omg wait i have ocd too and would love to hear more about jensen's obsessive compulsive habits (and how it effects his relationship with bryce?)
omfg i love this yall really ask the Best questions here (this is going to be a long ass answer btw)
(also starting with the fact that i actually have ocd it isnt just bs)(yes im gonna have to say this every time)
one of his biggest obsessions is around food, and its also one of the biggest things he works through in therapy. a lot of the time its things being undercooked, contaminated, expired, spontaneous allergies, etc etc. he often wont eat because of it or he has to wait until he can make something himself so he can see everything that goes into it. this is the only one that bryce really directly interacts with, and after jensen explains it to him, hes more than willing to list all the ingredients and let jensen supervise while hes cooking. after a few years jensen is comfortable with bryce cooking for him without the extra precautions
a few of the more specific ones:
guilt for declining an invitation to go out with friends because he feels like some disaster will happen and everyone will die. this one isnt all the time, but when it does happen in can be pretty bad. he wont stop playing different scenarios over until they get home or call him or something. a lot of tragedies and such in the news can fuel this one, so he tries to stay up to date with everything going on but doesnt watch it and reads it instead so he can't visualize it as easily (this is one that i do and its helped a lot)
needing to remember everything, especially what people say and their speech patterns. any exaggerations of a word or people repeating specific words, he needs to remember every little detail of it and it can stress him out a lot if he doesnt. with tv shows or movies he feels like he needs to rememeber everyhing that happens or it wont make sense later. its not as bad with something he can replay, but speeches and other announcements are things he is consistently obsessing over
with that being said, not remembering things is also a huge obsession of his. he is constantly worried that hes forgetting things or that he wont remember something really important, or that he misremembered something
balance is one of the ones that only shows up ocassionally, but it fucking sucks when it does. taking even amount of steps to get somewhere, lifting the same amount of weight with each arm, tapping something the same amount of times with each hand. this one tends to flare up when he hasn't slept (insomnia) and it can make getting through work very difficult
for a really long time, illness anxiety was really bad for him and taking any medications was similar to his issues with food. becoming a doctor has actually relieved this one, and if he does worry about it, he can rationalize his way through most of the thoughts so it's nowhere near as bad anymore
jensen also deals with a lot of violent intrusive thoughts, especially being around hospital equipment. usually just "what if i stabbed this needled into my leg as hard as i could" or "what would happen if the defibrillator was turned all the way up." these are definitely the ones he doesn't share or talk about. his compulsions with them are not harmful, but obviously if patients found out he was thinking hey what if i murdred you, they might not trust him. with that being said though, it does make him much more meticulous with his actions and more aware of what hes actually doing
also, jensen does have meds for his ocd, but he really dislikes the prescription hes on. it doesnt work how he wants it to, and makes him feel really uncomfortable so he doesnt take it all the time when hes supposed to. eventually he will get on a better prescription, but as of right now he avoids taking it when he can
most of it doesnt impact his relationship with bryce beyond what it would with anyone else, and, though it takes him a while, he does tell bryce about most of it (even the violent intrusive thoughts, but that one takes a long time). bryce really tries to help with the food one as often as he can, which include making dinner when jensen doesnt have the energy to because he knows he wont eat otherwise. hes always very supportive of jensen going to therapy and anything else he needs to do to work through it, and helps whenever he can
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Happy Valentine's Day @artsy-azure ! Here's your gift for the @milgram-valentines-exchange 💖
Fuuta x Minato (oc) ~ The first section takes place right after his T2 interrogation, and then skips ahead to a tiny post-milgram scene :3 I hope you enjoy!
Fuuta thought he would drown. Not sink into water or anything like that; he was worried the voices filling his mind would completely suffocate him. There were too many of them. Too many people, all of them knowing every dark corner of his mind, and shouting into it. It should have been impossible for one voice – one softer than all the rest – to reach him.
Then again, everything about that voice should have been impossible.
“Fuuta… Hey, Fuuta… Are you alright?”
He blinked. He scrambled over to the nearest wall. There were no visible openings in the cell, not a single imperfection across any of the surfaces, yet Milgram’s intercom system functioned just fine. Most days it would just deliver the ear-rattling bell to tell him the time. On bad days, it carried Es’ summons to the interrogation room for his extraction. On worse days, it carried Es’ summons to the courtroom for his verdict.
On the very best days, it would bring him the voice of Hoshizawa Minato.
(Though, seeing as he had just returned from a catastrophic extraction, he wasn’t sure what type of day it was yet.)
He tore his attention away from the chorus of judgements and insults. He pressed his shoulder against the wall, still unsure where the sound was coming from, but knowing it was nearby.
“I’m here,” he said, hushed. More than anything he wanted to yell and scream, but he would never risk it, now. Minato had gone through a hell of a lot to break into Milgram’s systems, and he wouldn’t let his big mouth ruin all that. It had already ruined just about everything else.
“How are you holding up?”
Fuuta pressed his lips together. “Any news on getting us out of here?” was all he said.
Hundreds of miles away (or perhaps next door – neither of them could really know), Minato’s fingers adjusted his headset.
“I’m still working on it. These things take time.”
“I’m definitely gonna need it after today.”
“Your interrogation… I know.”
Fuuta pulled his hood down tighter, tufts of ginger hair ruffling underneath. “How much did you see?”
Minato’s eyes flicked over to another monitor. It displayed the files he’d gained access to a few hours prior. It would crush Fuuta to hear about yet another person peeking into his personal moments, so he opted for a non-answer.
“I don’t have cameras. I don’t see much at all.”
“Tch, I’m not a damn idiot, I know that! I meant, how much did you hear?”
“...Everything.”
Fuuta squeezed his eye shut. He bit a curse back. There came silence.
Minato actually double checked some of his monitors, making sure they hadn’t been disconnected.
“So then, you know,” Fuuta said at last. “There’s no fucking way I’m getting forgiven this time around.”
“You can’t be so sure. The–”
“No one in their right mind would forgive me after that.” He winced, remembering his harsh cries at the end of the interrogation. What kind of accused murderer shouted “I’ll kill you” as their plea of innocence? When he wasn’t running his mouth with threats, he’d been pleading with Es like some kind of coward. And Minato has heard all of it. Fuuta could only imagine the horrors that the extraction held. Who could forgive him after they saw his anger, or worse, his pleasure? Who could ever look kindly on someone like that?
“I would.”
Fuuta’s eyes widened. He let himself sink further into the wall. A strangled laugh escaped him. He let his head hang down. No matter how much he wanted to protest, Minato was as honest as they come. If he said he forgave Fuuta, he meant it.
“Yeah, like I said, no one in their right mind.”
Minato cracked a smile.
“You don’t think I’m in my right mind?”
Fuuta scoffed. “You post pictures of clothes for a living. And in your free time, you plan impossible jailbreaks for murderers. Doesn’t sound quite sane to me.”
“Aw, come on. Do you think it’s impossible?”
Minato was still smirking, ready for some more of their typical back and forth. Fuuta surprised him by pausing.
“Well, it should be impossible. But…”
They’d been speaking for some time now. Whether it was quick comments when Es wasn’t around or long conversations into the night. Fuuta had seen many sides of him, and knew that he had what it took. He wasn’t like the vast majority of internet personalities – weak or needy or inexperienced. He’d proved himself time and time again. If anyone could pull this off, it would be Minato.
“If it’s you… there’s a chance.”
“You’ve got that right. You can count on me, alright?”
Fuuta took a deep breath. The tightness of the uniform and the bandages seemed to lessen.
“Although,” Minato put on a falsely serious voice, “we’re gonna have a long talk when you get out… about that yellow jacket you own.”
“Haaah? What’s wrong with my jacket?’
“There are a hundred stylish ways to wear it and that was not one.”
“The fuck does that mean?”
“You’ll be grateful when someone who ‘posts pictures of clothes for a living’ helps with your wardrobe.”
Fuuta could feel his chest release even more. Minato spoke so easily about the future, as if it were something real and waiting for him.
“As if I’d let you touch any of my outfits.”
“As if you could stop me!”
He took another breath. He smiled. No drowning today.
---
After checking the clock fourteen times, Fuuta thought once more couldn’t hurt. It was still two minutes to noon, just like the last few times he’d checked. His frequent checking hadn’t brought the train to the station any faster.
Minato had told him that he was safe. He’d said this meeting wasn’t that big of a risk. The dust had settled. He just had to relax.
The announcement overhead signaled the next stop was his. It screeched into the station, a slight murmur rising as the doors opened onto a platform of moving people.
Fuuta lowered his head. His eyepatch would surely draw attention to himself, so he kept his hood down and his mask up. He just needed to make it to the station entrance.
He made his way around stiff businessmen and sticky children. He tried to shuffle around a young man, but he seemed to step further into Fuuta’s path. Giving the stranger a quick glance, he started to mumble something to squeeze past.
“Fuuta,” the man said, gaping in surprise. “It’s me.”
He inhaled sharply.
It was only three words, but it was enough to recognize his voice from a thousand conversations.
Fuuta’s eye widened as he took Minato in. It was strange to finally see his face. Finally, here was the person he’d spent hours talking to. The person he’d spent days passing the time with. The person he’d spent nights falling for. Here was the one who had saved his life, in more ways than he could count.
His first observation was, fuck, this guy is way outta my league. His next was, he’s shorter than I was expecting. Then, gah, I’m probably shorter than he was expecting. He was in the middle of realizing, he has the nicest smile I think I’ve ever seen, when Minato crushed him in a hug.
Fuuta returned the embrace. His arms tightened around Minato. He was real. He was here. Fuuta’s hands grasped at his clothes and his hair. He was unable to control a laugh bubbling up inside of him.
“You did it. My god, you did it.”
He breathed into Minato’s shoulder. His chest shook with some laughter, some tears.
For a moment wondered if people would notice the heartfelt reunion outside of the train, then he realized he didn’t care in the slightest.
Minato was laughing along with him in that beautiful, familiar voice of his. No more crackling speakers or hidden intercoms – he spoke right into his ear, hair tickling his cheek. Fuuta could have stayed forever in his arms, just like that. All that mattered was he felt safe. At last, he felt happy.
Talk about impossible.
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So was listening to that LaserFrog playlist and tongues and teeth is one that caught my interest the most , what’s the thought process behind that one? I assume it’s about Dolph being clingy but also afraid of “ruinning Bullfrog and having doubts about himself due to his past relationship with Alex but want to know what your thoughts were
OHOHOHO BUDDY, I CAN TELL YOU THIS NOW: I THINK THAT SONG IS PEAK DOLPH @ BULLFROG LEMME TELL YA WHY
More specifically, I think it's Dolph's thought process during the earlier episodes of the series. You see, Dolph was like- really adamant about not getting attached to people after Alex betrayed him, but nevertheless, his VR paradise proved that he kind of did and didn't even realize it.
And we also see this in how he talked about Bullfrog during the beach scene with VR Alex. Not to mention the littler things like how the only other person (other than Alex) Dolph allowed to use his first name was Bullfrog (one fleeting scene, but it's the scene where he's shoving the Cobra Juice into the guys face and Bullfrog says "Dolph- easy, friend". While it may not seem like much, him denying the Warden the ability to call him Dolph says something about how he views people saying his first name. It's a sign of fondness, possibly.
But here's the thing: Dolph is pushing people away because of his experience with Alex. If Alex didn't care about him enough to not keep him in his plans, then what was he worth? He's keeping himself guarded bc he's afraid he's gonna get hurt again, and that manifests in him being a cold and distant dude.
Enter Bullfrog, that kind and caring soul of his who doesn't give up on Dolph at any point in the story. No matter what happened, Bullfrog tried his best to lead his teammates down better paths and be their support, and Dolph's reaction really seems to match up with this one lyric from the song
"I know that you mean so well, but I am not a vessel for your good intent"
LIKE. THATS LITERALLY THEIR EARLIEST INTERACTIONS IN A SINGLE LYRIC.
The Crane Wives write a LOT of songs that could apply to Dolph (ex. Please also listen to The Moon Will Sing, that's so Dolph abt Alex I SWEAR), and Tongues and Teeth is very Laserfrog-coded in the sense that it's Dolph trying to "warn" Bullfrog that his attempts to help him are hopeless. That he has a one track mind and nothing left to lose. That caring about him won't do anything but bring him misery. That he's unlovable.
But Bullfrog saw through all that. He showed him care nonetheless, and that awoke the affection that was deeply buried in Dolph since the betrayal.
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