#so much going on rn I'm so tired I can't do this

[codtrashsammy]

oh no i'm having more soft Ghoap thoughts

okokko this is more of a little ficlet thing but it makes my lil heart happy so enjoy <3

also y'all i do not be editing these. at all. I just be throwin shit down on paper and making my brain produce dopamine.

if you all have any requests though pls feel free to drop into my ask box <3 I will gladly write whatever. I'm sure i'll come up with rules eventually, but rn I'm pretty open-minded and can't think of much I would refuse <3

You're waltzing around your apartment, half asleep but with a tired smile on your face. Johnny comes back today, after all, and of course that means Simon will be coming too! You've been dating Johnny exclusively for a few months now. Sure, sometimes Simon will hold your hand, or pull you in for a hug. And sure, sometimes Simon sits with you in the early mornings on the balcony while you drink a warm drink, and he smokes a cigarette- looking at you with rapt attention and soft eyes, hanging onto every word you say. Okay, and maybe he calls you 'love' and 'darling' but he's British, so it's probably normal. But it's entirely platonic- you're at least 78% sure, and plus only Johnny had asked you out- so you have to stay loyal to him even if you do feel something for the bigger brute.

But! You need to get your ass into gear and make your boys- boy something to eat- knowing damn well they- he will be hungry when they- ah fuck it. You're going to cook them a good ass meal to enjoy- knowing they will enjoy it after a month of MRE's and shitty mess hall food (Johnny's words). So you do. You work away in the kitchen- though the clock reads barely past 2AM, knowing they should arrive around 3AM at this point. You've timed it perfectly, so by the time you set everything out on the kitchen island, still steaming and hot, you hear the familiar playful rapt at your door.

ba ba baba ba

With a grin you glance over the selection of food first- mashed potatoes, green beans, fried pork chops, and freshly made black tea- you make your way over to the door and open it with a grin. "'m glad you're back!" You bout out happily, sending both men a bright grin despite your slightly tired eyes along with theirs. "Missed ye, bonnie," Johnny is quick to just waltz right on in, arms wrapping around you and lifting you up slightly with one hand, his other hand occupied carrying his duffel bag.

A snort of amusement leaves your lips as you hug him back, pressing a kiss to his lips before batting at him to put you down- though he doesn't hesitate once he notices the smell in the house. "Oooh, what's this, bonnie?" Johnny hums out, dropping his bag somewhere in the living room as he makes his way to the kitchen.

A soft laugh leaves your lips at his reaction, but you don't bother to answer him as you turn your attention to Simon, whose closing the door behind him. He's wearing his usual little black medical mask- the one he wears in place of the balaclava when he's off duty.

So imagine your utter shock and dumb fuck surprise when he pulls the thing down, steps forward, places a gentle hand on your cheek and kisses you. "Missed ya, too, love," Simon quips easily, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear before simply dropping his bag and just walking right into the kitchen.

Sir, I'm sorry, what the fuck was that?! It's a thought, no words leave your lips as your cheeks heat up.

Oh no, you just cheated on your boyfriend- in the same house with him- with his best friend.

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO NOW?!

Apparently, nothing but walk into the kitchen with your boys, watching as the two of them are already seated with stacked plates in front of them. You blink blankly at the scene.

You hesitate before taking a seat, sitting across from Johnny and resting your hands on the table, looking between the two of them as they converse casually.

"Take such good care o' us, bonnie, dunnae ken what I did to deserve ya," Johnny quips, looking at you with bright blue eyes and a genuinely content smile on his face between shoveling bites of food.

"Stopped bein' a bloody prick fer more than two seconds," Simon says, voice low and monotone yet somehow tinged with amusement.

You blink again. Huh "You kissed me?" You say it as a statement, but it comes out as a question as you look at Simon, ignoring their banter even though it makes you want to snort in amusement. You're too dumbfounded and bewildered right now to handle this situation. "Uh huh." Simon responds, flatly, like it's the most obvious thing in the world as he takes a bite of mashed potatoes. Johnny looks between the two of you, a slow smirk pulling at his lips, "LT, you sly dog," Johnny murmurs with clear amusement, elbowing the bigger man in the side playfully. You sputter for a moment, looking back over at Johnny, "A-and you're just- okay with that?!" You ask in utter confusion, bewildered but not exactly disappointed at the scene.

So you didn't cheat on your boyfriend with his best friend? Johnny looks at you and this time he blinks in confusion before turning his head and grabbing Simon's jaw, pulling him close and planting a kiss on Simon's lips, causing Simon to grunt in annoyance- only because he was still eating.

Johnny turns back to you with a shrug, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. "Even?" You stare at the scene with heated cheeks before throwing your hands up in defeat, "...Even." You relent with a huff. ....can't cheat on your boyfriend with your other boyfriend who is also your boyfriends boyfriend you suppose.

#simon riley x you #cod x reader #ghost x reader #ghost x you #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #141 x reader #sammys soft times #simon ghost riley x reader #ghoap x reader #simon ghost riley x reader x john soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish x reader #soap x reader #soap x ghost x reader #ghost x reader x soap #johnny mactavish x reader

[imwritesometimes]

girl help I am trying to figure out what would be the easiest and cheapest way for me to get to Anaheim and my brain is turning the map of LA into March.ly feels..........

#look. I may or may not uhhh have an opportunity to get good seats like gratis for an angels game...... courtesy of my godmother #BUT... her son and his wife are having a baby around then. and this is gonna sound awful but like lol #I don't want to do any baby activities. I do not want to be left with a baby at any point. I will go. for baseball. not a baby. #want zero part in the baby care. I will speak at the baby fine whatever. I'm not feeding it or washing it or changing it. #and the train is fuckin PRICEY good LORD and it takes 13 fuckin hours. driving only takes like 7 #but all of this doesn't even really matter cause I look at the map of SoCal and I'm like #bbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr march.ly feels #so much going on rn I'm so tired I can't do this #erin explains it all

[sonego]

can i complain about my life again promise you all won't hate me

#(i know everyone already does most likely so i'll do it and just feel bad about it but) #it's not that i don't love my family and i'm not happy to go back home to have dinner w them and all but #god after like 3 hours i'm already exhausted #i feel bad about it but they're just SO exhausting and this house is SO suffocating #i did it i left i did it. why do i still feel trapped #quite literally can't even stomach watching football rn bc i just wanna sit in the dark under my blanket and fucking. idk. cry maybe #and it makes it all so much worse that it's so painfully obvious my mum is tired and probably sad and surely fed up w my father (and my #brother to a lesser extent) #every time i come home i just wanna say sorry. sorry i left you. sorry you're alone. you're not alone but you're alone against the world #and she dismisses my worrying bc ofc she does and i do the same with her worries we've played this dance all our lives #it's just. how do you let someone worry about you when you both know there's nothing you can do to make it better #when you both know the source of the misery and exhaustion is inescapable #god i wish it was. like. i wish this was a movie. where people actually help you in these situations. where there isn't that BIG big big #obstacle that feels wrong to even call an obstacle but it will always forever make it impossible to do anything about the problem #i wish the people who said they'd help gave even half a shit and actually did (it was their fucking job) #going from sad to angry to hopeless to exhausted every 4 seconds i'm so #the thing is i'm not gonna stop coming back home you know? i'm not i can't #i don't even want to #but i wish it wasn't so fucking soul crushing every time bc i don't wanna keep having tiring tiring weeks #and then go back home on weekends and feel the opposite of rested #ok. i should shut up. sorry. i really don't know why i'm even alive atm #delete later #i never remember to delete these (when i remember to tag them in the first place)

[quatregats]

Honestly the worst part of all of this is that I'm going straight to India tomorrow night, which is a lose-lose situation because (1) I know that I'm not going to have any time to rest if I'm going from being sleep-deprived from finals and being sleep-deprived from traveling with a 10 1/2 hour time difference and also basically being in transit for like 5 days straight, making me really not feel motivated to put in the extra push and get these essays over with, and (2) I really wanted this India visit to be a good trip, like I want to take pictures of my family house and brush up on Malayalam and just in general go in with intentionality and get the most out of it, because it's the first time I'm going back in >10 years and also it might well be the last time I get to go to Kerala (at least in a family capacity), but everything is shaking up for this to be a fever dream in which I am mostly just miserable and sleep deprived and if I'm lucky I'll come out of it remembering anything at all. Like I don't even have the post-finals hit of relief that you're done, and even worse, I don't even get a good trip to India. Plus on top of that I'm missing Christmas at home entirely, which is really not helping.

#my dad was apparently also miserable when leaving for this trip and honestly i can't blame him #like i will grit my teeth and do this but i'd rather not be doing it with gritted teeth at all!! i want it to be a good time!!!!! #but everything is just kind of bleh instead!!!! #i hate it here so much i have two essays to write for tomorrow and i have to do my laundry and pack and i'm already so tired #i know i should get off tumblr but it's legitimately so hard to feel motivated about anything rn #at least family will provide socialization which i do think i desperately need #but also there's talk of going to weddings for couples i don't know and visiting random people and i don't have the bandwidth #so the socialization might also go south tbh #perce rambles

[bibiana112]

fuck waiting until friday to get my cardio appointment actually

#that's fucking it tomorrow is exactly a month since I've had this I'm going to the fucking hospital #I didn't know heart attacks aren't all sudden and sometimes have weeks of ongoing signs beforehand fuck that #I can't eat I'm too busy crying not entirely out of physical pain but also I never felt so lightheaded while crying this little #I hate my parents I hate how they believe family is the most important thing in the world but if I'm scared I'm just supposed to deal with #it on my own because they'll never bother to understand me I hate that I'm alone if my roomie was already back #she'd have helped me go the first night I felt something wrong #why do I always have to do everything I'm so tired #i love alexythymia i love so much neglect growing up that I can't understand my needs physical or emocional and just have to endure it #I love you dead is the new alive that started playing on the other room rn really comforting #delete later

[semercury]

i miss things.

#stuff sarah says #i think i mostly miss the tight knit community with close friends #writing is a very lonely hobby and it was nice having a hype crew #i went back to look at memes i made for old longfics. i miss doing that. #i still share wips with some people and love adore and appreciate the feedback i get #but idk. the energy was different back then. but i think my energy in general is different now #everyone including myself is out here fighting for their lives #no time to make and laugh at memes about niche fics #idk. i feel like this makes me sound ungrateful. i'm not #i just miss the tiny writer club i had with a certain group of friends #feels bad bc i'm basically the one who set it on fire on account of me being insane #idk. i'm tired. i feel gross. i cried in my car bc my food was missing half the order or at least what i was used to #so if that tells you what kind of mental state i'm in rn... #and on top of it i'm trying to write a heavy scene #like hi you almost died but can we talk about the drunk phone calls? please stop telling me how much you want to die #i love you and i don't want you to die. i already had someone die in my arms a few years ago i can't handle that again thanks #cool. love you. no smooches yet. let's get our daughter and get the fuck out of here i'm tired #edit: and another thing. i miss just interacting with fics in general. mine and others #but alas i'm terrified #if i go on ao3 and am happy something is Going To Get Me #there's fucking ooze there and i'm tired of it! i want to use my fic site again!!!!!!! #i miss it!!!!!! i miss getting so hyped over other people's writing and feeling like i can say that!!!!!!!!! #i don't feel like i'm allowed to anymore and it sucks!!!!!!!!! #i don't want to read and not be hype. but just going on ao3 takes so much energy and effort and reading is so so hard these days #that i know i won't have enough energy for a proper comment so like. why should i enjoy what someone made if i can't even share that #joy with them? #and i know that's so so so stupid bc i think very few people would ever expect that of others? #like i know at least for me i'd rather have someone read and not interact than not read at all #not that it looks like i think like that bc i haven't replied to anyone in forever #but that's bc i go to and then i get the shakes bc i'm nuts and there's ooze!!!!! i'm tired of the ooze!

[hazmatazz]

holy shittt i wish my therapist didn't quit and i didn't have so many issues

#i'm stressed because of applications and i doubt my own skills #i'm stressed because i Don't want to go to school tomorrow #i'm so tired All the time #i don't have Enough time #i keep looking at someone's page so much that now i have to block him to stop myself from doing it because it always makes me feel worse #speaking of them i'm stressed about my best friends and everyone i know wants to talk to me and i just Can't #it takes energy to talk to absolutely everyone usually and just? jesus christ #i feel like i've had to take a pause on my mental state and like my theme perfectly describes it rn #like “yeah i'm fine! i'm doing better!” when i'm actually just putting more on my plate and sabotaging myself #holy shit everything fucking sucks. maybe it's because i'm tired but god god god god god god i can't fucking. ouuggh #my room is a Wreck too and just. God #ouugghgh this is horrible #i don't wanna talk to anyone usually i just wanna be a cat with a really affectionate owner #babble #vent #been doing more of those recently. just god. everything sucks #seasonal depression??? idk .. #gonna go to bed now. goodnight

[claratwelve]

yeah no okay i just finished s13 and i loved it, that was some good cinema

#i can't remember the last time i binged a whole season in one day but i just did that #yeah actually i do remember lol it was in 2014 and the show i was binging was doctor who #does all of the flux arc make sense? #absolutely not but nothing has ever made 100% sense on doctor who #and i love the potential this whole thing has #because if i'm being real i think the whole gallifrey is back and then destroyed again arc was getting a bit tiring #last season i still said idk what i think of the whole timeless child thing #but like i think it would be fun to make the next big thing the doctor finding out where they're really from #and i wouldnt mind if at the end of it whichever showrunner is writing it decides it was all a bluff and the doctor really is from gallifre #im easily satisfied like that #just give me something new #and the doctor at the end throwing her memories deep into the tardis and going #'put this where i can never find it... unless i really ask for it' #ooooooooooooooh #oh more afterthoughts just came to me #the whole self hatred and grieving the time war thing has also been going on since the 90s so #i'm glad we got a new Big Thing to focus on #anywayyyy man idk i just really liked it i have so much more to say but there are too many thoughts in my head #i can't sort them rn #maybe later

[hooved]

i know everyone's told me to rest because i'm sick but i just can't. it doesn't feel right. i need to do everything i can rn because i'm scared that any second we'll be told to get out NOW

#there's a lot of legal shit going on so i'm really unsure when exactly we'll have to leave #my mom keeps telling me to pack an overnight bag just in case and i know she's right but there's other things i need to do first #plus i'm not leaving my computer here. i'm just not. i can't. it's my most important possession. it keeps me sane if you can call it that #i need to get everything else ready before finishing getting my ''i need these with me at all times'' stuff ready #because so much shit is in the way like i still need to take out trash and do more laundry #and get more things that have already been in boxes forever out of here. also the closet door is stuck so that's a problem #i don't even care about most of the shit in my closet like i know there's stuff from my childhood in there but i don't remember what #other than that it's junk. and decorations i bought for an eventual apartment but when the fuck is that even gonna happen #i know i'm sitting here doing nothing rn as i'm typing this but i'm like mentally stuck on what to do next without my mom's help #and she's not here rn. plus there's some dude that her shitty ex is letting stay downstairs rn ? for some reason ? #and i just don't feel comfortable leaving the room to get food or take out trash or change out the laundry. it's just weird #plus i'm sick and he has a weak immune system and like. i dunno i don't wanna be responsible for that #anyway sorry i'm rambling. i know it's understandable at a time like this but i just feel bad that this is all i'm talking about rn #i'm just so fucking depressed and stressed and tired and i've barely eaten anything for the past few days #i can't even have fun or talk to any friends like i normally do. my brain won't let me and it just doesn't feel right. i can't be happy rn #for even a second. it's just not the right time. there's nothing to be happy about. i have no hope at this point that things will work out

[running-in-the-dark]

okay so

I want to get better. I feel so bad most of the time. most of all I'm just so, so tired. always. I don't remember the last time I felt well rested* and it's so hard to do anything like this

but I really have no idea what to do about it anymore? my GP doesn't care. I've tried to talk to her about this so many times and she keeps dismissing me (I'm 'young and healthy' according to her 🙃). I've been trying to find a new GP for years but no one is accepting new patients (I'm only calling specific ones that have been recommended to me, because there really would be no point switching if the new one is just as useless - I could probably find someone if I didn't care what they're like).

there's probably things you're supposed to do in a situation like this but I really don't know, and I'm so overwhelmed and to be honest I'm also afraid there really is nothing wrong and I'm just a lazy idiot who needs to get their shit together and just fucking do things. like just don't sleep all day, just don't fall asleep all the time, just. I don't know, make my brain be able to think again 😭 maybe if I tried harder and wanted it more I'd be able to do it 😭

*actually it was a few days ago after I took Lorazepam for an MRI, and then slept like 8 hours. it was amazing. but about an hour or two later I was already tired again so it doesn't really count imo

#there's always a part of me that thinks it could be my meds.. #and that's also terrifying #if I had to stop taking my anxiety medication... I don't know I really don't want to think about it #though. this started WAY before I had those. it's not even been two years. and I've felt like this for.. idk 5 years or something #so I just.. I'm out of ideas. my brain feels like it's filled with cotton most of the time so like. I can't really even research #stuff because it's. it's just so hard and I can't think. #I'm trying to sleep rn and fuck it's really not going well. I'm thinking I should probably take the meds for that again. they help so much. #but they also make me *even more* tired #so I can sleep but it doesn't help at all #ugh! I just want my fucking life back 😭😭😭 I never even really got to do anything 😭 now I might be able to but I can't fucking try #because I literally just can't #personal

[imwritesometimes]

wouldn't it be funny if I could write again lollollol........

#got a very sweet comment on a fic today and I was like oh my god. oh my goddddddd. ppl *still* like my stuff. #ppl still like my silly little stupid little stuff that I had stupid silly fin working on & it's dumb and silly but I shared it! #and ppl like it! #and I'm like not pushing myself anymore. like before I was kinda trying to force shit to happen #like sitting in bed with an open notebook/laptop like CREATE BITCH! #and I'm not doing that anymore lol and being on my meds has really made me feel SO much better #but also like I just don't.... have any ideas anymore. can't rotate blorbo like a rotisserie chicken anymore #I lay down to go to sleep now and because my body is not operating under severe extreme toxic anxiety levels anymore #I just fckn fall asleep. like I'm OUT. good night. sleepin. snoozin. zonked. 7+ hours. #no more blorbo thoughts at the end of the day I'm TIRED and my brain FINALLY shuts off #I hope one day I'll write again. I had so much fun with it. I have had a couple Thoughts #since I have been on my meds #but they're nothing more than a few quick sentences scrawled in a notebook. #it's like I'm doing so much other stuff and having fun in other ways and SLEEPING FINLALLY SWEET GOD ALMIGHTY #there's just like zero processing left for original blorbo ideas #this doesn't make sense and I bet you were all relieved cause I haven't ranted in tags in like months but hahaha #🤡 I STAY HONKIN'!!!! 🤡 #(I'm actually really in a really good place mentally rn I promise like the best I've felt in years I'm just ahhh!! tonight lol) #erin explains it all

[tvrningout-archived]

what if i did the unthinkable and wiped the slate completely clean so i can start the year off fresh and without the weight of unfinished drafts... would y’all be upset

#naturally!! if there's something you wanted me to save i would #and if you're working on a reply currently pls do bc i won't drop it #but i'm just thinking my problem rn is i feel tired from life and frozen bc i have so much that i've allowed to pile up that i can't #make up my mind what to work on first so i focus on other things like headcanons #i dunno i'm just trying to think of what i can do to get back into a groove bc i've hardly been writing like i used to #the latter chunk of this year has just been rough and it shows as far as my creative output #ahhhhhhh i dunno y'all let me look through some drafts and just see if i can make my brain cooperate #i hate dropping anything tbh especially when i know there are a lot of threads i love to pieces that i'd be letting go :( #how does anyone delete drafts and asks and feel at peace about it--- #get ready to ramble | ooc #tbd

[diabeticgirl4]

Curious about those prof diagnosed w adhd (esp as an adult) if they got any sort of action plan/ medication/ etc. Like "yeah you are Officially Adhd, here's something to help you manage that" type thing bc uhh I sure didn't lmao

#ignore me #maddie lifeblogs #adhd #see times like these makes me wonder if I even got Officially diagnosed like I thought- #or if they were just like 'well yeah it def seems probable enough but we can't ~technically~ do anything about it so idk here u go' #idk the whole process was very much a whirlwind for me and now years later I'm like. wait a minute. #ANYWAYS I hear ppl talk about getting diagnosed and getting meds and like. I've never had that? #when I was in counseling (post-diagnosis) I mentioned it but I was focused on my anxiety at the time #but now I'm no longer in counseling and I'm realizing it's my adhd that's fricking me up the most #I realize I'm gonna have to get back into counseling if I even want to contemplate adhd meds #but like. ways to cope w my broken brain weren't mentioned at all and and I'm feeling so lost rn #are meds rly the only/best way to deal w everything???? #again back to wondering if my diagnosis is even legit. frick me. #I'm tired of living like this :(

[shiningstages]

Me lookin' at my lil content: d'aaaaaaaw it's so cute~

I wanted to do stuff before work, but I like blanked out since I'm sleepy (went to bed around 1? 2?? then woke up at 7:11; not terrible but not like Great) then did my required stretchies / looked up stuff for things~ Tomorrow I have my last PT session and follow-up, and then I plan on cleaning my room / generally just chilling out since it has been Forever, but now...I will try and schedule in time for OC thoughts today and tomorrow (still have to decide if Atlas would be primal or astral...and maybe compare some story stuff to make sure it's not stepping on any Canon toes...but maybe we also don't care about that second bit ghffjghfgvcccgkhf).

#;big bubble blowing baby! ( ooc ) #( i think...i'm gonna try and schedule my hair cut too. either saturday or next thursday #i love my long flowy hair but i've getting that feeling of just...can't take it anymore ghfjcghfcgkhgcjgv #BUT it's also supposed to get colder so i may wimp out because this hair Protects Me #i also have to talk with my workman's comp doc about specific restriction papers my store director gave me tomorrow (fear) #i don't really like feeling less useful at work; but i also have just accepted that i need to take care of myself #i'm hoping nothing Too Big happens with that because i still wanna bank a lot of money before going back to school #but also a tiny bit less hours a week (since i work around 37-39 rn) would be nice...maybe even an extra day off...more me time #in other news i've also had many vtuber thoughts GFDHGFHGFHJFGHF #the only important one is...accepting that i should just kind of Do It. instead of actively thinking of where i wanna be; if that makes #any sense #and wars gave me Big Incentive to clean my room in like a non-vtuber way; but also just like...the motivation!!! the hype!!! #i have a lot of steps in my mind to do my creative stuff; but my room Must be clean #not that all my stuff isn't on my dad's very nice desk but...i don't want any potential pc i buy to be there #it would be so much better environment-wise (aka not being in my kitchen where my dad always is and near the living room #where my bro always streams) plus it's a two-way street of i don't want to disturb them either #i thought about cleaning my mom's office but she literally told me no because she wants to clean it all herself #which her being like “i have to be the one to go through everything when cleaning” is just...i see where i get my attitude #BUT ANYWAYS #i need to get ready for work gfhgjfjgfhgkjgfcghfg being the closer so much is so tiring;; #hopefully tonight is good and i don't have to have Drama and anyone who freaks out )

[astrxealis]

its hard for me to listen to 'our light' bcs wnvr i do i always look at the lyrics again and i just want to cry so badly

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i cannot. explain. the feelings. this SONG gives me ... w Those Two Guys ..... #i feel like i haven't. still. properly completely absorbed wtf p5r was /pos !!! esp w the royal bits and shu/ake fkhfighskfbskfnsksb #sick rn and tired but i want to be productive and do homework but i'm so exhausted :'') #i hate it here. anyways! i love. fkevsjcksbf p5r was just... really something..... #that at the end of p5 i was just like wow love this game so fucking much and btw it was uhh one of the few games i have actually finished #BCS. YES i am interested and into so many games and i know a lot but i only have finished very few !!! sorry i probably have adhd #but that's a discussion for another time. Anyway. yeahh. at first it was just like yoo love this game #but i was expecting more (haha coming from endwalker so. big expectations from other games) #and ROYAL was what delivered and now i have That Thing that makes me vv attached to p5r so it remains one of my favs :] my brain works in a #weird way i can't really explain but yeah that's how i get attached to things and all uhh i am very sentimental and a deep person yeah #GOODNIGHT IN ADVANCE !! this week i'm supposed to like. go onsite for school #but tmrw i'm gna go online bcs i'm rlly tired n have a lot to do fksbfkns so Yeah #scared for tuesday but i will try my best... might have to stay online if my being sick rn is one of those rare occasions where it still #lasts rather than just disappears. hmm. let's see.

[noxtivagus]

hdkfjalskdf just thinking of. video games or wtvr stories in general n my heart is just so full of them :((

#🌙.rambles #thinking of hermes again T_T n then.. gbf oh my godddd wmtsb WHAT MAKES THE SKY BLUE #i wna write. like. original stories or idk stuff w characters i like or. idk really just anything ! #bcs everyday when i go through every single day there's just. so much in my mind that #last year managing all that was so tiring esp bcs my sleep was so messed up but this year is different #since i've been sleeping much better so i have more energy to manage it better but #it's still. very overwhelming but yeah basically i can manage it better #being productive w school or wtvr but at the same time idk! there's so much i want to do n so much i do at the same time #whenever i just go through my day normally i notice mundane things that give me inspo? n then everything in me or around me invokes like #idk i think a lot of stories n i really soar high w that but i'm also firmly rooted to the ground n #it's just confusing bcs it's overwhelming but i manage somehow wtf i think maybe i'm just more sensitive to all these things rn #i don't know how to write it properly bcs i can't relate myself to others that much bcs i don't. interact w a lot of kinds of people #mostly just observing n then even w the friends i have #i'm srs not very social i don't typically go out of my way to message ppl but it's not bcs i don't like it. nah i really genuinely like it #but. IDK HOW TO SAY IT BUT YK.. i'm introverted fr n also rlly shy n anxious at times :c #but honestly it also depends bcs ik i have apollo after all n i think our relationship as twins is. really special in this lonely world :^) #idk what i'm saying anymore but. i'm just overwhelmed oh my god #I SHOULD PROBABLY LET MYSELF REST PROPERLY EVEN FOR A BIT BCS THAT'S NECESSARY BUT #oh my god hdfjaksldfjsd when i think of how i cld always make better use of my time i can't let myself rest properly #it's not just. taking time off doing stuff that's rest. it's also resting the mind bcs i can't. goddamn rest. w my mind like this #most of the time when i do things i srs can't help but think of how i cld always improve or do better #stuff that r more.. creative? idk but like less than school assignments or. achievements in video games #while that gives me a sense of satisfaction i want to sort of 'complete' everything #thinking of stories n what they mean to me n only me comforts me more bcs there's no true right or wrong w them #just.. me. that sort of freedom n escape from those systems or wtvr that drain me so much #either way i still perform well enough BUT ITS SO DRAINING I SHLD STOP THO BCS I HAVE SMTH TO DO AAAAA #i'll fix myself later. i cld say that better bcs it's not like there's exactly smth 'wrong' with me? idk i'm not sure #tbf emotions r Irrational n human so all in all i'm being too harsh on myself but still hfkdajfklsdfj #life's just. so complex. its depth is so. yh. oh my god that said though i do have to do some school stuff rn so i'll put this away for now