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fallofthehouseofglittter · 3 years

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THIS IS GONNA BE A RANT AND I'M ON MOBILE SO NO READMORE FOR Y'ALL, YE HAVE BEEN WARNED

We managed to go on a week long vacation with my gf's parents (in the house that belonged to her great-grandpa who won it on a game of cards, but that's another story) but god, at what cost

Our cat couldn't come with us on the grounds of my gf's mom being severely allergic, so we were waiting for The Roommate to come back so she could watch over her (and her own cat too), but after two weeks (of a supposedly ONE WEEK TRIP) she finally told us that she was only coming back TWO DAYS AFTER my gf's parents were supposed to be back so no fucking vacation for us I guess?

We wanted at least to spend a weekend away from this house that has been in the middle of a moving since GODDAMN MARCH full of boxes and trash everywhere, so we had everything set up for gf's uncle to come over and feed the cats for two days. Once we finally got to the vacation spot, The Roommate calls us to say that she got someone to watch the cats.

Time to drive ALL THE WAY BACK to relieve the aforementioned uncle from duty and bring our keys to the person who was supposed to watch the cats. Turns out it's this old judgy neighbour lady who was annoyed that we wanted to show her where the cat food and litter were, where we had made a neat pile of clean pet bowls and plates for them, the lists with how much and how many portions to feed them, our phone numbers... and then she got pissy because "[Roommate] said I only had to feed the cats once a day"

EXCUSE ME?

WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO SURVIVE ON ONE MEAL AND A SINGLE GLASS OF WATER A DAY, ELIZABETH?

Anyway we reiterated the importance of getting the cats fed and their water changed twice a day, and hoped The Roommate had chosen a dependable person to take care of the cats

*narrator's voiceover* turns out, in fact, that she hadn't

Roommate calls us two days later to say that the catsitter called her with her panties in a twist because there were maggots in the cat food and she had to toss it all away, that she was calling another lady to pick up the catsitting, that in the end the new lady was going to buy more cat food, and and and

WHOA MCFUCKING THERE, PARDNER

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE HAD TO THROW AWAY OUR CAT'S FOOD"

"It's okay, she handled it"

"But we have enough food, there's a metal box full of wet food and a full bag of kibble"

"It's okay, she handled it"

"We have to come back to town tomorrow to get our covid vaccine shots, if there's the need for more food we can stop by the pet shop on the way"

"It's okay, she handled it"

The gods gifted me with many virtues

Patience is not one of them

And at this point the gf was already restraining me to not yell at the phone, and we agreed on not stopping by on Monday to not stress the cats further with showing up and going away, and trusting the new caretaker, that had already watched over The Roommate's cat before, to not be a complete moron

We overestimated her

We came back today to find the new caretaker, who did not even invite us in for a coffee, all pissy about The Penny having bitten her this morning when "all I did was trying to pet her". She gave us back our keys and we walked into our apartment, where The Penny was already screaming her little lungs out

The apartment

Was

Mess.

Penny's litter box hadn't been cleaned, at all, ever since we left

She had one bowl of water instead of the two we had left

The tray we place her bowls on was FILTHY

And I don't know what the fuck was in her kibble bowl, but boy

It was NOT the kibble that we had prepared for the week and left in a glass jar right in front of the tray

We thought that was all, but nope! Walking into the kitchen made the nightmare even worse! The food that we had set aside for the cats, that the lady claimed was gone so fast because it was filling with maggots, was still sealed on the shelf with the little notes on how to portion it attached. We had laid out wet food for a week, of which not even HALF had been used, and The Roommate's cat's kibble didn't even seem to have been touched. Instead, there were two boxes and a bag of SHIT ASS cat food of a brand we had never seen before, full of grains and coloring and other bullshit, not to mention the bag of kibble for fixed cats. WE are responsible pet owners that fixed our baby as soon as she was old enough, but The Roommate refuses to do the same to her cat (that has been constantly in heat for a while, mind you) but feeds her kibble for sterilized cats. If you're wondering if this makes her cat underweight and low energy, well, BINGO! We had finally convinced her to change into better kibble, and this FUCKER comes around and buys this shit under the premise that "poor kitty cat had no food" while there were TWO BAGS IN THE KITCHEN AND PENNY'S JAR IN OUR ROOM

And the bowls. My good lord, the bowls.

Penny eats out of steel bowls that we wash after every meal, and the water one gets washed once a day. The Roommate isn't nearly as organized with her cat's stuff, but she keeps telling everyone who listens for at least ten seconds about how her cat's whiskers are particularly sensitive and therefore she cannot eat out of regular pet bowls (instead she keeps feeding the cat in plastic plates that only get washed once a blue moon but we'll get to that in another ranty post). We specified on the notes taped to the food shelf that she has to be fed on open plate, and what did the asshole do? WELL, OBVIOUSLY NOT THAT. She grabbed a random Penny bowl and filled it with kibble, another random Penny bowl and filled it with water. And completely ignored the tray we had laid out for the other cat, with her little plate and the wider water bowl, putting the "meal" she prepared on the kitchen counter instead

Unlike Penny's litter box, that hadn't seen a scoop since we left the house, the other cat's stuff had been cleaned. Once. And the bag with the litter trash was still open in the bathroom for everyone to see and smell, because obviously, it's not like the cat would maybe just maybe like to have a room that doesn't smell of her own fucking shit, specially if said room is right besides the one where she sleeps

Now it's the following morning and I'm still seething, I cannot believe the fucking audacity. We would happily (okay, maybe not happily, but we definitely would) skip the vacation if there was no one to watch the cats. They're little living creatures that need attention, and we happily provide when we're around. It's not a crime to say "I can't watch over your pets, sorry", it doesn't make you a horrible, rude, inconsiderate person. You know what does, though? ACCEPTING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR SOMEONE'S PET AND DOING A SHIT ASS JOB OF IT

We laid out everything. We left clean bowls and plenty of kibble and wet food. We left clean scoops to clean their litter boxes. We explained everything and literally left a phone number taped to the food shelf in case they needed us for anything. Instead, the first bitch called The Roommate to complain and the second one just deadass did whatever the fuck she wanted (also I'm convinced that she was overfeeding the cats kibble and not giving them wet food to avoid maggots instead of, you know, sticking around until the cats finished eating and putting the food away when they did. Which means The Penny gained weight in this week, a LOT of it). And ignoring the things we had prepared and explained with so much care to 1) make their lives easier and 2) MAKE IT AS SAFE AND NOT STRESSFUL FOR THE CATS AS POSSIBLE.

We've been home for twelve hours and Penny still hasn't stopped being whiny, which I'm pretty sure is only partly because she is annoyed at us for spending a long time away, but also because she has been bored out of her mind, since these people act like cats are part of the furniture and don't need attention besides some horrible slop thrown into their food bowls. Our cat missed having play time with her wand toys, hanging out with us while we watch tv, eating together (obviously, her having a little bowl of cat food while we eat human food, that we do NOT give her because we aren't stupid), sleeping in the same bed. Of course you're not mandated to do that if you're just hopping by to check on the cats and give them food, but don't act like they're furniture and then get pissy when they try to bite you because they're under stimulated! CATS NEED TO HUNT, and if you don't provide a prey in the form of a toy they're gonna hunt your fucking fingers, and my only regret is that Penpen didn't rip that asshole's hand off

I don't think there is a point to this post, I'm just angry and annoyed and frustrated, but typing everything out in an angry rant is better than yelling and scaring my already sad toebean of a cat, I guess?

Anyway if you read all of this I'm sorry and have a picture of Her Catship The Penny Dreadful

#the life and times of glittter #my cats #the penny #penny dreadful #ranty ranty ranty rant

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satans-tiddies · 6 years

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reclaiming a slur means using it for yourself. you can't just say calling other people queer without their permission (incl. using it as a blanket term) is ok just because it "has a history of being reclaimed", that doesn't change that it's a slur. it's no different from the f slur. how is some people being fine with it more important than the people who are Not fine with it? if you forcefully call OTHERS the word, thats not reclaiming it, it's just calling others a slur

I assume you’re talking about this post. Well done on missing the entire point, I guess?

Let’s see how your ask holds up when we replace queer with another reclaimed homophobic slur: gay.

reclaiming a slur means using it for yourself. you can’t just say calling other people gay without their permission (incl. using it as a blanket term) is ok just because it “has a history of being reclaimed”, that doesn’t change that it’s a slur. it’s no different from the f slur. how is some people being fine with it more important than the people who are Not fine with it? if you forcefully call OTHERS gay, thats not reclaiming it, it’s just calling others a slur

Oh no, no one is allowed to say “they gay community” anymore because you might accidentally include men attracted exclusively to men who don’t identify as gay! /sarcasm

If you want the long-form, researched and sourced answer to your frankly insulting, asinine ask, it’s under the readmore, but tl;dr:

When I say “queer people”, I am (shockingly enough) referring to people who identify as queer.

If you don’t identify as queer, I am not talking about you.

If you’re going to police queer people about their identity because it’s a slur, but not any of the other IDs that are also reclaimed slurs (gay, bisexual, fag, etc.) or that have a pathological history (homosexual, lesbian, trans, etc.), all you’re telling me is that you’re being hypocritical and perpetuating exclusionist/REG/radfem rhetoric.

I have never directly called specific people “queer” if they hadn’t let me know that they aren’t uncomfortable being called that, so I must conclude that:

You’re telling me that I cannot use “queer” as an umbrella term for my community.

Even though it is the most widely preferred umbrella term among LGBTQ+ individuals.

Even though there IS a community that calls itself “the queer community”, which has ideological, political and historical distinctions from the “gay rights movement” and “LGBT”, and includes people who are openly uncomfortable with being called “gay” or “LGBT”.

Fine. Dandy. But what do you propose I use as a blanket term instead?

“LGBT” is a popular acronym, but it’s highly limiting. Only four letters. But that’s not the only issue here. Do you see the G in LGBT? G as in “gay”? If you sent me this incredibly ignorant ask, you’re probably not aware that it is also a reclaimed slur.

The biggest irony is that the “queer is a slur, use gay instead” sentiment has already happened in the past, but in reverse. “Queer” was adopted by American MLM in the early 20th century because they considered “fairy”, “invert” and “gay” too derogatory. Like the other two, “gay” had connotations of prostitution, promiscuity and “deviant” gender expression.

What inevitably happened is that mainstream American culture picked up on this and started using “queer” as an insult instead.

When people started to mobilize under the word “gay” in the 1930′s-60’s, older queer men expressed their disapproval at a younger generation, who hadn’t been targeted by the word “gay” as an insult, using it as an identity. They disapproved of the names “gay rights movement” and “gay community”. BUT, they recognized that it was important for the new gay generation, and didn’t throw hissy fits when it became the new popular term.

The term gay began to catch on in the 1930s, and itsprimacy was consolidated during the war. By the late 1940s, younger gay men were chastising oldermen who still used queer, which the younger men now regarded as demeaning. As Will Finch, whocame out into the gay world of Times Square in the 1930s, noted in his diary in 1951, “The word‘queer’ is becoming [or coming to be regarded as] more and more derogatory and [is] less and lessused by hustlers and trade and the homosexual, especially the younger ones, and the term ‘gay’ [is]taking its place. I loathe the word, and stick to ‘queer,’ but am constantly being reproved, especiallyin so denominating myself.”

Younger men rejected queer as a pejorative name that others had given them, which highlightedtheir difference from other men. Even though many “queers” had also rejected the effeminacy of thefairies, younger men were well aware that in the eyes of straight men their “queerness” hinged ontheir supposed gender deviance. In the 1930s and 1940s, a series of press campaigns claiming thatmurderous “sex deviates” threatened the nation’s women and children gave “queerness” an even moresinister and undesirable set of connotations. In calling themselves gay, a new generation of meninsisted on the right to name themselves, to claim their status as men, and to reject the “effeminate”styles of the older generation. Some men, especially older ones like Finch, continued to prefer queerto gay, in part because of gay’s initial association with the fairies. Younger men found it easier toforget the origins of gay in the campy banter of the very queens whom they wished to reject.

—George Chauncey, 1994. Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World, p.19 (emphasis mine).

Some older gay people who were hurt by “queer” are uncomfortable with being called “queer”. But older queer people—as well as younger ones like me—were hurt by “gay”, and some of us are also uncomfortable with being called “gay”. (I’m not, but I personally know some guys who are.)

Oh, did you forget the entirety of the 2000’s, when the use of “gay” as a slur by homophobes was so frequent and widespread that there were entire awareness campaigns to try to cut that shit out? I remember. I remember very vividly, because in all the traumatic incidents of homophobic violence I faced, the word that was shouted at me was “gay”.

Not to mention that the word “bisexual” used to not even refer to sexuality, but to intersex people. It was used in a similarly deriding way as “hermaphrodite”. And yet, it was adopted for an entirely different purpose.

Your assertion that queer “is no different from the f slur” is also funny to me as someone who hangs around cis gay men a lot. It seems that you’re completely oblivious to the enormous number of guys who call themselves and their peers “fags”. It’s commonplace. If you wander around cis gay male Tumblr, you can see dozens of blogs doing this.

“Fag” and “faggot” are considered by most to be much more inflammatory than “queer” (you yourself used it as an example of a bad word you shouldn’t use at other people!), but…where are all the people going to “fag” blogs and saying “don’t you know that f*g is a slur?”.

Oh, right. You only bother to attack “queer” because it specifically benefits people who aren’t white, conformist, perisex cis gays and lesbians.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s run down a list of alternative umbrella terms, since you find a reclaimed slur so offensive.

Oops, “LGBT” features a reclaimed slur. Same for variations of it.

“Gay community” ah damn, again.

“QUILTBAG” hell, it has at least two.

“MOGAI” checks out, no reclaimed slurs! But if I use this, internet exclusionists and anti-queers such as yourself will rip me to shreds.

It seems that I cannot find a single umbrella term that won’t offend anyone.

I have a proposal for you: when I call myself queer, and say “queer people” or “queer community, whoever doesn’t identify as queer can quietly exclude themselves. I am not talking about you. Queer people who don’t want to be called “gay” or “LGBT” already do this all the time, when people say “gay community” or “LGBT community”.

Stop listening to radical feminists and LG separatists for Christ’s sake.

And if you’re going to continue going to queer people’s inboxes to tell them that their identity is so dirty that they have to keep it as a dirty secret all to themselves, stop being a raging hypocrite and never fucking call a single other person the word “gay” ever again.

#queer #queerphobia #slurs #ask #anon #my words #I'm fed up with this pointless discourse

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