#spent much longer than this than i wouldve liked

[ifimdreaming]

caught

luke hughes x reader

authors note: this is so cutesy to me and im obsessed with writng for Lukey pookie rn so pls send in for him. this is so fluffy, some sexual themes but like barely. and also swearing. also, jack and trevor make an appearnce.

word count: 2.1k

-

You woke up to the sound of the tv playing loudly and the muffled voices of what sounded like jack and possibly trevor, or another voice you coudlnt quite recognize, seemingly coming from the living room.

You froze in place not knowing what to do, and slowly sat up in bed, scanning the room for your clothes from the night before.

Waking up to an empty bed confused you, but you quickly heard the sound of the shower being turned on from Lukes bathroom and it eased your mind immediately.

It wasnt often you woke up in Lukes bed, so you decided to just continue laying down, half naked and happily basking in this feeling while you could. 

Although it had only been a few months of dating Luke, you were starting to feel at home around him. Even with jack around it felt like you just blended right in at their shared condo, and all of you were able to act completely yourselves around each other. 

But there was one thing you hadnt yet done with jack around, and that was spend a night at their place.

Of course you have spent many days here before, but the last time you stayed over for more than just a day, Jack ‘conveniently’ was out of town and Luke 'conveniently’ forgot to tell jack you would be staying over the weekend. 

Although It didnt upset you that Luke pretty much hid this from Jack, it does feel like its about time you both rip off the bandaid and be honest about you staying over.

You cant sneak around forever, and its not like Jack is completely oblivious to the fact that you and Luke have spent nights together before.

There are a lot of thoughts racing in your head as Luke is in the shower, but soon the sounds from the other room quiet down some, and suddenly this feels like a way bigger deal than it actually is. 

Snapping you out of your thoughts, Luke opens his bathroom door with a towel around his waist and wet curls slowly dripping into his face and down his chest. 

“Hi baby” he says seeing you are awake now, which makes you wonder how long he has been up for, and if he knows that we are no longer alone in the condo.

“Hi lukey, how was your shower?” you ask as you begin sitting up in his bed, one hand holding the comforter to cover your chest, the other hand attempting to fix your jostled up hair.

“Good. wouldve asked you to join but i didn't wanna wake you. You looked so pretty and peaceful. you sleep ok?” he says as he is rummaging through his dresser drawers, trying to find his clothes for the day.

“Mhm. i uh- slept good.” you say distractedly, watching him from behind as he drops his towel and begins to get dressed.

He turns around to face you as he finishes putting on his underwear and sweats, knowing you would be watching him from your spot in his bed.

He tilts his head at you and a smirks grows on his face as he catches you staring at him.

Your cheeks begin to blush as he crosses his arms in front of you, licking his lips as his eyes trail down your body and then back up to your face again.

“What?” he says knowingly and you just look at him with a small smile. The feeling of lust taking over your thoughts.

“Nothin..” you say softly and watch as he rolls his eyes and quickly makes his way towards the bed.

He lays his body directly on top of yours and immediately embraces his lips with yours. He grabs the side of your face in his left hand, lifting your neck slightly to connect closer to him and his eagerness makes you want him even more. 

As you continue to make out, Luke's hands slowly trail down your body, and you are no longer covered by the sheets on his bed. 

He sits up suddenly with hazy eyes staring into yours and places his hand around your thigh, gently tugging as he adjusts his position on the bed, signaling for you to get on top of him, and you oblige.

“You're so sexy baby” luke says through gritted teeth as he scans his eyes across your body, running his hands along your bare thighs that are now resting across his lap.

“Wanna wake up to this everyday” he continues, and you take note of the fact that all you have on are his boxers from the night before, and a few pieces of gold jewelry.

His words are as sweet as honey and all you can do is lean into his lips again. You grip the back of his neck in both hands, and press further down into his lap, knowing exactly what you are doing to him.

“Fuck” Luke says loudly in response to your movements and you are reminded of the not-so-empty house you are in.

And before you can even say anything you hear the sound of footsteps coming from the hallway.

“Luke? Are you home?” Jack calls out as he is making his way towards lukes bedroom.

Luke is pulled away from his current state and looks at you confused, unaware that jack was even home.

“Hey Lukey?” Jack repeats and he knocks once before opening the door without any hesitation, you and Luke both scrambling to cover your naked body.

“OUT!” Luke says as the door is swung wide open, Jack standing confused on the other side before he scans the room and his eyes are met with the sight of you half covered up, sitting on Lukes lap. 

The shock on his face is extremely evident as he recognizes what he just walked in on. 

The door slams instantaneously and you hear cursing coming from the hallway as Jack begins to walk away.

The pure embarrassment of the situation sends you into a complete laughing fit.

You look over to your boyfriend and see as he clearly does not find these even slightly as hilarious as you do.

“Luke. cmon, its funny.” you grab his face in your hand and playfully squeeze his cheeks, trying to get him to smile. But he is not having it.

“It isnt funny. Fuck. Im so sorry. i didnt even know he was here. I didnt mean to embarrass you like that…I- do you think he saw anything??” luke says, concerned for only you.

He is suddenly up from the bed and going through his dresser, trying to find you a tshirt of his to put on.

“Luke! It is ok. Im sure he didnt even see anything. And if he did then whatever, we’ll both forget about it just like any other embarrassing moment ever.” you say trying to reassure your clearly stressed boyfriend.

“Doubt he'll forget…” he says half-sarcastically. And now you can tell he is finding this just a little funny.

“STOP!” you say throwing a pillow at him and watch as he tosses you a shirt in return.

“Im gonna go check on him. I dont want him to be spiraling into a panic or soemthing in the other room…” Luke says, shaking his head jokingly and you just chuckle in response. 

“Good luck!” you call out to him as he leaves the room and you quickly get up from the bed, putting on his umich tshirt he tossed you and heading for the bathroom. 

After hearing what sounds like Trevor laughing his ass off, non stop swearing, and basically a 12 year old boy sounding argument from the kitchen, you decide to leave lukes bedroom.

“Just warn me goddamnit! This was actually so preventable you asshole!” Jack yells back at Luke as you walk into the kitchn to see the two brothers arguing across the kitchen island at each other. 

You look around and accidentally make eye contact with Jack and he looks away immediately. You then look over to see Trevor, who is sitting down and eating a bowl of cereal with a massive smirk on his face, clearly enjoying this a little too much.

“YOU DIDNT EVEN GIVE ME A CHANCE TO FUCKIN SAY ANYTHING BEFORE YOU BUSTED THE DOOR OPEN!” Luke yells back, causing trevor to lose his mind yet again. he looks at jack, you, then back at jack and begins dying of laughter.

You make your way over to stand beside Luke and he glances at you and back to his brother, and his demeanor changes a bit.

“How bout we talk about this later.” Luke says after he is made aware of your presence and Jack just shakes his head in disbelief.

“How about we talk about it now?” you say butting in and you grab onto lukes arm, looking up at him expectantly.

“Shouldnt I be apart of this conversation? I was there too after all..” you add and watch as trevor nods his head, and Jack continues to avoid eye contact with you.

“Thats true” trevor says as he points his spoon at you, acknowledging that you are making a good point.

Luke takes a step closer to you, wrapping his arm around your waist and places a kiss on your head.

“Fine.” Luke says and waits for Jacks response.

Jack just looks between the three of you and scoffs as he brings his hands together with a clap.

“Wellp. Im feeling like you are all not on my side right now. But i still strongly believe this was lukes fault and not mine… Just saying.” Jack speaks, and raises both of his hands in defeat.

“How the fuck is this MY fault?” Luke retorts and is about to continue before you butt in.

“Ok! Ok! Guys! You both could go back adn forth about this all day! God!” you state frustratedly.

“Ok! How bout next time, Jack: just wait for a response before opening Lukes bedroom door to save both of your asses. And Luke: make sure you know exactly when Jack is coming home so that your door is locked, you idiot.” you say in the most mediating tone you can muster up.

“Sound good??” you finish and watch as the boys just glance annoyedly at each other.

“Ok.” Luke says first, reluctantly.

“Fine.” Jack adds immediately after.

“Amazing! Now im gonna go shower and forget about this whole ordeal.” you say walking away, not wanting to stick around for the awkward silences that are about to follow this conversation.

-

About ten minutes into your shower you hear a knock on the bathroom door,

“Its me baby” Luke calls as he opens the door a crack.

“Oh come in lukey” you say as you are finishing up washing your body.

“Sorry about that whole - thing.” he says regretfully, knowing he is better off apologizing rather than rehashing everything.

You turn the water off and step out of the shower, grabbing a towel before making your way towards him.

“Its ok baby” you say softly and place a loving kiss to his lips and then another one on the tip of his nose, something you always did to show innocent affection.

“And honestly? Its kinda my fault..but please don't be mad!” you say warily and Luke just tilts his head in confusion.

“I may have heard voices coming from the living room when you got up to shower. But i completely forget to tell you that before we- the whole…ya know..” you say as sweetly as you can, and Luke immediately begins squinting his eyes at you in frustration.

He lets out a playful scoff and you just smile back at him, trying your best to win him over.

“But hey! Weve all learned our lesson here right?!” you add before Luke can even respond and he just shakes his head at you and walks out of the bathroom.

“I love you Luke!” you voice out to him and hear a quiet ‘i lu le lu’ come from behind you, the sound of him mocking you while he continues walking away.

You stomp over to him and grab his arm, turning him around to face you and he immediately caves after seeing the disapproval plastered on your face. Knowing you are gonna get him for that. 

“IM KIDDING IM KIDDING. I love you i love you i love you” he says, and rapidly begins kissing you all over your face and neck, desperately trying everything he can to earn your forgiveness.

He brings you into a tight hug, your face squishing against his chest and bicep as he continues placing tiny kisses atop the crown of your head, and you just giggle under his touch in response.

-

-

#nj devils #devils lb #nhl #new jersey devils #luke hughes #jack hughes #hockey blurb #hockey imagine #jack hughes imagine #trevor zegras #luke hughes fluff #luke hughes fic #luke hughes imagine #luke hughes x reader #hughes brothers #devils hockey #hockeyblr

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

if youre a professor and your school allows accommodations for disabled students without an official diagnosis PLEASE let your students know that. Also if you're a student please ask your professors about this. ive known disabled students, including myself, who thought they weren't able to get the accommodations they needed bc they didnt have a certain diagnosis yet. if the school only allows accommodations for diagnosed students then mention that too.

i didnt know that my university offers accommodations for undiagnosed students til a few days ago. i spent half of last semester trying to keep up with able-bodied students and the other half barely able to leave my room because it hurt too much to walk longer than 2 minutes. i wouldve been saved from so much pain had i know that i couldve gotten accommodations like late arrivals allowed, more absences allowed, and extended time.

#disability #physically disabled #cripple punk

[teecupangel]

idk but omg ive been brainrotting over an asoiaf/game of thrones and ac crossover. like assassins striking fear in the hearts of the targaryen dynasty ever since maegor the cruel was found dead alone on the throne. i feel like things wouldve been better if someone just thought to unalive mad king aerys. but would that mean so many terrible lords suddenly getting assassinated and their decendants peer pressured to be decent rulers unless they meet the same fate dfkgjhgfj

Welp, it seems the tags are not working for me because I just spent 15ish minutes trying to find these. XD

Anyway…

Here’s a “Desmond sorta adopts Dany and Vis” idea.

Here’s a “Desmond turns into a White Dragon during HOTD” idea and the continuation.

So, for this one, we’re going for the Brotherhood exists in the ‘verse of asoiaf, right? In that scenario, we can make the Brotherhood become a more ‘honorable’ off-shoot of Faceless Men. We’ll probably need to change the backgrounds of the characters but this would be set as the main characters of AC doing what they do best (and I kinda like the idea that Ezio is the son of a minor house that got fucked over by the Lannisters during the war of the five kings).

I kinda like the idea of Altaïr being the one to kill King Aerys and becoming the mentor of Ezio, Desmond and Ratonhnhaké:ton.

Maybe their backstory would be that the Mad King managed to purge most of the Assassins and Altaïr was one of the few survivors so killing him had been both to protect Westeros and to avenge the death of his brothers while he was still young.

So this would be more in the lines of a man that’s suddenly thrust into becoming a mentor of men not that much older than him.

As I have written before, Ezio would be the son of a fallen minor house that got trampled on by the Lannister during the start of the War of the Five Kings.

I think Ratonhnhaké:ton can be part of the Green Men. 

While Desmond is a bastard of unknown origins who is actually also a survivor of the purge and found Altaïr after he had killed the Mad King. They were searching for other survivors of their Brotherhood when they saved Ezio and met Ratonhnhaké:ton who told them that he had dreamed of them. 

So, in this situation, their Brotherhood continued the ‘fight’ during the War of the Five Kings but there’s only four of them so they can’t assassinate fast enough to stop all the tragedy that happens.

But… 

The shadows they cast are slowly being heard by those who live.

Those being oppressed see them as hope.

And those who are in power… believe they will see their end soon.

But the longer they lived, the more lives they take, leaving behind a bloody feather as their ‘message’...

The more fear gripped those who remain.

.

Unorganized Notes:

I focused on Westeros because the other asoiaf asks I got were Targayen focused XD

Ezio’s habit of being friendly with nobles/people in power returns and this time he thinks allying with the Starks is a good idea. Thankfully for him, Robb Stark is more honorable than Lorenzo de' Medici. Unfortunately for him, Robb Stark is more honorable than the other lords in Westeros. 

If you want Arya to be an Assassin, I would suggest Ratonhnhaké:ton being the one to find her. Your choice of when he finds her though.

Altaïr does not approve of Ezio becoming close with the Starks, only because the Brotherhood must remain in the shadows. This causes Ezio and Altaïr to butt heads that Desmond has to referee.

Desmond may or may not be a bastard of a high ranking noble. Who knows? 

If you want Haytham to stand against them, may I suggest… Haytham being the lord of House Birch. The rumors are he’s adopted and not a true Birch but no one would say that to his face. Shay is his knight. 

The other Assassins like Arno, Evie and Jacob? Uuummm… orphan children that Desmond sorta kinda adopted while Ratonhnhaké:ton was picking up a half-feral child and Altaïr was busy arguing with Ezio?

They all end up being Altaïr's responsibility XD

#when altaïr said he wants to rebuild the brotherhood #he didn’t mean you should adopt orphans desmond #ratonhnhaké:ton is still haytham’s son #they both just don’t know it #maybe ezio was born on the north? #maybe his family was close to the starks with talks of claudia marrying into house stark? #i feel like sanza would have a huge crush on ezio if that’s the setup though #ngl #this ask got away from me #sorry nonny #assassin's creed #desmond miles #altaïr ibn la'ahad #ezio auditore #ratonhnhaké:ton #connor kenway #ask and answer #teecup writes/has a plot #fic idea: assassin's creed #fic idea: asoiaf #fic idea: crossover #game of thrones #a song of ice and fire

[thefluxqueen]

HIIII :) here to ask about the abyss tell me about it please please please love this sort of thing :3

HAIIII welcome :) to preface this im normal i swear. anyway The Abyss is what i like ta call my Horrible Horrible Maze, i made it w/ the goal of making the worst possible experience in minecraft to torment my friends ^_^

I enjoy putting people in situations and studying them :D 

On that note! everyone who runs the abyss (24 people at current count) I time and write a couple notes on them! the abyss is honestly half maze half personality test LMAO. at current moment the quickest time goes to @ghostpajamas with a baffling 03:24 (wild that he got out so quick, i win tho cause i haunt his dreams), and longest goes to the beloved @rendogdomesticated with 1:35:54 <3 special shout out ta my dearest @theoctagon tho wolff ur insane i love u. guy goes inta the abyss for fun and has like 10 pages and counting of insane person phsyical notes tryna map it out (hes reported that hes gone through the first one 60 times and the 2nd one 5 jesus chriiiistttt). the abyss is fond of Pilot :) also if wolff is the favourite than @potionofinstantdamage is the Least favourite, rude ass set the place on fire when he got stuck in there :( oof ouchie

Highlights from my notes include @quack-city running backwards and upon me asking Why, simply replied “what if there’s slenderman :(‘ ... cant argue w/ that! he also hadda stop mid run so we decided its funnier if he’s just stuck in there forever. @newtbeetle was in there for like an hour and would NOT shut up about Paul Dano the whole time which was a time (love u beebs. ur isnane). my two test runners are @kishdoodles and @officialgleamstar and they had about the same time but like Opposite reactions it was very funny, kish treated it like they were a streamer n kept a like constant chatter, and travvy was like DEAD silent the whole time n Intensely focused akjewkjr tbh outta all 24 runners trav’s been prob the most like, methotical bout it? LIKE I SAID personality test. i Love studying people. 

In regards to its origins I came up w/ the idea back in like feb/march ish of this year and from start to finish it took me like 2 weeks ish i was on the Grind. u dont understnad how much black concrete this thing took. hell on earth,,, darkwoods has an economy/shopping district and i bought out like All the sand/gravel available akjwekjr the rest i hadda gather myself n God gravel sucks. also ive killed So Many Squids. the 2nd abyss was much easier ta gather supplies for cause i could ask for help w/ supplies n i kept the first one a Complete secret minus my test runners (i hadda bitch at SOMEONE while makin it or i wouldve died i think. speakin of the first abyss has a death count of 13 and the 2nd one has like, 5 or somefin? rlly shouldve writen that down akjwerjk those are Entirely me dying in the process of buildin them btw. its not a true Spain Build unless its mildly dangerous <3) The 2nd one also made me learn redstone, notably i specifically studied Tango’s decked out process vids from s7, tho i really only stole like two aspects of it n i couldnt even get one ta work properly LMAO

The second abyss took me like, wayy longer ta make, bout two months ish (i finished it like mid july). not necessarily in actual like, time spent building but cause in the process of makin it i had Two month long events i was in (Voiceteam in may and Art fight in july) so that distracted me a bit wkwnekeneie Im a bit more secretive bout the second abyss in general since not That many people have actually ran it compared ta the first n theres actually like, Things that can be spoiled in there <3 i like seein peep’s initial reactions its much more satisfying.

This didnt happen w/ everyone but i think a like, Core part of running the abyss is getting emotionally attached ta weird things. i wouldve said just torches until a few days ago when Tac (onea the rat server mods) ran it and claimed the stack of pumpkin pies i gave her as family. But Prior Ta That several people have had very intense emotions bout the redstone torches, whether love or hate or both, key example ft dog: 

Also not everyone ive mentioned on this post is in darkwoods! ive got a server i world editted the abyss inta so non-server members can run it for fun and profit (more data for me) :) on that note ive been slowly infecting the rat gang server cause my friend’s in there alot n another friend of mine’s a mod so peeps in there’ve been runnin it lately :) shout out ta TalonMC for lettin me subject him ta the Horrors literally our first conversation, onea my more fun first impressions i’d say

In regards to lore the abyss is a parasitic entity that infects anyone who gets stuck in there n slowly compells them ta go build their own lmao. note that ive only called the second abyss the Second one and not Abyss 2, because its technically just The Abyss as well cause theres many of them i just made it second wowjdkenejd (a real example of this is Wolff gettin obsessed w/ the abyss n then goin n buildin his own build called the Tower :) very excited bout that) The Abyss has a weird like fucked up warlock bond w/ my goddess oc The Overseer :D Her design’s vaugely based off my irl friend @hotcollectionoftubs cause her creation The Hole on a creative world her n some other friends of mine are on was onea the main insperations for certain aspects of the abyss’ lore :D mainly the teal in the colour palette and the whole ‘the [hole/abyss] provides’ thing. 

(my reference images for her and 3rd pic's art i commissioned from the Lovely @opuntie):

my darkwoods chara, Snake, is a whole nother bag entirely (basic gist is they’re a dimension traveler not by choice and darkwoods is the 3rd world theyve been in, their deal’s worth a whole post of its own lmao) i built the first abyss entirely unrelated ta my chara just as like, fun weird build ta torment my friends w/o yaknow? but then as i was buildin the 2nd one i was like hmmmmmm. alotta things could make sense if i made this one built by Snake. so their retirement arc on darkwoods turned inta even MORE trauma! wahoo! poor guy deserves a break,,, (he will not be getting one). 

(pre abyss + post abyss. i gotta properly draw pre-darkwoods Snake at some point but this dudes changed Alot ill say that lmao. both crops from bigger pieces on my art blog @fluxydrawings)

Anyway thats basically it! ive got more details and things locked in my brain ill probably remember in like 2 days after postin this so theres a chance ill reblog this w/ extra shit later lmao, sides that tho the abyss is my babygirl n thank yall for showin interest ^_^

Memes n shit to end us off:

#Inbox #darkwoods smp #the abyss #t3rm1nus #anonymous #not puttin this under a read more. look upon my creation boy. #ive been writing this post for like. 2 days kjawekjrkwekj its like 1.1k words or some shit #i have So many thoughts bout the abyss at all times #also too lazy ta add ta the post more but im workin on a Secret Third Thing called The Coil that isnt an abyss but it IS the like. spiritua #l successor #the goddess of the coil is the Overseer's ex wife <3 for fun <3 #i should rlly like. add up the average time for the abyss cause theres a Lotta variety #shout outs ta my bestie Kelly for gettin the 2nd quickest time and fellow darkwoods member Fuzzy for gettin the 2nd longest time akjwekjrkj #spain speaks

[quackitytheduck]

pleaaasess share the notes please 🙏🏻

sighs. well i guess i have to give the people what they want. also ftr i stopped at the end bc i realized the point i was gonna write was inapplicable ill explain it at the end

"it's not about the SPICE it's about quackity's own character development!!

1. wilbur has been gone too long and not only would he not know about what quackity's gone through everyone else on the island would have moved on wo him!! he hasn't spent the time alone on the island that the rest of the islanders have. and you might say ohh that's irrelevant as both quackity and wilbur have both been wo their kids longer than the rest of the eggs have been gone, and to that i say sure but wilbur is going to have to adjust to the realization that his kid (and chayanne who he had a close relationship with) have been KIDNAPPED and the islanders (including quackity) have been left wo knowledge of what happened to them which imo is much different than having a kid die. and quackity still has an emotional connection to richas so he's losing/lost MULTIPLE kids and that's something wilbur just won't be able to keep up with!! and

2. there's no telling what would've happened if wilbur hadn't left but it's unlikely quackity's resentment and loneliness would've just gone away which is what caused qq to get drawn away and kidnapped at the cellboier wedding in the first place!! replacing tilín with another family, esp with quackity's almost manic attitude towards getting a brand new family would never have worked at "fixing" or healing qq because it ALREADY HAPPENED WITH RICHARLYSON after wilbur left, not just tallulah!! so it's entirely likely that qq still would have been kidnapped which would've led to elq replacing him which wo a doubt would've given a complete 180 to their relationship!! u could argue wilbur would see through the facade and realize it wasnt the real qq but lets be honest what could he have done about it? baghera + others already had it figured out in the first few days and they weren't able to do jack shit about it bc of the federation's sheer power over the island. even if wilbur ran for president and won which is doubly unlikely it's clear the presidential position doesn't have much real power over what happens. and not even mentioning the wedge the presidential campaign wouldve put through q/elq and wilbur's relationship (that wasn't already put there by elq's existing attitude). to put it simply qq's kidnapping and elq's replacement of him would have left a nigh irreparable gash between them and when qq spontaneously came back what do u think would've happened??? how much of tallulah OR wilbur would qq be able to remember??? and as we've seen w richas he can't read signs and therefore would've more or less ignored tallulah as an inconvenience, and do u think wilbur would've just taken that??? would wilbur still like him if qq didn't remember the pain and anger that tilín's death gave him that would've made him want a second chance w a new family in the first place??? and

3. this is the point i think about the most tbh and it's that quackity's arc doesn't completely fit in with wilbur. for one wilbur doesn't have a complimenting character arc (or any arc at all!!) that would leave to both of them having a satisfying journey + conclusion together, and two qq has/had a similar relationship to romance that early days dsmp!q had, where he constantly searches for something to make him feel whole and the only two things he can think of to fix that is 1. a romantic relationship (see his aggressive pursuit of qwilbur in the early days

listen the point is there is TOO MUCH that wilbur has missed"

yeah ok that open parenthesis at the end is bc my second point there was gonna be forgiving himself and getting another chance to prove he can take care of something and that opportunity in this case could potentially be provided by a partial caregiver position w tallulah. and now im having a diff thought that qq already has 1% parentship of richas and. well. we all see how that turned out. so i think he just needs to reach a point where he can see the path he's on and muster up the self control or courage to be what he needs to be. and if that's not triggered by richas then then its not gonna be by tallulah now. really tho its up to himself

#asks #qsmp #tnt neg

[onlyplatonicirl]

i the headcANON am greately pleased by your last correspondence with the council, as such like a magpie we are leaving shiny trinkets within your inbox, but nay these are not pennies or stolen rings, they are things we completely and totally made up! todays galavant into the realm of our collective soup of a mind is the one and only blorbo, our poor little meow meow, our Beko LSP3671DW Tall Fridge - White, our soggiest webkinz whom we like throw against the wall to hear the sound of its milk-drenched body 'thwap' against the wall... gradient <3

for some ungodly reason this little shit means the world to me, i have had such a dedicated connection to this asshole since about 2016 thats its boderline religious at this point, oh also have whilst we're at it, i'll throw in some general gracey headcanons too

really lives video games, probably because its what he spends almost all of his time doing, id imagine his favourite games would be somewhat grounded life-sims (games like stardew valley or minecraft), if you are a monster who knows literal gods and has technology which can teleport you at the tips of your fingers, the fantasy and sci-fi genre probably doesnt appeal to you all that much, its just everyday life

however, he also canonically likes shooters, and imo his favourite is splatoon because funny little squid people

loves anime and manga, probably really likes chainsaw man, neon genesis evangelion, and serial experiments lain

watched nge for the first time, saw rei and fell to his knees screaming she me, shes literally me

has slowly been getting casey into anime and manga, originally didnt want to because thats 'weeb shit innit?' but he watched chainsaw man and fell in love

so under a rock its not even funny, he doesnt know anyone outside of his family or some of the high-ranking council members. paperjam will off-handedly mention a popular celebrity in the omega timeline and he will have absolutely zero clue who that is. he probably knows more about human celebrities from earth, mainly footabllers - casey's doing obviously

has a neutral accent, by that i mean, he does not sound as though he is from anywhere, his voice is flat and montone (a combination of living in the middle of nowhere and autism lol) with no vocal fry or twang to speak of, however since living with casey he has begun picking up british slang and an ever so slight brummie accent

i dont know why but i get the impression his room isnt actually all that big, longer than it is wider, ink wouldve given him a bigger room but he asked for a smaller one because wide spaces make him anxious

gender? i hardly know her. refuses to elaborate on what his gender is, just tells a joke every time hes asked. additionally, i dont think he cares what pronouns people use for him. hes whatever gender makes the bit the funniest. when casey asked, he replied whatever gender liking me makes you gay as hell

when casey told him about how he pieced together his laptop from scrapped and stolen parts he became fascinated with it and began helping him upgrade it. now they own a pc which is top of the range but looks like the aftermath of a shrapnel bomb, gradient considers it his pride and joy

has errors lack of taste and willingness to eat anything, combined with inks general lack of taste and culinary knowledge. bro is eating packet noodles and chicken nuggets every day. casey once tried to cook breakfast, he made scrambled eggs but completely charred the eggs and he ate it anyways because it was a nice gesture. i think he can actually cook quite well though, he just cant be arsed too and the microwave is so much less effort

simultaneously think he has a really high tolerance for alcohol, if not just completely unaffected by him, or he has zero tolerance whatsoever

really interested in humans and their biology and anatomy. likes to go up to casey and squeeze his nose or poke his cheeks. has once, when watching a movie with him, spent about ten minutes just playing with his arm and wrist just watching and feeling the skin stretch and squish over his radius and ulna

secretly studies anatomy using casey

i like to imagine he is a genetic freak, sure gaster got the majority of his dna from ink and error, but he had to improvise certain parts, and others he simply added to really make his bioweapon pop yknow? he has retractable fangs and his teeth and eyes glow in the dark. hes like an alternate, his body doesnt work like how its supposed to, in cases this means he is flexible, too flexible, his jaw can extend further than it should, but in others it means his body craps out and is really susceptible to certain things like carpal tunnel syndrome or some form of skeleton-monster-thing chronic illness

cannot stand his reflection because he looks like error, none of the bathrooms on the floor his bedroom is on have mirrors, they did at one point but after having punched one in panic ink got rid of them all. this only became worse after the tERROR incident

really needs to see a therapist, he hates relying on casey because he feels as though hes putting all of his problems on him. goes through moods where he doesnt tell casey any of his worries and puts on a pretend happy front, whilst they dont argue a lot this is usually when they do argue because casey doesnt like gradient keeping his feelings secret, and bottling up his feelings only ends up making gradient stressed and snappy

okay so i know we usually play armchair psycologist and just claim every one in the undertale extended universe is autistic, but i need you to hear me out on this one, this little fucker is so unbelievably autistic its insane, error and by extension any glitched weirdo is already so autismcoded, generally cant stand touch/intimacy, like to be alone, difficulties expressing emotions especially empathy, flat affect or displaying inappropriate responses or facial expressions, but on top of all that hes also got a limited group of friends (especially in tcoti lmaoo) and interests, acts somewhat childish despite his age, and is a complete and total shut-in. yes these things could be explained away by other things such as him having anxiety about leaving the house due to incidents but the way he goes on about it is so incredibly relatable to me, someone with autism, he cannot simply just avoid certain situations, no he has to completely and totally avoid any and all social interaction he cant control and script beforehand, which in and of itself is black and white thinking

also gracey is literally just autism x adhd

despite literally being together they both call each other gay like school kids, one will go in for a hug and the other calls them gaylord. to combat this they started preemptively saying 'no homo'

would absolutely get married for the bit

- headcANON, i feel like i have more to say, but everyt thought has left our brain

I AM EATING SO WELL RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE IVE JUST BEEN GIVEN A FIVE COURSE MEAL

Gradient is literally my soggy bread I left in the sink after being done with my breakfast. I LOVE THESE HEADCANONS TIME TO TALK ABOUT THEM!!

- You’re so right abt the video games thing. Also he does like shooters a lot because of how much concentration it takes - they’re very engaging to him. Plus getting on voice calls with strangers is nice, especially if they have no idea who he is. It’s nice to laugh with other people.

- definitely likes anime, definitely is converting Casey. He thinks Casey’s sitcoms are dumb but watches them anyways because he likes how much his friend likes them.

- He is absolutely under a rock and keeps up with nothing. He may be terminally online but he does not keep up with the news of the Omega Timeline at all. He knows a decent amount of the higher-ranking council because he’s met a lot of them in person, and he used to go their for schooling, but he doesn’t like most of them. For obvious reasons.

- if I had to voice claim Gray I’d say something close to Leonardo from TMNT Mutant Mayhem. But without the New York accent.

- his room is large for a bedroom but still pretty condensed.

- (to me personally) he is like. A Boy but in the most nonbinary way possible.

- He’s pretty good with technology, but Casey managed to completely blow his mind. This kid was pulling apart a shitty laptop and putting it back together to get it to run. If they built a PC together it would be 100% function and 0% form.

- don’t tell me he wouldn’t spend like 20 minutes just staring at Casey’s ears.

- He is 100% a genetic little freak of nature and I love all of those headcanons. You did mention Gaster though, which I thought was interesting - Gradient’s canon story is “he was created by a bored Gaster in the void because combo funny heehee”. But seeing as I have removed all of the fourth wall breaking aspects as well as emphasized that Gradient was originally built to be a bioweapon, most of his backstory has changed, including his creator. Gradient’s creation, why he was created, and by whom is a very important part of the story that I am telling :)

- He has a mirror in his bathroom but he doesn’t look at it unless he has to. He did crack it once in the aftermath of a massive panic attack, but Ink was able to fix it. Gradient doesn’t like looking at himself but sometimes he needs to if he’s doing hygiene things.

- I don’t think there’s ever been anyone that needs to see a therapist more than Gradient and Casey

- Autism

- you are probably on my discord server because there was a massive conversation about how they would absolutely get married and just make it the most insufferable and worst wedding ever known to man (on purpose)

#ask lorel #anon #tcoti #gradient sans #gracey

[insidejizz]

reagan ridley headcanons!

heyyyy its me again im here to write about the girl of all time reagan - this is SO self indulgent and also a lot longer than i thought it would end up being so im putting it under the cut for ease of everything ! no nsfw here though a small amount of body talk !

once again a reminder that REQUESTS ARE OPEN FOR BOTH ART AND WRITING !

// i think that reagan had a really hard time coming to terms with the idea that she is/could be autistic and still. struggles to accept it at times

she definitely took the raads-r test at one point and got a crazy high number like 189 

(for those that dont know the raads-r goes from like 0-224, and anything over 60 constitutes reasonable autism)

and after she got such a high score on that she had a classic #reaganmoment and stayed up all night taking as many other tests as she could find to "collect more data"

i mean its. hard enough to realize youre autistic much less 1) so late in life and 2) when everyone is constantly making it a joke . like i really do think shed be adverse to the idea for so long because it was always used as a "haha reagans weird" punchline and so

(she doesn't want to prove to rand and tamiko that they were right about something being off about her)

obviously everyone around her is. very aware of her autism and has been finding ways to deal with it for years but she doesn't know what to do about it at all after her night of testing

because yeah the test results SAY that its very very likely shes autistic but maybe she answered the questions wrong or something 

ab has to listen to her pace back and forth for hours about this and he is no help mostly because hes realizing he has autism everytime she states a symptom

obviously her special interest is science and robotics, that's pretty goddamn obvious . you could even argue her job is a special interest with how much time she spends nonstop thinking about it

the amount shed have to unmask is INSANNEEEEEE im just saying . shed have to unlearn 30 years of petty comments making her cover up all her autistic traits

i dont think shes someone who would openly stim, or at least in 'classic' ways

her stimming usually is like ;

pacing

chewing on pens + pencils

tapping pens + pencils

pressing keys on her keyboard over and over

wiggling her fingers 

// also reagans basically schroedingers jew

i say this because shes not "technically" jewish as in her family is not jewish but i believe that jr made her very active in his jewishness and so she was essentially raised jewish by her godfather

like. jr would have definitely thrown her an INSNAE bat mitzvah and you can't change my mind. he wouldve insisted on it

especially because i feel like reagan wouldnt like her birthday, both bc of the memories weve Seen of them and what we know about her family i just think she/ prefers to not think about them

but she was turning 13 and jr was like no you are going to be the biggest princess for a whole day everythings going to be about you

because he definitely went ALL OUT

i dont know what passage she would choose to read bc im not super well versed in torah but

the party ???? mans spared no expense but it was also very . reagan

like idk i feel like hed pull off some crazy robot-themed bat mitzvah or whatever she wanted at age 13

like she would have just graduated MIT at that point!!!!!! i think she deserves a baller party

anyway i dont think that a lot of people. came to the party (that werent cognito employees) but that didnt really matter

because jr spent the entire night there with reagan just giving her the best night he could (JR DAD MOMENTS JR DAD MOMENTS) 

like i bet they did a goofy ass 'father'-daughter dance and he was like woah youre getting so tall now youre almost as big as me and shes like well im officially a woman now! and he just starts crying GHEOIGJSEOIES

also more casual jewishness than just that like . 

she thinks fondly on being able to ask the questions at the passover seder (though as a kid she thought they were stupid bc why ask the same questions every year we already know the answer)

and there was one point where they were observing shabbat but they werent at home so they had to like . go and buy a loaf of bread and they used jrs handkerchief as the challah cover and stuff and she used some stuff to make little robot candles because they didnt have real ones and it wasnt a kosher shabbat but it was certainly one that was from the heart and HGHhgehesughshges

having jr pick her up so she could kiss the mezuzah when they went inside his place

hgheshgiehjsg listen i could go for hours.

so like yes she is jewish. she celebrates hanukkah every year and has a collection of menorahs that jr has gotten her (and shes gotten herself) over the years

but she also wouldnt say shes jewish bc shed feel weird about it 

i think shes definitely considered converting but never gotten around to it simply on terms of No Fucking Time

at least a year of study ? taking time off for the holidays ? hahahahahahaha whos schedule would that even fit into lol

so like if someone were to ask if she was jewish she would say " i was raised jewish by my godfather" and if anyone decides to question more then it gets Complicated lmao

// CHUBBY REAGAN CHUBBY REAGAN CHUBBY REA

listen. i refuse to believe she would be self conscious about being 140 pounds theres no reason for her to think thats fat and so i think that brett was guessing (bc he can lift massively and so weight means nothing to him) and she panicked and was like "MY STATIONARY BIKE IS BROKEN." bc chubby

also she has a desk job, basically exclusively eats junk food and drinks, lounges around every chance she gets

i truly believe that reagan is pudgy. i think that she hides it under that lab coat and she should STOP hiding it <3<3<3

reagan with stretch marks? reagan with stretch marks

also she deserves bigger tits and she has them bc shes chubby<3

she would also have a bit of a tummy and bigger thighs but i dont think shes particularly well endowed in the ass department

like its not bad! but she doesnt have a Great ass

like a lot of things about herself she isnt exactly happy with it but shes so squishy and perfect to grab and shit so<3

// another tangent but reagan is. very picky about the type of music allowed around the office 

like she has approved playlists for all of the group whenever they r allowed the aux 

myc is usually not allowed the aux bc he has INSANE music taste. ykno the sounds mushrooms make when you hook them up to electricity or whatever? its essentially 4 hours of that with cupcakkke mixed in

most of the time its background noise for her, so she doesnt like music being too loud

shes essentially like a dad with the ac the way she is abt the music volume lol like WHO TURNED IT UP WE KEEP THE VOLUME AT 72. 

she doesnt listen to music in her lab really, and when she does its either the most depressing shit youve ever heard or like. music she remembers from her childhood like nsync and britney spears and shit

this means shes also not allowed the aux . too much midwest emo bums everyone else out

when it comes to CHRISTMAS MUSIC? she is like 10x as bad

she has a playlist of "reagan approved christmas music" that she made herself that is exclusively the least annoying christmas songs

except she also can only stand that playlist for like 20 minutes

overall she just fuckin hates christmas music. its all love and sunshine and family and friendship and shes essentially scrooge 

its pretty hard to find a christmas song that she can stand but there are a few! white winter hymnal and carol of the bells are her favorites if she had to choose a christmas song.

honestly i would apologize for how self indulgent this is but I dont want to because I'm proud of it <3 love her so much and PLEASE drop requests if you have any !!!!!!!!!!

#REDACTED #reagan ridley #inside job #inside job netflix #inside job headcanon #oh i love her soooo much shes both a girl and so far from a girl its so cute of her <3 #looking at reagan like that egg will sure crack one day ! #also i could write so much exclusively about how ab and reagan would interact #both platonically and (looks at reagans goofy ass)..........romantically #sorry were rambling in the tags again but don't worry about us down here lolz

[reaperkiller]

😭🍧🌋🕷🙈🙉🔪🎵 for caleb >:33 also HAIII i hope you're havign a great day!!!! <33

HIIII THANK YOUUU!!! HOPE YOURE HAVING A GREAT DAY TOO :D

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

he does Not. he needs to though. Badly. it would fix him,,, he isn't necessarily emotionally constipated but my god. dude. PLEASE talk about your feelings. just once. Please. that being said though the one thing that would absolutely break him + make him cry for the first time in YEARS is seeing someone he cares about deeply get hurt in one way or another. he Will be insane and he Will be inconsolable about it.

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

he still has some paints and paintbrushes that his granpda got for him,, he doesnt use them anymore bc theyre no longer available,, and he does NOT!!! want to throw them away. ever. they remind him so much of all the time he spent w his grandpa going on fun little roadtrips as a kid so they could draw together. if he lost those?? well honestly him wanting to just throw himself off a bridge wouldnt even be an exaggeration. that would be the END for him. he CANNOT!!! lose them. it's all he has left to remember his grandpa by.

🌋 VOLCANO - how bad is their temper? is it a slow boil, or a instant explosion?

oooghhfjh now this is a good one bc it entirely depends on who he is with. 0 tolerance policy for anyone he used to work with at kang tago/biotechnica. if you pissed him off even a little bit youre going to hear about it. immediately. it's not even that he's losing his shit or anything or even an especially explosive temper. he just wants to shut you down then and there. and then never have to deal with it ever again. doesnt raise his voice or anything, just very calmly explains to you everything you are doing that is making him want to kill you with his own two hands. he sounds so relaxed but you can see how angry he is in his eyes. which i am Obsessed with. honestly. if he starts walking closer to you while being like that. start running/ [important sidenote he would never be like that w anyone he is close to. btw. he CAN explain things that are bothering him. like a normal person]

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

HMMM,, bc of his job most fears wouldve been ripped away from him at this point bc of how dangerous many missions were, and he wouldnt have gotten Anywhere if he was a shivering little beast the whole time. HOWEVER!! he has never fully gotten over his fear of heights. like he can be normal about it i guess?? but oohh trying to hide how terrified he is is SO exhausting he'd rather die. also very VERY scared of losing everyone he loves and has ever loved. but thats nothing to worry about at all ever. of course. [he needs therapy]

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

that he is actually very vulnerable and soft and mostly just. Sad. but he doesnt want people thinking he's weak,, he just wants someone to hold him. he wants to be shown love again. even if it's just for a moment. but he never lets anyone get close enough to be able to see that, in case they end up using it against him. he has So many barriers up but theyre So flimsy. they can be broken down so easily. but no one has ever tried,, Yet.

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

honestly theyre is not much that can be said to him that will cause enough emotional damage to break him, other than like, hearing someone he was close to got injured/died. he's heard it all countless times over the years. but if i HAD to think of something,, probably someone calling him a coward. that would change something in his brain for the rest of forever, to the point where he will be hellbent on trying to prove that he is NOT!!!!!! a coward. life is so difficult. his job is terrifying. he doesnt know when a job is going to end in him getting killed, or worse. and to call him a coward would be overlooking all of that, all of the effort that it took for him to get where he is now. and he would HATE it. so much.

🔪 KNIFE - how do they react to injury / misfortune befalling their loved ones (significant other, family, friends)? do they put themselves at blame?

luckily enough he knows not to blame himself for things that are entirely out of his control - i.e. someone getting injured on a job when he's not there. obviously it's not his fault, he wasnt there to change anything. people get injured sometimes. it's just a part of life. he's not going to waste time carrying the weight of it all on his shoulders, he's gonna shut up and HELP. patch them up. do some stitches if necessary. get an ice pack. his brain kind of disconnects a bit, ESPECIALLY if it's a loved one, bc otherwise he would not get anything done. he would be too busy shaking and crying. he Has to get all the important stuff done first [stopping bleeding, cleaning them up, whatever], and THEN!! he can have an insane screaming crying throwing up moment. bc they are always the priority, not him. he needs to focus on their needs before he can focus on himself.

🎵 MUSIC NOTE - what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?

now this is going to take so long. so many weeks or months even to answer bc i do not yet have a playlist for him WJHJHDSFFGS but trust me. trust me when i say the Second i have some sort of playlist going for him. im going to be SO annoying about it. even more so w the kind of music i think he'd listen to. bc that is very important to me and i can never be normal about it.

#oc caleb #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG WJHJHDSGJHSDG I HAVE BEEN BUSY <33 BUT. HERE IT IS #brain stopped being sludge. i won. i defeated the sleebytired allegations

[a-kaash-me-outside]

I’m reading these asks and it’s super interesting to me to see the different perspectives and the insight you’re giving to the characters! (Also I sent you that long ass ask so thank you so much for taking the time to reply and explain things!!) I personally didn’t even catch on to the whole reader’s unfairly keeping Atsumu at arms length thing and idk if I didn’t read thoroughly or I’m just dim LOL I always interpreted it as like they both like each other and want to be bf/gf eventually but both were taking things slow for various reasons which felt super normal. also 3 weeks is such a short amount of time like I feel like you can be really into a person but still want to take more time to gauge the situation u know!! I didn’t really see reader as like “leading him on” or being a tease or anything like that (ngl i hate the word tease shhfjdgdskks 😂 especially if a man uses it I wanna barf like no stop I’m literally just trying to be a nice person), more so they were just being flirty and having friendly-maybe-more-than-friendly banter kinda?

It’ll be really interesting to see some of Atsumu’s pov because I wonder if he had different, more “serious” expectations for y/n from the get go. And if he did why he didn’t communicate it earlier on? I don’t think y/n is doing anything wrong being cautious around him, especially cause she’s used to seeing him sleep around a lot (not that there’s anything remotely wrong with that if there’s 2 consenting adults) but it still is what it is and she’s going off information that she’s gathered in over the course of not even a full semester and its honestly pretty smart for her to wait a bit longer and be like.. is he actually serious about this? I don’t fault her for at all that!!

As for the Maki kiss/going back to the dorm thing…… BIG SIDE EYE FOR Y/N 👀 that was very questionable on her part!! I understand caring for Maki and entertaining the one last kiss thing because it was clear she didn’t instigate that but then the part where she wanted to continue?! Was that a moment of weakness and just her remembering the old times with Maki or what?! I really wonder what was going on in her mind during that moment. Im glad he shut it down gently! Honestly the more I think about it the better Maki looks ASHFBDH (I need to stop this here and reel myself in cause this is an Atsumu fic) (but also just putting it out there….. if .. there was a maki alt ending…… I would absolutely devour that for breakfast lunch and dinner)

oh my gosh yes okay. this means the world to me because like i write these responses and replies and i don't ever really assume anyone will read or care about them does that make sense? and i try to communicate all of these thoughts in my fics but i forget sometimes that i'm in my head and you all are not! so the things and details i weave in there can definitely get lost.

omg another read more shhhhhh.

but i think that's why for me when i got all of this stuff where people were like HEY ATSUMU is a bitch and like yea no that's so fair he really is in this chapter but don't see or point out how messy the relationship is and how yn actually doesn't really hold it against him for like sleeping with people while they were talking and stuff because she realizes that they aren't exclusive, not just as a technicality but because yeah sure she has feelings for him but she keeps reminding herself that she doesn't want more than that, otherwise when they spent the night together during the whole movie thing, they wouldve spent the night together.

i think especially at the end of ch4 with the whole movie date and her like wanting atsumu to come into her dorm, but failing to communicate it or do anything to reciprocate what his efforts to cross this barrier of just flirting friends, is a really important insight into the relationship? like if she would've communicated that she wanted him to cross this barrier, he would've, but he doesn't, because she doesn't, and he doesn't want to like,,, push something too far? i explain it better in the next chapter? his thoughts about it and stuff and a tiny insight into his POV.

AND ALSO even just in the first time they meet. he evidently wants to have sex with her and she shuts it down really fast. AND after spring break, the first time that she hears him having sex with someone else after they've flirted and become somewhat friends, it's devastating to her? but it's all a result of him trying to feel out if she actually wants it or not. ANYWAYS yea just a lot of little things? that are sometimes hard to pick up on completely because of the lack of atsumu's POV BUT i think that makes it ?? hurt more and feel more serious? because !!! ?!?!? you're only seeing these little glimpses of him hurt and then the way that he tries to cope with it rather than really understand why he's doing it and how he's thinking. and as a READER i want you to like, feel torn up abt that shit? and be confused because like,,, you have to decipher and feel the stuff as it comes based on what he gives you not what's objectively true. does that MAKE SENSE?

oh yea no and i will be dropping the maki alternative ending don't you worry LMAO. don't.. don't you worry ok. <3 <3

#shut up tori #asks! #anon! #lmk if you want an ask tag! ~ #twrt convo!

[kidmagnificent]

lover pull me under like you needed me

have no hesitation when we move forward

do not tarnish my body with your doubts

do not stain my skin with your hesitation

come for me, completely,

or not at all.

i refuse to be broken down into pieces

auctioning off my best personality traits to you

for your highest bids of attention,

i would rather be whole and lonely

than shattered and still lacking.

lying in pieces on your bed, on your floor, in the pocket of the pants in the hamper

to be rediscovered whenever you choose to dress up your attention

and happen upon me like a $5 dollar bill.

happy to see but not missed.

spent as quickly as it was found.

dont tell me that youve dreamt of me

manic and guilty

for the sins that youve committed to whatever it was we ever could have been.

a polluted potential

stained now with the noise and the smoke from one to many sparks turned to grease fires

a filthy history

i think about you, only sometimes

in the purgatory between sleep and awake

when ive smoked a little too much weed

and i wonder what we wouldve looked like

if your words had meaning

or your promises had a shelf life of longer than 24 hours

or you were sustainable at all

but im thankful that you couldnt hurt me more than you did and i sleep soundly.

knowing next time when you come for me

i will have boundaries in place and walls up to hide behind

#poetry #poem #original post #emotions #romance

[periwinkles-for-me]

friendship

i've always been a rather lonely person i think. i like to say i was just predisposed to it due to the circumstances that have surrounded me, but i've also seemed to hold myself back. i'm an only child, my parents both work full time. i had to entertain myself a lot growing up. but when i was young wasn't necessarily when it first started. at least, i wasn't exactly conscious of my own loneliness until i moved for the first time. a reset at 7 years old. having to make all new friends, losing the ones i had. because what 7 year old would be able to text and facetime their friends and not be bored? it was also a move to a bigger town, a less close knit community. it was harder then to make friends.

my only friend when i moved told me one day that they were sick of playing with me at lunch every day, and told me to hang out with my other friends sometimes. for the rest of the school year, every lunch time i would just walk around the school by myself, laps and laps. when your only friend tells you you're annoying, you tend to take it to heart. believe it or not i still continued being friends with this girl until i was 12.

for the five years i lived in this town, i danced. i spent every afternoon at the dance studio, and i made friends there. all my close friends were from dance. they all cared a lot about dance. i only cared about my friends. i dont think i wouldve ever spent that much time there if i wasn't afraid of being alone. of being left out. thats always being one of the scariest things for me. so i continued going deeper into dance, trying nearly every type, even becoming a competitive dancer, all to spend time with my friends. well, even to just be on the same level as them. i wasn't very good at dancing. but they were. i even withstood my ballet teacher that disliked me so much, to be in the same class as them.

when i moved schools in grade 5, i could finally go to school with them. i think those two years were the time i felt happiest. but because of past experience, i had created these little friendship tests in my mind. if they passed, it meant they cared about me. if they didn't, then i meant nothing to them. or at least, they were more important to me than i was to them. i honestly barely even remember the results. sometimes they would pass and i would ride that high for the rest of the day. if not, i wallowed in self pity until i felt loved again.

i think the three of them could probably be considered the closest friends i've ever had. at 12 i didn't have all these walls i do now, i didn't hold people at a distance. i allowed myself to show my emotions. i allowed myself to feel them.

at the end of grade 6, in august, i moved across the world.

i spent the 2 months of summer with my grandparents before parting with my homeland. then i spent 3 months in a house with only my father for company, due to the school years not lining up. i was lonely. i didn't continue dance. i thought i would be home in 6 months. i am still here.

i don't blame my parents for the choices they made in moving us. it was for the best. but it destroyed me. well, maybe destroyed is too strong a word. it fundamentally changed me and not for the better.

at the end of the year, i redid the last couple months of year 6. i tried to make friends, but i no longer searched for close ones. i already had close friends. i would be going back to them. it would hurt more if i became close with people here only to move back. this thought process was honestly my undoing. after i graduated year 6 for the second time, i cut off everyone from that school. i never spoke to them again. i never saw them again. i still feel guilty. i probably hurt them.

i'm sorry.

i spent another 2 months alone.

on halloween i think might've been the first time i truly felt the distance from my friends. it was the pictures of them all dressed up together, going trick or treating without me. but i knew if i still lived there i would've been with them. i would've been laughing in those photos. instead i was in my room, no plans to go anywhere, much less trick or treating, and completely alone. it was so devastating. i can't remember how much i cried. i am upset just remembering this. they never knew about this.

going into high school i, for the fourth time, had a fresh start. but i still believed i was going back. it had been extended to a year at this point. I continued to keep my distance. i made a total of two friends that year. except it was actually one. i really, really wish i could've made more. that i didn't naively believe we would actually be going back. i want to grab my 12 year old self and tell them to not close herself off. let herself get close to people.

of my three closest friends back 'home', one barely messaged me after i left. she wasn't good at keeping in touch. after a year i never really spoke to her again. only when i visited home did i see her. by the time i went back to visit at 15, she didn't even bother to come see me even though i was there for three weeks. i still considered her one of my closest friends. but she clearly didn't care about me anymore. i seem to do that a lot. put much more stock in a friendship than the other ever did. or maybe i just didn't have close friends. probably both. the second friend, she still messaged me, albeit rarely. but i could tell she cared. i'm realizing now how much that meant to me. it means so much. so so much. she made an effort for me. even though she moved to a different town, every time i went back she would come and see me, or at least try as hard as she could. even going back a year ago, she took a two hour ferry just to see me for a day. i can't think of a single other friend who has done that for me. and maybe two others who would've done that for me at any point of my life. i'm crying while writing this. i wish we still talked.

my third best friend was the one i kept in touch with the most. for the first two years we talked at least once a week. facetimed at least once a month. we continued to know everything about each other. shared everything that happened to us. it started to fade after a while. shorter responses. longer wait times. its natural after barely seeing each other for so long. but they were still my best friend to me. still the person i trusted the most. i didn't move on. they did. slowly i became an afterthought, a memory. i don't blame them. when you're still in the same environment with only one thing missing it doesn't feel as big of a deal. they had other friends. they just simply got closer to them instead. it wasn't like that for me. i was in a completely new place starting from scratch but believing i would go back eventually. i held on too tightly to my past. so eventually my closest friend who became my one true friend slowly forgot about me while i remained in my fantasy. it was a beautiful fantasy. if only it were real. he forgot my birthday almost every year. i cried every year.

at the age of 13 i had only one person at my birthday party. my only friend in this new place. but we were a group of three. the other one didn't like me that much. i didn't really understand why for a long time. but she would make sure i knew eventually.

in my second year of highschool my friend group grew bigger. it grew to 10 people even. of course, i wasn't that close with anyone. except my one friend. she was so kind. too kind. i had really wanted to be her friend. in my second year of highschool i was content. homesick, but i had someone i could talk to at school, a group to hang out with. i didn't look lonely.

(i was still lonely.)

that was the thing about my friendships here though that made them different from my friends back home. it was only at school. i didn't really see them any other time. as soon as the bell rang, i was alone again. i even lived far from the school where not a single other classmate lived. how ironic.

up until this point, i believe i still had faith in people. my friendship was given freely and i still felt okay.

year 9 is probably one of the worst years for me. it started with my trip back home, where my friend didn't even bother seeing me even after a year apart. throughout the year my friends started excluding me from things. camps they went on for school holidays i wasn't even informed of, joint birthday parties i didn't get invited to. no one even said anything about it in front of me, as if they knew what they were doing was wrong. it hurt. it hurt so much. i didn't even know why it was happening. why all my friends seemed to stop caring about me.

i found out 3/4's of the way through the year. there was a book. it was written about me. the last member of the trio when i was 13. we still weren't really friends, but i thought we were getting there. but i didn't know. i didn't know she hated me. i didn't know she wrote this book about me. i didn't know everyone in my friend group knew about it, had read it, had kept it from me. even my one friend. she had even written in it.

to this day i laugh it off. i pretend it doesn't affect me anymore. it runs too deep. my first true betrayal. that book fucked me up. it fucked with my confidence, my mental health, my idea of friendship, my loneliness. it destroyed my trust.

for months i pretended it didn't affect me. that i didn't care. it was then that i built the walls that surround me. brick by brick. what was once a veil became cold, hard stone. i'm still trying to learn how to have close friends. i still can't break that wall down. i built it too strong. i don't want it. i want nothing more than to take a wrecking ball and smash it down. why can't i smash it down?

i didn't really have any friends after that. i had people i sat with at school (though it changed every year). i had people i talked to in class. but after school every single day. i would walk home by myself. never lingering. never going out after. weekends were spent at home. during covid i didn't message anyone. i had thought i'd learnt how to be lonely. how to live with it. of course i hadn't.

to this day, i only tell people my thoughts, my feelings. i dont show them. i never show them. i dont know how. how does one show their emotions? how do you allow yourself to? how do you remove the protection you made for yourself? thats really all i want. please teach me how to have friends again. how do i open myself. please. i don't want to be lonely anymore.

#friendship

[butneverl0st]

hes more than family to me.

i can always spot him in a crowd, so its impossible for me to get lost with him. when he speaks, his words hang in my head longer and louder than anyone else. despite him never sharing it, ive learned his favorite things in almost every category.

weve spent many sleepless nights talking about what our lives were like before, and every time, he seems to be holding something back.

in the summer, freckles dot his shoulders and he never has gotten a sunburn. he enjoys spending time in the water, making me actually want to join him. i thought hed laugh at me for not knowing how to swim, he was actually enthusiastic about teaching me.

the first time we had to stay in and had to make our own food, he thought i was so cool for knowing how to cook, even if it was just omurice. since then, ive taugh him how to make many different things, including inarizushi, which he says is his favorite. i wonder if its simply because of the namesake, because i never wouldve guessed hed like tofu.

according to him, im the only one whos seen him without his mask, so only i know about the scar that runs perpendicular to his mouth, which always draws my eyes to his canines.

maybe i love him.

how else do i describe the feeling in my chest when i think about him?

many times ive thought about reaching out to touch him, wanting to know what parts of him feel like. on jetlagged nights, id stay awake and study his intricate features, wanting to memorize as much as i could about him. i would purposely walk quietly so i dont interrupt him when hes singing to himself or focusing on the project hes working on.

i wonder if im just as special to him.

#stray thoughts

[catfish-and-the]

rnating. u can scroll past

i dont even kno where to begin everything is just bad and everything aches and everything is empty and each waking moment just feels Bad and its hard to sleep and the Bad feeling wakes me up in the middle of the night and its the first thing i feel when i wake up is just Bad and e mpty and its been over a month and when i say ive tried everything to feel better like i have lmao ive tried all thrhee types of antidepressants and ive tried nicotine and weed and positive reflection and gratefulness exercises and not self h*rming and doing physical exercise ive tried going out to socialize more often and scheduling time out for hobbies and ive tried surrounding myself with the color yellow and eatinng a better diet and keeping up with self care and getting therapy and staying hydrated all at once all at the same tiem and still still it feels like this and im really just. i really feel like it wont get better lmao this really feels like a brand new low and ive just been feeling like this for at least a decade if not longer and i hate living like this but nothing fucking helps in fact like i said ive felt worse than ever before it just doesnt feel like it will get better no matter what i do because i feel like ive done almost everything i could possibly do and it just hasnt worked. and i feel like its only going to get worse because the future is Ass like the news and the gov and the politics and the climate and working your whole life away for nothing and im so scared ill get a job that i dont like and make everything so much worse and im just so mad and sad because i switched out of my old phsics major bc it was too much for me and it destroyed my psyche bc me and my friends would like spend 6 hrs after class in the student tutor room trying to get help for one proble and the tutrs didnt even know how to solve it and i was like i cant throuw my youth away doing this because i already did that in high school and it got me fucking nowhere so i switched out to have time to live life but then covid happened and i was too late anyway bc by then everyone had their friend groups already and still now i dont have. like. friends lol. so i switched out of my dream major but there was no life for me to live so it really feels like it was all for nothing and also idk if this is for everyone but weed out classes made me feel brain damaged and like destined to be stupid even now im like im not smarte nougha dn im not tough anough and im not reilient enough and it has instilled in me this forever guilt and forever self doubt idk how to explain it i just feel so bad bc i really did like physics i just wasnt smart or strong enough i guess lmaoooo but the thing is if i knew thhat there would be no life to catch up on. i wouldve just stayed in that major bc i didnt need to do anything else. now im in english w all the time in the world and straight As and my friends dont invite me to their hangouts.

and then theres also the fact that idk i feel bad saying this but for some reason ppl of my own gender and race dont like me lmfao like i still cant believe ppl of my own race and gender would like. try to get me to not be on the elevator at the same time as me we r both waiting for the elevator and then she gets in and closes the door on me when we are BOTH WAITING THERE. and this has happened w several complete strangers several times and im like what do u have against me fr im trying so hard to be a better person im trying so hard but it feels so u nfair. and the beauty standards are so extreme and i never fit in and it makes me feel like shit and guys of my race will always call me ugly completely unprompted or something and im just like. im just trying so hard. and i have 0 social skills bc i spent all of my time as a kid studying bc i love avademia and it was the only thing anyone ever respected me for cos i was always the kid that was the butt of jokes and pranked on and left out so i was like i have to be smart if i want to be respected but then i have no social skills but i still dont have any lmao and i feel so lonely bc i dont know how to make deep and close connections and ive never been in a relationshipand “everyone will get their time” or whatever but the lack of experience is scary bc i feel like im goonna fuck something up inevitably bc ive never done this before and/or i will have trust issues and self confidence issues bc of how im always treated and its like yeah enjoy being alone but i have been alone my whole life and i feel like ive exhausted everything out of it i want connections now i want to share things now. going to restaurants and parks and shops by urself and having a good time is fine but i have been doing that for over ten years im old now i want. i want to share my life w someone but theres no one to share it with lol. and the longer i go without sharing it it just feels like the less hope there is for things changing. i tried googling how to socialize and make conversations and form closer bonds but it just doesnt work and i feel like i was never destined to be happy or have good things bc everything ve tried at never has worked out. i wanted to go to a nice college and failed. i wanted to be a physicist and failed. i wanted to make friends and failed. i wanted to be ina band and failed/ i wanted to make my own career and failed. its been over ten years. i want it all to stop i dontn want to try anymore i know how it always turns out.

#and i feel like i have to get a nice job bc like #in my culture the children care for their parents right and i have always felt like a parasite child #to my parents so ive always wanted to like take care of them annd just like be nice to them back so #i thot i could get a good job and send them money but this job might kill me bc i dont like it #but i also feel like i cant ruin their legacy bc they were immigrants and worked rlly hard to get #to where they are now and i dont wanna fuck that up but like oh my god #oh my god idk everything hurts so bad #and ive grown to be so bitter and so angry bc the way im always treated and ill be rlly curt #towards ppl that dont deserve it so the guilt just keeps piling up but ic abt control it either #bc my parents also just put this stress on me and also dont help w me socializing like every summer #i come back bc i have to but then my friends on the rare occassion they invite me i cant go #bc my parents dont let me #idk im just so sad and bitter and angry and full of guilt #when i was a kid i made a promise to myself that i would try to make the best life decisions so that this wouldnt happen #but i ended up becoming the very thing i swore i would never become and it is just so sad #its just the fact that ive done everythingin my power to help for as long as i could its been several years #and its only gotten worse but i know i even tried to d ie several times ad failed at that too #i dont know what my next option is everything hurts and i want it all to stop i just want everything to stop #and w grad school approaching im burdened w another decision of. leaving my band and starting over #or staying in a place i never wanted to be anyway and i donnt know what the move is #im so out of hope im contemplating op iates or xan or something bc i dont know what else to do ive tried #ive tried

[surreal-duck]

did a thing based off of the new eyecatch!

#pokemon #pokeani #pokemon 2019 #pokemon journeys #anipoke #ash ketchum #satohshi #trainer goh #gou #satogou #journeyshipping #firstfriendshipping #gouacheshipping #holy fecking schist please just choose one ship name pokeani people aaAAAA #small break in the hw spam as these two r on the brain #spent much longer than this than i wouldve liked #their dynamic is so fun aahgh #duck scribbles

[demadogs]

Sorry if any of these have already been asked lol, not completely caught up on everything

1. What do you think the probability is that Mike actually does go to California primarily for El? With Will as an afterthought/addition. Kind of like how in the last ep of s3 Mike is talking about visiting and he's like "and Will, too!" I really hope it will be byler oriented but mainstream media makes me think that he will go to cali for the obvious choice, El.

2. Kind of related to the last point, do you think the whole "running away to cali" theory, or something similarly rebellious, is gonna happen? Or is it just gonna be like "sike, Mike's trip was actually planned and approved by parents as normal, and no one else goes with him because everybody else has legit excuses as to why they can't go."

3. Lastly, if there was to be a clear callback/reference to any previous scene, byler or not, what would you want it to be? Mine is personally "crazy together" i just love it so much, classic for a reason

none of these have been asked!

1. i think mike intends to visit to see both of them but he may not realize that hes more excited to reunite with will than el until hes actually there. hes been best friends with him since kindergarten and its the first time in both their lives that theyve been separated, but he and el have already been apart for a while in season 2. mike spent a year without seeing her or any contact with her. i think for that reason alone being away from will will be a lot harder for him and thats not even taking his unresolved feelings into consideration. i think he’ll be excited to see will but once hes there his feelings will get harder to ignore so he’ll intentionally pay more attention to el than him. also in one interview finn says “i’ll just say he’s visiting someone”. i feel like he wouldve just said el or both will and el if it was more mileven centric than byler.

2. i love this theory but im not 100% sure on it. it does make sense tho since he’s the only one to visit? if they all wanted to see them again it would be a lot more practical for the byers to visit hawkins than all of them flying out to california so i dont think it was a matter of them all just not being able to go. it would make more sense if they didnt even know he was going. the one thing holding me back tho is in the california teaser el’s letter to mike clearly shows that he plans on visiting over their spring break. the only thing i can think of is if he leaves sooner or maybe something happens and his parents say he can no longer go and he sneaks out? i hope he does runaway there tho id like that a lot.

3. i would also love them to reference “crazy together” or maybe the shed scene when mike said asking to be his friend was the best thing hes ever done.

#nice #stranger things #byler #eden answers

[ohheyitsokay]

hey so i just remembered another insane soulmate au that isn’t as niche as the soulmate goose of enforcement but has the same potential for chaos 😂 so you and your soulmate have the same hair color, and when one of you dyes it then it turns the other’s hair that color too. i can’t get the thought of javi showing up to the embassy one day with neon pink hair and the desire to fight anyone that dares point it out 😂💀 do with this batshit idea what you will, hon

jj is here for the chaos and apparently so am I

wordcount: heck if I know this is more of a drabble sorryyy

warnings: strong language

<<

Javier Peña called in late and wouldnt explain why. He knew his voice was panicked, intense, borderline unhinged, and he hoped to god they wouldnt send anyone to check up on him.

The time he normally wouldve used to get ready for work was wasted staring at himself in the mirror. Because Agent Peña, a detective of the DEA and notorious cassanova, woke up with hair pinker than a fruity drink of a girl with a fake ID at the bar.

He had been panicked, completely short-circuiting, and angry, wondering if it was some sort of stupid prank. His hands twitched for his gun or something to throw, before he remembered, and the anger drained out of his body faster than air from a tire.

His soulmate had done this. Warmth filled him, flamingo hair to toe. Did this mean... you were looking for him? Thinking of him? Would he find you soon?

Actually, he wasn't sure how he felt about that. It unsettled him in a different way, and he shook himself, trying not to think too hard about it. Instead, he turned his attention back to the mirror and... honestly, he was kind of feeling himself. He always did, to some degree, a thick layer of pride to disguise anything untouched and unpleasant underneath, but this was new. It wasnt his normal style, didnt match any of the clothes he'd had for all those years, but... he kind of thought he looked good. Younger almost, more confident.

The rest of his unexpected morning off was spent pacing in and out of his bathroom. It was cool, he was cool. Nope this was ridiculous, he was a joke and so were you. Oh, you, his soulmate, walking around somewhere with pink hair. Bah. Pink hair.

By the time it came for him to go into work, he hadn't settled even a little bit, and it was wonderful and terrible, but he was out of options. He walked into the embassy, didn't pause and let the eyes follow him, trying to wear his confidence like a shield.

Let them judge. Let them be jealous. Let them swoon. Let them - no actually, he wanted them to leave him the fuck alone.

His glare was well practiced, if normally saved for drug-dealing lowlifes or scummy politicians. He was rewarded with swallowed smirks and ducked heads, and he knew it was far from over, but for now, he could live with that. He could live with this, especially if you were out there, looking for him.

-

The neon pink had faded into a dappled cotton candy, and his normal brown should logically be poking out the roots, but the whole phenomenon really defied logic. For the most part the jokes were played out, with his tormentors either skipping out of reach, cackling, or withering under his glare, their eyes well aware of the clench in his hands.

Anyone who dared ask why he didnt just dye it back himself, learned quickly not to. And eventually, it became old news, other than the occasional comment that his soulmate must really be something.

And you must be, because Javier hadnt found you yet, an additional annoyance to the whole situation. It's not that he was looking he just... well he wasnt excited to find you that would be stupid, he was just...

Murphy wouldn't stop teasing him for the time he'd caught him trying to enhance a flash of pink in the background of a surveillance photo. He was the only one who could get away with it, the only one who was sort of right, about Javi already being chest deep in his adoration for a person he'd never met.

It was stupid, how much he wanted you, how excited he was at the prospect of finding you. He never thought he needed a soulmate, but now that he had definite proof he had one somewhere, he wanted you now. And he had no way to make that happen, except to wait.

He thought he saw you once, the most breathtaking flash of face from across a crowded street. It made him freeze, the warmth in his gut, but then he cursed himself, shoving people out of the way in hot pursuit of you. Surely the pink of you would be easy to find, surely the pink of him would draw you to him? He was frantic, but you were gone. And the image of you burned itself into both his nightmares and his dreams.

Looking back on the memory, he wondered if you were wearing a wig or a hat or something. But why would you do that? Didn't you do it because you wanted him to find you? And a fear settled into his heart. Maybe... you did it without knowing about it. Maybe you were just being independent... maybe you didnt want him, as he wanted you.

It was unthinkable. Javier laid awake at night, sometimes, wondering if he would be weak for begging the universe for something, anything. His Intel hookups stuttered to a stop.

Long nights were wasted pouring over unhelpful soulmate websites.

And then, as he stared at a box of cheap brown hair dye in the store, you walked into his life.

"What are you thinking?" It was a curious question, honest, as if you werent sure about him yet. Something a friendly person would ask a stranger, asking if they were contemplating pushing their soulmate away. Something someone kind would care about.

He looked at you, and dropped the box.

That same face, the one that he'd dreamed of losing, of kissing, of finding was right in front of him, half smiling like you were nervous. There was nothing he could do or say. Javier was waiting any longer. His hand slid over that beautiful, honey-pink hair of yours and pulled your mouth into his.

<<

taglist:

@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @writeforfandoms @beautyagegoodnesssize @princess76179 @mrsbentallmadge

#soulmate requests #javier peña x reader #narcos #maybe i dont know people #thoughts from elle #im afraid of writing a full fic for a request #even though i had a much longer things planned for this