#so what can i say there's my limit i guess

[deadgirldreaming]

This impressively in character letter from Alastor to Vox just after they fell out but before Alastor left to grab a carton of milk for 7 years was written by @official-alastor.

Well worth the money!

🔹️🔷️🔹️🔷️🔹️🔷️🔹️

My dear Vox,

Forgive me for resorting to a more “dated” means of communication as you put it, but I’d prefer to say this from a distance. Why, you ask? Well, the truth of the matter is that I simply cannot stand your presence any longer. Your voice is grating, and I wanted to get this done as quickly and efficiently as I possibly could without having to resort to your obnoxiousness in person.

You may have guessed from my introductory paragraph what the contents of this letter will be, but let me spell it out for you. You irritate me. Your very presence irritates me. And, quite frankly, my patience with you has reached its limit. I’m done, Vox. I can’t take it anymore. Just like you can’t take no for an answer.

Your incessant pestering and clinginess has made it impossible for me to be around you. Constantly pushing your affections on me and attempting to pressure me into returning them is tactless and disrespectful. I am many things and a gentleman is certainly one of them. The same, however, cannot be said for you. As the youth of today are so fond of saying, no means no, Vox.

I do not want you. I have never wanted you. I will never want you. And you have only yourself to blame for what’s happening now. I have told you time and time again that I am completely uninterested in romance along with the more physical aspects of it. On enough occasions that even Valentino remembers and understands. Valentino! But not you. No, Vox, not you at all.

You asked me if I wanted to join you. Clearly, my answer is no. The sad part is that at one point, I would have said yes, Vox. But years of your grating behavior and unwanted advances have successfully managed to change my mind. You just don’t know how to handle rejection, and it’s one of your biggest flaws (of which you have many). I wish I could say that I’m sorry for this, but I’d be lying if I did.

In the end, Vox, I’m not sorry at all. I’m relieved. Relieved that I’ll finally be free of you. Thrilled that I’m finally putting you in your place. I waited far too long to do this. It’s certainly well overdue. It feels wonderful to finally do what I’ve wanted to do for ages now. Does it hurt your feelings? Does it break your heart? Good. Suffer. As I have had to suffer enduring your presence in my afterlife for the last several decades.

Harsh, you say? That would be the point. I can think of no other way to make certain that you fully grasp what it is that I’m trying to convey here. You went too far with me, Vox. And now you reap the rewards of your efforts. Losing me entirely. The fault lies solely with yourself, as I stated before. Read that sentence again and remember it well. You alone have driven me to this. You alone have pushed and pushed until you pushed me too far. Now I’m done, and you’re going to have to learn how to live without me if you even can.

The final straw was our fight. You know the one to which I refer. I almost beat you. Almost had you right where I wanted you. You may have gotten the upper hand in that encounter, but as they say, you won the battle but have lost the war. Your biggest mistake was thinking that you could ever own me. I’ve never been yours to possess and never will be. Ever. In the end, I win, Vox. It’s as simple as that. Failure and defeat have never been an option for me as you well know. Though I know you’re quite familiar with both as you should be.

I’ll finish this with one last statement that I hope you’ll remember along with the other contents of this letter: thank you for wasting my time. Let’s never do it again.

Alastor

🔹️🔷️🔹️🔷️🔹️🔷️🔹️

Did you enjoy reading this letter from Alastor to Vox? You can get your own letter from Alastor too!

@official-alastor is currently providing a service where you can buy letters or messages from Alastor to you or any character in the Hellverse.

I personally am considering buying one for either Lucifer or Adam next. Maybe a letter to Sir Pentious, it could be quite funny!

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🔷️ One character letter up to 500 words - $5

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Any questions just ask @official-alastor !

#alastor altruist #aroace #hazbin hotel #hellverse #fan writing #character letters #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor the radio demon #the radio demon #vox hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox #one sided radiostatic #vox the tv demon

[t0ast-ghost]

S3 EP19 (Requiem For Methuselah) let me guess. Kirk is romancing.

Forthwards:

- beaming down together <3

- uh oh a time limit!

- Spock grabs McCoy’s arm to get him out of the way of the fire

- very drawable right here

- Kirk is not fucking around today

- wow. Just wow.

- A SHAKESPEARE FIRST FOLIO?!? This guy is fucking rich holy shit

- She’s just like me when I watch Star Trek

- I like that she wants to talk to Spock about science :))

- “What is loneliness?” “It is a thirst. It is a flower dying in a desert.” Wow

- “Thank you, Doctor. I will have a brandy.” “Do you think the two of us can handle a drunk Vulcan? Once alcohol hits that green blood—” They’re adorable

- fuck off fuck off fuck off (edit: this is probably about them immediately flirting with Rayna)

- Bottles of colourful liquid. You think one of them is ketchup?

- Does Kirk know how to play pool? Is she showing him for no reason? He seems to know what he’s doing…

- I love that Spock likes playing musical instruments

- His boyfriend is dancing with a woman RIGHT THERE. I wonder what a rewrite of this would be like with canonical queer Kirk in a relationship with Spock and McCoy and why he would choose to dance with her. Cause I think he should be able to just enjoy doing stuff like dancing and holding hands without it being romantic. AND THEN MCCOY WALKS INTO THAT OMG THE DRAMA

- Damn Kirk isn’t interested in Spock’s info dump about Brahms. Tragic.

- and they’re kissing

- The way Kirk just pushed her out of the way-

- YEAH SAVE YOUR BOYFRIEND SPOCK!!!

- Flint kinda wishes that the bot killed Kirk

- Yeah it sucks to be home schooled

- This is becoming like Twilight but without the baseball and vampires

- This is a horrible power imbalance between Flint and Rayna

- And they’re kissing (Nichelle nichols futurama clip where she says "I had to kiss Shatner) (edit: here's the clip at 1:26)

- WHY IS HE SHAKING HER LIKE THAT BRO WHAT THE FUCK

- Kirk’s ass damn why is Flint hiding the Ryetalyn

- “(Spock): Captain, I shall get the Ryetalyn.” “(Kirk): Why you?” “(Spock): There may be dangers within.” “(Kirk): Let’s find out.” “(Spock): Let me go alone captain.” “(McCoy): Why? Get to the point, Spock. If there is one.” “(Kirk): We’ll all go.” Kirk and McCoy ARE NOT about to let they’re boyfriend go into a dangerous area alone

- OMG SHES BALD! (She’s bald and she’s torturing people who have hair)

- “Her only flaw, she is not human.” THATS HER FLAW??? First off Spock is RIGHT THERE. Second I'd say the flaw is that she's being controlled by a awful man

- Wait what? this guy is DA VINCI?!? And still no bitches...

- “She is my handiwork, my property.” EW DISGUSTING KILL HIM

- HE JUST BLOOPED THE ENTERPRISE OUT OF EXISTENCE

- I’m giggling

- “Give me back my ship. Your secret is safe with us.” YOU’RE JUST GONNA LEAVE HER?

- “Because you knew I could bring her emotions alive.” Bleh

- Kirk gets absolutely beat the fuck up

- “No. Do not order me. No one can order me.” YES GET IT! YES

- “She’s human. Down to the last blood cell she’s human. Down to the last thought, hope, aspiration, emotion. She’s human. Her human spirit is free. You have no power of ownership! She’s free to do as she wishes.” Kirk’s so happy for her!

- “No man beats me.” “I don’t want to beat you. This is no test of power. Rayna belongs to herself, and she claims the human right of choice. To be, as she wills. To do as she wills. To think as she wills.”

- Okay but she shouldn’t have to choose between two men. There’s so many more out there in the galaxy

- OH NO DHES SEAD

- “What happened?” “She loved you, captain.” Spock just admitted Kirk’s drop dead gorgeous

- This is giving boyfriend vs. father vibes which I hate. I hate that this is how women are treated. As burdens to be thrown from one man to the next. This is reminding me of A Dolls House by Henrik Ibsen it's a pretty short play and the ending is phenomenal for the time

- Kirk is lonely :(

- “If only I could forget.” Spock spends several seconds staring at Kirk and contemplating until McCoy comes in

“Oh thank heavens, sleeping at last.” McCoy just wants Kirk to get a good nights rest

- yeah

- “You see, I feel sorrier for you I do for him…because you’ll never know the things that love can drive a man to. The ecstasies, the miseries. The broken rules, the desperate chances. The glorious failures, and the glorious victories. All of these things you’ll never know, simply because the word ‘love’ isn’t written into your book. Good night, Spock.” “Good night, Doctor.” WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT AND WHY HAVENT I SEEN AN EDIT TO THAT. Also now I REALLY wanna write a mcspirk fanfic based solely on THAT

- “I do wish he could forget her.” BOTH McCoy and Kirk wished for this and so Spock does something crazy for his loves omg omg I’m gonna throw up wtf

- there’s literally romantic music playing in the background as Spock leans down to mind meld and says “forget”

Well

Masterpost

Episode written by Jerome Bixby

#star trek #star trek tos #star trek the original series #spock #s'chn t'gai spock #tos spock #leonard bones mccoy #tos mccoy #tos bones #captain james kirk #james t kirk #tos kirk #Youtube

[brainrot-of-a-thot]

requests are officially open.

so, I have decided to open my askbox permanently for those who wish to request something from me. however, before sending in a request, there is just one thing I ask of you to keep in mind —

I’m the mother of a toddler, and I survive pretty much off of caffeine and my own daydreams.

edit: as another note to this, I was very recently diagnosed with asd (autism spectrum disorder), and it does affect my writing from time to time; for the most part, it doesn’t affect it horribly, especially when I’m hyper-fixated on something. but it could kill my motivation at times.

the reason I bring this particular fact up is that, depending on the length/detail of a particular request and whether or not it coincides with particular events in my life, it could take me awhile to write it. so, I guess all I ask is you keep in mind that patience is a virtue? lol. okay, with that out of the way, I’ll move on to my rules.

fandoms: this blog is exclusive to the windbreaker (nii satoru) fandom

maturity/genre: I essentially don’t have a filter on this. e for everyone, pg-13, nc17, rated r; fluff, smut, angst, hurt/comfort — it doesn’t matter. I will write anything.

is dark content okay to request?: to an extent, yes. I haven’t ever really written anything explicitly dark (just a few fics with dub-con elements) but I’m also not triggered very easily, so I am open to dabbling in darker content. [pedophilia is an absolute no-go; I will not write fics about an adult abusing/taking advantage of a minor/child.]

what constitutes as dark content?: this could vary from person to person, but for me, dark content consists of: stalking/yandere, non-con, dub-con, kidnapping, drugging, extremely toxic relationships, and other things along those lines.

how many reqs can I send in?: there is no limit. you can request as many fics as you want, with differing themes, characters, and ratings. [the only thing I ask you to keep in mind is that I do not work requests in a ‘first come, first serve’ sort of way — for me, it’s a matter of interest and how well my brain flows with the idea. my creative juices aren’t infinite, unfortunately.]

where do I send my requests?: preferably, through the askbox. I like the fact that it offers the option for requesters to do so anonymously — as an introvert who would be highly embarrassed to send in a super detailed req with my blog name attached to it, it warms my little heart. though, if you’d rather send in a req through the comment section of a post, you can do that too. [note: it may take me longer to find your request that way.]

requests and anonymity: as mentioned above, requests can be sent anonymously — but I can also take it a step further for your comfort. rather than creating the post directly from your ask, I can create it via an entirely new post (meaning, your specific ask won’t be linked to the resulting fic). all you have to do include that within your request, such as saying ‘can you make the post separate’ and I will do it. if you wish, I can briefly summarize your request within the post — or, if you’d prefer, not do so at all. you’re in control here, love.

I know these rules were long and probably pretty boring to sift through, but I appreciate anyone who did. happy requesting, my loves! let’s get some more windbreaker content on here!

#wind breaker #wind breaker x reader #windbreaker #windbreaker x reader

[ourlittleuluru]

_(:з)∠)_ It's a holiday today and even when I'm out for errands, Xavier still worms his way into my brain...

Ramblings about Xavier and his red collar ahead~ (story spoilers, be warned) Apologies first. I'm not the best with words or saying things out from my brain... so It might be a bit jumbled, or I might've missed some things <( _ _ )>

I'm not going to be talking about anything new. Theories and such be everywhere already, all that's been speculated is all out there ><;;;

It's just my brain, earlier in the day, decided to re-frame my thinking about the collar a bit and just letting all these thoughts out somewhere that isn't inside my brain... moving on ➡➡➡

So... what we DO know about the collar is that it's something restricting Xavier in some way. It's just not clear HOW it's restricting him.

Collar is also something of the Ever Company's property, most likely. Since there's an icon on the collar that belongs to Ever Company. At most, I would think it's from the Ever Company that is from the time during Anecdote 3. (What if... Xavier is the son of the Ever Company president in Anec3... 🤔 I mean he's got men in suits tailing him all over... but that's a thought for another day)

Up to today, my guess is that the collar restricts his use of his Evol, on top of other things. Restricting his Evol, in a way, makes him "weaker". Xavier is very good (I would guess) at using his Evol and it's powerful enough to cause huge light explosions too. So he's dangerous (to the people that wants to control him) and restricting him in that manner helps to keep Xav in check.

Unsure if the Evol Resonance here being strong is due to Xavier's Evol itself already being very strong... OR... that the two share a deep bond since times of yore and she was just able to resonate much easier and stronger with him.

Okay. Main thoughts and speculations down below 😂 I dragged this long enough, and I'm rambling on a bit much...

The collar, restricts Xavier's Evol and...

Xavier, always overdoes it and uses his Evol past the allowed limit.

It hurts him in return, but he usually doesn't care any ways. If it's to save people and MC especially, he WILL do it

He can choose to ignore the limiter, but it will only cause him to use even more of his Evol just to overcome the limiter AND do what he needed to do

So to explain, an example in terms of MP from RPG games: His Light Explosion usually costs 50MP. The Collar restricts his MP to be only 40MP. Now, for Xavier to use his Light Explosion skill again, he needs 60MP instead of the usual 50MP the reason for my above thought is simply because BOTH his Hunter's Watch AND Collar were warning him in his Myth

This makes him even more spent, makes him use 2 syringes to recover... and potentially speeds up whatever process is causing the BackTrackers on Earth to turn into Wanderers (???)

If he were to resonate with MC however, maybe he can bypass the limiter, me thinks. But obviously he is very aware that he can't abuse this.

There's a possibility that he will still get the side effects after that, maybe in a smaller amount... and it's also to protect MC herself

Uh... I feel like I had more thoughts to blurb out... but after this many hours I think I might've forgotten them... 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

~+~+~+~+~

And... this is how many times (that I managed to catch, that is) his collar has flared up: 6 times

(it'll be 7 if one assumes that when we meet Xavier, and he's sleeping... during that time he has already overused his Evol which caused the Metaflux explosion and was sleeping to "recharge", that his collar definitely flared red at that time)

Who knows how many more times before the Main story at this point in time (22 May 2024. Dating this just in case lol. Tumblr doesn't really show timestamps on the dash) that he's used his Evol til the collar turned red... and how many more times he is allowed to keep using it like that...

This feels to me like an unbreakable cycle at this point for Xavier... T-T

Both him and MC being each other's greatest strength and their greatest weakness 😩🥺👌

Ughhhh I feel the MASSIVE AMOUNT OF FEELS AND ANGST COMING WITH THIS MAN 😭😭😭😭 Please let this bebe live!

#xavier love and deepspace #love and deepspace xavier #xavier #churambles #also these is just a long ass ramblings i needed to get out of my head.... uh.... mistakes do be made and i may have overlooked stuff so... #I was JUST TRYING to take snapshots of Xavier and moments where his collar flashes red... #and I already accumulated like... #440 PICS! #I need help... #and more storage #<<;;;;; #this is how my whole evening went... #re-reading parts of the Main Story the Myth and Anecdotes #AND ALL THE SCREENSHOTTING I DID ToT

[ganondoodle]

sorry about that last rambling post, i didnt mean to sound like its worse than it may be, but i got no ... lense to view it through but my own, and the main reason i wrote it out anyway was bc i needed to get it out (even if posting it might be not the greatest idea) .. and bc it kinda showcases, i think, how my stories kinda write themselves, involuntarily in a way? its not like im not putting in any effort- but its like .. i cant STOP it always keeps going and even the dumbest idea stays in some form, its very hard to get everything in place bc theres so much going on all the while i am very slow at making anything, writing or drawing anything, especially anythign coherent is very hard bc not only do i get constantly distracted, i get distracted by my own thoughts suddendly skipping to a certain scene and me having to go throguh imagining in detail NO MATTER how many times i have done it before for the same scene that i already decided on how it goes, when theres a new idea it can take over my entire day bc i cant let go of it-

not trying to sound either like im the only that has that sort of problem, but i think its a big part as of why i start tso many projects without being able to finish them, or even start them bc i constantly have to fight my own thoughts from derailing into another daydream session, thinking of too much too fast than i can ever draw or even write about and not knowing what is worthwhile and what isnt (im telling you i have no idea what is good and what isnt, idk why but for all i know all things i do could be trash, or they all could be bad, maybe the one i thinnk is decent is actually worse than the things i deem not good enough and once i start to think no this isnt good enough i stop having fun making or thinking it bc im trying to do better

honestly its kind of impressive that i can get anything out at all, not to pat myself on the back there but even if i hate how long it takes me, considering how much im having to work just to start working on something at all, the fact that i could post stuff coherent enough for some people to understand AND LIKE is something i should be a little more proud of

#ganondoodles talks #personal #sorry today is a bit of a brain fart day #got a headache and have wasted the entire time until now (5pm) with watching old analysis videos i have watched 5 times already #and crying over undertales music #how much could i get done if i didnt have to deal with thought trains going 200 above speed limit #also didnt mean to sound mean to people who like the things i deem cringy #BC I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKIGN ABOUT 90% OF THE TIME #I DONT KNOW IF ITS GOOD maybe it is #my judgement of my own stuff is pretty random #.... maybe thats why i can work with fanstuff that adheres to lore better #bc it sets limits for me #it gives me options of rails to derail onto without falling straight into the woods #idk if that made sense either #... i need to start drinking more #(and i guess by calling some of my stuff cringe bc i am entirely unsure of its quality im trying to make myself smaller than i am) #(so if it turns out to be actually bad- im more safe from ridicule since LOOK I AM SELF AWARE) #and there i go letting my thoughts spin further #maybe ill delete both of these posts tomorrow when i realize how dumb this is to say in the first place

[averlym]

whshdfhfjf.,,,

#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur #look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly #because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..' #anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to #ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts #anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately #a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle #lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix #fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll. #and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material #mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent #a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...) #i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort #and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one #here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try #like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!! #the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still #they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1 #of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but #thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where #you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the #competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even #even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!! #the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's #'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h #her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll #eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do' #they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's #it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe #adamandi

[fisheito]

If you want actually good BL reccs, I've been reading Cherry Magic recently and it's v sweet.

I also read this other one a while ago that was wholesome in a weird way: "My quiet best friend's just tongue-tied"

dude do u know what this ask feels like? like... me: *puts down the toxic high school BL midway through* *heavy sigh* *takes a swig of lavender lemonade* why tf all these yaois so damm .. i don't know. sigh. this is a young man's game. maybe i'm not fit for this no mores anon: hey so i heard u like wholesome and probably not teens *slides recs over* me: either i am unbelievably easy to read or you're just a seasoned BL sommelier. thank u dearly, anon

#not nu🦀 #i am having a very good time with cherry magic rn #i read the tongue-tied one first bc i liked the look of the art more #and it was shorter. so. i figured i could finish it quick *rubs palms* #BUT DUDE i see what you mean by 'weird wholesome' for that one #because there were several times when i was side-eyeing severely. they about to make me walk away.. #and even more times i wanted to slap protag upside the head #IDIOCY AND IGNORANCE HAVE THEIR LIMITS. YOU ARE BEYOND HOPE #but i still finished it which means that ur rec was COMPLETED and thus a SUCCESS #then i looked at cherry magic like. hm. idk bro. this art isn't really jamming with me #(2.6 minutes later) DUDE I LOVE THIS IT IS LIGHTING UP MY LIFE AND REINVIGORATING MY ANCIENT JOINTS #it is also much longer than i expected. which is GREAT bc then i get more silly 30 year olds falling in doki #me ringing the bell like um. excuse me. when do i get my wizard powers? or does (XYZ) count as *censored* and thus disqualify me? 😂 #today i confirm that i should trust internet anon instead of my local library. er. at least regarding gay little love stories #i say CONFIRM because i done knew. but. well. we can learn the same thing over and over i guess #asks

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[butterflieswhisper]

hhelp wait this is so funny. didnt you follow me forever ago after a scott themed october song analysis . sorry if you dont remember that and this ask doesnt make sense but this is still funny to me

hi!!!! yeah. it was the cherri crane lives art i think and also where you made your flower husbands tag! I have never really interacted with fh outside of you (and like, seeing pretty fanart) but i am nonetheless deeply invested in your interpretation specifically!!! I honestly haven't watched jimmy outside of rats and the beginning of empires2 either i genuinely have no clue what they get up to you just seem to have a lot of fun with it

#asks #<-omg i can make that a tag now #i also am a year behind on the life series. i think the most recent one i've seen is double #like from any pov. i am a year behind. however that goes for everything on youtube #my poor watch later playlist hit the 5000 video limit forever ago and so did the second one i made to replace it. i am on my third #but seriously i don't know what goes on in fh canon but i like their blue/yellow thing they have going on. idk if that's like? intentional? #but like scott blue and canary yellow are really pretty colors together #and they are also SO close to being complimentary colors and yet. they aren't. just a little bit off #they don't quite fit quite how they should. i made that up on the spot i mostly think yellow and blue are nice colors #i think my biggest exposure to scott before you was literally the deal with destiny song in empires1 #and i don't even think i acknowledged him as like a real guy ykwim. #like oh yeah. scott smajor. he's like. in that song lizzie made or something. he can sing alright i guess (plays it on loop)(plays it on lo #whisp whispers #seeing u post about Discourse(tm) is always really funny to me because i didn't realize for a while that u did not have like #the 'normal' interpretation? like i didn't realize you had a different view than other people #i was like oh yeah the relationship held in the death games is toxic. that makes sense yeah and is not surprising #and then suddenly there would be a post where you mention discourse and i went. Ohhhhh wait they're supposed to be HAPPY!!! #but i feel like this is infinitely more enjoyable i love Flawed Characters #and especially now after watching his rats. i get it. i get it i get it i see what you are saying #he doesn't interact much with jimmy hes mostly with owen and. i mean #'i've never heard someone apologize so much while putting the blame on the other person'???? i see exactly what you mean #r!scott accidentally hurting r!owen and then apologizing profusely while insisting it's because owen stood in his way. and then immediately #isolating himself in a room for like 20 minutes and refusing to interact with anyone feels like. idk #it reminds me of ur rambles and i understand them more now i think. kind of #to be clear by 'with' i mean like. in proximity of. those rats are AROMANTIC!!!!! (to me) #i'm so sorry these tags are a mess. but alas #i also think it's really funny to follow Flower Husbands guy and know nothing abt them. invested by proxy. whenever i hear abt scott giving #jimmy a flower i get excited not because like i know what's going on but because omg! that's like that thing bree talks about sometimes!! #i hope that like. any of this makes sense shdbfjk

[randomnameless]

@zeroabyss replied to your post “@zeroabyss replied to your post “You're not wrong...”:

I definitely say a father telling him he has to do it all on his own and that he can’t even rely on his friends or even their fellow nations, definitely pushed Lyon to take the path that he did. No one can handle something on their own, and so Lyon was tempted to use the one power their texts said had the power to avert disaster.

​You can see how this issue was more than likely a flaw when Lyon talks about him to the twins. About how his father took on the burdens all on his throne and barely, if ever rested. The man shouldered everything that it likely played into his worsening health and death, and his final words being to tell Lyon he can’t rely on help from others concerning a natural disaster and that the other countries would leave any Grado refugees to die at the border to protect themselves

Vigarde pushing all of the country's hopes and aspirations on his unprepared son was his mistake, sure, but...

Between Vigarde telling him to deal with Grado's fate alone because relying on Renais is impossible, and Vigarde/Father Mc Gregor/The World telling him not to free Satan to use his powers because Satan nearly destroyed the continent centuries ago, if Lyon had to pick one command to disobey, I suppose he could have picked the "I'm still going to ask for Renais' help" instead of "I'm going to use Fomortiis' powers".

Vigarde might have steered him in the wrong direction - Lyon already playing with Fomortiis' powers (to save a child! and then to predict tempests and save more lives!) was his own thing.

It's SS in a nutshell, good intentions alone cannot justify the worst means used to satisfy/reach them.

Lyon lamented and complained about his perceived weakness, feeling he would never compare to the twins nor would be the kind of ruler Grado will need to save itself... so he doomed Magvel, wanting to be the strong and kind person he wished to be.

I think this is the flashback where it's more or less spelled out :

Lyon: “Mm… My research isn’t complete yet, but there’s no mistaking the power the Sacred Stones contain. And the Stone of Grado seems especially responsive to my dark magic. I suppose it’s because it contains both sacred and demonic properties. Regardless, if I can just press my studies a little harder… Well, I think I might be able to use it to heal my father’s illness. If that works, there’s no telling how many other people I can help as well.” Eirika: “Do you think this is wise? The power contained within the stones is beyond our understanding… My father tells me that the stones possess a power not to be trifled with.” Lyon: “Uh-huh… Father MacGregor is also against it. That’s why they still won’t give me direct access to the Stone of Grado. For the time being, I’ve made do with the radiant energies surrounding it. They’re nothing compared to the raw power of the stone itself, but… If I can show Father MacGregor some real progress, perhaps one day…”

(...)

Lyon: “Thanks, both of you. Hearing those words from you means a lot to me. Actually–and this hasn’t been made public yet–but… I’ve already saved someone using the knowledge I’ve gleaned so far.” Ephraim: “You have?” Lyon: “Uh-huh… A while back, a fire ravaged Serafew, and a little girl got trapped in the flames. Her burns were terrible: not even healing staves were able to cure her injuries. But just a sliver of the stone’s power restored her life and healed her wounds. We saved that girl’s life, Ephraim! Oh, if you could have seen the tears of joy in her mother’s eyes!

Fado, Ismaire and I'm pretty sure Vigarde himself know it's not wise to triffle/use the SS powers... Father MacGregor is also against it, as the resident "holy man" around - and his words are important, since the Church of Magvel was founded after Latona, who fell herself (but managed to fend him off for some reason ???) to Fomortiis' possession! - but Lyon's reply is... Mockery? Or disinterest?

Father Mac Gregor wanted to prevent him from continuing on this path, and forbade him access to the Stone! But Lyon didn't care and still used what was... available, when he also knows the power he is using has demonic properties, and a will of its own!

Lyon's reasoning isn't "Father Mac Gregor is right maybe I should try to consider that I cannot "use" Fomortiis" but something like "maybe he doesn't believe me when I tell him this power can be used for good! I just have to continue working on it!" completely missing the point...

Or is he?

Sure, Lyon saved the Serafew child... but this hadn't made been public as of yet (2 years before the start of the game), like was this not enough to convince Father Mac Gregor that he could use those powers to do right and good things? Or Lyon himself realised he... "saved" someone who was already dead?

This flashback is even more interesting because we have this, the twins' failure :

Ephraim: “Using the Sacred Stones to study magic…” Lyon: “Ephraim, Eirika, what do you two think? Using the divine power of the Sacred Stones in this way… You don’t think it’s a very good idea, do you?” Ephraim: “…It’s just that I know nothing at all of magic. I would that there were some way I could help you, but I simply can’t. But, Lyon, I’ve seen how hard you’ve worked to help others. I know how much you want the power to make others happy. I know these things, and because I know you, I trust your intentions.” Lyon: “Ephraim…” Ephraim: “If you hope to use the power of the Sacred Stone for good, I trust you can. I’m behind you all the way.” Eirika: “I agree with Ephraim entirely. You spend every night in the library, studying cures for your father’s illness. The power of the Sacred Stones is too powerful to be used for personal gain. But you, Lyon… I think you’ll be fine. You’re the kindest person I know.”

It's a double failure on their part, firstly because they give empty reassurances to Lyon claiming to know him, how he wants to use this power because he has the right intentions, or how it's totally not used for his personal gains...

When part of Lyon's desire for power was to help people, sure, but also, to be worth someone in Ephraim and Eirika's eyes!

Secondly...

No, the power of the SS (especially the one housing Fomortiis!) cannot and should not be used, even for "good" or with "good intentions". There are lines that shouldn't be crossed, even if it means not being able to save people/not reach your dreams.

The Epilogue in Eirika's route is very explicit :

Eirika: “That would be nice… But first we must seal this away… This stone banished the Demon King. With such power… Do you suppose we could bring back Father and Lyon… That everyone who died in this dreadful war could be–“ Ephraim: “Eirika.” Eirika: “I know, I know. Such things would be– I cannot wish for such things. No matter how it hurts, or rather because it hurts, we must learn to accept sorrow. We must take it into our hearts and tame our grief…” Ephraim: “Eirika… Tell me, Sister… If Lyon were here with us, what do you think he would want?” Eirika: “What he would want?” Ephraim: “Yes. You see, I think I know. It was the reason for his studies. It’s why he wanted to know about the Sacred Stones–or rather the Fire Emblem. Let’s take Lyon’s dreams and fulfill them in his stead. We can do that, can’t we? Without relying on any mystic power?” Eirika: “You’re right, Brother, we can. Let us fulfill his dreams. As Lyon wanted, as we all want… So we may live in peace and joy.”

Sure this epilogue sort of sucks because Eirika has to be explained things by Eph out of anyone (when we know how he takes the news in his route!), but the point still stands, tempted with the power to achieve the impossible... the heroes refuse and accept to move forward and fulfill their dreams (make the impossible possible?) without relying on mystic powers, especially if it comes from Fomortiis himself!

#zeroabyss #magvel stuff #fe8 #replies #lyon stuff #vigarde was an ass and yet he still wanted peace #FE8's dark magic comes from fomortiis #Knoll in his support argues that dark magic shouln't be seen as inherently evil #and yet dark magic users in this verse can summon monsters and zombies #“'i'll use my zombies for good” sure jan #I guess unlike the other games in the series where power isn't inherently evil it's what you do with it that's evil or not #Dark Magic being so tied to Fomortiis and giving to its users a bootleg copy of his abilities is telling enough #that even if a dark magic user has the best intentions he will fall due to the nature and source of that magic #maybe if users only limit themselves on using Flux they can be spared? idk #FE8 is the methods >intentions game #I like the Knoll Natasha support it highlights the differences between the two #they're similar in their wishes to help randoms and Grado #but when knoll says he wants to help by knowing and researching #Natasha wants to risk her life to save people #and knoll follows her but doesn't want anyone to die

[billygoat26]

Guys- moots who know me well enough kind of-

I'm not simping solely for fictional characters anymore-

...

I hate this, it's weird, I wanna say something to them or at least one of my other irl friends but I'm too scared that 1: they'll judge me and 2: they'll TELL HIM. Dear god I do not need that-

BUT IT WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE (aka it's been on my mind for a few hours too long)

Yesterday, pool party with friends, right?

I knew that he did some workout stuff but I still was NOT prepared- (me, who was fully expecting him to wear some form of his normal outfit but for the pool- noooooope! Shirtless- very unprepared)

And listen, I knew I at least sort of like-liked him before cuz you know, personality and all that stuff, but come onnnn- like- what do I do now??

And then they were playing chicken fights in the pool or whatever the game is called, and after that they were standing on each other's shoulders and pretending to walk on water (We all had just endured a bible unit in our English classes)

He had offered for ME to stand on HIS shoulders- and for that to happen, you know, they gotta swim under, right? Well, we both have the dirtiest of minds (I also just have shitty balance so I was not about to try that anyways. That was the main reason on my mind but I thought of the other stuff after).

I don't even know if I have blushed since elementary school, but if I did then, then thank god for the sun because sunburnsssss

And then he couldn't find his shirt after we had all gotten out, and one of my other friends said that he didn't need the shirt (jokingly) and dear god I wanted to agree (verbally) but I'm too worried about my whole bullshit being too obvious if I did, so I just had to stay quiet. (He ended up not finding it and just having to leave cuz his parents were there)

But that- that day- just... that. It's not. Leaving. My. Mind. Alone.

#billygoat talks #Look ma- I'm not simping for only fictional characters! #I'm not adding him to the simp list tho- 1: not putting his name anyways and 2: that list is for fictional characters only #Wait- what day is it now? #Fuck- it's only Sunday... #Should I say something? Cuz I only know him because of the IB program but I'm not gonna be in it next school year #And I think the only time we would see each other is either during lunch and after school going to the buses or just buses #But I'm worried that- if I do say something and he doesn't feel the same- our friendship will be fucked up and awkward- I don't want that.. #Besides- I've never had good luck with these things #And at the start of the year I had come out to my friends as gay- mid-school-year one of my friends and I agreed I was pan #<- that was only one friend... and the one who made the joke I told y'all about #But he still thinks I am gay- we joke about it a lot- so how would I even start? #I've never been in a relationship- can't say I've never been kissed before only cuz of a weird thing in elementary school- #Believe it or not- even if I can give others advice- I don't know what to do for myself... #I guess I'm scared of rejection but I should be used to it by now- #Oh yeah! The other thing- we've only known each other for a whole one school year- his friends have known him for much longer- #I feel like it's wrong to even think like that after only one school year and say something about it- like it's too soon #Believe me- I do wanna say something but I'm just scared that our friendship will be ruined or he'll ask questions I don't have have answer #to- more than likely one of those would be about my sexuality #I feel like I have to stick to that- like a limitation- but I don't want to- #I have so many wants but I feel like I'm not exactly good enough for anybody and those wants will just be wishful thinking forever #Fuck- just bombarded y'all with my shower thoughts... sorry- #Ummmmmm- #Yeah-

[kohakhearts]

well folks its been a good two months of denial but i am finally ready to admit that the reason everything sucks is because of major depression relapse. if i werent so depressed id make this everyone elses problem by projecting it on to blorbo but alas

#taylor.txt #incapable of making this not a joke but i do have to say it kinda sucks #like obviously ive never been 100% free of my depression probably on account of it developing when i was a Child and then not getting any #treatment or even really any sympathy for until i was in my late teens but. BUT. even my historic mental breakdown 2 years ago didnt really #feel like depression. like yeah i was sad and hopeless but this is very different. sad and lethargic more so. simply too tired to be lost i #despair. which is i guess a good thing because it means its easier for me to fix. its just that right now im kinda stuck in it #i dont know if id say ive experienced major depression since my first year of uni #thats why ive been denying it all this time despite it being pretty…glaringly obvious #anyway. good news is im meeting with the prof of one of the classes im currently failing this week #and now i guess i kind of have an idea of what to tell her because all this time ive been struggling and i havent understood why #the content makes sense. i understand whats going on. but my memory has gotten so bad recently and the energy required to do my assignments #has been way too much. and im past my limit on that at this point unfortunately. like yeah shes probably gonna tell me well that sucks but #theres nothing i can do to save your grade and thats fine but at least i know even if it was a Me Problem that i let myself get depressed #again in the first place being actively depressed is a major barrier that i at least know isnt 100% me being an idiot with a bad attitude #i will struggle to the finish line but i will make it there. even if i fail a class or two in the process #and regardless of if it gets better i will finally go see my therapist again in the new year </3 something obviously led to this so whos to #say it wouldnt happen again if i just let that fester. whatever it is #also writing has been tough for the same reason school has been tough but its still happening and i will do more of it when school is over #i PROMMY

[fideidefenswhore]

Catherine [of Aragon], [Princess] Mary, and Anne Boleyn are enemies of Cromwell and do not fare well at her hands. In fact, [Mantel's] focus on Cromwell seriously undermines the claim her account is more authentic than Michael Hirst['s].

Writing Mary I: History, Historiography, and Fiction

#hmm... #i mean #i don't think focus on one singular historical person as narrator (well . sort of. it's third person POV) automatically renders a work #'less authentic' #by this logic the only 'authentic' series is an ensemble #POV which i suppose the tudors is closer to but that's a very strict and limited criteria... #tbh this is just me pettily posting this quote bcus im so vindicated when this is said #in scholarly compliations lmfao #i agree with the conclusion but not the argument towards it if that makes sense. i have my own sort of... #(i think it's incidental that this is the case. you can still strive for authenticity in a first person close POV historical novel #it just doesn't occur often. see: tobg) #i've seen this as a criticism of BSR and it doesn't track #bcus the fleabag-style makes it explicitly clear this is all from AB's pov #'it's iNACCURATE that it says henry never loved coa FUCK this show' #'accuracy' re: feelings is a difficult premise in the 1st place but also #you cannot argue it's 'inaccurate' that ANNE thought that. bcus we don't know what she thought #the structure of the series is inherently her being interviewed and so it's clear this is the writers' guess on how she #justified her path to herself #and i actually found it to be a plausible one. again. accuracy or inaccuracy cannot be argued. you're talking about someone's feelings #/beliefs about someone ELSE's feelings (hers about henry's) #it's actually quite credible. considering we know that she did claim *she* loved henry more than catherine #that speaks to her feelings on #the matter ...which melds well to their interpretation on what else she might have felt on the subject.

[picturemecountingcards]

unpopular opinion but i actually really enjoyed that drea and eleanor didn't kiss in do revenge. they hit that sweet spot that makes me go insane, of characters who are extremely close to each other, have a complex, deep (and fucked up) relationship, could probably be called the most important people in each other's lives and are in no way romantically involved. i love how physically affectionate they are, how drea says that the only times she'd been happy that year had been with eleanor, how they can't stand each other and love each other so so much. i love how much they've deliberately (and not) hurt each other and how they can't atone for that but they can move on and be better together. i also love that they're unhinged.

#do revenge #this movie made my aro heart really happy what can i say #other characters that hit this spot for me include but aren't limited to: #arthur and john from malevolent #buddy and jet from tpp #juno and rita from tpp #dream and hob from the sandman (even tho i do ship them romantically i just feel like that's a less important facet of their relationship) #missy and the 12th doctor in season 10 specifically #(again i do ship the doctor and the master but their dynamic in this iteration specifically gave me this vibe. #especially in that one scene where missy tried to explain their relationship to clara in season 8 i think? or 9? probably 8) #also kinda for some reason the master and margarita??? (from.. the master and margarita) #idk why #they're explicitly romantically involved in the text #i guess i just really love the book so i wanted to connect more the characters idk? they do have the vibe tho #or maybe it's more accurate to say that the book itself just has that vibe idk #oh and clara and friday from hfth!

[running-in-the-dark]

today was exhausting - my friend was here for about 7 hours and I just. oh man I love her and all but it's just a lot sometimes. it's probably for the best that we only meet up like 2-4 times a year now (gives me enough time to forget how draining it is so I look forward to it, and recover afterwards)

I don't talk to anyone but my husband most days, and he doesn't really talk. so that's maybe 15 minutes total of talking. and today it was literally. 7 hours. no breaks except when we were eating (but no even then someone was always talking).

first of all ouch, it hurts (my voice is very hoarse now). and also. it's so so so draining. like. we really have nothing in common at this point. but she's my oldest friend and I do love her so it's tolerable... but just barely. these days there's way too much diet/food/weight loss talk, and also she seems to be getting into alternative medicine which I cannot fucking stand (it's one topic where I can't pretend or be nice about it either). lots and lots of very preachy vegan stuff too (I don't have any problems with it, I admire people who can do it, but fuck dude you know I eat meat and that I've said many times that I *can't* go vegan (I would starve. there's not enough foods that would be left. seriously.) and it feels pretty shitty to keep going on about it every damn time. I'm not sitting there trying to convince her that she should really be an atheist or something, because I know what her thoughts are about that and I respect it.

when she hangs out with her other friends a lot it's mostly just talking about all the issues that come from that (they fucking suck). I don't know, it kind of feels like I'm her therapist. when I talk about something I'm interested in she doesn't ask many questions and it kind of sucks. like, dude I don't care about your plants either, but I'm interested because you care, so. maybe try that too. would be nice!

#like I know alllll about her other friends and their shitty behaviour #and just. it's exhausting #it's also exhausting telling her over and over again that she is too nice. yes being nice is good and all but she lets people walk all over #her and afterwards she goes 'oh well I guess it was probably just because [they had a bad day/other thing that happened/I said the wrong #thing]'. I do that too! but it's just EVERYTHING. always. even when someone is CLEARLY being shitty to her. like her shitty friends. she #will still excuse their behaviour #it just makes me sad man. #buuut #like come on maybe let me talk about my stupid tv show for 5 minutes and try to seem a little interested? I know it's irrelevant I know no #one cares but damn you really can't pretend?? I've mentioned it before a couple times on the phone and she's always just vaguely like 'ah #that sounds interesting' WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT IT'S ABOUT. but she doesn't ask what it's about so. I just stop #talking about it and we change topics. #like. yeah I know it's a bit weird that I'm in my 30s and that is one of the most important things in my life rn but. that's how I am. it's #always been that way. and my other friends care (or at least pretend to because they care about *me*) #so it feels pretty shitty! #like if I can look at 15 pictures of how big her fucking plants and herbs are getting. idk maybe ask one question about my show. #or like. even things like our new apartment and stuff. she listened and everything. but it's just. there's no interest there really. just #live 'oh that's nice :)' and we move on to the next topic again #idk man it makes me a bit sad (and I know it's ironic because I say she needs to acknowledge that people don't treat her well but. I mean I #do know this isn't great. and I limit my communication with her to a level that doesn't feel too exhausting. so. idk I feel like it's #different or whatever. buut really I just don't have many friends and I get lonely and it's better to listen to someone talk about #themselves all the time than not talking at all) #okay I'm gonna shut up now #and anyway I'm just exhausted and it's all very fresh rn and I'm incredibly tired so I'm very grumpy. usually it's really not that bad. #I just needed to vent I guess #okay bye and goodnight and I will stop talking now I swear #personal

[quietwingsinthesky]

i bestow upon my oc the highest honor i can: janitor*

*in charge waste disposal on the ship

#also without actually having any sort of managerial title because that belongs to their mentor/friend/father figure 10656 #because you’ll never guess what happens on a starship with limited resources when you can’t work anymore #which he can. just not as well as he used to. but if he has the title that says he is…. #undecided rn if the Dangerous Thing the doctor shows up to stop kills 10656 #or if he’s still alive and they have to live with knowing that leaving means not only will they never see him again! but that’s basically it #for him! their little scam relies on 11089 doing the work he can’t and putting it under his name #i think it’s be funny for the doctor to have a companion who can’t go home :) not because home doesn’t exist of course. physically it’s #right there. but. well. #doctor: (remembering martha and rose) btw do u want me to modify your cellphone to call ur mom? #11089: idk what a cellphone is? or who my mom is? :/ #dw oc #anyway this was about them being a janitor. they’re so good at their job <3 #which in space is knowing precisely how to get rid of waste without knocking them off-course via the expulsion. and being very good at #identifying airlocks. and they’ll pick up mops pretty well when they find one.