#thanks caroline and naomi!!

[milfbrennan]

bones sexuality headcanons

yeah i dont have proof (except angela) i just Know. call it my lesbian spidey senses. disclaimer that those are MY headcanons, you can have your own opinions on those ofc

main characters:

brennan: bi (preference for ugly men... but i digress). she probably started exploring her sexual orientiation in college and came to the conclusion that she's attracted to every gender to varying degrees. she's probably tongue kissed angela a few times pre season 1

booth: cishet ally! ⭐️ he's a bit confused but he's got the spirit, i'll give him that.. bi wife energy start playing whenever he walks into the room

zack: gayboi with a bad case of hero worship for dr brennan. naomi from paleonthology made him realise this isnt really what he'd like to excavate, if you get the gist... ;) (ew)

angela: imo? bi, but it's up to anyone. canon queer and i'm very happy about it

hodgins: bi. putting my foot down on this one- to me, hodgela is bi4bi. one day early into the series angela goes "why is everyone so hot... being bi is so hard" and hodgins is like "yeah, tell me about it" and they have a Oh, You Too? moment

cam: distinguished (ex-disaster) pan. she's all cool and collected now but in middle school she was probably stuttering whenever she saw a pretty girl

sweets: pan. boykisser. i just KNOW. that man is not heterosexual. probably had a few boyfriends in high school too

aubrey: bi? preference for women but in an alternate universe he and sweets are a thing

goodman: token straightie along with booth except i actually like him even tho even tho he took a 2 month sabbatical and never came back

squinterns:

clark: bi. a bit repressed and only realised it after breaking up with nora but as long as he gets there it's fine

daisy: pan. absolute girlkisser. she has the wlw equivalent of whatever zack felt for dr brennan. swaisy is a disaster pan couple.

fisher: pan- and i wont have it any other way. he was 100% checking sweets out when he came over to b&b's in s8, so i like to think when hodgins asks sweets "what is it with you and interns?" in 9x23 he's including fisher

wendell: bi and in a lab au he's dating vincent thank you

vincent: english twink and i think he and wendell should kiss in the lab lost & found

arastoo: straightie but we still love him. pan wife energy since he and cam are married

finn: god, i have No Idea but i have a feeling he doesn't either

wells: aro, and maybe ace too, but fyi even if he wasn't no one would want him

jessica: ... i used to say lesbian but i kinda let the jaubrey of it all get to me... pan vibes perhaps? i'll have to think it over. in another universe she and daisy are a thing too btw

other characters:

caroline julian:... lesbian. no i will not give an explanation for this one. sham marriage and all.

karen delfs: big pansexual energy coming from this random profiler?? i like her

villains: (do not take those seriously, but also...)

pelant: unlabeled. getting strangled by hodgins awoke something in him but he didnt have the time to figure it out between 8x01 and 9x04

taffet: very VERY mean lesbian

epps: heterosexual incel

broadsky: internalised homophobia over booth, clearly

kovac: the man pretended to be married to his sister. i'm not sure i even wanna know

#am i serious about these? eh. but also kinda. #bonestv #bones tv #temperance brennan #seeley booth #angela montenegro #zack addy #jack hodgins #lance sweets #james aubrey #clark edison #daisy wick #colin fisher #wendell bray #oliver wells #daniel goodman #jessica warren #christopher pelant #howard epps #heather taffet #jacob broadsky #caroline julian #karen delfs #arastoo vaziri #vincent nigela murray #squinterns

[successionsmashorpass]

Thank you everyone for voting!

Now that all characters have been determined as either a smash or pass, the next phase of this blog will be a bracket poll pitting all winners against each other to determine who is the most fuckable.

The winners and bracket poll candidates are:

Shiv Roy

Roman Roy

Marcia Roy

Gerri Kellman

Karolina Novotney

Stewy Hosseini

Willa Ferreya

Lawrence Yee

Rava Roy

Naomi Pierce

Nate Sofrelli

Gil Eavis

Jess Jordan

Rhea Jarrell

Sandi Furness

Caroline Collingwood

Tabitha Hayes

Brex

Lisa Arthur

Cyd Peach

Brian

Amir

Ebba

Josh Aaronson

The bracket poll will be launching at the end of this week. Stay tuned!

#succession #hbo succession #succession smash or pass #smash or pass #poll #succession poll

[nanpierce]

How I think my Succession mothers are spending mother's day ❤️

Gerri (before): Baird got the girls up early to help make her breakfast and get her gifts ready. Later he would tell her how lucky and grateful he feels that she's their daughters' mom, and she's better at it than she thinks she is. She disagrees, but loves his kindness and faith in her.

Gerri (now): She gets a happy mother's day call from each of them. They stopped trying to do anything for her when she'd always cancel because "something came up" at work. She tries not to think about the closeness with them that she lost along with Baird.

Caroline: Gets offended when the kids don't call her, even though she doesn't want to talk to them. When they do call her, she criticizes them for doing it on American mother's day (she is once again laid low by their father's influence), and only on mother's day.

Nan: Takes Naomi to visit her mom's grave. Nan says Naomi's mom would have been proud of her, and tells a story about her that Naomi has heard before (she doesn't mind hearing it again). In the car on their way home, she thanks Nan for filling in.

Rhea: Calls or visits her Socialist mother in Georgia, and is told that if she really wants to get her something for mother's day, she can start with redistributing her billionaire girlfriend's wealth. Rhea laughs and reminds her she siphoned a few million in hush money out of Logan's bank account, at least, which she says is "a start."

Cyd: Has never once in her life entertained the notion of having children, but the young gay people at Waystar call her mother, which she correctly understands to mean they worship her. They fetch her iced coffees and share their gossip with her, so she finds it entertaining. This does significant damage to Tom's psyche, which is a bonus.

#succession #gerri kellman #caroline collingwood #nan pierce #cyd peach #rhea jarrell

[girlwithfish]

@ratatouiile tagged me to list 10 fav songs with names in the title thank uuuuuuu romy <333

naomi - neutral milk hotel

kerina - adrianne lenker

michelle - beatles

bobby - alex g

lily (my one and only) - smashing pumpkins (especially/specifically the demo)

pretty mary k (new moon version) - elliott smith

dear prudence - beatles

jennifer's body - hole

caroline please kill me - coma cinema

cath - death cab for cutie

tagging @pinkmoon888 @butterfliesarefree @timehascomeagain @pray1ngmantis @computerexploder @unheavenlybody @perillaleafs @magdalenas @glidebylilychouchou @yellowwperil @closedooropenwindow and any other moots who want toooo u can say i tagged u <3

#thank u romyyy i wanted 2 do this one saur bad LMAO ty #limited myself to only 1 alex g song but i would also include molly/sally/kara if i could

[akajustmerry]

Jumping in your inbox! Only to ask, is there anything in particular you wish Succession fans would talk about more, that you haven't seen them talk about? Hope you're having a really good evening!

hello, I love your url 😂 and thank you! stuff I'd like to see people discuss more is (quickfire round):

wish people would just generally discuss Logan's abuse of the Roy siblings in less competitive terms. I think it's really weird and uncomfortable to see people argue who had it worse when we spent 4 seasons witnessing how this man uniquely tortured each of his children in ways that fucked them all up for life in deeply irreparable ways. like, grow up. would anyone who is trying to argue one sibling had it worse than any other actually want any of their childhoods? no because they are all horrific.

I generally wish people would look into the real world influences and inspirations for succession more. I think people would get more out of the show and see its brilliance more clearly with its proper context. particularly the political and class context!

it's really hard to have nuanced conversations about women on the internet, but I really wish people didn't view the women in this show purely as either victims or #girlbosses a lot of the time. I wish there was more discussion on how their victimisation as women co-exists and even informs their abuse of others. I'm thinking primarily of shiv, gerri and Caroline when I say this.

oh I wish very much there was more discussion of naomi pierce! I think she's such a wonderful character whose existence says so much while doing so little. I'm a low-key hardcore kenomi shipper too so I wish there was more love for them as a couple too. Also just wish people talked about Rhea more I think she's one of the greatest characters of all time.

Wish people would discuss/understand that Succession isn't an "ugly show," it's actually shot in the very specific Dogme 95 tradition and while it may not seem cinematic to some, it's a very intentional artistic choice and if people appreciated that intentionality more then they would understand succession is very beautiful in its own way.

Kinda wish ppl would not discuss Logan as a cartoonist villain. I feel like the series goes to great pains to show how Logan is a complex human being and while his abuse isn't excusable, it's not simple either.

I also don't think it's discussed enough how shiv refers to Tom taking advantage of her early in their relationship when she was going through a dark time. Shiv briefly refers to a period where she was really low before she met Tom and then Tom sort of pulled her out of it but the way Tom talks about shiv during that time it's like she was disassociated which is yikes. I don't really see Shiv's mental health discussed anywhere near as much as the boys and I think there's way more to say about it!

these are just off the top of my head as I'm falling asleep! obviously this is relative to my experiences with the fandom so there very well might be places where these things are discussed and if so that's great. hope you have a lovely day too <3

#getonthebeers

[ashes-writing]

wild one pt twelve | stranger things ; g.emerson

taglist babes || req rules / fandoms+characters || send ?s || masterlist

CHAPTERS ; 

one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven can be found by clicking. the stranger things masterlist is here- minus a thing or two I haven't added yet.

AUTHORS NOTES;

Obvs, this story still has a chokehold on me. I'm not even bothering to deny it at this point anymore. I warn you all right now, this gets kind of... angsty. Well, my attempt at angst -which is not my native genre, so to speak, so it's probably not well written angst at all but I am learning and trying so that's good, Ig? The angst shouldn't last long at all. You guys are so amazing, I mean this. Every single one of you have no idea how much it means to me that you even read my shit, let alone, interact with it at all and every single interaction has been so motivating and so kind and it just warms my heart so much. Thank you.

SUMMARY;

-- there are always ups and downs.

PAIRING;

Gareth Emerson x Fem!Reader

( reader has female parts / was born with female parts. beyond personality, outfits, female reader is stripped of other physical descriptors to the best of writers ability.)

WARNINGS;

poorly written angst, bullying is mentioned / shown -the jocks and popular kids are still their own warning because they're shitty people, swearing, reader and her best friend climb the water tower again and that's it. Gareth -and other parties involved are all 18 and up for this, jsyk.

TAGLIST;

@musichealsscars @allelitesmut @hcloangcls @aries-arcade @scoobiessnacks @krys-orion @heyaitsklaudia @cole22ann @letsbedragonstogether @untitledarea @icequeen1371 @suits-and-smirks @aurumbelis @louderfortheback @secretsicanthideanymore @hoeshii @thechoiceslookgrimm @ebonybloom @hotgirlsshareaccounts @oflavenderandevie @chieflawyerpastatoad @fandomfreakforever @untoldshortsofthefandoms @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @Sporadiccherryblossom @sparkletash

@littlestarfighter03 @liberhoe are the only people present on my taglist for stranger things. If you want to be added, click the doc linked at the top of the post or lmk if it won't work for you to add your name.

“How is this fair? Nobody will play on our team. She’s gotten to nearly all of them and Chrissy can’t because she’s been out for two days.” Emma is pacing the floor, biting the edge of her thumb. 

You blow out a breath in exasperation and raise a hand, letting it settle in your hair. “Okay, so we know everyone else is on Caroline’s side, absolutely no exceptions. Have you even talked to Chrissy? She hardly ever misses school, don’t you think it’s a little weird?” you’re in deep thought mode. You stop the pacing to pull yourself up onto the window ledge and sit in it and you stare out the bathroom window at the overcast skies. Then an idea hits you. “Okay, hold on.”

“Please tell me you just had the same idea I had?” Emma looks up at you hopefully.

“Dunno. Was your idea to go around to the people who aren’t on the squad that we’ve seen them all messing with or bullying and ask them to play?” you gaze at Emma and raise your leg, bending it at the knee. Emma is grinning. “Bingo. We have a winner. But…”

“The guidelines, Em. They clearly state that as long as the person in question is involved in some kind of extracurricular, they are allowed to play in the stupid game. Remember that year that Veronica got some of the girls in the Math Club because Danielle and Iris were injured?” you’re laughing a little because it’s simple. Or you both think it will be.

And it should’ve been.

But, around lunchtime, you’re starting to truly see just how far-reaching the influence of Caroline Owens reaches. You’ve just finished talking to Naomi, a girl you’ve seen crying in the bathroom stalls because Caroline barked every single time she’d walk past and Naomi is telling you there’s no way she can risk playing in the game and having a target on her back. Naomi walks off and you swing at the locker near you  in frustration.

Then Max storms over.

“Give me the sign up sheet.” she demands as she nods to it.

“You’re a freshman.” you’re trying to dissuade her, but it’s only because she’s the closest thing you have to the sibling you always wanted and you know that you and Em are going out to hurt -and most likely, be hurt during the game tomorrow and you don’t want anything happening to Max.

“Give me the sheet.” Max insists firmly.

You stop and think about it, there’s absolutely nothing in the guidelines that says underclassmen can’t play. And Max is in Film Club and the AV club with Will, Mike and Dustin. And you know that as long as you and Em cover her, maybe you can keep her from getting hit too hard. Plus, there’s the fact that she’s Max and if you don’t let her sign up, she’ll sneak into your room tonight and sign herself up anyway. Once she’s made her mind up, she doesn’t change it terribly often.

You hold it out to her and she signs her name. You take the clipboard back and gaze at her for a few seconds. “Okay, you’re pissed. Start talking.”

“Caroline’s getting her stupid sister Angela to play. Angela’s been going to Lucas’ basketball games and last night, she was talking about how she was going to paint his number on her cheek. He’s uh… I think he might like her and it just frustrates me.” she goes quiet. “I know I told him I needed space because he’s acting different now, but it.. It hurts and it pisses me off, alright?”

You laugh softly and gaze down at her, a hand in your hair. “Jealousy, hm?”

“Mhm. Big time.” Max admits.

You don’t have any room to talk, you turned a corner in the hallway the day before and it was to find one of Heather’s friends trying to flirt with a totally oblivious -and annoyed, Gareth. And when he’d spotted you, he just walked away from the girl when she was in the middle of talking. Straight over to you. Where he proceeded to grumble and roll his eyes and apologize profusely. While it was cute, you weren’t mad at him and you’d made sure he knew that. So yeah, you know exactly how Max feels right now.

And then you spot Heather’s little sister Tanya trying to cozy up to a horrified Will Byers in the hallway. You nudge Max and nod in the direction. “You uh… you might want to get his step-sister and go over, that poor kid looks absolutely horrified.”

You both gape when Mike walks right up to him and clears his throat, giving the girl a dirty look as he points a finger down the hall and away. “I don’t even think so. Go stand with your friends, dirty little bimbo.” and then he’s gazing at Will in concern. Then the two boys are whispering quietly and laughing the whole thing off.

You have the passing thought that maybe the two boys are more than just friends but… you keep your mouth shut because the town you live in is definitely not open-minded. And you know a girl last year who did come out and the end result was that the bullying and religious speeches given to her got so bad that her mother and father had to transfer her out to a private school.

You’re shaken out of your daze when you spot one of Caroline’s friends staring at Jeff across the hall and then whispering back and forth with Megan. Giggling.

“Ah hell no. Nope, absolutely fucking not. His girlfriend is a sweetheart. I’m gonna go down to the art class and put a stop to this shit right now, immediately. We may be about to look pathetic in front of the entire school tomorrow when it’s just three or four of us against them on the field during the game but… I am not about to let whatever additional fuckery they’re up to happen.” you rant.

 Max nods in agreement. “I’ll come down with you. El is in that class right now too. We’ll give our strongly worded warnings and go to our classes.” Max falls into step beside you and the two of you burst into the art class in question. The teacher is your old teacher from last year, Ms. Dawson. She’s chill, probably one of the few chill teachers employed at Hawkins. She greets you and you tell her that you both need to talk to a friend.

You spot Jeff’s girlfriend in the back working on a painting and you make your way over, whispering what you’ve just seen into her ears. At first, she thinks that the girl in question was just being nice but then she remembers the same girl cornering Jeff up before school and practically begging him to tutor her in a subject or help her study for a test. 

You rub your forehead as you listen to what she’s saying. “All I’m saying is they’re up to something. We both know how they typically treat the boys. Remember last year when they got bored and one of them started writing Grant those stupid secret admirer letters, then he went to meet his secret admirer and found Andy and Chance waiting instead?With the rest of them?” you remember hearing about it when it happened last year. You remember confronting both boys about it when you found out, telling them it was a shitty thing to do, but beyond that, you didn’t do anything else. And now that you’re thinking about it, you feel like shit because you didn’t. Grant is a sweet guy, he didn’t deserve that shit.

Jeff’s girlfriend Lisa speaks up and nods. “Or Eddie, they tried the same with him and Chrissy in tenth grade. Jason forged those letters just to prove that Eddie did have a crush on her, only the joke was on them because Jason had the wrong locker because Jeff told him the wrong locker number when he asked.” she’s filling you in on this and a few of the other things they’ve done to try and humiliate your boyfriend and her boyfriend and his best friends and you’re disgusted. 

You come away with the decision made in full.

Come tomorrow, you are no longer a Hawkins High Tiger. And you are going to do whatever you can from now onward to make sure the popular kids are exposed as the assholes they’ve always been. When you and Emma first realized it was bad months ago, neither of you knew just how bad it really was.

You’d both been so busy doing your own thing and just focused on your own defiance to the popular kids that neither of you really stopped to consider the thought that it got any worse.

 You laugh to yourself as Max walks back over and she raises a brow. “What’s so funny?” she asks.

“It’s not funny haha so much as funny as in Mike Wheeler was right. We didn’t know how bad it was. But..” you pinch the bridge of your nose, “Now we do. I gotta do something, Max.”

“You and Emma are doing everything you can?” Max is giving you a confused look.

“It feels like it’s not enough like… Now that I’m hearing all the shit they do to everyone else, I feel so disgusted. Kinda selfish too.”

Max shrugs. “Yeah, here’s the thing though. You and Emma are opening your eyes. You’re aware of what’s going on. They don’t care or want to be better and you both do. You’re trying.”

You’re walking back out into the hall to head to your own classes and you happen to stop by the bathroom.

When you hear the whispering down by the stalls, something tells you to stay quiet, so you do. Max goes to step out but where you’re standing, you’re kind of hidden from view by a section of wall overhang that juts out to separate the tampon machines and a mirror so right now, they can’t see you at all and you can hear them perfectly.

He’s only with her because she’s a cheerleader. It’s a step up for him. A huge step up. I mean, she’s trash but he’s a freak. It benefits him. Nobody really wants her, I mean even Andy was just looking to be the guy who punched her V card for that bet with Patrick.. Girls have started noticing Gareth. How long do you think it’ll take til he realizes he can have better than trailer park trash? I can’t wait, oh my god. Hopefully soon. I just want to see her broken down. We know it’ll kill her when he’s finally done with her. She’s lucky she got him to notice her, I mean c’mon.. She’s crazy. Too outspoken and not nearly soft enough. The whole tomboy cheerleader thing isn’t cute or quirky, it’s just weird and it makes us all look weird right along with her. He has to be dating her because it benefits him, I mean c’mon. She’s not even that pretty when you stop to think about it.

Max rubs her hand over her face because she’s looking up at you and she knows that you’re standing there and hearing all this and she knows that it’s going to linger and eat at you. “Don’t..” she mouths, shaking her head at you. You take a deep breath while trying to shove down the way everything you’ve just heard Megan and Layla saying about you and Gareth -and why they think he’s really with you, out of your head. 

You’re telling yourself it can’t be true. You’re telling yourself that he wouldn’t lie and he loves you and that you love him. You know all of these things to be true but that nagging doubt is there and it’s just a tiny little seed that’s just been planted.

“C’mon. We need to get to class.” you mumble to your stepsister. Max nods in agreement. The walk down the hallway is quiet. When you’re at Max’s door, she looks up at you. “You can’t let what you heard in there get to you, alright? You know it’s not true. I know it’s not true. I see the way he looks at you. He’s always taking care of you. If he were just with you for a shallow reason, I don’t think he’d do that.” Max tries to reassure you and you swallow hard, forcing yourself to smile and nod.

– ( Gareth’s side of the coin, later in the day )

He’s looking for you before his Hellfire meeting starts and he happens to turn a corner and overhear the tail end of the conversation going on between a few of the girls you’re on the squad with. And when he hears what they’re saying, he really wishes he hadn’t.

- It has to be a pity thing. It has to. I mean, c’mon.. It’s either pity or she’s bored. Everyone knows they’re not compatible and sooner or later, she’ll see it. 

- She’s gotta come around. She’s making all of us look so bad. I mean I know she was trash before but it’s so much worse now, she’s dating a freak. And it’s driving the team apart.

- It’s disgusting, they’re always all over each other and he knows he’s not good enough for her, he has to. It’s pretty damn obvious. We all see it. I kind of just like.. I feel so bad for him because he’s delusional if he thinks she really loves him.

Jeff catches up to him just in time to see the damage done and start trying to bring his best friend back to reality. “Don’t listen, man. C’mon.” Jeff pulls at his arm and when he sees Gareth really taking in what he’s heard and possibly absorbing it, he groans to himself and shakes his head. “She didn’t date at all before you, idiot. If you let a single word of that get in your head, I swear to Ozzy.”

Gareth takes a deep breath. He’s trying to tell himself that he knows how you feel. That he knows that he loves you and honestly, you’re it for him, sappy and over dramatic and unrealistic as it may seem to anybody else if he were to tell anyone this. He’s telling himself that he can’t let it get to him but on the other hand, all the old lingering doubts and one or more of the things he’s always thought about himself not being good enough, those are at war with what he knows is true right now and it’s too much. Way too much, he can’t take it.

He spots you and Emma wandering over, talking back and forth with each other, Max and her friend El in tow. And he’s still dealing with the internal conflict but he can feel the tension when you walk up to him and lean against him. It’s awkward, almost like back during the summer, the first few times you were hanging out. Before you got together.

Before he can ask if everything is okay, Eddie and Grant wander over with Dustin Henderson and Erica Sinclair, her brother Lucas, the two of them arguing vehemently about something that at one point has Erica smacking her brother in the back of his head and rolling her eyes. When Lucas is spotted by some of the boys from the basketball team and they tell him to hurry up because there’s a special team meeting, Mike, Will and Dustin share an annoyed look. Max rolls her eyes, disgusted. 

“I’ll be in as soon as..” Lucas starts, feeling torn, glancing from his teammates to his best friends and back again. Everything in him is telling him to stay, to spend more time with his friends, but he feels like he has a responsibility towards his team too and they’re having a meeting. It could be huge, Patrick has even hinted that he might be getting pushed up to Varsity… as a Freshman. He’d be the first person since Steve Harrington to have that happen.

Will waves his hands. “Just go.” as Mike speaks up quietly, “You’re the one who said it’s too time consuming and you can’t do both. If you want to do basketball, do it, man. It’s okay.” as Dustin nods and shrugs. “It’s not a big deal.” and Max watches him walk away, gaping. Turning to the three boys with an annoyed look. “You guys are really just going to let him go? With those assholes?”

“Wake up, Max. He’s slowly becoming one of them. He blew us off for our campaign in the basement again this weekend, remember what he told us last night when we were planning it? Not to mention, he rode home with that prick Carver after practice Wednesday and that’s when Chance and Patrick were shouting out the window at me, Will, El and Dustin when we went up to try and adjust Cerebro better.” Mike is annoyed but more to the point, Mike is hurt. And he’s not the only one. So are the rest of Lucas’ friends. And Erica is annoyed because her brother is changing and she doesn’t like it. She’s overheard him talking to Patrick on the phone and she’s heard him going along with what Patrick said about DnD… And Hellfire.

Everyone files into the drama classroom to start the next round of the campaign. You drag a chair over beside Gareth and Emma drags a chair over to sit it between Eddie and Will, who is sitting beside him this time. Emma shoots you a look across the table because she can tell something is bothering you, but you shake your head, plaster on this little smile.

Max leans in and whispers what happened and what you overheard to Emma and Emma grumbles, giving you an irritated eye roll because she can’t believe you’d be stupid enough to let it get in your head for even a second.

Jeff nudges Gareth and nods at you as he leans in and whispers, “Just talk to her. Don’t do anything stupid, buddy. It looks like she’s upset..” and Gareth steals a look at you as you sit in the chair beside him, shuffling a deck of playing cards you kept in your locker. You look up at him and you try to give him one of your usual big and bright smiles but you just… You can’t. You’re still hearing it on repeat in your head and the more you try to stop it, the harder it is to stop.

Eddie calls for his usual ‘intermission’ so a trip can be made down the hall to the vending machines and Gareth slips an arm around you, pulling you into his side. He’s tense and so are you. You want to just say it, just tell him what’s going on with you right now, but you feel like you can’t and that it’s stupid to let it get to you in the first place. You can feel him tense beside you and you finally can’t take it anymore.

You stop your walk and gaze up at him. “Something is bothering you.”

“I’m fine.” Gareth tries to lie, but you shake your head. “You’re not fine. Just tell me, please? Like.. Did I do something?”

“No! I’m fine. It’s just been a long day. I mean it, sugar.” he tries to sound more convincing but at this point, he’s spent most of the afternoon dealing with these damned nagging doubts and he just can’t take it anymore. When he tries to tell you what’s going on, the words hang and they won’t come.

And you can feel your stomach churning. But you can’t bring yourself to say anything, especially not if something is already bothering him, you don’t want to add to it. So you keep your mouth shut and you lean against him a little, forcing yourself to give what’s hopefully a more convincing smile. “Love you, baby.” you mumble quietly.

“Love you too.” he answers, nodding to the vending machines nearby. “C’mon.”

But that churning feeling in the pit of your stomach is settled in now and it won’t go away. It gets to be so bad that you tell yourself that maybe you’re too clingy. So you spend the rest of the meeting trying to give both of you a little space, even moving your chair to the side of the table Max is on at one point, under the guise of wanting to help her.

When you do it, Gareth feels like his stomach has dropped. And he’s watching you from across the table intently, completely unable to focus. Those nagging doubts are back again and now that you’ve moved across the table, they’re somehow even louder. 

By the time the meeting is over, you’re both so lost in your own worries, doubts and fears that neither of you really say anything to each other for the whole ride back to your parents trailer so Gareth can pick up his truck where he parked it.

You’re desperate when he goes to kiss you, so you try to work through the nagging feeling that maybe you’re just too clingy and it’s finally pushing him away or something to kiss him back like usual but you just can’t. The kiss breaks and you lingering out beside his truck for a few minutes, neither of you saying anything.

But both of you want to.

The words just won’t come.

“Night, baby.”

“Night, sugar. I’ll uh..” Gareth drags his hand through his hair. He almost says he’ll see you tomorrow like usual, but he’s at least ninety five percent sure that maybe you’re distancing. Maybe he’s crowding you and you’re just too polite to say it. Or maybe you really do think he’s clingy and pathetic and this thought really hurts. It bothers him because he knows how he feels and he’s pretty sure that you feel the same way, but the girls he overheard earlier weren’t wrong. You’re always with him. And maybe, you’re just too polite to tell him to leave you alone.

Kinda funny, the tricks your own mind will play on you.

He turns to walk to his truck and you linger at the front door, taking several deep but shaky breaths as you work on pulling yourself together. You need to focus, Emma and some other girls are coming over soon to practice tackling each other so that it’s done properly and nobody gets too injured in the game tomorrow. You need your head in what you’re doing but you know already that it’s not going to be because you can’t stop thinking about it..

What if you are losing him? What if he’s realizing he has other options and he’s bored or something? What if you really aren’t good enough after all?

– ( later that night gareth + his friends )

“Okay, what was all that during the campaign, man? Level with me. What’s going on? Because I’m not the only one who noticed.” Eddie is blunt and direct when he says it. He reaches for the joint Jeff is holding out to him and inhales, breathing in the smoke deep.

Gareth shrugs. “Nothing.”

“That’s bullshit!” Jeff exclaims, throwing up his hands. “Since he won’t talk about it, I will. Because if he buys it, he’s an idiot.” Jeff rants after telling them what Gareth overhead in the hallway, going quiet when he’s done. Grant takes the joint from Eddie to take a hit. “Seriously, Emerson?” he laughs when he says it. “You’re going to let that go to your head? That’s what is going to stop you from actually getting the girl, idiot?”

From beside Jeff, Lisa speaks up. “You’re being stupid, Gare.”

“It’s not.” Gareth insists. “Maybe they had a point, man. I mean, c’mon.” he takes the joint and takes a bigger hit than he means to, coughing. When he’s done coughing, he shrugs. “Maybe she can do better.”

“Okay, now I’m gonna punch you in the fuckin throat, Emerson. Stop and think about what you’re saying a little, idiot. Do you really believe that?” Eddie questions. Shaking his head and laughing when Gareth doesn’t answer right away as he rubs the bridge of his nose, frustrated. Plain annoyed with Gareth and his inner turmoil because from where he sits, Gareth is every bit as good -no, better, than any guy you could have chosen. But you didn’t choose any of them. You chose him. And now a few stupid little words that they probably only said because they knew he was standing there and knew it’d get to him in the first place.. That’s going to get to him?

It baffles Eddie.

“So what, you’re just gonna let go without a fight? That’s not very great of you, Gareth the Great…” Grant muses as he reaches out to take another hit.

It sounds lame but he says it anyway. “She was acting weird this afternoon.”

Eddie grumbles. “Because you were? Could the fact that she might have picked up on your shift in mood have even a little to do with it, man? Because you were kind of cold, buddy. I’m with Grant.. This isn’t very great of you, Gareth the Great.” 

Gareth shrugs, staring down at the writing on the bottom of his Converse. “I know. I just don’t like.. I don’t want to trap her or anything. And what if I did?”

“Dude, you’re the only boy she’s actually shown any sort of interest in dating. I’m being serious man, ask around if you don’t believe me.” Jeff insists. 

“Yeah, yeah..” Grant is thinking, trying to remember an instance he could use to demonstrate that the three of them are right and Gareth is wrong this time. It comes to him.. “Okay, remember 9th grade? When we had that foreign exchange student for a semester? He followed her around like a lost puppy but she pretty much ignored him.”

Jeff chuckles. “And there was the time Danny tried to kiss her after a football game and she shoved him off, rolled her eyes in disgust before walking away?” and beside him, Lisa laughs. “I have one that goes back further, actually. We had a class together in seventh grade. You do realize the only reason she wore that dress she wore so much at the time was because of the one time you blurted out that she looked pretty in it, right? She had a huge crush on you at the time…”

Gareth is thinking it all over. Trying to convince himself that he knows the truth and everything his friends are telling him is proof positive and only confirming what he already knows, but then he’ll stop and think about it. And his mind does the thing it likes to, pointing out every single one of the things he hates about himself or uses to compare himself to others.

“Stop doing whatever it is you’re doing right now. I mean it, you fucking idiot. I can see it in your eyes, alright? And I’m not dealing with it.” Eddie speaks up, exhaling a plume of smoke into the air. 

“Just leave it alone, Munson.” Gareth grumbles, taking another long hit. “I mean it, man. Just leave it alone. I’ll.. Figure something out I guess.” he mutters to himself, shaking his head. But he can’t because every time he thinks he’s got himself talked into going with what his heart and his gut are both heavily suggesting, those old doubts creep right back in and they’re so damn loud.

He can’t get rid of them and he hates it. What he hates more than anything right now is the fact that he might have hurt you acting distant earlier and this is killing him. But he can’t fix it because every time he even thinks he can, it all starts again and he loses the nerve.

– ( later that night, you + your friends )

“Why the hell did you take off like that earlier?” Emma’s voice cuts through your thoughts as she flops down next to you and reaches down, taking a soda from the pack. She twists the top off and shotguns half of the soda, wiping her hand across the back of her lips. You thump your unopened pack of cigarettes against your palm and shrug. “I just needed to clear my head.”

“I call bullshit. You wanted to come up here and dwell on it. You’re not clearing your head right now, you’re letting all the crap inside of it get to you and we both know it.” Emma takes one of your cigarettes after reaching for the pack. She takes your lighter next to light her cigarette and then she laughs. “Y’know nothing they said is true… Right?”

“Yeah, well.. He was acting weird at the Hellfire meeting earlier. And we didn’t really talk much on the way home.” you sigh. “Maybe he is starting to realize he can do better, I mean Beth Archer’s pretty hot and she was all over him Wednesday.” you blow out a plume of smoke.

Emma gapes and shakes her head. “He walked away from her when he saw you. If he were even partially entertaining it… Nevermind, you’re a fucking brick wall.” she stares down at the ground. “Maybe he was acting weird because you were? Maybe he picked up on it.”

It’s not entirely illogical and you know it.

“Just talk to him. Do something, damn it.” Emma insists. After a minute or two of silence, she takes another drag. “Look, I might know why he was acting weird.. According to Eddie, anyway.” she trails off again, laughing softly. “He overheard some of the girls talking too and it got to him.”

You nearly choke on the drag you’ve just taken, flicking your ashes into an empty bottle nearby. Given that you’ve been up on the tower at least an hour by now, you’ve got yourself a neat little line and you have so much sugar and caffeine coursing your veins right now, you know you’re not sleeping tonight.

“Wait..” you ask quietly. “What now?”

Emma tells you everything Eddie told her, ending with, “And he seriously thinks that you can do better. Like, it really rattled the poor guy, trouble.”

You’re sitting there and thinking about it and you palm your face when you realize what has to have happened. Emma’s brow raises. “What?” she flicks her ashes into her empty soda bottle and reaches for another, waiting for you to answer her.

“I know they didn’t exactly plan to do this, but like… The timing.” you laugh a little, taking a few shaky breaths. “He seriously fucking believed them?”

Emma narrows her eyes. “You did too, idiot.”

“Touche.” you mutter, flipping her off. Shaking your head. “Okay, I really, really, really have to fix this. Like.. I have to. But how?”

“Does he know about the flannel thing?”

“Nope. I uh… never really got around to telling him, remember? Honestly, I don’t even think he knows it’s his. He never asked?” you cringe sheepishly when you look at her and Emma laughs. “Maybe it’s a good thing that he didn’t and that you haven’t told him, hm? Because if you tell him what you told me about why you even have it in the first place, I mean..” Emma takes a sip, “His own head can’t be that far up his own ass that he won’t believe it. But you have to tell him everything. I mean it.”

You sigh and nod. “That’s not all I can do..”

“Hm?” Emma questions. 

“Well… you said that since everyone is painting their face tomorrow, you were too, right? To clue in a certain big idiot that you kind of like him?”

“Yeah, if I can figure out how to make something similar to the bats on his arm.. Go on?”

“Well, I’ll just brand myself with face paint then. One of us has to fight..” you rub your forehead, “I care too much. I’m in love with him. It’s not ending like this.”

“It’s about time you found that stubborn side again, trouble.” Emma high fives you.

Headlights are blinding you and you throw up your hands to shield your eyes. Emma is standing, gathering the leopard print cardigan she shed when she got to the top of the tower to sit with you. 

“Okay, Hop, alright. We’re comin down, sir.” you scramble to your feet and you lean out over the rail a little to call out to what you think is Chief Hopper.

“Do I fucking look like a cop?” Eddie Munson calls up to you. “What the fuck are you two doing up there anyway? A guy fell off this shit in 79.”

Emma’s brow raises and you stand. “I’m gonna uh.. Let you and your loverboy have some space. I’m going home.”

But Eddie is up the tower now and he’s flopped himself down right between you both, a lazy grin on his face. “So this is what you two actual hellions do for fun, hm?” he chuckles quietly. 

“I told her what you told me.” Emma is hugging against Eddie just a little bit as she holds up her soda to him. “Your drink, ringmaster.”

“It’s Dungeon Master, heathen.”

“I still say you run the games like a ringmaster runs a circus, so.. Ringmaster.”

“Damn it, woman. I am a dungeon master.”

You laugh to yourself listening to the two of them.

Eddie clears his throat. “You do realize that Emerson’s so buried in his own bullshit you need to do something, right?” he questions as he gazes over at you. You nod. “Yeah. I’m going to.” you glance over Eddie at Emma. “He doesn’t know who said it, right? Because if he does, all I can say is I’m tackling to injure tomorrow.”

Eddie chuckles. 

Emma gazes up at him. “Did he namedrop, lug?”

“He didn’t but.. Jeff did.” Eddie exhales a plume of cigarette smoke into the night air. “Jeff said he knows Megan was standing there and he thinks he saw Heather, maybe that one airheaded chick, Tiffany.”

“I fucking knew Megan would be part of it. I heard her in the bathroom this morning with Caroline..” you grumble, rubbing your temples. Making a mental note of the girls Eddie just named off. “Just a warning. We were told today that it’s flag football and we’re not allowed to tackle. But we all know they’re not going to follow the rules and somehow, they will get away with it.” you go quiet.

 Emma continues, “We’re probably getting at least two weeks of Saturday detention. But it’ll be so worth it.”

“Did you two ever get any other girls to sign on?” Eddie asks after a few seconds of looking up at the moon. “It’s kinda nice up here, actually. I mean aside from some guy falling off of this.” he shrugs it off and goes quiet so both of you can answer.

“Max signed up. I’m gonna try to keep them off her so she can still make her AV meeting and the Hellfire campaign you guys were all playing Saturday at Will’s.” you glance up at Eddie. Eddie nods. “Yeah, she’s gotten to be a pretty decent player.”

Emma laughs and speaks up, “I got a few girls to sign up. Ivy, Pamela and Violet, they’re in Theater with you, I think.” she smirks up at Eddie, “That’s why I rushed in earlier today.”

“And I got two or three girls from Band. Max knows one of them, Robin, I think? And one of her friends is playing. So we might be uneven, but it isn’t just me, Em and Max anymore.” you’re laughing and you shrug. “This might not fix the fact that they’re inherently shitty people, but just laying hands on them after wanting to for so long, that feels satisfying.”

Eddie snickers as you say it. “Hey, both of you, be careful. Henderson said he overheard Andy and Patrick saying he was going to corner you both for some reason.” he gazes at Emma. “Stick close to me, heathen. I mean it. There’s just somethin off about it, alright?”

“Oh, I’ll handle him.” Emma mumbles, laughing. “I can’t believe I was dumb enough to think he actually liked me in the first place, honestly?”

“Em..” you speak up, giving her a warning look. “If I can’t talk shit about myself, you’re not gonna sit here and talk shit about my best friend. Got it?”

“You’re not handling anything. Look, we’ve been dealing with those pricks longer than you two. I know what they’re capable of. If anybody’s going to do anything, you actual demon, it’s going to be me. Are we clear, Em?” Eddie’s gazing down at her and giving her a firm look. 

Emma fidgets and shoots you a look that has both of you laughing as you ask aloud, “See now? See what I mean about when Gareth pulls this on me?”

“Hafuckingha.” Emma flips you off. “Okay, alright. Fine. But I’m getting involved if they drag you too far into the shit, big guy. You’re graduating this year if I have to drag you by the hair down the damn field to your diploma. I mean it, okay?” Emma gives Eddie a firm look of her own as she sticks out her tongue and folds her arms over her chest.

Emma nods to the ground a few seconds later. “We better get down. Ms. Rosen has called it in… Again.”

“Does Ms. Rosen ever do anything but stare out her window and find things to bother Hopper with?” you muse, shaking your head as you work your way to your feet.

“Christ alive, there are three of you up there now? All of you come down, right this second. Get your asses home, ladies, it’s almost midnight.” Chief Hopper calls up from the ground, suppressing a laugh as he attempts to sound firm. He can’t say a whole lot to any of you because the water tower has always been a popular hangout for as long as he’s been alive. And there were quite a few nights that he found himself sitting on the walkway with Joyce when they were teenagers.

The three of you scramble down the ladder and Chief Hopper gives Eddie a puzzled look. “You too, Munson?”

Eddie shrugs and nods his head at Emma. “I saw her mother’s Blazer, sir.”

“So you thought if these two were up there, you should be too, hm? You better get home before Wayne gets in, kid.”

“Yes sir.” Eddie mutters.

“All three of you, go on now. Get home. And stop climbing this damn tower, alright?” 

“Yes sir.” you and Emma say it in unison.

As you walk over to your car, Emma jogs over. “So.. you’re going to do something about the situation with your drummer, right?”

You nod and sigh. “I have to, Em. I’m not losing him like this.” you fidget with the sleeves of the flannel, “Like.. If it’s up to me, I wouldn’t lose him at all. But I refuse to just sit back and let this shit happen to us.” you laugh and give a soft and dopey grin, “He’s stuck with me until he decides differently, alright?”

“You two and your dating for life bullshit. It’s so sappy, oh my god.” Emma is only half teasing. She smiles and jingles her keys, turning to Eddie. “Don’t drive that van like you’re a getaway driver at a heist, alright?” she’s got her hand on her hip as she stares up at him, tapping her foot against gravel. “I’m being serious, Munson. Put on your seatbelt too.”

“Okay, alright, shit.” Eddie chuckles, waving off her words. “Fine.” he grumbles when she lightly smacks his chest. “It’s not a suggestion, Munson.” she pouts up at him.

“I’m going now before you two rot my teeth out. Night, Em.”

“Night, trouble.” Emma smiles at you and you get into your own car, heading back to your house.

#gareth emerson #gareth the great #gareth emerson fanfiction #gareth emerson imagine #gareth emerson x fem!reader

[hotchocolateandpillowforts]

Thank you to @sun-ni-day for tagging me.

Here are 10 of my faves from 10 fav fandoms:

Sherlock Homes--Elementary, tv show.

Parker (thief)--Leverage, tv show.

Klaroline (Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes)--The Vampire Diaries (is this technically cheating? Yes. Do I care? No), tv show.

Peter Bishop--Fringe (it was ALMOST Olivia but I still hold so much nostalgia for Joshua Jackson), tv show.

Naomi Nagata--The Expanse, books AND tv show!

Jen Erso--Rogue One, movie.

Kaz Brekker--Six of Crows duology, books.

Murderbot--The Murderbot Diaries, books.

Jameson Hawthorne--The Inheritance Games trilogy, books.

Victor Vale--The Villains duology, books.

I just went off the top of my head so I feel like I'm missing someone obvious. If anyone wants to do the tag, you have been formally tagged!

#all of the people in Clue #obviously #tag #tag game

[dear-indies]

Hello lovelies! I was wondering if I can get some help. I'm looking for a female fc who gives off ballerina vibes, preferably mid 20's to early 30's. Thank you so much!

Vanessa Kirby (1988)

Parveen Kaur (1988) Punjabi Indian.

Phoebe Tonkin (1989)

Elizabeth Debicki (1990)

Adelaide Kane (1990)

Meghann Fahy (1990)

Macarena Achaga (1992) Argentinian.

Adria Arjona (1992) Guatemalan / Puerto Rican.

Ayça Aysin Turan (1992) Turkish.

Jessica Henwick (1992) Chinese Singaporean / English.

Georgina Campbell (1992) African-Jamaican / English.

Jesse James Keitel (1993) - is trans.

Ella-June Henrard (1993)

Naomi Scott (1993) Gujarati Indian / English, likely Scottish.

Mia Goth (1993) Brazilian [Portuguese, including Azorean, small amount of African, possibly other], Ashkenazi Jewish, English, Irish, Scottish, French-Canadian.

Erin Moriarty (1994)

Lucy Boynton (1994)

Natasha Liu Bordizzo (1994) Italian / Chinese.

Julia Garner (1994) Ashkenazi Jewish / English, Scottish, Irish, German, Scots-Irish/Northern Irish.

Anya Chalotra (1995) Kashmiri Indian / English.

Matilda De Angelis (1995)

Zión Moreno (1995) Mexican [Unspecified Native American and Spanish] - is trans.

Rachel Sennott (1995)

Asia Jackson (1995) African-American / Ibaloi Filipino.

Simone Ashley (1995) Tamil Indian.

Zaria Simone (1996) African-American - in Pretty Little Liars: Original Sin.

Rhianna Jagpal (1995) Indian.

Ella Balinska (1996) Afro-Jamaican / Polish, English.

Anya Taylor-Joy (1996)

Hanako Greensmith (1996) Japanese / White.

Myha'la Herrold (1996) Afro Jamaican / White.

Grace Caroline Currey (1996)

Mook Mookda Narinra (1996) Thai.

Kaitlyn Dever (1996)

Zendaya (1996) African-American / German, Irish. English, Scottish.

Melis Sezen (1997) Turkish.

Natalie Nootenboom (1997) Japanese / Dutch.

Alba Baptista (1997) Portuguese / Brazilian.

Daisy Edgar-Jones (1998)

Here you go!

#fc help #rph #rpc

[fundiesimsfamily]

Babynews

We can't be more excited! Our family is growing once again. Baby Freeman #11 is on the way. We can't thank the Lord enough for all his blessings. Kylian&Samantha, Daniel, Josiah, Vivian, Levi, Amos, Martha, Naomi, Phillip, Caleb and Esther Freeman

We thank the Lord for the safe arrival of our precious daughter, Ivanna. Everything is good with Lydia and Ivanna. Timothy&Lydia Barrow, Christa, Heather, Rick, Isabella, Samuel, Thomas

We are expecting another baby. We can't wait for our little tiebreaker to arrive. Justin&Supriya Delgato, Pierce, Evie, Stacy, Niel

We have been blessed with the birth of another healthy daughter. We named her Hailey. She is loved by all. Ethan&Mathilde Barrow, Robyn, Eleonore, Caroline, Hardey, Zoë, Nova, Maya, Tyler

Our baby girl has arrived! We are so in love with our little bundle of joy. We named her Abby. She is so tiny and precies. Alexander&Ayla Goth

Edith is going to be a big sister! We are thrilled to announce that baby Kenley #2 is on the way. We thank the Lord for blessing us with another gift. Jordan&Susan Kenley, Edith

After being blessed with a girl last year, we now have been blessed with a precious baby boy. We have named him Harry. Shania is still learning to be a big sister but she is doing great adjusting to not being the baby of the family anymore. Max&Grace Villareal, Shania

#fundie #sims 4 #fundiechurch #babynews #kylianfreeman #samanthaeaten #danielfreeman #josiahfreeman #vivianfreeman #levifreeman #amosfreeman #marthafreeman #naomifreeman #phillipfreeman #calebfreeman #estherfreeman #lydiamaher #ivannabarrow #justindelgato #supriyadelgato #piercedelgato #eviedelgato #stacydelgato #nieldelgato #mathildenelson #haileybarrow #aylarogers #abbygoth #jordankenley #susankenley

[nadja-antipaxos]

CAN’T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW - EIGHT - FINAL CHAPTER

Previously - Seven || Masterlist

Rating: Explicit

Warnings:  Swearing, depression, possible suicide attempt briefly referenced and talked about, talk of childbirth and children, vaginal fingering, PIV sex, kissing, mentions of child abuse, manslaughter, drug use, smoking

Note: Last chapter, everyone. Depending on how season 4 goes I might pick this baby back up. I don't know but as of now, the story is over. Thank you a million times a million to everyone who read this, left kudos, and comments. Please let me know how you enjoyed the final chapter. Covers episodes 3x07-3x09. Page Six graphic made by me with my template

Word Count: 6,364

Kendall looks over at Naomi’s sleeping body next to him. He’s nursing a hangover. He doesn’t really remember going out. Naomi found out his divorce was finalized and dragged him out with her friends. They change so often that he doesn’t know their names. He grabs his phone and sees multiple notifications with the same headline from Page Six.

NISHA ASURI-ROY IS A FREE AGENT! Newly divorced socialite hits NYC with famous friends and new boyfriend!

The photo under the headline is of Nisha looking gorgeous at an event with little cutouts of Velasco and Ryan Sutton, the tech dynamo, who is much more beautiful than he remembered. Once he signed, it didn’t take long for their divorce to be finalized. They must’ve taken her out. Velasco has his arm around her shoulder in one photo. In another, he’s next to her while Ryan Sutton and Nisha share a drink. She looks happy in the photos with them. He sighs and puts the phone back on the nightstand and drags the duvet over his head. Maybe he can spend most of the day in bed. His birthday party isn’t until tomorrow anyway.

The big night arrives with such fanfare it should be on MTV’s Sweet Sixteen if they still made them. The Notorious Ken Ready to Die Party. Ryan’s big hazel eyes look over at Nisha who just shakes her head. Ryan has on a navy suit with a floral blouse while Nisha wears a red and black sheer bustier with a black suit. Siblings Roy, Willa, and Tom are just leaving the lobby when they walk in. A pretty woman tells them to hand over coats and phones.

“I’m not giving you my phone,” Nisha tells her. 

“Well, Kendall—”

“I’m the mother of his kids and since he’s busy doing whatever the fuck this is—one of us has to check on them.”

“Okay.” She looks surprised at her blunt honesty.

Nisha hands over a gift with rabbit wrapping paper.

“This is from them, Kendall’s children, so please put it somewhere safe.”

“We will.”

“Thank you.”

After the horrifying ordeal of traveling Caroline’s vaginal canal, Nisha greets Roman and Shiv. Kendall’s name is everywhere in varying levels of embarrassing extravagance.

“Ryan Sutton?” Roman traces a circle with his finger.

“Yep.” She slides a hand into her suit pocket opening the tailored jacket.

“Hmm.” He doesn’t say anything else.

“Nice to meet you. Shiv Roy.” Shiv and Ryan shake hands.

“You too.” Ryan nods.

“You look…amazing. Almost like you shed a bunch of Kendall-sized dead weight, the former Mrs. Roy.” Shiv laughs and gives her a hug.

“Basically.” Nisha shrugs when she pulls away. “We’re gonna keep touring this nightmare.”

“Enjoy. I’ll see you, yeah?”

“I”m sure.” Nisha smiles. 

There’s a room that is just screens with fire on them, tons of pictures of Kendall everywhere (clearly some he recently posed for), a compliment tunnel, his childhood treehouse, and a weird exhibit with terrible trying too hard to be satirical futuristic headlines.

“Thank you so much for inviting me to this party because it’s the most mental thing I’ve ever been to. And really the perfect way to get to know your ex.”

“I really had no idea it would be so Kendall.” Nisha’s stunned at just how awful it all is.

“Aww, you didn’t get a fake magazine cover.” Ryan comes up behind her and slips her arms round Nisha’s middle.

“It’s better that way. Trust me.” Nisha laughs. 

They keep walking through this asshole museum to the bar and Kendall waves at her. She nods. He moves through the crowd and smiles at her.

“You made it.” He goes for a hug and she awkwardly pats him on the back.

“Happy Birthday, Kendall.” Nisha pulls back. “This is Ryan Sutton. My plus one.”

Ryan steps forward. In her heels, she’s taller than him. She smiles and keeps her hands in her suit pockets. Kendall is a little stunned at her natural confidence. She oozes self-assuredness. This is someone who knows exactly who they are.

“Happy Birthday, Kendall. It was a real treat walking through your mother’s vagina.” She speaks with a McCartney-esque accent. He wonders if Tom or Greg has met her. They would lose their shit over her…everything. 

“Thanks. We wanted it to be funny.” He nods. 

“It’s genuinely the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.” Ryan laughs. “I’m gonna get a drink. You want something?”

“Vodka soda, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then get me one of those. Thanks.”

“No problem, babe.”

Kendall watches her walk away and turns back to Nisha.

“Boyfriend busy?”

“He’s not my boyfriend. You shouldn’t believe everything you read.”

Kendall vividly remembers him going down on her in what used to be their bedroom.

“Booty call on speed dial?”

“We’re friends who have sex. That’s it.” 

“Got a new BFF I see.”

“She’s amazing.”

“So I hear. No new guy either?”

“New guy?”

“Sophie mentioned him. Rob? Russ? Something. He made pancakes that looked like a cat?”

Nisha shakes her head. That was Ryan. Of course, Kendall doesn’t actually pay attention to their children. “I don’t have a new guy.”

“So our daughter’s a liar?”

“I didn’t say that. Did you get the present? From the kids?”

“…No.”

“Medium-sized box. Rabbits on the paper. They’re green?”

“I’ll, um, I’ll ask. I’m sure they have it.”

“Okay…”

“Look, my dad offered to buy me out.”

“Oh.”

“Think I should take it?”

“Yes.”

“Wow. Don’t need to think about it?”

“Yes. Get out immediately. Maybe if you do, he won’t involve the kids in your shit anymore.”

‘What?”

“W-What? No. No. That’s not—I’ll do something. I’ll fix it.”

“He was spying on them at the park. Send some idiot to question Bianca.”

“Don’t bother. Already handled it. Just thought you should know.”

“Um, yeah, thanks.”

“Enjoy your birthday, Ken.”

Ryan hands her a drink and as they walk away she puts her hand right above Nisha’s ass.

“Do you think he’d be mad if I ate you out in his boyhood treehouse?” Ryan leans over. 

“You’re so naughty.” Nisha giggles. He knows that sound all too well. They’re flirting.

Ryan is the new guy? Is that why they’re always together? The double makeup and skincare in the bathroom suddenly make more sense. But Nisha’s not—she’s never shown any interest—she didn’t even try in college. That—that can’t be. Ryan pulls her out onto the dance floor. It starts off fine until Ryan bends down and kisses her. His heart pounds in his chest as heat spreads down from the back of his neck. He feels lightheaded. Naomi repeats his name and he forces himself to look at her. He lets her take his hand and lead him away.

A few drinks later (maybe a little more), Ryan has Nisha pinned against the wall of a very fancy bathroom stall. Her hand is in her pants while her mouth devours hers. Nisha can’t believe she’s letting herself get fucked in a bathroom at a party like she’s 20 again. At her ex-husband’s birthday no less. But Ryan’s fingers are too long and too good for her to care. She bites her lip as her body shudders. Ryan gives her a sloppy kiss and withdraws her fingers. She grins before placing them in her mouth. They stagger out of the bathroom and mix back into the crowd.

After trying to keep his parasitic siblings from the treehouse, Kendall walks past Ryan and stops when he realizes. He doesn’t see Nisha around. It’s just her. She truly is one of the most naturally beautiful women he’s ever met, besides Nisha. Big eyes. Pouty lips. Gold hair. She’s incredibly fit too. He can see that from how the tailored suit hangs on her. He just can’t believe a woman he’s known almost half his life is suddenly playing for another team. 

“So, is this the part where you tell me to stay away from your girlfriend?” He asks, unable to help himself. He wants to pick a fight with someone. It might as well be her.

“No.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m 26. I’m not 15. Besides, you’re doing a bang-up job on your own.”

“The fuck does that mean?” He glares at her but she doesn’t take the bait. She stays cool.

“Just chill out and enjoy your party.” Ryan shakes her head and walks away.

“Does it bug you?” Roman’s voice is in his ear.

“What?” Kendall snaps.

“That you were such a shitty husband you turned Nisha into a lesbian.” Roman shrugs.

“She’s not a lesbian.” Kendall sighs.

“Okay, not like The L Word lesbian but they’re definitely bumping tacos. Bet she’s a better fuck than you. Probably doesn’t cry after.” Roman giggles.

“Shut the fuck up, Rome.” Kendall storms off. He wants to find his present from the kids.

It feels like they’ve been there all night when Nisha agrees to leave. She hasn’t seen Kendall in a long time which is odd. He should be eating all this attention up. She looks in every room even the big one that has all the gifts. The boxes are destroyed and staff are scrambling to pick them up. Something is really wrong. She finds Ryan and explains. 

“I’ll meet you back at my place. I-I wanna confirm he got that present from the kids or I’ll never hear the end of it.” She feels strange telling Ryan she’s worried about Kendall. 

“Yeah, sure.” Ryan nods. “See you in a few.”

“Mhmm.”

They share a kiss before she leaves. 

It takes some tracking down but Kendall did not receive the gift. It ended up in a completely different room, so Nisha decides to deliver it. She takes a cab to his apartment and the doorman lets her up. She knocks and Naomi answers.

“Hey.”

“Hi?”

Nisha puts the present in front of her.

“Oh, shit.” Naomi reaches for it but Nisha pulls it back.

“Can I see him?”

“It’s been a long night. I think—”

“Naysayers , who is it?” Kendall’s voice asks. Moments later, he’s at the door. “Nish.”

He practically pulls her inside to Naomi’s visible displeasure. She shows him the present and relief washes over his face. He looks awful. He hugs her so tight it knocks the breath out of her. What is going on? She knows this isn’t just drugs or booze. She’s alarmed now. Naomi just watches them.

“Hey, um, can we get a minute?” Nisha asks, pulling back from Kendall.

Naomi looks at Kendall but he nods before she can answer.

“Sure…” Naomi looks at him strangely before going out on the balcony. 

Kendall leads Nisha into the kitchen and doesn’t let go of her.

“You wanna open it?” Nisha asks, gesturing to the present.

Kendall tears the paper and lifts the lid. It’s a large painting. An actual oil painting.

“Sophie’s been taking this art class and she’s really good. Iverson came up with the idea and did the background. She did everything else.”

Tears flood his vision as he takes in the painting of him and his children. They’re superheroes. He can’t hold it back and just sobs. Nisha rushes to him and sets the painting down on the counter. She wraps her arms around him and he cries into her shoulder. She doesn’t know what happened but it makes her heart ache. She rubs his back. 

“Deep breaths, Ken. Deep breaths.” She whispers. 

He sniffles and inhales sharply. He doesn’t want to let her go and she doesn’t move. 

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“I don’t know, Nish.”

“It will.” She squeezes his shoulder and steps back.

“I never thought my 40th would be like this, you know?”

“That’s cause I would’ve planned it. Like your 30th but better.”

“I woulda liked to have seen that.” Kendall chuckles dryly. A party when he actually had people that cared about him. Someone who loved him. 

Nisha blinks back tears of her own. She thought the party was showy and embarrassing but now she gets it. He’s so alone. He’s never been more alone. No one at that party was there for him. To celebrate him. It was all a show. She wants to say something but she hears the sliding door close.

“Ken? Can I talk to you?” Naomi asks, not hiding the edge in her voice.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Just—um, can you wait here?” Kendall asks, lifting his eyebrows. She hasn’t seen that look in a long time. She just nods. 

He goes out to the balcony and the door is barely closed before she hears shouting. She isn’t really listening and she can’t really make it out. All she hears is “Present from my fucking kids”. She admits she’s amused at how much of a threat she is. They’re not even married anymore and she really did want him to get the gift. 

The door shuts again and Kendall walks over. Naomi is lingering by the door.

“I’ve gotta go.”

‘Yeah?”

“It is late,” Naomi adds.

“Lemme walk you out, okay?” Kendall puts his hand on her shoulder. Naomi sighs audibly.

Nisha just waves and lets Kendall guide her to the hall. 

“Get some rest, Ken.” She touches his cheek in spite of herself. He closes his eyes briefly and her heart hurts. “But…”

His eyes widen. He’s hanging on her every word.

“I wanna see you tomorrow. Lunch?” She wants to cry at how his face brightens.

“Yeah? Yeah, yeah. I’d like that.” He looks like he wants to smile but he doesn’t.

“Okay, I’ll text you.” She hugs him. “Happy Birthday, Ken.”

He lets out a shuddery breath. “Thanks, Nish. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nisha steps back and begins to walk off to the elevator but stops to look back at him. All the light is gone in his eyes and his shoulders are slumped. He’s collapsing into himself. She never wanted this.

At lunch, Kendall looks more awake but no less ashen. The circles under his eyes are even more prominent. He barely looks at the menu and just orders a random special. Nisha orders a salad but barely touches it. He leans forward.

“You still worried? About me?”

“Always.”

He squints, suspicious at her sudden affection. She offers up an open palm on the table which he takes.

“Kendall, you’re the father of my children.” She takes a deep breath. “We made those two remarkable kids. I can’t just stop caring about you. It’s not a fucking switch. As much as I want there to be, sometimes.”

Kendall tries to swallow down the lump in his throat but it stays. He blinks back the tears. 

“I-I didn’t really have a dad and I don’t want that for Sophie and Iverson. I don’t.” Her voice cracks and her big brown eyes are glistening with tears. She never brings up her father. 

“I don’t want that either.” Kendall squeezes her hand. 

They just sit there for a moment trying not to cry. They haven’t talked like this in so long it’s hard to remember how. Neither of them is angry or trying to hurt each other. He’s not drunk on a new angle or scheme and she’s not bitter. 

“You really think I should take the buyout?”

“Yes, Ken. Get away from him. He’s poison.”

He isn’t surprised when she agrees to let him drop her home. He has the feeling she doesn’t want to leave yet either. What does surprise him is how she holds him in the backseat. Such a familiar thing. She’s done this so many times. She lets go and turns to face him. She clutches his arms and he rests his forehead on hers. They’re breathing heavily. 

“Nisha…” He’s breathing her air. She can feel it fan across her face. 

“Kendall…” She’s trembling as his hand brushes the hair away from her cheek. 

“I—”

“W-We can’t.” 

His head dips to her shoulder and he noses the side of her neck. She sighs.

He’s so numb. He can’t feel it like he used to but it’s still there. Trying to break through. Like he’s almost human again. Her thumbs brush his upper arms soothing him. One hand breaks free to rub his back. He just wants her to hold him and never let go. The car comes to a stop and she pulls away.

“I can’t—I’m sorry, Ken. I gotta go.” She bolts out of the car before he can see the tears fall.

Kendall sighs, tipping forward until his face is on the seat. 

He doesn’t see her again until she hands off the kids for his mother’s sudden wedding. She had a trip planned to Italy for the summer anyway. She even invited her mother and stepfather since they’ve never been to Italy and have been so supportive during all of this. Since Kendall wouldn’t pass a drug test, they agreed it was best that he have a day with them on his own before she flies in to stay nearby. He didn’t protest. It doesn’t seem to be his thing these days. Even Ryan made a comment about how she should be there for Sophie and Iverson. The kids give her hugs and pile into the SUV to go to the airport.

Kendall gets out of the car and greets her with a newly shaved head. He’s never had a buzzcut before. She doesn’t know what to say. She just points. 

“New look.”

“Mmm.”

“Ryan, uh, joining you?”

“No. She’s busy. Naomi?”

“That’s over.”

“I, um, appreciate you not telling the press about me and Ryan. I know Logan would jump all over it.”

“It’s your business.”

“Thank you.”

Kendall simply nods. It’s like a strong gust of wind would blow him away.

“Ken?”

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you make it harder? The divorce? You could’ve. My lawyers even expected it.”

Kendall shrugs.

“I’ve kept you down long enough. Don’t you think?”

Nisha doesn’t hold back her gasp. She’s never heard him talk like this. It makes her uncomfortable and a little scared.

“See you in a few days.”

“Safe travels.”

Kendall nods and gets into the car.  Nisha just watches them leave, stunned.

The kids check in with Nisha regularly while they’re with him. Sophie tells her that they’re allowed at many of the wedding events but he’s not. Nisha’s glad they’re not on FaceTime so she doesn’t see her roll her eyes. Caroline is such a cunt.

“Are you having fun at least?”

“Not really.” 

“You guys okay?”

“Yeah. Just bored. Dad’s out in the pool.” 

“We miss you.” Iverson’s voice adds.

“You’re gonna see me soon. Nani and Arun are coming too.”

“They are?”

“Yeah, they said they’d take you sightseeing.”

“Cool.” 

“It’ll be okay, babies. Just tough it out a little longer, okay?”

“Okay.” Sophie sighs. “Love you.”

“Love you, Mom.” Iverson echoes.

“Love you both.”

What Nisha doesn’t know is that Kendall is drunk in the pool and nearly drowns. Comfrey, of all people, notices, and calls for help. Sophie takes Iverson by the hand and calls her mom immediately in another room. Nisha’s Italian is limited but she’s able to communicate to the doctors that she is his ex-wife. To her surprise, he still has her listed as his emergency contact, so she’s able to find out that he wasn’t unconscious long and it was a scare more than anything.  The doctors are concerned about his blood alcohol level and she agrees. She remembers how sad he’s been and wonders if on some level it wasn’t deliberate. Comfrey awkwardly hangs around until Nisha dismisses her. The employee seems glad that someone else is handling it. 

To her surprise, Logan offers to watch the kids or at the very least have the kids at his place. She doesn’t really have any options since her parents are flying in tomorrow, so she agrees. She waits in a chair for him to wake up while informing her family about what happened. 

Sophie is glad to know he’s okay. Nisha says they will be staying at her place for the rest of the trip and Iverson lights up about that. She hates how clearly the children prefer her over Kendall. She knows he did this to himself but she wishes they didn’t want to see him in only small doses.

Kendall blinks taking in the unfamiliar room. It’s so bright. His eyes land on a familiar face next to his bed.

“Nish?”

“Hey.” She stands up. “You’re in the hospital. You fell off an inflatable?”

“Oh.” Kendall doesn’t really remember that.

“The PR lady noticed and called then Sophie called me.”

“Where are the kids?”

“Not here. But they’re okay.”

“Oh. Good.” He waits a moment. “Who has them if you’re here?”

Nisha takes a deep breath.

“Logan.”

Kendall sits up making one of the machines beep loudly.

“What the fuck? Why?”

It’s been hours and Nisha is exhausted. She just bursts into tears. 

“I-I can’t do this all by myself, Ken.” She covers her face with her hands. “I don’t want them with him either but I had no other choice.”

Kendall sucks in a slow breath. He shouldn’t be yelling at her. She didn’t do this. Part of him wishes he hadn’t been saved. It would spare her so much pain. She wipes her eyes and looks at him. She’s clearly been sitting here a long time. Her eyes are tired and her clothes are crumpled.

“I’m still your emergency contact.”

“I know.”

“Really?”

“You’re the only one who gives a shit if something happens to me.” 

She proved that with the shooter at ATN. He looks down at his hands. His throat is dry.

“Can I get some—”He points to the water jug. She jumps up and pours some handing him the cup. “Thanks.”

Nisha moves closer to him. He pats the edge of the bed so she sits down. 

“Please don’t get mad.” She places her hand on his. “But I have to ask. They said you were really really drunk. Are you okay?”

Kendall doesn’t know what to tell her. That no matter how hard he tries he can never defeat his father.  That he’s defective. That he’s a killer that should be rotting in the earth. That if she really knew she would take their kids and never speak to him again. 

“No.” 

“I’m sorry to say this but you need help, Ken. It’s not good for the kids and it’s not good for you. I don’t know what’s going on but I know this won’t help.” She braces herself for his anger.

Kendall looks at her soft big brown eyes. Why does she still care about him? He’s done everything to drive her away. She’s not even his wife anymore. She doesn’t need him. She’s never needed him. The tears burn in his eyes and slip down his face before he can stop them. She leans over and wraps an arm around him. He pulls her closer and sobs. She’s never been so scared for him. 

Because there’s no proof it was an actual suicide attempt, Kendall is released and goes to grab Sophie and Iverson. Nisha talks with Shiv who wants to do an intervention. Nisha knows that isn’t a good idea. They’re the last people who should be leading it and she will have no part it in.

Instead, she takes the kids to a restaurant to try real pizza. Sophie doesn’t like it but Iverson does. They go back to her villa and swim in the pool. When she talks to Sophie about everything, she says she’s okay and can’t wait for her grandparents to come.  She really didn’t see much. Nisha decides she’s telling the truth and lets them play. She goes back in the house and sees Kendall at the front door.

“Hi.” She ushers him inside.

‘Hi. This okay?” Kendall asks.

“Yeah. They’re swimming.” She nods to their general direction.

“Oh. Cool. Good. They’re okay?”

“They didn’t see anything.”

“Uh-huh. Did, uh, Shiv tell you about the intervention?”

“She mentioned it. C’mon, let’s sit.” 

Kendall follows her to the kitchen and she gives him a glass of water before pouring one for herself. Her villa is nicer than his. It’s full of light and fresh flowers. He’s not surprised. Her very presence dazzles every room she’s in. She’s always known how to make things better.

“You didn’t wanna come?”

“No. Sounded…ill-advised.”

“That’s a word for it.” Kendall chuckles, dryly.

“Didn’t go well?”

“My siblings aren’t exactly Oprah.”

“Not exactly.”

Kendall looks her over. She has on a yellow sundress and no makeup but she looks gorgeous. She looks a lot more well-rested than yesterday. 

“Remember when Sophie was born?” He asks softly.

“First time I pushed out a human, yep. I remember it.” She nods.

“I was so scared on the ride to the hospital. Remember? I was shaking. And you had to comfort me.” Kendall shakes his head.

“I remember. It was pretty distracting.” She almost laughs. 

“Then it was over. Not even an hour and she was here.” He just stares at the island counter.

“She was ready.” Nisha tilts her head thoughtfully.

“But then with Iverson. You’d think I would’ve gotten used to it. But I was terrified and that time you couldn’t help me.” His brow furrows. 

“I was a little busy with the 48 hours of labor.” Nisha sighs. It was night and day compared to Sophie. Even though she wasn’t even thirty, it was like nothing worked. She just waited and waited in pain. He didn’t want to come out. 

“I remember talking to doctors about a C-section and they gave me the warnings and I thought what if I lose them both? And then Sophie ran over to me. She saw I was upset and she hugged my leg and said ‘Don’t be sad, Daddy. Mommy’s giving me a baby brother.’ I told her I was scared and she said ‘Mommy’s a tiger.’” Kendall blinks back the tears in his eyes.

“Yeah, she was really into the tiger story then,” Nisha remembers telling it three times in a row at bedtime. 

“You tell it to them when they’re scared.” Kendall looks up at her and grabs her hand. His thumb runs along the back of it. “You’re an amazing mom, Nisha. I’ve never doubted that for a second. You’ve never failed them. I just I know I’ve always known—you’re all they need.”

His words send an icy chill down her spine but before she can ask, he gives her a brief hug and then tells her he’s gonna say hi to them. She watches him walk outside. Her phone lights up on the island. It’s Ramesh.

“Hey. Ready to see Mom?”

“Yeah. It should be fun.”

“So, what’s up?” He must have an agenda.

“Uh, Ken is here. He’s outside with the kids.” She braces herself.

“Great.” 

“C’mon, it’s been a bit of a rough go.” She winces.

“Just don’t relapse.”

“He’s not heroin, Jesus.”

“He kinda is—to you.”

“Something is really going on, Ram. It’s bad.” She knows he hasn’t actually seen Kendall. Maybe then he’d know.

“It’s always bad. You need sole custody before it gets worse. He clearly doesn’t want to be a dad. So just let him fuck off. None of you need him. If he pulls the money, we have enough.” Here’s the agenda.

“Ram, that’s unfair. The kids need their dad.” She frowns. She couldn’t do that. Then he’d really end up dead.

“No, they don’t. Not this one. Besides, I love them like they’re my own and I don’t forget they exist.” He huffs.

“Okay, point made.” She sighs.

“I don’t mean to lecture you. It’s just this whole pool thing just shows me how much you don’t need him.”

“I see.”

“Nish, I just want the best for you and your kids. You got a good girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Right. I’m just saying you have options now. Take them.”

“Okay. I hear you.”

“Thanks. I don’t—I love you, Nish.”

“I know. I love you too. I’ll have Mom call you when she’s here.”

Nisha knows her brother just wants to protect her but cutting Kendall off isn’t the answer. If he goes to rehab, maybe then he can turn it around. He’s done it before. She wants to give him another chance with his children. They’re over. She knows that. But he can still try for them. She’s not going to kick him while he’s down. She refuses.

Kendall takes the kids to the wedding but Sophie calls her during the reception. She can’t find him or Shiv or Roman. Nisha gets her driver and picks them up.

On the ride back to her villa, she calls Kendall. He answers and he sounds…excited. He says something is happening and he’s sorry about the kids but it’s serious shit. He promises he’ll tell her everything when it’s done but to trust him. They’re gonna overthrow Logan. Of course, those four words make absolutely no sense but they’re all she has to go on. 

Her parents have a nice late dinner with her. She’s always liked her stepdad. He really takes care of her mom. She deserves that, especially after everything. Kendall calls a few hours later and sounds…numb. He asks her to come to his villa. Her mom is understanding and watches the children, so she can go.

Nisha picks at her nails the whole ride over. Kendall is smoking outside when she arrives, so she walks up to him. She waves and he nods.

“Hey, so what’s—”

“Not here.” He stubs out his cigarette.

She feels like a live wire. All exposed and full of electricity. She doesn’t know what’s going on. She just follows him inside to the bedroom he’s been sleeping in where he shuts the door. It feels ominous. He sits with her on the chaise lounge.

Then he tells her. He tells her everything. About GoJo. The attempted coup. How Caroline betrayed them for an apartment for her new husband. Nisha doesn’t know how that’s legal. They’re adults now. The holding company would have paperwork with their adult signatures and neither parent could touch that. But Kendall doesn’t need her lawyering right now. 

“Logan really fucked you.” She’s stunned. “All of you.”

“You…you knew and I never listened.” Kendall sighs, skimming his hand over his shaved head. “Should’ve fucked him with the takeover three years ago.”

Nisha doesn’t know how to respond. She shifts in her seat. He’s ready to tell her. He told his siblings. Even if it changes how she sees him, he should tell her. He knows the world isn’t going to end. Or at least he hopes it doesn’t. He doesn’t want to look at her though. He looks at his hands instead. They’re shaking.

“Shiv’s wedding. I wanted to get high and Stewy wouldn’t give me any. I hitched a ride with a waiter who said he knew someone. I was driving and you know I don’t drive especially not manual. And I was drunk and high. Something happened. An animal or something. He grabbed the wheel and we…” Kendall takes a deep breath. “…went into the water. I got out. It sank and I couldn’t get him. I tried. I lost my keycard. My dad’s people found it. He said he’d take care of it if I left the buyout.” He psychs himself up and looks at her. She just looks shocked. She can’t believe it.

“I hate myself for it. Every day. And I understand if you hate me too. I don’t deserve you or our kids. It—I can’t escape it. No matter what I do. It’s why I ruin everything. I’m…rotten. I couldn’t even do a takeover when I had Shiv and Rome.”

Nisha inhales sharply as she takes in her ex-husband. That’s why he pushed her away. The answer she’s wanted for so long. Selling the apartment. The women. The drugs. The distance. Why he destroyed their marriage.

“Nisha?” His voice cracks. “Do—what do you think?”

Logan carried it over his head. Used it. Tried to get him to take the fall for Waystar. Thinking he was broken enough to give in. Nisha runs her finger over her lower lip in thought. She could’ve handled this for him. In a way that didn’t exploit him. That got him help. She should’ve known it all went back to Logan. She can’t even cry. She’s too angry.

“You know how I never talk about my father?” 

Kendall just nods. She wrings her hands together. No one knows this. Not anyone who wasn’t there.

“He beat us. Ram and I used to try to shield my mother but he’d toss us like rag dolls. The police didn’t do anything. Brown immigrant family. They didn’t care. My mom came home late from her night classes. He accused her of cheating. She ran up the stairs. He went after her and I grabbed his leg. I was six or seven. He kicked me and kicked me and kicked me. Ramesh came running just screaming. He shoved my dad and he hit every stair on the way down. When he landed, he wasn’t moving. He must’ve broken his neck. Ramesh said he slipped. The evidence said that he fell.  Once they saw my ribs, they figured he lost his footing trying to kick me and went back. What was one dead immigrant? Nothing.” She doesn’t wipe away her tears. She just lets them fall. 

Kendall doesn’t know what to say. It explains why her family is so close. Why Ramesh is so protective. He places his hand on hers. 

“You were kids. He was trying to help you. You didn’t mean to. You were just trying to survive.”

“I know you. You didn’t mean for that waiter to die.” She squeezes his shoulder with her other hand. “Sometimes fucked up shit happens. Doesn’t mean you deserve to die too.”

Kendall breaks down, falling forward into her chest. Nisha puts her arms around him, wrapping him up. He cries so hard he can’t breathe. 

“Breathe, Kendall. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. With me. Like me.” She inhales and exhales slowly. She feels his chest expand as he tries to imitate her. They stay like that for a long time. He has bouts of tears and she calms him back down. Neither wanting to let go. He finally pulls back and she nudges him down until his head is in her lap. Her nails move through his closely cropped hair and he closes his eyes. Her touch has always felt comforting. He’s missed it.

“It’s never been this short.” She comments.

“Had my own Mandan ceremony.”

“Mundun.”

“What?”

“Mundun.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” 

Her fingers run down the nape of his neck to his shoulder and back up. It makes him sigh. 

“You’ve shed your past life.” 

“We both have.” He opens his eyes and looks up at her.

She laughs, shaking her head. A real laugh.

“What?” He wants to smile at the sound.

“We’re finally talking and we’re divorced.”

“Maybe cause we don’t have anything to lose.”

“Maybe…” 

He’s silent again while she runs her hand down his back. It’s been such an emotional day. So awful. But this feels so nice. 

“If it’s really over…with my dad…then I wanna get clean.”

“Okay.”

“Going into it clear-headed.” He pauses and looks up at her. “I’m sorry.”

“For?” She raises her eyebrows and stills her hand.

“You loved me with no bullshit. You were loyal. And I took advantage of that. Of you.”

She chews her lower lip and nods. Her throat feels thick with emotion. 

“But you’re the only person…” Kendall sits up and she watches him. He takes her hand and holds it to his chest. “I’ve ever really loved.”

Nisha leans forward and rests her head against his. Kendall sucks in a shaky breath at her proximity. It doesn’t feel like it did in the car last week.  He doesn’t feel numb anymore. He can see in full, vivid technicolor for the first time in three years. All because of her. She lets go of his hand breathing heavily. His thumb brushes the apple of her cheek. He’s being so present and so sweet. He feels like Kendall for the first time in a long time. Her Kendall. 

Their lips ghost over one another’s. It’s barely a kiss. So much trepidation and uncertainty. They’ve both been through so much either from each other’s hands or others. Kendall waits. He doesn’t know what she wants and he can’t push it. So he waits.  Nisha surges forward and takes his face in her hands kissing him full on the mouth. Their hands intertwine when she deepens the kiss and he doesn’t let go.

Their eyes stay locked as they rock back and forth in his bed. Slow. Deliberate. Intimate. He’s breathing with her and their foreheads touch. Sweat glistens across their bodies in sheets. She gasps feeling the way his body naturally rubs her bundle of nerves over and over with each motion. She whines and he nods—he can feel it too. He clutches her back. They’re so close and he wants more. He wants every part of her. And she gives it to him. They shudder together finally reaching a shared peak but even when it’s over, they don’t separate. Kendall falls asleep first curled up against her chest. They fall asleep holding hands.

The sun is barely up when Nisha wakes up. Their hands broke apart but he’s still reaching towards her. She got sucked in. Ramesh was right. He’s her weakness. He’s always been. She kisses the back of Kendall’s hand. She still loves him. She wonders if she ever really stopped deep down. He bared his soul to her and she to him. But this…what did this mean? Logan’s destroying Waystar and Kendall desperately needs rehab.  Did she make a mistake? She sighs and shuts her eyes. What is she going to do?

#succession #kendall roy #kendall roy x oc #kendall roy x ofc #oc: nisha asuri roy #happier now #fan fic

[thinkatoryprocess]

How is Bea’s relationship with Connor and Willa? Is Connor showing up soon?

Con and Willa will show up in the next chapter of "hope"! They're setting time aside specifically to be supportive of Naomi and be easy babysitters, so they'll be NYC-located for a while. They aren't fully aware that Roman's just as ready to step up, but the more, the merrier?

Bea doesn't get to see the two of them a lot as she grows up, but they're honestly more like doting grandparent types than cool aunts and uncles. They spoil her like crazy and pay pretty close attention to her, as best they can, considering the distance, so the distance doesn't seem as huge. Bea is pretty up on history thanks to Connor's own little fixations, even at a young age. Roman was initially skeptical of this approach with his own baggage about Connor just picking up and walking away from his own siblings, but they're all growing and learning from mistakes.

Overall Bea has two moms, an incredibly devoted uncle and his partner who long ago gave up on not being totally along for the ride, and a doting long-distance aunt and uncle. Caroline is her own thing, just as much a puzzlebox as Aunt Shiv, but she does exist.

#asks #dead kendall au

[my-drowning-in-time]

I was tagged by these lovely pals @springlullaby and @stardustheartbeats (thanks! xx) to post my lock screen, home screen, and the last song I listened to.

I’ll tag: @bootifulbreen @sutherlins @lesserknownhero @f-scott-inebriate @rayshippouuchiha @onlinedragon

#shut up kmorgs #tagged #thanks caroline and naomi!!

[dhaaruni]

hi dhaaruni! i want to learn about radical feminism, could you rec some books/texts? thank you <3

YES.

Right-Wing Women, Woman Hating, and Letters From a War Zone by Andrea Dworkin

Are women human?, Only Words, and Toward a Feminist Theory of the State by Catharine A. MacKinnon

The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir

The Politics of Reality: Essays in Feminist Theory by Marilyn Frye

Sexual Politics by Kate Millett

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde

The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan

Women, Race, & Class by Angela Davis

Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Pérez

This Bridge Called My Back by Cherríe Moraga and Gloria E. Anzaldúa

The Industrial Vagina: The Political Economy of the Global Sex Trade by Sheila Jeffreys

Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape by Susan Brownmiller

We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Material Girls: Why Reality Matters for Feminism by Kathleen Stock

Of Woman Born: Motherhood as Experience and Institution by Adrienne Rich

The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf (it was published in 1990 before Wolf went cuckoo for cocoa puffs)

On Rape and Sex and Destiny: The Politics of Human Fertility by Germaine Greer

Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay (just never look at her Twitter if you haven't already since this book really is very good and her Twitter ensured I'm never reading another book of hers ever)

And thank you for enjoying my newsletter!!

#answered #anonymous #feminism #book recs

[octoberink]

Happy Saturday! Hope you all enjoy, a new page comes next week!! :D

biggest thanks to my Patreon supporters!!

Karin

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Naomi

Lindsey

Rob

CorduroyPony

Caroline

Lea_Pu

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want to support my work?? check out my Patreon for more!

https://www.patreon.com/hgyoung

I also have merch on Red Bubble! go take a look, and keep an eye open for more stuff!!

october-ink.redbubble.com

THIS STORY AND CHARACTERS BELONG TO ME

#giant #shark #tiny #mermaid #Giant/tiny #ocean #art #cartoon #comic #artists on tumblr

[jaimehwatson]

Ranking Every Moneypenny

After experiencing the fever dream that is the 1967 Casino Royale last night, I can now say even more definitively that I have seen every James Bond movie, and I am therefore finally able to express my opinions on who gave the best performance as the franchise’s most iconic character: Miss Moneypenny.

6. Pamela Salem (Never Say Never Again, 1983) I feel a bit bad for this actress being cast as a replacement for Lois Maxwell in a weird low-budget knockoff Bond. The script just doesn’t give her much to do and she probably deserved better. However, it makes her the least memorable Moneypenny of the bunch.

5. Barbara Bouchet (Casino Royale, 1967) This woman is even more unfortunate, having been cast in one of the most bafflingly bad movies I’ve ever seen in my life. However, she’s one of the best parts of it, and I would probably rank her higher if it wasn’t such a tough competition with the Moneypennys from better movies. She’s the only Moneypenny to absolutely canonically get laid on-screen and I love that for her. Also, an honourable mention goes out to the never-actually-seen character of her mother, the elder Miss Moneypenny, heavily implied to have fucked David Niven Bond. Love that for her too.

4. Caroline Bliss (2 films, 1987-1989) A very solid Moneypenny I would have liked to see in more movies if the Dalton era hadn’t been so short. I love that she has glasses—very good look for the character. Her dynamic with Dalton Bond is fun and I love when she and Q try to help him a bit off the books with his revenge quest in Licence To Kill. I’m glad that general concept came back some of the later films because it’s very cute.

3. Naomie Harris (3 films, 2012-2021) I have a lot of mixed feelings about the Craig movies that I could go on about at length, but one of the things I do really like is that the later ones gave Moneypenny a bigger and more active role to play in the plot. Naomie Harris is great and I’d love to see her remain a part of the franchise in whatever form it takes after Craig. (Is it too much to hope for them to make a spinoff in which she and Lashana Lynch and Ana de Armas all team up to save the world together?) Also, the shaving scene in Skyfall is a masterpiece and I fully believe that it was foreplay and Bond and Moneypenny immediately fucked afterward.

2. Lois Maxwell (14 films, 1962-1985) OG Moneypenny. This absolute legend played the role across 14 movies and 3 Bonds and killed it every time. Especially memorable is her performance in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, absolutely breaking my heart in the wedding scene even before things get even sadder at the very end. She doesn’t quite make it to #1 on the list because of my own personal subjective emotional attachment to the Brosnan era, but I love her and she rules.

1. Samantha Bond (4 films, 1995-2002) GoldenEye is the movie that got me interested in James Bond, and remains one of my absolute favourites after catching up on all the rest. The other Brosnan films have a bit of a dip in quality, but I still thoroughly enjoy them all and Samantha Bond’s performance is always a highlight. Her relationship with Brosnan Bond is extremely cute and funny, and I wish their reunion at the end of Die Another Day had been actual canon rather than misuse of Q’s VR headset thingy. However, the fact that she’s on the clock using company equipment to watch James Bond VR porn is also very iconic. Plus her last name is literally Bond, so clearly being in these movies was her destiny. 10/10 best Moneypenny. Thanks for reading!

#james bond #miss moneypenny

[pynkhues]

Ouuh for the words thing!! Sex, baby, sugar and mouth.

Thank you, anon! Not sure if you're after Succession or Good Girls, so have a combination of both.

SEX Succession, Untitled post-s3 Naomi x Tabitha fic

“I mean, sex sells, right?” Tabitha offers with a shrug, her long fingers still curled around the stem of her champagne flute, a coy smile tugging at her lips. “Leak it as a blind item and watch the internet explode. Mr. Fuck Off has three sons, Mr. Can’t-Fuck, Mr. Fucked-Up, and Mr. Pays-to-Fuck. Fastest to guess who’s who gets a free one-way ticket on the murder cruise.”

BABY Succession, Untitled pre-canon Logan fic

“I don’t want those sorts of arms,” Caroline says after Mary leaves with the baby, and when Logan raises an eyebrow back at her, Caroline chuckles, reaching for her cigarette and lighting it with a nimble hand. “Have you seen Helen lately? She looks like one of those body builders we saw on the beach in Miami. All - - thick and veiny. She thinks it’s from lugging her two around. Her sister was the same way. Neither of them could believe how quickly I’d gotten my figure back.”

She’s smug as she says it, taking a drag on her cigarette, and Logan huffs, amused.

SUGAR GG, Beth x Rio, Pour a Little Salt, We Were Never Here 3/10

“You were there though, weren’t you?” Turner asks, expression unbothered, and the sounds of the bar seem to warp, the music fading and the chatter slowing. Beth’s mouth is suddenly really, really dry. “At Sugar House. Leslie here tells me that he saw you there.”

MOUTH GG, Mary Pat x Mick, Navigate a Broken Path 2/2

The hand at her face rises to cover her eyes and she shakes her head briefly, shoulders still trembling with laughter, and Mick can hear a couple fighting a few houses up, can hear muffled video game music and the low croaks of puddle-brown toads. He can smell burnt soup next door, and taste the copper aftertaste of blood in the back of his mouth, but still, he thinks, something in him loosening as he watches Mary Pat laugh.

Still.

Send me a word and if it's in a WIP, I'll post the sentence (or two) that it's in!

#might be worth sending a fandom too if you're after something specific on anon! #hope at least one of these is a fandom you're into anon haha #word wip meme #welcome to my ama #fic asks