#talk abt TRAUMA and GRUDGE

[tyquu]

Here's the Ben whump rant i talked abt in my last post,,,

Ofc heed the triggers and what not: Blood, injury, ect ect

Also take everything here with a serious handful of salt, im being dramatic as heck. So if you don't wanna see me get serious abt something that's not that deep, this probably isn't the rant for you <3

Anywho...

Do you ever think about just how often Ben gets the absolute crap beat out of him? Like in Grudge Match, I forgot how many times he gets flung about in his human form. He's ten years old, his bones are way too weak for all that. The amount of head injuries he must get is insane, and Max never once seems to take Ben's injuries seriously. 

Like that time Ben gets sick after sitting in the back of an ice cream van for like,, twenty minutes. He's ill to the point it's actively inhibiting his ability to play hero, blinding wildmutt with gunked up sensors and taking the heat out of heatblast. He's pale and sniffly and looks like shit, but Max still makes the executive decision to drag him out on errands instead of giving him time to rest. 

Also just cause he takes the majority of damage in his alien forms doesn’t mean those injuries suddenly have no impact at all. I think in alien force they were toying with idea of his injuries carrying over becoming more of a problem for him, with his busted knee in season one, and black eye in the episode where he gets grounded. Either way, it’s still implied that wounds translate over after he de-transforms, even if to a lesser extent. Not to mention all the scrapes and little injuries he must get from de-transforming mid battle (on the occasions he does).

FUCK, I mean Ben actually displays short term memory loss as a direct result of getting hit in the head in alien force, and Gwen isn't concerned about it probably because she grew up with Grandpa Max not being concerned about it. She doesn't realise just how dangerous this level of head injury is, what the brain inflammation and possible bleeding could do to him. She's probably looked him in the eyes, with his pupils blown wide, dazed and confused about his whereabouts, and then buried her concern because it's nothing new right? Ben's been dealing with stuff like this since he was 10, and Max, the ever responsible adult, never shows the appropriate amount of concern for it, so it makes sense that both Gwen and Ben don’t consider these things serious until its too late. 

Like not to get all dramatic about this and over think it (more so than I already am lol) but I’m positive this stuff would have long term consequences for Ben’s health as he enters adult hood, or even before then. Trouble recalling things, ringing in his ears, migraines and headaches as well a light sensitivity, all of these are symptoms of repeated and serious head trauma. Not to mention, paired with my personal headcanons about the burning chemical sensation of having the omnitrix fused to his flesh, leaking fluid into his bloodstream and scorching his skin. Or the chronic nosebleeds I think he would have as a result of all these other health complications. There's just a LOT that can be done with Ben whump, and I’m surprised it isn’t talked about/thought about more? 

Folks love the idea of Ben being functionally immortal (at least from injury related death), and the power fantasy that comes with being the weilder of the omnitrix, but what about the fact that he’s just some guy?? That the omnitrix failsafe doesn’t protect him from everything, and that if the injuries are bad enough to have triggered the failsafe in the first place, then where does that leave him in terms of recovering from them??? Sorry, sorry, crazy moment. 

#ben 10 #ben tennyson #ben 10 whump #whump #rant post #blood #injury #ty tidbit

[xxtommycoolattasboobs420xx]

Thinking abt it I think it would be INCREDIBLY funny if there was some trashy post-canon romance plot of trying 2 get Gordon and Benrey togetehr and their own little cliques of members of the science team were setting them up. Like.

Tommy, Coomer and Darnold are supporting a fucking EXHAUSTED, stressed out & panicking Gordon and helping him with A) The Trauma and B) his repressed feelings (this would be an excruciatingly LONG slowburn)

Meanwhile Tommy (she's stuck helping both of them), Forzen (he's trying to sabotage and failing), and Bubby (there for the drama) are trying their best to keep Benrey AWAY from Gordon while also reassuring him that oh he probably won't hate you now!! Maybe! And by the time Gordon starts dealing with his emotions they have their moment of wingman-ing as a group for Benrey. (Again after a very exhausting slowburn filled with Healing from Trauma and them both having to get over grudges and forgiving each other)

I just think the individual Girl Talk between the two groups would b very sweet & also funny as fuck. Especially on Tommy's end bc she's friends with both of them but is kinda forced to hide info from both sides. I would write this but it would be so incredibly fucking long but this is how post-canon Frenrey works out in my head.

#textposting #should i maintag this. #eh whatev #frenrey #hlvrai frenrey

[kurffufle]

Outsiders parents/backstory hc

Also tw: abuse,alcoholism,hoarding,and death via cancer (not super graphic descriptions but still worth a tw)

Curtis brothers

So we all know what happened to their parents and we kinda have a general idea of what they were like before they died

BUT I still have like one hc for them and it's abt their names

So Darrel Curtis is obviously named after his father and one day as ms.curtis is like 4-6 moths pregnant she asks Darrell jr (at abt 5 years old) what they should name his baby brother and Darrel just looking at the first thing he sees exclaims "soda pop!"

And after sodas born and his mom is pregnant with her third child asks soda (once again only at 3 years old and having developed a pony and horse obsession) what to name his new baby brother and soda just said "hmmmm Ponyboy"

And the Curtis brothers joke and tease eachother abt how they picked out eachothers names

Johnny

Once again we kinda already know everything abt his parents but I still have one😭

He had a pet rabbit with dark black fur and floppy ears as a child and his parents got rid of it because they got tired of it and annoyed that their son had his own companion

Johnny does still hold a grudge against his parents for it

Steve

I think in the book it's sorta hinted at that his dad doesn't really like him because he keeps getting kicked out

I hc that his dad's abusive and his wife left him for it and he only got worse from there

Steve still has to deal with it though

His dad isn't a full alcoholic he just has crazy mood swings and some days he's actually a semi friendly guy but other days he's just awful

Two bit

I think it's hinted at in the movie(???) that his moms a hoarder because his house is a mess and his mom would have a fit if he ever cleaned up his house

So I'm just running along with that here

In case you aren't familiar with hoarding the main cause of it is usually a life changing event like someone dying or abandoning you

So I think either his father left or died to make his mom spiral into hoarding

Dallas

Ok now we're getting really in depth with this one

We know Dallas grew up in New York and I'm gonna say he moved to Oklahoma when he was 12-15

I think his father was a pretty normal guy aside from being VERY homophobic (like that's a main part of his personality) New York is a little more accepting of gay ppl but he really wanted to make sure his son (Dallas) didn't grow up to be queer and instilled a strong sense of internalized homophobia within his kid

His mother died of skin cancer and after that the next few months his father became neglectful

One day his father just decides he can't live in New York and needs to go down south(note that his dad did not pick this location because of his homophobia)

And off Dallas went to Tulsa Oklahoma

His dad (having experienced a dead wife and major life change) took all of his untreated trauma out on his kid

Right as Dallas turned 17 he made it a goal to get out of his house and stop speaking to his father

He started talking more with Buck and spending more time with him and eventually just moved into a guest bedroom upstairs

He does not speak to his father at all anymore and he's proud of it

#lgbtq #the outsiders #the outsiders (1983) #ponyboy curtis #dallas winston #johnny cade #sodapop curtis #two bit mathews #darrel curtis #steve randle

[conarcoin]

i wanna talk abt c!connor really quick bc he has a lot of really strong character traits that people overlook like.

first of all his entire character is very motivated by a lack of belonging. he's avoidant and nervous, and can be straight up manipulative at times but despite this isn't a bad guy. he's a genuinely caring individual who wants to help others and serves as a sort of decently-well-adjusted adult figure to c!tommy post prison arc. he's easily forgiving and doesn't hold grudges even for things that leave him with lasting trauma. he wants to see good in everyone, even if it tends to get him in trouble. he's got a sort of dry humor that plays well off the server's louder personalities. he's observant as hell. i could honestly keep going for hours

#connoreatspants #dream smp #dsmp analysis

[faebriel]

what are your thoughts on rainduo when it comes to their traits & being foils to the other? I just saw a post talking abt clingyduo w/Emotion vs logic and their flaws being foils, and immediately thought abt rainduo’s side of things

this is the kind of question that makes me want to deepdive rewatch like 30+ hours of vods anon. i don't have time for that though so i'm going to go for a vibes based analysis

the thing that makes me Think about wilbur and niki is that they do share similar traits but those traits show themselves at very different times. stubborn, a unique relationship to righteousness, an inability to get over hurts, a tendency towards causing travesty in their own self destruction (or at least attempting to - they are similar in more ways than they're different, i think. my gut instinct is always to say that they're quite different people but then i go ooooh, no. they share that trait too. and that one. and th

it's like they're too similar to be mirrors, and too similar to be foils.

here are traits i think they share:

they are very loud and stubborn individuals who largely stick up for whatever they have decided their cause is, even if it makes them unpopular

they both let their emotions control them and feel those emotions strongly - they love and hate like nobody's business

when they pick a grudge, it pretty much takes life-changing circumstances to make them drop it. on the flipside, while i think they'd both consider themselves to be quite loyal people, when circumstances start going sour they get a bit... flexible in their priorities.

they are both desperate for community

their self-destruction goes hand in hand with outward destruction. me and the bestie propagating collateral damage 🙌🙌🙌

and here are some traits i do think are entirely different between them:

niki had to find a home in the dsmp; wilbur had to leave. she couldn't heal without other people around and he had to get the fuck away from all of them to do so

niki lashes out in ways that are far from incidental, harsh and real, while for wilbur the actuality of violence seems to come a bit second hand to being theatrical; compare niki's (and jack's) plan to murder tommy by literally dropping a nuke onto his head in the middle of nowhere with wilbur's prolonged, theatrical, and constantly observed plan to destroy l'manberg (and i mean, compare the craters!)

related: i truly don't think c!niki has given a damn about the theoretical terms of politics in her entire life, while wilbur lets it rule him

everything is wilbur's fault always and nothing is niki's fault ever. niki is a villain as an end product, she was made into one; wilbur was one from the start and was the root cause of the poison around him (as perceived by them respectively)

i wouldn't say niki is never suspicious of other people but i think her suspicions tend to stem from trauma and a disconnection from community - real and traumatic events in her life - while wilbur's paranoia was pathological and then got exacerbated by the trauma of the FCR. but i might be dipping in a bit of headcanon there

ultimately they're like an earth to air contrast - i think wilbur is far more concerned with the artificial, and niki is far more concerned with the real. he dies in the open wreckage of the button room and she almost dies in the guts of the earth, both caverns of their own making

#it's why i think seeing the two of them cross paths at different points of their personal journeys in canon would be so interesting #i feel like we always see them at their opposites but never when they act in similar ways #thanks nonnie i love to talk about these guys :] <3 #asks #i almost put 'bad at everything but slap fighting' in the similarities list. btw

[texturralize]

Writer of my broken soul. What has happened to the svss fics? Are you okay? Who do I need to fight for you cause I rely on those fics more than an online shopper relies on their credit card.

it’s just..kind of a unfortunate timing kinda thing..something just really discouraged me and hit on some social trauma I have and I’ve been in a funk and need to take a break from my sv fanfic. the other night I sat down to write and someone messaged me on twt to join a sj fan server.

I got super excited bc I still hadn’t ever found a sj focused server and he is (obviously) my fave. when I got in, someone mentioned being fan of my fics. so I searched them just bc I was kinda curious. well..there were a few nitpicks things here and there which is fine. but ig one of my fics, because I forgot a tag, showed up in some people’s feed even when they set their filters, and it bothered them. there were some really hurtful things said..stuff like oh you can’t trust this author, can’t believe they did this, it was disingenuous, they wanted to toss themself down the stairs from sheer disgust, it was creepy, people wanted to block me, they felt mad anytime they saw my name…it was bordering on fic/author bashing and I was shocked the conversation just continued like normal and was allowed…so I got uncomfortable and left the server.

I don’t really blame the server itself or the people who talked about me, multiple people have sent me DMs saying they felt bad and like my work and that was really sweet. one of the people who said stuff also apologized for it so it’s not like I hold a grudge. it’s just, stuff like this is kind of hard to deal with for me. it’s not that I’ve never encountered hate comments or anything on the internet, I think I was just blindsided by the situation..no one expects to encounter stuff like that in what should be a safe space for fun and ideas you were invited to. I let myself get excited and wasn’t expecting it so it really affected me.

it’s just unfortunate that it happened in that way because though I’m sure no one specifically meant to hurt me, like I said, this kind of triggered some social trauma for me. as someone who grew up with undiagnosed autism, I’ve often felt hurt and silly when I entered spaces and didn’t realize people didn’t like me until too late. I spent a long time unable to explain why I felt certain ways when these things happened bc I didn’t even understand the way my own brain worked. I also have a very direct way of communicating and don’t say things unless I mean them, so the idea of venting and being aggressive abt something but not ‘really meaning it’ is hard for me; it’s hard to understand that someone could say such cruel stuff but not take it seriously. so my brain catastrophizes and won’t let me forget what happened and there’s dysphoria when I perceive rejection, dislike, aggression, etc. BECAUSE I take those things so seriously. and I also would never bash someone or their fic bc I know fic is made from love and is 100% free so it’s hard for me to get past it y’know?

just to reiterate..I’m not mad at anyone, I don’t think anyone is a bad person. they said they made a mistake speaking like that about someone and will keep in mind what I said when we talked. I’m sure there are plenty of people in that server who like my stuff and don’t want to see me discouraged…

god, it’s just really hard, you know? it’s been a while since something really managed to hurt my feelings. I guess I just felt stupid, and kind of humiliated. it’s that feeling of walking into a room only to realize you’re the punchline…

so..yeah it just kind of has me in a funk, as someone who’s struggled to make friends and connections in fandom too despite how ‘easy’ it’s supposed to be. I’m still kind of disappointed that something I got excited over exploded so much in my face and didn’t work out. but overall I mostly just tripped into a depression spell and it’s making me feel bad to look at my work so..I decided to take a break from it. to people who like my stuff…I’m really sorry. I don’t mean to take anything away from people who really liked it. I just want to feel better.

the last time I felt this bad was a few years ago, when someone did something really horrible to me and it upset me so much and took the joy out of the fandom I was creating content for, because it was something we did together. I’m not really upset over the specifics of what was said, just the experience and how similar it was to things I’ve went through in the past. I’m upset over the fact I don’t feel like it’s fun to write right now, and I don’t want to lose this special interest like I did my last one…so yeah, just kind of sucks overall.

I hope no one feels bad about what happened for a long time. just..unfortunately, I probably will, and maybe taking a break will help..idk

sorry :(

[oathofkaslana]

I was looking for the post where I summarized my au sara but then realized that it doesn’t exist? fjdjndjdns anyways au sara context here:

- post vision hunt decree where she fully befriends shinobu and is feeling a lot of guilt for her blind obedience to the shogun and it’s really getting to her. she’s using more of her days off to go to the mountains (sm she enjoyed a lot as a child)

- shinobu sees her stressed and asks her if she wanted to join the arataki gang for a hangout and sara almost instinctively says no but the guilt of her empty bedroom is dragging at her and she wants to make it up to the arataki gang even if she doesn’t exactly know how so she agrees

- in this au takuya is fully apart of the arataki gang

- sara surprisingly finds herself having a lot of fun. no one in the gang holds any grudges against her so she slowly finds herself hanging out with them on her weekends instead of going to the mountains (symbolic of her finding a family!! the mountains being a place that calms her bc she’s a tengu and her finding that same peace amongst the arataki gang….)

- at one point they take a stroll along the previous battlefields and sara plucks a dendrobium from the ground (or maybe someone gives it to her unaware of the meaning?) and she, knowing that they grow in places with great bloodshed, keeps it in a vase by her bedside as a reminder of her own guilt.

- eventually sara, itto, and takuya start talking abt their childhoods and being yokai which allows all of them to bond over somewhat connected generational trauma of (for tack of a better word) genocide and being outcasted etc etc (in my head they become a poly couple bc I’m insane and I heart them<3)

- and! I’m thinking abt sara leaving her place as a general (bc the only good cops are the ones that quit!) and finding a better way of making up for what she took part in even if she wasn’t fully aware. she eventually has this moment with kazuha where she stumbles out an apology and he accepts it and she asks him about his friend and he ends up telling her stories about him. later she drags the arataki gang to kazuha’s friend’s grave and they leave dendrobiums for him.

- sara comes home and takes the dendrobium from her room out because she’s found more productive ways to deal with her own guilt.

- basically!! sara is given the chance to be a person that she decides to be for the sake of herself after spending her whole life trying to appease a family that never loved her or the shogun who she thought specifically chose her. instead of looking in the mirror and seeing who she others want her to be she becomes herself at her barest form. she finds a place of community amongst two other youkai and she’s actually happy and loved <3

#MY OC!! #sara #gi #saraverse

[pandapupremade]

*Inhales loudly* 🌟 you know I must ask abt Lila and Shadow. You know I have to do it, mhm.

Send a 🌟 + name and I’ll talk about my self insert’s bond to that character!

gonna be real honest with you here - as you know, lila's ship was originally with shadow when i was like 12 and i had a lot of bad memories related with that time period bc i was stupid and all with bad hcs so i just kinda. avoided using lila and shadow in any way together since :'] but now im trying to be over that and i will share the bits i have!!

first off. Lila initially dislikes him bc he stole the chaos emerald that Lila blamed Sonic for stealing. and obviously, it's Lila's fault for blaming sonic, but in a roundabout way she tries to put some blame on Shadow at one point I feel. but Shadow shuts that down, like. "this is your own doing. Face your own consequences" which is cold ofc but this is SA2 shadow and all. but in a way i think he pities her

they have a complicated friendship from that point on, but it IS a friendship. he pretends to think of her as a fool, but he also cares for her in the similar way. I think her energy and kindness and playfulness reminds him of Maria. and Lila...well. we know Lila is always pushing for facts and details, but. I think Shadow is the only one she won't push. She understands he has so much trauma and PTSD and shes sympathetic and respects that its best he not talk about it. at the end of SA2, she tells Tails this when Shadow is presumed dead - that she considers the case closed and that it's best left as it was: forgotten in the past

however a new thing comes into play, by the way, when it comes to the fact Lila dates Mephiles (who takes on a fucked up version of Shadow's form and holds a grudge against Shadow) and Infinite (who holds an even bigger grudge against Shadow) . its awkward but its fine theyre still friends

#🦔🖤 crystalline goop (mephiles the dark) #💍🤍 ruby romance (infinite the jackal) #🐱✏️ lila kitty (self insert) #theyre mentioned #💎 Shadow Tag (Platonic) #ask to tag #sonic talk

[astrovagrant]

ultimate pacifica takeaways:

uh cut because i'm actually talking about the content of the game which is frequently hilarious and frustrating

rogue and alt discovered thru their johnny experiences they were hot to trot for each other instead. rogue immediately jumped on the chance to save alt bc her breaking up with johnny was supposed to be the cemented beginning of their own relationship (and of course johnny went and fucked it up AGAIN).

obviously we're seeing johnny's perspective but even so they really did not sell the world-shattering romance aspect or chemistry btw him and alt. it doesn't seem like lost love, just a bazillion pounds of guilt and obligation strangled by how he used relationships as crutches

this man truly is. so so so so so traumatized and we won't discuss how much of that is compounded based on his own (trauma-based) decisions. also he is so so so so so fucking stupid but . shrug emoji

i hate that pacifica is so cool and the netrunners there are fucking awesome and they're the only non-corp-reliant actual COMMUNITY in this entire fucking city and the writers went OUT of their way to make it so that you can't get in good with them. you cannot and WILL NOT have a positive relationship w these people or the game might actually ahve any kind of anti-capitalism message

johnny saying that he isn't against capitalism is sooo funny. again: the game is so goddamn throttled by the fact that it was made to be an entertaining toothless criticism of cartoonishly evil corporations. god forbid johnny fucking silverhand famously anti-corp terrorist hate more than just ONE corporation or the system that's let the world spiral out of control so thoroughly. the fuck?

so basically: i'm besties with the pacifica netrunners, johnny confirmed he hates both all corps AND capitalism, and he warped his relationship to alt out of traumabligation and didn't know that she and rogue were going to essentially elope which all got fucked the night alt got kidnapped. he nursed that grudge as a huge log on the fire for a fucking decade and rogue grieved in her own way but also held a grudge against him in her own way. and just didn't tell him. because. who even knows how he would've flown off the handle and self-destructed abt it.

there's a bunch of whf-specific thoughts about pacifica but i'll put them in their own post bc it has much more to do with her backstory than anything else

#whatsherface

[horce-divorce]

ppl are always asking me how my parents love me so much AND don't want anything to do w taking care of me. And I don't know. Sometimes I tell myself "it's ok, my parents are older than my friends parents and they do a lot, I'm an adult, etc...."

But then like. Idk.

I sit in the kitchen for HOURS trying to eat and prepare my food. It takes me so much effort and I visibly struggle with it every single day. my mom doesn't like to eat so she just ignores this. Today I have been sat in the kitchen for hours following minor facial surgery. My diet is even further restricted right now bc I can't chew. I'm Terrified of not eating because it only takes a couple of hours to crash once I stop. Tomorrow will be rough.

I tried to explain this and ask for her opinion about what I should eat/not eat in the AM. She kept shooting down all my ideas just like.... Getting visibly annoyed. and then she was like "idk I ate soup when I had mine out. I'm tired we'll troubleshoot in the morning." And really she's only even in that mindset bc dad has COVID and she's feeding him anyway.

Meanwhile I got on the phone w my friend who I hadn't talked to or seen in months the other day and I made an offhand comment about how hard eating and meal planning is right now. And she IMMEDIATELY started googling a soft food diet and sending me ideas and spitballing w me. Like it makes me cry. Tbf my friend is also a mom of 4 kids but like. My own mom doesn't care if I eat because she doesn't care if SHE eats. Ykw i mean. Like idk that does hurt my feelings. And she needs to eat too.

It's not like she's NEVER there for me I mean she drove me to get my teeth knocked out, she went back to Walgreens 4 times in the same day to make sure me and dad meds, she cares an awful lot about like, if I live. But she is sooooo hands off about my health in general. She really only goes back into Mom Mode when I'm having an emergency, and even at the ER it kinda felt like it was all about her.

My therapist has been bugging me to talk to her Abt it bc I want to... Like, I'm in too poor of health right now to have indifferent housemates. I need help. But I also know for fact my mom does not want to give it. I know that in reality you "don't stop being a parent after 18 years" but like idk she really has kinda said "I ain't doing that shit." I can't make her stop being scared of my emotions/health. I can't make her stop feeling guilty.

She just doesn't wanna be involved. And yeah the more my health declines the more that kinda rubs in the attachment trauma we have to begin with lol. when I turned 12 and started getting horrific periods, dysphoria, and suicidal ideation her response was...."no you don't!" And to remove me from my support system, and to deny me medical care. I don't. BLAME her bc she couldn't have known better. I don't hold a grudge. But that HURTS. That trauma was life defining for me and the fact that she still can't even handle the mere idea that I'm not perfectly healthy, at 30, is....not building our relationship idk.

But now it's all on me. It's my job to bring it up if we ever wanna heal this. I don't know how. I don't know how.

#me #medical stuff #prsnl

[zzznap]

huh i sulk a lot

i feel like one of my many faults is that i hold grudges but they don't develop into anything more harmful than sulking so i didn't think much on it but then I've been noticing that there's something more to it

because I've been feeling that sulking is actually worse than any other form of expressing anger (which i realised after googling) cuz nothing is expressed properly, and I feel like I'm ruining relationships (surprisingly only in college, I've never had such problems with a school friends and I've always felt level headed and straight forward in school??)

especially after the covid break i realised i don't really communicate with anyone nor take initiatives to spend time nor did i particularly....care? (..... i think I'll blame that on vitamin d deficiency and not being able to get out of bed and not eating and mental health yada yada yada) even when i missed my friends i looked through photo gallery but felt that the thought of even talking or texting or holding a conversation was too tiring

and ofc the sulking makes it worse, now that I'm forced to be more social my mental health is getting better but I'm always sulking at the smallest grievances

and looking up more abt its a common habit in people who bottle up too much and don't express themselves and that might be due to any forms of child abuse or trauma during development (🥴 yeah i figured out exactly where its from)

why is it so hard to express myself clearly I'm getting annoyed at myself for acting like a child but i don't know where to start to change other than googling but that can only help so much.......

#if i put it as a joke literally every negative trait of being a cap sun cancer moon #prideful. holds grudges. cold and kind of boring. sulky. moody. doesn't work on communication and goes into a shell #i would hit me on the head #obviously im good at other things and sexy and a little insane in a hot way #but i just wish i could fix thissss this is frustrating me im so annoyed at my inability to open my mouth and ask for help #like i would rather dieeee than ask for help or be seen as weak its hindering my ability to open up to anyone and maintain relationships #dddk.txt

[fuckindiva]

I truly think that these people who are so defensive of the ~wholesomeness of humanity~ never had to work in retail in their lives

#talk abt TRAUMA and GRUDGE #do u deal w ppl????? u clearly dont have to deal w ppl #call me edgy or misanthrope all u want #NIGHTMARE #hell is retail #also people? thanks i do Not vibe

[crow-with-a-knife]

what are your ocs first b4 the playlists I'd love to learn abt them ^-^

You’ve opened this can of worms now lie in it

Gosh I get so so excited when people ask about my OCs!!! Okay so I have a few but the one I’ve put the most work into is Akumu! She’s my MHA oc and as @villainsandvictimsalliance can tell you, I gave her a lot of trauma. Like a lot. So her name is Kage Kuragari but her villain name is Akumu and her quirks are illusion and mind breech! Mind breech allows her to see into your head if she touches you and she typically does this to find out what you worst fears are. Her second quirk, illusion, allows her to create the illusion of absolutely anything which includes the sensation of physical pain. She can overload your brain with this to the point where it kills you. She can use it without touching you but if you’re someone she holds a grudge against (like a hero) then she’ll make it a point to find out your personal nightmare and trap you in it with her illusions, hence the name Akumu (nightmare in Japanese). Her backstory is some good old trauma. Lotsa angst ahead. Her parents were low tier hero’s who physically and verbally abused her and then gaslit her into believing that was okay so she still was attached to them and loved them. Once her father held her arms in fire as punishment for a minor mistake she made which is why she wears such long gloves (to cover burn scars). One day she was playing outside with her little brother when her house was crushed with her parents inside by a villain vs hero fight and she was on the streets, trying to take care of her little brother. That was when she was around 8. When she was 15 she saw her brother die in the crossfire of another hero villain fight which sparked even more hatred for hero’s in her. Now she’s ✨incredibly traumatized✨ with a burning desire to bring down hero society. Oh also a side affect of her quirk if she overuses it is she goes into severe manic episodes which sometimes makes her illusions lash out at the nearest person (though not always). Here’s so pictures of her but I’m changing her design soon so she her pants are a different color since my friend said they liked blue better than red for her pants.

(Btw the text says “why should I apologize for being a monster? No one ever apologized for turning me into one.”)

There’s her getting traumatized. Also I drew burns from memory and didn’t reference so they look sucky but that’s her as a kid out on the streets and the blue sticky note sketch is her looking at her dad in fear as a child. Anyways thank you so so much for asking!!!! I love talking about my OCs and I get so excited when I’m asked about them!!! Ty ty ty!!!!

Please let me know if you guys need me to tag anything!

#oc #bnha oc #asksss #tw abuse mention #cw burns #tw child abuse #tw burns #ty ty tyy!!!

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

HOLD ON bc everyone is talking abt imagining Hawk and Daniel bonding and getting close with each other (which i love it’s such a cute concept!)

But can we just imagine Demetri AND Johnny finally growing on each other! like imagine Demetri apologizes for the yelp review to Johnny and then Johnny laughs about it and proceeds to apologize back abt all the shitty things his students did to Demetri and they just bond bc Demetri opens up to Johnny about Hawk and the way he feels preferably that he had a literal dying love for him. It would be amazing to see Johnny and Demetri get close especially since Demetri practically hated the man in s1 and 2! Both Daniel and Johnny feel like dads with their two gay karate boys and they love them very much! Can you please elaborate on this imagine because I don’t even know where to start!

YES YES YES watching these two finally come around to each other would be pretty amusing, but also very gratifying, to watch and I am LIVING FOR IT.

I think I touched on it in one of my other ask posts (maybe the general headcanon one?), but the way I see Demetri finally warming up to Johnny is when he sees how surprisingly sympathetic Johnny is to Hawk’s abuse and manipulation at Kreese’s hands--because Johnny went through the same thing. Like Demetri is fully expecting Johnny to be dismissive and kind of mean about it and give Hawk a hard time for following Kreese like an adoring puppy for so long, but as soon as Johnny sees Hawk having a panic attack or something similar because something in their dojo training triggered memories of his time in Cobra Kai with Kreese, his demeanor completely changes. He just kind of hurries Hawk away from the other students and Demetri overhears him saying kind of quietly and urgently “You take a breather whenever the hell you need it, you hear me, kid? I know what it’s like to get your mind fucked around by that bastard. He screwed me up, too. No one here’s going to think less of you if you need to take a break.” And Demetri is like HOLY SHIT...maybe I was very wrong about this guy??? He CLEARLY doesn’t want other kids to have to go through what he did, and Demetri’s got nothing but respect for that. And he’s really grateful that there’s someone there who can help Hawk through his Cobra Kai trauma in a way even Demetri can’t. And overall, I imagine the longer Demetri spends in the combined dojo, the more he can see that Johnny genuinely cares for Hawk, and admittedly develops a very grudging respect for him for giving Eli confidence in a way Demetri never knew how to.

Also yes, Johnny would probably LOSE HIS SHIT laughing if Demetri fessed up and apologized for the bad review, he’d be like “Kid, if a shitty Yelp review is the worst thing that ever happens to my dojo, I think it’s doing pretty well.” And Johnny Lawrence doesn’t fucking get how the internet works, anyway--no way in hell does he think a bad Yelp review can be THAT bad for business. I mean, what cool, badass person would use this “Yelp” bullshit anyways?! I also think that Johnny probably finds Demetri’s brutal honesty and snarky comments pretty amusing, even if he IS a nuisance at times. Like he probably has some degree of respect for Demetri for just...saying exactly what he thinks at all times, and having 0 filter whatsoever. Because hey, Johnny can relate to that far more than he cares to admit XD

I can also see Demetri going up to Johnny after karate practice, being uncharacteristically timid, and awkwardly thanking Johnny for helping Eli with his Kreese trauma, maybe admitting that he himself isn’t sure how to help Eli recover from everything that happened in Kreese’s Cobra Kai. And Johnny kind of sees Demetri in a new light--because this annoying kid, for all his mouthiness, really does care SO deeply about Hawk and wants him to be all right, even if that means swallowing his pride and saying thank you to the very ex-Cobra Kai sensei he always disliked for turning Eli into an “alpha jerk.” And he remembers just how much Demetri cared about Eli from Day 1, boldly defending his friend’s lip to Johnny when even Miguel wouldn’t. And Johnny’s like damn, Demetri may be a pain in the ass, but he’s loyal as all hell...and fuck, I can respect that.

And then maybe Demetri reluctantly asks Johnny for some advice on how he can better help Hawk with his trauma without patronizing him, or making him feel like he was getting a pity party. Demetri knows he can be a bit condescending and dismissive, even unintentionally, and he really wants to help Eli in the most respectful way he can without accidentally belittling him or putting him down or making him feel weak and pitiful. And he and Johnny end up bonding over how fond they both are of that mohawk kid, and how much they admire how strong he is to have endured everything he has and how very far he’s come since he let himself get bullied mercilessly without fighting back. Of course, Johnny Lawrence isn’t one to pick up on subtleties, so of course he remains completely oblivious to the fact that Demetri is gay as hell for Hawk until explicitly told so by someone XD In any case, Johnny tries to help Demetri help Eli the best that he can, and probably gives a healthy mix of actually good and very misguided advice XD And you dun best believe Eli is utterly touched when he later finds out about this--Demetri braved talking to Johnny Lawrence alone, the man who freaked him out so much that he quit after one day of Cobra Kai...to help Eli??? Color Eli surprised. And thrilled. Must’ve taken some serious balls for Demetri to risk the wrath of Sensei Lawrence for his sake. He’s...lowkey swooning.

ANYWAYS YES DEMETRI AND JOHNNY FINALLY COMING AROUND TO EACH OTHER AND BONDING OVER HOW MUCH THEY CARE ABOUT HAWK PLEASE AND THANK YOU

#hawk x demetri #demetri x eli #binary boyfriends #hawkmeat #eli x demetri #demetri x hawk #elimetri #demetri cobra kai #eli moskowitz #johnny lawrence #cobra kai #cobra kai season 2 #cobra kai season 3 #cobra kai season 4 #hawk #demetri #eli #my askbox

[olwolo]

Stayed up a bit later after finishing my studying to catch up with the last Quackity (and wilbur and tommy lol) stream I missed and OH GOD. You're so right and like the thing about worrying if he's being genuine with phil is exactly what I feel with tommy right now. It's so weird bc after that first stream I was so sure he was just manipulating him but them c!wilbur is like begging for tommy to not leave him in the recent one and I HATE believing that for even a second. It sucks bc it's exactly what you said like c!wilbur is so fucking calculating around everybody now you can see him stop to listen to what ppl say and thinking before speaking up and that terrifies me lmao it's so great. C!wilbur is DEFINITELY picking up to Tommy's weakness (or strength in my opinion lol) in trusting the ppl he care about too much and you can see like moments tommy says things that shows how much he matured after wilbur died and the way the bastard keeps being able to convince him is driving me crazy lmao but yeah I guess those are my thoughts about that last stream (had to catch up for techno lol) there's also like tnt duo back and just, everything. I'm loving it. Remember we spoke already about their interactions being interesting bc of the contrasting opinions? We're so right and that stream was way better than I expected lmao I can't WAIT to see what they are doing next tbh also bc I really missed wilbur streams UGHHH he's so great, so great.

About the whole pit thing yeah dream smp storytelling might had helped that a bit considering I was a lot on techno side, seeing wilbur just crazily insisting for him to give tommy a lesson lol (or it seemed like one, back then) but after that I kind of understood the fact that wilbur was always very aware of his downfall ig so I completely agree with you !! and the thing abt tubbo forgiving techno is just SUCH a tubbo thing!! I've seen ppl say that he shouldn't have forgave him that easily but dude the way I see that is exactly like tommy said once, c!tubbo has a thicker skin than his. C!tubbo is such a resilient character even though you can like feel his hesitation in talking with techno when he visited snowchester!! He moves on even if shit happens and he doesn't quite understand or forgive them and I'm pretty sure that's one of the things he differs the most of tommy, who's like way more emotional (positively lol) like you said!! It's just ugh I love it. 🧨 btw the emoji keeps being a great choice considering the rivalry between tnt duo is what kept me up til 2am now lol I'm really excited ok!!

the whole situation with c!wilbur is so interesting and i can't wait to see how it develops further. the 'you weren't here for a long time' line from tommy hit so well because it's true, like he wasn't here for so many important moments after his death and so many things changed and i really want to see it explored more. and the tnt duo interactions were so good!! just two people who's greatest weapon is using their words going against each other. absolutely love it. just get c!tommy out of there and let him chill in snowchester or something, he's been through enough.

and tubbo!! he is such an interesting character. idk how coherent i will be about this but just i always found it interesting how he was ready to forgive techno after the festival, even sympathizing with the situation. he overall showed this trait of wanting to avoid conflict the best during his time as president with the rules and laws he instilled in new l'manburg and it's what made him vulnerable to c!dream's manipulation during that period too. and i feel like that need to ensure safety to those around him and not really holding grudges against people like techno or phil (he even admitted to not really wanting to kill techno during the execution on a recent stream with philza) stems from him bottling his emotions and trauma? idk how intentional this is but the way he rarely adresses what happened to him yet shows instances of everything still affecting him really gets me. like he never told ranboo where his scars came from, one of the first things he did as the president was ban any destructive weapons but still planned to store them as a deterrent (very reminiscent of the nukes situation), the overall cracks in his front showing how he has no confidence in himself during the exile arc or how content he was with dying in the disc war finale (just overall i love how he's portrayed during his time as president, there are so many good moments there). i feel like because c!tubbo bottles up so much the only thing he feels like he can do is move on and try to create a safe environment for himself and when those bottled up things come up to the surface he has no idea how to face them so it just festers inside him. and so he moves on, he forgives and he acts like everything is fine. he was hurt so many times it feels like he has to be resilient at this point.

#replies

[june-again]

i was going to ageee with @/sun-setter because people always used to tell me how lucky I was to have an older brother. I never felt that way haha i used to get hit by him up until i had to leave home for uni :')) and not just the "oh it's an asian thing" kind of hitting but he's temperamental and sees me as a punching bag lol so yeahhh sumtimes i cant get up or im limping and yknoeee...asian parents with their "suck it up ur the mature one" hehe :3

so Im really glad your brother is great and a blessing to you 💖 while i think my genuine dislike of men stemmed from all that experience and the idea of a good brother is something unimaginable to me, it's no nice to see someone i admire (das you, o love u and ur blog) actually having a good experience with theirs. this isn't asking for pity, okkk? but uh yeah whenever someone mentions stuff like "i wish i had a brother/brothers are the best" i go into a spiral (which isn't anyone's fault just because they're talking about it...i just have to handle my trauma well haha)

stay safe & well! 💖

yikes from the first sentence i'm already 😬😬 i agree, i don't know why people act like having siblings is automatically a great thing. you're literally - from a very young age, you suddenly have someone else you never asked for, and from day one you're expected to adapt. we don't choose our families, so yes, maybe it's lucky to have "good" siblings or a good relationship with your siblings, but that doesn't mean having someone you're stuck with for, like, fifteen years is going to be nice. especially if you have to see them every day. especially if it's like after long days you only see the worst of each other.

i'm really sorry to hear that your relationship was that awful. i can't imagine how hard that was for you, but i'm glad to hear you've at least escaped that now.

i hate when people generalize like that.... "brothers are the best" ... because having a brother just means you and one other person happened to be born into the same family. one other person. them being a brother does not make them better or worse. i feel like people have a lot of stereotypes in their minds about what it's like having a brother when in fact it does vary from family to family and you can't automatically assume it's a blessing.

ok watch me ramble abt my brother because you brought him up and my brother is my pride and joy

idk i honestly am so thankful for my brother, though. i mean, he's very awkward and isn't very good at taking care of himself, but he's also kind at heart and really passionate about a few things and creative and funny. i appreciate him a lot (also LMAO i just realized it's his 20th birthday in. three days. i suck. last year my gift to him was agreeing to finally watch doctor who with him 💀 and it was in exchange for him watching death note with me too 💀💀. also side side note he's literally playing L's theme on the piano as i'm writing this hsfdfsdhhd it's the best thing ever.) we have a lot of similar interests and even though he isn't always great at conversation or whatever he's just a solid dude and doesn't get offended at every little thing and doesn't hold grudges and just :^ lives his life the best he can. idk. i totally vibe with him. he's the reason i'm a lot of things and it goes both ways.

#elk's asks #anon! 💕 #goodbye i'm sorry for rambling about my brother at you #i love my family 😗 they just get on my nerves sometimes but i feel like that's not exactly rare #especially since i happen to be a depressed teenage girl that does not know how to deal with emotions properly #ALJWKAHLKWkw #BRo HRAKT SD YOU ADMIRE ME???? #WHY #WHT #KLAHWHLAW #THANK YOU !! ?? #🧍‍♀️ im sorta embarassed now mfdkljdsf