#still can’t decide whether i want it to be a campus novel or a story about socialites and aristocratic excess

[mst3kproject]

The Neanderthal Man

Since I'm taking a break from fishmen, I might as well let Bigfoot catch up a bit.  The Neanderthal Man isn't exactly a Bigfoot movie, but it’s along the same lines and its entire starring cast has MST3K pedigrees.  Robert Shayne was in Indestructible Man and Teenage Caveman. Richard Crane was Rocky Jones, Space Ranger! Beverly Garland was in Swamp Diamonds and Gunslinger. Even the composer, Albert Glasser, wrote music for Invasion USA, Last of the Wild Horses, and almost all of MST3K’s Bert I. Gordon movies.

Some little mountain town in the middle of the Sierras (which the Portentous 50's Narrator takes some trouble to tell us is a primeval place where 'the defacing hand of civilization has fallen but lightly') is having a rash of saber-toothed tiger sightings!  At first these are laughed off, but when the game warden himself sees one cross the road in the middle of the night, it's time to do something about it.  The warden shows a cast pawprint to Dr. Ross Harkness in Los Angeles, who is interested enough to come up and see for himself. Local Mad Scientist Dr. Groves pooh-poohs the whole thing, which is enough to tell me that we're not dealing with a local cryptid here.  Somebody is making prehistoric monsters.

So... I may not have actually run out of movies, but I seem to be running out of plots, because this is a remarkably similar movie to Monster on the Campus. The major difference between the two films is that Dr. Blake turned himself into a caveman by accident, while Dr. Groves here is doing it on purpose.

Another difference is that Monster on the Campus' story, while silly, was linear – events escalated in a way that felt logical, and there were reasons why things happened when and where they did.  By contrast, The Neanderthal Man feels like a first draft.  At the beginning of the film, we're dealing with the saber-toothed tigers that Groves has been creating by injecting cats with his de-evolution serum.  We hear about these slaughtering game and livestock, and it seems like only a matter of time before they move on to human beings.  The beginning of the film is quite upfront about the fact that Groves is responsible, too, as it is only mildly mysterious in its depiction of one of the creatures escaping his lab.

Sometimes the saber-tooths are represented by an actual tiger, usually filmed from behind or at a great distance so nobody has to put the prosthetic teeth on it.  They do have prosthetic teeth, but they're only visible in a couple of shots. Imagine being at a bar and some guy tells you his job is sticking fake fangs on real tigers for a caveman movie!  For close-ups, there's a hilarious puppet head that looks like the sort of thing you'd see mounted on a frat house wall as a joke.  The director had the sense not to linger on this in motion shots, but later we see still photographs Groves has supposedly taken of his experimental subjects and they're even stupider-looking than we imagined.

Anyway, this goes on for a while with rising action, as the game warden goes to get Harkness and they manage to shoot one of the animals, only to have it vanish from the kill site when they try to show it to Groves (the movie never bothers to explain how that happened, incidentally. The ending suggests that the creatures change back when they die, but there's definitely no dead kitty cat at the scene, either).  The whole movie could easily have just had the cats and their creator as the antagonists, perhaps even ending the same way as Dr. Groves proves his work to the other characters by injecting himself. That's not what happens, though.  Instead, the story mostly forgets about the cats one we find out Groves has also been carrying on human experiments.

(Before himself, Groves' first experimental subject was his disabled Latina housekeeper.  Another series of photos show her half-transformed into a cavewoman who for some reason is wearing drag queen false eyelashes.  And as long as I'm talking about the movie being gross and bigoted, there's a bit where a woman is violently raped.  This happens off camera, but the audience is not allowed to entertain any illusions about it.)

The problem is that before we see him give himself an injection in the arm, we have had absolutely no indication that Groves has been giving his serum to anything besides the cats! Cats are stealthy, cryptic creatures and if one of those has been seen wandering around killing things, then surely a full-on caveman beating people to death would not be able to stay out of sight!  If what we were seeing were the first time Groves had tried the formula on himself then that would be an explanation, but his notes reveal that he's been doing it for so long that he's on the verge of losing control of the transformation and permanently reverting to a pre-human status, as indeed he does for the climax.  Much like the stupid dinosaur in The Beast of Hollow Mountain, the movie's main monster is given no build-up whatsoever!

There's worse yet, though.  The main characters, Dr. Harkness and Groves' daughter Jan, are barely involved in the 'caveman' part of the plot. They get phone calls about the various murders that Groves is committing in caveman form, and they snoop around the lab to figure out things the audience already knows.  The same story could have been told without them, perhaps with the game warden and the hunter as protagonists, and it would probably have been more interesting. The script also repeatedly has Dr. Groves wander in and bluster about how the tiger sightings are hallucinations and tall tales, which seems a little unnecessary when we already know he's responsible. The film-makers can't seem to decide whether they want us to know that or not.

Dr. Groves wears glasses.  Maybe the reason his primitive alter-ego is angry and breaking shit (although it does politely open and close the window it climbs out of, which made me laugh) is because it can't see. This is also my theory about why the Hulk smashes, and what do you know?  In Avengers Endgame he's got Hulk-sized spectacles and only smashes when he's told!

The direction of The Neanderthal Man can probably best be described as 'serviceable'.  It shows us what's going on, but doesn't particularly add anything to the proceedings.  The 'Neanderthal' mask is immobile and uninteresting, not much better than somebody's Party City Sasquatch costume.  Even the eyes are just painted on, meaning the poor guy in the costume can’t do much because he can’t see where he’s going.

The dialogue is often very strange, with characters talking like they're in a Jules Verne novel. If only one person did this, it might seem like a character quirk – it works for Dr. Groves, for example – but it's everybody. Seeing the cat carcass is gone, Harkness declares, “I refuse to believe in the supernatural!  There must be some logical cause and effect to this unholy adventure!”  Groves' fiancee Ruth berates him for ignoring her, saying, “I want you, the man I once knew!  The good companion, the cheerful friend.  I want the happiness we once found in each other.”  It's bizarre to listen to, and often audibly awkward for the actors.

Monster on the Campus was kind of trying to be about how humanity must choose to evolve away from our inner savage, although the finale didn't bear that out.  There's a scene in The Neanderthal Man in which this movie seems to be trying to go in the opposite direction, saying that we were never savage to begin with.  Dr. Groves is speaking to a panel of scientists about the size of the brain in various 'primitive' species of human.  He points out that by the time we reached Homo erectus we were already working with four times the cerebral jelly of a chimpanzee, and argues that our ancestors would have been recognizably human in their behaviour and problem-solving capacity.

(Amusingly, his chart of human evolution includes Piltdown Man, which was proven to be a hoax literally a few months after this movie's release.  What makes this even more tragic for the writers is that their list of primitive humans seems to be the only place where they actually did any research.)

The problem with Dr. Groves' theory is that he already knows it's wrong. We soon learn that he's been experimenting on himself with his serum for a while already, and his notes show that he knows very well he regresses into a near-mindless animal.  The movie does not even try to reconcile these ideas.  If Groves were continuing his experiments in the hope that perfecting his serum would give him a more accurate reconstruction of ancient man, that would be one thing, but the script never goes there.

So now that we've had two 'man turns into caveman by injecting science juice' movies, of course I have to ask which one is better.  Monster on the Campus wasn't a good movie but it was definitely an improvement on The Neanderthal Man in several respects, and although I don't have any way to find out for certain, I suspect it was an intentional remake.  It's definitely more entertaining and gets bonus points for including the Meganeura dragonfly, but nothing in it is nearly as funny as The Neanderthal Man's fake tiger head.  I guess if you're gonna watch one or the other, stick to Monster on the Campus, but if you're gonna watch both, start with The Neanderthal Man and do them in chronological order, the better to spot the inspirations and references.

Before I go, a fun paleontology fact: current thinking is that the saber-toothed cat's eponymous fangs actually didn't show when it had its mouth closed!  There are zero cave paintings or ancient sculptures of a saber-tooth cat with teeth visible, and when scientists looked at the structure of the enamel in the canines, it suggested that in life the teeth were hidden by big, fleshy, St Bernard jowls.  Google 'smilodon lips' and behold how this looks fully three hundred percent more ridiculous than you're imagining.  I love nature.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the neanderthal man #tw: rape #50s #curiously caucasian cavepeople

[onlynight-onlylight]

DNA

Words: 8,2K

Pairing: Taehyung x OC (Yerim)

Genre: fluff, College!AU, Soulmate!AU

Summary: An awkward person like you never try to be involved in any social interaction unless accompanied by your only two best friends at your side. It also means that you have no past relationship with any man. That alone makes you do not know what to do when your soulmate comes to your life in a sudden.

Yerim POV

 I wake up groggily in early morning. I am trying to get a clearer view of my own room while my mind is still hazy. My throat feels so dry that it hurts. I stare my bedroom wall blankly and images come to me one by one. My dream, just now, reveals everything. The sign dream of my half, like the other nights in this one month straight.

It feels more and more real every night until the point that I accept it without any fights. I even forget how scared I am on the first week of the continuous dreams. I forget that I end up waking up in the dawn, eyes dart anywhere to find anything that can calm me. But then I realize that it’s not the dream. It’s just me with my anxiety with something new, something unfamiliar. And when I think back to times that I finally calm down is merely because of his scent, I don’t freak out anymore. I’m just confused because all of these things are unusual.

I take the small navy note on the desk beside my bed. I write every little detail that I can remember after waking up so it can remind me every day that I have someone, somewhere, that will love me with the whole of his life.

Taehyung POV

 “Taehyung, where are you?” Jimin yells over the phone making me cringe. I pull away the phone until I think he’s done talking.

“I’m in Yeouido, taking photos a bit. Why?”

“Are you crazy? We have group meeting at 3 and you’ve been there since morning?”

Jimin’s words silence me. I let the words sinking since I don’t have anything in return. I know I haven’t been in my right mind since the dreams keep coming. All I can think is her. And here, one of many places that also appears in my dream. I remember walk around here hand in hand with her, only in my dreams. I sigh at the sudden sadness that filled my entire body.

“I’ll back to campus now. I still have 30 minutes, right? “Ugh whatever”

I only chuckle when he hangs up the call. I look around for the last time before leaving the park.

 I let out another deep sigh. I don’t mean to complain about anything but I really want to know who she is. This feeling of loving her is killing me because I can do it properly in real life. I look at all pictures that I printed out yesterday. I already collect many pictures and keep it save with me everyday. I can see her figure in every photo that I take with my mind. But in reality, I just take the empty space and hope she is there. Just like in every dream I have with her. I can see her smile even though I always cannot see her face.

“What should I do?”

Yerim POV

 “So you’re saying that he is the one?” ask me to Aeri, my bestfriend since high school.

I ask the important question after all. I decide to tell her everything today, because I don’t think I can handle it alone anymore.

“Yup, I’m 100% sure. Our dreams are not exactly same but at some points you get all the important hints about your half, right? That’s what happened to me too like I’ve told you before.”

I bob my head while thinking. Yeah, I still remember her stories about this weird continuous dream.

“Then why you’re still alone? You know your soulmate anyway” I ask again.

I don’t mean to use sarcastic tone in my voice but tease her. She tells me once who is her half and how all the kick comes, the ticklish and light feeling run in your blood making you all happy and smiley when you two are near. But I still don’t get it because I have no experience at all, just until what I see in my own dream every single night. A guy, whom I thought is a stranger, is hugging me tight like a lover. Kissing me like no tomorrow and stay next to me wherever I go like his life is depended on it. I don’t think I have seen him before because no one of my male friends looks like him.

“Let’s focus on you. What do you remember from him the most?” I know she just change the topic but I let it pass. I need time to think about this now because it finally happens to me.

“Since his warm touch and fresh smell cannot be described… hmm, I think I saw a little mole in his nose” which I like to kiss apparently, in my dream.

“Okay, that’s detail but hard to see unless you check his face closely. What else?”

I try to remember anything that comes to my mind.

“I think he is a bit tall, around Jin’s height maybe, since he easily tucks me under his chin. He has a tanned skin like me”

Aeri seems thinking and remembering anyone who has these features I mentioned.

“His voice is also deep. Like…” My mind wanders to some dreams I have when he speaks to me sweetly.  He has a nice voice with a deep baritone, which is very sexy, even just in dreams. His chuckles always be my favorite. Aeri claps her hands in front of me and stops me to get further in my blank state. I don’t realize that I stop talking but imagining him in my head. Well, being soulmate, in my dream, means we do things what couples do. And it’s hard to not be reminded and act like nothing happen when it feels you have done a lot.

“Like…?”

“Just like that, you know, deep” I try to not answer the question or explain anything further to her. It’s difficult to tell her of what happened in my dreams especially the skinship when I never do it in real life.

“Well, I think it’ll be better if we just let the universe work its way and bring you two together”

I nod to Aeri. She must be think I will concern about this and give me a cut before I do it. And it will be too hard to find him without solid clue that will lead directly to him anyway.

“From now on, you will feel the kick out of nowhere. You will easily be in a good mood too. Just let it be”

“Yeah, I understand” I say blankly.

“Oh, you may be in a bad mood when he is” she gives warning with serious look which makes my face all scrunching up. I’m not sure I’m ready for this but it’s destined from the very start of my life. Nervous fills me in but excitement is there too. I hope I don’t have to wait for a long time, I long to see him already.

 Our encounter is a mathematical formula The law of religion, the ways of the universe The evidence of fate given to me You are the origin of my dreams

Taehyung POV

 I throw my costume hard on the floor making my group mates jump. I glare each one of them to let them know that I am beyond angry right now. I shouldn’t have joining this group when I know they are just bunch of lazy ass even though they have experience for small drama musical. I am actually mad to myself more because of my stupid decision. I still think they can change to be more diligent in Prof. Kang’s Acting class. But it’s just me and they finally mess up the first trial of performing.

“Hey, Taehyung, don’t scare us like that. This is just practice, not the actual test” says Jongmin making my blood boiling.

“Not the actual test?” I ask him to know whether he is serious with his words or he is just dumb. Prof Kang is one of those lecturers that see the process instead of the output itself. He wants to see how many of his students that really put effort to success and pass his judgment for the entire semester.

“I don’t care where have you been in this major but if you want to fail, don’t drag me or others with you”

“Taehyung, that’s a bit…” his friend tries to defend him and I just give him a raised eyebrow, waiting for him to say more.

“You should know by now that our grades will never be better than C+” I growl at them.

I collect my things and leave them feeling my anger and their dumbness in their brain. I don’t want to expect much but hope it can make them thinking a little bit. If my grade is really C+, I won’t ever regret to yell like that. My mood has been worse since yesterday and it will not getting better after what was just happened. I should find Jin and ask him to cook me a good meal to make me feel better.

I walk to Literature major building across the library. Jin will be there if not in the cafeteria. He maybe still in denial with the soulmate thingy and decide to ‘taking it slow’ with Aeri, his crush since God knows when, but I know she is the only girl he ever sets his eyes on. I scoff loudly. Jin wastes his time when he already finds his other half when I try hard to find mine. This thought is supposed to fuel my anger more but I can’t help but smiling like idiot. I don’t know why but I suddenly feel good and have no tension that I have just now. I think I’m finally going crazy after my long finding attempt just to see my mate.

“Taehyung!” Jimin stands beside me with worry written on his face. I think he heard about me losing my temper after the class.

His face now is more worried after seeing my happy face. I just smile at him and wave like something has happened to me. I can’t stop myself when I feel a strong kick on my chest. My chest feels lighter and lighter with every second.

“Oh no” says Jimin, who is leaving me to run as fast as he can. I just shrug and continue my walk when I feel the second kick. I never feel a continuous kick at short period of time. Does it mean she is nearby? Can I finally see her after all this time? I look around to find her. I should find her.

*

Yerim POV

 I sigh countless times in the quiet library. My mood is not good for the past days and it affects many things. I don’t even remember why I’m being like this in the first place. I try to have a peace with my mind and heart so I can finally concentrate to the romance novel in my hands. Bad mood does not really compatible with romance so I just stare at the first page for ten minutes. When I think I feel a little bit better, I decide to give up on reading. I put back the book on the shelf and go out to the library’s yard.

Fall has coming and the weather becomes cooler. The color of the trees becomes more and more beautiful lately. I can see many students choose to study together in the yard instead of the study rooms. One of many ways to refresh your mind to help studying, I guess. I put up my phone to take a picture of the red-ish leaves tree in front of me when I feel the kick.

I grip my phone tighter because of the shock. I turn my head quick to my right and left and checking everyone near me. Pleasant feeling fills me in a second and it freezes me. This is what they always tell us about, this is how the kick felt. The kick and its effect. It’s the very first time I feel this strong kick. Up till today, it’s mostly the happy feeling that makes me smile every once and then. The pleasant feeling runs faster in my blood and it freaks me out. I need to stop myself from smiling because it’s really weird. How can I smile when I’m in the bottom of my mood, up till seconds ago? It doesn’t make any sense.

“Jin, I think Taehyung is crazy now. He is out from his class with huge grin and happily waving after yelling to his group mate because not doing their work right”

Two men stops not far from me and their conversation draws me to listen more. I feel they talk about this kick and its effect thingy and I need more info to make sure I’m not crazy too. I know one of them, Jin, fourth year student and Aeri’s crush slash her soulmate. I talk with him often since he and Aeri tease each other everyday. Yes, literally everyday just because they are too shy to ask each other out. Like, they are sure that the other is their half one, at least Aeri thinks that from all of hints in her dreams, but they still do nothing about it. The other man is Jimin. He is the campus sweetheart chosen last year on the campus festival, but we never been in touch directly before.

“Are you serious?”

“Why would I joke around when my best friend being freak all of a sudden?”

“Shit, you’re right”

I follow both men’s sight and see the man that they are talking about. Taehyung is one of Jin’s friends that I meet several times. He may be not coming first on ‘The Campus Sweetheart’ election, but believe me he has many admirers as Jimin’s. He has a very beautiful face that you can’t help but falling in love with. But Taehyung is a bit more unique person so people favor Jimin more. But honestly, I pick Taehyung over Jimin last year. Don’t ask me why, I don’t have any reason to tell.

Taehyung, with a super wide grin in his face, walks to his friends. Before I can hear whatever come out from Jin’s mouth, my heart races irregularly and makes me dizzy suddenly. I am too light-headed to follow Jin’s conversation with Jimin.

“Shoot” I curse and trying to keep it down by pressing my chest hard. This is not normal. No. I’ve never been like this before. This kick is stronger than the one I just experienced just now. I inhale a long breath while looking down, prevent myself to get panic attack. My heart still beats two times faster but the shock is gone and replaced by strong warmth in my chest. I take more oxygen to convince myself that I’m okay when I hear my name being called by Jin.

“Yerim, are you alright?”

I just nod and still try to breathe more. I don’t think it’s how usually the kick working, at least not the one that I used to experience. I need to make myself look composed to Jin and his friends. I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of them.

“Are you sure?”

I lift my head up and give a firm nod to Jin. I don’t think worrying him will get a good outcome also. I know from Aeri that Jin would overreact and I surely don’t want any drama now. He sighs in relief and believes me this time. I divert my gaze to the other men to make sure they don’t let out another question. I’m not very comfortable talk with strangers, let alone them worrying about my health out of blue. And then I feel the strongest kick of all. It feels so great that freaks me out even more. Those brown eyes of Taehyung mirroring my eyes and we both know that we are each other’s half. My breath stops.

 I recognized you as soon as I saw you As if we’ve called each other The DNA in my blood is telling me That it’s you who I’ve been looking for

 “I found you” his voice barely a whisper yet I can hear it clearly.

I froze in my place seeing him in front of me. The man in my dream is finally come to real life and stands before my eyes. It never crosses my mind that I will feel this kind of feeling when I see Taehyung, I panic, I don’t know what to do, I’m not ready. And I do the best way that I can think first, run away from him.

 *

Taehyung POV

 “Yerim! Wait!” I try to call her when I see her running away from me. I can let it happened. No. I’ve been trying everything and when the time comes I don’t want to let it just go like that. Jin holds my arms when my feet decide to follow her.

“Don’t do that, Taehyung”

“But I have been waiting this for long time, Jin”

“I know. But things won’t be good if you come to her in a rush” say Jin, making me let out a frustrated groan.

 I run my hands over my hair hundred times already. I cannot sit in peace nor stop rambling about my worries. I shouldn’t talk, and then she won’t be scared. I shouldn’t yell her name and make her leaving me like that.

“What should I do, Jin? Have this happened to you and Aeri?”

“Why did I yell like crazy man and scare her off?”

“I don’t think I can live if she rejects me”

“Don’t you think I should go to her and apologize?”

“Hyung, help me”

Jin observes me doing my monologue in silence. He has that soft smile on his face and it makes me more confused than ever. He doesn’t really tell me what to do and ignores my questions. He pats my back and tells me to calm myself down to think clearly.

“Stay here”

*

Yerim POV

 I pace around in my studio apartment since the door closed. I don’t even take out my shoes yet go back and forth from the front door to my living-bedroom in my cramp studio.

“Is this really happening?” I scream to myself with both of my hand in the air.

I’m happy, indeed. It’s finally the time when I know I won’t be alone for my entire life. I can finally share whatever I feel to someone who is truly care. But before we go to that phase, I don’t even know how to talk with him. How should an awkward person like me getting in a normal conversation? No idea at all. It’s always someone trying to get me involved then I can speak slowly.

My phone rings and makes me jump oddly. I look at my bag on the floor and guess who’s the caller. My bet down to Aeri, who might be heard the news already from Jin. Ugh, I don’t think I can meet Jin without thinking about earlier accident. How can I just frantically run when Taehyung said those words?

“Yerim?” ask Aeri softly.

“Yeah?” I reply with much doubt in my voice.

“Don’t you have something to tell me?”

“Do I?”

I stall time for nothing because sooner or later I will yell my frustration out to her because she’s the one that I trust my entire secret with. I just don’t know how to start to tell her all. Not when I’m still disbelieve that it’s finally the time.

“Spill out, now”

I tell her everything that happened today. Thankfully, she doesn’t interrupt me with any question and let me out every single detail to her. When I’m done, she asks me if I’m alright.

“I don’t know. I’m not even sure I’m happy or scared now”

“Breathe slowly. Should I come to your place?”

“Please”

 I whimper when I remember leaving Taehyung behind without saying a word. Not even spare a look to Jin and Jimin because of my complicated mind. Aeri chuckles softly and pats my back. She knows how it feels like since she experienced it herself not long ago, unless hers is less embarrassing than mine and yet I laughed at her back then. And she is in a good term with Jin, even though they are still not together yet.

“So, what is your plan now? You’re the only friend I know who met the soulmate besides me. Others just don’t care as much as we do”

I shrug, no plan sounds good to me. I look at her looking for help and she only gives me smile.

“Jin is worried because he knows how you are around strangers. But it seems more like he worries Taehyung scares you since you just go right away after you saw him. He tells me Taehyung is not in a good condition now, rambling nonsense of him to make you just go like that but afraid to scared you more. Taehyung worry to lose you, not before he try to approach you at all”

My shoulders slump down hearing Aeri’s words. Taehyung and I are worried for each other and it feels very uncomfortable. My chest feels so heavy and I just can make it go away. Now, I know why.

“It’s not like that though. It’s just me. I’m actually grateful that my half is Taehyung”

Aeri waits for me to continue.

“I’ve thought the worst possibility of anyone who will be my partner. But Taehyung is far from any bad possibility. I maybe not ready for this yet and he just comes in front of me looking so… radiant and perfect. I can’t help but feel content yet scared of myself”

I look at Aeri in eyes, eyebrows knit together.

“It’s weird, right? How can I be happy just looking at him when I haven’t engaged in private conversation with him in my entire life?”

“Should I say yes? Will it make you finally at ease?” ask her with soft smile. I shake my head slowly. No matter how hard I deny the fact, that’s the reality. This weird thing is also explain how my parents meet, my grandparents meet and maybe back to how my ancestors meet in the first place.

“It’s our destiny, Yerim. You two have been fated since you were existed in this world and you actually feel good about it. I will not ask you much because first encounter will be overwhelmed but please, try to not avoid Taehyung, it will feel unpleasant for both of you, just like now”

 Because all of this is not coincidence Because we’ve found our destiny DNA

 That night I dream about Taehyung. Now I can clearly see his face, hear his voice whispering sweet nothings, feel his warmth while hugging me. Something in me change, I can feel it in my entire body. And it reaches its peak when Taehyung’s lips come to mine.

I really try hard to get myself calm. I keep taking a deep breath when the ticklish sensation comes. I learn by now that I will feel it when Taehyung is near. And it makes me more aware of his presence. I can’t help myself to look around. I caught him walking from the end of hallway from the park’s bench where I’m sitting. His boyish smile automatically makes me smile. I try to not creep out of this fact and receive it as my fate. He greets everyone in hallway and gets me fascinated. I realize the big difference in our behavior. I rarely greet people and will only avoid them to minimize any interaction. Unless I know them well, I won’t mind starting conversation first.

I remember how he easily enlightens the mood and lead people to have a good time. We never talk directly but his presence comforts me in a way I can’t describe back then. And now I know the reason why I feel annoyed to his classmate who openly flirts with him during lunch break. It’s because I know he is mine, he should be off limit to anyone.

My focus backs to Taehyung who talks to his friends. I think Taehyung is in a good mood because he casually laughs with other before abruptly looks at my direction. He keeps smiling and staring at me. Or so I thought since I break the eye contact fast and pretend to read the book that I hold before.

 “Hey” a deep voice greets me then I feel the kick. A strong one, but I’m not surprised anymore. I slowly look up and find Taehyung with soft smile in his face.

“Hey” I reply with much effort to sound casual despite my rapid heartbeat.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” He points the empty spot beside my bag and I just shake my head. He sits 30 centimeters from me. I hope he won’t hear the loud drums from my chest.

“I’m Taehyung” he says while offering his hand. I’m sure we know each other name by now so I just stare at him with confused look.

“I only want to make an official introduction to you. We haven’t had one, have we?”

I chuckle lightly and shake my head again. He, now, laughs with me and it brings sense of comfort for me. I take his large hands and its warm spreads to mine. It reminds me my dreams about him. All hints given to me now becomes reality. And the feeling is just the same as in my unconscious state, even better.

He starts the conversation with simple questions that he curious about and gives me some information about him to. I feel thankful that he understands my circumstances to strangers even though he never really felt like stranger to me to begin with.

“I don’t want to scare you. That’s the last thing I want you to feel around me”

“I’m not scared. It’s just unusual for me, Taehyung”

He swifts closer and make my breath hitched. We sit arm to arm in silence.

“I know you’re not comfortable with stranger but please bear with me. Since the day I know you’re the one, I already hold myself to not come to you and hug you right at that moment”

I’m blushing hearing Taehyung’s confession. This is another difference within us. Taehyung is blunt and brave with words while I’m not. He really talks what’s in his mind meanwhile I prefer to keep it down, deep down in my head.

“You’re not a stranger though” I reply in whisper. I’m not sure how to say it but I know he get what I mean by chucking lowly. We just sit there until a voice breaks the comfort silence. Until someone comes and stands in front of us.

“Yerim, I’m Hyuksoo from Critical Reading class. I want to invite you to have dinner with others on Friday night. If you want, I can pick you up too”

I stare at the smiling boy that comes from nowhere as in questioning him and his true meaning under his invitation. I never really go out with others except for group project. I prefer to have lunch with Aeri or Hwayoung, my classmate slash best friend. Even though some people will ask us to join their table, I never talk much. Is he really serious to ask me out to go with others that I foreign with? And he asks me in front of Taehyung? Well, no one knows what happened to me and Taehyung, but Taehyung sits too close to anyone with ‘friend of a friend-relationship’ should do. This should give him a picture that we are spending a private moment.

I hear Taehyung hiss behind me and scoot closer to me until I feel him on my back. He slightly puts his head on my shoulder, not showing sign to others that it’s actually our first encounter in our real life. Just then the boy realizes that Taehyung is with me, looking not happy with his invitation.

“Oh, hi Taehyung”

So Hyuksoo knows Taehyung and still stands so confident in front of us. I think he wants to prove something over the man behind me.

“She’s busy on Friday night, and Saturday night, and any other night in future, with her boyfriend”

He emphasizes the ‘her boyfriend’ words and it makes me somewhat happy. I fight the urge to smile and being rude to Hyuksoo. The boy just looks at Taehyung blankly while opening and closing his mouth, loss for words to get back at Taehyung. I feel Taehyung’s hand circling my body, definitely not giving up to act all cocky to the poor boy.

“I’m sorry” That’s all he said before walks away without looking back.

“What was that?” I turn my head to Taehyung and face him. He’s too close that I can see the little mole in his nose, the same one as I see in my dreams. My face is getting red as remembering some moments related to that tiny dot. Taehyung keeps his hand on my waist while looking unfocused.

“Hm?”

“What’s with you turning down his invitation and saying that I have a boyfriend?” I raise my eyebrow and slightly push his body away to seriously answer me this time also giving me space to breathe.

“I’m not wrong, right? You’re mine and no one should try to steal you from me”

He licks his bottom lip slowly and I fail to restrain my eyes following the movement. I become ten times more aware of our proximity.

“We just get to know each other an hour ago” I talk in whisper. Not sure of speaking loudly and breaking the intimate bubble.

“Yeah, but we are destined to be together since the universe is made, anyway. I’m not giving you up to anyone, no way”

 From the day the universe was formed Past infinite worlds Probably in our past live and in our next lives We’ll be together forever

Because all of this is not coincidence Because we’ve found our destiny DNA

News spreads like fire and I have an idea where this talk comes from. Most of them guess correctly because they have passed the same experience of the soulmate thing. Some other are being salty and put Taehyung or me on a bad side. Just because I’m the quiet one, they think Taehyung going out with me just to use me. Just because he is everyone favorite, they think I trap Taehyung so he dates me. Well, people can be mean but I don’t care. I keep wear a straight face when walking to my first class on that morning.

“So, it’s Taehyung?” asks Hwayoung with a smirk.

We talk about this destiny sometimes, how it can’t be understood by our mere logic yet we are happy when we feel it. Few days ago, she and I are in the same page. We feel the unreasonable happiness but haven’t met our Mr. Right for months. I nod at her question and only make her smirk more visible, teasing me openly.

“At least he is in your soulmate-wish list. It must feel good”

I can’t help but grinning. She, once, makes me to list names of men who are likely my soulmate or simply I wish to be the one. It might change every time we bring the topic out but Taehyung always be my top three. And it turns out, he is the one.

“You should think yours is actually on your list too”

“Then I have to make a good list from now on”

Her reply makes both of us laugh just in time the professor’s assistant comes. We look at each other and expect to get another assignment to work with while our professor is too busy to giving lecture.

“Mr. Min is out of town and gives you two weeks worth assignment. Go to Performing Arts building and watch at least one of their theater plays. Observe well and choose one intrinsic or extrinsic elements and deliberate to five pages essay, at least. Go check their schedule now and the class is dismissed”

I still stare on the spot where the assistant standing just now and processing the information he gives us. We indeed expect another task to be done but the new assignment is too much since we still have another one on hold due to Mr. Min’s absence last week. But the fact we need Performing Arts Drama Class to get it done is more shocking. Hwayoung chuckles while shaking her head.

“It’s time to pay a visit of your new boyfriend then”

 “Seeing you here really confirmed the rumor” says a voice that comes suddenly from my behind. I turn my head to find Taehyung with a smile. I can’t help to smile back at him. He takes my hand in his.

“What rumor?”

“Rumor that saying Literature students will come out from their shell and temporarily move here”

I hit his arm with my free hand and he just smiles. Hwayoung clears her throat, reminds me that she’s there too with me.

“Ah, this is Hwayoung, my friend on Modern Literature class. Hwayoung, this is Taehyung, my…” I stop myself on Taehyung’s introduction and earn teasing smile from two persons in front of me.

“Boyfriend” he continues my words while shaking Hwayoung’s hand. I feel heat creeping to my face when hear the word second time. I just look at Taehyung in disbelief and he just shrugs. He plays with my hand like a very common habit.

“So what does my girl need?” asks him. I can tell my cheeks redden but answer Taehyung’s question anyway.

“I need your theater play schedule for this month. We have to do something with that to pass Mr. Min’s class”

“We should go to the hall then”

Walking hand in hand with Taehyung in public is surprisingly calming. I don’t bother others’ stare or teasing while Taehyung brags about our intertwined fingers. I think some of Taehyung’s trait affect me and change me a little. I never thought I will be able to show this kind of affection in public with anyone but now I do it easily with him. We stand in front of the schedule board and take some pictures to make it easier to check later.

“You only need to see my schedule” said him then points the second row timetable.

“My play will be on next Friday and you have to come”

“Why?”

“Because you have to see how cool your boyfriend is”

Every time I see her, I am amazed It’s so strange, my breath keeps stopping

Is this the love that I’ve only heard about? Because from the start, my heart only beat towards you

 It has been two months that Taehyung and I get together. He brings me to watch movie or have a meal as a date. Some nights, he will just be too lazy to go back to his apartment and try to sleep over. But then Jin will call and give him a long lecture that forces him to leave my apartment. I, sometimes, feel sorry for Taehyung and want him to stay the night too. But I can’t say it aloud since I’m embarrassed enough just to imagine it.

I can read his thought from his face now, but not too often since he is more like spontaneous person that I’ve ever met. Even though I can make a guess or two from his heartbeat and warmth feeling inside my chest everytime he has plan for us in mind. I think he feel the same since he knows how to make everything works all the time.

Tonight we celebrate Jin’s birthday on the shared apartment of Jin, Taehyung and Jimin. Jin allow some close friends only to come for dinner and have a little bit beer and soju since he knows he will be the one who is in charge for cleaning. Jin, the birthday boy, is busy to greet everyone that come with help from Jimin as another host of the dinner. Taehyung sits comfortably with me in sofa and massages my nape without really aware that it may look too much for others. I don’t know when we are starting to do much PDA but it’s just naturally happened. He likes skinship much that we do it here and there, day and night, alone and in crowds. I lean my body more to Taehyung, feeling the heat radiated from him. I breathe his cologne then close my eyes in content.

“Are you tired?” asks him, realizing my eye closed. I just shake and let myself be in more comfortable position. Taehyung circles his free arm around me.

“You two look so dangerous to be left alone”

Jin’s voice surprises me that I snap my eyes open. I gulp a non-existent lump in my throat. I have been thinking the same too actually. Taehyung and I become closer in no time and yes, intimately close. We share our first kiss just in a week since the revelation. And from that day on, we keep progressing further. It’s scary in pleasant way since I never think I will do that in life. I couldn’t even ask for direction to stranger before yet I’m easily let Taehyung enter my world.

“We do nothing, Jin. Your nagging is not necessary” denies Taehyung.

Jin keeps nagging us while Aeri and I are smiling to each other. I understand Jin’s worry because we are moving too fast. But he is just being overprotective to me and Taehyung. I mean, we are one year younger away only. Basically, we are grown up, just like him. We know what we do and we will take the responsibility for anything that might happen.

“Jin Hyung” The man next to me calls the older male with stressing the word ‘hyung’. I guess Taehyung is a bit annoyed now.

“How about take Aeri to veranda and talk about your own relationship instead of nosing to mine. Don’t you think you two take a long road in slow pace already?”

I gasp and look at the annoyed Taehyung beside me. I put my hand up to his mouth and smile apologetically to Jin and Aeri. Jin is taken aback with the younger’s words but can’t help blushing in shame. He realizes that we build our relationship faster even though they meet first. I don’t know what to say to comfort Jin but not let Taehyung thinking that I’m not in his side. Just then Aeri stands up and Jin follows her closely. I think Jin will take his chance now. My eyes stay on their back until they are gone behind the curtain. I don’t realize that I still keep my hand on Taehyung’s mouth until he kisses it.

“You don’t have to say it like that” I say while giving him disapproving look. He holds me tighter and pouts his lips. I hold my breath and try to not look his lips. It always is difficult to whenever Taehyung is being like this.

“I just state the fact. I mean, we are dying to see them together too, right? So, I give him a little push” he replies while pouting and it makes him more adorable than usual. I cup his face and stroking his cheek with my thumbs slowly.

“My boyfriend is very kindhearted in a mean way” I tease him and it makes his lips stretch a smile.

“But he is doing a good thing” he says. I nod and smile at him.

“Then you should give him a reward”

“What does he want as reward?”

Taehyung seems to think in playful manner and smirks after done choosing in his head.

“A kiss would be enough for now”

I usually cannot stand Taehyung’s long stare just because I will feel my face becomes hot. But today, I don’t want to be the first one who looks away even though I know Taehyung won’t lose in his game. Taehyung inches closer and I hold my breath again. He licks his bottom lip and it makes me lose my focus. He wouldn’t kiss me when his friends around, right? He knows how I struggle to deal myself with other people in normal circumstances. It will be impossible for me to face people if they caught me do romantic things, even with my boyfriend.

Someone clears his throat right before Taehyung’s lips landing at mine. I turn my head to my left and avoid meeting anyone’s eyes. I bury my face on Taehyung’s shoulder when I hear Hoseok’s chuckles. They really caught us. My mind is full of every possible tease from him and the others when Taehyung whispers to get me off of him for a while.

“Wait me here” he says before jumping on Hoseok. I don’t want to see what happens but I do hear Hoseok’s scream and Taehyung’s protest. I keep my face hidden in my hands because I know my face will be as red as tomato right now. I guess Taehyung hit Hoseok couple times before he comes back to me and pulls me in a hug. I just want to disappear because the embarrassing moment is unbearable.

 Taehyung decides to bring me home and safe me from his friends’ playful teases. I’m still recovering from the embarrassment and feel a little bit mad at my boyfriend. He knows how cruel his friends are when teasing others but he still tried to kiss me there. I let him hold my hand but I don’t speak a word.

“I’m sorry” he says softly while squeezing my hand. I think he feels my mood is a bit down.

“I won’t do it again in front of the others, I promise”

He stops walking and block my view. He lowers himself to look at me in the eyes and give me pleading look. It reminds me that he often said that he is afraid to have me left him. How can I do that when I love him as much as he does?

“Please, Yerim”

I let out a sigh and bob my head. He gives me a weak smile which makes me feeling guilty to act like this. He maybe do something wrong but it’s just his nature. He never mad at me because I don’t talk to his friends or give them response while joking around. He understands me. Why am I not turning back the favor?

“I’m not mad. I just can’t handle teasing and attention that well”

“I know. And I shouldn’t do that when I already know, should I?”

I peck his corner lips as an apology. My heart beats rapidly until I think it will go up to my throat. I’m sure my face is reddening again but I need to learn to not care. His expression changes in second. His smile becomes wide, eyes shifts into crescent. He reminds me of Peter Pan’s reaction being kissed by Wendy in a movie. He’s too cute to even realize his action next. He kisses me fully on the lips while I’m not aware or prepared.

“Thank you” he says and continues our walks.

Taehyung helps me doing my assignment until late in my place. He is already in his comfortable position on my bed when it finished. I look at the clock that shows it pass midnight already. I amaze that Jin hasn’t call Taehyung until now since he still against Taehyung to sleep over in my place. I steal a glance to Taehyung who seems very carefree while watching funny variety show on the TV. I don’t think he has any intention to go back to his own place.

“Do you think you can sleep with your jeans on? I don’t have any clean sweatpants for you”

His laugh disappears through thin air. I can feel Taehyung’s heartbeat quickened. I think I said something wrong when I don’t hear anything from him. I close my small wardrobe and look at him carefully. He is there, with eyes and mouth open widely. He just stares at me in silence and it makes me worry.

“Taehyung…”

“Did you just… Are you saying that… You ask me to…”

This is the first time I see Taehyung looking so lost and cannot talk properly. He is always the one who knows how to act and talk. This side of him surprises me and really confusing.

“What did I do?” I ask him back in horror. He breaks into smiley Taehyung and runs toward me fast that I don’t see it at all. He stands before me and traps me into the solid material behind me.

“Are you saying I can stay the night?”

I blink rapidly, inspecting his overly happy face. I nod once.

“Can I sleep in your bed, with you in my arms?”

I nod again. He lets out a deep chuckle and pecks me in the lips fast. He backs to his place on my bed and rummages his bag. He pulls out a set of pajamas with a playful smirk.

“I come prepared, you know”

I can’t believe what I see but just laugh with him eventually. He dashes off to bathroom and I can’t help to palm my face.

 We lie on my bed and talk about anything that crosses to our mind first. We talk in small voice as if worry it will bother my neighbors which is unnecessary. Taehyung pulls me closer until my back and his chest touching after my joke about our lecturer and laughs on my shoulder. I take a sharp breath while he is unaware. Taehyung is rarely conscious that his thoughtless skinship habit always makes me hundred times nervous than our intended proximity. Being connected doesn’t mean we fully understand what we feel by mere heartbeat pace, nauseous or excited feeling. So I take it as he doesn’t know that I’m half nervous and half anticipated.

Taehyung starts to talk more quietly with his deep voice and it sends chills to my back. His arms secure themselves on my waist while he tries to make me look at him. I turn my face and find we have no space between our faces. His sharp nose is touching mine and I can feel his breath on my upper lip. I can’t make words that come from his mouth. I can’t concentrate on anything while being this close. I know we both sense it in our blood, how the ticklish feeling runs crazier this time.

 I want it this love I want it real love I’m only focusing on you It pulls me harder

From the start, my DNA wants you This is fate, I love us Only we are true lovers

 He kisses me slowly, deepen the breathtaking atmosphere more. He hovers above me to make it easier instead of craning our necks that will hurt in a minute. His cold hands are now under my tops, making me flinch a little. It keeps going further until both of our phones ringing loudly and making us separated in split second. Taehyung looks furious when see his phone screen and ready to yell but beaten by the other person across the line. I think I know who the caller is when I look at mine. Aeri’s nickname flashes on the screen and I swipe to answer.

“Is Taehyung there?” she asks softly.

“Yes, he stays the night. It’s too late to back to his place. I can’t let him go home at midnight after helping me finishing my assignment, plus in the cold winter night”

She laughs at my made up excuse but understand anyway. I know she calls me because Jin is worried again. Having them worry over us is blessing but sometimes it’s just too much. Jin should realize that Taehyung is innocent boy that won’t go over the line even though he likes skinship more than anything.

“Jin hyuuuung! Let me sleep at peace in my girlfriend’s place just once for God’s sake”

I jump at Taehyung’s voice and giggle when see his frustrated face. His free hand is gripping his own hair, venting his anger to Jin. How he can be cute and sexy at the same time and again, without him being aware of it.

“Okay. Just don’t do things that you’re not ready for” she reminds me over and over and I just nod. I answer her when I realize she can’t see me.

“I get it” I reply to ensure her that nothing’s going to wrong.

“If you don’t disturb me this time, I promise I won’t tease you with Aeri again. Ok? Good night, hyung!”

Taehyung talks so fast and doesn’t even care of what Jin wants to say. He throws his phone and back to lay down his on his back. He puffs a frustrated sigh and invites me to come over his open arms.

“Let’s forget the nagging couple and have a good sleep”

I giggle and hug him tight. I bob my head that rest on his chest and drift to the dreamland.

 Don’t look back Because we’ve found our destiny Don’t regret it baby Because we’re forever together

#bts fics #bangtan fics #taehyung fics #kim taehyung #bts fanfics #bangtan fanfics #bts fluff #bangtan fluff #soulmate au

[ucflibrary]

The summer semester is ending and the prep for fall has started. It’s only a few short weeks until the 2019-2020 academic year begins. We’ll have a full cohort of students back on campus. The lines for coffee will be never ending and a free parking space will be nowhere to be found. Life will definitely get more exciting.

 Libraries staff has pulled together a full list of books that cover a whole range of areas. Some books are for our graduating students wondering what comes next. Some books are to help new incoming students start the year successfully. We even have books that staff read when they were your age (yep, books existed that long ago) that changed how they thought about the world.

 Welcome to the 2019-20 academic year!

 Click on the link below to see the full list, descriptions, and catalog links for the featured Back-so-School titles suggested by UCF Library employees. These 24 books plus many more are also on display on the 2nd (main) floor of the John C. Hitt Library next to the bank of two elevators.

 Bei qi baba shang xue: Going to school with dad on my back directed by Zhou Youchao Shiwa, the son of a poor Chinese farmer, is doing well at school. But when his mother dies and his sister leaves the house, he's the only one left to take care of his disabled father. Suggested by Tim Walker, Information Technology & Digital Initiatives

 Braving the Wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone by Brené Brown Social scientist Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, has sparked a global conversation about the experiences that bring meaning to our lives—experiences of courage, vulnerability, love, belonging, shame, and empathy. In Braving the Wilderness, Brown redefines what it means to truly belong in an age of increased polarization. Suggested by Kryslynn Collazo, Scholarly Communication

 Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind: thoughts on teacherhood by Phillip Done A twenty-year veteran of the classroom, elementary school teacher Phillip Done takes readers through a lively and hilarious year in the classroom. Starting with the relative calm before the storm of buying school supplies and posting class lists, he shares the distinct personalities of grades K-4, what he learned from two professional trick or treating 8-year-old boys, the art of learning cursive and letter-writing, how kindergartners try to trap leprechauns, and what every child should experience before he or she grows up. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

 Educated: a memoir by Tara Westover Born to survivalists in the mountains of Idaho, Tara Westover was seventeen the first time she set foot in a classroom. Her family was so isolated from mainstream society that there was no one to ensure the children received an education, and no one to intervene when one of Tara's older brothers became violent. When another brother got himself into college, Tara decided to try a new kind of life. Her quest for knowledge transformed her, taking her over oceans and across continents, to Harvard and to Cambridge University. Only then would she wonder if she'd traveled too far, if there was still a way home. Suggested by Cindy Dancel, Research & Information Services

 Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger The short story, Franny, takes place in an unnamed college town and tells the tale of an undergraduate who is becoming disenchanted with the selfishness and inauthenticity she perceives all around her. The novella, Zooey, is named for Zooey Glass, the second-youngest member of the Glass family. As his younger sister, Franny, suffers a spiritual and existential breakdown in her parents' Manhattan living room -- leaving Bessie, her mother, deeply concerned -- Zooey comes to her aid, offering what he thinks is brotherly love, understanding, and words of sage advice. Suggested by Christina Wray, Teaching & Engagement

 Girl, Stop Apologizing: A shame-free plan for embracing and achieving your goals by Rachel Hollis In Girl, Stop Apologizing, Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call. She knows that many women have been taught to define themselves in light of other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want. With a challenge to women everywhere to stop talking themselves out of their dreams, Hollis identifies the excuses to let go of, the behaviors to adopt, and the skills to acquire on the path to growth, confidence, and believing in yourself. Suggested by Kryslynn Collazo, Scholarly Communication

 Glimmer of Hope: how tragedy sparked a movement by March for Our Lives (Organization) Glimmer of Hope tells the story of how a group of teenagers raced to channel their rage and sorrow into action, and went on to create one of the largest youth-led movements in global history. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

 Hillbilly Elegy: A memoir of a family in culture in crisis by J. D. Vance Hillbilly Elegy is a passionate and personal analysis of a culture in crisis—that of white working-class Americans. The decline of this group, a demographic of our country that has been slowly disintegrating over forty years, has been reported on with growing frequency and alarm, but has never before been written about as searingly from the inside. J. D. Vance tells the true story of what a social, regional, and class decline feels like when you were born with it hung around your neck. Suggested by Katy Miller, Research, Education & Engagement

 How to Become a Straight-A Student: the unconventional strategies real college students use to score high while studying less by Cal Newport Most college students believe that straight A’s can be achieved only through cramming and painful all-nighters at the library. But Cal Newport knows that real straight-A students don’t study harder—they study smarter. A breakthrough approach to acing academic assignments, from quizzes and exams to essays and papers, How to Become a Straight-A Student reveals for the first time the proven study secrets of real straight-A students across the country and weaves them into a simple, practical system that anyone can master. Suggested by Joanie Reynolds, Interlibrary Loan & Document Delivery Services

 How to Win at College: simple rules for success from star students by Cal Newport What does it take to be a standout student? How can you make the most of your college years—graduate with honors, choose exciting activities, build a head-turning resume, and gain access to the best post-college opportunities? Based on interviews with star students at universities nationwide, from Harvard to the University of Arizona, How to Win at College presents seventy-five simple rules that will rocket you to the top of the class. Suggested by Joanie Reynolds, Interlibrary Loan & Document Delivery Services

 I am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe  As Charlotte encounters the paragons of Dupont's privileged elite, she is seduced by the heady glamour of acceptance, betraying her values and upbringing before she grasps the power of being different and the exotic allure of her innocence. Suggested by Jada Reyes, UCF Libraries Student Ambassador

 I Just Graduated... Now What?: honest answers from those who have been there by Katherine Schwarzenegger Graduation is a time of tough questions whose answers we don’t—and sometimes can’t—know the day we receive our diploma. Determined to power through the uncertainty of post-gradua­tion, bestselling author Katherine Schwarzenegger embarked on a yearlong quest to gather the best guidance possible from more than thirty highly success­ful people working in fields like business, media, fashion, technology, sports, and philanthropy. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 In Defense of Food: an eater's manifesto by Michael Pollan Because in the so-called Western diet, food has been replaced by nutrients, and common sense by confusion--most of what we’re consuming today is longer the product of nature but of food science. The result is what Michael Pollan calls the American Paradox: The more we worry about nutrition, the less healthy we see to become. Pollan’s bracing and eloquent manifesto shows us how we can start making thoughtful food choices that will enrich our lives, enlarge our sense of what it means to be healthy, and bring pleasure back to eating. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 Mis(h)adra by Iasmin Omar Ata An Arab-American college student struggles to live with epilepsy in this starkly colored and deeply-cutting graphic novel. Isaac wants nothing more than to be a functional college student—but managing his epilepsy is an exhausting battle to survive. He attempts to maintain a balancing act between his seizure triggers and his day-to-day schedule, but he finds that nothing—not even his medication—seems to work. The doctors won’t listen, the schoolwork keeps piling up, his family is in denial about his condition, and his social life falls apart as he feels more and more isolated by his illness. Even with an unexpected new friend by his side, so much is up against him that Isaac is starting to think his epilepsy might be unbeatable. Suggested by Emma Gisclair, Curriculum Materials Center

 Never Eat Alone and Other Secrets to Success by Keith Ferrazzi with Tahl Raz In Never Eat Alone, Ferrazzi lays out the specific steps—and inner mindset—he uses to reach out to connect with the thousands of colleagues, friends, and associates on his contacts list, people he has helped and who have helped him. And in the time since Never Eat Alone was published in 2005, the rise of social media and new, collaborative management styles have only made Ferrazzi’s advice more essential for anyone hoping to get ahead in business. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

 On Beauty by Zadie Smith Howard Belsey is an Englishman abroad, an academic teaching in Wellington, a college town in New England. Married young, thirty years later he is struggling to revive his love for his African American wife Kiki. Meanwhile, his three teenage children - Jerome, Zora and Levi - are each seeking the passions, ideals and commitments that will guide them through their own lives. After Howard has a disastrous affair with a colleague, his sensitive older son, Jerome, escapes to England for the holidays. In London he defies everything the Belseys represent when he goes to work for Trinidadian right-wing academic and pundit, Monty Kipps. Taken in by the Kipps family for the summer, Jerome falls for Monty's beautiful, capricious daughter, Victoria. But this short-lived romance has long-lasting consequences, drawing these very different families into each other's lives. Suggested by Jada Reyes, UCF Libraries Student Ambassador

 Parkland: inside building 12 produced and directed by Charlie Minn Acclaimed director Charlie Minn brings attention to the victims of the infamous massacre that occurred on February 14th, 2018 at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. A normal day at school became a true nightmare for Parkland, Florida citizens as they experienced something they had never thought would happen in their small suburb. In just six minutes, seventeen students and staff were fatally shot and seventeen more were wounded, while innumerable lives were changed forever. The true heroes of that day have come together to tell their stories and to bring words to those who are no longer here to offer them. This documentary reveals testimony and the raw emotions of those involved, highlighting the actions taken by individuals to save the lives of others through selfless and brave acts. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 So What Are You Going to Do With That?: a guide to career-changing by Susan Basalla and Maggie Debelius A witty, accessible guide full of concrete advice for anyone contemplating the jump from scholarship to the outside world, So What Are You Going to Do with That? covers topics ranging from career counseling to interview etiquette to translating skills learned in the academy into terms an employer can understand and appreciate. Packed with examples and stories from real people who have successfully made this daunting—but potentially rewarding— transition, and written with a deep understanding of both the joys and difficulties of the academic life, this fully revised and up-to-date edition will be indispensable for any graduate student or professor who has ever glanced at her CV, flipped through the want ads, and wondered, “What if?”

Suggested by Rachel Edford, Teaching & Engagement

Sourdough: or, Lois and her adventures in the underground market by Robin Sloan Lois Clary is a software engineer at General Dexterity, a San Francisco robotics company with world-changing ambitions. She codes all day and collapses at night, her human contact limited to the two brothers who run the neighborhood hole-in-the-wall from which she orders dinner every evening. Then, disaster! Visa issues. The brothers quickly close up shop. But they have one last delivery for Lois: their culture, the sourdough starter used to bake their bread. She must keep it alive, they tell her―feed it daily, play it music, and learn to bake with it. Lois is no baker, but she could use a roommate, even if it is a needy colony of microorganisms. Soon, not only is she eating her own homemade bread, she’s providing loaves to the General Dexterity cafeteria every day. Then the company chef urges her to take her product to the farmer’s market―and a whole new world opens up.. Suggested by Katy Miller, Research, Education & Engagement

 Teacher Man: A memoir by Frank McCourt In bold and spirited prose featuring his irreverent wit and compelling honesty, McCourt records the trials, triumphs and surprises he faced in the classroom. Teacher Man shows McCourt developing his unparalleled ability to tell a great story as, five days a week, five periods per day, he worked to gain the attention and respect of unruly, hormonally charged or indifferent adolescents. Suggested by Rachel Edford, Teaching & Engagement

 The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho Paulo Coelho's masterpiece tells the magical story of Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who yearns to travel in search of a worldly treasure as extravagant as any ever found. The story of the treasures Santiago finds along the way teaches us, as only a few stories can, about the essential wisdom of listening to our hearts, learning to read the omens strewn along life's path, and, above all, following our dreams. Suggested by Christina Wray, Teaching & Engagement

 The Secret Lives of Teachers by Anonymous Welcome to “East Hudson,” an elite private school in New York where the students are attentive, the colleagues are supportive, and the tuition would make the average person choke on its string of zeroes. You might think a teacher here would have little in common with most other teachers in America, but as this veteran educator—writing anonymously—shows in this refreshingly honest account, all teachers are bound by a common thread. Stripped of most economic obstacles and freed up by anonymity, he is able to tell a deeper story about the universal conditions, anxieties, foibles, generosities, hopes, and complaints that comprise every teacher’s life. Suggested by Richard Harrison, Research & Information Services

 We Don’t Eat Our Classmates by Ryan T. Higgins It's the first day of school for Penelope Rex, and she can't wait to meet her classmates. But it's hard to make human friends when they're so darn delicious! That is, until Penelope gets a taste of her own medicine and finds she may not be at the top of the food chain after all. . . . Suggested by Emma Gisclair, Curriculum Materials Center

 Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: an inquiry into values by Robert M. Pirsig Acclaimed as one of the most exciting books in the history of American letters, this modern epic became an instant bestseller upon publication in 1974, transforming a generation and continuing to inspire millions. A narration of a summer motorcycle trip undertaken by a father and his son, the book becomes a personal and philosophical odyssey into fundamental questions of how to live. The narrator's relationship with his son leads to a powerful self-reckoning; the craft of motorcycle maintenance leads to an austerely beautiful process for reconciling science, religion, and humanism. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

#ucflibrary #back to school #book suggestions #booklr #featured bookshelf

[krouxbct]

Week 6 - Interaction and Play

Week 6 consisted of responding to Bens feedback from the previous week:

“Possibly through lack of clarity I inferred a conceptual tension between anonymity and collaboration in the presentation. This however was resolved before the end of the session. Identify and formalize both the internal aesthetic and extrinsic goals of the play experience? Be as specific as possible but as vague as necessary with your elevator pitch. This is your design pillar. The thing that you use when, for example, your team is not together. Everything you do should guide you towards that goal. If you truly believe it’s not your goal any more - you need to, as a team, agree to any changes you make. Without a guiding vision it’s too easy to get lost. “

Ben made a valid point in that our elevator pitch has been shifting quite frequently. We have lacked a strong indication on whether we want to have the tension between collaboration and self moderation. To solve this we will be trying to discuss where we plan to go with the future of the Freybreg Novel.

“Be wary of your interpretations of your current tests. I would argue that the experiments are too complex to extract focused feedback of any true value. There are so many elements (UI, placement, duration, phrasing of the instructions) to the installation and so many factors about the testers (the BCT student cohort) that may mean you’re not receiving feedback relevant to your target audience (more on user profiles below). As discussed in class, it is paramount that you do as close to an on site test before week 9 as you can. You may be able to ‘get away’ with doing something on AUT campus pre week 9 and then something straight after week 9 in Freyburg, but aim for the former.” 

Our initial plan was to test in Freyburg from the get go but we have had issues with finalizing an idea to test. The data we gathered from the “in-house” tests might not be as accurate to our user profiles however has given us an insight into how collaborative writing might take place.

“It would be very useful to formalize some user profiles (‘verticals’) and create some assumptions around them and select one or a few to design for as a scoping exercise for the project. E.g. We talked about: the luncher, the vaper, the walker, the wanderer, the meditater, the skater, etc already being in the space. But Auckland Live have indicated they want to bring people who live Auckland down from their apartments, so you should make at least one profile for that too. You will be able to test your assumptions around different profiles in weeks 6 - 9 but many will go unanswered and that’s just an extension of the project scoping you will need to formalize. Also interrogate the graduation threshold for the current user profile’s state and the desired state in The Transtheoretical Model (Stages of Change). You might also want to have a look at Will Wright graduation of players through game ecosystem it might not be applicable to this project but is still interesting for looking at product/service longevity.”

We have decided to focus our user profile on mainly the luncher and walker as those are more common in the Freyberg Place. We plan on designing the project with these two ideas in mind

“My advice regarding the factors affecting testing (UI/UX etc) is to use as many commonly used interfaces/languages as possible to lower the barrier to entry. Only re-invent the wheel with the parts of your project that need it. It’s fine to make some assumptions about, for example, using a keyboard being relatively accessible in the context of a 15 point paper. Start with easily recognizable mechanics: (we discussed some of these during the week 6 class) madlibs, those fridge magnets, a keyboard. Also try borrowing from other intuitive/popular products: Gloom, Once Upon a Time spring to mind.”

This is something we have a group have discussed quite extensively as we wanted the experience to be available to anyone to use. We thought that the familiarity of a keyboard was worth incorporating despite the technical difficulty to keep it operational.

“We did discuss the lock out mechanic being part of the allure of the interaction and the spectacle. But I would like to de-emphasize that feedback as it was just a specific example that popped to mind. Focus on testing the high level concept using as many existing mechanics/interfaces/languages as you can.”

Lock out was one mechanic we did focus on however it did adapt and change as the project moved on.

“Management of this project, making sure everyone is contributing efficiently, will be a challenge but if done well this could be an easy final phase of the project. I will try keep you in check with this during the class but you could, for example, as you approach the week 9 deadline, assign the power of veto to someone at random just to stop arguments from slowing you down (if they even occur).”

We have definitely come to notice that our team management has become a bit of a struggle. At the very beginning of the project we assigned Oscar the leadership position; giving him power of veto and the intent to organise our group. Despite this we have run into the issue of some members rarely making it to class and contributing very little to the group. We plan to talk to Ben in an effort to solve this

“As with the music project, you are in a position to define what kind of stories this project creates. I would advise not making it totally freeform and, if it were me, I would find a concept to ground the aesthetic. You could even select different concepts if you can’t agree (i.e. share the mechanics but see how you can bend them for different types of stories). You will undoubtedly have unplanned incidentals and players who deliberately subvert the aesthetic intentions but, taking a page from Thatgamecompany’s Journey, you can reduce the interface to the point where, although you probably won't be able to entirely prohibit ‘off-brand’ stories being generated, you will, for the general population, make it both obvious of what is expected through encouragement using aesthetic signifiers (themes, starters, words, colours, shapes, examples) or make it at least difficult to go ‘off-brand’ through restricting the system mechanics and interface (may limiting the type of words they can choose to some degree). I’m also reminded of this talk by Jessie Schell.” 

Following Bens advice we have begun to look into a game called Fiassco and how they deal with player boundaries and setting. We plan on designing a plinth in order to invoke the ideas of storytelling that we will focus on.

#interactionandplay #CTEC703

[inloveandwords]

This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story).

It works like this

Go to your Goodreads to-read shelf.

Order on ascending date added.

Take the first 5 (or 10 (or even more!) if you’re feeling adventurous) books

Read the synopsis of the books

Decide: keep it or should it go?

The Long Road Home by Danielle Steel

Bestselling novelist Danielle Steel takes us on a harrowing journey into the heart of America’s hidden shame in a novel that explores the power of forgiveness, the dark side of childhood, and one woman’s unbreakable spirit.

From her secret perch at the top of the stairs, Gabriella Harrison watches the guests arrive at her parents’ lavish Manhattan townhouse. At seven, she knows she is an intruder in her parents’ party, in her parents’ life. But she can’t resist the magic. Later, she waits for the click, click, click of her mother’s high heels, the angry words, and the pain that will follow. Gabriella already knows to hide her bruises, certain she is to blame for her mother’s rage–and her father’s failure to protect her. Her world is a confusing blend of terror, betrayal, and pain. Her parents’ aristocratic world is no safeguard against the abuse that knows no boundaries, respects no person, no economic lines. Gabriella knows that, try as she might, there is no safe place for her to hide.

Even as a child, her only escape is through the stories she writes. Only writing can dull the pain of her lonely world. And when her parents’ marriage collapses, Gabriella is given her first reprieve, as her father disappears, and then her mother abandons her to a convent. There, Gabriella’s battered body and soul begin to mend. Amid the quiet safety and hushed rituals of the nuns, Gabriella grows into womanhood in a safe, peaceful world. Then a young priest comes into her life.

Father Joe Connors never questioned his vocation until Gabriella entered the confessional and shared her soul. Confession leads to friendship. And friendship grows dangerously into love. Like Gabriella, Joe is haunted by the pain of his childhood, consumed by guilt over a family tragedy, for which he blames himself. With Gabriella, Joe takes the first steps toward healing. But their relationship leads to tragedy as Joe must choose between the priesthood and Gabriella, and life in the real world where he fears he does not belong, and cannot cope.

Exiled and disgraced, and nearly destroyed, Gabriella struggles to survive on her own in New York. There she seeks healing and escape through her writing again, this time as an adult, and her life as a writer begins. But just when she thinks she is beyond hurt, Gabriella is once again betrayed by someone she trusts. Brought to the edge of despair, physically attacked beyond recognition and belief, haunted by abuse in her present and her past, she nonetheless manages to find hope again, and the courage to face the past. On a pilgrimage destined to bring her face-to-face with those who sought to destroy her in her early life, she finds forgiveness, freedom from guilt, and healing from abuse. When Gabriella faces what was done to her, and why, she herself is free at last.

With profound insight, Danielle Steel has created a vivid portrait of an abused child’s broken world, and the courage necessary to face it and free herself from the past. A work of daring and compassion, a tale of healing that will shock and touch and move you to your very soul, it exposes the terror of child abuse, and opens the doors on a subject that affects us all. The Long Road Home is more than riveting fiction. It is an inspiration to us all. A work of courage, hope, and love.

Date added to TBR:Jun 27, 2011 Keep or Ditch?Ditch Comments: I recently got rid of all of my paperback books… well, most of them… including many of, if not all, of my Danielle Steel books.

♥

Collide (Collide #1) by Gail McHugh

A missed first encounter…

Colliding with a second chance…

On the heels of graduating college and trying to cope with her mother’s death, Emily Cooper moves to New York City for a fresh start.

While harboring secrets of his own, Dillon Parker takes care of Emily through her grief. Knowing he can’t live without her by his side, he’s sweet, thoughtful, and everything Emily has ever wanted in a man.

Until she meets Gavin Blake—a rich and notorious playboy who is dangerously sexy and charming as hell. Emily tries to deny the instant connection she feels, but Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome is not inclined to let go so easily. Recovering from his own painful past, Gavin will stop at nothing to win Emily over.

This unexpected encounter compels Emily to question her decisions, forcing her to make a choice that will destroy friendships, shatter hearts, and forever change her life.

Date added to TBR:Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch?Ditch Comments:I’m so over the rich, playboy trope.

♥

The All Souls Real-Time Reading Companion (All Souls Trilogy) by Deborah Harkness

This exclusive ALL SOULS trilogy real-time reading guide brings to life the world created by Deborah Harkness in A DISCOVERY OF WITCHES and SHADOW OF NIGHT, taking you through the auspicious dates of the story with exciting behind-the-scenes extra content.

A world of witches, daemons and vampires. A manuscript which holds the secrets of their past and the key to their future. Diana and Matthew – the forbidden love at the heart of it.

It began with A DISCOVERY OF WITCHES. It continued with SHADOW OF NIGHT.

Now, as THE BOOK OF LIFE has brought Deborah Harkness’s stunning No.1 internationally bestselling trilogy to its finale, re-immerse yourself in the rich fantasy world she has created and enrich your experience of the heart-stopping conclusion.

Date added to TBR: Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch?Ditch Comments:Clearly the me from July 2016 was thoroughly obsessed with this series.

♥

Arsen: A Broken Love Story by Mia Asher

One glance was all it took…

I’m a cheater. I’m a liar. My whole life is a mess.

I love a man. No, I love two men… I think.

One makes love to me. The other sets me on fire. One is my rock. The other is my kryptonite.

I’m broken, lost, and disgusted with myself.

But I can’t stop. This is my story. My broken love story.

Date added to TBR: Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: This sounds really good!

♥

From Ashes (From Ashes #1) by Molly McAdams

Aside from her dad, who passed away when she was six, Cassidy Jameson has only ever trusted one man: her best friend, Tyler. So of course she follows him to Texas when he leaves for college. She just didn’t expect to be so drawn to their new roommate, Gage, a gorgeous guy with a husky Southern drawl. The only problem? He’s Tyler’s cousin.

Gage Carson was excited to share an apartment off campus with his cousin. He didn’t mind that Tyler was bringing the mysterious friend he’d heard about since they were kids … until the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen jumps out of his cousin’s Jeep. There’s something about Cassi that makes Gage want to give her everything. Too bad Tyler has warned him that she’s strictly off-limits.

Despite everything keeping them apart, Cassi and Gage dance dangerously close to the touch they’re both been craving. But when disaster sends her running into Tyler’s arms, Cassi will have to decide whether to face the demons of her past … or to burn her chance at a future with Gage.

Date added to TBR: Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: The ratings are really high!

The Dead Travel Fast by Deanna Raybourn

A husband, a family, a comfortable life: Theodora Lestrange lives in terror of it all. With a modest inheritance and the three gowns that comprise her entire wardrobe, Theodora leaves Edinburgh–and a disappointed suitor–far behind. She is bound for Rumania, where tales of vampires are still whispered, to visit an old friend and write the book that will bring her true independence.

She arrives at a magnificent, decaying castle in the Carpathians, replete with eccentric inhabitants: the ailing dowager; the troubled steward; her own fearful friend, Cosmina. But all are outstripped in dark glamour by the castle’s master, Count Andrei Dragulescu.

Bewildering and bewitching in equal measure, the brooding nobleman ignites Theodora’s imagination and awakens passions in her that she can neither deny nor conceal. His allure is superlative, his dominion over the superstitious town, absolute–Theodora may simply be one more person under his sway.

Before her sojourn is ended–or her novel completed–Theodora will have encountered things as strange and terrible as they are seductive. For obsession can prove fatal…and she is in danger of falling prey to more than desire.

Date added to TBR: Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: Eh.

♥

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.

But behind the scenes, a fierce competition is underway—a duel between two young magicians, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood expressly for this purpose by their mercurial instructors. Unbeknownst to them, this is a game in which only one can be left standing, and the circus is but the stage for a remarkable battle of imagination and will. Despite themselves, however, Celia and Marco tumble headfirst into love—a deep, magical love that makes the lights flicker and the room grow warm whenever they so much as brush hands.

True love or not, the game must play out, and the fates of everyone involved, from the cast of extraordinary circus performers to the patrons, hang in the balance, suspended as precariously as the daring acrobats overhead.

Written in rich, seductive prose, this spell-casting novel is a feast for the senses and the heart.

Date added to TBR: Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: I can’t believe this has been on my TBR for so long!

♥

Nightshade (Nightshade #1) by Andrea Cremer

Calla Tor has always known her destiny: After graduating from the Mountain School, she’ll be the mate of sexy alpha wolf Ren Laroche and fight with him, side by side, ruling their pack and guarding sacred sites for the Keepers. But when she violates her masters’ laws by saving a beautiful human boy out for a hike, Calla begins to question her fate, her existence, and the very essence of the world she has known.

By following her heart, she might lose everything- including her own life. Is forbidden love worth the ultimate sacrifice?

“A finely-wrought compelling tale of romance and treachery…” -Cynthia Leitich Smith (New York Times bestselling author of Eternal and Tantalize)

Date added to TBR: Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: This sounds super interesting, actually.

♥

The Conspiracy of Us (The Conspiracy of Us #1) by Maggie Hall

Avery West’s newfound family can shut down Prada when they want to shop in peace, and can just as easily order a bombing when they want to start a war. Part of a powerful and dangerous secret society called the Circle, they believe Avery is the key to an ancient prophecy. Some want to use her as a pawn. Some want her dead.

To unravel the mystery putting her life in danger, Avery must follow a trail of clues from the monuments of Paris to the back alleys of Istanbul with two boys who work for the Circle — beautiful, volatile Stellan and mysterious, magnetic Jack. But as the clues expose a stunning conspiracy that might plunge the world into World War 3, she discovers that both boys are hiding secrets of their own. Now she will have to choose not only between freedom and family — but between the boy who might help her save the world, and the one she’s falling in love with.

Date added to TBR: Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: Meh.

♥

The Raven Boys (The Raven Cycle #1) by Maggie Stiefvater

“There are only two reasons a non-seer would see a spirit on St. Mark’s Eve,” Neeve said. “Either you’re his true love . . . or you killed him.”

It is freezing in the churchyard, even before the dead arrive.

Every year, Blue Sargent stands next to her clairvoyant mother as the soon-to-be dead walk past. Blue herself never sees them—not until this year, when a boy emerges from the dark and speaks directly to her.

His name is Gansey, and Blue soon discovers that he is a rich student at Aglionby, the local private school. Blue has a policy of staying away from Aglionby boys. Known as Raven Boys, they can only mean trouble.

But Blue is drawn to Gansey, in a way she can’t entirely explain. He has it all—family money, good looks, devoted friends—but he’s looking for much more than that. He is on a quest that has encompassed three other Raven Boys: Adam, the scholarship student who resents all the privilege around him; Ronan, the fierce soul who ranges from anger to despair; and Noah, the taciturn watcher of the four, who notices many things but says very little.

For as long as she can remember, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love to die. She never thought this would be a problem. But now, as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she’s not so sure anymore.

From Maggie Stiefvater, the bestselling and acclaimed author of the Shiver trilogy and The Scorpio Races, comes a spellbinding new series where the inevitability of death and the nature of love lead us to a place we’ve never been before.

Date added to TBR: Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: This is another one that I can’t believe I haven’t read after so long!

♥

Here are the stats

Starting Total TBR Count: 1994 Previous Total TBR Count: 1951 Updated Total TBR Count: 1988 Total Ditched Today: 5 Total Kept Today: 5

Bye-Bye Books: Decluttering my TBR April 2019 This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story…

#declutter

[chip-off-the-writers-block]

Simon Snow Vs. the Heteronormals Agenda Chapter 4

Simon has never owned a mobile, because the Mage has never been for it, but after Penny begging him to get one for the millionth time, he finally caves. Along with the joy of finally getting to talk to Penny whenever he wants (even on holiday!), Simon gets to chat with Agatha on occasion, and discovers the Watford Tumblr tag. Life is perfect, until Agatha breaks up with him, someone from Watford comes out anonymously on tumblr, and Simon’s world is turned upside down.

Baz never expected to get contacted about his coming out. He figured he would be insulted, that people filled with hate would hold nothing back when they didn’t associate his name and face with his confession. But the letter in his inbox isn’t full or hate in scorn. Instead, it holds a damning declaration: “Dear Mr. Pitch, I’m just like you.”

-----

The Simon vs. the Homosapien’s Agenda story adapted to another famous and queer Simon in fiction.

Chapter 4 is now up! read it under the cut, or on-

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16056452/chapters/37860524

Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/639020194-simon-snow-vs-the-heteronormals-agenda-4

Baz

I didn’t really intend to post that thing on Tumblr, and I definitely didn’t intend to get that close to Snow the other night. If I had actually thought rationally about all of this, I would have realized that the only outcome for these events would be disaster, but Simon Snow has a way of making me not think rationally. Lucky for me, Snow doesn’t seem to have noticed that I’ve been avoiding him all day, or maybe he has, because he’s not in our room now, even though it’s easily 8 or 9 in the evening.

I originally wrote the post to get to vent for a single goddamn minute about boys, so I can go back to being the perfect poster boy of the Old Families like my dad wants, without an all consuming crush on our number one enemy, the Mage’s Heir. It didn’t work, which is quite unfortunate, and I’ve been called every homophobic slur under the sun (ironic, I know), which is not unexpected. I even was so worked up after my post got so much attention that I used some magic, which I haven’t done to vent in years.

I’m sure that for a less pessimistic being, this may have come as a shock. Snow comes to mind, though whether it’s because he’s endlessly optimistic or unbelievably dense, I am unsure. Nevertheless, I do believe that many less aware people would believe that Watford is a place of endless understanding, especially with the openness of a certain lesbian couple on campus.

While I hate to be the bearer of bad news, I can not only confirm that Watford is not full of sunshine and rainbows, but also that many of the Old Families’ kids that are here, who would have the biggest issue with homosexuality, probably didn’t even realize those two were dating. After all, girls are known to be much more physically affectionate than boys, or whatnot.

I do suppose I should be thankful my family is on the more accepting side of Old Family politics, though I’m certain my father still expects me to keep up the family bloodline. My stepmother’s children aren’t suited for it in the slightest, so that responsibility falls on me. But I digress.

Nevertheless, I expected the insults, and the hatred, and the general anger that would come to me so openly only as a result of the concealment of my identity. I also expected it to mostly die down after a couple of days, which it has. But what I did not expect is the email sitting in my inbox, written to me by [email protected].

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Hi There

Dear Mr. Pitch,

I’m just like you. Well, really, the two of us are very alike. At least I think we are. You see, I also feel like I shouldn’t complain about my life. I have good friends and an amazing life here at Watford, and the people close to me think I have a bright future ahead of me. But after seeing your post, it got me thinking, and what I’ve come to realize is that I think I like men, too. Of course, I’m very new to all this, and I’m not sure if I can tell anyone. I don’t think my family would approve. So, I’ve come to ask for your advice: What do I do?

Yours,

Cinder

On any other occasion, I’d turn this lost child away immediately, especially since the way he addressed me is so close to the truth. But maybe because the way this kid writes reminds me of Snow, or because I can’t resist the idea of getting to do something in my life that’s entirely me, not Grimm or Pitch, but Basilton, but I decide to actually talk to him.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Hi There

Dear Cinder,

Please don’t call me Mr. Pitch. It makes me sound like a character from those infernal Fifty Shades novels Normal women like so much. Call me Ebony instead.

I apologise, but I have to disagree with you on being so similar, since it sounds like you’re still figuring yourself out. That’s not a judgement, by any means, just an observation. If you’re not ready, you don’t need to tell your family right away, especially if you don’t know how they’ll take it. For reference, my dad knows, but still thinks I’m going to keep the family bloodline going.

I am, however, incredibly flattered that I’ve spurred on this revelation within you, but I must admit my curiosity is getting the better of me, so I must ask: who’s the lucky person who made everything clear?

Sincerely,

Ebony

#love simon #simon vs #svthsa #carry on #snowbaz #my writing #simon vs au #Simon snow #baz pitch #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #angst #fluff #l

[maxattack-powell]

The Freshman 1-9

Book 1-9

Chapter 9: Sorority Ball (Part 1)

Masterlist - go here for other chapters and related original fics

Disclaimer: The following are fics (adaptations from actual game chapters AND original works) to Choices: The Freshman and The Sophomore stories. It is a fictional adaptation. I (we) do not work for Pixelberry Studios, the game developer or own the rights to the characters Chris Powell, Nicole or any other IN GAME character. All of the ORIGINAL characters, storylines and events were developed for my adaptation of The Freshman story.

Comments: I enjoyed playing Choices The Freshman… and then I found this awesome group of people and their works - I’ve loved it all, very much so. Deciding that I wanted more interaction than the options allowed, I’ve gone through the first book, chapter by chapter (omg painfully slow) to follow the story (95-99% I’d say) and add to it as I felt would benefit.

Basically, I wanted to include certain things that weren’t really full fic size worthy, adding to the story. However, I did add some full size fic moments also… some are included in cannon chapters, some are their own full chapters in between. I wanted to see MC and Chris through their freshman year… with more angst, fluff, sweetness, real life and overall detail. So, if you like that pairing then you’ll be satisfied, otherwise sorry James & Kaitlyn fans lol. I even added some parts from Chris’s POV, so that we have a chance to see what he’s thinking, knowing what she experienced.

There will be ADULT and/or NSFW moments in certain chapters - this is a warning lol. I will try my best to make it obvious as it occurs…

Paring: MC x Chris

POV: ~MC~ or ~Chris~

 ~MC~

The morning after the sorority sleepover, the girls wake up at the Kappa House and scramble to gather their things. They don't have a lot of time to find dates for the Sorority Ball as it's now only a few hours away. They also didn't have the most restful night, and MC had to see Professor Vasquez, and hopefully James. Still in their PJs, Abbie, Kaitlyn and MC dash across campus and head up to their suite.

Abbie and Kaitlyn enter the door first, with MC entering last, unaware of what was infront of her as she entered. Her friends don't stop as they quickly make their way to the hallway, squabbling over who was going to jump in the shower first.

Just as MC passes the doorway to the kitchen, Chris steps out and swerves last minute to avoid crashing into her and dousing her with his coffee.

“Holy shit!” Chris gasps as he quickly swings his cup out of the way.

MC freezes as her eyes go huge, afraid to move as he recovers. “Oh my god. I’m sorry.” She sighs and covers her face with her hands, rubbing them down her cheeks as she cautiously looks around. “Is everything okay?”

Chris avoids her direct gaze but gives her a small sad smile as he focuses on the hand holding his mug. “Yeah, it's fine.”

A small amount had spilled out and ran across the back of his hand, now heading for the floor. MC notices and quickly grabs a dishtowel and wipes his hand, not looking up to meet his eyes as he turns his focus to her, watching her movements.

“I’m really sorry… I was in a hurry and…” She sighs. “Nevermind. Sorry… again.” She throws the towel on the counter and quickly cuts around him and heads to her room, unable to be so close to him.

~Chris~

Chris looks down and watches as MC gently grabs his hand and runs the towel over it, removing the offensive coffee mixture from his skin. He tries to ignore how soft and light her hands feel, almost like feathers on his calloused hand. His brows come together as he slowly looks towards her face, instantly realizing that she's avoiding his eyes. He’s about to say something but she interrupts him.

“I’m really sorry… I was in a hurry and…” She sighs. “Nevermind. Sorry… again.” She throws the towel on the counter and quickly cuts around him and heads to her room.

Chris stands there in the same spot for a moment, watching her retreating form. His jaw clenches as he takes in and releases a deep breath. MC’s door closes with some force as he remains still. He closes his eyes for a moment, jaw still flexing and unflexing, mirroring his troubled thoughts. He sighs and shakes his head before he opens his eyes, glancing down the hall one more time before he finally finds the ability to move. He quietly grabs some of his books from the kitchen table and heads upstairs to the roof. Alone.

~MC~

She quickly runs to her room and tries not to slam the door, feeling only partially successful as it makes a solid connection with the doorframe. She leans against the door for a moment before shaking her head and rolling her eyes, irritated with herself. As she pushes off the door and heads to her closet, she scolds herself for letting his presence affect her like that. She starts thinking about everything that had happened since she arrived at Hartfeld.

Her thoughts end with his voice, stating his desire to stop the progression between them. He didn't want serious. He wants to have fun… to not get hurt. And even though she wishes they were more, she's trying to respect his wishes. Even though she doesn't fully believe him. Even though it hurts her deeply to be pulled to, then pushed from him with such force. And at the end, she still misses her friend.

She knows the others do too, but she feels his absence is affecting her differently. Being honest with herself, she knows that part of it is because, again, she wishes they could be more… but he has made it clear that they would never be, and that realization hurts.

She pinches her lips together as she dig through her clothes. She doesn't have time for emotional musings right now. She needs to get over to Vasquez’s office as soon as possible, so she can track down James… or let Vasquez know of her failure. Whichever comes first.

If by some miracle everything works out with James, she has to get back to her room as quickly as possible. The Sorority Ball is a big deal, especially if she wants a shot at getting into Kappa Phi, and she needs to prepare. As of right now she has no clue what she could wear, but her date needs to be locked down before she worries about that.

Grinding her teeth together, clearly irritated, she pulls out a pair of jeans and RHCP t-shirt. She changes and fixes her hair before jumping back in the hall, cutting in front of Kaitlyn as she tries to take over the bathroom after Abbie.

“Hey!” Kaitlyn jumps back as MC barrels past.

“I just need to brush my teeth, one second!” She works as fast as she can as Kaitlyn squeezes in behind, her arms full of clothes, toiletries and her towel.

MC does as she says and quickly finishes, thanking Kaitlyn as she runs towards the door. She heads to Professor Vasquez's office to update him on her progress. She enters his office with an upbeat attitude. "Good morning, Professor Vasquez." "Hmmm? Oh yes. Good morning." He gruffly replies, barely looking up from his desk. She notices the empty trash can in the corner of the room and wonders whether the professor's letter to his daughter went out with the trash.

She frowns and searches his face for any helpful information. "Everything okay? You're looking a little down." He pauses for only a brief second to give her an incredulous look. "What?" His nose crinkles as he makes a mild sneer. "This is how I always look." His turns his gaze back to the papers on his desk. Her eyebrows raise as she takes in a breath. "Guess I can't argue with that..." Without looking up this time, Vasquez sharply speaks. "Now, do you have an update on the task I gave you, or did you just come here to irritate me?" Shocked by his abruptness, MC does her best to remember why she was there. "Well, I’m on the final challenge... I just have to find an upperclassman to take me to the Sorority Ball this evening." He scoffs and shuffles through a pile of papers. "And what do you want from me? Boy advice?" "No, I... well, it's a bit awkward. Becca and Madison said that I have to bring James." She gives him a pleading look, hoping maybe he would take pity and let her off the hook or something.

"They were... very adamant about it." She sighs. His interest is piqued as he stands straight, looking at her with surprise. "Really? I have to say, I didn't see this twist coming." He thoughtfully rubs his chin. "Maybe I should hire Becca and Madison as story consultants for my novel..." MC frowns. "Professor!" He refrains from rolling his eyes but waves his hand at her somewhat dismissively. "Sorry, sorry. Regarding James... well, how do you feel about him? Is there... something there?" "I'd say there's nothing between us that's any of your damn business." MC snaps, her face screwing up into an angry frown, clearly offended by his intrusive personal questions. "I think you'll find that your romantic woes are very much my business." His eyes narrow as he looks directly at her. It lasts only a moment before his face softens slightly. "After all, what's a story without a little romance?" "Ugh." MC crinkles her nose in disgust. Just then, the door opens and James walks in. He stops short when he sees MC and Vasquez staring at him, sensing the tension in the air. "Uh... everything okay in here?" Vasquez actually puts on a neutral, somewhat pleasant expression to greet him as he stands up straight. "Good morning James. Do you have a nice suit in your closet?" Before MC can say anything James answers. "Uh, yes. Of course." Vasquez actually smiles, however small. "Good. You're taking MC to the sorority ball at Kappa Phi Sigma house tonight." James takes a step back, an extremely shocked look on his face. "What?!" MC tilts her head back, a look of contempt on her face. "That's your reaction?!" James quickly collects himself, nervously looking at MC as he raises his hand in defense. "Sorry, I didn't mean... I was just caught off-guard, that's all." His face melts, becoming sincere. "I'd be happy to accompany you to this... Sorority Ball." MC takes her turn to be surprised. "Oh, you would? Uh, I mean... thank you. I look forward to it. You can pick me up from my dorm at six. It's building 2, on the south side of the quad." "Great. I will... see you then." James looks at them both, judging the situation, assuming he navigated through well. MC gives him a small smile and heads out the door, making her way back to her dorm. Once she finally arrives at the suite, she finds Zack and Tyler in their usual spot in front of the TV, gaming controllers clutched in their hands. Zack warns her before she gets too far past them, his eyes never leaving the screen. "Careful MC. Kaitlyn's in full-on prep mode." She stops and backs up, causing him to look at her then. "Uh oh. Is that bad?" She gives him a concerned look. Tyler frowns at her from his spot next to Zack, pausing the game. "She's asked our opinion on, like, thirty different dresses! I don't have good input on these things!" Knowing this was his area of expertise, Zack chimes in. "And yes, they were all totally gorgeous, but I'm trying to focus on kicking Tyler's ass. I can't be distracted by fashion at a time like this." Tyler bows up next to him, his mouth open in a shocked smile. "Oh, you're kicking my ass? Really?! The score suggests otherwise, my friend." Before Zack can deliver a retort Kaitlyn strides out of her room and down the hall, straight towards the guys. She snaps her fingers at them both, glaring.

Tyler has a look as if he has been caught sneaking out of the house after dark. "What? What did we do wrong?!" Zack sighs dramatically and looks at Kaitlyn. "Could you use your words please? I may be able to read many things, but minds is not one of them." Kaitlyn's face turns into a huge scowl as she barks at them. "Up!" She halls Zack and Tyler off the couch and starts flipping over all the cushions. "Looking for something..?" MC asks the obvious question. Kaitlyn keeps digging, not making eye contact yet. "I lost my sparkly eyeshadow palette... bad enough that I can't seem to find the right dress, now my face is a total disaster too!"

She's clearly about to lose it, so MC steps in to help. She grabs Kaitlyn's arm and makes her stand back up, looking her straight in the face.

"Let me see…” She appraises Kaitlyn's look. “Don't be silly, you look great. I'm starting to wish YOU were my date." She squeezes Kaitlyn's upper arm softly, trying to reassure her friend. Kaitlyn looks surprised, but also relieved. "You... you do?" MC smiles at her warmly, hoping Kaitlyn is calming down. "Maybe a little." Kaitlyn finally laughs, causing the tension to leave her body. "Flatterer. You're just saying that to make me feel better. But... thank you." "I just tell it like it is." MC gives her a toothy smile. Zack randomly pipes in, the look on his face is a mixture of confusion and concern. "Why would your makeup be in the couch..." Before Kaitlyn can answer Abbie enters the room, looking stunning in a flattering dress. Everyone stares at her while she appears unaware.

"Oh, Kaitlyn.. were you looking for your eyeshadow?" She asks calmly. Kaitlyn, no longer concerned with her makeup woes gasps. "Damn Abbie!" Abbie suddenly focuses, finally noticing everyone staring at her. "What? Why are you all looking at me like that?" She shifts uncomfortably, mild irritation crossing her face. Zack laughs at her sassy attitude. "Cause you look hot, girl! Duh," MC grins. "Aww... doesn't she look great, Tyler?" Abbie's face turns even more irritated. "MC! Argh! I'm changing." Tyler steps towards her his hands up as if he's going to block her. "No, don't!" He suddenly blushes, hard. "Uh... not that I care. Er..." He looks down at the floor. Zack grabs him around the shoulder, a mischievous smile crossing his face. "What this mush-mouthed idiot is trying to say, is... you look nice. That dress really suits you." Tyler gives Zack a thankful expression then slowly turns his eyes to Abbie's. "You... you really do look amazing, Abbie." "Really?" She asks, a look of disbelief crossing her face. Tyler stands up straighter, takes a deep breath and holds her gaze. "Really." Abbie's face turns soft. "Oh, well... thanks, Tyler." She smiles bashfully before refocusing. "Anyway, here's your eyeshadow palette, Kaitlin. It dropped under the cabinet in the bathroom. Sorry, I should've mentioned it before." She holds out her hand, offering the makeup to her friend. Kaitlyn smiles as she takes the makeup from Abbie. "No worries! I'm just glad to have it back. Now if only I could find the right dress..." She slowly taps her cheek, then turns towards MC. "But let's focus on MC! What are you wearing to the dance?" MC makes a face, wiggling her nose playfully. "Hmm... I haven't really thought about it." Kaitlyn's face blanches, her mouth hanging open. "Are you kidding me? Picking the right dress is everything!" She forcefully pumps her fist in the air. "With the right dress, your crushes will drool over you... and your enemies will be insanely jealous!" MC listens to Kaitlyn's words carefully, causing her thoughts to wander slightly. She then realizes that Chris was apparently not in the suite, so she assumes he's no longer there. She knows there's a good chance he is already at the Kappa Phi house and sighs.

"I guess I'd better choose wisely then..?" She knows she needs to stop her thoughts from focusing on Chris. It was becoming very distracting. Kaitlyn and Abbie both go to their rooms to finish getting ready, and MC does the same. As she looks through her closet she pulls out three choices. One is a glittery midnight blue shoulder dress with an illusion neckline, very regal looking. The second is a halter type style, purple with lace overlay. And her third option, a strapless crisscrossed 'little black dress' that is just about perfect for any occasion. She remembers what Kaitlyn had said before about ‘dressing for the job’, a statement that is still relevant for this situation, at least in theory. She grabs the sparkly midnight blue ball gown and shuts the door. After getting dressed, refreshing her makeup and styling out her hair a little more than normal, MC steps out of her room and heads towards the living space.

Zack notices her first, his eyes going wide as he checks her out head to toe. "Careful MC. You go out looking like that and someone's gonna fall in love with you."

MC pauses her movements and blushes as she looks down at her dress. Kaitlyn enters from the hall at just that moment. "You could say that again..." She doesn't try to hide her staring. MC starts to wonder if she chose poorly, her face a mix between sadness and fear. "Too much?" She asks nervously. Zack shakes his head quickly. "No way! James is gonna be psyched when he sees you like that." Kaitlyn agrees, barely mumbling. "Yeah... definitely." No one seemed to notice her brief pout. Abbie walks in then, turning towards Kaitlyn, causing her to switch expressions quickly. "Did you decide what you're going to wear yet, Kaitlyn?" Back to her normal self, Kaitlyn squints one eye and gives her a thoughtful look. "Hmmmmmmm.... let me think. Oh! I've got it!"

She turns on her heels and takes off back to her room. A few minutes later she's leaping in front of everyone from the darkness of the hallway wearing a beautiful red strapless dress with a gold necklace. Her hair is pinned up off her neck in loose but still formal way. She spins for everyone, grinning. "Well, what do you think? It's perfect, right?" When no one answers her face completely flips, her smile turning into a scowl. "Right?" Tyler stutters, quickly trying to cover for everyone's lack of response. "Yes, yes, it's perfect!" Zack gives her a thumbs up. "Best one yet!" Kaitlyn smiles and looks down at her dress. "Better late than never. Do you like this one, MC?" MC cocks her head to the side a little, studying Kaitlyn's new look and nods. "You look amazing!" Kaitlyn smiles even wider and pulls MC into a tight hug. Leaning back she stares into MC's eyes, her hands on MC’s upper arms. "You're amazing." MC winks at her, jokingly. "I know."

Just then the doorbell rings, causing everyone to jump. They all jump a second time as the door to the suite swings open suddenly. Darren pops his head in first, then proceeds to step into the suite.

"Did anyone order two handsome... oh." He pauses, noticing Kaitlyn's grip on MC. James steps in behind him, also becoming aware of the setup in front of them. "Are we... interrupting?" Kaitlyn pulls away from MC as Darren limps into the room, James slowly following behind him. "Nope, not interrupting anything! How... are you?" Darren gives her a warm smile, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "Can't complain. Especially when my date looks as good as you do." Zack laughs, wiggling his eyebrows at Kaitlyn. "Looks like this guy's got moves on and off the field." Abbie rolls her eyes and snorts. "Oh my god Zack." Darren just grins, enjoying the jokes and mood of the evening. "Sorry we barged in here like this. James told me to wait, didn't you buddy?" James gives him a blank look. "Yeah, I did tell you that... buddy." He turns away from them and makes his way towards MC, his hands in his pockets. She catches him glancing at her dress, his eyes lingering just a little too long around certain curves.

His eyes finally make their way to hers. "MC... you look nice. Really." She tuts at him, giving him a questionable smile. "'Nice,' huh? Really charming James." He flushes. "Well, I--" He lightly shakes his head and smiles. "We're both doing this for Vasquez, remember? It's not like..." He pauses briefly, deciding against continuing that line of thought. "...never mind." "I did remember that, actually, but I appreciate the reminder. I mean it." She winks at him. He laughs and rolls his eyes lightly at her. "So it's going to be like that, huh? I can tell this is going to be a long night..." Zack forces his way into their conversation as he makes towards the kitchen. "Only if you play your cards right, buddy." "Zack, cool it with the color commentary!" Abbie snaps from the living room. Tyler looks around, making sure he didn't miss anyone. "Where's your date, Abbie?" "Darren, I thought Logan was going to come?" Kaitlyn suddenly looks concerned, looking around the group. Darren sighs and frowns, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Yeah, about that... he ate like seventy eggs yesterday, and he's still sick." MC's face twists in disgust. "Uh, why did he eat seventy eggs, exactly?" Her eyebrow raises higher with each word. "Darren's face falls flat. "Gains. That's all he said." Tyler motions towards Abbie. "Maybe I could be your date? I mean... I'm not really doing anything." Zack's face falls dramatically and he turns towards Tyler. "Except hanging out with your best bud Zack!" He mock glares at him for only a second before he laughs and lightly slaps Tyler on the back. "Just kidding, you two should totally go together." Kaitlyn frowns deeply at their plan. "They can't... she needs to bring an upperclassman." Abbie's face draws up with irritation. "Ugh, this is so annoying!" MC tries to reassure her. "Don't worry about it Abbie. Just stick with us. They won't even notice Logan's missing." "Well, I don't want to be a third... or a fifth wheel... or anything." Her face shows her concerned thoughts. MC smiles and shakes her head. "You won't be." James agrees. "Yeah, no worries. If anyone asks, we'll say your date just went to get drinks or something." Relief began to creep onto her face. "Really?" James shrugs and laughs. "Yeah, why not?" Abbie smiles at him then turns to MC. "I like this guy MC. Nice catch." MC looks at James and crinkles her nose. "Yeah... he's alright I guess." James gives her a questioning look, his eyes narrowing as he judges her words, a smile on his lips the entire time. "Just 'alright?' I guess I should've expected that." Darren interrupts before things can go any further. "Hey, I didn't get all dressed up just to watch you two flirt. Let's go!" He starts ushering everyone to the door. The girls wave bye to Zack and Tyler. Only Zack notices Tyler's slight frown as they leave.

He pats him on the back. "Come on big guy, show me how to play this stupid game." After a short walk through campus, the five of them stand outside the Kappa Phi Sigma house in the soft light of dusk. Darren offers Kaitlyn his arm. "Oh... thank you!” She recovers from her surprise, quickly threading her arm through his. Darren flashes his ultra white smile. "Let's see if anyone's home." He walks up to the front door and raps sharply, his other arm firmly linked with Kaitlyn's. Becca answers the door, actually happy to see them. "Darren, so glad you could make it to our little soirée! And you've brought Kaitlyn. I have to say, I wouldn't have guessed that you were her type..." Kaitlyn gives her an irritated look. "What is that supposed to mean?" "Nothing, of course. Come on, the dancing's just about to get started." She waves everyone in without giving MC or Abbie a second glance. Becca leads them all into the house, through a winding path of guests. MC leans towards Abbie and whispers. "So far so good Abbie." James nods his head slightly, keeping his focus forward but addresses her as well. "Just keep a low profile, and you'll be golden." Abbie doesn't seem so sure. "I hope you're right..." Becca taps a fork to her glass to get everyone's attention as Madison queues up a romantic R&B playlist. "Welcome to Kappa Phi Sigma's first official call of the quarter! Darren, Kaitlyn... would you like to open the dance floor?" Kaitlyn is caught off guard. "Uhh..." Darren squeezes her arm slightly. "We'd be happy to. Here, take my hand Kaitlyn." She still looks unsure. "Okay.." Abbie leans close to MC and James as Darren slowly leads Kaitlyn across the dance floor, his actions hindered slightly due to his recent injury. "Is it just me, or does Kaitlyn seem actively disinterested in Darren?" “Maybe we should get out there, alleviate the awkwardness a bit." James leans towards MC. MC glances at him tilting her head with a smirk. "Are you asking me to dance?" James holds up his hands, his shoulders slightly shrug. "I might be. Professors orders you know." MC's face  lights up as she laughs. "Riiiiiiight." They step out onto the dance floor, James putting his hand on her waist. She clasps her hands behind his neck and smiles up at him. "Hey James, ready to get this over with?" She jokingly prods him. James knowingly takes the bait. "Ouch." He pulls his right hand away from her waist momentarily to grip at his chest as if he was mortally struck. She laugh and smacks at his hand before he puts it back on her waist. "Oh, quit whining." She notices the ample amount of space he is keeping between them. "You can get closer if you want." His smile reappears. "Alright." "Wow, show a little enthusiasm. I could still change my mind." She jokingly threatens. He pulls her closer as he takes a step in as well, a wry smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "I kinda don't think you will." He challenges. He gracefully leads her across the dance floor, both having a great time. She looks up into his eyes. "You know, you're kind of good at this." "Thanks. I have some experience... my parents used to drag me to charity balls and formal scenes all the time, and dancing was always required." She purses her lips a nods. "Wow, sounds fancy." He curls up his nose, clearly showing his distaste. "More like, incredibly dull. But at least I picked up a trick or two." He lifts her hand, leading her into an artful turn then winks as she joins back with him. She can't hide her growing smile. "Very nice." The song ends and another begins. "Wait right here. I'm going to get us some drinks." He gives her waist a light squeeze before turning towards the refreshment area. "What a gentleman..." She turns thoughtful as she watches him walk away.

Maybe Kaitlyn was right. Maybe James was someone she should consider as more than a friend. If he felt the same of course. That she wasn't sure of though, as she had been learning that he often kept his true feelings to himself. She turns her gaze away from James as he reaches the table, spotting a familiar face through the crowd. By the expression on his face, Chris has been watching her for a while, his face instantly softening when their eyes connect. A smile starts on one side of his lips at first, growing when she doesn't move her gaze from his. She notices his suit. It looks like it was built just for him, cut in all the right places to give his muscular form the best visual advantage. MC swallows hard, trying not to be obvious. Suddenly Abbie leans in and whispers to her. "Wow. Chris isn't exactly my type... but he definitely knows how to wear a suit." MC let's out the breath of air she was holding slowly through her nose, still maintaining eye contact with Chris. "Yeah... he's looking good.” She almost grumbles.

“I wish he didn't look so good." She whispers, biting her lower lip. She closes her eyes for a moment, wishing she was anywhere else. Abbie turns her back to Chris so only MC can see her face, she frowns sympathetically at her. "Seriously..." At that moment James returns holding some drinks. He hands both MC and Abbie theirs as he joins them on the edge of the dance floor. MC tries turning sideways to face them both, helping her avoid Chris gaze if possible. She does however notice as Becca pushes her way through the crowd as it caused some people to stumble as they regain their footing. When she reaches Chris she gives him an overly saccharine smile, wrapping her arms around him.

~Chris~

Unaware of her arrival, Chris startles as Becca is suddenly there, tugging on his arm lightly. "Come on Chris. I want to dance." Her sudden intrusion breaks his focus on MC, making him sigh as he is forced to look away. "Uh, sure." Becca drapes her arms around his neck, shooting a sly look at MC out of the corner of her eye, letting her know she was aware that MC’s attention had been on her date. Chris can't help but look back at MC and James, a small feeling of jealousy growing.

~MC~ MC's face scrunches up momentarily, unable to control her nauseation of the performance in front of her, courtesy of Becca. She turns her back to her friends, focusing on James and Abbie. James immediately notices though and squeezes her arm gently. "You okay MC? You kinda went away for a second." Realizing she had been caught, MC wipes all expression off of her face. "Sorry, I just..." She shakes her head as if trying to release something. "Let's dance some more." James seems satisfied with her response and gives in to her request. "Sure, whatever you want." He offers to take her glass and places both his and hers on the nearby table. They step back onto the dance floor, his hands once again finding her waist. MC tries to avoid eye contact with both Chris and Becca, but notices as she leans on Chris's chest possessively. MC catches Chris's eye over Becca's shoulder as they happen to line up on the dancefloor, making her pull James closer to obscure his line of sight. Chris’s intense gaze makes her cheeks flush. He shows his dance partner little attention, keeping his focus on her instead. It's then that MC decides that it would be best to ignore them both, concentrating on James instead.

She smiles up at him, her hands locked behind his neck. "I'm one hundred percent here now." He gives her a authentic smile. "I'm glad." She raises an eyebrow at him. "Really? Sometimes I can't tell when you're being sarcastic..." "I'm not being sarcastic, I promise." He holds up his hand, giving the boy-scout salute. She can’t hold her laughter, somehow not at all surprised he knows the boy-scout salute. "Suuuuuure..."

MC doesn't notice that her laughter draws even more attention from Chris. He intently watches them float around the dancefloor, clearly having a good time. James, unaware that his date is drawing the attention of another, looks at her with dismay. "I'm not! Seriously!" "I guess you just have one of those faces then..." She studies his face as confusion takes it over. "What's wrong with my face?" He frowns, almost pouting. She giggles even more at his questioning look. "Absolutely nothing." She smiles up at him, swaying together in time with the music. Being in the moment with James, MC doesn't notice Chris leaving Becca stranded on the dance-floor, quickly cutting through the crowd, straight towards her. His expression is unreadable as he gently touches her elbow, causing her to turn and meet his piercing blue eyes.

Chris doesn't look at James as he addresses him, keeping his eyes locked on MC’s instead. "James, can I borrow MC for a second?" James shifts to look at Chris, his face neutral as one hand let's go of her waist. "Why are you asking me? She's an adult. She can make her own decisions." MC squeezes James's arms as they begin to separate. "Thanks James, I'm sure Chris didn't mean it like that." He gives her an understanding nod. "I'll go check on Abbie. If you need anything..." He glances sideways at Chris, who's eyes are still set on MC's, "...just let me know, okay?" She smiles at him warmly. "Okay." ~Chris~

As James heads towards Abbie, MC turns towards him, finally holding his unwavering gaze. Her expression is mostly neutral, except for the hint of sadness he sees in it. "So... what did you want to talk about?" He takes a deep breath and let's it out slowly, his face now looking down at his clenched hands. He looks up slightly, almost avoiding her eyes now. "There are just some things I wanted to explain." He looks around the room, seeing multiple people looking their way, including Becca, James and Abbie. "But... not here." He starts to feel hot and uneasy. ~MC~

She can't stop herself out of curiosity. Knowing he's made his point a few times by now she assumes this time won't be any different, but even if she tries not to, she knows she will always give him another chance to say whatever he felt he needs to say. "Okay... I suppose we should go talk somewhere more private then." He motions towards the door. "Let's step outside." She follows him out, throwing a last look over her shoulder at James, making sure he doesn't see her slip outside, already feeling bad for leaving him to talk with Chris. They head around the side of the house, ending up at the same memorable spot they shared a breathless moment once before. She looks down at her heels, lightly tapping her toes near the foundation. "So... what did you want to talk about?" ~Chris~

Chris begins pacing back and forth by the garden fountain, a curious look on his face. "I..." He anxiously runs his hand through his hair. “I'm not sure.” Suddenly he frowns, feeling intense pressure on his chest.

"I guess I just wanted to say that..." He sighs, letting his hands drop defeatedly at his sides. "You and James look happy together." He raises his eyes to hers. "And I'm happy for you." His brow pinches as he ignores the painful feeling that is crossing his chest. Her brow pinches together briefly at his words before relaxing. "Well... thanks, I guess."

He awkwardly shifts his footing in front of her. His mind is racing, thinking about everything they've said, experienced and felt. His previous decisions feeling less important all of a sudden as he studies her face.

~MC~

"That's all you have to say?" MC considers his words briefly, before deciding he isn't being completely honest. He searches her face, looking for something specific, then sighs heavily his look becoming darker. "Yeah. That's all." Noticing this, MC decides to prod him again. "If you say so Chris... but I don't know if I believe you." His brow tightens with concern. "What? What do you mean you don't believe me?" He runs his hand through his hair a second time. "I don't believe that's all you have to say." She says softly. "I don't believe that you're happy for me and James." His jaw clenches. "MC, what are you--" She shakes her head, looking away from him as she fiddles with her necklace. "You're lying to me, Chris... and you're lying to yourself."

~Chris~ His face turns somewhat angry at her comment. "Well... so what if I am?! How am I supposed to feel when I see you with another guy?"

His arm shoots out sharply at the house, his hand pointing to the center, as his voice raises slightly. He quickly realizes and lowers it back down somewhat, trying to avoid drawing attention. Chris feels his blood pressure rising with his irritation. She looks at him in disbelief, her own anger making it's way to her face. "I don't know... the same way I feel when I see you with Becca?"

Chris feels a sting of pain at her words. He clenches his jaw and remains silent, the guilt of his words soaking through his body.

She tightens her fists and takes in a deep breath before continuing. "You barely even gave the concept of us a chance Chris." The anger melts off of his face instantly, a deep anxious look taking its place. "I... I was scared. I didn't want to ruin something that could've been..." He motions loosely in the air between them. "...real." "But you and Becca..." She starts. He sighs again. "Don't you get it? That's safe. I'm never going to fall in love with Becca." He watches MC’s face as he says the words. Watching to see if she understands what he's implying. "So you don't love Becca? That's so sad..." He could see a look of confusion on her face. "So long as you both know you're just using each other, I guess." His eyes are solemn as he looks at her before he pinches them shut. It's as if her words struck him, feeling like a punch to the gut.

"That's a harsh way to put it... but it's probably true." He rubs the back of his neck, opening his eyes but not looking up into hers. "I told you on the first night we met... I just wanted my freshman year to be a time to heal... to have some fun." He sighs, not sure if he believes that anymore. "So... this is fun?" She pinches her lips together, forming a thin line as she looks down at her dress, picking at a random sequin. He lets out a huff of air, deciding to be honest with her. "Seeing you with James is the opposite of fun." He shakes his head and looks up as she raises her gaze to his. "But... I can't be with you. Not now. I know I'd only hurt you." His voice grows quieter with each word. "And what if I'm willing to take that risk? Shouldn't I get a say in this?" Her lips become even thinner as she forces them together, frustration clearly taking over. ~MC~

"If I hurt you again... I wouldn't be able to forgive myself." As Chris hangs his head MC suddenly realizes how close they now are, all of his pacing leaving him here, only inches from her. MC takes his face in her hands, pushing up on her toes to close the small gap in height. Even with her low heels on, he's still an inch or two taller. He gasps at the contact, his eyes deep and searching as he stares through her. "MC... what are you--" She silences him with a lingering kiss, his lips warm against hers in the chilly night air. When she pulls back she sees a tormented look on his face.

“I…” She suddenly feels troubled, regret swimming through her.

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." She speaks in barely a whisper as she quickly drops her arms from his face and wraps them around her body. "No, it's... it's fine. Don't worry about it." His face is a mix of emotions, confliction everywhere. "You're here with Becca tonight, and I... well, I don't know yet what's going on with me." She was yelling at herself internally. This really wasn't like her. She had to get herself in check immediately. "Seriously, MC, it's fine. Let's just... let's just go back inside, okay?" He look away sadly. She looks down, her fists clenched so tight her knuckles are turning white. "You go ahead. I want to stay out a while longer."

She sighs and mumbles very low. “Or maybe I should just go home…” Chris frowns as he believes he hears her last statement correctly. Unsure he shakes his head and looks away. "Suit yourself." As Chris turns to leave, she sinks onto the cold stone rim of the garden fountain, feeling a heavy weight settle over her heart. "When did things get so complicated?" She pulls out her phone and dials Zack. She immediately picks up on his joyful mood as he smiles into the phone. "Hey, MC, what's up? How's your fancy ball going?" MC frowns into her phone. "Not so great Zack, not so great." She can hear his demeanor change. "Uh oh, what's wrong?" "Ugh... just stuff with Chris, I guess." She shakes her head. "Well... you know I'm happy to talk boy drama with you, but isn't Kaitlyn there? I'm sure she'd know just what to say to cheer you up." He gives her a knowing look. "You know what? I think you're right about that. I'll see if I can find out where she disappeared to..." MC starts to feel slightly better. "Go for it. Just make sure to fill me in when you get back." Zack winks at her. "Will do." She heads back inside and searches the Kappa House for Kaitlyn. She finally finds her, leaning against a banister. A wave of relief washes over her as she speed walks to her side. As she gets closer she notices the sad look on her face, wondering why she she looks so down.

#chris x mc #TheFreshmanChronicles #Chris Powell #Christopher Powell #The Freshman #the sophomore #thefreshman #thesophomore #choices #choices fanfiction #playchoices #choicestoriesyouplay #choices stories you play #chris powell x mc #choices the freshman #choices the sophomore #choices the junior #tf/ts/tj

[bevelle]

Where the Sun Shines: Part 1

(Part 1 of "Where the Sun Shines" from the seventh novel, The Game of Angels and Demons, is here! Within the novel, this story is divided into 3 numbered parts. This is part 1, which just so happened to end at the 10 page mark. Minimal footnotes included. Footnotes don't function correctly on mobile, so I suggest viewing this in an actual browser. Please enjoy!)

Vatican City. An independent country located on the east bank1 of the Italian Tiber River. It is the smallest country in the world, and to the 1.1 billion Catholics scattered across the world, it serves as a strong international community.

There is a department there called The Seat of the Disciples.

Within the organizations existing at the heart of the Vatican, The Nine Sacred Departments, the recognition and acknowledgment of beatification2, canonization, and existence of holy relics occur in the Canonization Department; while there is another department in which “miracle reports” are collected from around the world and then undergo strict investigations. They are then presented to a committee of eighteen cardinals who judge whether or not they should be recognized as true miracles. Among those working there are scientists, doctors, historians, and specialists in many other fields.

Roberto Nicolas was employed by the Seat of the Disciples as a cryptanalysis and folkloristics expert two years ago, and was still a novice miracle investigator.

A Monday in April, when bright rays of light poured down. It was a holiday for the Seat of the Disciples, as well. That day, out of all of the days in the year, was especially important to Roberto. In the morning, after finishing his prayers at the nearest place of worship, Roberto headed to St. Bernardo, the boarding school near his home.

St. Bernardo was Roberto’s alma mater, and was where he lived before attending the University of Rome. It was also a place overflowing with memories.

Upon entering the school grounds, he could hear the clear singing voices of the choir from a section of the building. He could see students in their navy blue uniforms and red ties running around the campus and playing soccer.

Roberto made his way to a certain part of the school.

There, in that old, beautiful library, massive mahogany bookcases filled the room, their shelves packed with an extensive collection of everything from adventure novels to philosophy books. The smells of ink and paper typical of old books wafted throughout the room. Outside a large, wide window was an elm tree, and the sunlight filtering through its leaves shone down on the reception desk brilliantly.

In the past, a single boy stood there. A beautiful library committee member with straight black hair. He was an upperclassman three years older than Roberto named Josef Lycolas Bartridge.

Roberto gently took a single book from the shelves. He then left the library and headed for the deserted, quiet place behind the building. It was in the grove of trees between the shed that housed the tools they used for annual events and the hutches they used for raising rabbits and chickens. Roberto often spent time there.

Before he entered St. Bernardo, he was in an abbey-operated juvenile facility. Before that, he lived with a man he called his "uncle" and his wife after they took Roberto from a police hospital.

Other than his name, Roberto had no memories of his childhood.

He listened to the whispers of the adults around him, and vaguely understood that he had seen something terrible, became ill, and lost his memory. However, talking about that was taboo, so Roberto didn’t even consider wanting to ask about it further.

He remembered doing things like sandplay therapy3 every day at the police hospital. Then, when his “uncle” could no longer support him, he was sent to a juvenile facility. Within the facility, which had been set up as an elementary school with strict rules, Roberto was treated as a “child with issues.”

The biggest reason for this was because he couldn’t speak to anyone.

Roberto truly couldn’t talk to anyone. Even if he tried to speak to someone, the words wouldn’t come out.

People talked to each other normally. That was odd to Roberto.

He lived as if he were wrapped up in a special membrane that prevented him from forming any kind of connection with the outside world. Whenever someone spoke to Roberto, the words would pass through that membrane as what he could only perceive as meaningless, grating noise. Because of this, Roberto was extremely shy, and without being able to speak, he was a problem child who could not fit into his surroundings.

The Sisters and Fathers taking care of the children at the institution saw Roberto as a nuisance, and to Roberto, they were also unreasonably bothersome. They desperately tried to force him to read Christ’s teachings aloud, and in accordance with their strict rules, when he was unable to, the rod was brought down on him. Each time, Roberto would react by closing his heart off even further.

However, to his good fortune, there was someone there who understood him. That person was none other than the head of the institution, an old pastor named Father Lombardo.

One day, Roberto was taken by the head priest—who was also in charge of his elementary education—to Father Lombardo’s room.

Father Lombardo’s room was very simple, with a large decorative cross and a landscape painting being all that Roberto could remember.

The pastor was wearing black glasses—he was blind. However, Roberto felt that he could see much more than what those with sight could see.

“Roberto, greet Father Lombardo,” the priest told Roberto in a strict voice. Roberto was startled, but of course, he couldn’t get any words to come out.

“Roberto, knock it off. You should be able to talk just fine. We can’t always give you special treatment. I told you that you would have to do this today.”

Roberto hung his head. The priest made an annoyed face, grabbed the back of Roberto’s head, and forcibly made him bow.

“He’s always like this. He’s truly a child with issues,” the priest said.

Father Lombardo, with his unseeing eyes, stared at Roberto. Roberto honestly felt as he if he were being looked at.

“Hm. So, in these past two years, this boy hasn’t spoken to anyone?”

“No, not at all. He shows no response to anything we tell him, and we’ve never seen him play with any of the other children, either.”

“However, that doesn’t mean he has a mental disability4. From what I’ve heard, according to the chairman, his test results are above average…”

“That’s true. However, he can’t live a normal life as a student like this. Once he’s finished elementary, I believe that he should be sent to the abbey.”

“Hm…”

There was a long silence.

Roberto was terrified under Father Lombardo’s incessant gaze, as if he were completely exposed.

“No… In the past, those at this institution with exceptional grades were given assistance in attending St. Bernardo Boarding School. We can’t exclude him from that simply because he can’t speak. If we do, it will seem like the church is discriminating against children with such problems. And… as far as I can tell, this boy, Roberto, is completely fine. I’m authorizing it: send this boy to St. Bernardo. If anything happens, I will take responsibility.”

“Are you sure? This carelessness may cause trouble for you in the future, Father.”

“It’s fine. Roberto.”

Roberto, who did not understand what kind of conversation was happening in front of him, was simply hanging his head.

“Roberto. Please make some good friends.”

Roberto’s life changed immediately after that. He left the facility and moved to the boarding school.

St. Bernardo Boarding School was a strict Catholic school full of children from very respectable families, and had a middle school section, high school section, and college prep section. While students would normally be placed in a six-person room and become accustomed to living together, for Roberto, the troubled child with good grades, as soon as he saw this, he decided on living in a small, one-person room.

Even so, being a child from an institution, he wondered if he was being watched around the school. There, he was suddenly thrown into a melting pot overflowing with young boys.

Every morning before class in a small church on campus, they would read scripture aloud and interpret it, and pray. “Merciful Jesus,” “Man of Truth,” the priests praised, and asked for all suffering to be resolved as they knelt in front of the statue of Christ. But even as he looked at the statue, Roberto couldn’t believe the scrawny, shabby man hanging from the cross was the Savior.

On top of that, he could only interpret the Bible as sounding like a journal of nonsensical daydreams. Looking back on it, it seemed like he didn’t believe in any of it back then.

As always, he was unable to speak. He also became anxious when people would address him, so even when his name was called in class, he wouldn’t respond. Not even he knew what made him so stubborn back then.

The one thing that could be said about him with certainty was that he was always alone.

That, and the other students all existed in bright, sunny place. They always talked, always laughed, and always had fun playing together like little puppies. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t enter that fun, enjoyable place.

Sometimes the boys would get lonely at the boarding school and would talk to each other about their parents. Parents seemed like very special and precious people, and being separated from them seemed to be difficult. But Roberto had no memories of his parents, and as such, he couldn’t understand their sorrow.

Faith, joy, sadness—Roberto couldn’t understand any emotion.

Still, he understood his studies, so that was a way for him to somehow spend his time at the school.

But unlike the bookworm he is now, Roberto didn’t choose specific books to read back then. There was nothing that he truly wanted to do. He simply studied because it was necessary to learn material for class.

Roberto had the labels of “child with issues” and “weird kid from an institution” stuck to him.

Perhaps that should have hurt him, but he was numb to such a feeling. He simply had the memories to not get in anyone’s way, and of hiding himself.

What interested Roberto most was the deserted, quiet area behind the library. It was in a grove of trees between the shed that housed the tools they used for annual events and the hutches they used for raising rabbits and chickens. There, Roberto had the pleasant shade of the trees, and a spot where the sun shone . During breaks, he would go there and spend time staring idly at the clouds. Only then did the inside of his heart become clear, and he could briefly experience peace.

He didn’t want to stand out, but thinking back on it now, he must have stood out as a mysterious child with heretical behavior.

He must have noticed him, too. This place is in plain sight from the reception desk in the library.

Roberto looked in the direction of the library from where he was laying under the elm tree, thought of his past self, and chuckled.

Vatican City is actually located on the west bank of the Tiber River. ↩︎

A recognition accorded by the Catholic Church of a dead person's entrance into Heaven and capacity to intercede on behalf of individuals who pray in his or her name. ↩︎

A specific form of nondirective play therapy for children using a tray of sand and toys. ↩︎

The priests and nuns refer to Roberto as 「問題のある子」- literally, a child with problems. This is similar to “problem child,” which in Japanese is a single word: 「問題児」. However, given the context and Father Lombardo’s comments, the “problem” the priests and nuns are referring to when they call him a “child with problems” is their concern over him seeming as if he has a mental disability, given that he does not speak or respond when spoken to. He’s different from a typical “problem child” in that he doesn’t act out or cause trouble; it’s more of an insensitive way of the priests and nuns saying they think something is mentally wrong with him and subsequently punishing him for it (like hitting him with the rod). ↩︎

#my translation #vatican miracle examiner #vatican kiseki chousakan #t: where the sun shines #i'm going to start spelling roberto's last (technically middle) name without an h from now on #i like it better...

[curlyhairbibliophile]

It’s my birthday!! Weirdly enough, I actually look forward to birthdays. In my head, I usually break up my life in chapters so a birthday to me is a definitive close of one chapter and the open of another. This birthday, however, feels particularly odd as anyone with a birthday right now can relate to. On the blog today, I wanted to write about and reflect on some of the things I saw, did, listened to, etc. during this year of my life!

Five Places I’ve Visited

New York City, NY

To be fair, this isn’t exactly a peculiar location that I visited! If you know me, I love to go to New York A LOT. While I was 18, I went exactly nine times mostly just for day trips to see shows. It honestly kind of kills me that I can’t go into the city to see a show on my birthday, but my bank account is very thankful!

San Luis Obispo, CA

This is a weird fun fact you may not know about me: I’m originally from California! However, I moved from California when I was ten. This past summer, I went to California to visit some of my family and friends with my boyfriend. I met my cousins half way in San Luis Obispo, and I actually had so much fun! I’ve never really been a beach gal, but it was really relaxing and fun to reconnect with my cousins. It was only a weekend trip, but I wanted to include it on here!

Boston, MA

I actually live here now! As you probably know by now, I am a freshman at Emerson College for Writing, Literature, and Publishing. However, prior to moving there, I had only been to Boston twice. So, it’s been such a joy being able to explore Boston in my first two semesters at Emerson. I can genuinely say I’ve grown so much while living there, and I can’t wait to return in the fall.

Washington D.C.

One of the highlights of my year was attending ALA last summer in Washington D.C. with my mom! I am close enough to D.C., so we drove two hours into the city every day of the conference. In total, I believe we drove 12 hours total. It was honestly worth it, and my mom and I had the absolute best time. I finally got to meet Cat (bottom left picture!) after I’ve been pen pals with her for a couple years. I absolutely love D.C., and I can’t wait to eventually go back.

Five Albums I’ve Listened to

Jagged Little Pill

Octet

High As Hope

Rumours

Youth Is Wasted

Five Accomplishments I’m Proud Of

Emerson Review: One of the things that intimated me most (and still intimidates me) about Emerson is the amount of opportunities available with all the different organizations on campus. In the first semester, I applied to be a reader for the oldest and only international literary magazine on campus called Emerson Review. Honestly, I have a lot of growing to do, especially when it comes to voicing my opinions in front of others, but I can feel myself improving slowly. We just finished our 49th volume, and I am beyond thrilled to have been a part of it.

Work-Study Job: I assume this is not just an Emerson thing, but trying to find a work-study job is HARD. In the fall, I applied to almost seventeen different work-study jobs until I finally got a box office representative position on campus. Little did I know how much this job would mean to me now. It’s taught me so much just in the six months I’ve been there, even just with de-escalation and how to talk to customers. It’s also given me a massive support system with my co-workers and managers, and I’m really happy to be there.

Growth of Curlyhairbibliophile: I must admit: I have not been the best blogger in the past year. I have admittedly forgotten about this blog the minute I get somewhat busy, and I honestly really regret that. However, just within the past month and a half since I’ve been home due to COVID-19, I am so proud of the content I have been able to produce. In fact, it brings me so much joy to express my love of books again on this platform. I don’t like to focus on number counts too much, but I am so close to 600 followers on here which is CRAZY considering how this blog has changed over the past four years! I’m so eternally grateful for all the love and support I’ve received, and I can’t wait to continue this platform as I turn 19 and beyond!

Living On My Own: I’ve always been a pretty independent person. However, moving six hours away from home for the first time is a pretty big test to your independence. I am honestly quite proud of myself for being able to pick up prescriptions, manage classes and work, go grocery shopping, figuring out how to use public transportation, do dishes, etc. It’s a small accomplishment, but I’m going to give myself a pat on the back for this one.

First Internship: If you follow me on Twitter, you may know this already but I landed my first publishing internship this spring! I am a remote editorial intern for Jolly Fish Press/Flux Books. I’m quite grateful for this opportunity, especially since I just finished my freshman year just a few days ago. I’ve been doing it for about a month now, and it’s been so much fun to get a first hand perspective on different aspects in publishing.

Five Shows I Saw (Once or Twice…Or Five Times)

Moby Dick: I saw Moby Dick at American Reparatory Theatre this previous December. It was such a cool and innovative production, and if it ever comes back I HIGHLY recommend you see it. Rating: ⭑⭑⭑⭑/⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑

Jagged Little Pill: I saw Jagged Little Pill just a few months ago with my roommate in NYC. I can’t talk about this one enough! It’s such an important story, and I’m grateful to have seen this before the world shut down. ⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑/⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑

The Purists: I saw this show this past December in Boston with Huntington Theatre Company! It was actually a play directed by Billy Porter, and I thoroughly enjoyed it! ⭑⭑⭑⭑/⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑

West Side Story: I saw the recent revival of West Side Story this past December because one of my favorite Broadway actors was in it. However, the night we saw it he was out injured. Overall, the production was not good. I could write a full post about this show. Additionally, one of the cast members was fired from the New York Ballet for sexual misconduct, yet he was still cast in this production. ⭑/⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑

Oklahoma!: I saw this revival of Oklahoma! on Broadway a few times this fall, and that definitely was not enough! It made me fall in love with this show I once thought was outdated and crusty. It’s going on tour this fall, and if it’s making a stop near you I HIGHLY recommend you check it out. ⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑/⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑.

Five Books I’ve Read

Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky: I am aware that I am probably the LAST person on Earth to read this book. However, I figured this time would be the best to go back and read some of the books I may have missed throughout the years. I can genuinely see why this book introduced so many people to Young Adult novels, and I’m glad I finally read it.

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: THIS BOOK! If you have not heard about this book, I am honestly shocked because it has infiltrated my life both online and in real life. I absolutely devoured it, and I can’t recommend it enough.

Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett: I actually picked up an ARC of this book at ALA, and I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. However, I can’t express how phenomenal this book was. I even read it at the register while I was working at Michaels and got in trouble with my manager (oops). Regardless, another book I can’t recommend enough.

Becoming by Michelle Obama: Does this one really need an explanation? Even if you aren’t a non-fiction reader, I highly recommend picking up this book. I would even go as far as saying Becoming was my favorite book of 2019. Yes, it is that good.

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo: I first bought The Poet X a few years ago on a whim, and I finally decided to read it last year. BOY, I AM SO GLAD I DID. Elizabeth Acevedo has immediately become an auto-buy author for me, and I can’t get enough of her books.

Phew! Sorry for this long post! I’m really grateful for the year I have had, and all I have been able to see, experience, listen to, and read. Now, I am going to scarf down some cake and spend some time with my family. Obviously, I am not expecting anything but I wanted to include my Amazon wishlist here. However, I really don’t need anything. If you did want to do something for my birthday, the organization The Actor’s Fund does some really great work for artists and performers, especially right now due to COVID-19. It would mean a lot if you had a dollar or two to donate. Here is the link to donate.

Thank you so much for all of your support, whether you’re new to my blog or have been with me since the beginning. I am always so encouraged by the passion and activism I see within the book community, and I love you all so much.

Hope you are all doing okay! Thank you for making it so far into this post. Have you had to celebrate your birthday while stuck inside? What has been your favorite moment of your year so far? Do you enjoy your birthdays or do you dread them?

        Happy COVID-19th Birthday to Me! A Reflection On My 18th Year of Life It's my birthday!! Weirdly enough, I actually look forward to birthdays. In my head, I usually break up my life in chapters so a birthday to me is a definitive close of one chapter and the open of another.

[bloodinyourcoffeestream]

one month of practice teaching

ＴＲＡＮＳＣＲＩＰＴ

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WTF I HAVE SO MANY STORIES TO TELL YOU CAN I JUST CALL????????? I'M CRYING EVERY WEEK IS HELL WEEK WHEN YOU'RE A STUDENT-TEACHER

actually i would most likely just break down ya kno if my hair isn't this short i'd consider getting a haircut again, why do my kids have to be so rowdy what the actual fuck???????????????/ i've walked out on two of my classes already which is super Not a good notch on my performance but jesus fuckin christ no one ever said it would be this hard (maybe except that one senior who advised me to shift courses when i was a sophomore)

i'm saying this so often these days but i've never been this Tired in my entire goodamn life!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ya know how yoi outgays itself in every episode?? it's like that for me except each day outstresses the previous one time to die

ya i'm sorry it's just ughughhuhuhuhguhughughuhuhuhguhughuhuhuhughu teaching is fun and all but? i thought i'd stop getting stressed once i get adjusted to the environment but holy fuck it seems everyday that passes reduces my tolerance for my kids' antics

i'm a pretty chill teacher in general i let them have free reign in my time as long as they submit their outputs on time. we start the class late up to 20mins to wait for the latecomers!!!!!!!!!!! they can like eat and play music and even walk around or do stuff for other subjects and even fucking sleep!!!! (they even played 'stupid love' and 'kalimutan mo na yan' and 'titibo-tibo' in my class and i never judged them for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) they can easily gain my permission when they want to excuse their whole class to practice for their mapeh cheerdance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i joke around with them!!!! i treat them all like i personally ejected them outta my damn womb & raised them for 16 or so years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm a pretty chill teacher in lectures too i try to be as jolly as possible!!!!!!!! i try to make discussions interactive!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm generous with recitation chips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (u can get chips just by sweeping the floor and erasing the board!!!!!!!!!!!!) i spend all night designing lesson-related games so that my kids wouldn't get bored!!!!!!! i give them plenty of time before the deadline!!!!!!!!!!!!! (like we spend a whole week for each output!!!) i go around the room during hands-on activities to make sure they're all doing their work properly!!!!!!!!! i even lent them my drafting stuff & provided them with bond paper bc i know how broke they are!!!!!!!!! you should come & sit in one of my classes they'll be the best thing you'll ever witness. i swear. i'm the best B-)

so holy mother of fuck why can't they give me the 1 ounce of respect i deserve? i'm so kind to them is it so hard to be kind back???? why are they all after my blood??????//

being strict's not my thing because strict teachers get less respect and u know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sinasaway ko sila + nagtataray ako minsan pero sandaling-sandali lang then back to bibo hotdog na aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i'm so sorry for this rant i know i'm not supposed to be complaining to you i just. can't bring myself to tell my co-teachers bc they just tell me to be strict. and i can't for the life of me be strict. i literally forget which kids were noisy and rowdy after a maximum of 10 seconds!!!!!!!!!!! i easily forget which classes i'm supposed to be angry with and treat them well again the next day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uhuhhuhuhuhuhuhuuuhhuhughughghuhuhuhuhuhhghugh kahihiyan ako

which is why i walked out of two of my classes; i feel like i've done everything to deserve their respect and it turns out i still don't. and idk what to do with them anymore honestly

i'm so stressed na bimb. minura ko na yung lower sections na hawak ko legit if my advisor/cooperating teacher(CT) finds out i'll get a bad rating for sure (and if i get a bad rating, laude is cancelledt) (super bigat na batas sa high school teachers na bawal magmura). i told them verbatim; guys kayo di ko kayo ginagago kaya pwede ba ako huwag niyo ring gaguhin? (which sounds light but not when coming from a hs teacher ok? some of them audibly gasped wow high schoolers are so soft) but even that didn't seem to have an effect on my raucous kids hanunah

anyway i just feel so weak now?? i forgive too easily specially especially after they've apologized or stopped being dicks + they make me smile so easily bc they're mostly so sweet & funny??????? why don’t i have the ability to stay mad & hold grudges & be strict hahahahhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuetangina

some 'anonymous feedback' i got was that, para raw akong baliw, one minute galit then the other bati-bati na ulit, tas parang be-babyhin ko pa yung mga sinita ko. inexplain ko nalang na di ko kayang magalit then my CT said kailangan kong maging consistent - kung galit, galit talaga, or else magmumukha talaga akong baliw. or di na ako susundin kasi parang joke lang ako magalit

b i h

iyak na c acoe

i'm sorry this is so long i feel like we haven't talked in years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm writing this in the faculty room actually haha i feel like i'd stop functioning if i don't type these out, my head is such a wreck rn bc i keep getting bad feedback about my teaching strategy, sorry for all the exclamation points :(((((((

yung CT ko pa, he's always insisting that my lower-sectioners are just a bunch of assholes, KSPs, and lazy fucks, but they're not!!!!!!!! they're actually really sweet, they can be competitive when motivated properly, and they have so much potential???? their grades might be mostly seven-liners – (yung isa kong anak aNG SAYA-SAYA NIYA NUNG BINIGYAN KO SIYA NG 79 LIKE ?????) (pinaulit ko yung gawa niya btw tinuro ko ulit sa kanya kung alin yung mga mali niya hahahahaha then naging 103/100 pa yun) (may +5 kasi pag nagpasa before the deadline so ayun) – but they're the ones who are maparaan/madiskarte; i know they're the ones who's most likely to succeed in real life. they're also the ones who greet me on the corridors & off-campus with those cheerful "hi ma'am"s!!! ma'am buhatin ko na gamit mo!! ma'am ako na magwawalis!! idk if i’m a fool but i only see kindness & initiative in their actions?? these pabibos are gonna go far, i believe in them so much, i really go

the top-sectioners my CT puts on such a high pedestal are mostly GCs and self-entitled, always have their noses in the air & think they're better than everyone including me. always competing with their "Friends", crab mentality, always memorizing my material even if i always tell them to Understand instead of memorize bc they'll never learn shit that way????

i'm so dismayed bc there's a very specific mould that determines whether you're a 'good teacher' or not. and that mould is so, so different from what my shape is. that mould goes against my beliefs and principles; that mould is nearly everything i've been wanting to fight against when i decided to be a teacher and holy shit it looks like i have to fit in that stupid, ugly mould if i want to graduate. nevermind cum laude; i'd never graduate unless i fit in that bullshit mould

shet bes magpapakain ako sa sistema makakuha lang ng diploma

ily so much baks thanks for listening to my stupid rants. i don't know who to turn to, everyone else is like 'ganun talaga' or some other bs i wanna jump off a cliff, pls i'd rather disappear than magpalamon sa sistema. tangina ng sistema

why do i have to be so stubborn why am i like this?????

bes

ang sama pala maging weird

tanggap ko na nga sarili ko eh minamahal ko na nga yung pagiging weird ko pero hindi pala pwede; not in this profession; shet bes i need to become normal 2 survive. no fun allowed

now i just want to go home & send u thing whole novel can u believe i've been here since 5:30am!!!!!!! every!!! single!!!! weekday!!!!!! it's 5pm now but i can't go home yet bc i have to check tons of student outputs and write 5 semi-detailed lesson plans so that i can actually rest at home. someone take me out, the footbridge in sandigan is really tempting sometimes you know? the one that crosses over the underpass and u can see all the trucks passing underneath the bridge, plus theres a bunch of electric cables too. and when you're standing on that spot on the footbridge, the view of the sky is super pretty too. (you know what, maybe i'll take a photo when i pass by later. if it's there's still daylight out, that is.) it's so tempting sometimes,, sadly i'll never hear jung hoseok's contagious laughter if i pull any shit

do u think i should drop out now and just. i dunno work as a farmer in pangasinan or somewhere farther, like in visayas or maybe even cambodia where so much myths and folklore thrive, at least that sounds a lot less mentally taxing. i have backpain now anyway; i won't have to complain about that when i'm actually farming

i can't even listen to all the older songs i like bc they make me nostalgic about the past sjhkjhkjdhfkshdk i've told you how much i hate this nostalgia already, it hasn't stopped yet, gods help me!! i keep saying, "sana thesis na lang, thesis na lang ulit" and it's not even funny anymore

i'm so sorry for telling you all this :((( i'm sure you're stressed with school too, i hope i'm not adding to that. don't worry about me, okay? i'm probably not as stressed as i seem anyway, i tend to overact a lot then be perfectly fine after drying my tear ducts and then an 8-hour sleep and like a hot meal that isn't just reheated for the 5th time. i'm so sorry for making you read all this, this is like 5 whole pages i'm sorry :'((((

there's another lower-sectioner i wanna tell you about but this is getting ridiculously long, ask me about patricia sometime ok? it's kind of long-ish hahahaha

but u know what the worst thing is??? I BOUGHT TWO PUDDINGS FROM THE BAKERY YESTERDAY & ONE OF THEM FELL ON THE PAVEMENT JUST LIKE THAT. IF THE GOD'S AREN'T BULLYING ME IDK WHAT THIS IS

[katpka-blog]

What is College?

I chose this story to begin my blog, because I am sitting on my bed right now, time relentlessly musing through each hour (it’s 1:57 AM right now), and decided I needed to create a blog to alleviate my anxiety and frustration. This unpleasant yet expected situation I invited myself to has made me question my life as a college student and generally as a human being. It’s not peculiar of me to contemplate about “being here” or shift attitudes between “being overly fortunate and happy” to “being lost and self-loathing.” (I am now going to pour out my feelings that may or may not agree to you, but hopefully, make you understand the continuous cycle of disdain I have for myself). I hope that after I pour my honest and raw feelings to this blog, people will continue to read more of my posts, because I do live a life most people can relate to, but some may be baffled by my thoughts and actions.

So you’re probably wondering, what the fuck is this about, and why am I wasting my time with this random bullshit? If I were you, I would be too lazy to read all this, but once again, I encourage you to pull through. This all centers around my main life: college. i transferred a total three times going into my second year as a collegiate student, so I was a sophomore entering my final school. People tease me about it all the time, and I would always play along; families would joke, “so where are you going next year?” I would respond, “I want to write a novel about it!” However, through that haze of amusement, I found myself mystified about my situation. The path to my thoughts never created an escape, and therefore I painfully directed my energy towards the criticism and conspiracies that always battled against me.

Conspiracy #........10000000: I became to resent the system of collegiate education. I use “resent”, because the feelings I have inside actually evoke physical agony and self-loathing over everything that the system has bred me to believe. One of the worst things that I feel inside is that I have become the robotic hypocrite that I realize is not what I want. Transferring to three schools was not an ideal plan I had for myself. My brain was always and continues to be ambitious, something I have also come to realize is perhaps an illness. On the other hand, my heart yearned for freedom, simplicity, and non-materialistic happiness. Society advertised ambition and success to me so much that I became addicted to them. At the time I was choosing colleges, I desired the future that “other kids” were living and “other adults” preached about. The future that advertised “money can’t buy happiness” but sold “money dictates education, survival, judgement, dignity, and somehow everything else in life.” My relationship with money is chaotic. While I lived in a facade of financial comfort and content (all thanks to my supportive parents), I never learned that the worth of myself was more significant than the worth of paper. So as I was departing from my years in high school, I believed that money was everything and since it was everything, money was plentiful. My delusions were shattered the second semester of my freshman year (second school, I’ll discuss my experience in my first school in another post). I sat on the floor against the wall of my small dorm apartment on 96th street of the Upper East Side/ Harlem, cell phone pressed to my wet cheeks, and legs uncontrollably shaking. On the phone, my dad tried to console me about my random breakdown. He explained that the best option would be if I attended school closer to home, and even though I hated to admit it, the costs and my depression were becoming worse.

As I became accustomed to a big campus once again, I drowned in my own foolishness and wild behaviors. I was in a relationship at the time, and it was the wrongest thing I tried to make work. My mind at the time wanted to cut everything off. I wanted to punish the outside forces like fate or my own happiness, my own drive, and my own spirit. I began by breaking up with him, and while I believed that this was a release from dependence on someone to be there, I struggled to embrace myself again. Gradually, I thought I was curing my soul; I believed this completely, because the distractions deafened everything else beyond the world outside my university. I made myself believe that I was whole again, and that the dark days were finally over. But all I did was fool myself. I was not becoming whole my first semester at my  third school. I was numbing my brain from that ambition with drugs and fake laughter. College is not what the older kids say it is when you are younger and naive. College is walking to a crowded lecture room of over 200 students, and even though you are early, you choose to sit in the back corner. When the professor paints a question to the over 200 student audience, not a single hand goes up...yours included. College is feeling the cold invisible hand of pressure against your neck as you stare down at the endless cycle of words you are trying to memorize in a a library. College is having to decipher whether you need this money for food or for alcohol and drugs College is entering a party, feeling the piercing judgement in a tight room hidden in darkness, and the only light there is neon. . College is sitting in your dorm or apartment room, basking in the short-lived freedom of only four years, until you realize how you wasted those years later on.After throwing up the small dinner you had, you laugh to yourself and ask, “what am I doing with my life?” College is not the place where people say you will find yourself and realize what you want to do the rest of your life. It is a vast maze that will force you to get lost (similar to the maze in the fourth book of the Harry Potter series, where the characters must face so many obstacles that will literally attempt to kill or stop them). For some, college is a deathbed, and the killer is depression. 

Being a born cynic does this to me a lot; it forces me to always criticize and blame. While I do resent the collegiate life for making me so lost in my priorities, I can also give it credit for being an formidable force. I have never been perfect, but I pride myself on being a stubborn fighter. Everything that I have written here is only 1/4 of what I have endured. I am hypocrite to some that may read this, but I do display scars of mental suffering. I know, please know, that I do know the tragedies far worse than mine that occur within other lives. I know that other people, people who may walk pass me in the streets, have rougher and sadder lives than me. But what is to compare? All my life I have compared sorrow against sorrow, wealth against happiness, and the answers depress me. Depression is an unforgiving torture of the soul, and is very similar to the physical torture itself. Death is death, and whatever the case or the cause, it is impossible to reverse. 

I do not point to college as the source of my deepest levels of depression and mental instability. College has brought me beauty stemming from the true friends and admirable people I have fortunately encountered. College has brought me appreciation of the books in my hand and the knowledge I acquire. College taught me to cry freely and to embrace sadness and defeat, because life is not kind. I could continue on about what college means, but everyone has their own experiences that guide them to their own future and happiness. I believe as of now, I am still struggling to make sense of my ambitions and happiness. I face the problem that most people in a society face, and that is whether to follow the path guided by your brain or the path led by your heart. I realize that the obstacles that try to belittle my self-esteem have a purpose in the journey of life. They are meant to test the will of human beings, and whether or not they pass is completely up to them not fate or any other outside force. For me, college is a strange mystery novel written by the beholder. 

#quotes #college #life #blog #writer #story

[fadingfartconnoisseur]

AK Monthly Recap: June 2017

It feels like my first real summer in New York this year. Last year I spent a lot of time away — big trips to South Africa and Colombia, plus I left for the Fourth of July and Labor Day. But this year I’m determined to fully experience the city in the summer.

The verdict?

Summer in New York sucks.

Don’t get me wrong, I still adore this city — but summer is not when it’s at its best. The scent of urine in the air is particularly pungent. Standing on a subway platform is like being in a furnace. Layers upon layers of grime and sweat build up on your face. And the only way to truly cool off is to go somewhere inside with air conditioning.

Still, I’d rather be here than anywhere else.

Destinations Visited

New York, New York

Reading, Boston, Cambridge, Somerville, and Chelsea, Massachusetts

Asheville, North Carolina

Favorite Destination

Asheville is one of my new favorite getaways in the United States!

Highlights

Getting named one of Forbes‘ Top 10 Travel Influencers. A huge honor, a big surprise, and easily the highlight of my month.

Asheville was a fabulous trip. I fell in love with the city, its food scene and the lovely people who call Asheville home. I won’t get too into it because I just wrote the whole post about it, but it was lovely. I’d really like to go back and experience more.

Celebrating my dad’s birthday and Father’s Day on a beer tour of Boston. My sister arranged for the three of us to do a tour with City Brew Tours, which took us to four breweries around the area. It was a lot of fun! If you’re into beer, I would definitely recommend checking them out. They’re in several cities.

We finished with dinner at Myers and Chang, a favorite Boston restaurant of my sister’s and one I shockingly had never been to. They serve fusion Chinese-Thai-Vietnamese-Taiwanese fare and definitely lived up to the hype.

Seeing Allison Janney on Broadway in Six Degrees of Separation. Unfortunately, the play recently closed, but it was SO good! Hilarious and weird in all the right ways. Allison Janney elevates every project she’s in, but she’s almost always in supporting roles, so it was so nice to see her as the lead.

Exploring some new parts of New York. I did a trip to Little Italy in the Bronx and I know I’m going to be making more trips for the outstanding bocconcini (bite-sized mozzarella) at Casa della Mozzarella! I also checked out Coney Island, but it was rainy and a bit depressing.

Lots of visits from British friends. Three sets of blogger and travel industry friends from the UK came to New York this month! I was happy to see them. Sometimes it feels like the European travel bloggers don’t come to the States at all, so I was thrilled to spend time with them here.

I chopped my hair off. Not too too much, but I did lose a good six inches! I also re-colored it. I’ve been wrestling with whether or not to return to my dark natural color — has the blonde run its course?

Getting my first Stitch Fix and Trunk Club boxes. I’ve been wanting to change up my fashion lately and I was curious about the online services that choose clothes for you, so I decided to try out Stitch Fix and Trunk Club.

They’re similar. Stitch Fix sends you five items; Trunk Club sends you ten. Both charge a styling fee ($20 at Stitch Fix, $25 at Trunk Club) which you can put toward your purchase. Also, Stitch Fix gives you a 25% discount if you buy all five items. Stitch Fix sends you styling ideas with the items; Trunk Club pairs you with a personal stylist you use each time.

Between the two services I definitely prefer Trunk Club. The clothes were much higher quality and fit me better. I like building a relationship with one stylist, and the clothes are all from Nordstrom, which I love. If I had a bigger budget, I would have bought more of the items (but I can’t justify spending $147 on a flannel, even if it looks awesome on me).

I did end up with two pieces I love — cool distressed skinny jeans with a fringed hem from Stitch Fix and a fabulous coral lace dress from Trunk Club. I’m definitely going to continue with Trunk Club.

Challenges

I got stuck in delay hell in Charlotte. There were storms in New York when I was due to fly back from Asheville, and my flight kept getting delayed and re-delayed every hour, then cancelled, then I got booked on the last seat on another flight home. I was supposed to be home by 4:00 PM; I didn’t get home until 1:30 AM.

It would have been so much better if the delay had been all at once, not an hour at a time!

Also, my phone has started to fall apart, but I really don’t want to get a new one when the new update is a few months away…it’s running on borrowed time.

There were also a few setbacks this month that I’d rather not go into. Nothing that couldn’t be fixed with a viewing of Dead Man On Campus.

Most Popular Post

On Influence, and Using It Wisely — We have an obligation to our followers to do as much good as we can.

Other Posts

14 Reasons Why I’m Smitten with Asheville, North Carolina — 4,000 words about my weekend in Asheville.

In Odessa, Romance and Grandeur — I seriously fell hard for the Ukrainian city of Odessa.

Six Ways to Travel More Sustainably — We could all stand to do better.

Bucharest is Fabulous and Fun — All the best things I enjoyed in this cool city.

Most Popular Instagram Photo

People love a good door. This shot from Cartagena did well. For more updates from my travels, follow me on Instagram at @adventurouskate. I am soooo close to hitting 100k…

Fitness Update

I had the most unlucky week at the gym this month. On Tuesday, I had to quit a fitness class halfway through for the first time ever. It was Tabata (a series of drills where you do 20 seconds of exercise followed by 10 seconds of rest) and though there isn’t much I can’t do for 20 seconds, it was so exhausting that I was seeing stars and felt like I was going to faint. Leaving the room and sitting down made me feel better, but I didn’t go back.

Also, fuck burpees. I hate them so much.

Then on Wednesday my Zumba instructor was a no-show (first time that’s ever happened), so I decided to attempt running on the treadmill instead, and though I was doing a modest two minutes of running at 6 mph followed by one minute of walking at 4 mph, I felt a twinge in my knee and had to stop. I couldn’t do stairs without pain (not fun in NYC).

Then on Friday I mixed up the times, again for the first time ever, and was late to Zumba. Oh well. At least I had my personal training session right after and I’m lifting more weight than I was last month!

What I Read This Month

We’re officially halfway through the year and I’m 36 books into the 52-book 2017 Popsugar Reading Challenge! I actually read eight books this month, four of them from Book of the Month (where you can get a new book for three months for $9.99 each — US only). Here we go.

Lillian Boxfish Takes a Walk by Kathleen Rooney (2017) — This is my favorite novel of the year so far. Lillian Boxfish is based on the life of Margaret Fishback, America’s highest paid female copywriter of the 1930s. Lillian takes a walk through gritty Manhattan on New Year’s Eve 1984, meets characters along the way, and reminisces about her life. It was as much of a love letter to a transforming New York as it was a story of an incredible life. I absolutely loved the author’s use of language.

If you are an independent woman, a writer, or a New Yorker, you must read this book. If you like smart books and memorable characters, you’ll adore this book. As the book ended, I felt so sad — I wish I could go for a walk with Lillian in real life! Category: a book set around a holiday other than Christmas.

The Explorer and Other Stories by Jyrki Vainonen (2013) — Did you know that “Finnish weird” is a genre of literature? They don’t use literary agents in Finland, so they’re less commercially minded and thus publish a lot of strange literature. I love Finland, so I was eager to jump in!

These stories are weird. “The Explorer” is about a man who decided to journey into his wife’s thigh. That kind of stuff. I found this collection of Vainonen’s stories similar to Ottessa Moshfegh’s Homesick for Another World, but not as repulsive. At 92 pages, it’s a quick read. If you’re planning a trip to Finland, pick this book up! Category: a book from a genre/subgenre you’ve never heard of.

The Mothers by Brit Bennett (2016) — Three teenagers growing up in an evangelical black church in San Diego make a decision that haunts them for years after and throws them into turmoil. The book centers on motherhood — characters’ mothers, how they mother each other, and the book is narrated by a chorus of mothers in the congregation.

I loved this book — and at the same time, it made me so sad for each of the characters. I wanted to take care of all of them in the end. The book is also a study on how evangelical communities too often blame the woman when anything goes wrong in a family. Category: a book with a family-member term in the title.

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles (2016) — What a magnificent book. Lush, cinematic, and beautiful. Count Rostov, a 30-year-old aristocrat, is sentenced to house arrest for the rest of his life in the grand Metropol hotel in Moscow. Through this predicament he tries to find beauty and meaning however he can as Russia changes exponentially — and the results are deeply moving.

I want this book to become a movie SO badly! It sounds a lot like The Grand Budapest Hotel, but so many of the scenes are described so beautifully, and the dialogue is incredibly witty. I definitely had a crush on the Count at one point. This book will leave you with the biggest smile on your face. Category: a book set in a hotel.

Eugene Onegin by Alexander Pushkin (1825) — This was my book club’s pick of the month — a Russian novel written in verse! Eugene Onegin is a man sent from the city to the country following a relative’s death, and he has a number of adventures in life and love. The entire book is written in verse, and I was very impressed with the translation.

It’s funny, it’s light, it’s delightful, and it’s something different. It did help to go through Wikipedia after reading each chapter and seeing what I missed, though. Between this and A Gentleman in Moscow, I’ve awakened a new interest in Russian literature and culture. My friends and I want to celebrate this book in Russian style at our next meetup — so we might go to Brighton Beach in Brooklyn (a.k.a. Little Odessa) or just hit up a vodka bar with a walk-in freezer! Category: a book with a title that’s a character’s name.

A Million Junes by Emily Henry (2017) — This is the closest I get to a summer read — a bright and fun book best enjoyed if you let go a little bit. Two teenagers in a rural Michigan town are the surviving progeny of two feuding families — and they’re cursed. Of course, they fall in love and try to undo the curse with the help of several ghosts.

At first I was rolling my eyes and thought the teenagers were too witty for their own good, Gilmore Girls-style, but once I let go, I began to enjoy the book a lot more. The book isn’t just an adventure, it’s also about dealing with grief and how you move on and live your life while honoring those you’ve lost. To my surprise, it’s one of the highest rated Book of the Month selections this year. Category: a book with a month or day of the week in the title.

The Gift: Poems by Hafiz, the Great Sufi Master, translated by Daniel Ladinsky (1999) — I’ve been curious about Persian poetry for awhile, so when I found a shelf devoted to Persian poetry at Malaprop’s in Asheville, I decided to pick up this volume. And what a surprising treasure it was.

Hafiz’s poetry is about celebrating the love of God — a funny, compassionate, deeply loving and giving God. The kind of God who is on your side, your best friend, cheering for you and helping you. I actually found out later that this is one of Elizabeth Gilbert’s all-time favorite books; knowing her brand of spirituality, I’m not surprised at all! If you want more poetry in your life, I highly recommend picking up this book or any of Hafiz’s poetry. Category: a book by an author who uses a pseudonym.

Dirty River: A Queer Femme of Color Dreaming Her Way Home by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha (2016) — I was recently putting together a list of my all-time favorite memoirs and was shocked to realize that almost none were written by women of color. I read a lot of books by women of color, but they tend to be fiction, so I’m making an effort to add some more memoirs to my list. If you have any recommendations, I’d love to hear them; Roxane Gay’s Hunger is next.

Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha grew up in Worcester, Mass., and this book is about her emigration to Canada, her discovery and celebration of her queer, brown, working class identity; her difficulties with disability; her struggles through severe poverty; and her coming to terms with her sexual abuse. This book covers so many perspectives that aren’t featured in mainstream literature, and for that reason alone this book is worth a read. She tells her story frankly and apologetically, and the scenes are richly painted (especially the South Asian queer events in Toronto). Category: a book by or about a person with a disability.

What I Watched This Month

It was time for my annual House of Cards binge, and it was awesome. It wasn’t my favorite season (that’s a tie between Season 1 and Season 4), but House of Cards on an off season is still better than most shows on television.

Just one thing — without revealing any spoilers, they mentioned a possibility related to the election that would have been SO cool to see play out, so unusual and dramatic that I was certain they were going to do it — and then they didn’t do it. It felt like Chekhov’s gun to me, and they ultimately did nothing with it.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt was nice, if a bit off, this season. Of course, I loved the addition of Hamilton‘s Daveed Diggs to the cast! (And the “Boobs of California” song has yet to leave my head.)

Also — I saw Wonder Woman. SO good. It amazed me how remarkable and yet ordinary it felt to watch a feminist superhero movie with the male gaze removed.

Coming Up in July 2017

I’m heading back to the Keys! Florida Keys Tourism invited me to come back and try out some things I didn’t get to experience on my February trip. The Keys are one of my favorite new discoveries in the States lately; I’m glad I get to go back so soon. What am I most excited for? The Hemingway lookalike contest in Key West! I’ll be concentrating on Key Largo and Key West this time around.

And now I’m even more glad that I didn’t end up writing a post on where to find the best key lime pies in the Keys because I have time to do more research! Delicious, delicious research…

Other than that, I’m likely staying put in New York the rest of the month, but I’d love to get in some day trips around the region. There are boats that go direct to Jersey shore towns from Manhattan, and I’d love to get to City Island in the Bronx as well.

What are you up to this summer? Share away!

via Travel Blogs http://ift.tt/2tE0l1G

#IFTTT #Travel Blogs

[mysteryshelf]

BLOG TOUR - Mind Virus

  Welcome to

THE PULP AND MYSTERY SHELF!

DISCLAIMER: This content has been provided to THE PULP AND MYSTERY SHELF by Roger Charlie Book Tours. No compensation was received. This information required by the Federal Trade Commission.

About the Book

Robin Fox is a peace-loving professor of world religions, trying to atone for his crimes as a U.S. Army interrogator. But at a Washington prayer rally, a suspect is caught trying to disperse a rare encephalitis virus, the same one used in an attack in Iraq that Fox once foiled. A CIA agent, John Adler, asks Fox for help.

Troubled by this request, Fox consults Emily Hart, his colleague at the United States Peace Research Institute and wife of its strongest supporter in Congress. She, however, has her own troubles. Leila Halabi, a Palestinian peace educator, has disappeared on the way to Washington for a lecture tour. Fox accepts Adler’s request, in exchange for the CIA’s help in finding Leila.

Fox works with a joint FBI-CIA interrogation team, and worries that Adler’s prejudice against Muslims is clouding his judgment. The suspect eventually reveals that he is part of an international conspiracy to eradicate religion, “using one virus to cure another”.

Fox deduces that the next attack is planned for Israel during Passover. Meanwhile, Emily learns that Leila has been imprisoned in Israel, and travels there to campaign for her release. Spurred by danger to the woman he loves – although he could never admit it, even to himself – Fox boards a plane that will reach Tel Aviv before her.

By careful observation, Fox catches another suspect at Ben-Gurion Airport. Now a hero to Israel, he persuades the head of Shin Bet to release Leila and let him interrogate the suspect.

He infers that the next attack is planned for Jerusalem on Holy Saturday. Joined by Adler, he sets up surveillance at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, but fails to prevent an explosion.

Suspecting that this attack was a diversion, Fox reinterprets his clues and concludes that the real target is the Vatican. He and Adler fly to Rome in time to catch a suspect in the act of planting an aerosol device in the dome of St. Peter’s during Easter Vigil Mass. Fox breaks her silence by intimating that her love for the group’s mastermind has been betrayed. She reveals the name by which she knows him, and gives up enough information to identify the next target: Westminster Abbey, at an Easter service with the Royal Family attending. But at the same time, he receives a menacing message: Emily has been abducted by the mastermind, who threatens to kill her if any cameras catch Fox there.

Fox goes to London, enters the Abbey in disguise, and uncovers the most elaborate strategy yet: a sleeper agent in the Abbey choir planted the virus in a fire extinguisher, and used a time-release flammable agent to make the Archbishop’s vestments spontaneously combust.

After stopping the attack, Fox roughs up the suspect but learns nothing. His escort from the Security Service takes him to question the mastermind’s mentor at Oxford. Shocked to hear how his teachings have been twisted, he gives up a name: Theodore Gottlieb. They go to Gottlieb’s house, to find him calmly awaiting them with high tea and high explosives.

After a standoff, the bombs detonate and set fire to the house. Fox, cut off from the police, has to chase Gottlieb to the room where Emily is being held hostage. Using his military training, he succeeds in seizing Gottlieb’s pistol, but his principles of nonviolence will not allow him to shoot. They struggle, Gottlieb falls, and the firefighters rescue Fox and Emily in time.

They return to Washington. Adler has promised to tell the Saudis about the final target, Mecca during the Hajj, but Fox suspects he is lying and goes to the Saudi embassy himself. A furious phone call from Adler confirms his suspicions: the CIA was planning to let the attack proceed, and use an Army-designed antiserum to blackmail the entire Muslim world.

After launching Leila’s tour, Fox and Emily walk together through the GWU campus. He yearns to tell her that, when he was sure his life was over, his only thought was of her. But discretion trumps valor, and when they say goodnight, his true feelings for her are still a secret.

  Interview with the Author

What initially got you interested in writing?

  I’d have to go back in time and ask my 6-year-old self; he’s the one who got me hooked on writing stories, and I haven’t been able to stop since. I finished my first novel-length manuscript in high school, and after a slight detour when I was led astray by the siren song suggesting that publishing academic papers in peer-reviewed journals would be a more prudent channel for my literary ambitions, I’m happily back on track with creative writing.

  How did you decide to make the move into becoming a published author?

  The time was right. I had a story inside me that wouldn’t let me rest until I shared it with the world. Did I tell it well? You can judge for yourself.

  What do you want readers to take away from reading your works?

  I hope they’ll take away a new perspective. This book has a religious theme, and religion, whether you’re a believer or not, affects everyone and everyone has an opinion about it. And for most people, these opinions are so strongly entrenched that you could hurl arguments at them until doomsday and never move the needle; the only chance you have of getting anyone to see an alternate point of view is through story. Wherever you fall on the scale, from firebrand evangelical to firebrand atheist, you’ll probably find something in this book to challenge you. Judging from the reviews, it will make your heart beat faster – and it might raise your blood pressure, too!

  What do you find most rewarding about writing?

  I love the way the story takes on a life of its own. I think writing, as an art form, is less like painting or sculpture and more like growing bonsai: you may start with a clear image of the finished product, and you can twist and trim your material into the shape you want, but it’s still a living thing, and it sometimes wants to grow in a different direction from the one you had in mind, so you have to be flexible and acknowledge that it might know better than you. There are times when a character seems to be speaking to me, suggesting something I hadn’t previously thought of. I love those moments, because it feels not so much as though I’m creating the story out of nothing, as that it’s telling itself through me.

  What do you find most challenging about writing?

  The difficulty of getting Time, Energy and Inspiration in the room together: they all seem to have such crazy schedules and I can rarely get more than two of them to sit down with me. Sometimes I wake up bursting with ideas, but can’t get a moment to write them down until late at night when I can barely keep my eyes open, let alone remember what the muse was whispering in my ear that morning. Other times, I’m well rested and have a rare block of free time, but the well is dry. I often resort to stealing moments throughout the day for writing – and if you piece together enough stolen moments, eventually you have a book.

  What advice would you give to people wanting to enter the field?

  There’s a Japanese saying: “Do the best you can and await orders from heaven.” If you have a story inside you fighting to get out, then write it, and polish it, to the best of your ability. Then, when the time is right, it will find its audience. It took years of pounding the pavement before I found my editor, but in light of world events during that time, I’ve come to feel that perhaps the story was waiting until a time when it would be most relevant. So if you ever have moments when you start to doubt your story will ever see the light of day – and I suppose every aspiring author does – don’t be discouraged. It always seems impossible until it’s done.

  Is there anything else besides writing you think people would find interesting about you?

  I’ve lived most of my adult life in Japan. How I got there, and what I’ve been doing there, would be the subject for a whole different interview, but in large part, I have my life in Japan to thank for this book. Living in a very secularized society helped give me the inspiration for the story, and the desire to keep some kind of connection with my homeland helped light a fire under me to write it.

  What are the best ways to connect with you, or find out more about your work?

  You can find out more about Mind Virus and my other works on my website: charleskowalski.com. Looking forward to seeing you there!

  About the Author

  Charles Kowalski currently divides his time between Japan, where he teaches English at a university, and his family home in Maine.

His previously unpublished debut novel, Mind Virus, won the Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers’ Colorado Gold Award and was a finalist for the Adventure Writers’ Competition, the Killer Nashville Claymore Award, and the Pacific Northwest Writers’ Association literary award.

Other novels and short stories by Charles Kowalski:

“Let This Cup Pass From Me” (Finalist, American Fiction Short Story Award (New Rivers Press); Honorable Mention, The Maine Review Short Story Competition)

“Arise, My Love”

“The Evil I Do Not Mean To Do”

Charles can be found at his website, and on Facebook and Twitter (@CharlesKowalski).

  About the Publisher

About Literary Wanderlust

Literary Wanderlust publishes well-written novels and short story anthologies in the romance, science fiction, fantasy, mystery, and thriller genres, as well as obscure history and research topics. Visit us at www.literarywanderlust.com

  BLOG TOUR – Mind Virus was originally published on the Wordpress version of The Pulp and Mystery Shelf

#shannon muir #pulp and mystery shelf

[omginstantpaperbouquetblr]

By Michael Albert and Miguel Guevarra

Miguel Guevara: Michael, you are writing a book titled RPS/2044. What kind of weird title is that?

Michael Albert: 2044 refers to the year. RPS stands for Revolution for a Participatory Society which is the name of a political organization. The book is an oral history of the next quarter century, which the subtitle will make clear. If you note that it is first published by you, Miguel, in 2042 and that in your time and place everyone knows RPS as the key institution in society, the title fits.

MG: You have me tasked with asking questions in the book. Why?

With no interviewer, there would be no oral history. You are the interviewer.

And my name?

Guevara for Che. Miguel because I felt conflicted when I began the project. I wondered, should I include any name other than yours?

The book claims to come from your parallel future. Should I further that formulation by taking no responsibility, or should I acknowledge my being co-author in the sense, at least, of editing and arranging the content for my time and place? At the outset I wasn’t sure. So Miguel was just Michael.

So am I modeled on Che, or on you, for that matter?

Neither. Your name pays homage to Che, but your words don’t seek to reflect him at all, nor me either. You ask questions any sensible interviewer would ask. You elicit lessons and don’t insert your views. Your interviewees provide the oral history’s substance based on their “alt earth” experiences in the next 25 years.

I live on a different earth, an alt earth?

Here is the explanation, as I understand it, that will appear in my Foreword to your book.

“In his own United States, in his own 2040, Miguel Guevara began questioning eighteen prominent revolutionaries about their then unfolding Revolution for a Participatory Society (RPS). From the resulting interviews, Guevara pieced together an oral history, RPS/2044, and somehow sent it to us.

“Guevara lives on an ‘alt earth’ whose initial divergence from our earth shuffled people, morphed names, tweaked events, and shifted everything 25 years. Alt earth’s defining institutions in your 2016 were virtually the same as our defining institutions in our 2016, though when we endured our 2016, alt earth enjoyed your 2041.”

But the interviewees’ names, like my name, come from your earth’s history. Goldman, Lennon, King, Noam, Curie, Parks, Dylan, Luxemburg, Bertrand, Cabral, and so on. That can’t be coincidence.

The oral history came to me without names, so I had to put some in. The names I chose to insert pay homage to some people from history or my own acquaintance. Most are political. Some are scientific or artistic.

What determined the interviewees’ backgrounds?

I added their brief bios and chose their trajectories to provide diverse viewing angles. They needed to have experience in community, workplace, and campus organizing, in anti war work and electoral politics, in Hollywood, religious, sports, and legal organizing, in race, gender, and class organizing, and so on, in accord with how they addressed many different facets of the years in question.

I get that if you are doing an oral history you need an interviewer and interviewees. And I get that the latter should provide accounts from many angles. But why do an oral history at all? And why one of the future?

Well I suppose you wanted and I certainly wanted to present a hopeful, positive scenario that could inspire while conveying lessons. RPS/2044 is about a revolution that hasn’t happened for us, so it had to be in some future. To make the history plausible starting where we now are, it had to be about the immediate future.

While I was working on the book I was also maintaining a left website called ZNet and so while working on RPS/2044, each day I received many Trump tales. Writers wailed about horrible prospects, often fingerpointing in a circle of hostilities. In place of that I tried to post content about positive trends and plans, yet even among programmatic essays the overwhelming focus was combating Trump. Writers sought to salvage sanity and prevent devastation. Writing about winning a fundamentally better future, never in large supply, got largely lost.

So you chose to offer people make believe? Why would you opt for that?

Why do you consider your world’s history make believe? Regardless, I thought a congenial and positive book might help. I knew I lacked the talent to write a story-type dramatic novel, so I thought what about going halfway by writing from imagination, so it is technically a novel, but presenting it as a non fiction oral history with people telling their stories and views, so their substance would be its focus.

You had me ask the questions, but you had to dream them up, provide answers, and imagine events. That seems like a lot of work. Was it?

It was less than you might think. As far as format and style, I had no experience with anything remotely related, save myself having often been an interviewer or an interviewee. So I decided to just let it flow as its own momentum entailed. I found myself channeling the people as if they and their events were real and, presto, the book wrote itself. If it needed new events or new people to convey some insight or possibility, the people or events would appear and take on a life of their own. When you asked questions, the interviewee answered spontaneously. Of course, I later did some editing and relocating, but less than you might think.

Did I interview each of the eighteen folks in turn, doing each in full and then moving on to the next?

That’s what would have happened, were it all real, I suppose. You would have made an appointment to get together with Senator Malcolm King, Lydia Luxemburg, Noam Carmichael, Cynthia Parks, Harriet Lennon, and all the others, of course with whatever name they would have had in your time and place, and in a session or two, you would have completed their whole interview and then moved on to another. Only later you would have taken parts from each interview and combined them into topical and issue based chapters, where each chapter would have contributions pulled from various of the interviews.

In contrast, at my end, the book emerged chapter by chapter. Each chapter combined material from at least two and often four or more interviewees whose contributions arrived in parallel, a bit from one, a bit from another, for that chapter, rather than a full interview from each interviewee arriving as source material all at once, in sequence.

In fact, at my end, the full interviews for each participant weren’t assembled as separate complete source essays until a pretty advanced draft of the whole book was in hand. At that point, but not before, I just extracted from each chapter the contribution of each interviewee, and lumped it with the rest from that one interviewee. That yielded 18 full separate interviews. I was actually surprised that each such full interview made sense as a stand alone piece even though they first appeared so piecemeal, just a bit at a time, higgledy piggledly.

I guess having the brief bio of each person in mind, and having each interviewee address his or her own experience each time they contributed, meant that the fragments, when finally woven together held together. Or maybe you really did do this whole project on alt earth, and then you somehow channeled it to me in the order I received it, an order that you chose, rather than in the order you did it. Maybe I really am only a pawn in your game.

What else is unusual about this book, different for you, different perhaps for everyone?

Every book exists unto itself and I guess each has some unusual attributes. I am not sure when this book will actually be published but there is already a website for it at http://rps2044.org, and that is probably a bit unusual. More, we are now publishing the source interviews that the book will extract material from for its chapters, and that too is probably unusual. The site having forums, and inviting comments, even permitting blog posts for people to not only react to but try to transcend the book’s offerings or contribute to their future refinement may be a bit unusual too. Finally, RPS/2044 will have an online version in which each chapter – whether they will appear whole or summary online is still not determined – will include a music video playlist at its start as an accompaniment for the experience of reading the chapter. I don’t know if other books have ever done that.

Interesting. I am guessing you don’t have any music from my past but your future. Can you let us know your inclusions now?

I guess so…here is the intro to the playlist that appears in the foreword for the book – which, along with the source interviews plus an introduction you wrote and an afterword I wrote also appear on the online site. The foreword also includes the playlist as you will see below. In the chapters, at least online, each entry will appear as a video, and there is also a page for all those in one place (but with over 100 videos please give it some time to load – http://ift.tt/2o3DvNL. Here is a bit more about it from the foreword:

“As I completed RPS/2044, channeling its similarly-minded future voices, I turned seventy. In the years of journeying from under aged neophyte to over aged veteran, people close and far, events near and distant, books written or read, talks given or heard… and beats, melodies, riffs, and lyrics, paved my path. The people, events, books, and talks all inhabit RPS/2044’s interviewee’s voices. What about the songs?

“Can a playlist of songs to hear one after another usefully accompany an oral history? I think Miguel Guevara would say sure, and only regret not having included his favorites from his future.

“My playlist undoubtedly reveals my age, limited tastes, and time- and place-bound roots but I hope you will agree that each song’s message, sound, spirit, and original context augment the telling of RPS history.

“Still, I know you will question some selections and will have others you would like added. I would love to hear about those. Perhaps we can together update the playlist, and the interviewees’ verbal accounts of events and ideas too, in later renditions of RPS/2044, in print and/or online.

“But, for now, the playlist and RPS/2044 are what they are, an audible and a print work, each in process. Hear, read, enjoy and improve, or not, as you choose.

Chapter One: First Breaths

Billy Holliday: God Bless the Child

Chuck Berry: Roll Over Beethoven

Odetta: Jim Crow Blues

Rolling Stones: Satisfaction

Otis Redding: The Dock of the Bay

Bruce Springsteen: Badlands

Tokens: The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Elvis Presley: Jailhouse Rock

Impressions: People Get Ready

Chapter Two: The 2016 Election

Woody Guthrie: Deportees

Richard and Mimi Farina: Bold Marauder

Creedence Clearwater Revival: Bad Moon Rising

Jackson Brown: The Pretender

Iris Dement: Wasteland of the Free

Rhiannon Giddens: Freedom Highway

Buffalo Springfield: For What It’s Worth

Sam Cooke: A Change Is Gonna Come

Chapter Three: Getting Going

Beatles: Here Comes the Sun

Woody Guthrie: I Ain’t Got No Home

Mavis Staples: You Are Not Alone

Tom Morello: Let Freedom Ring

Bruce Springsteen: The Rising

Nina Simone: Mississippi Goddam

Ben E King: Stand By Me

Bob Dylan: It’s All Over Now Baby Blue

Chapter Four: Initial Commitments

Lead Belly: Bourgeois Blues

Alejandro Escovedo: Wave

Chrissie Hynde: Revolution

The Clash: London Calling

Odetta: This Little Light of Mine

Marvin Gaye: What’s Going On

Laura Nyro, Save the Country

Bob Marley: Get Up Stand Up

Leonard Cohen: Democracy

Chapter Five: Organizing

Billie Holiday: Strange Fruit

The Neville Brothers: Sister Rosa

Paul Simon: The Boxer

Bob Dylan: Maggie’s Farm

Bruce Springsteen: Youngstown

Amy Ray: Laramie

Rage Against the Machine: Killing in the Name

Donovan: Catch the Wind

Jimmie Cliff: Sitting Here in Limbo

Chapter Six: Conceptual Foundations

Simon and Garfunkle: Sounds of Silence

Drive By Truckers: Once They Banned Imagine

Indigo Girls: Go Go Go

Jimi Hendrix: The Star Spangled Banner

Beatles: Dear Prudence

Joan Baez: Blowing in the Wind

Donovon: To Try for the Sun

Bob Dylan: It’s Alright Ma

Louis Armstrong: What A Wonderful World

Chapter Seven: Professions React

Creedance Clearwater Revival: Fortunate Son

Neil Young, Rockin’ In The Free World

Public Enemy: Fight the Power

Mavis Staples: You Are Not Alone

Jimmy Cliff: You Can Get It If You Really Want

Gil Scott Heron: The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Bob Marley: Redemption Song

Springsteen: 41 Shots

Jimmy Cliff: The Harder They Come

Chapter Eight: Dealing With Differences

Tom Morello: Which Side Are You On

Aretha Franklin: Respect

Indigo Girls: Gay White Women

John Lennon: Working Class Hero

Paul Robeson: No More Auction Block

Rolling Stones: Brown Sugar

Peter Gabriel: Biko

Alynda Segarra: Hooray for the Riffraff

Drive By Truckers: What It Means

Chapter Nine: Tactical Foundations

Prince: Sign O the Times

Ruthie Foster: Working Woman

Los Lobos: Will The Wolf Survive

Tracy Chapman: Talkin’ ‘bout a Revolution

Thunderclapp Newman: Something in the Air

Rolling Stones: Street Fighting Man

Joan Baez: Farewell Angelina

Chapter Ten: Defining Ourselves

Joan Baez: We Shall Overcome

Los Lobos: Revolution

Kendrick Lamar: How Much A Dollar Cost

Sharon Jones: This Land Is Your Land

Bob Dylan: Times They Are A Changin

Bruce Springsteen: Born in the USA

The Clash: Spanish Bombs

Chapter Eleven: RPS Vision

John Lennon: Imagine

David Bowie: All The Young Dudes

Ani Difranco: I Am Not A Pretty Girl

Nina Simone: I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel to Be Free

Lucinda Williams: Born to Be Loved

Lady Ga Ga: Born This Way

Chapter Twelve: Seeds of the Future

Bob Dylan: Chimes of Freedom

Public Enemy: Get Up Stand Up

Johnny Cash: Man in Black

Bob Dylan: Hurricane

Pink Floyd: Another Brick in the Wall

Patti Smith: People Have the Power

Chapter Thirteen: Elections

Leonard Cohen: Everybody Knows

Buffy St. Marie: Now That The Buffalo’s Gone

Shannon Labrie: It’s Political

Randy Newman: Political Science

Mavis Staples: Wrote a Song for Everyone

The Clash: The Call Up

Jefferson Airplane: Crown of Creation

Chapter Fourteen: World and Planet

Buffy St. Marie: Universal Soldier

Phil Ochs: Cops of the World

Shannon Labrie: War and Peace

Marianne Faithful: Broken English

Jim Page: I’d Rather Be Dancing

Bob Dylan: Masters of War

Jackson Browne: Lives in the Balance

Lucinda Williams: Soldiers Song

Neil Young: After The Gold Rush

Chapter Fifteen: Ship Ahoy

Phil Ochs: Ringing of Revolution

Leonard Cohen: Hallelujah

Ruthie Foster: Lord Remember Me

Chambers Brothers: Time Has Come Today

The Clash: Revolution Rock

John Lennon: Power to the People

Bob Dylan: When the Ship Comes In

That is a lot of music. I recognize some, but not all. I may make myself a playlist from it! Anything else unusual?

How about this? The book knows it won’t be the actual future, but the book calls itself the future. And it isn’t a lie because it is parallel, or maybe it is a lie, because it isn’t real. More, the book wants to be true and is trying to show that it could be true, at least in broad strokes, but certainly not exactly. That is probably pretty unusual, though far from unique.

But do you really think a true revolution of such a fundamental sort could happen so fast? Won’t many dismiss the book on that account alone, even before reading it?

Yes, I think many will dismiss it for that reason, or even more so, on grounds that over any time span they think such a new society couldn’t exist at all. But they would be wrong, I hope, which is the point of the book, after all.

But as to duration, RPS/2044 covers 25 years, and 25 years always take precisely 300 months, or, if you prefer, 1,300 weeks, or 9,100 days. In the book it takes that long too. It only seems unduly quick because these are the key years of this revolutionary process. The clock did not spin quickly. Events unfolded densely.

Start the oral history 50 years earlier, or 20 years later, and get to the same last 25 years, and they would seem less quick. To your point, do I think a revolution in the U.S., or anywhere, will have a 25 year period that is as fast moving as your interviewees experienced near the time when their revolution was finally nearing the point of constructing its new society, which construction would then of course goes on and on? Yes, I do. Do I think the rough path the book describes is possible? Yes, I do.

Look at the emergence of the Sanders campaign. Impossible. But it happened. For that matter, look at the emergence of Trump and the rise of the alt right. Impossible. But it happened. I don’t want to promote naive notions of instant victory, but I do want to evidence that sustained, visionary, multi faceted processes such as those reported in RPS/2044 could happen on our earth as they did on your alt earth, not precisely the same way, of course, but similarly. Of course, lacking initiative, effort, and mutual aid, events can’t move so fast, or barely at all. But assuming such enlightened involvement can be ignited, I think a reader who approaches this text with an open mind will find each unfolding event and dynamic far from impossible – and indeed, given 25 years to emerge, not even any more unlikely than the Sanders phenomenon or the Trump phenomenon were unlikely to occur far far faster, just months, much less a year or two before they got going.

Were there any characters you particularly liked?

That question never occurred to me. Now that you ask it, I guess it points up what may be the biggest lack of an oral history approach. The interviewees are not concerned with becoming known to us. You don’t ask them questions to excavate their lives so we can get to know them. They don’t tell us their thoughts and experiences so we can judge, admire, or befriend them. A lot of personal content does appear, but always to make aims, methods, problems, and solutions known to us. The book stars a process, and the whole population advancing the process, not the interviewees.

So I guess the answer is that what I especially liked was the events and the attitudes to those events that your questions unearthed. I certainly think I would be comfortable befriending the interviewees and maybe that’s why some kids invent fictitious playmates. Made up allies are easy to get along with. Was I doing that? Did you provide me that? I doubt that was my or anyone’s intent.

As we do this interview, I know you are still working on the book. Will you have me ask any more questions? What else will you change before the book appears in your time and place?

I am not sure what else will happen. After all, if you are somehow channeling the results to me, and just being coy about it, I wouldn’t know what will come next. On the other hand, if I am in charge, which is admittedly mostly how I experience it, maybe I will have you ask more questions, but at the moment I think there won’t be much of that. Rather, I hope I will get feedback from people accessing the site and commenting on the full interviews that appear online as articles, and in light of those reactions I will make accommodating improvements in the text. I feel like the source interviews are essentially done, and that only more editing and rearranging them in the topical chapters remains, though, who knows, maybe there will be some more questions and answers too. On the other hand, I could imagine regularly updating future editions, I suppose.

Have you encountered any response yet, positive or negative?

Not much. A prospective publisher told me I ought to find an experienced fiction writer to write a more dramatic non interview-based version. Another prospective publisher told me left fiction doesn’t sell. I don’t think either one read much or perhaps even any of the book. On the other hand, I got some excellent help with the playlist from an old friend. I also had to juggle some names, hopefully to good ends, due to concerns people had. But there has been little else, which has been rather troubling.

I wish peoples’ reaction on hearing about an effort to have its participants describe the next American revolution, would be great curiosity and a desire to provide advice and otherwise help by offering critical reactions. Of course not many have even heard about RPS/2044 as yet, but still, don’t you think that is how most of the folks interviewed in the book would have reacted, hearing that you were trying to do it, even if they weren’t involved directly?

Regrettably, while socially oriented energy for vision, program, and mutual aid pervades RPS/2044, it hasn’t yet taken firm hold all around us, or all around me, at any rate. The lack is pretty strange when you consider it, or at least I find it so. Given current crises and new interest you might expect more attention from the left would go to positively addressing change beyond rejecting or merely bemoaning Trump. Of course, the book isn’t published in our times yet, so it is only known by some people via email communications and the like, and they likely have doubts it will ever see the light of day. Perhaps that causes folks to feel why pay much attention yet, especially when they are also very busy.

Okay, but even with the somewhat slow start among folks you know, what is your hope for the book more widely? I assume you don’t think we have predicted the future. What have we done?

I think the book will be an accessible and even enjoyable read – which is what many fiction works aim to achieve. But of course this is not a book like those and even if it has those virtues, that would be of little consequence unless it accomplished positive gains. Maybe this book, once publicly available, will take off and be widely read and insightfully discussed and improved upon. That would be valuable.

Hell, dreaming a bit, maybe RPS/2044 will spawn a film version with many of Hollywood’s progressive actors pitching in. Maybe Danny Glover will produce it. Maybe Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, and Kerry Washington will star in it. Perhaps Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, and Bruce Springsteen will do the soundtrack. Maybe Matt Damon, Arundhati Roy, and Ben Affleck will write the screenplay since, after all, certain themes from Good Will Hunting are key to RPS. If all or even any of that happens, the ideas of your time and place will reach far more widely in my time and place. And that would be very valuable indeed.

In my world, the value of social/political books, essays, events, and movements ultimately resides in what they evoke and engender. I hope in RPS/2044 your interviewees have offered a plausible picture of fundamental change. I hope your interviewees’ accomplishments will help foster the belief that accomplishing more than just preventing Trumpism from triumphing is not just needed, but possible. Optimally, I also hope various of the visionary, strategic, and programmatic insights from your interviewees will prove inspiring and help enlighten our way forward.

Ultimately, I hope that our future will be as bright as your present. That would be a magical result!

from Home http://ift.tt/2p1iroW

#NEWS