#the adventures of big dog the clown

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

BORIS JOHNSON RESIGNS AS MP. Thoughts? The people howl for a new update to the Big Dog the Clown saga.

Yes this was not on my personal bingo card; my most recent Big Dog event was that a friend of mine works for air traffic control and recently had to delay BoJo's holiday flight by four hours, and on being told that this particular plane had to be prioritised for a runway slot because it contained an Important Clown promptly pushed it to the bottom of the priority list. Lol. And then all this! What larks.

Okay not a lot of detail yet still but LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE EVENTS OF 9TH JUNE, 2023 and you know what? It's been a while. Let's do it properly.

7.15am

Another day dawns in the reign of evil Grand Vizier-turned-PM Rishi Sunak. He's a very boring flavour of evil, tbh. Say what you will about Johnson, but at least there was spectacle and showmanship to his clownshow. Something for the children to boo and hiss. An animate ham in a villain's wig, something to really enjoy as you sit back, relax, and savour a tall, cool glass of schadenfreude.

By contrast Rishi just gets sycophants - who are no less ridiculous, but far more grey and boring - who pretend he's a tech bro because "he understands AI" and they think that will make him a visionary and a man of the future and maybe some sort of Elon Musk figure, because that's obviously a smashing template to be copied in a leader of a country.

This briefing was presumably drafted using ChatGPT.

Anyway, this is what we thought the day would be: another dreary overcast washout, livened up by Downing Street's latest attempt at making Sunak seem like a good idea to stave off the hulking spectre of Labour's inevitable GE win next year. How trite. How tedious. How mediocre.

What a shame it would be if... something were to liven it up.

8.39 am

Fun fact!

When a PM's term ends, as their last act in office, they get to present an Honours List. This means they write a list of all the people they reckon have been Jolly Good Sorts who have done Good Clowning and Supported The Community, and nominate those people for honours. Honours here can be anything from an MBE/OBE etc, to a Damehood/Knighthood, all the way up to entering the Peerage i.e. becoming a Lord. Traditionally, people have been fairly reasonable with these lists. Apart from anything else, the outgoing PM can only write the list - the new Prime Minister has to sign off on it, and it's usually the case, of course, that PMs are deposed by the opposition party.

Why am I mentioning this? Well: Boris, you see, has now presented his list to Sunak to validate. You may be unsurprised to learn that it contains quite a lot of clowns.

Another fun fact!

If a sitting MP is given a Peerage, they cannot continue to be an MP. MPs are elected. Lords are not. So an MP offered a lordship right now would have to stand down if they accepted, triggering a by-election in their seat that... well. That anyone could win, couldn't they? Ordinarily. Except Labour's shadow is growing, isn't it? I don't suppose Sunak would be all that happy about losing, for example, any Tory MPs nominated for a peerage right now.

What fun facts.

At 8.39am, Politics UK reveals an as-yet-unverified report that Nadine Dorries and Alok Sharma have been removed from Boris Johnson's honours list, and will go back to vetting.

(They also reveal that Big Dog's dad has been removed from the list, because nominating your dad for a Peerage is "inappropriate". Sorry, Bigger Dog. Apparently even corrupt ghoul Rishi Sunak has a limit to what open corruption he will allow, which is news to us all, most of all Rishi.)

10.41am

Nadine Dorries decides she will play to her strengths, and appear on TV to do some Public Speaking, which always goes well for her of course.

Nothing, let's remember, has been confirmed yet at all. But she's here to put people's minds at ease! No power-hungry status-chasing pink maniac, she! She is very clear in her aims.

“The last thing I would want to do would be to cause a by-election in my constituency.”

Quite right, Nadine. That would be disastrous.

11.20am

Oh, it’s Tory think tank NRG’s conference in Doncaster today.  Gideon George Osborne, pig-stupid former Grand Vizier and idiot fail-heir to David "pig-fucker" Cameron, gives a speech.  Let's see some quotes!

On the Tories’ choices of chancellors since he personally fell on his sword over Brexit left the role:

“You can see when the partnership doesn’t work. The government's paralysed and the politics is terrible.”

Fair, but also you are a government, George.

On Tories who attack the civil service:

“We’re in charge of our country’s destiny. We should stop blaming others if we don’t get things right." 

... right. But you just... Uh.

On Tory culture warriors:

“It’s really important that the Conservative Party is excited about the country we aspire to lead… and doesn’t get in to ‘we’re against all these groups of people’. We’re the inclusive people.”

Well, points for clearing that absurdly low bar, I guess. Christ, I cannot BELIEVE Suella Braverman is making George fucking Osborne look good-by-comparison.

1pm

Ooh. Nadine's attempts to put minds at ease have inexplicably not worked, can't think why not. She's such a reassuring and charismatic speaker normally.

But the rumour is now FLYING about that Nadine has indeed been dropped from the honours list, and specifically because Sunak wants to avoid a by-election that will lose him more seats at a time when he is desperate for even a mat on the floor as long as it's blue.

Sorry, Nads. Still; this morning you were very clear that the constituency comes first, so I suppose that's okay. The priority now is that she MUST stay in position, so the Tories can keep their numbers steady. It is VITAL she remains an MP. Let's remember her exact words!

“The last thing I would want to do would be to cause a by-election in my constituency.”

3.45pm

Nadine Dorries tweets her resignation.

The last thing she does as an MP is indeed to cause a by-election in her constituency.

3.50pm

Except this is Nadine Dorries we're talking about. She's found some flashy balls to juggle, look, and a boy to pour custard down her trousers.

Not five minutes after dropping the bombshell, she deletes the last tweet announcing her resignation, and tweets a new one.

The new tweet says, “it is now time for another to take the reins” as the MP for Mid-Bedfordshire.

The original tweet said, “it is now time for someone younger to take the reins.”

*

On Talk TV, Dorries says that "something significant did happen to change my mind", but doesn’t elaborate.

3.56pm

The whispers are whispering. The rumours are rumouring. The knives are sharpening.

Nadine's now-former seat is Mid-Bedfordshire, and has been Tory since 1929; a safe seat, which certainly explains how Nadine fucking Dorries managed to hold it for as long as she did.

An MP on the right of the Tory party says that if the Tories lose the Mid Bedfordshire by-election, it’ll open questions about Rishi Sunak's leadership CLOWNFALL 3: REVENGE OF BIG DOG LET'S GOOOOOO

3.57pm

Nadine Dorries is removed from the WhatsApp group.

I would love to know who leaked that image. I really should not have that image. Ah well. Now you do too.

4.12pm

Good tweet alert!

5.08pm

Phew! What a day. Let's see how Rishi's getting on.

He approves the rest of BoJo's honours list. Shall we take a look at our newly-honoured citizens? Shall we see what familiar names crop up?

Honours for staff at centre of Partygate Jack Doyle, Rosie Bate-Williams and Shelly Williams-Walker (and a lot of other terrible and disgraced people who were loyal to Johnson, and some of Carrie Antoinette’s friends).

Damehoods for Andrea Jenkyns and Priti Patel.

Knighthoods for Jacob Rees-Mogg, Conor Burns, and Michael Fabricant.

An OBE for Kelly Jo Dodge, Parliamentary hairdresser.

Also honours for Ben Houchen, currently at the heart of a media storm about dodgy property deals.  His huge regeneration project in Teesside is subject to a government investigation regarding the governance, finance and value for money.

*

(Interesting point – Tory MPs Allister Jack and Nigel Adams were offered peerages, but decided to wait, since accepting now would trigger by-elections.

Why were they offered at all, do you think?)

*

So … this means Michael Fabricant is now Sir Michael Fabricant.  Like, actually.  Genuinely.

Nice one, Rishi. Thank goodness you understand AIs.

5.44pm

The Guardian’s Pippa Crerar - journalist who brought down Big Dog one Partygate reveal at a time - tweets her guide to he honours list:

Martin Reynolds, former PPS, invited 200 officials to drinks in Downing St garden.  He told officials to "bring your own booze", later adding: "We seem to have got away with it".

Shelley Williams-Walker, getting a Damehood, was No 10 head of opps & now runs his office.  At No 10 party the night before Prince Philip's funeral she was dubbed "DJ SWW" for her banger playlist.

Jack Doyle & Rosie Bate-Williams, who get OBEs, were press spox who repeatedly denied the parties happened

Dan Rosenfield, who gets a peerage, quit in mass exodus of senior No 10 staff as anger over Partygate grew.  Former chief of staff faced reports he was among senior Downing Street officials who attended a Christmas quiz when restrictions were in place.

Shaun Bailey, who ran unsuccessfully for London mayor, gets a peerage, and Ben Mallett, a close friend of Carrie Antoinette's who ran Zac Goldsmith’s disastrous mayoral campaign, gets an OBE. Both are in this picture of a lockdown-flouting party at CCHQ:

What a sea of punchable faces.

7.58pm

But we've been so focused on Nadine! She's fucked up her juggling, look, but she's sliding around on the rollerskates, ever so distracting. But here's the thing, Tumblrs, here's the thing:

Among all of this, what's the Chief Clown doing?

The Privilege Committee reveals in their draft report that Boris Johnson misled Parliament, and recommends a sanction of more than 10 days.

Does that sound too little? Are you wishing it were smething more meaningful? Let me help put it in context.

This sanction would be enough to trigger a by-election in Johnson’s seat.

8.02pm

Boris Johnson

QUITS

as an MP

The committee said Johson had “impugned the integrity” of the House of Commons. Fascinating! I didn't know its honour had ever been pugned.

He accuses the inquiry of trying to “drive me out”!!!!

"It is very sad to be leaving parliament - at least for now - but above all I am bewildered and appalled that I can be forced out, anti-democratically, by a committee chaired and managed, by Harriet Harman, with such egregious bias".

Worth noting that the committee has a Conservative majority, mind. But you mustn't let things like facts get in the way of your feelings, BlowJo. You never have as a politician. Nor as a journalist, come to that.

(Also SIDE NOTE – “at least for now”??  What are you planning, Big Dog??  I suppose Nadine is leaving an empty seat...)

8.41pm

Christopher Hope of the Daily Telegraph reports he’s heard rumours of a THIRD Tory MP potentially resigning – and another Johnson loyalist at that. Lol. Trololol. Lmao, even. Perhaps rofl.

11.43pm

And finally, the day is wrapped up with the Guardian revealing their front cover for the following day:

Big Dog is OUT, hot trans bloke is IN.

Not a bad finish.

#asks #long post #politik #the adventures of big dog the clown

[unlimitedhearts]

i'm literally begging does ANYONE have a full breakdown of the jan 6th hearings a la The Adventures of Big Dog the Clown style.

#jan 6 hearings #politik #the adventures of big dog the clown #politics

[sushigal007]

My town's got this Big Dog Art Trail thing going on to raise money for a local children's hospice, which is very neat... but thanks to @becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys's political write-ups, every time I see one, I can only think of Boris Johnson.

#nonsims #now that's what i call british #the adventures of big dog the clown

[brasskingfisher]

Breaking news!!!

Millions of spontaneous "work events" have erupted in the UK as pigs fill the skies and Lucifer confirms the mercury in hell is dropping close to freezing. The crowds are filling the streets and chanting as big top is brought down and the lead clown is forced onto the spit and hoisted over the flames, the sword in his stomach barely penetrating the combined mass of blubber and daggers in his back.

#good news #the adventures of big dog the clown #politics uk #uk politics #poltics #bye bye boris #fuck the tories #screw the tories #screw bojo #the circus is over

[bg-brainrot]

Hugs for a Vampire (Astarion x GN!Reader) - Chapter 10: After a Love Test

Chapter 10: After a Love Test

Each chapter can be read as a standalone hug.

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader (Rogue!Tav)

Genre: Fluffy, Filling in Canon

Rating: Teen

Tags: Gender-Neutral Pronouns, POV Second Person, Act 3, Canon-typical violence, insecurities, jealousy, clowns

WC: 1.8k words, 10/18 chapters

Summary: Set at the start of Act 3, time with a dyrad leads to some jealousy and some fluff.

Ao3 | [Hug9][Hug11] | Hugs for a Vampire Masterlist

Somehow, despite the tumult, despite the horrors of the Shadowlands, your group has stumbled into what can only be described as a fresh, new hell. Or as Karlach eagerly exclaimed, “The Circus!” While your companions are all as Baldurian as you are, only Karlach seemed truly excited to stumble upon the brightly-colored, boisterous affair. 

That being said, you’re a sucker for her big, puppy dog eyes, so the entire group files in past the security. You lie and say something about being a knife thrower– not hard to believe considering how you’re equipped– but the chortle from Astarion almost gives you away. It tells you all you need to know, but he whispers to you anyway, “You? A knife-thrower? You’d sooner throw your boot at an enemy.” He’s not wrong, and you’re annoyed at how well he knows you.

“Oh, hush,” you whisper back. “Or if they put us to work, I’ll throw my knives at you.” It doesn’t wipe the grin from his face, but he does let it go.

After some odd adventures with a Djinni, speaking to a rather funny little kobold, and knicking a few items from every stall and unsuspecting spectator, you are starting to find yourself having actual fun. Perhaps it’s the petty theft– your favorite– or more likely, the company. Every time you have a wicked little thought on what to steal, Astarion is right behind you, ready to act on it. Even Shadowheart, who is usually thoroughly fed up with your antics, cracks a smile when Astarion nabs the cheating Djinni’s ring. 

You begin to see why Karlach was so very excited to find a circus, and you give yourself to the atmosphere of the place. That’s why, when your group stumbles upon a dryad proclaiming to give love readings, you don’t shy away. In fact, when she declares that you’re in love in front of the group, your lover included, you don’t even blush.

Astarion stands proud at your admission, his head tilting up every so slightly. You can tell that he’s feeling quite pleased, so much so that when you ask him if he’d like to do the love test with you, he doesn’t hesitate.

The group, the circus fades away, an idyllic scene taking its place. A series of three questions pass, and with each answer, you take a step closer to your elven lover. Something about the picturesque scene fills you with a deep wish to run away together, find yourselves a secluded moment like this, away from even this dryad’s prying eyes. Astarion closes the gap between you, the test complete and your love thrumming– or whatever Zethino proclaimed. 

“How close you are, two hearts beating a perfect rhythm,” the dryad says, her tone melodic and lulling. “But I know the truth. Only one face holds your dreams each night. Close your eyes, sweetness, and she will come to you.”

What? you think to yourself. You turn toward Astarion who is looking at you, eyes widening ever so slightly in shock. There’s a pain to them that begins to surface, and you shake your head, trying to reassure him.

“Close your eyes,” Zethino repeats. You hesitate, you know you don’t love anyone else, but you were the one who suggested you did this little love test, so it’s up to you to play along. You close your eyes.

There are a few moments of silence, only the sounds of the circus coming through and you begin to wonder if she means to show you anything at all. You open your eyes to ask as much, only to be face-to-face with a grotesque, unnervingly familiar face: the woman from the mindflayer colony.

You recoil at her pale, unnatural visage, and make eye contact with Astarion, who is already reaching for a blade. The woman, Orin, doesn’t seem to be here to fight though. After posturing, not even allowing you to get a single word in, she dissipates into the air. For some reason, your first thought is born of a childish disappointment, was there ever any kind of love test?

The group is phased at this, naturally– she’s confirmed that she’s stalking you all, that she could be watching from any corner, wearing any face. So when you get back to enjoying what’s left of the circus, Astarion’s stormy expression and agitated twitches seem entirely warranted. 

You try not to let it get to you, but after a few minutes of this, you say to Karlach and Shadowheart, “You go on ahead, I want to check out this bard with Astarion. Maybe try pickpocketing some distracted audience members.” 

Karlach is already mostly over the whole shapeshifter thing, back into full on circus mode. “Say no more, soldier. Shadowheart, let’s go look at the animals!”

Once they turn the corner, you face Astarion. “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what,” he says, looking down at his nails nonchalantly, steadfastly ignoring your searching eyes.

“You’re brooding,” you say, reaching out a hand for his. You wait a moment for him to accept it, and when he neither avoids it, nor accepts it, you gently grab a few of his fingers. “Is it Orin?”

His hand relents easily, and, as if moving on its own, intertwines his fingers with your own. “No,” he starts. “Well, kind of.” You wait patiently for him to sort out his thoughts, rubbing a thumb over one of his knuckles to the jaunty beat of the bard next to you.

After a bit, he says, “We’ve been entirely too open and trusting. Even if she wasn’t Orin, wouldn’t you say we were left too vulnerable there, dear.”

You try your best to keep your expression neutral. His concerns are valid, his fears coming from a very real place. But your stomach drops at the idea that this could shatter whatever safety he’s started to feel. “You’re not wrong, love,” you start, measuring your words carefully. “But we know how to handle ourselves. Even as Orin, I know we could take her.”

“You might be right, but that doesn’t mean we should be putting our lives into anyone’s hands but our own,” he scoffs, fingers clasping tightly over yours, as if these two pairs of hands are the only ones that you can trust. “Baldur’s Gate is more dangerous than anything the Shadowlands could throw at us because the dangers look so… mundane.”

“I know,” you say. “All I can say is that I care for you, Astarion. And no matter what the city throws at us, we’ll be together to face it. Just like the love test today.”

The vampire rolls his eyes at your words, but a smile finally creeps onto his face. “Ugh, you’re so utterly saccharine,” he responds. But, despite his words, his arms pull you into a big hug, enveloping you in a blanket of cool leather and his familiar scent. “That being said, if you ever want to do another love test, I'm going to have to squeeze you to death.”

You laugh into his shoulder and say, “Fine, fine. We’ll have to trust that our bond is unbreakable without a magical Master of Love telling us so.”

“Exactly, I don’t need some stranger to tell me what we already know.” He sounds confident, assured to start. But a moment later, his voice comes out as sulky when he follows up with. “It’s not like you have another, more handsome lover like she suggested, right?”

An odd response from him, especially with the petulant face and tone. And you don’t recall the dryad using the word ‘handsome.’ Is he… “Were you… jealous?” you ask, lifting your head up. You’re not teasing, just genuinely wondering if that small statement from an evil woman could elicit such a reaction from your love.

“I was not jealous,” Astarion responds, aghast. “What is there to be jealous of, that ridiculous shapeshifter? A fictional person laying in wait? A particularly muscular tiefling whose company you enjoy? I think not.”

His body betrays his words, his arms around you squeezing almost painfully tight as he talks. You haven’t seen true jealousy on him before, only the occasional moments of self-deprecation or worry, and something about it makes you want to go right back to teasing. “Oh, I don’t know. A shapeshifter could look like anyone, imagine all of the possibilities of a shapeshifting lover,” you say, an exaggerated tone of wistfulness in your voice.

In a wry tone, he responds, “There are scrolls for that.”

“I’m just kidding!” You nudge him playfully in the side. “I don’t actually want a shapeshifter, alright? You’re perfect the way that you are.” He preens a little at that and loosens his grip on you– You take the opportunity to slip out of his arms and look at him head-on. “Now tell me, did she bother you that much?”

“What do you want me to say?” He raises his arms in exasperation. “That when she said you had another love it felt like a troll had taken a club to my chest?”

“I like the imagery,” you remark, helpfully.

“Thank you,” he says, sighs, and continues, calmer now. “Some– very small– part of me was worried. I meant it when I said you deserve something real. You deserve more than real, and what if… what if that just isn’t something a runaway vampire spawn can offer?”

“My love,” you melt under his words, under his pleading red gaze, begging you to love him for who he is– as if you don’t already feel the weight of that love with every single breath you take. “You are so much more than you know. May I hug you?”

He nods, his expression pulling at each and every one of your heart strings. His eyes stay trained on you as you pull him back towards you. You bury your face in his neck and say, “I promise you have no one to be jealous of, I can confidently say no one compares.”

Astarion gives a shaky sigh. “I know. I am phenomenal.” 

You stifle a chuckle. “That you are.”

As is typical with an adventuring party like yours, these secluded moments are few and far between. A familiar booming voice crashes into your hug. “Look what I found!” Karlach exclaims. “Face paint, just like the clowns! Fangs, please tell me I can put some face paint on you.”

The vampire stiffens in your arms at the sound of that, but the wheels of mischief are already spinning in your head. “Karlach,” you say. “I think that might be the best idea you’ve ever had.”

“Oh, I know,” she responds, a few kits in hand. “But don’t think you’re escaping either soldier.”

You look at Astarion, mirroring the same panic on his face. Releasing him from your arms, you access the situation. “If we split up, she can’t catch us both.”

“After you, my dear,” he responds.

You turn, only to find Shadowheart waiting, a wicked grin on her face. “Oh no, you don’t. You’ve both had your fun today. Time for us to have ours.”

It’s not long before you and your lover match, sporting the garish colors of a painted clown. Normally, you’d hate this and, on the surface, you certainly still do. But deep down, you feel a lighthearted joy– you told Astarion you’d face anything together, you suppose the circus is no different.

#astarion #astarion x tav #fanfic #astarion fic #astarion x reader #rogue + rogue #astarion fanfiction #astarion fanfic #astarion fluff #astarion masterlist #hugs for a vampire #hfav #gn reader #astarion x gn reader #astarion x gn!tav #astarion baldurs gate #bg3 astarion

[metal-caregiver]

Tips for caregivers of punk/scene littles

This is probably my longest winded post..and the most self indulgent lol.. Here's just some of my personal snip-bits on being an alternative regressor. I hope this can help someone out or at least be entertaining for those who are alt regressors too ^^

Find stim toys that are otherwise "unconventional" or aren't labeled as stim toys ! - This might be a stretch,, and can honestly work for anyone looking for something to stim with. I love my chain necklace and I wear it everywhere I go! Its got a ring and 2 chains that I like to play with,, the texture of the metal is also nice in my hands and has a good weight around my neck. Sensory pressure is my favorite stim ! Skull necklace Moon phases Pride flags O-Ring necklace (mine!) Playing with piercings can also be a stim but ! be careful that jewelry is cleaned and fresh piercings are healed ! Its ok to allow your little to wear corsets, fishnets and tight clothing! It can be a great way to provide pressure therapy, or a stim in public or on the go~ Never force your regressor to stop watching shows/movies or listening to certain music while they're regressed. Sometimes horror movies, and loud noises can be comforting! * Talk with your little while they're big about this! There may be certain horror topics to avoid when they're regressed ! ... Some resources / things that I find helpful as an alt cg!

Movies & TV Shows 🎥 Stranger Things Over The Garden Wall Gravity Falls The Owl House Amphibia The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy Invader ZIM Courage the Cowardly Dog Dead End Park Scooby Doo Ruby Gloom Danny Phantom The Adams Family The Munsters Daria Corpse Bride The Nightmare Before Christmas Coraline James and the Giant Peach ParaNorman Edward Scissorhands Dark Shadows BeetleJuice SOME OF THESE MOVIES CONTAIN 18+ SCENES ** (but are generally sfw / are all PG-13) Nicknames ✏️ Petal, Dewdrop, Baby Bat, Prince(ss/et) of darkness, Moon-child, Beastie, Cub/Little Cub, Beetle, Vamp(y), Little monster, Little terror, Rockstar, Bizkit (like..limp bizkit its a personal one ok😭?!) Games and other Media 🎮 Night in the woods FNAF Silent Hill Animal Crossing Zelda Danganronpa Pokemon Kingdom Hearts Fran Bow Little Nightmares Little Miss Fortune Stanley Parable Half Life Omori Skyrim Devil May Cry Roblox Minecraft Shoots and Ladders - Korn Clown - Korn Bring Me To Life - Evanescence Juggalo Juice - ICP Hokus Pokus - ICP Rainbows & Stuff - ICP Youre So Creepy - Ghost Town Sugar we're going down - Fall out Boy I Write Sins Not Tragedies - PAN!C Teenagers - MCR Welcome to the Black Parade - MCR SOME OF THESE MEDIAS CONTAIN 18+ CONTENT & LANGUAGE ** (or are generally unsuitable for regressors but...we're embracing unconventional regressors with this list) Misc items Rainbow Drip bat plushie (etsy) Rearz "Rebel" collection (also in pink) - dips / nappys ( pocket nappy ) ( training pants ) - changing pad - onesie Bat sippy cup ( - Bitten CURRENTLY SOLD OUT) Skeleanimals bat hoodie ( - hot topic CURRENTLY SOLD OUT) Mushroom sippy cup (etsy) "Spoiled Bat" Tumblr cup (etsy) "Ghost W/The Most" Sippy (etsy) Personally I have used Rearz and aside from medial brands you find at the stores,, these have been my favorite ! They fit comfortably and Im not consciously aware of wearing them (after a bit) despite being also K!nk affiliated (like Little4Big ^^") They're one of my favorite adult nappy brands..and highly recommend them if you're looking for more "edgy" designs ! They also have "Rebel" in pink ~ Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with any shops,,these have been recommended by friends, or through personal purchases

#WOOH this is long winded #enjoy my baby bats! #age regression #sfw age regressor #sfw caregiver #sfw cg #alt regressor #punk regressor #goth regressor

[saitama-vs]

Hello. THis is the big list of all the results, sorted alphabetically. Warning: LONG LIST UNDER CUT.

Aang from Avatar: the Last Airbender 41.0%

Ahti the Janitor from Control 52.8%

Akinator from Akinator 47.8%

Amelia Bedelia 80.8%

Amy Wong from Futurama 31.4%

Arale Norimaki from Dr. Slump (and one episode of Dragon Ball Super) 78.3%

Assassinlan Pasalan from The Battle Cats 54.0%

Astarion Acunin from Baldur's Gate 3 8.5%

Bambi from Bambi 19.1%

Barney the Dinosaur from Barney and Friends 27.8%

Batman 11.4%

Beedle from The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword 52.5%

Bennett from Genshin Impact 18.3%

Bocchi from Bocchi the Rock 55.7%

Boyfriend from Friday Night Funkin' 22.2%

Brassmo the Chao from Saltydkdan 83.2%

Buggy the Clown from One Piece 37.9%

Bugs Bunny 86.2%

Bunga from The Lion Guard 25.0%

Burgerpants from Undertale 34.7%

Captain Biceps from Captain Biceps 22.9%

Cats from Real Life 76.4%

Cecil Palmer from Welcome to Night Vale 72.1%

Charlie Kelly from Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia 24.1%

Chell from Portal 54.9%

Chompy from Bug Fables 87.2%

Clover from Homestuck 57.1%

Columbo from Columbo 79.3%

Connecticut Clark 71.9%

Dan from Dan VS. 38.6%

Death from Discworld 63.7%

Discord from My Little Pony 34.2%

Ditto from Pokemon 57.0%

Divecat build Purrloin from Competitive Pokemon 62.8%

Dougie Jones from Twin Peaks: the Return 43.5%

Ebony Dementia Darkness Raven Way from My Immortal 45.8%

Eduardo from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends 40.3%

Fear from Inside Out 23.0%

FEAR rattata from Competitive Pokemon 57.5%

Figment the Dragon from EPCOT 47.0%

Flabébé from Pokémon 36.9%

Flan from Everhood 41.6%

Flora Reinhold from Professor Layton 72.2%

Fumihiko Takaba from Jujutsu Kaisen 62.9%

Gamzee Makara from Homestuck 41.5%

Genie from Aladdin (1992) 66.2%

Genie from Aladdin (2019) 14.3%

Gir from Invader Zim 61.5%

Gnome Ann from Xkcd 85.6%

Gorgeous Freeman from Gorgeous Freeman 56.8%

Gotrek Gurnisson from Warhammer Fantasy 63.1%

Hatsune Miku 73.8%

Holly Jolly from Sleepless Domain 72.6%

Homura Akemi from Madoka Magica 28.1%

Imposter from Among Us 50.5%

Ingo and Emmet from Pokemon 47.7%

Isca the Unbeaten from X-Men 3.1%

Jailbot from Superjail 46.2%

Jerry from Tom & Jerry 89.7%

Joltik from Pokémon 68.7%

Kabal from Mortal Kombat 23.2%

Kanade Yoisaki from Proseka 33.3%

Karl the Raccoon from Bungou Stray Dogs 84.9%

Kira from Death Note 16.9%

Kirby 86.8%

Kobeni from Chainsaw Man 53.4%

Kyubey from Madoka Magica 20.6%

Lamb from Cult of the Lamb 51.5%

Larry the Cucumber from Vegetales 48.2%

Leeroy Jenkins from World of Warcraft 37.2%

Link from The Legend of Zelda 22.0%

Luigi, While Doing Nothing 79.3%

Luo Binghe from Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System 43.4%

Macbeth 15.6%

Madoka Kaname from Madoka Magica 49.0%

Magda from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild 67.0%

Mandy from The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy 52.6%

Maxwell from Scribblenauts 75.4%

Melissa Foddebrat from Beware the Villainess 40.5%

Metal Cat from The Battle Cats 51.6%

Mindy from Animaniacs 58.4%

Minimoose from Invader Zim 82.3%

Mio Naganohara from Nichijou 80.3%

Mister Invincible from Mister Invincible 76.3%

Mister Miracle from DC Comics 37.0%

Mob from Mob Psycho 100 41.2%

Monkey D. Luffy in Gear Fifth 25.6%

Monokuma from Danganronpa 16.1%

Mosquito from One Punch Man 76.1%

Mr. Bean from the Mr. Bean Show 51.1%

Nahida from Genshin Impact 15.4%

Neco-Arc from Tsukihime 70.9%

One of Every Pokemon 44.5%

Orko from He Man/Masters of the Universe 53.4%

Peegue from Return to Wonderland/Wonderland Secret Worlds/the Wonderland Adventures trilogy 59.1%

Phoenix Wright from Ace Attorney 57.4%

Percy Jackson from Percy Jackson and the Olympians 10.1%

Perry the Platypus from Phineas and Ferb 66.4%

Pikmin from Pikmin 77.4%

Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony 90.4%

Plank from Ed, Edd, N' Eddy 74.7%

Plankton from Spongebob 29.1%

Pop Fizz from Skylanders 41.6%

Princess Tutu from Princess Tutu 63.4%

Prismo from Adventure Time 61.2%

Q from Star Trek 33.3%

Raku-Chan from Nyan Neko Sugar Girls 42.1%

Reigen Arataka from Mob Psycho 100 41.5%

Remy from Ratatouille 54.2%

Rick Shades from Epithet Erased: Prison of Plastic 16.6%

Rio Mason Busujima from Hypnosis Mic 29.6%

Roadrunner from Looney Tunes 93.8%

Roger Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit 66.1%

Ryan, the 'I Like Trains' kid from ASDFMovie 68.1%

Saiki Kusuo from The Disasterous Life of Saiki K 65.7%

Saint from Rain World 56.4%

@saitama-vs 30.3%

Sans from Undertale 51.3%

Santa Claus 64.2%

Saxton Hale from TF2 43.5%

SCP-682, The Hard-to-Destroy Reptile 24.2%

Shedinja from Pokemon 72.5%

Sissel from Ghost Trick 68.3%

Six Balls from Scum Villains Self Saving System 70.1%

Socioeconomic Inequality from Real Life 72.3%

Spider Ham 53.0%

Spies from Spy vs Spy 45.3%

Squirrel Girl from Marvel Comics 83.5%

Stanley from The Stanley Parable 49.0%

Starchild Dave Bowman from 2001 34.7%

Steve from Big Top Burger 81.7%

Stuart Little from Stuart Little 23.7%

Swarm of Bees from Real Life 83.5%

Tenma Tsukasa from Project SEKAI 39.9%

The Animaniacs 86.9%

The Cabbage Merchant from Avatar: The Last Airbender 33.6%

The Djinn from Twisted: the Untold Story of a Royal Vizier 86.5%

The Great Gazoo from The Flintstones 55.7%

The Goose from Untitled Goose Game 94.3%

The Gopher from Caddyshack 79.4%

The Groke from Moomins 73.5%

The Midnight Crew from Homestuck 23.9%

The Monty Python Rabbit 64.8%

The Penguins from Madagascar The results of this one are complicated

The Pink Panther from The Original Pink Panther Cartoons 87.5%

The Swan from Hot Fuzz 90.7%

The TF2 Mercs The results of this one's complicated

The Tick from The Tick (1994) 34.7%

Tom Bombadil from Lord of The Rings 80.5%

V1 from ULTRAKILL 65.9%

Vriska from Homestuck 36.2%

Xi Ping/Xi Shiyong/Tai Sui from Tai Sui 34.2%

Yonah from Nier Replicant 28.6%

You 22.6%

Youngster Joey's Top Percentage Rattata 37.9%

#not saitama poll

[corvins-colubrids]

Just put a deposit down on this gorgeous boy. I am obsessed with his gorgeous pattern. He's a Pastel Enchi Clown Ball Python. I wasn't even looking to add a new ball python to my collection yet, but I was browsing other local breeders, and saw this gorgeous guy from a local breeder, and omg, I couldn't resist. A cool-looking yellow and black snake has been on my wishlist for awhile (very generic; I love BPs, but don't breed or get into specific morphs, I just look for what I love.)

Currently I have a Banana Pied baby who I just love, and in the past I've had a few different rescues who were a mixed bag. I now prefer to get well-started babies and socialize them myself, after some nightmare rescue scenarios. I think my first snake ever was a bp, but it was so long ago, I can't really remember.

This guy will be named Herky, after the University of Iowa mascot, since their colors are also black and gold (clearly a theme for me, if you've seen my corn snake project).

Part of what I love about reptiles as pets is that they vastly prefer to stay at home in their enclosures, as opposed to dogs who need to go outside and love adventures and outside enrichment. I love my dog so much, and I've always been a "dog person" but the more my chronic illnesses and disability impact my life, the more homebound I become, and the more I want things in my home to be enriching for me. I could spend all day with my reptiles and be perfectly happy.

A big project I have for the summer (when I'm on break from my day job of teaching) is redoing my reptile room to make it more functional for me the human caretaker, more functional, and more comfortable.

This dude will be a great edition, and I'm looking forward to meeting the breeder and seeing his setup when I pick him up in the next few weeks.

#ball python #royal python #snakes #pet snake

[frostedsketches]

Toasted Marshmallow S'more

Toasted Marshmallow S'more Sandwich-Pie. “Hey dudes! Up for chillaxin and cracking some jokes? No. . . Well why not? You all know when I start joking, you almost always want S'MORE. . ."

Nicknames: Toasted Marshmallow - by everyone. Marshmallow - by everyone. S'more - by Strawberry Sundae. Toast - by some. Toasty - by friends and family. Everything else you can think of - sometimes/rarely.

Parents: Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich

Species: Earth-pony

Age: 20

Voice Claim: Conlon Bonner

Birthday: September 14th ♍

Place of Birth: Ponyville/Ponyville General

Place of Residence: Ponyville/Sugarcube Corner

Special Talent: Standup Comedy/Proformance

Personality: Toasted Marshmallow S'more, being the son of Pinkie and Cheese, is obviously an extremely optimistic, bubbly and friendly guy. Though he proves to be more chilled out than his parents and his slightly younger twin brother, he's still definitely inherited the flouncy, playful and confusing aspects of his mother's Pie Logic, and exhibits his party pony family's excitable tendencies and readiness to jump into any adventure or activity.

He likes to relax with his friends and knows how to enjoy the more easy-going things in life, but never misses the opportunity to plan a party or act as the entertainment, and of course tag along with his friends on adventures, annoying them- and particularly his brother -along the way.

S'more can be annoying. Ever the class-clown, he likes making jokes about many things and engaging in light teasing wether to ponies he already knows or any new face he meets. Most of his comedy is tame and friendly, like a simple joke or maybe a expertly placed pun VERY rarely - don't worry - but a good portion of his sense of humor is playing with emotions and seeing a good reaction from others. He will toy with someone just enough to get under their skin but never does he means any harm from it, if he goes too far he can read the room and know that it's time to stop.

He is kind and considerate when someone is in need of comfort, and he can use his comedic wit to try and make others smile as well. When he teases others it's in hopes of making at least someone witnessing it have a good time about it. Though sometimes somepony just needs quiet comfort instead, this is something he is working on getting better at providing, as it doesn't come as naturally to him as of yet.

He claims and believes himself to be quite the sly dog, though most of his attempts at flirting with mares end up with a scoff or a roll of the eyes from his target followed by them immediately just walking away from him. Every romantic relationship he's ever been in has been short lived, and non-committal, but his desire for a real relationship is always at the back of his mind for every attempt, even though he claims it's just for fun, flirting to get a reaction or to get under their fur - which is also true of it, don't get him wrong - most of the time he really is trying to charm them. Something however is holding him back from sticking to the ponies he actually ends up courting, perhaps even someone who he can't have but nevertheless can't get over. . . .

A party planner, he joins forces with the rest of his family to bring good cheer to their clients, but he specilizes in being the entertainment: Usually he and Strawberry Sundae will collaborate, mixing Toast's jokes with Sundae's pranks, and although they can't stand the others specialties in the show, they do it anyway as their annoyance towards each other comes off to the watchers as part of the act, a big reason why their so popular, the town's ponies love that the emotions seem so real!

Lastly, like his parents, he does love sweet things and his baking ability is decent. He can handle small amounts of sugar. But, if he for some reason consumes more than the smallest of portions, he is extremely prone to powerful, logic-defying sugar rushes. Sugar Rush S'more can either be great fun or dreadfully exhausting to the ponies who have to deal with it, which is usually everypony in a 50 mile radius unless you manage to contain him in an enclosed area, but good luck with that.

Relationships:

Pinkie Pie: Toasted Marshmallow is very close to both his parents, loving them equally, though Pinkie can be. . . a bit much with her affection. She is extremely proud of both her sons and is EXTREMELY loving, to the point that it's embarrassing, always smothering them with affectionate phrases and and gestures in public. Now Marshmallow doesn't hold this against her, she is a good mother and taught him everything she knew about being a Party Pony, helping and encouraging him all his life, so though it's uncomfortable in the moment, he wouldn't trade her for anything.

Cheese Sandwich: Where Pinkie smothers and cheers and is a protective presence, Cheese is usually the one to go to for advice and calmer affection. His father always seems to know what to do in a situation, has the right words to say, shows his love through understanding, praise, and the occasional mane-ruffle. Marshmallow knows that he's heard, understood, and listened to by him no matter what, where Pinkie sometimes rushes into overbearing mama bear mode as soon as she catches wind of a problem. Other than having good talks and a listening ear, Toast loves hanging out with his dad in the usual father/son way and having him in his life . . .also he loves his dad jokes and plans on using them himself one day, they're funny alright?!

Strawberry Sundae: He and Strawberry are extremely close and happy together, though they do get on each other's nerves a LOT, Toasty will annoy him with his jokes, the cocky exterior he sometimes exudes, and pretending to not take things seriously, while Sunny will drop endless pranks and tricks on his head. Toast usually shows his anger with lack of facial expression, sarcasm, and huffiness, while Sundae really gets fired up and loud, exclaming it for all to hear, but past their classic sibling rivalry they do love each other very much and often express their affection when they arn't bickering. S'more takes his role of older brother very seriously despite what others may think.

Scarlet Rosebud: Out of all of their friends, S'more is closest to Rosebud. Their friendship is filled with an assortment of sweet playful banter, a shared love of telling bad jokes, and supporting each other in their wants and worries. Toast always runs his comedy proformances by her before sharing and goes to her for any friendly gossip she picks up. Marshmallow feels pleasantly strange, fuzzy, and extremely happy around her, he always has. . .she is a very pleasant pony to be around after all and they have been friends forever - seriously, they were born on the same day in the rooms across from each other.

Diamond Crest: S'more finds Diamond to be an interesting character, great fun to tease and fascinated with a lot of the things he is. Science and geography, astrology, all of which he dabbles in and enjoys learning about. He has quickly figured out how much fun she is to joke with, she has some of the best reactions out of anyone so he greatly enjoys getting under her fur the most, and though Diamond seems to not appreciate his sense of humor, he knows that she knows it's just his way of showing affection.

Pastel Prismarine: Prismarine is another one of S'more's usual targets. She doesn't get flustered but he takes joy in riling her up, testing her limits just enough as far as he dares, of course he knows not to push TOO far, knowing all to well of her aggressive and unpredictable nature in the past despite attempts to chill herself out recently. Sometimes he has pushed a little too far and she has managed to punch him in the face a few times, which is not pleasant for him at all, but after the first couple times he has learned her limits as said before. They do squabble a lot but also have their moments of understanding, so S'more can't help but see her as his friend, no matter what she might deny.

Honeycrisp: Marshmallow's friendship with Honeycrisp is questionable, they are really more like frienemies, as Marshmallow would put it, or friends of Rosebud's who tolerate each other as Honeycrisp's would put it, which may be more accurate on his end. S'more sees how unbreakable the farmer stallion is and it enlightens him to know that something he does is affective at getting him to react impulsively, do more than stand in stoic control of emotion. He knows Honeycrisp finds him annoying and he does notice how jealous he gets when Marshmallow hangs out one on one with Rosebud, which he is greatly amused by, it's not like he has any intention of trying to steal her away after all, quite the opposite, she obviously likes Honeycrisp and he cares about her too much to get in the way of that. But you might say that Honeycrisp and S'more are warming up to each other -slowly, but they'll get there in time.

Prince Meteorite Star: He has heard of Meteor Star, and has seen him from a far at least once, as he's his honerary cousin, but he hasn't met him in person yet.

Extra:

He can sing and knows how to play the guitar, learning from his Aunt Applejack at a young age.

After getting his cutie-mark in comedic proformances he pushed these talents back to focus on his life's purpose. He's not against playing or singing, he enjoys it and does on his own, it's just not something he really has a use for anymore other than a hobby.

As Pinkie Pie can run as fast as Rainbow Dash can fly, the same goes for Toasted Marshmallow, only he can run as fast as Prism can fly, so he is extremely hard to play tag or race with and you can't really hurt him unless you catch him off guard.

He has a pet pomeranian named Creampuff, she is his fur-baby and comfort animal, having gotten her as a recovery pet to help during a hard time in his early teens.

He dabbles in science and anything pertaining to how the world works like chemistry and astrology/astronomy. Books about these minor interests are the only ones that can keep his attention, because. . .

Toasted Marshmallow has dyslexia :) He can write fine, only occasionally misspelling words and not noticing until it's pointed out to him, and can read fairly well, only having mild wobbling and merging of words on a page when he's in a good mood, which is almost always. He prefers not to read out loud though since that's where he has the most difficulty.

He needs reading glasses for reading and precision as on top of his dyslexic brain processing of words, his vision proves to be a little fuzzy on small or intricate things, something he'd have to deal with even if the words didn't also move and merge. He has colored films that he can put on his glasses to help his dyslexia if need be.

His large array of nicknames has proved to be very confusing to any pony who doesn't know the system.

#mlp fim #mlp g4 #mlp next gen #toasted marshmallow s'more #hopes'ndreamsverse #reference sheet #ref sheet #art #pinkie pie X cheese sandwich #cheesepie #cheesepie kid #oc #frostedsketches

[intj-writer]

How would you represent the 16 personality types as animals?

ENTJ - Lions & Tigers, proud but predatory and in charge, amazing sense of presence, easy to be in awe of even as they destroy and scare everyone in their path, often becomes a big target for others because everyone wants to say that they were able to “bring the fat cat down”

ENTP - Seals & Sealions, the clowns of the sea who are awkward, get into all sorts of trouble on land and the sea, but lovable, always barking never shutting up, until they do and then they are very sad (or are trying to find a way to break the silence and any other rule you imposed on them)

ENFJ - Horses, proud and strong and carries others, sometimes are independent stallions that cannot be tamed, sometimes can be your literal nightMARE, but also liable to be showhorses prancing around and DEMANDING attention from the audience

ENFP - Dogs, usually intelligent and generally loves people and are very protective of the “underdog” but ultimately enjoys having fun and doingt hings to get praise/pets and being affectionate towards those they love, comes in all sorts of sizes and colours like the rainbow beings they are

ESTJ - Rhinos & Bulls, generally BIG stubborn herbivores that could run you over if you get in their way of doing things, can be very loud, very gruff, and very in your territory trying to make it THEIR territory

ESTP - Racoons & Weasels, sneaky and adventurous, gets into all sorts of trouble but surprisingly tenacious and clever, you find them getting into garbage and things you thought you locked them out of, but there they are again, making a mess!

ESFJ - Bears, protective of those in their charge (mama bear!), generally very sweet and generous and maybe a bit “dumb”, but watch out when they are passionate about something! THEY GET VERY LOUD AND SCARY AND IN YOUR FACE!

ESFP - Birds, flighty and freewheeling, but often graceful and pretty, sometimes a bird of prey who can target and hunt targets with exacting vengeance, or can be sweet songbord hyping up the coming seasons.. or annoying woodpecker who won’t just shut the hale up

INTJ - Cats (housecats), often aloof and independent, but can be very curious and affectionate when you have gained their trust, liable to bite or swipe at someone with their claws if they try to get too familiar, often seen as very exact but sometimes you catch them in meme-like stumbles

INTP - Sea Anemonae, Cucumbers & Squirts, very cool but very weird and unclear if they belong with all the other animals, an ecosystem of their own inside their heads, fascinating creatures where you’re not sure how they stay alive

INFJ - Rodents, often small and hidden but are capable of digging through mud and human trash to make complex networks or extract the essences of humanity, intuitive sense of danger and doom (rats escaping a sinking ship), usually very cute but a lot of people are scared of them because they can be vicious (or suspected of carrying mystery pathogens)!

INFP - Deer & Other Pecora (like gazelles), seen as peaceful and gentle but are easily alarmed and may kill you by throwing their bodies into your moving vehicles out of nowhere (half the time because they think they are saving your life, the other half because they won’t listen or GO THE OTHER WAY when you’re honking at them), very funny but will tend to ghost you and run away due to anxious nature

ISTJ - Ants & Insects, hard working and industrious, creating complex systems that helps sustain their society even though maybe very boring seeming on an individual level, much stronger than they appear, quietly holding many burdens on top of their shoulders for the sake of a job well done

ISTP - Wolves & other solitary predators, often alone and solitary in spirit but can gather in packs and work in hierarchical systems, quiet and wary until they start howling or are on the sudden attack, very cool but can be very territorial or hang around the wrong packs out of group loyalty

ISFJ - Spiders, dutiful weavers who seem to be in the know of everything that’s going on, so quietly prepares self and ties up loose strings for everyone else, though often small, can be terrifying once you understand how big a web they can weave to tangle you into

ISFP - Snakes, sometimes cute, docile and harmless, other times clingy, suffocating and poisonous, mysterious and often mesmerizing in their artful grace, but once you see them really mobilize or seek to engulf something, it’s hard to not feel disgusted.

- Prax Nguyen (Quora)

#mbti types #mbti #intj writer #not mine #intj perspective

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

A source of great joy to me this weekend has been watching Boris Johnson's fucking transparent-as-oxygen game of Schrödinger's contestant because my god, this man's ego

Like he cancelled his holiday, came home early on Saturday, and he was ready, Tumblrs, he was ready, little blue boxing gloves on, sweatband in place around his little ham ears, Carrie Antoinette mopping his brow... He was here and prepared to FIGHT Rishi Sunak. He was going to WIN. This was his chance to unite the Tories, to be vindicated and exonerated, to get back to his ugly flat in number 10 that he had decorated like a colonial officer's room in the British Raj, and everyone was going to pat his wig and honk his dick and it was all going to be great. All he needed was a hundred supporters! He could beat his mean former Grand Vizier! It was going to be beautiful.

...Except people did hate him when he left, didn't they? They said very mean things about his face and also his brain. When he was packing up he even found custard in his clown shoes, Tumblrs, and he's pretty sure it was Michael Gove that put it there because he smirked at the squelching. So wouldn't it be awful - wouldn't it be HORRIFYING - if he tried to compete...and LOST.

:O :O :O

Solution - campaign without ever actually telling anyone you're campaigning. If you win, huzzah! You're so popular! If you lose, it's fine, you were never actually competing. Schrödinger's contestant. A perfect plan. The only thing that would undermine it is if you then very obviously and visibly start canvassing and competing.

Lol.

The highlights included:

Getting back into the country yesterday and immediately claiming that he already had over 100 votes, because hey, lying always worked before

He did not

He had 54

Calling Penny Mordaunt today and begging her to drop out so he can have her votes

Penny Mordaunt telling him to fuck his own clown nose

Penny Mordaunt telling him her supporters will switch to Sunak anyway if she drops out

Penny Mordaunt telling him some of his own supporters have already switched to her

Claiming tonight (Sunday) as the Monday deadline approaches that he has 102

102 is the exact number you'd claim because 100 or 101 would sound too unbelievable

Realising he is definitely not going to win because he does not, in fact, have 102, or even 100

Announcing 15 minutes ago that he isn't competing anyway so really when you think about it he hasn't lost

He should have stayed on holiday

Anyway people keep asking me but I'm telling you, it'll be Sunak

#politik #the adventures of big dog the clown #the second clownfall of 2022

[bemusedlybespectacled]

would anyone be interested in me recapping the connecticut alex jones trial, "the adventures of big dog the clown" style? I don't think it's going to be as much of a clown show as the first texas trial was, but there's still a lot of Shit Going Down that I could give my armchair opinions about.

#personal #lawblr #bb is a lawyer

[brasskingfisher]

More good news!

Aka more adventures of Big Dog Johnson the clown 6th May edition

I'm sure @becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys will cover this in due course as well, but after SOOO MANY long and bitter years, it seems like someone has FINALLY turned on the light at the end of the tunnel.

Yesterday was the day that local elections happen here in the UK and whilst only half of the results have been declared so far its still been a complete shitshow for the tories so far. They've lost over 130 councillors and control of 6 local councils (including Wandsworth, Barnet and Westminster, which they've held for decades to Labour) and it looks like they're getting ready to go after big dog himself.

Now this by any stretch of the imagination can't be considered a cut and dried success for Labour (who have taken a good 2/3rds of the seats the tories have lost so far) but its another MASSIVE nail in the coffin for BoJo as it shows which way the wind is blowing (social media has been full of people showing election leaflets where tory candidates have been trying to distance themselves from Johnson and his cronies) and it's going to give plenty of MPs the impetus to try and force him out in an effort to cut their losses

#politics uk #uk politics #politics #life in the UK #uk #the adventures of big dog the clown #bojo the clown #local elections #lmao

[stele3]

Personally I’m excited to see what this place becomes with a few more Redditors around. They’re capable of giving good advice on the level of @ms-demeanor (PSA to new Reddit-turned-Tumblr peeps, follow that person for advice about computers).

In fact, y’all, let’s start a post with all the useful Tumblrs on it. Not that there’s anything wrong with strictly-fandom Tumblrs -- mine is pretty much one of those -- but if we’re going to pspspsps some Redditors into eating out of our hands, I feel like it might be good to give them a few Useful People to follow, so we can encourage more Useful People to join Tumblr.

@becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys has fantastic roundups of UK politics, particularly under their tag #the adventures of big dog the clown.

@cryptotheism​ has interesting takes on occult knowledge, cults, and the like.

And, of course: @neil-gaiman, who isn’t actually Neil Gaiman himself, in person, on Tumblr as his only consistent social media. No, of course not, it’s Becky. Becky isn’t particularly useful but it’s fun to pretend that she’s Neil Gaiman.

#tumblr #tumblr (hellsite) #hellsite (affectionate)

[triangularitydubs]

Digital Hearts

Episode 2: Hollow Chesstion 

(Open right where the previous Episode left off)

POMNI:

What the f[×%÷]

JAX:

That thing looks INSANE…(he paused) Let's go kick its butt!

Ragatha:

Jax, are you insane we can't just go and attack things. We don't even know how to use our magic and weapons yet.

JAX: 

Surprisingly enough Rags, I don't think I need help using a sword and shield. 

POMNI:

That..may be the case. But um.. you can't defeat that thing on its own…so.. maybe that Bubble thing can help?

RAGATHA: 

It's worth a shot.

(Despite her best attempts, Pomni struggled to get Bubble summoned.)

(After a few moments she..got it. Bubble popped into existence)

BUBBLE:

HELLO! Who are you people?

POMNI:

Um… well I'm Pomni and these are my friends Ragatha and Jax…

BUBBLE: 

Wow! Well I'm Bubble! What am I doing outside?

RAGATHA:

Well, Caine said you can help us on an adventure.

BUBBLE:

I can help with that! Just reach inside my mouth!

(Pomni and Ragatha look at each other in confusion while Bubble is floating with her mouth wide open)

JAX:

Relax girls, it can't be that bad. (Jax stuck his hand into bubbles mouth.)

(After a bit Jax pulled out a potion)

JAX: 

Alright this doesn't help us right now but that's handy.

RAGATHA:

Bubble, it's awful nice of you to help us, but…isn't there some other way we can…get items and request from you?

BUBBLE:

OH YEAH!! You can tell me what you want and um, I'll listen!

POMNI:

Alright, let's start with that thing.(She points to the massive glitch mess down the way.)

BUBBLE: 

That thing is scary! It's a creation of The Dark One! It's called an Abstraction. You guys have to defeat it! 

POMNI:

Well we're dead.

BUBBLE:

Nonsense. With your combined power you'll definitely defeat it!

POMNI: 

Can… you help us defeat it?

BUBBLE: 

I suppose I can, but just this once cuz it's your first time! Otherwise, I'll only be available out of battle or IN battle for items!

JAX:

Fair enough. Let's go!

(Throughout the town Bubble gives them a tutorial on fighting gloinks and small abstracted creatures such as a small sock puppet, a dog, a jester/clown and a giant bulky one with a big eye. During that time, The Squad leveled up a bit and Bubble explained that to them.)

(They finally came to a boss that was a giant worm[Gloink Queen] and Bubble helped them there too)

BUBBLE:

Oooh, Bosses are tougher luckily this is a mini boss. I bet if you defeat The Gloink Queen, you'll get a bunch of EXP!!

JAX:

Heck yeah! Let's kick this Worms a[$%]

BUBBLE:

Yes, but please do not curse you're not on that level yet.

JAX:

Huh?

(They had all approached the Gloink Queen and she started some speech)

GLOINK QUEEN:

IMBECILES, YOU DARE STAND BEFORE THE ALMIGHTY GLOINK QUEEN?! 

JAX:

I mean yeah, you're kinda in the way. 

RAGATHA:

Don't be mean, Jax. Miss, if you'd kindly not give us any trouble, we'll be on our way.

GLOINK QUEEN:

NONSENSE, you measly peasants! Defeat me then you shall pass!

(ENTER BATTLE)

GLOINK QUEEN:

Bow before me!

POMNI'S TURN

POMNI:

Uhh Bubble? Is this any different than a normal fight?

BUBBLE:

Nope! Just more health and deals more damage! Don't die, call me when you need it okay?

POMNI: 

Gee thanks. (Pomni ran up and hit Gloink Queen with The Keyblade) 

-20 HP- GLOINK QUEEN

(After an immense battle and Pomni near death, they defeated the Gloink Queen)

Bubble:

Wow! That's a lotta XP! You can also upgrade yourself or another party member!

JAX: 

Ooh ohh! Pom, pick me.

RAGATHA:

Oh hush Jax. Pomni, you should see if you can upgrade your health or damage. 

POMNI:

Y-yeah.. I'll do that.

BUBBLE:

Works out you have two skill points!(Bubble pops a few bubbles that she summoned around her.)

And done! Pomni now has 500 HP AND 210 DAMAGE POINTS!

JAX:

Good on ya I guess…(Jax glanced over to where The Gloink Queen was. There was a chest with a keyhole) Hey look! Treasure!(He rushed over to it trying to open it)

RAGATHA: 

It's got a lock, genius. Why don't you let Pomni try?

(After Jax moved Pomni unlocked it with the Keyblade)

JAX: 

What's inside??

(POMNI LOOKED DISGUSTED AS SHE PULLED OUT SOME SLIMY GUTS)

BUBBLE:

OOH gross!! You got Gloink Guts! You can sell that to my shop or any marketplace in any world!

(There was also some gold in the chest and a charm for the keyblade of a Gloink)

(The Squad begins to fight their way to The Town Square finding hidden treasures, till they finally make it, Pomni unlocked a big padlock blocking the Town Square.)

(Before them stood a massive towering abstracted blob)

POMNI:

Isn't…Isn't this like THE FIRST BOSS?! 

BUBBLE: 

Don't worry you guys got this!

(They didn't. In fact the squad died multiple times. They went back to grind levels and exp to gain more HP, MP And DP)

(When they finally did they got even more XP and a surprise visit from Caine.)

KING CAINE:

Great job! You've actually saved Hollow Chesstion-

JAX:

Wait, if it's called Hollow Chesstion, shouldn't you be like.. a chess piece or-

KING CAINE:

That's not relevant to the plot yet! Anywho, The Dark One isn't here so that can only mean one thing. 

RAGATHA:

What?

KING CAINE:

The Dark One must've planted that abstracted mess and left! I've given Bubble a plethora of worlds he may have gone to! Post haste though, the fate of the Digitalverse is in your very capable hands, Pomni, Jax and Ragatha! (He disappeared)

POMNI:

….. 

[EPISODE END]

#the amazing digital circus #tadc au #the amazing digital circus au #theamazingdigitalcircus #tadc #tadc fanart #tadc jax #tadc pomni #tadc ragatha #tadc caine #tadc gloink queen #digital Hearts tadc

[callsignbaphomet]

@apothecaryforwearysouls

You know what? Yeah, I like that idea so let's go! Since Jela's been through 3, NV and 4 I'm just gonna mention all since technically he lived through it all. Sort of.

Fallout 3:

Kay, so the exposure to many factions is super limited 'cause during this time he was just a little kid and a very sheltered one at that. Most of his time was spent with Loke who pretty much taught him what Sanaa and Ingvarr taught Loke. Also Loke was super paranoid during this time so he didn't really let him out of his sight for long periods of time. So like I said, his exposure to most factions here is limited to hearsay and rumors.

The Family - he thinks they're weird. Not much else to say.

Enclave - all he knows about the Enclave is that his mom was part of this group and she ran away from it. He miiiiiiight have family within the Enclave though he doubts any of them survived.

Brotherhood of Steel - knows what everyone else knows and even goes so far as to think of them as like super heroes like the ones in comic books. He heard of Lyons and how a vault dweller had joined them to help a group of people clean the water so everyone could have clean drinking. He was honestly in awe of them. At some point he wanted to join when he was old enough.

Brotherhood Outcasts - he wasn't aware that was a thing. We're gonna dig deeper into this later.

Paradise Falls/Slavers - they make his skin crawl. Obviously he never interacted with any of them but he heard stories of them and what they do and obviously Loke taught him to be vigilant. He absolutely hates slavers, it's right up there with people who hate ghouls.

Abolitionists - obviously has heard of them and wondered why more people didn't lend a hand. Even at 18 he hopes they made it to somewhere safe or at the very least people started to help them.

Big town - town run by and occupied by older kids? He really wanted to visit the place. To be honest, the tales he heard were far more fantastical than the reality of it.

Little Lamplight - equally as fascinated by them as he was with Big Town though he didn't know as much.

Regulators - from what he and the other kids heard from Lucas Simms (I'm aware Simms doesn't talk about them ingame, it's just a headcanon) they sounded like a pretty neat group. He didn't really wanna join but he found them interesting nonetheless.

Littlehorn & Associates - saw it as a stuck up and snobby knockoff of the Talon Company.

Reilly's Rangers - oh, he definitely heard of them and he definitely wanted to join 'em. Getting to explore the Wasteland and get up to all sorts of adventures and trouble? Yeah, sign him the fuck up!

Talon Company - they're mercs. He didn't feel any which way about 'em.

Republic of Dave - who the fuck is Dave?

Tenpenny - he heard about Tenpenny from travelers and people talking about trying to get into the tower. His opinion on the old bastard? He thinks he's a fucking fitte.

Underworld - he actually wanted to visit IF the residents were okay with it. He likes ghouls, he and his friends would visit Gob frequently and would keep him company.

Three Dog - not a faction but still has an opinion on him. He thinks the dude's a clown. Like, yeah, he's sitting pretty in his station, guarded by BoS, talking about the "good fight" (he didn't know what that meant as a kid, hell, Loke doesn't really get it either) but not actually helping or doing anything really. He doesn't like him at all.

Children of Atom - they creep him out. He tends to stay clear of them. He wasn't raised under any type of religious beliefs.

New Vegas:

Around this time he's a teenager and to be honest he loved NV better than Capital Wasteland.

NCR - see, he's conflicted. On the one hand his bio dad was NCR at some point and what little Ingvarr told Loke about it he then told Jelani and he thought it was neat but felt there was just too much politics stringing the group. His opinion changed when the incident with Iain happened and he realized why his bio dad left the group in the first place. NCR ranger outfits were awesome and he wanted to get his hands on one and he did.

Caesar's Legion - a bunch of filthy fucking slavers and every single one he saw he made sure to put a .50 in their skulls. As far as he's concerned they should all be wiped off the face of the planet.

Robert House - he's only heard rumors of House. Which ones were true and which weren't was hard to say. He kinda likes that there's this mythological person running The Strip from behind the scenes.

Yes Man - ((he isn't the courier so there wouldn't be any logical way or reason for him to know who Yes Man is so we're skipping this one.))

Boomers - like others he thought they were hiding something. Why would you go to so much trouble and be so adamant on blowing up everyone that approached the base if you didn't have anything to hide? Part of him was curious to see if he could make it past the bombs. Some of his friends would often hype themselves up and dare each other to see if anyone could make it across without blowing themselves up. Loke forbade him from partaking in such a ridiculously and dangerois dare.

Brotherhood of Steel - still felt the same about them as he did back in DC. He never interacted with anyone from the BoS but he heard that a small number of them were hiding out in New Vegas somewhere.

Followers of the Apocalypse - if it weren't for the FotA he would've died from that flu and sinus infection he got. But if he hadn't gotten sick Loke would've never gone to them for help and he never would've met Uthorim. For those two reasons he adores the Followers. Also he thought that they were some of the few people that actually did something to make life in the Wasteland better for everyone else. He often felt that many people and factions just talk about making changes but none do and seldom do they do anything to help others.

Great Khans - he's really fond of the Khans mostly because his first boyfriend was actually a Khan himself. He and AJ (Alejandro Javier) instantly got along and formed a tight friendship which escalated to a relationship rather quickly. AJ, some other Khans around their age and some other teenagers from Freeside formed a bit of a group which was mostly led by Jela and AJ. With Jela's training a few of the adult Khans got him, AJ and some of the more bolder Freeside teens of the group to accompany them as hired guns to make deliveries. However, when Papa Khan entertained the idea of siding with Caesar Jelani remained distant. Thankfully some curier that had gotten shot talked Papa Khan out of siding with the slavers and took great joy in learning that the slavers visiting them were killed. Jela then started to hang around them again. When the slavers were hanging around AJ was gonna leave along with some of their other friends. Thankfully it didn't come to that.

Chairmen - no real opinion, he just thinks they talk weird.

White Glove Society - they creep him the fuck out. When news broke out that they were cannibals he was even more creeped out.

Omerta - he doesn't care about 'em at all. The male strippers at Gomorrah though? Yeah, those he and his friends enjoyed. Usually they wouldn't be allowed in but a few bribes every so often meant they paid Gomorrah a visit from time to time.

Jacobstown - he's never actually been there but he heard of it and thinks it's great that non-hostile super mutants can have a safe place to call home.

Powder Gangers - raiders but with explosives and disorganized as hell. Has a bet going with his friends on how long it'll take 'em to blow themselves up.

Freeside - he and his dad live there and they actually get along with everyone in there. Sorta feels like both fit right in and some of the teenagers from there made up part of his group of friends. Much more fun then where they lived in DC for sure.

Kings - eh...he doesn't care but finds the way they talk annoying.

Gun Runners - (not a faction but I'm gonna count it as one) every time he and Loke go there to buy ammo, parts or weapons he acts like a kid in a candy/toy store. He fucking loves the Gun Runners.

The Think Tank - he's heard rumors from all sorts of people. Has no idea who to believe or who is telling the truth. Always wanted to check it out for himself but Loke thought it was too dangerous.

Fallout 4:

Here a lot of his views and opinions on factions are harsher due to his situation. He's bitter, depressed, suicidal and very fucking angry so depending on things is how he'll view each faction.

The Institute - he's 81% sure people in Boston made that shit up. If it turns out it's real he'd hate the fuck out of them. All that technology to make life better in the Wasteland and they do nothing with it.

The Railroad - oh boy, where to begin...on the one hand he feels like they're doing something great by helping synths escape and find a new life. Feels some type of way about the way the group conducts and organizes themselves. He's sure it's only a matter of time before the entire thing collapses.

Minutemen - it's great that people are finally standing up for themselves and not letting raiders run them over. But goddamn do they need a fuck ton of help in every front. He doesn't care enough to do it though. Thinks Garvey's hot but a bit of a naive fool.

Brotherhood of Steel - after he found out that Lyon's group is an odd offshoot of what the BoS really is he was pissed the fuck off. How dare they go around the Commonwealth and everywhere else taking technology from other people and refusing to help anyone? To him they're nothing more than glorified raiders with better gear. Everywhere they go they leave things worse than they were before they got there. When the Prydwen docked and they spread he found out they were going to different farms basically demanding they hand over a portion of their crops to the BoS for nothing in return. One of these farms was the Abernathy farm and due to some history ge felt some type of way and armed the family so they could defend themselves and their lively hood. After the Institute was blown up and the Railroad and Minutemen joined forces to defeat the BoS he made it a hobby to pick off survivors for sport.

Gunners - lemme be an edgelord here for a second and just say that he enjoys the fuck out of fighting them. Jelani is far better trained and loves when a job tasks him with fighting Gunners juet to keep him sharp 'cause let's be honest super mutants barely make him sweat and raiders are a joke. Excellent source of sniping and counter-sniping practice.

Atom Cats - hates the way they talk but has a deep respect for what they do. He thinks more people should look into power armor.

Triggermen - the only reason why he tolerates them is because he gets a large amount of his med-x from them. He gets a discount from one of them due to helping them with a problem.

Children of Atom - when I say he hates these freaks I mean it with my entire chest. Whenever he sees one he sees red and most often than not it's kill on sight. At the very least the ones in DC weren't hostile, these fuckers are shoot first and then shoot again. Not to mention their entire deal is recruiting people to their cult and at times by force. Jelani was actually hired by a woman to find her younger sister who he found dead wearing CoA clothes. Apparently she and her sister fought and she ran off to join the CoA, however, too much exposure to radiation killed her. When he broke the news to the woman she blamed herself for her sister's death which hit very close to home because it felt similar to his situation. He told her to keep her caps and went on a three day bender mixing every kind of alcohol (except for whiskey) and various drugs which resulted in him stabbing himself on his right thigh after cutting up his arms all in an effort to feel something again.

Then there's the whole religious aspect of their cult. Jela's a very stern athiest and is repulsed by the idea of religion or spirituality especially so when he got to Boston.

Hubologists - so long as they don't come near him he's neutral to them. If they come near him trying to talk to him about their belif system he shuts that shit down and he's gonna be an asshole about it.

Rust Devils - he gives 'em points for being creative and different but they're still a bunch of punk ass raiders.

Goodneighbor - he always was a fan of that carefree air the place always had. They're okay in his book.

The Pack - as an animal lover he enjoys the fact that these guys always seem to have animals around. Dagny and Ayo got their attention a lot and he liked that they were always giving them toys and treats and playing with them. He's especially fond of this gang mostly because Angelus belongs(ed) to this gang and when he got ambushed by a group of raiders and they put Dagny in a bag and tossed her into the water Angelus rescued her and helped him. When Nuka World was under attack and he and Radek's gang trained the gangs The Pack showed a lot of potential in shock and awe tactics. They're always fun to hang around with.

The Operators - never in his life could he imagine that a gang of raiders could be organized, goal oriented and so well put together. When he first met up with Mags and her brother they talked for a very long time. They honestly impressed him and he outright told them so. When they were training The Operators they showed excellency in stealth and coordination that paired nicely with The Pack's strengths.

The Disciples - from day one Jelani and Nisha did NOT get along. When Jelani came to Nuka World with Angelus the literal shit had hit the fan. Gage's plan had backfired when the person they'd relied on after they killed Colter turned on Nuka World and killed a lot of them and had escaped with the slaves. Gage had run away and a civil war had broken out now that they were leaderless and unorganized with hundreds dead. Nisha's group wanted blood and she wanted to lead but the thing is Jelani didn't think she'd be a good fit for anything much less lead. He saw the Disciples are unpredictable and hard to steer so he didn't give a fuck when Nisha pulled that stunt with the power plant. I'd be lying if I didn't say that Jela having one of her assassins working undercover for him and then watching her face contort in anger and shock right before her supposed fellow Disciple blew her brains didn't bring him a sick sense of amusement.

The Syndicate (made up gang, descendants of members of MI6 and SAS, think Enclave but British) - a gang made up of very well trained, very disciplined, like minded individuals armed to the teeth? Sign him the fuck up. He'd be lying if he didn't enjoy the perks of being able to take several of their weapons and used their equipment. Teaming up with them to train the Nuka World raiders was a fun experience and he'll gladly pit any Gunner against his raiders and win any day. Effectively he made them even more dangerous. He does feel weird interacting with Radek (one of the founders of The Syndicate) due to their first meeting being what it was. Radek's okay with it and had even shown concern for Jelani's wellbeing but Jela feels a bit shitty about it. This is his favorite gang tbh.

Nuka World (overall) - as it stands now that he cleaned up the place, trained a bunch of raiders and took over the park he's okay with them. He's aware that they think of him as the overboss given the fact that he stepped up and did what no one else could or wanted to do but he doesn't want that. First of all he's not a raider and it makes zero sense for some 18-year-old kid to be leading a bunch of gangs. On top of that he thinks one lone leader is a very bad idea. What no one, except for Angelus, knows is that he did things in a way to manipulate the situation.

At that point in time he doesn't give a shit about anyone. The entire world could burn up in nuclear fire again and he'd be okay with it. But he's still not a fucking piece of shit. He knows that before shit got messed up they had plans to basically take over the Commonwealth. That meant many people dying and it could've involved people like Ginger and Abigail or the Abernathys so he wanted to prevent that. He managed to convince them that other counties vloser to Nuka World were better for the taking. As he trained them in better tactics and handling weapons he also trained them to be self-sufficient to avoid relying on captured slaves. He twisted it so they'd think he was doing it under the guise of "they rebelled once, they can do it again" because telling them keeping slaves is a shit ass thing to do wouldn't fly over them so he manipulated the situation.

He also has a contingency plan in place in case he ever leaves Boston and the gangs get antsy and decide to go for the Commonwealth. As long as he's in Boston he can control their interests but if he ever leaves there's no one to stop them from doing whatever they want. Jelani had a private meeting with Preston Garvey, the Minutemen general and Ronnie Shaw where he admited that he was "running" Nuka World though he kept his reasons as to why to himself. He gave Preston documents and a holotape containing passwords, maps, routes, entrances to secret tunnels, and information of all gangs in and around Nuka World. When clearing Kiddie Kingdom Jelani reverse engineered the sprayers and hid plenty of them throughout Nuka Town and programmed them via a computer he had hidden in the Nuka Station. The sprayers were hooked up to the same chemicals Oswald used. Because he trained the raiders himself he knew their strengths and weaknesses and knew how to exploit them. He specified patrol times and numbers and the location of detonators. He hid bombs in every single park.

Garvey was obviously confused and distrustful but Jela told him that if the NW raiders ever tried shit in the Commonwealth he should talk to Ginger and Abigail and they'd vouche for him. But he warned him that if Garvey and his people were to attack Nuka World unprovoked Jelani would kill him, the general and Ronnie Shaw himself.

What about Angelus and The Syndicate? Angelus is only loyal to Jelani. He drank the kool-Aid and asked for seconds. So if Jelani ever leaves he's leaving with his boyfriend. Radek and Bourne aren't what you'd call raiders, they're just in it for the fun of it and they're nomadic. At any minute they can and will uproot and leave to another location. They have no royalties to Nuka World.

FMS Northern Star - Jelani says that if it wasn't for Dagny he never would've befreinded the raiders that live on that ship much less formed such a strong friendship with Varg Olsen. While out on a job the guy that Jelani was hunting down tried to hide in the ship but unbeknownst to him it was occupied by ghouls. They killed him but Jelani still had to bring back evidence or else he wouldn't be paid. So he snuck in and tried to grab something off the body while he ordered Dagny to flank them. Thing is Jelani trained Dagny to follow orders in Norwegian (thought behind that was that no one could understand what he was saying so it made it easier to confuse targets). When he yelled out the order the raiders stopped shooting and asked Jelani what he said. Both parties ceased fire and soon found that they understood each other and just talked it out. From there on out he befriended the ghouls and from there on out Varg became his most trusted friend in Boston. It was thanks to Varg that Jelani got some more information on his bio dad's lineage. Varg was also a key figure in finding information for Jelani as the ghoul had been the only one that would explore the Commonwealth and was even able to speak English if a bit broken.

#fo: Jelani tag #au oc things