#so no one is really keeping me here. i SHOULD kms and do them all a favor really. wish i wasn't so scared of failing 🥲 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

simplyholl · 7 months

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Although I was a constant lurker for months, today marks my one year as a Loki writer. It has been so fun whoring out with all of you. There have been too many laughs to count. By some miracle, I’ve reached a little over 1,000 followers. I’m shook that so many of you are interested in partaking in my wildest fantasies. But I am so thankful for all of you. If you have read, liked, commented, or reblogged anything - thank you from the bottom of my heart! I love reading every wild thing you have to say about these scenes I’ve created.

Sometimes I will just sit there and read your comments over and over in complete shock that my words would elicit such responses. I am so thankful for our little corner of the internet where we can unashamedly be ourselves. We all have different backgrounds, cultures, and lives but we can all agree we just want our favorite god to dick us down.

I’ve made lifelong friends from doing this, and I would’ve never met them otherwise.

@lokisgoodgirl Thank you for giving me the kick in the cooch I needed to start posting my writing. I would have none of this, if it wasn’t for you. Your words of encouragement mean everything to me. Thank you for being my tech expert for the first little bit. I would never give anyone else my login info. You’ve helped me get through some of the toughest times of my life and I am forever grateful for your friendship. I love listening to your voice notes. Your “Good morning” always puts a smile on my face. I hope we can meet in person one day, although I can’t promise that I would keep my hands to myself. I love you endlessly.

@wheredafandomat I only met you at the end of January, but it feels like I have known you my whole life. Is it possible for two people to share the same brain? Because I’m sure that we do. You can make a 2 hour phone call feel like 5 minutes. I’m lucky to have you in my life. My frequent collaborator and birthday twin - I love you so much.

I couldn’t think of a celebration that I wanted to do, but I wanted to share some of my favorite comments over the course of my time on here.

#burdened with a glorious manhood

-@coldnique

The threat to use his vibranium hand to do the choking was just the cherry on top of my death day cake. This is a filthy masterpiece

- @joyful-enchantress

Well spank me sideways, this went from O-deranged in 2.5 seconds AND I'M NOT MAD ABOUT IT

- @thedistractedagglomeration

Ohhhhhh he talks her out of her hero panties and in to his heart

- @cakesandtom

"sit on his face darling" l'm not gonna survive another paragraph I swear to god.this is too much in the best way

- @lokisgoodgirl

The thought of being an avenger and having Loki fuck you senseless is stupid hot, but add into it him talking about making you carry his secret sex baby and still be an avenger is 🔥🔥🔥

- @itsybitchylittlewitchy

Take that you little shit! I am so glad he saw them together and still mounted at that!

- @silver-tongue-taken-to-bed

I mean it's a fitting description after all the devil is tempting and so is Lokis dick

- @fictive-sl0th

You had me at President Loki and biting!

- @marygoddessofmischief

should have really realized that it was you, my dear, who wrote this!

- @smolvenger

I don't need legs, l'll just drag myself around.

- @goblingirlsarah

Spelling his....spelling his name.. ☠️☠️

- @lokisgoodgirl

absolute genius. i read the part about considering staying with him even if just for the sex and i was like "YOU GO Y/N GO GET THAT MULTIVERSAL ASGARDIAN DICK"

- @muddyorbsblr

Yeah Narfi you little bitch. Take that!

- @wheredafandomat

This was so naughty!!! When the vacuum fell and he was like, "fuck it" then continues to pound you harder!!! 🥵🥵🥵

- @mochie85

I neeeed a tall Loki to be my coworker for the job I don't have so he can fuck me in the storage closet

- @wheredafandomat

The best part of waking up is Bucky & Loki in your cup!! WAY better than Folgers.

- @km-ffluv

IT WAS PHENOMENAL. would have tears in my eyes with how proud I am if I wasn't so horny

- @lokisgoodgirl

Just for fun,

If anyone wants to give it a re-read, here’s the first fic I posted.

Snowed In

And this is actually the first thing I wrote

Across the Multiverse

It’s been a great year. I can’t wait to share more horny, unhinged, wild fantasies with you in the next one.

All my love,

-Holly 💚🖤

#loki #loki fanfic #loki laufeyson #loki fanfiction #loki fandom

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goopyedgay · 8 months

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Uh time to be cringe

sometimes it makes me feel very bad and the fact of being a gregstella shipper bothers me, imagine that what you love the most and makes you happy is also what hurts you the most, I'm not doing anything wrong and still the people get to be very annoying and cruel to me, I want to believe because I am the one who is actively creating content about them, so I guess it makes sense that I'm the one who takes the hits.

I'm someone who tries to take things calmly but sometimes I just explode over things as simple and stupid as these, I know I asked people to block me if my content bothers them, and I appreciate that they do, but there are also people that the only thing seeks is to annoy, even sending me messages that I should kms.

I couldn't care less about these things when I'm in a good mood but in these moments when I just feel bad and I can only say, I'm sorry? sorry for shipping two characters that have nothing problematic? I wish I had become obsessed with something else instead of this but I can't help it, I've been dealing with this shit since last year, but now that I've become more open it only makes things worse.

I can't even calmly interact with the hellpark fandom because I'm afraid they'll get mad at me and point out that I'm "proshipper" or "lesbiphobic", at this point I don't even want to draw HP Estella and Gregory together, I have to admit that I ship them and that was the reason why I started doing it gregstella content, but to avoid problems I created my own au or whatever. (and it ended up becoming a very ambitious project wow)

I'm not lesbiphobic, in fact, I really like ships wlw, and I have considered being a lesbian many times but i'm aro so meh, just because I like a "straight" ship doesn't negate everything else, it will sound like an excuse but I don't even consider Gregory to be a man (or at least the one from hellpark and my au) or a woman, I consider him as... Gregory just being Gregory? I don't really give much importance to this hc thing because at the end of the day my favorite characters are my favorite characters for other reasons and not just for that, and I found myself unfortunate that my two favorite characters are two that you can't ship because it's "wrong". I know there are some gregstella shippers who have said or done unpleasant things, but there will always be weird people, and that doesn't mean we should pigeonhole us all into that.

It's sad that I have to say something as stupid as this to me. But I needed to get this off my chest because I'm really getting tired of this kind of stuff, I'll probably delete this later or maybe keep it here so people are clear about where I stand and stop saying or misinforming what I do or say, like e.g. I draw nsfw (something I have never done publicly and I haven't drawn this type of explicit things for years since I was grommed lol, and if I did in the future that is something that does not concern you, much less if you are minors)

Anyway, thank you very much to the people who support me and like my art, you really motivate me to continue being open with what I like and continue bringing content for the community of this beautiful ship, or even if you don't like the ship and you only like my artstyle, it is also appreciated ♥️

This is more vent than a clarification, but hey, take it as you want, love y'all!

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 5 months

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i keep telling myself to quit checking up on KM spaces cause there’s literally nothing but bickering and going out of the way to find things to be mad at but I keep ending up coming back 😓 it’s so hard, I still think about them a lot and I generally enjoy doing so! They make me happy to think about, genuinely. it’s been a force of habit for so long but the vibe with no new content (I try and avoid military updates but they waft into my view every so often and I’m glad they seem to be doing ok at least) is just so nasty it’s just like can’t everyone just relax and be happy knowing they’re together??? Obviously I am the problem here and I need to stop but it’s a struggle….do I need to just go completely cold turkey on bangtan? 😂 is that what you did when you took a long break? It’s not like I don’t have hobbies and a job and stuff, but for a long time they’ve occupied a special nice place where I just think of them and generally enjoy reading people’s thoughts about them, but over the past year especially w the solo stuff it’s just gotten kinda rancid

Hello, anon

I understand you completely. If something has become part of your daily routine, on top of other activities and interests, it's normal to get the urge to check up on it. Cold turkey might not help because it increases the chances of going back to it. I'm going through the same thing nowadays. I'm aware that right now, there's barely any point in keeping up with that part of my interests online. KM have enlisted and despite seeing some military updates, I'm not excitedly/anxiously looking forward to it. Like you, I think it's nice to see that they appear fine, but personally I could live without those updates as well. Consequently, I barely discuss it even on my blog, I don't find it necessary.

Most likely, the upcoming show will be the only relevant content that makes me still keep an eye on them right now and that's because the announcement might drop at any time. By not knowing exactly when, it's enough to keep at least a part of the fandom waiting and participating online. Not a bad strategy, but a frustrating one for us.

Likewise, by still checking up tumblr/twitter, I'm also exposing myself to daily fights, endless debates on relationship dynamics and so on. I find it pointless and I'd say a sign of boredom if this wasn't the modus operandi of the fandom anyway.

I made a vague comment recently, but it is terribly annoying having to read left and right troll anons baiting bloggers who then are bringing receipts to demonstrate that KM are close. Really? We're still doing that in 2024? People are talking in circles to demonstrate something that doesn't need more proving. Twitter is worse because they fight like idiots under the guise of defending. The knights in shining armour fighting for the princesses.

As to solo stans, I don't have an issue with the idea of only liking an artist and that's it. If only that would be the full definition. Anyone acting like not only a fanatic, but writing like some miserable 4chan user is someone I really can't stand. It's slowly becoming standard stan behavior and I see this in other fandoms as well, including those of western artists. It's nasty and embarassing.

When I took a break, I unfollowed almost all KM and JM focused accounts. The ones remaining I muted so I had to go to my following list and check each individually if I wanted to see what was up. My point was to not have any of that on my timeline. I think it worked for a while. Now I'm back to how it was before and I don't know how that happened. I should make some changes again.

#m thoughts #jikook #bts fandom #solo stans #fandom behavior

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inkedmyths · 1 year

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S2: E6 "No Exit"

Brought to you by I'M SORRY I KEEP FORGETTING TO POST THESE. HERE YOU GO

This episode featuring: Misogynistic tropes, Family Guy, the daddy issues continue, and Robert Smirke's 14 Fears

Silas: YAY

Kayla: hello queers and sam winchester

Compilation of Dean's dumbassery in the beginning, we love to see it

Ominous flickering lights! Great start

EWWWW GOOP

Hell is RIGHT baby bc its probably a demon or something

Oh boy mom and daughter fight

WHDHDHDHDHDHSH

Poor passerby family walking in on that

Yeah and you're young and blonde and therefore likely to get eaten by this thing, which I'm sure is the point

Melon: Oh to be born as a disposable horror movie character

ECTOPLASM

STATEPUFF MARSHMALLOW MAN EHDHDHD

WHSHSGSGSGS JUST WALKS UP TO HIM LIKE HI THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND AND DEAN'S LIKE uhhhhhhhhhhh ookay

Whshsgs yeah her moms not an idiot

Shes thinking abt stabbing u with it Dean

LOOK I GET THERE'S LIKE AN ISSUE WITH SEXISM BUT SHES SO STUPID

HAND

Anyways as I was saying its like "definitely a sexist character archetype" but also she really is stupid

Dean gonna get his hand bit or somethin just putting it in a vent w/a spirit

EWWW SCALP

Oh look another random blonde girl

Did they not check to see if there were any other blonde chicks in the building when investigating

DEAN WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING LIKE THAT??

He was fucking sleeping like that

Ah yes the tragic backstory bc of her dad dying

Ofc

Dude honey he has daddy issues out the wazoo this isn't something you want to be asking probably

Melon: Wait is she asking Dean for parent advice

Me: Asking what yhe first thing he thought of when he remembered his dad

Melon: MAAM

Me: Dean saying it was shooting bottles on a fence I Feel Like Thats A Lie

Melon: Ma’am this man exudes daddy issues in a 6 km radius at all times you really shouldn’t ask him anything about his dad

Melon: Does this look like the face of someone who was hugged as a child? No? Cause he wasn’t

Melon: Pretty sure any answer he gives could be a lie cause like I’m pretty sure the entirety of everything he’s ever done with his dad flashes simultaneously every time he remembers him.

Ohhhh so hanging people jn the field nextdoor ok that tracks

H. H. HOLMES? AMERICAS FIRST SERIAL KILLER

CLOROFORM

THE MURDER CASTLE I KNOW THIS FUCKIN GUY

Crazyyyyy

SHRIEKS THEY'RE JUST BASHING IN WALLS NOW?

LMAO DEAN

Girl u have no sense of self preservation

ALSO TIE YOUR HAIR BACK WHY ARE YOU WALKING IN SOME DINGEY ASS WALLS W/IT DOWN

HHHolmes blond girl. Joanna Beth? Isk.

ECTOPLASM

SCREAM

Time to start breaking walls

[ Crepe says to drink the ectoplasm like a milkshake. Do not do this. ]

Scratch marks..... where others have tried to get out

Oh I am not looking at the screwn while shes looking out of it bc creepy fuckers eye is gonna show up I just know it

OH THERES MULTIPLE GIRLS IN HERE

Theresa...

Rip in pieces

[ Melon appreciates the humor of using an acronym and then adding the rest of the statement. ]

Sam and Dean looking like dumbasses with their fuckin. Metal detector?

Into the sewers without delay we can't go wrong we know the waaaay

That ladder is pretty sketchy

What a creep

Ok scared him off for a sec

Dean army man crawling in a stupid little sewer

[ Melon notes that he's always felt showing someone crawling through a dark tunnel on their stomach is, in his opinion, one of the scariest things to be utilized in horror. I think there's a lot of merit in this; you can't go very fast, and you can't turn around, so if something else is in there with you... It occurs to me, that while we've warned away Melon from TMA for Prentiss reasons, I should show them MAG15. ]

WOO SPIRIT SHOOTIN

Eugg... bones...... the corpse of one of the victims

Well thats creepy as shit

Salt circled him

[ Crepe makes a reference to a Tumblr post about salt in hoola-hoops, instead of salt circles. I'm sure one of you guys could dig it up. ]

CONCRETE TRUCK LMAOOO DEAN WHERED YOU GET THAT

WHSHSHS THE AWKWARD SILENCDean stfu

LMAO

Well thats rough

[ More discussion comtinues on useful and hilarious solutions to demons and ghosts, such as holy water squirt gun, holy water humidifier, and salt infused hairspray flamethrower. ]

Like father like sons oh ma'am

Oh boy

AHAHA.

I mean I get being upset but also its stupid as hell

You can't blame someone for what their parent did thats fucking stupid

I mean I get being concerned that some traits carry over but this soecific behavior is stupid!

[ At some point around here, the episode ended. I, however, was hung up and DEEPLY offended by Jo's behavior at the very end. ]

Me: THE SINS OF THE FATHER ARE NOT THE SINS OF THE SON. BANGS HAND ON DOOR. DO YOU HEAR ME.

Melon: *cough* unfortunately pretty sure john could find a way to pass on his sins or smthn. Dudes done some weird shit

[ I rant about it a bit more. I'm so deeply, deeply offended. Then, a pivot into discussion about the monster of this ep. ]

Me: Anyways absolutely wild that the monster this ep was an irl serial killer

Me: Same energy as Robert Smirke being in the Magnus Archives

Kayla: ROBERT SMIRKE WAS REAL?

[ Needless to say, the conversation was immediately sidetracked. ]

Crepe: What did he do

Melon:

Kayla: BUILT STUFF AND ITS EVIL???

Me: WELL NOT IN REAL LIFE

Kayla: WHAT

Kayla: IS THAT A US GOV BUILDING

Kayla: HE DID BUILD REAL EVIL INK YOU LIAR

Kayla: THATS THE HIGHEST EVIL???

Me: Ok I can't argue with that actually

[ There's some more prattling about this, but I'll mainly leave you with this last thing. ]

Kayla: the us govt isnt its own fear?

Me: No that would be giving it too much credit

---

Well, needless to say, I can't say I'm a fan of Jo at this point. It's a bit frustrating, because it's very clear (to me anyways) that her characterization is the result of some annoying tropes. I can get behind the idea of her wanting to be like her father, and maybe being a bit reckless, but the treatment of her is just... idk. Really frustrating.

I probably would have been a lot more sympathetic if it weren't for that weird turn around at the end. I understand Helen seeing John in the brothers and having issues with that, but Jo? After surviving all that with them? I can understand feeling conflicted, but the way it was presented... hrgh. Irritating all around.

At least this episode had concrete truck. Keeping in theme with the TMA references, Adelard Deckard would be proud.

#on the highway to superhell #supernatural #spn #i want to like jo more but she annoys me so much urgh :(#do i tag this as tma as well

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rianafying · 4 months

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i’m starving and i’m hungover and i’m in trouble. my sd card got corrupted and i might lose all the work i’ve done in january, which is a LOT of work. i just need to talk to my friends. the timing is bad because they’re either at work or asleep rn. i’m about to throw up.

it’s fine i reached them, after they woke up. spoke to friends, i feel better emotionally. but worse physically because it’s been so long since i’ve had some food. any food. there’s so much shit i need to buy but no money to buy them. i’m scared that one of these days i’ll have to resort to ebegging. i don’t want to do that. because im not even doing that bad but i feel terrible. and im prone to heavily catastrophizing every situation im faced with. somehow i have linked this sd card failure to the downfall of my career that i have worked so hard to build. if you dont have catastrophizing anxiety, you dont know what it feels like to imagine every single worst possible outcome and believe it to be true. but somehow throughout my life, it has been. what i feared kept coming true. but fearing it and being paralysed by it, didn’t help my case. apparently it’s in my brain chemistry to do this and also to have chronic pain. apparently there’s something wrong in my hypothalamus, pituitary gland, amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. they’re are all fucked up and feel wayyy more pain than is ever necessitated. i feel like im spiralling out of control at a faster rate than i can reel it back in. for most of my life ive been getting wounded more than i could heal. and now im limping my way through life, and hating almost every second of it despite trying so hard not to.

i had a full breakdown today, worse than other breakdowns. i feel super defeated. people are being nice to me. somehow that is making me feel even worse. things keep going wrong. there is no escaping tragedy.

day 3 of this same journal entry. i’m officially out of money. even my coins. i have a little bit of usd in my absolute emergency fund, but i really don’t want to have to touch that. i have a week to go before i get paid a bit of money. which will still not be enough because i had to use afterpay to buy some necessary stuff at kmart, and now i have to pay it back. things rlly are tough out here. thinking i should not fix my laptop and instead spend that money like normal. like use it to get by nicely for a while. then what? at what point will i be able to get a real regular job? i found out for sure this month that i can’t make it to work on 25% of days due to my illness. so what work could i do. rlly upset about losing the images on my sd card. i haven’t permanently lost them yet, but, it’s far too expensive to recover. i was considering recovering the data when im in bangladesh but i dont think id trust the data recovery service in dhaka anyway. they’ll probably fail at the task and also ruin my card. things are so wrong rn. my microwave, my pan, my passport, my myki, my financial situation, the burnt skin on my face, my psoriasis and arthritis, my hair situation, my multiple severe nutritional deficiencies and chronic pain, my various mental illnesses, my awful dirty room, my inability to work on any, let alone every, one of these problems. i just get paralysed and bed rot for days. this is officially too much for me. it’s too many things to deal with. i’m not built for even half of this. how can i give up without like kms, like what’s another way to give up? because bed rotting isn’t cutting it. i could really use some help. when i asked for help, my uncle said to visit my friend in sydney, or to visit bangladesh, neither of which is going to actually help my situation, because ill be miserable regardless of where i am, until my problems have been resolved. and both of these things are expensive as fuck, like, what’s a girl supposed to do. i don’t wanna go on a $200 trip to sydney when my sd card requires a $400 data recovery. that’s just the tip of the iceberg that is my situation.

no amount of talking to people, or going on trips is going to solve my problems. which is painful for me to say because i’ve been dying to do something fun for once. not that i don’t have fun in melbourne i do, but that’s cause i try to enjoy work, and romanticise the life i already have. and because im not yet a local local, i can still experience melbourne like a tourist. with fresh eyes. anyway, yeah, im deleting bumble because its stupid, let’s be real im never gonna go on a date w a strangers plus i dont even respond to people because im obviously not ready to actually give this a chance. not yet at least. costar says i let my need for stability stunt relationship growth. but i’m okay with that, or at least i would be if i had any stability. right now i feel like i have the short end of every stick. no it feels like i have no stick at all. the universe or god or whatever is out there is giving me a huge middle finger and laughing at my suffering.

they say that i’m overthinking or that even if there is a problem there’s a solution. what’s the solution to not having enough money to solve my problems? by the time i might have money, these problems will have caused critical damage. what’s the solution to the weight i carry around from never feeling safe or loved my whole entire life. what’s the solution to the mother shaped void in my heart. what’s the solution to the fear of losing my sibling and friends. i cope, and i deal, but it never really goes away. even now as i’ve hit my weekly rock bottom, i’m trying to list things to be grateful for, to see the glass as half full. but i can’t lie, the glass is not half full. i’ve been running on a nearly empty tank for as long as i can remember. even if i somehow manage to get my tank full, there’s like holes in it that can never be permanently patched. i destroy everything i touch, i let down everyone i know, and i keep getting chances. i don’t need another chance. i need a break. i don’t want to prove myself, unless it is to prove that i fail.

i’m told that the broader focus of my life during this time is to clear away built-up structures that have been holding me back. excess is not always abundance. i’m supposed to decide what's worth keeping and what to pass up. apparently my sense of well-being relies on my willingness to seize new opportunities, which is a commendable move for someone who will only settle for all or nothing. “use this moment to streamline your aesthetic by getting rid of excess that no longer gives you pleasure.” this could not be more on the nose. fine i’ll pack some stuff up and head drop it in a donation bin. it will clear up some space in my room too. this might be good. give me some literal and also mental space to work with. also on the nose is “make sure you're not doing that thing where you over-intellectualize your experience, and then convince yourself that you know all the laws of the universe.” okay i get it. thank you for spelling it out for me. maybe now i will finally listen. i’m certainly being spied on. most of life is out of my control but i choose joy.

i couldn’t attend the invasion day protest today because i was on the phone talking a loved one out of killing herself. i shouldn’t feel guilty, it’s not like i had a choice in that scenario. i’m told that in most scenarios, there is no such thing as “fault”. if my goal was to shift blame, i could use all the words in the world to make myself innocent, but that’s not what i want, that’s not what i’m familiar with.

i think that maybe i would like to have a fresh start. i dont know what a fresh start would even look like. to go back in time a couple of years? how many years? at what point was it fresh? go back to when i was born? be born to different people? be a different person? a fresh start to me would be one in which so much is different from how my life is right now, that i don’t know how it would even be mine. this is who i am, all the terrible things that make up, well, me. and a fresh start wouldn’t be me, or it wouldn’t be fresh. i’m stale and im crusty, to the core of my being.

maybe i just need to go on a walk.

#personal #journal entry

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barbie-gurls-world · 8 months

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I really need to respect my boundaries. I'm a mess. I keep justifying how I did manage to respect my boundaries, but I realise that I didn't do enough for myself. I was waiting for 2 hours (because I finally put a cap on it) for a meetup, not minding the potential hassle of a 10-km commute back home, only to be told that the meetup would have to be cut short. I tried to be kind, but I should've been kinder to myself. I kept bringing up the raincheck in the context of an agreement, but I should have brought it up for myself, not minding how the person i was to meet would respond. I suppose it was my intuition warning me of setting myself up for disappointment.

I don't mind going great lengths for my people, I really don't. I'm crying as I type this, because I remember how he called last night as I was in my ride home, to tell me how he felt bad about making me wait and waste my time. I held back tears as he apologised. Looking back, I wasn't speaking much during our time in the café... He kept asking me if anything's the matter, if anything's wrong, but I couldn't really tell him, couldn't look at him much, because I couldn't put a finger on it at that time.

You know what it seemed like? I remembered how my nephew rushed cooking beef Stroganoff because he already defrosted the meat and he had to go out for something. The result? Meat so tough you needed kitchen shears to manage them. It wasn't an enjoyable meal so it had to be salvaged by boiling the meat again. The meetup wasn't exactly a planned one but I wish I didn't feel taken for granted.

I'm always one to think of the other person, and me waiting for two hours was definitely me being considerate. If I knew beforehand what I was waiting for then perhaps he and I didn't have to go through such disappointment. I suppose I didn't know what I was waiting for because there wasn't really a plan. I was initially waiting for an hour-long meeting to end so he and i could "meet up", then probably discuss where to eat and spend the rest of the time, but his meeting dragged on, and when we did meet (he arrived 10 minutes later than the time cap i imposed) he had to tell me first of all that he couldn't stay long and would need to rush back. The convo was flat, he was (is) courteous, but he and I felt that something was off.

I don't want to feel like shit, but here I am feeling shitty. Perhaps this is what I get for always containing my emotions. This is what happens when I try to put a semblance of control over things. My feelings explode and go all over the place and I'm a big mess. Maybe I'll feel better later. Of course, I will. I've let it all out now.

Note to self: Think of yourself and your boundaries. Express yourself, respect yourself.

#barbie lives #barbie feels #barbie learns

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moriihana · 2 years

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we can’t fix each other but we sure as hell can enable each other instead || fifteen: why is there only one elevator

pairing: dabi x disabled!gn!reader

overview: you meet dabi pre-canon because your cat, nugget, literally won’t leave the guy alone. friendship, fluff and (eventual) angst ensue.

chapter summary: the meta liberation army becomes the paranormal liberation front, dabi is possessive over you, and you miss shigaraki.

content: little bit of fluff, little bit of angst

word count: 1931

a/n: the new editor doesnt support blockquotes apparently but the legacy editor doesn’t let me keep a blank line break im gonna fucking kms sorry the formatting isnt the way i wanted it

taglist: @iincandescenttt

AO3 link

← previous ; next →

You gave Boo pets on her head as she laid it on your thigh with a huff. Nugget was curled up against her side, face tucked into her fur. “These little guys are loving it here.” You smiled softly at the animals. “I don’t think they’ve ever had it this nice.”

“Well… ‘no pain, no gain,’ as people like to say.” Compress put a piece of sushi in his mouth, his mask propped up on his head.

Dabi looked at him with a bored expression. “But you didn’t do shit.”

Compress laughed, “Nonsense! I was amazing at running away.”

You grinned at him, laughter shaking your shoulders. “You were very good at running away!”

Spinner looked over at you and Dabi. “You guys not gonna eat this?”

“Go ahead. I hate fish.” Dabi waved his hand.

“Not a huge fan of sushi.” You leaned back against Dabi’s side, soaking up his warmth. “Nugget might like a piece, if he weren’t asleep.” You tuned Twice’s incoherent rambling out for the most part, only zoning back into the conversation when his voice got louder, raising your eyebrows at him.

“I thought he overcame… whatever his issue is…” Dabi grumbled. “Seems like it’s become more severe...”

“Looks like that forced remedy only made things worse.” Spinner looked over at Twice with an inclination of his head.

You looked up when Skeptic walked into the room with Hanabata behind him. “It’s time. Come on.”

“Shaddup! We’re dining on sushi over here!” Twice shouted over his shoulder—though, despite his outburst, everyone still got up and followed the two out of the room.

“It was our money that paid for that fish, yeah? As well as your medical treatments, the video doctoring and Toga’s new coat,” Skeptic nagged, veins jumping out on his face. You snorted at his annoyance.

Twice narrowed his eyes. “Yeah? So what? You’ve got us to thank for your Big Boss Baldy being here in this hideout and not zonked out in a hospital bed!”

“Just let it go, Skeptic. The Grand Comman— ahem—Re-Destro chose these people. And an order from Re-Destro is as good as any from Destro himself.”

“You guys are corny as hell,” you mumbled, wincing as you went down the stairs of the hidden passageway. “This place has too many damn stairs.”

Dabi pat you on the shoulder, a smug smirk on his face. “Want me to carry you, mouse?”

“I will literally bite you,” you deadpanned, earning a chuckle from him. You narrowed your eyes at the elevator you were approaching. “...okay, you fuckers have like fourteen-thousand sets of staircases and only one elevator? You should hire a better architect.”

“We’ll pass your advice on,” Skeptic said dryly.

You all walked down a hallway towards a stage that Re-Destro, Geten and Shigaraki were on, with the surviving members of the Meta Liberation Army gathered below. Hanabata and Skeptic went ahead of them, signalling for the rest of you to stay.

“I thought all of Tomura-kun’s handy-hands got busted up?” Toga asked when she noticed Shigaraki still had Father on his face.

“One of them survived. It’s a miracle it stayed intact in all that chaos.” Spinner frowned.

“Yeah, cus it’s like… his defining gimmick.”

You hummed. “I’m just glad everyone got out alright at the end. I was really concerned about you and Shiggy, Toga.”

“—I now see that Shigaraki Tomura is a true liberator! It is out of reverence and necessity that I abdicate my position!”

“This guy is a real ass-kisser, huh?” You shook your head with a scoff.

“It’s kinda impressive how fuckin’ good at suckin’ up he is,” Dabi drawled, hands in his pockets. “Hey, mouse. You could take a page out of his book.”

A laugh bubbled up out of your mouth. “In your dreams, pretty boy.”

“—The League’s Spinner and I devised this name together—”

“Oh, psst. That’s our cue.” Toga gestured to everyone, walking towards the stage.

“—now, tell them what it is, Shigaraki Tomura!”

You stuck next to Dabi’s side, though it was more like you were hiding behind him instead. “I don’t like crowds…” you mumbled, gripping the back of his trenchcoat. He just chuckled quietly.

“Uh…” Shigaraki lifted up a small piece of paper and read off of it—Spinner and a few of the others made a face at that. “‘We removed the ‘villain’ part and expanded on the concept of liberation. I give you… the Paranormal Liberation Front! Furthermore, I appoint the ten individuals you see here as my lieutenants, who will each be forming teams suited to their separate needs.’” He then scoffed, taking Father off his face. “Hmph… that name’s just a decoration. Kinda like this thing here… we’re gonna do whatever we want!”

As everybody cheered, the members on the stage began to disperse. While everyone else went backstage, you followed Dabi down off of the stage, keeping your tight grip on his trenchcoat. “I really don’t like crowds…” You tugged on the fabric nervously.

“Y’know, you don’t have to come with me to see Hawks, mouse.” Dabi frowned, looking at you.

You immediately shook your head. “Nuh-uh, no way am I going off anywhere without you. Too many people.” Definitely not gonna admit it’s also partially because there are people obviously checking him out and I don’t like it.

Unfortunately, judging by his expression, Dabi caught onto your train of thought. “Uh-huh…” He smirked. You glared halfheartedly at him.

“Shut up,” you grumbled.

Dabi just snorted, stopping when you reached Hawks. “Well, how d’you do, Mr. Number Two? You’re looking pleased as punch.”

“Sure am! Now how about some intros?” Hawks smiled at you both, his eyes lingering on you.

Dabi narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, placing his hand on your waist and pulling you against him. “Sure thing. Follow me.”

— TWO MONTHS AFTER THE DEIKA CITY INCIDENT…

In the two months following the Deika city incident, you were convinced Hawks never learned the concept of personal space. You were currently hanging out in the sitting room, with him right next to you, his thigh pressing up against yours. He was talking animatedly about something that you were absolutely not interested in. Boo was on the nice dog bed you had ordered for her, asleep. Her body wrapped was protectively around Nugget, who was nestled up against her stomach. (Nugget was also ignoring the fact he also had a nice new bed, instead choosing to cuddle with his sister.)

Boo’s tail thumped against the bed a few times as Dabi walked into the room—you immediately gave him a desperate look. Judging by the way his jaw clenched and nostrils flared, seeing Hawks so close to you pissed him off to no end. “Oi, chicken. Don’t you know not to touch what doesn’t belong to you?”

Hawks just laughed, leaning back and putting his arm behind you. “Last I checked, I don’t think you can own a person.”

You made a face. “I think what pretty boy means is that you should really practise the concept of ‘personal space,’” you laughed awkwardly.

“What can I say? I’m a friendly guy.”

“A little too friendly,” Dabi growled. “I’d appreciate it if you moved away from my partner.”

“Oh, don’t be like that, Dabi. We’re all friends here.” Hawks grinned.

Dabi scowled. “Are we?”

“Alright, the testosterone in this room has skyrocketed to dangerous levels,” you groaned, scooting away from Hawks. “Any more and a brawl might break out and I ain’t takin’ responsibility for that shit.” You then looked at Dabi with a mischievous grin. “And I thought how you got with Shiggy was bad,” you teased.

“At least dear ol’ Dusty knew what personal space was and didn’t blatantly flirt with you.”

“To be fair, I don’t think he knows how to flirt.”

“Speaking of your boss, when’ll I get to meet him?” Hawks interjected. You side-eyed him suspiciously.

Dabi gave a dismissive wave of the hand. “In due time. He’s busy right now.”

Ah, yeah… goddamn, I miss Tomura, you thought, frowning a little as your mood dipped, I wish he’d just listened to me and decided to forgo that damn operation. I don’t trust it. At all.

“Tomura, I really don’t think you should go through with this. If All For One had the ability to give his Quirk to you, why would he wait until checkmate? Why wouldn’t he pass it on when he’d be able to help you control it?” You shook your head, pacing back and forth in front of Shigaraki, who was sitting on his bed as he played something on his GameBoy. “And why would he be so willing to put you in such an extreme amount of pain? I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“You’re doing it again,” Shigaraki grunted, annoyance lacing his voice.

“Doing what?”

“Worrying about something inconsequential—nothing’s going to happen.”

“What if something does happen?!” You threw your arms into the air in frustration. “You’re my best friend, Tomu. I don’t… I don’t want to see something go wrong.” You practically collapsed next to him on his bed, running a hand down your face.

Shigaraki paused his game. “What do you even think’s gonna happen?”

“I don’t know! What if you die?! What if the Quirk wrecks your body, like Dabi’s does to his?!” You flopped onto your back, putting your arm over your eyes. “It just… doesn’t seem safe. Something’s off.”

“Ujiko is gonna modify my body to be able to withstand multiple Quirks.” Shigaraki sighed, “I get that you’re worried, Y/N, but I’ll be fine. Trust me.”

You immediately shot back upright, staring at him. “He’s going to what?!”

“He’s going to make it where the Quirks won’t wreck my body. I’ll be fine.”

“Tomura—” You took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “I know Ujiko has made the Nomus to where they can have multiple Quirks, but those were corpses. There is a giant fucking difference between a corpse and a living, breathing person! Playing around inside of someone is no joke, Tomu. The possibility of you not even coming back as yourself is higher than you’d think. Please, please rethink this.” “This is the only way to destroy hero society. I’m going through with this operation.”

“Oi, earth to mouse.”

You snapped back to attention when Dabi’s voice cut through your thoughts, looking at him with a tilt of your head. You could see the thinly-veiled concern in his eyes.

“You alright? Ya spaced out for a moment there.” Hawks nudged you with a wing.

“Ah, yeah. Just thinkin’.” You stood with a strained smile. “I’m gonna head back to our room, Dabi. The little guys need to eat soon, and I gotta take a shower.” Boo’s head perked up at ‘eat,’ her tail wagging harder. Nugget woke up at her excitement, getting up and stretching.

Dabi gave you a long look and sighed, “I’ll come with. Keep ya company.”

“Have fun.” Hawks winked, earning a hard glare from you.

“Don’t even start. I have enough of that with pretty boy there,” you grumbled, whistling for Boo and Nugget to follow you back to your room as you walked out.

Before he walked out after you, Dabi narrowed his eyes at Hawks. “Watch yourself, birdbrain. You’re gettin’ a little too comfortable with Y/N.”

He only held his hands up in front of him with a smile, laid-back demeanour never fading. “I’m just bein’ friendly. No need to get all defensive.”

Dabi just sneered, then turned on his heel to follow you to your room.

#dabi x reader #dabi x you #todoroki touya x reader #todoroki touya x you #touya todoroki x reader #touya todoroki x you #todoroki toya x reader #todoroki toya x you #toya todoroki x reader #toya todoroki x you #my writing #bnha fanfiction #navi: we cant fix each other #writing.txt

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so2collection · 11 months

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Star Ocean 2: Do I need to play other games in the series? / What version should I play?

I’ve seen this pop up so often with the recent announcement of Star Ocean: the Second Story R on the horizon, so I thought I’d write a post about it. Before going into the details, this is all subjective. As a western fan who has put 1000+ hours into the PS1 version, just something to keep in mind.

Do I need to play other games in the Star Ocean series before The Second Story / 2?

Short answer: No. This title is stand-alone.

Long answer: Depends. There are a few moments in the game, particularly in Claude’s story, that have a greater impact if you play First Departure. There is also a bonus scene in the Sanctuary of Linga that lightly, LIGHTLY references some plot points from First Departure. The game can be enjoyed without this prior knowledge, though.

What version should I play?

I will list a lot of pros and cons here (again, subjective and based on the US versions) and I think the best answer is: it depends what is a priority for you. Please make a decision based on the information.

The PSP version, Second Evolution changed the following (from the PS1 release):

A new translation with cringy names for towns and Ashton’s dragons. A lot of items, spells, Killer Moves, skills, ect. were renamed. This is opposed to a very literal and charming translation (albiet this can be a bit ‘strange’ in places, or even considered dated) that existed in the original. One change that I didn’t really mind was the Ten Wise Men getting their official names.

Voices (most view the originals as cheesy, graining, and charming). The new cast is servicable, but the battle voices when using KMs and spells had awful voice direction resulting in awkward pauses in the middle of calling out names. In addition, you could unlock death cries when characters had high romantic relationship points in the original. This was removed in the PSP version for unknown reasons (and, this is a huge reason for replay-ability in the original). Also basic event scenes were mostly voiced in the PSP version where the original only included battle voices and a few in some cutscenes.

Voice Collection was removed (Let me clarify: it is unlocked by character in the PSP once you complete the game w/them in your overall party. In the original a picture unlocked over time on the main screen as you played and collected voices. Some voices were unobtainable despite having a slot (Leon and Dias death cries for example, exist but are not obtainable without cheats or using the slide to trick to hear them (slide trick doesn’t unlock them))

Chisato’s favorite food is easier to obtain; the Star Guard was moved to the accessory slot (which can change some strategies) Other minor tweaks to some items, equipment, and Killer Moves were made.

Attacks were changed from 1 to 3 combos, making the game easier but also leaving you open to attacks more. (I personally felt the 3 hit combo slows down everything.)

The black screen of death (game freeze) was removed! A positive change!

[When playing PS1 discs on PS3] Ending cutscene doesn’t show/play; this doesn’t exist in the PSP version. In fact, I think the entire ending cutscene was replaced but I’d have to check.

Opening Cutscene replaced with an anime cutscene and a vocal track; some cutscenes were changed to animated counterparts (mostly good, although the opening and credits being missing is a huge blow) Part of the original opening is present in Claude's story but only a clip. Claude's intro had minor changes to reflect First Departure continuity.

Dias flashback was removed completely in the US version only.

Certain spells like Cure-All and Raise Dead were censored for no reason; spell animations in general were shortened / remade (Note: Fairy Light was censored in the PS1 and PSP versions. Indalecio’s tranformation with Philia also removed a crucifixion in both as far as I’m aware.) Teas were also alcoholic drinks in the original JP version. This was censored in both the US versions. I also read that an upskirt shot when Rena uses Tractor Beam was “censored” from PS1->PSP but I never even knew this existed in the first place.

Combination spells were removed entirely

Menus were changed slightly (very bad for people like me with muscle memory of the original but this is a nitpick)

Item Creation was changed from a cool 3-D model to a blinding flash of light with a static image. :(

New Private Actions were added, specifically for Dias who had NONE in the original.

Welch is retroactively added as a recruitable character.

New artwork in a 2000s style (generally frowned upon, especially Rena’s)

I hope this has been an informative post. If there’s anything I’m missing, please let me know and I’ll adjust the list! Once Star Ocean Second Story R is released, I’ll make a list for it as well.

#star ocean second story #star ocean 2 #star ocean the second story #star ocean second evolution #ps1 #psx #psp #differences #comparison #should i play other games in the series first?#is it a sequel?#star ocean second story r

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vaspider · 2 years

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I'm not sure if my notifications go through with my privacy settings, but I saw that the post don’t show up when looking up the tag (with my old url) up anymore, thank you. I really appreciate that, and everything here is stated in a genuine repose compared to my prior panicked state of urgency.

So please, with all due respect, from that ask being published: the mention of the url IS going to lead them to me. I apologize for my earlier mistake due to panic and urgency of the situation. I want to take the time to now ask: Could you please delete that ask posted yesterday? I made sure to read your pinned carefully this time (and with TTS) after some rest and there's nothing against deletion of asks; only against anons and private conversations/DMS.

I appreciate you removing the tag as asked, but please understand that the mentioning the tag itself in the ask made me, through the ask being posted yesterday, show up in search results: that still opens me up to be targeted (by transphobes and ableists stalking my old url with throw-away blogs, trying to make me kms; I feel I should clarify this jic the urgency was too vague on that aspect). I know you're well-meaning and understandably exhausted, but please know I'm just trying to keep safe as you are. Tumblr's block and report features hardly do anything most of the time; it's very limited.

You have my utmost gratitude and respect on your work and how you've strived through all these years no matter what (I wish to be as strong as you one day). I've been primarily inactive here for about a year from fear of those trying to tear me down; without even explaining to people I was close to on where I went or why. I want to move past that fear on here by cultivating my online experiences better, and without getting rid of my account (with everything I've worked up from all my time spent here). I promise I will stay away if my initial request of privacy caused stress and harm, I should've been more level-headed and calm before trying to reach out to others. I'm sorry, and I hope you understand, and I wish you well. Thank you.

... do you have any idea how hard this pushes on the 'I know you set a boundary, but do you really mean it?' line?

Like, really. Please. Fucking stop it. This is legitimately triggering at this point. You are coming off like you're rules-lawyering my fucking boundaries.

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heavenforblog1111 · 29 days

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I hope everyone is doing well. Burning boats? Should you do it or not? Is it better to burn boats or should you always keep the option of going back to the former state. Well, to be honest it depends on situations. I have taken huge risks in my life. This is about the time when I went for my placement process. So, my college was in Modinagar(a town 40 km away from Delhi). Our placement process used to happen in Chennai, ie. we had to go to Chennai to get placed. It was June 2018. I had already decided to do MBA, yet I decided to take go to Chennai. I don't know but for some reason, I felt that if I did not get a placement while other people did, I might not feel adequate. So, in July 2018, I went to Chennai only to realize that the accommodation where we had to stay was terrible. Well the hostel room was fine, but the bathrooms were bad. Now, I am in this place, not knowing how I will spend the next few months. I spent 2 months in Chennai in total. I had made up my mind that I was going to give CAT the same year. I am trying to get placed for no reasons I am not even clear about. Perhaps, I wanted something to fall back on if I did not clear my CAT exam. Nevertheless, I got placed in TCS and I came back to Delhi. I did not go back to my parents place but I went to my hostel instead. I wanted to prepare for it all by myself with no one interfering in my preparation. It was in August end when I went back to Modinagar. Luckily, during the 4th year, we didn't have any classes so I got sufficient time to prepare for CAT. Now, I got my offer letter soon from TCS at that time. So, the thing is I went all the way to Chennai and spent 2 months over there just to get placed and when I came back to Modinagar, I decided to not accept the offer. I was somehow so motivated to get into a good management college that I decided to not even consider the possibility of going to TCS. I don't know if it was a stupid decision to do so, but I felt like doing it anyhow. I was remembering the scenes from The Dark Knight Rises when Bruce finally decides to let go of the support. I was like lets try this in real life. Anyway, so I did not accept the offer and I decided to focus only on doing well in the CAT exam. I don't know if this decision was a big risk or not, but my friends definitely thought so. A lot of people thought I was a fool for taking this step. Maybe I was, I really don't know. Well, it was not a very big risk considering the fact that I would have made it to some college anyhow which I did. The thing here is that, if I would not have got a good college I might have joined TCS and perhaps my life would have taken a different path. I might not have undertaken the course of digital marketing which I did, which further led me to take up blogging and you would not have been reading this. So, now that I look back I think my decision to do so was quite right in a way. Well, I did make it through for good colleges and I would have joined them regardless, but had I accepted the offer, maybe I would have not given my all to the CAT exam. Perhaps, I would've decided to give CAT next year to improve my score. Who knows what would have happened? We can never say how things would have played otherwise. In this case, as you can see the risk was not a big one. Some people might not consider this to be a risk while some people might think of it as a huge risk. Burning one's boats is usually associated with war like situations when the commander orders his men to burn their boats so that they don't ever think of retreating. I don't know if I agree with that or not and I don't know if I would ever do it if I were in a battlefield. But I feel that one does feel compelled to take such steps when the prize is something you are willing to die for. These are just my thoughts on it. I don't want people to take decisions based on what they have read which can later cause them huge losses. I think you need to see things for yourself. Weigh all the consequences you can when matters are serious.

Don't take risks just for the sake of taking them. That was my story of when I burnt my boats.

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parttimedragonslayer · 7 months

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I’ve decided to run a 10k race in February, just under four months away. I’ve never run 10k before. I’ve done 5k and I felt that was pushing my limits, but I’m going to give it my best and keep a diary of my progress along the way.

The race I’m doing is the Soja Kibiji Marathon, but just the 10k course, obviously.

I’ve chosen a free program from The Marathon Handbook that is supposed to get me to a 10k in 12 weeks. There’s 16 and a half weeks until race day so I should have plenty of time to finish it, even accounting for the occasional missed day.

This plan should take 84 days (12 weeks) and I have 117 days(16 weeks) to complete it so I’ve got some allowance for missed days as there will inevitably be. Against all good sense I’m starting on a Tuesday, and on the 31st of the month.

I'm going to document it here. I've already been going for almost a week so the below is a catch up on the first 6 days.

:read more:

Week 1

Day 1 - Completed 31 October 2023, plus some extra

This run looked ridiculously easy to me, but I’m following the plan so I’ll do it. I’ve been running semi-consistently for a couple of months so this one was a piece of cake. Before starting this plan I was running 4-5 km and I’d do intervals of about two and half minutes run to one minute walk. I’d increase the running interval by one second each time I went out. A little mind game I played with myself to try and build a consistent running habit. As well as that, when I go to the gym to do weights I warm up with 10 mins running on the treadmill, about a 6:50 pace.

I tried to run quite a bit faster than my usual pace in the run intervals. It started a lot quicker, but was probably only a teensy bit quicker by the last interval. I’d gone out and turned around at the 8th interval, so after the 5 min cool down walk I started running again at a slow pace until I got home, which was about eight minutes.

Mostly I was surprised that I ran non-stop for that long outside. I’ve been doing it inside on the treadmill, but I find running outside to be harder so I generally just do short intervals.

Day 2 - Completed 1 November, plus some extra

Today was cross training so I went to the gym and did the usual weights program that I’ve been doing for a while now. I figure I’ll keep doing that for cross training until I feel like it’s starting to impact my running.

My weights program is based on a three day split. Each day has a primary lift of either bench press, deadlift or barbell squat, followed by a secondary lift. Then I do accessory exercises but they’re pretty unstructured, just whatever I feel like really. The primary lift is done at a higher weight, the secondary is a lower weight and more reps. I try to do them in order, but as the gym has pretty limited equipment, sometimes I just have to do whatever is available.

Today’s session was about 45 mins or so. I started with bench press as primary- 4 sets of 6 at 30kg. Then followed up with deadlift as secondary - 3 sets of 10 at 42.5kg. Accessory exercises were front raise, lateral raise, lat pull down machine, and dumbbell overhead press. I finished with five minutes on the rowing machine.

I usually start with 10 minutes on the treadmill but I skipped it today because I wasn’t wearing a sports bra and didn’t want to put the girls through that.

Day 3 - Completed 2 November 2023

Rest day. Easiest day so far 😛

Day 4 - Completed 3 November 2023

This was still a pretty easy run really. One minute on, one minute off is not much of a push for me these days. I didn’t push my pace in the run intervals really, maybe I should have? This was the first early morning run I’ve done in a while and maybe I felt the lack of fuel?

Day 5 - Completed 4 November 2023

I’m counting a couple of hours walking around as a tourist to be my cross training. We went to Hiroshima for the long weekend and spend a couple of hours walking around Peace Park and Hiroshima castle so I figure that was sufficient activity to claim as cross training.

Day 6 - Not completed 5 November 2023

Good to see that it’s taken me less than a week to fall off track from the scheduled plan. But to be fair on myself, I expected it and that’s why I’ve allowed myself 16 weeks to get through a 12 week plan. We got back from Hiroshima today about lunchtime and I intended to get my run done in the afternoon, but instead went to sleep. I had such terrible sleep the last two nights at our hotels. The first hotel we were at the mattress had zero support and we both just sunk into the middle. We moved to a different hotel the next night, which was much better, but there were only two pillows and Steve was tossing and turning all night because he didn’t have a leg pillow. Also, my new tattoo made it difficult because every time I rolled over I would brush against it. So with 2 nights of terrible sleep, I just crashed when we got home and napped for an hour and half. I could have happily napped longer, but I dragged myself out of bed because I knew I had to unpack and go to the shops and make dinner and all that other boring stuff.

#running #runblr #10k training #10k diary

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 1 year

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Hi again. I'm back to semi keep myself sane

CONTENT WARNING: SELF HARM

Well not to say addiction isn't a form of sh lmfao. Still just incase

I'm just gon say it. Uh I'm writing this because I ended my nearly year long streak of not cutting. I don't really do it often so I don't bother keeping track of when I do it specifically. But yeh. I did it out of frustration towards myself, R, my family, this fucking job, my money, my loans.. I'm just so angry and I don't know what to do. I thought I'd just sob a lil and make myself feel better with that. Didn't work ofc. Even now that I did that to myself I couldn't bring myself to cry 💀

I miss being able to get high in these situations. I feel like I did in college again. Those days walking around feeling completely lost on what to do next. Everything is irritating me and I'm just over it. I never wanted this shit you know?

I'm slightly disappointed in myself. I always told myself I was just tryna be like everyone else when I started cutting myself. Tho I know it's just me being hard on myself. I used to bite/scratch myself and pull my hair out before so it's not entirely fair to say that. But still like. Why couldn't I just punch a wall or something damn 😭😭

Anyway. I alsoo found about 500mg around my room. I had so many pills under my drawer. Plus all the pills I spilled around when I tried to kms while half conscious from the attempt not even a full 2 hours before. I thought i did a good job of throwing away the loose pills after the fact buut ig at some point I made a lil stashe. I've just been staring at them. I want some so bad but I know once I take them I'm buying some more. I have that bad. I can't just have one good experience. I have to have it again and again until it's completely stale. I really stopped taking pills daily in November and took my last pill in early December. I'm scared of what I'll do if I give in. But should I care?

Mmm... my leg is on fire. Sorry if this is too much info. It's hard to focus on what to say next. All I can think about is the pills, how mad I am, annnd my thigh. I don't think it's enough tbh. The fact that I'm still babbling is proof enough.

Well. Speaking of which. A huge apology for some of my older posts. I upset myself rereading my old trip reports. They were awful. I never realized how much I was dealing with at the time. 2022 was the worst year of my life. No doubt. But I WISH I didn't go into so much detail into my personal issues. On one hand, it was good for me as I could let out everything with no filter. Thoooo on the other, that is not what this page was ever supposed to be and I hate that you have to sift the relevant info from my personal drama. I'm tryna be better about that shit. Not everything needs to be said. Plus, I needa be better about thinking about what I'm thinking lol. I feel like im way more irrational than I've ever truly paid attention to. Blasting this place with that isn't thr smartest thing either way. I'll be from here on trying to focus on the bigger shit making me feel rhe way I do.

Oh uh. Well my dumbass inhaled my edibles the other day tryna make myself feel better. My dad made me some to try to replace my dph/pen habit with "real weed" but I've never liked it much. I don't really like weed period for whatever reason. When I'm mixing it with pills I like it but on its own... no. I get really paranoid but so out of it I can't think my way through it. Least with dph I would get paranoid or hear/see something and I'd just forget to be scared. My dislike has led me to eat them fairly infrequently keeping my tolerance kinda low. Thoo I ate about 4x my normal dose annnd as fun as I thought it'd be, I found it more annoying than anything.

I'm in therapy now. I uh don't know how much I like my therapist thus far. He seems so interested in building better habits and not as much fixing whatever's wrong with me. He honestly sounds like he's already given up on me. On my first appointment, he asked about previous visits to therapists. I had only been to one and I was a kid so I didn't understand or take it as seriously as I should have. But apparently I show signs of something deeper going on and talk therapy is "usually not very productive" for people like me. He's focused on getting me medicated and teaching me better coping skills are his main focus from the sounds of it. Tho then again, I've been filling out paperwork and doing minimal speaking so ig he's off the hook 💀💀

Man recommended me to come in 2x a week for the time being. Part of me questions if this is for me or just for him to fill his time slots as quick as possible. Especially with me not having any appointments this week due to his schedule being full LMFAOO. I'm not mad really. I'm just hoping from here out I can actually do the damn 2x a week. I wanna get this treatment shit over with.

Okay well. This one's served its purpose. I'm exhausted and my leg hurts so bad. I wanna sleep it off. Gn

#vent #misc

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xxpencil · 2 years

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"Goodnight, goodnight! Parting is such a sweet sorrow, that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow."

Why is it that every time I make a close friend, they somehow drifts away?

Luckily, this is not about falling out. She is simply moving away, far away, 5695 km to be exact.

She was my first friend this year, the one who stopped me from ploughing a lone furrow.

Our first conversation was quite peculiar, it was as if she sensed my loneliness and ran up to me saying, "Heyy, I don't have any friends in this class and you don't seem to too, why don't we hang out?" Having a conversation with someone I didn't know wasn't what I fancy, so I just nodded, glubbed at the fact that someone just talked to me while admiring her courage. Strange, she doesn't seem to be nervous at all despite not knowing anyone.

long story short, we became friends! The few months we spend felt so long. It felt like we've known each other way before our first meeting.

With her help, I passed Chinese, Chinese history and humanities! And of course, just when i thought that things this year would go up hill, it suddenly crashes down.

On a supposedly normal PE lesson, she gathered me and our friends around and told us that she was moving away. I was happy for her! I really was! The political environment and education system there is better than that of here from what i have heard. However, a selfish part of me wanted her to stay, stay here, with us.

'Why so sudden? Why now? Why, when we finally became closer?' millions of questions flooded my mind, yet some of them couldn't be answered.

For now, i should be grateful that we can spent this month doing whatever crazy thing we can think of. I should be grateful that we can still keep in touch unlike those friendships that can never be mended. I should be grateful that i ever got her to be my friend.

#moving away #see you next time #i dont really know what this is #god my writing sucks

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trustoutdoor · 2 years

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Esse driving school edina

#ESSE DRIVING SCHOOL EDINA FULL#

#ESSE DRIVING SCHOOL EDINA FREE#

You should ask yourself whether or not you find this agreeable before asking to come and live here. Please watch this short film to get an idea of my values, as I am not willing to compromise them- look on google Annie Leonard, "story of stuff". Having a positive attitude is essential in this respect.

#ESSE DRIVING SCHOOL EDINA FREE#

Potential volunteers should keep in mind that this is not a free hostel! You have to be absolutely willing to adapt yourself to the way of life here - with its rules and habits - even if it is not what you are used to.

#ESSE DRIVING SCHOOL EDINA FULL#

Also, if you work for a full day, this can be in exchange for a full day to visit one of several attractions or towns nearby (Rome, Assisi, Orvieto, Spoleto, to name a few) This task could be any number of things, but importance is placed on leaving your mark on the home and contributing. You also need to do 4 hours of work everyday on different projects around the property and hopefully creatively contribute to the progress of the home (this could be completing a specific outdoor project, there is plenty of mending and repair work or creative projects like constructing paths with tile pieces). We have a maid that comes every morning so you are not expected to do any serious cleaning, just simple tasks like preparing the kitchen for breakfast, keeping the woodpile stocked from already cut wood (winter), watering plants (summer) and clearing the table after meals. The station is 7 km away (from here you can walk less than 1 km to a bus stop, hitchhike or cycle).ĭaily chores around the kitchen are expected of everyone, even guests, this goes without saying and is not really the 'work' expected in this Workaway. In the case of more volunteers present in the farm we can alternate one full day of active presence with one full day free. We have had wonderfully rich experiences of meeting young and older people coming from all kinds of cultures. There are many projects and types of work but you will be working on your own a lot of the time. The person must be able to work independently and on their own initiative. It is very interesting to note how helpers never stay here with indifference: or they love it ( after a while, time to integrate the motivations) or they hate it and leave soon.(cf negative profile)įrom the volunteer we expect: - and at the end you will have a Master in Domestic Economy :) -įlexibility to adapt to our lifestyle and desire to be integrated. I need some time and observation to create the connection with the volunteer, so I ask patience, goodwillness. Our philosophy: environment respect, domestic economy, recycling any trash, and gratefulness for what we receive from Nature. We use olive oil from our own trees - which is very precious for us! Now we are vegetarian, and on the way to becoming vegan. We eat healthy food from our vegetable garden and make our own bread and jams. We have two positions to fill: one longer term (at least one month) for assisting in taking care of the house and garden, and a shorter term one for odd jobs in the garden, vegetable patch, etc. I would love to receive good vegan cooker, so I can learn more ways to prepare nice meals with what we can find in the veg garden or the fields. and I need someone who can work independently with little guidance.Īctually, I am planning to stop working for the National Health System, which creates sickness and not Health, to dedicate me 100% at the reception of travellers in a very healthy way! This also means that I have less time than I would like to be together. This means that I need the help of someone guaranteeing continuity in the house, garden, feeding the chickens, goat, ) donkeys etc. In fact, I am a general practitioner, very often working away from home, and running a bed&breakfast at the house. We live in the Italian countryside in a very traditional way, although we are not a traditional farm.

#Esse driving school edina

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stormblessed95 · 3 years

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Im sceptical about matching rings

But what do u think about jikook and earrings? Sometimes i see jungkook wearing one of jimins earring and maybe even matching earrings? Might be a stretch but jimin’s convo with tae in the black swan rehearsal clip made me think about it. Jk seemed interested in what jimin was saying and then all of the sudden jimin asks him if he wanted to match too, also adding that jungkook copies his earrings… just a thought

So to start, all the tannies have matching accessories together. Every single one of them and in many different duos. Vmin and jikook have the most and maknae line together too. TaeJoon have matching earrings too. NamGi matching shirts/bracelets. Jimin and Jungkook seem to have the MOST the most and seem to make a point to be matchy the most too. Whether you take that as just they do their bestie matching jewelry the most often or as part of the SK couple culture is up to you.

Here is the clip you mention from memories. Jimin says he likes Tae's earrings. He wants them and they should be their new best friend earrings, which reminds me of their matching clover necklaces. Or the Padding Squad matching jackets. Or the minimoni matching shirts. Or his matching necklace with sungwoon. Or the TaeGiMin red string matching bracelets. Jimin LIKES having matching accessories with his best friends. But the consistency at which he matches with Jungkook IS different. And the teasing is bringing us all back to the constant "hyungs copycat" inside jokes they have that Jimin will never let go. Lol

To start let's talk about this matching silver stud paired with a silver hoop earring pairs that they wore basically to every event/award show together in 2018 and then just also randomly through the year and other years. No the other members did not wear the same stuff or same combo. And they did this CONSISTENTLY. Just a FEW examples, and yes. The side by side photos are them wearing these matching earrings on the same day:

Or when they matched with these super cute dangly earrings, again, yes on the same day:

But my favorite is when they for some reason decide to SHARE a pair of earrings. Like when they wore their matching silver stud/hoop, but they each only wore the stud in one ear and the hoop in the other. Matching what ear and what holes each went in too:

When they each wore one of a silver hoop in the same ear and left the other ear empty. JK mentioned that the holes in his one ear were starting to close up, so did Jimin only wear the one side with him out of solidarity to make sure they totally matched or? Lol or when they wore the dangly earrings that they had matching before in one ear and a silver hoop in the other:

Or my personal favorite. When during Festa 2020 they started out with their own earrings in and then at some point, Jimin for some reason, gave JK one of his earrings, leaving him with only one. And Jungkook looped Jimins earring through his own to wear both. And when called out on wearing too many earrings and that he should take that one off, JK goes "but I really like that one" and refused, keeping it on. When it was Jimin's earring and not even his....

Sooo again, for me, it's the consistency. It's the meaning behind it because it's obviously special to them. It's the way we see everyone else's matching items occasionally and we see KMs all the time. And it's the extra special SHARING of the accessories, taking it a whole extra step then just matching that they sometimes do for me. Lol

What you think this means, how you interpret it, if it's the couple culture of matching or just friendship stuff, that's up to you to decide what you think personally. But you can't deny that they do match ALOT, they match often and they match the most consistently out of any other duo with the most types of ways to match too. Accessories (rings, hats, bracelets, earrings etc), clothes, hair colors, and the consistent sharing of stuff too.

Hope this helped a little. Thanks for the ask 💜

#jikook #kookmin #jikook matching clothes #jikook matching #jikook matching earrings #jikook sharing earrings

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