#the Facebook one was because I used it so rarely that I didn't notice

[lady-lycany]

Since I sadly didn't just experience one account-loss in the last years, I started to write down all accounts I like and follow. First everything on youtube, now I work myself through all my insta accounts and after that I'll write down all tumblr accounts. At least I can make sure, that IF I should lose an account again (what I really dearly wish to NOT happen again) I know at least who to follow again (if the people haven't changed their username lol)

#I already lost my facebook profile #and instagram account #and the youtube account due to me forgetting the password :') #the Facebook one was because I used it so rarely that I didn't notice #that they wanted to see a pic of my identity card and since I didn't respond they blocked me #and then the loss of my first tarantula account cuz someone kicked me out for whatever reason #still the saddest loss I had. there was the whole journey of how I met my bestie and it's all gone now

[writingbyshiloh]

Part 3. Elizabeth

5+1 masterlist

CW: Drinking, established relationship, ummm fluff? Implied smut, reader wears jewelry. No beta

AN: Yes hes looking at Liz in the gif but the chapter is also about her. The chapter hinges on the reader wearing earrings, I’M SORRY. IDK what season this is among, Liz and Tom are together but so are Aram and Samar so take that as you will. I also watched so much Euphoria while editing

Everything was going well. The team knew that you were seeing someone and it's almost become a running gag about the biker story. Ressler told Liz who ended up telling Aram. You told Samar yourself, omitting a few key details, knowing she would find it funny. 

They just didn't know you were seeing one of the most wanted men in the world. You hesitated to say ‘dating’ because most romantic relationships don’t have the power to end your career and possibly get you arrested. It's not like you could update your Facebook profile with the information. 

Cooper even noticed that you were picking up less overtime and leaving closer to the typical end of the work day. You didn't fully stop your overworking habits, partly because it was something you always had done but also subconsciously to show Reddington that you're not going to throw your job away for him. That you were an agent first (even if you are not the poster child for fidelity or integrity). 

Alternatively, Reddington was also dropping hints - not names - that he was seeing someone. The first time you felt a spark of jealousy. Obviously, he was drawing on someone from his past and putting them in the current timeline, but it still stung. You still agreed with his partner in his retelling, before realizing that he was talking about you, and you were agreeing with your own opinions.

With you not wanting to slow your overtime, and him “keeping up criminal appearances” you hardly saw him outside of FBI business. Not for lack of trying. You tried to  He frequently invited you to wherever in the world he was, and you declined due to time reasons. It never stopped him from bringing you back a postcard. Always delivered in person, in case someone in the US Postal Service noticed the pattern. 

Tonight was different. The office air felt stiff and the pile of forms felt endless. It wasn’t even closely connected with the blacklist case and was boring. Plus the description of his safe house for the next few days seemed like a dream. Large windows overlooking waterways and lush green plants were how he described it to Liz, directly outside your shared office. 

----

You triple-checked you had the address right before knocking. Reddington told you to come straight from work, that you could shower at his safe house. With time being so rare between you both, you hastily agreed, taking your spare change of clothes you kept in your office. 

The door swung inward, Reddington's arm sweeping you inside. Once the door was fully shut and locked, his hand moved to the small of your back guiding you into the apartment. 

“Agent! You made it!” You could tell that he had a glass or two of wine from the strong enunciation. You made a face at the name, something he loved to call you.

“Don’t call me that, I’m off the clock.” You heave a sigh allowing him to show you to the kitchen. “I brought you a gift.” You push the bottle of wine out awkwardly for him to take it. 

You hear him quietly read the name, pronunciation much better than anything you could have attempted. 

“You didn’t need to. This is more expensive than what you drink” 

“Well, there was a betting pool at the office. And I won.” 

Reddington raises an eyebrow for you to continue. 

“The betting was about you. And if you were seeing someone. I may have used insider knowledge to win.” You try to be sly but you can't help but smile. 

Moving closer to get the bottle, he pressed a kiss to your cheek. 

“I didn’t start the pool.” you continue, not wanting him to think you scammed your coworkers. 

“Is that so?” 

“Mhmm.” 

Ever the gentleman, he pulls out a stool from the kitchen island for you, before sliding a full wine glass towards you. 

It was flattering in a way. Out of all the constant security threats, deals, and thinking, he had a drink for you, signalling that he was eagerly waiting for your appearance. 

You rest the cool glass against your cheek, while he manoeuvres in front of the island to the stove, some sauce cooking slowly simmers. You take the time to study his outfit, the cool browns of the suit jacket that's resting on the back of the bar stool, the umber colour vest and the crisp white dress shirt. The piece du resistance was the apron he tied in the back. 

----

When spending the night with Reddington, you either had him when you went to sleep or when you woke up. Given his constant travelling and busy schedule it made sense that he hardly had a normal sleep schedule. You got him last night, leaving you to wake up to your alarm in a new bed, confused at the unfamiliar setting. 

“You look nice.” 

The post office didn't seem to have a dress code. Red wore a three-piece suit most days, Ressler was in a dressed-down version of that. Samar was the most casual, either a tank top or tee-short tucked into jeans. You tried to hit the middle of the Samar and Donald dress spectrum. 

“Thank you. I feel like I’m missing something though.” You shift your weight side to side to see if he notices anything.

He also looks at you, trying to figure out what is off, but not being able to come up with anything.

You pass Dembe in the door. as you left Reddingtons, making a joke about how Dembe was now covering for the day shift. 

---

The feeling that you were missing something or forgot something dragged during your commute. You thought it was your phone or maybe your keys but you had both with you in the car. 

As if to prove a point, your phone’s ringtone jolted you out of your thoughts.

You hit answer, saying your last name when the connection went through before the other person had a chance to speak. 

“Hey, it's Keen. Are you at the office?” 

“I’m like, ten minutes out.” 

“Can you pick me up? My car battery died, and Tom is out with Agness.” 

You switch lanes before turning into a parking lot to put Liz's address in your GPS. 

“Yeah, sure! I’ll be there in 15 maybe?” 

“Where are you? I’m not that far from your place.”

Shit. 

“Do you not switch up your routine? In case someone is following you?” It sounded like bullshit but you could always play up the paranoid angle later. “Before I joined the task force, my old team would -” 

“I’m sorry I asked. I’ll see you in 15,” Liz said cutting you off. 

----

While waiting for Liz you realized what you were missing. Jewelry. You took it off to shower and ended up - in his words - “distracting” Reddington before you got a chance to dry off and put it back on. Rooting around in your wallet while waiting you found a spare pair of earrings that were work appropriate. 

You spy Liz talking on the phone, coming down the steps to her apartment building and you preemptively unlock the passenger door. 

“Hey, do you mind making another stop?” Liz said in lieu of a greeting.  

“Sure, where?”

“Reddington called. He said for us to meet at his safe house.” 

Of course. 

“I can direct you, Dembe told me where it was” she continued. 

----

You glance at the apartment door numbers for the second time in 24 hours. Only this time, Dembe will be the one letting you in (probably less enthusiastically than Red did, but you don't hold that against him). 

“Good morning, Lizzy” Red greets her as you all make your way to the main space, Liz leading the group, you behind her and Dembe taking up the rear. 

“Oh, you brought company! Good morning, Agent.” Clearly, Liz didn’t tell him about your morning car ride. 

“Liz is having car trouble. I picked her up,” you explain, secretly enjoying the fact that you were able to catch him off guard. 

Quickly, Reddington and Liz are diving into the newest name on the blacklist. You’re half listening, eyes scanning the room to see if your jewelry is in sight. 

You spy your earrings and ring on a bookshelf. You didn't leave them there, but knowing Red he probably moved them there to remember to give you. Debating if you could sneak them into your pocket, you catch Dembes eye. 

He gives his head a small shake, letting you know it's dumb to take them. 

By now, Liz and Reddington are starting to argue as she moves around the room. Your strategy for these arguments is to avoid them as long as you can.  If it's something that affects you doing your job you voice your opinion, but there is so much messy history between them you try to stay out of it. 

As she moves closer, you start to worry. You don’t wear your ring at work so that is safe from identification. The earrings are simple, probably she won't connect them to you. However, she is a profiler. And a good one at that. It is possible she’ll pick up on some obscure motion of gesture and put everything together. 

You watch her eyes skim the bookshelf probably looking for something to bring up in the argument. 

Shitshitshit. 

She sees it. 

“Had a guest over?” 

“I’m a gentleman, I don't kiss and tell.” Red deflects. Bullshit, you think while trying to remain calm. 

“Don’t you have a pair like these?” Liz directly asks you. You can see her eyes shift to see if you're wearing earrings. 

You lean in, pretending to examine them. 

“Yeah, me and practically every other working professional.” 

Her eyes flicked to your earrings, thankfully buying your excuse. You probably needed to hide them forever now. 

Not going to let you suffer on your own, Reddington chimed in with another “fun” fact about the blacklister, drawing everyone's attention to a book on the self, away from your earrings. 

It was close. It was too close for comfort. You were sloppy. But you also couldn't dwell. Liz would pick up on the change in behaviour. All you could do was focus on your job and hope Liz brushes it off. 

---

Red taglist (dm to be added/removed): @soraya-daydreams, @horrorqueen22, @wild-rose-35, @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek, @zombieskullxz, @rhepworth, @fanficismydrug, @btsjiminsthings, @emilynissangtr, @navs-bhat,

#if I miss anyone on the tag list I'm sorry I tired #raymond reddington fan fic #raymond reddington x you #raymond reddington x reader #the blacklist x reader #5 + 1 fic

[feastfic]

mephone....i am starved i am desperate i am on my hands and knees begging my title is that for a reason

👋👋👋 have I got hella news for you brother I rise from my chamber-den full of half-finished ideas and a half-finished fic to bless you once more. I return once again.

(This will just be a general list since there's a few more that get a little more specific !!!)

• This one's probably a given, since we rarely see him with any other Meeple, but MePhone is generally pretty distant from relatives. It's a mix of being too uncomfortable to be around them, and simultaneous guilt for not taking anyone with him when he escaped Cobs. (MePad knows bits and pieces about it, but has promised him not to tell anyone.)

• Since the contestants gathered his split memories he's been noticeably more at peace with himself in the long run, even if at first it had him really messed up. Suppressing everything for so long, to have it blow back in your face definitely wasn't a thing he was expecting from a "challenge".

• He has yet to really figure out why he doesn't like Toilet. There's a reason there beside the assumption that Toilet is under management from Adam, but if you were to ask him about it he couldn't provide a solid, sensible answer. He honestly just has a lot of animosity for the guy.

• In my head there's an Object Facebook and he's an avid user of it. He has like no followers but if you go into his post history you can see the change in character he goes through. Old text posts complaining about contestants behind their backs to his more recent ones being the photos taken during the challenge in III. (Side note: the selfie he took is the photo that means the most to him that he's ever shared.)

• He's a lot older than he looks. Which is definitely saying something given he's a phone, but in certain angles under light you can see hairline cracks on his screen and his backing has become worn over time from natural wear and tear. If he were human he'd be in his early 40's.

• One time he was asked if he had a favorite/least favorite contestant and the only reason he didn't list them all in order of most to least liked was because he didn't want to be sued for emotional damage (this was in S1, in S3 for example he wouldn't do it because he doesn't really have a Least Favorite of them. Yes some of them annoyed him but that's just how life is sometimes, y'know?)

• He has a Nighttime Mode but never uses it. This has lead to him losing TONS of sleep during hosting because his own blue light keeps him up all night. Coffee isn't going to save him now.

#inanimate insanity #ii mephone4 #ii #mephone4 #i feel as if there's more but those are probably going to be listed later :9 #*:)

[jess-moloney]

Does anyone remember how the Marriage Certificate girl said that the certificate she got Jamie to sign was an "obvious fake" and a "joke certificate?"

Well, that turned out to be a lie. Especially since there were conflicting comments from her (and other people) saying she actually went and got one from the courthouse. Of course, in the videos that were presented she never actually showed the certificate.

Well, I found a copy of it because she posted it on her Facebook page under a comment of someone saying they thought that Jamie was her husband and she says "he is my husband" and she posted a photo of the certificate.

All I can say is that compared to the real official marriage certificate from her state it 100% is a real marriage certificate. No doubt about that. How she got it, I'm not sure. According to the website and how to get one both you and your partner have to be there to sign it (with ID) in person that's the only way to get one. It's possible she pulled the image from a Google search but when you try to blow up any image I can find it seriously blurs the certificate so you can't read anything.

He did (in this photo) sign on the wrong line. He signed on the "Witness line" not the groom line which was above where he signed. Now if this ever was supposed to be a joke (as sick and weird of a joke as it was meant to be) why would she be so adamant about him signing in the right spot?

Looking at her signed certificate, the real one, how clear both of them are....I'm 100% sure this was some sort of trap to try to get him to sign the real one in the real spot and then later fill it out to file it. I've mentioned that this has been done before successfully (but rarely and when it has happened it's pretty much immediately been annulled by a judge).

However, seeing this for myself it absolutely insane. Good on Jamie for not signing a new one in the "right spot". She's already used it in a post to "prove" they were married and you may just believe it if you didn't notice where he actually signed. Even more creepy she has a boyfriend who went with her to do this? Filmed her doing this? I mean at some point in one of her videos tells Jamie she's with her husband (the first time she's getting the certificate signed) then when she tries to get the new one she says that he's her ex-husband. Except it seems she's been with this same one guy this entire time and he's always just been her boyfriend.

All of this is really deeply concerning, and her Facebook is still fairly active so her boyfriend must know this about her to some extent and is okay with it? Did she ever even have a husband or was it this guy the whole time? It's really highly confusing and disturbing. I don't want to post all of this publicly though since I'm not sure I should but I did grab screenshots and images as proof because I'm shocked that he signed it to begin with even if it was in the wrong place. This is way more disturbing than I thought it was.

#jamie campbell bower #jamie bower #thoughts

[infisonicosm]

i have been DYING for someone to open their inbox.. i’ve been wanting to get something off of my chest w/o feeling like a burden to some of the people i personally talk to.

so, i’m from twitter (i do have a presence here), but i’ve been feeling kind of lost on there lately. ever since i switched my page to a greta account, i feel as though i don’t fit it. i’ve tried my hardest.. the people that say they are my friends rarely even talk to me, and everyone has their own groups. i don’t want to come off as if i’m complaining, but i wish i had a group that i could fit into.. hell even a best friend other than my partner. it’s painfully lonely and i’m exhausted.

I deleted my twitter last night and the only people that noticed were my partner and an irl friend. not that it matters, but it just proved to me that no one really cares? even if they say they are my friends? BUT i do miss twitter.. but i miss it because of the boys.. i miss it because of the band.. i just don’t want to reactivate and it be the same feeling.

i know this is stupid to complain about, but i needed to get it off of my chest. i wish the people in this fandom were a lot better and more accepting.

Hun, this isn't stupid at all. When it comes to the greta fandom it 100% depends which platform you use as to what your experience is gonna be like!

When I first joined the fandom I was hesitant to make a fan account anywhere! I saw how snotty people were on twitter, Instagram seemed far too cliquey, I didn't wanna interact with teenagers, facebook was a cluster fuck, and tumblr was relatively quiet.

I finally decided to make a tumblr after watching the tags and how people conversed with one another. At first it was a little difficult to make friends but after I joined a discord server I finally found my people!

Do not be discouraged, and do not go back to an environment that didn't bring you happiness. There's so many people who would love to be your friend! Myself included! I'm so sorry you've had a shitty experience thus far :(

#shelly's saturday sleepover #greta van fleet #gvf #josh kiszka #josh gvf #jake kiszka #jake gvf #sam kiszka #sam gvf #danny wagner #danny gvf

[rikeijo]

Today's translation #91

Yuri!!! on Life

Sayo Yamamoto x Mitsurou Kubo conversation

Part 13.

K: At the time when I was first discussing things with you, I had already heard that in figure skating, skaters compete with each other not only with the points they get for jumps, but I didn't really understand it that much. But then as I was watching more figure skating, I noticed that, how should I put it, that you kind of draw a line after every competition. For example, even if in the first competition you didn't do that well, it doesn't matter as long as you get a good score at the competition you want to win. So it's a different situation than in case of, let's say, Koshien [baseball tournament], where you can go home after just one lost match, and that's very interesting in it's on way. I really felt so strongly, while I was working on Yuri!!!, that anime really has this power to make you want to understand something.

Interviewer: More people started to get interested in figure skating competitions after watching the anime, so that seems to be true.

Y: I'm really so happy that more people started to want to watch real-life skating videos or competitions after watching the anime. Please, watch a lot!

K: Yes, I'm so happy that so many people want to watch these amazing performances of different skaters or that they want to try figure skating themselves!

Interviewer: A change of topic, but how did you decide the names of your characters?

Y: It may be a surprise, but in case of Russians as an example, we googled "Russian male names" (laugh).

K: We googled names and surnames, and then slapped them together. Then we searched social media, like Facebook and so on, to see if there are real people named that. If it was a name with a lot of hits, then we decided to use it, because it seemed it was a popular name. On the other hand, we also used names that were rare.

[Notes: Topic of characters' names continues in the next part too!]

#yuri on ice #yoi translations #yuri on ice translation

[dredshirtroberts]

Storytime

so last night around midnight my phone text message alert goes off.

it's important to note that I very rarely receive traditional text messages (despite my Text Alert Anxiety kicking back into high gear out of absolutely nowhere right before i told my parents to stop messaging me anymore unless it was something very important). I get a couple promotional ones from my weed store, and my phone company reminds me about my bill via SMS. That's generally it, unless my parents decide to remember me suddenly out of the blue, and again, I've told them to fuck all the way off so the only reason I should receive messages from them is if there is a major family update i need to be kept aware of.

The phone goes off four times very rapidly, which makes me concerned not just because of the phone anxiety but because that never happens. I get maybe one text from the weed store a week - up to twice a day if they have a correction on a promotion they sent out erroneously. The phone company already sent my alert that my bill for this month is ready and reminded me of my due date for paying it (all in one text! very efficient! I'll receive another one about 5 days before it's due just to make sure it gets paid on time, which i appreciate). I had no idea who would be texting me since everyone who knows my number and i speak to regularly would likely have attempted to send me a message on discord first, or otherwise wouldn't need to send a text message because they were in the house with me.

I check my phone - 4 new messages in a group chat between myself, my mother and my sister. Oh shit, it must be super serious then if she sent 4 messages very quickly at midnight when I specifically said she wasn't to contact me unless it was a major family update (implication being Emergency Situation).

I open the group chat.

Something about my parents is that ever since my sister and I moved out, they have begun caring for and speaking about their pet and inanimate objects as if they are People. Now the inanimate objects are specific with duties and also are related to their interests - my father's two new "sons" are his dog and his robot lawn mower both of whom have People Names.

So anyway their wine stopper who they have named a variant of "Bruce" for [a specific but i don't want to doxx myself] reason has been moved to sit astride the spigot on mom's boxed wine. This was so important that the "please do not contact me" message was ignored.

Admittedly it is entirely possible that my father did not communicate the stop-talking order to my mother since i sent it specifically to him but it addressed both of them. Unlikely but possible. I only say unlikely because this is the first time my mother has messaged both myself and my sister and did not sign off to us as "love you girls!" but instead changed it to a more gender neutral "Love you guys!". She's been doing the "Girls" thing since well before i came out but doubled down on it somehow afterwards.

It's also possibly relevant to know that approximately 6 hours beforehand i had finally gone onto my facebook and removed them from my friends because I realized that part of the reason I stopped posting on facebook regularly was because I didn't want them to know about major aspects of my life, and since they were major aspects of my life i couldn't share them on facebook but also that was all i had to share on facebook, so i just stopped. Probably a healthy thing but I'd very much like to feel as though I am the one in control over my social media experience and that includes giving me the option to share my life on a social media site that connects me with other members of my family who I do want to know these things about me. Because they care and support and love me, where my parents do not.

I will say it is VERY unlikely these two things are actually related as neither of my parents is on facebook often enough to notice these things immediately after they happen, but the coincidence was not lost on me. I am also aware that my sister does not, to my knowledge, know about me asking my parents to stop contacting me.

For now I will be ignoring the chat - i do not care about the wine stopper they love more than me, and i am offended that still the only reason she reaches out to me is because she vaguely remembers i exist when she's drunk enough to think moving her wine stopper to a new location is newsworthy. Should contact persist in this capacity, I will send her the exact message I sent my father - if it continues in the group chat I will likely reach out privately with this, but depending on how egregious this gets I will only hesitate a little before bringing this shit out onto main.

Because they're hiding it. They can't be seen to have failed so poorly with their first "little girl" *gagging noises* that "she" no longer wants to speak to them. They might be seen as bigots and they aren't bigots, some of the people they know are....sweet like I am. (my mother's favorite "euphamism" for effeminate men and other homosexual-adjacent folks) They just don't understand why I would want to be a guy, after all I'm so pretty etc. etc. (no compliments when I was trying very hard to be a girl, mind...).

And I am inclined to help them hide it - i don't want to air my dirty laundry in front of the whole family. I am against ruining people's reputations when it doesn't do anything but hurt them - and my parents are heinous but they are human beings and I would not want to humiliate them without due cause. it's the same way I handled the breakup with my big-e Ex. I lost a lot of friends because he had no qualms about dirtying my name, but in the end I'm better off for it because in the end if no one asks for my side of the story, they don't deserve to use it to come to their own conclusion about the situation. Folks picked sides then, folks will pick sides now. And I'm not inclined to being accused of libel or slander about my family simply because no one was there when it was happening, or that it was hidden from them in plain sight.

I'm not at that stage yet, so hopefully I will not have to go the nuclear route on blowing this shit up in order to get my parents to leave me alone.

but they shouldn't hide it - it'll hurt them in the long run. There are people they can talk to about how to deal with it better, and I want them to take advantage of that opportunity to grow and learn and work on themselves.

but they won't. They can't be seen to be less than perfect. So I will hold my cards to my chest, and should they get cocky, I won't be afraid to hit the big red button and throw the whole family into a tailspin.

#my family is so lucky i am not a hateful bastard #i am just a disgruntled shotgun-wedding-child #my parents have no idea how much i protect them from bad judgements from other people #the only folks who know just how poorly they treat me will never have to interact with them by design #and everyone else is family or people i have no connection to that are somehow obligated to talk to my parents #i let them use me as a trophy - a sign of their own success - let them pretend we have a great relationship #but i will nuke all of that if they don't get their shit together

[deathlygristly]

Back in my writing days I had this whole thing of assuming that people just read/watched/listened/looked at/whatever stuff that other people made, and then they were like hey that's cool or that's cool but not for me, and they arrived at this opinion by engaging with the creation of someone else on its own terms.

Then I started realizing that this is not how things work for most people and I got all upset and I had an existential crisis about it.

Anyway, one of the currently airing kdramas we're watching made a reference to the Holocaust and some people got really upset. Even people who haven't watched the show at all and/or are so unfamiliar with kdramas that they don't know the actress who said the line.

In the context of the show...well, I was talking about this to the spousal person last night and he said it made sense for the character to use something she didn't know much about in a shallow self-serving way. She's not the most virtuous and intelligent person ever. None of the characters in that particular show are. They're all very flawed.

It's kind of like the really annoying character in another show who had to go to a normal jail for a bit and he was yelling about how it was like the dictatorship in the 80s, or, you know, your average American uncle on Facebook talking about how being asked to think about trans people is just like the Nazis. But anyway that's not what I want to write about, and I don't have any really strong opinion about it. It certainly wasn't wise to write that bit of dialogue but unwise humans do similar things all day every day and it's just not worth a lot of rage to me, because I had to let go of rage and terror about things that humans do if I wanted to live. I guess curiosity and trying to understand things that humans do is here to stay though.

The point is that I went to read threads about it in other places, with the people who were upset without watching the show or watching any kdramas at all, and it was weird how they made sure to let everyone know that they thought all kdramas were horrible trash and only Korean movies are good.

It reminded me of the discourse I've seen on here lately about architecture and interior decoration aesthetics, and how some people are using their personal preferences as ideological proxies. Like "Oh, if you disagree with me on aesthetic preferences in structural design then clearly you are on the other side of my politics and you are Evil and Bad!"

It's what I started to notice back in the day that made me so upset - that you can try as hard as you can to make something from your heart and offer it to others for them to enjoy if they want, and it's very rare that someone will take it as a heart offering. It's far more usual for people to not even really engage with what you made at all, and to just immediately use it as some sort of identity badge and ideological marker.

One example of my own work is the time I found someone saying that my Sims 3 story was their favorite Sims story on a site about reading, and the awful replies they got about "We read real books here!" Like the people replying weren't engaging with anything at all or open to anyone else's heart offerings. They just wanted to express their idea of themselves as superior book readers.

So that was kind of the feeling I got from the thread about the show. Like oh, we are superior movie watchers, and we'll never actually engage with any kdrama in good faith and with an open mind.

Which now that I think about it, I think gender comes into it some too. It's not like I haven't noticed the spousal person is one of the rare male kdrama enjoyers I hear about, and in all the kdrama podcasts I know of only one of them has male hosts. In internet parlance, Korean movies tend to be hardcore and so would be more male-coded, whereas kdramas are generally tropey romances and so more female-coded.

Hmmm.

Anyway the point is that I just wanted to write out some of my thoughts about how no, there will never be an objective measure of art because humans don't work that way.

I have spent decades investigating my own workings to see if I am guilty of what frustrates me about others, but really after all these decades I can't find using or dismissing art as a way to display my identity anywhere. There are shows and movies and books and all that I don't engage with, but it's not because of identity. It's just that I know what might trigger what's left of the trauma and I have a general idea of what I enjoy.

So I don't need to watch Squid Game to know it's not for me, but also I really don't care if other people watch it or not and if they do watch it I hope they enjoy it and I'm glad the dude who wrote it finally got to make it after all those years of rejection. Also my brain cannot process comics well but I'm glad that they exist for the people who enjoy them and I hope they're having fun making them and reading them.

That's just my general feeling about all art that I don't personally partake of - I'm glad it exists and I'm glad other people are having fun with it, but I also hope that if I state my boundaries about art that I don't wish to engage with that those boundaries will be respected. Which I have noticed that people who use art as an identity marker don't really respect those boundaries. They're like no you have to watch this thing that will trigger you! Or no you have to not engage with the thing you like because I don't like it!

Anyway I gotta go now, and I really did just write this "for myself" but if anyone else read it and got this far - hi! :)

#dgpersonal

[capsarcastica]

Coming Out

I am gay.

Or at least bi.

I'm not really sure. This is all new to me. I never really thought of myself this way before.

Recently, a webcomic creator I really admire and have been following for years came out as trans. Their "before" story about where they were before the realization sounded a lot like where I am now. Angry, depressed, hating myself, feeling helpless.

Then I read the comments. At lot of fans said they felt the same way before they came out, most of them trans. This writer wrote a comic about a boy being magically transformed into a girl and the struggles he/she has in his/her new body. So many fans said how this comic made them realize how they were. Many of the comments said they would get turned on by that and other stories about boys becoming girls.

I've had that fantasy since high school. The fantasy of my penis being inverted into a vagina, growing breasts, and becoming curvy in all the right ways. Such a fantasy got me through a lot of masturbation sessions. I figured that if I couldn't get a woman in real life I could fantasize about being one.

But the fantasy didn't always satisfy. Just thinking about being a woman didn't always climax me. I turned to lesbian pictures, videos, and fantasies. It worked, but again it didn't always. Then I moved onto fantasizing about being a woman with a man. In the throws of self-satisfying orgasms I could almost feel another man's penis in my imaginary vagina. This fantasy consistently got me off.

I thought I was getting off because I was thinking about the female body. I kept telling myself I was cumming cause I was fantasizing about pleasing a woman. But it wasn't the same the other way. I could rarely get off thinking about being a man pleasuring a woman.

I like watching those Reddit Story videos on Facebook. I used to see them describing having sex with a gorgeous gal. But about two weeks ago I saw one where it was a guy realizing he had fallen in love with his girlfriend's brother. Despite not going into any sexy details, I got rock hard. Harder than I had ever gotten hearing about a man and woman.

I'm not trans.

At least, I don't think I am. I mean, I want to be a woman but I don't feel like a woman trapped in a man's body. I don't want to start dressing in drag or go through surgery. With my male size I would make a horribly ugly woman.

I have gone out wearing women's clothing. I love wearing bras, mostly because of my gynecomastia. I thought it was just about managing my man-boobs, but I always felt incredibly comfortable wearing them. I have worn panties out in public, though I'm careful that no one notices. Again, this feels almost natural.

I started wearing women's clothing when I hit puberty. It started when I was home alone during the summer and sleeping in my step-sister's room. I thought it was just the misguided attempts to understand the changing hormones of a teenage boy. I don't know if that made me a crossdresser, but I can definitely see a line from there to here.

I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about women anymore. I've spent my entire adult life lusting after them, staring at pictures during moments of ecstasy, and thinking about their bodies. But ever since that creator's post I find myself less and less interested. Not entirely disinterested, but not as crazy about them. I saw a picture of Sydney Sweeney that got my heart racing, but other pictures of gorgeous gals hasn't provoked the same response it would have a week ago.

Last couple of days, my Instagram "porn" searches have changed and I've gotten off quicker and more intensely looking at men. I still see all the women I have been following. But it hasn't pitched the tent like it did before. Seeing women, I've been thinking more about their clothes than the body underneath. I've caught myself catching more glances at men I wouldn't have given a second thought before.

To be honest, I’ve always had a thing for somewhat masculine looking women. Not butch, like they could bench press me. But short hair, androgynous faces, small breasts. The kind that wear a t-shirt and jeans over a blouse and skirt.

I never have been good with women. They like me as a friend but as soon as I tried to get romantic then they back off, usually ignoring me completely. The few dates I do get don't go anywhere with her just wanting to be friends before never hearing from them again. Looking back now, I wonder if they realized something about me that I did not.

I don't really know where to go from here. Last week I wouldn't have thought I would ever be attracted to another man. I don't know if I'm ready to start dating men, or more. But I'm interested to see where it goes.

[friendlyneighborhoodmomfriend]

You claim to not get a notification that I messaged you, yet I saw you "read" my message an hour and a half after I sent it to you. And then you finally answer me 22 hours later.

Oh? So, let me get this straight. You're meaning to tell me that your little notifications that you constantly get day in and day out included literally everyone else but me? Really? I'm the ONLY ONE you didn't get a notification from? You didn't "notice" that your supposed "best friend" messaged you, but you flawlessly and happily answer everybody else who messages you? You didn't think something was wrong when you didn't hear from your supposed "best friend" for several hours? I saw you active plenty of times throughout the 22 hours I didn't hear back from you, on top of seeing you post on Facebook all day. You know what? Stop fucking lying to me. This is pathetic.

I'm done chasing after you. I'm done trying to get your attention. I'm done trying to salvage and put any effort into this pathetic friendship that I've been pointlessly crying over for the last month and a half. You say "it's nothing against you," yet your energy towards me is so different now. Whether it's texting or verbal, you don't seem happy or excited to hear from me anymore. We used to keep each other company throughout the day no matter how chaotic things were, but now you're blatantly ignoring me and ghosting conversations until it's convenient for you to respond to me again. Our video chats become shorter and shorter, and we barely say anything anymore. On the rare occasion that we actually do, they just consist of: 1. You laying down with your phone camera pointed towards the ceiling so I couldn't even fucking see you. 2. You playing a videogame and giving me one word answers if I say anything to you. 3. You smoking weed/cigarettes as I'm literally watching you stare at your screen responding to messages, reacting to Facebook posts, and other things that you're clearly more invested in than a video chat with your supposed "best friend" that you claim to "miss so much." If I'm supposed to be your "best friend" and you "miss me," why the fuck don't you treat me like your best friend? The fact that you literally message other people while we're video chatting means you clearly have no problem responding to other people, but when it comes to responding to me, I get left on delivered/read and have to wait 19 and a half hours or longer to hear back from you. You're straight up ignoring me now. Any inkling of conversations we do have, get dropped mid-way through because you get "distracted." I'd message you at 5:45pm, you'd read my message at 6:30am the next morning, but you wouldn't reply to me until nearly 4 in the afternoon...yet I see you posting shit and reacting to/commenting on other people's posts since I messaged you at 5:45pm the day before. But you're just "so busy," right? "It's nothing against you," you say. Really? Well not for nothing, asshole, but I would never pull any of the things you've been doing to me lately. I would NEVER ignore you if you wanted to talk to me. I would NEVER leave you on read/delivered for 12+ hours. I would NEVER disappear mid-conversation with you. I would NEVER give you one word responses or give dry/emotionless energy towards you without a fucking explanation. I would NEVER respond to other people's messages while I'm videochatting with you because IT'S FUCKING RUDE. So, EXCUSE ME for taking this personal. You know, you really are a shitty friend. All of these years I've been assuring you, and trying to convince myself, that you aren't, but now that I see how you've been treating me like a fucking afterthought for the last month and a half, it's no wonder you barely have friends. It's no wonder you can't get a fucking girlfriend. If you don't want to talk to me anymore, fucking tell me that so I can stop wasting my time trying to squeeze into your life when you clearly don't want me there anymore. Which makes absolutely no sense to me because I've been there for you since day 1, never left your side, and was there when literally NOBODY ELSE WAS THERE. I'm sorry my friendship isn't beneficial to you anymore. I'm sorry my friendship isn't enough to include me in your life anymore. I'm sorry I'm not much fun to talk to anymore. I'm sorry I'm not as interesting and cool as everyone else anymore. Hope you have a lonely life.

#friends fading away #slowly losing my best friend #abandonment issues

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #147

Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait? Painted, yes, but only because it was an art class assignment.

Do you know anyone in a relationship with someone who’s old enough to be their parent? It's possible, idk.

Do you know any narcissists? I sure do.

When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language? I read a quote on the screen while watching Dark (it's German) with Girt because he wanted to know how it was properly read. I tend to fuck up on pronunciation a lot myself because I overthink it and for some weird reason I've never figured out am also just very awkward about speaking a language not everyone here understands, but I did pretty damn good that time, lol.

When was the last time you took a picture with your pet(s)? With a pet, it's been a hot minute. I just don't like taking photos featuring myself.

Which shade of foundation do you usually buy? I don't wear foundation, even in the extremely rare occasion I put any sort of makeup on.

Have you ever dreamt of someone you barely know? Yes actually, those are so weird.

What would you consider your defining feature? Well, I'm pretty sure people are gonna notice my weight first.

You kiss: boys or girls? Boys and girls and everything inbetween.

What you wish your living situation was: Girt and I in our own place with the pets.

One color you’d never paint your walls: A bright yellow, for one.

A (normal, not manure etc.) scent you don’t like: Gasoline, tar, freshly cut grass.

One kind of alcohol you won’t drink: I will never, ever, ever put beer in my mouth because of my dad.

An actor you think has no business acting? I don't know shit about acting, don't ask me.

A food you won’t eat: Beans is one that people tend to not get at all, like I can't chew or swallow them.

An animal that scares you: Centipedes, especially big ones. They're very cool visually, but way too fast and their bites are legendary.

What’s the stinkiest pet you’ve ever had? Well Teddy and his diaper towards the end of his life, when he had UTIs non-stop. Have you also smelled a cat's litterbox? Especially when it's in your BEDROOM? God help Roman's shits sometimes.

Have you ever seen one of your friends get arrested? No, that'd be upsetting.

Do you put sprinkles on anything? No, I hate sprinkles.

How do you like your steak? Medium well.

Long hair on guys: yes or no? YES I fucking LOVE long hair on guys

Bring anyone dead back to life, who would it be? Steve Irwin.

How many siblings does your mom have? Three.

Have you ever met a mainstream band? I've never met a band, period.

Would you ever meet someone you met online? I've done it before and there are some more I would meet, even want to meet.

Is your last name extremely common? I mean, I don't think extremely common, but it's certainly not rare.

Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? No, it didn't even feel funny the first time I did it after living the vast majority of my life thinking I was straight.

What’s something you can cook or bake like a pro? lol nothing

Would you rather donate time, blood, or money? Probably time.

What’s a pretty bird? All owls. Such beautiful, majestic animals.

Besides sleeping, what do you do in bed? I used to do literally everything in bed for years, I lived in it and it caused the muscle atrophy in my legs, but thank GOD I finally stay out of it as much as I can. Now I really just sometimes read or do ✨couple things✨ in it.

Is the last person you called attractive? I think my mom's very pretty, but I'm definitely not attracted to her, that'd be problematic.

What does your name mean? "Of Britain." So boring, lol.

Do you know how many people your best friend has had sex with? Yes.

Is the last person you kissed mad at you? No.

Do you believe teenagers can be in love and stay in love? Absolutely.

If you have a Facebook, when was the last time you changed your profile picture? It's been quite a while.

Are you a stoner? No.

What is the last gift you received and from who? Haha Girt ordered it back in like, October, but within the past week it got here: a Mira plush that Konami released that I casually shared on Facebook just because it was super cute and Girt decided to buy it immediately, lol. She's an adorable shiba inu with a headset that originates from a joke ending in Silent Hill 2 where she's behind all of it at a big desk with tons of buttons and levers, and it became a trend in the game after that.

What is your state’s minimum wage? $7.25/h, proven unlivable <3

Is there anyone that you’re mad at right now? No.

Do you feel like different alcohols have different effects on you? Not that I've noticed.

Did you change anything on your Facebook page today? No, I seldom do.

How many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life? Only three that were even remotely significant.

Have you ever purchased condoms? I didn't.

Let’s say you had a baby with the last person you kissed? Not in our foreseeable future, it'd break my heart but I'd abort it because we are not ready for that and there's already an insane overabundance of children that need parents. Also going through a traumatic experience like pregnancy would be for me (I have a wildly strong phobia of it), getting it out, and then not keeping it would ruin me, I know it would.

Do you have someone you can spill your heart out to? Mom, Girt, Mazzy, and Tez I'm all comfortable doing that with.

Your ex shows up randomly at your house, what do you say? None of them know where I live, soooo that would be concerning.

Is there a person that you would do absolutely anything and everything for? No; I wouldn't kill someone just because my mom asked me to.

Does sex mean love? Definitely not for everyone, but I would only do it with someone I love.

What was the last thing you posted on Instagram? A picture of the Mira plush I mentioned earlier.

Do you consider yourself a nature person? Absolutely, but I wish I could spend more time in it. Hyperhidrosis is NOT fun and dehydrates you so fast with severity like mine, and plus my legs still have healing to do before I can be outside without a place to sit nearby.

Will you keep your last name when you get married? No.

Do you like fish or chicken more? Chicken, I don't like fish.

What scares you more: snakes or spiders? Out of the two, a spider is more likely to scare me. I love snakes, but I'd obviously be alarmed if I like, suddenly noticed a rattlesnake beside me. I'm still getting comfortable with spiders, though of course my FAVORITE spiders are the ones everyone's scared of haha, tarantulas. I'm more scared of things like funnelwebs, the smaller guys that have bites that will kill the shit outta you real fuckin fast.

Do you think that texting on a date is rude? Unless it's an important text, yes, especially early on when you're getting to know each other.

What’s your favorite memory with your last ex? Showing up at her house on her birthday when she had no idea whatsoever it was happening. Parents brought her into their room as a distraction for me to go into hers and just sit at her desk; her face lit the fuck up when she saw me, and it definitely hurts to remember, because that was genuine joy. I don't regret ending our friendship (it was already over), but I regret how I went about it.

What is the oldest online account that you still use? Uh probably my primary deviantART. Or Facebook? idk

Have you ever had Christmas carolers come to your house and sing for you? No, I'd absolutely hate that.

What country does your favorite band hail from? Ozzy's from Britain, Rammstein are from Germany.

What’s the worst thing about being male/female (whichever you are)? The prejudice that comes with having a uterus, add on that the government is super into controlling YOUR fucking body part.

What is your favorite documentary? The Meerkats from 2008, everything about it is fucking beautiful, I consider it a favorite movie beside TLK.

Who crosses your mind the most? Girt.

Ever got stitches? Yes, in my chin when I fell right on it and got a concussion, and then after my cyst removal surgery.

If Hogwarts was a real school would you attend? Because it would celebrate the work of a raging transphobe, hell no. This woman has LITERALLY said that it's her fucking income that is enough validation for her, I'm not engaging in a damn thing related to her.

Do you like fireworks? They're pretty, but I'm against their usage because of how often the remains just turn into litter, they're a fire hazard, and above all they can be a trauma trigger to people and even kill small animals with how fucking scared they get.

Is respect given or earned with you? I give everyone a baseline level of respect which will grow or shrink depending on you.

Are you any good with Photoshop? I think I'm decent, but I am absolutely no pro, there's tons of stuff idk how to do.

The political spectrum. Where do you fall? Somewhere on the left, idk my exact label.

Do you use a top sheet? No, they annoy me more than anything.

Do you know what any of your close friends did yesterday afternoon? Girt's my best friend, and Mom and I went with him and his family to lunch at Red Robin for Mother's Day. Neither of us had ever been there before, and I was really impressed, but way more than anything I just liked being together as a family, I don't see his enough, and I even got to meet his best childhood friend finally.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions

[rabbithaver]

i have known for awhile that i'm completely replaceable and forgettable. it isn't just my depression saying this. it is actual quantifiable fact. in the past 23 years of my life, i've just been finding more and more evidence that proves this to be true, so you think i would be used to it by now. you'd think it would have stopped hurting by now. after two decades i've had countless experiences proving that no one would notice if i vanished completely from the face of the Earth, but every time it happens, it still cuts deep.

last Friday i caught a seven day ban on Facebook, meaning i am unable to post, comment, react to or like other posts, share posts to my feed for others to see, moderate the groups i run, or even edit old posts. i can’t do ANYTHING except message other people. so for the past week i have been completely silent. inactive. i even deleted the app from my phone so i couldn't instinctively go back and scroll through my feed.

i am much more active on Facebook than anywhere else. i have about 400 friends on my Facebook account, and i often share posts (memes, stories, etc) for them to see. i will share other posts or make my own up to 60 times a day, and it’s extremely rare for me to go radio silent for more than 24 hours. in the past, when i’ve gone quiet, they’ve noticed and checked on me.

they didn’t notice this time. at all. not one person out of the 400 people on my friends list has noticed. if they did notice they never said anything. maybe they didn't care. or maybe they were even relieved that they had a break from me. maybe they're hoping that if they stay quiet, i'll never come back

when i'm having a hard time and posting about it to vent, sometimes my friends say that they always notice when i’m gone because they have my posts marked under ‘Favorites.’ when you mark a person as a ‘Favorite’, their posts will always appear at the top of your feed when you log in -- basically, their posts are given priority over others. this means that the absence of my posts should be very clear. maybe they somehow missed it. though... a horrible part of me wonders if they were just lying out of pity.

in just 3 hours, the ban will be over. it's been seven days since i last posted, liked, commented, or shared, and... nothing. nobody has reached out. nobody has commented on an old post checking that i'm okay. nobody has tagged me, asking if something is wrong. nobody has DMed me. nobody has made a post of their own. hell, nobody has even reached out to my mom to ask if i'm even still alive.

i know they probably have things going on in their own lives, the world is busy and all. but... some of these people are my best friends... and none of them have even realized ive been gone. i know it isn't out of malice; none of them would try to hurt me on purpose like that. they're good people.

it happens on Tumblr, too. every single time my blog has gone inactive for months at a time, when my queue has run out completely, nobody has send in asks or messages. nobody has missed me. it makes sense, though. most people follow well over a thousand other blogs. i'm just a name to them. i'm just a name to you.

it isn't just on the internet. it happens in real life, in almost every single relationship i have with other people. why? it's who i am as a person. i am forgettable. i am replaceable. i am not special in any way. my mediocrity is the only trait i possess that isn't negative.

any possible good quality i could have is worthless because every single person i will ever meet in my entire life is going to know someone better than me. maybe i'm funny sometimes? well, Brad is funnier. maybe i'm okay at drawing? well, Melvin, Steven, and Sarah are all a billion times more skilled. maybe my writing is slightly better than the average person's? yeah, well, that doesn't fucking matter, because everyone on the face of the fucking planet is going to know someone who's a billion times better, so i'd be wasting my time publishing anything.

when people do remember me, it's for the horrible shit i've done. it's for the way i've treated them both in the past and now. it's for the faux pas. it's for the horrible beliefs i held growing up. it's for the biases i still hold now and can't seem to shake. it's for the countless awful social habits i've developed that i can't seem to kick. it's for the endless ways i have disappointed them. it's for the pity they've had for me. it's for the horrible shit i've said to people when i'm in distress. it's for the times i've fucked up so badly in public that they've suffered the worst second-hand embarrassment of their life. it's for my inability to grow as a person. it's for the fact that i am apparently too fucking stupid to unlearn all the awful habits and traits i've picked up from growing up in a conservative family. it's for my abusive personality. it's for my manipulative behavior. it's for the public breakdowns. it's for the failed friendships. it's for my impulsive behavior. it's for my lack of a brain-mouth barrier. it's for my abusers, who i have emulated in all of the worst ways. it's for my refusal to take responsibility for my actions. it's for my tendency to run away from the conflicts i can't handle. it's for the guilt-tripping. it's for my ugly face. it's for the disgust they feel when looking at my body. it's for my complete inability to shut the FUCK up about shit nobody cares about. it's for the fact that i am a judgemental prick. it's for the fact that i am inherently worthless. it's for the fact that i haven't changed in years -- i'm still the exact same piece of shit i've been since middle school. it's for the fact that i somehow get away with every single fuck up, every single argument, every single horrible insult. it's for the fact that i relapse over and over and never make any progress in recovery. it's for the fact that i have never, ever, EVER been good enough. it's for the fact that they're afraid of saying how much they dislike me because they don't want to trigger my worthless fucking feelings. it's for the fact that i brainwash people into caring about me, into thinking i'm a good person with value. it's for the fact that i manipulate people into thinking a friendship with me is a good idea. it's for the fact that i trap people in my life and dont allow them to move on and find someone better.

when people remember me, it's because i am worse than my abusers in every single fucking way. i am just as stupid, angry, bitter, hateful, toxic, manipulative, and dangerous to be around as they were, if not worse. and the best part? they were doing it on purpose. i'm like this because it's intrinsic to who i am. if it wasn't, the years of energy i've put into trying to better myself would've made a difference. they didn't. i really am Like that.

one of these days i'll get over my fears and do myself -- and everyone else -- a favor. if i'm dead they don't have to feel bad about forgetting i exist. if i'm dead, i can't hurt anybody. if i'm dead, i can't trap every single person in my life in a friendship they feel too guilty to escape. if i'm dead they don't have to worry about forgetting me. if i'm dead they don't have to see my stupid 23498234-paragraph-long posts. if i'm dead, they don't have to hear me talk for hours about the stupid shit i like. if i'm dead, they can move on without fearing that i'll panic over being "abandoned." if i'm dead they can be happy. i just need to stop being afraid of pain and i can fix it for everybody.

when people remember me, it's because they wish they never met me.

#terin struggles #suicide cw #self hatred cw #i just want to know what's wrong with me. i just want to know why its so hard for me to be a better person #why is it so hard for me to be good? #good people don't have to try to be good. they just are. the fact that i try so hard and fail anyway? thats proof that i am actually bad #there's a reason so many people have turned on me. it's because they woke up #they saw what i am really like #they tried to warn the others in my life! but i have those people so brainwashed into thinking im good #that they think that the people who woke up were just being mean or toxic #i have them so brainwashed that they think im a good person #which is honestly the worst part #i turn people into zombies. #this is so fucking embarassing hahahah #im sorry. im sorry i keep doing this.

[lunasalix]

As if the pandemic wasn't enough, my precious boy passed on today. It was no one's fault, just a series of horrible complications following his foot injury. My Facebook post (plus a small addition I didn't want to share there) is below:

I lost my sweet Mango this afternoon. After 6 months of fighting to save his foot following an injury, his heart gave out shortly after surgery. No words can do justice to how special this bird was, so I'll just tell his story and a few of his most endearing traits.

I got Mango from a pet store in Indiana shortly after starting my Master's degree there. At the time, I didn't realize those birds came from the avian version of a puppy mill, and I still have no clue how old he was. He was extremely timid and didn't know what toys were. I taught him to play. After 6 months, he was brave enough to take treats from my hand, but only if I stayed still. Another 6 months and he would sit on my head, preening my hair.

He lived with me in a one-room apartment for 2 years before we came back to Tennessee for good, where he and Peaches got their own room. He was never caged for more than a week, and only if I went out of town. As a result, he had some of the strongest wings the vet had seen. He was a magnificent flier.

His favorite activity was getting a shower with a spray bottle. It started when he saw me misting the geckos. He would come as close to me as he dared, puff out his feathers, and look longingly at the spray of water. One day, I moved back and he hopped right on the geckos' screen into the mist. It became a regular ritual after that.

*When he first came home with me, I noticed he was plucking himself. I fixed his husbandry and that reduced it, but never completely stopped it. He destroyed the follicles in his tail and parts of his neck, thus he never had a tail and always looked a bit patchy. The vet said it was an anxiety disorder. You may know that I have a similar problem, in which I pick at my face and pull my hair out. Mango took notice of this, and began flying to me every time he saw me do it because he knew I'd be still to let him sit near me. I like to think we healed each other.

He was so good natured that even through countless vet visits and all the prodding that comes with it, he never once bit anyone. He would snap furiously at the air, but if he could reach your hand, he'd only kiss it. After his injury, he had to be handled daily, sometimes multiple times per day for medications, foot washes, and bandaging. He got used to it quickly and rarely ever fought or raised complaint.

In his last few months, he had bonded strongly to me. He always begged to come out when he saw me, but not to fly or play, only to cuddle, kiss, and preen my hair. He always put himself up in his cage when he was finished and waited for his favorite muffin treat before bed. I'll miss our daily cuddles more than anything else. I'm thankful that, especially near the end, he knew that he was loved.

#lovebird #tw death #animal death #rip #saying goodbye to my friend #my pets

[shoelace-and-friends]

Uhh so there was this guy nearby me on facebook marketplace who was selling these dolls for a pretty fair price (probably like half their original price) and I got them today. In the photo he posted the image was kinda blurry and shitty and I couldn't see much of the detail, but they sort of reminded me of bratz dolls a bit and I did not have any dolls with 2000s fashion so I thought why not?

I guess Gwen Stefani had her own fashion doll line back in the day? Tbh I don't really listen to her music and I don't know much about her. I couldn't really find any info on these dolls online because I guess they are sort of rare. (Assuming they didn't sell well)

I guess each of these dolls are supposed to be one of her backup dancers? These were real life women.

This doll is called "Love". She's okay I guess. She's got a simple blue dress on. I've noticed each of these dolls comes with a school uniform and.... 😬that's a bit yikes. I'm most likely going to throw those away.

I noticed her "lipstick" on her mouth is sort of coming off but that's whatever. It's an oldish doll. Either that or it just looks weird on purpose.

This doll is called "Angel". I didn't notice until I actually saw the dolls in person that she has cornrows for some reason, which is again kinda problematic. Though...these are GWEN STEFANI dolls from the MID 2000s...so I guess I shouldn't be surprised...Idk maybe I could undo her braids. I'll have to see. Also I thought she came with a knife at first and got really confused, but I guess that's a nail file?

This doll is called "Music". Her clothes are pretty typical of the 2000s with the zipper hoodie and matching sweatpants and the baseball cap she comes with. Another thing I've noticed about all these dolls is that they all seem to be wearing the same shoes and same red nail polish. I like the little boombox accessory since I can use that with other dolls I have.

This last doll is called "Baby". I don't really like her that much to be honest. I think her cheerleading top is kind of ugly and...I don't even know what's going on with her hair. One half is cornrows again while the other half is like a weird perm that reminds me of the hairstyle korean halmonis have (grandmas). ...I guess the megaphone with the banana is fun though. That's obviously a hollaback girl reference.

Anyway...no idea what to do about that hair. Idk who Baby is in real life but I'm assuming the doll company did her dirty.

Can't comment much on the actual quality yet since I haven't taken them out yet. I'm a little dissappointed because when I made the deal with the guy on fb I didn't really know how culturally appropriative these were gonna be, but I guess Gwen Stefani was sort of infamous for that back in the day and it took getting these to realize that.

Well...on the bright side, I got four fashion dolls new in box for pretty cheap that I can make changes to and none of my money for them is actually gonna go to Gwen Stefani.

Just decided to post these here in case doll tumblr was curious about them. Does anyone else actually own any Gwen Stefani dolls? Apparantly there are a few more dolls out there of Gwen herself.

#fashion dolls #dolls #doll #dollblr #toyblr #harujuku lovers #gwen stefani #love angel music baby #i'm half korean btw that's why i know about the halmoni perms

[nirah10]

Some Personal Stuff

Here's something that doesn't really connect to anything but me and may not be interesting but I just want to get it off my chest because it's been bugging me.

As some of you know, I was recently diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. This had been a very big thing for me as it has finally answered some life-long questions and helped me better understand myself. My mum has been wonderfully supportive and my friends have been great in learning more about autism so that they can know me better and have actually asked about what kind of things bother me so that they could be more careful (which I never asked of them, but they're just awesome and care enough to put some effort in to helping me be comfortable ^_^). Really, almost the entire experience has been positive. I would actually say that one of the only issues I've had has been the way some of my siblings have reacted.

I have good relationships with all of my siblings and I think they're pretty cool people in general, but some of them have some really weird hang-ups from the way we were raised that they never really got past. We were raised with the very unfortunate (and vocal!) belief that mental health problems didn't really exist. We were told that things like despression didn't really exist and that people just needed to suck it up and get over it. We were told that people who practiced self-harm were just drama queens looking for attention (heaven forbid you ever want attention!). We were told that people who killed themselves were the most cowardly and selfish people in the world. I think you get the idea.

Thankfully, my mother has grown so much as a person and realized that not only are those ideas just plain wrong but they are also very harmful. She is now one of my strongest pillars of support and one of the very few people I feel truly comfortable speaking openly with about my mental health struggles. My siblings have all improved greatly, but some of them are still a little stuck on some of those old ideas. If you asked them, they would tell you without a doubt that depression is 100% real but, if you tell them that you or someone else has depression, there's a good chance that they'll become skeptical and start asking questions as if they're trying to prove you wrong. They might make comments about people self-diagnosing themselves or exaggerating or even just outright lying for the sake of attention. Quite often, they'll say things like "everyone feels like that sometimes" and completely play down someone's experience until they can dismiss it entirely.

Even before I got diagnosed, some of my siblings seemed to bristle at the mention of the possibility. When I said I was looking to be assessed, they all asked "Why?" Some of them were satisfied when I said "Because I think I might be autistic" and carried on the conversation normally or asked follow-up questions out of interest. However, some of them carried on the conversation with what felt like a determination to prove that my suspicions were invalid. They would ask lots of questions about my experiences but it quickly became clear that it wasn't in order to understand, because almost every answer was followed up with a "but" statement. "But everyone feels like that sometimes." "But lots of people would find that stressful." "But maybe you're looking too much into that." I even heard once "Do YOU think you're autistic or did Mum tell you that?" as some of my siblings seem to think my mother's change in attitude is also some weird kind of bid for attention. I was also asked by two different siblings, "Why do you WANT something to be wrong with you?"

My most common way of finishing those conversations, after hearing some version of why it's probably nothing and I'm probably not autistic (ie, "it's so easy to read about something online and think you have it"), was to bluntly say "I know. That's why I want to see a professional and get a proper assessment."

Anyway, I got assessed and diagnosed. I thought that might be enough to satisfy my skeptical siblings. Turns out, not really. While they won't say that they don't think I have autism anymore, they are still very quick to dismiss it. I had one sibling suggest that, because I'm on the mild end of the spectrum, "it doesn't really affect [me]". It wasn't a question but a statement. I have had several more shows of feigned interest for the sake of trying to minimalize or dismiss and it has been quite disheartening at times. With some of my family, I feel reluctant to ever say anything relating to mental health and especially autism because I'm tired of hearing thinly veiled denials that I'm actually autistic. Getting assessed/diagnosed was supposed to be about understanding and helping myself and not about whether or not my family was comfortable.

Not long ago, my Mum shared a video on Facebook that was meant to raise awareness on autism. It started with the speaker telling you to imagine trying to watch a TV show and listen to five radios on different stations all going full volume at the same time, and then explained that that's how life can feel to an autistic person all the time. The video carried on for some time after that and covered other experiences. I messaged my mother privately to discuss some of the things discussed in the video and I told her that I hadn't wanted to leave a comment because I didn't want other family members to see it and start leaving dismissive comments. After talking to her for some time, I decided that I would leave a very simple comment on what I felt was the easiest thing to understand, simply saying "The example of the TV and five radios is spot on." I kid you not, it took maybe two minutes for one of my siblings to respond with something along the lines of "Yeah, I get really stressed out when there's lots of noise too."

Part of me wanted to let it go and leave it be but, after talking to my Mum and seeing how much she had changed and how much work she put into beng supportive, I felt upset and got stubborn. I responded that anyone gets stressed out in loud environments, but that that was not the same thing. For an autistic person, sounds can be so distracting that it can become hard to function and lead to panic attacks, even if it's not loud. The answer was (paraphrasing) "I get that. If I'm driving and the radio is on and the kids are being noisy or screaming in the back, I can forget where I'm going. I have to turn the radio off sometimes so that I can focus." Okay, no. Just no. That's not the same thing at all. I quickly answered with a detailed explanation of why it's not the same thing, also emphasizing that there's a big difference between getting stressed by actual loud noises and having your brain completely shut down over sounds that might not even be loud. They quickly backpedaled and said that they knew it wasn't the same and that they were just saying it was relatable, a family member who had joined in said that they hadn't even watched the video and was only responding to the other's comments about finding noise stressful. That was followed up by another comment saying that maybe they hadn't communicated properly and they hadn't meant anything by it, which I felt much better about. I still didn't buy the idea that the inital comments had no intention of being dismissive, but I could believe that they realized partway through the conversation that they were being upsetting and wanted to fix it. Still, the conversation has stuck in my head as a very disheartening experience.

Sensory overload is one of my biggest difficulties with autism. I am very easily upset by sound and it doesn't take much for me to shut down. Volume is rarely a factor but, rather, the number of sources, whether I can distinguish one sound from another, and whether I can locate the source. I used to have panic attacks in school during tests because being able to hear twenty-some pencils scratching but not being able to distinguish between pencils sent me into a complete panic. Those pencils may as well have been cannons in my ears. They were the loudest things in the world.

Tonight, I sat down at the nursing station at work and immediately noticed a sound that I'm not accustomed to hearing there. It was quiet enough that I couldn't tell exactly what it was and, worse, I couldn't tell WHERE it was. I became so distracted by the sound that I completely, physically froze. I don't know exactly how long I sat there but, at the end of this little experience, my tea had gone from freshly made to just a hair above lukewarm. The entire time I sat there, half my brain was desperately trying to locate the sound and identify it and the other half of my brain was desperately begging the first half to ignore it and just let it go. My heart rate went up to what I would expect it to be if I had just run a short distance. A sense of panic gripped me, the same kind of feeling I had the first (and only) time a cop pulled me over. I literally could not think about anything else.

After several minutes, I finally managed to calm myself because, without having to move from my frozen position, I was able to both identify and locate the source of the sound. What was it?

Do you see it?

A watch. It was the sound of a watch ticking in a basket of found items sitting several feet away. That was all it took to put me into a state of shutdown and had me edging towards a state of panic. A watch that somebody found and left behind, leaving a barely audible but unexpected source of sound in an environment I am familiar with took me from independent and capable to frozen, vulnerable, and moments away from hyperventilating and bursting into tears.

But autism doesn't really affect me. But I barely register on the spectrum, so I don't really count. But everyone gets overwhelmed by noise sometimes. But everyone has trouble focusing in stressful situations.

Someone being on the mild end of the autism spectrum does not mean that they don't suffer or that they don't really have it. It means that they present well. It means that they're better able to control their outward reactions and/or better able to learn what's expected of them. Saying someone's autism is "mild" is a reflection of how much other people are affected by their autism rather than by how much the individual is affected. On the outside, I would have simply looked like I was deep in thought and anyone who walked past probably wouldn't have looked twice. On the inside, I was freaking the hell out. It definitely affected me, even if there were no observable manifestations in the outside world. I have avoided furthering my education or looking for a better job because of experiences like this. I have missed work, which later meant I struggled to pay my bills. I have lost friendships. I have passed up opportunities. I have never left the town I grew up in, even though every single member of my family has moved away. I will likely never have biological children because I don't think I can handle pregnancy. I don't know if I will have children period because the process of adoption might be too overwhelming for me. I am terrified of having children and failing them as a parent because my autism might cripple my communication with them or cause me to be too impatient or inflexible. I am not likely to achieve many of my aspirations because little moments like ticking watches in unexpected places happen all the time, even if nobody except me knows it.

I have "mild" autism and it affects me.

#this time it's personal #autism

[queen-syko]

Misha Collins x Reader: Coffee

Author: Francesca Roman

Warnings: Cursing, Light Smut, Ignorance

Word Count: 2,000+

. . . .

It was a cool fall morning. My eyes flutter open as I hear thunder shake the whole house. Yet another stormy morning in Vancouver, Canada. I didn't want to get out of the warm comfort of my bed but I had no other choice. I had to get up and get ready for another wacky day on the set of Supernatural. I sat up in my bed, stretching my arms above my head then grabbing my phone off of the bedside table, putting in my password, then turn my wifi back on.

Immediately, notifications from Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter and my emails start filing through my screen as expected. I was fixated on my emails more than everything else because that's how I communicate with my work and coworkers (call me old fashioned). None of the emails caught my attention then my eyes traveled up to the time.

I felt my eyes bulge out of my head and quickly jump out of bed, leave my phone on my bed then rush into my bathroom which was connected to my bedroom. I started stripping my clothing from my body then turned on the shower. I have to wait for the water to warm up so I looked into my mirror and noticed I was starting to get a couple pimples on my face.

I huffed then took my toothbrush and squeezed out some Colgate toothpaste onto the bristles. I start brushing my teeth and tongue. I heard my cell start ringing and jogged over to my bed with my toothbrush still in my mouth. I pressed the answer button and held it up to my ear. "Hello." I muffled walking back into the bathroom to rinse my toothbrush and mouth.

"Hey Y/n, I know you're running late so don't even sweat it because I am too. How about I pick you up and we ride together so we don't have to get shitted on one by one?" I smiled as Osric's voice sounded through my speaker. I spit out the toothpaste and extra saliva into the sink and said, "Yeah sure, thanks buddy. Hopefully we won't get shitted on at all."

I rinsed my mouth with water then mouthwash as Osric went on about why we shouldn't get in trouble. "Okay dude, I gotta get in the shower you know where I live. Thanks, see you in a little bit." He laughed and said, "Okay bye buddy." Then I hung up and threw my phone on my bed. I got into the shower, cringing back as the extremely hot water runs down my body.

I adjust the water then begin to wash my hair and body. I shave my legs, accidently cutting my ankle from going to quick along my skin with the razor. I rinse my body and hair once more before washing my face to try and help with the acne problem. I shut my spout off then get out of the shower. I wrap my soaking wet body with a fluffy blue towel. I walk over to my closet and pull out a pair of black leggings and an over sized t shirt. I walk over to my dresser and pull out a pair of socks, underwear, and a bra.

I dry myself off and put a bandaid on my razor cut and put on my undergarments. I slide the over sized shirt over my head the put on my black leggings. I put my socks on then slide on a pair of brown boots. I grab the towel and dry my hair almost all the way. I brush it out of the way, into the nicest style I could come up with right now.

I grab my phone and bag the shut off my lights in my bedroom and bathroom then walked down my stairs. The weather outside was still horrible. Thunder and lightening was coming thicker with each passing minute. I hear a beep outside my house and open the door after grabbing a raincoat. I put on my coat and pull the hood over my head. I close and lock my door then run over to the big black suv. I oped the door and sat next to Osric.

The suv pulled foward and started driving down the street. "Maybe we should move in together since we're always late." Osric said looking at me. "Nice outfit by the way. Who bought you that t shirt?" I looked down at my shirt sighed. I forgot this shirt had I ♡ Misha on the front. "Shut up." I mumbled then laid my head against the window and waited for us to be dropped off.

About ten minutes later Osric and I walked through the set doors, immediately getting looks from some of the crew members. "Well look what the cat dragged in. Nice t shirt by the way." A snide voice sounded from the set in front of us. It was Hailey Spencer. She is playing as a guest star. She happens to be one of the girls I hated in high school. "Blow me Hailey. At least I look better than you for being late."

The words left my mouth before I could think. I heard covered laughter coming from the guys around me. Hailey didn't say anything she just glared at me and started talking to one of the stunt guys again. Osric and I parted ways. He was being dragged off to make up while I was being dragged off to wardrobe. I quickly dressed into Finley's clothing then walked over to hair and make up.

They restyled my hair then put on a quick coat of simple make up. It's not like we were filming a fighting scene where I needed fake blood and cuts. I had to film a scene with Misha today. I was nervous. I rarely ever film with Misha because we usually goof off and get yelled at and because I've got the biggest crush on him but I don't think he's noticed.

"Okay you're good to go girly. See you later." Geinie said as I got up and thanked her then left the make up station. I jogged over to the set where Misha and I needed to film. A director, some crew and Misha sat there waiting patiently for me to get there. "Hey guys I'm sorry I'm late. My alarm clock didn't go off. Let's get this going."

Misha smiled at me then looked at the director that was filming this episode. "I'm glad you finally got here. But yes, let's get 'this' going" John said motioning to the scene. "Marker! Episode 47. Scene 12. Take 1 and Action!" I heard a snap then the cameras started rolling. Misha quickly got into the famous character, Castiel and I had gotten into Finley. I leaned against the table and looked up at him. He was so handsome. He stated his lines and I said mine. This went on with many slip ups and goofy comments in between slip ups. We finished the scene and then we were dismissed.

I have a couple more scenes with J2 a little bit later so I walked over to the coffee table and started filling my cup with a hot brew. As I managed my cup with sugar and cream I jumped about a mile high when I heard a deep voice sound next to my ear. I almost spilled my coffee but didn't because coffee is too big of a deal to spill it.

"I thought you wern't going to make it." Misha said with a smirk on his perfect lips. "Yeah well I'm here so." I took a sip of the simmering Columbian brew and smiled. "I'm taking that's your first cup if the day?" I smiled and took another sip, nodding. "One of one hundred if I'm going to be working with J2 later." His eyes met mine and my heart fluttered.

His eyes were the perfect shade of blue. It's like I could see the whole Pacific ocean in those eyes. Misha waved a hand in front of my face and I snapped out of whatever trance I was in. I'm guessing he asked something because he was waiting for an answer. "I'm sorry I'm still half asleep. What did you ask?" I said staring into his eyes once again.

"I'm having a small party later to celebrate turning the big four 'o. Maybe you can swing by. I mean only if you want to. I'm not trying-" He started to ramble and I smiled. I cut him off by cover his mouth with my hand. "Sure, where is it?" I asked and he just looked amazed.

"It's at my apartment. It's nothing major just the guys, some crew. Gen might come with Jared." I nodded and took another sip. "Okay I'll be there, I gotta go run lines with Jensen. He said he would help me with this scene we're supposed to be filming today. I'll see you later Misha." He smiled at me and I returned the notion. I turned and walked out of set and over to Jensen's trailer. I gotta get myself one of these.

Later on that night it was about six thirty when we all finished filming. I changed out of Finley's clothing and into an extra outfit I kept in wardrobe and left my outfit from this morning in there. It was still pouring so I took my raincoat and put it on. I took out my phone and called for a ride to Misha's. He doesn't live that far from me.

So if anything I could just walk home from his after the party. The black suv pulled up and got into the front seat. "Hey what's up Rob?" He smiled at me and said, "Nothing really. Where am I taking you tonight Y/n?" I looked out the window as we started moving. "Misha's. He's having a birthday party." He said okay and we pulled out of the set area.

We pulled up outside of Misha's place and I thanked him and got out of the suv. He rolled down the window and asked, "Do you need a ride later?" I said, "No if anything I'll just walk. I live like down the street. Thanks Rob. See you whenever." We waved to each other and I walked into the building and rang the buzzer to Misha's apartment.

"Hello?" A deep voice pounced through the speaker. "It's me. Let me in." Immediately, he hit the buzzer and unlocked the door. As I walked though the door a voice from behind me came about. "Wait! Hold the door!" That voice. It was Hailey's. "Oh Y/n." She said as she walked closer to the door. "It's could close the door and lock you out."

She rolled her eyes and walked in after I did. "Whatever let's just get upstairs." I walked over to the elevator and pressed the up button. Nothing was said until we were closed in the elevator together. "I'm surprised Misha even invited you. Misha doesn't even like you." I didn't say anything and waited for this ride from hell to be over.

She spoke up again, "You know him and I are so close. We're practically together." That was when I open my mouth. "Hailey he is like twenty years older than you are. He could be your father. Just shut the fuck up and stop taking to me. You're fucking annoying voice is giving me a migraine." The elevator dinged and I brushed passed her and walked down to Misha's door with Hailey I'm tow. I knocked and the door opened up quickly. Misha's smile matched my own as our eyed connected.

"Come on in sweetheart." I smiled and walked through the door. Misha went to go close it when Hailey pushed it open. "Don't forget me!" Her high pitched voice said coming into the room. She brought Misha into a long hug. Anyone with eyes could see the discomfort in his soul. I sighed as she let go of him and kissed his cheek. She walked passed us and I just stared at Misha.

"Sorry about her. She knows I don't like her. I made that clear when she tried to kiss me on set two weeks ago." I nodded and my eyes connected with his. He held his arms open, waiting for me to give him a hug. "Can I get a hug from my bed friend?" Right, friend. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck. He was warm and strong. He smelled like watermelon and cinnamon. We pulled apart but not to the point where we let go fully.

Our faces were close. I could feel his minty breath on my face. He was inching closer. Out lips were about to connect but we're interrupted by the buzzer sounding right by our heads. I jumped a little and felt my cheeks become rosy. "You should get that." I backed away from him and smiled. He nodded. He had a faint pigment of pink laying on his cheeks too. He was adorable. Did I just call a forty year old man adorable? Fuck yes I did. Oops.

I turned away from him and slugged my coat off my shoulders. I took it off completely and held it in my hands until Misha came up to me and took it from me. "I can put that in the other room. Make yourself at home." He smiled and left me alone. I walked through the short hallway and could hear laughter and music coming from where I presumed it was the living room.

I saw Jensen and Jared playing darts, Hailey talking to Jared stunt, and some other crew sitting on the couches or standing around drinking and/or conversing with each other. I looked at Jared and Jensen once I heard my name being called. "Come over here Y/n." I smiled and walked over to the two younger men. I was only a few months older than them but Misha was two years older than me.

"What are yah drinking?" Jared asked throwing a dart at the board. "Got Red's?" He smiled and nodded. "Here, I knew it was your favorite so I stocked up on it." Misha said behind me. His hand slipped onto my waist and he handed me my favorite beer.

"Thanks Mish." It was already opened as I took it into my hands. His hand never left my waist. I sipped on my beer and felt myself leaning towards Misha. Jared and Jensen went back to playing darts. Misha and I watched as we sat on bar stools talking amongst ourselves.

Two hours had passed and Misha had his arm around my shoulder now. I wasn't going to complain because I was completely falling for him so why not let it happen? Nothing could ruin this right now. "Want another?" Misha asked pointing to my empty bottle. I already have four. If I went passed five I would be completely hammered. I smiled and nodded. He got up and stumbled over to the fridge and got out his and my favorite beers and stumbled back over to where I sat.

He popped them open and sat back down next to me, sliding his arm around my waist and bringing me closer to him. He was so cute when he was drunk. We sipped on our beers and just enjoyed each others company as we watched everyone mingle and party. Misha turned his head and laid it onto my shoulder, and into the crease of my neck. I froze when his hot breath hit my skin.

"You smell so good." He stood up and moved in front of me. I stood up as he set my beer on the counter with his and leaned down to nudge his face back into my neck. I felt him humming on my skin. He wrapped his arms around my waist until we were completely evolved with one another. My arms found their way around his shoulders, almost as if we were dancing. A nice calm song came on as I saw him look up at me. Our eyes connected. "Happy Birthday Misha."

I heard people leaving but I was too focused on Misha to care if I had said goodbye to everyone. I did see Jared and Jensen look at us then leave quietly while dragging Hailey along with them. The door closed and it was now just us, alone together. The music was going softer. J2 probably changed it before leaving. He laid his forehead onto mine. As he inched closer to my face my eyes fluttered shut. Our lips finally connected and fuck, I was so fuzzy inside.

Our lips moved in motion. We both were trying so hard not to miss the opportunity of receiving each and every breath of each other. His lips were like hot silk as they moved with mine. His hands roamed down to my ass, bringing me closer to him to feel his bulge in his jeans press to my stomach. He brought his lips down to my neck and began sucking and biting each and every unmarked area.

"Jump baby." He said grabbing my ass again. I jumped up and he held me to his body, his lips never leaving my neck. He brought us over to his couch and I straddle him. He moved my hair out of my face and kissed my lips softly. "You're so perfect." He said looking into my eyes. I smiled and pecked his lips once more.

"I-" He went to speak but i brought his lips up to mine and kissed him once more before pulling away. "What's wrong?" I asked holding him closely. "I have to tell you something if we're going to keep going." He said seeming very concerned. "What is it Mish? Is everything okay?"

I asked placing my hands on his cheeks. "Everything is fine but I just-" He stalled for a second, "I'm in love with you." I froze and just stared into his eyes unable to reciprocate a response. I just leaned down to his face and kissed his perfect lips softly. His lips moved with mine slowly. "I'm in love with you to Misha." He smiled and pulled me closer. "Really? You mean that?"

The thunder and lightening rumbled the windows. The rain wasn't letting up anytime soon and for once I was happy that I just couldn't run, it's not like I wanted to. "I'm really do mean it. I've been in love with you for weeks now. I just didn't think you felt the same. Clearly, I was wrong." He laughed and kissed my lips. Thunder sounded louder than before and made me jump. "I was thinking the same thing you were honey." I looked into his ocean blue eyes. "Why don't we move this to the other room?" I nodded and he lifted me up with him and started kissing me while moving to his bedroom. This is going to be one hell of a night.

.....

The light of the sun glared through the drawn curtains. The smell of watermelon and cinnamon filled my nostrils. I felt warmth on my back and Misha's arms wrapped around my body. His breath tickled my face as he held me so close. I brought my hand up to his cheeks and caressed it. I rubbed my thumb along his cheekbone. I kissed his lips and then nudged my face into his chest again.

He sighed and pulled me closer. His hand came up and started rubbing my back in circles. "Morning baby." He kissed the top of my head and hugged me closer until I could barely breath. I brought my face up to his and our lips connected once again. This was perfect. I noticed we were still naked from last night and I felt his chest rumble in a low chuckle. "Guess what?" He said looking at me. I hummed in a response. "We're late." I giggled and snuggled closer to him. "Just a few more mintues then we can start rushing around like chickens with our heads cut off." He laughed and kissed my lips once more.

Yup, perfect.

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural imagines #supernatural one shots #Misha Collins #misha x reader #mishacollins #fanfiction #fanfic #SPN #SPN FANDOM #spn fanfic #spn imagine #spn one shot