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goblinmanifesto · 3 years

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Ive already accidentally deleted this once so fucking kill me (I forgot to save it).

⚠️TW FOR ANXIETY, TOURETTES, SLIGHT SELF HARM⚠️

But this is my post for @doinmybesthere Mental Health Awareness May collab! I will be doing Bokuto Koutarou. To explain a bit, to cope with bullshit that is life, I accidentally made myself a coping mechanism that I loving refer to as the ‘Klaus Hargreeves‘ (if you know anything about that character, you already know where my mental state is) because I can’t remember what my therapist said the actual name for it was. To put it simply, it’s like overactive day dreaming. I act out and create scenarios in my head to comfort myself, most of the time using characters or real people as an enabler for the comfort I wish to gain. Side effects being; if caught, considered crazy, sometimes don’t realize I’m doing it which can lead to awkward situations, sometimes I fuck up what’s real and what’s not. So, in these little stories, I will be retelling scenarios I have created through this coping mechanism that relate to both Bokuto and my mental problems! Each will be labeled with what they deal with so you can skip the one that might trigger you. Enjoy and happy reading! (I WILL ALSO BE MENTIONING AND USING STIMMING) ((I will probably use this to make other fics like this in the future mentioning my other ~stuff~ but in the meantime this is all I want to do so enjoy!))

⚠️LAST TW⚠️

1. ~Anxiety, Self harm, Mentions of Stimming~ He should’ve been home an hour ago! I was pacing in the living room, shaking hands holding my phone. It was 7:13 and Koutarou was supposed to be home at 6:00. I was spiraling and I could feel it, but I didn't know what to do about it. Id sent him text after text, but he was yet to respond. I glanced at my cell, only stopping my frantic shuffling to focus my attention on reading the screen;

Hey, is practice running late? [6:11] When do you think you’ll be home? [6:15] Are you there? [6:19] Koutarou??????? [6:23] Kou pick up your damn phone! [6:27] Did something happen???!! [6:34] Is everything okay?! [6:39] Are you mad or something??? [6:47] Bokuto Koutarou I’m dead serious where are you?!?!?! [6:53] Bo-ku-to!!!! [6:59] Koutarou it’s been hour please text me [7:07] Koutarou!!! [7:12] -Unread-

My eyes scanned the messages again, not leaving the blue screen until until my shin collided with the side of the coffee table. I hadn’t even realized I had started pacing again. I checked the texts I had sent to Akaashi as well, since I knew he was at that practice too, but I hadn’t gotten any responses from him either. Slipping my phone screen up onto the table I continued my pacing, not even processing when my finger nails found their way under my teeth, and how when they left my mouth to scratch at my neck or claw at my shirt, my teeth resorted to gnawing at my lip instead, tearing up the thin skin. All habits I was trying to kill but didn’t have enough brain power to focus on not doing them. My eyes constantly searched the driveway for the headlights of any car, any car at all, but they always came up with nothing. It was 7:24 when my phone struck with the sound of text, the bing of anticipation sent me diving for, and consequently almost dropping, my phone in an attempt to find out if it was Koutarou. It was!

-Read-

Im so sorry!! Yes practice did end up running late! But something else happened and I

wasn’t able to text you! I’m not mad about

anything I promise!! What happened is also

minor and nothing to worry about and I’ll explain when I get home in about ten

[7:21] minutes!! I’m so sorry!! -Read-

I sighed, relieved, the weight on my chest and in my head dissolved and I felt like I could finally breathe again. Though, as I came down from my anxiety rush, I became aware of a lot of things all at once. The first was a good deal of pain. From knocking my leg into a table and pacing for over an hour, to bitten lips and nails, and my scraped neck. I groaned, I need to get a better handle on this.

But that wasnt important. Koutarou was okay and on his way home! I waited at the window, feeling a bit like a dog waiting on its owner (that was a kink joke yes), and leaped to the front door when I saw his car in the driveway. Throwing open the door, I pulled him inside the second I could get my hands on him and pulled him through the doorway. The moment he was inside, I shoved myself into his arms in a tight hug, so glad he was okay. He returned the hug and held me tightly, I let out a shuddering breathe and he let out comforting sounds I sometimes use to stim. “Hey, hey, hey, I’m so sorry to have you worry, it was about Akaashi! We were running extra practice with a handful of the other guys and I literally had half a text to you written out when he a spike to the face! I was the only one left with a car so I drove him to hospital! I’m so sorry you are so worried you sent like 15 texts! I’m so-“ I cut him short with a hand over his mouth since that was one of the only ways to get him to stop talking. “Kou, it’s okay, I understand, it just really scared me ‘is all-“ he pried my hand off his face but held it in his own.

”I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t apologize for it, whether I was in complete control of the situation or not! Which I was not, by the way, no control what-so-fucking-ever, I had four other guys in the car and one of them was bleeding and concussed, it was chaos!!” His eyes were wide and he went off on the stress of the situation and, for a moment, I forgot that it was 7:26 at night on a Thursday and I had a biology test in the morning, and that Koutarou just got home and I hadn’t even eaten yet and all the other things that werent right in the world. Everything was fine in that moment. But that ended when Koutarou took a good hard look at me. The redness and scratch marks on my neck, the bitten to bleeding finger nails, the small bruise forming on my shin, my blotchy face and my probably-way-too-red lips. He stopped dead in his words and I felt my eyebrows scrunch up.

“Whats wrong?-“

“You did the things again didn’t you?!” He sounded distressed and his broad shoulders sunk. Koutarous hands rubbed my shoulders as he stared into my eyes with the most concerned look I’d ever seen. He pulled me back to his chest again and promised it wouldn’t happen again.

7:46, Koutarou insisted on taking care of my ‘injuries’ since he was who I was having anxiety over anyway. I protested a little, but gave up when he gave me the baby-owl eyes.

First, he had wrapped bandaids on my fingers. Thankfully, they were black, and I made a comment on it was like a 2-second manicure just to hear him chuckle.

Then, Kou applied a moisturizer to my neck. “Kou, I can do this myself-“

”Nope! I insist!”

”I’m not a child-“

”Don’t care, I’m doing it so just shush up and let me do what I need to do!”

Next, he made me apply ice to my bruise even though it was tiny and caused by a damn two-foot-tall coffee table.

Lastly, he gave me chapstick. Again, wouldn’t let me do it myself, so I made several sarcastic remarks to make him blush, all working quite well. Koutarou had to tell me to stop giggling multiple times so I could stay still.

”Alright, are you done playing nurse?”

”Forgive me for wanting to take care of you!!” He stuck his tongue out at me with an audible “bleh!” and I cackled.

”You are forgiven, Nurse Bokuto.”

2. ~Tourette’s, Stimming~ My neck painfully popped when it jerked to the left, my tics had been bad all day and I no clue why. Could be exams, or the fucking toaster for all I knew. I hissed, rubbing at my neck and adjusting the water can I almost dropped, trying to continue about my Saturday.

It was obnoxious, really, having to me-proof everything around in case I end up kicking it, dropping it, or hitting it. My joints constantly cracking and snapping and jolting in the strangest ways at any given moment. Sometimes repeating what people say back at them in perfect mirror-like fashion. Though that last one can be kind of funny.

Clicking my toungue to make nice noises to try and stim the tic away, I returned back to my plants. I could feel them chuckling at me and, in that moment, I understood everything about Crowley from ‘Good Omens’.

I heard the door unlock in the other room and I put my can down as a precaution and peeked out of the doorway.

A moment later, Koutarou popped through the door after his morning jog. He called out; “Hey, hey, hey!” as a greeting.

I felt my hands go up behind my head and I thought Oh gods dammit, and then my jaw jutted forward in a very unattractive way and I repeated his phrase in the same manner as him, then immediately dropped, as my body decreed.

I groaned, looking up at him, who looked slightly bewildered at my little madness ritual. His hair laid flat on his head, he had chosen not to mess with it this morning, much to my delight, his amber eyes a little wide and his eyebrows raised. He was barely even in the house yet.

We just kind of stared at each other for a hot second before I awkwardly waved ‘hello’ and cracked a weird grin. He grinned back, his more pleasant than mine. Walking over, he opened his arms for a hug, and I accepted, since he wasn’t all that sweaty this time around, and it was the least I could do since he had to witness that.

Koutarou planted a kiss on the top of my head, cheering “Good morning!”

I muttered a response into his shirt.

“One of those days, huh?” I nodded.

“Coffee? I think we have muffins in the cabinet?” I nodded again and he lead me into the kitchen to set up some breakfast. It was 9:00 am on a Saturday after all. A weird Saturday, but watching Koutarou finagle through the cabinets, it couldn’t be that bad.

That is all for now! Have a wonderful day and I am going to sleep for three years see y’all (edited: June 18 2021, because I can’t spell)

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fortressclan · 4 years

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Bidwell sighed, glancing over at the full moon. Its that time of the month again. Great.

The moon had just risen, the twolegplace blocking out the stars from the sky and leaving the moon as the only source of light. Bidwell was preparing to make the quick trip over to the clans, having just finished all the tasks he had to do for the day. All was left was to check up on the two rivalling clans, and he could retreat back to his den and take a rest. God did he want to rest.

Bidwell looked over to Saxton, who was close by with some cats he was chatting up. He was too far away to hear anyone but Saxton, who was being loud as usual. He was sure anyone in the area wasnt going to be able to sleep that night, if he continued his story for that long. Hopefully the cats he was talking to would keep him distracted enough so he wouldnt try and fight another kittypet or, god forbid, a twoleg again. Saxton managed to catch his assistant's gaze and grinned, a quick acknowledgement before he continued with his loud conversation. Bidwell nodded before turning around, beginning the trip over to the clans.

It didnt take too long thankfully. Bidwell hopped over the log at the entrance of Blueclan's camp, something he had learned early on that one of the mercenaries had put there in a sad attempt at defense. And which had successfully tripped him three times before he finally learned to jump over it. At least it was better than nothing, he supposed.

The camp itself was somewhat small. The cats had moved and redid the entire place, leaving four dens remaining. They had kept the medicine cat and warrior dens, and Bidwell had later learned that they actually had weaved the nursery into the warrior's den, leaving an odd dip in the ground inside the den from where the nursery was originally was. The leader's den was, of course, untouched, and a thick bramble wall was made over the entrance, a small gap left in the barrier for what Bidwell could only assume was how their leader got delivered food and water. Bidwell didnt want to ask where their leader made dirt though- he feared what the answer to that question would be. The last den was close to the medicine cat's, being for anyone with injuries or visitors. Pauling had told him it was added after a particularly rainy night kept her in the camp, and Baystep was kind enough to help make a quick shelter for her to stay the night. Before Bidwell had questioned why she didnt just stay in the warrior's den with the others, but after actually meeting them, he quickly understood.

Immediately upon entering he spotted a gaggle of the mercenaries by one of the dens, some of them sharing a rabbit. He struggled to remember their names sometimes, since their leaders had decided to rename them all as a sign of welcoming and he had only knew them as their loner names. He managed to overhear their conversation and quickly put faces to names- Heavyclaw, Scorchleap, Hawkslash, and Baystep. He struggled for a few seconds with the last tom, since one of the cats kept naming him 'Berrytooth' for some reason, but after watching Heavyclaw gently hit him with a paw and correct him, he managed to remember Houndsnap's name. Bidwell offered little other than a quick nod to the group to acknowledge they existed, before heading to the medicine cat's den. The smells of herbs, flowers, and a scent Bidwell's mind immediately told him was blood flooded his nose, almost being too much for him. He spotted Bloodspeckle sitting down and pointing at something red and suspiciously meaty looking, with Firecrackle listening with wide eyes. "And you see, this is the hea- oh! Hello, Bidvell!" The medicine cat greeted, a few too many red spots on him for Bidwell to blissfully ignore. Firecrackle chirped a greeting as well, and Bidwell quickly nodded a hello before immediately backing away from the scene. That left two cats left, unless one of them was unfortunate enough to have been reduced to whatever Bloodspeckle was showing Firecrackle.

After investigating the two other dens and ruling out the leader's den as where the two were hidden, Bidwell decided desperate times required desperate measures. The gaggle of cats had mostly spread out, and Bidwell slowly gravitated towards the two ginger toms, Baystep and Heavyclaw. The paler of the two, Baystep, paused his conversation as soon as Bidwell approached, tipping his head in greeting. Heavyclaw paused to read Bidwell's expression, before his ears perked. "Little man has question?" He asked, with a slight tilt of his head and curiousity in his expression. Baystep chimmed in as well, adding "Feel free to ask us anything, partner. We'd be glad to help". Bidwell nodded, glancing around almost nervously. "Yeah, right, thank you. Uh, would any of you happen to know where the others are?" He asked, trying to remember their names. "Rushwing and..." He waved a paw, trying to remember what new name the other had gotten. "Raccoonheart?" Baystep supplied, and Bidwell nodded. "Yes, him. Them. Both of them." Baystep glanced at Heavyclaw, apparently thinking. "I thought i saw Raccoonheart hunting earlier, and i aint too sure where the kid is." He responded, and Heavyclaw slowly nodded, turning his head over to where Houndsnap and Scorchleap were. "Do Hound and Scorch know where little apprentice went?" He asked, and both cats shook their head. Bidwell watched as Scorchleap went and asked Bloodspeckle and Firecrackle, and groaned as he came back and reported they had no clue, either.

"How did you manage to lose an entire cat?" Bidwell sighed, lowering his head and debating hitting it against the ground as a sign of frustration. Maybe he would manage to knock himself out and wake up back in his den like this was a bad dream. "Dont worry, the little ankle-biter will show up sooner or later. Or you'll hear him yabbing on about something or other." Hawkslash reassured Bidwell, which did little to help actually reassure him. Bidwell nodded anyways, before deciding what to do. "I'll return later." He said to none of the cats in particular, raising his head up. "He cant be too far, and its quicker than waiting, at least." Some of the cats dipped and nodded their heads, leaving Bidwell to leave camp to wander around and hopefully find the missing speedy tom.

Fortunately, that didnt take too long. The smells of the twolegplace had clogged his nose enough for him to be utterly useless at tracking, but Rushwing didnt seem to be the one to be sneaky in any sense. Whenever Bidwell lost the scent, there was normally a broken branch or obviously moved fern that he could follow and use to pick it up again. It took barely ten minutes for him to find out where Rushwing was, counting the two times he had mistakenly followed the wrong trail. The area Rushwing was in looked to have been a long abandoned training clearing, with a soft and sandy ground that would've been perfect to practice on. It was padded down slightly from use, and Bidwell was able to see some spots where paw prints had been worn down into the ground. Rushwing himself was hitting a clawed up tree that jutted out into the training area a bit, hopping and dodging about for practice. It didnt seem like Rushwing had noticed Bidwell, and while he could leave now that he knew the other hadnt gotten himself killed, something told him to sit down and watch for a few seconds. It wasnt everyday he got to see someone fight. Someone that wasnt Saxton, that is.

Bidwell got caught pretty quickly, Rushwing having paused to lick his paw after accidentally actually hitting the tree with his paw pad. Rushwing stared at Bidwell for a second, tongue sticking out against his paw, before smiling. "Oh hey, prissy pelt!" He greeted, quickly licking his paw before setting it down. "Any reason youre sittin' there watchin' me?" Rushwing asked, and Bidwell shook his head. "No, none at all." "Well, cause, y'know i was just warming up. Normally i fight foxes. Reaaaal big ones." Bidwell raised his non existent eyebrows, sensing the conversation veering directly into bragging territory. "I mean like, even bigger than me! And you, obviously." Bidwell had little idea how to respond without fueling the fire, so he just nodded and let Rushwing continue. Maybe he could sneak away while Rushwing was talking? "I even fought a badger once! Real big guy, tough too! I think it was a guy. I didnt ask. Anyways, me and Scorchleap, this was before you and Pauling and everyone else stuck their noses into our lives, no offense, we had to fight it! And we, well, we were the only ones left in the clan, but that was alright! We won anyways, and-" Rushwing paused, bending awkwardly to get to the back of his front leg, shoving a bit of fur out of the side. His fur had hidden them, but Rushwing had a few scars on his leg which Bidwell recognized as teeth marks. Bidwell had never seen a badger, or a fox for that matter, but a quick run over of his teeth with his tongue informed him that, for once, Rushwing was probably not lying or exaggerating the story. "I got this! The badger bit my leg and tried throwing me, but it didnt let go, and i got dizzy and my head kinda hurt. Scorchleap smacked it right in its ugly face and it dropped me, and we both chased if off!" Rushwing smiled, clearly proud of his scar as he sat properly again, licking his fur down and over the scars again.

Bidwell opened his mouth, instinct kicking in with the normal 'you did great, sir' he would give Saxton for the latest fight he had, but quickly stopped that train of thought before it left his mouth. Bidwell opened it again to ask about the badger, before Rushwing continued. "I mean, it probably aint much to what's in the twolegplace. The other guys keep goin' on and on about how harsh and bad that place is. You gotta have some scars too, right? C'mon, spill it!" Rushwing got up, circling Bidwell excitedly as if to search for any scars he had under his long fur. "I, uh, i dont have any." Bidwell admitted, craning his head around to keep his eye on Rushwing. "Im not a fighter. I just work for Saxton, unlike Pauling. She's most likely the one with the good stories." He said as Rushwing finished his circling, looking rather disappointed. "Well you have to know somethin'! Aint there big monsters and twolegs there? Dont you, like, fight 'em?" Bidwell shook his head, and Rushwing groaned, throwing his head back dramatically. He sat down, going silent for a few seconds, before immediately perking up. "I know! Fancy paws, get up." Rushwing nearly commanded, getting a flat stare from Bidwell. Bidwell hesitantly got up, unsure to where this was going. Rushwing scurried to the other side of the training clearing, before getting down into a crouch with an excited grin. "What are you doing?" Bidwell asked in the same tone he used on kits, rowdy apprentices, and, occasionally, Saxton. "Pretendin' youre a fox." Rushwing answered, and before Bidwell could ask what that even meant, Rushwing was suddenly charging at him at a surprising speed. Bidwell's first reaction was to scramble away, but it seemed Rushwing had planned for that. As Bidwell ran, Rushwing leaped and landed directly in Bidwell's path, whipping around and striking a paw out.

Bidwell froze and closed his eyes, expecting the hot flash of pain, but was instead met with a light twap as Rushwing rather gently hit him with a sheathed claw. Bidwell opened one eye, then the other, watching with defeat as Rushwing hit his face like a kitten playing with yarn. "By starclan, you would not survive in the wild." Rushwing said, clearly amused and trying not to laugh. "I said i wasnt a fighter..." Bidwell exhaled, sitting and slowly calming down, licking flat some fur that had risen up from the short lived conflict. "I didnt think you were that bad!" Rushwing defended himself, sitting down as well. "I mean, even Bloodspeckle is better than that! I dont think he has any self preser-whatsit, but you didnt even fight! You just ran!" Bidwell didnt really know how to react, since everything Rushwing was saying was true, staying silent instead of repeating the 'im not a fighter' line again. "Ok ok, alright, listen. Next time i do that, run forwards. Not away, towards. Got it?" Bidwell was about to ask what 'next time' was suggesting, before Rushwing went back over to the other side of the training clearing again. Oh lord. Bidwell debated his options, before deciding that this was the best practice he was going to get. He got up, much to what seemed like surprise and genuine happiness on Rushwing's face, getting back to around where he was before. "Ready?" Rushwing asked, and Bidwell tentatively nodded. Rushwing began charging once again, and Bidwell's instincts screamed at him to run away, to escape the danger. He grounded himself, trying his best to ignore it, and once he saw Rushwing's hind paws bunch up in preparation to jump, he ran forward. Rushwing left the ground as Bidwell left little but dust and sand where he was standing, and the long fur tom was surprised when he ran right under Rushwing, landing in his paws hard to turn his head around and watch Rushwing land. Something clicked in Bidwell, and he began charging right at Rushwing. The tom looked over with a almost proud grin that made Bidwell only feel a little bad as he sped towards him, and the expression was quickly replaced with surprise as Bidwell slammed his front paws into his shoulder. The force knocked the unsuspecting warrior over, with Bidwell following after with little clue on how to roll along with the fall. The two were silent for a second, with Rushwing trying to process what happened and Bidwell silently proud of what he had done, before Rushwing let out a small laugh, still on the ground. Bidwell smiled, slowly joining in with the laugh at what he had just done. The two stayed on the ground like that for a few seconds, before their laughter died down as the rustling of leaves alerted them to a newcomer.

"Are you two done playing like kits?" Raccoonheart asked, setting down a warm rabbit, most likely recently caught. Bidwell immediately got up, shaking his fur and getting any sand stuck to him off. Rushwing raised his head but didnt get up, glaring at Raccoonheart. "We were trainin'! Which is more than you seem to be doin'. Doesnt Baystep get us enough food?" Rushwing grumbled, nodding to the rabbit. "Bluestar specifically requested for a rabbit, according to Bloodspeckle. Now leave Bidwell alone and let him do his actual work." Raccoonheart replied, picking up his rabbit and retreating into the bushes. Rushwing stuck his tongue out as the tom left, grumbling to himself once he was out of sight. "Raccoonheart is right." Bidwell admitted, feeling somewhat disappointed. "I should go back to my work. I still have to make sure Redclan is in order." Rushwing got up, shaking his fur with a sigh. "Yeah, i thought so." He nodded, looking almost as disappointed as Bidwell felt. Bidwell turned to depart, before Rushwing caused him to pause. "Hey, uh, stay safe." Rushwing said, his tone somewhat cautious, and almost nervous. "Kind of want to beat you up again, y'know?" Bidwell looked at Rushwing, who seemed a bit uncomfortable at the attempt of being genuine. He smiled at the tom, nodding. "I'll... Yeah, it was fun. Ill try not to die or anything." Bidwell agreed. "Yeah, yeah! Thanks. For, uh, not dying. In advance." Bidwell smiled at that before breathing out, turning around, and leaving into the forest. The small training had hurt his paws and the side he had landed on slightly, but Bidwell didnt really seem to mind as he began walking away. Maybe Saxton was right. Maybe a good fight was something he needed. Or maybe all he needed just a good laugh.

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jodounzebulon · 5 years

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My Real Deer Story

By Jedi Foun Sive

----- Any and all names and locations have been changed or screened out. If you happen to know who I am please keep it to yourself. Thank you. -----

I had been riding a bicycle to and from work all year. An eight-mile round trip, opening the store around 4 A.M. five-six days a week. After a hot and humid summer, the ride had gotten to be a breeze even over all the hills. On Oct. 13th while leisurely riding along I made the four-mile ride to work in roughly 12 minutes, and thought to myself, “Oh damn, I wasn’t even trying, I could probably make that ride in 10 minutes!”, I then spent the rest of the day bragging about my time and how I was going to beat it! I had to stay late so I just rode home at my normal pace, 12 hours on my feet had left me exhausted. As I got to my home hill I hopped off my bike and walked it to the top sweating, and eager for a shower.

2:45 AM Oct 14th, 2014

I go through my morning rituals but leave all the haste out of my actions. “If I can leave just a little late today that’s all the more motivation to make this ride in just ten minutes”, I tell myself as I futz around for a bit longer. Several minutes before I must leave, I grab my backpack, and march down stairs to get my bike from the garage. I remember I’d gotten in trouble several days before with my grandmother. She was worried because I’d ride through the early morning darkness without a light of any kind. It had never been anything I’d been worried about, but I bought a light for my bikes handle bars and I’d remembered to grab my blaze orange hunting beanie which also had a light. Affixing and turning them both on let me light up my drive way with its trees claustrophobically reaching from my left and the open yard to my right.

Wheeling out onto the road, I steadied myself for a hard ride. I checked my watch, 3:48 A.M., it was time. I started powering downhill with all my might. It was exceptionally steep with a slight hump around the middle and over a quarter mile long. It ended with a sharp turn south at its base to get to my work. I could knock off a whole quarter mile easy by just pushing as hard as I could to get it out of the way. I could feel the wind stinging my eyes at the corners, and my legs pumping below me. I’m unsure of how fast I managed to go, but I am a pretty big guy, and I had been riding all year, whatever speed I was going it was too much for me to react more than a slight jerking of the handle bars to the left, as I reached the bottom of the hill and a Deer came careening into my right side.

I remember quite vividly his head went under my leg and I was thrown leftwards, the bike ripped out of my hand as it traveled away from me. I wasn’t aware of my spinning, but my right hip hit the ground first dragging on the road. With the next roll my forehead slammed the asphalt and grew warm, I pulled my arms up defensively and with the next roll my major joints began taking the remaining hits and slowing me down. As I came to a stop I thought, “Are You F@#$!ng Kidding Me!”, then the pain washed over me. The lights on my bike and beanie had gone out. I lay in the dark swearing for several moments, screaming obscenities into the night, until I heard something breathing over my left shoulder. It was right there next to me. I’d seen the videos and pictures, I knew what kind of damage those hooves could do. I would be damned if I’d be on the ground when he got up!

I rolled onto my stomach, everything in me protesting any movement at all. Pushing myself to my feet I realized I couldn’t put any weight on my left leg. It didn’t matter, if he got up, I was going to be ready, I pulled out my pocket knife. My eyes still hadn’t adjusted to the darkness as I began backing away from the grey form on the road. I was lucky that morning, when the deer began making a sound I’d only heard when they had been hit by cars. Hearing that grotesque flopping and scraping sound of the deer struggling to get up for about a minute set my mind at ease and killed the flow of adrenaline pumping through me. The pain renewed as I placed my knife back in my pocket and realized I’m no longer wearing my backpack. Limping in the dark I managed to find it and retrieve my phone. I dial my then roommate.

Ringing... answered.

<Me> Ted... (pained breathing)

<Ted> (barely audible mumble) What.

<Me> I need you to come and get me from the bottom... of the hill... (more pained breathing, and scrabbling sounds)

<Ted> Okay –Click-

-Several minutes later-

As I see the lights at the top of the hill pull out of our driveway, they flash down the hill and the deer began desperately dragging itself to the tree line, the truck approaches much too quickly down the hill and comes to a screeching halt as Ted swings open his door exclaiming, “What the hell was that!”. Seeing me awash in the headlights covered in road rash, blood, and dirt, disheveled and limping towards the truck with my back pack clutched in one hand my phone in the other. Ted steps to the edge of the road to get a better look at the deer now laying in the brush exhausted from trying to escape after our collision and now dragging itself into the woods about 15 feet. “Did you hit a deer?!?!”, he asks, I pull myself into the passenger seat of the truck as Ted spots my bike a ways down the road, he returns with it and places it into the bed of the truck. Hopping into the driver's seat he asks, “Do you need to go to the hospital?”, I replied with a shaky, “yeah”, and we made our way back up the hill to wake my sleeping niece since she couldn’t be left home alone. As we descend the hill on the way to the hospital Ted suggests I let my boss know I won't be coming in to work today.

Ringing... answered.

<Boss> (barely audible mumble) hello

<Me> (pained breathing) Boss you have to open the store I got hit by a deer and I'm going to the hospital.

<Boss> (still not really understanding) You what? Ok, I’ll head in then.

<Me> Thanks Boss. -Click

Thankfully a new hospital had been built not too far from our home just a couple years earlier, and the ride was short, “Do you need any help in?” Ted asked. Feeling a little more in control of my faculties and able to grit my teeth to the pain I said, “Nah I got it, but we may want to call the wardens and check out that deer, it may have broken it’s neck.” I open the door and ease myself onto the sidewalk of the emergency entrance. After I close the door Ted drives away and I limp into the hospital where the woman behind the counter was seemingly unconcerned by my appearance and posture. Looking up from her reading material for a moment she pointed and said, “Take one of those and fill it out someone will be with you shortly”, she then returned to her magazine. Filling out the card I sat down and had a moment to come to grips with the situation. I began drilling myself for memory to be sure I hadn’t sustained a concussion in the fall.

After several hours of doctors and nurses poking and prodding me and finding and treating the sore spots and road rash. I was sent into a room to get some images of my knee which was pained with each movement. While I was laying on the table, I found myself explaining my circumstances for the first time at length to someone that morning. He reacted differently, more human. He said, “So maybe not today or tomorrow, but give it about a week and this’ll be about the funniest story you’ve ever told!”, and right then I cracked up. I love a good joke and I take life's hits as they come, and I remembered the humor to be found in such a ludicrous situation. I found out not long after that Ted had called the wardens and they determined that the deer would not have survived due to its injuries. To save it a slow death by exposure he terminated it, and let Ted keep the animal. It was gutted and at the butchers by the time I made it home a couple hours later.

I’ve told this story countless times since then. There is a little more I’m leaving out for another time. It has been added to my repertoire of stories I can tell of my life that no one else can say they have done, I became known as the Deer Slayer after that, and most hear the tale and think I’m full of it. I really couldn’t care less what they believe. I was there I felt the road, the pain. I was approached several days later by a neighbor on that road who had cleaned away my blood, so the kids wouldn’t get curious, or worse some coyotes or something coming to our neck of the woods sniffing for trouble. This is the story I chose to start this off. I hope to add more regularly, as I have lived an eventful 28 years. Given the nature of human memory I will never say that my recollections are 100% accurate, but I will try to recall them as accurately as I am able.

May the Force Be with You.

#truestory #storytelling

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