missy, all right? She’s not even talking to me, so I highly doubt she’d talk to you. The woman of my dreams ended things before they even began, and I couldn’t even tell her I love her.”

Missy’s quiet for a moment then offers a kind smile.

“Sounds like you want to talk about it a little….”

He pushes away from the table in a huff then stops with his hand on the doorknob.

“I’ll play this act if it helps you in some weird, twisted way but it means nothing to me. We’ll do all the proper pap shots and appearances but no physical contact whatsoever. Those are my limits.”

He storms out as he hears a quiet ‘okay’ and the guys are waiting for him down the hall. They try to reach out for him, but Calum continues walking.

Calum looks down at his notebook, sketches and doodles of flowers are scattered about the page. Their stems and vines looping through the words that are constantly running through his head. He takes a long drink of his coffee, letting the bitterness warm his insides.

After the meeting with management and Missy, Calum called Y/N. He texted her. He knocked on her door. It wasn’t until Crystal told him to give her space did he really back off. He knows Y/N didn’t mean what she said. That night they shared was something special. From how she was so perfect with his untimely manner to how she took care of him while he had allergies from the flowers he picked. And finally, to the way they connected.

The radio in his car is still broken, but he doesn’t listen to music anymore, he can’t because it reminds him of Y/N. Everything reminds him of her.

It’s not like Missy is a bad person. She’s actually become a good friend to Calum and respected his boundaries he set up for their ‘relationship.’ The only touching that happens is by her with her hand holding onto his arm, and even that is just for pictures. No hand holding, no hugs, no kisses.

She’s gaining the hype her manager wanted and Calum has remained off social media as soon as it started. When he’s not rehearsing with the guys or doing PR with Missy, Calum’s secluded himself to his home and music room all while being viewed like a goldfish in a bowl.

So, he writes. He writes about flowers in hair, flowers pressed between bodies and flowers held together by a chain. He also writes about strawberries. He hasn’t eaten one since he kissed her last.

Y/N’s been keeping herself busy, well, as much as she can. Everywhere she goes she’s reminded of Calum. Especially when she opens her closet and sees the small wooden box she placed his bouquet of flowers and flower crown in. She couldn’t find it in herself to throw them away.

That first week after what happened with Calum she spent it crying and listening to sad music. Her heartbreak had her rethink of past moments with Calum. All of the ‘what if’s’ are now ‘will nots.’ Which is way too close to ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ for her liking hidden in the petals of the flowers.

She ignored his calls and texts.

The first time she saw them together was a month after the whole ordeal. She thought she was in a good place and as she was scrolling through Instagram on her lunch break she saw the first picture. Calum and Missy were walking along the pier going in and out of shops. They were wearing sunglasses and Calum didn’t really show much emotion but if he knew paps were around, he never did.

What Y/N zeroed in on was Missy’s hand on Calum’s arm.

Her heart fell into her stomach and she closed the app without even reading the caption. She deleted her Instagram and Twitter apps that day.

When she got home she opened the box of flowers, their scent mixed in with the cedar wood twisted her heart. Very delicately, she lifted the bouquet from the box. Calum’s chain was still wrapped around the now dry, frail stems.

She should throw them out. She almost did. She couldn’t. The dried flowers were the only reminder that what happened between her and Calum was real. That it actually happened. How could she let that go? Even if he was the one that got away and kept getting away?

“You did this Y/N,” she muttered to herself placing the flowers back in the box. “You made him leave before you could get attached.”

The next day there was a knock at her door. Not expecting anyone she peeked through the curtains and saw it was Ashton with a pizza box and a plastic bag.

“Ashton…what are you doing here?” she asks upon opening the door.

“I come bearing gifts of the heartbreak kind,” he grins sheepishly holding up the box and bag.

“Is that a champagne bottle I see in that bag?” she asks seeing the slender neck and gold foiling.

“It is. And caramel ice cream.”

“All right. You can come in,” she allows stepping aside so he can enter.

“So,” he sighs falling heavily against the couch. The pizza box is open on her coffee table, he has a glass of water while Y/N is holding onto the bottle of champagne. His hazel eyes take her in, “how are you?”

“That’s a loaded question,” she scoffs pressing play on the Marvel movie. She decided on Infinity War. “It’s been a month, so you think I’d be okay. I was told that however long you were with someone, that’s how long it takes to get over them divided in half. So, if you’re with someone for a year, you should be over them in six months. Calum and I were…’together’ for a day so it should have been twelve hours, right? But nope.”

She takes a long chug of the champagne until it makes her eyes water from the bubbles. The sweet nectar bites at her tongue and teeth.

“Who told you that math?”

“An old boss of mine,” she shrugs.

“Well, it’s stupid as shit. There’s no time limit for how you fall for someone just as there’s no time limit for you to lose feelings. You have feelings when you have them.”

“We went on one date, Ashton. I shouldn’t be this bent out of shape over that.”

“Hey,” he pinches her shoulder affectionately until she looks at him. His face softens. “You and Calum always had something between you. From an outside perspective, I get why you both danced on that line between friends and something more. You’ve both been hurt and there was always something in the way.”

“Or someone,” her eyes drop at the thought of Missy. Then she thinks of the photo she saw of them and rubs at her eyes, so the tears won’t come.

“My point is,” he stresses grabbing hold of her hand, “you’re allowed to feel hurt and sad and angry.”

“I’m trying so hard to not feel that way all the time, but it…it’s so consuming sometimes.”

“I know. Before you drink the whole bottle, eat some pizza, we’ll watch the movie and we can talk some more, okay?”

About halfway through the movie Y/N’s hugging the ¾ full bottle against her chest as a comfort object. She never drinks her sadness away, she knows how dangerous that is, but it feels nice to have her head not feel so full because all her thoughts are tumbling out to Ashton. His arm is around her shoulders in comfort as she leans into him.

“You always thought there was something between us?” she asks.

“I didn’t think, I knew.”

“What’s the difference?” she stares at him quizzically; the bubbly made his words confusing. Ashton smiled at her response.

“He’d always tell me how he wanted to ask you out. He’d ask if you were coming to any dinner or party we had. But he was scared to ruin your friendship and in my opinion, I think it scared him how close you two got so fast.”

“Hmph,” she slumps against the inside of his arm.

“Your song played while we were driving that night, you know.”

“Yeah? Which one?”

“Drive,” she giggles at the comedy of it all. “He gave me wildflowers with his chain around it and bought me a flower crown.”

“It sounds like a great night.”

“It was! But then he got sleepy cause he was allergic to the flowers, then he passed out on me. But I liked it…” she takes the last sip of her champagne then pouts that it’s empty.

“One is enough for you,” Ashton chuckles placing the bottle next to the pizza box. He settles back next to her and they watch the movie for a moment.

“I saw their picture today,” she says somberly. “I know it’s fake. But they’re both a catch…so it’ll be no surprise that it’ll become real.”

“Y/N—”

“It happens all the time Ash,” she shrugs. “I’m the person before everyone’s happy ending.”

“That’s not true. Look at all you and Calum have been through together. This damn arrangement is a roadblock for sure, but you two are the final drive.”

“That…kind of makes sense. I can’t tell,” she shakes her head.

“It’d make sense a full champagne bottle ago,” he mutters but she hears him.

She nudges him in the ribs playfully until they’re both laughing.

“I’m going to use the bathroom,” she says and moves down the hall.

Ashton checks his phone to see Luke is trying to console Calum, too. It was hard for him to act with Missy today. Luke reports that Calum has had only one drink but is smoking a lot of weed to help clear his head and wants to drive to Y/N’s house.

When Ashton has finished replying to keep an eye on him, Y/N is standing next to the couch. He looks up at her to see she has her arms wrapped around herself, her lower lip caught between her teeth, but he hears the quick gasps of her sobs.

“I really hate this, Ashton.”

“C’mere,” he opens his arms to her and hugs her tightly.

“It’s really hard being lonely.”

She cries into his shirt, finding comfort in his embrace and friendship.

Y/N’s found a good friendship with Max from work. Nothing romantic at all, but he makes sure they do a lot of fun things together. It’s been almost five months since that night with Calum and when Y/N comes across a photo of him and Missy together, Max is there to take her to the beach or a movie to distract her mind.

Now when she sees photos of them it doesn’t make her go in her closet to look at the wilted flowers. It’s still a sting in the thorn of her heart but it’s more bearable. The first single off their new album was ‘Through the Dark’ and it made her cry. Max found her laying on the floor of her room with it playing on a loop, the box of flowers unopened but lying next to her. He laid next to her and held her hand as tears rolled down her cheeks.

She’s meeting up with Max at his place for lunch and she was craving the chicken Caesar sandwich from the bistro on the pier. It wasn’t until she saw her that Y/N remembered this is a favored spot for Calum and Missy to be spotted and there she was. Standing off the side of the counter looking gorgeous in a spring dress.

Y/N tried to keep her head down as she ordered.

“And what’s the name?” the cashier asks.

“Y/N.”

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“Y/N? Oh, it is you!” Missy says suddenly next to her.

“Got it this time, thanks. We’ll call you when your food’s ready.”

“Thanks,” Y/N mutters. She takes a deep breath and turns to Missy. “Hi.” She looks around the shop expecting to see Calum and trying to prepare herself to come face to face with him.

“He’s not here,” Missy says quietly glancing around the shop as well then grabs Y/N’s wrist pulling her to the far end of the sandwich showcase. “He’d actually hate me for even talking about this…and to you but…I’m so sorry. For everything. My manager came up with this PR stunt.”

“You don’t have to explain, I get it’s for publicity,” Y/N tries to get away from this situation as quickly as possible while also keeping herself together. Her neck is warm, and her breathing has accelerated in a slight panic.

Missy grabs her wrist again but pulls her into the women’s bathroom. Y/N’s affronted at the boldness of Missy’s actions.

“It is all publicity, I swear! I don’t know exactly what happened between you and Calum but he’s miserable. We’re friends now and all he talks about is you. How funny you are and kind you are. He really misses you,” Missy continues with a frown.

Y/N sighs. She really does seem nice but she’s still keeping her guard up. How could she not?

“He really cares about you, Y/N.” Missy stresses squeezing Y/N’s hand for emphasis.

“Missy, look. I appreciate you telling me all this. You… you actually seem really nice and genuine which makes it that much harder for me to dislike you.”

“I get that,” Missy nods her head, “but he really, really cares about you.” Her eyes grow bigger each time she said really, and Y/N gives her a confused look.

“Yeah…you um…you said that?”

“No, he…ugh he’s going to hate me, but he loves you. ‘Through the Dark is about you. He told me you’re the girl of his dreams when we met the Monday after his party. I’ve felt horrible all this time.”

Y/N stares at Missy while she processes what she just heard.

“When did he tell you that again?”

“His party was Friday, and we met that Monday to discuss the logistics of this stupid ploy. Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry for kissing him in front of you! I was drunk, I’ll kiss anyone, and I told him I did have a small crush on him but when I saw the way he looked at you it went away. I swear!”

“He really said he loves me?”

“Yes! When we’re not out getting photographed he’s always writing in his notebook and drawing flowers in it. Not that I’ve read anything,” Missy adds in a rush. “It’s just over his shoulder I saw it a couple times before he closed it.”

“Yeah but that was months ago, I’m sure he’s already caught feelings for you.”

“No, he hasn’t. Trust me. He’s become more like a brother to me, honest. I’ve been trying to force him to talk to you and our ‘contract’ is up in a few months anyway for the album release. I want to break if off early publicly so you can finally be together but he’s so stubborn he won’t.”

Y/N laughs lightly at how fast Missy talks. She’s not sure if it’s out of keeping this all to herself for so long or if that’s really how she is, talking a mile a minute.

“Thank you for telling me this, Missy. I…I can’t believe I’m telling you this since we don’t really know each other but I love him, too. I’ve loved him for so long but I’m the one who pushed him away. I’m the one who told him to do this deal with you because he and I only had one night together,” Y/N explains.

Missy’s eyes widen and she squeals in joy. “You love him too?! Oh, this is great. I’ll arrange for you two to meet up and—”

“Missy, Missy! No, no don’t do that. It’s been too long,” Y/N shrugs. “I doubt he’d want to see me.”

Missy plants her feet on the ground firmly, her face turning very serious very fast. Y/N’s a little taken aback at the fierceness in her gaze.

“Do you want to be with him?” she asks.

“Um..yes.”

“And you love him?”

“Yeah…”

“Then let me help you fix this, please. It’s the least I can do for coming between you when it wasn’t my plan to do so in the first place.”

Y/N takes a deep breath. She’s really starting to like Missy; she has a good heart.

“Okay. How can you help?”

“They’re all planning to go to the Invisible House for a week. I can’t go because I have a shoot to do in New York, but Ashton told me that Calum will be there a couple days before they all arrive.”

Y/N mulls it over, her mind thinking of ways to make it up to him. To apologize. To make him realize how sorry she is and how special he is to her. That despite all the hurdles and messes they’ve been through, that something they have is meaningful.

Then, she gets the perfect idea.

“Do you know when he’s going to be there?” Y/N asks and Missy smiles.

“I know all the details, Y/N.”

The drive to the Invisible House is pretty boring without his radio working so he hums to himself as he drives. Calum’s glad he decided to head there a few days before the rest of the group shows up. The pictures are immaculate and he’s excited to try out the hundred-foot pool.

He texted Missy when he was leaving, and she responded with an encouraging text in return.

‘Have fun! Let me know how everything goes 😉’

He’s confused by the winky face but appreciates it all the same. He’s glad to have her as a friend.

When he arrives at the building it’s dusk, the stars are just dusting the sky and the house is a glowing violet in the desert air. He stares at it for a moment, taking in the beauty of the panes of glass, breathing in the cool desert night. If they were all here a year ago maybe Red Desert would have been Purple Desert.

He shakes his head in disbelief. He’s starting to sound like Luke.

He grabs his belongings, two suitcases and a duffel bag and makes his way to the entrance. Ashton and Michael will be bringing the instruments for a jam session, so he didn’t pack his bass.

Once the door is unlocked, he’s mesmerized by the space before he hears music playing. Was that supposed to be playing? He sets his things by the counter and walks further in. The pool is lit up in a light blue and purple with glowing white lotus flowers floating on the water.

There’s flower petals beneath his feet as he walks the length of the pool. It’s a sweet aroma that fills his nose. Then he panics and thinks Michael has this set up for Crystal. He does not want to walk in on them having a private moment, but that’s hard to do in a glass house.

When he’s at the halfway point of the pool, the soft music becomes a bit louder and he recognizes the drum and guitar chords of Something by The Beatles. His mouth goes dry as he comes to the living area at the end of the pool to where Y/N is standing.

There’s petals on the carpet and she’s holding a white flower in her palm with a flower crown on her head. He’s at a loss for words.

“Hi,” she welcomes quietly.

“Hi…what are you doing here?” he wishes he didn’t ask such a dumb question.

“I should have rehearsed this beforehand what I wanted to say but I had to make sure this was all perfect before you got here. Um, I’m here for you. I know it’s been so long, and this is all my fault in the first place. Pushing you away and I thought I was protecting myself.”

She takes a step forward.

“I’ve been a mess without you, Cal. I miss you, so much it hurts. I think of you all the time, and that night we spent together. Your necklace is still wrapped around the flowers you gave me and that’s what made me think of doing this,” she gestures to her flowers on display all around. She takes another step forward. Closer to the step of the living area, closer to Calum.

“We’ve had our fair share of messes with each other. And it’s my fault for the last one so it’s my responsibility to rectify it. I wanted to show you how much you mean to me, how much that night meant to me.”

Another step forward and Calum is reminded of that night in his room. How he came to her, now he’s the one on the receiving end. He watches her with bated breath, and he knows she’s nervous (like he is) by the way she’s playing with the white flower in her hand.

“And the more I thought about the messes we’ve been through it made me think of the Lotus flower. It grows through the mud but when it breaks through, it’s this vibrant and full flower,” she takes two steps and is right at the edge of the step. She holds up the flower.

“And it’s like we’re the flower. We’re growing through the mud and I called it quits before we really bloomed. And…” she takes a shaky breath then laughs nervously, “this sounded romantic in my head but now it sounds super cheesy. But when I heard you were drawing flowers it made me feel like we were still connected.”

She doesn’t say anything more and neither does Calum. Then, when she looks up at him it all makes sense. What they’ve been through these last several months, that was their mud.

“Can you say something?” she whispers, “I’m starting to feel like an idiot and that this was a really stupid idea—”

He lifts her up to his level connecting their lips together. He brings her against him, and she wraps her arms around his neck, their lips getting reacquainted with each other. She tastes like strawberries and smells of flowers and he’s filled with bliss. He feels whole again.

“I love you,” he gasps when they pause to catch their breath. “I should have said it months ago, but I was scared. I thought it was too soon.”

“I love you, too. I’m so sorry for what I said that day. I wish I didn’t—”

He silences her with another kiss.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. I understand why you did it, sweetheart,” he cups her cheek and gazes into her eyes. “I shouldn’t have walked away like I did.”

“We really are a mess,” she laughs brushing his curls from his face.

“A beautiful mess,” he corrects sucking a kiss from her lips then holds her against him in a tight hug. He never wants to let go.

“Was this too much?” she asks moments later.

“No, it was perfect, thank you for doing all of this for me. I’ll be honest,” he stands up straight to look at her, “I thought I was walking in on Michael and Crystal.”

Y/N laughs and continues laughing until Calum kisses her and she’s left gasping.

“How about we try out the pool?” he mumbles.

They spend a good forty-five minutes in the pool. Soft touches and kisses are exchanged until they reconnect as one. They’re surrounded by the glowing flowers and the ripples they create from their movements. Words of love are spoken and moaned, echoing throughout the space.

They transition to the bed that is also covered in flower petals. Calum kisses down the length of her body, his lips ghosting over her core. Their eyes lock as he attaches his mouth between her folds, his tongue swirling around her bud.

Her legs squeeze around his head on their own accord as she’s vibrating with pleasure. The moans are continuous as he works her over into her second orgasm of the night. When it surpasses, she’s giggling quietly as Calum peppers kisses to her thighs.

“Wow…”

“That good, huh?” he remarks, his lips smacking against her skin bounce off the walls.

“Yeah but…” she rises up on her elbows to look down at him. “Is that all you got? You told me you’d make me cum eight times when we were in your bathroom. Or was that just talk?”

“Oh, you want to be a little sass, huh?” he bites down on the fleshy part of her thigh. “You really shouldn’t have said that.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” she smirks.

“Because now I’m going to make you cum ten times.”

“Okay, Cal, I was just jo—OH!” She falls back against the bed as she’s already filled with intense pleasure.

Suffice it to say, Calum did make her cum nine more times. The overstimulation and her noises got him riled up and he had to be close to her again. He made love to her slowly and tenderly. He gave her gentle kisses and she molded to him.

Before she fell asleep he was stroking her face after she drank some water, he really exhausted her.

“How did you know I was going to be here?”

“I ran into Missy at the bistro I love. She explained everything,” she replies sleepily. She’s struggling to keep her eyes open. “I like her, she’s nice.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“I think she and Max would get along,” she yawns snuggling closer to him.

“I’ll take your word for it. You can go to sleep you know.”

“I want to keep talking to you,” she squeezes his lower back.

“We can talk all day tomorrow. And tomorrow night. And the next day, and the next…”

“Mmm, that sounds nice,” she smiles closing her eyes. “I love you, Cal.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart.”

Two days later the rest of the group arrived, and it was a happy albeit awkward reunion because Calum and Y/N were still naked in bed. They spent their time eating, watching movies, and having sex as much as they wanted. It was perfect but also took a lot out of them.

They were both fast asleep until their names were shouted, and Calum scrambled to cover Y/N up.

“I’m glad to see you, Y/N but I’ll hold off on the hug until you aren’t naked with Cal,” Luke laughs.

“We’ll go bring in the rest of the stuff,” Ashton giggles then winks at Y/N.

“Please tell me this was the only place you had sex,” Michael asks peering at them both with narrow eyes.

“Umm…”

“Ugh!” Michael throws his hands in the air. “You guys better not have left messes anywhere!” he complains walking back towards the main kitchen area.

Calum looks over the wall separating their ‘room’ from the rest of the house and turns to her.

“We’re done with messes, yeah?” Calum grins down at her and she nods bringing his face closer to hers.

“Something great came from the mess,” she agrees and slots her lips with his. They’ll have to be super quiet now.

Taglist: @calpalirwin @myloverboyash @loveroflrh @iovehemmings @cxddlyash @princesslrh @spicycal @mysticalhood @notinthesameguey @wastedheartcth @itjustkindahappenedreally @calumance @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt @sarcastically-defensive17 @another-lonely-heart @devilatmydoor @sanrioluke @mayve-hems @haikucal @thatscooibaby @suchalonelysunflower @burstintocolor @dead-and-golden @mymindwide @blackbutterfliescal @redrattlers @karajaynetoday @quasighost @i-like-5sos @creampiecashton @calpops @superbloomed-c @littledrummeraussie @sexgodashton

#calum hood oneshot #calum hood angst #calum angst #calum hood smut #calum smut #calum 5sos writing #calum writing #5sos writing #calum hood 5sos #calum fic #5soso fic #calum hood fic

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cryonme · 3 years

Text

fallingforyou- calum hood.

word count- 1.5k

tw- drinking, smoking, cursing, a couple of tears. other than that just calum being sexy and also cute.

mentions- calum, fiona, luke, michael

a/n- hi! sooooo, this is the first part in my “series” of Calum and Fiona. this series will not have to be read in any order, just a bunch of one shots of Cal and Fi been cute. BUT this ons should be read first, as its the start of their relationship. im very excited abt this and I hope you all are too!!! also, i know a lot of my followers are from the HP fandom but I've been really wanting to branch out with my writing so here's this little number. I still write for HP, btw! not to worry. anyway, I hope u all enjoy this. I love it a lot and I worked very hard!!!! inspired by fallingforyou by the 1975. I recommend listening to the song for dramatic affect.

—

Calum sipped on his drink as his eyes danced around the kitchen that was filled with drunk and high 20-30 somethings, unimpressed until his deep brown eyes landed on her. Dressed in a little halter top and flared jeans, head thrown back in laughter at God knows what, she laughed at just about anything, especially when intoxicated. Her dark hair cascaded down her back and her lovely brown eyes squeezed shut, she looked like a goddamn angel.

He told Luke a million times that he wasn’t coming to this party, just like he had done with every party that rolled around in LA, but once Luke promised her attendance, he still declined.

But snuck in anyway 3 hours in, trying to go unnoticed by his 3 idiot friends.

His plan failed, of course. Why wouldn’t it? Michael had caught him at the worst time, 4 jack and cokes in, grinning at her like an idiot from across the kitchen island.

“She’s your friend, mate. You know you can like, talk to her.” He had said, nudging his best friend with his elbow.

Calum rolled his eyes, “I’m not 7, Mike. I’ll talk to her when I want.”

“You’re never gonna land a girl like Fiona if you don’t say anything.”

“Who says I’m trying to land her?”

Michael nearly choked on his drink, “Good one, Cal.” He patted his friend's shoulder and pretended to wipe a fake tear. “Hey, Fi!”

Calum had known Fiona since 2013 when 5 Seconds of Summer first toured with One Direction, when she was an assistant to their tour manager. She was the same age as the guys and they all bonded quickly, and to this day she still tours with them. She’s still just an assistant, says she doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of manager, she mostly just makes sure the guys are all where they’re supposed to be at all times.

Fiona turned away from her friends and smiled at the two Australian goofs, excusing herself from the group of girls and making her way over.

“Calum Hood? Enjoying himself? At a party? Insanity!” She smiled that radiant smile of hers and took Calum’s cup from his hands, treating herself to a sip.

“3 of those things are true, and I’ll give you a hint, I’m not enjoying myself.” Calum retaliated and Fiona raised her eyebrows at Michael.

“Hi, Fi.” Calum smiled and slung his arm over her shoulder.

She playfully rolled her eyes and leaned into Calum, “Hey Mr. Buzzkill.”

“I’m gonna go play pong with Luke, you know how he gets when I’m not his partner. Bye Fifi!” Michael rushed out and ran out of the kitchen, no doubt going to gush to Luke and Ashton about Calum and Fiona being cozied up in the kitchen.

“You look pretty tonight.” Calum said flatly, not making eye contact.

He could say those kinds of things to her, they had been friends for 7 years, but the drinks definitely helped him get it out.

“Don’t look too bad yourself, Hood.”

Calum brought her small frame around in front of him so he could look at her. She rested her chin on his chest and looked up at him with her doe eyes, and he made a vow right then and there that he would absolutely get to call her his one day.

This happened often. Calum and Fiona would cozy up to each other when drunk, hugging and touching, never once kissing, and nothing ever came of it.

“Like, you look really pretty.”

Fiona threw her head back again and laughed, “You, Mr. Hood, are drunk.”

“Yeah,” Calum took her hand and spun her around so her back was to his chest and rested his chin on her shoulder, “And you’re really pretty. Look at us stating facts together.”

Fiona giggled again and grabbed Calum’s cup from him, taking another sip.

Calum slowly snaked his arms around her waist and she held onto his arms with her hands, Calum swore he would have melted on her right there.

Fiona spun again and looked up at her friend of 7 years. She wanted to know what went on behind those intense eyes of his. Ashton, Michael and Luke confided in her with almost everything, she knew all about what went on in their heads, but Calum had never told her a thing. Not one detail. She had no idea that Calum was falling for her, on that night, in that shitty lighting, and he was falling for her hard.

“Beer pong?”

The two had been waiting for their turn in beer pong for 20 minutes and finally decided to sit down on a nearby bench and just watch. Calum pulled her onto his lap and she hummed happily, with her arms around her once more.

The brown eyed boy took his arms off of her for one second while he dug through his pockets, then put them back in their rightful place, holding a joint up to her lips. She gladly took the weed into her mouth and allowed Calum to light the end for her while she took in a drag.

She held the joint between her fingers and blew out. “You’re a good friend, Cal.”

Calum frowned at that. He had been drinking a little bit more than usual and the word “friend” made his heart drop.

“Don’t wanna be friends.”

Fiona snorted, “Shut up.”

“M’serious.” Calum mumbled against her shoulder. “I don’t wanna be your friend.” He turned his head so he could place her lips on her neck, “I wanna kiss your neck.”

“Calum…”

“I’m falling for you, Fi.”

“You’re drunk.”

“So?”

“So you don’t get to do that!” Fiona suddenly jumped up off of Calum’s lap and faced him, catching the attention of a few people, but no one seemed to care enough.

“Fiona-” Calum started and reached to grab hold of her thigh but she slapped him away.

“Fuck you.” She spat and stormed away. She was probably just going to sit on the front steps. She was too drunk to drive and she left her phone with Calum.

The dark haired boy sighed and hoisted himself up off of the bench to follow after her, at least to give her her phone. He made his way through the crowd of people and was stopped by Luke right before he made it to the door.

“I don’t know what you did, but fucking fix it.” The blond poked his finger into his chest so hard he stumbled back.

“Wha-” He started but by the time he could he finish the one syllable word Luke was long gone.

Calum shook his head and pushed the door open, finding his favorite girl slumped over on the steps with her shoulders shaking. He hurried so he could crouch in front of her and rest his hands on her knees, and refused to move when she tried to push him away.

“I know you’re mad at me but you’re crying and nothing hurts me more than that.” He said softly, trying his best to get the girl in front of him to stop shaking.

After a couple minutes of letting Calum stroke her knee gently with the pad of his thumb, Fiona finally brought her head up and Calum wanted to kick himself for making her cry like that.

“I have loved you” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, “For 7 fucking years Calum.”

Calum felt like he just got all of the wind kicked out of his lungs, but he didn’t move a muscle.

“I’ve watched girls who treat you like shit come and go and I don’t even get to pick up the fucking pieces because you don’t fucking talk to me, then one night you have a little bit too much to drink and suddenly you’re falling for me?”

“I love you.”

Fiona froze.

“Fuck, Fiona I’ve loved you for 7 years. Every girl who’s come and gone has been a distraction from you because in my head, you’d never feel the same way. I never opened up to you or talked to you because I was scared that if I did I’d let it slip that I love you and I’d lose you. Every time I see you my chest feels tight and I feel like I can’t breathe, every time you laugh I can’t help but smile to myself like a fool and whenever you cry I can’t look at you because I’m afraid I’ll cry too. Screw falling for you, Fiona. I fell for you.”

Fiona didn’t move, she felt like she couldn’t move. Calum had just shared more with her in 30 seconds than he had in 7 years, she was shocked.

“What the fuck took you so long.” Her question came out as more of a statement.

“I’m an idiot.” Calum breathed out before finally leaning in and kissing the girl he had loved for so long.

//pls remember to leave a comment or reblog if you enjoyed it, kind words mean a lot🖤and so begins the life of cal and fi, i can’t wait! hope u all are excited too. xx roxie

#calum hood imagine #calum hood #5sos imagine #5sos fic #calum hood one shot #calum hood fanfiction #5 seconds of summer #calum hood blurb #ashton irwin imagine #luke hemmings imagine #michael clifford imagine #5sos fanfic #5sos fanfiction #luke hemmings fanfic #5sos #luke hemmings #michael clifford #ashton irwin

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constilationn · 3 years

Text

Changing The Sheets || Part 2 🥀

A/N: Hey guys, I wrote a part two of this because I really like the direction it was going in. Anyway, I’m really really proud of this one and I loved writing it. Please do give any and all feedback, I love it. Much love guys.

Rating: T?

Warning: naughty words, that's about it.

Summary: You think you’re doing okay, Ashton shows up and you realise you might not be. But time can mend and you know that.

Part 1

At the end of three weeks, crisis mode ends for everyone but you. Calum stops coming by every day, understandable because he has his own life to live but it hurts all the same. Luke and Michael still come around occasionally but everything goes back to normal. You’ve accepted Ashton isn’t coming back anytime soon, you’ve accepted that he’s probably with her now and it’s time to move on but it still hurts. It hurts so much that your heart seemingly twists with every breath you take and a pain lingers in your gut that you can’t get rid of no matter how hard you try. Still, you think it might be time to fix the bedroom, throw out all of Ashton’s old stuff and start fresh. You think you can do that, think after weeks of shutting the world out, you can drag yourself down to the department store and buy replacements for all the stuff you broke. You can drag yourself out of bed, put your goddamn clothes on and start putting yourself back together like you promised you would.

And so you do.

Two days after changing the sheets for the first time, you kick the comforter back off and let it land on the floor. You drag yourself up, throw the pillows from the bed and strip the sheet from the mattress. It’s different now, this isn’t anger anymore or at least you don’t think it is, you think its acceptance, think it’s the determination to pick up the pieces of yourself and slot them back into place no matter what you have to do. Because you can’t stay in this apartment with all the things you shared and the shards of the promises he made to you. You can’t stay in this house with fragments of his cologne and toothbrush and his record collection that stares mockingly at you every time you sit on the couch and try to forget everything he destroyed when he left you. You think ... you think you need to make this place your own, fill it with your own love and your own light and everything you know you can be with him. Because you’ll be okay, you know you’ll be okay but it’ll take time, and you know that too.

The first thing you do when you finally force yourself away from the bedroom and away from the pile of sheets you’ve pulled from the cupboard, is grab a trash bag from the cupboard under the sink and head back into the bathroom. You don’t spare the broken glass another look as you sweep it into the bag, try not to touch the bristles of the toothbrush as you throw the fragments of the life you had before into the bag. In fact, you clear out every single thing in that room that belongs to him and make a note in your mind to buy your favourite bath salts and bath bombs and replace everything he said he loved with what you like because this is your home now, and you intend to make it a place filled with love instead of betrayal and regret.

The trash bag is full by the time you reach the closet in your bedroom, all traces of Ashton gone from the bathroom and the kitchen. You left the living room, can’t bring yourself to touch his record collection that he spent weeks organizing or the stack of books with his scribbled post it notes on top. You loved reading almost as much as he did. You’ve always been a sucker for getting lost in a story, mostly Jane Austen, and her talent for writing a romance you could only dream about. You’ve fantasied about meeting your Prince Charming on more than one occasion. You thought you’d found that when you’d met Ashton. Turns out you were wrong.

It takes you a minute. It takes you a minute because everything hits you, suddenly and all at once, and you have to stop yourself from falling back into the chaos you’re so determined to leave behind. You take a breath, shaking, then another and turn back into the bedroom without giving that stupid coffee table another glance. You might have to buy another one, fuck, you might have to refurnish your entire apartment until you can learn to love and breath in here again.

Crescent moons appear on your palms as you dig you nails into your skin in an attempt to stop your hands shaking. It feels stupid, like you should be able to shake and cry and scream all you want in your own apartment but you feel Ashton lingering in everything you do. You have to be strong, you have to be able to throw these things out without a second glance because you’ll destroy yourself if you keep them here for much longer. You’re torn, torn between keeping his things because you know you still love him, or getting rid of them because you know you have to move on. But there’s something in the pit of your stomach, something that feels suspiciously like hope, that he’ll realize his mistake and come back.

You tear his clothes off the hangars and stuff them into the trash bag without another thought.

You leave the stripped bed, bare pillows and duvet on the floor and drag the trash bag back through the apartment. You spare a glance to the clock that hangs in your kitchen and you’re surprised to see it’s almost eleven at night. It means you’ve spent the better part of three hours throwing every trace of Ashton out of your apartment without shedding a tear. It’s an accomplishment, of sorts, something to be proud of and you know in that moment, you’ll be able to make this apartment a beautiful home for yourself.

You grab the bag, pull the door just as someone pushes from the other side and you stumble, fall back and drop the bag as Calum stands on the other side of the door with his hand still on the door handle and a stunned expression on his face.

“Calum?” You scramble to shove Ashton’s stuff back into the trash bag as Calum watches with the ghost of a smirk on his lips. “What are you doing here?”

“Checking on you.” It’s the first time he’s been back in a few days and you weren’t expecting one of Ashton's best friends to open the door just as you were throwing out everything he owned. Calum’s voice is thick with amusement as he speaks. “What’re you doing?”

“I’m cleansing.” You fumble for the ties at the top of the trash bag and pull them tightly. “Getting my shit together.”

“Getting rid of shit, you mean.”

“No,” you sigh, run a hand through your hair and realizing you haven’t brushed it in the same breath you realise you probably smell awful. “I’m creating something.”

“You don’t have to get rid of his stuff right away, you know. Just like you don’t have to stop loving him right away.” Calum takes the bag from you, fingers gently brushing yours, and you know by your lack of resistance that he’s right. “Let me take this.” He pauses, glances at your face for any sign of discomfort. When he finds none and instead is met with a soft smile, he continues. “You’ll regret it if you dump this right now. Trust me.”

“I do,” you reply, relinquishing the bag. “I do trust you.” You pause, watching Calum as he smiles. A deep breath leaves your lips without you meaning it to and Calum raises an eyebrow like he knows there’s something you want to ask him. He waits, he’s patient because he knows how hard this is for you. “How is he?” You finally ask, voice no more than a breath.

“Luke says he’s heartbroken.”

“Luke? You haven’t seen him?”

Calum shakes his head. “I’m here for you, not him. He’s my best friend but I can’t support what he did.”

It takes a lot of strength for you not to cry then, and you blink back tears, sniffle and disguise it with a laugh as Calum wraps you in his arms. You almost deflate against him, like you can finally breath, like you’ve got the validation that Ashton is in the wrong, not you. “Thank you.” You whisper, fighting to keep your voice even. “Thank you.”

Calum pulls away after a minute, “Give me this shit,” he laughs, waiting as you grab your purse and jacket and lock the door. “You want me to drive you?”

“You don’t even know where I’m going.” You chuckle, following him down the stairs and outside to his car as you struggle to keep your gaze away from the trash bag he holds in his hand. You whole life is in there, well, your old life. You dig for your keys, push the thought away and head to your car. “I love you Cal, but we’re going different ways and you’re not the best driver.”

“I’m a great driver!” He insists as you duck into your car and give him a wave. He flips you off with a grin and you shake your head as you pull out of the lot ahead of Calum and take the turn to the department store.

You’re ready, you know you’re ready and you’ve already got a list in your head of what you can buy now that Ashton’s gone. You’ll fill the bathroom shelves with wicker baskets full of bath salts. You’ll buy new sheets, ones alive with colour and you’ll replace the cushion covers with the ones you wanted to get all along. You’ll buy plants and put them in every nook and cranny of your apartment and you’ll stock the fridge with your favourite food and forget how it used to be crammed with beer. It’s the next step for you, the next chapter.

But the thing is, you didn’t want to turn the page at all.

You pull into a space outside the store, grab a basket and head inside in high spirits because this is the first time you’ve felt confident with a decision since Ashton left. You dressed in something other than pajamas, you threw on some makeup and you hauled your ass out of the apartment because you’re so determined to make a life for yourself.

And you’re so confident in this decision, so unbelievably proud of yourself as you turn down the aisle to pick out your plants, that you think you might be having some sort of mental break when you see Ashton standing at the other end of aisle with a plant in hand.

And you freeze, your blood turns cold and you fucking freeze on the floor of that department store because every emotion that you’ve felt in the last few weeks hit you like a slap to the face and you fail to pick your jaw up off the floor, fail to turn around and leave despite the amount of fear and hate and adrenaline that’s racing through your veins. So, when he turns and meets your eyes and the plant he’s holding falls to the floor and the pot shatters, your heart fucking explodes.

And yet, you still can’t fucking move.

Your name on his lips for the first time in weeks makes your stomach turn and bile rise in your throat. Your heart races, thunders in your chest and you can hear blood pounding in your head as you try to figure out what to do before he reaches you. But you can’t leave now because he’s seen you and as much as you want to show him that he means nothing to you, you can’t bring yourself to destroy the last little piece of your relationship that has survive. So you take a breath, steady yourself because you refuse to be afraid of this anymore and turn to Ashton as he stops in front of you.

“Hi.” You wait for him to speak first and when he does, you’re surprised to find there’s anger in the pit of your stomach instead of the grief you expected to feel.

You cross your arms over your chest. “Hi.”

Ashton hesitates, “How are you?”

“How do you think?”

“I— “

“You what?” You’re aware you don’t give him the chance to finish but the rage that seems to have consumed you in the time that he’s walked from one end of the aisle to the other is the thing that guides you.

“I’m so sorry.”

You scoff, “I bet you are,” you glance down to the basket in his hands. “So what, you’re already shopping for your new place? For your new girl?”

You’re not sure Ashton’s eyes can widen anymore. He’s always known you were feisty, knew exactly what he was getting into but he’s never seen you like this, driven by blinding anger. “No. No, I... I’m staying with Luke. Thought I could get him something to say thank you.”

“Not staying at your new girls house then?” You haven’t unfolded your arms, eyes glaring at Ashton as he focuses on anything other than your face.

Ashton’s eyes fall to your shoes. “I haven’t seen her since that night.”

You laugh, short and bitter. “Don’t be shy, Ash. Since the night you fucked her.”

Ashton shakes his head, “Please, please let me explain.”

“What’s there to explain?” And despite yourself, you take a step closer to him. “You don’t love me anymore, remember.”

Ashton seems close to tears, frustration and exasperation driving him towards the edge. “Just give me a chance to explain, please.”

You’re silent for a moment watching Ashton as he watches you before you let go of your cart, raise an eyebrow and turn to leave the store. You’re not sure if Ashton picked up that you want him to follow but then you head into the parking lot and hear his footsteps behind you as he follows you to your car.

“Get in.” Is the only thing you say as you open the door to your car and watch Ashton slide into the passenger seat. He doesn’t have to say yes. All he does is wait.

🥀

A silver Honda passes you as you and Ashton sit side by side on the hood of the car. You’ve been here for seven minutes and twelve seconds, you know because you’ve been watching the seconds pass you by on the clock on the dashboard.

“We haven’t talked in a while.” You finally say, remembering every single might where you pushed the call button on Ashton’s contact on your phone.

“No,” Ashton replies, quiet as ever, “No we haven’t talked at all.”

The freeway’s almost empty but some traffic zooms by the two of you as you stare past Ashton and into the inky blue of the sky. It’s fourteen minutes past one, all you know is that you drove the freeway for two hours and then pulled over to the an emergency bay on the side of the road. But you don’t know much else because your head is spinning and Ashton is sitting the closet to you that he has in weeks.

You can’t avoid this forever, you suppose, which is a shame because you've done a good job trying.

So you sigh, slide off the hood of the car as you wipe your hands on your jeans. Ashton looks like he wants to follow but the glare you cast his way tells him to stay put. “This is how this is going to work. You’re going to answer every fucking question I ask you and I might not shove you in front of an oncoming vehicle.”

Ashton nods, barely breaths as he says “yes.” Probably because he doesn’t want to be thrown in front of a car, you suppose. But still, it’s a start.

“Who bought you your shit?” It’s no mystery to you that some of Ashton’s stuff disappeared from your apartment before you started to break everything. You couldn’t bring yourself to care back then. You do now, though.

“Luke and Michael.”

“You saw them a lot?”

“A bit, yeah.”

You nod, run your tongue over your teeth. “Calum?” Because despite what he said to you, your trust has been shattered and you want to see if Ashton will lie to you even now.

“He hasn’t returned my calls,” Ashton says quietly. “I don’t know.”

Okay, you think, two questions in and you don’t want to snap yourself in half. You take a few steps away from the car, then walk back and stare Ashton straight in the face as another car growls past.

“How’ve you been? Really? Don’t sugar coat it.”

Ashton gives a sad sort of smile as he fiddles with the bottom of his shirt. “Fucking...terrible. Maybe worse. Haven’t been getting out of bed a lot.”

“Good.” You snap, can’t stop yourself because he should hurt just as much as you did. He shouldn’t be able to get out of fucking bed either. You breathe in the crisp night air and try to calm yourself.

“How’ve you been?” You stop pacing across the gravel of the freeway and look up at him.

“You already asked me that. I already answered.” God, your voice is vicious, prowls across the cool night air and bites at him. But you feel satisfied, knowing you can give Ashton little cuts like this.

Ashton bites his lip and looks down. He looks out of breath, like he’s run miles and you can’t help but think god, because he deserves every bit of pain you felt. “I know. But it’s all I think about.”

Cry me a fucking river. You want to scream. You couldn’t handle one fucking day of this.

Fuck, you love him so much.

And even though he hasn’t talked over you once you can’t help but snap, “Interrupt me one more time and you can fucking walk home.” And then before you can stop yourself, before you can falter, “Now, why’d you do it?”

Ashton stops moving then, stops fiddling, stops breathing, so quickly that you’re almost worried. But then Ashton opens his mouth and you realise you’re not ready for this answer so you cover your fear with malice. “Don’t hesitate” you say, “Don’t fucking um and ah. And don’t bullshit me, don’t you fucking dare.”

“Okay.”

“So why’d you fucking do it, you selfish prick.” You say and when your voice finally cracks, Ashton looks away.

Good, you think, fucking let him hurt. Let him feel half of what I have.

“Baby— “

“Why did you fucking do it?” You yell, veering straight past the nickname because you can’t handle that right now, not on top of everything else. You voice makes Ashton’s head snap up. “Don’t fucking look away from me. Just tell me!” And then softer, because your voice has cracked and you can’t do this anymore, “Just say it. Please.”

Ashton nods, wipes the back of his hand over his eyes.

“Okay...okay, but you can’t...it’s not logic. It’s not.”

“Just say it.” Four cars go past before Ashton speaks again and you fight to keep yourself steady on your feet.

“I got scared,” he says finally and you’ve never heard Ashton’s voice so small. “I got scared and you didn’t. I got scared and I panicked and I drank too much and you were a million miles away and I fucked up.”

“Not enough,” you shake your head. “That’s not enough. You don’t get to fuck someone and tell me you don’t love me and get away with it in a single sentence. That’s not fucking good enough.”

Ashton slides from the hood of the car then and you’re so scared he’s going to end this conversation and get back in the car and leave you again. So, you say the first thing you can think of. “You wanted it too, though, didn’t you? You wanted me?” And, fuck, you can barely stomach how stupid your question sounds but you need to know. You need to know.

“Of course I wanted you.” Ashton says, polar opposite to the venom that coats your voice. “Of course I did.”

“Then what the fuck?” You ask angrily because you don’t understand, you don’t. “What the fuck was all of it for. I don’t understand.”

“We weren’t supposed to make it.” Ashton whispers and the distance you’ve put between the two of you, you quickly close because you can’t miss this. “We were twenty-one and twenty fucking three something and we weren’t supposed to make it. It wasn’t...it wasn’t supposed to go anywhere because I was leaving for tour and you wanted that degree and wanted to leave this stupid goddamn city. And we didn’t have a chance in hell of making it.”

Your inches away from him now.

“And then by some fucking miracle, we did make it.” Ashton says, “and then you’re talking about a future with a house and a family and fucking colour schemes and shit and it scared me. I was fucking scared and so out of my depth and I didn’t know what to do.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You croak out, “Why didn’t...you could’ve told me.”

Ashton snorts and makes the two of you seem impossibly closer. “Do you know what kind of person you are to let down?” He asks, “I couldn’t do that to you and so I got scared and I tried to avoid it and I fucked up.”

“So you went and stuck your dick in someone else?” You spit, “like that wasn’t going to raise anymore fucking issues, like that wasn’t going to cause a bit of a problem, like— “

“You asked me why.” Ashton says and his voice raises for the first time. “You asked me why. I’m not saying it makes sense but...that’s it.”

You thought knowing would make you feel better. You really did, but now you know just how mistaken you’ve been. “I should’ve known,” you say, face white, “I should’ve known, I was right there and I just...I did nothing.”

You could deal with not knowing, you realise, you could deal with that but now there’s a pressure on your chest saying it’s on you, saying it’s your fault. You think you might throw up and brace yourself against the hood of the car.

“It’s not your fault,” Ashton says from behind you and you’ve forgotten how much you miss his comfort, his safety. “It’ll never be your fault. You have to know that.”

“But it is.” You say, snapping back around to face Ashton. “Because you couldn’t tell me. You couldn’t tell me and you couldn’t touch me a and so you had to find someone else.” And it’s so overwhelming, so fucking overwhelming and it hits you all at once and you don’t realise Ashton holding you until your legs are about to give out.

You want to push him away, want to throw yourself off, want to barrel into traffic for all you care but you’re not strong enough. Because you’re so fucking tired and sad and so, so in love with the boy in front of you that it feels like if you let go of him you’ll forget how to breath.

“I hate you.” You sob but pull Ashton closer and you shudder as he kisses the top of your hair. “I love you. I can’t fucking do this.”

“I’m so sorry,” Ashton whispers. “I’m so so sorry. I’m sorry I did it and I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m so so sorry I fucked it all up.”

“No. Don’t do that. You don’t get to say sorry and have yourself feel better and leave me here like this. You don’t get to do that.”

“I’m— “

“I fucking love you,” You yell and somewhere, someone sounds their horn as they pass you and you kick up a cloud of dust. “God, I love you so much but I can’t fucking trust you and I hate you a lot but I still love you too. And I don’t understand how you can say you feel the same when you did all this.”

Ashton stops in his tracks then, freezes just like you did in the department store. “No one picked up the phone for me, you know that? No one picked up for the longest time and when Luke finally did, he gave me a fucking earful.” Ashton pauses, lowers his voice. “And I didn’t care.”

Everything in your head snaps quiet.

“What?”

“I didn’t care,” Ashton says, “because all I could think about was getting you back. I knocked on Luke’s door that first fucking night and said I want to go home.”

“But that can’t be true,” you whispered, “because you fucked someone else.”

You see the way that rips through Ashton, see the way it absolutely breaks him but you don’t feel satisfied. You just feel so, so tired.

“Yeah,” Ashton says and it’s the first time you’ve heard him own up to that. “Yeah and it only took me a fucking second to realise I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.”

You don’t say anything, watch the moon and the sky and a red car that growls past before you finally look back to Ashton.

“I don’t know what to do,” Ashton says. “But tell me what it is and I’ll fucking do it. I’ll do whatever you need, whatever you want. You’re so...” he trails off, bites his lip. “You’re so gorgeous, baby. You’re my favourite person in the world and I want to make you believe that again, if you’d let me.”

It’s too much, it’s all too much and suddenly all you need to do is go home and go to bed.

“Yeah. Well. I think you’ve done enough for today. Let’s go.” And the car is silent for the two hours back to the city.

You let Ashton walk you to the door for no other reason than you’re too tired to stop him. He casts a hopeful look at the door but you remember everything you’ve thrown out, what the apartment looks like now and the anger and emptiness still between those walls and you know you can’t let him in.

“You should go, Ash.” You say finally.

“Please,” is all he says. “Please, baby.” His voice is miserable and cracked and hoarse.

“I’ll call you.” You murmur. “I promise. I just...I just need a couple days.”

Ashton nods, presses a kiss to your cheek and leaves without another word.

You open the door and fall straight onto your bare bed. You’ve driven for hours, had the life drained out of you and all you need now is to sleep.

🥀

You get yourself a coffee the next morning, enjoy the sun for just a little while before you head back inside and sit and stare at your phone for a good couple of minutes. You know who to call, know what you want to say but you’re not sure if you’re ready for the conversation.

But you suppose that if you don’t do it now, you’ll have to do it later.

So, you pick up the phone, dial and it only takes a couple of seconds before Calum picks up on the other end.

“Hey,” you can already hear the concern in his voice, already know he’s straight back into panic mode. You can’t let it phase you though and so you take a breath and begin. “I need to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth.”

“Okay.”

“Do you think,” you start, closing your eyes. “Do you think it’s stupid or, I don’t know, weak if I take him back?”

Calum doesn’t say anything for a long time, although you can hear him drumming his fingernails on the table top.

“I think,” he says slowly, “that as long as you’re in this for you and not him...then I think forgiving him is the strongest thing you can do.”

“I haven’t forgiven him yet.” You mumble.

“I know.” He says, waits for you to speak again.

“Thank you,” you say because you need him to know how much he’s meant to you throughout this. “I do love you Cal, really.” And of course, it’s not in the same way you love Ashton, you doubt you’ll ever love someone the way you love Ashton, but you need him to know nonetheless.

“You know,” he pauses and when he speaks again you can hear his smile down the phone. “You changed the sheets, not me.”

You laugh and cry at the same time.

“I’ll talk to you later.” Calum murmurs gently. “Go get him.”

And so you do.

🥀

The first couple months are difficult to say the least.

You walk on eggshells for the first while, walk around each other and every touch, every brush of your skin against Ashton is uncertain. You’ll wake up in the middle of the night to Ashton breathing softly next to you and it’ll get too much and you’ll pad to the living room and sleep on the couch and wake to Ashton staring at you from the kitchen with guilt in the pit of your stomach.

When you come home and Ashton isn’t there, there’s an initial wave of nausea that hits you so hard you can’t do anything but sit and stare at the TV without turning it on. You know that he’ll be getting groceries or having a beer with the boys but all you’ll be able to think is that he’s back out with her and he won’t be coming back to you.

There are days when you think you can’t do it and nights when you can’t be in the same bed with him. The uncertainty lingers for a while but in the midst of that, there’s so much more. You start dating each other again and Ashton looks at you like you’re his whole world. You eat takeout and watch cheesy movies and take stupid photos and there are nights when you stay up until three in the morning and talking about everything that’s happened. There are nights when neither of you say anything either too, you don’t need to, because you know you’re going to be okay.

Everything mends, slowly. There comes a day when you don’t find broken bits of glass in the drawer in the bathroom. There comes a day when you’re on the couch with Ashton and you think that, somehow, it’s exactly how it used to be.

“Baby,” Ash murmurs one night, knowing that you’re okay with the nickname now. “You awake?”

You leave it for a second and then reply. “What’s up?”

“Just thinking.” Ashton says and you roll your eyes in the dark.

“Dangerous.” You grin into his chest. “What about?”

Ashton’s quiet for just a little too long before you realise this isn’t just going to be a goodnight.

“I just,” he says, “I lie here and I think about you. And I just...I just want you to know that there’s nowhere else I’d rather fall asleep than right here. That’s what I think every night before I go to sleep.” Ashton pulls you closer as you stay silent. “I just need you to know that I love you.” And he says it like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

“Yeah,” you murmur and you kiss his jaw and then his lips with heavy eyes. “I know. I love you too, if you hadn’t realized.”

Ashton seems happy with that but you stay awake a little longer. You brush your hand over his skin until you’re calm enough to fall asleep next to him, next to the love of your life. And when you wake the next morning, it’s to the smell of Ashton cooking breakfast in the kitchen.

Everything mends, slowly.

The two of you mend last, but you think that’s okay. Because back before this, back when it all began, you were the one to change the sheets. And, you suppose, if changing the sheets wasn’t so bad, the rest won’t be either.

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calmsweetcreature · 4 years

Text

Showered in Your Love

Okay folks so this is the first thing I’ve posted in a while and I hope you enjoy!! Send me feedback pretty please and send prompts as I want to really get back into it!

Prompt: Showering or Bathing w/ The Lads <3

Warnings: A lil angst, a lil smut here or there - you know the drill!

Luke

You could hear Luke singing in the shower, his voice belting out over the steaming water. You led against the pillows, your naked body wrapped in the soft bed sheets as you listened to your boyfriend, your eyes taking a moment to focus. It’s safe to say you were both a tiny bit hungover after the music event you went to last night and you knew today would not in any way be a busy one. You climb shakily out of the bed, stumbling slightly and knocking a cup off the table next to the bed and you hear Luke’s singing abruptly stop.

“Everything okay sweetheart?” You hear the worry in his voice as you walk to the bathroom, your head beginning to hurt.

“I’m okay, just a bit delicate this morning.” Your voice comes out surprisingly croaky and you groan as you push through the ajar bathroom door.

The glass (glass or glass?) is steamed up but you can see the outline of Luke and the thought of your steamy wet boyfriend made you say ‘yes please.’

“Come in here for some delicate loving then.” You smile at Luke’s words, carefully opening the door to the shower and sliding in. You connect your eyes with Luke’s and you both smile lovingly at each other. You stand on the tips of your toes to wrap your arms around his neck as his slide around your waist, his hands sliding down to the back of your thighs.

“Last night was fun.” Your voice is returning to normal as you press your lips against the wet skin of Luke’s shoulder. You squeal softly as his hands lift you, pressing your back against the cool tiles as he hooks your thighs around his hips.

“It certainly was, I particularly liked your one woman rendition of Easier in the Uber home.” You blush at his words, burying your face in his chest to muffle your instruction to ‘shut up’.

His lips start trailing soft kisses along your collarbone and up your neck until he reaches your ear where he starts singing softly in your ear. You rest your cheek against his as you listen, one hand trailing over his shoulder blades as the other tangles in his hair as you enjoy being pressed up against each other as steam fills the room.

Calum

You slam the door shut behind you as you walk into the house, dropping your bag and kicking off your shoes.

“Cal? I’m so sorry I’m late, they kept me late and traffic was a nightmare.” You walk through the house, looking for your boyfriend. Your heart clenches in your chest at the thought that he might be waiting for you at the restaurant. Tears fill your eyes at the thought of Cal checking his phone and waiting for your arrival to celebrate being together for a year. You walk into your bedroom, exhaustion heavy on your shoulders. With your back to the bathroom door and the tension in your body you don’t hear the door swinging softly open.

“Happy Anniversary doll.” You spin around to see Calum leaning in the doorframe, a glass of wine in his hand and a soft smile on his lips.

You gasp softly at the sight of him, dressed only in a pair of baggy shorts he looks as handsome as ever with his muscled arms on display.

“My love I’m so sorry, I know we had a table booked and I was meant to finish early but they needed me and I” Cal shushes you, holding his arms open for you to rush into, his one hand holding the wine out behind you, careful not to spill it as he interrupts your words.

“I’d called already to check if you’d left yet when I didn’t hear off you, when they said there was a situation needing to be dealt with I knew you weren’t going to be home early. However, I did ask your lovely work friend to call me when you left so I could set something up for you.” He pulls away and steps back, allowing your eyes to look over the bathroom. Fairy lights adorn the walls, a few carefully placed candles set up around the room, filling it with a soft glow. Your eyes hone in on the large jacuzzi bath, a bath bomb fizzing away making your favourite scents fill the room. You gasp as you take everything in, looking to see Cal chewing on his lip as he waits for your reaction.

“Oh Cal I love it! Thank you so much!” You fall into his arms again, planting a kiss on his lips as your wrap your arms around his neck. You nuzzle your head in his neck as he kisses the top of your head lovingly.

“Thought we could have a soak with some wine and then get some food delivered? Curl up in bed with Duke and relax?” You nod against his neck and he chuckles softly. You move your hands down his body and start pushing his shorts down impatiently. A full belly laugh leaves him and he uses his free hand to remove one of yours, placing the wine glass in your hand. You take a sip, eyeing his body as he takes off his shorts, throwing them over your shoulder. You take a step towards the bathroom counter to set down your wine. You undress, your eyes connecting with Calum’s the whole time. He sinks into the tub first, beckoning you over with his fingers (you’ve all seen the videos, gets me every fucking time). You climb into the tub, your back to Calum’s chest as you lean back in the warm water. You let out a groan as the heated coloured water relaxes your muscles. You rest your hands on Calum’s legs under the water. One of his arms rests on the edge of the tub, his other hand sliding over the inside of your thigh causing a tightness in your stomach as your head falls back onto his shoulder. You lie in silence for a while as Cal’s ‘Chilled Days and Sexy Nights’ playlist plays in the background. The bathroom mirror starts to fog up as Calum’s hand slips higher up your thigh as your gasps and breathy moans start to overtake the sound of the music.

Ashton

You slam the car door shut and walk up the driveway, unlocking the door aggressively and swinging it open.

“Oh yeah real mature.” You can hear Ashton’s words from behind you and you swirl around, holding your middle finger up at the man walking up to the house after you.

“Sorry what was that? I couldn’t hear you over my jealousy!” You knew you were being ridiculous but you couldn’t help it, you felt embarrassed and pissed and you just wanted the night to be over.

You stormed towards the bathroom, stripping off as you walk and you could hear Ashton cursing under his breath as he walked after you.

“Y/N you’re being ridiculous! Stop being a brat.” You can hear the warning in his voice and it spurs you on, turning to face him as you get to the bathroom door.

“Fuck. You. Irwin.” You walk into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and getting into the shower.

You had been out to food with the boys and their partners, the night had been going swimmingly until a waitress had seemed to take a keen liking to your boyfriend, leaning right over him until her chest was in his face or what had really got your blood boiling was when she dropped a spoon on the floor next to Ashton’s feet, crouching down onto the ground and placing a hand on his thigh to push herself up from the ground.

You could feel a rage inside you as she clearly flirted with him, Ashton too polite to tell her where to go.

You had thought you were whispering but the “Fuck off” that had left your lips was apparently a lot louder then you realised as everyone turned to look at you.

“Sorry about that, my girlfriends apparently a bit territorial tonight, she’ll probably pee on me in a minute.” Your jaw dropped at his words, not only had he made you out to be possessive, but he had basically called you a dog. The girls looked at you in sympathy while the boys and the waitress had laughed, leaving you feeling humiliated.

The hot jets of the shower were doing little to cool your anger but the bathroom door swinging open made you jump slightly. Ashton stormed into the bathroom, stripping off as you stared through the slightly steamy glass.

“Did I say you could join me?” You spit out your words, Ashton shaking his head before swinging open the shower door and walking in, straight up to you and placing his hands on your hips and turning you towards the tiles, pressing your body up against them so your back is to his front. The coolness of the wall makes you gasp, Ashton’s body pushing into you from behind, his hands gripping your wrists and moving them above your head until he holds both in one hand against the wall. His breath comes hot against your ear and you shiver as the hot water falls against your bodies.

“I know you’re a little upset princess but you need to stop talking to me like shit.” You push back against him, trying to pull your arms away but the both of you know that you would be pulling a lot harder if you actually wanted to get free. The glass of the shower begins to steam up and not from the heat of the water dripping down you both.

Michael

You stretch out in the wide bed, your legs tangled in the sheets as your muscles relax as you blink away the sleepiness in your eyes.

You can hear music coming from the bathroom and you can’t help the laugh that leaves your lips as you hear Michael’s voice over the music.

‘I do my hair toss, check my nails, baby how you feelin? Feelin good as hell!’

You move so you’re sat on the edge of the bed and listen to your boyfriends singing, your heart filling with a giddy love.

You walk over to the ajar door, slipping your oversized hoodie that you slept in over your head and tossing it onto the floor. The fragranced steam hits you in the face as you push the door open slightly, leaning on the door frame. You can barely make him out between the steamed glass but you can see the water flowing down his back that’s facing you and you bite your lip to keep back the smile as he carries on singing.

You watch him for a moment, ready to announce your presence when he wiggles his body in a dance and you can’t help the giggle that escapes your lips.

‘Oh fuck!’ He turns quickly and his foot slips in the water and he drops to the floor with a wet thud, a groan leaving his mouth as he hits the shower ground.

‘Oh my god I’m so sorry! Are you okay?’ You open the shower door and move quickly to kneel beside Mikey, not caring that you’re in your underwear which is quickly becoming soaked and sticking to your skin. His face is twisted in pain as he sits in front of you, rubbing his leg.

‘How long have you been standing there for?’ There’s no anger in his voice, only embarrassment and you smile softly, your hand resting on his shoulder.

‘Long enough to know you’re feeling Good as Hell and that you’ve got an ass that won’t quit,’ you wink at him and a small blush covers his cheeks. ‘Seriously though, are you okay? I’m so sorry.’ His hands go to your hips and his fingers trace the top of your underwear.

‘I’ll live baby, thank you for rushing to my aid though.’ He leans forward, pressing his lips to yours softly. Your one hand stays on his shoulder and the other grips his soft blonde hair.

‘I know how you can make it up to me…’ he murmurs against your mouth as he reaches behind you to unclasp your bra and your head fills with delicious ideas.

‘How’s that-oh!’ You gasp as he flings the bra aside, his hands cupping your breasts, his thumbs running over your nipples in rough circles.

‘You. Can.’ He stops between each word to kiss your mouth softly, before hovering his mouth at your neck so you can feel his breath tickling your skin. ‘.... make those pancakes you know I like.’ He nips at your skin softly as you groan, pushing at his shoulders.

‘You’re such a fucking tease Clifford,’ you fix a glare his way before you both burst out laughing. He puts his hands back to your hips and pulls you onto his naked lap, your arms wrapping around his neck as you press your lips against his again.

#5 seconds of summer #5sos #5sos smut #calum hood #calum hoot smut #luke hemmings #luke hemmings smut #ashton irwin #ashton irwin smut #michael clifford #michael clifford smut #5 seconds of summer smut

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calpalirwin · 3 years

Text

Painted Pink Room

Summary: Cake adopts a kid.

Word Count: 3.1k

And away, and away we go!

It started with Ashton and Michael introducing them to Wyatt. Wyatt was a spunky little guy of two and a half years old with a mop of wild curls and an infectious little laugh that had Luke looking over at Calum with big pleading eyes and a small pout. And all Calum could do was give a small nod. “So, uh,” Calum started, clearing his throat. “Ash, how did you and Mike… you know?”

“Decide to adopt? Why are you and Luke thinking of doing the same?”

“I mean…” Calum shrugged nervously. “There’s a lot to figure out and whatnot. But uh… kinda hard to deny that this,” he gestured out to the yard where Michael was dying a dramatic death for the benefit of his son who, at Luke’s coaxing of “get him Wyatt!” pounced on Michael, “doesn’t look half bad,” Calum concluded.

A shriek filled the air as Michael roared and started tickling the boy, yelling “Ahahahaha! You fell right into my trap! Now the tickle monster got you! Oh no! Say ‘Uncle Luke help!’”

“Help, help!” Wyatt pleaded with more giggles, pulling at Luke’s hand.

Luke immediately jumped into action, whispering something in the boy’s ear that made him light up before hollering “Attack!” and both Luke and Wyatt started tickling Michael back, all three of them gasping for air amid the storm of giggles.

Ashton and Calum shared a laugh, and then Ashton sighed longingly. “Yeah, it’s gonna be a process. And lots of talking before anything gets done. But the end result is pretty fuckin’ great.”

“Yeah. So how did you and Mike decide that this is what you guys wanted?”

“I mean for me it was easy. I always wanted to be a dad. To prove I could do it without making the same mistakes. But I was afraid of those mistakes, too. Still am. Absolutely scared shitless.”

Calum nodded understandingly. Ashton’s parental history was significantly more fucked than his own had been, but he understood more so than Luke and Michael could about not wanting to repeat mistakes their parents had made. “And Mike?”

Ashton giggled, “Mike is like a big kid himself. He’s great with Wyatt. But he wasn’t sure he was ready for the responsibility that comes with all this. Cuz it’s a lot. I won’t sugarcoat that for ya. But, I dunno. It’s hard to explain how despite all the what ifs and worries, you have a kid anyway. It’s like a blind leap of faith. You just do it and hope for the best.”

“Mhm, and uh… sorry for all the questions, but how did you guys know you wanted Wyatt and not like… adopt a newborn, or try a surrogacy so the kid shared DNA with at least one of you?”

“Well, for one, DNA doesn’t make a family. You know that as well as I do. I mean, look at us, we all found family in each other. But we thought it’d be an easier adjustment with a slightly older kid. Like we wanted them relatively little to have all those experiences. But a newborn felt like it would be too much. And then we met Wyatt and everything just clicked.”

“He’s a cute little thing, that’s for damn sure. Has the coolest dads I know, too.”

Ashton grinned and wrapped an arm around Calum’s shoulder for a sideways hug, “Thanks man. And any kid would be lucky to have you and Luke for dads, you know that right? And you’d have mine and Mike’s support the whole way. Plus it’d kinda be cool if you wanted to give Wyatt a cousin.”

Calum laughed. “Alright, alright. It’ll be a serious discussion now. Gotta make sure it’s not just a bad case of baby fever.”

“Oh, for sure. That’s a conversation all on it’s own.” As he unwrapped his arm from Calum, he glanced at his watch. “Shit.”

“What?”

“Nap time. Ready to see if it’s just a case of baby fever? Mike!”

Michael’s head popped up, and Wyatt took the small distraction to tackle Michael again, the man falling on his ass with a small oomph! “Huh?!” he asked as he wrapped up Wyatt to keep the boy from climbing all over him.

“Time to wrap it up.”

Michael nodded once, standing up and taking Wyatt with him. “C’mon you. Nap time.”

At the word “nap” Wyatt let out a piercing wail and started squirming against Michael’s hold on him. The wail had all four men wincing, and Luke shot Calum a quick glance as if to say “Ooof, could you imagine?” “Ow, Wyatt, we don’t hit. It’s not nice,” Michael scolded lightly, simply adjusting his grip to limit the boy’s protests.

“No!” he wailed, big crocodile tears running down his face.

“Hey,” Ashton said softly, stepping in to help, a thumb brushing away the tears on his son’s face. “Take a breath for me,” and when Wyatt let out a blubbering huff of air with only a sniffle, Ashton smiled at him. “That’s my boy. Now, do you want Daddy to read you a story, or Papa?”

Wyatt sniffed again before making grabby hands for Ashton. Michael kissed his hair before passing Ashton Wyatt. “We’ll play more later. You gotta rest first. And so does Daddy. Love you, bug.”

Ashton chuckled softly as he took Wyatt on his hip, the boy’s head snuggling into his neck. Ashton gave Michael a quick kiss before saying he’d be down in a bit and disappeared inside the house.

“How’d you decide who was Daddy and who was Papa?” Luke asked as the other three men filed inside and settled on the couch in the living room.

Michael shrugged. “Not sure really. It kinda just happened. I mean, it doesn’t really mean too much right now.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well we’ve only had Wyatt a month. Ashton and I try to refer to each other as Daddy and Papa for his sake. To make it more commonplace. I mean, that’s what they said to do. Them being the agency, and the support groups, and all that. But, it’s all new to him. Like he knows I’m Daddy and Ashton’s Papa. But he doesn’t say it yet.”

“Oh… Well, he’ll get there, yeah?”

“Oh yeah. I’m not worried about it. I mean we got to spend plenty of time with him while everything was getting finalized, so he feels safe with us which is what really matters. Everything else is just details. So, Cal, what were you and Ash talking about?”

“Yeah, love, what were you guys talking about?” Luke asked with a suggestive eyebrow raise.

“Oh, I was just asking Ash some questions about how you guys came to decide on having Wyatt. Just curious was all.”

“Curious?” both blondes pressed.

Calum shrugged a little shyly, taking Luke’s hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it. “We’ll talk about it later, yeah Lu?”

Luke broke out in a grin while Michael laughed loudly. “Not so loud,” Ashton hissed as he came down the stairs.

“Shit, my bad,” Michael apologized. “He go down alright?”

“Out like a light. You and Luke really wore him out. So, what I’d miss?” he asked as he plopped down next to Michael

“Oh, nothing much. Just apparently Cal and Luke are thinking of following our footsteps.”

Ashton nodded. “Yeah, and Luke I’ll tell you what I told Cal outside. It’s a lot. But whatever help or support you guys need, if this is what you guys decide you want, Mike and I are behind you a hundred percent.”

“It’s definitely a conversation I want to have if Cal does,” Luke said, his hand resting on Calum’s thigh.

Calum rested his own hand on top of Luke’s squeezing it reassuringly. “Course, Lu. And thanks guys. The support means a lot.”

“Course, mate,” Michael told him. “Plus, Ash wouldn’t it be cool for Wyatt to get a cousin? It’s like a sibling with less stress.”

~~~

Later that night, Luke rolled over to his side in bed, propping himself up on his elbow, his chin resting in the palm of his hand. “Were you serious early?”

“Serious about what?”

“Us having a baby.”

“Course I was serious. We both wanna be dads, don’t we?”

In a burst of excitement, Luke pushed himself to sit with his legs crossed facing Calum, who mirrored the position, their knees pressed against the other’s. “You’re dead serious? Cuz I swear if you’re fucking with me I’ll never forgive you.”

Calum chuckled softly. “You think I’d joke about something like this? What do you think I was pestering Ash for?”

Luke shrugged and looked away shyly. “Figured you were asking all the stressful stuff so you could talk me down…”

Calum let out another soft chuckle, reaching out to guide Luke’s face back up to look at him. “I mean, Ash did mention that it’s a process, and a lot of discussions, and decisions to make. Like this doesn’t happen overnight. And that’s the easy part. I mean, we’re talking about the end result being us being responsible for a whole ass human.”

“Whoa… yeah that’s kinda scary putting it that way, huh? But…?”

“But if there’s anyone I’d wanna do this with, it’s you, Lu.”

“Yes!” Luke cheered before kissing Calum deeply. “Okay, so how did Ash and Mike get started? Do we wanna do what they did and adopt like a toddler? Or do we wanna go older or younger? Oh newborns are so cute! But it’s kinda cool when they can talk, and actually play too like Wyatt can. Oh, and imagine if we get a little girl? We can learn to do her hair and we can have salon parties all the time! Wait! Do you think we should look into surrogacy? A little mix of you and me? Is that possible you think?” Luke spewed out all the questions he had in a rapid fire barely taking time to breath between words. He paused to suck down a giant gulp of air, his face flushing. “Fuck, sorry, that was a lot.”

“There good questions, Lu. Definitely things we need to talk about. But maybe we start slower. Talk to Ash and Mike about getting in contact with the adoption agency they went through. See what all our options are and go from there?”

“Yeah that’s probably the smartest way to go about this. Just do what feels right each step of the way. Fuck… but we’re really gonna do this? We’re gonna try to have a baby? You and me?”

“Me and you,” Calum smiled.

It was quiet for a moment as they settled in for bed, their decision slowly sinking in. Then, just as Calum closed his eyes, Luke whispered out in the dark. “Hey, love?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I be daddy, and you be papa?”

“Sounds perfect, babe.”

~~~

The process, as Ashton had warned them, was a lot. There were interviews, home inspections, background checks, and seemingly endless piles of paperwork. And that was just for Calum and Luke to get cleared.

Several times they wondered if they should have gone the surrogacy route, but after a few meetings when they were shown some case files, it had been a no-brainer.

They sat side by side as they shifted through file after file, fingers knocking against each other as they pointed out whatever caught their eye. It was the file of a little girl, a baby really at thirteen months old, that had them both gasping at the same time. Brown eyes met blue and there was the briefest of nods. “Um, excuse me, what’s the story on this one? There’s not a lot here,” Luke asked the adoption agency clerk helping them.

“That’s McKenna. She came to us when she was a day old. Safe haven surrender. Sweet little girl. We can arrange a meeting if you’re interested.”

“That would be great, yeah.”

~~~

“So you guys are meeting her today, yeah?” Ashton asked.

“Yeah,” and even though both Calum and Luke were beaming, their voices shook. “Been waiting like what? A month for this?” Calum went on.

“I thought you guys were already four months into this?” Michael questioned.

“Yeah, we are. Shit has it been that long? But since we saw McKenna’s file and now it’s been a month. Longest month of my life…” Luke let out his breath in a small huff, raking his hands through his hair.

“Well, good news is that once you guys get approved to adopt, which you will, the actual adoption process won’t take as long,” Ashton pointed out. “That’s how it was with Wyatt. We got to know him for… what was it Mike? Like a little less than a year while all the processing shit happened. Because they’ll keep scheduling visits so everyone gets comfortable. Makes the transition easier. And then because we had that background established, the adoption process was like… 2 months I wanna say? And that was just waiting for the court date.”

“Something like that yeah. But hey, don’t sweat it if you and the kid don’t click. Like it’s okay. Take your time with it,” Michael jumped in.

“Yeah, definitely. No rush.”

“How did you guys know with Wyatt?” Calum asked.

“You’re just gonna know, mate. I promise. Instinct will take over and you’ll just know.”

Calum understood exactly what his friends meant when two hours later McKenna was set in his arms. Big brown eyes peered up at him full of confused wonder, deciding how she felt about the man holding her and the tall blonde smiling down at her. “Well, hey there, McKenna. I’m Cal, and this is Luke.”

McKenna watched Calum carefully as he spoke, before shifting her attention to Luke who was waving at her. She reached a small hand out towards Luke. Luke held out his index finger for her and her small fist wrapped around it. “Hey, sweetheart,” he cooed softly. “Oh, Cal, she’s beautiful isn’t she?”

“Yeah she’s a beaut, aren’t you, darling? Do you want Luke to hold you?”

Luke held out his arms warmly and McKenna wiggled a bit in Calum’s arms so he started to pass her over, but her free hand bunched itself in Calum’s shirt, not letting go, causing both men to laugh. “Alright, that’s okay. We’ll just hold hands,” Luke told her scrunching up his nose at her and tickling at her ribs, giggling when she giggled.

“This is the quickest I’ve ever seen her warm up to a family before,” one of the workers running the meeting mentioned. “Normally she’s way more shy than this.”

“Does that mean you like us, darling?” Calum asked. “Cuz I really hope it does.”

~~~

Eleven months. Eleven months of having to be content with limited visiting time with the little girl who stole more of their hearts every time they were with her. Eleven of the longest months they’d ever experienced before they got the phone call that everything had been approved and they could finally get in front of a judge to formalize the adoption.

“So, when can we schedule a court date?” Calum choked out over the phone.

“We can get the three of you in front of a judge in three weeks.”

“And that’s when we’ll be able to take her home?”

“Barring any complications, yes.”

“Complications? Um… Sorry, could you explain that?” Calum asked, holding up a finger at Luke who’s eyes went wide with worry.

“Usually it has to do with paperwork that wasn’t processed properly, or waiting the right amount of days, and in some rare cases biological parents popping out of the woodwork.”

“And, do you…” Calum faltered with his question.

“Foresee any complications with your case? No. Everything’s been processed, waiting periods have been waited, and safe haven surrender terminated the biological parents rights.”

Calum let out a small laugh of relief. “Okay. Awesome. That’s great. So three weeks?”

“I’ll forward you the information.”

“Great. Thank you so much.”

“Well?!” Luke demanded as Calum ended the call, chewing on his thumbnail.

“Three more weeks, Lu. Three more weeks and she’s all ours.”

“YES!” Luke whooped, wrapping Calum in a tight hug. “Our daughter’s coming home in three weeks! Three weeks, love! That’s nothing! We can do three weeks, no problem. Plenty of time to get her room set up.”

“Better get to work then.”

~~~

If asked, Calum and Luke couldn’t answer what happened in the courtroom, what with their shaking hands, and pounding heartbeats drowning out any other sound. The words that filtered in were muddled and slow. “Accepted” and “congratulations” before the gavel was pounding and they snapped out of their haze, tears free falling down their faces.

What they did remember in sharp focus was the drive home, with McKenna in the backseat. Luke kept turning in his seat and Calum kept peering through the rearview mirror, each one grinning every time she was still there when they looked, as if they expected each time to find the backseat empty like this had all been a figment of their imagination.

They remembered the way she started yawning and rubbing her eyes as Luke’s voice crooned a soft lullaby at bedtime. The hushed goodnights and I love yous, and the soft glow of the night light. And not sure of what else to do, they turned in for the night themselves.

The alarm clock on Calum’s nightstand said that it was a little after midnight when someone tugged at his hand.

Calum jerked awake, finding McKenna peeking up at him. “What’s the matter, darling?” he rasped.

“I scared.”

“You’re scared? Aw, c’mere, darling.” He peeled back the covers and helped her up into bed beside him. “Everything’s new, huh?”

She nodded, curling her body into him.

“That’s okay. Daddy and I will keep you safe, I promise.”

“Hmm?” Luke mumbled in his sleep. “Love, who are you ta- oh hey sweetheart,” Luke’s eyes blinked open to find Calum cradling McKenna. “Everything okay?”

“Just a little scared is all,” Calum explained.

“Mmm, well don’t worry, sweetheart. You wanna sleep in here with me and Papa?”

McKenna nodded before crawling over Calum to sandwich herself between her dads. “That’s our girl,” Luke smiled, kissing her forehead and drawing the blanket up snug. “All nice and cozy?”

“Mhm,” she nodded with a small yawn.

“G’night, darling. We’ll be right here if you need us,” Calum told her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “We love you.”

“So stinking much,” Luke added.

As they settled back down themselves, Calum and Luke heard the softest, “Night, wuv you too,” from McKenna, causing both men to fall asleep with grins on their faces, their little girl protectively snuggled between them. Perfect.

Tag List

@aquarius-hood1996 @creator-appreciator @philthepegacorn @myfavfanficsever @cxddlyash @youngblood199456 @stormrider505 @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @hoodhoran @metalandboybands @maybeememez @major5sosstan @1weekago @kaitieskidmore1

#painted pink room #calum hood #calum hood fic #luke hemmings #luke hemmings fic #calum hood x luke hemmings #dad!cake #5sos #calpal irwin

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hoodharlow · 3 years

Text

Daddy Old Man

AN: This is a complementary blurb/one to @twilightmomentswithyou ‘s request, but it's in Cal's POV. As always ty to @d-oaks for beta reading and editing. Forgot to mention Alexis Ximena is a different Alexis Ximena, remember I was redoing Wildflower (pr!Cal) and yeah, it in this AU. So don't be confused :) enjoy

Requested?: by like 3 anons

Warnings: lil sad moments, angst with a happy ending?

Word Count: 4015 words

Calum rolled over on his bed and groaned into his pillow, wondering who thought it was a good idea to call him at exactly six in the morning on Christmas eve. He patted the nightstand until he found his phone. Nico's mom. He sighed and answered.

"What do you want?" Calum grunted into his phone.

"Good morning to you too," She said sarcastically.

"Well, you'd be tired if your daughter decided to get up in the middle of the night requesting you to repack her bag because she wanted to take only clothes her mum bought her."

"Actually that's what I wanted to talk about…"

"Oh for fucks sake," he began. "You promised Nico. She hasn't seen you in months."

"I know, it just got hectic here with his family, and I can't make it for Christmas. But I'll be there for New Years."

"I'm sure you are."

"Calum—"

"Goodbye."

He locked his phone and tossed it to the side. Calum wasn't surprised that she made up an excuse and called him last minute. He'd be more surprised if she didn't call to cancel.

He settled back in his sleeping position and closed his eyes. Minutes later he began dozing off, but on the other side of his door he heard Nico, Duke and Alexis Ximena's Bernese mountain dog, Bernie. He caught their shadows on the bottom of the door.

The door slowly opened, letting the trio in. After loudly shutting the door, Nico slowly made her way to his bed while Duke trotted over to the edge of his bed. He tried jumping on, but failed. Calum stifled his laugh, pretending to be asleep. He couldn't hold it in as he watched Nico struggle to get Duke in bed.

"Daddy, help please." She grunted as she held Duke in her arms.

"Of course." He giggled.

With ease, Calum picked them up and settled them on his bed. Duke made his way to the foot of the bed and curled up into a ball. Nico crawled to Calum and settled on his side. She placed her small head on his bicep.

Once everyone settled, Bernie climbed into bed. It wouldn't be the first time that he joined them in Calum's bed, which was why Calum upgraded his queen size bed to a California king.

"Blanket, please," she said through her yawn.

Calum rolled his eyes and covered them.

"Thank you."

He hummed in response.

It wasn't long until they fell back to sleep. An hour in, Calum lost feeling in his arm so he carefully placed Nico on a pillow, where she'd be more comfortable. He turned to the other side and went back to sleep.

Around nine, he woke up. Nico had her small arm tightly around Calum's side and her face smushed on his back. Her soft snores filled the room. He carefully turned her and got out of bed. He slipped on his long sleeve shirt.

Duke lifted his head and gave Calum a disinterested look before laying next to Nico. Calum watched Nico wrap her arm around Duke. With that the dog fell back into a deep slumber. Bernie was already off the bed, waiting for Calum to open the door for him.

Calum did his morning routine and put on his socks last before he made his way downstairs. He spotted Alexis Ximena in the kitchen flipping a freshly made waffle onto a plate.

“Mornin’” Calum grumbled to her, going straight to the coffee pot.

“Good morning.” She greeted him. “I thought you and Nico were going to be next door for breakfast with her mom and grandparents.”

“Nico’s mum called a few hours ago, saying some shit about not being able to make it. You know the usual.” He said. He took a long sip of his coffee, sticking out his tongue as the hot liquid scalded his tongue.

"Waffles?" She offered.

"Please." He nodded before blowing on his coffee and taking a sip.

While Alexis Ximena finished, Calum looked back to the living room. Thanks to her, the whole place looked festive. It was like walking into a Crate and Barrel ad. It wasn't too over the top and tacky, but it wasn't simple either.

The only thing that seemed out of place was the Christmas tree. It was the first tree Calum ever bought when he first moved in. He only put out to have some festive decoration since he rarely ever spent Christmas in Los Angeles. After Nico was born, he couldn't travel with her as much. She barely handled flights from Los Angeles to Toronto, so Calum didn't even think about her flying to Sydney.

"I think it's time, we get a new tree," Calum said to Alexis Ximena.

"Finally. I fucking hate that tree," she confessed.

"Why haven't you said anything? You just let me put that piece of shit up?"

"I thought it meant something to you."

"I bought that shit at Walmart for about fifteen dollars."

"And it shows," she mumbled to herself, but Calum heard her. She slid a plate to him. "Eat up."

"Thank you," He hummed. He reached for the honey and swirled it around his waffles. Then he spread a huge dollop of cream cheese on each waffle. He took another sip of his coffee then remembered something. "Weren't you supposed to be in Tijuana?"

"Yeah, but I was just dropping off my dad at the airport." Alexis Ximena said as she cut her waffles in neat bite size pieces. "His flight was at eight. We left here like at four because he had to check in at six."

"Have you slept?"

"No," she snorted. "It's fine though, the past weeks I've been doing night shoots, so my sleep is off."

It was all a lie. Since Calum couldn't go to Sydney, Alexis Ximena decided to fly Joy and David out to see them. So she made up the lie that her dad needed her to drop him off at the airport when in reality she was picking them from LAX. Her dad wasn't even going to Mexico this year. He decided to fly to New York to see Alexis Ximena's mom.

"Daddy," Nico called to him from the stairway.

"Yes?" He answered back.

"Please come here." A few seconds go by. "The bed is wet."

"A shit," he mumbled. He got up from his seat and made his way upstairs.

A few months ago Calum started potty training Nico. It went by pretty smoothly, but they have occasional accidents. Especially the night before something she's excited for, like her mom visiting.

He found her on the edge of the toilet, running her pendant over its chain. A habit her mom would do whenever she was anxious. She met his gaze, and her eyes were widened; they filled with embarrassment and guilt. Tears brimmed around her eyes.

"Daddy, I'm sorry." She blubbered.

Calum knelt down in front of her and held her small hands in his. "It's okay. It happens to the best of us." He softly said.

"But we're late for mami."

Calum stayed quiet for a bit wondering how to tell her that her mom cancelled. Then she spoke up.

"Mami not here?"

Calum shook his head. "There was too much snow and the planes had to stay." He lied.

Nico nodded. "When will she?" she asked.

"Not sure. Let's run you a shower okay?"

"Okay."

Nico hopped off the toilet and exited the bathroom. She held onto Calum's hand as they went to her room. He helped her shower and get ready.

"Do you want your hair down or braids?" He asked her when he sat her in front of her small vanity.

"Down please," she said.

Calum nodded and gently towel dried her hair as best he could before brushing it. He sprayed a generous amount of leave-in conditioner and gently combed her hair.

Nico smelled like an orange creamsicle. Calum was forever grateful for Jesssica Alba when she sent him a PR package of her baby brand. He nearly cried of pure happiness because Nico finally found a shampoo she liked. He had spent months going through baby brand after baby brand to find one she liked and didn’t hurt her scalp. Since then that's all he uses on her.

"All done." He said, setting the comb down.

Her eyes widened at the work Calum did. It was simple, but Nico loved it.

"So pretty, like you, daddy." She gushed.

"Let's go eat breakfast. Mena made some waffles."

"Waffles?" She gasped. She clapped her hands and made it out the door. She poked her head back in her room. "Let's go, old man."

"Hey, who are you calling old?" he asked.

"You," she giggled, covering her mouth.

They made their way down to the kitchen. Nico instantly wrapped her arms around Alexis Ximena.

"Hi, mami Mena," Nico said softly.

When she first started talking, Alexis Ximena or plainly just Alexis were hard for her to pronounce, so she went with mami. Around the time, Nico barely saw her mom because she was on tour and for a while she thought Alexis Ximena was her mom. Alexis Ximena explained that she wasn't her mom, but she loved Nico as if she was her daughter. Eventually Nico started to add 'Mena' whenever she'd ask for Alexis Ximena. It was her way of distinguishing Alexis Ximena and her biological mom.

"Hi, pretty lady. Want some waffles?"

"Yes, please." Nico said. She walked over to her stool. "Daddy, up please."

"Oh so now I'm daddy," he said.

"Daddy old man." Nico giggled.

***

"Are you very sure you want this one?" Calum asked Nico when she finally decided on a Christmas tree.

During breakfast Alexis Ximena convinced Nico that a natural tree is better than an artificial tree, to Calum's dismay. Now Nico and him were at a tree farm an hour or so from home. They spent over an hour going over every tree. From height, Nico wanted a big one, 'taller than daddy', and color. Calum didn't mind explaining. He knew Nico was at that age where she was practically a sponge and absorbed everything. Though it did take her a while to understand that not all trees grow avocados and lemons like the ones her uncle Ashton and her grandparents had.

"Yes. I want this one." She pointed at eight foot noble fir.

"Okay. Go with uncle Luke and wait for me okay."

Luke reached for her and led them to a bench. Calum walked over to the worker and let them know what tree he was going to buy. They told him that it would be ready in about ten minutes. They attached a ribbon with his last name to the tree and went over to help another customer. Calum went back to Luke and girls.

Ashton was going to join them, but Max had somehow locked himself in his studio. So he needed to get him out. Michael was barely landing spending a week in Palo Alto with his godson and the kid's family, so he couldn’t make it.

"Smells yummy," Calum heard Nico say out loud. He watched her spin around until her nose led her to a churro stand. A churros stand Calum had spotted the second they walked in, but did his best to steer them away from it.

"Daddy, I want one," she told Calum once he joined them at the bench.

Calum shook his head, "Not today. We're going to get lunch with Luke and Rory once we get the tree in the car."

"I don't want lunch." She huffed crossing her arms, challenging him.

Calum looked over to Luke for some help. He looked as lost as Calum. It was a side of Nico they've never seen.

"Nico," Calum warned her. He's only used that tone on her once, and she stopped acting out.

"Mami buys them for me." She tried arguing.

"Well, she's not here is she?" he said out of frustration. He quickly regretted saying that to her. When he told her that her mom wasn't coming, she didn't say much. Her outburst is a result of her not reacting to the news.

Nico began tearing up. Her small hands balled into fists as she huffed, trying her best not to fully cry. Her chest rose as her frustration took over her body.

"I want my mami not you," she repeated until she broke into full sobs. Her voice hiccuped and cracked as she begged for her mom.

Calum got down at her level and pulled her into a hug. She kept begging for her mom, mumbling how she missed her. She gave in and wrapped her arms around him. He pulled away and wiped her tears.

"I know you're upset that she's not here, but that's no way to behave Nico. You're becoming a big girl. If you feel sad or mad, you have to tell me, so I can help you feel better. Okay?"

"Yes," she nodded. She looked down at her feet and dusted off the fake snow from her Doc Martens. "I love you, daddy."

"I love you too, Nico."

"These young parents need to have a heavier hand with their kids. Hugging and consoling them is just going to enable their tantrums." Calum heard one of the older parents say to another.

He was about to say something, but Luke beat him to it.

"Maybe you should stop talking shit about someone you don’t know and pay attention to your own kid that's playing in actual shit." Luke nodded his head towards the small child jumping on the reindeers' poop.

The woman gave Luke an offended look before walking away with the other woman.

"Everything good?" Luke asked them.

"Yeah," Calum nodded. "I'll explain in a bit."

Once Calum paid for the tree, they made their way back to their cars. Luke buckled Rory back in his car seat.

"Is she okay?" Luke asked him once he popped out of the back.

"Yeah, she just upset her mum's in Toronto when she promised she was coming for Christmas. I wasn't upset because she cancelled, not the first time she's done it, but because it's starting to affect Nico more, you know."

"Yeah. I'm sorry you and Nico have to go through that." Luke said.

"But we'll get through it, she has me."

"Daddy, I want lunch." Nico yelled from inside his car.

***

When Calum entered his street, Paola, Nico's aunt passed them while jogging with her dog. One thing Calum was happy about was that most of Nico's maternal family lived next door, and she was able to spend as much time with them as she wanted. They've been very helpful when Nico first entered Calum's life. They sometimes watched her when Calum was touring and Alexis Ximena couldn't because of work.

"Daddy, there's Tía and Karma." Nico pointed out when they drove past her.

"Let's drop off the tree and we'll go over." Calum suggested.

"Yay!" Nico clapped.

Calum pulled up to the driveway and grabbed Nico. They arrived at her grandparents' just as Paola came back from her jog.

"Thought I saw you two just now." Poala said, getting down to hug Nico. "¿Cómo está mi princesa?"

"Bien." Nico answered. "My daddy got a big tree."

"Oh wow! Santa's gonna leave so many presents huh."

"He's not real. Mi mami Mena leaves presents."

Paola looked up at Calum. "She's not even three and she knows he's not real."

"Not my fault. She saw a movie about it." He said defensively.

"Wanna come in? My parents are inside." Paola asked.

"Yes!" Nico nodded.

They made their way inside. Calum still remembered the first time he actually entered the house. It was when he dropped off Nico's mom after he made her cry at the studio. Fast forward to about five years, and the place still kept its homey vibe.

Calum helped Nico take off her jacket and hang It on the coat rack. He heard her make her rounds of greeting her grandparents. Before joining them, he sent Alexis Ximena a text that they're next door and might be there for an hour.

He made his way to the kitchen where Amelia placed a bowl of pozole in front of Nico. He hugged her grandparents and sat next to Nico.

"Love, you just ate." Calum said to her. At the diner she didn't want her chicken tenders so she ended up eating most of Calum's veggie burger. If someone should be eating, it should be him.

"But… pozole." She argued, pointing to her bowl.

"Fine, but you're giving me some." He gave in.

Nico agreed. She topped their bowl by the handfuls with 're-chicken'—cabbage—, onion and radishes as Calum shredded some chicken. While they ate, Calum half listened to what everyone was saying. It was mostly their plans for tomorrow.

Nico ate about five spoonfuls of pozole, before making her ' I'm full' face. Calum finished the rest. He felt her rest her head on his side. In a matter of minutes she fell asleep.

"Guess that's our queue." Calum joked when her snores got louder. He carefully picked Nico up. "Thank you for having us and for the food. Delicious as always."

"Come by tomorrow, we got Nico some things. If you can't, we'll just drop them off." Alejandro, Nico's grandfather, said to him.

"No it's fine, we'll stop by. At ten?" Calum asked.

"That works."

"Thanks once again. We'll see you tomorrow." He waved at them.

He grabbed their coats, draping his over Nico like a blanket. When he reached his house, the tree was already off his car.

There was laughter coming from outside his door along with some chatter. Calum immediately recognized the voices. It was his parents.

He quickly entered his house. Bernie and Duke were at the front waiting for them. He made a shushing gesture to them and made his way upstairs so Nico can sleep more comfortably. Not wanting to disturb her much, he only took off her shoes and covered her in his coat again. She softly hummed and hugged her stuffed crocodile, Crow.

Calum made his way back downstairs, but went through the back stairs that lead to the kitchen, so his parents wouldn't see him. He saw Alexis Ximena mindlessly handing Joy snowflake ornaments as she ate Shapes with onion dip. His father was on the recliner with his arms crossed, nodding off.

Before Nico, this was how he imagined spending the holidays with his family once he settled down. He just wanted the most important people in his life together. And it's what he has. Sure the circumstances that brought them together weren’t how he planned, but he's grateful for them because he had Nico and Alexis Ximena.

"Are you just going to stand there and stare at Alexis or are you going to hug your mum?" Joy said playfully, bringing Calum back from his thoughts.

"Sorry," he mumbled sheepishly. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "How are you here?—Not that I mind."

"What? A mother can't come see her baby and his baby?" She asked. "Speaking of babies, where's Nico?"

"She's upstairs slee—"

"Daddy! I'm gonna poop." Nico yelled from upstairs.

"She's upstairs… using the faculties." He pulled away from Joy. "I'll be right back." Calum ran upstairs to help Nico.

Joy went back to her little makeshift station of ornaments. Alexis Ximena went a little overboard while shopping for things to put on the tree Calum was buying it. She was more than happy to help her with decorating.

"Thanks for not telling him that I flew y'all out." Alexis Ximena whispered to Joy in case Calum came in. "I know he would have made a big deal about it if he knew."

"Don't worry about dear." Joy said softly.

Joy felt indebted with Alexis Ximena. Not for the plane tickets, but for everything she's done for Calum and Nico. She brought a side of Calum that Joy never thought she was going to see. He's grown so much in almost three years.

In a blink of an eye he stopped being that brooding and almost hostile guy that claimed love was bullshit. All that nonsense he continuously talked about disappeared when he held Nico in his arms for the first time.

"Pops! Gramma JoJo!" Nico exclaimed when she ran into the living room. She hugged David and then Joy. Still in Joy's arms she asked, "Where is Tiny Teddy?"

***

"Four." Calum said as he emptied his pockets with Tiny Teddy bags. Alexis Ximena looked at him, confused to whatever he was rambling about. "That's how many she had under her fucking pillow. 'Daddy, I can sleep myself,' my arse."

"Oh, I thought she took them because she was gonna share with the other kids when we went to Luke and Aaliyah's." Alexis Ximena said as she reached for a sprinkles bag from the pile.

"You saw her grab them?"

"Yeah," she giggled.

"That fucking little shit," he mumbled.

Calum grabbed the other bags and took them to the kitchen. He grabbed the box of Tiny Teddy and put them back. He closed the cabinet, but then opened it. He knew his daughter and she would find a way to get to them. Grabbing the instant oatmeal packages, he put all of Nico's cookies in the box and tossed the Tiny Teddy box.

He came back to the living room and found Alexis Ximena placing all of the presents around the tree. She placed the bigger boxes in the back and neatly stacked the smaller boxes in the front.

"Can you help me up?" she asked him, smiling at him. Calum knew that smile. It was the same one Nico did when she needed help from him. So he effortlessly pulled her up. "While you're at it, can you help me with my boots?"

"I still don't understand why you wore these? Everyone was in their pajamas." Calum asked her. He tugged them off her and handed them to her.

"Just because I had to wear these corny ass PJs doesn't mean I had to look all fodonga." Alexis Ximena said defensively. She rubbed the soft leather against her cheek. "Plus these are Alexander McQueen."

Calum settled on the couch and turned on the TV. He cursed when the movie blasted Tyler the Creator's song as the Grinch started, and he quickly lowered the volume. Alexis Ximena crawled on the couch next to Calum and rested her head on his thigh.

They were at the part where the Grinch and Max get an obese reindeer to follow their shenanigans when they hear their dogs’ trotting and Nico trying not to giggle. Calum watched Nico stop and smile brightly at the Christmas tree.

She turned to Calum and jumped happily. “Daddy, Santa came!” She squealed.

“Yeah and took all of your Tiny Teddies since we didn’t leave him any.”

“And beer?”

Calum nodded and chuckled, remembering Ashton explaining to Ethan, Max and Nico how in Australia they leave beer for Santa with the cookies.

Alexis Ximena sat up and gave her an exaggerated confused look. “I thought you said Santa wasn’t real?”

Nico toyed with her necklace and quietly said. “Ethan said he’s real.” She sighed and smiled to herself. “And so handsome.”

“Aw you think he’s cute.” Alexis Ximena teased her. She poked her sides, earning a few giggles from her. “Cal, don’t you think that’s—]”

But Calum was too busy talking on the phone to pay attention to her. “Hey Michael! Just calling to say that all future playdates between Ethan and Nico are cancelled. Merry Christmas.” He said.

He hung up and looked at Nico. She had a deep pout and tears brimmed her eyes.

“I like playing with Ethan.”

“Cal, why are you so worked up? Nico’s two and Ethan is four. They’re just kids.” Alexis Ximena laughed.

“Yeah, then he’s going to be five and starting kindergarten soon. You can never trust those kindergarteners.”

TAGLIST: @calumscalm @karajaynetoday @cherryxwildflower @myloverboyash @calpops @idontneedanyone @findingliam-o @5-secondsofcolor @spicycal @sexgodashton @sunshinebabycal @another-lonely-heart @fckingpernico

Special guests: @lukesfuckingbeard @rebelwith0utacause @oldmes

#singledad!Cal and roommate!OC #dad!cal #calum hood imagine #calum hood one shot #calum hood fluff #calum hood oneshot

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wendystales · 3 years

Text

Memories - lrh (Chapter Seventeen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Sixteen ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Eighteen

Marnie pov.

I don't know if it was hangover or guilt, but my head was weighing a ton the morning after the party. Unlike everyone, I didn't wake up in a good mood, in fact I was pretty quiet at breakfast. Lucky for me, no one suspected anything, as the hangover gripped everyone there.

As yesterday was still Saturday and most had to work, I didn't have to run away from anyone. Since my plan had been in action since Monday, I took the day off to start packing up some things, trying to get everything as ready as possible.

For today, I had left only the final adjustments, like packing my suitcase and getting ready for my conversation with Luke.

The pain in my throat becomes more and more unbearable every time I hold back the cry. I fold up one of the band sweatshirts I have, watching the boys' faces, wanting to reinforce why I'm doing this.

I run my finger over Luke's face, as if I'm touching him. Friday's flashes flood my mind and I scold myself for nearly screwing it up out of sheer desire. Of course I wanted it as much as he did. Feel his touch, the desire and love he manages to emanate so naturally. I don't think I've ever felt so alive and so amazing in anyone's arms as in his, but it couldn't happen.

The doorbell snaps me out of my thoughts. I hurry downstairs, thinking it's Martin with the paperwork.

“Noah?" I give my friend room to enter. "Aren't you supposed to be at that lunch?" I check my watch and check the time, 1:37 PM. “Noah?” I call him, wondering at his frown.

"I wanted to come talk to you directly so we don't have any misunderstandings and to see if that way I can understand what this should mean." he hands me a folder. I open it quickly feeling my blood pressure drop. It was the paperwork I was waiting for. "What's this about moving to New York?"

"How did this get to you?" I try to control my breathing and head into the living room, feeling the urge to sit down. I start to think of a million excuses and ways not to have this conversation since it wasn't part of my plan.

“In case you also forgot, I work at the company. I am the owner's son and above that I am your advisor, everything that happens to you must pass through me at some point. Now tell me what this story is." I don't think I've ever seen Noah this angry.

“I received a job offer and decided to accept.” I know my voice has cracked, but I pray he doesn't notice. Noah stares at me for a few seconds with a more confused and displeased expression.

“I've known you for two years. You're going to have to try harder if you want to deceive me. Marnie, you just signed a rehearsal contract here in LA. If you got a proposal, you would know from me. Does this have to do with the fact that you're weird these days? What? Did you go without saying anything to anyone? That's it?” I remain silent, feeling everything go downhill from there. Slowly, a fury starts to build inside me. “Marnie, what's going on?”

It's not just the countless times I've heard this question throughout the week. I believe it's because I'm not in control of anything right now. About me being forced to do all this, not being able to tell my friend what's going on. All of this makes the question so much bigger and deeper than it really is. And it makes the fury that's brewing inside me grow.

“My God! Nothing! It's not happening anything. What a bag!” the scream breaks my mouth, coming out louder and angrier than I expected. “I am fine! When are you going to understand this?” he doesn't seem to be frightened by my scream, just standing there with his arms crossed and expressionless.

"Maybe when you stop lying and tell me what's going on?" he makes fun of me. A cynical laugh comes out of me as I go to open the door and ask him to leave my apartment. “You weren't like that, Marnie." I get irritated again. I can't explain where so much anger comes from, let alone contain it.

“Surprise, Noah, I'm like that. This is Marnie and always has been. Now if you don't like her, I can't do anything. Your ‘Marnie’ is gone and it's just me. And I'm going to New York whether you like it or not.” along with the anger, I feel like crying, but once again, I hold back with all my strength.

Noah nodded thoughtfully. I know it's a scene, that he's going to attack me again, he's just choosing his words.

“Then that's it? You mess it up, make everyone believe that everything is fine, and leave without warning. Is that what you're going to do?” the judgmental look bothers me.

"I didn't mess anything up."

“No?” he laughs falsely. "I don't say for myself or for the girls, but haven't you been giving a certain someone hope, making him believe you could get back together? And now you're going to go away and let him suffer without caring?” he raises his eyebrows.

I suck in the air harder, making it burn. The fire burns stronger inside me. The desire at the moment is to break everything.

“Do not do it.” my voice breaks. I close my eyes, pulling myself together. “Do not do it! Don't think I'm not suffering from having to make this decision either.” I can't hold back the tears, not caring about them anymore either.

“You're? Cuz it doesn't look like.” I close my hands, squeezing them tightly. I try to control the urge to scream, scream in hate, in anger, in pain and most of all, scream that he is being unfair to me.

“Of course I'm suffering.” once again I scream. "Do you think not?! Look at me! Do you think it doesn't hurt me to have to do all this?! Leave him here like this and not be able to do anything?! Of course it hurts. Why do you think I'm doing all this?! Because I love him! I love more than one day I thought it was possible to love someone. I'm doing it for him. But there's no easy way to do this, I don't have a choice.”

“Everyone has a choice, Marnie, you're just choosing the one you find easiest.”

"Does this sound easy to you?" I interrupt him, opening my arms, showing me. I dry my tears exhausted. “I made my choice and I appreciate if you respect. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish packing my bags.” I open the door for him.

My friend doesn't say anything else, just heads towards the door.

“Feel free to share my plan with the others.” I say tough.

“No! I will not do that. You made your decision, you did the shit and now deal with it.” Noah doesn't even wait for the elevator, taking the stairs.

I slam the door, feeling that anger still burn inside me. I rest my eyes on the wall where my photo is. I go to it, pulling out the wallpaper, tearing off part of the image. I'm not mad at Noah, I'm mad at myself, at the way it all went and where I went.

If I weren't a model, I could be living my life without any problems. Luke would still be the guy in the band I only knew one song about. I would be happy and free from all that pressure.

Still needing to release that anger, I grabbed the flower pots near the door, throwing what was left of my image against. My throat hurts from sobs and my heart clenches when that feeling arises.

““Wait, there's an eyelash.” I say to Luke, trying to catch it. “OK! Make a wish.” I lift my little finger at him.

He was about to take the stage at the Capital Summertime Ball. Luke stares at my finger thoughtfully and smiles, apparently determined.

“Be my girlfriend?” he sounds curious. I stare at his amused face, making sure he's kidding me.

“I'm serious.” I push his shoulder with another hand. I gasp when I see Luke kneel down with the guitar.

“Me too.” he shrugs. I start to laugh nervously, covering my face but careful not to lose my eyelash. I can hear the muffled laughter of the boys beside us, just wanting to hit each one of them.

“You need to blow to see if your wish comes true.” I say, already knowing my answer and I suspect he does too. Luke stands up blowing his flying eyelash.

"Boys, it's you, come in." a production guy yells, already pushing Ashton onto the stage, who is followed by Calum.

Quickly, I grab Luke's face, like I always did before he took the stage.

“Yes!” I give him a peck, watching him smile. Luke hugs me, stealing another kiss, running up onto the stage happily.

“This was definitely the cutest, most improvised request I've ever seen.” I open an even bigger smile, hearing Ryan beside me. I lay my head on his shoulder, swallowing the happy cry I wanted to let out.””

I don't know how long I sat staring at my torn photo, with a horrible pain in my chest. I hug my knees like the coward I am, not wanting to accept that the time has come.

Luke pov.

I jot down one more note in the melody I'm creating. The idea came up in the morning and if I didn't work on it now, I would forget. I go back to playing the piano following the sequence, when the bell interrupts me.

Petunia doesn't even make an effort to get up, remaining on the couch, snoring.

I open the door feeling my heart race. Marnie was standing there with a serious expression. I conclude that she came to tell me what was going on and I am relieved that I will finally understand what is happening.

“Can we talk?" I'm surprised by the hard look.

I make room for her, who goes straight to the living room, standing in the middle. I let a weak smile emerge, remembering all the times she's done this. I stop a little away, giving space, because I know how important this is to her at these times.

"I believe you came to tell me what's going on." I keep my hands in my pants pockets. M&Ms nodded.

"I came to break whatever we have." I don't know how to react. In fact, I'm not sure I got it right. “Look I tried, I really tried, but…”

“I'm sorry, what?”

For a second, I wonder how I got back to two years ago, where we had these fights almost daily. Where we were too dumb to want to accept. If it weren't for the pink hair, I would be convinced that it would be 2018 again.

“I tried to feel something for you, but I couldn't. And there's nothing I can do.”

I stare at Marnie, confused. I replay the past few weeks in my mind, all our moments together, and I can't believe a single word she says. I know everything was real. Every smile and laugh, every flushed cheek, every look and especially every kiss. Come back to Friday. How can she say there was nothing there?

“You gotta be kidding me. After all we've been through this month, do you have the courage to try to say you didn't feel anything?” my tone rises.

It doesn't make any sense. Her speech, her request not to forget that she likes me and today this? The pieces don't come together.

“Sorry. But I can't go on with this anymore.” I can see your gaze looking around the room. She's lying, why is she lying? For me on top.

“Why are you doing this?” Marnie looks at me confused.

"Because I'm tired of carrying this…”

“No! Why are you lying to me?” her eyes roll. I get close enough to be able to hear and notice her breathing.

"I have no reason to lie to you. If you can't accept that a girl doesn't like you, that's your business.” she passes me at the mention of leaving. But I hold your arm.

"So Friday was my hallucination? The two of us in the bedroom. You on my lap. All that desire and lust, was it a dream of mine?” your pupils dilate.

I can see she's thinking right now, can feel her pulse increase. She felt something, all this time, she felt something. I don't know if it's that insecurity from the beginning, the fear of getting involved, of getting hurt that always kept her away from me. The fear that I would be like him.

“I drank a lot.” her voice breaks the silence. I let go, covering my face, laughing indignantly.

“Oh my God, Marnie, why are you doing this? It's clear you're lying to me. Tell me what's going on. Is someone blackmailing you? Threatening you? Is it Stephen? Did he mess with you again?”

“There's nothing going on, Luke. I just don't love you.” she says with her head down.

The sentence cuts through me, causing agonizing pain. I feel my body retract. Your voice comes back in my mind in different tones and shapes, telling me every time you loved me. Whispering, screaming, in normal tones, even the day she swallowed helium gas.

My eyes burn. I don't want to cry in front of her, not out of shame, because I've cried a million times, but out of pride in not accepting that I'm hurt.

“I didn't want to go that far.” her restrained voice hovers over me.

I look at Marnie, not recognizing her. This is not the girl I fell in love with. The girl I spent nights awake just imagining what it would be like to go out with her, what it would be like to hold her hand and see her smile at me. The girl I spent mornings admiring sleeping. That I wrote love letters. That several times made me forget even my name just for saying the same thing. It's not her.

But it's amazing how I still know she's in there, somehow. Maybe Marnie was right that day, she didn't want to feel like an intruder in her own life, but she was.

She herself undid everything we built. Everything we've fought so hard has fallen like a house of cards. The promises made at dawn about our future together, vanish with the wind. I know they weren't empty, but the girl who made them with me isn't here.

“I'm so sorry. I-”

“Say it looking at me.” I stare at her resolutely.

“Don't do that.” she begs in a whisper.

Her eyes flood with despair and I delude myself, even with pain. Her mouth opens several times, but her voice doesn't come out. Her eyes blink several times, trying to ward off the tears that are forming there. I watch her body hold the air.

“What? Weren't you so determined?! So convinced?! Didn't you come here for this?! So say it looking at me, not the walls, like you're doing.” her jaw locks. “Two years ago you came here to look me in the eye and say you wanted to try, you came to ask me for a chance for both of us. So now look into them and say you don't want it anymore.”

Marnie stares at me lost. I pray, I beg her not to make it, for her to give up on this stupid idea. That deep down she says she's afraid to surrender. I wouldn't mind ignoring this fight and pretending nothing happened. Then I would hold her and make her feel like I would protect her from everything, make her feel loved. But my thoughts change and I lose hope when I watch her take off the necklace I gave her.

“I'm sorry.” she puts it in my hand. Right now I don't mind letting the tears fall. I stare at my hands feeling destroyed. Her lips touch my cheek lightly and so she leaves my house and my life.

““What is this?” I open a smile watching her approach, openmouthed. “Luke, what is this all about?” her eyes run over all the details with curiosity.

For a few seconds, I don't know what to say. I lose my breath watching how stunning she looks in this flowery dress with wavy hair. Holy crap.

“Our first date.” I shrug. Marnie breaks into a beautiful smile, making her cheeks blush. The sparkle in your eyes enchants me.

“Luke, when you said a date I swore we were going to a restaurant, I didn't think…” her voice trails off, giving way to a delighted laugh.

"Have I exaggerated?" I approach her, looking at the small tree with scattered lights and the table for two with two candles. "If you say yes, I'll be upset." I make fun of her.

“No! It's perfect, is that… I didn't expect this. Not all of that.” she whispers. "Did you do all this?" she looks at me in surprise.

“Good part. Except the food, the intention is to impress you, not make you run away from me.” I look at her teary eyes and feel amazing for getting it right. She liked.

I take a deep breath, trying to control my breathing and my nervousness. I wanted to leave Marnie speechless, wanted her to make sure I was worth it. And even with all the effort, she managed to leave me speechless yet. My God, how could someone be so beautiful like that? Am I really that lucky to have gotten her attention? I mean, do I deserve her?

“I do not know what to say. Thank you.” I get lost in her eyes, feeling the butterflies in my stomach grow. It couldn't be possible for me to be in love with her that fast already, could it?””

Marnie pov.

Air doesn't reach my lungs, no matter how windy it is. My chest and throat hurt so much my body recoils with every sob. It was like sand in my hand, running through my fingers, I couldn't hold it back.

As torture, I replay the scene in my head again, watching his blue eyes lose their luster and let those tears fall. I wanted to hug him and tell him I was crazy, drunk. That deep down I was completely in love with him, and I didn't even need my memories for that. Luke is so amazing that he managed to win me over again and I believe he could a million times over. I wanted to say that I want him, I want him more than anything, but I can't.

The doorbell pulls me out of my private cell, my mind, prompting me to question whether the bomb had ever gone off. It would probably be Leah or even Ashton, but I don't want to deal with anyone right now. I don't want lectures, I don't want judgments, I just want to stay on the couch until tomorrow when it's my time to go to New York.

I crawl to the door finding the last person I want to see right now. John Letterman has a huge, excited smile, in contrast, my face is red and swollen from crying for the past few hours.

“Hi, Marnie, how are you?” Cursed the day I ran into him at the studio.

“What are you doing here?” John plays offended.

“I just came to ensure that everything is going with our agreement.”

"What does it look like?" I point to my face. “It's all just the way you made me do it.” I turn around, entering the still-destroyed apartment.

"But what happened here?" he looks at the destroyed hall in disgust.

“You, John. Just you and your disgusting manipulation.” John shakes his head laughing.

"I didn't put any gun to your head to accept this. I just showed you the truth, you are destroying the career of 5 seconds of summer. Your person's association is putting their contract and their tour at risk. You're the one who decided to walk away.” he smiles satisfied.

I break eye contact, too exhausted to debate.

“I'm glad you lived up to your part of the deal and I hope this is the last time we've crossed paths.”

"Then we are two."

“But if I hear you're trying to get close to Luke again…” the tone of voice pisses me off.

“I've already done my part, but if you keep pissing me off, I'll go to Luke right now and tell him the whole truth.” I threat, nervous. I try not to show that his laugh makes me confused.

“You know, I missed you, Marnie. That innocence is really funny.” John stops laughing and approaches. "Do you think Luke wants to see you now?! Why do you think I'm here knowing everything?! He already called me, asking me to schedule the trip. He hates you now, Marnie. You broke his heart. I don't care what useless word you say to him, because he won't believe it. Here.” he takes his cell phone out of his jacket. "Want to call him and tell him?! I will help you.” he returns a venomous smile.

“Get out of my house.” I say through teeth.

"What's up, Marnie? Don't be so passionate. After all we are friends.” he makes fun of me.

"I said 'get out of my house.'” I scream, picking up a decorative vase beside me and threatening to throw it at it.

John doesn't look scared, but heads for the door.

“One day you'll thank me, Marnie.” he says before closing the door. I throw the vase, screaming, seeing it crash against the door.

The urge to go to Luke and tell the whole truth becomes much stronger, however, even if I don't want to admit it, John was right, Luke must hate me by now, making everything I say empty. On the other hand, I remember that I'm doing this for him.

I know at any other time, if I knew the band was going through something like that, I would do anything to help. Now, making sure I'm the problem, I want to become the solution and if that meant having to walk away from it then I would, after all their success and happiness could be mine.

I want to have faith that a few years from now, when everything is better, maybe I can get Luke and the others to understand why I'm doing this. Maybe we can even be friends if he doesn't hate me.

I give up, going up to my room for a shower and straight to bed. It's horrible knowing I need sleep to be acceptable for tomorrow, but I can't turn my head off. Even exhausted, I go over every fight I had today. Noah, Luke, and John's voices mingled in my mind, draining me more and more of my energy, but not to the point of putting me to sleep.

The night slowly drags on and the approach of dawn makes an anxiety rise within me. Yesterday they could have held back so they wouldn't come to debate anything, but I doubt that someone won't show up today and, given my state and mood, I'm sure I won't have the strength to fight.

For the few seconds and times I dozed off, I dreamed of the doorbell ringing, of Leah screaming for me to open the door. Finally, when the clock struck a little after five, I decided to get out of bed. Wrapped in the duvet, I walk to the kitchen, making tea. With my drink ready, I walk over to the couch on the balcony, watching the sky clear up for my last day in LA.

Passed morning, I go for a shower with the intention of getting rid of this weight. I lock everything in my room, not knowing when I'll be back. In the closet, I grab Luke's box and pull out my diary and some of our Polaroids. I also take the little white box, carefully storing it in my suitcase.

I walk around the house, closing windows, turning off power and stuff. I don't worry and much less care about the mess I made yesterday, if I ever come back to this apartment, I'll ask for a huge renovation, not wanting to remember anything from that time.

Around 8:00 am, I tell Martin that I want to go to the airport early, wanting to avoid any of my friends or family. I had already talked and said goodbye to my parents before the party. I'm relieved when he says he's on his way.

I take one last look at my apartment, accepting my defeat. I pick up my bags, already going downstairs and moving forward as much as possible to just leave, I just didn't count on Ashton at the front desk of the building

"Ash?" I call him on impulse. My friend turns to me, apparently not at all surprised to see me with my bags.

“Can we talk?” he questions calmly.

“I need to go to the air-” I try to dodge him, but Ash steps in front of me.

“Five minutes. I do not want to fight. I just want to understand you.” he interrupts me.

“You don't understand, Ash.” whisper. “I need to go.”

There's one thing I've always admired about Ashton, that peace he has and emanates. He in no second judges me with his gaze, in fact, this calm almost makes me tell everything, trusting that he would listen to me and believe me. But in seconds this idea loses strength, after all, Luke would not believe me and John could still harm the band.

“You know, I remember the day we met very well. You were the new student in yoga class and I was happy to have someone my age there. We weren't the best students and we talked too much, which caused us to be thrown out of class.” he laughs a little. “But even without that, we became good friends. It is not?”

“Yes,” I whisper, trying to understand where he is going.

“Marnie, I can't explain what was different with you, but I really didn't want to lose touch. I wanted you to be my friend. The problem is, in the end, I took care of you like my little sister. I think I projected that onto you. I've always taken care of Lauren and Harry a lot and I miss them sometimes. I always wanted to and will always protect you, but I need to know exactly what.”

“Ash…” I try to interrupt him but can't.

“I lost you once, in that fucking accident. I lost you to amnesia. I don't want to lose you for a silly thing. Marnie, please just tell me.” he pleads, holding my hands.

It pains me to see him like this. I can see the desperation in his eyes, just as I saw it in Luke's eyes. I know it hurts, but it has to. Ashton was definitely the best friend I've ever had in all my 23 years, I don't need my memory to prove it. Just a conversation with him and I realized our connection. Really, Ashton is the big brother I never had and I'm grateful for that.

Without the strength to want to convince him of the story I had already created, I pull his body to me, hugging my best friend for the last time. He doesn't deny the hug, squeezing me tightly, as if to stop me from going.

“Thanks for everything, Ash. Please don't forget my speech.” I give him a kiss on the cheek, ready to get into the car that has just arrived.

'It wasn't by chance that you and Luke met.” I stop at the door, turning confusing to him. “Ever since I've known you, I've known you'd be perfect for Luke, you're almost the female version of him. I just gave you guys a little push to see each other, because I knew the moment he saw you, he was going to fall in love with you.”

I stare at Ashton for a few more seconds before turning towards the car, feeling the tears wet my cheek once more. I didn't need to be an expert to know that yes, Luke and I were made for each other, but unfortunately, not all soulmates end up together.

I'm so sorry, I know I'm late. I have a undergraduate thesis at the end of the year and I am too busy with it. But I promise not to delay this amazing fic for you anymore. Thank you so much for all the support and affection, you're amazing. Until the next chapter!

P.s. which I will post in a few hours, after all, it's the least I can do after a month of delays. See ya! xoxo

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