#sometimes i really fucking hate being trans

[olderthannetfic]

This is extremely petty and directed at a certain subsection if fandom, but sometimes, a girl crossdressing for safety reasons and finding comfort in it can just be a gnc girl.

Trans HCs are okay and all, but i wish more ppl acknowledged that, hey some of us really do get our wish fulfillment out of " girl pretends to be a guy but is still girl at the end of the day"

Idk, i keep seeing the ' yeah, obv trans guy" and yes, you're fucking allowed to see it that way, but don't yuck my yum and all that

I remember there used to be quite a lot of fem fics back in the dau, some of them even very good w/o being OOC, and i wish there were still some these days with unapologetic GNC girls who didn't hate " the body they were trapped in and wish were born a man instead"

--

[beatrixstonehill2]

"Just a photo of me with my lovely new girlfriend, Nikki! We met on Tinder and she was soooo eager to date a trans girl like me! I asked her if she loved girls with huge boobs like me and she asked if I'm trans. I was surprised she could tell and said that I was. She told me it was obvious I was born a boy, that I didn't pass very well. But she really wanted to hook up still, saying she loved how boys who transition into girls like me wind up with such big boobs that they're kind of a give away. Because cis girls would get a reduction and hate being so busty, but trans girls keep them and let them grow to bovine proportions. Since we have boy libidos and get turned on by monster tits and other perverted stuff. But she said she's a bit of a pervert, too.

I told her I was flattered but I'm not especially kinky. She promised me if we got together she'd make me kinkier than I ever could've dreamed. Sooooo I just had to say yes. We've been together three months, but I'm still not sure what she meant exactly..... We have sex and she encourages me to use my cock, although she tops, she likes me to stroke my cock and edge for her. She likes to tell me when I can or can't cum, which is pretty fun, although a bit frustrating since I swear I've been getting hornier since I met her! And my cock has actually grown, weirdly enough! That happen to any other trans girls at nineteen? I haven't missed any of my meds. But I've gone from four inches fully erect to almost ten! It's embarrassing having a big dick but at least Nikki seems to like it, joking how it just proves I'm really a boy deep down. It's weird but my heart flutters when she calls me a boy, especially in public. It actually makes my cock hard..... Oh, and suddenly my stubble and beard are coming in! Is that normal? I've been on blockers since ten and hormones at twelve. Should I see my doctor or do you girls think I should just let it come in? I'm OK at covering it with makeup but I feel like it's coming in really fast. Oh well, hope you all have a lovely day! ❤️"

"Fuck..... It's been two years since my last post because, well, as everyone was commenting, yes Nikki was a TERF, and yes.... she was sneaking me testosterone. You all called it and I totally ignored it. Now I'm seeing what she meant by kinky.... It was one thing to control when I cum, but now my life revolves around Nikki's fetishes. It started with her detransitioning me, training me to edge and not cum unless she allowed it. Soon my voice dropped, my body hair and beard grew thick. I couldn't hide that I was a guy at all. And fuck it made me so damn hard! I feel disgusting, thinking of how I threw my beautiful body away for Nikki. But my cock is so big now! It aches to be stroked and played with all day, but instead every time I get an erection I have to eat or chug weight gain shakes until Nikki gets home and lets me cum.

Nikki apparently loves extremely fat men and loves turning beautiful trans girls into fat men even more. I'm definitely not the first or last trans girl she's done this to. I even had to watch as she made me get my boobs chopped off. Reduced to a flat, boy's chest, as I was only numbed, kept awake as the surgeon destroyed my perfect breasts. Nikki was in the corner, controlling a set of vibrating toys, one in my ass, the other inserted into my fat cock. I was still thin and pretty that day, and it's one of the few videos Nikki actually lets me jerk off to when I'm allowed to cum. That, and videos of other trans girls she's dated enduring the same thing. Always still slim and beautiful, breasts at least a HH-Cup or bigger. Stubble starting to show on their faces, voices just beginning to crack as they're forced to watch a surgeon dismantle and ruin their beautiful, estrogen-fattened breasts.

Now my whole life is sitting home eating. Sometimes Nikki goes days without coming home and letting me cum, since she has so many other former trans girls to keep fed and growing, making sure none of us are breaking our rules, being naughty, and gooning on our own. Although, as a boy the temptation to edge and stroke and goon all day is always at the forefront of my brain. Eating is the only thing that quiets my urges..... temporarily. So I eat more and more, gorging myself, becoming a hairy tub of lard for Nikki, knowing I'll never, ever pass as a girl again. Not that I was ever very convincing.... I can't wait to get as fat as possible to show Nikki what a devoted, pathetic hog I've become! Although it is fun to watch her get mad when I can't help myself and I jerk off for hours on end to girls getting forcibly detransitioned....."

#detrans kink #mtf detrans kink #mtftm detrans kink #mtftm nsft #mtftm kink #mtftm jackoff fuel #detrans feedee #mtf weight gain #weight gain kink

[pansyfemme]

honestly the only thing keeping me going through this bullshit is being friends with so many freaky trans people i feel like talking to other trans people is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes

#having people bitch about me making being trans my whole personality is funny af #because its not really. people just sometimes dont care to actually get to know me #and 2) yeah my art and style are based around it. because i am an artist. making a political statement in my work. a relativly common thing #to do. that is what my work is about. im sorry its so offensive to you #fuck dude i like to think i have a thick skin after facing near daily transphobia on and offline since i was a kid but i do feel so angry #its so easy to get away with for some people #because it has nothing to do with them and everything to me being a cis hating bigoted scary transsexual who bullies cis people by standing #in a room and not being cisgender

[tricoufamily]

once again thinking about how easy it would be for me to be in a relationship if i was cis

#cis woman cis man either way #dude in the neighborhood has a crush on me telling me i'm beautiful like 'thanks! i will go home and cry now' #i fucking hate being trans i wish i wasn't lol #and sometimes i feel like i can't talk about this anywhere bc in a lot of trans spaces it's like. taboo? to express anything but positivity #as if me being honest about how i feel about myself is somehow how i feel about every single trans person jesus christ but whatever whateve #like listen peace and love but i need you to do me a favor and promise me you will not come at me with any 'transness should be about joy' #i know you mean well i know you're right. but transness for me /is/ pain and sorrow. that's all it's ever caused me my entire life #you have to remember that i'm from rural appalachian tennessee with a transphobic family #some of the most deeply rooted self hating repression for years just for. more honest self hatred #i've never admitted this before but i've considered detransitioning and repressing because of transphobia many times #i'm not brave i'm not strong i'm not trying to make some grand statement or be the voice of a generation. i just want to Be. you know #i just got really really unlucky #but i can't repress. i know that would be even more miserable so i'm just. trapped. forever #who i want to be forever out of reach like tantalus or something i don't know #i want to be loved #or maybe i should just watch the batman again

[darknesspervades]

I LOVE BEING TRANS!!! I LOVE SEEING THE WORLD IN ITS SPECTRUM OF COLOUR AND BEING FREE TO EXPRESS MYSELF HOWEVER I WANT!!! I LOVE THAT I CAN EXPLORE MASCULINITY AND FEMININITY FREE OF RESTRICTIONS!!!!! I LOVE THAT I'M PART OF SUCH AN ACCEPTING COMMUNITY!!!! I LOVE BEING TRANSGENDER!!!!

#i've been really hating my identity recently so here's some affirmations hope u enjoy #because cis people can fucking suck - even the allies #all my friends at my college are cis and man they make me uncomfortable sometimes even though they don't mean to #but i really do love being trans #i just hate that cis people have tried to make me hate myself for it #but i will not let them #i will not be shamed into hiding myself for their comfort #transgender #nonbinary #transblr #gender stuff #trans stuff #queer #enby #genderqueer

[wild-at-mind]

Had a really stupid conversation via minor emotional breakdown with a queer friend about what makes an LGBTQ person 'assimilist'. From what she said I'm kind of forced to draw the conclusion 'if you say you're not assimilist, then you're not'.

#i love her but none of it makes any sense to me #i think i really just wanted her to see that this kind of rhetoric is no good if you're fundamentally unable to see yourself as having valu #to a community- which is where i'm still at sometimes unfortunately. #i would say that i may not be the only one since mental illness + self esteem issues + being lgbtq are not exactly unlinked #but i have basically never found anyone else who has my particular hangups...maybe online once ages ago #so in my own mind i'm the most assimilist lgbtq who ever existed- not even worthy to call myself queer #and it's nice that she thinks i am not like that and in fact am 'one of the good ones' #who is not assimilist- look i know that 'one of the good ones' usually means the opposite ok i know! it's just an impression i get #she's like telling me obviously i'm all good because i look like i do but all i can hear is #that if i didn't look like this then i'm an assimilist #i fucking hate my brain honestly no one asked me to have a mental breakdown at their house (thank god i didn't cry) #and then go home and that's when i cry because i saw a trans guy's 'this many years on t' post and i felt like shit because #i haven't done anything about transitioning in ages and i'm not even out at work :'( #like i know i'm an assimilist because my main reason for not coming out at work is not wanting to do the beaurocracy #of changing my name on my email and every fucking log in i have on everything- telling every single person i interact with #i just can't it's too much and my line manager is worse than useless #but i have 'my job is computer and doing emails all day' privilege so i don't like to talk to people about it

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

Apollo with thick eyebrows and freckles and body hair is my truth. He's a small tank also. Wide. He works out bc 1: he does not want to ever be called a twink and 2: it helps with stress and God knows he is STRESSED. Oh also he's trans. Also when his hair is un-gelled it looks almost exactly like trucy's, his lil bunny ears curl around his face all cute and he hates it which is why he gels it back so aggressively

#apollo justice #hes my ideal transition goals ngl #like the image of him in my head is like yes. yes this is what i want to be someday. #he has inspired me to finally talk to my dr about being trans and wanting to seek transition #im goig to be really really clear abouty dysphoria being one of the biggest sources of anxiety and depression for me #and it making me feel so bad i dont even want to leave the house sometimes bc i dont pass well usually #bc you never want to undersell your dysphoria to a doctor or therapist. if anything you should oversell it to ensure you can get care #like you dont have to say you want to die or anything bc thats always risky to tell any medical professional but like. #but always tell them it makes you hate yourself even if its not true #if you need to lie about what exactly your gender identity is to get the type of care you need too then fucking do it #doctors will not give a nonbinary person HRT 90% of the time sometimes u need to fib a little about your gender to get what u need!!!!

[apple-os]

ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni

#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed #hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty #and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait #and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY #ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU. #IM REALLY FUCKING MAD #I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE. #the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same #so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP #like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself #did u see me insulting u to ur face #nope i have not done even once #and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes #like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that #i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same #if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong. #but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me #and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid #some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes #and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once. #okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one #pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off #and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay #this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that #if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT. #if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul #have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!! #i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!! #i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related. #you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself

[daz4i]

how to stop thinking any good thing someone says to you (like compliments or being proud of you or other positive expressions such as these) is a lie just to be polite or bc they're biased and thus can't judge you work and your being objectively bc they love you. asking for a friend

#lovebombing won't work on me i will automatically assume there is an ulterior motive there #i may be off on what it is. but i won't trust it either anyway #(joking btw ik i'm not immune to abuse tactics. that's actually part of why i'm vigilant to all that i think) #(but not only) #i think my main issue is i know in my heart these things can't be right. the bigger the compliment the less i believe it #bc i'm below average and so is anything i create. propping it (and me) up as smth unique feels disingenuous #in my heart i do want this like i wanna be told nice things but they usually make me feel worse lol #bc i still think i'm shit and now i feel like i can't trust that person either. #(still. if someone is mean to me or even just harsh instead. i will cry) #also while this is already very deep and digging into my core the next tags are gonna dig into therapy level deepness lol #i think this is actually why i only want ppl to be sexually attracted to me honestly #smth abt it being like. a physical reaction. makes it easier to believe for me #also smth you can express smth you can do to prove it beyond just saying words #(i will sometimes still doubt it when i have a steady partner of any sort lol like i'll ask if they just indulge me or actually want it) #which is why it's fucking me up sm that i'm getting uglier 🥲 i'm already not great - being trans and fat limits a lot of your options - but #things are getting even worse lol 🥲 who knew that was even possible #all this isn't really a very good base to stop hating yourself. so my self loathing is only getting worse every day #thus making any good word harder to believe. and the cycle continues #. yknow when i started typing this post i did not expect to go on for this long #i am on these sleeping pills that make me lose my filter i'm sorry 😔 #vent

[olliecoded]

thank u to the person who called me a "transtrender" and said i'm faking it and not queer enough and learned about queerness through tiktok etc etc. all because i made the absolutely fucking buck wild claim that we should let bi lesbians live their lives in peace. wow

#keira don't look #<- it wasn't keira they just know the person im talking about and this was AGES ago i dont want them to know im still upset about it hehe #anyway for context i was talking about how attempts to place queer people into rigid boxes & draw unbreakable lines in the sand r always #going to fail bcs queerness is complex and messy! and human beings sometimes have identities that don't fit neatly under one label! #and the people who say shit like ''aphobes terfs and anti-neopronouns dni'' r the same people who now bully mspec lesbians #like. ur exclusionism isn't better just because it's ''woke'' this time. it's still bigoted tee hee #ANYWAY IN SUMMARY. i was just saying that i don't think it's our business to police how others identify and why they do so #and this person starts saying that im only queer bcs of tiktok and saying that i cant have an opinion on queer issues #and that im faking being trans #which is. incredibly hurtful especially bcs im bigender genderqueer genderweird etc so exactly the kind of trans person that exclus hate #and it's like. is this what people do? they just start trying to kick queer ppl out of our own community when they dont like what we're #saying?? #sorry i think about this periodically and it makes me really upset it's like. keep trying to define the entire fucked up weird spectrum of #human attraction and gender and then make everyone use ur definitions. dont worry bro itll work this time. #queerposting #<- i talk in depth about queer issues sometimes so ill start using that tag for ppl who dont wanna see the discourse

[impactplague]

i am out as trans in a mostly just. silent but understood way. in the sense that my boss was told my Status by my partner (weird situation) and has never once questioned or talked to me about it. and he just uses the right pronouns confidently 100% of the time when speaking to others and just expects everyone to catch up. and that’s great and nice of him. and im glad i am not misgendered by the person im interacting with the most and that matters the most to me. but going to these fucking events and doing meetings with other people outside of our company where im involved fucking sucks so bad

i feel like not being out and being misgendered is so much more bearable than you are out to a select few who are respectful but you must then endure others misgendering you in front of them. fucking infuriating i can’t handle this. i hate attempting to pass in a business setting. id rather eat my own eyeballs but what else can you do when this pays the bills

#scream #im fine im okay just #gotta yell about it some #i really hate me!!!! hate that he’s not who i want him to be #hurts my heart #why is being trans so fucking hard I just feel like I can’t do this sometimes

[pzos-amiserableidiot]

was watching tiktok and a video had the song michael in the bathroom playing and I was vicerally reminded of being in middle and high school and mom always mentioning how much I looked like my dad (his name is michael) and how I slowly was able to start noticing it too and whenever I sang the song it reminded me of him and I felt like we were overlapping too often felt like id never be anyone but a shadow or his mirror and then i began learning i was trans and now the song makes me think of him even more (he’s not a bad dad he tells me he’s proud of me and stuff there’s just two really big moments he unknowingly failed and one long continuous one but he loves me and he’s proud and he supports me and he didn’t mean it and ive learned to make that enough) and the weird flashback I got when I heard that song and overlapping with his face and how if I transitioned I almost fear I’d be his clone and yeah Anywyas banger song

#the moments were that time he told me how he used to want something to be wrong with him and he’d cut himself to try and prove something was #and he showed me his incredibly faint scars and this was after I told them I was depressed and his solution was to tell me he faked it???? #and didn’t even see anything wrong or worrying that he’d cut himself or was self destructive or wished something was wrong so he’d have #something to blame for being the way he was and like DAD THATS DEPRESSION but I was too numb and shocked and felt so so so betrayed becuase #it felt mocking at the time like his way of comforting me. his child. was to fucking show me his scars and be like I faked it so I know #it’s real and sorry I don’t understand WTF DAD #Other time was when he gave me his phone to play Pokémon go and I betrayed his trust (he didn’t like anyone going through his phone) and #went looking through and found Grindr and saw some shirtless photos and people messaging before I left #dad had a shirtlesss photo on there. and I had to pretend everything was fine and erase the evidence and give the phone back and help look #for furniture for our new house and never tell mom cause she’s been through so much already (I really shouldn’t have known I wasn’t her #therapist but this is about daddy issues right now not the mommy ones) so anyways I never told him and years later he told me his friends #signed him up for Grindr as a prank and to make friends and that’s why he thinks someone from his work I pranking him by signing him up #for a gay furry dating site and yet I saw him on his bed sometimes messaging people and yeah #oh and the long continous one was not divorcing mom and defending her saying she loves us when she rejected me and my sister for being trans #and being gone for most of my childhood working and never understanding the fucked up dynamic of home that took place and resenting him for #ruining the perfect routine (sharp words scary feelings always wanting to cry) #anyways michael in the bathroom always gives me weird feelings #cause I hate and love my dad and I looked up to him so much and loooking like him would’ve been a dream but sometiems the wrongs he did #come back haunt my thoughts and I want to scratch and tear apart every feature that makes me look like him. I look nothing like my mom so #there’s nothing physical to tear apart (I just act like her sometimes and have to force myself not the throw up and attack myself from the #disgust)

[get-more-bald]

when you're an inherently bad person🤪

#im a firmly believe that people arent truly or inherently born evil. except me ofc #the thing is that. if im not a bad person or whatever. im just incredibly unpleasant to handle deal with or be around. which may be worse #because im actually trying to be fun to be around. in general. when im not stressed out of my mind or almost (or actively) crying. i do try #and if im inherently unpleasant. it explains everything but it means i wont ever have anyone. not really. #its like a have a bad smell around me that i cant get off. which i also fear may be the reality as well. #i do shower! i do use deodorant and sometimes the fuckign. body mists or perfumes or whatever. nice smelling shite i dont actually ever wan #to use but i must be somewhat pleasant #but do i use too much of it? not enough? do i shower the wrong way? should i isolate myself forever amd not subject people to that smell? #well! #vent post #also i never fucking smile which is apparently important in being approachable. but i can blame that on the autism #god i fucking hate being who i am #im not even talking about personality rn. being trans. and autistic the way i am. and whatever else i fucking probably am. and being a part #of this fucking family and living in this god damned place. i hate it all #its difficult and i dont want to be that anymore but i cant ever stop. i can move out in what. a couple of years? i could eventually go no #contact with that family? i couldnt. but i wont ever stop being who i am at my core. and thats so depressing and it wants me to kill myself #not in a painful way though. no cutting or whatever. pills or a quick jump would be enough

[yuribalisms]

Lesbian or trans guy…. Lesbian or trans guy… lesbian or trans guy…. That is The question

#like !!!!!! I would like this To Be Over #rn Im Kinda doing a thing where I ‘came out’ as a trans guy to a bunch of ppl #(my friends and dad’s side of the family ya know ppl it’s not a big deal for) #and trying to present more masculine more often #mostly to see if I like it better #it’s basically an experimentation thing despite me still not being sure #because I thought it would help because hey!!! if I really like it then great! I’m a dude! #if I hate it or it makes me uncomfortable then great!!!! not a dude!!!! #unfortunately it is not working out that way and I am still mostly confused #like…. I just don’t understand 😭😭😭 I want to understand and I don’t #I got jealous when my friend started hormones and then I was talking about gender issues with my therapist and she asked if I wanted her to #write me a letter for hormones or any surgeries and the idea of changing my body like that made me viscerally uncomfortable #like what!!!!! the fuck!!!!!! what is wrong with me!!!!! #why can I not just know exactly what I want and how I want ppl to refer to me and how I want to be seen #my friends call me ‘he’ and their pets ‘uncle’ and my dad called me his son and like okay awesome #I think I kinda like it but it’s also a goddamn jumpscare every fuckin time #sometimes I think I like being a guy but also I wanna be a lesbian #and like sometimes I wanna be a dude but the idea of having a dick? absolutely fucking not I KNOW I don’t want that #but I want a deeper voice and more body hair #and just ugh UGH I DONT UNDERSTAAAAAAND #like yeah I know I’m almost certainly on the non-binary spectrum like there’s no denying that #but :( I just wanna know how I want to look and be seen so I could actually take steps towards being more comfortable #because no matter what I’ve tried I’ve never been completely comfortable #guy or girl even sometimes androgynous it just isn’t working #I just want to be Me and I feel fine but literally the second I get referred to as anything from an outside party #it sparks intense euphoria or dysphoria but it’s not consistent so I can’t figure it out #anyways I wanna melt into the floor of this Costco one of my dude coworkers called me ‘man’ and I cringed but then another coworker called #me ‘she’ and I also cringed #like what the fuck what in fresh hell I’m so frustrated I just want it all to stop #like it’s all fun and games ‘haha I’m a boy lesbian’ and sometimes yeah that does feel right but also both are wrong and just

[xfriendstilltheend]

i dont think ill ever be able to date a cis man and be 100% normal about it

#i really had high hopes for this one guy and he just proved hes like every other cis guy and ughhh #he straight up told me he wouldnt date me for the only reason that i dont present femininely enough for him #which isnt a bad thing bcs i understand preferences or wtv but the way he said it i cant explain it #and i defended him to so many of my friends and now i look like a fucking idiot #i hate being trans sometimes #vent #manuel’s bullshit

[euniexenoblade]

since we're talking about call outs lately, i've been called out many times, most of which are made from lies and sometimes by altering screenshots, but the most effective call out i ever got was like, in early 2015 there was a tumblr user everyone knew was a terf, but she would say "actually i support trans women" this was before crypto terfs were as talked about so the language wasn't really there to say "hey this person is a crypto terf." but yeah some people put posts of this woman on my dash and i made a random post on my blog "why do yall reblog her shes a terf" and of course she searches her own name daily, found my post, and replied to it that me calling her a terf was racist. that was it. no other interaction. but she went on all night talking about me being racist and just making things up as she went "oh i bet she says the n word all the time irl" kind of shit that had, like no basis? But her follower base took it 100% and i literally had thousands of anons telling me to kill myself, trying to goad me into being racist (didnt work), and the most concerning thing was i got hundreds of anons being like "what was the point of doing hrt if you still look like that, you should kill yourself." It was like, violent and overwhelming. and on top of it I'd get random young teenager trans people who followed her and bought into her bioessentialism showing up in my messages being like "you give trans people a bad name" "you're why transphobia exists" etc etc it was fucking crazy.

but i lost like, no followers because everyone around me understood, this woman was a terf. this all set up the real one though.

later in the year a teenage "communist" trans girl made some snarky comment about me being racist on a post of mine blowing up. i ignored her cuz like, who cares it's just some random teenager. but i guess people were looking for a reason to hate me cuz that blew up, lots of people just took that at face value no need to investigate. when someone finally did send the girl an ask being like "hey how is she racist" she replied "I dont remember but I know she is" and even more people just took this as 100%. the thing is, i do remember her being one of those "you make trans people look bad" terf following young trans people, it's not that she didn't remember, it's that she didnt want to admit she followed a terf and she believed a terf just saying shit. I lost like 3/4s of my followers, i had a lot of people i thought were my friends just stop talking to me, and going forward every time i got a call out there would usually be a line of like "also she's racist, everyone already knows this" all cuz this girl needed to make a snarky comment cuz she just loves terfs.

the thing about the "i dont remember" bit is it made some weird game of telephone. "I dont remember" became "oh she's racist, i think she says the n word" which became "she called black bloggers the n word" like people just made shit up about me and connected it to this call out. and when id be like this isnt true id be met with a "this is just known, youre a known racist" and it's like, to this day i will still find people be like "hey good on you for growing as a person and not doing that any more" and its like I NEVER DID IT TO BEGIN WITH

#ranting