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morethanonepage · 3 years

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11. What do you envy in other writers?

THEIR ABILITY TO WRITE.

Every time I hear about someone who has actually become more productive during quarantine/recently finished ~their second novel I get so angry/sad I have to go lie down.

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

I usually have a provisional title when I start (almost always a quote from a song that captures the ~vibe I hope the fic will have) and sometimes I keep it, but usually the feeling of the fic changes by the time I finish it and the original quote doesn’t fit anymore, or else it’s too long/Too Much Cringe, so.

When that happens, I usually input the fic text into AO3 and do all the tags and stuff in the hope that a title will just. Come to me.

Sometimes it does! Usually it does not. And then I start doodling around various song lyrics, sometimes just picking one random word that i feel captures the ~vibe in some way that usually just makes sense to me. or else something totally random, just to get it over with.

i’m generally not good at titles, is the point. except when i am? i think there’s like. one or two per fandom i AM genuinely proud of. but mostly....eesh.

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

I cheat with summaries and usually just post a ~representative passage from the fic itself (picking those is always fun for me, actually! It can be tricky to find something that IS representative of, if not the plot of the fic, then the general mood/dynamic; I also like for them to be at least a little funny? But my fics are way more about the general mood/dynamics than the plot, usually, so it works out [or so i think???]).

tags...i’ve stopped having as much ~commentary in tags (that was a livejournal bad habit, imo) tho i might through in one or two jokes. mostly my concern with tags is making sure i warn for anything that could be conceivably upsetting/controversial -- i’d hate to trigger someone bc i forgot to tag something, so i try to be as thorough as possible, though sometimes i do also worry that by being too careful i’m scaring off people who think that bc i’m warning for something it’s worse in the fic than it actually is and then they don’t read it. but it’s better to be safe than sorry, and it’s p easy to add new tags if someone asks for additional warnings, so.

but in general -- titles are harder, lol.

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

It really depends on how long it’s been -- it’s a bit of a curve of cycle for me, when I first post fic i usually think it sucks (i post it anyway bc i know, objectively, that even tho in that moment i hate it, it’s probably not THAT bad), after a few weeks/months when i’ve forgotten what went into writing it i’ll re-read it and think it’s great, and then a year later i’ll check back in and start cringing again bc typos or awks dialogue or sex scenes or w/e. and then the cycle starts again lmfao.

i think the funniest thing is when i re-read something i wrote ages ago, think it’s good, and use that to beat myself up about how much better a writer i used to be.

#writer meta asks meme

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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489

If you had to name your kid after an American state, which would you choose? I could probs name my kid Jersey. I knew a kid with the same name in kindergarten and I can vaguely remember having the smallest kid crush on her. Indiana's a good name too. I’d consider Virginia, but the movie The Hours (based on Virginia Woolf) has always been traumatic for me so that’s a firm no. How about if you had to name your kid after a city? Charlotte. Or Chicago – Kim K made that name work SO WELL. Can you burp on cue? Nah. Do you often laugh at your own jokes (even if no one else does)? Sometimes I will, but I’ll only laugh to myself if I’m already talking to myself. Name a TV series you enjoy: Friends!!!!! How often do you listen to music? I listen to at least one song a day, but I’m not as into music as most people would say they are.

Do you often diagnose yourself with things after reading symptoms online? Hahahahaha, the attack. Yes I do. What do you use to dry your clothes? (Tumble dryer, radiator, etc) We have a drying rack and we just have them dry out under the sun, since it’s always sunny here. If left alone for a few days, could you fend for yourself? I had to go through this just a couple of weeks ago when my mom went on a cruise for a little more than a week. Sure I fended, but it was also proof that I am pretty much still clueless about a lot of things, like cooking for myself. If someone was whispering at the other end of the room, could you hear it? Probably not because our electric fan in the living room is a little loud. Are you one of those people who never forget a face? Yes. I’ll forget names and from where I met people, but I’ll always recognize a face. If you knew you would never get caught, would you kill someone? Who? I wouldn’t kill anyone. Although I wish someone else did kill our president if they were given the same option lmfao. Do you ever play the built-in games on your computer? Which ones? Nah. My Mac has a chess but I never did figure out how that works. Are you dating the last person who called you? Nope. That would be my mom. Do you prefer flat shoes or ones with a heel / platform? I have more pairs of flats and wear them more often, but if I had it my way I’d buy more heels and wear them all the time. What was the last spontaneous thing you did? I had dinner on my own at one of my favorite Japanese places and also bought another adult coloring book for myself. :D Treat yourself, folks. Are you more likely to have a messy room with clean drawers or the opposite? Clean room, hella messy drawers. How loud can you whistle? Just the right amount. It doesn’t hurt in the ears but it’s not super soft either.

Does anything on your body hurt or itch right now? My back is always in pain lmao but I’m fine otherwise. Are you an optimist? In some situations. When was the last time you spoke to someone who you couldn't understand? Maybe last month when I was still in internship. There were times where they’d go using work lingo and I wouldn’t understand a thing. If you were a superhero, what would your "supername" be? When was the last time you built a sandcastle? Last March, when we were at the beach. The last competition you entered: Did you win? I don’t join competitions. Have you ever been on TV or in a newspaper? I’m sure I’ve been on TV. Not the newspaper. When was the last time you had a rash? What caused it? I think it was also a month ago. I have no clue what caused/causes it. My arm just started itching and when I scratched it a bunch of rashes came up. My skin does that a couple times a year but it seems to eventually heal on its own, so I don’t think of it as anything serious. What was the last thing you said that somebody laughed at? I told Angela her phone was cheating when she secretly took a photo of my old science teacher–who I used to have a crush on–when she saw him this morning at the mall. I told her how he still looks great after all these years, she went “no, he really doesn’t anymore” and I told her her iPhone X is a cheat, which she found funny. Are you good at buying gifts for people? For Gabie, yes. For anyone else, I don’t think so. Are there are stickers on your computer? I have stickers on my laptop case, but I’d never apply them on my actual laptop. Do / did you doodle on your books at school? I did SO MUCH back in high school. I was always distracted back then. For some reason I stopped altogether in college, but I like this Robyn better haha. What kind of humour do you appreciate most? If it’s anything like Chandler Bing’s. Have you ever rode a mechanical bull? Nope. If you had to appear on a game show, which one would you choose? Family Feud. Do you remember lyrics to songs easily? How about movies quotes? Lyrics yes. Quotes not so much. Are you good at keeping your phone fully charged? Nope. I use my phone a lot so I usually have to have it charged twice a day. What would be your dream career? Working for WWE. When was the last time you threw up? April. Have you ever been to a festival? If Pride March in the festival counts as a festival counts then yeah. Are you currently tired? Always am, my dude. Always am. What time did you get up this morning? 6 AM. Anything you're currently excited for? To start coloring in my new coloring book!!! Can you make yourself go cross-eyed? Yes.

#survey #surveys

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kayzuss · 6 years

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Hello world, this is me. Recently, I've been dealing with quiet a bit of depression in this head of mine. Depression I know I can beat and get out of, eventually. But for now.. I'm just really in a dark place. I fell into this crazy deep hole in my head when I was told by a friend an ex of mine had passed away. My ex was my first "boyfriend" he was the first person I told my secrets too and held extremely close to my heart. He actually even took my virginity lmfao so he was really my first everything. But most importantly, he was my first love, my first best friend who I knew actually gave a damn. He was even the first boy I took home to meet my family. We were young when we met. We actually met at a friends birthday. I thought he was cute, but, I was an awkward child and he was the cute goofy kid. A few girls were all over him, talking to him, sitting on his lap, sharing drinks. I didn't want to step up and speak to him, I wanted to observe him. Something happened. I was sitting with my friend Brandi and a boy we were both friends with Kyle, joking around making sex jokes and Kyle drawing penis drawings on everything. I remember he saw Kyle's drawing on a ballon and saw us cracking up. He came over and sat down with the birthday girl at our table. Before I knew it, he was right in front of where I was sitting at the table. Then before I knew it he was sitting next to me, and we were chatting away. Giggling about dumb thing and how others were acting. He was such a big ball of energy I was so attracted to him. This was a birthday party I didn't even want to go to. I felt awkward the whole time. I didn't know anyone. It wasn't till I met him and I spoke with him that I didn't want to leave. After that.. he was gone. I didn't see him again. I went on in life thinking about that kid but never asking anyone about him. I finished out that school year and went on to get a summer job. I was a "locker girl" at a water park. It was my first job. I basically was a cashier who sold lockers only really. My job was definitely for the loner kids. I worked alone. Barely spoked to others. Doodled most of my day away. But it was my first job so I was very content. One day I was just clocking in and released the girl from the morning shift. I got settled and was looking out on the grounds, people watching which was my norm. I swear I saw an orb of gold come down the stair surrounding this person. He was smiling ear to ear joking with another life guard. He had bright blue eyes that were so piercing I almost thought I was making this person up. He literally had sky blue eyes and a smile that was so white they looked like the clouds in the sky. The gold orb was like the sun's rays. I was in awe. I was so confused when this angel like person stop at the end of the stairs and started walking my way. Right when I stopped appreciating "the view," and right before it was directly infront of me I was hit with what felt like an 18 wheeler. In my head I was like "holy shit.. that's.. that's him." He came over smiling, biting his life guard red whistle, trying to be all smooth. "Hey don't I know you from?". Is all I heard. I was shook. I giggled and said "yeah that's me!" Smooth right? I quickly fixed myself from falling off my chair without loosing eye contact. We chatted a little. I ended up being filled with so much anxiety speaking to him that playing with my pen was the only thing that made me feel okay. The only negative part of that, was when it flew out of my hand hitting him not only once, but twice! He was nervously giggling which made me actually feel a little bit better knowing I wasn't the only one nervous. A few conversions later we exchanged numbers. I remember being the ballsy one saying "we should hang out sometime." He agreed immediately. That sometime to him, was that day after our work shift. I wasn't going to say no even with my butterflies making me feel awkward but excited. We ending up going to Ventnor City beach in New Jersey. I actually even know where we sat in the sand exactly. It was sundown. We threw down towels and just sat there and spoke to each other about literally anything that came to mind. He didn't try any moves. I didn't know if he even liked me or if this was an awkward friend hang out. When the sun went completely down leaving the sky black we decided we should get going. We were there for 3 or 4 hours just talking. When we were walking back my hand hit his (completely by mistake) I looked at him completely embarrassed, thankful we were in a dark area so he couldn't see my face bright red, and just giggled. The next thing I know he went to hold my hand. It was weird. My butterflies had left my stomach. They were all over my body. I felt like my heart was skipping beats. Swallowing my saliva felt like an obstacle. My whole body was just happy and it was happy with him. He hugged me goodbye and said he would see me later and went home. He texted me later that night telling me "you looked so beautiful tonight." We ended up starting to date soon after. He was already way advanced in relationships than I was. He didn't push anything though. It took two weeks for us to even kiss, and when we did, we had people cheer (we were at a party, we thought we snuck off enough). All my friends loved him. He fit right in my life perfectly and vice versa. We hung out every second and talked to each other constantly. Life was beautiful. I fell head over heels with this angel, that literally in my eyes, walked down the stairs of Gillian's water park straight into my heart. School started again, it was our junior year. We happened to have one class together. Mrs Ninfa, she taught history. It was his favorite class to write notes and doodle in. We sat next to each other talking threw the whole class. We were the class love birds in that class, it actually became a very funny joke, but we worked it! It was in that class I got my first detention. We were passing notes. He had a rough morning at home. He didn't come from the very best up bringing. Writing to me was an outlet for him to write me notes explaining things for me to understand. We were both very young, so, opening up threw notes helped him and that's what we did. One day Mrs. Ninfa saw him place a note on my desk. She said "give that too me right now." So I did. She said "I'm reading this to the class or you can both take detention right now." Of course knowing what his notes usually contained we both agreed to detention. We both went to detention and then spent the rest of the day together. We didn't really care about the detention. We got caught, so, that just taught us to be faster. We didn't stop writing notes and drawing each other doodles. We dated for a year straight and then had a rough couple months after the break up together. We had flaws in our relationship. He cheated on me and him being my first relationship I had completely lost trust. Being immature and young I thought "u cheat, I cheat, we're even." At the end I cheated and told him immediately. When I say immediately I mean it happened and I said "I have to text my boyfriend" I couldn't believe I had done that. Yes, he did cheat first and I did try to fix the relationship after but I felt such hurt and betrayal from him I couldn't. Even with the cheating he wanted to stay together. I said no. In my eyes you broke my heart, and now I broke yours, we needed to be apart. I was foolish and ran into a relationship with the boy I cheated on him with. I remember texting him while dating this boy and him saying "whenever you want to get back together, we can get back together" it's almost like he knew I regretted being with this new person. The new relationship of course failed. It was a joke of a relationship. I ran into a "bad boy" and started dating him basically right after. He found out who I was dating and reached out again saying the same thing. I told him we could be friends but to not bring that up. We ended up speaking a lot. He actually got into a new relationship. I wasn't hurt by this new relationship he was in but in the back of my head I did think "well what did you mean by whenever I wanted?" He looked happy again. I thought "Kelsey pull back from him.. let him grow and be happy" so, I did. Which now and even then I regretted. The relationship I was in was an abusive relationship. I didn't tell anyone about it. I hid it very well. There were times I wanted to reach out but the love I had for him told me "let him be happy, let him grow without you" so I kept it from my best friend in the dark. When things got real bad in this relationship his name kept popping up. At prom someone said his name to me. My heart jumped and I started searching for him. He wasn't there. At graduation, the girl in front of me went to his new school. She actually said "aren't you his girlfriend?" Even though I was not, she said he always talked about me like I was. I thought and actually hoped I'd run into him somehow. But I never did. The abusive relationship I was in turned into a very toxic abusive end. Cops were involved, a restraining order was issued, and I was lost. I was scared. I didn't want to leave my house in fear. I wanted to reach out but I didn't. It wasn't until I was in a new relationship that I reached out. He liked one of my Instagram posts so I was like "okay so he doesn't hate me." At this point he was dating the same girl for a while now. We spoke for a bit. He told me the good thing and I followed with only the good things. He didn't know about the abuse I was recently in for a very long time and I didn't know the bad happening in his life. We didn't focus on that. We didn't want each other knowing the bad. Threw out the years (8 years total after the relationship) we spoke at random times. Catching up on strictly the good. I spoke to him a month ago. I was laughing at the love notes I kept of his. He laughed and said he remembered writing them. It made me think "wow you really did love me if you can remember almost 10 years ago writing this." We kept it short which was unusual but now he was in a new relationship and I was in a serious relationship and was/am engaged so I wasn't going to continue or push not knowing how this one worked. I wish I did. I wish I told him what I want to now. I kept my pain and my hurt from him after our relationship and so did he from me. We left that conversion as our last. Our last conversion was reminiscing on our love notes, on our love, on us. It's weird I can still hear his voice. I keep having dreams of him. It hurts breaking up with your first love but having them pass away so young hurts even worse. His family told me after we broke up he continued to talk about me like I put the stars in his sky. I tried so hard not to cry at his service. It wasn't until I got home and was alone that I cried my eyes out. You passing was like getting hit again by that 18 wheeler. Just this time I wasn't meeting you, I was saying goodbye to you. I don't even think I said goodbye. I still feel like you're with me. I still message you on Snapchat as if you're going to answer. Sometimes I write you how I feel so you can read it even though you can't. I apologize a lot. I sort of blame myself for not being open to you knowing if I was you would have done the same. I know you loved me and I know we were two immature kids when we were together but what we had was real. "It's kinda cool knowing your first love actually loved you, huh?" - Was said to me at the service. I swear it felt like a stab in the heart hearing that and everytime I think of that I cry. To my real life angel. I'm sorry for all the pain you felt on this earth while you were here. I wish I could have done more. You were and are so loved. You changed my life in such a positive way you could never understand. I love you forever, Tyler E. Dale. 💙

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nastymomcomic · 7 years

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Totally sort of on hiatus, but WAIT

I left off on a note that I wasn’t doing good. So here’s what’s up. I quit my job that I hated and that hated me and it was killing me going there. Honestly the entire experience there could be a comic in of itself. I started changing almost instantly after starting there and my SO brought that to my attention close to when I decided to quit. My anxiety was through the roof, I was getting physically ill from it. It’s been about three months since I quit and I actually feel much better than I did.

The decision to quit came around the end of Christmas season (aka retail hell), my stress level hit it’s max. With work and with how things are at home, I became suicidal and started breaking my things instead of hurting myself. (On a side note I discovered I have a deep raspy yelling voice that would be perfect for an anime character)

(This is kind of long so I’ll put one of those read more thingies)

I talked with my SO about it and I agreed to quit the job, get back on my anxiety medication , and get back into steady therapy. (I was given a new counselor and hadn’t been able to make it to therapy because of work.) Shortly after I started becoming viciously sick around my period, turns out I just have extremely bad pms to the point ai throw up and become Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde. It is horrible. I didn’t figure it was my period until recently though, for a while I thought I was bipolar or had the flu, even pregnant. Nope, it was just pms. I had no idea how common that is for women until it happened to me.

With the job, I had a lady curse me out because I had to charge her for 10 cent bag that she wanted a giant barrel of pretzels put into, which didn’t fit anyway. That wasn’t even my worst customer by far, but it’s definitely my favorite story to tell. (There will definitely be an episode about that bitch.) I hurt my wrist the first month I worked there and my supervisor never made a report refused to report it, so I wasn’t seen by their doctor, and none of my managers or coworkers were notified of my injury, so my workload and tasks weren’t changed. I went to the my doctor before quitting so I’d have the injury on record, he found it was a sprained wrist, and told me it wouldn’t heal because I’d been using it too much. (Which is why work is supposed to fucking change your work tasks when you have a fucking work related injury.) This same supervisor looked me up and down with the fucking stink eye during my interview and I knew she was going to be a problem, and I wasn’t wrong.

I spent a good two months trying to figure out exactly how to report that my workplace refused to make report for my injury, but at the end of it I just wanted to quit and be done with all of it. This lady had definitely been acting like that way before I worked there, there’s no way the company or at least the other managers weren’t aware of what she does. As much as I would like to get her fired for being a gigantic asshole, it’s not my job to babysit women in their damn 50’s. And she definitely wasn’t the only deciding factor. Besides the shitty customers treating me like shit on a daily basis, I only had a handful of coworkers who were my saving grace there. They were awesome to work with and I genuinely looked forward to seeing them. But when they weren’t there, my calls would get ignored by my coworkers and managers, I’d find them all chilling out in the office, customers would be left waiting for over 30 minutes because no one wanted to answer me, it was just ridiculous. I could go on and on but I think my final straw was being told by a manager that I needed to “stop doodling” while at the register…. like fucking when??? I asked for clarification or a date on when I’d done such a thing and said manager refused to explain or anything.

I mean, that and when I changed my availability for health reasons. I was working full shifts and 4 days out of the week during peek Christmas season, and changed my availability to just one day a week. Car broke down and you know, I was suicidal and loosing my mind. I made sure to change my availability only after peek was over, but gave management a heads up so they had time to fill shifts. Shit supervisor was the one I had to talk to about it first and she said ‘You’re kidding me, you’re changing your availability during peek?” And I’d had enough of her shit so I sad=id back “No I’m changing it after peek next week, but I’m doing the considerate thing and notifying people now.”

Fucking bitch. Like wow I wrote it was for medical reasons, thank you so much for your fucking concern.

The ironic part was they said I was doing absolutely great, but I’d stopped giving all my fucks over a month ago and started half assing my job like the people who got all the credit for slacking off while others and myself did circles around them. Now that I stopped doing my job well, they liked me? lmfao hwwaaaaat? When I was busting my ass I was always told I was “straggling” and needed to do better. I just… how does that even work? forget it, I don’t work there anymore, it’s not my problem. I quit without giving two weeks notice. I wrote my resignation letter before my shift, and when my shift was done I quit on the spot. Shitty supervisor never looked happier. (lol I bet)

It was weird, that place had fast turnover, but also had people who had been working there for ears. (Shit supervisor had been working there 17+ years) And now I totally get why.

The minute I walked out of the break room knowing I never had to work there again, I felt a giant weight lifted from my entire body. It was absolutely amazing. Thing is, me not having that job doesn’t even make a dent in my income because it was so far away, it had shitty hours, and I was spending so much money on gas to get there. It was absolutely pointless. Now I can focus on things that actually benefit me and build my future.

So I’m back in therapy back on my meds, not having the life drained out of me, and Nmom has been in therapy for like 5 months now and she’s starting to actually be normal, it’s like she’s learning to manager her emotions or something. I don’t trust it, but it makes things a lot easier and I’ll take the quiet while I can get it. Bad news is my grandpa is in the hospital right now, he nearly died, had to have a pacemaker out in him. It’s been a big ordeal but it could be worse. SO things are changing for me again, someone has to be there for him and it’s actually going to be me and Nmom seeing as no one else will. Things are a bit up in the air but I know it could of been worse so I’m just thankful.

My SO is going to be moving soon to his own place and I’ll be living with him half of the week and the rest of the week with my mom and probably with my grandpa when he finally comes home. Honestly I am scared, but I’m also determined. I decided to go back to school, pay off bills, invest in things I need to do, and get back to what I love or I think my soul will die if I don’t.

The comic nasty mom will be back soon, and eventually, it will have to end as well. I’ve found that I tend to reopen wounds through my muse, so i need to find a way to really really, really make this comic for myself. I also tend to care about others more than myself, even in my art. I haven’t really been doing this comic for myself at all, I think I’ve been doing it for others more than for myself. And I need to change that. I’m glad my comic has been able to make others smile and laugh, and it definitely will continue to. But I need to change how I approach my art and life if I want to start taking care of myself seriously.

For now I’m going to start getting my feet wet again with my art and buy a new scanner because mine broke like 4 months ago, and the bastard gave me a bruise last week on my foot. (printers are evil!!!!) There will definitely be a lot of drawings and work sketches to show, so that’s good.

I just got on birth control last week and I’m starting to feel some of the changes and stuff. I’m taking care of my body and hopefully my pms doesn’t make me go crazy. Last week I cried because my SO bought me french fries, and an hour before that I wanted to throw my iced coffee at people because Starbucks mad it wring and I was already nauseated and I got more nauseated because there wasn’t enough creme…. yeah, I’m a mess ahahahah.

I’m doing a lot of soul searching for sure right now, but I’ll be back soon! And with more art! And possibly another comic for when this comic finishes! (Shhhh that part is a secret!)

Until next time, I’ll always reply to comments, and I have a ask box on my tumblr as well. I have tumblr and instagram so that should keep readers and friends a little entertained while I’m away!

#fuck retail #lel

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