#so no one gaslit me

[madeleinelovescolours]

Buffy fans can have a little gaslighting

As a treat

#I had Dawn spoiled for me when I saw her on the cover of one of the tie-in novels #this was 10 years before I started watching #so no one gaslit me #but in retrospect I wish I went in blind #buffy #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #spike btvs #angel btvs #btvs Dawn

[haunted-xander]

Do you think Saix' emotional co-dependence started as a Nobody or did it start as human Isa and just grew to an unhealthy degree?

#i like to think it started as a human partially bc that would make the most sense to me #(as xemnas/org xiii likes to use its members established weaknesses against them and saix/isas attatchment to axel/lea would be very easy to #manipulate him) #but also it furthers the parallels between saix' jealousy and rikus arc in kh1 #which i think is fun #obviously it wouldnt have been nearly as big a problem back then as it ended up being later on #partially bc isa wouldnt have been manipulated and gaslit so much but also #bc he wouldnt really have any fuel for it like saix got #no super-important super-secret mission they have to do #no forced emotional distance #and the idea of being 'replaced' would have been much more fueled purely by anxiety than any actual possibility of happening #oh and he also would have at least one other friend (subject x) #even if its one he wouldnt be able to talk to all the time #anyway im rambling. saix/isa got fucked up bad and i hope he gets loads of therapy bc god does he need it #isa #saix #lea #axel #leaisa #akusai #it feels kinda wrong to tag their noboy names when its them as a kids #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts birth by sleep #kh #kh bbs #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[bamsara]

when you're chilling and suddenly the resentment-rage-revenge wanting anger takes over your body for all that you've been through just because you see a name pop up on your dash but you scroll away and it lingers but it fades and you just frown and figure out what to do next

#sara shush #personal #i wasnt the only one hurt by this person and me and my friend can talk about our experience so we do have an outlet #but man #the anger of knowing what theyve done #and the hurt that other people dont know #and all the screenshots we keep just in case we get gaslit again #i wish i could go back to the dst stuff but theres a reason why it stopped #tw vent

[nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius]

No no I promise I fixate on the Bad Batch for perfectly normal reasons nothing is wrong with my family at all I had a great childhood i swear

#my mother never hit me and then insisted she didn't ten years later whilst loudly condemning anyone who hits their child #i was never emotionally manipulated and gaslit for 21 years of my life and counting #i was never raised solely as an investment to fund my mother #and treated like dirt on her shoe when i didn't want to follow the life she picked out for me #she never admitted to my face i'm an investment #i never had to sit on the stairs listening to my parents screaming at each other #i was never treated like i wasn't there #never unofficially banned from seeing my granddad for years as a kid and never not told the reason why #because my mother got jumpy about me getting just that little bit too close to him #closer than i was to her #never not allowed a phone till i was 18 #never told i wasn't allowed a bank account either #never had to fight to do the degree i wanted rather than something i knew for a fact would kill me #never had my laptop purged at 16 and every one of my private files gone through and deleted by my mother #because i wanted to write stories #never treated like i'd committed a crime for it #the one person in this fucking godforsaken family who was worth staying for never died #never homeschooled as a child and told to lie to anyone who asked that i went to school #just so she could keep me fully trapped under her thumb #nothing ever went wrong with my family #vent

[jewishfalin]

There is a very specific sort of antisemitism that is seemingly common in mental health facilities and its fucking terrifying

#the last 2 times ive been in a mental hospital it was always the most visibly jewish person who got targeted by nurses #and i happened to be the most visibly jewish person in a psychward the last time #its like. the 1st time there were more jewish people in there and the one of us who got it the worst was an older woman with bipolar disord #and like. many of us who noticed how terrible she was getting treated had to tell staff off multiple times #like wtf stop u r literally just poking her with a stick at this point trying to get her to have a meltdown so u have an excuse #to lock her away #it was so fucked #and the rest of us jews in there were like... slightly more stable enough to ignore the taunting from staff #like they'd find the smallest shit to get on our asses about or tell us we're being delusional abt things out of nowhere #like they tried to get a rise out of us specifically so they could frame us as crazy and neurotic when we get frustrated #and the last time i had the mosfortune of being the 1 of 2 jews who was visible and very unstable #i was made sick by nurses on purpose and then gaslit when i was up all night vomiting #i had to be given an injection and sedated the next day just so i would stop projectile vomiting all over my room #i had multiple seizures and they told.me i was throwing myself on the floor #they did things to make me break on purpose #and they did it to others to but #it was different w how they did it to me? #and when they didn't let me go to the main eating area bc i kept fainting/seizing they ordered me shit with pork when i have kosher diet #it was fucked and i know this is a problem #its a problem in outpatient too #i ended up homeless for like a year bc an antisemitic counselor fucked me over #vent

[renee-mariposa]

Ok so my hospital chose to not offer the new covid vaccine to employees this fall. I’m not over it but fine, I’ll schedule an appointment at CVS (the only pharmacy my insurance covers, FML). I go online to schedule an appointment.

There are no CVS pharmacies in the city offering the vaccine. I try the closest city in my next closest state, too: no dice. The reason listed: ‘possibly your state doesn’t allow it for your age’

Uh, okay, I think to myself, maybe it just isn’t available nationwide yet. I type a bigger city from a blue state: San Diego. And I discover they’re scheduling appointments for it out there.

I go to my state’s vaccine dot gov page and there’s no info except for the FDA news from earlier this month. I go to the vaccines dot gov nationwide vaccine locator: when I search, only the public health clinics show up as offering the vaccine.

So at this point I’m just hoping it’s supply chain issues, not every healthcare entity except for public health clinics are refusing to carry it in my very red state. I’ll try again next week.

Worst-case scenario, I’ll go to the public health clinic. But I’m sure my health insurance will be a bitch about it and not cover it bc “it’s not CVS” and I don’t qualify for the income-based assistance program.

#us healthcare #us politics #fuck every single person in my organization who sued the govt so they wouldn’t have to provide the vaccine #fuck this place #I feel very gaslit about this #bc no one around me is as upset about vaccines not being available #we’re having staff COVID diagnoses left and right #anyway I’m so mad I could pull the hospital down brick by brick

[mbat]

begging you if you care about steven universe at all, in a good OR BAD way, to go watch 'hiding in private's videos about steven universe, or if you cant take the mentally taxing ones where he debunks others (seriously, i only watched half of the first one so far but it was actively ruining my whole day because the video he was debunking was so deeply hateful and disgusting) then at least watch 'the case for steven universe - prelude'!

as someone whos been a fan of steven universe since it began, and its actually defined so much of my life (if that wasnt already clear by who i am as a person in general...) it literally is just... a breath of fresh air is a massive understatement. it like ive been surrounded by people all saying one thing for so long that i thought i was the crazy one for being different, but then someone finally starts making sense and i realize i wasnt crazy at all. like everything is covered in fog and someone shines a light right through it.

ive never been good with words, most things dont make sense enough to me for that, but man other people can be so good with words, and this guy is one of them.

seriously, its such a relief.

#steven universe #su #my post #steven universe is one of my favorite things EVER. steven universe future is my favorite show period. #everyones been saying all of the most insane things about a literal childrens franchise for years and its been driving me up the wall #i know people throw this word around a lot and i might be using it wrong too but it feels like ive been collectively gaslit #LIKE I LITERALLY WAS LIKE. AM I THE FUCKING WRONG ONE FOR BEING NORMAL ABOUT THIS SHOW?? #am i the fucking wrong one for not treating this show like its going to collapse western civilization? #no i was never wrong everyone else was just being fucking stupid #AND LISTENING TO THE DUMBEST MFS EVER #nah cause the most popular video shit talking steven universe was written by lily orchard WHO WROTE PEDOPHILIC MLP FANFICTION. #and you cant even say she was a kid. she wouldve been in her early 20s when she wrote that shit. #so no i dont exactly take her opinion with any level of seriousness or respect or anything at all. what a joke.

[amorremanet]

Man, I realize demanding that someone execute their own brother is pretty fucked up, but He Xuan asking that of Shi Qingxuan still gave them more respect than Shi Qingxuan ever got from Shi Wudu [gave them the ability to make their own choice after finally being given the full story and enough context to actually have the capacity for informed consent, something that Shi Wudu spent centuries denying to Shi Qingxuan] and also, He Xuan did nothing wrong and should be allowed to do all the atrocities he wants, thank you for your time

#this bitch told me shi wudu loves his brother more than anything; i said 'bitch where' #she said 'under all his bluster and overbearing bullshit'; i said 'BITCH *WHERE*' #like………all tea all shade: shi wudu is actually the person who jiang cheng antis think they are hating #selfish? check. never listens? check. disrespects everyone's agency? check. no self-reflection on atrocities? check. learns nothing? CHECK. #i wish all jiang cheng antis a very 'please read tgcf so you can at least meet a character who actually does all the things you're saying' #literally every decision he made was fundamentally fucking selfish & he just gaslit himself into believing #that he did it—all of it—out of love for shi qingxuan #like how do you look at shi qingxuan—finally in the loop after centuries of being denied that chance—telling their gege #'no please let's pick the first option i would rather be a piteous wretch driven to madness by my own suffering than #live in a world where you died unnecessarily; we can make things right with he xuan AND both live; a miserable life is better than DEATH' #and shi wudu going 'lmao denied stop being a whiny little bitch and come chop my head off already you'll thank me for this later' #and walk away from that genuinely believing that this is a man who loves his brother. it's pretty clear to me that he does not. #love looks like a lot of different things and as far as i'm concerned this ain't one of them #also he xuan should be allowed to do all the atrocities he pleases thank u #kassie hush #mine: text #opinions for ts #wank for ts #idk? maybe? i'm being a hater so it probably counts

[coffee-bat]

has any human ever actually seen a salamander irl btw

#they're like a cryptid to me #i've known about them since early childhood. i've known what they look like and that they live in the mountains. #i honestly really really wanted to see one as a kid #and i've been in the mountains so many times. hiking on non-touristy trails that should be okay for seeing wildlife. i've spent so much- #-time in the mountain woods and canyons and rivers and quarries #and never did it feel like a place where you could realistically see that thing #i know all the theory. i studied fucking zoology. i know it's just a normal ass amphibian #but for some reason i just. can't imagine seeing it? can't imagine it existing somewhere and just walking around like that in the woods #it feels like a mythical thing #hell it feels like i'm being gaslit by everyone saying they're common in the mountains #how is that thing common. how is that thing even there #my brain riots when i try to imagine a salander just being irl #y. you feel me #i don't know how to explain it they just feel like a fictional thing that you can't actually meet or see or touch #ramble #hello welcome to my Salamander Thing that i've never actually told anyone about lol #i have zoology autism 😔 #so i read everything i could on the topic since i could read and out of all the animals i learned about these fucking things just always- #-stuck out #like i'm reading a 'polish fauna' book and everything's normal and as expected then suddenly there's a bright yellow-black lizard there- #-that doesnt fit in with anything that lives here. what do you mean this thing exists HERE and youre telling me its common #where. where is it.

[magnificentposting-fabrizioart]

VERY IMPORTANT MATTERS

Top of Topkapi (Tier 2)

This is up to Episode 12 of Season 1.

If you don't see someone here, is because the Top 3 were in the previous poll.

No, Hürrem is not here either because so far she just doesn't register for me due to the character (this is not about the actress at all, btw, as isn't the rest).

Yes these are the valid(e) options.

Feel free and encourage to discusse btw.

Respect the hatunlar tho, of course, or Daye will beat you to death.

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #magnificent tumblring #magnificent memes #sultan suleyman #ottoman history #dizi review #I will only vote after a few votes are in #this is way harder for me than the last one #ok one of them is a murderer but to fair she's just the only one that succeeded yet #ayse is in competition for the most gaslit character so far #ahmet pasha is the secret fifth option #my feelings here are very conflicted #there will be a men's round in the future #gülnihal deserves special mention because she has wolverine powers btw #gülfem and ayşe are respected members of the “just doing my JOB here” club #Hatice gained massive points after the Dark Sultana moment in episode 12

[skywitchmaja]

a very specific character type 🔥❣️

#sorry this is like. horribly formatted. how do people make these that look good & easy to read? #i just think it’s cool when a character has mommy issues & fire powers & is gay that is so cool of them 🔥 #unlisted similarities: complicated relationship with their sibling. unrequited love (?). think better of their dad than they probably should #the last one is more azula & regina i could not tell you one fact about clifford blossom #gaslight gatekeep girlboss ✨ #(but the fun part (and by fun i mean the opposite of that) is that they are as likely to be gaslit as they are to gaslight 🤕) #they are like blorbos to me <3 #i have so many second thoughts but i can’t keep editing this i cannot #riverdale #atla #ouat #cheryl blossom #regina mills #azula #i’m not even satisfied with the caption but i have to stop overthinking everything or i’ll die #i say ‘mysterious reasons’ bc yeah it’s mostly bc they don’t know how to move on but also there’s some sorta magical shenanigans

[ooc-miqojak]

The State of AAA Games in the Modern Era

"Before the internet became a core facet of gaming, if a studio dropped an unfinished game, that game stayed unfinished." "If a game launched in a poor state, that became the game's legacy."

And a quote from the video linked in #2 in my sources below: "This corporate mindset has encouraged studios to ship now, fix later, and exploit the wallets of players for years down the road. And oftentimes we do see some of the lead developers from these studios even brag about how to pull off this scheme at GDC conferences: [Quote from developer] 'Overdelivery is actually dangerous. With every release that you put out there, you're setting a pattern for your community and for your players. Because it's hard to tell a team, a team that has extra cycles and they have energy and they wanna do something amazing and know how to do it and it totally would be amazing and awesome for the game! Sometimes we have to tell them, like, we shouldn't ship this because it's an overdelivery. Beware of overdelivery, overdelivery is actually dangerous.' "

These are objective facts that people were ready to tear my throat out about during what I thought was a fact-based, adult debate earlier today. Instead, I just had people repeatedly say the same thing to me over and over: "But games still had bugs on console!" Which was something I never countered. I even agreed! My point, however, was that bugs in games were much rarer, and far less impactful to the overall experience of the game - and modern games are often released in a half-finished state, with bugs that massively impact gameplay - just look at Cyberpunk 2077. It's notorious for that very thing! And yet, more than one person was willing to twist my words, and take things out of context (repeatedly trying to nitpick things like Pokemon Gen 1 bugs - things that were not relevant to the discussion, as they were not bugs even remotely comparable to those in modern AAA games upon release) to desperately cling to some idea that console games were released in as bad of a state as modern games are? I don't know why, when console games would have literally killed consoles and gaming as a hobby, if they had been regularly released in as bad of a state as current digital/online only games currently are. It's a fact, and not an opinion that more games in the modern era release in a half-finished, buggy state that makes games unplayable upon release. That is not an opinion. Here's another article about it! (There's lots of videos/articles about this very thing, with just a cursory Google search.)

Yes, console games had bugs - and the ones notorious for those bugs that made story or gameplay basically impossible... bombed! A modern game, like Cyberpunk, that releases with massive bugs? Simply promises to keep patching the unfinished product, which you could not do on a physical product. This is a fact, and not an opinion. Someone claimed that console games would just make a better version, and re-release the game... which doesn't amount to much, because the game already has a bad rep, and no one will pay twice for the same thing (were your parents going to buy you the same $40-60 game a second time back then? Doubtful. No one in their right mind would.), nor would you trust that publisher a second time. That's not the same thing as releasing Cyberpunk in a half-made state, unplayable and bug-ridden and missing core/promised features, and just... finishing it over the next couple years after taking people's money for the half-baked product that wasn't what you promised. They're not asking you to pay for the game twice, they're just making you buy an unfinished product that won't be complete for another year or so (if it ever is). As the video states, there were two years of class action lawsuits - which I don't recall hearing about with console games, because you simply couldn't release only a partial part of a game you claimed was complete, and hope people stuck around for patches, because you couldn't just try and clean up your mess once a disc or cartridge was purchased. If there were incomplete textures, and you couldn't progress the story/engage in gameplay due to game-breaking bugs, that was it. You were screwed.

The modern era and advent of online-only products has led to AAA publishers releasing more and more unfinished products with game-breaking bugs because "we can fix it later"/it's cheaper to fix after launch/because executives simply don't care how it impacts the players, because they have pre-order money in their pockets already/they continue to mistreat the devs of the games, and force them to release unfinished products, and move on to the next cash-grab. These are facts. Not opinions.

Anyways, here's more fact-based sources. One

Two

Three...this video is even from five years ago! (And quotes someone from 8 years prior to that stating that: "The answer for us as publishers is to actually sell unfinished games..."

Four

Five

Next time you find yourself heated by facts that aren't opinions, don't attack the person dealing out the facts, and claim they said something they didn't say - especially if it's the exact opposite of something they said multiple times. Once you start taunting and being childish in a debate, it becomes clear you're not an adult, and shouldn't be partaking in serious, adult conversations - no matter the topic. Objective facts may make you mad, but hey - I'm mad that modern games release in a shitty state thanks to being fully online these days, and not releasing in a physical state that encourages Publishers to release a full, and mostly bug-free game (free of bugs that impact gameplay or story in a serious way, at least. The occasional NPC glitched into a wall or the sky isn't a huge deal, and a wacky texture here and there is mostly hilarious.) Anyways, Donald Trump simply attacks people who use facts in a debate! Don't be like Donald Trump. Don't choose to attack the other person, instead of using objective-based-facts to debate/discuss things. Debates shouldn't make you mad - they should be interesting, and enlightening, and you (or the other person, or all parties) should learn from them. And inevitably, in fact based discussions...someone is wrong! I'm often wrong. I like learning new things. But letting your emotions guide you in a fact based discussion that is very literal and not rooted in emotional appeals... just makes a mess.

#AAA games #game development #anyways I remain baffled that people were willing to die on this hill and try to say I was wrong about objective facts #And then after being lied about and gaslit I was told *I* behaved childishly lmao! #and was given 0 reasons why #so basically 'I find your ADHD frustrating and can't give you a good reason' and 'toxic positivity is the expectation in XIV communities' #being bullied out of FFXIV spaces by toxic positivity has me sick and tired of trying to be active in XIV spaces and meet people #you can be the one being attacked and they'll still tell you that it's your fault and everyone was bad #I even defended the apparent 'four' other people they said were 'bad' - no one was wrong in that situation - #except the one person who made a shitty remark and taunted me... then gaslit me publicly #oh well I'm not afraid of defending myself - I'm a grown ass woman

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#i still havent been able to get the pic of my entire family celebrating the holidays together out of my head. #my parents ruined every christmas they could. every holiday. every birthday. everything. there could be nothing special #w/o my dad calling my mother a fat pig or my mom interrupting his dinner prayer to call him a lying hypocrite. #w/o police getting involved&having to explain why my dad had my mom in a headlock or my mom had punched him in the face. #we could have nothing bc their need for misery outweighed their desire to give their children any fucking joy #every fucking time. #but i have to sit here&wonder if im in the wrong bc im being gaslit into missing a family+memories we all know damn well #never fucking happened. i blacked out half my fucking childhood&still know thats true. #i have to wonder if maybe-- just maybe-- they would actually apologize for everything they did if i ever called or wrote. #if maybe they would welcome me back w/o expecting an apology From Me. #but then i remember how the first thing my mother said when getting in touch w me after two years was how disappointed she was in me #for not thinking to tell anyone in the family that i was homeless. how selfish i was for it. #how she only contacted me after getting my email address-- the same one ive had since high school-- from family #bc shed been crying to our entire extended family about how worried she was about me so they managed to find my gofundme #&not a single person in my family donated to it-- but they all had a lot to say about it. didnt they. #&somehow i know that theres nothing for me w any of them. nothing at all but more disappointment. #&photos of all of them smiling that i have to remind myself are definitely not real. #bc how many of those exact photos had i been in? no matter what the answer is i dont remember a single one being real.

[westerberg]

I’m gonna be off work for over a week starting 2morrow and im really so thankful… I wish I were the iron skinned bitch that people seem to think I am but im not and the fact that people seem to think some unknown bad things about me for flirting with multiple men (who ALL made their first moves on me and ALL knew exactly what they were getting into) like it just makes me very deeply sad… & like I gotta get this weird fake nice treatment from this girl I thought I was friends with and it’s like 😮‍💨 the fuck is wrong with you people. & it’s like…. Do you seriously think I get some perverse joy out of playing with these men’s feelings? Does everyone really think so little of me? They were my friends first & maybe part of the reason I am attracted to these particular people is that they don’t talk to me like I’m an alien or they’re a reporter or something…. Like …. Good lord I’m just so fucking drained. And then on top of that I DO feel guilty like a normal fucking human being over the fact that two of these guys are going to feel led on even though once again they should have known what they were getting into and I shouldn’t have to fucking die on the cross for them. But whatever…… and this makes me too depressed to be as active as I’d like to be in chasing Andrew which pisses me off and makes me more depressed and and and 😭 but hopefully a week off will do me good and I can rebuild my “I don’t fucking care what you think” reservoir

#like honestly I fee gaslit. like I know I’m not some perfect angel but how do these people have so little sympathy it’s really disturbing… #last night I committed the sin of having a beer and maybe being a little more flirty with one of them than would be wise given I’m #pretty sure I want Andrew but good lord isn’t that a normal human thing to happen. I feel everyone’s eyes judging me and I’m so paranoid #everyone knows every little thing I do and it makes me feel like I’m going nuts #like it’s just not that nuts to have crushes on multiple people. maybe you guys are just shallow and lack imagination #I hateeeee to rant about this so often but I really do need to vent

[gayvillains]

fuck my stupid gay ass life honestly I'm so tired of bad things happening to my body it's like it a horror film never had an end and just went on forever unresolved and agonising

#my good knee is fucked and I can't bring myself to talk to the gp because the are a million and one things #that are more pressing than this particular issue that I need to speak to them about #at this point I just genuinely hope something kills me #I passed the pointn you'd kill a dog at about 2 years ago and from then on it all just seems farcical to be alive #and I can't even honestly talk to people about my health without getting gaslit about what caused it #I can't remember the last time I felt sincere joy like what's the point the misery is so heavy I'm unbearable to be around #and I don't blame anyone for not wanting anything to do with me because I don't want anything to do with myself either but unfortunately #I am actually stuck in here and I can't get out unless I just end it all

[mearcatsreturns]

i am deeply regretting agreeing to take time off work to go to texas for my aunt’s and uncle’s 50th anniversary celebration/family reunion that i leave for in two days. 

my extended family on my paternal side is. how do i say this. not great. maybe i’m being unfair--it certainly isn’t all of them. maybe i’m autistic and don’t understand unspoken rules, but to me the last few days have been unhinged behavior?

i decided to try to go, because it’s been 3 years since i’ve seen most of them (ie the length of my grad program). for background, when i go, i typically stay at my aunt’s and uncle’s and sleep on a couch in the boathouse or in one of the bunks in the bunk room. i usually help do dishes and things like that since i don’t pay anything. i am not wealthy (especially a couple months out from finishing grad school...i work two part-time jobs and still scrounge), and about half of my family is. going to this was a stretch for me, but i thought it would be good. one of my cousins sent me a text when planning started for the celebration, which said: 

please note that nothing about that mentioned payment or fees, especially since she owns that house. none of our subsequent texts mentioned it. we’re family, i figured i would just help out around keeping things clean, and i bought two nice bottles of wine from my one job that i was going to give her as a guest gift. 

then yesterday, i got a text from one of my other aunts, K (not the one whose anniversary it is...my dad’s parents were catholic. it’s a big family), to me and a couple of other numbers i didn’t know. basically, a “hey, you don’t have anywhere to stay, i found this airbnb nearby. it will costs $2000 for 4 days, and split between 4, that’s $500 each!” i. uh. i was about to throw up. i texted my cousin and was like “just wanted to touch base, i’m staying at your place, right?” 

she replied and said “hey, sorry, we filled the place up! you can probably stay with K!” like??? i told her i’d heard from K, but i couldn’t afford the option she sent me (genuinely, I am taking off unpaid time from work to go here, after buying a plane ticket. I cannot do half my rent for 4 days in Texas in July. that is crazy.) at this point I panicked and called my dad, because truly, I was going to need to cancel if I had to pay something like that. i talked to my dad, and he basically said, “don’t worry about it, we’ll figure something out, but yeah, this is usually why we stay on host aunt and uncle’s trailer across the street...it’s free.” so I texted my aunt K, politely thanking her for finding that place but that I can’t afford it, but my dad was going to help me find somewhere, and said I was looking forward to seeing her (she is not the problem, this is none of her business, and she was doing her best). i was upset, but willing to be like “okay, right, i’m related to a bunch of rich people who want to charge family to stay with them over a holiday weekend,” so i was already less excited, but still ok. i played some video games about it, and i figured i’ll just accept that i’m going to be in some uncomfortable hole for the time i’m there. 

then this morning, I had another text from my cousin. 

I did the heart thing because I genuinely didn’t know how to respond, and I still don’t know where to start. (a) this is so unnecessary, since I’m not staying with her anymore. why did you feel like you had to send this? (b) uh. you should maybe consider mentioning expectations like that when you invite people to stay with you. I did, as I previously mentioned, get some nice wine (and I work at a wine room) as a gift--that, in my experience, has been a pretty decent host gift in the past. (c) putting a vacation on a credit card when you don’t have the money or a pay bump coming to know you’ll be able to pay it off? UNHINGED. poor financial advice, and i’m sure if I’d done that, I’d get “hmm, is that fiscally responsible :/” bullshit. It’s not. I refuse to buy things I can’t afford? like? she then tried to make it better being like “I also have weed :D” and ngl, my first instinctual response (that I kept inside) was “oh, how much were you going to charge me for that? is it by puff or mg?” 

anyway. I don’t know if it’s undiagnosed autism to expect things like financial expectations to be discussed and communicated, or if they’re just being some kind of White Person Way. this isn’t the first time money-related things have happened, but the last time was a decade ago and with an entirely different person (who I have since had a strained relationship with). I have genuinely lost so much desire to interact with most of my family? if this is familial love, I’ll pass and find my own family, thanks. I can’t imagine inviting someone, then charging them for a couch or bed? this is insane, right?

#long post #don't even start with this being a political thing. this cousin is campaign-for-Beto liberal #politics don't define dickery #i feel like i'm being gaslit into accepting this as normal #I have so many friends who are so generous with their time and this seems so bizarre to me #but??? #(the last time one of my family members did the 'i have unspoken money expectations' thing I ended up being homeless and couch-surfing #for over a month. which i got out of because a stranger (who became like family) was kind to me #but yeah. I am. anti-excited