2024 reads / storygraph
The Jinn-Bot of Shantiport
set in a cyberpunk Calcutta-inspired city, loosely inspired by Aladdin
chaotic monkey bot who wants to fight in underground mecha/bot tournaments and leave to become a space hero
his human sister, the daughter of failed revolutionaries who has been working her whole life to free their city from oppression and inequality, especially with the recent rumors that their planet is scheduled for destruction
and an old unearthed bot whose function is to observe & record the story of a client who meets the siblings and quickly becomes involved in their lives
and a treasure hunt to find an old and powerful piece of alien tech that has the power to radically change their city
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Yknow, I think this passage really captures how Ouyang views Esen, especially in contrast with how Baoxiang views Esen. Ouyang geuinely believes the best of Esen, he genuinely belives that Esen is good and pure and kind and that it's himslef that is taining him into being otherwise. And while Ouyang is right in that he's technically responsible for Esen’s current emotional state (he did very much kill Esen’s dad and frame his brother for it, that is very much a thing he just did), for once it isn't his fault for the everything else going on with Esen?
I do think Esen is generally good-natured, and tries to be kind and generous to those he loves, but it's very clear that Ouyang has reduced him to JUST that in his head. He only sees Esen’s best qualities as inherent to him, and all the bad ones are Ouyang's fault somehow. He blames himself for Esen not understanding him (because there's something wrong with him, and even when he's mad at Esen for not caring enough to notice certain things he justifies it in his head by making it about his own unmanliness or whatever and Esen is just to perfect for that), for any failure in battle (yeah you're the general but Esen also approved this hes your boss dude), and generally for any moment where Esen exhibits less than stellar behaviour/capacity/etc. When in reality, we have a lot of moments where Esen is just sort of a dick, many of which are pre-ouyang (courtesy of HWDtW wbx flashbacks, which, granted, are also biased but my point still stands). We see Esen's constant and usually unjustified frustration with wbx and sometimes Ouyang, we see him be dismissive of the things they tell him, in the pre-order reward its pretty much stated that he makes a habit of dumping Ouyang outside brothels for hours while he goes inside to get laid, in one of his first scenes we see how much he enjoys it when Ouyang spends the whole morning tormenting Altan (altho tbf he kinda deserved it, altan suuuccckkss), and in general Esen just kinda treats people like crap sometimes. He's snapish and short-tempered and stubborn and imperious, loves whining about stuff, and is a shitty brother and best friend. He's got a lot of good qualities too, like how he's one of the few people that treats Ouyang with respect and tries to treat him as an equal, how his first reaction when wbx is insulted is to come to his defense (even if wbx usually foils his attempts by immediately clapping back and storming off), how we see him recognize he gets frustrated witj wbx too easily and tries to hold his temper back, how he immediately self-sacrifices to save Ouyang from his dad, how even after thinking wbx killed their dad he does really want to forgive him.
My point is, Esen is trying, but he's a very flawed human being, and Ouyang just can't seem to grasp that. He looks at him with rose-colored glasses. And it's so interesting that amongst all the shitty things Ouyang has done (and this duology really just is Ouyang and WBX fuck up yuan dynasty china to truly Epic proportions), the one he feels worst about is the one that isn't actually his fault (sorta). He may have killed Chaghan and been the catalyst for Esen's emotional blow up, but he isn't responsible for Esen having the capacity to burn WBX's books. That was Esen's decision. He hasn't somehow manipulated Esen into an eviler, crueler version of himself by virtue of existing evil-y and eunuch-y and revengefully im his vicinity. Esen was always capable of this, even if we take out Ouyang's actual manipulations, and I think this whole I-tainted-hin mentality really encapsulates how fucked up their relationship and Ouyang's mental state are in general. After all, Ouyang doesn't feel bad about the murder, or the framing, and he feels guilt about causing Esen pain, but most of all, he feels absolutely terrible that he's shattered what he sees as Esen’s purity, which in reality is mostly just the pedestal he himslef put him on. Man, what a fucked up little guy.
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/looks at my rapid fire recent AO3 posting history, precedes by months and months of extremely intermittent and spread out posting since last december
say how seldom u are able to find time off during medical school without saying how seldom u are able to find time off during medical school
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Honestly so crushed and tired because today was the fourth time out of five past work days I got - imo - inappropriately disproportionately chewed out by higher-ups about things that a) HARMED nobody but "only" caused inconvenience and b) were not even entirely within MY control and c) were 90% about failed communication from both ends instead of genuine neglect or even mistakes from my side??
I still like my work, but wow. Some people cam so absolutely go fuck themselves and step in a puddle of cold garbage juice in socks first thing in the morning for a while. Holy shit.
Also I know who, when the "offer" is up next time, will ABSOLUTELY tell the doctor "yes, you're right, sign my sick note for two full weeks instead of just one" rather than going "I gotta go back as soon as I can bear it because so many people are sick already".
ALSO I know who will step back a little on volunteering for inconvenient extra work such as making coffee or cleaning up or re-stocking materials from the annoying cabinet for the next few weeks at least. Find me chilling at a couch with the others k thx bye.
:)))
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