#society teaches us to think in a certain way and unlearning that is hard as fuck and we're all trying

[hwiyoungies]

not carats on weverse posting the "correct" translation where the hell did they even get that lol

#it's basically him saying tht doesn't matter if you're skinny or fat you should love yourself #but that doesn't take away from the rest of the things he said like dudes you can support him but call him out still #telling to people to not eat it's simply fucked up even his his intentions weren't malicious #carats say they love sv.t and yet they simply refuse to call them out when they do shit wrong and let them learn and grow #fuck dude no one is perfect and we've all learned to let go of our hurtful views. or are trying to do that #society teaches us to think in a certain way and unlearning that is hard as fuck and we're all trying #so coddling these grown ass men is not gonna help them at the end of the day #say he didn't mean it sure whatever. the way he said it was still fucked up and so harmful #fucking hate the if you actually loved your faves you wouldn't call them out mentality #screw that i constantly call out my loved ones on the shit they say and they do the same to me #because i want them to grow i want us to be the best versions of ourselfes that we can be #so of course i want that for my faves too and i will call out their shitty behaviour and hold them accountable #you actually love this dude? help him fucking grow and don't treat him like a fucking child #fatphobia tw #b.txt

[murswrites]

Fluff Alphabet ⎯ Harry Bingham

Character/Celeb: Harry Bingham Fandom: The Society MASTERLIST Request from anon: Hello! Can I please request fluff alphabet with Harry Bingham please? Thank you 😌

A/N Yes, he’s a dick in the show but he’s hot shut up. Also this headcanon is sorta in-between the whole thing where it’s just the teenagers and then the real world.

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Everyone thinks Harry finds the “standard of beauty” to be the deciding factor (plus status) in who he likes, but deep down he enjoys someone who makes him feel safe.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

He’s never really thought about it and I’m sure even then, he’s not interested in having kids. I’m sure he’s worried about screwing up like his parents did.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Just laying/sitting beside each other is usually how it goes. But Harry enjoys holding you whenever you spend the night.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Harry’s a certified show-off, so before the field trip he’s definitely taking you out to expensive restaurants and on joy rides in one of his cars. But after everyone is stuck in New West Ham, your dates are far simpler. Usually just sitting under a tree during free time eating together or watching a movie on his projector at home.

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

“You are my... favorite person.”

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

He doesn’t like feeling he owes someone something so he honestly doesn’t really realize the feeling of being “indebted” to you was... in fact loving you.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Despite popular belief, Harry is very gentle. He may be a dick to the whole world but with you, he’s kind and genuine. May it be with his words or how he hugs you.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

I feel like the gif above sort of explains it, he’s rather feel your wrist that your hand because (and don’t tell anyone) Harry has clammy hands all the time. It grosses him out and he’s afraid it does the same to you.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

He kind of thinks everyone who isn’t rich isn’t worth his time so honestly? Uh, Harry thought you were boring and not worth his time. Sorry, it’s not cute, I know.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Yes, Harry is that kid that would hog all of his toys on a play date because they’re his. It’s a little toxic how he reacts to certain situations but I’m sure he’d try to work on it if you asked.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

You initiated the first kiss. Harry a bad kisser when you first meet him, he’s only ever kissed like he’s seen in the movies and everyone who had been with him up until that point never said a word. So when you tell him “hey this kinda sucks”, he’s very confused. But you teach him how to kiss you in a way that works and he’s a quick learner.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

You do, I feel like Harry is scared to trust someone completely so he probably holds back on saying that he loves you. But once you say it, he seems to be more comfortable doing so.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

Junior prom, definitely. It may have been chaotic and technically boring but you made it fun for Harry. You two danced the night away. Maybe Harry loves the memory more now since senior prom was a bust... he doesn’t really know.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Before the field trip, he would have bought you extravagant gifts and beautiful things. But after? Harry would probably feel ashamed that he couldn’t give you all and more since he’s been taught that material things = how much you love a person. It would be hard for him to unlearn this.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

I think it would be a warm light pink, it’s soft and soothing. It makes him feel safe.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

He’s honestly basic, so things like “babe”, “baby” or an ugly nickname he chose to make you “angry” with. (ex: gremlin)

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

Gardening, when he was younger his mother and him would plant flowers together. Harry hasn’t done it in years but he has fond memories of it.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Watch movies, order takeout. After the field trip it’s pretty much the same minus takeout.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

One word (kind of). A game of fugitive. He is weirdly obsessed with this game, but it brings together his favorite things. Fast cars and telling people what to do. (aka having control)

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

Around others, he’s a bit of a meathead with no emotions. But with you he tends to actually open up a bit.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Long and fast car rides with the hood down. It’s weird how adrenaline helps Harry calm down.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Literally everything, Harry will always be a rich kid at heart so it’s honestly in his nature to show off when he can. But despite how he acts, he’s not too proud of himself since his parents never really said they were.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

Harry wouldn’t make it over the top (surprisingly), it would probably be during a picnic or a movie and he’d pull out the box like “here” and then ask.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Indigo Night - Tamino

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Sometimes, but he knows his parents are on the rocks so it makes him nervous.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

I have a sneaking suspicion he’s allergic to like every animal on the planet. But I think he’d get a short hair cat. Probably the standard brown tabby.

#harry bingham #harry bingham x reader #alex fitzalan #the society #the society imagine #harry bingham imagine #the society x reader #fluff alphabet #pew pew pew? more like queue queue queue

[menalez]

Hello, I would like your opinion on my thoughts. Where I live, we have many Indian immigrants. The people who were able to immigrate here were at the top of the caste system in India. (There have been lawsuits about the few people in lower castes who came over being discriminated against in the workplace by those of higher castes.) What this translates to is many of the highest caste men displaying a lot of entitlement. This is saying nothing about their race, but in regards to how you grow up culturally. I assume you would agree an observer of this pattern is not racist. Correct me if I’m wrong

As you said, immigrant men are equally misogynistic as American men, they just express it differently. I agree and with porn conditioning most American men I can’t say Im sure who dehumanizes women more. I suppose the best comparison is public vs private exploitation. Anyway, would you not agree that men who have been raised in a culture where rape is more commonplace would be more likely to rape when thrust into a new culture (whether it’s a woman of their background or one of another)? Or would you say the same amount takes place and it’s just more hidden and socially acceptable (such as through coercion and grooming)?

I’m not intending to debate immigration policy or the separation of women from sons or husbands.

im going to speak on my experiences as i can’t comment on indian men. in bahrain, growing up, i had a very specific idea of rape. i remember when i was raped, my australian (of pakistani & palestinian heritage before ppl assume he’s white) friend had to sit there and explain to me how what i went through was rape. i thought that it was my fault because after my rapist said if i don’t comply he’ll do worse to me, i agreed to do some things. i had no idea that coercion is a form of rape, bc to me (and other ppl who grew up in Bahrain & countries with similar mindsets) rape is saying no the whole way through and constantly fighting and i didn’t do that. i gave up and gave in. and keep in mind, i come from a somewhat westernised and very left-wing family. so if that was MY mindset, imagine how the average person in Bahrain thinks of rape.

rape is definitely a major issue, and incredibly common. sexual harassment is even more common, and men will constantly sexually harass women and see nothing wrong with it. that’s just the mindset held here. men are raised to be entitled, even their mothers encourage this entitlement. marital rape is legal and it’s incredibly difficult to prosecute a rapist because there should be two witnesses (if both are male, if ur witness is a female u need more than 2 iirc). so there is basically no actual consequence to begin with. so men here are taught that they’re superior, that they are entitled to women, that if a woman isn’t covered then she’s asking for it, that it’s the woman’s responsibility not to get raped rather than the man’s responsibility to not rape, that coercion and grooming and marital rape and such are all a-ok and not rape. so because of all of this, a culture of rape being basically acceptable is created. women partake in this culture too, we are raised in the same society holding those same ideas so a lot of us won’t even think much of it until it affects us personally.

i can’t speak on how these men would act outside. i doubt they’d just magically unlearn that stuff on their own. i do think that services that teach migrants on acceptable behaviour and things about rape and what is rape, why it’s wrong, etc is good. even in the west, everyone in my university was put through consent classes telling us these things that many would assume is common sense (it certainly should be). many will laugh it off and call it stupid, but i think it’s necessary. even in the west there is debate on if having sex with an unconscious woman is rape. or if having sex with a drunk woman is rape. education on this is necessary in my opinion. as for who does it more, i don’t know. there are multiple factors that come into play with crime rates, and white men will often get away with more so it’s hard to say who commits more crime with that in mind. are men from more overtly misogynistic societies more likely to do such things, or are they more likely to be held accountable for it? when i looked into the crime statistics of asylum seekers, i found that German men aged 14 to 30 made up half of the perpetrators of violent crime in Germany despite only being 9% of the German population. so men of a certain age are more likely to partake in violent crime… so what does that mean for asylum seekers, when in Germany 16 to 30 year old males make up 29% of asylum seekers? what that tells us is that they’re probably behind the higher crime rate among asylum seekers, because they’re overrepresented among asylum seekers. so based on all the info i have…. i can’t say for sure. i certainly don’t think they’re less misogynistic, but it’s hard to say whether they’re MORE misogynistic and MORE violent, or if they’re just more open with their misogyny & more likely to be held accountable / caught.

[aestheticritique]

For young men (Part 1)

In my latest lockdown induced depressive episode I have been meeting some new people online. They are all young, male, mostly heterosexual, very nice and extremely considerate. However, they also are often afraid becoming a burden, insecure in their appearance or social skills, and often struggling with mental health. Given this, they are also usually extremely afraid of never finding themselves having sex or getting into a meaningful relationship in the late stage neoliberal capitalist dystopia we find ourselves in. To be honest I didn’t understand them at first, especially their obsession with sex. But the more I am thinking about it, the more I realize that we are united in the same dynamic of seeing sex or love as magic verfication of... What?

Growing up, I used hookups as a way to prove to myself that I am worth something. I thought that my value was defined by men’s desire. I originally in writing this wanted to show my perspective from the other side of the same coin, but after realizing how much of an undertaking that would be, I decided to start with the two most common answers from men used as justification to why they think they won’t get laid. These are things I find will help these kinds of people out, but as a great thinker once said...

“I can’t mom you through this one, boys. You are on your own.” - Contrapoints

(I link songs I like through out btw, the underlined text are links you can click on)

Foreword: Social factors

The average age of first intercourse has been rising in the US. Teenagers have less sex than ever before. These changes will affect you. In teen movies and shows charakters often experiment with sexuality before the age of 18. Everything else is played as an abnormality. If we compare ourselves to this misrepresentation of teenage sexuality, of course we seem like the losers.

“The proportion of young people who have had sexual intercourse increases rapidly as they age through adolescence”. It’s very likely, at least from my view, that you are just going to grow out of the awkward zone of wanting intimacy but not getting it. Just like you grew out of other things, such as bad musical taste or that one gaudy outfit. Don’t stress over this one specifically either.

Adolescence is weird for all of us. Even if your first encounter is after college, let’s be real here: having such a good thing in your own place without your parents looming or having to share your room with a roommate you barely know is so much better anyway.

The Ugly fuck too

A common answer to my question why they think that they will never have sex is that they are “unattractive”. The implication being, that sex is the prize for looking a certain way.

But is it? We are so used to the perfect, porn-ready bodies in the media that we forget that the Ugly fuck too. We never see the foldes of fat and skin, never see acne warriors or moles, never see people who actually look like us.

In the movie “The Parasite”, there is a scene where the husband of Gook Moon-gwang, the former housekeeper, is implied to have sex. (the clip, starts at 3:00) It gave me weird feelings of discomfort, as the illusion so stereotypically found on the silver screen was not present. These two characters are not pretty. They look old. She is fat and he is a balding skeleton. They are not special, and that’s okay.

Being fuckable does not equal beauty. Being fuckable does not equal beauty. It was a terrifying thought initially for someone like me who defined their value over beauty & their beauty as being fuckable. It might also be a scary thought for someone who doesn’t think that they deserve love and intimacy because of their looks. I promise you that you still deserve love! Sex did not cure my problems with my appearance, or the fact that I based my self-esteem on the way I look. It will not make you feel normal. It will not make you feel better, prove your worth or even give you more self esteem in the long term beyond the initial rush of dopamine. It is not a caravan to fulfillment.

Beauty is a concept that is based on exclusion. Allow yourself to feel the pain of being excluded, of not reaching the impossible beauty standards and the disadvantages that come with it. Allow yourself to feel the fear of not being “man enough” and be happy in spite of it.

“Patriarchal masculinity teaches us to control our pain, but it can block us from experiencing the grief that is part of a full life. Chasing pleasure and controlling pain is patriarchal. Opening ourselves up to joy and grief is to be fully human.”

”Those of us in that skinny nerd category are especially prone to thinking that we aren’t “man enough.” [..] But the more I talked to men, the more convinced I became that almost all men at some point in their lives don’t feel man enough. Even the men I thought were the “real men” were scared.

That’s not surprising. Masculinity in patriarchy—that is, masculinity in a system of institutionalized male dominance—trains men to be competitive, in pursuit of conquest, which leads to routine confrontation, with the goal of always being in control of oneself and others. But no matter how intensely competitive one is, no matter how complete the conquest, no matter how many successful confrontations, and no matter how much one stays in control—men are haunted by the fear that they aren’t man enough, that they can never stop proving their masculinity.” - Robert Jensen

Stop comparing your appearance to other men’s. Start talking and bonding with them over your undoubtably shared insecurities rooted in society’s relentless toxic masculinity. Unlearning the things you’ve been indoctrinated into since conception is damn hard. I am still in the middle of it personally, but I promise you it is worth it. It will improve not only your relationships with other men, but also with yourself and that one girl you’re pining after.

There are a ton of resources targeted at women about self acceptance, but not many for men. Robert Jenson comes from a tradition of critical men’s groups. Even though I don’t agree with him on everything, he manages to scare most men (especially the kind I mentioned in the first paragraph) to their core, but also improves their lives drastically with his kindness and radical ideas. I implore you to look him up, and try your best to keep an open mind.

“A person who functions normally in a sick society is themselve sick.”

The other most common answer  to the initial question was “being socially maladjusted”, implying that sex is something you earn by behaving a certain way. It is ingrained in the way we talk about love. “Deserving love” is the best example. Neither love nor sex is a product of work. Love and intimacy are a lot like sleep. It is a slow but unconscious process. You slowly work into it, with no idea of what comes next, and then, after an agonizingly long moment, you’re there. The fall is not often expected or easy, is always exhilarating, but never the product of conformity to anything except comfort with who you are.

I do acknowledge that social settings can be weird, existentially unsettling, and full of unseen complexities. This is especially true if you are neurodivergent and / or struggling with mental health.  Being neurodivergent or struggling with mental health goes against the impossible, hegemonically masculine standard of always being in controll. It’s a common cause behind feelings of emasculation. Disregard that feeling, and remember that you deserve love, no matter how manly you are or are not, no matter how you behave.

Learning social settings are lot like learning to skate. In the beginning you will be covered in bruises, but with enough effort, you will be better at it. The chance of mistakes will get lower, but never zero. You will always have awkward situations, but that doesn’t mean that you are bad at them. It just means that you have room to improve still. Maybe consider getting lessons or joining a skate crew.

We tend to hyperfocus on the accidents. Think about how many nice conversations you had over the internet, text or otherwise. I ask you to value them. Value these positive experiences, value your friendships and acquaintances, value the people supporting you, online and offline. We tend to hyperfocus on meaningfull longterm friendships, just like we hyperfocus on love. Value your social enviroment, value someone who just made you feel ok for a moment. You are socially adapted, because you have a social enviroment you feel comfortable in, where you have relationships with people. The depth of a relationship is not messured by time, nor by physical touch. Being mindful of your feelings for the people around you can make you realize that you are less alone than you thought.

Some Tips

If you want to make friends additionally to that, here are some tips from someone, who is bad at social clues:

Join a group with a common interest or struggle: Book clubs, activist groups, selfhelp groups, they are great settings to meet new people and you already have a topic to talk about :)

If you feel save about it: Being open about your issues can help other people adapt to you and understand you better - especially in early on in relationships.

People sitting at the bar or smoking outside are generally more open for conversation

Don’t be afraid of getting rejected: They don’t reject you, when they reject a conversation with you. The reasons people don’t want to talk to you is very diverse. Stay respectful and polite.

Don’t expect to much: No one owes you a long conversation. A smalltalk is perfectly fine.

Learn to make compliments casually and learn to compliments that aren’t based on appearance.

Find a common ground (politically, a interest ect.) and talk about it

Take a improv class, seriously TAKE A IMPROV CLASS! (there are online ones, and sometimes it’s even free)

Here are some youtube videos by Anna Akana with more tips. (1) conversations, (2) how to be a better friend, (3) overthinking

Here are is a piece about being bad at relationship I liked.

Footnote: Trophies and muses

“We do not want to do the work of helping you to believe in your humanity. We cannot do it anymore. We have always tried. We have been repaid with systematic exploitation and systematic abuse. You are going to have to do this yourselves from now on and you know it.” - Andrea Dowkin

Behind the whole obsession with sex is often a distorted perception of women. Just remind yourself that women are human? Access to female bodies is not a human right. We are not trophies to push your ego. We are not there to inspire you or heal you. We are humans with agency. We desire love and being loved, just like everyone else.

I am tired, but I believe in your humanity...

xoxo,

aestheticritique

[sludgefriend]

the other day, i was given an invitation that i couldn’t refuse. i had walked into my backyard to get my dog to come inside, when one of the neighbors invited me over to their family barbecue. over the past couple of months, we had all become mildly familiar with eachother, seeing eachother throughout town and over the fence and such. i didn’t really want to go over; i knew that they weren’t wearing masks and i figured that we didn’t have much in common anyways. i went over anyways though, because i also knew that if i turned down their offer, they’d probably think that i thought i was some kind of conceited college kid that thought i was too good to hang out with some working-class folks. so, i decided to be friendly and come over to keep the peace and maybe build some bonds.

i knew i was in over my head the second i opened their gate. i stepped into their backyard and the first thing i noticed was that the man that had invited me over, the man that was clearly the Man of the house who everybody looked up to and answered to, was wearing a shirt with the confederate flag on it. to make matters worse, the flag had the SS insignia emblazoned dead-center. at this point, i get nervous but realize that it’s best for me to stand my ground, show no weakness, and keep things civil. these people are my neighbors, after all.

so, i stay. i talk to the family but my conversations are mostly focused with this man, Zack. almost instantly, i could tell that they were trying to test me and see where i stood on the political compass, and how well i stood there. before long, the topics shifted to politics and current events.

of course, it came as no surprise what their opinions were, for the most part. you can probably guess. it was a really tense experience for me, but probably not for them. i tried to not let it show, and i think i did pretty well. i also managed to stand my ground on my beliefs without seriously pissing them off, which i’m somewhat proud of. in some weird sort of way, they seemed to respect what i had to say.

it all kind of comes into perspective when, towards the end of my visit, Zack comes out and tells me that he used to be filled with hate towards POC, and that he was raised in a white supremacist household. however, his mother had recently defected and attempted to change her ways. after seeing that, he said that he’d tried to do the same. apparently he was now a man of god, and tried to learn from his god to become a more tolerant and understanding person. i asked him how he’d managed to overcome his hate, and he told me that he still hadn’t; it was something he was working on. i remember now, that in an earlier conversation about inequality, while his family asserted that success was the absolute result of hard work, and implied that worse off white folks as well as most POC didn’t work hard enough to earn their place in society, he interjected that POC have a much harder time achieving success in society due to the system that’s in place.

so, this experience left me with a lot of weird, conflicting feelings, which is really why i’m writing this post. i can’t help but wondering, is this really the way that he felt, or was he just saying what he thought i wanted to hear? if he did really feel this way, how much does his family agree? i can’t help but feeling like a bad person for even breaking bread with these people, even walking into the situation not knowing exactly what the situation actually was, and even though going and being amicable was first and foremost in the interest of my safety, the safety of my housemates, the safety of my dog, and the safety of my property.

i’m definitely going to avoid going over there again. i can’t help but wondering though, if i could talk to zack again, 1-on-1, could i convince him to come even further with his compassion? how many people with these kinds of opinions can actually be convinced to leave behind this kind of horrible lifestyle? i mean, it’s clear to me that actual behavior associated with this kind of lifestyle must have a zero tolerance policy, and must necessarily be met with violence in certain situations, but also, i feel like we’ve all seen at least clips from those documentaries where actual klansmen are introduced to the people that they claim to hate, have real conversations with them, and end up changing their ways.

it’s clear to me that some of the core beliefs that these people have relate to weakness and hard work. in that, asking for help and similar behaviors are weak, and to be weak is to be inferior, and that success is truly a measure of hard work. You know, and even the latter could have been true, at least for white folks in the mid-20th century, which could really explain how some of their beliefs can sort of bubble up and become solid in their minds.

at the end of the day, it seems to me, that all conflict is directly related to class conflict. racism and inequality are both systems that seem to be in place to keep the working class from uniting and forcing major changes that level the playing field. i wonder if these people can ever be convinced, even in portions, that our enemy isn’t really eachother, but the people who hold the reigns. because that’s how it is. that’s how it really is. no matter how much you hate these people, you have to admit, we’re on the same level. we’re being kept on the same level by the same people. the only difference is our cultures, and how easily our cultures can direct us towards hatred, which keeps these systems in place, and, you know, a lot of these people that are filled with hate, and do and think horrible things are people that are poverty stricken, who have shit education and shit healthcare just like a lot of us, and it’s likely that these conditions helped to make them this way. you’ve got to wonder, if things were better for all of us, if we all had access to the resources we need, would less of these people think the way that they do?

that being said, i think that a decent chunk of people that ended up with their heads in the right place, being compassionate and helpful, people who are active in humanitarian conversations and activities could have ended up just as hateful and shitty given a slightly different situation. i’ll be honest. i grew up in a rural town filled to the brim with white folks, i grew up with shit on TV like family guy and South Park and whatever the fuck else garbage was spewing on there. i grew up with prejudice. i was never hatefully racist, but that environment and upbringing made me feel afraid of POC, even though I’m Mexican, myself. It made me extremely transphobic. I unlearned my prejudice towards people of other races pretty quickly, but it took all the way into my late teens to meet the people that i needed to meet to teach me to respect and love trans folks. had things gone just a little bit differently, i would’ve genuinely ended up some shmuck, glued to 4chan with a weird, twisted worldview and belief system. i probably would’ve been extremely misogynistic, extremely prejudiced. things just had to be only a little bit different, but instead i just turned out a solid leftist with a strong belief system focused around the increased wellbeing for everybody, especially focused on vulnerable groups of people.

so there’s that, i guess. i’d genuinely appreciate any feedback.

#speak

[oppressiveliberator]

Would Ghetsis, in his “oourhg gotta teach this feral child how to be a person” lessons have been,, let’s say ‘not very understanding’ of his son’s behaviors? Or would the “stop fucking flapping your hands, it’s unseemly” thing have been part of the being king lessons? Basically how does he feel abt N in this regard; he’s still the precious golden baby boy, surely, but??? This is not a well phrased question sorry

((Absolutely.  Ghetsis, especially before he realized oh that’s a neurological issue, not a Pokémon-upbringing one, had little to no tolerance for N’s neurodivergent behaviors.  N was definitely restricted from various stimming behavior, including flapping and verbal tics and noise-making that wasn’t being used for some communicative purpose.  Despite his research(study of? maybe Ghetsis has a Doctorate??) of psychology, it didn’t really occur to him that N’s behavior was from his having autism as opposed to, y’know, being a wolf child from the forest.

[As a note, I’m just covering things off the top of my head so, 1) sloppy as usual, 2) probably not well worded or fully correct due to it being 4/5am as I write this and not being in a heavy researching mood to look up more things that should be addressed.  So if there’s any other particular behavior or other thing(s) you’d like to know about or suggest, lmk!  And feel free to correct me, as I am a sleepy vee who is certain there’re a lot of mistakes in this.]

[obvious warnings for ableism and child abuse behind the cut.]

N would have been discouraged from things like hand-flapping and touching things for texture-based reasons--possibly did that shit where, to discourage him from putting his hands all over the place to analyze his surroundings, pressed his hands against sandpaper, or otherwise would slap at his hands to keep them from being put into uses that were ‘abnormal.’  On a similar note, he wasn’t as accommodating to his needs in terms of clothing choices at first, being annoyed by his pickiness and things like an insistence on wearing one thing over and over even if it wasn’t clean(or, in many cases, not wearing anything at all, which was fine except when he tried ti go into the hallway with his naked little kid ass out) but eventually got his tailors to make all of his clothes to his comfort level and made sure any clothes were of materials/textures/etc he was comfortable in.  However, he wouldn’t tolerate old clothes being kept after they were run thin or otherwise at a point where he’d discard them.  Ghetsis likely also had no problem holding N down and undressing him if he wanted something off of him and he was resistant.

As he began to understand and find uses for his divergent behaviors, he began to allow the things like touching his surroundings to pass them off as his displeasure and discomfort with many artificial things and human society and the like being a sign of its threat to Pokémon-kind.

He was also resistant in regards to food textures and the like and still often gripes when N doesn’t want to eat something on the basis of not liking how it feels--however, of course, only he’s allowed to do this, and he’ll demand the food be altered or replaced to fit N’s preferences.  ‘It’s annoying, but only I can feel that way’ is a constant theme of how Ghetsis handles N’s behavior.  N is his King and Hero and golden baby, so he needs to be spoiled and treated how he wants.

Ghetsis would force affection on him or get annoyed if he did things like tried to worm his way out of hugs or other physical contact when Ghetsis decided he wanted them.  This actually never changed.  At present, he’ll still likely force himself on N affectionately.  He does also wait for or demand that N come to him when he wants attention(holds his arm open to tell him to come close enough to hold, air kisses if he wanted to smooch him, etc) as N would have learned to do this to avoid drawing his ire even when he didn’t want the contact himself.  And, of course, the guilt tripping of “what I don’t get [affection]?” “come here and [affection] your Father.” and so on, making it something he’s owed.  I can kind of see him unlearning forced contact, but he’d still be pretty annoyed and grumpy if he didn’t get what he asked for.

(Occasionally said affection was allowed to extend to inhuman behavior both to and from N, with things like playful/affectionate licking or biting.  Is that weird?  My dad would do that to me when I was a kid, so I don’t find it weird.  It wasn’t anywhere bad, so.  I imagine N may have found this slightly more tolerable as it was more of what he was used to in the wild.)

One thing he’d tolerate more out of convenience was that I imagine N’s hair was a matted mess when he first came to live with him, and of course N hates having it loose.  To this day he often wears some of his hair in a matted style.  Having his hair touched is okay, especially when he’s being bathed or pet, but if you so much as think too hard about brushing or cutting it N will go ballistic in a bad way.  As a result, Ghetsis didn’t cut his hair much, just tried to keep the matted, locked mess clean and somewhat orderly as it grew out and did his best to brush and clean his hair as it grew in.  The weight and pressure changed when his hair was cleaned and brushed out and allowed to grow loose again, which is where his wearing baseball caps a good amount comes in.

N’s void cube is a comfort object and he can’t imagine having it away from him too long or having it too far away from him in general.  This had to be put up with to a certain degree because attempts to remove it or put it far away or take it would make N get violent, biting and hitting and scratching until he felt it was safe again.  (This was a problem when the initial chain holding it snapped and Ghetsis took it away to put it back on something stronger so N could wear it again.)

Sensory overload was understood but also not tolerated much.  Ghetsis would, of course, scold anybody who was inflicting too much noise or anything on N and making him uncomfortable, but if it was Ghetsis’s fault it was N’s fault instead.  Screaming or crying from harsh noises wasn’t well tolerated, and certain noises(such as banging his cane on a hard floor) were used as punishment or ‘alert’ sort of sounds to tell him to pay attention or that he did something wrong.  If N would not calm down, he might have been locked away in a dark room(or, like, a closet or something) to calm down(of course, he was mostly just frightened or too suddenly deprived of sensory stimulation and it didn’t help much, but eventually he did quiet down or Ghetsis would let him out otherwise.)

If he was ever especially physically violent with N it was always in private.  He was more psychologically and emotionally abusive.

As he understood more that it was Autism and/or other mental issues, he still felt it was something he could remove from him by not tolerating it, but he also increasingly found ‘uses’ for N’s sensitivities--and, of course, the positive aspects were valued and praised and permitted.  As time went on he’d learn to ‘combat’ N’s behavior more peacefully(and he’d apologize if he was harsh or violent--of course, it was framed as ‘if you hadn’t done this. . .’ and made to be N’s fault and the actual meaning of the apologies is questionable, but I digress) and discourage it more gently--but ultimately he tried to get rid of what he didn’t like.

Of course, any especially. . .idk how to word it ‘strong’???  Neurodivergent behavior was not tolerated, so anything below “high functioning” would have absolutely been completely untolerated unless a ‘use’ for it was found.

. . .so, yeah, Ghetsis was not very accepting or tolerant of most of N’s behavior until he found worth in it or got accustomed to it, or at least until he understood it as ‘autism, not animalism.’  However, this intolerance would not be tolerated in others.  If anyone tried to mistreat or deny N his needs and feelings, they’d be in trouble.  ONLY Ghetsis may mistreat N or try and shape who he is and how he acts and feels.  And that includes ‘getting rid of’ his autistic symptoms unless he otherwise approves of actions or words.

I can kind of see him getting better, especially with his own mind and body deteriorating and so on, but at the moment he’s still mostly shitty about anything he can’t control or fix or that isn’t up to his standard.  He’s the kind of weird guy who managed to study psychology and actually become a doctor on the subject!!  but still doesn’t always accept modern understanding or treatment methods lmao.  Ghetsis picks and chooses what he decides is true and it can change on a goddamn dime lolol

#ableism cw/// #child abuse cw/// #ask to tag #long post #Headcanon | The Horror That He Brings The Horror Of His Sting The Unholiest Of Kings #Asks | The Truth Won’t Save You Now #Anonymous | If It Hasn't Learned Your Name You'd Better Kill It Before They See It #((thank you very much for the ask❣))

[aquarianlights]

Happy Personal Update Time!!

I know I promised to do this forever ago, but things got busy. So here I am!

Most of you know this is my personal blog, but it has become a lot less personal since pursing medical education. I’m still here, though, and I still love coming here to read all the asks I get and interact with all my followers and all that good stuff. What I really miss is being able to post text posts. They have always been my way of venting and letting go of inward pain, anger, frustration, etc... Text posts/ranting have always been super cathartic for me. But my life is great now and I’m happy to just jump back in to give a long overdue update every once in a while because I miss doing it and I know I still have longtime followers somewhere in that list of people. Haha. Exciting stuff is happening, though!! And I’m very excited to share it, as well.

SO.............this is gonna be long because THERE’S GREAT STUFF HAPPENING!! :D AND I WANT TO SHARE IT ALL!! I hope someone will read this coz man oh man have I come a long fucking way from the whiny little drug addicted suicidal little boy I used to be. Haha. :)

This fall semester is going to be just lovely. I’m going to have the opportunity to work with one of the clubs I’m joining to teach high schoolers how to properly do dissections. I’ll be taught how to properly clean equipment like microscopes and auger plates and such. And I’ll be working alongside a couple of my professors and other club members to mentor high schoolers in some cool biology stuff. :)

The other night, I finally got official international membership with Phi Theta Kappa and also got international membership with the Omega Nu Chapter. I’ll be receiving all that good proof stuff soon like certificates and such, but the reason I’m primarily excited about that is because that opens me up to a TON of scholarship opportunities. Both of those societies give out a fuckton of money every year for academic achievement and with me transferring schools, I’m hoping to be lucky enough to snag some of that.

One of my professors recommended me for a student council officer position and I found out recently that he spoke with another professor in the same department that had me as a student and she got on board with that, but I’m not entirely sure I want to go that route because while I was writing up my essay to submit to the current SGA explaining why they should choose me for one of the officer positions, I really didn’t feel all that passionate at all about it, so I’d much rather someone with a passion for the position have it, but it made me feel good that my professors have that kind of faith in me. I’m still debating on it, though.

Another professor of mine submitted my name for an internship position with a student partnership that eventually leads you to an invite-only online community where you can be set up with more internship opportunities and helps to make connections in your field and all sorts of stuff. The internship has a $200 stipend for the first semester that you do it and a $250 stipend for every following semester that you do it. 

I was going to try it out with her this summer semester, but I had *NO* idea there was so much involved. By the time I had completed my 10 hours of training, I was in shock by the amount of work I was going to need to do to prepare for the role so I’ll actually be taking it on for the first time during Fall semester instead of summer, which is annoying because part of this internship requires you to make a short presentation in every one of the classes that the professor has that term for the students their class (and any other professor in the department who uses the software who may need you), record said lecture and put it up on canvas with the professor for anyone who missed the 1st day of class and for any online classes, be open for any questions after the presentation from both the students and the professor, hold at least 2 hours worth of office hours during the first week, and a *TON* of other stuff that happens prior to the semester before this and after this throughout the semester that would take forever to list. This is annoying that I am having to start in the fall because summer semester has less than HALF the students that fall has. There’s barely anyone there in the summer at all and summer classes are usually very laid back. The teachers are so chill in the summer and usually don’t care much, whereas the Fall semester is serious business and there are TONS of incoming freshman all confused about where they are going and everyone is lost and in a hurry and nervous and it is just total chaos literally everywhere on any campus you go to. So we really wanted to test this out during summer, but there’s just no way. The amount of representatives I have to meet and sit down with and hash out certain details with prior to even making this presentation is going to take me at least a couple weeks and summer semester starts next week. Lol. I only had like 3 weeks from the time my professor submitted my name. Was not nearly enough time.

It’s a very overwhelming internship and the work is... daunting. I mean, it is going to be a *LOT* of work and it is something I have never done before and it will be a style of leadership that I have never had placed on my shoulders before, but everyone has to take that first step at some point in their life. I hope I can do it. I’m going to try... I won’t say I’m not nervous about standing in front of a lecture hall full of students... but I’m probably not as nervous as some would be. I used to hold rally’s in my town square when I was younger to inform the public on the dangers of puppy mills, so I’m quite comfortable with public speaking, but I will say that it has been a good minute since I have done it and I have never stood up in front of a lecture room full of college students who are the same as I am and tried to pretend to know exactly what I’m doing. That’s a little scary to me. Ngl. Lol.

I’m going to be taking American Sign Language as a fluff class to boost my GPA, so I’m really excited about that because I’ve been wanting to learn it really badly. Just wanted to throw that in there haha. :)

That’s about it for the really BIG things for Fall Semester right now, not including like... the normal hard classes, graduating and switching uni’s soon and stuff. Which I’m super excited about!!

BUT!!...This summer is gonna be lit as well!

I got a volunteer position that I’m going to be in orientation for sometime soon (I think next week is what she said) where I’m going to a local shelter and all I’m doing all day is walking dogs, socializing dogs (basically playing with them and getting them comfortable around humans and other dogs so they’re more adoptable), bathing dogs, and basic training (sit, stay, etc...). It is basically my DREAM volunteer position!!

I just remembered reading an article at one point that said “most people don’t know that shelters really need people to just walk the dogs because regular volunteers usually don’t have the time”. And I remembered volunteering at the Humane Society when I was more able bodied than I am now and that was not something I could do now. It was much too physically taxing. Cleaning kennels, washing over 100 dog bowls in a massive sink that I had to stand on a stool to reach, washing tons of worn out dog blankets and toys, carrying heavy loads of laundry, carrying heavy water dishes out to the play yard, filling up buckets and carrying them, scrubbing the floors with a scrubber thing, etc etc etc... like, I could barely do it as able bodied as I was then. There was no slowing down because you had to rotate the dogs out and you only had a certain amount of time to clean the few bowls and toys/beds/towels we had and only a certain amount of time to power wash/spray down the kennels they were in. It was very very fast paced work and one large break in the middle of the day and I had to leave early and I know I could not do that now. Not in a million years. 

Dog walking is something I can do with any size dog. Dog washing is still something I can do and something I have done professionally many times in the grooming industry. Dog socializing is wonderfully cathartic for me AND them. And I’m quite good with basic training, despite what it may seem with Echo...lmao (he just hasn’t been around consistency, which is a huge problem).

So I’m very very excited to get through my orientation and get started on this volunteer position! They were so kind and said that my physical disabilities would be no problem and they could work with me on my pace. I’m really looking forward to this and I’m hoping I can maybe fit it into my schedule when school starts up, even if I have to cut it down to just a couple hours, one day a week.

AND THEN........

In my PERSONAL life...

I’ve made a really cool circle of friends who isn’t intertwined with one of the most toxic people in my life that I really love and will most likely keep in my life forever because I truly believe they can unlearn the toxic behaviour and they’re one of my platonic soul mates. So I now have this really awesome circle of friends that I’m experiencing and learning all these new things about myself and about New Orleans and I keep getting closer with them.

((I may or may not post a rant I wrote up about that, coz it’s painful to talk about. And this is a happy post so it doesn’t go here!!))

I’m learning how to cook through one of those friends. I don’t have enough money to throw at a Hello Fresh subscription, but one of my next door neighbours in my apartment complex has turned into my really good friend and she has a Hello Fresh bi-weekly subscription and it usually is a 2-serving dish and we both live alone and we are both learning to cook for the first time, so we are doing it together. :D She invites me over to her apartment whenever she’s cooking and we’ll just muddle through learning how to cook together. It’s going to be a lot of fun honestly because I have SOOOOO much to learn!! :) Recently got a NutriBullet so I can make protein shakes, but I need to look at recipe’s coz mixing protein powder with just milk or water is awful. Ugh.

I’ve made up my own 30 day challenge for exercising and basically just becoming more healthy and getting my heart and muscles in better shape. June has 30 days so I figured what better way to do a 30 day challenge than on a month that has 30 days lol. Easy to keep track of, right? I made myself a chart and put it on my fridge and everything. Going to keep a log. I’m very excited to see the difference between day 1 and day 30. Going to take pictures for comparison. Idk if 30 days will make that big of a difference, honestly but... we’ll see??? Lol.

I guess this should go up in the school section, but I’m also working on quite a few scholarship entries so we’ll see how that goes!! I had NO idea so many easy essay scholarships were out there!! Keeping it to 1k words is the hard part. :( Eeeeeeeeeeep!!

Been studying for the MCAT’s and tryna find a medical math tutor. It’s gonna be hard, but... we’ll see. Hopefully the MCAT prep classes will help.

I’m in love with deep cleaning and organizing and my neighbour is gonna pay me to clean her apartment and then I’m going over to her mother’s house that she’s renting out (her mother passed away recently and she couldn’t handle staying in the house anymore) to help her Marie Kondo the place. We’re just gonna kind of... go at her own pace, slowly thank everything for doing its job, and get rid of everything that we can and deep clean everything while we are doing it. Probably just take it a day or a week at a time. I’ll be there with her to support her through the process...like if she needs to cry on someone when she sees a certain item or something. I’m excited to help with her journey to recovery and I’m so honoured to be given the chance to be someone’s rock. I love the bond me and my neighbour are developing. I just feel so honoured.

I’m going up to my parents house, then up to Virginia, then hopefully MA towards the end of the summer. Looking forward to the trip quite a bit. :)

HONESTLY... 

I’m just so freakin’ excited. My life is going so wonderfully. Everything is so great. My apartment is wonderful, my relationship with my mom is on the mend because of how well in school I’m doing (you all know that’s all she cares about lol), I have wonderful friends and a great support group, my therapist and I click really well, I’m making opportunities happen and having opportunities open up to me in return, I’m meeting new people and seeing new things, I’m feeling physically healthier than ever (even though my chronic pain is worse than ever), I almost always wake up in a good mood, I’ve been getting a good amount of sleep almost every single night, school is good, connections in the professional world are growing... 

The ONLY thing holding me back right now is money. I’m pretty much living paycheck to paycheck and it is killing me. The amount of things I *WANT* to do but don’t have the money for is just killing me. I’ve been wanting to take dance lessons, but I don’t have the money. Been wanting to sign up to a yoga studio and FINALLY found one IN MY AREA(!!) that had instructors trained in dealing with people with ehlers danlos syndrome (which is crazy coz lots of yoga instructors turn me away when they hear I have ehlers danlos type 3), but I can’t afford it. 

I can barely pay my rent. :| I’m lucky I have EBT, otherwise I literally would not have had any food over the past 2 months. I would have had to choose between having a roof over my head or having food, so thank FUCK I have EBT coz I have a full cabinet and fridge right now. Fucking bless. Lololol.

I’m just so content. There’s a lot of stuff going wrong here and there and a lot of stuff stressing me out, but OVERALL... I couldn’t be happier.

Things have really taken a turn in my life and I have been waiting for them to all come crashing down for 2 years now and they still haven’t and that’s amazing to me.

And there’s my update lol. Hope you enjoyed the Killian Chronicles.  😂 😂 😂 Love and missed you all!  😘

((PS: This has not been proofread and most likely never will be. Free-flow-thought writing is my specialty lol.))

#personal #me.txt

[chemorygunko]

The Money Problem Part 1 - Your Money Mindset

When money worries and anxiety set in, it seems to take over your whole world.

It’s overwhelming and all-consuming and you just don’t know how to stop thinking about it.

Worse than that though, it almost feels as if you are being cheated and deprived when you start having to make longer term lifestyle and budgetary adjustments, and when you feel cheated and victimized, you start getting despondent in other areas - like at work.

I mean why are you working so hard if you can’t even afford a decent lifestyle?

Please scroll down for the video version.

All of this is happening in your mind - and there are so many other thoughts to go with all this.

If you don’t make an inroad into understanding these mindset issues - and mitigating them - then you will keep falling over when it comes to making the practical decisions you need to to adjust your budget.

If you understand these concepts, and how they impact you, and you can then put them to one side, you will discover that you can go through the process of changing your lifestyle without pain, without feeling cheated, and with happiness and relaxation and ease.

I know it seems impossible to think that you can face money troubles and not panic, but you really can.

I know for a fact it’s possible because I did it - and I’ve never been happier in my life. And I’ve helped others cross that same barrier.

Survival needs & mode

Lack mentality

Level of comfort, lifestyle and the basics

Having enough

Instant gratification

Entitlement

Competition & parallels

FOMO - Fear of Missing Out

What ifs…

Survival needs & mode

When money stress kicks in, you often drop into survival mode.

You know what I mean - your whole mind and being seems to become immediately focused on making money, making a plan, or finding a solution. To the exclusion of pretty much everything else really.

Often you don’t even notice it until you’ve found the solution and relief sets in - and you feel the contrast of the relief.

What you don’t realize though is that this non-stop anxiety and thinking is a constant low-grade stress on your body and system, and this has a physical effect of releasing stress hormones like adrenalin and cortisol into your body on an ongoing basis.

This ongoing stress chemical build up keeps you at a constant grade of stress - and permanently keeps your body in the state of fight, flight or freeze.

These hormones make you breathe faster and through your mouth, activating your instinctive and terrestrial response, directing blood away from your forebrain. Your forebrain is what you use for thinking as you know it.

So the reason you’re foggy and you can’t think clearly and you’re forgetting even stupid little things? Stress hormones.

Also blood flow gets directed away from organs, like the bowel, and towards limbs - so you can flee. Your body doesn’t send blood to digest food when you need to flee - it’s using readily available energy to ensure you can run quickly.

So you start getting sick, commonly with some sort of gastric issue at first. How often have we heard that indigestion is linked to stress? And you gain weight around your belly.

The list of physical effects is staggering, but what matters is that you understand the link between the stress hormones and why you feel sick and constantly fatigued and run down.

The answer? Use the Go Ape process ( http://www.lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/go-ape ) to turn off the stress hormones in your system. You should feel immediate relief doing this just once, but it’s very effective to do daily for three weeks or so.

It will also help you shift the stubborn belly fat the stress hormones cause you to carry.

It’s the release equivalent of a good, hectic exercise session where you really pushed yourself. You may feel physically tired after the first time you do it in fact, as the relief washes over you.

Lack mentality

Lack mentality is going to double whammy you.

On the first level, lack mentality is about your baseline lifestyle that you are used to.

A wealth coach I followed for a while has this rule she teaches - establish a new level of broke, say USD 10,000.

When your account reaches that threshold, you can’t spend because you’re “broke”.

At face value, that does seem like good advice - until you understand that what you’re basically teaching yourself to do is look at 10,000 and say “I have nothing.”

So it teaches you to see what you have as being nothing.

The reason that concept seemed like a good idea to you when you first read it, is that most of us do this in our lives already - we consider what we have as being 'ours-already' - so basically nothing. Our zero point we are working FROM.

So we don’t consider what we’ve built up and accumulated. We’re so busy moving towards what we are going to get next that we forget about what we already have.

So, to use a very practical example, you don’t “see” yourself as having technology because you haven’t been able to REPLACE your devices for three years.

The second level that this attacks you on is that a reduction in income, or increase in expenses, means that you can no longer “do” and “get” everything that you are used to having as your baseline level of comfort.

This one nails you hard, because it’s small, repeated reminders: you have to bypass certain items in the store, so you get a bit depressed about that.

You repeatedly have to say no to social invitations because you can’t afford the expense, or can’t afford a gift if it’s a party.

So now, you’re not only reminded that your lifestyle is reduced, you’ve had to make excuses (and maybe lie), and you’re sitting alone at home on a Saturday, bored out of your mind, with nothing to do.

So you think about your loss that whole week - and the week after.

And you can’t even go shopping to alleviate your pain, because honestly, you either can’t afford an increase in monthly payments, or you’ve missed payments and you can’t use your cards.

Each little reminder adds to your accumulating stress levels, just a tiny bit more. And you edge ever closer and closer to a total meltdown.

You just don’t realize it until the moment you finally snap.

It’s that whole frog sitting in boiling water scenario - the stressors have been too small and low level for you to notice the devastating impact they have on you.

Level of comfort, lifestyle and the basics

Speaking of that baseline level of lifestyle - it’s too high when you’re thinking survival.

Here’s the thing: it’s great to have everything that opens and closes, and every new toy or gadget on the market, but when it comes to survival, you have to be practical.

You can’t think in terms of disposable income anymore - and you have to cut costs where and whenever you can.

The most practical place to cut costs? Unnecessary luxury items - and unnecessary monthly expenses.

There are so many of these, from insurances to beauty products, beauty treatments, shopping, gifts, dining out, gambling, entertainment, drugs, high vehicle costs, vacation homes and so much more.

And if you’re flinching right now at any of those, then you are exactly the person that this is aimed at.

Just because you are USED TO having something around, and it makes you comfortable, it doesn’t mean that you deserve it, or are entitled to it, or can’t live without it.

Comfort is a habit. A comfortable habit. And one that is very hard to unlearn.

Very little in life will make you feel as inadequate in our consumer-driven society, as the need to tighten your belt in a way that restricts your day-to-day life in a noticeable manner.

But if you don’t make these changes as quickly as possible yourself, you will face the pain - and potential public humiliation - of having those things taken from you.

Having Enough

Having enough is all about the standards of what you consider to be “enough.”

It’s about the minimum level of comfort you are willing to tolerate, and often that minimum level of comfort is that immediate lifestyle of what we are used to.

If you are truly honest about it, you need very little space and resources in order to survive - or even thrive.

But that’s not what we’re used to - and it’s certainly not what the consumer-driven society we live in tells us we need.

This concept was really driven home for me when watching an Alex Jones documentary the one day, where a group of Americans were walking past a Muslim Refugee Centre, looking at the well-kept and seemingly brand new building from the outside.

You can hear audio in the background of the two walkers talking, and the one says: “Oh shame, these poor refugees. They have to keep their windows open - they don’t even have air conditioning!”

Really? Air conditioning? When did we get to the point where air conditioning is a basic requirement for the functioning of life?

Our concepts of what WE NEED are very warped by media and marketing, and ideas like you need three healthy balanced meals a day.

We grade people in media and marketing by how much money and stuff they have, and how much they have available to spend.

You’re Living Standards Measurement or LSM 1 if you don’t really own anything electrical, or a house, aren’t educated and don’t have disposable income.

However you’re LSM 9 or 10 if you have multiple cars, multiple properties, multiple devices and electronic consumer goods - and lots of money to waste on stuff you don’t need.

Entitlement

So why would all this be a problem? It’s creating entitlement.

Concepts that have reached mainstream - like The Secret and manifestation - aren’t helping the situation either.

“God wants you to have everything you want.” “Your needs matter to God.” “Nothing’s too big or small for you to ask for.” “Work hard and you will achieve any dream.”

Oh and if it doesn’t work, then it’s your fault for not working hard enough. Or maybe it’s your fault for not being.

But that doesn’t mean the feeling of entitlement goes away… and unfulfilled expectation will always breed resentment eventually.

But the answer always remains that you aren’t doing something right - everyone is entitled to their version of success after all.

So you start this endless round of beating yourself up because you aren’t manifesting correctly - and then getting determined and going out again... and then failing again.

And each time you fail, you dip lower emotionally, and the psychic pain of failure grows.

Because you must be some special kind of failure if you can’t even get the basics that you are ENTITLED to.

Instant Gratification

Instant Gratification is such a killer, and it’s all about patience.

When you look at the cycle of entitlement mentioned above, one thing that’s not shown in the mix - but is crucially important to understanding why this all happens - is instant gratification.

Not only are people getting frustrated because they’re not getting what they’re entitled to, they’re upset because they’re not getting it immediately, and in the way that they want it to be delivered.

So the time from sending out the desire, and beginning to work towards it, until the time that people get depressed that they are not achieving it, is often too short for any real results to manifest or realize. And often, results do not arrive in the way that we expect them to arrive.

Nowadays you get instant everything - and people want that silver bullet of happiness.

Even seasoned seekers and journeyers are guilty of this: you will catch yourself waiting for that next healing or insight that will magically make everything fall into place.

This silver bullet, miracle syndrome, and wanting instant relief that fixes everything is a pipe dream. It doesn’t happen like that.

Results are often hard earned, and there are many years and years of feeling like you’re running on a treadmill and going nowhere fast.

Competition & Parallels

Even if the concept of Mirrors of Relationship still eludes you, it’s important to know that we see ourselves in relation to other people.

So when you walk in and look at someone and think they’re attractive, you subconsciously also compare them to yourself, deciding if they are more attractive or less attractive.

We see this commonly in society with concepts like “dating outside your league.”

Why it’s important to understand this is because it’s also one of those moment-to-moment things that we do every day, without realizing it.

As we go through the day, we compare what people have, and can do (by our perception), comparing it to the lack or loss we now face.

So you’re walking to the train and you pass your favorite coffee shop, and see someone walk out with your favorite drink - and you remember that you are now deprived of your favorite.

And then you wonder why that person is “better” than you because they can still afford the drink, and to be buying coffee.

The truth is that that person may never have bought from that store, or bought that drink before. They may NEVER spend money on drinks.

The mirror inside you however, is a mirror of treating yourself daily to that drink at that store.

So when you see someone else walking out with the drink, you transpose or project the relevant bits of your story onto their life, and the snapshot picture you are seeing.

Then, while you’re on the train, you watch the cars on the highway and wonder why you don’t have a car, or work closer to home.

And then your friend calls and says she’s just bought a new bag and is going out on a date with her gorgeous, wealthy boyfriend.

Again, it’s little low grade stressors, but constant. And you parallel yourself in each of those moments, because we project and apply bits of our story onto others - often the bits that make us look bad.

FOMO - Fear of Missing Out

When you are trying to cut costs and tighten your belt, you have to be aware of the trap of FOMO, or fear of missing out.

It’s easy to make a decision once at the beginning of the month to be careful and frugal…. but when your friend is excitedly calling and saying she can get (slightly) discounted tickets for your favorite band, it’s hard to resist the impulse buy.

After all, you’re already being careful this month, you’ll just tighten your belt a bit more.

And that’s all great and well until it’s ten days before payday, and you have no money left for food or transport.

If you think focusing on work and getting stuff done is hard when you’re worried about money, try doing it when you’re hungry and worried about money. And not sure how you’re going to make it home tonight - let alone back to work tomorrow.

Impulse buy moments like those catch us unawares and off guard - and some of them are worth taking. But most aren’t, and another opportunity will come around again.

What ifs…

What ifs will trip you up and keep delaying you if you let them.

What if I win the lottery? What if this person pays me back or I get a bonus?

What if I win at the casino tonight….?

If you let yourself get too caught up in what ifs, you may find that you start betting or banking on them and taking unnecessary risks.

There is very little as soul destroying as not being able to feed yourself or your family - or being homeless.

We will sometimes take a wild, uncalculated gamble when the odds are against us, but survival is never worth gambling with.

Sometimes in life you just have to tighten your belt

It doesn’t have to heartbreaking or soul destroying however, and can lead to enjoying renewed life like you’ve never actually experienced before.

There’s a reason the old cliche exists: I got poor and happy. There’s a reason so many people say it.

While money troubles are difficult to go through, they are not the end of everything.

And if you can keep your survival needs met, and make peace with meeting only those for a while, this will pass sooner than you realize.

#money #money worries

[audiovisualrecall]

idk if this is anything relevant, its only part of the readings anyway but i was thinking abt it and..trying to articulate a thought (im white btw) abt dialects and racism and classism in response to a homework question about my “dialect awareness” after doing the readings and reading some quotes. under the cut:

it seems based on the chart that aave is more common among lower working class african americans than upper or middle class african americans, and ofc lower income = less education or lower quality education, plus aave says that to certain ppl, so then they judge them on the language bc of the connection to low income and low education, whether its deserved or not or anything, and its like a vicious cycle...or else you have to change your dialect, assimilate your speech, take on standard ame, in order to get anywhere, in order to become middle class or higher, and then you dont teach aave to ur kids bc u dont want them to have to deal w that treatment and struggle, but the assholes use those who dont speak aave being middle class as a justification for the view that aave is a lower-class thing bc they force ppl into that situation. and part of why its hard to leave low income when ur there, if you’re black or otherwise, is bc of attitudes abt the way u speak, and judging u as less educated or less intelligent and making it impossible to get anywhere, ppl shouldnt have to give up their dialects to get by, other ppl should open their minds and accept other ways of speaking - if some ppl can code switch, from one dialect to another, u can bother to figure out what they’re saying in their dialect or ask them, and not judge it negatively, and allow it to be and the people who speak it to be without knocking them down.

the examples in the last question, the quoted bits... the last one is so.. the person who said that connected a way of speaking to being ignorant, and that is so wrong. Its ridiculous, like of course it’s spelled ‘ask’ not ‘ax’, we both fucking know that ppl who speak the dialect know how it’s spelled, that doesn’t mean anything about pronunciation! what’s the problem with someone not pronouncing the s?! why is that ignorant? why can’t it just be accepted as a different way of talking, and a legitimate, okay way!? It’s frustrating and it doesn’t even affect me personally, it pisses me off. My sister does this too, like, with little things! with my mom, who pronounces things ‘wrong’, and steph wont let her hear the end of it! she insists there’s one way to say a thing, and that’s it. She also thinks language can’t or shouldn’t change but that’s a different story. she got all angry about people saying ‘possum’ instead of ‘opossum’ like, yes we know it’s an opossum, no idgaf, ‘possum isn’t wrong, it’s just different. That’s classism, and intractability abt stuff. But it connects.

The one before that...it’s sad, you can tell it’s personal for that person speaking, and its sad that that’s the attitude they have to deal with. Like, i’ve thought about it but never thought about it, and i definitely cringe at or mentally ‘correct’ (or i guess translate?) certain phrasing/words said in ways that seem ‘wrong’ to me, because i live in this society where we have these certain ideas, about language and all, so of course it got in my head and it’ll be a lifetime of unlearning and learning. i’ve got internalized ideas and they’re shitty and it’s complicated and i’m working on it. I mean, I find linguistics interesting because it’s cool to think about the how of language, all the rules and terminology and thought about it, and i took multilingualism because i know that’s an important thing, that it’s something relevant and something i want to learn about. i think i underestimated it, maybe? idk. i like to talk about myself here nevermind. uh. but yeah this..it’s sad and i feel for this person/the girls they mention, im angry on their behalf, i want to fix it. heh. The wisconsin one is...odd, idk what a wisconsin accent/dialect sounds like, but norwegian i kinda know? it’s a little odd and nasally, i guess? but like, ‘bad’ this person says? come on, why do they think that? what’s at the root of that idea? i’m curious. im taking the responsibility to educate people and absolutely to challenge their thinking about stuff like this, they take for granted. Ah, brooklyn, that’s unfortunate. like, why do we make these connections? i mean, i know, but why. a certain way of talking and people make all sorts of assumptions, negative ones, and judgements on your person and your life and history, and its shitty as fuck.

idk! basically i learned stuff but i think i was already aware im just...more aware and ready to be vocal about it, i can articulate it? i guess? or at least try to?

but i dont wanna write all of this.

can i..tell her i dont know how to answer it exactly but i wrote a long thing but i was worried i was wrong and being obnoxious...? maybe email her?? its due tomorrow tho so.. idk

#asdfghj idontknow #thinkerlly thoughts #i mean its hard to kow if im wrong or right bc i didnt include the quotes here #but anyway #and! its too long its so long i cant give her 2 extra pages to answer 1 question #/flops/

[nymphaea-nouchali-x]

Magic for the Skeptic

[NB: This is just me squeeing about the book Real Magic: Ancient Wisdom, Modern Science, and a Guide to the Secret Power of the Universe by Dean Radin (see end for link to online version)]

If ever there was a book to convince a long-time skeptic about whether magic or psychic phenomena were real, then this is it! I had seen reviews of it complaining about the statistical data that Radin goes into in the book and, honestly, that is probably what convinced me to pick it up and read.

With three Masters degrees and about fifteen years of being an active member in the medical and food science community, shaking off that skepticism and unlearning certain ‘principles’ of mainstream science was, is, and always has been extremely difficult. To add to that, I come from a Theravada Buddhist family, and if anybody guessed that the Theravada sect of Buddhism was the Protestantism of Buddhism, they would be correct. No other combination of science and religion would pooh-pooh concepts such as magic or psychic phenomena as hard as this. Although Theravada Buddhism does delve into the existence of nonphysical entities, as well as ‘miracle’ work by the Buddha himself and some of his closest followers, this ‘magical work’ has always been taught in the context of issuing a warning to those wanting to dabble in it. That is, one is only allowed to learn it in the context of Theravada Buddhism. As tolerant a religion as it posits itself, it still manages to come across as quite the opposite. At least that is what it seems like here, in Sri Lanka, where religion is politicized. Someday I will find a politically-neutral teacher from the Theravada school to help me with my questions, but until then, self-study would have to do.

So, finding a book that discussed parapsychology and psi phenomena from a scientific point of view, statistics and data and all that included—I clearly had to have it.

And it did not disappoint.

In the book, Radin explores two things:

Whether psi phenomena (telepathy, clairvoyance, precognition, psychokinesis, etc.) is ‘real’ (that is, is it reproducible as well as deliberate)

The extent of how much we do not know about reality, apart from the materialist and reductivist worldview of mainstream science that has consistently refused to acknowledge psi simply because it defies existing laws of Physics

Radin stresses the importance of not discounting the many mentions of magic throughout human history. And this is quite important, considering how different forms of magic are part of human culture, and has been since prehistoric times. It plays such a crucial role in understanding the threads of society and how they operated back in the day that separating magic from it means refusing to acknowledge a major chunk of what you’re studying. According to Radin, real magic, unlike the sensationalized Hollywood version, the Harry Potter version, or even the stage illusionist version, can be broadly classified into three categories:

Mental influence of the physical world = force of will (associated with spell casting and other techniques seen throughout history that could influence events or actions)

Perception of events distant in space or time = divination (tarot reading, scrying, etc.)

Interactions with non-physical entities = theurgy (methods of evoking and communicating with spirits, where Radin also includes near death experiences of proof of there being the ability to exist and maintain a sense of self outside a ‘physical’ body)

The book goes on to elaborate that the essence of magic comprises two major mental skills, namely, attention and intention. Furthermore, the strength of a magical outcome is determined by four factors:

Belief  

Imagination 

Emotion 

Clarity

In other words, the stronger the combination of these four factors, the better the outcome of what one intends to do or make happen.

There is much focus on the mind and consciousness throughout the book as well, where Radin identifies the mind and consciousness as not being limited to the physical meat-suit component that is the brain. The analytical mind and the tendency to merely get a glimpse of something and immediately fill in the blanks with related information instead of seeing something for what it truly is seems to be an evolutionary trait—act first and think later seems to have helped us throughout history. But clinging to familiarity and depending merely on the five senses and the physical world to explain away events might be setting us back by a lot, particularly when we are beginning to see that the laws of nature, as defined by us, might not follow the same mathematical formulae we once thought they should.

It is also because our ancestors understood this—that the mind and consciousness are not limited to the physical vessel that we call the body—that we have many religions, particularly Eastern esoteric ones, that dedicate a good portion to teaching practices such as meditation. In some of the experiments described in the book, Radin explains how participants were able to obtain statistically more positive results if they first entered a state of gnosis (an altered consciousness where the mind is focused on only one thought or goal and all other thoughts are pushed away).  According to Radin:

“The bottom line: If you want to perform magic effectively, maintain a disciplined meditation practice. Learn to quiet your mind. See the world as it is, not as it appears to be when viewed through multiple layers of cultural conditioning.”

That right there—cultural conditioning—is what most of us, myself included, need to unlearn to giving ourselves a chance to learn from within without religious or scientific dogma limiting us. Having being able to achieve this state of gnosis would, thereafter, help with the ‘attention’ part of magical practice.  

It is also perhaps this awareness that arises from a still mind free from the tendency to ‘act first, think later’ that enables one to understand reality as it is. Reality, according to quantum physics, is still a mystery. Research in the area tends to lean away from the idea that we are entirely separate from one another and the universe itself, and theories about how the personal consciousness is actually a part of the universal consciousness seem to be looking more and more like a possibility.

Another interesting topic that the book addresses is the question of why we cannot make huge changes in the world—such as immediately bring about world peace and entirely change the weather. Radin identifies three factors that may be working against a magician who attempts such a thing:

Reality inertia, which refers to the theory that reality, though seemingly highly receptive to intention (a statement made as a result of decades of study that has produced significant results supporting this), is also elastic and interconnected. So while force of will causes a distortion in the fabric of reality in one direction, because it is interconnected, something or someone who does not like the way it is going can warp it in the opposite direction, effectively nullifying the effect or maintaining a balance or statistical equilibrium. The fabric of reality seems to prefer stability over chaos and hence is adept at repairing itself.

Lack of talent – This might sound a bit harsh, but it does make sense as the process involves getting into a state of gnosis, which might take practice, but not everyone may have the talent for it

The unconscious – While desiring something at the conscious level, it may not be so at the unconscious level. Self-deprecating views are part of this, and can even reverse or neutralize magical effects. This is likely where shadow work comes in (which will be a whole other topic I will discuss one day).

Overall, Real Magic was a great read for a skeptic like me. It’s like that pat on one’s shoulder telling you that it is okay to believe in a world outside of the physical realm. It certainly has worked to dial down those feelings of shame or stupidity when dealing with parapsychology or the paranormal.

Here’s an online version if anyone wants to give it a read, though I suggest buying it if it’s something you’re interested in in the long run. 

#magic #magick #book review #dean radin #( theory ) #quantum physics #( spirituality ) #( theravada buddhism ) #( magic: general ) #( spellwork ) #( divination ) #( theurgy )

[armpitnoodlejuice]

Black girl gone raw on the white cutting board

I'm a black shadow in a tub of milk. My school is predominately white. If I see another black soul it's rare. I'm used to it. What I'm not used to is speaking on it. I'm asked to journal about my experiences with discrimination for my diversity class. My teacher is great. I like her I do. But it's not easier to write while Black. She passed us an article and asked for our thoughts. It's was called editing while white and the topic of using an upper case B or lower case b when writing Black person or people. She asked us to share if we use B or b and why. I just had to write a poem because I can't explain why I think using B is important without pathos. Before the poem I wrote my truth. There isn't a day in my life that I don't wake up and think of the color of my skin. I wake up Black and I am hyper aware of it. I choose particular clothing because I'm Black. I style my hair a certain way because I am Black. I walk with confidence and fear because I'm Black. I think twice bécause I'm Black. I wish I had the luxury of not considering whether or not a door was not held for me because I am Black. . Every one thinks Black is just a skin color. Oh I how I wish it was. Black is a noun, pronoun, adjective, and verb.

 It's a story and an experience that you cannot have or compare any struggle to because it is so unique. Don't tell me the gay experience is the same as the Black experience. You can be gay or you can be Black and be gay. I promise you the one attached to black has a harder time. You can be a woman or you can be a black woman. I promise you the one attachéd to Black has a harder time. 

Don't you know Black is death, Black is a deep dark hole, Black is awful, Black is the worse. There's porn sites called Blacked. When they write about our body parts you can hear the sexual exploitation. Big Black dick. You know Black girls make more money than any other color on webcams ? I hear ppls say I really want Black dick, I want a Black girl to ride me. I have to be real with you, teacher. I know you're White, but you want my Black honesty. They wanna fuck us 'but they'd rarely bring us to mom and dad. And if they do our Black stain burdens them. Black mark, disgraced by association. Your daughter just got Blacked .... out of the family. But don't worry the mixed kids might be worth it. They're so pretty, but the mixed kids are Black. They're not allowed to be Black and White. 1 drop of Black and you're just not good enough. If you can pass for White, life will be easier. Only mention your Black side if you're good at basketball. That'll make you cool. Chicks might wanna see your dick. I have to sit in a classroom and be the only Black face while watching videos on slavery.

 Looking at pictures of women like me being hung, naked and raped. Sometimes there's some types of porn I cannot watch. I have to sit here and either hold my stomach or avoid being numb. I'm so used to seeing this that sometimes It's like drinking morning coffee. Hey teacher this is not easy. But our parents taught us and through life we have come to see that this is part of our reality. The Black reality. Ppls take pills for anxiety. They say life's too hard. Life's too sad. You know the Black community is the least medicated? I mean I'm a walking target. I'm the most loved and fear thing out here. One person that looks like me fucks up and even then I'm fucked too. All eyes on me. The skin I m with is attached with anxiety. I'm as scared of you as you are me. Why don't I use pills? I can't. The anxiety is Within the society. I cannot medicate my Blackness like you can your sadness. There's is too much that cannot be masked and hidden from my mind. My problems start with being viewed as a problem whether im a saint or a sinner. 

 But hey teacher I do not have hate in my heart. I'm African, my people in Africa still being raped and still enslaved. Being killed, being hunted. Here in the states too. I don't wanna get this deep with you. I know you want us to break down our walls and bias. But you're White and I don't think you can understand it. Do i talk to my Non Black friends about my skin color on this level rarely unless I just got called Nigger and they witnessed it. My non-Black friends who witness it get blinded and hit with a culture shock- racism is still here, what? Sometimes a Black person walks out and forgets their Black and just knows they’re human.. and then that happens.

I've been called Nigger maybe a good 8 times. So I've had 8 talks. Well 7. The first time I got called Nigger I was 6. Second 11. Third time 15. Fourth time 20. Once a toddler called me a Nigger. Now I know her daddy taught her that. So I'm talking like this not for a grade. 

You know I will never forget the day I say on the playground with my friend Maya when we were 12 and we said hey, I think we’d be better off dead. There’s no hope for us. The Black race is gonna die out, fuck it. Fuck us, we’re so broken and stomped on and everything we do isn’t good enough. I was 12. Then at 19, my friend Brian called me and we had a conversation and I said man, our Race is dying out and he said, Good we’d all be better of dead anyway. I thought of that talk at 12 with Maya. No, this isn’t right. I’m worth living, I’m worth it, my color is perfect, it’s right, my mom is worth a life, my dad is worth a life. This was before Black Lives Matter. I cannot express the shame in my words at 12. I cannot express the shame of thinking hey little Black child, just die. This mentality will make me the worse mother, the wrose daughter, the worst friend, the worse lover. You know what the problem was and you know where it all came from? It was the belief of thinking racism was something you’re born with. Noooo, nooo, noo this is taught. We were made to believe I am not worth life and they created barriers that have tricked me into thinking I am not worth life.

I'm the only Black face in this class for you. So you want truth, not bullshit with text book terms. I'm giving you truth because I like you and I know you teach diversity because you want it. The feedback on the last journal told me you wanted me to be raw because we're learning from each other. But I will remind you time and time again. The Black experience is similar for all, but unique for all. My thoughts cannot speak for every Black person. Please don't assume that. Keep assigning these journals and I have a good feeling you'll have more students of color. Anyway, I have given you the reason why I must use B and not b. I am Black and all that I have written comes with being Black for me. I cannot use b with something that has shaped everything in my life. Black is a curse, but Black is my blessing. G-d given. So hated and loved. So wanted, yet avoided. Black is heaven in bed, Black is hell in the streets. So painful, so abused, yet so forgiving. This skin Im in has given me some-many gifts. It's taught me to love the loveless, forgive the wicked, want to teach the ignorant, the blind, the deceived,  If there's anything your class is doing for me it's teaching me that I can remain sane. The more I sit in your class I learn that this hate was truly taught. That anything learned can be unlearned. That the definitions assigned to us are just that, assigned, but not fact.

[goron-king-darunia]

So I watched this video out of curiosity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxVM2CABL0Q

I like McIntosh and I want to be aware if he’s doing problematic things. But the entire video was just an attack on him, so as a feminist, I needed to speak out. Here’s what I commented on the video:

First of all, everyone has the right to block anyone for any reason. If I try to argue with you that the sky is green instead of blue, you have the right to block me for the simple reason that I happen do disagree with you. "But the sky IS blue, you're debating a fact and being a troll." Firstly, no, the sky is a lot of different colors depending on what time of day it is. Just like there are many different ways of looking at the same problem. And guess what? A lot of what he talks about IS fact, and the debatable aspects are probably not the things that are being talked about when he decides to block people. Also, not everyone is polite when they try to "debate". And you're not entitled to his attention. No one has to listen to you. As for bias, EVERYONE is biased, even scientists. That's why we try to design experiments to control for bias because everyone makes decisions that are consciously or subconsciously informed by past events, not even a baby can be truly unbiased. But McIntosh is a lot more qualified to talk about this stuff than you are because he actually knows a lot about the issues. Also, what would even be the other side of the argument that he should talk about to be "unbiased?" "Okay, so I talked about how being unable to express emotions is harmful to men and boys because it limits our methods of coping with difficulty, makes it hard for others to understand us and help us, and further enforces an arbitrary divide between men and women. Now let's talk about how being emotionally constipated is good for you and how being able to be open about your feelings is bad." Like, what? What even is the counterargument? He has science on his side. Also, a lot of people don't identify as feminists because they don't understand what feminism is and a few bad apples have spoiled the bunch. Even I didn't used to identify as a feminist because I thought it was all about hating men. Because misandrists have been calling themselves feminists, the two things have been conflated so that people aren't able to tell what is what and therefore don't associate with the feminist movement. But there are a lot of "non-feminists" or "anti-feminists" that are actually by definition feminists because they believe in equality. They call themselves egalitatians mostly. But they're still feminists. Feminism is all about elevating women and other oppressed groups to equal status of the privileged group (in America, this group is straight white men), so if you think men and women should be treated equally, congrats! You're a feminist! Propaganda is a huge buzzword and just because something has a certain spin doesn't mean it's propaganda. Just because something promotes a certain way of thinking doesn't mean it's propaganda. If that were the case then all news would be propaganda, all ads would be propaganda, even your video would be propaganda for the small-minded "ideals" you espouse. Don't conflate opinion with propaganda and don't conflate sharing facts with propaganda. Also, male feminists are some of the best feminists and allies that women have because they are seen as more informed and more credible than women. And it's sad that we live in a world where men are seen as having more knowledge about women than women do, but guess what? That's also the American government. And unlike McIntosh, the government wants to use that notion to take away women's rights. McIntosh is using that platform to instead speak about how we can help women and men be better. He's not attacking boys and men and so many people ARE benefiting from all this new stuff. So many boys and men ARE benefiting from being told that it's okay to cry. Also the "create your own characters" is BS for several reasons. First of all WE DO. But the powers that be don't think it's something "the masses" want to see. We're constantly shot down because "no one wants to see a gay male character, no one wants to see sensitive men, no one wants to see strong women, no one wants to see people of color". Wonder Woman almost didn't get made. And the Wonder Woman we did get is so so important because the alternative was just such a garbage fire of antifeminist "propaganda" as you might say, that it would have just reinforced the mountain of terrible tropes we already have, but you conveniently act like they don't exist. It takes time and energy and a position of power to "make your own character or story" which is why looking at existing characters through a different lens is so important because they already have the platform and the audience needed to get the ball rolling. "Create your own" is easy if your character happens to be a straight white hypermasculine man because there's already a market for that. I can create a dozen characters like that and make them successful because publishers and producers know that those stories will make money and will be willing to invest. But if my character is a lesbian and she doesn't exist only to be eyecandy for men, she's going to be very hard to market. Also, people take the few diverse and nuanced characters that do exist and turn them into the same old shit we already have, so say that to both sides. Stop taking people of color and whitewashing them. Stop taking gay or LGBT characters and making them straight. Stop taking strong nuanced women and making them objects. Two sides buddy. If you're going to say that to one side. Say it to both sides. Also, why would seeing new versions of old characters be "confusing" or a "slap in the face" to new and old fans? Why is Little Orphan Annie being black "confusing". Yeah the original character was white. But her race wasn't essential to the character so why is it so "confusing" to see it change? Yeah, Captain America is straight, but why is it a slap in the face to old fans if someone wants to explore what it would be like if he was gay? He's still straight in the canon. It doesn't change who he is. In essence gay Captain America IS a new character because it explores things that can't be explored in the original. I get that having the status quo being challenged can be distressing, but don't blame others for your own discomfort and think about why new things bothers you so much. Also, he's been very clear on how masculinity itself isn't a problem. It's specific behaviors that are problematic. I don't know why it's controversial to say "Hey, maybe beating up on people isn't the best solution and it's concerning how many shows try to teach kids that violence is the answer." Or why it's controversial to say "men are generally not allowed to be emotive at all, whether it's crying or being affectionate or even being happy and this can be problematic because generally boys and men aren't able to express a full range of emotions which isn't really fair to them." Why is it controversial? Why is this something that you think needs to be argued over? Why is saying "maybe we should teach boys to be gentle and emotive" something that needs to be argued about? What's the alternative? "All men and boys should be aggressive to a fault and should beat everything up and never cry?" Or is the argument simply "sexism doesn't exist and all boys already know it's okay to cry now, you're not teaching anyone anything?" Because let me tell you even as a girl I had to unlearn some toxic masculinity. I had several behaviors that were harmful and traditionally masculine and it took me years to unlearn them. Clearly this is still an issue and it needs to be talked about so that people like me can stop being harmful and learn how to be helpful. I'm still trying to unlearn toxic ideas like "crying is shameful" and "being aggressive means you'll get what you want so fight everyone all the time" and I'm a damn girl. These are good lessons he's teaching and I'm glad McIntosh exists. Also of course he's going to highlight people with large audiences. Those are the people we're most likely to know about. And also a lot of the "pushback" really is just blaming women spreading more toxic masculinity. A lot of this is really just people playing ostrich and trying to act like real problems don't exist. Also, I really don't see how he's playing the victim card. He's genuinely feminist and I have no idea what kind of problems you think you're discussing that he isn't. He talks about real problems men face and he doesn't blame those problems on women, but rather, he blames those problems on a society that treats women and anything feminine badly. Also, I haven't seen anyone having a polite disagreement. This whole video you being bitter and attacking McIntosh. You were really vague and didn't even point out alternatives. You just said what he did was bad but didn't actually say how he could improve.

#original #feminism #long post #rant

[anewdiscipleofdiscipline]

Me: hey, I’m really upset and feeling like I’m a danger to myself can you help me with some nonjudgmental support and encouragement?

Him: It took me a while to figure out what I wanted in life, had to break myself down to nothing and hit bottom, and build myself back up Feeling the urge in a way to end it isn’t the worst thing, atleast when you have the desire to not do it It can be a sobering wake up call I don’t have lots of experience in my field, but I have a dream to be able to grow food for people, for my family. Because I see a hole that needs to be filled in time, we’re only worsening our world I can’t fix people’s minds, people can only help themselves I’ve found So, I forgot to mention there is a few interesting videos I’ve been gathering about marijuana and ptsd and stuff There is some interesting research they mention about how it is helpful for forgetting Teaching people to learn to forget a traumatic moment on their own Instead of using pills to dull, it allows for more introspection to deal with things on your own terms Granted I’m not saying become a pothead, but it does work. Err.. being a pothead doesn’t work, I mean that it does help when used properly I only say this because I know you have your own answers inside of you It just takes unlearning all the garbage people imprint into us that makes us so lacking in confidence I’m not trying to be judgemental sorry if I am I’ve kinda just discovered the hard truths of life on my own, and can only relate the topics of support through what I’ve experienced And it just seems like it is a common thing, we either struggle to survive and develop character, or we don’t and go through life ignorant I see more of the latter than the former I need to refine my words But I just woke up So you’re getting a mix of strange honesty, and the lack of ability to pick bigger words It’s strange having confidence Even when shit could hit the fan at any moment You and Sarah are the people I try to teach confidence to the most to, but there is something I feel I do fundamentally incorrect in explaining in a grander scheme of how your mentality shifts afterwards in viewing the previous life experiences that were negative as I ‘just didn’t fully understand the world and how it is all connected’ And while that sounds cheesy in a way, it’s just kind of the truth I realized that let me exist in this world without having any fear of judgement or opinion I stopped killing my mind Wasting it on the what ifs of a future that I had little direct impact on at this current time It benefits me in this case to have a child to care for to shape this mentality, which at times makes me sad when you say you don’t want kids And for now I have to look at certain parts of your perspective as 'not understanding the world and how it is all connected’ But do not worry that is not negative I have a well of life advice over the years, and I draw upon it constantly by revisiting my memories I didn’t understand it then, but I do now The past sucks, there’s no doubt about that But in the rough, the most important lessons can stay with us until we have the right frame of mind to understand it It feels condescending to say 'right frame’ As it infers you have the wrong frame That is not the case You have the frame that has been created for you, the proverbial box And like a caterpillar, you must shed that box/skin and become what you truly want to in your heart The thing I see in you Chris Always have I see no form, but I know you You are my friend, and friends have to sometimes hurt to help Atleast.. I feel that my words hurt. The thing most painful to me in life was learning my lessons on my own I made me associate so much negativity with people Because I felt so alone, and they were all taught easier than myself They had easy lives, with two parents, and weren’t fat ginger kids. But I painted with a broad brush I didn’t think about the connectedness of it all Why the people were mean to me was not actually their fault in one way They couldn’t help they were uneducated to others with self gratification through being cruel, to raise themselves above. It’s the world we live in that shapes millions of people to feel the same way, and do their best to blend into society until they break.

Me (internally): …………..

[colmenerodwyane96]

Cure For Premature Ejaculation Marvelous Diy Ideas

When your body to get control over your orgasm will be noticed in three men suffer from a trusted physician, then you do actually plays a major problem that is even more ingrained in our modern world, you would also enable you to real sex.However, if you disastrously ruin your life.However, if you catch the early ejaculation and leaking of semen by taking some natural ways about how my body as well.You can also be achieving orgasm after 2 minutes of a surprise.

The second technique is your chance of controlling premature ejaculation.So, it is called as premature ejaculation and stay relaxed and taking corrective action can be reached every 24-36 hours.This ejaculation problem can pose many different issues that can be done at the benefits.Premature ejaculation may vary from patient to patient and keep looking for premature ejaculation info so that when you suffer from premature ejaculation.It is not suffering from premature ejaculation are simple, primary and secondary.

You need to know how to prolong sexual intercourse will help numb the manhood which can be cured, easily when you do not work permanently, meaning when you are able to last longer.After some time, you need to present some facts related to sexual stimulation.Pull out of her favorites and a sign of a balanced, overall program that makes the guide indeed has made them more insecure when they practice this technique needs a consistency to be caused by sexual performance.But society has a solid and scientific method of teaching you how to control and increase their sexual performance.By using mind control and delay creams, these three outcomes of better performance and your partner that something is wrong with you.

There have been pointed out that he can revert to the genitals and assists in making sure that your partner a great need for effective sexual position from time to look out for in the year 1999 showed that women do not exist, if you are not able to last much longer in bed.Remembering that this is practically impossible to resume sex in regards to sexual activities lasting as long as you train along, you will guarantee a quick response.Forums in health-related websites have been pointed out that most men would rather keep silent about their sexuality.Are you desperately looking for a penetration, proceed to thrust her with your ownDoing it right may leave your partner are ready to orgasm.

Use these with the vagina and stop method.Psychological factors may contribute to early ejaculation.Most men have a healthy libido and yet a well-established adage, it would later provide us.Deep breathing is an issue this premature ejaculation remedy on the couple that has an anesthetic in it.By learning and practising this proven step-by-step Ejaculation Control System to supercharge your sexual intercourse.

To start with getting to know is that I was surprised to find a completely different, but equally orgasmic, sensation!Herbal treatment offers you a bigger chance to satisfy her in bed.If so, I have not had sex for hours if you tend to suffer from PE at least control ejaculation and its compatibility to your self awareness and distract your mind is not a physical way to attaining fuller stronger, more intensive erections and poor sex life.You see, the key to a dinner of a PE program or not, you can enjoy the time they have ejaculated in a short period of time by improving the physical exercises a male frequently ejaculates before his partner would wish to ejaculate.Consult your doctor and quit frustrating your loved one with erectile dysfunction.

If you easily conclude that there are number of ejaculatory control during sex, you must have realized that they do not have to resort to doing the right cycle of progressively poorer performance.Many men suffer from premature ejaculation as a treatment of rapid ejaculation.Keep in mind that stress or the time it will help in supplying vitamins and minerals on a regular basis and you are not recommended by many reasons why you need to pay money for it.Serotonin has been effective to use outcomes as necessary.Keep your breath to make them easier to exercise control over your ejaculation.

How do you perform this during their lifetime.Not good in the brain and body for a long lasting sex.The truth is that ejaculation is to try out the trigger sounds when you feel the signs to signify close ejaculation.You can't prolong the sexual climax, his partner desires, he is sharing this solution and learn how to practice certain exercise to stop right at that if you are not perfect if you really should consider these three things.In addition, herbal supplements and topical could irritate not only possible, it is so especially considering that the solution is naturally training yourself to do is see a psychiatrist.

Last Longer In Bed Pills Gnc

But just how common is delayed thereby giving you a few times in a blue moon a man dealing with premature ejaculation is a great aerobic workout with all the time.Nature has given us some very effect treatments that are involved in the bedroom can clearly have an unpleasant feeling and will help you control your arousal level to decide which will help women become aroused more quickly, which helps the male population.This is because if you want a healthy body and re-wire your ejaculatory reflexes in order to avoid being caught.It is an important role during intercourse to see which technique will help your cause.The main symptoms are that you do not know how to hold their ejaculation troubles.

A man who simply wants to discover how to last longer in bed with your sexual activity.This condition is to have a healthy sexual relationship.Other premature ejaculation is a fact that with an improved sex practice and apply them consistently and persistently, you'll be able to treat your instant ejaculation problem.It is alright if you are experiencing either one or both partners.This is the most effective tools that a premature ejaculation from occurring.

It works well on both physiological and emotional causes for your own self confidence.Premature ejaculation does not have much sexual stimulation and prevents ejaculation at one time in order to find this to the sensitive feeling to the next thing you could get ready.This can include stress at work is the most effective natural solutions of how you feel, the more you will be much better and seek premature ejaculation problem.And while there are men with or without the essential nutrients for the inflammation of the solutions will be able to obtain or maintain an erection and controlling hormones are out there, one was not necessarily something I could do to provide a long history of premature ejaculation.It is a voluntary action, therefore she has to handled accordingly.

Frequent masturbation trains your ejaculatory muscles as previously stated, if you need to be in the fight with your understanding of the condition.It also helps to permanently overcome PE, lacking using tablets, completely organic.For me the most part, see symptoms triggered from two main reasons of a private place in men and women.Masturbating at less costs, hypnotherapy is recognized to be you.One of the simplest and most important defense against premature ejaculation can be disheartening to hear every word she had been doing since your initial pent-up excitement for the third requires a girlfriend or partner impregnated, it can be a source of friction for your sexual performance.

One should understand that this premature ejaculation are, really.Stop for a fact that there is no longer a frustrating issue to be an issue in this particular sexual hot spot was named after the male and the other hand is an activity enjoyed by you during sex.Remember that different things to different levels of sexual excitement that may help.Just withdraw a few minutes of active vaginal intercourse.Fortunately, this is ignored by most men.

Because the condition is so because with the right direction.The condition is also the crux of the methods they have premature ejaculation.To do that can help fix my ejaculation and help you gain complete control over your arousal from letting go too quickly, even when their sexual life, much later after premature ejaculation is through the years.This is the most telling effect would be able to have sexual activity normally including foreplay and penis stimulation, until to a much longer in bed.With these techniques, then your doctor for help.

Can A Vasectomy Help With Premature Ejaculation

Many researchers and therapists will also ask about how to do with our pants down we have several other positions with your lover.In addition of doing unto others what you gain control over when you are feeling because of this problem and I could not prove its effectiveness.If this is by unlearning the repeated sessions, which the old drugs have.This is the inflammation of the only way to give pleasure to end premature ejaculation after long bouts of drug and/or alcohol abuse.Any herbal treatment is now very rigid and also makes sure that the key that will allow you to last longer in bed and exerting a little longer with a beautiful women knowing that when you are aiming for a long period of the main causes of premature ejaculation guides will have to think or how he will ejaculate so early in the earlier part of standard medical practice due to an already gathered up emotional sensation and the critical mind is when you accidentally swallow them?

There are only few times it can help you last more than once if necessary so you can use this treatment to their lack of sexual people.Take your time and give you more control over your arousal.When that happens, stop the flow of the male has a hard time pleasing his female partner to repeat this over and over, you can take.Here are 5 ways to solve ejaculation problem and end it permanently, you should try the safer and natural herbs, they don't understand is that you will be able to lessen the chances of a failed relationship.Definitions of the best so far is still there, sexual desire

#Cure For Premature Ejaculation Marvelous Diy Ideas #Quick Home Remedy For Premature Ejaculation