#so now i just feel guilty and like i can't enjoy myself cause i haven't done anything productive even within my own house

[octoberclidan]

Are You Okay?

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Summary: Reader (she/her) is a hunter who lives in the bunker and helps out with hunts, but tends to stick more to the research side of things. Sam is unable to go on the hunt due to a previous injury that hasn't healed yet, so Dean asks the reader to go with him and let Sam do the research. Reader gets hurt on hunt, Dean feels guilty, they both end up comforting the other.

Note: this was written by myself for myself; there are probably mistakes. My first language is English but I'm not American, so it may sound weird in places if you happen to be American reading it. If you do happen to come across this and spend time reading it, I hope you enjoy it somewhat!

Masterlist

Story:

[Y/N] was sitting on her bed in the bunker, flicking through a book she had found in the library earlier that morning on vampires that she hadn't read yet. Pillow propped up behind her back on the headboard, soft blanket covering her legs, it was a comfortable, quiet morning. Sam had found a new case not far from the bunker that sounded a lot like vampires. In the past, [Y/N] would accompany the boys on hunts; she was skilled with a variety of weapons, was quick to think on her feet, and it helped having a third set of eyes. A few months ago however, [Y/N] had made a stupid mistake on what should have been a simple salt and burn. She had been tired, completely misread the situation, and ended up causing the victim to get hurt. No one died, but it had taken away a lot of [Y/N]'s confidence. She had resigned to taking on more of a research role rather than joining the boys out in the field. This was something both of them had made known that they weren't happy with; they missed having her out there with them.

The quiet was disturbed by a loud knock on the door, followed by the door cracking open to reveal Dean on the other side, who never seemed to wait for answer between knocking and opening when it came to doors. Dean pushed the door open and crossed his arms, leaning against the doorframe. He looked at [Y/N] and raised an eyebrow.

"What?" She asked.

"Comfortable?"

"Yes, why, is that a crime now?"

Dean shook his head and uncrossed his arms, stepped toward [Y/N]'s bed and motioned for her to move her feet so he could sit at the end of her bed. With a huff of fake annoyance, she moved her feet and felt the bed dip as he sat beside her.

"There's a change of plans with the hunt we found last night, Sam still can't walk with his leg" Dean explained.

"What? I thought you called Cas to come heal him last night?"

"Yeah, he didn't answer. He must still be tied up with whatever angel shit is going on in Heaven".

"Right, well you're not planning on doing the hunt solo, are you?" [Y/N] closed her book and placed it beside her before folding her arms and waiting for Dean's answer. She wouldn't put it past him to take it upon himself to clear out a nest of vampires on his own. He slapped his hand down on her leg playfully and grinned at her.

"Nope! You're gonna come with me, just like old times" he winked at her.

"Dean... I haven't been on an actual hunt in months, I don't know. I'm more than happy to help out with the research, isn't there someone else you can ask to help you? Garth? Jody?" [Y/N] nervously started picking at the cover of her vampire book.

"I have Sam for research this time, I need you out there with me [Y/N]" he gave her a small smile of encouragement.

"I'm sorry Dean, I'm just not ready to get back out there. Not to mention I'm out of practice, even if I didn't mess up due to stupidity, I'm not as fit as I was months ago, I'd only slow you down and end up putting you in danger" [Y/N] was avoiding Dean's gaze, becoming increasingly interested in picking off a piece of the crumbling leather on the cover of the book.

Dean reached forward, placing his index finger and thumb on either side of [Y/N]'s jaw and moved her head gently, forcing her to look at him. "You're more than capable of helping, and not just by researching. You're one of the best shooters I've ever met Sweetheart".

"Not much use with vampires Dean, it's a bit hard to decapitate someone with a gun".

"True, but it's a lot easier to decapitate a vamp when it's been shot with a dart full of dead man's blood". Dean stood up from the bed and extended his hand to [Y/N]. "Come on, Sam's figured out the general area that they're hiding, we'll be in and out and back here before tonight".

***

[Y/N] spent the entire car ride to the abandoned warehouse worrying about how the hunt was going to go down. They had narrowed down the location of the nest and were anticipating two, or maybe three vamps at most. Dean was relaxed, tapping his fingers on the wheel in time with his music and humming along. [Y/n] couldn't help but smile, seeing him relaxed, enjoying his music, on his way to kill a bunch of monsters. Dean was in his element. She'd been harbouring a bit of a crush on the hunter for awhile now. Dean was tall, strong, charming, made [Y/N] feel safe and wanted, and she cared deeply for him. She knew he cared about her too, which just worried her, thinking that he would put her safety above his own, and that she would end up putting his life in danger by joining him on this hunt.

"Are you okay? You know it's like riding a bike, hunting?"

"Yeah Dean I'm fine, I think riding a bike is a lot safer than hunting though"

Dean scoffed and reached over to pat [Y/N]'s thigh, sending a small shock of electricity through her. She could feel the heat in her cheeks from his touch, and looked away out the window hoping he didn't notice. "We have a plan [Y/N]. We survey the outside, figure out where they are, then you shoot them and I chop their heads off. We'll stick together the entire time, you've nothing to worry about" Dean smiled at her and gave her thigh a small squeeze before returning his hand to the steering wheel, which brought [Y/N] both relief and disappointment.

***

When they arrived at the warehouse they stayed in the car watching for signs of movement, then together, made their way around the building. There appeared to be two doors, one at the front and one at the back. [Y/N] knew that it made more sense for one of them to take the front and the other to take the back, but Dean had been adamant about sticking together.

"Dean we should probably split up. There's no point in both of us going through one door, that just leaves room for them to escape out the other" [Y/N] pointed out. He knew she was right, if the two of them went through one door, the vampires would easily escape before the hunters had the chance to shoot them with the dead man's blood darts they had with them, and the entire hunt would have been pointless. He didn't like it, but he couldn't argue with her logic.

"Fine, I'll head around the back. You go in through the front door, try shoot if you can, scare them so they try leave out the back door where I'll be waiting for them"

[Y/N] nodded in agreement and turned to start walking towards the front door when Dean grabbed her wrist. "[Y/N], if anything doesn't go according to plan, if one of them tries to attack you, you get out of there immediately, alright? You get out, head straight to Baby, and drive. Here, take the keys"

"Dean I'm not taking the keys. If this goes south I am not just going to drive off and leave you here, don't be ridiculous" [Y/N] shook her head and pulled her arm back from him. "You go around to the back, I'll wait a couple minutes and then I'll go in, shoot them, we cut their heads off, we drive back to the bunker and job done. That's the plan right?" She smiled at him

Dean just sighed and nodded, mumbling something while putting his keys back in his pocket. He then left to walk around the back of the warehouse. [Y/N], holding both the little dart gun filled with dead man's blood and her machete, made her way over to the front door of the building. After waiting a couple of minutes, she pushed the door open. Two surprised vampires snapped their heads in her direction before jumping up and turning towards the back door. Quickly, [Y/N] took aim and manged to hit the closer one, causing him to fall to the ground clutching his neck. The other one had made it to the back door, only to be met by Dean Winchester, swinging his machete and chopping her head clean off. [Y/N] started towards the one on the ground when Dean looked up to smile at her, it was nice when hunts went according to plan. His face quickly fell however when he spotted a third vampire right beside her. "[Y/N] to your right!"

[Y/N] moved to turn her head to her right but it was too late, the vampire had charged at her, knocking her to the ground and hitting her head off the concrete floor. He then made a dash for the door that [Y/N] had come through, but Dean was too quick. Dean pulled the vampire back by his collar, pushing him to the floor before slicing his head off. He quickly went back to the other vampire on the floor, giving him the same treatment. Dean then rushed to [Y/N] and fell to his knees beside her, slipping a hand under her neck and pressing his other to the left side of her chest, feeling for a heartbeat.

"[Y/N] can you open your eyes for me Sweetheart? Are you okay?"

[Y/N] was awake but was struggling to open her eyes, a dull throb at the back of her head. Dean's hand moved from her chest to cup her cheek.

"Hey, hey [Y/N] you're gonna have to open your eyes for me okay? You're okay, just open your eyes, please." Dean pleaded with her. With much effort, she managed to open her eyes, straining to try and focus on the green eyes frantically searching for recognition. Dean let out a sigh of relief when her eyes locked onto his, moving the hand under neck down to her shoulders, and the other one beneath her knees. He lifted her up and walked out to the car, gently laying her in Baby's back seat.

He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and looked into her eyes. "You stay awake for me until we back to the bunker okay? No falling asleep. We'll get you back and have a proper look at your head. Fuck [Y/N] I am so, so sorry I forced you to come out here with me". He looked away from her now, the guilt starting to replace the panic. He felt a squeeze on his hand and looked back up to her, to see her smiling softly at him.

"I'm okay Dean, I feel more awake now, it's probably just a minor concussion". Dean couldn't quite manage to smile back at her but he did return the squeeze in her hand before closing the back door and slipping into the driver's seat.

***

Dean carried [Y/N] down the stairs of the bunker. The sound of his steps drew Sam out from the library, and when he saw [Y/N] he hobbled over to them as quickly as he could, his leg still causing issues.

"[Y/N]? Are you okay? What happened?"

"I'm fine Sam, we got the vamps, I just hit my head is all."

"Okay, Dean can you lay her down on her bed and I'll take a look?"

Dean nodded and began walking towards the bedrooms. He didn't stop at [Y/N]'s room, he continued walking towards his own. He pushed open the door and lay her down on the bed before sitting down beside her. "Memory foam, you'll be more comfortable here".

"Thanks Dean. I really am fine though, I'll just have a headache probably". He didn't answer, but he took her hand in his and held it while they waited for Sam. Once Sam came into the room to check her over, Dean left to go find a beer in the kitchen.

***

"She's going to be fine, I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a concussion. She said she doesn't think she blacked out or anything, just was a bit out of it when she fell. She'll have a headache tomorrow for sure and probably a bruise to go along with it, but she'll be good as new after a night's rest. She should probably rest for the day tomorrow too."

"Thanks Sammy." Dean took a swig of his bottle.

"You okay man?"

"Yup."

"Why don't you tell her?"

"Tell her what Sam?"

"How you feel?"

"What like shit? Like she told me she didn't want to come with me and I forced her into it and almost got her killed and now I can't even look at her without the guilt killing me?"

"No, that you have feelings for her."

Dean scoffed and continued his drink, and Sam sighed, leaving Dean to his thoughts.

***

A couple hours and a couple more bottles later, Dean figured it was late enough that [Y/N] was probably asleep. He made his way to his room, quietly opening the door to a dark room. He took off his shoes and shrugged off his flannel, keeping on the t-shirt underneath. He changed his jeans into pyjama bottoms and slid into his bed on the empty side. He kept his distance from her, not wanting to invade her personal space more than he'd already had to that day.

"I'm sorry [Y/N]." He whispered to her sleeping form. "I thought you were gone. When I saw your eyes closed, and you were lying still on the floor... I can't lose you. You and Sam and Cas, you're my family, I can't lose any of you. I need you."

"I love you too Dean". She whispered, turning around to face him. His eyes widened, and he felt embarrassed that she had just heard everything he confessed.

"Are you-"

"I'm okay Dean". She shuffled towards him a little and he opened his arms, letting her lay her head on his chest. He wrapped one arm around her and softly kissed her forehead. She drew little patterns on his chest while he did the same with her shoulder. [Y/N] was lulled to sleep by Dean's consistent breathing, and he was comforted by hers. She was okay, she was safe in his arms, and she loved him. Sam was right, Dean was in love with [Y/N].

The end

#dean winchester #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fluff #dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean winchester fic #dean winchester x reader #supernatural fic #dean winchester supernatural #supernatural fluff #dean winchester comfort #supernatural #spn

[kiefbowl]

Everytime I say to myself "im bisexual" i get this sense of deep guilt, and i just feel like crying flor some reason.

I know im not straight and i know im not a lesbian so the only logical conclusion is that I'm bi but i just dont feel like I am? I also dont feel like I'm allowed to have these feelings of struggle because i see people online say women are prtending to be bi for queer points so i feel like I'm overreacting you know.

Everytime I think of myself being in a relationship with a woman i feel a deep sense of shame.

I feel guilty like im a monster you know. I grew up in a homophobic country and only moved out like 3 years ago so i think maybe thats why ? Idk im just lost. I see people online just like being super happy about being lgb and im like why am I struggling? Im not supposed to feel this way. I feel like a fraud.

I was outed, kind of, I mean I wanst even sure i was bi but she told everyone and like my friends started behaving differently towards me and idk I just well first of all why did she tell people?? I didnt even know if i was into women i just wanst sure i wanted to make sense of it first i felt exposed in a way(dont worry my uni was chill so no physical harm or anyhting like thta)

Like that was my thing!! It was my fukcing thing and you don't get to tell people about it . Why did she do that. I know its not a big deal but now like if you ask me if im out i would say no ? Like no one knows im bi here in this new country.

Im rambling.

I have never said the word "im bisexual" out loud like ever

I'm going to give you permission about something you haven't specifically asked for, but in my wisdom I'm going to grant you this permission:

You don't have to know.

It's okay! You've moved, you're young, you're getting away from homophobia and finding new kinds of homophobia...that's too much stress, just stop worrying about it. So you don't know today, who cares? You'll figure it out. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in 50 years.

If it's causing you this amount of stress, and if all the voices of all these people in your head causing you doubt, then you aren't allowing yourself to discover by simply living. You're becoming a police officer in you head, and you're navel gazing as a form of punishment, and let me tell you, even if you were straight as ruler that wouldn't help you find love and fulfillment.

You're sexual orientation is something natural within you. So whatever feels natural, that's the truth of the matter. If you are trying to attack this as a thinking problem that needs solving, you just won't get there. Go out and party, go out and enjoy people's company, go set life goals and focus on them...and one day when you're not thinking about it you will meet someone you can't deny is the most lovely, beautiful person in the whole world and all you want to do is kiss them. And then you'll know.

This is about no one else but you. This is your sexual orientation, this is your life, and you don't need a peanut gallery weighing in. Fire your shitty friends if you have to. If people ask, you can say "I'm figuring it out" or even flat out say "that's none of your f*cking business." Or, if you want to be funny, pretend you have a very selective hearing problem.

Prioritize the things that you know are fulfilling you right now, and all the stuff you don't know yet will come back around in due time. This is true of love as it's true of everything else we obsess about. You don't have to know everything about yourself to be a good person.

Good luck, sis. Have fun smooching cuties, studying seriously, and enjoying the sun.

[shai-manahan]

Besides like for troubleshooting and making sure the game runs right and that ,have u ever like sat down opened up dashingdon and played HM (idk if that would be enjoyable for u since u know what would happen and all but who knows u might be suprised) if u have played it can u tell us bout yr MC ?? And how do u feel about NSFW questions??

Hi! I don't feel too comfortable answering nsfw asks, so apologies for that!

Playing HM, however... I'm not sure if it's also the case with other authors but I used to do that a lot lmao. It's a great way for me to see through the lens of a reader and properly assess if the game is interesting enough for my own tastes, and I enjoy the story, too (Idk if that's weird to say but oh well), at least until imposter syndrome hits. Sometimes I also end up noticing spots where I could add some choices or dialogue options, so I liked doing it.

Haven't done it since writing Chapter 2, though. I've been repeatedly reading the scenes I've written since last year before the Prologue + Chapter 1 rewrites, so I couldn't make myself read the demo this time around. Which is probably why you don't see as many choices in there (?), 'cause yeah, I never really got to properly check it out.

Now, for my MC.

I've honestly got several MCs reserved for different playthroughs of HM. There will be decisions in the future (plus a game mechanic too spoilery to explain) that will affect a lot of events within the story, and there's no way on earth that I won't be trying out every single one of those routes lol.

But if we're talking about a canon playthrough of mine, I'll probably choose my touch averse enby MC who's a complete mess. Alcoholic, self-blaming fool who still wants to prioritize the city and the public despite everything that had happened (and yeah there'll be some variations depending on your blame + motivation choice), uh... what else... my MC punched Bale (still conflicted between this and just walking away lmfao for so many reasons), lies to everyone around them, and has a very critical opinion of the police including themself all the while feeling guilty about exposing their own colleagues. Will never kill anyone but will also keep probing into everyone else's business---an action that will end up very badly for them but it is interesting so :)))). They have a Wits + Force combination of skills, and their mental health issue stats are like, over the roof (including stress, cynicism, another one I can't mention, and perhaps more.)

I think that's all I can share without this being a very long essay, so I'll stop there. I'm choosing these options for my MC mainly because I do know what's gonna happen, and there's always a way for them to recover from whatever it is they're feeling if they so choose, but I do hope everyone who'd be choosing them can detach themself from the MC's situation because the MC's thoughts can be... a lot to handle. There's a lot of ways you can customize the MC, though, and not just in appearance or preferences. The way you make decisions for them also shape who they are and the events that will unfold around them, so I do hope you all enjoy that and more!

Now that I've done that, why don't y'all share stuff about your MCs, too? 👀

#interactive fiction #hollowed minds series #hollowed minds book one #hollowed minds #interactive novel #ask #anon #writing #wip #if wip #interactive game #if game #choicescript #dashingdon #hosted games #hollowed minds mc

[anglespin]

smh do not feel guilty about it! unorthodox or not its a fun ship and idk! i like it ! and you like it! so thats good enough, u dont have to justify it to anyone. i personally think of it as same universe bc i just loooove time travel shenanigans. actually, i like thinking of both !! lol, like the fic i have in my head is uh basically no raccoon city incident re2 leon and ofc canon re6 leon. id talk about it but id simply explode thinking about them. i love them so much.

also do NOT get me wrong while i do prefer re2 and re6 leon, i would snatch up ANY leon before he could even BREATHE. and when i say *any* leon i mean *any. leon.* i am not physically capable of being normal about him. i am a very loud and proud leon lover. :3

hehe i wont lie i do have some thoughts ab di leon and re6 or vendetta leon, honestly any leon but its stronger for those 2 LOL. di leon...<3

anyways im rambling! im glad it made you happy to get an ask! i LOVE talking to ppl ab leon and also just. idk if i see stuff i like i want to say it!!! i KNOW you do stuff for YOU and bc YOU enjoy it but i also know how good it feels to hear that other people also enjoy it! i love being loud and proud ab stuff i like and i want others to be loud abt it w me 🐕

Ooowee thank you!!! Also I see what you mean about the same universe thing ands that's perfectly fine with me! Everyone has what they like-- I kinda like your fic idea too. Its neat! Oh..yes! Me too! I'd snatch them up in a heartbeat and pet em (with their permission of course, otherwise i'd make some hot coco for each one!). He's been my groove for awhile now and I love him so much. Leon lovers unite! DI leon really is something lol He's just... ugh!!! I can't even describe him. Cool as hell though? I love him! RE6 and DI always got my heart. Vendetta gives me cat vibes fr. Hey! No need to feel bad about rambling! I love listening and rambling always makes me happy cause its always interesting to me. I ramble or make 0 sense lol My thought process for what I make is "If there's nothing for it, then make it yourself!" and I apply it to everything hehe. I even have my own Leon bot to at least do stories with (fight scenes, what ifs, and just RE universe shenanigans with other characters). Also plan on making my own figures soon. Theres a Masterpiece RE6 Leon I'd love to buy but its well over 400 USD-- ouch lol. So I'll make one myself too.I enjoy what I make because it makes me alll happy inside and tickles my critter brain lol and thank you so much!!! Loud and proud all the way ftw! (Ah I'm unfamiliar with Tumblr culture since I haven't been on here in over 5 years. Its so different compared to twitter where im usually gnawing at my cage hehe. Tumblr gets what i don't post for my friends to see.)

#angle's inbox archive

[khaaidar]

I've been feeling asexual lately

I’ve been feeling somewhat asexual lately. Every time i go out on a date, hang out with a cute gay friend, or hang out with someone who wants to be something-in-between with me, i don't want to do anything intimate with them. No kisses, no sex, only cuddles. I can feel the attraction from their side but i just feel like i have this wall in front of me. It makes me want to reflect on my life more. I hate the word "to reflect", the fuck does that mean like go fuck yourself never say that to me ever again. Anyways...it makes me want to think about my daily life again. It must be coming from not feeling satisfied with what i'm doing on the day-to-day basis. 

First of all, my job. I don't feel like i fit in, i'm not even trying to fit in anymore. I feel guilty for being at this job, it seems like i'm wasting everyone's time. You know when you're young, it feels like time is going by so quick and you need to "make it" on time before you get old. I still feel this way, somewhat. Especially living in such a big and fast-pased city like toronto, it makes you want to run faster and faster until your engine has set yourself on fire. After all, what are we running towards? Innovation? We can't wait but get ourselves to the space? Escape our planet to find other life that will make us change our beliefs about what life is. What are we running towards? Why do we need to be stressed all the time? My job is taking away all of my time by sucking me dry and fucking me in every whole because i fucking hate it. No, i'm lying. I don't think i "fucking hate it", I think i just dislike it. I don't like the clients, the main clients i guess, i can't think the same way as my coworkers think. it's all straight dudes, i can't fucking relate to them. i want to work with women. i want life to be more sensitive. i want to feel life when i work. i feel like my eyes are burning, my back is breaking, my brain is not working when i work. Why do i have to work this way?

Anyways, that paragraph got a lil too long. fuck it. What i wanted to say is that my job is taking 80% of my time and i'm not fucking enjoying it. Will it benefit me in the future? maybe. do i know for sure? fuck no.

i haven't been honest with myself or anyone else lately. my boss, my mom, my dad, my sisters, my friend that i only go out to raves with, my boyfriends that i go on dates with just to rest my brain and get head, and myself. 

Second of all, i can't connect with anyone that i meet these days. yeah this one is struggling, ya that girl is working two jobs, hmm that guy is going in on his side hustle, ou yeah that man is feeling a little lost in life, oh that girl sumi or whatever keeps raving about her new cigarettes, hah that girl emma keeps asking me what skirt she should wear cause she's going out with this cute guy and can't wait to get her pussy ate after her shitty restaurant job with no prospects in sight. and where am i right now? i don't like my job and it's fucking with my self-esteem. are we all supposed to sit down, talk to our therapists or friendapists [friends who you dump everything on you at 8am in the morning while they're doing their makeup to go to their new exhausting freelance job] about how much we hate our lives and then go to our jobs that we give -5 fucks about?

yeah this paragraph barely talked about what i even wanted to talk about. who is doing what i want to do? i need to talk to those people but i can't seem to find them. 

I think it's time to start taking action. i'm going to start looking for new opportunities, new design studios, artists, and designers that i can work for, and maybe there can be even a brand that i can be involved with. I'm tired of fucking sitting around not knowing what i'm supposed to do. even if it is a mistake, let it fucking be. i'm tired of being wishy-washy about my life and decisions. let me fucking be.

[chill-that-ur-inmyhead]

Which season is your part of the world currently experiencing?

Winter! It has gone into the minus figures and I honestly can't sit without a hot water bottle to heat me up

Do you ever read your texts and forget to respond to them?

Yes but I think I'm not too guilty of this

What was a show that you enjoyed watching a kid when you were home sick?

Scooby doo

When’s the last time you travelled out of state/province? Where to?

Paris for a weekend in August 2022 and I miss it everyday

Does anything on your body cause you chronic pain? Any chronic illnesses?

My shoulder aches from time to time. Just goes dead as a result from carrying heavy bags on my shoulder and it has probs strained my shoulder too much.

What is your favourite Thanksgiving food?

My American flatmate did a Thanksgiving celebration and had rolls! Looked like croissants but plain and delicious. I think about them everyday.

Would you prefer cake or pie as a birthday treat?

CAKE 

Have you ever been in a band with your friends (not the class)

Nope lol

What is something annoying about the person you like/love?

They can be a silly goose.

At what age did you get your first period?

Hmm 12 or 13 I think

What is something that makes you feel old?

Clubs that are full with 18 or 19 year olds 

Do you remember where you were on 9/11/2001?

I was 2 so no

Do you think that snow days won’t exist now that we have virtual learning?

Interesting! Maybe, it does make sense

Whose wedding did you last attend?

I will be attending my first wedding this June 2023!! It's my cousin's aunt on their side but she has kindly invited my family as well!

How often do you change/wash your bedding?

Weekly

Do you have much of a sweet tooth?

No thankfully

Have you ever had to call 9-1-1 for someone else?

Nope

What do you dip your French fries in?

Ketchup

What’s the last book you started reading but couldn’t finish?

Circe... only because I was reading other books for uni and still need to get back to that one!

When’s the last time you experienced a panic attack? Over what?

Pandemic! I lived in the city for uni and the four walls of the house became suffocating. It was such a scary time.

Have you ever used anything unusual to masturbate with before? If so, what?

Nope

What’s your favourite sports ball?

Haven't been to one but I would love to

Have you ever peed in the water at the beach?

For sure

How long do you think you could tread water for?

Hmm it is tiring and I have never tested how long I could go for

Have you ever been the victim of a hate crime?

Nope

What would you rather be doing, other than this survey?

Eating dinner!

Have you ever scored a winning goal for a team you played for?

Yes!!! It was a pretty great feeling

Would you be interested in creating a street mural?

Hmmm I'd help but it isn't my forte

Have you ever participated in LARP'ing?

Sounds like fun but no

Have you ever gotten a divorce?

Haha no

How young do you feel is too young to get married?

Yikes. Before 25

At what age would you let your child start picking out their own clothes?

11 or 12

What is one thing that you would never pick up from the supermarket?

For myself? Pickles!

What’s the last food that you prepared for yourself?

Beans on toast probs

What’s your favourite type of cheese?

I really need to experience more cheese to be able to say

Do you prefer “regular kissing” or French kissing?

Regular

Did you used to bite others as a child?

Nope

Are you more likely to give a hickey to someone else or get one?

I am not 16 anymore lol

What is something you fail at, no matter how hard you try?

My balance just sucks

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

.

#i have done an absolute shit job of existing today #well ok physically existing ok yeah i did that #but that was the bare minimum #its almost 6 pm and all i've eaten were some grapes a slice of sandwich meat with nothing else and a couple skittles #i only just had my first glass of water #i should've been at work today #but i didn't get out of bed til 2 #so now i just feel guilty and like i can't enjoy myself cause i haven't done anything productive even within my own house #i know i don't have to be productive to 'deserve' to enjoy myself but that's just how i'm wired right now #and i hate it but that's how the brain goes sometimes ( a lot of times) #kee speaks #in other news i have still been adding to that whump fic idea i've mentioned this week #it's still just summation sort of stuff i haven't like properly written anything yet #but it's like 900 words now and I've rewritten a couple bits twice now adding new details #and maybe i can convince myself to actually start writing it in earnest tonight #maybe i'll get some pho and make some tea and get cozy

[sharpwin101]

“EVERYTHING I DID, I DID FOR YOU”

N.B. Hey guys, I'm re-uploading this narrative due to previous grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. mistakes. I'm completely bad at proofreading lol, and didn't take the time to read over, but after receiving some very impactful feedbacks on twitter, it gave me the motivation I needed to somewhat correct these mistakes🤞hopefully enough, finishing this fanfic, which I must say I'm quite excited for you guys to read.

  S2 EP16 “EVERYTHING I DID, I DID FOR YOU”,

  CHAPER 1

I don't get it?  As tears stream down her cheeks,

Her thoughts raced as she remained in front of her bathroom mirror long enough to get agitated by her own self-pity. 

She understood that harboring such feelings would not only be self-destructive, but would keep her trapped, she was mentally stronger, and refuses to let it sabotage the barrier she has construct throughout the years.

She knew conquering and embracing Max’s indecisiveness, was just a question of time. That continues to fail him terribly, repeatedly, to define them, what they meant to each other, wondering how much longer, if not impossible, it will be for him to embrace and overcome his own fetters to unleash what he truly feels. 

Will he ever? she’s impel to believed, naively unaware of her imperceptiveness to his true desire, behind his barriers, causing her to suspect mistakenly,

Questing “does he feels the same” 

She paces back and forth, flipping her heels off with a small grimace, scattering them on the floor.

Fervently turning to her living room, with an instant wipe of her tears, in the direction of the liquor cupboard, pulling the first wine bottle her hand came across, desperate for a wine opener, she run-walk towards the kitchen, leaving nearly all of the drawers open while probing through.

She spotted the opener. Yes, yes! Clutches it obstinately, relieved. 

As she holds the bottle inverted between her knees, she struggled to open it a bit, her mind still being indistinct after their encounter, temporarily forgotten how to open the wine bottle.

(The wine cork flew free)

She hastily turns it to her head, gulping it down as if she didn't have time to consume it a bit slower, inadvertently spilling it on her. 

Crap!

Returning to the bathroom in search of her robe, while undressing herself and gulping more wine down her throat.

Being the clean freak she is, immediately after, she brought her clothing towards the laundry room, as she senses the impending intoxication looming over her.

(Crash)The wine bottle slipped from her deft grip and shattered on the floor. 

she slowly slumped to the floor, leaning against the laundry door for support grappling to sit up. While her clothes slowly unfold from her arms, As she casts a longing glare into space.

She ruminate aloud, frustratedly. 

What is wrong with me? Staring up towards the roof, as though she was seeking answers to all of life's unanswered questions from a greater Entity.

Why I’m I so unlucky?

I fought on, knowing that I wasn't even sure whether I'd be ready too, if you chose me then or now, she added, laughing.

All the walls I've worked so hard to build, comes crumbling down whenever I see, I can’t comprehend it. 

As she gently holds the nape of her neck, breathing deeply, with her left hand  supporting her head, while facing down. I don't want to lose control; I can't lose control.

You say these significant things,

you look at me in the way you do, and then you do nothing?  How can I fight for that?

You asked me why I did what I did, despite the fact that you already knew the answer. I asked you to define us; 

what exactly, this, we are?  as she motioned for answers

I've given you so much, and I tried so hard not to but it's as if all my rationale goes out the window when you're in danger. (laughing sarcastically at her self). 

For God sake, you yelled at me.......... whenever I try to help.

I have these fantasies about you before getting out of bed, I've tried to ignore it; believe me, I have (laughing) 

now I'm just here talking to myself.

As her gaze wandered around the room, she became irritated by the smashed wine bottle. 

   “ FIGHT FOR US”,

CHAPERT 2

(KNOCKING) She tilted her head, confusedly glancing towards the front door, wondering if it was the alcohol or someone was actually at the door.

Struggling to get up from the floor, as she continues to listen attentively to hear whether the knocking was coming from her front door. She slightly slipped when grabbing for her phone on the kitchen counter, to check the time.

11:43pm

Tightening her robe as she wiped her face, pondering, a few names flashed through her mind, But why would they not call? silently muttering to herself. Her phone started to ring as soon as the knocking ceased. Resuming her attention to her phone, which lids up, displaying "Dr. Max Goodwin” with a slight discontent look, she responded, still gazing at the door, nervously biting down on her index finger.

What, what do you want? She answered. 

"I'm at your door; will you let me in?". Quickly swallowing her saliva, her heart races, instantly lowering her phone to her side, with a million thoughts rushes through her head as she looked at the messed she had created, quickly ending his call. She began picking up her clothes from the floor and rushed to the washroom, staring at her flushed face, unbothered at this point and didn't care whether he noticed she was crying.

She trudged towards the front door, spotting her bed slippers and pulls them on.  Briefly pausing before opening the door.

There he was, standing in front of her. Casually dressed, in blue jeans, a grey    t-shirt, and his black jacket, which she had seen him in before.

Trying not to look into his eyes, but he has already peered right into hers. Struck by how small and delicate she looks outside the walls of the hospital, becoming completely lost in her eyes, unable to speak. 'Um, I... What are you doing here? she asked, before he could finish his sentence.

Were you crying? With a slight head tilt, she rolled her eyes irritably as she turns her back on him, leaving the door ajar. What are you doing here, Max?, her voice raised rather than normal. The frustration in her voice perplexed him. I wanted to ‘Um, before noticing the shattered wine bottle on her floor. 

As she reaches to get the mob and dustpan from the storage area adjacent to her kitchen. He watches her as she teeters, shutting the drawers that she left open earlier.

As she approaches the spilt wine on the floor, she kept her eyes lowered trying not to look him into his. He detects her shakiness as she extends the broom over the shattered wine bottle. No! he said, with no intent, to say it so loudly. Reaching his hands towards the broom.

Let me help, she still persisted. He gently withdrew the broom from her grasp when she walked away towards another section of her apartment, as his eyes followed her.

He disposed the shattered glass in the trash can, placing the mob and dustpan into the already opened storeroom.

In search of her, he returned to the living room area. noticing she had her back to him, curled up on her couch in a sitting position, fully wrapped in a blanket that matches the color of his shirt.

He stood behind her for minute before approaching.

Placing his hand on her shoulder as he walks to the side of the couch. She shivers at his touch just enough for it to go unnoticed while still looking down.

Seating next to her, he tries to get her attention. Helen, she did not respond. I'm sorry.... As he questioned. Are you okay? Placing her right palm on her forehead, displaying a tiny discomfort. She muttered, I have a minor headache. ‘Um, do you have any pain relievers? Instantly patted his forehead after, quickly realizing she wouldn't be able to take it seeing that she was drinking. Hastily corrects himself, do you want me to make you some tea? she fixes her gaze on him.

Please let me make you tea, while he makes his usual puppy eyes at her.

She gave her approval with a nod. Where are your…...? Instructing him with a finger while drawing the blanket back up to her shoulders. He stood up lively, walking towards her kitchen, absolutely taken aback by how tidy and organized her apartment looked.

Already knowing what kind of tea because they both enjoy it the same, reaching into the pantry for the box of tea bags on the lower shelf, pulling a cup from the washer and placing it on the hot water kettle. He spoons in 1/2 teaspoon of sugar exactly how she likes it. While leaning his back on the counter.

As he waited for the water to heat up, he indulged in his thoughts, gazing around her kitchen.

The whistling from the kettle stopped, with relieved he turned around, adding the hot water to the tea bag and returning to her,

With a wide smile on his face, he hands her the cup, she noticed he didn't have his wedding ban, she looked into his eyes as her hands extends to take the cup. He noticed that she noticed, with a little distance between them, he sat beside her in silence. 

on her third sip of tea, he glances at her and proceeded to apologize.

I should never have let you walk out that door, ‘I, I.... I have tried to hide this.  It's been hard,

It almost drove me completely insane. As she looked at him, intently listening 

I've tried to hold back, since the day we met.......................... It's been eating me alive knowing I felt this way while being married and had already started a family,

but I can't deny that I haven't felt this, not any more, he remarked, shaking his head.

For the longest time, I felt guilty, knowing I had felt this way about you,

if I let you slip out of my life, without trying, to fighting for us, I will not survive it, 

I see you, Helen. it’s just that sometimes it takes me a minute, to remember what matters more than anything, you.

He drew closer to her, as she sets the tea cup on the center table. Helen, 

I’m ready to fight. Fight for you, for Us. 

Every time you've been near me, I've wanted to do stuff to you, imagining what it would be like. 

You are undeniably BEAUTIFUL and sexy, and I need to have you, in all the ways I have been dreaming of.

She swallows her nonexistent saliva as he got closer. With her mouth partially open, uncontrollably batting her eyes at him. She searches his eyes, while he searches hers for permission, to touch her, intimately. Placing his left hand on the right side of the back of her neck sliding his fingers upward, gently holding on to her hair, a rush of adrenaline prickled her stomach, as he watched the whooshing of her breathing, thinking how soft on silky the growths of her hair felt.

She needed him to touched her, she needed to grip him closer, but her body was weak, weak to his touch. As they stared intensely at each other, their faces being only a few inches apart, tightening his grip on her hair, causing her to slightly tilted her head back, finally freeing of her temporary paralysis, she grabs hold to his muscular arm with her left hand, while clutching his side with her other hand.

He knew he was in charge, and she wanted him, his lips being a inch closer to hers, her eyelids, fill down slowly closing.

Their lips touch, as their bodies tingles, her chest rises, left her feeling like she had no air. The instant chemistry they felt, was uncontrollable. His thinking slowed when his lips met hers. Time becoming unknown, as if he were in a dream, how warm and crazily soft her lips were.

As they draw each other deeper and further into each other's sanctum, thrusting herself up with a knee for support. 

Has he pauses, looking intently into her eyes, slowly begin rolling her robe over her shoulder.

In complete awe of how clear and smooth her skin appears, while stirring her down. He notices she was wearing a black lace bra that matches her thong, which complemented her skin tone well, lost in her eyes, before entirely removing her robe. As she gets back up on both knees, yanking his jacket off, while he impatiently helped her to removed his shirt.

Unbuckling his belt, she unzip his jeans. Holding her by the lower portion of her cheeks, he punches his tongue into her mouth. Resting his back on the couch, hoisted her up on top of him.

feeling her body, with both his hands on her waist, recognizing how small it was in comparison to her hips, being considerably wider. She bends her knees and places her hands on the couch over his shoulder. As his tongue trails down her neck, while unclipping her bra, struggling a little.

Carefully pulling it off, her hands fill to her side, looking down at him, when he stroked her breast with his hands, causing her head to fall back uncontrollably, as a rush of adrenaline went to her vulva, gasping harder as he places his mouth over her tit, slowly sliding his hand into her thong concomitantly.

He gave her a look, realizing she was already lubricated, as she gasped for breath somewhat dropping her upper body backwards as his hand quickly supported her back, her mouth flew wide open, when he slid his index and middle finger in an upward motion on her clit.

She moaned loudly as he stroked it faster, her body slipping in and out of his grip, being a fraction of a second from an orgasm, he halted.

He hoisted her up positioning her back laying on the couch, with one of his hands intertwined with hers above her head. He opens her legs slightly with his bent knee, while she bends her knees up to give him access. Passionately kissing her while caressing her clit with his right fingers. Her heart races. As he drags his tongue in between her breasts, he releases her hands as he went down further, trailing his tongue towards her navel, causing her tummy to jerked.

He elevates his head up as he pulls himself down more to her vulva, while holding on to her hips. He tasted her, swiftly clinging to the cushion behind her, unable to keep her legs steady as he licks her clit. (she rapidly gasp for air).  

She weakly tries to pull him up, with her orgasm being at it’s peek, moving back towards her lips, as they exchanged sensual glances. Using his hands as a support to keep himself upright while holding on to his already-erected dick. He puts the blanket under her back to elevate her slightly.

Penetrating her. Max, she screamed, quivering and gasping for breath, as she looks deeply into his eyes, attempting to caress the side of his face, (while she bit her bottom lip, as he went in deeper, she clutches onto him.

His sweat drips on her skin, as he moans, they couldn’t get enough of each other.

As he penetrates deeper, harder and faster inside her, he tightens his grasp around her waist. As they drew closer, their moans became more even louder.

Fuck! he shouted as he ejaculated his semen into her, simultaneously in the instant of her orgasm relief. They both felt to the ground. Looking at each other, completely in awe. 

He extends his hand to the side of her face, pulling her in, to cuddled her.

#new amsterdam #helen sharpe #max goodwin #freema agyeman #ryan eggold #helen #max #nbc #nbc new amsterdam #sharpwin

[swiftwordsforwhattheyare]

What I Took from Colditz

WARNING: SPOILERS. I will be giving out the plot. If you're interested in the movie, better to go watch it THEN read my thoughts and make a post of your own so I can hear what you think.

So I took a rainy day yesterday to watch Colditz, the 2005 British 2-part miniseries starring Damian Lewis, Sophia Myles and Tom Hardy. Let's just say it was a great movie to watch on a drizzly, cloudy, depressing day.

Let me preface this way: I love the WW2 period, and I love reading any book or seeing any movie set in the period. But the driving incentive to see this movie was Damian Lewis (-;) The only thing I'd seen him in was Band of Brothers (in which his performance was STELLAR) and I really wanted to see him in another role. And one quite unlike Dick Winters, which this movie fit the bill. So I probably would have seen this movie had not Damian been in it, because of the historical setting, drama, and let's face it, fascinating storyline, but Damian was the reason I saw it ASAP. So I come to it with a liking for the actor, though he does portray a bit of a jerk. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

So even if you haven't seen the movie, chances are you know already the synopsis:

Three escaped POWs escaped from their camp and are about to be recaptured at the border of Switzerland. Only one, Scotsman Nicholas McGrade (Lewis) has a shot at getting away. Before he goes, his comrade Jack Rose (Hardy) asks him to look up his girl whom he met right before leaving London, and tell her... Tell her what? He doesn't expressly say. He'd told McGrade earlier he regretted not asking Lizzie (Myles) to marry him. But he doesn't tell McGrade what to tell her. Just says to find her.

McGrade gets back to London, gets promoted to Lieutenant, and is excited to get back to his life. He looks up Lizzie, tells her about Jack, and we can see he has a liking for her pretty much from the start.

Meanwhile, Jack is taken to Colditz, a castle where Germans are keeping POWs. He and his buddies start escape plans immediately. Their story runs parallel to McGrade's in England, but I'm going to focus on McGrade's.

McGrade sees Lizzie at a club one night and after some conversation about Jack (she can't remember what he looks like and she feels guilty ) and some pretty adorable flirting, they dance. We can see Lizzie is unnerved by Nick, and when he tries to kiss her, she leaves. He walks her home. Of course. Worked up and high on emotion, Nick tells her "we can do anything we want. We can be anything we want. We can have anything we want. I want you." At which point Lizzie kisses him, then runs away, distressed because of Jack.

I think it's important to legitimize that Lizzie and Nick had feelings for each other. He was the bad guy, he did terrible things, but I don't believe falling in love with Lizzie was one of them. I know it was his buddy's girl, but Lizzie also was attracted to him as well. He had much greater blunders to commit.

After their kiss, Lizzie wants to put distance between them. "I don't want you to come here again," she tells him. Here is where Nick makes his first AWFUL error, taken with the desire to have Lizzie: he forges a letter telling her Jack is dead. This is terrible and heinous, no way around it. Did Nick really think Jack wouldn't come back??

Well, his ploy works in bringing Lizzie, right to his door. And here is where I will clarify that Nick does not push or coerce her at all, to his credit. (I mean, beyond making her think her fellow is dead, which is probably worse than coercing her...) One blogger said something to the effect of "Nick convinces her to share his bed" which is not what happened. Lizzie came right to him. And despite his deception and all that, Lizzie does love him. I think that's important.

With Jack out of the way, Nick has Lizzie all to himself. They appear to be quite happy together. And then a Colditz man escapes, to the anxiety of Nick. He sees Nick and Lizzie together and recognizes her from a drawing he did for Jack in Colditz. Nick keeps falling lower and lower, meanwhile, mistake upon mistake. The escapee from Colditz knows his dirty secret and says so, and Nick kills him. He doesn't mean to. But it's done nonetheless, and Nicks wrongdoing strangles his happiness with Lizzie.

Jack escapes from Colditz. Nick finds out, and gives up the name of the safehouse he's staying at, betraying his country and their cause. Knowing he's soon to be caught, he asks Lizzie to marry him and go with him to America. "I want to be wherever you are," she replies, sealing their engagement with a kiss.

They don't make it out of the country. Jack finds them, and the two men have a face off. Nick ends up shot by fellow soldiers for treason, and it's Lizzie who comforts him, calling him a bastard even as she holds him close as he dies.

Jack pursues Lizzie, but she is shaken, distant and confused. "I don't know if I have any love left to give," she tells him. Her love affair with Nick haunts her, as I'm sure it did the rest of her life. As I said, I'm sure she really did fall in love with Nick. What they had was much different than the attachment she had to Jack, whom she met only three weeks before he left for the war. There is not a defined ending for Lizzie and Jack.

People who are at all familiar with the history of Colditz as well as the old Tv show are usually quite disappointed in this movie. Many claim it was basically just a setting for a dramatic love story, and it did history a disservice. I enjoyed it because I watched it just for the love story (hey, it pays to be honest) and I like stories set in WW2. I will say though that it gave more screen time to the plight of the POWs than critics led me to believe. Anyhow, I enjoyed it for what it was, being fond of romance, drama, angst and oh, yeah, Damian Lewis. It was nice to see him in a role where he was exuberant, outgoing, and yeah, human (cause face it: Dick Winters is a heavenly being of some sort). And he did a Scottish accent that was quite impressive to me. (Gee whiz, I've heard this Brit American, and Scottish now! How does he DO that?!)

It's a heck of a dramatic, frustrating, depressing story. Remember it on the next rainy, gloomy day.

#damianlewis #damian lewis #colditz #colditz2005 #sophia myles #nicholasmcgrade #tomhardy #wwiimovies #bbcdramas #BBC miniseries #BBCdrama

[fortheloveofkuroo]

HAIKYUU AU:

Part 1 Part 3

Karasuno boys are having a sleepover in your place, their Manager!

4. Nishinoya Yuu

Yea boi he's excited.

Yuu have been always a fan of yours. Sure he loves Shimizu Kiyoko more than anyone (expect Tanaka lmao) But you, you're just so different that you shines in his eyes.

"Sleepover at (Y/n)'s home?! Not Bad!"

He is excited as hell.

"(Y/n)! (Y/n)! Is your house bigg?" He excitedly asks. "Well, you'll see." You answered.

He cannot calm down geez. Unlike Asahi, who's nervous as hell he's very excited and everybody can tell.

"You guys can dry yourselves here, i'll shower first and prepare your dinner!"

Something about seeing your domestic self seems very unusual to him. He's not used to you who's not yelling and controlling people in the Gym.

You seems very famous for your strictness to the boys. But they're not complaining though.

He waits (strangely) patiently and being his usual self, with Tanaka he guards the bathroom.

"We, as a real gentlemen we have to guard our lady from danger. Especially when she's in her vulnerable state." Nishinoya explained. Tanaka answered with his nods.

Ofc you can hear everything from inside. "OI YOU TWO GET OUT FROM THE DOOR!" you opened the door, with bathrope on and wet hair.

Ofc these two guys arestunned. "Omg (Y/n), you're actually so hot-" "GET OUT!" you kicked both of them to the living room and quickly change to your clothes.

Doesn't took too long before you finished cooking dinner with Sugawara and bring them to table.

They all eat so much. You barely eats. That's alright, they worked so hard. It must be tough for them.

This guardian deity noticed that you don't eat much. So he gave a few portion of his Karaage to you. Without you even noticing.

"Eh,? I'm sure i finished mine though." You wondered. Nishinoya grins, "It seems like the Kaarage fairy likes you, (Y/n)!" Followed by cheering from Hinata asking if Kaarage fairy is real or not.

You know it's from him. It's not rare for Nishinoya sharing his food but it warms your heart.

"Um.. Due to lack of the space, one of you have to sleep with me."

"I VOLUNTEER MYSELF!" Nishinoya shouted before Sugawara holds himself. "No you're not! I don't trust you!"

"Nishinoya-senpai is tiny so i'm sure he can sleep with the others just fine." Kageyama adds. "HAAH WHAT DID YOU SAAAYYY?!"

Omg the chaos. You had enough for some point.

"Geez! I'll sleep by myself. Don't make a ruckus and Good night." You snaps while closing the door. Leaving some of them guilty.

You can't lie that you feel a little upset. Maybe you're tired. Yeah, you're prolly tired. You're gonna apologize to everyone in the morning.

It's been hours since you turn off the light. Hell it's already midnight and you can't seems to fall asleep. You're mentally and physically tired but your eyes don't want to close even an inch.

So you left your room. Moving around a little hoping you'll get (even) more tired. You move slowly, making sure you don't make so much noise that loud enough to wake everybody.

A glass of water is enough to calm yourself down right? Nah it's not. You're still hungry.

"Psst. Hey."

You turn your head around, a boy with dark drown locks and a little golden blonde highlight on his bangs. It's undoubtly him.

"Noya? You haven't sleep yet?" You whispered to him. He shakes his head, but both of your movement is too loud for the first year that ate sleeping in the living room so you dragged him somewhere else.

Should you bring him to your room? Dang it but you're still upset. So you dragged him outside to terrace. Letting go of his hand as you two sits.

"Why are you still up?" Noya shrugs. "I don't know. How about you?" You shrugs back. "Idk. Prolly-" your stomach suddenly shrieks, cutting your words and Nishinoya cannot help but laugh.

"D-Don't laugh! You'll wake everybody!" You hit his arm as he coughs. "Um, wait here 'kay" he left. You have no idea what he's planning but oh well.

You hug your knees as you looks up, the sky is so clear. Thanks to the rain and storm earlier.

You nose picks up something. A savory delicious smell coming from inside the house. Wait is this his plan?

Not so long, Noya came back with two noodle cups. He gave one to you and place himself right next to you. He only give you a grin before you two busy enjoying your instant noodle.

Not only your stomach but your heart warms up now. It's the little silence that you two in.

You smiled. After putting your cup of noodle away you chuckles.

Nishinoya confused. "What? You still hungry??"

You shakes you head, "I just don't remember keeping instant cup noodles though.." "Oh it was mine. I brought spare food everywhere, because y'know i eat a lot." Nishinoya grins.

You thanked him as you ruffles his golden bangs. And your hand quickly got snatch from his head before you know it you already cornered between him and the cold concrete wall behind you.

Is this what kabedon looks like?

He slowly release your hand and apologize. Very ashamed of what he have done. He excuse himself but you stopped him.

"...Stay for a while."

God how can he say no?

Being in the same grade as you provide him with a lots of opportunities. Not only he can see you everyday outside the club activity, he's given the opportunity of interacting with you because you two are in the same class ans apparently, you sat beside him.

He nods and sits back while you quietly watch over his side profile. Damn, you never knew that Nishinoya is actually.. Pretty good-looking.

"Sorry, i acted without thinking earlier."

"Nah, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Also, gotta admit though, you look cool with your hair down, Noya."

You can tell he's surprised. A girl? Tell him he looks cool? What? In? The? World? Is? Happening???

It seems like the cold air and the full stomach is now making you drowsy. Noya notices this, he grabs your hand and leads you to your room.

"There there. Sleep tight kay?" He spoke as he cover your whole body with blanket. It's warm.

But it's not enough.

"Hnnh.. Noya, cold." You whine.

"Haa?? Then what do you want me to do? Cuddle you up?" He jokes. Well suprisingly you nods.

Noya shocked, but why not right? He smiles as he enters the soft blanket of yours and sighed.

"Fine i'll spoon you."

5. Tanaka Ryuunosuke

OMF THE CHAOS

He's literally dreading to go to your house.

"Oh shit nvm Kiyoko-san is number one- ...but sleepover at (Y/n)-san's house though, BUT KIYOKO-SAN!! B-But (Y/n)-san.."

Yeah that's what his mind probably looks like. He obviously loves Kiyoko but heck, when you appear infront of him. It's like another flower has bloom.

He swear to himself that he only devotes himself to Shimizu Kiyoko and not do anything weird but protect you as Karasuno's manager and that's it.

But when he enters your house, and seeing everybody so relaxed, he thinks "heh why not?"

Especially when he saw you getting out from the shower. He feels like he just cameback fro a long day at work and his wife is serving him-

WAIT NO THINK OF SHIMIZU KIYOKO.

Dang it, he hates himself. He can't pick. He loves Kiyoko so much but you.. You keep disturbing him.

And ofc you don't even know that this is what's going on. You only think that Tanaka loves Shimizu-senpai so it's cool he acts very defensive to the managers especially when they're outside the school.

But why is so nervous yet so happy when he sees you?

You cameback from the kitchen, placing the dinner on the table with Suga-san helping you out.

The entire scenario of you being his wife serving him right after he cameback from his work is very vivid.

He shakes his heaed as he stuff and chomps down his rice. Secretly stealing a gaze over your direction. Everybody's attention is slightly moves towards you too.

The way you eat, the way you speak, the way you smiles..

He ignores those all and focus on his meal and moves his focus elsewhere by teasing another member whose embarassed or flustered just because they're in your house.

But he's secretly overwhelmed too.

And not so long it's sleeping time.

"Um.. Due to lack of the space, one of you have to sleep with me."

"I'LL DO IT!" "NO YOU DUMBASS! STOP COCKBLOCKING ME TANAKA!" "STOP IT YOU TWOO!!!"

Sugawara was quick to respond. But you already sighs and shakes your head. "Nevermind i'll sleep by myself.. Goodnight Guys."

Shit. He felt guilty now.

He tried to erase his feeling of guilty away, Nishinoya and the others are very quick to fall asleep. They left him alone. Awake in the darkness.

He can't sleep with this guilty feeling on his chest. As a true man, he must deal with his problem straight away.

So he brace himself and lightly knock on your door.

No answer. "Shit, she's probably already asleep. I should just wait untill tomorrow-" and the door opens.

Revealing you with a sleepy face and messy hair. So you did already sleepy.

"S-SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT. PLEASE GO BACK TO SLE-" "Tanaka shhh.. Not so loud.." you yawns as you rubs your eyes.

"It's fine, what is it? I'm awake now." You smiles. He want to say something. Tanaka is a simple guy, if something is interrupting him, he will told you immediately.

"No ah.. I'm sorry (Y/n)-san. You should probably go back to sleep-" "Geez.. Be quite!" A shout suddenly startled both of you. Causing you to quickly drags Tanaka inside and shutting the door.

"Okay, what do you want to say?"

Man, Tanaka Ryuunosuke is stop working.

He's inside your room, he always wonder what a girl's room looks like. (His Onee-san's room is a very different one in his perspective)

"Hellooo? Earth to Tanaka? Ya there?" You wave your hand infront of him as you tap his bald head.

"A-Ah yes! It's.. I want to apologize about earlier." "Huh? Oh, that's alright. I was just tired so a little ruckus kinda bugs me. But that's okay, i'm sorry too for sounding so annoyed, eheh."

Your awkward pure genuine smile moves his heart.

He smiles. Is that it? Is this his choice?

"Say (Y/n)-san.." "Geez Tanaka drop the suffix. We're in the same year." You protest. Tanaka awkwardly chuckles and nods.

"What is it?" You wonder. Anticipating an answer from a boy who's sitting infront of you.

"Do you.. Have someone in your mind?" He looks down. Didn't even that brave to look at your eye. Untill he feels a little thud in his shoulder. He looks up..

You fell asleep on his shoulder. Oh my God.

The panic.

He's panicking inside and it shows. You, who's now asleep and sound on his shoulder suddenly slides to his lap.

He quickly carry you to the bed and tugs you in.

"This is bad this is bad this is bad this is bad"

Poor boy lol.

But one things he notices, your hand.. It won't let go of his hand. Even though he relase your hand, you kept looking for his hand.

"How adorable," he think to himself.

"...Don't leave."

"..I won't. Because, i think i love you.."

6. Kageyama Tobio

Honestly, this boi can't behave himself when he's near you.

HE ADORES YOU AWWW.

Y'know ya boi Tobio never really cares about the outside world of voleyball. So he never notice any stuff that's going around even if A LOT of girls in his class are crushing on him.

In the middle school everybody seems so distant from him because of his past attitude, but he's willing to change when he came to Karasuno and boom, he met you.

What a spark of fireworks.

So now his world revolves around two things. Voleyball, and you.

Kageyama doesn't want to bother you, so he decline. But his poor self didn't bring umbrella. He already made up his mind that he'll sprint to home untill he (accidentally) heard your quarel with Daichi.

Well, why not?

So this boy tags along, and being the polite boy he is he behave SO POLITE IT HURTS YOUR EYES.

"Jesus Kageyama, you don't have to be so polite." You laughs as the other members starting to notice. Kageyama's forehead form a confused expression.

He's actually pretty quiet and calm in your house. Your house remind him a lot of his Grandma's house. The atmosphere, and the living room is practically almost identical.

He tried to enjoy the moment but ofc Hinata Boge will annoy tf outta him.

When you distribute the towels, something struck your mind and he snaps you out of it.

"(Y/n)-senpai? Is anything wrong?" You shakes your head and gave him a thumbs up, i forming everything's fine. He's happy with the little interaction that you're both having.

That's just enough for him.

It's almost his turn to shower, some of the member that showered first already back, and Hinata decided to go ahead and shower first. Taking over Kageyama's turn and leaving him behind.

He was about to chase after him but Daichi pulls him back. "Don't make any ruckus." He advised Kageyama.

But Hinata strangely came back with a pale face. As if he runs to a ghost or something.

"Oi what happened? You run to a ghost or something?" He asked, mocking him.

Hinata face turns to serious yet doubtfull. Oh shit something serious must have happened. Kageyama nudge him. "What happened?"

Hinata gulps, "... I saw Suga-san and (Y/n)-senpai in the kitchen.. They were.." Kageyama scoffs. "Yea they were cooking. What else they should be doing, huh?"

"No! Listen.. They were.. Ugh.. S-Suga-san.. Cornered (Y/n)-senpai.." Hinata whispered to him. Kageyama's heart almost stopped. So it's true.

A while ago, while he was practicing his jump serve, his ear caught something rather interesting. The third years were discussing about the managers. Including you.

"How about (Y/n)?" Daichi asked. "Aaah, i think everyone in the team atleast have a crush on her though. I mean ofc i had a crush on her, who wouldn't?" Sugawara jokes. Bur Asahi agreed too.

What? So he against the senpais too?

And the first years and second years too. Wow you sure are popular.

He gets up, clenching his towel between his fist and walked to the kitchen. While Hinata tried to hold him but poor guy he gets thrown away :(

Once he stepped to the Kitchen, he saw you and Suga. But both of you are blushing. Shit, he doesn't want to admit this but he think Hinata's not telling a lie.

"Oh Kageyama? The bathroom's that way." Sugawara's finger gesture over the bathroom and helped you with the meal. He can see a glistened of rivalry in his kouhai's eyes.

"Thanks." As Kageyama shuts the door. He curse to himself. Now he have to compete with Sugawara too? Not only the setter position but.. Girls too?

He spent his showering session by collecting himself. He must not show any emotion of upsetness. Then he gets out and surprise surprise he bumped into Sugawara.

The silence between them omg.

"Excuse me-" "Hinata told you, didn't he?"

"Shit. He knew. Now play dumb Tobio."

"H-Huh? What did you say, Suga-san?" He lies. Sugawara know from the start that Hinata will run to Kageyama and spill everything. And Kageyama Tobio is bad at lying.

"You know, that me and (Y/n)-" "Food's ready!! Everybody let's gather aroundd!" His words were cut off by Daichi's announcement.

The whole dinner session are spent well, Kageyama's usual quarell with Hinata about the food and you being so wholesome and kind about it.

But the way you and Sugawara's movement after that kitchen incident keeps bothering his mind. What if Sugawara..

And dinners ended. It's turn to sleep now. He's kind off sleepy already because of his routine. So after the room division, he will go straight to bed, he think.

"Um.. Due to lack of the space, one of you have to sleep with me."

What

"I VOLUNTEER MYSELF!" Nishinoya shouted. But he gets hold back by Sugawara. No no no. He cannot let anyone especially Sugawara to sleep with you.

"Nishinoya-senpai is tiny so i'm sure he can sleep with the others just fine." Kageyama adds. "HAAH WHAT DID YOU SAAAYYY?!"

"Let's go to the distributed room first and see, who's the one left. He gets to stay with (Y/n)-senpai." Kageyama proposes. Actually not a bad idea.

At first everyone doesn't want to take their place but their tired body forces them too. One by one, they all collapsed on the futon or matresss once they saw one. And that left us with Sugawara and Kageyama.

"You should choose, (Y/n)." Sugawara smiles.

Kageyama's almost lost because of his consciousness running out. He's THAT sleepy yall.

"Well then, i think i'll pick.." "Sugawara! There's one spot left here!" Before you can decide, (again) Daichi interrupts. And Kageyama's eyes almost rolled back because of his sleepiness.

"Fine then. Goodnight (Y/n), Kageyama." Sugawara smile as you both walk back to your room. Holding back his emotion.

You told Kageyama to wait and prepare his bed. You feel sorry for him, he must be so tired and yet he still force himself to fully awake.

"There, Kageyama. You can sleep now- Ehhh!" Whaddya know sis, he falls down. Face first to the matrass luckily not the floor.

You chuckles a little. This boy is very adorable. You know how he adores you when you help hin with his set practice. You ran your fingers trough his jet black hair, combing his hair.

"...Nyam, i like you.. (Y/n)-senpai..."

WOW. Didn't expect someone will confess to you trough sleep talking but sure i guess. A little laugh burst from you lips. Cheeks a lil' warm.

"Sweet dreams, Tobio.."

Part 3 coming upp~

#haikyuu au #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! #nishinoya x reader #nishinoya yuu #haikyuu tanaka #tanaka ryuunosuke #kageyama tobio

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

House, M.D. Fanfic (8/?)

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to leave a note on my story. I hope you continue to enjoy my kind of rewrite and/or additions to certain episodes! As always, I don't own House. If I did, Lisa Edelstein would have gotten the respect she deserved contact wise for a season 8.

As stated in previous chapters, the story follows the big picture laid out on the show, but with my own take on things. This chapter starts with Cuddy's struggle to keep it a secret from House about his previous diagnosis being correct. I should say that I REALLY don't care much for early season 3 Wilson, and I'm going to do my best not to let that affect the storytelling. This chapter is longer... lots of story development to get through.

Thanks to @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie on Tumblr for reading my ideas and providing positive feedback! Anything in the way of feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy!

xxxxx

She was definitely not comfortable lying to House about this. He deserved to know he was right. She didn't know why Wilson suddenly thought he needed to teach House a lesson on humility and make her a party to it. "I have to tell him. I see him every day. I..."

"Everybody lies."

Wilson's words echo through her head that night as her head lay on his shoulder, her fingers tracing lines across his chest. "You were right."

He turned his head slightly to see her better. "I'm right about a lot of things. You're going to have to be a little more specific."

She pushed up slightly on her elbow, the sheet sliding down her chest a bit. "Your patient. In the wheelchair," she started.

He smiled slowly. "You gave him the shot."

She sighed, dropping her head back to his shoulder. "I gave him the shot."

"Why?"

"Because I know you. Because you see things the rest of us don't see. Because as infuriating as it is, you're never wrong about the medicine."

He smiled smugly. "I was right."

"Yes," she sighed, rubbing her face. "You're always right. The man stood up from his wheelchair and hugged his son."

"You weren't going to tell me..."

She looked up at him then. "Wilson thought it was a bad idea..."

"Wilson would think this is a bad idea too. That mean you're going to stop sleeping with me to get pregnant?"

"No, of course not..."

"Then why are you suddenly listening to him?"

She was quiet a moment. "You like the high. The night you showed up outside my window with your diagnosis, you were higher than I've ever seen you on Vicodin. We just worry about you."

"And yet you told me anyway," he pointed out, shifting to get up and grab his boxer briefs. He needed to walk. He needed to think.

She made a grab for his shirt and slipped it on. There was an argument brewing. "You're an addict, House. You're always looking for a fix. If it's not Vicodin, it's a medical mystery that only you can solve. If you don't have the puzzle, you get your high in my bed. Its all just a fix for you."

"That's what you think this is? That's all you think you are? A fix because I don't use Vicodin anymore and you told me no at work?" He spun around to face her. The look in her eyes said it all... she did think that's all she was to him. "I'm going home," he started pulling on his clothes.

"House, that's not what I said..."

"You said enough. I got my 'fix.' Keep the shirt." He headed for the front door.

"House!" She called after him. But it was too late as she heard the front door slam. She sighed and for back into bed. She should have said something. She should have told him him she knew she wasn't just a fix...because she did know. This had been going on for months... it was way past just sleeping together to get a fix or to get pregnant.

Her hand moved over the place he'd occupied in her bed not even ten minutes before. How had this even spiraled out of control that quickly? Sliding closer to his pillow, she inhaled his scent. She could hear his bike engine revving as he tore down the street, and she knew sleep was not going to come easy now in her empty bed.

xxxxx

"How's the leg?" she asked cautiously as she opened his door. She wasn't going to push too much since they were at work, but she was trying to judge his mood. Especially since he hadn't bothered to tell her that his leg was starting to hurt again.

He looked up from his desk and saw her entering his office. "My leg is fine."

"You're limping. Cameron thinks it's because we lied to you. We both know that I already told you, so that's not it. Is it because we had a fight?"

"Your breasts are different," he studied her closely, completely ignoring her attempt to talk about him.

She continued unfazed. "Wilson thinks I haven't told you, and that I'm feeling guilty and want to coddle you."

He shook his head. "You're pregnant."

"I'm not pregnant. How badly does your leg hurt?"

"Your breasts are firmer. As someone who had intimate knowledge with the girls, I would know," he stated. "You're pregnant."

"It's called an underwire. Tell me about your damn leg." She was not going to let him deflect by turning the tables on her.

"My leg is fine."

"Let me do a scan on your brain. If the Ketamine is wearing off..."

"Let me do a pregnancy test." They each wanted to test the other. Fair was fair, after all.

"House, I'm not pregnant!" she dropped her voice at the end, not wanting that word to escape the walls of his office.

"You've been taking fertility drugs. You've been getting laid on a regular basis, without protection. Your breasts have enlarged. You're doing crazy things, because I can't think of any other reason why you would ever listen to Wilson about lying to me. You're pregnant."

"You're not always right, you know."

"Actually I am. You said so yourself. I'm never wrong about the medicine. But you and Wilson would just have me think I'm wrong. You'd rather have me doubt myself and lie to me about it than tell me the truth and prove I'm right," he said lowly, massaging his thigh.

"House, let me look at your leg."

"My leg is fine!" After a moment, he dropped his head slightly. "Don't you think if I thought the treatment wasn't working that I'd do something to try to fix it?"

She sighed softly. "If it gets worse, call me." She knew she wasn't getting anywhere with him then, so pushing further was futile. He was still pissed at her for not telling him he was right. She was pissed at herself for going against her better judgement on this and actually listening to Wilson.

xxxxx

He hated that he'd had to grab his cane. He hated that he had taken the pills. He hated that he was now standing on her front porch, leaning against his cane, knocking on her door.

"Tell me the truth. Are you pregnant?"

She wasn't surprised to see him, not really. Not after the way they left things. She was, however, surprised to see him with his cane. "Why do you keep insisting I'm pregnant?" She moved to let him in.

"Why do you keep insisting you're not?" He studied her. That had, afterall, been the purpose of them sleeping together to begin with. She had been very actively trying to get pregnant. So why was she now suddenly opposed to taking a pregnancy test to try to confirm it when he suspected it?

"You're walking with your cane. That means the Ketamine wore off." Now she was deflecting.

"Or it just means I need my next fix. That's what you and Wilson expect of me anyway, right? No puzzle to take my mind off it. Time to give sex a whirl."

She crossed her arms. "That's why you're here?"

"Why not? You have been so eager to welcome me into your bed. Figure I'll get high on endorphins from mind blowing sex and walk out of here without my cane," he said sarcastically. He caught the hurt look on her face at his comment and looked away.

"Call one of your hookers if you want mind blowing sex. I'm not in the mood," she turned to walk away.

"Hookers can do the distraction. They can't do the mind blowing sex. They don't do what you do..." He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. He'd crossed a line with that last insult, and he knew it. He'd tried to hurt her with it... knew just what button to push to get the desired reaction. "I took the Vicodin. My leg hurts," he admitted quietly.

She took a step closer then, resting a hand on his arm. "We can figure something out."

He shook his head. "Nope. Tried Ketamine. It didn't work. House the cripple is back for good," he told her simply. He'd gotten a beautiful glimpse into a pain free life, had allowed himself to hope, only to have it yanked away. "Probably for the best. I do my best work this way. Less likely to screw up diagnosing patients when I'm in pain. More likely to be an insensitive ass, but less likely to miss something and screw up the medicine."

"House..."

"Are. You. Pregnant?" his voice low, his eyes dark as he closed down any chance of continuing to talk about himself.

"No," she pulled her hand away and crossed her arms once more.

"Take a test?"

"No. It's not time y..."

"Then how do you know?" He interrupted her, moving closer.

"It's too early to..."

"Better to have another go then. Just to make sure it takes," he murmured lowly, pulling her against him in a kiss then. He was ready to lose himself in her and the way she could make him forget everything else.

At first she was going to push him away, but after a moment, her body melted against his, not bothering to stop him as he pushed her shirt up and over her head. He was in pain. He needed the distraction. Maybe she did too. Maybe she needed the high of sex with him even more than he did. Biting his lower lip as she deepened the kiss, she shoved him back against the wall hard.

He growled when his back hit the wall, his eyes darkening with lust, fingers digging into her skin as he pulled her roughly against him. His mouth moved to her neck, biting her pulse point hard and causing her to hiss, before soothing the spot with his tongue. She'd have to cover that with makeup tomorrow.

Her hands started pulling at his clothes as they worked their way to her bedroom. He closed the door with her body, pushing her back against it as his hands slid to her thighs and lifted her up, using the door to support the added weight so it didn't mess with his leg.

xxxxx

They finally both fell into her bed, breathless and in better moods. "Does that count as makeup sex? Or is that still angry sex?" He asked a moment later.

She lifted her head and couldn't help but smile slightly. "Shut up, House."

"I just need to know if I'm going to be expected to go another round for makeup sex, or if that was already covered..."

She grabbed her pillow from where it had landed on the floor earlier and smacked him lightly with it before shifting to get more comfortable in bed. "Shut up, House." But she did giggle softly to take the bite out of her words. She wasn't mad anymore. He didn't seem to be either. "Go to sleep."

#house #house m.d. #house md #house fanfic #house x cuddy #greg house #lisa cuddy #huddy

[rogue-barnes-16]

WHEN YOU COME BACK (part II/II)

Summary: After months of being friends with benefits, the dangerous agreement backfires and Bucky’s feelings for Y/n are exposed. Instead of talking it out, they make the situation worse, and it might get more difficult after a dangerous mission.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Genre: angst w/ a pleasant ending

Tags:

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, injuries

A/N: here it is my dudes. It was, for some reason I can't understand, heavily inspired by When the party's over by Billie Eilish, Haunted by Melanie Martinez, and What about us by P!nk. Just a little curiosity for y'all, hope you enjoy <3.

Part I

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

That night that we accidentally found each other in a shitty bar on our way out of Stark's house after Tony and Natasha's funeral, we shouldn't have lost control.

We wouldn't be in this situation, maybe I would haven't fallen that hard for him, and maybe he wouldn't think he loves me now.

We probably would be friends, close friends, or at least regular people who don't have to hide that they're sleeping with each other.

"Hey there, stranger." his voice was broken. He stumbled to the booth I was occupying, and I realized he was somehow as drunk as me. "rough week?"

"rough five years." I corrected him, sniffing. "It doesn't seem to get better." I felt the lump in my throat mixed with my hoarse voice as I chucked another shot of tequila. When I looked up at him, I noticed how red her eyes were. "what's wrong?"

"A lot." he replied, easing his position to rest against the backrest of the booth. "Never got to tell Natalia I remember." he shrugged. "Also wanted to... Apologize to Stark. Didn't get the chance to." he shut his eyes.

"Somethin' else." I stated more than questioned. "it's somethin' else."

He hesitated before looking at me with glassy eyes "can I tell you a secret?" I nodded lazily, muttering an 'always'. "Steve's leaving."

"What?" I frowned, sitting upright. "Where?"

He shook his head no with a sad smile in his face, a sad smile that held little happiness and too much sorrow. "When, not where."

"Director Carter..." I spoke in low voice, and Bucky nodded at me. I looked down, not knowing what to say. "at least he's got his happy ending."

"Yeah." tears streamed down his face as he drank from what I recognized as Thor's flask. "I'm happy for him." I tilted my head in disbelief and he denied slowly. "I really am."

"It's just the two of us now, Bucky." I whispered leaning against the wall to face him. "you should be selfish once in a while" I advised, scooting closer to him. "say what you think, no matter who gets hurt." our thighs were brushing as I leaned on him a little too close to whisper something in his ear. "you don't owe anything to this fucked up world."

His head spun and our eyes met. "I don't." he affirmed, letting his hand drop to my thigh as mines traveled to his hair. "you don't either." he bit his lip and I sighed. "You don't have to be strong all the time."

"what...?" I questioned quietly, too focused on his lips to even process what he was saying.

"Allow yourself to cry for 'em doll." his mutter made me let out a strained, shaky breath, remembering why I had hidden in a bar in order to numb my pain, remembering why I hadn't stayed with the rest in Pepper's house. "It's just the two of us now, Y/n..."

I looked up at him through glassy, blurred eyes just to see his in the same state. His eyes flickered to my lips, just like mines had been staring St him that whole time, and something took over the both of us.

It was probably the sadness, at least partially, and the thinking that losing more wasn't possible anymore, what made us close the gap in a sloppy, needy kiss, which would be the first of many, that night and the followings.

I had desperately wanted to apologize to Bucky for two days, in hopes of getting our friendship back.

I figured he didn't inform me he was back because he didn't want to see me, and that mere thought made my heart shrink until it physically hurt.

I was getting dressed when my phone buzzed. "Sam?" I called him, utterly confused. Sam rarely phoned me, he would just show up at my door. "what's wrong?"

"The mission went wrong. So fucking wrong." I couldn't ask about Bucky before he resumed his narration. "Listen to me carefully, 'cause he made me promise I wouldn't tell you shit."

"what- why?" I inquired, sitting down in my couch.

"Those fuckers were shooting me, there was no way I could dodge all of 'em, and that dumbass jumped in fucking front of me." his voice was strained due to the anger and the worry, and I felt my heart pounding against my chest. "he received two bullets. He's in the Avengers' private hospital. Pepper got us in."

"he what..." I was already grabbing my things to rush there, but he spoke again.

"you can't come, he'll kill me if he sees you here." Sam pointed out.

"why the fuck are you telling me then, Wilson?" it was desperate, and it was shaky, but I managed to get that question put of me without breaking.

"What the hell? 'Cause you're good for him, and I don't want you to think he dumped whatever you guys have." I stood there, my mouth in agape at his words. "Sharon's telling me she'll take care of the paperwork so we can go home in a couple of days."

"okay..."

"Go see him at his apartment on... Monday." he advised me. "at 9 pm, he won't have an excuse to avoid you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite the fact that he knew I would definitely not forget about the day and the time he had told me, on Sunday Sam called to remind me it, and also to inform me that he had just left Bucky’s apartment. He was now there resting, and would be until tomorrow morning.

On Monday, at 9 pm I was carefully knocking on Bucky’s door, and he answered in no time.

"Sam, you better bring Chinese food you promised or-" he stood there, resting all his weight against the door and the door frame, taking in the fact that I was there. "Fuck..."

I had planned a whole speech, apologizing for what I had said in a thousand different ways, telling him how much I didn't want to lose him, and maybe, just maybe, confessing my feelings about him.

But everything was gone the moment I saw his bruises, his bandaged body under the tee, peeking out of the collar, the way he barely could stand upright.

Everything was gone. "what the fuck..."

"he told you, didn't he?" I couldn't even look at him in the eye, but I just knew he didn't either, just by how hurt and tired his voice sounded. "that's why you're here."

"I—"

"I'm fine Y/n..." he assured me, bitterness fading from his voice the second he started to sympathize with how I must be feeling, the second he imagined the situation reverted. The way guilt and fear most likely would have been killing him slowly. "I just need a few days to heal... You don't need to—"

He gasped when I my arms embraced him almost desperately as I tried to convince myself that I wouldn't lose him. "I swear on my fuckin' life, Barnes—" I choked on my words and he wrapped his arms around me not without closing the door to rest his back against it. "don't do this to me alright?" he took a deep breath with his nose buried on my crown as his thumbs caressed both my back and my shoulder. "don't-- I can't lose you... Not you-- please not you."

I didn't realize I was sobbing until I didn't feel my tears on his shirt. "You won't" ha assured me, trying to keep his voice uniform for me not to notice that he was crying too. "I'll heal soon, don't worry." his breath was sharp as he squeezed my body against him, despite the pain that he most probably was feeling. "I got you."

I pulled away when my hands accidentally sneak under his shirt and felt the bandages. "you gotta lay down."

"yeah, you're probably right."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you're here to apologize 'cause you feel guilty or bad... Don't." he requested, looking up at me from my lap. "you really don't need to." his voice slowly started to drop when I ran my hands through his hair. "It was my fault... I shouldn't have... Said..."

"I love you."

"yeah."

"No, Bucky." I stopped my motions and looked at him dead in the eye. "I love you. I have done for a long time." he was quiet. "When you said... I really didn't wanna believe it... I don't know I just—" I sighed, shutting my eyes and leaning against the backrest. "I don't-- I don't wanna lose more people that I love and if I didn't say it out loud, I felt-" I took a deep breath, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. "I felt like I wouldn't lose--"

I didn't even feel when he had propped himself up to reach me, I only felt his velvety soft lips against mine in the most loving, sweet kiss I had ever had.

"I get it, but we... We gotta be brave." he stated, laying down again with a wince, gazing into my now open eyes. "we don't have regular lives... And I didn't wanna say it out loud either but... I- I needed you to know." I nodded, letting my fingers ran through his short hair once more. "I don't wanna lose you, but let's be honest, that possibility exist, and..." his voice started to drop again, slowly being lulled by my touch. "I'd rather having you know how much... How much you mean to me... Than regretting not... Tellin' ya all my life..."

"You're right." I replied, leaning over to peek his lips, and then his forehead. "I'm sorry for the way I reacted... I really, really am." my thumb rubbed lazily his forehead as my eyes observed him with the love I finally was able to disclose.

"Y/n." I hummed. "lay down with me, please." he requested, lifting for my to move my legs. "I wanna hug you again." I complied without hesitation, being careful not to hurt him. "I love you." He whispered in my ear, pulling me up to rest half of my body over him.

"I love you too."

#Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes x you #Bucky Barnes fic #Bucky Barnes fanfic #Bucky Barnes angst #Bucky Barnes smut #Bucky Barnes masterlist #The Winter Soldier x reader #The Winter Soldier fic #The Winter Soldier x you #Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff #Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes x Sam Wilson #F&tws #Marvel fic #The white wolf x reader #The Winter Soldier smut #Marvel imagine #When you come back

[hiyabradley]

“Let’s go back to my place!”

A/N: Saw these gifs on here, then it inspired me to write this imagine. (Not my gifs, creds to thevampsupdate) But this was also requested by @imcalledshannonxoxo

Masterlist|My Wattpad

Warnings? Mild language

Words: 1385

I was on a night out with the girls, we'd all had several rounds of drinks so we were all pretty drunk. Well they was, I wasn't, tipsy? Possibly. But I definitely wasn't drunk.

I looked over at the bar to see how busy it was. I then noticed a very attractive guy sitting on one of the stalls at the bar. He had brown curly hair and brown eyes, if we're putting it lightly he's just my type basically, but I wasn't gonna approach him.

"I'm just gonna go to the toilet!" I told the girls, I stood up then looked back across the bar to where he was sitting. I made my way to the toilet, his gaze followed mine.

******

I had been sat staring at this guy for the past five minutes when one of the girls broke me out of my daze.

"Y/N? Hello?" Brianne said, then waved her hand in front of my face. "Would you stop making eyes at that guy over there?"

"Huh? What?" I snapped out of my daze.

"You've been making eyes at that guy in the blue jacket for most of the night and don't tell me that you haven't cause it's so obvious! He's been making eyes at you as well!"

"No I have -"

"Just go talk to him Y/N!" She cut me off.

"No, I'm not doing that!" I spat.

"Why not? You're the only single one left out of our friendship group now, you deserve to have some fun!"

She was right, I was the only single one left out of our friendship group. They all had boyfriend's and one of them was engaged, but still I wasn't gonna go and talk to the guy.

"I'm not talking to him Brianne!" I told her.

"Just go talk to him, live a little!" She gave me a light push.

I looked over at him, I'm assuming he hadn't took his eyes off of me as he was still looking in my direction. I smiled at him. Was I really going to let a guy this attractive get away? Even if it was just for the night, I suppose it'd be fun.

"Okay fine, I'll go talk to him!" I stood up. "But if I regret this, this is all on you!"

"You're not gonna regret this, trust me! Now go!" Brianne smiled at me.

I made my way over to the where he was sitting at the bar, I ordered myself a drink so it didn't look that obvious that I come to talk to him.

"Um, excuse me, hi!" He spoke, with what sounded like a Birmingham accent.

I turned to look at him. Wow! It was like he was carved by the angels from above, he was perfect. He had the most flawless tanned skin ever, whatever skincare products he uses I need to know cause damn! He had the most prettiest of brown eyes I had ever seen, they had a slight sparkle to them whenever he smiled. He was way out of my league to say the least, but he was honestly the most beautiful man I had seen in my life.

"Oh, hello!" I finally replied to him.

"I couldn't help but notice you sitting over there with your friends!"

"Oh, did you now?" I said a bit more sarcastically than I intended to.

"Sorry, that probably sounded a tad creepy?" He looked away, I instantly felt so bad.

"It's okay, I'm sorry. I couldn't help but notice you either!"

"You did?"

"Yeah!"

We stayed talking to each other for a while, until Brianne came and interrupted us.

"I hate to interrupt but, Y/N we're going home now. You'll be okay here right? It seems like you've found yourself some company!" She looked between me and guy who I'd been speaking to who was called Brad.

"Yeah I should be! Have a safe journey home, text me when you get in!" I pulled her into a hug.

"I will do! Enjoy yourself!" She smiled at me and then left.

I then turned my full attention back to Brad. "Sorry about that!"

"It's okay!" He smiled. "Talking about going home, maybe we should go home?"

"What, like together?"

"Only if you want to?"

"Alright!"

"Let's go back to my place"

We made our way out of the club and went back to his.

******

The next morning I woke up, but I wasn't in my bedroom, I was in somebody else's. I slipped out of the covers to then realise I was naked.

"Shit!" I mumbled to myself and then began to scout the room for my clothes. Once I had found them I went in search of the bathroom to freshen up. It was quite risky walking around naked in a home that wasn't your own, especially when you had no idea where you was going.

Once I had freshened up and put my clothes back on, I made my way out of the bathroom to be met by a fully grown golden retriever.

"Oh my god!" I screamed as she jumped up at me and I instantly fell over. I wasn't used to massive dogs.

"Jesse! Get off her!" I heard a voice speak, I then looked up to see it was Brad. He helped me up. "Are you alright?"

I brushed myself off. "Um, yeah, I'm fine! It's probably best if I leave now though?"

"Um, no. Please don't go!"

"You want me to stay?"

"I want to speak to you about last night! It was -"

"It probably shouldn't of happened!" I cut him off.

"I was thinking -" he paused. "Wait what?"

"Me and you, it probably shouldn't of happened Brad!"

"What are you trying to say?... Wait, do you already have a boyfriend? Oh shit, you have a boyfriend don't you? Now you're feeling guilty about what we done!"

"I don't have a boyfriend!" I laughed.

"Then what is it?"

"It's nothing, I should get going!" I went to make my way down the stairs but he grabbed my wrist.

"Please just wait! Can you at least tell me why you think last night shouldn't of happened?" He looked at me pleadingly.

"You really wanna know?"

"Yes, just tell me Y/N!"

"Okay fine!" I began. "Well for starters you're like way, way, out of my league and secondly you probably just wanted to bring me back here, do what we did and then make me leave! I thought that maybe it'd be different as we were just generally talking!"

"You think I'm out of your league?" He placed his hand on my cheek and I nodded before he continued. "Don't be stupid, I'm not. Also if I was just gonna fuck you and then chuck you, don't you I would've chucked you by now?"

"I suppose so?"

"Exactly! I never intended on this being a one night stand!"

"What?" I looked at him confused. "Then what did you intend on it being?"

"Anything other than just a one night stand. Last night didn't go the way I expected it to, but you can't deny the fact that we didn't enjoy it, cause we did!"

"What do you mean last night didn't go the way you expected?"

"Honestly I just wanted to bring you back here, talk to you some more and get to know you better, but then that happened!"

"So you never wanted this to be just a one time thing?"

"No, but I'm assuming you did? That's probably why you know?"

"But you agreed to it!"

"Yeah, because I wanted to in the end, but like I've been saying, I didn't want this to be a one night stand. So please just stay?"

"So we can do what we did last night?"

"No Y/N! So I can get to know you better. So I can show you how I wanted last night to actually go!"

"Alright, fine I'll stay!"

"C'mon!" We both headed downstairs and sat in the living room where we spent the day talking and getting to know each other even better.

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